"Man Caves" w/ Stavros Halkias

Summary

Podcast Summary: StraightioLab – Episode "Man Caves" with Stavros Halkias

Overview In the October 22, 2024 episode of StraightioLab, hosts George Civeris and Sam Taggart delve into the nuanced concept of "Man Caves" within straight culture, accompanied by guest Stavros Halkias. The discussion traverses cultural stereotypes, personal growth, sobriety, relationship dynamics, and the evolving landscape of personal spaces in contemporary society.

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1. Introduction and Arrival of Stavros Halkias

Timestamp: [02:50] – [08:30]

The episode kicks off with George reminiscing about a recent trip to Chicago, where he grappled with being sick in public. This segues into a broader conversation about societal perceptions of illness and personal responsibility. The hosts then warmly welcome comedian Stavros Halkias, highlighting his Greek heritage and comedic background.

Notable Quote:

Stavros Halkias ([08:30]): "I have something to tell you. It's like being a Greek taxi driver—always with an opinion, always culturally charged."

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2. Greek Culture Stereotypes and Family Dynamics

Timestamp: [08:30] – [20:25]

Stavros and the hosts explore common stereotypes associated with Greek culture, particularly focusing on taxi drivers' outspoken nature and familial relationships. They discuss the expectations within Greek families regarding education and career choices, emphasizing the generational shift from first to second-generation immigrants.

Notable Quotes:

Host ([09:30]): "Every ethnic group is similar in valuing family and food, yet we pigeonhole them differently based on stereotypes."

Stavros Halkias ([19:10]): "Greek guilt is huge. It's ingrained in how we interact and communicate within families."

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3. Sobriety and Its Impact on Lifestyle and Dating

Timestamp: [33:24] – [38:46]

Stavros shares his journey towards sobriety, discussing the challenges and triumphs associated with abstaining from alcohol, pills, and other substances. He reflects on the ease of falling back into old habits under stress and outlines his strategies for maintaining a healthy lifestyle, such as regular exercise and mindful eating.

Notable Quotes:

Stavros Halkias ([34:25]): "I did it cold turkey. The weed was the hardest because it was my main vice."

Host ([36:09]): "Developing good habits while unemployed pushed me to non-suicidal activities like going to the gym."

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4. The Concept of Man Caves in Straight Culture

Timestamp: [41:36] – [54:47]

The trio delves into the traditional "Man Cave"—a personal sanctuary for men—and its implications within straight relationships. Stavros praises the elements of comfort and personalization in man caves but critiques how they can signify underlying tensions and the need for separate spaces within marriages. The discussion extends to contrasting the man cave with the often-overlooked "She Shed" concept, highlighting societal expectations and gender norms in home decor.

Notable Quotes:

Stavros Halkias ([42:17]): "The man cave is a reflection of how many straight couples despise each other, needing separate spaces to maintain peace."

Host ([44:05]): "In a perfect relationship, partners intuitively give each other space without rigidly defining it through separate rooms."

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5. Relationships and Communication Issues

Timestamp: [54:31] – [67:18]

The conversation shifts to the dynamics of modern relationships, addressing the unrealistic expectations surrounding marriage. Stavros expresses skepticism about the notion of finding "perfect" partners, drawing from his observations of his parents' tumultuous marriage. The hosts and Stavros discuss the impact of cultural conditioning on relationship sustainability and the importance of realistic expectations and mutual effort.

Notable Quotes:

Stavros Halkias ([56:17]): "Seeing my parents hate each other made me realize marriage isn't the fairy tale it’s often portrayed to be."

Host ([60:19]): "Everyone has become cynical, yet people still believe in the magic of marriage despite the evidence to the contrary."

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6. Dating Life Since Sobriety and Online Personas

Timestamp: [70:04] – [75:50]

Stavros opens up about his dating experiences post-sobriety, noting a shift from frequent social outings to more meaningful, home-based interactions. He reflects on how his past online personas, particularly sharing nude photos, led to misconceptions about his sexuality and the subsequent impact on his social and dating life. The discussion touches on identity, perception, and the blurred lines between personal and public personas in the digital age.

Notable Quotes:

Stavros Halkias ([72:04]): "Being featured on lists like 'Buy Comedians' made people assume I was gay, which was a misrepresentation of who I am."

Host ([75:00]): "Dating as a sober person means redefining connections without the crutch of substances."

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7. Closing Remarks and Final Segments

Timestamp: [76:14] – [86:08]

In the final segments, the hosts and Stavros engage in light-hearted "Shout Outs," celebrating various personal favorites and milestones. Stavros promotes his upcoming projects, including a new comedy movie and his own podcast, emphasizing his commitment to personal growth and creative endeavors. The episode concludes with reflections on shared experiences and the importance of community in overcoming personal challenges.

Notable Quotes:

Stavros Halkias ([84:14]): "Starting a cult in theaters is my latest project—it's a 90-minute dumb comedy that's all about having fun."

Host ([85:22]): "Stavros, this has been an absolute delight. Thanks for sharing your journey with us."

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Conclusion This episode of StraightioLab offers a candid exploration of the intersections between culture, personal development, and relationship dynamics. Stavros Halkias brings a unique perspective, intertwining his Greek heritage with his experiences in sobriety and the entertainment industry. Through humor and honest conversation, the hosts and guest unpack the complexities of maintaining personal spaces and healthy relationships in a society rife with stereotypes and evolving norms.

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Notable Takeaways:

• Cultural Stereotypes: Challenging and unpacking preconceived notions about Greek culture and family dynamics.
• Sobriety Journey: The significance of personal accountability and the impact of sobriety on social and dating lives.
• Man Cave Analysis: Understanding how personal sanctuaries like man caves reflect deeper relationship needs and societal pressures.
• Relationship Realism: Moving away from idealized notions of marriage towards more realistic and effort-based partnerships.

For listeners seeking an insightful and humorous discussion on straight culture and personal growth, this episode provides both laughter and thoughtful reflection.

Transcript

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Okay, podcast starts now. Wow.

I have something to say, which is okay, so we just got back from Chicago.

Correct?

Fact check.

True, True.

And I, you know, I basically had a Cold. Okay, okay. And my question is, what are the current ethics of being sick in public? Because I don't. It makes me feel crazy.

No, you're like, what is the now? If you have a cold, you're a modern day Levopher.

If you have a cold, you're literally like in the movie Contagion. You're Gwyneth Paltrow dying on the. Like, in the middle of the street. And it's like, I just have a cold. You know why? Because I'm a woman about town and I do things. And when you do things, you get exposed to viruses. It doesn't mean you're gonna kill everyone.

No, of course. I don't know what to tell you, though.

And then, guess what? I've been on the other side of things. I'm next to someone on the subway. They're coughing. I say arrest them.

I literally saw a man coughing today. And I said, I think I'm allowed to hurt you.

It's true.

Literally, there was violence allowed.

I was shooting something, and on the bus ride, one of the people that was on the bus, I'll say it, not talent. Was coughing and sneezing the entire time and would fall asleep on the bus and then wake herself up by coughing. And the way I felt empowered to do the turnaround, oh, God, for the entire 45 minutes of the bus ride to the set.

I think we're in a fun place with it. I think it's fun to blame people who are sick. I think it's fun to be like, this is your fault and you're a bad person.

Totally.

I think that's always really healthy. And I think we should keep doing it. It's.

The big question is like, do you blame the individual or do you blame society?

Well, and it's like, what are you supposed to do? Like, you're already in Chicago. What are you gonna do?

Right? Leave. Then I get the whole plane sick.

What are you gonna do?

I'm doing that tomorrow. I specifically, I had, you know, I was working in my hotel room because I was like, I want to be as. You know, I was like Demi Moore in the Substance. I was like, I'm not leaving this house lest anyone see how disgusting I am, of course. And I'm not as hot as the young sue, of course. And so I was in my hotel room, but then I had to check out. And I had a three hour period between hotel and airport. And I was like, well, I have to go to an all day cafe and order a grain bowl. What am I a caveman, of course. But then of course the grain bull crowd is especially. They're getting vaccinated for sport. They're waking up every day and getting vaccinating themselves like Demi Moore in the Substance. And then they're seeing me. They're like, who is this guy? Is he a swing state voter?

Yeah. You should have gone to some sort of fast food restaurant where you would have been non judged.

That's true. Anyway, wow. So that's where I'm at. And, and by the way, I showed up 20 minutes late today for the third time in a row.

I do think it's actually extremely bold for you to show up 20 minutes late and be like, and I have an intro planned.

Well, guess what? Because I, I was like, I can't handle another failure today. Like, I was like, when we hit record, I have to be ready to go.

Of course. And you nailed it.

Thank you.

You really powered through that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So anyway, go vote.

Seriously, guys, get out there. We've got one shot at this.

Yeah, that's right. It's the most important election of our life.

Democracy is at risk.

Democracy is at stake.

Stake.

It's been at risk. It's been at risk, but now it's at stake. Officially, we've been hear that it's at stake. It is. Do you think. Okay, here's a question. One of the foundations. Sorry, I know, I'm sorry.

No, you came in so hot in a way where I'm like, well, it's.

The adrenaline from being late.

I wish I had.

You know why?

I wish I had an ounce of it.

I wanted. I was looking around, I was like, who can I blame for me being stuck on this subway? It's like Kathy Hochul. She's not here.

I mean, you're about to get political, so it seems like you might get into that.

No, here's my question and then we'll bring in our guest because I actually think we need a third opinion, maybe.

Even a second opinion. So you're not really giving one?

No, no, no, no. Well, I'm not. Well, yes, I would say since 2016. To me, one of the funnier sort of jokes is to make fun of the like, it's to basically make fun of the idea of voting as a cure all. Okay, sure, we do that. It's funny. It's like apolitical.

It inspired art.

We're not actually like endorsing or not endorsing anything. It's just like a funny thing. And we're making fun of like you Know, the sort of a woman, you know, in the Upper west side, like, shaking on her way to film forum because she thinks democracy is dying. Okay, all right. So that has nothing to do. Obviously, we're voting for Kamala Harris. It has nothing to do with our political.

We're sort of chapel roan code.

We're chapel roan code. My question is, at what point is that, like, has it been long enough where it actually is harmful to make that joke? You know what I mean?

Oh, you mean, like, with an actual election coming up?

Like, it's.

Is it, like, it's funny to make that joke when there's, like. When you're, like, two years out, but when you're three months out?

Yeah, I'm just saying, one month out.

When does this happen?

The election's in March.

I want to say I would love a summer election. Like, God, that would be fun.

Even the cause I don't. I have been struggling with. This is like. Because we don't.

No, it's literally chaperone coded because you want to be critical, but it's like. But not right now.

And also, I'm not. We're not polit. Like, we're not political commentators, so we're not actually going to comment on politics. So all we do is make fun of people who care. And so then it's like, is that our opinion? No, we also care. We're just not publicly stating that.

Yeah, well, you just did. But I guess I'm like, I do.

Think Horace Stavros needs to be let in.

Okay, let's just bring him in.

The moaning and happening.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm a very expressive guest. What do you want for me?

[Unknown]

Please welcome my Greek brother, Stavros Kalkias.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you. And let me just say, one of the Greekest entrances I've ever seen. Literally 20 minutes late to deflect on what a piece of shit he is. Like, oh, but I have. Ugh. These things are troubling me. I have to tell you. It's classic. I've seen it at every baptism. He's a Greek taxi driver.

[Unknown]

Saw. You know, I follow upwards of 17 Greek meme pages, and recently I saw. I saw a meme that was like. That was like, you know, I'm going to butcher it. But it was like, you know, every expert from, like, an elite university, like, blah, blah. And then it's like, Greek taxi driver being like, let me tell you something. And it's like the archetype of the Greek taxi driver is like, you enter. You haven't even said Hello. And he's like. And here's the deal with. Here's the deal with all this voting crap.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Unknown]

Like, and especially during the Greek financial crisis, it would be like, I mean, opinions you hadn't even heard of before, for sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just completely off the wall.

[Unknown]

You wouldn't know if they were right wing or left wing.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, you really wouldn't. Yeah. But it is Greek supremacist, 100%. It's always like, well, you know, Greek people are the most superior. Like, the culture is number one. Even though we've been in decline since literally antiquity. Like, we have, we have no. Like, I mean, we won the euro in 2004. That was huge. And that's pretty much what we're hanging our hat on.

[Unknown]

I literally, the other day was on ebay looking up Euro 2004 jerseys because I was like this. I could actually. This gay, like, with a little cut off shorts.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Unknown]

And the.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's the.

[Unknown]

Yeah, like, like the Zagorakis was like the team leader, I want to say. Good. He was a good player and I think he scored one of the winning goals. Anyway, I was like, oh, I'm going to get my Greek Euro 2004 jersey for summer 2025.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's going to be so hot. That'd be a great look.

[Unknown]

I'm thinking ahead in fall. You're thinking summer.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Unknown]

This happened when we were on Starburst podcast too. Is like the two of us teaching you about Greek culture.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Unknown]

And I just sort of sit here.

Yeah.

You know, before we record it, I will say Stavros started talking to someone who works here instantly. I was like, had you guys met before? Like, they started talking about football.

[Stavros Halkias]

The New York Jets.

[Unknown]

Yes.

In a way that was like, no. There was no hello. It was just like, oh, did you hear this? And someone was like, yeah, I heard this and this.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's sort of like a. Think of it as a conversation steam room. You know what I mean? You guys will just jack each other off, no worries. That's sort of how we are with sports.

[Unknown]

I literally was like the manager of the bath house being like, you guys, seriously, stop it.

This is a gay podcast recording.

Some just want to sweat it out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. But yes, I appreciate the. The deflecting of being late with, like, complaints. I've seen my public transportation taxi driver.

[Unknown]

Do you mean like how, like, the New York Times always goes for, like, swing state voter in a diner or.

Like the literal, literal taxi drivers in Greece when. I mean, I used to be. I used to literally be Like, I'll fucking walk on the freeway.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

To not have to get into a taxi driver.

Like, you just never know what you're gonna get.

[Stavros Halkias]

And, and the language barrier doesn't stop them either. They will speak to you in broken English about how like Kosovars are the reason the economy actually tanked. You know what I mean? Like, they'll do some weird ethno. So they'll just, they'll, they'll be racist to a group you didn't even know existed. You know what I mean? In a language. They'll do it in Italian. If they know five words, they will figure it out. It's tough because once Uber started, I would always pretend, you know, I look very American. Like no one thinks I'm. So I would like, I would like dodge all those annoying conversations by like just being, you know, a fat American. Usually when I was in Greece, but Uber now, you know, Stavros Greek ass name. They assume I'm Greek. And then they're just, they're going, you know, they were like, congratulations. You know, they would be like, you should bring a girl here. They're like, you know, they'll be, they'll be thrilled by Greece. She'll become your wife. But don't leave them around. The other Greek. It's like, it's like we will try and fuck your hypothetical girlfriend. Like just the shit these guys say about. And they do think Greece like a magic elixir that like solves all your problems. And in some ways they are right.

[Unknown]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because they are happier. I've thought about this. You don't, like, no one has any money. But my. Everyone is having a much better time. They're all hanging out, they're going to the beach, the food's better. Who gives a fuck?

[Unknown]

No, it's incredible. Every time I go, I'm like, what the hell am I doing? Trying to be a stand up comedian.

[Stavros Halkias]

It sucks.

[Unknown]

The United States.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, no, I'm ready to retire. I'm going to work hard for five more years. For real. This is a true plan.

[Unknown]

This is your plan.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I want to hit. I want to live in Greece for four months out of the year.

[Unknown]

Oh, 100%.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that's the. And then like come here, maybe tour for three months, make all the money I need to Greece. Come back to New York in the fall. It's very charming in the fall. You know what I mean? And then back to fuck. I want to fucking. I'm on the islands, baby.

[Unknown]

My grandmother lives in a one bedroom apartment in Athens. And at some point, it was implied to me that when she passes, which I hope does not happen anytime soon, I would potentially inherit it. And at first I was like, had.

[Stavros Halkias]

To be on the record. You don't want her dead.

[Unknown]

At first I was like, it is not a person of interest to even mention this. Anyway, at some point, I started talking about it more and more, and then my boyfriend was like, you need to stop constantly talking about how when your.

[Stavros Halkias]

Grandmother dies, she's in her.

[Unknown]

She's actually doing. She's doing. Okay, fine.

[Stavros Halkias]

Knocking wood. Yeah.

[Unknown]

How old?

She's, like, in her mid-80s.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But listen, once that nine shows up, you're allowed to start taking measurements. You're allowed to start looking at curtains.

[Unknown]

She, like, helped raise me. And she's not, like, you know, a distant grandmother that, you know, I only talk to once a year. So it is especially, like, I do not want her to.

Not anytime soon.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe spring 2025, when that jersey comes in. Well, I'm on the opposite, where it's like, I love my grandmother. She helped raise me, too. But she's 92 now, and she is begging for death. She just wants it over. And I don't blame her. Every day will be worse than the last. Yeah. Like, there's no positives to being that.

[Unknown]

My other grandmother. So one of my grandmothers, the most positive, like, bubbly. Like, we, like, FaceTimed her into the wedding. I just got married. We FaceTimed her into the wedding, and she was, like, crying and clapping. Whatever. The other one you call her, she says, hello, starts crying, and then is like, I love you, and then hangs up on you. And it's like she wants. But then she's always complaining about how we don't call her. But then when you do call her, she literally just starts crying and hangs up on you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Classic. Classic.

[Unknown]

It's so. And then when you're removed from that, you're like, these people are insane. And then when you go to Greece, you realize every old woman is exactly like that.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's like, every old man. I mean, my father's like, dad complains about no calls. And it's like, you call him, and he's just talking about how everything's bad and how you never call him. It's like this. It's happening right now. It's happening right now. We are doing the thing you complain isn't happening.

[Unknown]

Wow. To have a dad that complains about not calling. That's such a foreign concept to me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Guilt. Guilt. Greek guilt is a fucking is huge. And I do think that's one other thing. It's like every. I would say, like 80% of ethnic groups are exactly the same. And everybody pretends like everyone's like, oh, we're always late, we eat a lot, we have killed. And it's like, that is everyone but wasps. Like, that's literally.

[Unknown]

This is quite literally the last third of my current hour is like, that is that like everyone is the same because everyone. And everyone says they value family and food and they think they invented family. And like, we just like to get together and it's. It's not just family, actually. It's relatives.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, and then, well, we actually call our, you know, a guy I thought was my uncle wasn't even relating to me and was like, yeah, yeah, Most people are like that.

[Unknown]

Or people are like, you know, we call her an auntie. I'm like, I'm familiar.

[Stavros Halkias]

I do think that is probably just how. How much like WASP culture is like, dominant in. But it's like that's they are the outlier. Literally everyone else on earth behaves the exact same way.

[Unknown]

I think that's happening in media is you have to have a Woody Allen for every ethnic group and the one that actually needs it is wasps. There has to be like, someone making an Italian show, someone making an Indian show, someone making a Jewish show. It's like, I want someone. I want like the Philip Roth of wasp.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a completely foreign world to me. I don't know how those people behave.

[Unknown]

It's insane. Like the country clubs and like, you know, I have like a whole thing about like adult men wearing like salmon colored pants. And that's like, not gay. It's literally part of the tradition.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, for sure. I'm with you.

[Unknown]

Sure.

I've dipped into this culture before.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right? True. I wouldn't say you're our closest representative.

[Unknown]

I'm not a perfect.

But you're not. You are Midwest rather than Northeast.

Yeah, but you know, like, even Southern. The Southern was when it was like Midwest too, though.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is also like, it is just different types of American white people is what we're talking about. They're the only different. They're the only, like, different ones from the rest of the world. And then probably like, like China feel like China. Everyone's like, there seems to be a different vibe going on there. You know what I mean? You mean like, oh, culturally, Culturally, like, you know what I mean? Like Asians probably like, like, we don't know as much, but I'm talking like Europe, Middle East, Africa.

[Unknown]

Like, this is the clip, by the way.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. We rank parts of the world, so.

[Unknown]

Rank, continent, level of civilization, which types.

Of people care about family and which.

Types care about education.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Because that's a real problem these days.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, I will say that's where Greeks definitely drop off. We do not. There's like, in theory, we give a fuck about education, but it's more of like, you should go to school. But it's not like, you know, my parents wanted me to be a lawyer just. Cause it felt like that's the thing you were supposed to want your kid to do.

[Unknown]

It feels like there's an aesthetic of like studying that seems really Greek and cool. Like, it reminds me of my approach to being in college, where I was like, but how amazing that I could read a poem.

[Stavros Halkias]

But it's like, but I'm not gonna.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I mean, this was a big thing where my parents would be like, would look down on Greek Americans. They'd be like, well, Greek Americans, you know. Yeah, second generation. Like, you need to study engineering.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

One time my mom heard that someone studied like some program that was called like Russian Studies or something, and she thought it was a joke. She was like, so they paid to get a degree that is not in engineering. And then she kept being like, it was like a cautionary tale where when every. When anyone got like a B, she'd be like, you're going to end up doing Russian Studies.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Okay, so maybe you do have more of a. Maybe I'm just. I always forget that my family's trash.

[Unknown]

No, no, it's not that.

[Stavros Halkias]

No. But it's.

[Unknown]

It is like this. And I think it's not just with Greek people. I think it's with other cultures too. The difference between first generation and second generation.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right.

[Unknown]

Where like. Or even like my parents would be so judgmental of like Greek families whose kids didn't speak Greek.

[Stavros Halkias]

They'd be like, that we do. That we did get. But the educate. Because I was first generation too. But yeah, my family was just like. Even in Greece, they were doing. We're just a very vulgar. I'm realizing how vulgar my whole family was. And like. Because I met like, you know, even your family's like going to engine, you know, talking about going to engineering and like, we're proper. And then I met other friends, families, and I was like, wait, everybody's not like calling each other slurs and just grabbing their tits and be like, ah, looks like you got fatty shit Eat all those American hot dogs, huh, little buddy? Like, that's how they would greet me off the plane, you know, and then maybe it's my family.

[Unknown]

The way Greek people look. Love calling someone fat.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah. Like, that's another international thing. I think that's another commenting on body.

[Unknown]

And then you hear someone who's like, it was really traumatic for me because my mom would always comment on my appearance. I'm like, honey, spend one hour with my aunts.

[Stavros Halkias]

Go visit your relatives in Greece for what you thought was going to be the funnest vacation of your life. And it's you getting bullied the whole time. But they would still feed you. It's a very.

[Unknown]

I mean, that's at odds with the food culture. We love food so much.

[Stavros Halkias]

And they were fatty shit too, by the way. Oh, anyway.

[Unknown]

On death's door.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, my uncle has had diabetes so extremely for 30 years. He should be studied. Like, he's just. He has not. It's crazy. He hasn't really suffered any adverse effects, but shout out to him, well, you.

[Unknown]

Know, this is the Mediterranean diet.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, Just pork skewers every day. Anyway, this will become a Greek podcast.

[Unknown]

Sorry.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no. We will steamroll you.

[Unknown]

I see you trying. I see you trying.

Another thing, the work I'm trying to do to be like. And how do I insert my cause? I'm like, yeah, I'm sure you know all families. Fat shame.

Yeah, well, the funny. The sort of sitcom thing would be if you finally got the courage to say something. But it was so racist. You were like, yeah, and they're also dumber, Right. IQ wise. Should we do our first segment?

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Unknown]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Unknown]

Davos. Our first segment is called Straight Shooters. And in this segment we're going to ask you a series of rapid fire questions. It's basically this thing or this other thing. And the only rule is you can't ask any follow up questions or we'll scream at you.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love that dude. I'm good at that kind of stuff. I don't need to think deeply. I just go off my brain stem.

[Unknown]

That's. You're speaking our language. Okay, stop. Do not disturb or smoke pot. The herb.

[Stavros Halkias]

Currently do not disturb.

[Unknown]

Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Big, big departure for me.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm doing a sober year.

[Unknown]

Wow.

Whoa.

Put a pin on that.

Okay. Wedge salad or wedge sandal.

[Stavros Halkias]

Salad.

[Unknown]

Wow. No show socks or. Oh, show cock.

[Stavros Halkias]

Probably no show socks. I'm wearing them right now and my cock's not. I don't have a show off cock.

[Unknown]

Sure, sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

You can't just see my cock out of context. It's not gonna do anything for you.

[Unknown]

Well, context is everything, especially the sweat cycle. Speaking of Agatha all along or Kamala, the stepmom.

[Stavros Halkias]

Ooh, this is a tough one. I guess I'll go ag. Although. Although I will say that her stepson listened to Cometown. That that was the. Wait.

[Unknown]

Who steps up.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is like somebody like posted that like back in the day they were like. Like that kid followed us. Or I bet he probably followed Mullen. I think. I think he was a nick. A nick head. And. And then say that six weeks before the election. And I just thought that was. That's really funny that it's possible that the child of the president listened to Cumtown and I don't know, I think I just saw somebody tag. This is years ago. This when she first was running. Because we. We definitely made fun of Kamala and I still. Whatever. But you know. Anyway. But I will go. I'm not a big Kamala. Not a big Kamala. More of an R.F. no kidding. Kidding. And so I guess I'll go Agatha because, you know, she's cool. They got a nice cast on that show. Sure.

[Unknown]

Great cast on that.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? Sure. Aubrey Plaza.

[Unknown]

Come on.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's the best. So yeah.

[Unknown]

She's really having a great year.

[Stavros Halkias]

I will reluctantly. Even though I'm not a big Marvel guy. There's enough hot ladies that are funny. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Patti LuPone. I know how much you're a shower for that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, man. Dude, I was a little kid. They're just nothing but lupone posters.

[Unknown]

This is great.

[Stavros Halkias]

On my fucking bedroom.

[Unknown]

This is the character of like, still doesn't know he's gay at like 35. And it's like, yo, I fucking Bernardette Peters those tits.

You got a little.

[Stavros Halkias]

I legit thought Bernadette Peters was hot from Blazing Saddles. I literally may have beat off to that scene. So I think I am in a very interesting place where I can.

[Unknown]

That's why you're an ally.

[Stavros Halkias]

Even gay shit I can beat off to it.

[Unknown]

You know what I mean?

Even though.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because gay gu. Guys love hot ladies in the same way that if you're dumb enough, you're like, yeah, I like them too. I just want to them. I mean, I don't respect their artistry.

[Unknown]

Like their tits having divas but being so dumb. You don't know that. It's cuz you're gay. Oh, I guess I want to her.

Well, this is like literally how I feel about like Lady Gaga. Where I'm like, is anyone attracted? Like, I don't. I only know gay guys that are just standing her that I can't imagine someone thinking of her.

This is also how I feel about Beyonce. Who's so like, regal.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, Beyonce's so hot.

[Unknown]

She's gorgeous.

[Stavros Halkias]

The Lady Gaga comparison is a little truer.

[Unknown]

No, obviously Beyonce's beautiful.

But there's something.

Everyone builds her up to be this deity that it's so funny to imagine some random guy being like, I would fuck her.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, you know what I mean? That's hysterical that you guys think that. Again, I mean, not to expose myself too much, but I grew up. No, we know you'd fuck. I grew up in the era of just beating off to music videos.

[Unknown]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean. So it's like I just, you know, 03 Bonnie and Clyde looking pretty good in that.

[Unknown]

I guess that was before she became this.

[Stavros Halkias]

True. I was there.

[Unknown]

She's essentially like a senator now.

[Stavros Halkias]

True. I had never read, you know, I fuck senators. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Gretchen Whitmer to say Bonnie and Clyde and 03 to have like the gay guy encyclopedic knowledge of when things come out, but for the wrong reasons for beating up.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is. I do think why I get along with gay guys for real. Because I do. It is like an interesting. Like, I am stupid enough. But I do also appreciate women. Appreciate women on like, I respect them and want to fuck them.

[Unknown]

Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's kind of, you know, I'm a.

[Unknown]

That's amazing.

Okay. Stav. This is a nonrevar friend. Julio the woke mind Virus or the joke. Is that the fondest papyrus?

[Stavros Halkias]

Joke is the fondest papyrus.

[Unknown]

Okay. A psychopath or a cycling path.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, cycling path.

[Unknown]

Being addicted to your phone, being evicted from your home or being afflicted with a syndrome.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, I guess. Phone.

[Unknown]

Okay. And an ingrown toenail or an outgoing voicemail.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, outgoing voicemail.

[Unknown]

Well, that's good.

Wow, that was some groundbreaking stuff.

So, you know, we rank our guest performance on a scale of 0 to 1000 doves. It's named after a Lady Gaga song. 1000 doves.

[Stavros Halkias]

See, that's where my knowledge falls off. Yeah. Yeah.

[Unknown]

That was a deep cut in an already unpopular album.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Unknown]

No, it was popular.

It was very popular.

Have you seen Joker 2?

[Stavros Halkias]

Not yet. I am pumped at how much people hated that. It's crazy.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

I'm scared.

We were just talking about this in Chicago. Like, we didn't expect for it to just not go anywhere. Like, we thought either would be really good or something. Or like, at least really critically acclaimed like Joker was. Or such a flop that it would be funny, but it's sort of just like, oh, no, where is it?

[Stavros Halkias]

See, that's what I see. Okay. This is how much I love. I love shit that sucks so much that I actually. It's a fucked up. Cause it's fucked up that the fact that it's not for most people, it's not so bad. It's good. Means that it's so actually bad that to me, it's so bad, it's good. Like, I love. I can't wait. I can't wait to see it now in a way that I wasn't feeling before. Because I want to be like, mmm. I want to, like. I want to feel 40 minutes of nothing.

[Unknown]

That's how we felt about Madame Web.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we love Madame Web.

[Unknown]

Well, Madame Web. But Madam Web was funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

That got this so bad.

[Unknown]

It's like, this will get. This is like boring.

[Stavros Halkias]

But there's something. Yeah, there's something. I've warped my brain so much to ironically love shit.

[Unknown]

No, it's tough.

[Stavros Halkias]

Even Madame Web was good. But it's surface level bad. It's like, there's like levels of being a hater. It's esoteric hater.

[Unknown]

This is also you being a gay guy.

No, it's a gay guy.

You're looking for the camp element. You're like, this is not bad enough.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

Why isn't her wig worse?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Unknown]

I found myself last night reminiscing about. Cause I love things that Suck. And especially bars. When a bar is bad, I'm in heaven. And I used to love this bar called Love Gun that was started by Anderson Cooper's husband.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hell yeah.

[Unknown]

And it was in named after a kiss song.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a kiss song. Love Gone.

[Unknown]

Was he married? Did he get divorced?

Did they get divorced? I don't know.

I just think of him as a single dad. That's why he's so inspirational.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. A single dad that just descended from the Vanderbilts.

[Unknown]

This was like 10 years ago.

Okay. Okay.

And truly, they, like, Williamsburg was not ready for, like a dancey place yet. And they shipped gay guys in from Hell's Kitchen. The first shuttle they fully had a shuttle. Everyone that actually lived around the bar was like, well, I will never go to this. So two weeks later, completely empty. And I was like, this is my fucking spot.

[Stavros Halkias]

It does sound awesome. A gay dance bar that flopped is awesome.

[Unknown]

Truly. Zero people in attendance. The bartenders change the price of drinks every day because no one's there.

They like a terrible bar. And also, it's the best for having, like a birthday party or something. You're like, we're gonna take over.

It's heaven.

It's my stage.

Yeah. I was genuinely sad when it closed, but it was like, of course it closed.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I can't have a private club.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was nice while it lasted.

[Unknown]

Of God, I miss it.

So we rank from 0 to 1000 doves. I think your performance was incredible.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you.

[Unknown]

I actually really like that at some. You were being like, fast, fast, fast. And at some point you got really. You started, like, analyzing.

There were some asides and there were.

[Stavros Halkias]

Some tasteful asides, but you could. We couldn't go overboard. We couldn't go overboarding round. We had to get in the light. The lightning round's part of it too. Of course, sometimes you have to, you know.

[Unknown]

And you did it like, right in the middle. You were like, it's time for a intermission.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you. Wow. I appreciate it, guys.

[Unknown]

972 doves.

[Stavros Halkias]

That feels really good. Yeah.

[Unknown]

So wait, tell us about your sober year. How did it start?

[Stavros Halkias]

I turned 35 in February.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

So I mean, I'm about eight months in.

[Unknown]

Okay.

Sober from everything.

[Stavros Halkias]

Everything pretty. I mean, like, just boo. Yeah. Booze, pill. I mean, I was just getting really up and being very unhealthy for the last. Before this year, the last, I guess, three years, I just had, like, kind of a never ending. Once the pandemic ended, it was just a bender. And I got so fucked up. And so, like, I just felt so horrible. And it was like my life was going better. Like, that was the fucked up thing. It's like I was not feeling any consequences except my health.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then. And I could have kept going. Like, they would have let me keep touring until I died, but I was like, you know what? I don't want to, like, I don't want to be like, scared, you know what I mean? Because I'm just eating so much. And it was like my blood was just always like pork fat, dick pills, edibles, Vicodin, you know what I mean? I was like, I gotta fucking chill out.

[Unknown]

And you did cold Turkey?

[Stavros Halkias]

All of it, Pretty much. And the weed was the hardest thing. Cause I was so. That was my main. I mean, food was the hardest and is still the hardest, but that's kind of a.

[Unknown]

Well, you gotta eat.

[Stavros Halkias]

You gotta eat. Unfortunately, in a very fucked up way. I would love to be able to take soylent pills and not have to do it.

[Unknown]

That's all I want.

But yeah, literally the only joy in life is ordering one meal a week.

That's all I want.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

[Unknown]

This is one of our biggest differences. Like, I love restaurants and you do not give a. About them.

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't. You don't like restaurants.

[Unknown]

I mean, I like them, but I'm like, I don't want to have to go to them all the time.

I book. When we were in Chicago, in your.

[Stavros Halkias]

Perfect world, how many times a week are you at a restaurant?

[Unknown]

Well, so it's funny you asked that. My partner is a restaurant critic.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, hell.

[Unknown]

So he literally, his job is going constantly and I had to like, put my. I was like, I have to go once a week, otherwise it'll lose its magic.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure. For me, I get that.

[Unknown]

I know everyone at home is like, wow, he's so brave.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

But anyway. But I mean, that. That has only been going on for like six months. He was. That wasn't always a job. But before that, like, yeah, I would say a really nice restaurant meal once a week keeps me.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm with you. Yeah, I like that.

[Unknown]

And I like cooking. I don't want. I'm not one of these people that like, every night wants to order a different kind of takeout. Like, I enjoy cooking. I like the ba. Like, I like Greek food, I like home cooked food. But like, I mean, I'm going to a restaurant ordering a martini than ordering appetizers, pasta, burgers.

It's fun. Especially as I've Gotten older. I'm starting to appreciate it more.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, as you've gotten older, it replaces getting fucked up with your friends. You know what I mean? Now it's like, let's actually catch up. We don't see each other. You don't want to be hungover anymore. Like, that was another brutal. That's probably why I went. More weed than booze.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like the hangovers were getting brutal. Especially when you're unhealthy.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And. And yeah. It's just a fun. I'm with you. I like, in a perfect world, once a week and you get to see friends. Totally is incredible. But there is something to. I'm trying to get. So the sober has been fine. And then like, I'm trying to get. Like I'm just eating regular, just in a routine. But. But we were talking a little bit. You know, we had some time before the podcast started. Me and said. Right.

[Unknown]

Cause I was late.

About 20 minutes. About 20 minutes, whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Guess what?

[Unknown]

If I hadn't been late, we wouldn't have gotten that amazing intro. What would you guys have talked about?

Kind of a tight schedule today, you know, But I.

It's my process.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was saying that now. Cause I was. I was basically just hanging out. I also, like, took touring off, so I didn't tour at all. And I just. I acted in a couple things, but there was not. My schedule was pretty much just wake up, go for, like, nice little long walks, go to the farmer's market, cook, you know, grill out. Like, I was having such a healthy, incredible. And I was like, dropping weight and feeling good and like, feeling creative. And then I came back and I was like, all right. And I started doing stand up again three weeks ago, and my life has instantly fallen apart.

[Unknown]

Oh, no.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, it's not just that. It's like, we're shooting tires. I have a indie movie. Let's start a cult coming out. Which people. Please come. You know, Please come.

[Unknown]

Oh, yes. Thank you for promoting.

Thank you.

We have not asked you a single time.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's all right.

[Unknown]

Before you got here, I did actually get this information and forgot to say it.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, I forgot too. We were into the zone. I would prefer talking about fucking Patti LuPone over promoting as well, but. Yeah. And so I have to. I just did. I'm a man of extremes is what I'm realizing. And like, I went from doing nothing to doing. Doing four things. And there's no. And I could stay sober. I haven't. Even though I've wanted to get up when I feel the stress. That's been fine. But the first thing that goes is eating like a, like and it hasn't gotten too bad. I'm still in that phrase phase where you, you're still trying to create something unhealthy out of your healthy ingredients. So I'm like putting like mashing like protein bars into Halo top and you know what I mean, like mixing it up, pretending it's a DQ blizzard, you know, and putting a little bit of peanut butter. But my demons are doing push ups, getting ready for that first seamless order. You know what I mean? They're getting ready.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

It's crazy how easy it is for good habits to just.

[Stavros Halkias]

So fast. So fast. I worked hard as fuck for like six months and it took two weeks of like just being sort of stressed out and like just not even just having to have a schedule.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was like, fuck, I gotta eat.

[Unknown]

Well, that's the other thing is like when you develop good habits when you're unemployed. This happened to me too. Cause I, I like was unemployed for an extended period of time and then got a job. I was like, oh. So it wasn't that I was like becoming a better person. It was that like the only way to not be suicidal was to go to the gym because my career was in the tracks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's the Greek mindset. We're not meant to work.

[Unknown]

No.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're meant to philosophize and have and have and have.

[Unknown]

No, you're doing that thing where you say this is a cultural thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

You wouldn't be able to hang out the way we could hang out. I promise you that's the thing. I could do nothing forever and I would be fine.

[Unknown]

But not just nothing. The more, the more we do nothing, the more entitled we feel to be prescriptive of everyone else's behavior. It's like we gain power through lethargy. Like we're just like having, having like. It's like you're sitting at a cafe, you're having coffee in the morning.

[Stavros Halkias]

Ouzo and four hour coffee, by the way.

[Unknown]

Four hour coffee, four hour uzo.

[Stavros Halkias]

You would start shaking at two and a half hours. I'm just getting started. I feel two and a half hours.

[Unknown]

But they're also pumping themselves up with caffeine. You're like, how are all.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe then you take a nap.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You drink coffee for four hours, do nothing all day and then you're like, the sun's out, the sun's at its highest point. Time to nap. And Then they get up and fucking have dinner at 11pm, wake up after.

[Unknown]

That to Souvlakia, then go to the beach.

[Stavros Halkias]

But go to the beach from. From like 6:15 to 6:45, just to get the salt in, you know what I mean? The sun's going down. They got it all.

[Unknown]

And during that half hour, like, God, Greece is the most beautiful country in the world.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. H. I wish, man. One day. One day I'll get there.

[Unknown]

I do think I like not working, of course, but I don't like. I actually do get very annoyed when a country has a relaxed service industry.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Oh, we got that. I go buck. I get, like, mad in a way that is, like, unnatural that you got to.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got to solve that, brother.

[Unknown]

I get upset when America has a bat. Like, true. Because when I'm in America, I'm like, okay, so we're not having fun here. Like, we're expected to literally kill ourselves to, you know, have health care.

[Stavros Halkias]

Y.

[Unknown]

So I'm going to get that latte in time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Like in Greece, I'm like, all right. There's a give and take. Like, we're all chilling.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I. I'm. That's fully how I feel. And that's. Yeah, you're just chilling. That's what you have to, you know. Yes. The meal ends, put another 40 minutes until you get the bill. Minimum. Minimum.

[Unknown]

My favorite is, especially growing up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, we've done it again, by the way, so.

[Unknown]

Yeah, no, of course, of course, of course.

[Stavros Halkias]

One more point.

[Unknown]

And then we're trying to fight.

And you guys were like, no, no.

So let's say you go to a restaurant, okay. And you're like, how. You know, when's the next table for six gonna be available? The waitress will be like, well, you know, they just finished dessert, so, you know, they're gonna have. Wanna have a cigarette. So probably 45 minutes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. That's awesome.

[Unknown]

All right. Speaking of chilling.

Speaking of chilling, should we get into the topic?

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's get into the topic. Yeah, let's do it.

[Unknown]

And yeah, please tell us what your topic is and what is straight about it to you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, my topic is the man cave. The concept of the. Which is an incredible. It is one of the. It's one of these things that I do, in theory, think is awesome, but it also is, like, proof at how much so many straight couples just hate each other. You know what I mean? It's like one of the most clear, like, oh, you need a completely separate space that your wife is not allowed to ever Go into to have a good time, which is so it's like. But the elements of the man cave are incredible. Big ass tv, comfortable fucking chairs, a little mini fridge. You know what I mean?

[Unknown]

Loveliest decor you could ever imagine.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, I see my man cave is more of a woodsy feel, more cabiny.

[Unknown]

Oh, that's sort of my entire decor.

[Stavros Halkias]

Style, but you know what I mean, like that, like, kind of feels like the den or like that room. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so I love every element of the man cave. So that's why I just thought it was a very interesting topic for. As a straight topic. Because it's good, I think in theory. But it also just shows how much like, you know, just so many couples in America, Haiti, truly despise each other.

[Unknown]

I do think there's something like the despising is a very smart point. And I even think, like, culturally, I'm like, oh, I think I see you saying that. I'm like, I see the value in it right this second. Because straight couples can't have conversations. Really. Like, they can't be like. They can't be like, hey, I need some space tonight. So you have to be like, I have to build a new house.

So much of tradition, so many traditions are like. Or it's like the woman will have girls night. And she's like, well, it's sacred. Once a month we go and get trash. And it's margarita night. It's like, and if I don't do that, I'll fucking kill him. They each, like, the language of marriage is so prison. Like, we need. If she doesn't get her break, she'll snap. And if he doesn't get his break, he'll snap.

And one like, does need a break. One does need, like, alone time to feel some autonomy.

Sure, sure, sure.

But there's also, like, you could just. You don't have to have it be like, I have to do my girls night or I have to romantic.

It's this organic thing. Like in the perfect relationship. It's just like everyone sort of knows, like, oh, I see what, I'm watching something. My show in the living room, which he doesn't like. And I know that we have slightly different tastes, so he's just sort of like quietly gonna go to the bedroom and be on his laptop and that's not a big deal.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or even like just go outside or go for a walk, go for a drink with a friend or whatever. Exactly, yes. In a perfect world. But yet you absolutely. You can't have. Have you can't play it by ear. It has to almost be written into the constitution of the marriage. It's like, you are not allowed in here. You know what I mean?

[Unknown]

Yeah. It's very. Not improv based.

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. But I do. Having said that, I love. I do want a huge tv.

[Unknown]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

And a fucking, like, comfy ass ergonomic chair and a mini fridge. And like, just that stuff to me is important. And so it's like I've tried to just kind of sprinkle it into just the decor of a regular house.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

To just make it so it's like, yeah. This. There are. There are things to learn from the man cave, is my point. You know what I mean? The comfort, the abs. Comfort above all else.

[Unknown]

Well, I. And this is part of what's straight about it too, is it is like a little boy's dream of what his house is 100%. And it's like, you know, women have to grow up, whereas.

Well, that's one of the main men. And women.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Unknown]

As. As what's her name said, Dua Lipa said boys will be boys, but girls will be women.

Yeah.

So. Well, the other thing is, you know, part of decor is expressing yourself to the world. It's where you welcome guests. It's where. It's how people see, like, oh, this is what this couple's all about. But the thing about a man cave is, like, it's the man's biggest dream. Cause you don't have to show it. Like, it's like my little secret. I don't have to put a little throw.

It's a lack of a.

Guess what if I spill beer on the couch, I'm leaving it there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. But isn't it. Isn't it. See, but.

[Unknown]

But then you have your boy as well.

[Stavros Halkias]

But it is the bull. It's.

[Unknown]

That's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's for the bull. It's like being like, dude, check this out. And you might not even like some of the. I'm with you. That actually is the true Platonic ideal of the man cave is no one gets to see it. You get to actually live as you are. But even the man cave is subject to the whims of the boys. You know, even there is no. Actual. Which is.

[Unknown]

No. That's interesting. It's like you think you're escaping, you know, social criticism and stuff, but in fact, it's just the male version of a woman being like, well, I got the expensive dress and I hope everyone.

[Stavros Halkias]

Notices Yeah, I mean, I feel this.

[Unknown]

Way with, like, gay decor a lot, too, where it's like, we think we're, like, transcending all norms, and it's like, no, we're just creating the new gay.

Norm, like, which will become the new straight norms in approximately 25 years.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Unknown]

Because all of our houses are, like, quirky in the same ways. And, like, we all have, like, give.

[Stavros Halkias]

Me some examples here. So I can steal. So I can be ahead of the straight curve and just kind of steal immediately.

[Unknown]

Let's see. Well, you know, a big thing is vintage versus new. I feel like. Yeah, finding good vintage finds is a huge part of Gatorade.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that's big piece. You want big vintage pieces or do you want, like, accent vintage?

[Unknown]

I would say. I would say couch. Well, couch. We got a vintage couch once, and it was stunning, but it was so uncomfortable we had to return it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's an issue. But I definitely think that's where I draw the line. I can. The couch. Although that's having become a chair for me, guy. Right. Because I bought a chair because I was, like, watching so much one time I threw my back out because I watched television for 10 straight hours and I was like, I need a special chair for this.

[Unknown]

I like that. That is the conclusion. Like, wait a minute. I need a special chair for this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sometimes you're going to want to watch four movies, George. You know, it was movies.

[Unknown]

Well, that I respect. I think more people should be watching four movies rather than spending 10 hours watching love is Blind.

Oh, enough judgment.

[Stavros Halkias]

And obviously, sports is the other one. I can really crank a sports day. But a sports day, to me includes grilling. It includes getting up, getting a fucking little bevy. You're actually moving a little bit. You're tense. If it's your team, I'm fucking pacing around. So it actually is movies to me, that's the biggest. I can just sit in front of the TV for 10 hours kind of thing. But anyway, because I got. I have a. I've just become an expensive chair for me guy. I think I could maybe go couch more for the eye. But still, I just. Because comfort is such a core value of mine, I want my guests to also be incredibly comfortable. So I don't think I could do, like, a fun, you know, green couch or some shit that feels bad on your back.

[Unknown]

Wow, that homophobic. Yeah, the delivery of that green couch or something.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just guessing. Just guessing. I've seen a couple green couches.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I think that's the biggest. Sometimes I'm like, I'm not a real gay guy because my couch is comfortable. Like it would be like every time gay guys come over, I'm like, sorry.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sorry, sorry to provide lumbar support.

[Unknown]

Here's a question. What color is your couch? Currently?

I just got like a new. Well, a secondhand couch of course, but it's like brown leather.

Okay. What color is your couch?

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like a gray.

[Unknown]

Exactly. So the one of the big things is I feel like the one color a couch, a gay couch can't be, is gray.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Unknown]

Specifically a darker gray. There's something you can do with a more like not silver. What's the word I'm looking for? Like a more like a light gray that's almost in jewel. Sure, sure. Jewel, like. But all straight men gravitate towards dark gray couches.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Unknown]

And there's something so like dorm and teen.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, that's what, so what, what my couch is, is. So I've, I've been in the same apartment for 10 years now. I moved to Queens with, I moved into a three bedroom with three of my friends. So there's four of us. And our first couch was. I, I, I was subletting a place and my bed was a gray IKEA couch that I. There was a pullout and I was like, hey guys, they said I could have the couch. Yeah, should this be our couch? And so we just all got used to a gray couch in that corner. And then now I got. And then, you know, here 10 years later, it's just me. Right? So it's like everything is just a much better version of the IKEA stuff I have. Like, it is expensive and it is nice. Like it actually does look nice. But it is the best version of that IKEA cat. It's like a, fuck, I don't know, room and board or some shit. And it's like. But it is a gray big ass sectional for having all, like all my. It's such a big ass couch. Me and like my four best friends who are huge men can all fit into it. It's comfortable again, above all else.

[Unknown]

So by the way, we have a room and board sexual. So we can find common ground.

[Stavros Halkias]

There we go. And you know what I just realized? I have in Baltimore. So in New York I have a great couch. But Baltimore I have a place and we wanted to feel like a vacation home. So I do have. It's kind of, it is actually maybe I was sending shots of myself. It is kind of green. It's like more blue. It's like an aquamarine. But it was like. But the idea was like, you know, vacation home in Baltimore kind of thing, so. But I guess I was thinking vintage, high back, weird shape, green couch.

[Unknown]

I do think, though, that, like, for straight men, they think neutral is gray, and for gay men, they think neutral is the beige, brown, like, spectrum. Like, it's interesting.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're right. You're absolutely.

[Unknown]

I'm loving the theory. No, this is great.

I do. And I think.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think beige is kind of a choice.

[Unknown]

Exactly. Both of them want the same thing, which is like, neutrals. So that then on top of that, you can have a fun poster, you can have a fun frame thing, you can have a fun pillow. And so the goal is the same, but this is, you know, their mind works in different ways. Where straight men are just like, all right, so like a sort of T shirt material, dark gray.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep.

[Unknown]

This is. Maybe now that there's a straight guy on the podcast, I'm like, questioning my judgment.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's chat.

[Unknown]

But there is something where I'm like, I sometimes think straight men's decor is informed by, like, this is a placeholder until wife gets here. Because wife will do everything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

See, I guess. I mean. Yes. I just am not that, like, I. Who knows? The wife is not on the horizon. I have had. I'm a more of a Peter Pan straight guy that can't even fathom, like, having a family and responsibilities.

[Unknown]

So I Do I get gay coded?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. And so I. And I just want to be the kind of person who has some 10, you know what I mean? Like, I want to. I don't want. I want. When a woman comes into my life, I want there to be like, an argument over how things look. I don't want to be like.

[Unknown]

But that's like the classic bachelor mentality is like. And that's what. That's where, you know, the sort of more sophisticated version of man cave, which is bachelor pad.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

A man that has decided I'm gonna have taste.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, wait. Because that's what I'm working on right now. I'm like, I got. Rugs were a big thing that I got into. Like, because my mom also grew up. When I was growing up, my mom was repairing, like, Persian oriental rugs. That was her gig. She was a waitress in a Greek restaurant, and she would repair rugs. So I spent a lot of my time as a little kid just running around this antique rug store. So I really do like those aesthetics. And I bought a bunch of nice rugs for my place. And now I'm trying to get into fucking art, but it's like I don't know where to buy it. It's hard, you know what I mean? Like, where do I do it?

[Unknown]

Well, one thing that this is making me think of is that like, you know, like peacocking, like when like peacocks, like, have the big feathers to attract mates. Like, do straight men that want a wife actively not develop taste to show that they're open to a partner?

[Stavros Halkias]

Reverse peacocking. Because you guys are right. I know you said that. And I know a few guys that. It's like their wife will come in when they find one and just absolutely everything is just the nicest thing they sell at Target is what their house looks like.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And they're just ready for a woman to just tell them how to fucking know.

[Unknown]

The placeholder thing really is. So.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Reverse peacock.

[Unknown]

Reverse peacocking.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because there is. I have. There's definitely certain things that I like. My big ass chair. That's. And then maybe to come back around to the man cave situation, I don't want to live, you know, when I find a relationship, I don't want to be sequestered to the man cave. So I'm trying to figure out a way to sort of make man cave. The necessary man cave elements. I'm trying to fold them into a reasonable living room.

[Unknown]

So that's a bachelor pad then.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Unknown]

Don't you think? I sort of think, like when you like a man cave is for a bachelor pad, is making a man cave presentable, interesting and chic and hospitable to other points.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's suburban. A man cave is way more like suburban exer. Like, you know what I mean? Whereas like. Like, for example, instead of a big ass recliner, it is an expensive like fucking Norwegian chair. Yeah, something like that. But that is just as comfortable. And instead of a huge tv, I have a fucking projector. All of a sudden. Projector. It's like, ooh, we're in a movie theater. It's still just 100 inch television. Yeah, I still watch, but, you know, it's like a woman sees like a frame and it's like, what's that? And then you fucking. A projector starts up and it's like, wow, this guy's fucking. Yeah, he's a film. He's a fucking, you know, a cinephile. You know, I'm usually watching sports on it, but that doesn't. Nobody needs to know that. You know what I mean? I'm Watching.

[Unknown]

Hey, you're on record.

You're watching four movies in a ro.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's once a month.

[Unknown]

Developing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. Developing an illness because my back is still kind of fucked up from it.

[Unknown]

But damn.

[Stavros Halkias]

But yeah. Anyway, so that's. But I. The bachelor. Anyway, the. I didn't think about the bachelor pad as a. And maybe I say this now because I am a bachelor, but maybe inevitably, I will just end up with a man cave. Maybe I'm fighting. I'm fighting it.

[Unknown]

I wonder. I mean, we'll see. Hopefully, you know, when you find the one, maybe you're perfect Aesthetics will match. And they're on a masculine and feminine.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I think so.

[Unknown]

You do?

[Stavros Halkias]

I recently realized that when people want to get married, they are not thinking of a bad marriage. Like, I. I couldn't understand why.

[Unknown]

So wise.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? Like, I. Until this year, I was like, I don't get it. Every.

[Unknown]

Why would I want that?

[Stavros Halkias]

Everybody's parents that I knew hated each other, got divorced, cheated on each other, and then I realized, wait, they're not imagining that. They're just imagining. I want to be with the person who loves me the most and cares for me. And it's like, oh, wait, yeah, that would be fucking awesome if you find someone that's perfect for you. I think it's a little naive.

[Unknown]

Whatever.

I mean, it's the biggest denial of reality.

That's why you have to have a little cynicism.

Well, it's so. It's truly like one of the last remaining like, magical thinking things we have. Like, everyone has become so cynical, and yet somehow people still believe, miraculously, after so much evidence to the contrary, that marriage will work.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

It to me, literally feels like you have to do your hours. I really felt like taking my driver's test or something where it's like, I need to get 72 hours before I can really take this test. And it felt like I was like, I don't want to get married till we've been together for so long, and it's boring, interesting. So that I'm not thinking about it in a magical way.

Right, sure, sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

It just makes sense at this point, which is true. Sometimes you just see. Like, I remember I would just. You just see couples that you're like, that's never gonna work. And then just by the fact that they stay together, you inevitably get closer.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then maybe you figure maybe like over time, it's like, huh. I get like, they took something that had not as much natural compatibility, but over time they did actually work on it like adults and not try. And I was like, so that's also. And it's just taking me this long. I'm 35, to even consider that it might be possible.

[Unknown]

I actually think often people who are sort of find themselves in a position to get married and do it by default have a happier marriage than those who, like, fall deeply in love because it becomes more of, like, a business partner.

It's almost like the new, like, arranged marriage. The new self arranged marriage.

I mean, when I one time asked my grandmother, like, how did you and grandpa meet? And she said, you know, in that day, boys would whistle outside your window. And he was good at whistling. And then we got married a month later.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, your grandparents did a. He did a. Yeah.

[Unknown]

She was literally like, I. I was.

[Stavros Halkias]

He had the most incredible mating dance in.

[Unknown]

I mean, it literally is mating.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's incredible.

[Unknown]

She said the boys would whistle, and he was good at whistling.

Oh, like, my go.

[Stavros Halkias]

Awesome.

[Unknown]

And now you've been married for, like, seven years and have two children and.

Well, now I know she's crying on the phone all the time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, no, but, like, the music stop.

[Unknown]

She built a relationship around the whistle.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is true, though. It's like, the more the way, like, why are we depressed? Because, like, you're not just in a, like, scavenging berries and trying to survive. It's the same thing of, like, why, why, why aren't relationships fulfilling? It's like, because, you know, they're not like those old relationships where it's like, well, you just do get married. It's something that happens and you just, like, make. It's like, you know, you just make the best of it.

[Unknown]

We have too much choice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Way too much choice.

[Unknown]

But, well, 100%.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that's. And when you were saying do your hours in a relationship, I was thinking of it the other way because I feel like I've done my hours in, like, being single, where I'm like, sure, I know this sucks.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know this is fucking horrible.

[Unknown]

The devil you know.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know that, like, I've been destroyed. Any, like, idea of true love or, like, the people that I've really loved. It's like, oh, that didn't fucking work. And so it's like, well, you know, let's open up knowing how horrible this is. It's like, is marriage going to be bat worse than this? Probably not. Honestly. Even if I'm not. Even if I'm not super compatible with someone. And I also know not to expect that level of like. But Then at the same time, there's a party that's like. But maybe. You know what I mean? But maybe there is something.

[Unknown]

No, I'm actually. I have a really similar perspective on life in general of, like, optimism through pessimism.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

But it's like when things are. You're like, well, everything is horrible.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So maybe things will be better.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

[Unknown]

If it sucks, that's okay. Cause this also sucks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Everything sucks.

[Unknown]

You guys are literally being the kid in American Beauty Beauty who thinks a plastic bag is beautiful.

To be there. I do think a plastic bag is beautiful. You know who else does? Probably Jurgen Teller.

Yeah, that's true.

[Stavros Halkias]

So true. So true. But anyway, so. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Okay, well, what we haven't talked about yet, which, of course is the other side of this binary, is the she shed.

Okay. Can I say something? Never heard that term in my life.

Really?

Is that a thing people say?

[Stavros Halkias]

I have heard it, but it feels like one of those.

[Unknown]

Really?

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, when people say jilling off, it's like, no one says that. Just say a girl jacked off. You know what I mean? Like, that's what it. Like, it just feels like one of those. Like, there's equivalence for everything. It's like, no, there isn't. Yeah, there's no. You know, But. But having said that, I think there's nothing. I. So I actually do think there's something cool about the idea of people having separate bedrooms and then just choosing to sleep at, like, same house, separate bedroom. So it's like a she shed. You know, that's a horrible term that doesn't really exist. But I do think, like, in a. Maybe in a healthy place, like, everyone does have their own little zone, and it's maybe less of a thing. It's just like, you just happen to get a house where, like, hey, I'm in the garage more, and you get to your office is, like, your essential place. And it's like, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Maybe that's the biggest problem is all these labels on these rooms in your house.

[Unknown]

The issue is branding. The issue is branding.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course, branding.

[Unknown]

I mean, I sort of. Right now I'm. I'm thinking about, like, okay, wait, did. Did. Is this only an invention? Because Lowe's one day was like, we got to sell all these stupid Back.

To, like, when was man cave invented?

Literally, when was it invented?

[Stavros Halkias]

You're right.

[Unknown]

Because all of these things, it probably.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is a marketing thing because they were.

[Unknown]

Just like, we just have to sell all this stupid.

And it's. And by the way, it's really. Well, it worked because they're losing. You know, straight people would get married and then men would not have. Have. Would not be able to buy all the things they wanted because the woman was in charge of the decor.

[Stavros Halkias]

You get a whole nother living.

[Unknown]

Exactly. So I'm like, okay, so first of all, it's fueling the real estate market. Suddenly you need one more bedroom, of.

[Stavros Halkias]

Course, and neon beer signs through the roof.

[Unknown]

The way to get the economy back on track is to invent a new room that everyone has to have in their house. What could it be? And it can be queer inclusive, too.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, this is tough. Is it per person?

[Unknown]

The poly?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. The sex dungeon.

[Unknown]

That's. You said queer inclusive. That is where my mind went.

Yeah. Everyone needs a sex story.

Actually, everyone does need a sex dog. Like, imagine if there was a room to have sex in. I bet it would be, like, okay, fun. And also, then when you didn't have sex in the sex room, you'd be like, we're crazy.

Right? Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. Isn't that your bedroom? I guess.

[Unknown]

Yeah. But the bedroom is so, like, not sexy. It's like the bed is, like, where you sleep.

[Stavros Halkias]

And what do you go down the fuck room. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Do you feel. Do you relate to the, like, trope of wanting to have sex in many different rooms in your house?

I feel like that's a thing, actually.

You do? Okay.

I think it's like I do as well.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

It's a little. Especially.

Okay, living room. Fine.

[Stavros Halkias]

Getting sucked off in the kitchen. Like, what the hell's going on here? It's awesome.

[Unknown]

No, it's crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's fun. Yeah. It's like this daughter.

[Unknown]

Try it.

Matthew, cancel dinner plans tonight.

[Stavros Halkias]

Give it a whirl. Yeah, I think it is. Anything that's like a little, you know, that's also why I feel like people are more like, maybe there's again, a straight thing, but I feel, like, more adventurous on vacation. Oh, yes. You'll do some. Some freaky on vacation, straight life is all about escape. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Do I escape to my man cave? Do I escape on vacation? Do you get a honeymoon? Like, it's like if you sit still for more than two seconds, you're like, oh, God, Oh, God. Oh, God.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. Which I get.

[Unknown]

I mean, gay people escape, too. It's just like, through other parts, partners. Like, yeah.

No, you're absolutely right.

[Stavros Halkias]

You guys haven't figured out. You guys, it's like straight people don't haven't developed everything's oral tradition. There's no written language. You guys have figured out the rules of, like, you know what I mean? Like open getting the. Instead of cheating. It's like, well, it's not technically cheating.

[Unknown]

We talk about this all the time where we have to remind ourselves that cheating is a big deal. Like when someone, you know, when like a, you know, woman friend is like, he cheated. You have to be like, oh, right.

Oh, God, kill him.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is awesome. I respect that so much.

[Unknown]

It's the most, like, condescending gay thing when someone's like, I've been cheated on to be like, well, have you guys considered opening?

It's so hard to get in the zone.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's fucking awesome.

[Unknown]

It's like, just have a conversation about it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, who cares? You just gotta nut off when everything else is fine.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I'm sure he doesn't care about that girl.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's beautiful. That's a beautiful thing you guys got going on over there.

[Unknown]

It is confusing. It's confusing too, because it is one of things that really does disconnect us from straight culture. Because, like, it'll be like a topic of conversation when you're with straight people of, like, who's likely to cheat? Like, oh, who's like a morally bad person?

[Stavros Halkias]

And it's like.

[Unknown]

Like, I don't know how to hop into this conversation.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's like the currency. It's like there's so much sex inflation in with gay guys where the currency is crazy. It's like, everything costs 20. It's like when you, like, you go to Argentina or whatever, and it was like $20,000 for a loaf of bread. Bread. It's like, $1 of cheating in straight culture will ruin you, but it's like a dollar of cheating. Who gives a fuck? You have the. Really. You have to cheat so much as a gay guy for it to fucking register.

[Unknown]

That's a good point.

[Stavros Halkias]

You have to fuck like 1,000 guys and like, ignore. Ignore your husband's calls for two years. And then it's like the equivalent of getting head at a bar one night for a straight couple and that person's.

[Unknown]

Out with his girls and is like, do you guys think it's weird that I haven't seen him in two years? Nice. And he just got married to a different person in Nantucket. And they're like, sweetie, that is not okay. And then he's like, you guys are lame. Like, it's fine.

Well, this is also sometimes when you're like trying to talk to someone about a relationship. It does. Like, it unfortunately does have to be like a gay guy. Because you're like, only you will understand that this is what's normal and what's not.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right, right, yeah, yeah, because I.

[Unknown]

Get that, like a queer friendly, like, therapist or something. They're like, so, wait, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, no, no, no, I.

Was talking about this. We were talking about this on the Patreon. But after I got married, I was like, okay, you know how classic straight guy getting married is, like, is attract to other women, but he's like, no, dude. Like, you got to make this work. Like, don't.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

You know, succumb to it. I was having the opposite thing where I was like, you know, because it was like such a lovely week and everything. I was just like, I only cared about my husband. But I kept being like, no, like, you're gay, you have to like other guys. Like, I was like, I was like, not attracted to other people. And I was like, what the fuck? Like, you have to like someone now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's tough, man. Everyone's culture is a prison any way you look at it.

[Unknown]

No, it's true.

[Stavros Halkias]

You can't just be. You can't just be a romantic for, you know, three months. I have thought about that because I like, I've dated people in open relationships and I'm like, when they get married, is there like a two month period where I'm not allowed to fuck them or something? You know what I mean? Like, should I not hit her up? Because I see her ig, she's at her bachelor party, she's at her bachelorette. I mean, it does feel like there should be a small window.

[Unknown]

Honestly, I literally have just experienced this and it's very funny to see in real time. We're like, oh, okay, nobody move. Yeah, it'll be someone's last message to you was like something explicit. And then the next one is like, congrats, you two.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, is there an out of office gay married email where it's like, well, for the next four months I won't be getting sucked off by any of you guys in like four months.

[Unknown]

Come on. I only have one life.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, whatever.

[Unknown]

Maybe in the Midwest.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that is beautiful.

[Unknown]

It's honestly my approach to like, of my thinking of sobriety. Sometimes I'm like, you know, it'd be amazing to be sober for like one month.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, like a whole year.

[Unknown]

I'm like, damn, it's shooting high.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's purely like almost to prove to myself I can do it. It's a kind of like a willpower challenge of. Because I've wanted to get fucked up so bad.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Especially. Especially the more stressed out out. I'm like, it's gotten pretty. Like, I'm like, it would be so nice to just turn your brain off. That's what most of it is for me is like just silence all the worry or whatever. But I've stuck to it. And then I don't know. I mean, I'll probably. Who knows what happens in that year. I'm hoping to not get as fucked up, but I can't. I don't see myself ever being a totally sober person. Like, the thing that's going to kill me is not getting high as the week between Christmas and New Year's. That fake week that doesn't exist.

[Unknown]

When I tell you I was literally thinking about how much I'm looking forward to that week yesterday. I was just like, it's the best time my life.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that's. That's a four movies a day week right there. That's a.

[Unknown]

Movies during Christmas break.

[Stavros Halkias]

So good.

[Unknown]

Literally the one time I can be happy in my life.

[Stavros Halkias]

Eating leftovers, watching movies, ordering out some bad too. When you're done. I love it.

[Unknown]

So fun.

[Stavros Halkias]

So many desserts. So many different types of pie and cake.

[Unknown]

Damn.

[Stavros Halkias]

Awesome. And I'm going to be not high for that. And I'm not going to eat that many desserts.

[Unknown]

Just take a break that week.

Sam, you're being so dramatic.

[Stavros Halkias]

I can't second prove it to myself.

[Unknown]

If you don't do it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

One week.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have to prove it to myself that I can. And then I'm back.

[Unknown]

I have to say I'm really impressed. I really am.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you, fellas.

[Unknown]

Here's a question.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And. And then we have to close.

Oh, yeah. But here's a question coming.

How has your dating life been since you got sober?

That's a great question and so interviewy. I love it.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a good. I. To be honest with you, it's like the easiest thing in the world is to go for drinks or whatever. But I don't know. My life's been weird in general where it's like, I don't have much of a social life. And so most of my dates have been like, you know, come. Like, I come over, I'll. I'll grill something. Cause I'm trying to be healthy too. So I'm not trying to eat out. I'm not trying to drink out. So it's like. So sometimes I like, meet somebody. If it's a complete stranger, you're not just inviting them to your fucking home, but you'll just, you know, go get a drink, whatever, see what's up. Other times I have invited people directly into my home, you know, like, I guess I haven't been doing again.

[Unknown]

Gay guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have been kind of. When you get like, when you get Internet famous, it is kind of like living like a gay guy.

[Unknown]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because you get a lot of, of mentally ill women on the Internet who also behave like gay guys to just sort of come over, be like, hey, send you nudes. And it's like. So a lot of the Internet makes.

[Unknown]

Gay guys out of all of us in a weird way.

That's really interesting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. So honestly, my dating life has been kind of like a. It's been very, very like even people I've seen multiple times, it's like, hey, look, I haven't lived in one city between Baltimore and New York. I've been on the road, I've been shooting a couple things in different cities. I'm about to go tour. So it's like everything is very in flux. So it's like, you know, my dating life is just, hey, if we hit it off, come over, let's hang out. I'll grill up some marinated flank steak and some shishito peppers. One of my go to, one of my go to meals, little veggie, little fucking proteins. And then, you know, I'll have, I'll have booze. I want to be a good host. So I have like wine or like cocktails or whatever the fuck. But yeah, I honestly, it's been kind of nice. I get to live like a gay. Like, I get to see just a little fraction of how you guys live, you know.

[Unknown]

My follow up question, do gay guys hit you up?

[Stavros Halkias]

Not as much anymore. Okay. Before, I would say before I was famous. I'm not famous.

[Unknown]

I remember when you were listed on like Buy Comedians.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like out. Did like a listicle on my Instagram. Like they were like, buy me. Or like, like before I had any kind of like anything going on. And it was just about my body, like, not about my like, you know, successes or anything. Purely the gay community was hitting me up and like, you know, three, three women. And now it's like, it's a little more, you know, you know, I think just the more people find out about you, the more they're gonna come. And I've also talked about, I guess.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of fucking women and not. And people just assumed I was gay, I guess, before, when I was just nude on the Internet. Yeah. This was like 10 years ago though, right?

[Unknown]

You're really, you know, in Sex and the City when Samantha is representing that actor whose name I'm forgetting who she ends up dating. Smith Jarrett. And she's like, first you get. Because he was like, why am I holding like, gay vodka?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And she was like, well, honey, first you get the gays, then you get the girls.

Yeah. Now you're too.

[Stavros Halkias]

Literally did that.

[Unknown]

They're like, yeah, literally, we're not into. I mean, these guys on tv.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Unknown]

It's like if gay guys are obsessed with someone, it's like in 10 years.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, that's. Yeah, that is kind of what happened. Because I was. I had not. Like, that was before comptown. That was before, like, any. I was just a feature comedian. Ten years ago, you would post photo.

[Unknown]

Shoots with Mateo, like, fully nude constantly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And you said.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, I would like to say, for the record, I did him first. Okay. I would just like to say I brought Mateo into the nude world. This is a big argument. He's one of my best friends. I love him. We. A big argument. Of course. He's sexy as hell, carved out of marble. He's gonna take off. By the way, my account got banned because I was naked on it. And his. He got like, you know, a million followers the next day. Little body, little fat phobia in Zuckerberg's, you know, in Meta's algorithm. That's. But, you know, that's society. Whatever. But yeah, I would. It's not like I don't understand why people thought I was gay. I was like, naked on the Internet and then I did that for a year and I was like, hm, my hottest gay friend. Why don't you come over, show those abs and, you know, flop that dick around in my living room? It's like, yeah, I think it's safe to assume I wasn't. I was a gay guy also. But, you know, whatever, you know, that's what happened happens and I'm happy. And if anybody wants to beat off to me, no matter who you are, feel free. You have my. You have my blanket permission to jack off to me.

[Unknown]

That's really empowering for a straight guy.

To call you as a gay guy. For a straight guy, a straight friend to call you and be like, hey, want to come do a nude photo shoot in my apartment? That is like the plot of a Porn.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't think I'm literally the way.

[Unknown]

I would be there once I'm thinking.

About, like, all the straight guys. It's like, at this point, I'm old enough to not, like, fantasize about my straight friends, but it's like, what if suddenly they, as an adult, they were like, hey, come over and let's get naked?

Yeah, I don't fantasize to an extent.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right.

[Unknown]

They're, like, inviting the fantasy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, I get that. If. I mean, just to flip it around, if, like, any woman was like, do you want to be. Even if I didn't really want to fuck them, I'd be like, yeah, interesting, you know? But I don't know. I think we have a nice me to have a good. I don't think I'm his type. I think he likes more just. He's a chisel. He's more of a chiseled on. Chiseled guy, you know? So I think that was part of it. And, yeah, he's got too masculine for me too, you know?

[Unknown]

Yeah, of course not.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not gonna work. So we were just. There was no real sexual chemistry there. Just. Just two bad, perfect bodies. Yeah, just. Just respect for our perfect bodies next to each other. So it was. Yeah, but it was great. I miss those days, those early days of just being a nude slut on the Internet. No one really knew I was a comedian even. They literally really did lean in, though.

[Unknown]

Like, it was, like, pretty wild.

[Stavros Halkias]

I got the nude calendar, the 2025 calendar coming. I do a new calendar every year, so they're still out there. Just Instagram. Instagram will, like, take them down now, so I just. I just sell the calendar. So. Yeah, I'll send you guys a couple, please.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God, I would love that.

Yeah, that'd be awesome. I'll put the bathroom.

Please help her in my man cave. Should we do our final segment?

Yes.

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[Unknown]

So our final segment is called Shout Outs in the Grand Straight tradition.

[Stavros Halkias]

Love it.

[Unknown]

We give a radio shout out to anything that we are enjoying. Imagine it's 2001, you're at TRL shouting out to your squad back home, but about anything that you like. And I have one.

Okay, go.

What's up freaks, losers and perverts around the globe? I want to give a huge shout out to a good night's sleep. I have had a sleepless weekend and in a way that was crazy because I started out really hungover and I said, damn, I'm gonna get a good night's sleep tonight. Didn't slept for about four hours. Then the next night I was like, okay, I've never been so tired in my life. I'm about to get a good night's sleep. Didn't another four hours. What is wrong? What is wrong? Yesterday I thought I might die. And then I went and I slept at my friend Nick and Claire's apartment. And you better believe I felt so cozy that I slept right until 8:30 in the morning. And it was that type of sleep where you're like, oh, I'm like dizzy now. Like it kind of hurt to wake up. And I really feel that today I have a new lease on life. And I can't wait to see what amazing business deals transpire with the rest of my afternoon Shout out to a good night's sleep.

What's up crazy kids out there? I want to give a shout out to. Okay, I was on a flight. First of all, I've been watching the most amazing movies on flights recently. I watched the film Thelma. Have you seen this?

[Stavros Halkias]

I was gonna watch it and I didn't. I watched robocop instead.

[Unknown]

Oh my God, I love robocop.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was in in London and they were showing it. I wanted to go see a movie in theaters and they were showing yeah, Thelma. But then I saw like, oh, they're also showing robocop in a theater. So I saw robocop. But I want to see.

[Unknown]

Where is he by the way? What was his last movie?

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know. Didn't he do something recently?

[Unknown]

Did you like L is so good?

I haven't seen it.

Oh, my God. You gotta see.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'll see it.

[Unknown]

L is so.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, I'll. I'll watch it. I'll watch it.

[Unknown]

So Thelma was incredible, but last night, when I was coming back from Chicago, I hit play on Freaky Friday. It's fergling classic. And I was like, I feel like at this point, it's so cliche to be nostalgic for, like, early aughts stuff. But I was like, there's a reason it hits. This girl is a star.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Well, it hits because that was when you were young. Yeah. No, it's not. I did have a moment.

[Unknown]

I was like, damn. Were movies ever this good? Or since it's like, yeah, if I was like two years older, it would be a different thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Anyway, the point is, I want to give a shout out to Lindsay Lohan, one of our comedic greats.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Unknown]

You know, I'm rocking. Be ashamed to like you because it's. Because, oh, it's mainstream now to reclaim Lindsay Lohan. She is a great actress.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's an incredible musician, dancer, dancer, hair legend.

[Unknown]

And, you know, I'm just happy she seems to be doing well. And you. Our childhoods would not have been the same without you. Freaky Friday is a great film. You know, I'm happy. They're making a terrible sequel. Good for them. Like, maybe they'll make some money on max.com.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So shout out. Shout out to Lindsay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Shout out to Lindsay. I mean, you want to talk about where the Venn diagram of stuff gay guys like and stuff straight guys like, Lindsay Lohan definitely is.

[Unknown]

She was my, like, high school, like, celebrity crush to see straight.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm straight guy. Yeah. Yeah. Again, I know a couple. I remember a couple photo shoots that. That very problematic in hindsight, SNL sketch. But I was a fan at the time. I must say, I didn't mind it.

[Unknown]

I remember being like, well, this is just comedically genius.

[Stavros Halkias]

Y. Yeah, Shout out. Just. I'm gonna follow up on your Lindsay Lohan shout out for sure. And then I'm just gonna say shout out to interesting diet sodas. You know, the Coke Zero Oreo, limited edition collab. I'm all over it. A&W Zero sugar, root beer. Big fan of that.

[Unknown]

Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

So that's been a big sobriety thing is like, whenever I want to, like, smoke a joint or knock back a cold one, I'm like, let's get a weird diet soda in the mix. So I'm just that's really helping me out a lot, I guess. Halo top ice cream. Sort of met Sedone. Ben and Jerry's to me. I'm going a little overboard on both of those right now, but I'm gonna reel it back in. Yeah, that's. Shout out to that man. Shout out to diet. To tastier diet foods than, you know, our four fat fathers ever got to enjoy.

[Unknown]

You're always picking one straight thing and one gay thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's either steak and shishito peppers or.

[Unknown]

Like disgusting sodas and halo tea.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, it's.

[Unknown]

It's. It's really interesting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you.

[Unknown]

No, I love it. You always keep us guessing. Well, Stav, this has been an absolute delight, but let's tell the folks at home once again what projects you have coming up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, let's start a cult in theaters. It's 1025. It's a very stupid cult. It's a 90 minute dumb comedy. Right? It's like, I just want to make the stupidest movies of all time. It's just fun. I really.

[Unknown]

And you wrote it with Wes Haney.

[Stavros Halkias]

I wrote it with Wes Haney. Ben Kitnick. We have a lot of friends, maybe people who've been on the show.

[Unknown]

Claire Kane's in it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Claire okay's in it. Edie's in it. Joe Pera's in it. We have some great past guests. And yeah, it's in. I assume this is. This podcast is in only major cities. So that's where the movie is playing. It's playing in like, it's playing in like seven major cities. So please go see it. And yeah, look out for that. Stavi's World is my podcast and I'll be on three tour next year. I'm going to announce a tour in a couple weeks soon. So if you. If you liked me and you want to come see me live, keep an eye out for that. But yeah, mainly the movie. I hope people see it.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, see the movie.

Well, thanks for doing the pod.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course.

[Unknown]

Thanks for having me.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've been waiting to, you know. Oh, my God, I've been gone. We had so much fun on my podcast. I gotta get it. I gotta get it.

[Unknown]

We gotta come back.

[Stavros Halkias]

Come back. Come back, please.

[Unknown]

That was so fun.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Well, a dream.

Bye. Podcast ends now.

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Stradiolab is a Production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.

Created and hosted by George Severis and.

Sam Taggart executive produced by Will Ferrell Hansani and Olivia Aguilar co produced by Bay Wang Edited and engineered by Adam.

Avel artwork by Michael Fales and Matt.

Grove Theme music by Ben Kling.

[Stavros Halkias]

You wake up, put on your Ray Ban Meta glasses. You're living all in. You realize you need coffee so you.

[Unknown]

Say hey Meta, how do I make a latte? Brew two shots of espresso.

[Stavros Halkias]

After Meta AI gets you caffeinated, you're ready for some beats. Hey Meta. Play hip hop music. You head to meet some friends but can't remember the place.

[Unknown]

Hey Meta.

[Stavros Halkias]

Call Eva Ray Ban Meta Glasses the next generation of AI Glasses. Just say hey Meta to harness the.

[Unknown]

Power of Meta AI, shop now at meta.com smartglasses hey comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh at the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Katsuka, Chelsea Handler, Jimmy Carr, Kathy Griffin, Matt Matthews, Matt Rife, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Stavros Helkias, Wanda Sykes and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy.

[Stavros Halkias]

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[Unknown]

You ever get that feeling like the concrete jungle's closing in, you crave wide open spaces, the chance to chase your own dinner or just breathe clean air. Well, listen up. There's a whole world out there waiting and finding your piece of it just got easier. Head over to land.com they've got ranches, forest, mountains, you name it. Search by acreage, price, location. They've got it all. No matter what kind of wild dream you're chasing, Land.com can help you find the ground to make it a reality. So quit dreaming. Head over to land.com. find your open space and get out there.