"Online" w/ Patti Harrison (GaytioLab)

Summary

StraightioLab: "Online" w/ Patty Harrison (GaytioLab) – Detailed Summary

Release Date: June 10, 2025

In this engaging episode of StraightioLab, hosts George Severis and Sam Taggart, alongside special guest Patty Harrison, delve deep into the intricacies of LGBTQ+ culture, inclusion, and personal dynamics within the community. This episode, titled "Online," masterfully blends humor, intellectual discourse, and personal revelations, making it a standout installment for both regular listeners and newcomers.

---

1. Celebrating Pride and Questioning Inclusivity ([02:26] - [05:04])

The episode begins with a festive acknowledgment of Pride Month, where George and Sam express their pride in being part of creative hubs like New York and Los Angeles. However, they quickly pivot to a critical examination of what it means to feel pride within these spaces.

Notable Quote:

• George Severis [02:44]: "Happy pride to Everyone in America only."

This opening sets a tone of playful critique, questioning whether Pride has become too regionally and demographically specific, potentially excluding broader segments of the LGBTQ+ community.

---

2. Introducing Patty Harrison and the "Third Person" ([05:04] - [06:25])

George and Sam introduce Patty Harrison as the "third person” to their revamped LGBTQ+ circle, emphasizing trust and genuine connection. They discuss the importance of rebuilding the community around genuine relationships rather than exclusive criteria.

Notable Quote:

• George Severis [05:04]: "there's something beautiful in making pride more exclusionary rather than more inclusive, don't you think?"

This segment highlights their intention to expand the community inclusively, inviting listeners to rethink traditional boundaries of Pride and belonging.

---

3. Metaphorical Exploration: Sharks as a Symbol ([06:25] - [20:28])

The conversation takes a creative turn as the trio uses sharks as metaphors to discuss societal perceptions of LGBTQ+ individuals. They explore themes of fear, misunderstanding, and protection within both environmental and social contexts.

Notable Quotes:

• Patty Harrison [15:37]: "We have to be really careful not to correlate those things."
• George Severis [16:12]: "The shark metaphor can apply to every single thing in life... they are deadly, but we have to protect them."

Through these metaphors, they address how LGBTQ+ individuals are often misunderstood and unfairly judged, much like the unfounded fears surrounding sharks. This analogy serves to promote empathy and a deeper understanding of diversity within society.

---

4. "Straight Shooters" Segment and Emerging Conflict ([33:46] - [50:27])

The episode transitions to a playful game segment called "Straight Shooters," where Patty answers rapid-fire questions to test her alignment with straight or gay culture. The game is designed to be humorous but inadvertently surfaces underlying tensions.

However, the tone shifts when allegations of past thefts and broken trust between Sam and Patty come to light. The segment morphs from lighthearted fun to a dramatic confrontation, revealing real emotional baggage and strained relationships.

Notable Quote:

• George Severis [46:25]: "the reason Sam is afraid that you're gonna steal his stuff is because you have been known to steal his stuff."

This unexpected turn adds depth to the episode, blending scripted humor with genuine personal grievances, making the discussion more relatable and multifaceted.

---

5. Tensions Rise: Confrontations and Emotional Revelations ([50:27] - [84:25])

As accusations fly, Patty expresses discomfort and defensiveness over the resurfacing of past issues. George and Sam navigate the delicate balance between maintaining comedic elements and addressing real emotional pain.

Notable Quotes:

• Patty Harrison [80:58]: "even fake reconciliation can give us a bump of dopamine in such a dark world."
• George Severis [77:30]: "We can consider this a form of healing. I forgive both of you. You forgive me, and that's final."

The trio engages in a heartfelt reconciliation, emphasizing the importance of forgiveness and moving forward. This segment underscores the complexity of maintaining authentic relationships within the public and performative space of a podcast.

---

6. Final Shout-Outs and Positive Closure ([84:26] - [90:07])

Returning to a lighter tone, George, Sam, and Patty wrap up the episode with a series of shout-outs. They highlight personal interests, favorite brands, and community spots, blending humor with genuine appreciation.

Notable Quote:

• Patty Harrison [88:50]: "I just started riding roller coasters again and I forgot how good it feels to be shaken around and thrown upside down."

These final moments provide a refreshing contrast to the episode's earlier tensions, leaving listeners with a sense of camaraderie and optimism.

---

7. Key Themes and Insights

• Inclusion vs. Exclusivity: The episode critically explores how Pride and LGBTQ+ communities can sometimes become too narrow, excluding broader and more diverse experiences.

• Metaphorical Storytelling: Using sharks as symbols, the hosts creatively address societal fears and misunderstandings about LGBTQ+ individuals, promoting empathy and protection.

• Authentic Relationships: The intense personal confrontation between Sam and Patty highlights the challenges of balancing personal relationships with public personas in a podcast setting.

• Humor and Vulnerability: The blend of humor with genuine emotional discourse provides a nuanced perspective on modern LGBTQ+ culture and community dynamics.

---

Conclusion

"Online" with Patty Harrison (GaytioLab) is a compelling episode of StraightioLab that navigates the delicate balance between humor, intellectual discourse, and personal vulnerability. Through creative metaphors, playful segments, and heartfelt reconciliations, George, Sam, and Patty offer listeners a rich exploration of LGBTQ+ culture, emphasizing the importance of inclusion, understanding, and authentic connections within the community.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• George Severis [02:44]: "Happy pride to Everyone in America only."

• Patty Harrison [15:37]: "We have to be really careful not to correlate those things."

• George Severis [05:04]: "there's something beautiful in making pride more exclusionary rather than more inclusive, don't you think?"

• Patty Harrison [80:58]: "even fake reconciliation can give us a bump of dopamine in such a dark world."

• George Severis [77:30]: "We can consider this a form of healing. I forgive both of you. You forgive me, and that's final."

This episode serves as a testament to StraightioLab's ability to blend humor with meaningful conversations, providing both entertainment and thoughtful insights into the evolving landscape of LGBTQ+ culture.

Transcript

[Sam Taggart]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[George Severis]

This is Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang.

[Patty Harrison]

This podcast is sponsored by PayPal.

[George Severis]

All right, readers, Katie's Publicist finalist Kyle's it's time to talk about one of.

[Patty Harrison]

The most iconic payment brands out there.

[George Severis]

That's right, it's PayPal. PayPal lets you do you, meaning you can pay your own way.

[Sam Taggart]

PayPal offers people flexibility on how they can pay.

[George Severis]

Once you click the PayPal button, you.

[Sam Taggart]

Can choose from a bunch of payment.

[George Severis]

Options, including paying later with PayPal at.

[Patty Harrison]

Millions of online stores.

[Sam Taggart]

Iconic pay in store, pay online, pay overtime.

[George Severis]

Don't just pay PayPal.

[Sam Taggart]

Learn [e-mail] Listen to your elders, honey. You might know them from their viral videos. But now the old gays pull back the curtain on their brand new podcast Silver Linings with the Old Gays, brought to you in partnership with iHeart's Ruby Studio and Veeve Healthcare. Hosts Robert, Mick, Bill and Jesse serve four lifetimes of wisdom when it comes to sex, love, community and whatever else they've got on the gay agenda. So so check out Silver Linings, available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. NBC Nightly News Legacy isn't handed down or NBC News.

[Patty Harrison]

I'm Tom Brokaw.

[Sam Taggart]

You hope to see you back here.

[George Severis]

I'm Lester Holt. It's carried forward. Tom Yamaz is there for us. Firefighters are still working around the clock. As the world changes, we look for what endures. We are coming on the air with breaking news right now. We look for a constant and from one era to the next, Trust is the anchor for NBC Nightly News. I'm Tom Yamas.

[Sam Taggart]

A new chapter begins NBC Nightly News.

[George Severis]

With Tom Yamas evenings on NBC.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th, score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Keebler cookies, Popsicle frozen treats, Smart water, silk almond milk, Folgers coffee and Kerrygold butter. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit out albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Sam Taggart]

Podcast starts now. Welcome all to what used to be known as Stradiolab. But for today, the one magical day of the year, it's Gadiolab. Happy celebration of pride. Happy pride.

[George Severis]

Happy pride to all. Happy pride to Everyone in America only. So let's start there.

[Sam Taggart]

Of course.

[George Severis]

Happy pride. And when we say pride, we mean we're proud to be American and on.

[Sam Taggart]

Top of America only. I'd like to narrow it even further to specifically the coasts.

[George Severis]

Yeah, the coasts. And when we say LGBTQ pride, we mean gay men.

[Patty Harrison]

Mm.

[George Severis]

So gay men. We're proud to be gay men in the United States of America.

[Sam Taggart]

Specifically the large cities.

[George Severis]

That's right. And of course, not every large city.

[Sam Taggart]

And of course, not every large city. I'm speaking specifically about the pride of being in a creative city.

[George Severis]

Yeah. And what would qualify as a creative city, do you think?

[Sam Taggart]

I think it would count as either New York or Los Angeles.

[George Severis]

Do you think it's just those two?

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, actually, I'm getting word it's just New York.

[George Severis]

That's what I thought. You hadn't gotten the memo yet.

[Sam Taggart]

And, in fact, I'm getting word it's only, like, a few specific parts of Brooklyn.

[George Severis]

Well. But also downtown Manhattan. Well, you don't think it's downtown Manhattan?

[Sam Taggart]

I'm just not sure anymore.

[George Severis]

I have to tell you, a lot of parts of Brooklyn are even less creative than the Upper east side at this point.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I'm not including all of Brooklyn, George. I'm just.

[George Severis]

So which parts?

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, Bushwick.

[George Severis]

Wrong.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, which part?

[George Severis]

You've been gone too long. You've been gone too long, Sam. Bushwick is now all families that live in two bedrooms and they have five nannies, and all of them, you know, they are, on paper creatives. But what that means that they work in advertising.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, well, then I don't feel pride anymore. How about that?

[George Severis]

Wow.

[Sam Taggart]

It's official. If I can't feel pride in proud to be an American. And by American, I mean a person in a creative city. And by a creative city, I mean New York. And by part of New York, I mean just one part. And that means Bushwick, Brooklyn, then I'm not proud anymore.

[George Severis]

I actually think we can make it even more specific and say that pride is only for if you are Sam Taggart or George Severis. And it kind of. Excuse me, we haven't brought you in yet. And I think that it can be like, there's something beautiful in making pride more exclusionary rather than more inclusive, don't you think?

[Sam Taggart]

Wow, this is so true. We're taking the debate about, like, whether bi girls bringing their boyfriends to pride is good or bad.

[George Severis]

It's not about that.

[Sam Taggart]

It's not about that. It's. Are you me or are you you?

[George Severis]

Yeah, I'm sort of tired of trying to negotiate who's included, who's excluded. I know one person who is included. Me. I've always been there. I've always been there. I've gone every year I've gone to some event. Some years I go to a big parade. Some years I go to maybe some counter programming, or maybe I'll go to Reese beach just with my girls, and we'll be like, God, we're so glad we got out of the city for the big parade, because we don't want to be around all the riff raff, some of whom are not even included in Pride. And so I think it's nice to know, if you look at the data, I've always been included. And if you look at the data, you've always been included. So how about we start there and then start building rebuilding the LGBTQ community around just the two of us?

[Sam Taggart]

I think that's an amazing idea. What an awesome orbit to be a part of.

[George Severis]

And you know what's interesting? Today, actually, we have chosen the third person that we are inviting into the new and improved LGBTQ community.

[Sam Taggart]

It starts with one.

[George Severis]

It starts with one. And I was like, you know what? Let's start with someone we trust, someone we think is definitely lgbtq. Like, I've seen her at Pride events. I know that she associates with a certain kind of community, and I think we can start with her, and then as we go, we can just rebuild.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, the rebuilding starts now. Please welcome to the podcast. Patty Harrison.

[Patty Harrison]

Thank you so much. I'm sorry I had an outburst. I just didn't realize you were building up to including me in that. So I'm really glad that it went there and it taught me a little lesson about being a little more patient, about, you know, that maybe I could be included at the end of something that it sounds like at the start of the conversation about it, I'm not included. And I think inclusion is more important now than it was before, but not ever.

[George Severis]

Okay, that's a really good point, Patty. So when would you say inclusion was most important? And when would you say it was least important?

[Patty Harrison]

I don't feel qualified to talk on that.

[Sam Taggart]

But you're one of the three people.

[George Severis]

You're one of the three only LGBTQ plus people.

[Patty Harrison]

Okay, So I have to say I. What? I am woman born. Woman. I have. I was born with eggs, ovaries, vagina, really. When I was born, it was really small. Huge breasts grew as I grew older.

[George Severis]

Weren't you. Weren't you born with big double Ds.

[Patty Harrison]

Okay, I guess we're just gonna go there.

[Sam Taggart]

You guys are just gonna go there.

[Patty Harrison]

Go there. A D, A D. Oh, it was a single D. Yeah. And that's. They thought. My mom thought she was having triplets in the ultrasound.

[George Severis]

Yeah, but it was just your huge breasts.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, each a breast. But it was. It still was as much pain, I think, as delivering triplets because they had to deliver me at first, then the left one, then the right one. And the ass was huge too.

[Sam Taggart]

But there's no measuring system, so you can't say how big exactly.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, we're still so behind, actually.

[Sam Taggart]

Why isn't there a measuring system?

[George Severis]

That's a really good point. Literally, it's just as much of a big deal. And I actually say this as. You know, I'll say it. A man with wider than average hips. You know, often I will have to google wide hips.

[Patty Harrison]

Wait, is that true? I've never clocked that about you.

[George Severis]

I mean, listen, I'm not saying I look like a monster from a cartoon or something, but I'm saying there are certain proportions that the default man has and my hips are slightly wider.

[Sam Taggart]

And I would like to say that as someone since moving to Los Angeles, I've noticed my ass getting smaller and smaller by the day. And I would like to measure actually how much ass is being lost daily.

[George Severis]

I do want to follow that up, Sam, by saying it's interesting you're saying it since you moved to Los Angeles, when in fact I believe it's because of an injury you can't exercise. Is that correct?

[Sam Taggart]

But because of this very injury, I'm doing way more leg and glute work.

[Patty Harrison]

Oh.

[George Severis]

So your ass should be getting bigger.

[Sam Taggart]

It should be getting bigger. And yet. And yet, and yet. The day to day life in Los Angeles just doesn't work the ass in the same way.

[Patty Harrison]

Can you. Can you tell me what the injury was or is that threw my back out?

[Sam Taggart]

I have had a herniated disc.

[Patty Harrison]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm doing physical therapy.

[Patty Harrison]

Back. Back pain is really tricky and complicated and hard and.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, it's the real deal.

[Patty Harrison]

Well, I'm. I'm sorry it's making your ass shrink.

[George Severis]

No, I sort of. I think. I think all chronic pain is fake. But back to Patty's. Patty's various qualities.

[Patty Harrison]

At birth, I only date men and I've never been sexually attracted to women.

[George Severis]

Okay, okay, so you.

[Patty Harrison]

But the man. The men can be gay.

[George Severis]

You think men can be gay? Do you think women can be gay?

[Sam Taggart]

No.

[George Severis]

The men that I. I'm.

[Patty Harrison]

That you date can be gay, right? And I think that makes I.

[Sam Taggart]

Are they bi then or.

[Patty Harrison]

I don't. That's for them. I can't speak for them.

[George Severis]

Sure. Do you think, Patty, the fact that you date gay men makes you LGBTQ plus?

[Patty Harrison]

I think I should be in there. I'm going after him. I say, I like. I like the way you sachet. I can't. I can't fan. I can't find a straight guy at. I don't. I don't know what a straight place is in la. In. In Chelsea Piers at the golf.

[Sam Taggart]

You brought up another. A gay location.

[George Severis]

Chelsea Pierce is gay.

[Sam Taggart]

Chelsea Pierce is like, where gay guys go to hook up.

[Patty Harrison]

No, it's where straight guys go to play golf. They go to hit. They go to the driving range.

[Sam Taggart]

I mean, yes, there is a driving range there, but historically, it's like sort of a shorthand for, like, fag. You know, it's like, Patty, I'm really.

[George Severis]

I'm starting to think, like, should you have been the first person we added to the queer community?

[Patty Harrison]

No, don't second guess this. I'm so excited to be included in everything, and I'm sure someone in the other room is screaming at me to get closer to the mic.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, I can feel myself screaming at myself.

[George Severis]

So I do want to go back to Patty. When you think inclusion was most important and when you think it was least important.

[Patty Harrison]

I think inclusion was probably most important. I think in. In the period of when. When sea life was starting to grow, the fins were turning into limbs and they were starting to crawl ashore. Because I think if you weren't included in that, you were just staying in the water and you weren't getting. Getting to enjoy the many benefits of the land.

[Sam Taggart]

Do you think it was more queer to grow limbs or to keep fins?

[George Severis]

Such a good question.

[Patty Harrison]

You know, as much as I would like to say growing fins is. Or keeping your fins is queer because of, like, the Little Mermaid, I actually think the Little Mermaid is not a story about, like, beautiful transformation. It's about the power of how you need to change from the thing that you were that was beautiful into the thing that everyone likes and accepts in order to be in society. And I think that is a straight, straight, straight story. So I think actually growing legs to get away from mermaids like that and become a straight person in society, I think that narrative is also straight. And so I'm arguing with myself right now out loud as I'm talking to you both.

[George Severis]

Do you Think maybe the first few people to grow legs were queer, were like punk rock, you know, because that, because they were in the minority, they were doing something new. But then they started growing a critical mass of people who had legs. And at a certain point it actually became assimilation for you to also grow legs and get on land. You know what I mean?

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, I think that's an incredible hypothesis, George. I really. I can see that 100%. I think it would probably be really difficult for the ones not growing legs around them to look at the ones growing legs and being like, what happened to my partner? And they weren't saying partner then because that has been like a thing that people are just now adjusting to. What happened to my boyfriend?

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, think.

[George Severis]

Yeah. Back in the times of early evolution, everyone was saying only boyfriend and girlfriend and not partner.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I think whales and dolphins are potentially sort of the old queens of the world. You know, they're sort of like. Well, back in my, like in my day that we didn't have all this, you were either you were queer or you weren't. You know, it was sort of that vibe.

[Patty Harrison]

Oh, well, what I will say is whales and dolphins are actually like a more recent evolved species. Yeah. Sharks actually, sharks have experienced less change.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God.

[Patty Harrison]

Like the, the hundreds of millions of years. I guess in that experience, dolphins and whales are relatively.

[George Severis]

In that sense, they are. In that sense, they are. Sharks are sort of similar to old, you know, like an old conservative, regressing, regressive person. You know, they have, they have the bite to them and they're a little bit like, this is my turf. Get off my Gran Torino, Clint Eastwood coated.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah. Being like, I, I hate what you are, but you're lucky I'm here.

[George Severis]

That's right.

[Patty Harrison]

To save you from gangs.

[George Severis]

But then, you know, of course it also goes all the way around where people become so afraid of sharks and become so anti shark that then sharks are in fact under attack in the way that, you know, certain boomers in America, like, don't have a pension.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah. I gotta say, sharks are under attack in the way that maybe like transgender people are trying to use a bathroom.

[Sam Taggart]

Wow.

[George Severis]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Patty Harrison]

Like, like, say that again. They think sharks are dangerous. They, they build up this like, fake fear that sharks are, are going to go into the bathroom and like. Oh, and. And hurt women when sharks can't, literally can't go into the bathroom because they are in the water. O.

[George Severis]

So this is, I really like the idea of.

[Sam Taggart]

I had never thought about it like.

[George Severis]

This, starting a metaphor, but then collapsing the divide between the real and the metaphor. So the metaphor is that sharks are like trans people, but then the reasoning is that they couldn't go into the bathroom because there's sharks. They're in the water.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

I want to say that, you know, metaphors aside, there's this thing I read an article that was about how sharks are, like, being more protected by environmentalists and so beaches actually are more dangerous. And I'm like, wait, no, this is.

[George Severis]

The give and take. The shark metaphor can apply to every single thing in life, which is they are deadly, but we have to protect them. And our role in this world as people is to figure out that paradox.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah. I do think that sharks are naturally in that environment, and they're a sign of a healthy ecosystem. And I think if you're in any area where there's, like, no fish at all, then that's a sign that the. The ecosystem is in peril. Or maybe you're swimming in, like, dirty water where they're dumping chemicals. It's just an inherent risk of going into the ocean, if you like to swim in the ocean. But a lot of sharks, if you look at the statistics there are. It's kind of astronomically low. It is so insanely, insanely unprobable that you will ever get bit.

[Sam Taggart]

I know.

[Patty Harrison]

Shark in your lifetime.

[Sam Taggart]

But, like, so many people, like, say they're. They're in the beach, they're at the beach maybe once a summer, you know, the way I'm hitting the beach, my odds are going up astronomically.

[George Severis]

You think you're especially in danger, Sam, because you're going to the beach a lot over. Over the summer especially.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm victim number one. Plus, I know how sharks think. And they're gonna see me frolic, and they're gonna say, I'm gonna take him down a peg.

[Patty Harrison]

I'll know. You swim?

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Patty Harrison]

You splash really hard.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm splashing, I'm flipping. I'm riding the waves.

[Patty Harrison]

They say you don't trim your nails so that they're like your toenails are scraping yourself and you're getting little cuts.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. Blood is always flying everywhere I go because I live so freely that blood flow flies out of my skin, and. And so I know that I'm a target.

[Patty Harrison]

I think that's really scary, I think, with, like, the hiv.

[George Severis]

Thank you, Patty. Keep going.

[Sam Taggart]

Thank you.

[George Severis]

Thank you for bringing that up.

[Patty Harrison]

And. And I. And I feel like connecting in my brain right now. I feel like it's coming basically, like, the AIDS crisis. It's like that. Even though that, like, gay people aren't the only people get aids, they became kind of like this target demographic for like, the way the narrative publicly tried to add that as like another way the gay community is like a pariah in some way or that they're unfit. They. If we allow them to grow, they won't be able to take care of themselves because they don't have self control. Beach life is not necessarily like intrinsically gay, though I would say being gay is intrinsic to beach life, but I think, like, street, because straight people love the beach and they love to splash and swim. But I think when the way gay people swim like you do, I think it subjects them to a higher rate of. A higher risk of shark attack.

[George Severis]

Shark attacks?

[Sam Taggart]

Of shark attack.

[Patty Harrison]

We have to be really careful not to correlate those things.

[George Severis]

You're absolutely right, Patty. And I think it's like in the same way that during the AIDS crisis, organizations, like, would sort of promote safe sex rather than promoting, like, I don't know, conversion therapy. We need a. We need a, like a harm reduction model for the epidemic of gay guys being bitten by sharks because they like the beach so much.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, well, it's like, don't go swimming right after you've been, like, gaped because. No, don't laugh.

[George Severis]

No, I'm sorry.

[Patty Harrison]

There are odds that you have experienced more. More substantial micro tears if your anus has been kind of worked. Worked in left and right and up and down. Yeah, of course, the seawater's just getting in there. And so the tide comes in, goes into the anus, collects some of that blood, washes back out. A shark can smell that from over a mile away.

[George Severis]

Yeah, it's kind of like a cavernous cave. And, you know, you, like, hear the sound of the ocean go in and then go out. And the sharks love that.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah. And, well, they'll take anything they don't want to eat people. But a gay asshole like that that's so worn out, it's kind of prolapsing into the water. Probably looks to them like some regal sea cucumber.

[George Severis]

Well, that's the best part of the animal. Yeah. It's like if, you know, even if I've been vegetarian for five years, I see a delicious steak, you know, medium rare, in a. In a stunning French bistro. We're talking au poivre sauce. Yeah. I'm going to crave it, even if I'm trying not to eat meat.

[Patty Harrison]

I've been vegetarian for a really long time and I've never craved meat.

[George Severis]

Oh, okay. I'm trying to agree with you, Patty. I'm trying to. I'm trying to further your. Further your argument by adding a metaphor, and suddenly you are icing me out.

[Patty Harrison]

What is a poivre sauce?

[Sam Taggart]

Thank you. I wasn't gonna say it.

[George Severis]

What is a poivre sauce? George, you bring me to move out of Los Angeles and come back to New York because you are losing cultural references left and right. A poiv sauce is a peppery sauce. Have you never heard of steak a poivre?

[Sam Taggart]

No, that is.

[Patty Harrison]

George, this is not normal.

[George Severis]

I'm sorry, but I'm already hearing. I'm hearing people clack, clack, clacking on the comments being like, team George. Team a poivre. Go to lavaudor in New York. I love steak. Steak a poivre sauce is like a peppery sauce. It's one of the French sauces that you can get with steak.

[Patty Harrison]

Are you saying it's like gravy?

[George Severis]

It's gravy.

[Sam Taggart]

Ketchup.

[George Severis]

It's not like ketchup.

[Patty Harrison]

A1 call me when ketchup joins the chat.

[Sam Taggart]

No, that's true.

[George Severis]

I am calling a emergency helicopter to get both of you from the streets of Los Angeles and to airlift you into a gorgeous West Village French bistro.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm watching Sex City. I have not heard a POV mentioned once.

[Patty Harrison]

I don't like helicopters because they're really unsafe. But if you got, like, a plane.

[George Severis]

Do you think, are they really unsafe or are they, like, a shark situation?

[Patty Harrison]

Helicopters are, like, a very unsafe way to travel. I would implore anybody I know never to fly.

[Sam Taggart]

Wait, really?

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah. Genuinely, the statistics for helicopter crashes are crazy. Helicopter pilots will tell you this. Like, it's. It's a really dangerous. It's the way, like, flying in an airplane is, like, a million times safe. Safer. I just think there's more factors involved in, like, the leveling out of the helicopter.

[Sam Taggart]

Why do all famous people do it?

[Patty Harrison]

Because they. I think helicopters are an easy, quick way for them to shoot, like, over, like, Whoa. Look at. Look at, like, Leah Remini. She's. She's in a. Doing a travel show and she wants to look at the New York skyline. Let's get her up there. But I think that you can't really do that in an airplane in, like, a quick way. I think. I think the air traffic.

[George Severis]

I also think rich and famous people think they're invincible. I think that's why they do it. And I actually think that's why rates of death Are higher in terms of, like, freak accidents among wealthier people is because they really think that danger can't get to them.

[Patty Harrison]

The submarine.

[Sam Taggart]

I have a. Well, the submarine, yes.

[George Severis]

It's like. It's a submarine all over again.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I have another theory on this. I think, like, I, like, growing up, I heard so many stories of, like, famous people dying in weird ways, and I was like, why does this always happen? And then I moved to L. A. And I was like, it's the hills.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah. People are bored and rich. Like, what?

[Sam Taggart]

Like, literally cars on hills, and it's so scary.

[Patty Harrison]

Oh, you mean literally the hills. I mean, literally the people who live in.

[George Severis]

Not just people in the hills.

[Sam Taggart]

I mean, like, there's just a lot of hills and a lot of cars.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

Wait, wait. So when you saying freak accidents, you're talking cars only?

[Sam Taggart]

No, I'm talking. There's just stuff that happens.

[Patty Harrison]

It leads to the.

[George Severis]

But it's all. But it all leads to the hills.

[Sam Taggart]

There's a danger in those hills. In all hills. People are falling off hills left and right. There's, like, weird stairs. Everyone's driving.

[Patty Harrison]

Weird, weird stairs. There's. There's grass everywhere.

[Sam Taggart]

This makes sense.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, I. I think there's something that you could write, like, an academic journal about, but I think you need to, like, research.

[George Severis]

Yeah, I think there needs to be a couple more steps.

[Sam Taggart]

I can't believe I'm being told to research on this podcast.

[Patty Harrison]

Can I. Can I tell you something about helicopter? A story that is not long and it's not. I don't really have much to say about it, but it does relate to sharks and helicopters.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh.

[Patty Harrison]

My mom is from Vietnam, and she said. So she left Vietnam, like, at the. Pretty much the end of the war. Nearest to the end of the war. I think it was like the fall of Saigon. She once saw an American military helicopter shoot a shark on the beach. She said that they were calling in that there were sharks in the water. She was at the beach and that they call, like, an American helicopter came and shot at the shark with a machine gun.

[George Severis]

Well, there you go, folks. If you're wondering what's more dangerous, helicopters or sharks, that's proof. Helicopters can kill sharks, but sharks cannot eat helicopters.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah. Unless. Unless the helicopter crashed.

[George Severis]

Yeah. But do you think. Could a shark eat it?

[Patty Harrison]

No, you're right.

[George Severis]

A shark could maybe eat the humans in it.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, you're right. Could you teach a man to fish, but could you teach a shark pilot to pilot?

[George Severis]

Pilot a helicopter?

[Patty Harrison]

What if the. What if you saw A helicopter in the distance crash. They're like, there's sharks in the water. And then it. And then you just saw the helicopter lifting back out of the. You saw pool blood. And then you saw the helicopter lifting back out of the water and it's. The shark has like the, the headset on.

[Sam Taggart]

That'd be awesome.

[Patty Harrison]

And it's. But. And it's like not doing a good job, but it's doing a great job considering it's a shark. And it's like.

[George Severis]

And you. And you know why? Because that shark actually after all these years grew limbs. He was like, I'm. I'm sick of not assimilating. I'm going to grow limbs in 2025 and pilot this fucking helicopter.

[Patty Harrison]

And probably faced a lot of friction from his family, of course.

[George Severis]

And I think it's. It's now gone back to being punk rock to grow legs. Because, you know, it used to be. So first it was uncool to grow legs, then it was cool, then it sort of didn't happen for many years. But now to grow legs as a shark in 2025 is like really, really punk rock.

[Patty Harrison]

But I do worry about the shark though, because once it grows arms and legs, we, we're assuming in this like scenario that it has also like lungs and like the ability to breathe, right?

[Sam Taggart]

Sure, sure. Yeah.

[Patty Harrison]

It goes into society, it's still going to be othered. There's nothing. There's no other. There's no other walking, talking shark like it. So if we're having a conversation about inclusion, I just feel like which we are. Where does the, where does the shark fall?

[Sam Taggart]

Well, and it just shows the failings of our government. You know, it's a shark with limbs should be able to live a life.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

You know what though? I sort of think that shark can do the work of like bridging the gap between sharks and people. Like, I think that shark is gonna be like a Jesus like Gandhi like figure.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, wow.

[George Severis]

Can you imagine the only shark with arms and legs. Like he's gonna have a TEDX talk. He's gonna go.

[Sam Taggart]

See, that's not where I thought going with it. I think I see this shark going, moving to New York City and, and sort of expressing itself, being a downtown creative.

[Patty Harrison]

I just don't feel. I 1. I feel like if Jesus came back, he would immediately be killed or he'd be. He probably is back. He's just a homeless person on the street. And we're all, when we're all leaving, walking, passing him by because we're on our. In our AirPods, in our Slack chats.

[George Severis]

Yeah, yeah. We're listening to the.

[Patty Harrison]

Typing our emails saying, do I really have the Caroline Polachek haircut? And meanwhile, Jesus is dead on the streets covered in. In Joe's pizza paper plates people have thrown. I'm. I'm pandering.

[George Severis]

Yeah, people are getting Caroline Polacek haircuts. Meanwhile Jesus is dead on the streets.

[Sam Taggart]

Damn.

[Patty Harrison]

And a shark can't even get a college degree.

[George Severis]

But I'm saying. Okay, so, Sam, you're saying the shark with the arms and legs would become a downtown creative.

[Sam Taggart]

I do think that.

[George Severis]

You think that. I think he would be like a unifying, you know, social justice figure.

[Sam Taggart]

See, I think it would start with downtown creative, and then the next shark to move here would be like, we're not all freaks.

[Patty Harrison]

Okay, wait, I think we're jumping so far ahead. Jumping the shark. Yeah.

[George Severis]

Wow. Oh, my God. That's actually. That's the. That's the sharks tedx talk.

[Patty Harrison]

Well, that's what I was gonna say is we've. We've like jumped so far ahead. We haven't. It's like the shark speaks English. The shark. Because sharks don't have lips.

[George Severis]

No, you're so.

[Sam Taggart]

You don't need lips.

[Patty Harrison]

They have the, like, extending jaw. But I don't think it would be able to talk the way that we could talk.

[George Severis]

Okay, so I agree with you, Patti, but I think you're missing one key thing, which is there are already marine biologists who study sharks and shark language. So one of them would be called to be an interpreter. And the shark could, in fact, communicate with humans in that sense.

[Patty Harrison]

You're right. Thanks for checking me on that. There are marine biologists who study shark language.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, yeah. So we're all saying.

[Patty Harrison]

They say, what is she saying? What is she saying?

[Sam Taggart]

And she's saying, prolapsed anus. Prolapsed. Ain't.

[Patty Harrison]

I haven't had that in a while.

[Sam Taggart]

Yum, yum, yum.

[Patty Harrison]

I'm going to Rhys. I'm going to Fire Island.

[George Severis]

Okay, so maybe that is what the shark with arms and legs would do is like, maybe try to fit in at first, be rejected, and then be like, you know what? Fuck this. Like, I'll show them and then go to Reese beach and eat all the.

[Sam Taggart]

Gay guys on land.

[Patty Harrison]

Well, maybe it's like, I'm gonna eat the gay guys. But then it goes. And the gay people are like, oh, my God, come hang with us.

[George Severis]

Yeah. They're like, hey, diva.

[Sam Taggart]

And this is where it gets to the downtown part.

[George Severis]

I see. So the. Oh, oh yes, Sam, you're right. The only people that accept the shark.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes, now you're getting it.

[George Severis]

Are like Keith Haring, you know, like Basquiat.

[Patty Harrison]

People who probably were facing the direct repercussions of the AIDS crisis.

[Sam Taggart]

Of course. Oh my God.

[George Severis]

It connects in that they are saying, people are saying there are articles being written that are like, hello, there are parallels between the shark with hands and with arms and legs and the AIDS crisis.

[Patty Harrison]

Exactly.

[George Severis]

Fuck.

[Sam Taggart]

Should we do our first segment?

[Patty Harrison]

Yes.

[George Severis]

Get your mother loving ears on because your big time radio DJs got news. PayPal lets you choose how you want to pay for all the stuff with paypal I can pay in store, pay online, or pay over time. What's that? You want this translated into song? I hope you're sittin down.

[Sam Taggart]

You can pay your own way.

[George Severis]

You keep those ears on, you hear. Don't just pay baby. PayPal.

[Sam Taggart]

Learn [e-mail] Listen to your elders, honey. You might know them from their viral videos, but now the old gays pull back the curtain on their brand new podcast, Silver Linings with the Old Gays, brought to you in partnership with iHeart's Ruby Studio and Veeve Healthcare. With over 300 years of experience between them, hosts Robert, Mick, Bill and Jesse serve four lifetimes of wisdom when it comes to love, sex, community and whatever else they've got on the gay agenda. Listen to these fabulous friends swap stories exploring how queer life has evolved over the decades and the silver linings they've collected along the way. Each episode dives into hot topics from safe sex and online dating to untangling Gen Z lingo, as well as insights on how music, art and fashion show up in queer culture. So check out Silver Linings, a show about how pride ages like fine wine available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway, now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Sargento cheese slices, best foods, mayonnaise, lay's party sized chips and snacks and Triscuits. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online. For easy drive up and go pick up or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Sam Taggart]

NBC Nightly News Legacy isn't handed down or NBC News. I'm Tom Brokaw we hope to see you back here.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I'm Lester Holt.

[George Severis]

It's carried forward. Tom Yamat is there force firefighters are still working around the clock. As the world changes, we look for what endures. We are coming on the air with breaking news right now. We look for a constant and from one era to the next, trust is the anchor. For NBC Nightly News. I'm Tom Yamas. A new chapter begins. NBC Nightly News with Tom Yamas. Evenings on NBC.

[Patty Harrison]

Have we started recording?

[Sam Taggart]

Yes, but just barely.

[George Severis]

No, the last five minutes, I think. Let's start now.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. Podcast starts now. Yeah.

[George Severis]

Patty. Our first segment is called Straight Shooters. And in this segment we test your familiarity with and complicity in straight culture and gay culture because it's gaydiolab, by asking you a series of rapid fire questions where you have to choose this one thing or this other thing. And the one rule is you can't ask any follow up questions about how the game works.

[Patty Harrison]

Okay, that's great. I was just worried for a second it was called Straight Shooters. I was gonna have to be like Kyle Rittenhouse or something, but. Yeah, this is. I can do this.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. Patty.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Pick your brain or Dick on main.

[Patty Harrison]

Wait, what are the rules of the game?

[Sam Taggart]

No, that's a followup.

[George Severis]

Well, pick your brain, Patty, Mary Kill or Hillary and Bill.

[Patty Harrison]

Ooh, Hillary and Bill.

[Sam Taggart]

Patty, saying yes to the High priestess or saying no to your five nieces?

[Patty Harrison]

Saying no to your five knees?

[George Severis]

Coca Cola or Cola Scola?

[Patty Harrison]

Whoa, don't make me pick Cola Scola.

[Sam Taggart]

A routine oil change or a poutine tasting strange?

[Patty Harrison]

Poutine tasting strange. I love poutine.

[George Severis]

Streaming Buzzcut season or being uncut for a reason?

[Patty Harrison]

Being uncut for a reason.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. Banjo Kazooie or that man. Shaboozi. No.

[Patty Harrison]

Oh, wait, no Shaboozi. No Banjo Kazooie.

[George Severis]

One kiss is all it takes. Or one piss inside the lake.

[Patty Harrison]

Ah, this one's hard too. I'm going. I love one kiss is all it takes.

[Sam Taggart]

Me too.

[Patty Harrison]

One piss inside the lake.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, I love both, to be honest.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

One, one, one. Okay, Patty. We rank our guests on a scale of 1 to 1000 blades of grass.

[George Severis]

Can I say something? I'm ready to go back to doves.

[Sam Taggart]

Really?

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Patty Harrison]

Doves.

[Sam Taggart]

A thousand.

[Patty Harrison]

Okay, yeah, great.

[Sam Taggart]

A thousand. Like a thousand doves. And I think you did an amazing job. I love that you had wonder. I loved that you were wanting to ask questions. It's so rare that we get to scold our guests even lightly. I'm gonna go 892 dubs.

[George Severis]

I agree. And that's a really good score. Patty.

[Patty Harrison]

Who has gotten the lowest?

[George Severis]

Chris Murphy.

[Patty Harrison]

Aw. Why?

[George Severis]

We just felt like it at the.

[Sam Taggart]

We just felt like it. We were in a bad mood.

[Patty Harrison]

Dang. So your mood creates a bias.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, at least we acknowledge our bias. Yeah, many. Many in this world don't even acknowledge that their mood affects their bias.

[Patty Harrison]

You're right.

[George Severis]

Do you think that the shark with arms and legs would come on the podcast and follow up question, do well at straight Shooters?

[Patty Harrison]

I don't. I think if it depends on how old the shark is, too, when it's coming out of the water, because we're. We're.

[Sam Taggart]

If it's 500 years old, that's going to be tough.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Just different references.

[Patty Harrison]

Well, if it's 500 years old, then it would have to be a Greenland shark, because that's the only shark that can grow that old.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Patty Harrison]

Did you. Did. Have you seen these?

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I see the viral one because one time I went to the dentist. Your dentist, the one you recommended.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

I actually just.

[Patty Harrison]

And your teeth look amazing.

[Sam Taggart]

Thank you. I just got them cleaned.

[Patty Harrison]

It checks out.

[Sam Taggart]

But I had a, like, old filling that looked like a Greenland shark.

[Patty Harrison]

Oh. It, like, its skin, like, it was.

[Sam Taggart]

Like, black, gray, but then had like a weird blue.

[Patty Harrison]

A little eye that has, like, parasites on it.

[Sam Taggart]

Literally.

[Patty Harrison]

Oh. Whoa.

[Sam Taggart]

But he. He fixed it. Unfortunately. I. I did kind of miss it. It was a monstrosity.

[Patty Harrison]

I think that's in that. If we're gonna say one thing is, like, undeniably, like, empirically gay, it's having rotten teeth.

[George Severis]

You think so?

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, because I think it's about. It's like, shining. Well, yeah, for sure. I think also the. The like, shot the. The government system. The. The man. The dentist is the man.

[Sam Taggart]

The dentist is the man.

[Patty Harrison]

And the teeth is where. It's like where you bite from. It's an animalistic thing. So it's like I have. I. I'm not gonna let the man take away my things. The one thing I have, if, like, I'm ever, like, attacked by somebody at my. At my lowest point, I can bite. And then to have them, you know, possibly take those away from you. And also it's like when you're. You're like, going giving job, the teeth are. Are there. So that's gay.

[George Severis]

Do you think all blow jobs are gay? Even if it's like a straight woman giving a straight man a blowjob?

[Patty Harrison]

I think if. If she is wearing anything, but, like, she can be naked and it's straight. She can be a bra panty, it can be straight. She can be in a tank top. Tank top, no bottoms, it can be straight. But if it's tank top and like basketball shorts, it's gay. If she's wearing basketball, if she's wearing. If she's wearing like a jersey, it's gay.

[George Severis]

So the more she's wearing a flat.

[Patty Harrison]

Bill cap, the more ma.

[George Severis]

The more masculine she looks. The gayer it is, is what you're saying.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah. She's wearing an off tilt flat bill cap. Like, it's like kind of diagonal to the side. And she's like, sucking. It's. It's gay.

[Sam Taggart]

Can he change his outfit to make it gay?

[George Severis]

Yeah, like, if he's wearing like a little baby doll dress.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

That will be like a pride flag T shirt.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah. I wonder how she would feel if she's like, she's sucking and she's like.

[Sam Taggart]

You know how there's that thing where people are like, there's like infinite planets and infinite whatever. So, like, whatever. You can imagine it does exist somewhere.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

I think about that with people's sexuality where I'm like, there's so many different little types and weird things that, like, there's somewhere out there there's like a straight couple and the. But the girl's fetish is like, you sucking off a gay guy and makes her boyfriend dress up like Frankie Grande Target Pride merch. And then like, sucks him off and it's like, so hot for her.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah. And he's got to be like, girl.

[Sam Taggart]

He's like, work diva.

[George Severis]

But the guy. But the guy himself is actually just like super straight frat guy. And he's just like, he wants to please his wife. He's like, I love you. Like, I will do whatever you want. And so he's had to, like, train himself. He's had to watch seasons of RuPaul's Drag Race. He listens to what's the Tea with RuPaul and Michelle Massage. He is, is. You know, he's on Reddit. He's like, learning things. He's going to. He's.

[Sam Taggart]

He watches all the housewives.

[George Severis]

He watches all the housewives. He, like, texts the wife's gay guy friends. And he's like, hey, dude, like, I would love to pick your brain about this. Like, if you ever want to get a beer. That's awesome.

[Patty Harrison]

And go pit and pit. No, piss in the lake. That's great.

[Sam Taggart]

Go piss in the lake.

[Patty Harrison]

Well, I do think, like, the. That 100% exists. And I think I. Yeah, I know women who are attract. Straight women who are attracted to gay who, like, are attracted to the femininity of gay men and constantly, like, have crushes on gay men. And I think that's beautiful. And if that street, like Wall street, bro, actually can dip into that space, that's really evolved for him. That's really evolved, you know, And I would say if maybe there's probably a woman out there who, like, wants to force her straight male partner to transition as a sexual kink, and he probably is like, yeah, I might do that.

[Sam Taggart]

I'll try it out.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, I'll try it out.

[George Severis]

You think he would do that?

[Sam Taggart]

He's like, fuck, babe. Sure. Whatever, man.

[Patty Harrison]

He's like, babe.

[Sam Taggart]

He's like, babe.

[Patty Harrison]

She's like, like, insane. What do you. What do women say to each other now?

[George Severis]

Girly, I think.

[Sam Taggart]

Is girly over now?

[George Severis]

I think girly is over. You know what I recently learned?

[Sam Taggart]

Sorry to get your ass.

[Patty Harrison]

I just, like, came outside, so. Been in a long time.

[George Severis]

Do you know what I recently learned is, like, a real no. No. Bestie.

[Patty Harrison]

Bestie. It's a no. No in what way?

[George Severis]

Like, you're. You seem old if you say it.

[Patty Harrison]

Oh, like saying insta versus ig.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Patty Harrison]

What happens if you say bestie to your, like, brain matter? Do you feel, like, a shock of pain and you feel.

[Sam Taggart]

I feel a shock of pain. Yeah, like, bestie doesn't. It never sounded good to me.

[George Severis]

No, it never sounded good to me either.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, I also.

[George Severis]

Girly kind of also never sounded good to me.

[Sam Taggart]

Girly was fun for a sec. I preferred Girlina. Yeah, but girly was fun.

[Patty Harrison]

Like. Like, is it michelinas? Is that the. The mic. Microwavable, like, micro macaroni. Nicolinas, I'm not familiar.

[George Severis]

Michelinas.

[Patty Harrison]

Maybe I'm misremembering. I thought there was like a. Like, ready to. Not ready to eat, but like a quick bake, macaroni and cheese that had, like, a theme song.

[Sam Taggart]

Wow.

[George Severis]

That sort of Michaelinas is like the name the shark with arms and legs would have.

[Patty Harrison]

Michaelinas. Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, that's beautiful.

[Patty Harrison]

A combination of old and new because it kind of sounds like it could be like. Like. Like an ancient God or Greek or Roman.

[George Severis]

Yeah, no, totally. It's. You know, I'm having a real sort of bummer moment right now because I'm realizing Michelinas would never do straight to your lab. You know what Michaelinas would do is all the various, like, shock jock podcasts that, like, Pete Buttigieg has to go On Really?

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

Like, I think, like, Michaelinas would have to do the, like, kind of, like, dirtbag bro podcasts to appeal to middle.

[Sam Taggart]

America to try to change minds and hearts.

[George Severis]

Yeah. Because the people that listen to this podcast are already, you know, prone to, like, a downtown art figure.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, they're. They're prone. And they're prone in their position, too. They're laying stomach down on a bed. Yeah.

[George Severis]

Yeah. Anus out.

[Patty Harrison]

Perked up. Yeah.

[George Severis]

Michaelina's be damned.

[Patty Harrison]

Well, and I think Michaelinas is. Is kind of brave for. For going into those spaces. How. How much English does Michelinas know?

[Sam Taggart]

All of it.

[Patty Harrison]

Okay, so, like, really, really smart. Smart enough to start to fly a helicopter as soon as he.

[George Severis]

I mean, we. We have to remember that Michelinos's origin story is literally that he, on the spot, learned to fly a helicopter.

[Patty Harrison]

Right.

[George Severis]

So, yeah, he's, like, gonna go ahead and be pretty smart.

[Sam Taggart]

He also, like, is 400. Like, he knows words. Like, he heard sailors.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

And swimmers.

[Patty Harrison]

He's heard it all. So is it, like, one of those things where, like, Twilight, where maybe he. Old English in him?

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, 100.

[Patty Harrison]

Like, he can speak every language.

[Sam Taggart]

Like, he's saying, like, where art thou and. And bestie.

[Patty Harrison]

Like, old words. Wherefore art thou growing old?

[George Severis]

He's so old that he's saying bestie.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Patty, I have a question.

[Patty Harrison]

Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

You know the moment I walked in the door, you said that our friendship is at a low point right now, and.

[Patty Harrison]

I just didn't think it would make it on this podcast.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. Everything makes it on, so please expand upon that.

[Patty Harrison]

I just mean that, like, when our friendship was good, it felt better, and now it feels in a bad place because I don't like being around you.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[Patty Harrison]

And I get the sense that when you're around me, you wall off and become really cold.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Patty Harrison]

And you clutch your stu. Like, I'm gonna take it, and I don't understand. I think it makes me feel on edge.

[Sam Taggart]

It's like this weird thing that happens when you're around where I, like, feel like, the value of my things more. Like, I'm like, oh, these are actually worth a lot of money, and I don't like how that makes me feel.

[Patty Harrison]

I completely understand. And I wish we would have had this conversation, like, four months ago, because I have been. I'm sure maybe you've gotten them, but I've been, like, emailing you from, like, a lot of, like, hundreds of burner emails, death threats, and I, like.

[George Severis]

Can I just say something? I'm sorry, but it's like the elephant in the room that we're not addressing is the reason Sam is afraid that you're gonna steal his stuff is because you have been known to steal his stuff. Like, you have robbed his house multiple times, both in New York City and la.

[Patty Harrison]

Why are we rehashing that?

[George Severis]

I know that you say you've changed, but, like, you have to have some empathy that Sam has this trauma of every single time you would hang out together, you would plan to hang out together, he would go. You would not have shown up because you specifically planned the hangout so that you could rob his house.

[Patty Harrison]

I think we're rehashing stuff that doesn't. It just feel. I don't. I didn't know we were going to talk about this.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Patty Harrison]

And I feel a bit uncomfortable to go into it and. But I just want to say it does bother me a little bit that you are. Are going at it so hard, George. It makes me feel like you guys talked about it beforehand, because I personally don't remember doing any of that. Not that it didn't happen. And I. And I saw, like, I saw the videos. I love me. And I was like, yeah, that's me. I'm not gonna. I'm not like some gaslighter dumbass. Like, I'm not trying to be abused. I'm not trying to be, like, a toxic, like, abuser. Gaslighter. Yeah, that is me in the video stealing Your. Stealing the stuff. But I just. Why are we rehashing it? I don't know if I. Because I can't remember. I don't feel like I can really apologize, and I feel like that's what you want from me. But I told you, I don't remember doing it.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Patty Harrison]

So I just, like, I still get what we're. What we're talking about.

[George Severis]

Right. So I sort of think the issue, Patty, is the. That I completely believe you, that you don't remember doing it. And I don't necessarily think you owe anyone an apology. The fact of the matter is, all that stuff is still in your possession and you have not returned it now that you're in a better mindset and say that you would never do it again.

[Sam Taggart]

And there's this thing that keeps happening where. So you'll steal, say, my Prada. My Prada shoes, you'll steal those. And then I'll be like, okay, that's okay. I'll replace them with Gucci. Like, I have these Gucci shoes. And then. And then Those go missing as well.

[Patty Harrison]

I. I said I'd replace them. I didn't say. I didn't say I would replace them with Gucci.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm replacing them when you're. You.

[George Severis]

You wouldn't even need to replace them. You have the Prada shoes, and you're, in fact, like, wearing them and doing outfit of the day videos and doing Get Ready with Me, and you're like, these are vintage.

[Sam Taggart]

These are used.

[George Severis]

And by the way, they don't even, like, no offense, they don't even fit you. Like, you're doing it just to mess with Sam. Like, they're too big on you, and they don't. And they're men's shoes. Like, there's no reason for you to be wearing them.

[Patty Harrison]

George, can I. Can I get, like, a teammate? Because I am being. I'm being dogpiled.

[Sam Taggart]

Right?

[Patty Harrison]

This is a witch hunt. This is weird.

[George Severis]

I just. I don't know. I think because I feel a sense of. I want to defend Sam because I know that he has done everything in his power to mend this friendship and for you to first come in, and the first thing you say is, I feel like our friendship is not in a good place. And then it's not.

[Patty Harrison]

It's not in a good place. I'm not going to be fake skirt.

[George Severis]

Accountability when we try to, like, talk to you about the things you've done.

[Patty Harrison]

I'm not skirting anything. I'm not skirting anything. I feel like. I'm sorry. I'm raising my voice. I feel really, like, defensive right now because I. I definitely feel like I wasn't expecting to talk about this today.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Patty Harrison]

I feel like I can understand why you feel afraid to have your stuff near me. Because I have taken things from you in the past. I am telling you I wish I could be sorry, but I don't remember. And so I can't. Like, if you. If I say sorry, it's not gonna be. And I do have the stuff that you're talking about.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Patty Harrison]

That I have taken in, but it is in my possession now. And. And I feel like, like, all of a sudden, like, even though I didn't ask for this, like, it's. I don't. I. I think I just was, like, go. Like, had a lot on my mind that day because I was. I had to go grocery shopping, and my. My groceries was. Was huge, and so I had a lot on my mind. I wasn't even paying attention, in fact, that, like, I was, like, stealing from you, and so now it's Like, I'm this bad guy who has to. Has to, like, return this. This stuff. Does that make sense? Like, can you, like, just. You're. You're yelling, literally yelling at me to be empathetic. Can you extend that to me to say, like, I'm in. I'm in pain all the time? Of course, you know. Have you watched the news?

[George Severis]

No.

[Sam Taggart]

No. What's going on?

[George Severis]

Did something happen?

[Patty Harrison]

So I can't really remember, but there was something that made me really sad.

[Sam Taggart]

And.

[Patty Harrison]

And so it's just been, like, really. You're gonna. You're gonna, like, fight. This is the hill you die on is like, I have. I stole a bunch of your designer stuff. I stole it, like, multiple times over the course of years and keep stealing it. And that's the hill you're going to die on. And then you bring me in the. But I'm. But I'm not allowed to. I'm not allowed to address if I have, like. If there's a. Like a strange tension between us. It just feels people pleasy or codependent or something, and I'm getting that out. Like, I'm not that way anymore.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay.

[Patty Harrison]

And, George, I just want to say you're really going in, but you don't want to talk about the fact that you went up the Statue of Liberty's dress.

[George Severis]

Okay. I just don't really think that's the same because the power dynamics are completely different. You know, the Statue of Liberty is actually, like, one of the most giant women globally. And so for me to go, she's made of stone. She's, like, from France. Like, for me to go up her dress is actually someone in a lower level of power reclaiming their power as a queer individual by going up the Statue of Liberty's dress. You know, it's the equivalent of someone taking down an abuser. Whereas I think. I just don't. You know, I think what you. To steal Sam's designer clothes seems different. You know, Sam is an independent LGBTQ+ creator. He's not the Statue of Liberty.

[Patty Harrison]

Sam's not independent. He's incorporated.

[Sam Taggart]

That's true.

[George Severis]

You can be independently incorporated. He's the soul.

[Patty Harrison]

He.

[George Severis]

He's the sole shareholder.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm the only employee.

[Patty Harrison]

Well, I. What I'm hearing is that you think that a woman of any size, it doesn't matter like, that. Like, her size. A woman's size determines if she has agency or not. If, like, a man should get to go up her dress. If she. If she's a bigger. If she. She's literally a bigger woman. You're like, that's just. That's crazy, George. I mean, and the fact that she's from like, why are you trying? It's like, okay. She's like a foreigner. Like, okay. And I'm. I'm allowed. Like you've flipped it on her that maybe because she's like, it just sent. It just reeks. It just reeks of like this dispute. Disgusting sexual dominance gay men assert over straight women that we see at the bars and in the clubs.

[George Severis]

Patty, I just have one follow up question for you. I love those boots. Where'd you get them?

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, I happen to remember buying those for my wrestling practice.

[Patty Harrison]

I got them at the fucking store.

[Sam Taggart]

Which store, Patty? Which store?

[Patty Harrison]

Your wrestling practice store.

[George Severis]

You know, Patty, I have to say we have to move on because this is gay dolab and we have to introduce a gay topic. But Sam, I do want to give you some space. I realize I'm speaking for you. I feel very defensive as a friend. We talked about this and we said, you know, we're having Patty on and we want to like do it right. I want to give you a chance to finally just say your last word on this, Patty.

[Sam Taggart]

I want to forgive you and I will work on it. And I still may clutch my things closer to, you know, my Louis bag that I brought to the recording, of course will be held close to me. Don't put your eyes on it. And I when you remember, I'll forgive you.

[Patty Harrison]

I think that is. That's fair. I hear that you're saying that when the time comes, should I remember doing something that I can't remember doing? I don't know when I'll remember that. But that you are can offer forgiveness for me. I think it's really. I think that's a really kind thing and I just would like to say that. I know, George, you said we have to move on to go on to our gay topic. But what is more universally gay than friends fighting?

[George Severis]

Wow.

[Patty Harrison]

And rotten having rotten teeth.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, well what's the third we have fighting with our friends rotten teeth. And give us a third gay topic.

[Patty Harrison]

Online.

[Sam Taggart]

Online now. What about online feels gay to you.

[Patty Harrison]

Community outside of your house?

[Sam Taggart]

Oh no. My branded thing fell.

[George Severis]

What fell?

[Patty Harrison]

Oh, I heart podcasts.

[Sam Taggart]

It's back.

[George Severis]

For those listening, the piece of Sam's mic that says I heart on it.

[Sam Taggart]

Fell so anti capitalist of me this.

[Patty Harrison]

Time I was about to listening, not watching. All Sam's rotten teeth fell out. Sam's one big rotten tooth fell onto.

[George Severis]

The Ground and it says I heart on it.

[Sam Taggart]

I.

[George Severis]

Okay, you got it.

[Patty Harrison]

Cosmetic.

[Sam Taggart]

My big rotten tooth would actually be. I think lorde would use it for an album cover for this current cycle.

[Patty Harrison]

My rotten tooth.

[Sam Taggart]

My rotten tooth.

[George Severis]

What the.

[Sam Taggart]

Looks like a shocked. That's 400 years old.

[Patty Harrison]

Wait, I. I do want to not make you sit in the rotten toothness. I recommended my dentist because I had not gone to the dentist in, like 16 or 17 years.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, I was really similar.

[Patty Harrison]

I went and I had, like, four or five, like, bored out rotten cavities and they, like, replaced two of my molars and gave me a million fillings. And so that. That's. That feels. That's why I'm lgbtq, even though I'm cis. I have vagina. Womb. Eggs. Born that way.

[Sam Taggart]

Breasts.

[Patty Harrison]

Tiny ways. Yeah. Straight.

[George Severis]

Well, yeah, but you no longer have rotten teeth, so you sort of transitioned into being.

[Patty Harrison]

But I did.

[George Severis]

Well, this is interesting.

[Patty Harrison]

I have the experience. Like, I have the memories. I remember that.

[George Severis]

Is it enough to have memories so.

[Sam Taggart]

You remember your teeth but not stealing all my things?

[Patty Harrison]

Is it enough to have memories? I just think. I just think we have to not rehash that.

[Sam Taggart]

Sorry, we're not rehashing that.

[Patty Harrison]

I think you're not able to move past the pain of it.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, I have. You know, whenever I go to the dentist, your name shows up on the screen because you referred me.

[Patty Harrison]

Really?

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Patty Harrison]

Does it say my dead name?

[Sam Taggart]

No.

[Patty Harrison]

Does it say Patrick?

[Sam Taggart]

It says Patrick. It does say white.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

Huh.

[Patty Harrison]

That's. Yeah, that's my. That's. I really wish you didn't say that, Sam, because that is personal information and it is, in fact, my race. Maybe.

[Sam Taggart]

Maybe it's my race. Maybe it's mine. Maybe they're. Maybe. Do they just frame it weird?

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah. You're white, right?

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.

[Patty Harrison]

You've got some. You've got some flavor.

[Sam Taggart]

Folks.

[Patty Harrison]

Have you ever been with a girl like me before?

[Sam Taggart]

With rotted teeth?

[Patty Harrison]

I was gonna say something sexy.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, like what? George.

[George Severis]

Sorry.

[Sam Taggart]

If you don't mind watching just for a minute.

[Patty Harrison]

Kind of my.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, he disappeared, did he?

[Patty Harrison]

He didn't like.

[Sam Taggart]

He really hated that.

[Patty Harrison]

Is he still here? George, are you still here?

[Sam Taggart]

George literally left. That must have made him so uncomfortable. Sometimes it's like. Like when, like, straight stuff is happening, he, like, acts really, like, weird.

[Patty Harrison]

Well, he's going to the bathroom to jack his cock off, and he can't.

[Sam Taggart]

Maybe that's it. Maybe he's, like, so disgusted, but it's like it turns him on.

[Patty Harrison]

He's like he's disgusted in himself that he's so are asked.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, because he wants to be like this gay guy who like, knows what a poiv is and like, actually he's just like a straight guy.

[Patty Harrison]

Do you believe him when he says a poiv is pepper sauce?

[Sam Taggart]

I, I, he'll just be spewing and I just nod and I say, sure, sure, whatever.

[Patty Harrison]

Why do you do this with him? You don't have to do this. You could do it with me.

[Sam Taggart]

No, the contract is like really strict.

[Patty Harrison]

Oh, God.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, they've got my balls in a bind.

[Patty Harrison]

Well, I can help with that. My, my pussy can help with that.

[Sam Taggart]

Help how?

[Patty Harrison]

It can, it's can untie the bind. It's like prehensile. You know how people can tie cherry stems with their tongue?

[Sam Taggart]

Uh huh.

[Patty Harrison]

My pussy can help you get out of legal. What is it? Tribulation.

[Sam Taggart]

That's cool. So why didn't you want to be a lawyer?

[Patty Harrison]

Because I didn't want to follow my dad's footsteps.

[Sam Taggart]

More like, More like say it.

[Patty Harrison]

Outage.

[George Severis]

And they're rebooting.

[Patty Harrison]

Okay, should we stop?

[Sam Taggart]

Or I like, unfortunately, we have to keep all of this if possible.

[Patty Harrison]

But.

[Sam Taggart]

We could also just wait till George is back now and then be like, and now he's back.

[Patty Harrison]

Wait, what were you gonna, what joke.

[Sam Taggart]

Were you gonna make that your dad's bussy was doing all the legal work for him?

[Patty Harrison]

No, that's not okay. My dad's dead.

[Sam Taggart]

I know, but like you said he was a lawyer, like, and you said that like I just am sort of saying I wonder where you got it.

[Patty Harrison]

My dad's bussy.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, George is back.

[Patty Harrison]

Are you okay? George?

[Sam Taggart]

George, are you okay? You're back.

[George Severis]

I know, I know, but we're just figuring some other stuff out. But, and so I, and I can't really see you, but you guys should keep talking.

[Patty Harrison]

Well, I was just worried that because it just went dark, that it was like the scene in the Dark Night where Maggie Gyllenhaal gets blown up.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, well, just to catch you up, since you were gone.

[George Severis]

What happened while I was gone? And we're keeping it all in.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, well. Well, yes, we realized something about you. Oh my God.

[George Severis]

What is it?

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, we just realized something about you.

[George Severis]

What?

[Sam Taggart]

Well, that you're a sick pervert.

[George Severis]

What the hell?

[Sam Taggart]

And that, you know, when Patty and I were having a connection, you had to turn off your camera and mic and leave the room to go jerking.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah. It made you uncomfortable to see that Sam and AI's Connection could go further than yours.

[George Severis]

Sorry, but this is such bullshit. Like, I literally came in here, Sam, to defend you. I had my talking points for Patty. You said Patty abuses you all the time and steals from you all the time, but you were not brave enough to confront her, so can you help? And I said, okay, I've always had a good relationship with Patty, but I'm down to ruin my own relationship with Patty for the sake of your Prada shoes. And now suddenly you're turning against me and allying with your former nemesis.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I just realized, you know, maybe you weren't such a reliable narrator and potentially you were trying to turn me against Patty because you didn't want us connecting in. In a romantic way because you knew it would turn you on too much and make you not be gay anymore.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, George, I don't know if you are being serious or not, because I don't know if you can tell, but all of that stuff was a joke in a bit that we were doing. I. I don't steal from him. We're good friends.

[George Severis]

We're good.

[Patty Harrison]

And I. What's not. What's not a joke is the tension between me and Sam. In a good way, in the sense of the emotional and romantic and physical connection that we have.

[George Severis]

So you're telling me you made up this whole bit and brought me into it as a form of psychosexual play between the two of you. Your kink is literally gaslighting your friend into like a fake narrative so that you guys can then feel closer to one another.

[Patty Harrison]

Well, let's just say.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, I think we can start by.

[Patty Harrison]

Saying pretty much, yeah, Sam is straight.

[Sam Taggart]

Always have been.

[Patty Harrison]

I'm CIS and my pussy is in the room. And he said he.

[George Severis]

I have a question. Yeah, no, I get. What? I get what straight is, Patty. Thank you. I understand how it works.

[Patty Harrison]

Oh, really?

[George Severis]

I have a question.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, I bet you do, you pervert.

[George Severis]

And so, Patty, you're one of those six straight women whose kink is that they want their straight husbands to act gay. And this has been a long term bit where Sam literally pretended to be gay his whole life. Started a podcast with me, did it for five years also. It could lead to this moment of confrontation.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, and I think it's funny that you think there's only six of us. There are so many more of us out there than you could ever imagine. And you know what? And you know what? After that five years, every time a recording ended with you, he came over and he fucked me.

[George Severis]

Fuck.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, it was crazy.

[Patty Harrison]

I said, what did you say? And he's like, we talked about art pop. And I was like.

[George Severis]

That is so sick, Patty.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, it would be sick if you didn't get a big kick out of it. Georgina.

[George Severis]

Here's a question, Georgina, do our other. Are our other guests and producers and iheart and Will Ferrell, Are they all in on it?

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, this thing goes really deep. I mean, if you think Bowen and Matt are straight or are gay, you aren't paying attention.

[George Severis]

So you're saying Bowen and Matt paving the way by having their podcast was also part of this sick psychosexual game?

[Sam Taggart]

Pretty much, yeah.

[Patty Harrison]

It's not sick. It's actually a very sustainable way of life. It's unconventional, sure, but it's pride month, and love is love and love is love. And that's, I think, a thing that we could talk about is gay hate and how unwelcoming and intolerant gay people, I guess, other kinds of love.

[George Severis]

Here's my question for the two of you, the happy couple, is where do we go from here? You know, do I keep acting as though I don't know about this for the sake of our careers, for the sake of our podcast deal, and I guess for the sake of your relationship, by extension, are you planning on, I don't know, eliminating me now that it's all out in the open and this is all over?

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, yeah, you also missed that part of the conversation.

[George Severis]

Which is what?

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I told Patty that, you know, I heart has my balls in a bind and that.

[George Severis]

Is that another one of your kinks?

[Patty Harrison]

Let's just say that I. I offered to unbind them with my.

[George Severis]

So I guess we can just say that. But I would, in fact, like a little more context in terms of just materially what that means for me.

[Patty Harrison]

If something's in a. You know how women can tie a.

[George Severis]

Cherry stem with their tongue and some with their vaginas?

[Sam Taggart]

Well, some can do legal documents with their vaginas.

[George Severis]

This can do legal documents. Do you mean sign legal documents or, like, create them wholesale whole cloth from scratch?

[Patty Harrison]

I mean, it's really interesting you bring up the word scratch, because a lot of women, A lot of women call their. Their gash. But see, my stayed the same size ever since I was born, and it's so small, I call it my scratch. So when men are me, I say, oh, my God, yeah, my scratch. And then when they're like, where do you want it? When they're about. I'm about to come, I'm like, come My scratch. So interesting you use the word scratch.

[Sam Taggart]

It is interesting.

[George Severis]

Yeah, that is really interesting.

[Sam Taggart]

Honey.

[Patty Harrison]

George, I think you need to just drop. Drop the act yourself.

[George Severis]

What do. What do you mean?

[Patty Harrison]

Let's just say going up the Statue of Liberty's dress isn't the only thing I've seen you do.

[George Severis]

Patty, this is. I really don't want to talk about that.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, we've seen you at union pool hanging out with those 26 year old.

[Patty Harrison]

Women that are wearing. That are wearing Deftones T shirts that are cut into little kind of like crop tops.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Patty Harrison]

Not even. Just regular straight chicks, kind of alt. Alt.

[Sam Taggart]

Alt Brooklyn types.

[Patty Harrison]

Semi. Semi alt. Did you say Brooklyn dykes types? Yeah, Brooklyn tykes.

[George Severis]

Listen, I keep getting older. They stay the same age.

[Sam Taggart]

Whoop, there it is.

[Patty Harrison]

Whoop, there it is. George, that is. We knew it.

[Sam Taggart]

We knew it.

[George Severis]

I don't think I like to keep those parts of my life separate. And it has never affected my performance on the podcast, nor have I implicated anyone non consensually into my own sexuality. Which is valid, by the way. Especially during this month, Pride month, where I'm one of three LGBTQ individuals in the entire world. World. Although we'll see how many are left by the end of this episode, by the way. And so I don't think anyone. I've never been dishonest with anyone, whereas you two have literally strung me along for five years. I'm gonna need years of psychoanalysis, Freudian psychoanalysis, four times a week in order to get over this.

[Patty Harrison]

Well, it's interesting.

[George Severis]

All those girls at union pool know exactly who I am. They know who I am when I'm with them. They know who I am when I'm in the studio. And they are okay with it.

[Patty Harrison]

And they know who you are when you're. When you're in their guts.

[George Severis]

Yeah. Do you have a problem with that?

[Patty Harrison]

I just think it's a bit. I think you should win a. A gold or silver medal for the floor routine you just did in front of us. The amount of gymnastics you had to. Had to do to convince yourself.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes.

[Patty Harrison]

The amount of gymnastics. Yeah. You're a place. You're doing gymnastics.

[George Severis]

Call me Simone Biles, because I just stuck the damn landing.

[Patty Harrison]

No, we're saying. We're saying that the gymnastics you're doing to gaslight yourself into thinking that you're gay when you're actually straight and you're a bunch of semi alt girls union pool. Not that you stuck the landing on your own. Are you. You. You are not Simone Biles. And sticking your landing on your own.

[Sam Taggart]

You're Simone Biles in the Olympics, like before.

[Patty Harrison]

Before.

[Sam Taggart]

Where she didn't do well in that regard.

[Patty Harrison]

But you are Simone Biles in the sense of being an excellent gymnast in the sense of you gas. Your ability to gaslight yourself and doing. So, what's your favorite position with union pool girl?

[George Severis]

What's my favorite position with union pool girl?

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, with one of the union. What's your favorite position you like to do when you have sex with the union pool girl?

[George Severis]

What is my favorite position I have to do. Do. How dare you ask me something like that?

[Sam Taggart]

To me, that's a valid question. We're all adults. We all do it. Well, doggy, of course.

[George Severis]

Doggy.

[Patty Harrison]

Of course. Of course.

[Sam Taggart]

Of course.

[Patty Harrison]

Of course. Doggy.

[Sam Taggart]

Doggy.

[George Severis]

That's. That's what you two do together when I'm not always.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, pretty much doggy.

[George Severis]

And then Patty keeps talking about her scratch.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. She says, scratch that scratch.

[George Severis]

Scratch that scratch, she says. And then you scratch and scratch, scratch.

[Patty Harrison]

Well, then I think we're getting a little far away. I don't call. I don't call my a scratch and then say, scratch my scratch. Scratch that scratch. Because you don't scratch a scratchy scratch. An itch. And I would not call my an itch. That is. Has other weird connotations. I wouldn't say my itch.

[George Severis]

Right. Right.

[Sam Taggart]

This is so gross.

[Patty Harrison]

We can. We can talk about online. We can talk about the online world.

[Sam Taggart]

I don't think we can talk about online.

[George Severis]

You know, Patty, I just want to say, like, this episode was supposed to be a celebration of LGBTQ culture. We started out with, like, an innocent little bit about, like, oh, hahaha. Like, we're being exclusionary. Of course. It's kind of a commentary on discourses around inclusion at Pride. But, you know, we. Everyone who's listening knows that our hearts are in the right place. We did a big bit about how you're the third person. Whatever, you know, all of it is in good fun. Now suddenly we're in such a grotesque place and we're. You're asking me what my favorite sex positions are with. With barely legal women that I.

[Sam Taggart]

They're fully legal.

[Patty Harrison]

They're 26.

[Sam Taggart]

They're 26. That's a very respectful age.

[Patty Harrison]

We know you're straight. We don't think you're creepy. Other than the fact that you went up the Statue of Liberty's dress against her concern.

[George Severis]

How do you know that it was against her consent?

[Sam Taggart]

She has that sign that's like immigrants. Like, come on in.

[George Severis]

Yeah, I'm an immigrant. Oh, tasty high note. Oh, hi. Don't mind me. I'm practicing my new baritone sacks. I just heard PayPal's paying for people's stuff every day for 100 days and there's 10 million up for grabs. All you have to do is use PayPal checkout online, so there's never been a better time to buy a few things off the old wish list, like this leaf blower. PayPal could pay for your purchase. The Great PayPal Checkout no purchase necessary ends July 18th.

[Sam Taggart]

The official [e-mail] the Great PayPal Checkout.

[George Severis]

Terms participating merchants only must use PayPal.

[Sam Taggart]

Checkout online coverage of up to $100.

[George Severis]

And eligible purchases per card.

[Sam Taggart]

Listen to your elders, honey. You might know them from their viral videos, but now the old gays pull back the curtain on their brand new podcast, Silver Linings with the Old Gays, brought to you in partnership with iHeart's Ruby Studio and Veeve Healthcare. With over 300 years of experience between them, hosts Robert, Mick, Bill and Jesse serve four lifetimes of wisdom when it comes to love, sex, community and whatever else they've got on the gay agenda. Listen to these fabulous friends swap stories exploring how queer life has evolved over the decades and the silver linings they've collected along the way. Each episode dives into hot topics from safe sex and online dating to untangling Gen Z lingo, as well as insights on how music, art and fashion show up in queer culture. So check out Silver Linings, a show about how pride ages like fine wine. Available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Sargento cheese slices, best foods, mayonnaise, lay's, party sized chips and snacks and Triscuits. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event. Long savings Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go, pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Sam Taggart]

NBC Nightly News Legacy isn't handed down or NBC News.

[Patty Harrison]

I'm Tom Brokaw.

[Sam Taggart]

We hope to see you back.

[George Severis]

I'm Lester Holt. It's carried forward. Tom Yamas is there for us. Firefighters are still working around the clock. As the world changes, we look for what endures. We are coming on the air with breaking news right now, we look for a constant and from one era to the next, Trust is the anchor for NBC Nightly News. I'm Tom Yamas.

[Sam Taggart]

A new chapter begins.

[George Severis]

NBC Nightly News with Tom Yamas evenings on NBC. My career is going to look very different when this episode's over. And I think what I'm. No, I think in a bad way, but I think what I'm struggling with is where do I personally go from here? You know, I don't think I am masculine and straight enough to suddenly transition into the. Into the straight podcast space.

[Patty Harrison]

I think you could.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. Try it right now, really quick.

[George Severis]

Did you watch the game last night?

[Sam Taggart]

Fucking.

[Patty Harrison]

I was playing paintball and my hopper jammed. I was playing paintball and my hopper. I got an automatic hopper that. And it has. You turn it on and it has this little lever that, like, irritates the ball so that it's not supposed to jam, but the ball got jammed in there anyway. It's just pizza.

[Sam Taggart]

Like, when it's too hot, it doesn't taste good, but when it's too cold, it doesn't taste good. Like, there's, like, this third temperature that's, like, somewhere between too. Too cold. That tastes super good.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah. And when I put my CO2 tank in the back of my gun, sometimes if I don't put it in right, it gets. There's some. It'll frost over, and it's kind of freaky because I'm worried it'll explode.

[Sam Taggart]

And. Do you guys eat mozzarella sticks, or is that just me?

[Patty Harrison]

And the biggest part of paintball, that you have to remember, even though you might feel like a fucking noob, is where your eyeglasses, because you can do some serious damage to your eyes.

[Sam Taggart]

But seriously, if you're eating breadsticks, that's pussy behavior.

[George Severis]

So I think what we're learning is that I actually think we made the right decision, Sam, you and I as straight men. I think we made the right decision pretending to be gay for this podcast. Because I have to say, to end on a positive note, I think our work speaks for itself, and we are much better at being gay podcasters than we are at being straight podcasters.

[Patty Harrison]

I completely agree.

[Sam Taggart]

I agree.

[George Severis]

And I sort of go back to pretending. I think it's like, we can consider this a form of healing. I forgive both of you. You, you forgive me, and that's final. And I think from now on, we can just go back to, you know, doing what we were doing before. And I think, you know, when you pretend enough, it Sort of becomes real.

[Sam Taggart]

That's true. Fake it till you make it. They always say that.

[George Severis]

Like, I've never felt, you know, that I was not being myself. I just feel like I was accessing a different part of myself, you know, the part that's false and contrived.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Wow.

[Patty Harrison]

I think the contrived part of us is the part of us that will be most financially accessible and relatable to every other person.

[Sam Taggart]

You know what it is?

[George Severis]

And that's what pride is sort of all about.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, that's what it's all about. And you know what it is? It's how Ellen is nice on camera, but in real life, mean we're gay on camera. And in real life, not so much.

[George Severis]

But. And the thing is, honestly, when I think of Ellen, I still. Her brand is still nice. Like, I can't learn. No matter how many things I learned about her, I still think of her as dancing on the tv. Tv.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah. I wanted her. She. I watched her recent special.

[George Severis]

Me too.

[Patty Harrison]

I kind of. I kind of wanted it to be mean, and I think she expected people for it to be mean. And so she, like, doubled down and made it even nicer. And I kind of respect that. I thought it was pretty funny. And I think she's just has a. Has a very heavy boulder to carry, you know?

[George Severis]

Yeah. She's sort of like.

[Patty Harrison]

And she please us all she can.

[George Severis]

She's like the Statue of Liberty of comedy.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah. And when you're carrying a Sisyphusian boulder, but you're also the Statue of Liberty, you're kind of in a squat. And it leaves the dress open a lot open for perverted fake gay straight men like George to go up there and take a bunch of pictures of your. Of your. See that? Let's be honest. That one's not a scratch. That's more than a hatchet wound. That's like. I don't know. That's like the dent that Titanic made. An iceberg is probably how big a pussy is.

[George Severis]

If you think about it, I'm allowing you to, like, you know, do. Do like, one more passive aggressive jab at this idea that I. That I violated the Statue of Liberty. Despite the fact that we decided all of that is past us.

[Patty Harrison]

You know what I will say, because you said something earlier. You said about, like, even if it's, like, playful, you still feel it and it's real. I find that sometimes. Not just sometimes, a lot of times, doing a sustained bit where you're fake fighting actually does create feelings of, like, 10 tension and stress, like, in your body.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Patty Harrison]

And I just want to say I think you both are so kind and funny and brilliant, and I love you both so much and really adore you. And even doing a fake bit where we're fighting feels hard after a certain point, because I'm like, I. Even in the world of what we're creating together, I want there to be real reconciliation in, like, peace. I don't know if I want these people in this fake, like, metaphysical whatever space. I don't want them to walk away from each other being like, oh, I'm a fake gay who. People think I'm a pervert because I allegedly did this impossible thing because the statue is, frankly, cement and stone. You can't look up it.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Patty Harrison]

So I just wanted to put the offer that. That I actually really. I don't like to fight, even in bits, even though it's, like, kind of the thing that I do the most all the time.

[George Severis]

Patty. Well, we love you more than you can imagine. We basically. I think you're literally, like, one of the most talented people I've ever met in my life.

[Sam Taggart]

Patty, we love you more than you can imagine. And I'm so glad you did this podcast. And I think the fake fighting is unfortunately funny, but I also crave reconciliation.

[George Severis]

I do, too.

[Patty Harrison]

Well, thank you for saying that. That really means a mountain to.

[George Severis]

I just want to say sorry. Go ahead.

[Patty Harrison]

No, I was just. I was just going to say, I think even reconciliation in the form of a bit or a joke, and in these fake characters that we create to make each other laugh or other people laugh, even fake reconciliation can give us a bump of dopamine in such a dark world. That's why we watch stories like movies and tv, where we see characters who aren't real on screen falling in love and, you know, winning the big game. We see them win, and it gives us a sense of hope and an aspirational target that, like, I could maybe feel that in my own life. And I think we have an opportunity to create that in ourselves in these skits that we do with each other.

[Sam Taggart]

I want to hear what George had to say.

[George Severis]

Sam. Well, I actually really liked what Patty was saying, and I want, I think, a common theme that I'm seeing.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, I liked it. I just wanted to hear what you had to say.

[George Severis]

A common theme that I'm seeing is this idea, both with Ellen, with straight and gay, with bits and not bits. This idea that sometimes fake can be more real than real. Like, there are certain actually authentic things that can Only be expressed within a fake context. Context.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

I liked what Patty said better.

[George Severis]

Really?

[Patty Harrison]

I think what George said has more. Has more bearings. To be like a TED Talk or to be like a thesis in. In an academic journal. Let's. That's. I'm just referencing saying that I like saying academic journal.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, call Michelitis and tell her to.

[Patty Harrison]

Get cooking on that is Michelinas.

[George Severis]

It's Michelina. Sam, are you okay?

[Patty Harrison]

It's been a long time since you were on that. On the UCB stage, right?

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, it's been a long time. Yeah.

[George Severis]

Oh. So what I was going to say before. And now I'm pushing it, you know, because I already said one thing and now I'm saying a second thing. What I was going to say before is that in terms of the real tension that exists when you're doing a bit, one thing that I noticed is that when you guys were allied against me, I felt especially marginalized because I'm also the only one in this studio, and you are both together in the other studio.

[Patty Harrison]

George. Sorry.

[George Severis]

When Sam and I were doing the bit with Patty, I was like, oh, this is good. Because I feel there is a connection that's happening across the country from this studio to that studio because we are creating this triangle. But then you guys are already close to each other physically already. I feel like there are things I'm not getting. There's body language I'm not getting. So for you two to. Then. Then, you know, gang up on me. Felt especially pronounced.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Patty Harrison]

That's interesting, because that, I guess there's all the subtext of, like, what could happen. I think when you're, you know, in an argument, real or not, you're wondering what the next thing they're gonna say is, and you're kind of, like, trying to forecast the best that you can. And one of those things, if we're in a different space is like, if it got so bad when we could, like, unplug the TV and you just wouldn't see us, and then you would be alone and we would be together having sex and.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, in a sense, that's kind of what did happen.

[George Severis]

Yeah, yeah. No, that.

[Patty Harrison]

But you were the person who cut us out, which made us. Made me no joke. There was like, a moment where I.

[George Severis]

Was like, what if, like, he's upset?

[Patty Harrison]

Something happened, he died.

[Sam Taggart]

What if he died? Maggie Gyllenhaal style.

[George Severis]

Maggie Gyllenhaal style. I hate to say it, but I do think that we need to.

[Sam Taggart]

No, literally, we need to wrap up.

[George Severis]

I do Want to say this was like such a breath of fresh air.

[Sam Taggart]

I agree. I think I love when we can.

[George Severis]

Take Patty come on tour with us.

[Sam Taggart]

Come on tour.

[Patty Harrison]

I will. And I would clean. I would make sure you guys are up in the morning.

[George Severis]

We're literally going on tour in August.

[Patty Harrison]

Your keys.

[George Severis]

We're going on tour in August. And Patty, I want you to email those job offers. Tell them no, I have something better to do. We're doing various.

[Patty Harrison]

No way. SpaceX.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. I'd rather do small venues across this nation.

[George Severis]

Some are medium sized, but sure.

[Patty Harrison]

You don't know how much a meal and drink ticket mean to me and the quality time of. Are you guys going on a bus or are you flying everywhere?

[George Severis]

We're flying and training.

[Patty Harrison]

Do you know anyone who's ever the.

[Sam Taggart]

Please don't destroy boys did of a bunch bus?

[Patty Harrison]

That's so fun. Stavro.

[George Severis]

Stav. Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Stop the bus.

[Patty Harrison]

I think what? Eric Andre and Sarah.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, they did a bus.

[George Severis]

Sarah Snook. Sarah Snook were on tour together, right?

[Patty Harrison]

And they did a bus.

[George Severis]

She was. That's what turned into the picture of Dorian Gray where Sarah Snook plays 37 characters. It was originally this like really extended bit with Eric Andre.

[Sam Taggart]

She worked it out on the road.

[George Severis]

She was really inspired by Eric Andre, actually, who turned down the role of Shiv in initially in succession.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, I don't watch it so well.

[Sam Taggart]

It was it. When you watch it, you'll be like, oh, that was clearly supposed to be Eric Andre playing that role.

[Patty Harrison]

Yeah, well, Shiv is like. Shiv is like. You could call your penis a shiv. And then so my pussy being a scratch, it would make sense.

[George Severis]

You guys are taking your buddy comedy hour on tour.

[Patty Harrison]

Scratch and Shiv me. Me and Sam got to have our own little aside when you went away in the dark. And I think I would love to have Sam go away in the dark and then me and you have a sexual mom.

[George Severis]

I know.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, let's.

[George Severis]

Let's.

[Sam Taggart]

Are we even gonna do our final segment?

[George Severis]

Should we do it like so fast?

[Sam Taggart]

We're gonna do it so fast. Our final segment. Now that we're all gay again in the right ways, we are going to give a shout out to anything that we are enjoying. People, places, things, ideas in the style of. It's 2001. You're at TRL shouting out to your squad back home. I have one. George. I'm ready to go.

[George Severis]

Go.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. What's up? Pre exclusives and perverts around the globe. I want to give a huge shout out to Kyle. Kylie Minogue's Slow I think this song is so damn good and I heard it at her concert and everyone went buck wild. And ever since then I've been like damn this song is so good. The music video is amazing and sexy and I'm sort of like I think she deserves more credit and I know every gay guy on her thinks this, but I think it too now and I think it in a bigger, better way.

[George Severis]

Xoxo Sam what's up freaks and losers? I want to give a shout out to sort of like THC or CBD based cocktails, maybe a canned mocktail, things that are non alcoholic that I can drink. Patreon listeners know this but I have to be for various medical reasons cali sober for the next six months and I am not going through this summer without having specialty drinks and without feeling like I'm in an altered state. So if you are a brand that can help me by sending me any sort of non alcoholic thing that can get me buzzed in any other way, I don't care what's in it quite frankly it can be harmful chemicals that are bad for my body and the environment. But as long as it's not alcohol alcohol please send it to me DM me on Instagram. I will send you my address. I don't care who you are and I would love to try some drinks and I'm happy to do an on screen unboxing. So you have six months. Please start sending them now. I'm at George Severus on Instagram.

[Patty Harrison]

What's up freaks and losers? I want to give a. Sorry what's up freaks and losers? I want to give a shout out real quick to to rides. I just started going to theme parks again. I love and I haven't been in like 10 years and I just started riding roller coasters again and I forgot how how good it feels to be shaken around and thrown upside down and feel g forces and stuff. It really makes me feel in my body you can't think about anything else. And I really think like it helped me kind of like step back in touch to my inner child who has been abused, neglected and stinking stinking it up inside there for so long. So I just want to say thank you Rob Rides.

[Sam Taggart]

Thank you rides. Well thank you Patty for an amazing episode and we'll see you soon.

[George Severis]

Love you. See you in New York.

[Patty Harrison]

Love you.

[Sam Taggart]

Bye. Podcast ends now.

[George Severis]

Want more? Subscribe to our Patreon for two extra episodes a month. Discord Access and more by heading to patreon.com Stradiolab and for all our visual learners.

[Sam Taggart]

Free full length video episodes are available on our YouTube.

[George Severis]

Now get back to work.

[Sam Taggart]

Stradia Lab is a Production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart.

[George Severis]

Podcasts created and hosted by George Severis and Sam Taggart executive produced by Will.

[Sam Taggart]

Ferrell Hansani and Olivia Aguilar co produced by Bay Wang Edited and engineered by.

[George Severis]

Adam Avalos Artwork by Michael Fales and.

[Sam Taggart]

Matt Grubb Theme music by Be this.

[George Severis]

Is Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang.

[Patty Harrison]

This podcast is sponsored by PayPal.

[George Severis]

All right readers, Katie's Publicist finalist Kyle's it's time to talk about one of.

[Patty Harrison]

The most iconic payment brands out there. That's right, it's PayPal.

[George Severis]

PayPal lets you do you. Meaning you can pay your own way.

[Sam Taggart]

PayPal offers people flexibility on how they can pay.

[Patty Harrison]

Once you click the PayPal button, you.

[Sam Taggart]

Can choose from a bunch of payment.

[George Severis]

Options, including paying later with PayPal at.

[Patty Harrison]

Millions of online stores.

[George Severis]

Stores Iconic Pay in store, pay online, pay overtime.

[Sam Taggart]

Don't just pay PayPal.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Learn [e-mail] hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Keebler Cookies, Popsicle Frozen treats, Smart Water, Silk almond milk, Folgers Coffee and Kerrygold Butter. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event launch savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go, pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[George Severis]

Dietz and Watson's been making meats and cheeses the right way since forever.

[Sam Taggart]

What's that mean? It means never cutting corners. Ever. It means cooking, not processing. It means our Virginia brand ham that's cooked to perfection, then twice bake to layer the flavors.

[George Severis]

It takes more time, but you can taste the difference.

[Sam Taggart]

We come to work every day to.

[George Severis]

Do it the right way, even if.

[Sam Taggart]

It'S the hard way. Because if it's not right for us, it's not right for you.

[George Severis]

Dietz and Watson It's a family thing.

[Sam Taggart]

Since 1939, the stakes do not get any higher. Pledge allegiance to what I believe in Live to fight another day up Yesterday the day beat me Cuz I ain't.

[George Severis]

Getting younger but I'm getting better Got.

[Patty Harrison]

No time to waste that's another man's treasure. They say every dog has his day.

[Sam Taggart]

The two very best in the NBA Thunder.

[George Severis]

The NBA Finals. Presented by YouTube TV. Continue on ABC.

[Patty Harrison]

This is an iHeart podcast.