"Laws" w/ Honey Pluton and Spike Einbinder

Summary

Podcast Summary: StraightioLab - "Laws" Featuring Honey Pluton and Spike Einbinder

Podcast Information:

• Title: StraightioLab
• Host/Author: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts
• Description: "StraightioLab" is an intellectual podcast where smart comedians George Civeris and Sam Taggart delve into the complexities of straight culture. Each episode features a guest to critically examine societal norms and unravel intricate topics with humor and insight.
• Episode: "Laws" with Honey Pluton and Spike Einbinder
• Release Date: January 14, 2025

---

Introduction

In the "Laws" episode of StraightioLab, hosts George Civeris and Sam Taggart engage with guests Honey Pluton and Spike Einbinder to dissect the role of laws in straight culture versus rules in queer communities. The conversation is laced with humor, personal anecdotes, and sharp social commentary, offering listeners both laughs and thoughtful insights.

Opening Stories and Banter

The episode begins with light-hearted banter between Sam and Honey as they navigate the challenges of remote podcasting during tumultuous times. Sam shares a humorous yet revealing anecdote about his unexpected surge of nostalgia while visiting a Harry Potter store:

Sam Taggart [04:21]: "Within 45 seconds, the nostalgia got me to such an extent that I was literally like, put the sorting hat on me. I'm ready to enter Hogwarts."

This story sets the tone for the episode, blending personal experiences with broader cultural observations.

Main Topic: "Laws"

The Straightness of Laws

The core discussion centers on the concept of laws as a symbol of straight culture. Spike Einbinder provocatively defines laws as inherently straight:

Spike Einbinder [37:17]: "Laws are heterosexual because it's someone telling you what the fuck to do."

This assertion opens the floor to a deeper analysis of how legal frameworks enforce conformity and suppress individual consent, traits often associated with straight societal norms.

Rules vs. Laws: A Queer Perspective

Contrasting laws with rules, Honey Pluton and Spike Einbinder explore how rules embody a more queer approach to community and morality:

Honey Pluton [38:16]: "Rules are not laws. Those are different things."

Sam Taggart [38:42]: "Rules are more queer because rules are the guidelines of being in a polyamorous polycule."

The guests argue that rules are consensually established and adaptable, fostering a sense of communal care without the fear-based enforcement that laws entail.

Critique of Contemporary Legal Systems

The conversation delves into the flaws of modern legal systems, highlighting issues like inequality and the disproportionate impact on marginalized communities:

Sam Taggart [43:44]: "The biggest failure of public policy is the way things are locked in CVS currently."

They discuss how laws often benefit the powerful, leaving ordinary individuals grappling with stringent and sometimes arbitrary regulations.

Personal Anecdotes and Humor

Throughout the discussion, humor serves as a tool to underscore serious points. For instance, Spike Einbinder jokes about mundane laws, linking them back to the episode's central theme:

Spike Einbinder [42:49]: "Stealing from any store now. It's not like any store is like, oh, like, a mom and pop. Like, they've had this little general store and they make their own butter."

These humorous takes make complex societal critiques more relatable and engaging for the audience.

'Straight Shooters' Segment

In the "Straight Shooters" segment, Honey and Spike participate in a rapid-fire Q&A to assess their alignment with straight culture. The segment emphasizes their synchronized responses, highlighting their shared perspectives:

Honey Pluton [31:40]: "Should we try to mind meld?"

Spike Einbinder [32:03]: "Touching your best friend Paul."

Sam Taggart [32:47]: "Virginia Woolf or Doja Cat? This is a tough one."

This playful interaction reinforces the episode's exploration of cultural conformity versus individuality.

Final Thoughts and Wrap-up

As the episode winds down, the hosts and guests reflect on the intricate relationship between laws, rules, and sexuality. They reaffirm their stance against fear-based governance and advocate for a more ethics-driven, communal approach to societal norms.

Honey Pluton [74:24]: "Nobody rides free, period."

Spike Einbinder [74:40]: "That's my constitution."

The final moments are marked by announcements of upcoming tours and a humorous "Shout Outs" segment, where the hosts pay playful homage to various cultural icons and personal interests.

Notable Quotes

• Sam Taggart [04:21]: "Within 45 seconds, the nostalgia got me to such an extent that I was literally like, put the sorting hat on me. I'm ready to enter Hogwarts."
• Spike Einbinder [37:17]: "Laws are heterosexual because it's someone telling you what the fuck to do."
• Honey Pluton [38:16]: "Rules are not laws. Those are different things."
• Sam Taggart [43:44]: "The biggest failure of public policy is the way things are locked in CVS currently."
• Spike Einbinder [42:49]: "Stealing from any store now. It's not like any store is like, oh, like, a mom and pop."
• Honey Pluton [74:24]: "Nobody rides free, period."
• Spike Einbinder [74:40]: "That's my constitution."

Conclusion

The "Laws" episode of StraightioLab offers a compelling blend of humor and critical analysis, challenging listeners to reconsider the societal constructs that govern our lives. Through engaging dialogue and sharp wit, George, Sam, Honey, and Spike illuminate the often-overlooked intersections between legality, culture, and sexuality.

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For those interested in exploring the nuanced discussions of straightioLab, subscribing to their Patreon or watching full-length video episodes on YouTube is recommended. Stay tuned for more intellectually stimulating episodes that peel back the layers of everyday culture.

Transcript

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[Spike Einbinder]

Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like.

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So a couple of days.

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[Sam Taggart]

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[Spike Einbinder]

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[Spike Einbinder]

I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversations.

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[Spike Einbinder]

Can we try to talk to each other like rational adults?

[Honey Pluton]

Have you watched the news lately?

[Spike Einbinder]

That's not a thing anymore.

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[Honey Pluton]

Podcast starts now. What is up, everyone around the world, and welcome to Stradia Lab. We have been teasing starting this podcast for over 15 minutes, and now guess what? We are giving that sweet release of actually starting the podcast. George, how are you?

[Sam Taggart]

The technology required to record what we're doing now was invented pretty much two days ago. There are two of us in Times Square. There is one person at home in Los Angeles while fires are raging around him. And there is another person at home in Brooklyn while baristas are raging around him, which.

[Honey Pluton]

And so we have somehow managed to come together, despite all the odds and despite the world crumbling, to record a podcast. And it's actually our first recording of the year, which is kind of crazy.

[Sam Taggart]

It is. It's our first recording of the year. So I just wanna say happy New Year. So far. It is not a great one, but there is still hope.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah, I gotta say, we did start off on a weird note.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. What do you. Yeah, totally. I'm like, so far there's. Wait, I do wanna say, so far there has been not a single good thing that has happened this year.

[Honey Pluton]

I've been getting amazing sleep.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, that's good. Good for you.

[Honey Pluton]

So that's one thing, George, say something positive about your year so far.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, see, that's the thing. What I was going to say is actually a huge negative. I had an experience that was so shocking, and I'm actually going to say it now. And then later when we bring in our guests, maybe we can discuss it a little bit more. I was passing by the Harry Potter store in New York City and I said, wouldn't it be funny to go in, find something stupid, take a photo of it?

[Honey Pluton]

Honey, I'm laughing.

[Sam Taggart]

You got a viral meme right there. You know what I mean? I was. I had. I had a little time to kill. I said, I'm going to find a Hufflepuff merch. I'm going to say, I'm going to see some, you know, out of towners shopping for ginger beer. Wait, no, Ginger beer is the one that exists. What is the other one called?

[Honey Pluton]

Butterbeer.

[Sam Taggart]

Butterbeer. And I said, you know, this will be funny. This will be just sort of like a funny thing that I do. I went in, I'm about to say something shocking. Within 45 seconds, the nostalgia got me to such an extent that I was literally like, put the sorting hat on me. I'm ready to enter Hogwarts. I was shocked. As someone who a like obviously I am. I am marching against J.K. rowling daily. I would say I do a women's march by myself against J.K. rowling every morning when I wake up. I don't have nostalgia for Harry Potter. I read the books when I was a kid, have not had any desire to revisit them. I also hate all toxic nostalgia culture. I hate buzzfeed 90s kids will remember this. I don't get emotional when I think of Nick at night. And yet I'm telling you, within seconds of walking in I was ready to buy a head to toe Gryffindor merch. And I want to know what your read on that is.

[Honey Pluton]

I mean obviously relate. I think how I treat Harry Potter is I actually just don't think about it as hard as I can because I know that if I do I will enjoy it. If I watch a film I'll be like, well might as well watch all of them. Like they were on sort of in the background of my holidays. And I was like, I would walk into the room and see it and be like, oh my God, this is actually more fun than I remember. And I was like no, no, no, don't get pulled in, don't get pulled in. That's what's so to. And I even like, I just think, you know, my answer is unfortunately always the government stepping in. But I think it should become a public service. It should. Just as long as she's not attached, we can still have it.

[Sam Taggart]

No, you're right, you're right.

[Honey Pluton]

We need, we need. George, what I have to say is obviously ironic, but run with me. Yeah, George. We need a minister of magic in our government and they need to be in charge of the Harry Potter franchise.

[Sam Taggart]

No, actually I would say the minister of magic has to be in charge specifically of separate. Separating the art from the artist in the way that we separate church and state. That's like. It's the government's responsibility to separate church and state. Of course I know that's not exactly it, but Shut up.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah, who cares?

[Sam Taggart]

It's the government's responsibility to separate church and state. Every time church and state are suspected of intermingling someone is, you know, it goes up to the Supreme Court. That needs to happen. As soon as someone creates art, it needs to be separated from them and the authorship needs to be independent of the author.

[Honey Pluton]

I do think if your art makes $1 billion, it's like it's not yours anymore. Like it's not yours at all right. Exactly like it is now.

[Sam Taggart]

I don't know.

[Honey Pluton]

Public domain.

[Sam Taggart]

I don't know. Who wrote Jingle Bells?

[Honey Pluton]

No one.

[Sam Taggart]

Probably someone who doesn't have great politics. But you better believe I'm gonna be shaking my booty to that every year.

[Honey Pluton]

I could not agree more.

[Sam Taggart]

I think I'm obsessed with us silencing two trans people while talking about J.K. rowling.

[Honey Pluton]

I have to say, it's one of the funnier things we've ever done. And I think you kicking it off.

[Spike Einbinder]

That way, outing me is crazy.

[H]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

I'm am literally like stealth icon. Honey Pluton. That's crazy, George. That's crazy. Okay. Am I coming out?

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, let's bring them in.

[Honey Pluton]

Let's bring them in.

[H]

Wow. And you're acting like I'm also not magic.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, of course you're. That's intersectionalities that you're both trans and magic.

[H]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

Thank you.

[Honey Pluton]

And actually.

[Spike Einbinder]

Hey, stop. It's like you already made a barista joke. Have you ever been into a coffee shop? They're selling Transar magic shirts. Aerial font italics. It's right there.

[H]

Well, I'm not magic like that. I'm magic like making move around and like fighting.

[Sam Taggart]

You're not magic. Play queer Joy.

[H]

No, I'm not.

[Sam Taggart]

You're not queer Joy.

[H]

Famously, if you ever see me spouting that I'm releasing my trans joy, it makes me that I'm. It means that I'm going to kill myself.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

You've been possessed, trans boy Joy.

[Sam Taggart]

You've been possessed by RuPaul.

[H]

I blink twice is I'm radiating trans joy.

[Sam Taggart]

Basically, if you see Spike radiating trans joy, call the.

[Honey Pluton]

Call the cops.

[Spike Einbinder]

No litter.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. So please welcome Honey Pluton and Spike Einbinder.

[Honey Pluton]

Hi.

[Sam Taggart]

Hi.

[H]

So you kind of.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. So what's up? I mean, what do you think of my story?

[H]

You're Slytherin.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm literally being Slytherin.

[H]

Yeah, you're being Slytherin.

[Spike Einbinder]

I've never read the book.

[Honey Pluton]

Are you afraid? Are you afraid you'll fall?

[Sam Taggart]

I will say, spike, you're giving Slytherin with your current look.

[Spike Einbinder]

I don't like that.

[H]

Honey doesn't like it.

[Spike Einbinder]

So Honey doesn't read the books.

[Sam Taggart]

Spike, have you read the books?

[H]

I read the books. I waited in line to get J.K. rowling's autograph when I was a child.

[Honey Pluton]

Wow.

[H]

At a book release in L. A. Where I'm from. And shout out. I'm just outing myself. And always from L. A. Loved Harry Potter as a child. Met JK Rowling 0 translated my hair.

[Honey Pluton]

Wow.

[H]

She complimented my hair in a way that when I talk to my mom about possibly cutting it off, to this day, she cites J.K. rowling compliment. Like, I can't get away from this transphobic woman.

[Honey Pluton]

Wow.

[H]

It's like, in my DNA.

[Sam Taggart]

Do you feel like you have. You haven't cut your hair because of jk Rolling.

[H]

Well, I'm waiting till it gets long enough to fashion it into, like, a flail, like a medieval weapon, so I can. Well, let's keep. Like, I. I can't say that on.

[Sam Taggart]

Air, but I feel like you should make it into a little, like, braid tie that you wear with a shirt.

[Honey Pluton]

Oh, that's a fun idea.

[Sam Taggart]

Buttoned up.

[Honey Pluton]

Buttoned up.

[H]

So don't attach, like, a medieval weapon to it and go.

[Spike Einbinder]

Okay. It's almost transphobic that you told Spike to make his hair into a bolo tie.

[Sam Taggart]

Excuse me.

[H]

So we're at. The meter is up to 2. We're at 2 inst. 3. If you want to count shutting us both out as one individual.

[Sam Taggart]

Of course. Yeah.

[H]

Because you can't. Lumping us in would be the fourth incident. So let's.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, it would be like, you're absolutely right. So lumping you together as silencing us as 1. As 1. As though you both have the same politics, the same opinions.

[H]

We. Yeah, we're just two guys.

[Honey Pluton]

Where would you say that your politics differ the most?

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, where would you say your politics differ the most?

[Spike Einbinder]

I think I'm a little bit more libertarian than Spikes.

[Honey Pluton]

Really?

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. And go all the way off.

[H]

What does that make me?

[Spike Einbinder]

I mean, I'll let you speak for.

[Sam Taggart]

Yourself, but yeah, you're communist. Spike is communist and Honey is sort of Ayn Rand.

[Honey Pluton]

You want to buy some land and, like, buy a gun and live, like, alone.

[H]

Yes. I was going to say I'm socialist. Communist, but with gun.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, you are with gun.

[Spike Einbinder]

Right.

[Sam Taggart]

So maybe gun is where you overlap.

[H]

Yeah, we're both in the Venn diagram. Guns is where we're sort of like, carrying together.

[Sam Taggart]

Got it. Got it. Okay.

[Spike Einbinder]

He's more socialist. Communist. I'm more communist. Anarchist. So we do both have.

[Honey Pluton]

I'm seeing it.

[H]

So that's why I'm like. Why would you say you're libertarian?

[Spike Einbinder]

Because it rolls off the tongue. You know, it's an easier.

[H]

And that is anarchist to be doing.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, here's a question. How do you feel about like a full blown, adult, tenured professor being like, I'm an anarchist?

[Spike Einbinder]

That's a great question.

[H]

I See that browser history? And we'll be the.

[Sam Taggart]

You know what I mean?

[Honey Pluton]

No, totally. This is such a smart point.

[Sam Taggart]

I' Hello.

[Honey Pluton]

No, you're like the king of being an institution.

[Sam Taggart]

No, not you.

[H]

Professor of the dark.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, first of all, as established, you're not an anarchist. You're a gun toting.

[H]

Hey, we can. I'm. I'm. Yes, don't worry about it.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, so. But you know what I mean, I.

[Spike Einbinder]

Think that's okay to do, to be honest, because ideologies are actions, for sure, but it. Anarchy is also something to be taught and understood. And so if you're part of a lineage of explaining that process to other people, then maybe you will have your pupils incite the revolution.

[Sam Taggart]

It's like, don't you.

[Honey Pluton]

It's like how I can say I'm anti capitalist and be like, but I really want a nice watch?

[Sam Taggart]

Totally. That's exactly what it's like. Yeah. I do think sometimes people, myself included, get very frustrated at the, at that distinction. That, like, there is a. There is a, a type of person in the public imagination that is a practicing anarchist. And then there is someone who is like, in the theoretical tradition of anarchy and is reading books and teach and doing workshops.

[Spike Einbinder]

I think, yeah, it's annoying when people assimilate for sure, but I think they're.

[H]

The same person because people, people assume that anarchy is like, we're burning ships.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes.

[H]

Hashtag little fire.

[Sam Taggart]

Doing. Doing the A on a building, like. Yeah, yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

Doing the A on a V for Vendett.

[Sam Taggart]

Why are you not Banksy?

[Spike Einbinder]

Maybe he could be Banksy.

[H]

I know, I know who Banky really is.

[Spike Einbinder]

Wait, Mike actually could be B Nerve. Wait, he could be Banksy. You have no idea.

[Honey Pluton]

Cut the camera. Seriously. Wait.

[H]

Yeah, I'm really bad at art, so it's really. It's like very.

[Honey Pluton]

You never found out who Banksy is?

[Sam Taggart]

It's Spike.

[H]

Yeah, My ideas are like, it's like a girl and she's. And she's in black and white and she's holding a red balloon and there's like a guy in a gas mask pointing a gun at her.

[Sam Taggart]

God, that is so You.

[Honey Pluton]

So powerful. It's Spike. What's your next piece?

[H]

Okay, so get this. It's like a rat. He's in a suit, he's got a briefcase, and he's going into the White House.

[Sam Taggart]

Wow, Spike, you are a genie.

[Honey Pluton]

Shit.

[H]

Just call me Banksy.

[Sam Taggart]

If we can find a way to disseminate that imagery, the Trump administration is, would crumble.

[H]

That Cheeto will Be straight in the trash can.

[Honey Pluton]

I love Bankstay. Fever was actually so funny because it was like, okay, this is crazy. He did this in, like, a park. Like, anyone's allowed to look at this. And the hype around that, when we're zoomed out a bit, I was like, what was wrong with all of us? Why was that, like, so enthralling?

[Sam Taggart]

Totally. I mean, it goes back to. To me one of. Well, first of all, of course it goes back to Harry Potter is very Harry Potter. He is very Harry Potter. Wait, what house would he be in?

[Spike Einbinder]

Banksy Ravenclaw.

[Sam Taggart]

What Harry Potter house would. Banksy.

[Honey Pluton]

Banksy is a Ravenclaw.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay? Binks is a Ravenclaw. That is absolutely correct. Okay, here's a question that I struggle with.

[H]

We have to stop.

[Sam Taggart]

No, this is not Harry Potter. This is not Harry Potter. This is a question I struggle with. Think of, like, super cliche mass market art, okay? Think of, like, like live, laugh, love.

[Honey Pluton]

Or like.

[Sam Taggart]

No, no, like. Like, like Campbell Soup. Yeah, like Warhol. Like Warhol pop art. Or like the balloon dog. Literally, what is. I'm like, completely blanking. Who's the guy that did, like, you know, the art pop cover?

[Spike Einbinder]

Oh, Jeff Koons.

[Sam Taggart]

Jeff Koons. Thank you.

[H]

Isn't that the balloon dog sculptor?

[Sam Taggart]

Yes, yes, yes. Jeff Koons. Okay.

[Honey Pluton]

Yes.

[Sam Taggart]

Sorry again. Silence. You know, Jeff Koons, Banksy. Cause, okay, think all these things. Like, if you're in the art world, obviously you're like, this is. They're complete hacks, right? So here's the question. The question becomes, are people like that negative forces on the world because they are such terrible artists and because that's the only art some people see. Or are they positive forces in the world because they're an entry point for people to discover better art? It's like you discover Andy Warhol and the Marilyns, and then through that, maybe you see, oh, there's an Andy Warhol retrospective at MoMA. I'm gonna go. Then I'm gonna see some better art.

[H]

Next thing you know, you're like, I love piss Christ.

[Sam Taggart]

Literally. Yes.

[Spike Einbinder]

I think, okay, my dad is a pop art addict, okay? He can't get enough of the stuff. He is whatsapping me chronically pictures. I'm assuming he's pulling from Pinterest that are, like, marble busts of, like, naked women, but she has, like, a Japanese traditional sleeve. And he's sending this to me. And he's like, very beautiful, very nice touches. Like, he is so moved by Binky. Like, nothing makes my father Believe that he is on the precipice of an entire new world. That, like, the Age of Aquarius is at his fingertips. But, like, when he sees, like, graffiti of like, an NFT ape, like, flushing a bunch of cheeseburgers in a toilet, he's like, finally, I'm alive. I'm. It's like he's saying Gigi Allen. Like, he can't fucking get a grip. So understanding that he believes that the revolution is present in an NFT of like, Basil Miami. Exactly. Like, at Art by. At Art Basel. Of like a pop Tart cat. That's like dropping a nuke on North Korea or something like that makes him go fudgeing ballistic. But he has really bad taste. That only informs a future that he wants that I'm really scared of. So I think it's the first. I think.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, you think they're just the net.

[Honey Pluton]

I agree. But, honey, did you say Banky?

[Sam Taggart]

That's his. That's his. The name he was born with. Yeah, that's name.

[Honey Pluton]

I.

[Spike Einbinder]

So I think it's.

[Honey Pluton]

I agree with you. I actually think it's bad. I think it's like. Like, it's like, cynical and almost tricks people into thinking they like art when. And, like. And gives them, like. It's like not giving them actual sustenance. So they're like, oh, I'm full. But they aren't. They aren't fulfilled. And if that didn't exist, they would actually have to seek out things that they would actually like.

[Spike Einbinder]

It's kind of like George Bush being a painter.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[H]

Well, it's like, he could never be Kaws, but he's definitely.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. Who's more talented, Kaz or George Bush?

[H]

See, that's the thing. It's like.

[Sam Taggart]

I think it's George Bush.

[Honey Pluton]

I would say George Bush.

[H]

George Bush is outsider art, actually.

[Sam Taggart]

I completely agree. You don't see him in museums.

[H]

No. He's on the fringe.

[Sam Taggart]

They should put him on the outsider art.

[H]

Daniel Johnston.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[H]

Like, they're the same guy, basically.

[Sam Taggart]

No, but I do agree with what you guys are saying. And it's like. It's like saying fast food is like a way into health bowls. It's like, no, it's not.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah.

[H]

Okay, Chipotle then.

[Spike Einbinder]

I raised Chipotle. Oh, that's a good point. I actually kind of.

[Sam Taggart]

So we need to find the art. Okay, here's the thing. We need to find populist art that is the sort of Chipotle cava of art rather than the McDonald's when that's a great point.

[Honey Pluton]

Chipotle was fully my way into food with flavors.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[H]

I feel like it's against his will and posthumous legacy, Keith Haring.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, yeah.

[H]

It's like they took that, and now that they have control over it, they made a Chipotle.

[Honey Pluton]

That's true.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yeah. I'm very curious who runs Keith Haring's estate? Because I'm like, why is he on yogurt? Like, it's so.

[Sam Taggart]

Are you kidding me? He's basically like a branch of Uniqlo at this point. Point. No, the Keith Haring estate is, like, one of the most. At one point I read, it's like, they are money makers.

[H]

Yes.

[Sam Taggart]

But I actually think Keith Hearing is a great example of someone who, like, if handled correctly, could have been the Chipotle Cava, but instead became McDonald's.

[H]

Yeah.

[Honey Pluton]

Wow. No, you're right. I think that's really smart.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. I wish I. I'm like, who is the Chipotle Cava?

[Honey Pluton]

Who. Well, unfortunately, I don't know enough about art to sort of say who the Chipotle Cava is. I feel.

[Sam Taggart]

No, but that's the thing. If I think. Yes. I think Basquiat is Chipotle cover.

[Spike Einbinder]

Basquiat is Chipotle Cava. Because I was at the gym yesterday, and I saw this guy, you know, really kind of, like, flinging himself around, really. Just kind of, like, twirling the dumbbells and, like, somewhat aerobic ways. But I'm really worried about, like, his lower back, and he had a giant Basquiat crown tattoo.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

Right here on his arm. So I think that he's the Chipotle.

[H]

I've ever seen it. Like. Yeah, that's where that tattoo goes. That's where the person who has it.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Honey Pluton]

I.

[Sam Taggart]

Wait, do you think Jenny Holzer is Chipotle Cava or.

[H]

I was gonna say, if you want to go literary, it's like Rupee Carr.

[Honey Pluton]

Oh, okay.

[Spike Einbinder]

No, no, no, no, no. She's way worse.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[H]

Way worse. It's like, she is, like the Chipotle bag, but, like, in little.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, you're right. You're right.

[H]

I'm thinking about the bag. Like, that's where they talk their talk.

[Spike Einbinder]

Oh, no. I'm thinking about the sensation of actually, like, being at the Chipotle, like, deciding if you want guac or not. Like, do you get it as a burrito or a bowl?

[Sam Taggart]

Yes, exactly. And I think it's like, that's the Basquiat also. It's a sense of possibility. It's like, When I look at a work by Basquiat, it doesn't matter if it's quite literally inside of a top man. I still feel a sense of hope. I'm like, this is. I'm getting something out of this. Out of this decontextualized line.

[Honey Pluton]

I also.

[Spike Einbinder]

I would say the other example would be just kids. That would be like the literary.

[Honey Pluton]

Oh, sure, sure, sure.

[Sam Taggart]

You're right. You're right.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Maplethorpe on his own as a photographer.

[H]

Chipotle Cava or H and M. He's H and M. He is the new H and M. He could be urban as well.

[Honey Pluton]

Urban Outfitters. Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, totally.

[Honey Pluton]

I. The thing with the Chipotle Cava example is that I do think it's a false. Like, they are actually very different. Like, there's actually many people that don't know Kava.

[Sam Taggart]

Kava is Mediterranean Bolts.

[Honey Pluton]

See, Cava's still niche. Kava is some other artist.

[H]

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what Kava.

[Sam Taggart]

You're absolutely right, Sam. You're absolutely right. Okay, so Chipotle is sort of that girl in the sense that Chipotle is the only thing that is both. That transcends high and low.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah. It's like populist, and it's, like, kind of a way in.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. And it's basically health food. It's health food that is unhealthy.

[Honey Pluton]

But Kava is something else.

[Spike Einbinder]

Like, Cava's, like, sweet green.

[H]

Oh, thank you.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. Kava's sweet green. And they're both sort of more Caroline Polachek. Whereas Chipotle is Charlie xcx.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Or is it.

[Spike Einbinder]

No, Chipotle is like Jelly Roll.

[Sam Taggart]

Addison Rae. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chipotle is Jelly Roll. You're absolutely right.

[Spike Einbinder]

Chipotle is Jelly Roll, babe.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Honey Pluton]

I don't know a single Jelly Roll song, but the Jelly Roll, like, vibe, I think, is so funny. I can't tell if anyone likes the music or it's just like, this guy's kind of funny that he's like.

[Spike Einbinder]

Chipotle is like Jelly Roll. Post Malone. Machine Gun Kelly.

[Honey Pluton]

Wow.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yeah.

[H]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

It's like rolling up on your atv. You're actively fighting. You're actively fighting with your girlfriend.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

Who? You. It's like men who go to Chipotle are fighting with their girlfriends because their girlfriends think that. Think that she's being cheated on because she had a dream about it.

[H]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

Like, that's what's happening in line of Chipotle.

[Sam Taggart]

100%. And by the way Chipotle is. Is a man who is a fuckboy, and Kava is an alt girl who takes pictures of dead birds and they are dating. And you're like, wow, how did he land this, like, hot alt chick? And it's like, because, bitch, he's Chipotle.

[Spike Einbinder]

Exactly.

[Honey Pluton]

Well, and deep down, she's a little Republican.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, she barely knows what Republican means, but, yes, she will end up voting Republican.

[H]

Yeah. She's like a Hillary, Stan.

[Sam Taggart]

Totally.

[H]

Totally. She has that edge of looking at roadkill.

[Sam Taggart]

She's edgy. Hilary. Stan. Roadkill.

[Honey Pluton]

Damn.

[Sam Taggart]

Wow.

[H]

Well, now that we've absolutely left no stone unturned, I mean, that was one.

[Sam Taggart]

Of the most intellectually dense discussions I've ever had in my life.

[Honey Pluton]

I would say that was actually, like. That was kind of scary. That was like, I felt like I was falling, but, like, getting caught at every moment. Like I was falling, but taken care of. Like, the clouds were little pillows that I could land on.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, it was definitely hard. Can I write that down?

[H]

Yeah. Little pillow clouds falling, but being taken care of.

[Sam Taggart]

Someone.

[H]

Someone with tattoos falling suddenly is emblazoned with that phrase.

[Sam Taggart]

Wait, I thought of a new Banksy.

[Honey Pluton]

Oh, perfect.

[Sam Taggart]

Big Trump head.

[H]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Someone pinching it with a little needle. It pops like a balloon. Yeah.

[Honey Pluton]

Oh, my God, that is so, so good.

[H]

Or he's like that New Banksy.

[Sam Taggart]

New Banksy alert.

[Honey Pluton]

Okay.

[Spike Einbinder]

The elephant and the donkey frenching.

[H]

Oh, yes.

[Sam Taggart]

Because guess what? They're all the same.

[H]

They're all the fucking New Banksy Lady Liberty, and she's trying to go to Planned Parenthood. She pregnant, and Goofy from Disneyland is the father.

[Sam Taggart]

Whoa.

[Honey Pluton]

Okay, okay. New Banksy. New Banksy. New Banksy. An atomic bomb is falling on the United States of America, and it's money.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God.

[H]

It has a huge price tag on it.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, New Banksy. Two guys in medieval gear are fighting, but instead of swords, it's giant cocks.

[H]

Oh. Or they're.

[Spike Einbinder]

Okay, okay.

[Sam Taggart]

One is a flower and one is a cock.

[H]

One is a flower.

[Honey Pluton]

One is a flower. What is it called?

[Spike Einbinder]

New Banksy.

[Sam Taggart]

New Banksy.

[Spike Einbinder]

Grimace is shooting up heroin, but the heroin is the stock market.

[H]

Yes.

[Sam Taggart]

Whoa.

[H]

Absolutely.

[Honey Pluton]

Oh, my God. Okay, okay. New Banksy. New Banksy. New Banksy. Okay, so it's the ocean, and there's, like, all these microplastics and, like, there's, like, big cans of Coke and stuff. And a whale is drinking a Diet Pepsi.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh.

[Spike Einbinder]

My heart is racing so fucking fast right now.

[H]

New Banksy. Okay, it's a McDonald's. But everyone working inside and lining up to go inside are prisoners. But they're also all Mickey Mouses.

[Spike Einbinder]

Whoa.

[Honey Pluton]

That I can see going for over $5 million.

[Sam Taggart]

And that's it. That's the one.

[Honey Pluton]

That's amazing.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm calling Uniqlo. That's going to be on every T shirt.

[Spike Einbinder]

That couple that we mentioned before, the Chipotle.

[Sam Taggart]

Cava. Cava.

[Spike Einbinder]

They reached for that T shirt at UO at the exact same time.

[H]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

And that's how they fall in love right there.

[Sam Taggart]

That is so sweet. And you know what? Chipotle introduced Cava to Banksy. He was like this artist. I really like Banksy. This underground artist watched Exit through the Gift Shop. It's a great documentary about Banksy.

[H]

And she's like. Like, have you ever seen Crumb?

[Sam Taggart]

She's like, I love Harmony Corinne.

[Honey Pluton]

Okay. I'm like, she kind of ate with that. Like me.

[H]

It's like, oh. So me and I keep saying that.

[Spike Einbinder]

2025, okay, 2026 is going to be our year. 2025.

[Sam Taggart]

We have to wait it out.

[Spike Einbinder]

That's right. 2025. Gummo. 2026. Our year. Maybe spring breakers.

[Sam Taggart]

Spring breakers.

[Honey Pluton]

I hope you're right. I don't know where Harmony Corinne stands. I feel like that guy is pro, like, up politically these days. Does anyone know the truth?

[Sam Taggart]

It's okay, Sam. The minister of magic has separated the art from the artists.

[Honey Pluton]

Oh, thank God. Thank you, Minister of magic. Thank you.

[H]

Yeah, thanks to the minister of magic, I can listen to swans again.

[Honey Pluton]

Thanks.

[Spike Einbinder]

I think Harmony Corinne is just doing like, fuck boy post woke word salad.

[Sam Taggart]

I agree.

[Spike Einbinder]

Where? Where he's like crypto Miami abortion. He literally.

[H]

It's like his last movie. Him like accidentally doing command a highlighting all and it inverting and then him going, wait a second. And then he made it the whole thing. Like, when your computer goes grayscale for one second, you're like, oh, fuck, how do I turn the back?

[Sam Taggart]

Wait, this is glitch art.

[H]

He was like, stop, we're doing this. Like, that is just what happened.

[Honey Pluton]

Damn, I love that.

[H]

And his child has a burgeoning jewelry business. Check it out.

[Honey Pluton]

Really?

[H]

Yes.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, speaking of avant garde, should we do our first segment?

[Honey Pluton]

I think that's an amazing idea.

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[Sam Taggart]

Lenovo Lenovo oh, such a clutch off season pickup.

[Honey Pluton]

Dave I know, right? I was worried we'd bring back the same team. Oh no, I meant those blackout motorized shades.

[Sam Taggart]

MVP of the room lines.com made it.

[Honey Pluton]

Crazy affordable to replace our old blind.

[Sam Taggart]

Hard to install? No, it's easy. Even you could do it. Nice.

[Honey Pluton]

I installed these and then got some.

[Sam Taggart]

From my mom too. You fly across the country to do the install? Nope.

[Honey Pluton]

Blinds.com can do it all. All she had to do was pick what she wanted. She talked to a design consultant for free and scheduled a professional measure and install.

[Sam Taggart]

Look at you hall of Fame son.

[Honey Pluton]

Oh, I just picked the winning team. They're the number one online retailer of custom window coverings in the world.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh.

[Honey Pluton]

Blinds.com is the goat. The goat.

[Sam Taggart]

Shop blinds.com right now and get up.

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[Sam Taggart]

Restrictions may apply.

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[Honey Pluton]

Spike, honey. Our first segment is called Straight Shooters. And in this segment, we're going to gauge your familiarity with and complicity in straight culture by asking you a series of rapid fire questions. It's basically this thing or this other thing. And the only rule is you can't ask any follow up questions or we will scream so loud at you that they're gonna make a damn Banksy about it.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. And then. And also because there's two of you, you have to answer together.

[H]

Should we try to mind meld?

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah, you should try to mind meld.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, Sam, go.

[Spike Einbinder]

Okay, squad, I'm tapping my third eye.

[Honey Pluton]

Russian nesting doll or touching your best friend Paul.

[H]

One, two, three. Touching.

[Spike Einbinder]

Touching your best friend Paul.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. Ugg boots are back. Or a grassroots attack.

[H]

A grassroots attack.

[Spike Einbinder]

Grassroots attack.

[Honey Pluton]

Okay. The end of times or Amanda Bynes.

[Spike Einbinder]

Ooh, the end of times.

[Sam Taggart]

Running late or stunning? 8.

[Spike Einbinder]

Stunning.

[H]

8.

[Honey Pluton]

Little Orphan Annie or Little Red Corvette?

[H]

Little Red Corvette.

[Sam Taggart]

New Balance or Old Yeller?

[Spike Einbinder]

Ooh, Old Yeller.

[Honey Pluton]

Okay, New year, New me or New phone? Who dis.

[Spike Einbinder]

New phone?

[Sam Taggart]

Do this. Virginia Wolf or doja cat? This is a tough one.

[Spike Einbinder]

Virginia wool.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Honey Pluton]

100%. 100%.

[Sam Taggart]

Good job, guys.

[Spike Einbinder]

That was good. Oh, my God. We really tapped in. We are ready for tour.

[Honey Pluton]

You guys were really on the same page. That was amazing.

[Sam Taggart]

You know, I'm gonna say, Sam, let's start off the year with A Thousand Doves.

[Honey Pluton]

Wow.

[Spike Einbinder]

I love that.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm like, all right, I think this is our first thousand doves. Perfect score of the year. I just think we need it. We all need a win. After everything we've been through, I think you guys really took it seriously. You did a great job. You were able to communicate telepathically via zoom.

[H]

We did. Lay me down like, 1, 2, 3.

[Sam Taggart]

Totally.

[Honey Pluton]

Eyes roll back in ecstasy. Of course.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Eyes roll back in ecstasy.

[H]

We were, in a sense, diseased.

[Honey Pluton]

Yes. Yeah. So a perfect 1000 doves. Diseased. It was an incredible performance.

[Sam Taggart]

Wait, I actually. Speaking of pop music, I have a game that I want to introduce. We don't have to play it right now, but I thought of this the other day. Instead of Fuck, Marry, Kill, it's Daniel Heim, SD Haim. Who's the other one?

[Honey Pluton]

Alana.

[Sam Taggart]

Alana Heim. So it's like there's three things, and it's. You have to decide which one is the consummate professional, which one is the gesture, and which one is the sort of ingenue slash youthful one.

[Honey Pluton]

Okay, let's try it. How would you play it? Like three.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, let's see. Think of. Think of.

[Honey Pluton]

Okay. Okay, so like, ketchup, mustard, relish.

[Sam Taggart]

Exactly. Exactly. All right. Ketchup, mustard, relish. What is the game called? Heim.

[Spike Einbinder]

Heimlich.

[Sam Taggart]

Heimlich.

[Spike Einbinder]

Heimlich.

[Honey Pluton]

Heimlich.

[H]

Heimlich.

[Sam Taggart]

And the way it works is you go, ketchup, mustard, relish, Heimlich. And then the person has to do it.

[H]

Okay.

[Spike Einbinder]

And it's the. Okay, I am not familiar with the.

[Sam Taggart]

I know.

[Spike Einbinder]

That's what I'll tell you.

[Sam Taggart]

I'll tell you.

[H]

I thought it was aim.

[Sam Taggart]

All right, so here's the thing. Danielle Heim, all right? She is, like, the brains behind the operation. She's so professional. She's so into production. She's like.

[Spike Einbinder]

She's like the Donald Rumsfeld.

[Sam Taggart]

Totally. Yeah. Then we have Alana. She's the ingenue. She's the young one. She's so silly. She's, like, doing a little wink, but also is able to deliver a performance in a Paul Thomas Anderson film. And then Esti is doing a full standup routine in the middle of the live show. And she's so kooky, and she's like the crazy. She's like the crazy one.

[Honey Pluton]

She makes a silly face when she plays the baby.

[Sam Taggart]

She makes a silly face. She says something inappropriate about.

[H]

I think I got it.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. Okay.

[Spike Einbinder]

Go.

[H]

Estee, Relish. Alanna. Mustard. Danielle. Ketchup.

[Honey Pluton]

Yep, Yep. Damn. I think that's great.

[Sam Taggart]

I think there's an argument to be made that because mustard is such a more serious condiment, it could be the Danielle. But I think the ketchup's status as the classic American condiment makes it Danielle.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah. Yeah, I think so, too, because it's actually like. Like, Alana, when someone's, like, really likes mustard, they get to feel, like, a little bit unique. Like, they're like, I actually really like mustard.

[Sam Taggart]

And mustard is definitely the most Paul Thomas Anderson of the three.

[H]

Of course, being so, like, mustard Only on the hot dog like that is licorice pizza.

[Sam Taggart]

100%.

[H]

It's like, why does that hot dog not have ketchup? Because it's period realism.

[Sam Taggart]

Exactly. Yes. All right. Right. Wow. I'm so glad I brought that up.

[Honey Pluton]

That was amazing.

[Sam Taggart]

But I will say now I am so intensely ready to get into the topic.

[Honey Pluton]

Yes. So, Spike and Honey, what is the topic you've brought to us today and what makes it straight to you?

[H]

Okay. One, two, three.

[Spike Einbinder]

Laws. Whoa, that's actually.

[Sam Taggart]

You work from. Cause is laws.

[Spike Einbinder]

Is laws. Okay. The topic that we brought in this week is Laws.

[Honey Pluton]

Laws.

[H]

It's laws.

[Spike Einbinder]

The law.

[H]

Law.

[Honey Pluton]

The law.

[Spike Einbinder]

Laws are heterosexual because it's someone telling you what the fuck to do. Okay, Laws is the man. Okay. Laws is some. It's. It's. It's the default. You don't get to consent to the laws that you are a part of or that you have to live your life around. So it's classic straight culture and heterosexuality because you're following along to a system that you don't even know if you approve of, and it penalizes you, which is straight.

[H]

Yeah. Think about that. Being penalized. That's straight. You want to say you're like, oh, that sounds gay. It's straight.

[Spike Einbinder]

It's straight.

[H]

Consequences are straight. Okay, totally.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

It's like, gay people hate consequences. Myself included. Obviously, I do.

[Honey Pluton]

Obviously.

[H]

I know it's early in the game, but I want to make a caveat, which is that rules are not laws. Those are different things.

[Honey Pluton]

I like that because they're, like, a little bit more of a guide.

[Sam Taggart]

Rules are more queer because rules is. Rules is the guidelines of being in a polyamorous. Polycule. Like, that's rules. That's not laws.

[H]

Rules is also, like, laws are, like, carved into stone. Heterosexual. And rules are, like, tacked on the outside of a tree house.

[Sam Taggart]

100%. And they are chosen by consensus. Everyone is having vegan stew.

[Spike Einbinder]

People change rules.

[H]

Rules all the time.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

Laws.

[Honey Pluton]

Laws also really piss me off because, like, the way that people, like, don't understand the note behind the note when it comes to laws. Like, people are like, oh, like, if the. Like, so this isn't a law, but like. Like, when it's like. Like at a movie theater when it's like, it's not illegal to leave your cup there when the movie's over and, like, have the person clean it up so people will leave their cup there to clean it up. And it's like, like, yeah, that's heterosexual. Yeah, that's what I mean, it's like you should still throw it away.

[Sam Taggart]

Exactly. Because they need a law in order to act.

[Honey Pluton]

They need a law to act morally right. And it is so crazy.

[H]

Leave no Trace. Like, Leave no Trace.

[Sam Taggart]

No trace as a rule.

[H]

That's a rule. And if you have Leave no trace as a rule, that is gay. And you're acting as like you're turning everywhere into like a beautiful campsite like that when you just leave wicked and you're taking other people's cups. That's you doing Leave no Trace and you're queering the space.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

No, you're absolutely right. Right.

[Honey Pluton]

And I think that's great. I, I, I get so annoyed when people need laws to act correctly.

[H]

Yeah.

[Honey Pluton]

Like, what's that?

[Spike Einbinder]

Because consequences are straight, but accountability is gay.

[Honey Pluton]

Oh, my God. Genius. Yes.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yeah. You know, it's like, and so that kind of goes back to this, you know, prayer circle element of accountability or rules that gay people really cling to. It's like you want to have, you know, you, you want to be summoning up the to speak to Elder. And that's why gay people love Survivor so much.

[H]

Like, this is going to be controversial, but God handed down commandments and those were. Yes. Written in stone. And what were they? Directly in defiance of people having an amazing time with a chic calf was made of gold. So it's kind of like where, like, where, you know, God, I think, was playing a joke.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[H]

And had all this punishment and torture culture for straight people and for the purpose of procreation. And then everyone who was doing, like, idol worship was kind of like, well, we have our own thing going that has rules. Like, they weren't just doing. There weren't no rules.

[Sam Taggart]

Totally.

[H]

They just weren't the set in stone heterosexual laws.

[Sam Taggart]

I mean, can you imagine being such a buzzkill that you just like, parachute down into the world and you're like, there are 10 laws now.

[H]

Yeah. Like, that's like, first of all, it's narcissistic.

[Spike Einbinder]

Get to know your community first.

[Sam Taggart]

Like, get to know their and one.

[H]

Honor thy father and mother. Like, shut the hell.

[Honey Pluton]

Excuse me.

[Sam Taggart]

Not all of us have a mother and father. I want to say one other. Exactly. A corollary of all this is operating in a way that follows laws is fear based because you are afraid of consequences. To your point, you are afraid of punishment. You are afraid of going to prison. Operating in accordance to rules is all about communal care. And it's not. Sometimes you might follow rules in a way that, that you're not going to get rewarded for. And if you break rules, you're not going to get punished, but you are operating on like a moral, you know, based on a sense of morality.

[H]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

And a sense of ethics. And an ethics of care.

[H]

Yes.

[Spike Einbinder]

I feel my le. Oh, please.

[H]

No, you go.

[Spike Einbinder]

Well, I was going to list some of my least favorite laws.

[H]

Yeah, I was. I was literally about to start there.

[Sam Taggart]

Insider trading.

[Spike Einbinder]

Right.

[H]

It's like jaywalking number one.

[Spike Einbinder]

Well, that recently now in New York is no longer illegal.

[Honey Pluton]

Really?

[H]

In la, it's illegal as.

[Spike Einbinder]

So I'm gonna looking left and right because. But that's also the thing is like, gay people are defiant, obviously. We put our hands up in the air, we fight for what's right. If I. Why, why do I need to walk on these slotted horizontal stripes just to get across the street? Because a man told me to. That's straight. I don't want to fucking do that anymore.

[H]

Who? The man that I'm listening to, the white man that's in the walk signal, though. This guy I'm listening to that white man.

[Honey Pluton]

No, you mean the man that is popping as a balloon. I'm supposed to listen to the man that banks. He's popping as a balloon.

[Spike Einbinder]

Speeding should also just not be a law.

[H]

Like autobond everywhere.

[Honey Pluton]

Child. I really like the idea of law. Like, I think I was like, this is awesome. And then as an adult, it really is like, oh, this is so not fake. But it's like, like I think about, like, you realize how many people are breaking laws at all times and it's like, okay, then we need to stop having them. Like, we need to figure this out in a more.

[Sam Taggart]

And. And of course you're pointing to the kind of like, current, dare I say, sorry to use this term, late capitalist issue with laws is that we are in a place where if you have power, you don't have to follow the laws. So there's the problems with laws, you know, as written, and then there's problems with the general legal system where, guess what? If you're Jeff Bezos, you don't have to pay taxes, which is something that is by law, something all of us have to do as independent contractors.

[Honey Pluton]

Well, even like. And like, drug use is like, if you're rich, it's fine. If you're poor, it's horrible.

[Sam Taggart]

Like, if you're white, it's fine. If you're not white, it's bad.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah, yeah. And like, it is. So I know we're like, not saying anything groundbreaking and that everyone already agrees with us and knows this, but it is sort of like, how come that hasn't been changed yet? I don't understand.

[Spike Einbinder]

Well, another fun thing about laws is then when you break them, you get to be a criminal. And what's amazing is gay criminals.

[Honey Pluton]

Donald Trump.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yeah.

[H]

The gayest, most criminal of them all.

[Spike Einbinder]

You know, an Eileen Wuornos criminal. Luigi Manone, Bisexual. Absolutely. So that's fun, too, you know, when gay people have had enough, then you get to have a little dog day afternoon moment, and it's like, I'm going to, you know, realign my life as mine and define the laws for me. Finally.

[H]

Yeah, finally.

[Spike Einbinder]

Living your queer truth out loud, if you will.

[H]

And that's exactly what Eileen Wuornos did.

[Spike Einbinder]

She did nothing wrong.

[Honey Pluton]

She did nothing wrong. Any of us would have done that in her situation.

[Sam Taggart]

Any of us.

[H]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

It's called living out loud completely. So maybe you can try it. Laws that I've personally had to come up across in my day. Obviously not paying the mta. Fine. The fair. Jumping over a turn style.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah, yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

Nothing could be like, nothing is more heterosexual than forcing me to give you money for something that doesn't work. It's like, gay services work. Okay.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah.

[H]

That.

[Spike Einbinder]

It's like you trust a gay guy to cut your hair because that shit's going to work. A gay tailor works. You know what I mean?

[Honey Pluton]

We.

[Spike Einbinder]

There's trust homosexuals.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah, yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

To get from point A to point B. Yeah.

[H]

Similarly, stealing, like, that was never. That was never mine. It was never theirs.

[Sam Taggart]

Sure.

[H]

Like, it's a communal aspect. Like, give it. It's, you know, like, think about how Robin Hood was dressed. That's very gay.

[Honey Pluton]

We really.

[H]

Yeah.

[Honey Pluton]

On stealing, I feel.

[Spike Einbinder]

No, I agree with you.

[Honey Pluton]

I'm like, I.

[Spike Einbinder]

So I used to go into an American Apparel and I was like, all this shit is mine.

[H]

I was like, right, now let me get a rack pants size 24 to 29. Because it didn't go above 29. Essentially walk out of there a free man.

[Honey Pluton]

Essentially, every store is cvs. So I'm like, well, no one. This is literally a victimless crime, stealing from any store now. Like, it's not like any store is like, oh, this is a mom and pop. Like, they've had this little general store and they make their own butter. Like, no, it's all cvs. I don't.

[Sam Taggart]

By the way, speaking of cvs, you know, what is the. The biggest failure of public policy is the way things are locked in CVS currently. And I would Say, that is like. It's like.

[H]

That is laws. Personnel.

[Sam Taggart]

Exactly.

[Honey Pluton]

That is laws.

[Sam Taggart]

I was about to say, it's like, if you take the ethos of laws to its natural conclusion, here's what you get a store where it is quite literally impossible to buy anything.

[H]

Yeah. And the items are locked.

[Sam Taggart]

Everything is locked, and there's no one there to get it.

[H]

The items have already done something to land themselves in pit.

[Sam Taggart]

Exactly.

[H]

Yes. And, like, now the people working, like, each door is a mega prison with. With, like, the clerks are wardens freeing the deodorant from its sentence.

[Honey Pluton]

Oh, my God.

[Spike Einbinder]

And it's devastating because now I worry that we're about to enter an era where you can't even run an errand anymore. It's like. That's what's so devastating is, like, going to CVS used to be so fab. Like, you know, walking to cvs, hearing the Foo Fighters, you know, blaring so loud, it's like, you know, and just being. Being able to kind of, like, meander through the lines and then pick up what you wanted, and then you kind.

[H]

Of, like, open a monster, and you just sort of drink it while you're there, and then it ends up in the trash and you don't have to pay for it.

[Spike Einbinder]

Exactly. But now I need to have, like, five friends sign a petition for me to, like, buy my Neutrogena face wash. I have to, like, share a fucking gofundme for my toothpaste to be able to, like, liberate it like a prisoner. And then you press the button. You press the little button, and it echoes over the hollowed halls and just kind of, like, chronically, as you pray for a worker to come.

[Honey Pluton]

Well, it's.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. You press the button, and suddenly there's an announcement to the who block. That's like, gay guy needs his moisturizer.

[H]

You become, like, pressing the button is entering into the consumer consent of, like, being on glass. It's like, there's no more browsing. Browsing. Very gay. Just looking. Looking is gay.

[Spike Einbinder]

Cruising.

[H]

When you. You're cruising, you're cruising for deodorant. The space.

[Spike Einbinder]

Exactly.

[H]

You could. You could find what you want. You could not. You could leave with something that no one knows that you left with. That's sexy. To take, to take away. And under. No one is aware. Now you press the button, you're like, I'm a consumer. Come to me. Help me to enter into this thing where the laws are.

[Sam Taggart]

You're absolutely.

[H]

I press the button to buy.

[Spike Einbinder]

You press the Button and it's like, trans guy needs monistat. It's like, now everybody. It's also like that.

[Sam Taggart]

Like the only, so the only action you are legally permitted to do is purchase. Because guess what? What if I want to just check a bottle and see if it has microplastics?

[H]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

That doesn't mean I have to buy it. It's there for my perusal.

[H]

Exactly.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm not going to call, I'm not going to press. It would be humiliating if I press a button. Someone who is being paid negative 2 cents an hour came got it for me. Just for me to be like, never mind, never mind. I would hate myself.

[Honey Pluton]

I, I, this is like making me actually so upset because walking and going to buy a little thing is like one of the few joys we have in this world. And like, I fucking like, hate having to like online subscribe to toilet paper. It' what are you talking about?

[Spike Einbinder]

Subscription services. That's the other thing that's also straight.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes.

[H]

Like, okay, this is the other thing. That every item is in prison, but also every item now has a voice that they talk to you with. Like, every item's like, hi, I'm Winky, the new razor. That like, it's like, no, I don't want to hear. You should be silent in my inner pocket or up my sleeve like a big piece of cheese from Whole Foods that no one will miss that I tip. Like, I don't want you, you to have this agency. That's like, that's why you're in the cage, because you started talking.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah.

[H]

They're making these items have voices. So we feel bad for liberating them. Because now the Dyson is an item that I can meet. The new Dyson. Like, I don't want to meet her. I want her to fall off the back of the truck and then I take her into my house.

[Sam Taggart]

By the way, guess what? You think having you think personifying products is going to make them make you have a more personal connection to them, it's actually doing the opposite. It's making them so similar to humans that then you're walking around looking at humans and you're like, well, that's basically as good as a detergent. Like, I'm not going to respect my fellow man because he's basically just a detergent.

[H]

He's Harry's razor.

[Sam Taggart]

He's Harry's Razors.

[H]

And I don't, I don't give a fuck about him. I don't, I'm muting him.

[Sam Taggart]

Next thing you know, there's murder on the street. So much for thou shalt not kill.

[H]

No.

[Honey Pluton]

So much for that.

[H]

Thanks, Harry's.

[Sam Taggart]

Jesus Christ.

[H]

And if you're ever a sponsor of this podcast, you can see yourself out. You get a call, I get a call, all the investors have dropped your product. Random, what are you doing?

[Honey Pluton]

You're losing us billions. Billions. I tell you. I'm trying to think if there's any laws I particularly dislike or like, no.

[H]

Shirt, no shoes, no service. That's insane.

[Honey Pluton]

That's insane.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yeah, that's a flop.

[Sam Taggart]

This is interesting what you just said, because that is technically. Okay, that is technically a rule. It's not in the Constitution. However, the way that it's, it's, it's. You know what I mean?

[Honey Pluton]

Like, I just, like Spike actually did not know that until right now.

[H]

I was like, that's in the constitution. That's the 50th amendment.

[Sam Taggart]

But I think the way that it's portrayed is making it hold much more. Listen, a sign that says live laugh love is just as legally binding as a sign that says no shirt, no shoes, no service. But somehow the latter has the gravity of law, whereas the former doesn't. You know why? Because of sexism. Because the former is more. More feminine and the latter is more masculine.

[H]

Yeah, it's the font difference.

[Spike Einbinder]

What about the signs that are like, in this house we believe are those as binding. If you go into one of those.

[H]

Houses and like, like science is real, women are girls.

[Sam Taggart]

But I have an answer for that. I think what that is doing is appropriating the sort of rules that you guys were describing as queer. It's like, like, it's like a straight couple saw a documentary about communes in the 70s and then made that as an homage.

[H]

You know what? To rules, it's the gray area of allyship where you have straight allies and you have very desiring of assimilation. Gay people. Like, it's like the Ruth Konda gay people.

[Sam Taggart]

Totally.

[H]

Who put those signs on their lawn because they want to take rules out of our like gay subculture and make them towards laws and make them like hetero so palpable. Like those lawn signs are being like. Because like we, we all know that.

[Sam Taggart]

Like love, love that love is love is love. It's real.

[H]

And I don't need to put that on my lawn like a Trump sign to like make that an equal statement.

[Spike Einbinder]

Like, I think it's also towards law.

[Sam Taggart]

Totally. You're so right.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah, that's smart.

[Spike Einbinder]

I think it's those very nervous liberals that like watched Like An Inconvenient Truth and like live in Portland, Oregon and like adopted a dog in like Twinkie or something. And you're like really stressed out all.

[H]

The time due to baby immediately he has a bite record and like has.

[Spike Einbinder]

To wear a diaper all the time. But it's like you're putting that sign in your lawn because you don't want your house to get looted when the grid goes down. I think it's also kind of this security measure, by the way.

[H]

When you're going to loot, you look for that sign and you will be.

[Spike Einbinder]

I wouldn't. Because those houses looting also should be legal. Another fucking botched law. It's like that is a Florida lop. I would never loot from the liberal house because they don't even have any good. They just have the Dyson that talks to you and like a Roomba that they both tried to have sex.

[Sam Taggart]

A Nutribullet.

[H]

I would.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, they have a Vitamix. They do have a Vitamix.

[H]

Like we.

[Spike Einbinder]

I guess I would loot the Scoby mother. But like at that point if it's like full apocalypto, it's like, what am I going to do with that?

[H]

Yeah. I feel like, I feel like I know Portland less than, than you. So I'm like deferring to you.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm looting framed museum posters.

[Spike Einbinder]

Ye beautiful. Well then I guess like, well what's, what's, what's the Portland equivalent to New York? Like Clinton Hill? It's like I would definitely loot.

[H]

That's what I'm saying. And they would have that lawn sign. So I'd be like, I'm going in there.

[Spike Einbinder]

No, I'm going in.

[Sam Taggart]

They would, they would have so many beautiful wide legged canvas pants.

[Honey Pluton]

I mean the, the vinyl collections I bet, are to die for.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yes. I'm getting a paper weight that looks like a nipple.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah.

[H]

And it's randomly $10,000.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

I would get that blanket. A blanket that has boobs that are all different shapes and sizes to symbolize inclusivity.

[H]

If I never see one of those again. If I never see a tote with every kind of tit that could exist. It will be amazing because.

[Spike Einbinder]

Okay. Because the thing, the thing. The thing with.

[H]

I guess my tits are never on there. So it's not true.

[Spike Einbinder]

The thing with like millennial body positivity art is that it can only. Only make you feel worse about yourself.

[Sam Taggart]

Totally.

[Spike Einbinder]

Because it's like this really hideous illustrative style where like everyone just looks like they're like, on their way to get their HPV vaccine. Like, it's so ugly and like, d. It's like, I don't understand why you want to. How can you make people feel better about themselves when you make. When you, like, desexualize them? It's like, sex is what being. Being sexy is what makes you feel good about yourself. Not looking. You are flattening. It's a weird flattening.

[Sam Taggart]

Here's what millennial inclusivity boils down to. The statement, you are beautiful even if you're ugly. Like, that is what you are being told. And so then you're like, wait, so. So am I ugly?

[H]

It's like, yes, you are.

[Sam Taggart]

And that's okay. I'm like, wait, no, but I thought I was fine. You're beautiful even though you're ugly.

[H]

It's like, no shit.

[Spike Einbinder]

Actually, it's like, you are beautiful even though, like, one of your boobs looks like a dog ear and the other one got, like, blown off by a shotgun. It's like, you're so beautiful still. It's also like, what?

[H]

It's the same way where they, like, reduce. It's. It's very laws to be like, okay, you can put tits on a tote bag if they're all two dimensional line drawings. It's like you can do a vulva if it's parentheses with an apostrophe in it to like, illustrate that we're all like, unique in different. It's like you're actually homogenizing it in this way that's very like, Oscar healthcare city bike, 100 things.

[Sam Taggart]

You're de. Eroticizing it and you're actually further stigmatizing real genitals.

[H]

Yeah. Which my. My shit looks like it went through a wood chipper. And that's why ugly is beautiful.

[Spike Einbinder]

Frankly, I am ready for the penis version of the canvas toe bag.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

It's like, I am ready. And it's just like a bunch of use and like some grape nuts. Like, when's when that.

[H]

The version that is acceptable is like fruit. That's kind of phallic. It's like, no, we're not doing that. Like, I need the like, rat Fink. R. Crumb. SpongeBob. Zoom in. Ren and Stimpy.

[Honey Pluton]

Medical photographs.

[Sam Taggart]

A grid of medical photographs. Get this. A set of coasters. Each of them has a different medical photograph of a misshapen penis.

[H]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

And that is literally sold at a Clinton Hill pottery store.

[H]

Store. Yes. And each just walk the degrees that it's curved.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[H]

What if you just walk.

[Spike Einbinder]

No, but see, but, but that's the thing. See, that's where it's hard because Sam was like, I want that. And that's why gay guys are so high vibrational and smart is because I could be in like a Clinton Hill Pottery Barn buying like 99, like sheep's milk yogurt. And then like, I also want a pillow yogurt. That's a pillow. And then like, I also want to buy the coaster of like a micro penis with like a sunburn on it. But then gay guys are like, that's hot. And that's why it's, that's why it's brilliant. It's like, unfortunately, like, straight women need to look at whatever their bodies are and be like, that's hot. It's like all bodies are hot. Because having a body is hot.

[H]

Yeah, but they, they don't want it to even be hot on the tote bag with all the tits. It's like they want to. To be like, the law is like, you must accept this. Like, we've, we've gone underneath, like, censorship, like what would be censored, which is actually something hot. Like if it was like, if I was walking around the tote bag with a full blue waffle on it, like, that would be hot. And that would help any listener of this podcast. But like, if. Because it's the little drawings, that's law abiding and that's straight.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, yeah.

[H]

Like I, I'm going to talk about a gift that I just got. Honey. Which is an amazing calendar.

[Honey Pluton]

Honey, I was going to ask you about this calendar. Is this the beef calendar?

[H]

No, it's the cult calendar.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh.

[H]

And it's from the year 1986 because it has the same dates as 2025.

[Honey Pluton]

Oh, that's amazing.

[Spike Einbinder]

Such a good guest.

[Sam Taggart]

Smart.

[H]

And he can use the calendar. But it has.

[Spike Einbinder]

And I've been using the calendar.

[Sam Taggart]

Wait, so what? Oh, I see, I see, I see.

[H]

Each, each picture is like an amazing. It's like a, you know, like a guy like just fully spreading in chaps.

[Spike Einbinder]

And it's like awesome gooch.

[H]

It's aw.

[Spike Einbinder]

Really gooch forward.

[Sam Taggart]

Wow.

[H]

But that's not what could be on a tote bag.

[Sam Taggart]

And you could never put that.

[Spike Einbinder]

I need a tote bag that's like, you know, six inch uncut, but the penis has been run over by a car. You know, I want like tire marks on that tire mark. Ren and Stimpy, the cabba girl who.

[H]

Takes pictures of roadkill freak out.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, she. Yes, that's right.

[H]

She punching the mic.

[Sam Taggart]

The CA girl, copper girl, thinks she's alt. I'd like to see her.

[H]

And then she sees the penis run.

[Sam Taggart]

Over by penis run over by a truck.

[H]

By a truck. And she's like, actually, I'm. I'm not bi. I'm straight.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes. She's literally like, I'm going to church. This was fun while it lasted, but at 23, my alt period is over.

[H]

Yeah.

[Honey Pluton]

My apartment, my. My decor is slowly, slowly turning exclusively into, like, misshapen dicks.

[Spike Einbinder]

Like, photo realistic David Cronenberg up in here. Like, full phalloplasties.

[Honey Pluton]

I love it. I can't get enough of this stuff because I got a calendar with also, like, you know, burly men spreading it that's really similar to the one that you have, honey.

[H]

That's what's up.

[Honey Pluton]

And I love it.

[Spike Einbinder]

It's awesome. And that's what needs to be done.

[H]

And that's rules.

[Sam Taggart]

You have to take millennial, sort of mid, like, 2010s millennial, post Obama inclusivity and give it a Cronenbergian 20 twist. Like, I want Cronenberg to do a Renault of every candle and pottery store in Brooklyn and Silver Lake. And then we can elect someone in four years that can, you know, potentially pass universal healthcare.

[H]

That will be the path towards it.

[Honey Pluton]

That it starts with one when it's.

[H]

Like, all the, like, candles that are shaped like an ass actually are, like, pouring, like, rancid diarrhea.

[Sam Taggart]

They're literally just, like, bubbling out of the hole.

[H]

Yeah, that's perfect.

[Spike Einbinder]

But it's like, I know it's funny thinking about, like, post Obama, I feel like I'm doing a George impression when I'm like, it's actually funny when you think of. Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Rather than telling a joke, it's me just being like, it's actually funny.

[Spike Einbinder]

I'm like, I'm on Studio Lab. I'm talking like, George. Well, it's actually funny when you think of, like, well, then, like, what is the post Trump Trump Biden art. But then also, what is, like, Trump art, which I guess is just AI.

[Sam Taggart]

It's also nft.

[Spike Einbinder]

Trump art is a Trump. And Trump art is like, Elon and Trump are both, like, nine tall sumo wrestlers.

[H]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

And they're. And they're both, like, taking a bite out of the Eiffel Tower.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

It's also literally, like, clips of Theo Vaughn's podcast. Like, that is art. That is Trump era art. That is an Instagram reel of the Ovan in conversation with Tucker Carlson. I actually saw a video recently where Tucker Carlson says the word nonpartisan. And then Theo Vaughan goes, what do you even mean by that? And then Tucker Carlson is, like, trying to describe it in context, but then it becomes clear quickly that Theo Vaughan just does not know the word nonpartisan. And he's like, yeah, but what does it mean? And so then it just becomes this thing where Tucker Carlson is explaining literally what the word partisan means to Theo Vaughan. That's Trump error art.

[Honey Pluton]

That's Trump error art. I've seen this clip. It's rough.

[H]

The. The AI aspect of Trump era art is also like, being able to make those videos where it's like Obama's dancing and then turning into Shakira and becoming Jennifer. Like, that's. That's like what we have now. And I think that the Obama era art was also pop art. Like, I think it was very, like, Obama, like, picture the hope. Yeah, that was. That's pop art. And like, that's what we had. And then the Joe Biden thing is kind of like retirement home paintings. Like, just. Just like faded dust collecting on the wall like whis. Like, you know, like dry paper whispering in the wind. And now we're in this full, like, like, as Honey likes to say, deep fried AI era, where, like, it's a repost of a repost so that the quality is going down. And it's like people transforming.

[Spike Einbinder]

And it's also those videos where it's like a split screen and like one half of the video is like hand sanding a table or like speed running a video game.

[H]

And it's like an AI voice. Like, when the girl checked her phone, there was a text message from my.

[Spike Einbinder]

Boyfriend and she was.

[H]

Was in the car going fast to the grocery store. It said, come home, baby. And then there's just like someone cutting cucumber really fast.

[Spike Einbinder]

Exactly.

[Sam Taggart]

Wow.

[Honey Pluton]

I can't stop thinking about. I saw something and I can't tell what to think about it. Where it's like, people are, you know, there are now like, AI accounts and they're like. And like people like Twitter and Meta and are like, making AI accounts to engage more with real accounts. But it's like becoming this thing where it's eventually just going to be AI accounts interacting with each other, and it's just going to be like, mostly fake. Like, what do we do with that?

[H]

I mean, they're probably gonna have a podcast.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[H]

I mean, literally, it's gonna be like.

[Spike Einbinder]

We have to have sex. Like, that's what you do. It's like, because a. There's one thing that we can do that they can't do is have sex. We just have to make sure that we're having sex with.

[H]

With each other and not with AI because that is. Don't do that.

[Spike Einbinder]

Don't do that, you guys.

[Sam Taggart]

New law.

[Honey Pluton]

New law.

[H]

That's a rule. That's a rule.

[Spike Einbinder]

A recommendation rule to recommendation. That's all it is.

[Sam Taggart]

So then there we go. So you are. So it used to be that sex positivity was a response to like Christian, like pure puritanism.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

But now sex positivity is vital as a response to AI hegemony.

[Spike Einbinder]

Absolutely.

[Sam Taggart]

And like techno utopia or techno dystopian fascism.

[H]

No algorithm robot could create something that could fully penetrate my completely destroyed situation there. That is only created by God. And in such a way that it's like. It's like the goddess of creative creation and destruction at once are my genitals.

[Sam Taggart]

I see.

[H]

I see nothing. No amount of. If you had a computer work for 86 billion years, it could not come up with the thing to fit inside there. And that's what's beautiful about human to human sex and sexuality.

[Honey Pluton]

That's true. I love that. Okay, back to laws. I have a question.

[Spike Einbinder]

What do you think?

[H]

I was just talking about laws, but okay.

[Sam Taggart]

No, okay, yeah, okay, back to the topic.

[Honey Pluton]

Okay, back to the real topic. Okay. Police or lawyers? Which one is straighter?

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, this is a really good question.

[H]

It's hard because there's no gay fetish dress up as lawyers, but. Okay, so you can't like fetishize.

[Spike Einbinder]

Like you could fetishize like French lawyers, like an editing fall, the wigs and like the little dress. You could fetishize that.

[Sam Taggart]

Here's. My instinct is to say lawyers are straighter. And I'm trying to figure out why. Here's why. I think. Yes. Well, I also think lawyers suit bland ill fit, you know, but there's people.

[H]

Who go to the courtroom, like, looking.

[Sam Taggart]

That's true.

[H]

But then you're thinking like Joker when he represented himself.

[Sam Taggart]

Overdrive, headlighting, whatever. Police, you know, say what you want about the politics of policing. They, they are wearing sort of campy, draggy costumes.

[H]

That's why it gets towards being like.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, like it's, it's, it's fetish wear. And, and also, frankly, so often, you know, when they are in repose, they're literally like playing Candy Crush on their phone. And there's something actually very sort of like barista who is being rude to.

[Honey Pluton]

The customers about no, that's girly coded for sure.

[H]

I feel though, like, because they have to uphold the law law, they're straighter. And then lawyers are more gay because they're like fighting and tweaking and going in and.

[Sam Taggart]

I see, I see.

[Honey Pluton]

That's true. There's some creativity though.

[Spike Einbinder]

It's like the fruit ninja of, you know, off time of being a cop is straight because there just is this like, there just is this like, it's like drooling kind of like dunce quality to police officers where they're like always kind of like slap jaw and like slow. And there's just like that to me is straight. But like when I think of a lawyer, I think about all my gay lawyer friends who like, are gay lawyers had. Had to go to gay lawyer school, you know, and they're like helping us.

[H]

Be like, be allowed to steal basically.

[Sam Taggart]

Totally.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah, totally. No, that's.

[Sam Taggart]

There is such a rich tradition of gay lawyers.

[Honey Pluton]

Right, That's a great point.

[Sam Taggart]

I mean, the ACLU is basically just like, like a food co op saying.

[H]

May I approach the bench? Like, that's gay.

[Honey Pluton]

So lawyer Dom is sort of like wizards.

[H]

Like there's good and bad behind your back is strange. Wait, what? Sam?

[Honey Pluton]

So lawyers are kind of like wizards in that they have power, but it's good or bad and they have to go to lawyer school and, and solve crime.

[H]

So like an owl kind of comes to their window.

[Spike Einbinder]

Right, right.

[Sam Taggart]

Lawyers are Gryffindor and cops are Slytherin.

[H]

Cops are Voldemort. If we're going to Cops are Voldemort, Cops are Muggles. Stop.

[Sam Taggart]

Sorry, we have to stop.

[H]

I can. I'm really mad that I just said cops are Voldemort.

[Sam Taggart]

And you know what? I actually, I was like, I'm not going to bring it up again. But then you said owl, and I was like, okay, well, I guess I have permission.

[H]

Sam started up.

[Honey Pluton]

I brought it up.

[H]

Sam brought it up. And I'm being Sam right now on podcast by, by saying Sam started it.

[Spike Einbinder]

Well, well, I think courtroom dramas are also gay 100%. And so that's loyal. Another.

[Sam Taggart]

Whereas I think procedurals are straight.

[H]

Straight.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yeah, I agree.

[Sam Taggart]

Procedurals are straight. Courtroom dramas are gay.

[H]

Courtroom dramas like Judge Judy presiding over like a fight that's literally fake. That's like played up for drama. And procedurals are like somebody really needing to protect their daughter.

[Sam Taggart]

100.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

And there's a way in which with a procedural, the law prevails, whereas with a courtroom drama, it's more like A sort of family play. It's August, Osage County. There are people yelling about like, you're not. There's not a clear literary.

[H]

There's an audience. So it's literally theater.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes, it's literally a theater. It's a black box theater. And they're doing an all women and femmes version of King Lear.

[Honey Pluton]

Well, in that moment, when the evidence drops and you reveal a nasty photo of the scene, and you're like, exhibit A.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes.

[Honey Pluton]

God, I would kill for that moment.

[Spike Einbinder]

And there's so many Ryan Murphy, you know, like, crying. It's like, you know, crime is, you know, be gay, do crime, obviously, throw up and cry. But, you know, crime is also pretty gay.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, wait. Be gay, do crimes or throw up and cry?

[H]

Throw up and cry.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yeah, throw up and do crime.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, interesting.

[H]

Vomit. Like vomit artist Lady Gaga on stage during swine. Like, vomit as crime.

[Honey Pluton]

Love that. I love that.

[Spike Einbinder]

But then Law and Order SVU is straight.

[H]

It's straight, unfortunately.

[Sam Taggart]

Totally. Totally. People are desperate to make it gay. They're like. It's like.

[H]

It's like she just is like. She's, like, tough. It doesn't make her.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, she's tough.

[H]

Like, she's not. She's not foot. She's just, like, a tough woman.

[Spike Einbinder]

Christopher Maloney is kind of straggy, though.

[Sam Taggart]

That ass is, well, Chris Maloney and Oz. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Spike Einbinder]

Yes.

[Honey Pluton]

It's, like, insane.

[Spike Einbinder]

He's like Stanley. He's almost Stanley Tucci levels of doing it.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[H]

He's like, in the calendar, basically, I would die.

[Sam Taggart]

He's like, Chris Maloney's biggest dream is to just show full and calendar. He is the horniest out there.

[H]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

And he's like an exhibitionist. Like, he wants to show up to your house with, like, a Burberry trench.

[H]

He wants to be like, did somebody like, he wants to be like, I'm here to investigate a crime, dress as a policeman, and then take it off because he's actually a stripper.

[Sam Taggart]

Literally.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah, that'd be amazing.

[Spike Einbinder]

He's in the writer's room, like, so in what season do I show Hogg? When am I able to finally do that?

[H]

Maybe I'm tied to a chair and they need to expose Hogg to, like, blackmail me, like, sign up, maybe electrocute.

[Sam Taggart]

My nipples, but in a way, that's pro justice.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yeah, yeah. And Ice T is not having it.

[Sam Taggart]

No, no.

[Honey Pluton]

He shuts it down every time he.

[Spike Einbinder]

Is not having it. He's like, cut the funny business.

[H]

Yeah.

[Honey Pluton]

I'm here to work. And that's against the law is such.

[Sam Taggart]

A beautiful American success story to me. Like, every time I see him, I. I'm so happy. I'm like, you really? You did it. Like, you're on.

[Spike Einbinder]

You know my relationship with him, right?

[Honey Pluton]

No, no.

[H]

And. And he's like tweeting. It's like amazing.

[Sam Taggart]

And he has that hot wife who he's so.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

And a daughter whose age has stayed the same for like five or seven years.

[Sam Taggart]

Totally perfect.

[Spike Einbinder]

So my relationship with Ice Tea is that. Is that I was on one episode of his now canceled courtroom reality television show, the Mediator.

[Honey Pluton]

What? Why? What were you doing there?

[Spike Einbinder]

I was suing my friend.

[Honey Pluton]

Was it real?

[Spike Einbinder]

It wasn't exaggerated.

[Sam Taggart]

Sorry, honey. So after all of this talk of laws and rules, you have not revealed that you were in a courtroom Judge Judy style show with iced tea, presumably queer. Apologies, friend.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yes. Yeah. And it. I don't know, like a. What'd you say?

[H]

It was full subterfuge, which makes it even more gay.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yeah, exactly. I had someone send me the Craigslist ad and was like, you should do this because it seems funny. And I was like, okay. So me and my friend just kind of like concocted. We have like a real conflict that we exaggerated for the show. And then we all met on Skype during COVID And he isn't a legal judge, so but he can be a mediator. So he was able to kind of like preside over the conflict and give us some tips. And the conclusion that he came to is that my friend was just in love with me and that's why her dog shat in my room.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, wow. Sounds pretty accurate.

[Honey Pluton]

Was he right?

[Spike Einbinder]

Yeah. He is never wrong. Whatever he says, I just allow to be correct.

[Honey Pluton]

Wow.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. How. I feel like we're. We're in final thoughts mode. Final thoughts about laws, rules and the sexuality thereof.

[H]

Laws. Laws off my terrifying, terrifying genitalia.

[Sam Taggart]

Actually, that's a great sign. Laws off my terrifying, terrifying genitalia.

[H]

And like, I'm. But I'm pro rules. Like, let's talk.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah, I do want to say no running at the pool. Like, you're gonna slip and you're gonna fall.

[H]

You're gonna slip and you're gonna hurt yourself, but there's no law against it, so just.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. And also, don't go in the pool. Don't go in the pool if you have the diarrhea.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah.

[H]

Again, that's. That's a around and find out type of type rule. And when you enter into those spaces, there's like an implicit consent that, like, these are full rules, they're not laws. Like, no one's coming to, like, haul you away.

[Honey Pluton]

They will blow that little whistle.

[H]

Yeah.

[Honey Pluton]

There will be some public shaming, but blow the whistle.

[Spike Einbinder]

Okay, my final thought is no laws. Just the bumper stickers that say grass, gas or ass.

[H]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

Nobody rides free, period.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah, love that.

[Spike Einbinder]

That's my constitution.

[Honey Pluton]

Well, also, before we go and before we do our final segment, you are both. You're going on tour, please.

[H]

Oh, yeah.

[Honey Pluton]

Tell everyone where you are going. Yes, please.

[H]

Well, we're going to Chicago on January 17th. We're going to the city on Fire, on which is LA on the night 19th. If. And we're probably. We'll see what happens. And then we're going to San Francisco on the 24th for Sketchfest. AM I forgetting?

[Spike Einbinder]

Oh, and that's everything. Oh, we had the kickoff show on the 15th.

[H]

I. Come on, everybody. Late show because the first show sold out. So get. When is this going to come out?

[Sam Taggart]

It's coming out on Tuesday, so that's perfect.

[H]

Okay, so if you're hearing this, buy tickets to our show tomorrow in New York City. And if you're anywhere else, break some.

[Sam Taggart]

Laws and tickets can be found.

[Spike Einbinder]

Lincoln bio for both of us.

[Sam Taggart]

Great.

[H]

It's a dice situation and we will.

[Sam Taggart]

There's going to be some tagging. You're going to be able to find that Lincoln bio, folks.

[H]

You will, folks. Yeah, just break one law today. Yeah, break one law.

[Honey Pluton]

Break one law, whatever.

[H]

And write about it. Like, write about it in a letter. We need to get off.

[Sam Taggart]

Show up to Spike and Honey, show without a ticket and then beat up the guy at the door and just walk in.

[H]

Yeah, I was thinking a different law.

[Spike Einbinder]

But it was definitely, definitely well together.

[Honey Pluton]

Ticket. Ticket buying is more of a rule than a law.

[H]

But yeah, that's a rule.

[Sam Taggart]

That's true. That's true.

[H]

Because there's always list. But.

[Honey Pluton]

Wow.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, incredible segment.

[Honey Pluton]

Let's do it.

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[Honey Pluton]

The hatchback.

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Honey Pluton]

With greenlight.

[H]

You can send money to kids quickly.

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[Sam Taggart]

Final segment is called Shout Outs, and in this segment we pay homage to the classic straight tradition, straight oral tradition, even of the radio shout out. You're on Z100. You're on TRL. Shouting out something that you just cannot get enough of. And as is tradition, we make them up on the spot. Sam, do you have one?

[Honey Pluton]

I actually do have one.

[Sam Taggart]

Go for it.

[Honey Pluton]

What's up, freaks, losers, and sexual perverts around the globe? I want to give a huge shout out to George Michael's father figure.

[H]

Yeah.

[Honey Pluton]

I love this song. And I saw Baby Girl, much like many of my peers in the LGBTQ community. And while I thought it was not very good shout out to the film I did, it did remind me that Father Figure by George Michael is a really good song. And I can't stop listening to it. It's always stuck in my head. And it's that thing of, like, I know that people have been like, actually, like, George Michael is actually really, really good. And I've been like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. And now I'm like, damn, this shit hits. It's sort of like not to be a bitch, not to pit gay men against each other, but it's kind of choice of unbounded in a ditch. There's something about like. Like, where it's like, oh, he's been, like, nasty and horny forever. We're treating like gay pop like it's a whole new thing. And it's like, no, sweetie, it's been happening forever. And I'm finding it so comforting. I'm finding it so catchy, and I'm finding it so fun, and it makes me feel like it's time to look back and experience new past. Shout out to George Michael. Shout out to father figure. Put my tiny hand in yours, daddy. Xoxo Sam Woo.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, I can go. I'll do a movie one, too. We're in letterbox mode today. Okay, folks, I want to give a shout out to the actor Channing Tatum. You know, he's easy to overlook because you're sort of like, oh, right, you, like, used to be a stripper and Magic Mike, and you're sort of a meathead. I think he's one of the most interesting actors in Hollywood right now. I recently watched Logan Lucky, which I hadn't seen before. Absolutely stunning performance. I watched the Zoe Kravitz film Blink Twice. Terrible movie. Great, great, great work from Channing. I think he has such a. As he's aged, he's aged into this very fascinating look that is like meathead meets just like a neck that is a person. And he is so. He's very much like a character actor trapped in a leading man's body, trapped in a plumber's body. And I think there's a lot of talk about, like, Hollywood doesn't have interesting faces anymore. And I feel like people talk about Adrien Brody being someone who has an interesting face. It's like, you don't have to be scared. Like, Adrian Broderick. Have an interesting face. You can be sort of meathead looking like Channing Tatum and have an interesting face. And so I just think we need to do a little more with him. And I'm very impressed with his work. I think he's so talented, and I am going to name my son Channing in his honor. Shout out to Channing Tatum.

[Honey Pluton]

George. I have to. Did you see Deadpool and Wolverine?

[Sam Taggart]

No.

[Honey Pluton]

Because Channing Tatum gives a comedic performance that is genuinely so funny in such a subtle, weird way. Way where you're like, damn, he's really got it.

[Sam Taggart]

He is one of our great geniuses.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah, he's one of our most genius geniuses. Okay, Spike or honey? If I don't, I'm not gonna say. Who should go first? Decide amongst yourselves.

[Spike Einbinder]

I'll go first. Okay. Shout out to oud. Shout out to oud. The fragrance note. Oh, O u d. I've been, you know, developing my signature scent. I've been walking through the journey of how I want to hit people's noses when I enter a room. So shout out to oud because it's masculine. It kind of smells like poop. It's kind of awesome to smell a little fecal when you realize that there's actually an entire world of dominance, power, and mass magic that can be available to you. If you remind people of anal sex anytime you kind of enter into a space with them, that is what empires have been built and then crumbled upon. So I think it's important to really remember that that is there. So shout out to oud. And smelling a little bit like woody poop.

[Sam Taggart]

That's. Wait. This is genius. And I also want to say I've actually shouted out this on the podcast for a bit. So my friend and past guest of the podcast, Tammy Teklamarium, once wrote. She's a food writer, and she once wrote a piece about which wine to pair with eating ass. And she described the taste of ass as gamey, which I had never considered before and is so obvious. And since then, I've been like, this is such a gastronomical experience. And you're absolutely that. Like, we can re. Eroticize fecality.

[H]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

We just have to try.

[Spike Einbinder]

And I also think that if we want to.

[Sam Taggart]

That's, like, so true.

[Spike Einbinder]

What? What, what, what?

[H]

There was sodomy laws because they wanted to take away the gamy feel of eating ass.

[Spike Einbinder]

The raw power.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

And to all be good anti fascists, we need to make sure that sodomy and being good sodomites are ours. That we, you know, define that for ourselves. That it isn't just taken by the pederastic lords that haunt us.

[H]

Yeah. Nobody talks about how, like, everyone's like, Sodom and Gomorrah, like, whatever. It's like they had amazing art scenes in those cities. No one talks about that.

[Spike Einbinder]

No, exactly. They were turning up.

[H]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, Spike.

[H]

What's up? Everybody out there in Tinseltown. I want to give a shout out to my birthplace, Los Angeles. I know what you are thinking when you look at me. That guy's from la. I. People often tell me all the time, you don't seem like you're from la. What does that mean? It means that the popular opinion of someone from LA is that they suck. That's not all the way completely true. That's only a little true. And it's not true in this case. I love Los Angeles. It is one of the most iconic places in the world. There is no place like it. I love New York. But Los Angeles is a cultural epicenter. It made our imaginations what they are. And I just love it so much. And the next time you think I don't seem like I'm from la, it's because you are saying that I seem Jewish, which you equate from with being in New York.

[Sam Taggart]

Wow.

[H]

Oh, quick last shout out to blood. Smells good. Tastes good. Wow.

[Honey Pluton]

Wow.

[H]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

Blood and Poop Tour.

[H]

The Blood and Poop Tour. Honey, I can't believe we fucking.

[Honey Pluton]

Yeah.

[Spike Einbinder]

Why did you name it?

[H]

I'm so upset that we're talking about.

[Sam Taggart]

Also, like, graphic design wise, you know, they both have two O's. You could so easily do a sort of, like, fun Blood and Poop logo.

[Honey Pluton]

That's true.

[H]

Yeah.

[Honey Pluton]

Also, Spike, I do think people thinking you're not from LA shows like a misunderstand. Like, people don't know what LA is.

[H]

I am. I'm incredibly honest. I'm incredibly, like, old and scary, and yet everybody wants a piece. People come there thinking they're, to me, thinking they're gonna find themselves. They realize just how lost they are and they tremble in my wake. I am too powerful for them. And that is exactly why I'm like Los Angeles. And I'm also a fun, fun, fun surfer boy. Till my daddy took my T bird away.

[Honey Pluton]

Well see Spike and Honey on tour and also we're gonna be in San Francisco on the 17th of January. Sketch Fest.

[H]

Sam's on the show and I'm on.

[Honey Pluton]

The show in LA on the 19th.

[Spike Einbinder]

Yes, yes, yes.

[H]

Day before the inauguration.

[Honey Pluton]

Day before the inauguration. Damn.

[Sam Taggart]

All right y'all.

[Honey Pluton]

Wow. Well, thanks so much. This has been a real treat.

[Spike Einbinder]

Thanks so much for having us. Love y'all.

[H]

Break some laws. Bye bye.

[Honey Pluton]

Podcast ends now.

[Sam Taggart]

Want more? Subscribe to our Patreon for two extra episodes a month. Discord Access and more by heading to patreon.com straight and for all our visual learners.

[Honey Pluton]

Free full length video episodes are available on our YouTube.

[Sam Taggart]

Now get back to work.

[Honey Pluton]

Stradio Lab is a Production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart.

[Sam Taggart]

Podcasts, created and hosted by George Severis and Sam Taggart, executive produced by Will.

[Honey Pluton]

Ferrell, Hansani and Olivia Aguilar co produced by Bay Wang Edited and engineered by.

[Sam Taggart]

Adam Avalos Artwork by Michael Fails and.

[Honey Pluton]

Matt Grubb Theme music by Ben Kling.

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[Sam Taggart]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons N Safeway. This new year makes sure you take some time to take care of yourself and your family. Now through January 28th, save up to 25% on all your favorite personal care essentials. Shop in store or online and stock up on all your favorite items like Tresemme Shampoo, Axe Deodorant, Dove Bar Soap, Dove Men's Body Wash and Dove Dry Spray. And Save up to 25%. Offer ends January 28th.

[Honey Pluton]

Restrictions apply.

[Sam Taggart]

Promotions may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Spike Einbinder]

Hey guys, as you know, I've been taking some time off drinking, but when I go out I want to be able to hang with the boys. So I've been checking out some non alcoholic beer options and Heineken 00 was the the perfect drink for that. Yeah buddy.

[Matt Rogers]

Heineken 00 is the official brew of.

[Spike Einbinder]

Endless possibilities because with Heineken 00 now you can whether at the office, pre or post workout or relaxing at home.

[Matt Rogers]

Being 0.0% alcohol means you can enjoy.

[Spike Einbinder]

This alcohol free option whenever refreshment calls.

[Honey Pluton]

Heineken 00 0.0% alcohol 100% taste only 69 calories now you can available at your local Heineken retailer or for [e-mail] must be 21/ to purchase. Enjoy Heineken responsibly.

[Spectrum Advertiser]

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[I]

Morton Buildings annual Sales Event Building Value Days is on now until the end of February. That means you get the best for less. Morton Buildings are built stronger, last longer and look better. If you need a garage stall, barn or storage for vehicles, rv, boat or collectibles or even a shop for your farm hobbies or car restoration projects or anything in between, visit MortonBuildings.com to take advantage of their discounted sales event pricing. They use quality materials and expert craftsmanship with an industry leading warranty to ensure your addition is enjoyed by generations to come. Morton buildings is 100% employee owned and they have thousands thousands of satisfied customers. That means they're the industry leader you can trust. Don't wait. Take advantage of the Building Value Day sales event. Visit MortonBuildings.com today. Certain restrictions apply. This offer may not be available in all states. To qualify for discount, order must be placed between now and February 28, 2025. Contact your local Morton office for more details or visit mortonbuildings.com.