Introducing: Silver Lining With the Old Gays "Coming Out, Again & Again"

Summary

Summary of "Introducing: Silver Lining With the Old Gays 'Coming Out, Again & Again'" Episode of StraightioLab

Podcast Information:

• Title: StraightioLab
• Host/Author: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts
• Description: StraightioLab is an intellectual podcast where smart comedians George Civeris and Sam Taggart unpack the rich, multi-colored tapestry of straight culture. In each episode, George and Sam are joined by a guest to hold a mirror to society and explore various topics.
• Episode Title: Introducing: Silver Lining With the Old Gays "Coming Out, Again & Again"
• Release Date: June 12, 2025

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Episode Overview:

In this poignant episode of StraightioLab, hosts Jesse Martin, Bill Lyon, Mick Peterson, and Robert Reeves engage in a heartfelt discussion about the multifaceted journey of coming out as part of the LGBTQ+ community. Titled "Coming Out, Again & Again," the episode delves deep into personal narratives, societal changes, internal community challenges, and offers valuable insights for both LGBTQ+ individuals and allies.

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1. Personal Coming Out Stories

The episode kicks off with each guest sharing their unique experiences of realizing and embracing their sexual orientation.

• Robert Reeves [00:20]:
  Robert reflects on his early awareness of his sexuality, sparked by his fascination with male figures in National Geographic stories and the Sears catalog.

  "I just knew that I had a strong interest in men as opposed to women." [02:24]

• Mick Peterson [03:13]:
  Mick shares that he came to understand his attraction to men at 16, enjoying relationships without initially labeling them.

  "I just like men. And I was happy." [03:14]

• Bill Lyon [03:26]:
  Bill recounts how watching "The Kid from Texas" at six years old led to his early recognition of his feelings toward men.

  "The reason why I was crying was because they killed Billy the Kid, that cute, cute guy." [04:23]

• Jesse Martin [04:42]:
  Jesse discusses his internal struggle during college, balancing his attraction to a male friend with dating a woman, culminating in a transformative relationship with his psychologist.

  "I had sex with my psychologist." [05:29]

2. The Evolution of the Coming Out Process

The conversation highlights how the process of coming out has transformed over the decades.

• Bill Lyon [01:43]:
  Bill emphasizes that coming out is not a one-time event but an ongoing process of self-discovery and affirmation.

  "Oftentimes that's not the case. You may experience coming out over and over and over again..." [01:43]

• Jesse Martin [06:18]:
  Jesse agrees, explaining that repeated experiences of coming out can reinforce one's identity, though negative experiences may hinder this process.

  "It's a reinforcing experience. Now, if you have a negative experience, that can send you right back in." [06:24]

3. Challenges Within the LGBTQ+ Community

The guests address internal issues such as racism and lack of support within the LGBTQ+ community.

• Mick Peterson [29:10]:
  Mick discusses the racism he faced within the gay community, highlighting exclusion based on race.

  "There was racism in our gay community where we don't support each other." [29:10]

• Robert Reeves [30:30]:
  Robert emphasizes the importance of solidarity among marginalized groups, including Hispanics facing global demonization.

  "Those who are being maligned, we've got to stick together." [30:30]

4. The Impact of HIV/AIDS

The episode touches on how the HIV/AIDS epidemic galvanized the LGBTQ+ community and influenced their activism.

• Robert Reeves [24:07]:
  Robert links the struggles of the HIV/AIDS crisis to increased visibility and activism within the community.

  "The anger so many people had during the 1980s...forced them out into the streets in large numbers." [24:44]

• Jesse Martin [25:31]:
  Jesse shares his participation in a march supporting the Ryan White Care Act, emphasizing collective action and moral advocacy.

  "We had to demand that Mr. Reagan acknowledge that AIDS exist and support this bill." [25:31]

5. Advice for Young LGBTQ+ Individuals

The hosts and guests offer guidance and encouragement for those grappling with their identities.

• Bill Lyon [26:58]:
  Bill advises patience and building trust with a supportive peer before coming out.

  "Wait until you're comfortable. If you have a peer that you can talk to... it's going to make a lot easier for them to come out." [26:58]

• Jesse Martin [27:25]:
  Jesse encourages courage and seeking community resources, reminding listeners they are not alone.

  "You must have courage to define who you are. Otherwise, someone else... will do it for you." [27:25]

• Robert Reeves [28:27]:
  Robert suggests leading by example with kindness rather than provocation to foster understanding.

  "It's better to lead by example and by doing good... people will listen to you and will be gentle with you." [28:27]

6. The Future of Coming Out and Community Solidarity

The discussion explores whether society has moved beyond the need to come out and the importance of unity.

• Jesse Martin [30:55]:
  Jesse asserts that coming out remains relevant due to ongoing societal pressures and legal challenges.

  "We are always going to live in a coming out world because there are always going to be forces... to push back." [30:55]

• Mick Peterson [31:24]:
  Mick underscores the significance of community events like Pride parades in fostering unity and visibility.

  "Gay pride parades... it's very important to attend." [31:24]

7. Conclusion and Silver Lining Reflections

The episode concludes with each guest sharing the positive outcomes from their coming out experiences.

• Bill Lyon [32:49]:
  Bill is grateful for never facing family confrontation, leading to seamless acceptance of his relationships.

  "I never had to go through coming out to my family... there was actually no comments at all." [32:49]

• Jesse Martin [33:01]:
  Jesse highlights the personal growth that comes from living authentically.

  "I took the road to being my true self... I've been the better man for it." [33:01]

• Mick Peterson [33:18]:
  Mick appreciates discovering true friendships and the strength of bonds formed through authenticity.

  "I found out who my friends really are. You find out." [33:18]

• Robert Reeves [33:34]:
  Robert notes that genuine relationships are strengthened through the process of coming out.

  "The bonds you have with the people you know who are your friends are stronger." [33:34]

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Notable Quotes:

• Bill Lyon [06:00]:

  "He had a big dick."

• Jesse Martin [20:05]:

  "You have to have courage to define who you are."

• Mick Peterson [29:52]:

  "We need to be a team and fight together because we're all in this thing together."

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Final Thoughts:

"Introducing: Silver Lining With the Old Gays 'Coming Out, Again & Again'" is a compelling exploration of the continuous and evolving nature of coming out. Through personal stories and collective insights, the episode underscores the importance of authenticity, community support, and ongoing advocacy within and beyond the LGBTQ+ sphere. It serves as both a reflection on past struggles and a beacon of hope for future generations seeking acceptance and understanding.

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Production Credits:

• Hosts: Bill Lyon, Jesse Martin, Mick Peterson, and Robert Reeves
• Executive Producer: Sierra Kaiser
• Written by: Ryan Amador
• Post Production: Eric Zeiler
• Theme Music: Max Hirschenau
• Audio Direction and Design: Matt Stillo

Silver Linings with the Old Gays is a production of Iheart's Ruby Studio and the Outspoken Network. Subscribe, rate, and review the show on your preferred podcast platform to stay informed on future episodes.

Transcript

[Jesse Martin]

Ruby.

[Bill Lyon]

In the 60s, you just didn't tell anybody that you were gay.

[Mick Peterson]

And I found out who my friends really are. You find out.

[Jesse Martin]

Okay, I'm gonna dig.

[Robert Reeves]

This is juicy.

[Mick Peterson]

From just beyond the lights of Los Angeles in steamy Palm Springs, California, it's Mick, Robert, Bill, Jesse. And this is Silver Linings with the old gays. Friends, I have something to tell you. I'm gay.

[Bill Lyon]

Oh, my golly.

[Robert Reeves]

So what else is new?

[Jesse Martin]

We must throw you a coming out party.

[Robert Reeves]

Jesse, there is probably no better way to kick off Pride month on the show than to talk about the moment or are moments that have been part of our coming out of the closet, if you will.

[Bill Lyon]

And while coming out can look like many things, like an internal experience or a terrifying conversation with a loved one, the tides have changed a lot since the days when we were first discovering ourselves. When we ask, when did you come out? And it makes it seem like you come out of the closet once and you're done. But oftentimes that's not the case. You may experience coming out over and over and over again to various people throughout your life. And the experience of coming out is far from a monolith.

[Jesse Martin]

Before you come out to any of your friends, family, et cetera, you have to come out to yourself. So, boys, when and how did you realize you were gay?

[Robert Reeves]

Well, for me, it was before grade school when I had this fascination with National Geographic stories about Indians and different tribal cultures. And also Sears catalog underwear section, which I was fascinated. Fascinated with. Cool.

[Jesse Martin]

And you said I'm gay because I like the men in the Sears catalog.

[Robert Reeves]

No, I. I just knew that I had a strong interest in men as opposed to women.

[Jesse Martin]

What part of their bodies were you attracted to Robert?

[Robert Reeves]

Well, I. Pecs were always nice.

[Jesse Martin]

What about the pouch in their briefs?

[Robert Reeves]

Those two?

[Jesse Martin]

You never see a big bulge in a. In a Sears catalog, let alone, well, maybe a Calvin Klein.

[Robert Reeves]

Yeah, well, over time, that has become more of a feature.

[Jesse Martin]

So you're. You're a fan of Marky Marks?

[Robert Reeves]

Yeah.

[Mick Peterson]

International Male did too. They started teasing.

[Robert Reeves]

Oh, yeah?

[Mick Peterson]

Yes. Yes. I came out to myself, I think, at the age of 16. Even though I'd been with guys, I didn't know what to call it. I just like men. And I was happy.

[Bill Lyon]

Well, I came out to myself in 1950, and I was six years old, and a movie had just come out called the Kid from Texas, which was about Audie Murphy playing the part of Billy the Kid. And my parents decided to take me to the movie. And at the end, of course, Billy the Kid was shot. And as we were leaving the theater, my mother looked at me because I was crying, and she looked at my father and said, this gun stuff was too much. But actually, the reason why I was crying was because they killed Billy the Kid, that cute, cute guy. And this rolled over also into the matinees at the theater on Saturday. When I had crushes on Hopalong Cassidy and Flash Gordon.

[Jesse Martin]

I was in college, and I think it was my senior year, and I had. No, my junior year. Junior year. And I had a crush on a football player, and I was dating a girl. And I used to watch this guy all the time. I mean, he was six two, football player, blonde, blue eyes, and studying to be a doctor. I mean, you know, and I found this incredible sexual fascination for him. And I had had those before, and I had had sex with other guys before, but, you know, I was dating a girl, and I thought, well, I'll probably marry her. And. But it was such a strong, strong feeling, and it got to be so incredibly hard that I met a psychologist, and I went to see him, and I saw him for a session, and he explained some things about what it means to be gay and what it does not. And I left there feeling like this gigantic burden had been lifted off my shoulder. And then he invited me out to dinner, and we had sex, and it was great. Yes, I had sex with my psychologist.

[Mick Peterson]

At dinner?

[Jesse Martin]

No, after. After dinner.

[Bill Lyon]

You were dinner.

[Mick Peterson]

He was dessert.

[Jesse Martin]

Well, you know, I was 22 at the time. On the other hand, he was 30. And so, you know, we were both babes.

[Mick Peterson]

Yes.

[Jesse Martin]

And so it was like this door had opened and I decided to walk through it, and that changed my life.

[Bill Lyon]

Did it make a difference, the fact he was older than you?

[Jesse Martin]

No, it's the fact that he had a big dick.

[Mick Peterson]

Well, shut my mouth.

[Jesse Martin]

He was very. He was very handsome. Very dark and handsome. Hairy.

[Mick Peterson]

My question to y' all, do you come out the first time you have sex with a guy or do you come out later?

[Jesse Martin]

Well, I think it's in. The explanation of before is that you experience coming out over and over and over.

[Mick Peterson]

Yes.

[Jesse Martin]

And it just. It's. It's a reinforcing experience. Now, if you have a negative experience, that can send you right back in.

[Robert Reeves]

Well, in terms of announcing to the world or a group of friends, I. I never came out. For me, it was a gradual process, and I was just who I was. And when I look back, I realize that I exhibited a lot of the stereotypical characteristics of a young queer Child. I was artistic. I didn't like sports. I was good at school. I had effeminated characteristics, but nobody ever said anything to me. I never had a negative experience. I just was who I was. And fortunately, I grew up in an environment that accepted me for who I was.

[Bill Lyon]

Well, I'm right along with Bob. I never came out or told my family that I was gay. To me, my coming out was when I first had sex with a man. And that was when I was 16 years old and had just gotten my driver's license and drove down to Laguna beach, plunked myself down and had sex with the guy at his place.

[Jesse Martin]

When did you come out to your family?

[Bill Lyon]

We've never had a discussion about it. I moved to San Francisco when I was 21 years old, and that got me away from all of my father always trying to accuse me of being gay.

[Jesse Martin]

But if he had accused you of being gay and you said, yes, I'm gay, what would have happened then?

[Bill Lyon]

I have no idea.

[Mick Peterson]

What do you think would have happened?

[Jesse Martin]

Yeah, what do you think would have happened?

[Bill Lyon]

They'd have sent me to a psychiatrist in Beverly Hills.

[Jesse Martin]

Oh, that's a fun experience. And they spent money for it. That's how parents destroy children, you know?

[Bill Lyon]

Yeah.

[Jesse Martin]

Yeah. Okay. Bob, you never came out. You never said I'm gay.

[Robert Reeves]

No. It was not until I was in my twenties in the business world that I ever really kind of announced to the world that I was gay. But.

[Jesse Martin]

Okay, so you were in a business situation in the Bay Area?

[Robert Reeves]

No, this was in St. Louis.

[Jesse Martin]

Okay, okay. So you've told me before in Times, and we've discussed it, that St. Louis at that time was pretty homophobic.

[Robert Reeves]

Oh, yeah. The gay life was very much undercover. You had to really seek it out, know where it is. And in the 1970s, along with my first lover and friend, we had bought real estate that we were operating. And I became provoked by an incident in which I started running ads in local newspapers that responsible tenants welcomed regardless of race, beliefs, or orientation. And that really was the first public gesture I ever made.

[Jesse Martin]

Okay, I'm going to dig. We're going to go. This is juicy. And what happened when you did that?

[Robert Reeves]

Well, the president of a bank that we were doing a lot of business with came up to me and told me that, you know, there are a lot of people in this community that are very concerned about your policies. You might want to give consideration to changing them. Otherwise, we'd hate to see you lose everything you built up to this point in time.

[Jesse Martin]

So they threatened to withhold. It must have been a banker.

[Robert Reeves]

Yeah.

[Jesse Martin]

Okay, so he threatened to withhold funds from you because you were renting out to homosexuals.

[Robert Reeves]

Publicly renting out.

[Jesse Martin]

Okay. Is that what drove you out of St. Louis and why you decided to move to San Francisco?

[Robert Reeves]

It was one of the factors. There were also personal issues relating to the breakup of my second lover.

[Jesse Martin]

Okay. I'm not going there.

[Robert Reeves]

Good.

[Jesse Martin]

Okay. Just say, what's your biggest surprise about coming out to people?

[Mick Peterson]

The biggest surprise was those who asked. I always told them yes, and I never lost a friend. And you won't lose your friends because they know you as your individual self, religiously or not. That's where I was in that wonderful world of church, where you're supposed to love everybody, but they got the hate going on. But it was scary. The hardest one was coming out to my mom simply because I loved her and didn't want to hurt her. But I hurt her by not saying anything because she just says, you know, baby, I could have been there for you. I says, I had to do it on my own.

[Bill Lyon]

Mom.

[Mick Peterson]

I says, I came out at the right time because she kept asking me when I'm getting married, and I was already in a relationship. My dad, on the other hand, thank God he was deceased because he truly would have killed me because he threatened to do that if I was a queer.

[Robert Reeves]

Yeah, I think it's much easier now because there are so many public role models that young people can look to. And just seeing and knowing that there are a lot of people like you makes it a lot easier.

[Bill Lyon]

I think in the 60s, you just didn't tell anybody that you were gay. I mean, it would have. It would have been the end of me in high school. But when I moved to San Francisco and in the 70s, there was a. There was kind of a push for people to come out of the closet. And I. I don't know if that worked or not, but all of a sudden, there was a lot of people that came out.

[Jesse Martin]

Yeah, I basically came of age in the 1970s. One of the first things that if you were to attend a meeting of gay rights activists is that they stress the fact that you need to come out to your family, that love begins in the family, and that's where acceptance is going to start. I think also we have to look at the effect of the HIV AIDS epidemic and the fact that, at least in this country and at that time, people were showing a lot more empathy for gay people because of what they were going through. And it also had to do with families who were losing their gay children, even those who rejected their children. Can you imagine the guilt that they must feel now that they have dead children not helping them just because they wouldn't accept their sexuality? Think about that.

[Mick Peterson]

Yeah. And it still is going on. It's hard because of those kids or adults who are in small towns that still have to play the game.

[Robert Reeves]

Yeah.

[Bill Lyon]

And one of the saddest things that I remember happening, and it is still happening, is if you had a partner and the partner died, the family would step in and literally push you out of the way. And that was very, very sad.

[Jesse Martin]

And take your money.

[Bill Lyon]

Yeah.

[Mick Peterson]

That's why paper works for me.

[Jesse Martin]

Yeah. You know, when. When I was still with my partner, we created interlocking trusts, and the first thing we did was disinherit our families.

[Mick Peterson]

Yeah.

[Jesse Martin]

And that's because the lawyer said, you know, when a person dies, people get a little funny. They think they're entitled to something that they are really not. A lot of people. I remember who their partners died, and because there's no marriage contract, because that relationship was not recognized by law, the family of the deceased could sweep in and take everything. And I think that is morally repulsive.

[Mick Peterson]

It is, yeah.

[Jesse Martin]

Now that I've got off my soapbox. When we think about the evolution of the gay rights movement, changing the landscape for coming out, many efforts laid the groundwork. Thanks to the efforts of the civil rights movement, the road was being paved for LGBTQ rights.

[Robert Reeves]

Yes.

[Bill Lyon]

Yes.

[Jesse Martin]

You all agree with that?

[Robert Reeves]

I do, absolutely. And there was a noticeable societal change taking place in the late 70s, early 80s that you had the feeling that things were loosening up.

[Jesse Martin]

Well, I kind of look back. You know, the first gay rights demonstrations that I saw were in New York City, really, in the late 60s. It coincided with the women's rights movement and also with the civil rights movement. And a lot of the tactics were the same. That's what I think is important, because there are a lot of people in the civil rights movement who were not supportive of gay rights.

[Robert Reeves]

Isn't that when Stonewall happened?

[Jesse Martin]

Well, that was 1969. Yeah.

[Bill Lyon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jesse Martin]

Okay. This is something that I thought was an interesting subject. Code switching. It's not always safe to come out, unfortunately. We may need to slide back into the closet from time to time and not just for another fabulous outfit to wear. Has there ever been a time when you've had to stay in the closet to stay safe? Now, just to define what code switching is, the practice of changing how you express yourself to fit in with A given social context.

[Mick Peterson]

Oh, yes. I had to. I had to de. Sissify. I know it's hard for you to believe. When I was younger, you know, dating. Dating a wonderful woman, I had to kind of macho it up a little. It was hard, too. But I had to do it to protect myself until. And I didn't want anybody to know because I hadn't come out to my mom yet.

[Bill Lyon]

You know, I never had the problem of having to butch it up at work or stay in the closet because almost all of my bosses were gay. So I had a lot of freedom just to be myself. And I thought of myself, first of all as a person and secondly as someone gay.

[Jesse Martin]

And during this time that you lived in San Francisco, did you ever visit your family?

[Bill Lyon]

Oh, yeah.

[Jesse Martin]

And did you change your behavior to fit that situation?

[Bill Lyon]

No, I was always Bill. I've always been myself.

[Jesse Martin]

Okay. You just never admitted to your family that you were gay.

[Bill Lyon]

I'd like to put a different way. It was never discussed in my family.

[Jesse Martin]

Well, yeah, but your. Your relationship with your father.

[Bill Lyon]

Yes, it was. It was poor.

[Jesse Martin]

But did. Did he ever accuse you of being gay?

[Bill Lyon]

No, he never accused me. He was always trying to prove that I was gay. It's probably the same.

[Mick Peterson]

It is.

[Robert Reeves]

I do not ever recall pretending I was straight.

[Jesse Martin]

Okay.

[Robert Reeves]

It was impossible.

[Jesse Martin]

Well, vein, I responded to this whole section here by asking a question. When has staying in the closet ever been safe? You live with the fear of being outed either by a circumstance or someone else and means that you don't have control of your life. If you're sitting in the closet and you're afraid that somebody is going to out you, you don't have control of your life. Think of all those people in Uganda or Nigeria who if they say anything about being gay, they will be murdered still. Yes. And that's happening in Russia.

[Mick Peterson]

Yeah.

[Jesse Martin]

Okay. So code switching to me is the opposite of being authentic. It's really an excuse to lie. And I will say lying is a big problem for us because we learned to lie at a very early age, and that was impressed upon us. And that is a problem when you deal with other issues such as alcoholism, substance abuse or gambling. And so that's my take on that. That's very serious. But that's how I feel.

[Robert Reeves]

Yeah. And I think in today's world that young people as well as everyone are getting so many negative signals. And my fear is that this is going to shape future generations in a very negative way.

[Jesse Martin]

I remember coming out after I came out in college of course, I was in the theater department. And so I came out to two people who I suspected might be, and they came out to me. And for once, you know, I felt that, wow, I have company in this. And not to say that things were easy because there were a lot of people in the theater department who were very much against this. In fact, later on, I was told by an agent that if I was going to continue to have an open relationship with my lover, I could just give up show business because no one was going to hire me.

[Mick Peterson]

Yeah, they had to hide a lot more back then.

[Jesse Martin]

Yeah. You know, it's different now. It's really different now. Yeah.

[Mick Peterson]

And it's because of us.

[Robert Reeves]

Yes.

[Bill Lyon]

Yeah.

[Robert Reeves]

Which I feel good about. Yes, I do too.

[Bill Lyon]

We'll be right back after a quick break.

[Mick Peterson]

Welcome back to Silver Linings with the Old gays.

[Robert Reeves]

We've been talking about the idea of coming out as it pertains to sexual orientation. But we often have to come out as many identities throughout our lives. If we differ from social norms, our interests, our religious beliefs, our backgrounds, disabilities, preferences, etc. What's something else that has driven you to come out?

[Jesse Martin]

I'll start on my disability. I have a very rare autoimmune condition called chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuritis. And what that means is that the white blood cells are attacking the coating that's around the nerves and the result is numbness, tingling, pain, fatigue, early death. You know, if it wasn't for the drugs that I have been prescribed and especially this new compound that I've been prescribed, I would not be here.

[Robert Reeves]

So that's the story of HIV during the 80s and early 90s is that you found yourself being afflicted with a disease that had no known cure and really no treatment. And so we all grew up in that world.

[Jesse Martin]

Yeah, I think that was the motivation for a lot of people to come out. You know, if you're sick. I know of a lot of people, though, who were very sick who never admitted they were gay. They never admitted how they became infected. And that was part of the problem. And it's still part of the problem now, because if you're in denial about your sexuality and you're going out to the baths or going out to the local park, or you're hooking up with somebody on Grindr and yet you don't really know who you are, you're going to get yourself in trouble.

[Robert Reeves]

I also think that the anger so many people had during the 1980s about the non existence of any effort to try to combat or deal with the disease that so many people felt like, well, if I'm going to die from this disease, then I. I don't need to fear being killed because people know I'm gay. So that forced them out into the streets in large numbers, and it brought on the wave that has happened in the later 80s and 90s.

[Jesse Martin]

Yeah, I remember one of the first marches I participated in was for support of the Ryan White Care act, which was in Congress at time. And it was a march down Wilshire Boulevard in Westwood all the way to the federal building. And I have never seen so many hot looking guys. Of course, a lot of them are gone now, but I never seen so many hot looking guys in my life. And just demanding that, that Mr. Reagan acknowledge that AIDS exist and support this bill, that was very important. And I think that's the first time we understood that we had not just power in numbers, but we had a moral cause.

[Robert Reeves]

We all share the experience of coming out during a time when it was incredibly dangerous. Unfortunately, we're living during a time when there's been increasing backlash against the LGBTQ community, especially our queer youth. What's your advice for a young LGBTQ person who may be feeling like they're stuck in the closet?

[Bill Lyon]

My first advice to them is don't force yourself to come out. Wait until you're comfortable. And the main thing is if you have a peer that you can talk to and if they can just build up a rapport with someone, it's going to make a lot easier for them to come out. And so wait until you're ready to come out and don't force it.

[Jesse Martin]

Yeah, I have some advice. You are not alone. You are not alone. You have four friends right here rooting for you. So go online if you have a computer, or look for a community resource, because there are a lot more now than there were when we were growing up. A lot. But most of all, you must have courage. You must have courage to define who you are. Otherwise, someone else or an unplanned event will do it for you. I know it'll be hard because it was hard for all of us, but you will open a door to a new path in life. It's not going to be roses. It may not even be better. You know, I thought when I first came out that, oh, we're all gay people and we all love each other, but you were on the way to being who you are. So that's what I say to you.

[Robert Reeves]

I would like to add that I believe that when you're trying to teach to others the world where you're coming from, try not to provoke people because by provoking you're going to elicit a negative response. And it is better to lead by example and by doing good and by being gentle as you can in what you have to say that it'll be more likely that people will listen to you and will be gentle with you.

[Mick Peterson]

Okay. I found it hard coming out to our gay community because of the racism that's still in here. There's racism in our gay community where we don't support each other. And there were doors that were shut in my face because as an African American, black gay man, they didn't want me. You didn't want me in your bars, you didn't want me anywhere around you. And we need to be a team and fight together because we're all in this thing together. And it still goes on is just different now.

[Jesse Martin]

Yeah, I've seen that.

[Mick Peterson]

And black men, I mean, our community's rough and we should get it, you know, from our history. We should be there for each other. And a lot of times we're not. We can't unite.

[Robert Reeves]

Yeah. And now it's becoming even worse because Hispanics are being demonized globally. I just. Yeah, those who are being maligned, we've got to stick together.

[Jesse Martin]

Okay, so that brings up the final question. Clearly a lot has changed since we were first peeking out of the closet. We talked about a stat that recently found that over 25% of Gen Zs identify as queer. With this increased visibility, it begs the question, do we live in a post coming out world?

[Mick Peterson]

No.

[Jesse Martin]

Yeah. No. And I'll say this. We are always going to live in a coming out world because there are always going to be forces, as they are now, to push back. Look, if you apply for a passport or you get a new passport, you either have to identify as a male or a female. Okay. Not anything else. And I think that is wrong. And I think we will pay for that because you are excluding a group of people. And when you do that, you go down a very slippery slope. And before you know it, you don't have any freedoms in this country. That's the canary in the mind.

[Mick Peterson]

It is.

[Jesse Martin]

And so is it still necessary to celebrate the idea of coming out?

[Mick Peterson]

Yes.

[Jesse Martin]

Yeah. My response was what? And give up parades?

[Bill Lyon]

I was thinking about a big party.

[Jesse Martin]

Yeah.

[Robert Reeves]

I was thinking of gay pride parades.

[Jesse Martin]

Those are times when we meet as a community and that, you know, we do show unity. And so it's very important to attend a parade, attend a gay pride festival. Because it shouldn't be a gay pride festival. It's a queer pride festival. You know, just as you know, we no longer have leather parties. We have fetish parties.

[Mick Peterson]

Ooh. All right, boys, we're reaching the end of today's episode. Since this show is called Silver Linings, think back on our conversation. What is the silver lining you took from coming out of the closet?

[Bill Lyon]

My silver lining is that I never had to go through coming out to my family, and then I started bringing boyfriends home, and there was actually no comments at all.

[Jesse Martin]

The silver lining that I took is that I took the road to being authentic. I took the road to being my true self. And that means the good and the bad and everything in between. And I've been the better man for it.

[Mick Peterson]

And I found out who my friends really are. You find out. And luckily, I've been blessed to not lose any.

[Robert Reeves]

Not only do you find out, but the bonds you have with the people you know who are your friends are stronger.

[Mick Peterson]

Yes. And they realize that. It's just not. I don't know why people think we have sex 24 7. You know, it's like too tired. But some do.

[Jesse Martin]

Oh, I wish.

[Robert Reeves]

Girl, there was a time.

[Jesse Martin]

Things would be so much better in the world, Wouldn't it, love?

[Mick Peterson]

Please. Yes. That's all for today on Silver Linings with the old gays. Silver Linings is a production of Iheart's Ruby Studio and the Outspoken Network. We're your hosts, Bill Lyon, Jesse Martin.

[Robert Reeves]

Mick Peterson, and Robert Reeves.

[Mick Peterson]

Our executive producer is Sierra Kaiser. The episode was written by Ryan Amador with post production by Eric Zeiler. Our theme music was composed by Max Hirschenau with audio, direction and design by Matt Stillo. And if you're having fun with us, please subscribe to follow along. And don't forget to rate and review the show wherever you get your podcast. Thanks for listening. See you in two weeks.

[Jesse Martin]

She has not achieved diva status yet.

[Mick Peterson]

Soul Train baby.

[Jesse Martin]

Yeah.

[Robert Reeves]

What the hell is a chewy.