"Hootie-hoo, Holiday Call-In" w/ Sam & George

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Hootie-hoo, Holiday Call-In"

Podcast Information:

• Title: StraightioLab
• Host/Author: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts
• Description: StraightioLab is an intellectual podcast where smart comedians George Severis and Sam Taggart unpack the rich, multi-colored tapestry of straight culture. Each episode features discussions on enigmatic and often controversial topics, with guests joining to reflect societal norms and behaviors.
• Episode: "Hootie-hoo, Holiday Call-In" with Sam & George
• Release Date: December 24, 2024

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Introduction and Setup

The episode begins with promotional segments from George Severis and Sam Taggart, highlighting upcoming live shows and special announcements. These segments, while entertaining, are quickly bypassed as the hosts transition into the main content—holiday-themed call-ins from listeners.

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Main Content: Listener Call-Ins and Discussions

1. Navigating Year-End Resolutions and Personal Goals [02:03 – 05:16]

• Discussion: Sam and an unidentified co-host delve into the challenges of maintaining New Year's resolutions, particularly focusing on the inconsistency in personal goal setting and the struggle between daily commitments versus sporadic productivity bursts.
• Notable Quote:
  • Sam Taggart [03:41]: "I want to write every day. It’s simple enough and flexible."

2. The Dichotomy of Hustle Culture and Personal Happiness [05:16 – 07:21]

• Discussion: The conversation shifts to the tension between hustle culture and prioritizing personal happiness. Sam emphasizes the need for self-discipline to achieve goals while acknowledging the natural swing towards either extreme.
• Notable Quote:
  • Sam Taggart [05:36]: "In order to accomplish anything, you have to basically be your own, like, abusive work manager."

3. Holiday Gift-Giving and Consumerism [22:24 – 31:26]

• Discussion: A significant portion of the episode focuses on the frustrations surrounding holiday gift-giving. Listeners express disdain for the commercialization of holidays, the pressure of finding the "perfect" gift, and the inefficiency of online shopping.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Sam Taggart [26:14]: "I really want to get to a place where it's just natural to give your friends presence and do thoughtful things... without the big dog and pony show."
  • Caller [26:30]: "Can we all just like, take turns buying dinner? Bring a nice bottle or a fancy candle. I'm sick of it."

4. Balancing Familiarity and Novelty in Personal Growth [38:40 – 44:25]

• Discussion: George and Sam explore the balance between seeking comfort and venturing into new experiences. They discuss how personal growth often necessitates stepping out of one's comfort zone while maintaining stable relationships and routines.
• Notable Quote:
  • Sam Taggart [42:07]: "I need a home base that you can always return to so that you can go have your adventures."

5. Navigating Friendships Amidst Partner Dynamics [44:32 – 49:16]

• Discussion: The hosts tackle the complexity of maintaining friendships when disliking a friend’s partner. They compare experiences in straight versus gay relationships, highlighting the implicit social rules that govern interactions.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Sam Taggart [45:15]: "When a friend of mine starts dating someone I don't like, it's a huge, momentous event to navigate."
  • Sam Taggart [48:46]: "You just have to suck it up because it's not worth losing a friend over it."

6. The Allure and Fatigue of Vampire Lore [50:12 – 58:05]

• Discussion: A quirky segment where a caller asks about the lifestyle changes if turned into a vampire. This leads to a broader conversation about vampire representations in media, their cultural significance, and the stereotypes associated with them.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Caller [50:41]: "How much of your current lifestyle would have to change if you became a vampire?"
  • Sam Taggart [53:00]: "Vampires have sex. They also need to feed on human blood to survive."

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Concluding Remarks and Announcements [60:32 – 69:39]

As the episode winds down, George and Sam reflect on the day's discussions, express gratitude to their callers, and provide a final promotional segment about their upcoming live show at Cobbs Comedy Club as part of SF SketchFest on January 17th. They also touch upon future innovations for the podcast, including new merchandise, artwork, and potential new segments to keep the content fresh and engaging.

Notable Quote:

• Sam Taggart [61:11]: "We're thinking new merch, new artwork, and potentially even new segments. It's time to innovate."

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Key Insights and Takeaways:

• Holiday Stress: The episode underscores the widespread stress and dissatisfaction associated with holiday traditions, particularly gift-giving and the commercialization of the season.
• Personal Growth vs. Relationships: Balancing personal ambitions with maintaining healthy relationships is a recurring theme, highlighting the need for intentional effort in both areas.
• Cultural Reflections: Through humorous and candid discussions, the hosts dissect societal norms and expectations, offering listeners both entertainment and intellectual stimulation.
• Community Engagement: The interactive nature of the call-ins fosters a sense of community among listeners, inviting them to share personal experiences and challenges.

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Final Thoughts:

"Hootie-hoo, Holiday Call-In" serves as a humorous yet insightful exploration of modern holiday dynamics, personal growth, and the complexities of maintaining friendships. George Severis and Sam Taggart expertly navigate these topics, blending comedy with thoughtful analysis, making the episode a valuable listen for those seeking both laughter and reflection during the festive season.

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Notable Quotes and Attributions:

• Sam Taggart [03:41]: "I want to write every day. It’s simple enough and flexible."
• Sam Taggart [26:14]: "I really want to get to a place where it's just natural to give your friends presence and do thoughtful things... without the big dog and pony show."
• Sam Taggart [42:07]: "I need a home base that you can always return to so that you can go have your adventures."
• Sam Taggart [45:15]: "When a friend of mine starts dating someone I don't like, it's a huge, momentous event to navigate."
• Sam Taggart [49:50]: "Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today."
• Sam Taggart [61:11]: "We're thinking new merch, new artwork, and potentially even new segments. It's time to innovate."

Timestamps Reference: The timestamps correspond to the provided transcript times, aiding listeners in pinpointing specific discussions or quotes within the episode.

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Note: This summary aims to encapsulate the essence of the "Hootie-hoo, Holiday Call-In" episode, highlighting key discussions and providing a coherent narrative for those who haven't listened to the episode. For the full experience, including the humor and dynamic interactions, tuning into the original podcast is recommended.

Transcript

[George Severis]

Hey, comedy fans, the funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh at the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Okotsuka, Chelsea Handler, Jimmy Carr, Kathy Griffin, Matt Matthews, Matt Rife, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Stavros Helkias, Wanda Sykes and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy hootie hoo.

[Sam Taggart]

Special announcement alert. I repeat, special announcement alert. If you live in the city of San Francisco, California, we are doing a big jam packed Stradiolab live Show on Friday, January 17th at Cobbs Comedy Club as part of SF SketchFest. We cannot wait to see you guys. Tickets are available in our Instagram bios and on linktree.com Stradiolab that's L I N K T R-E-E-Com Stradiolab Tell your friends, spread the word. This is one of the biggest shows we've ever done. Done. It's our first time doing Sketchfest. We cannot wait to see you. We can't wait to be in San Francisco in January and escape the frigid New York cold. And also, I guess, the very warm Los Angeles weather for Sam. And we can't wait to see you January 17th at Cobbs Comedy Club, part of SF Sketchfest. See you there and enjoy the show.

[Unknown Speaker]

Wow. Episode starts now of Patreon exclusive but not exclusive because I think we're going to release it for everyone.

[Sam Taggart]

Patreon starts now of Episode starts now with Patreon exclusive.

[Unknown Speaker]

Episode starts now with Patreon exclusive that we're actually knowingly going to unlock. So it's not exclusive.

[Sam Taggart]

How dare you?

[Unknown Speaker]

Did I ruin you?

[Sam Taggart]

No, no, no, no. It's okay.

[Unknown Speaker]

I can start over.

[Sam Taggart]

Listen, here's the thing. We have two episodes that there's two dates. One is Christmas and one is New Year's, of course. And it would be so unfair to a guest to release their original episode on those dates because very few people listen. So. So, you know, we gotta do some re releases. We gotta do some Patreon releases.

[Unknown Speaker]

We were gonna just do a re release and then we were like, well, we could just put a Patreon up there.

[Sam Taggart]

Let's do a Patreon app. Oh, please. Everyone likes a call in show.

[Unknown Speaker]

For crying out loud.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm feeling cozy wozy today. You know it is. This will be one of those amazing episodes where it gets Dark as I'm recording, which everyone loves. And I will slowly be sort of less and less well lit until I decide to turn on a lamp that somehow has like prison, like a prison light cast on my face.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

And I will be once again Pamela Anderson stuns without makeup at the press screening of the Last Showgirl in Detroit.

[Unknown Speaker]

The way that, that is like such shorthand now. Like when I'm like, last night I was trying to put together an outfit and I was like, I like it, but it's not Sam stuns in new photo. And I'm like, I do want Sam stuns a new photo.

[Sam Taggart]

Sometimes I have to say, I've been feeling less. I've been feeling less and less George stuns than you recently. I kind of think there's something about the end of the year where I'm like, let's wrap it up. Wrap it up. In terms of my own appearance, I kind of am not putting effort in. And I'm like, 2025. There's going to be some stunning happening.

[Unknown Speaker]

Do you have any goals?

[Sam Taggart]

Actually? Yes, I do.

[Unknown Speaker]

Oh, really?

[Sam Taggart]

I mean, we could do. Yeah, we could. Do you want to do New Year's resolutions before we get into calls?

[Unknown Speaker]

Kind of.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. Yeah. I actually have a goal which is I want to write every day.

[Unknown Speaker]

Oh, that's a good goal.

[Sam Taggart]

I think it's simple enough. It's also flexible. Listen, if I'm busy, even just sitting down and trying to write one stand up joke or something will be enough. Doesn't have to be that I'm working on my big opus.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

But I think having a, you know, really committing to a daily practice is something I've never done. I'm. I'm one of these people that like doesn't do anything for months and then sits down and has like a really productive weekend where suddenly I do everything I've been putting off and I would like to not be like that.

[Unknown Speaker]

No, that makes sense. I. I don't have one yet. It's too early. I think what I was saying is I'm in such a, like, just get through the day. Like, I'm in such a, like, same.

[Sam Taggart]

That's why. Yes, 100%. Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker]

And I like, I literally don't know where else to find ext. And I'm like, what is my goal? Like, I'm pretty regimented during the week, but what is my goal for in general? I think I do need to like carve out maybe not like a daily thing, but like a weekly, like check in with myself because I Am just, like, letting weeks fly by and being like, well, I was busy. Well, I was busy. Well, I was busy. And it's like, I think I'm just always going to be busy and I need to start to prioritize me again.

[Sam Taggart]

No, I know it's. It's sort of the most cliche problem to have, but it is just simply so true. Like, in order to accomplish anything, you have to basically be, like, a taskmaster. You really have to be your own, like, abusive work manager who's, like, sending you a slack at Sunday morning being like, have you done this?

[Unknown Speaker]

I'm also feeling like a sort of hangover of, like, in L. A. I've been so, like, I need friends. I need to find my community. I need to find circles. And, like, I need to get involved with people. And I'm sort of, like, actually, like, I. Now I know enough people. I need to, like, focus on, like, working again. Like, I've sort of been like, anything for. You just got to make friends. You got to make friends, and you got to get out there. And now I'm like, okay, I've just been out all the time.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. No, there's. The pendulum does swing kind of depending on one's mood, where you want to be like, hey, I'm not. I'm not going to do hustle culture. I'm actually going to prioritize the things that make me happy. And then you prioritize them too much, and you're like, okay, well, I'm literally just going out, and I actually do need to do a little bit of hustle culture. And then you prioritize that too much. And then, because that feels good when you really are like, damn, I'm crossing things off my to do list.

[Unknown Speaker]

But the way, like, the way sitting next to me just out of frame is a giant pile of clothes that I've just, like, collected over the week. It's like, stuff like that. I really gotta, like, figure it out.

[Sam Taggart]

No, I completely agree. I have a. You know, I have a sort of master to do list that I just kind of update. It's all one. It's always one document. I just kind of, like, update it as I get things done. And I made a new one that was, like, to do before I leave because I'm leaving for the holidays in two days. And of course, I put literally everything I've had to do the whole year on, and I'm like, all right, so now I have two days. I can do it. Like, I have to mail 15 packages. I have to like rework an entire script. I have to, you know, buy Christmas presents for every single person in my family and Matthew's family in the next 48 hours.

[Unknown Speaker]

This is like, so you coded though. Like, I know. I had a thought. Okay, I don't mean this to be offensive. Tell me what you think about this.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay.

[Unknown Speaker]

I think sometimes you believe procrastination is real. Like, you are like, well, if I put it off till tomorrow, I don't have to do it till tomorrow. And like, in a way where I'm like, but you still have to do it like you the story, telling yourself stories in order to live. If you're like, okay, I need to do this, I'll do it tomorrow. Is you're very good at believing that. You're like, where? I'm like, well, if I have to think about doing it tomorrow, I might as well do it now.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, no, I. And of course you are correct.

[Unknown Speaker]

But it is funny.

[Sam Taggart]

But then I will say then I also am actually very, in my own way, self sacrificing when it comes down to it. It's like, when it needs to happen, I will cancel important plans to do something because I don't want to disappoint the person that I owe it to.

[Unknown Speaker]

Totally.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm not going to miss a deadline necessarily.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

And then of course that makes me feel even more virtuous when in fact it's a completely self imposed prison that I'm in. Like, and then suddenly I'm like, God, look at me. I'm like really putting work ahead of everything because I canceled this dinner and.

[Unknown Speaker]

Then the pendulum's gotta swing and the next week you're going out all the time.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, it's true.

[Unknown Speaker]

Wow. Well, sorry to drag you right up top. I didn't mean to.

[Sam Taggart]

No, no, no. Well, we thought it would be a fun thing to do to take some calls that have been absolutely burning a hole in our inbox. What are you laughing at?

[Unknown Speaker]

No, sorry, the transition's tough.

[Sam Taggart]

Shall we?

[Unknown Speaker]

Let's.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, so let's take some calls.

[Unknown Speaker]

Let's take some calls from our listeners. From our dear listeners.

[Sam Taggart]

You know, just reminder, you can always call at 385 gay guys and we listen to literally every call. We're not going to play every call, but we do listen to every call, especially the ones that are over three minutes long. And then someone calls back and is like, hi, this is Mark again. As I was saying, we had a.

[Unknown Speaker]

Three minute long call.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, there's many. Because that's when it cuts Off.

[Unknown Speaker]

Wow.

[Sam Taggart]

And by the way, I appreciate it. Okay. Okay, so here is one.

[George Severis]

George, Sam, hello. I like your podcast a lot. I was wondering if you guys have ever considered that you're like a bizarro.

[Sam Taggart]

Version of Uncle Jesse and Uncle Joey.

[George Severis]

Because you're, like, Greek and Midwestern, respectively.

[Sam Taggart]

I didn't get much further than that.

[George Severis]

But my husband didn't roll his eyes when I brought it up, so. Love ya.

[Sam Taggart]

I just thought this was a funny call. And then I was like, which one is Joey? And it's Dave Coulier.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, no, I see it.

[Sam Taggart]

And so it's like John Stamos and Dave Coulier. And I was like, wait, this actually kind of. Not to say that we physically resemble them that much, but I definitely see the parallel, and I could see that being maybe a new kind of visual that we play with.

[Unknown Speaker]

I love the visual. I see it very clearly. And is it perfect? Of course not. But nothing is, and I think it's fun. It's our own sort of. Three tickets to Challengers, please. I can see it.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, next call.

[George Severis]

Hi, Sam and George. This is Erica calling, and I am wondering if you two could tell me whether you think we are in an optimism deficit or an earnestness deficit, because I think that's what our country is experiencing. I'd like to hear your thoughts, and this is a deep cut, but since I'm here. George, what about Bob Sapolsky's class was so inspiring to you that you kept the zebras book? Wondering and asking for a friend. Bye.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, are we in an optimism deficit or an earnestness deficit? I know it feels like we've answered this question before, but I want to tackle it head on.

[Unknown Speaker]

I have one question about this question. Are these two separate questions, or is this like a binary that's being created?

[Sam Taggart]

I think that they're two separate.

[Unknown Speaker]

Okay, great. Okay, great.

[Sam Taggart]

Because I think those can coexist.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, I agree. What do you think?

[Sam Taggart]

You know, it's really difficult.

[Unknown Speaker]

So, so true.

[Sam Taggart]

I know it's tough because we are definitely in an earnestness deficit. If you take as earnestness the Lin Manuel Miranda ethos. You know what I mean? That feels like it is on its way out. The kind of hard on your sleeve, vulnerable, constantly on the verge of tears. One person show that ends in a plea for everyone to be more civil.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

However, there is an argument to be made that that ethos. And I don't want to call out Lymanuel Miranda specifically, but there's an argument to be made that that ethos sort of was always a little bit cynical, and I'm taking Hamilton out of it, but I just mean, like, was something like. Something like a TED Talk about the value of kindness. Is that earnest or is that, in fact someone being like, oh, the keyword kindness is going to do really well with people on TedX.com so I'm going to sort of use faulty pop science and anecdotes that are very emotionally manipulative to make some stupid point that ultimately does not hold water. You know what I mean?

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, yeah, totally.

[Sam Taggart]

But I think whatever that is, whether you define that as earnestness or whether you define that as like a cynical simulacrum of earnestness, that is over. Like, that is out. People don't want, you know, people don't want a solo show that ends in an uplifting note. People don't necessarily want Beyonce, say, to stop a song midway through and say the dictionary definition of feminism. Like, yeah, they want something more and something with a little more edge.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah. They want crunchy. They want a little bit. They want less clear. They want more of like a fuck you than a. Like, we all need to love each other.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, exactly. And there's actually a way we sort of threw the baby out with the bathwater because people were like, all you, Lin Manuel Miranda adjacent. People are being fake and therefore kindness is over. You know what I mean?

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

I think that people were like, earnestness is corny. Therefore, any argument that has as its goal social justice or generosity or gratitude or kindness is inherently evil when in fact, there are actually, like, good pro social ways to argue for kindness and social justice.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah. I think it's. It's pretty definitely over. And optimism couldn't be more over, I think. I mean, with the Trump presidency, I really think it's like, no side is like, this is awesome. Like, even the side that won is like, finally there will be suffering. Like, thank God I can, like, make these people suffer. I'm fucking sick of these people. And it's like, even that's not like this is going to. It's not like, happy. It's like, still just like, out of anger and stuff.

[Sam Taggart]

100%. I think that the, the, the little shot of optimism we had the, the single day that Joe Biden dropped out.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Before you could even, like, contemplate what the next steps would be, there was something that was like, we were being edged for four years and, you know, for the length of the campaign, let's say. And then finally there was like a piece of news that felt good.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

We didn't even stop to think, like, is it actually good news? It was just like, well, it's the opposite of the thing. We don't want this.

[Unknown Speaker]

I mean, this is literally like the shooter. Again, like, the shooter also was like. It's like, well, this is like, okay, like, maybe. Maybe something will happen with all this. Like, this is kind of interesting. And it is just like.

[Sam Taggart]

I actually think the shooter is an example of the kind of like. Like, it's almost like the shooter response, which is so dark and so enmeshed with, like, embedded into, like, a sarcastic, ironic tone or something, is like, what is replacing optimism and earnestness?

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, yeah, totally. I think so too.

[Sam Taggart]

So, of course, listen, the give and take between earnestness and irony is something that. That is not new and has gone. The pendulum has swung back and forth for generations. And honestly, neither option is inherently politically better than the other. So it's just a matter of how you use irony or how you use earnestness.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah. I'm excited for when the pendulum swings back. I hope that we're like. Because we'll be older, we'll be, like, a little more out of touch. I hope we, like, fully get earnest in a way that's so embarrassing. I think that could be really fun.

[Sam Taggart]

It will happen next time the pendulum swings back. We will absolutely be MSNBC moms who are like, why can't everyone just get along? We have to buy tickets to the Nutcracker.

[Unknown Speaker]

I really look forward to that for us.

[Sam Taggart]

I kind of agree. It's going to be an amazing moment of just exhaling finally. Okay, this one is very you coded.

[George Severis]

Hi, Sam and George. First time caller I have emailed before. I was on, like, one of the first earnestness bonanzas a long time ago. Anyway, this is not related to that. You told me to watch Adaptation and Madame X, and it was great and I appreciate it and I have grown as a person because of it. Anyway, moving on. I want to pursue something creative, but I live in the Midwest. Is it worth it? And like, for context, I don't live in deep Midwest. Like, I live in Detroit, so I obviously live in a metropolitan area. But it still feels like there's no point in doing anything if you don't live in New York or la. So sorry to bring up that dichotomy. That is well discussed. However. Yeah. Is it worth doing something creative or do I in the Midwest if I have no intention to move to the coast? That's expensive. It's so much cheaper to live here. Anyway, and it's still expensive to live here. That Cheeto in chief. Thank you. Thank you for the information or your help. Bye. Bye.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, I'm going to let you take this.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah. You should still do it. Of course. Can I tell you what I'm up to? That's insane. Okay. This, of course you should do. You stupid bitch. You dumb bitch. Of course you should do it.

[Sam Taggart]

Dumb bitch. Do your creative time is running out. We are on this world for one life only. And you're not gonna pursue a creative passion Cause you live in Detroit?

[Unknown Speaker]

I mean, honey, go to the damn open mic. It'll be one of the weirdest experiences you ever see. And you maybe will find one single friend if you go for a few weeks.

[Sam Taggart]

We are booking our travel. We are booking our flight to Detroit, coming to your house, forcibly removing you, and taking you to a local art opening. You're gonna have a glass of orange wine, and you are gonna network with the local artistic community.

[Unknown Speaker]

I'm like, I understand. Maybe it's harder. It's like smaller scenes and stuff. I also. You don't specify what type of creative.

[Sam Taggart]

Pursuit you want, so that I also have.

[Unknown Speaker]

That does complicate it. But I think in if it's something where there's like, it requires sort of a social scene, I do feel like there will be one. Even if it's smaller and there already is one. Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

I mean, needless to say, at a very basic level, you should. You can pursue a creative outlet without wanting to monetize it, which I know is almost condescending. George, you're scaring me. But you know what I mean. Like, at the very, very basic level, if pursuing something creative is going to give you joy, you should do it, period.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Even if it's literally like you're performing in front of like an empty wall.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

So there's that. So that's layer one, Layer two is every. First of all, you're in Detroit, which is a major American city, but every city has local scenes. In every art form like it. There are just always more people than you think around you.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Especially when you live in a city. But also, honestly, I often find, even when you're in a non city environment.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

And also, you know, if you are in the. In a sort of monetizing direction. I mean, dare I state the obvious, that we are living in a digital global town square, y'all.

[Unknown Speaker]

Y'all.

[Sam Taggart]

And the intern. The Internet actually makes it so that random people who are on TikTok in Minnesota can suddenly sell out Arenas in Los Angeles.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, it's true. Shout out to our boy Sam.

[Sam Taggart]

People that are. Shout out. People that are selling ceramics in Illinois can make an Etsy store, and someone in Berlin can order one, and they'll.

[Unknown Speaker]

Say, I got this from an artisanal person in Illinois. And some people be like, oh, what's is Illinois?

[Sam Taggart]

So, of course you should pursue it. And I guarantee you that it'll bring you so much happiness, whether it's finding a community, whether it is, you know, potentially in the future pursuing it in a more professional capacity, or whether it's just the fulfillment that comes from following through on something you've always wanted to do.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, exploring.

[Sam Taggart]

Hey, comedy fans, the funniest comedians in the world are on tour, and you can get tickets to see them live near you laugh. With the biggest names in comedy like.

[Unknown Speaker]

Atsuko Okatsuka, Brian Regan, Chelsea Handler, Corey Holcomb, Dane Cook, Sarah Milliken, Matt Matthews.

[Sam Taggart]

Nick Swartzen, Sebastian Maniscalco, and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of.

[Unknown Speaker]

Venues, all kinds of funny.

[Sam Taggart]

Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy. oh, this is a fun one.

[George Severis]

Hey, Sam and George.

[Unknown Speaker]

Mary. Fuck, Kill Santa, the Grinch, and Frosty the Snowman.

[George Severis]

Thanks. Bye.

[Unknown Speaker]

This feels quite easy to me, and I'm not trying to be, like, super literal.

[Sam Taggart]

Right. No, I know what you're gonna say.

[Unknown Speaker]

Kill the Grinch. I actually would marry Frosty the Snowman and I would fuck Santa.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, I see. Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker]

Because I don't want, like, to marry a celebrity. Like, I want to have sex with Santa Claus and say, like, I actually had sex with Santa. And people will be like, really? What was it like? Like, that sounds fun to, like, talk about at a party, but it doesn't sound like if I were married to Santa, it would be, like, all about his work schedule. Like, everything would be, like, we'd have to relocate to the North Pole and the Grinch. I'm just like, I don't care how fat that ass is. You are a nasty, green bitch.

[Sam Taggart]

Totally.

[Unknown Speaker]

So how do you feel?

[Sam Taggart]

It's funny. I need to investigate this, but my initial instinct was, fuck the Grinch.

[Unknown Speaker]

You want to fuck the Grinch?

[Sam Taggart]

And I think there's something about the Grinch being so such a nasty man that you're like, I bet he's going to bed.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, no, I bet it's incredible.

[Sam Taggart]

That said, I have to say, on a literal level, being intimate with someone with such hairy green fingers really freaks me Out. And so it would have to be, I'm sorry to say this, a human person with the vibe of the Grinch rather than the literal green Grinch.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, the green. The face is like, so.

[Sam Taggart]

I mean, he's ugly. Let's face it. He's unattractive.

[Unknown Speaker]

He's unattractive.

[Sam Taggart]

I would fuck Jim Carrey before they put him on the makeup chair.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

When they were filming the Grinch film.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

And then I would. I actually would maybe marry Santa.

[Unknown Speaker]

Really?

[Sam Taggart]

I don't know. Maybe. I'm feeling kind of power hungry today. I totally get where you're coming from. And of course, Frosty would be such a sweet, caring husband, and you would just have this, like, amazing middle class life in a cabin in the snow. But there's something. I think it's the end of the year. I think it's me setting year resolutions. I'm like, I want to be the first lady at the North Pole.

[Unknown Speaker]

I'll say it. You're present hungry. You're trying to marry the man that makes and gives all the presents.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm present hungry. And you know what else? I want to be a gay Mr. Claus. Like, a gay Mrs. Claus. And I want my thing to be doing charity work and hosting galas. I see it, you know, kissing babies and shaking people's hands and honestly, being, like, on the COVID of out magazine and the Advocate as, like, the first gay Mrs. Claude.

[Unknown Speaker]

That would be amazing. Also imagine I'm playing out the scenario and, like, on Christmas Eve, Santa's like, okay, I have to go do my thing. You know, my ass is getting on. Scruff, sniffies, Grinder, growler, everything. And my phone is hot as hell. And I'm saying, who is nearby? Who is nearby? I have one night if.

[Sam Taggart]

If you don't think I'm fucking the elves, you're living a dream world. There's just. I think what it is, is like, the Santa world is more developed. I mean, the Grinch world is also developed, but you obviously don't want to be married to the Grinch. But the Santa world is so developed that you're like, oh, fun. It's Christmas.

[Unknown Speaker]

I like that. I think that's nice. And I like that we have different answers.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker]

All right, before we. Can I say something, please? I'm kind of Grinch coded this year.

[Sam Taggart]

Really?

[Unknown Speaker]

I'm like, I hate presents. I'm, like, turning into this, like, crank about Christmas in a way that is weird. Where I like. I like the vibe. I like like jingle bells and snow falling and lights But I'm like, I hate presents.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm like, no, I. I'm right there with you on present.

[Unknown Speaker]

It's like pissing me off that I have to do this and no one is going to even, like, real. It's not like you're getting something for a child. And they're like, oh, my God, this is amazing. You're just like, okay, I found the shirt. Do you like it?

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. It is making me violently angry this year.

[Unknown Speaker]

I hate it.

[Sam Taggart]

I am so frustrated. And it also. There is this part in the movie Friends with Money where Frances McDormand, I think, is sort of in a depression and she has stopped shampooing her hair and she has a speech where she's like, I just realized, like, I just shampoo it, then it gets dirty. I shampoo it, then it gets dirty. Like, what is the point of just like, doing this for the rest of my life? And that is kind of how I'm feeling about presents.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Where I'm like, I actually, I will end it all if I have to keep doing this for the rest of my life. Every year, doing this dance of like, basically everyone thinks it's annoying, but you have to keep doing it. And of course, you don't want to be the only one not bringing presents. I just. I really want to get to a place where it's just natural to give your friends presence and do thoughtful things for your friends and family year round and you don't have to do this, like, big dog and pony show.

[Unknown Speaker]

Basically all I want is like, buy dinner. Like, can we all just like, take turns buying dinner? And that's like, it. Like, bring a nice bottle of something over. Bring a fancy candle. Like, I'm sick of.

[Sam Taggart]

Buy something when you're traveling.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yes. Buy me a funny T shirt when you're in Paris.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, no, it's. Or I don't know. On the other hand, when you do have a perfect gift for someone, it's so rewarding, but you just want to be like, okay, well then let's do that. Let's just do the good part.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

If I will. If I have something in mind for someone that's great, I shouldn't then also have to buy five cardigans for no reason.

[Unknown Speaker]

It's just too much.

[Sam Taggart]

No, I completely agree. And I'm like, especially this year that I'm traveling, just having to think of which gifts can I buy that actually fit in a suitcase and which gifts can I buy in my travels to bring back?

[Unknown Speaker]

I have the same thing. Not international but still annoying as fuck.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, no, it's. It's also, I have to say, I feel like there was this era where people would constantly talk about how gift giving, how holiday gift giving is such a bacchanal of consumerism and how, you know, there are ways to be more sustainable about it, blah, blah, and then everyone just sort of like, let go of that notion.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

You know what I mean? Totally like it now. Or maybe that is just a matter of our age. Like, that's something you think of when you're like in your teens and twenties and then you get to your thirties and you're like, well, I gotta buy, you know, my friend a baby gift because you just had a baby.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, I'm even thinking about that. I'm like, I have like, what feels like 1 million family members. And like, we only have two, like, little babies in our family. And so I'm like, do we all get that? Like, it's fun to buy babies things, but it's like, are you guys gonna end up with like, a pile of shit and be like, annoyed? Yeah, it's confusing.

[Sam Taggart]

Here's what I'll say. You know the trope of successful absent father who has his assistant by gifts? I'm officially forgiving that trope. I think. I think that is okay. You know what I mean? Like, I'm like, guess what? There are other things that I don't forgive him for. I mean, he should show up to the recital. He should be there at the soccer game. Be there at the soccer game. He should, you know, be considerate of his wife's needs and not constantly undermine her. But, like, if you have an assistant, by all means, use them to buy your Christmas gift.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, I literally want to be that. Now I'm like, who will do my shopping for me? This is like, so basically my whole afternoon is going to be ruined because I'm going to be online and I'm not going to like anything. And then. But I'm going to have to pull the trigger on something and just be like, sorry, I hope you like it.

[Sam Taggart]

The online thing, I hate this is actually. The online thing is also. I'm like, they should shut down the Internet for the month of December. And the cause, guess what? Limitations are productive. When you have limitations, you make better decisions. Only brick and mortar holiday shopping.

[Unknown Speaker]

Shut down the Internet.

[Sam Taggart]

Shut down the Internet for December. The one. Yes, we can keep giving gifts if everyone insists, but the one rule is it has to be from a boutique.

[Unknown Speaker]

Not to be New York versus LA again. But in la. You can't just go. You have to go to a mall if you want to shop. And it's like, in New York, you have this, like, romantic, like, oh, is it going to snow today? I'm, like, walking through Williamsburg and going into all the stores and finding the perfect thing. And every place has a curated Christmas playlist. And you're like, this is so. There's something a little playful about it. And here I'm just like, I'm logging on to jcrew.com. it is time to see what they have. I will look up Gift guide for women, gift guide for men, hoping that something feels interesting. I hate it.

[Sam Taggart]

No, it's also. I just want to say the. The false promise of a Christmas market. Do not piss on me and tell me it's raining.

[Unknown Speaker]

God.

[Sam Taggart]

Not a single thing in a Christmas market is worthy of my money in any way.

[Unknown Speaker]

We should have a Christmas market.

[Sam Taggart]

Why are there little?

[Unknown Speaker]

And then we should bomb it? Because none of that stuff is usable as a gift.

[Sam Taggart]

I swear to God. Why would I want, like, a little piece of wood that has a carving on it and it says, like, nephew, shut up.

[Unknown Speaker]

Shut up.

[Sam Taggart]

There is nothing worse than the Union Square Christmas market. Every year I think I'm gonna go in and, like, not even that I'm looking for gifts, obviously, but, like, even find a nice, you know, spiced hot toddy or something. And somehow every year I come out, it's like, you know, a movie where someone comes out of, you know, a hurricane or something and is like, my hair is just all over my face, my makeup is smeared. I don't know where I'm going.

[Unknown Speaker]

It's. No. The Union Square market is actually one of the worst in the world. It's crazy that there hasn't been an expose on how bad it is.

[Sam Taggart]

You know, it's like, owned by some fucking real estate company or something, like some developer.

[Unknown Speaker]

This feels like such a healthy expression of our negative feelings. I'm so glad we're popping off.

[Sam Taggart]

I know. I agree. All right, let's go.

[George Severis]

Hey, George and Sam. My question is, unfortunately, about gay marriage, which y'all have discussed, is inherently tacky in nature. I am Mexican and my fiance is Venezuelan. We live in Brooklyn, New York. Thank you so much. And in terms of tackiness versus chicness, we were wondering if George could give wedding advice when it comes to languages. And we're going to get married in Mexico, and do we do it all in Spanish so there's, like, a fear factor for the Americans or do we speak In English, for it to be inclusive. Were there any Greek components in your wedding, George? I don't know. Trying to make this as cool as possible with the ingredients that we got, which are not good anyway, how to think, who knows? Maybe at this point if you still only speak one language. I think it's, you know, time to grow up. Sorry, Sam. Anyway, kisses. Thank you. Bye.

[Sam Taggart]

Got your ass.

[Unknown Speaker]

Got my ass big time. Fuck.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, I don't want to be prescriptive here because I don't know the details of your family. To me, my main point is just there's nothing more chic than a bilingual wedding. Like, I actually wanted to have more Greek at my wedding. And I even told my mom that I wanted her to potentially do a reading in Greek. And she was just very matter of fact, like, why people wouldn't understand it. I was like, got my ass again. But I. So my aunt officiated, as Sam can attest and confirm, there was definitely Greek elements. She called me by my Greek name. She did a little bit of explaining. In Greece, we say this about a wedding, and she would say one Greek word and then explain it in a sort of. In a very like, America melting pot kind of a way. And we also had a Jewish elements because Matthew's Jewish. So there was, you know, it felt very like coastal, multicultural, white wedding in that way. If you're. If you're Mexican and your boyfriend is. And your fiance is Venezuelan and you're getting married in Mexico. And I think people will figure it out.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah. If you had gotten married in Greece, how would it have changed, do you think?

[Sam Taggart]

I just. Honestly, I can't even tell you because I never even considered that. I mean, I think if it was a Greek. If I was straight, I was marrying a Greek person. It was. Or even if I was marrying an American person, if I was straight and I was getting married in Greece, it would probably be in a church and it would probably be, like, more traditional, and there's less. There's fewer opportunities for customization because it's just like. Like, it's a. Every wedding is the same. Like, there's just like, certain things that have to be said. There are certain traditions that have to be done. And then I'm sure the toast would have been like, half in English, half in Greek and, like, whatever. But I think the. The wedding itself, people would not have cared that it was in Greek because it's basically the equivalent of being in, like, ancient Greek because you're in a church. But I. I'm trying to think you know, I went to. I went to a lesbian wedding in Mexico, as everyone knows, the lesbian wedding.

[Unknown Speaker]

That rocked the podcast world.

[Sam Taggart]

I will say that was. Both brides were Spanish speakers, but that was all in English. And I have to say, I appreciated it, of course, because I could understand everything that was being said, and it was a very multicultural crowd. But what I have also found it really chic if it was all in Spanish. Yeah. And I would have actually kind of loved that. So my current mood tells me, lean into Spanish. But I also think as long as you love one another and as long as your families are there and everyone is happy and healthy, you really can't go wrong.

[Unknown Speaker]

Beautiful.

[Sam Taggart]

Do you. Were there things at my wedding, Sam, that you were like, I want to, or I don't want to do that at mine, not to trick you.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah. I was like, who the hell is Yorgos? I was like, this wedding's for George. Get your ghost out. Show me where this Yorgos is and get him out of here. No, it was. Your wedding was incredibly chic all around. And in the new year, I'm going to ask you how.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, yeah, this, by the way, this year, your new Year's resolution is figure this shit out. You got to plan your way.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, that's your New Year's resolution. Okay. Oh, this one is a fun one. By the way, I just want to say to everyone, we specifically asked for spicy and controversial questions, and our listeners are so sophisticated, well read, and absolutely addicted to nuance, that every single question is like, can you please unpack this philosophical question I just had? All right.

[George Severis]

Hi, George and fam. Big fan of the podcast. You guys are truly my comfort. Listen, in these trying times, I want to ask, how do you think about familiarity and comfort versus novelty and excitement in your lives? Do you have a mix? Do you value one more than the other? I'm 29 and I recently moved to Europe for grad school, and I'm now in a long distance relationship. I had my grad school plans way before my partner and I started dating last year, but the experience of it has been pretty challenging, especially for him, which I think is understandable. But it's gotten me thinking about why I like seeking out novelty and new experiences. And I think it's because that's how I feel, like I'm personally growing. But theoretically, I could also find a way to feel like I'm growing without leaving my partner and moving halfway around the world by building community and deepening my relationships at home, I guess is one better than the other. Is it selfish of me to prioritize personal growth like this? Okay, thank you. Excited to hear that. Bye.

[Unknown Speaker]

Interesting questions.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. Like, how do we. Do we prefer familiarity and comfort over novelty and excitement? And how do we conceptualize the place each of those two things has in our lives?

[Unknown Speaker]

I feel like I am. It's different. Different segments of my life are different. Like, when it comes to food, it really. I really prioritize familiarity and comfort in a way that is, like, almost like I'm, like, selling myself short. Like, but because, like, I hate when I go to a restaurant and I'm annoyed. It's like, one of my least favorite feelings is when, like, being annoyed at, like, a supposedly nice restaurant. And so, like, if I'm not. If I'm even slightly feeling unstable in my life, I'm like, no, I have to go to a restaurant I'm familiar with because I just can't do it. But that being said, I feel like when it comes to other. Let's say it, sometimes sex stuff, I'm like, what's new? What's new? What's new? What's fun? What's fun? What's fun? Anyway, it's like, chill out, interesting. So it's hard to tell. What do you think?

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I definitely think, if I may be so bold, both of us are into familiarity and comfort when it comes to, like, our primary romantic relationships. I think we're both relationship girls.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yes.

[Sam Taggart]

And I think we really value. We really, like. Yes, we love going out. Yes, we love exploring, but we love being cozy with our men.

[Unknown Speaker]

It's true. And it feels less juicy to talk about, so we don't talk about it as much, but it's true.

[Sam Taggart]

We love a, like, Sunday morning of, you know, having. Having our coffees together. We love a dinner at home. We love being with each other's families to an extent. I'm kidding. We love. We. You know, I think like. I think we like building a home.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, we do. Cancer's not to. Not to be that. But that's very cancer.

[Sam Taggart]

I will say. I definitely. It's complicated because I want to be like, when it comes to art, I seek out the unfamiliar. That's, like, what I want to say about myself. But then ultimately, it's like, I seek out a very specific kind of unfamiliar, which is like, I want something that feels. That feels like it would be, like, written up in an art magazine.

[Unknown Speaker]

You know what I mean?

[Sam Taggart]

I'm actually not going to seek out the unfamiliar by, you know, opening myself up to more Fantasy and sci fi, for example, which is something I've historically never like, quite done a deep dive on. I'm not gonna. Even with books, it's like, I. I'm very interested in reading new types of books, but only within the kind of confines of my own taste. Yeah, I think as I've gotten older, I've become slightly better about that, but I don't know. And then I also, I think my thing. Here's what I'll say. I think my thing with novelty is I get very antsy when I'm in the same position for too long. I'm like always having a new job. I'm always. Before I met Matthew, I was always moving. I moved apartments every year. When I finished high school, I immediately went to college the farthest I could possibly go. I. If I had a sort of more stable professional life, I would definitely travel more. I, like, feel the need to take trips.

[Unknown Speaker]

That's interesting.

[Sam Taggart]

So I think in my day to day, yeah, I think big picture, I like stability, but small picture, day to day, I'm like, ugh, I want to wake up the next day and like, go on a trip.

[Unknown Speaker]

That's very interesting. I feel like maybe I'm more towards the familiar. Like, I really like having all my, like, knowing, like, I'm obsessed. Like, when I was in New York, I was obsessed with like, I need to find an apartment that I can stay in for a long time because I don't want to have to think about apartments. Or like, I want to find, like, I'm obsessed with, like, finding stability in order to be in, like, be able to just like, have free freedom in my mind. And I think because I want to be a little crazy, but I need everything to be. I feel like I can't be crazy until everything's settled.

[Sam Taggart]

Right. You need a home base that you can always return to so that you can go have your adventures.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah. And even, like, travel. I like going places. But it is like, it feels like there's something about it, like traveling in excess. I'm like, well, that would be wasteful. Like, there's something where I'm like, well, yeah, I can go on one trip, like every three years, which isn't true. You can just go somewhere.

[Sam Taggart]

But no, you can. And you can actually do it in an affordable way. You know, you develop such. Or I develop such resentment for people that are constantly traveling because I'm like, oh, you stupid rich. And then you realize that actually if you just prioritize it and you. And that is where your Money goes. Rather than restaurants and living in New York City.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Then there is, in fact, a way to do it on a budget.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker]

I say next queue.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, let's do next queue. I do think both of us feel the push and pull of familiarity and innovation in a way that actually often is paralyzing.

[Unknown Speaker]

Say that. Damn. I love calling shows.

[Sam Taggart]

I know.

[Unknown Speaker]

It's so fun.

[Sam Taggart]

Hi, George and Sam. I need some advice.

[George Severis]

What would you do if you really.

[Sam Taggart]

Like someone, you want to be their.

[George Severis]

Friend, but you despise their partner?

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, let me know. Xoxo. This is a tough one.

[Unknown Speaker]

This is a tough one. This. I'm trying to think who I have in my life that's even like this. Okay, I've got one.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. Damn, that didn't take long.

[Unknown Speaker]

It does make it complicated. Yeah. I mean, I think the sad part is it will affect the friendship no matter what. There's no way to avoid it. And it just is like you. You have to sort of compartmentalize a bit.

[Sam Taggart]

This is something straight people are great at. Just to bring it back to gay versus straight. There is something. When a friend of mine starts dating someone I don't like, I take it as this, like, huge, momentous event that I will have to navigate. And I'm like, okay, guys, like, let's all get together and figure out what our approach is, because this is code red. And then for straight people, they basically all hate each other. So husbands.

[Unknown Speaker]

And it's, like, assumed.

[Sam Taggart]

It's assumed. And it's this weird or not weird, but this just, like, unspoken undercurrent that runs through everything. And in that sense, they're almost, in their own way, more evolved because they can actually like, hold two thoughts in their brain at the same time. Like, imagine a dinner party that's three straight couples. And basically all the wives, like, think the rest of the husbands are assholes. And then all the husbands, they have, like, inappropriate sexual feelings towards one wife. They think another one is too mouthy. He's like, that's a mouthy broad.

[Unknown Speaker]

Well, you're pointing something. I think it's almost like a technique so that monogamy is enforced because you're like, if you. If your wife, like, thinks that guy is cool and, like, likes, then she's. Then they're gonna hook up. Like, it's like, no, you have to dislike your girlfriend's husband. Because. Because if not, then. Are you trying to steal him? Like.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. No, it's basically just psychosexual mind games.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Constantly via conversations about, like, real Estate and vacation.

[Unknown Speaker]

And this is why it's gay versus straight too. Because if you're hanging out with another gay couple and you're like, you are vibing with the partner, you can almost be like, wait, are we all gonna hook up? Like, so you're like, you want to get along with everybody.

[Sam Taggart]

I have to say, I recently had an experience where I'm going to try to really anonymize this, but I had an experience where I met someone and I was like, I turned to my friend, I was like, do you know who that is? Why does he have such an insane energy? And then my friend was like, oh, we're hooking up. And I brought him here. I was like, what? And. And I actually genuinely did it. I had to take an off ramp off of my. I had to say, like, two more half bitchy things before I could stop. I actually found myself being like, sorry, but I can't stop at this.

[Unknown Speaker]

Like, the break actions have been cut exactly.

[Sam Taggart]

Like, I can't just go. Go right to being like, oh, sorry, I was kidding. He's actually great. I was like, I said something. I was like, well, he has a very particular energy. I was just like, sorry, I can't, I can't. Like, I can't just pretend this isn't real. I already broke the seal. I'm sorry. I made my first faux pas. I just have to make it clear that this person is so off putting.

[Unknown Speaker]

I love that you had like, double jeopardy rules where you're like, well, I already. You can't arrest me again. I already made the faux pas. Now I'm gonna leave.

[Sam Taggart]

And I could feel myself. I could feel. I mean, I used to be much worse about things like this when I was younger. I would, like, openly roll my eyes, but, like, I do feel like I've gotten better, but I just couldn't. I don't know, I couldn't. There's also something about gay guys. There's just so many of them and you meet them all the time and you're sort of like, life is too short for me to interact with this person. There are so many other gay guys I could be interacting with.

[Unknown Speaker]

I know. Life is so short.

[Sam Taggart]

I will say we're not necessarily giving advice to this, to this caller. I mean, I think our advice, you.

[Unknown Speaker]

Have to suck it up. Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

And you just have to suck it up.

[Unknown Speaker]

Sorry.

[Sam Taggart]

Because it's not worth losing a friend over it.

[Unknown Speaker]

And the more that you dislike this partner, the more they're gonna fall in love with each other. For some reason.

[Sam Taggart]

100.

[Unknown Speaker]

So you have to, like, be chill about it and then let it happen on its own.

[Sam Taggart]

And it's okay to occasionally, you know, have some friend time that isn't with plus one.

[Unknown Speaker]

It's great to do that. And sometimes you find little glimmers of liking that person. That sucks. And you're like, well, that was fun.

[Sam Taggart]

That's true. I actually had that. This was. This is not someone's romantic partner. But last night at Max's, there's this one person who I've always found I'm sort of like, why is everyone pretending this person is in our community? Because I don't like them. And then last night, I actually had a great conversation with her, but I was like, oh, it's my prejudices.

[Unknown Speaker]

Wow, Love that. Yeah, that's nice to have happen.

[Sam Taggart]

Hey, comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour. And you can get tickets to see them live near you laugh. With the biggest names in comedy like.

[Unknown Speaker]

Atsuko Okatsuka, Brian Regan, Chelsea Handler, Corey Holcomb, Dane Cook, Sarah Milligan, Matt Matthews.

[Sam Taggart]

Nick Swartzen, Sebastian Maniscalco, and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of.

[Unknown Speaker]

Venues, all kinds of funny.

[Sam Taggart]

Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today.

[Unknown Speaker]

That's livenation.comcomedy.

[George Severis]

Hi, this is Shannon. I'm calling to ask, ask you, if you got turned into a vampire, how much of your current lifestyle would have to change and how long do you think it would take other people to notice? Assuming, like, all the usual, like, can't go out in the sunlight, you gotta drink blood to live. What would that change about how you're currently living your life? All right, have a good day. Bye.

[Unknown Speaker]

Well, I think people would notice pretty quick here in sunny Los Angeles, California.

[Sam Taggart]

Here's my question. Am I allowed to have my laptop in my little casket? Because that would definitely make things a lot easier if I could, you know, be on slack, be on email, potentially read the news while I was. While I was down there during the day. And then, you know, at nighttime, I'm going to basement.

[Unknown Speaker]

I mean, I'd really have to focus on the nightlife.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. But I do think that it would actually be an amazing way for me to go out more, which is something I've been wanting to do.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Is if I just was a vampire.

[Unknown Speaker]

Has there been a movie about a vampire who's just like a club kid in New York?

[Sam Taggart]

I'm sure there has.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah. Because it makes sense.

[Sam Taggart]

Much like. Yeah, much like our point about how if you live in Detroit, there are more people than you think that are interested in your creative pursuit. There are always more vampires, media properties than you think. They have literally done it. They have explored every possible angle.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

And I'm actually sort of like, good. Yeah, I like vampires. I'm like, I get why this is a kind of like one of these cultural tropes that we return to. Yeah, I get it. More than. More than a lot of. More than, like, superheroes and stuff.

[Unknown Speaker]

Well, they're literally. The sexiness is, like, built in. Like, vampires are supposed to be sexy, so it's like, okay, well, that's fun.

[Sam Taggart]

Here's another thing about being a nightlife vampire is like, you actually meet so many annoying people when you're out late at night that you wouldn't feel bad about eating them.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, that's true. I think that's a really smart point.

[Sam Taggart]

So I guess it would take a few weeks for people to notice.

[Unknown Speaker]

You know what I've never understood about vampire lore is, like, I understand they want to drink blood and they're, like, sexy, but, like, do they have sex still?

[Sam Taggart]

Well, if you're watching Interview with a Vamp, Gay Interview with a Vampire on AMC plus or whatever streaming platform it's on, you better believe they're fucking.

[Unknown Speaker]

That's good. Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

But it. You. I. You are right, though, that, like, the. The sensuality comes from the forbidden nature of the touching. It's like.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

I mean, Twilight too. That's literally why it's a Mormon metaphor, because he, like. Like, he was like, if I come anywhere near you, I will be too tempted to suck your blood issue. So. But. But wait, is that. So you're. You're asking. Which I think is an important question for them. Is the blood sucking, the sex. Sex action?

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah. Like, is it all just a trap in order to get blood, or is it like. But today I actually am horny and want to have sex.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm googling. Do vampires have sex?

[Unknown Speaker]

It's crazy because I can actually see your screen.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God, yes, vampires can have sex. Okay, well, that's an AI answer. A vampire's bite is not a metaphor for sex. Vampires have sex. Oh, they have great sex.

[Unknown Speaker]

Oh.

[Sam Taggart]

They also need to feed on human blood to survive.

[Unknown Speaker]

Okay, so they do both.

[Sam Taggart]

There you go. Well, that's fun.

[Unknown Speaker]

That's fun. That's good to know. Huh? I was. I was just saying that how much I. Like, we were saying we like that they explore vampires in every way. And I'm actually like, I'm now questioning whether or not that's true for me.

[Sam Taggart]

Say more.

[Unknown Speaker]

Well, I'm like, I actually. Whenever something is a vampire thing, I'm actually a little bit like, I don't want to see that.

[Sam Taggart]

Have you seen a girl walks home alone at night?

[Unknown Speaker]

No.

[Sam Taggart]

It's really good. It's a vampire movie. I don't know. Here's what I think about vampires. I think that the darkness of it makes it so that a lot. It weeds out a lot of people who would make super corny art about it.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Do I believe that? I mean, of course there is a lot of corny art about vampires, but I'm just thinking, like, it's so much easier to make corny art about, like. I don't know. I was about to say ghosts, but that's not true. Actually. Ghosts are way more interesting than vampires because it's about a relationship with death.

[Unknown Speaker]

I feel like vampires, it's like, it's a very teen aesthetic. It's very, like, the gothiness is so teen.

[Sam Taggart]

And then, like, it's Emily the Strange.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah. And then, like, the horniness that's, like, not really horny. Where it's like, I shouldn't. I should, I shouldn't. I should. That's very teen. Even, like, being like, I have fangs is so, like, MySpace coded in a way.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. I think there's a lot to be appreciated in the Anne Rice universe. And I do wonder, if it wasn't for her, if vampires would have have fallen off, so to speak. Because otherwise we have obviously Dracula.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Which, you know, sort of vintage, but, like, outdated. And then, of course, there's all the teen stuff, like True Blood, Twilight, etc. True Blood was cool when it came out.

[Unknown Speaker]

I remember. Did. Are you excited to see Nosferatu?

[Sam Taggart]

Sure. I actually haven't seen any of his movies.

[Unknown Speaker]

None.

[Sam Taggart]

Wait, did he do the Vivic?

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, then I have seen that.

[Unknown Speaker]

I didn't see that one. I saw the Northman.

[Sam Taggart]

Wait, no, not Dave Eggers. What's his name?

[Unknown Speaker]

Is that not it?

[Sam Taggart]

Dave Eggers is the author.

[Unknown Speaker]

It is.

[Sam Taggart]

He is Robert Eggers.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. So, yeah, I've only seen the witch. I know people love the Northman. I also was always curious about the Lighthouse with Robert Pattinson.

[Unknown Speaker]

Oh, I. Yeah, I meant to see that, but.

[Sam Taggart]

But I would. I would see an Aspharat, too.

[Unknown Speaker]

Sure. I think it'll be fun.

[Sam Taggart]

I. I've been uninspired. I know there's. There's some good movies out right now, but I don't know. I'VE been a little uninspired.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, even, like, the way that people are, like, trying to gag ify baby girl, I'm like, I'll watch it. I'm excited, but I'm like, but I don't feel it deep in my soul. Like, when challengers came out, I was excited. And this. I'm like, yeah, like, I'm Nicole Kidman. Whatever. I'm sure it'll be fun.

[Sam Taggart]

I've heard she's amazing at it, and I'm excited to see it. Nicole Kidman works too much, and we don't have the opportunity to miss her before she comes back. Yeah, I just remember, like, when Mare of Easttown came out and Kate Winslet came onto the screen, I was like, thank God you're back. And she also works a lot. It's not like she had disappeared with Nicole Kidman. She's just constantly doing something, and I somehow find a way to watch everything. And so. So it sort of just feels like seeing a family member again.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah. I mean, I think I'll enjoy it, and I'm excited, but the gay gaiification feels manufactured or something.

[Sam Taggart]

There's something. Something about the Oscar season this year. It's not hitting in a way I want it to.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

You know what I mean?

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm like, where's the anatomy of a fall?

[Unknown Speaker]

I even felt like anora. I thought it was going to be like, everyone's talking about it all the time, and it like. Like, kind of came and went. Like, people were like, that was really good. And then that's the end.

[Sam Taggart]

I know. I wonder if they pushed Mikey too soon and people have Mikey Madison fatigue by the time it's time to vote for the Oscars.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

But then you know who they really pushed too early? Demi Moore. People barely remember that.

[Unknown Speaker]

Did I say this on the podcast already? One of my dumbest statements yet. If I did, if I think I've hazard this, but so sorry. Why is it Demi Lovato?

[Sam Taggart]

Demi Lovato.

[Unknown Speaker]

Demi Moore.

[Sam Taggart]

This is. This is. Well, this is. Remember when you said, why isn't it juliart since it's an art school, I.

[Unknown Speaker]

Would always forget, is it Juilliard or Juilliard?

[Sam Taggart]

Juilliard or Juilliard? Once again, it's so frustrating that after three hours of talking on Zoom, we can't just, like, have a drink.

[Unknown Speaker]

It's actually quite tough being bicoastal this podcast.

[Sam Taggart]

So hard.

[Unknown Speaker]

And it's really weird because, like, whenever we want to record, it's Always a bad time for one of us. Like, I am, like. And it's hard to quantify. And it's even hard to, like. Like, when we're in New York. Yes. Scheduling is annoying. And then we hang out, and it's normal. And we can be like, well, now it's normal, and now we're scheduling all the time and never hanging out. And it's like. It's weird.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. I don't.

[Unknown Speaker]

I feel like it creates. Yeah, It's. It's. It's frustrating.

[Sam Taggart]

It is a relationship literally no one would ever be able to understand unless they also had a similar, like, professional experience. Like, it is. It is one of the strangest experiences in the world to have a friend that you have to constantly schedule chats with to then release into a paywall. Like, and then sometimes I will think of something, and I'll be like, save it for the bot. That is so humiliating.

[Unknown Speaker]

This morning, I woke up with glee that I was going to be able to tell you about the Pulling Dick out story.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. By the way, if you want to listen to the Pulling Dick out story, you better subscribe to Patreon.

[Unknown Speaker]

That's true, Mama Mauma. All right, well.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I just want to say, first of all, I'm very grateful for you.

[Unknown Speaker]

I'm very grateful for you as well.

[Sam Taggart]

And we are both so grateful to all our callers today. We're gonna. I'm gonna. We're gonna play a couple more calls after this as a little button, because I think they're entertaining and fun calls that we didn't have time to answer. And thank you, everyone, for calling in. I'm sorry if we didn't get to your call, but I think we're gonna try to start putting calls, you know, here and there and in other episodes, too.

[Unknown Speaker]

And if you're in San Francisco, come to our Sketchfest show, please, on January 17th. Is that it?

[Sam Taggart]

17Th? Please tell your friends it's a Friday night. It's gonna be so much fun. Or Saturday night or something. But it is a weekend. It's a. It's a. It's a Friday night. It's gonna be so much fun. I really want to get some good guests because, you know, so many people are gonna be in town for Sketchfest.

[Unknown Speaker]

To be so fun. We can get.

[Sam Taggart]

So we need to act fast.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah. I think it's also kind of a late show. Here's what I'm proposing. Martinis on stage.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown Speaker]

We've never done that before.

[Sam Taggart]

I know. We've never. We're such little goody two shoes.

[Unknown Speaker]

We really are. It's kind of weird.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm also feeling like 20, 25. We're gonna mix things up. I'm thinking new merch. I'm thinking new artwork for the pod. I'm thinking potentially even new segments. I'm thinking even, like, mixing up the live show in. I'm thinking we do little, you know, impromptu games or something like that. I'm like, it's. It's time to innovate.

[Unknown Speaker]

I love it. I love it, folks. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year.

[Sam Taggart]

Happy holidays.

[Unknown Speaker]

Holidays.

[Sam Taggart]

Happy Hanukkah. Which is on Christmas Day this year.

[Unknown Speaker]

Hey.

[Sam Taggart]

So that is called bipartisanship.

[Unknown Speaker]

That is amazing. So no matter where you stand religiously, that day is gonna pop off.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, yeah. And, yeah, I love this, like, very slow ending that we're doing.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah. It's.

[Sam Taggart]

We just. We keep talking slower and less focused for, like, 10 minutes. I'm actually loving it. I'm like, I'm transitioning into not podcasting live.

[Unknown Speaker]

Oh, you're hearing it.

[Sam Taggart]

You know what I mean? Like, I'm. I. I'm now just chatting, and I no longer have in my mind, I'm no longer, like, I hope this is coming off as entertaining.

[Unknown Speaker]

Wow. Well, that's how, you know, the podcast really begun.

[Sam Taggart]

What are you having for dinner?

[Unknown Speaker]

I don't know. It's only 2:00pm here. You know, I haven't even thought about it.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker]

I mean, for crying out loud, I've only had a bagel so far.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, yeah, a bagel in la.

[Unknown Speaker]

And, honey, let me tell you, it was gross, but, yeah, I bet it was bitch. Old habits die hard.

[Sam Taggart]

Do you like a warm, wintry cocktail? Like a hot. Like a hot toddy or like a mulled wine?

[Unknown Speaker]

I can. I can get into it.

[Sam Taggart]

I think I'm gonna. I think I'm gonna have that be part of my identity in the next two weeks.

[Unknown Speaker]

Wow.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker]

Big announcement.

[Sam Taggart]

So look out, folks.

[Unknown Speaker]

The way that I'm gonna pretend it's, like, zero degrees when I'm in New York, even though it's not. Like, I'm like.

[Sam Taggart]

It's been pretty cold.

[Unknown Speaker]

Has it?

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, it's been cold this week. I was actually bought new gloves, believe it or not.

[Unknown Speaker]

Oh, my God, I'm so excited. Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

All right, well. Well, guess what. If you're listening to this on Patreon, thank you for subscribing. And if you're listening to this on the main feed, this is just a small peek of the kind of benefits you will get if you go to patreon.com SchraderLab and subscribe. We're talking two extra episodes a month. Movie club call in shows, literally, monthly earnestness check ins where we just say the most personal and vulnerable things you can think of and charge money.

[Unknown Speaker]

You know what this ending is?

[Sam Taggart]

What?

[Unknown Speaker]

It's so like. No, you hang up. Like we have something. Like, neither of us. We're, like, resisting ending it in a.

[Sam Taggart]

Funny way because I'm also. I have errands to do after this, and I really don't want to do them. And there's nothing I can do to prevent myself because I've already eaten. Normally, I would be like, oh, perfect, I can eat now and then run my errands. But. But that would be lying to myself.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Although I think I'm gonna make a smoothie.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yum. Ooh, I want a treat.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, get a treat.

[Unknown Speaker]

I want to go. Should I go to Erewhon and get a $20 smoothie? Wait, I deserve that.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, you do.

[Unknown Speaker]

Oh, my God.

[Sam Taggart]

And I would even go further. I would say get a smoothie, but then also get a little snack.

[Unknown Speaker]

Oh, my God. Wait, this sounds so good. Okay, done. I'm going.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, done. All right. And by the way, this, you know, we know we're being this way.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah. This is self aware, so you can't make fun of it.

[Sam Taggart]

This is not what most Patreon content is. We are focused and we are literally discussing a film right now.

[Unknown Speaker]

We just don't want to go do our days.

[Sam Taggart]

We just don't want to go do our days. And guess What? It's Sunday, December 15th.

[Unknown Speaker]

And this is our last recording of the year.

[Sam Taggart]

This is our last recording of the. By the way, I'd like to see what everyone else. What everyone else is doing right now at 5pm on Sunday, December 15th. Are you guys being super smart and super insightful? I don't think so.

[Unknown Speaker]

I don't think so. If you're judging us right now, look in the mirror and judge yourself.

[Sam Taggart]

Literally, look in the mirror, because I know what you've done.

[Unknown Speaker]

Mm.

[Sam Taggart]

And you will be punished.

[Unknown Speaker]

Well, George, you're making them rock hard all over again.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, if that makes you rock hard, then you better listen to the previous Patreon episode, because I have to say, I'm like, when you were telling that penis story, I was like, I could see people being horny.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah. I mean, it was sexy. It was sexy and. And weird, but. But sexy.

[Sam Taggart]

All right.

[Unknown Speaker]

Okay. Okay. All right. Love you.

[Sam Taggart]

Happy holidays. Love you. Bye.

[Unknown Speaker]

Bye.

[George Severis]

Hey, Sam and George, I don't know if you're still using this voicemail box after the Ernest Bonanza, but I just saw Wicked yesterday and I thought of a straight shooter and I just felt the need to share it. I didn't know how else to share it. So, anyway, here it is. The boy is mine or the girl is green. Okay, that's pretty much it. Love you guys. Bye.

[Sam Taggart]

Hey, Stradio lab.

[George Severis]

This is some gay guy living in New Jersey driving a Volvo to pick up some dinner. I forget why you set up this phone line and what it was used for last time, but I like talking to you. That's pretty much it. I hope you have a blessed day. Bye.

[Unknown Speaker]

Whoa.

[George Severis]

So crazy. I'm calling because I just listened. I have a very boring job right now. And so was sort of letting Spotify rip. And it was playing the old episode in which Sam says, I'm sure that makes sense and I'm so beautiful, and then immediately afterwards says something so infinitely relatable, which is not really understanding exactly why a bullet would kill something. He's like, how does it go through? And why would it. Would it kill it? And George tries to explain in a recent sort of logical way, but just being like, I don't get it. Somebody explain it to me. I have this all the time. I think this way constantly. Sort of like, no, but literally why? And one of my things that I often think about and feel almost freaked out that nobody else is thinking about is like, how a refrigerator works. I feel like nobody's ever thinking about how their refrigerator works, but it's one of the only things in our life that just makes things colder and nobody's ever thinking about how that happens. Anyway, I'm obviously stoned, but it's just one of those things. I felt kinship and I wanted to share that with someone. So thank you. Goodbye.

[Unknown Speaker]

Podcast ends now.

[Sam Taggart]

Want more? Subscribe to our Patreon for two extra episodes a month. Discord Access and more by heading to patreon.com Stradiolab and for all our visual learners.

[Unknown Speaker]

Free full length video episodes are available on our YouTube.

[Sam Taggart]

Now get back to work.

[Unknown Speaker]

Stradiolab is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money players network and iHeart podcasts.

[Sam Taggart]

Created and hosted by George Severis and Sam Taggart.

[Unknown Speaker]

Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Han Sonny and Olivia Aguilar co produced by Bay Wang Edited and engineered by Adam Avalos.

[Sam Taggart]

Artwork by Michael Fails and Matt Grubb.

[Unknown Speaker]

Theme music by Ben Kling.

[George Severis]

Hey comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh at the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Okatsuka, Chelsea Handler, Jimmy Carr, Kathy Griffin, Matt Matthews, Matt Rife, Sarah S. Sebastian Maniscalco, Stavros Helkias, Wanda Sykes and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy.