← Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP): Inner Work and Strategies for Coping with Stress, Overwhelm, and Negative Emotions
Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP): Inner Work and Strategies for Coping with Stress, Overwhelm, and Negative Emotions
#234 | Understanding Big T and Little t Trauma — And How to Begin Healing for Highly Sensitive People (HSP)
00:18:11
Is hidden trauma quietly draining your energy as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)? Many HSPs carry emotional weight from the past—often without realizing it. Whether it's the loud pain of Big T trauma or the subtle, daily erosion of Little T trauma,...
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Todd Smith
By the end of this episode, you'll recognize the subtle ways trauma may be shaping your thoughts, reactions and relationships as an hsp. And you'll discover where gentle, lasting healing begins. Welcome to Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People, a podcast helping HSPs avoid overwhelm, eliminate stress, and find true inner freedom. I'm your host, Todd Smith, a facilitator of the work of Byron Katie. A way to question and reduce stressful thoughts. And you guessed it, I'm a highly sensitive person myself. In this episode, you'll discover the difference between big T and little T trauma and why both can deeply impact HSPs and what happens when trauma goes unprocessed in a highly sensitive nervous system. And gentle, empowering ways HSPs can begin to work through trauma and build resilience. This is an edition of Strategy Fridays where we think about specific things you can do to help manage stress as a highly sensitive person. Working with trauma is an important part of stress management for everyone, and most especially for highly sensitive people, because of the differential susceptibility aspect of being an HSP. What that means is that HSPs, highly sensitive people tend to be affected more strongly by negative situations, by traumatic experiences, but the good news is they recover quickly when exposed to healing modalities and to positive situations. So we have a slight disadvantage and a slight advantage. We get brought down quicker, but we can bounce back quicker as well. And so healing or working with trauma is one of the things that can support you in your growth towards inner freedom, towards peace, towards having a more balanced life. I'd like to look at two kinds of trauma. It's sometimes classified as big T trauma and little T trauma. And this is a fairly understandable way of talking about it. Big T trauma means major life events, things that are commonly recognized as traumatic, like physical or sexual abuse, natural disasters, car accidents, a war or combat, physical assault, a sudden loss of a loved one, even serious medical emergencies, or witnessing violence of some kind. These are events that tend to feel like they threaten our sense of safety, our sense of survival, or our identity. And so they. They cut deep, they're heavy kinds of traumas, and we experience them strongly. And all people, whether you're highly sensitive or not, are affected by these kinds of traumas. They can happen at any time when you're young or when you're older, and they leave a mark, basically, or they can leave a mark. Little T trauma, on the other hand, refers to less obvious but still impactful experiences. And these kinds of little traumas tend to build up over time, and they affect us in small ways, but like snowflakes building on a roof, they can end up weighing quite a lot by the end. So what I mean by little T traumas are things like ongoing emotional neglect or childhood criticism or invalidation. And it doesn't have to just be in childhood. It could be at any time there's repeated invalidation or criticism. It can, it can traumatize just slowly, little by little. And for highly sensitive people, even more. Bullying, for example, or even just being excluded can have this feeling of trauma. Growing up with emotionally unavailable caregivers is a kind of little T trauma. Being consistently misunderstood or micromanaged or shamed or dismissed, never feeling safe to express your emotions, feeling invisible or too much in certain relationships, having your sensitivity consistently invalidated as a child, all of these would fall under the category of little T trauma. And these little T traumas are often more intense and longer lasting than, uh, because for hsps, because of how deeply we process and feel things. So don't dismiss it just because it's little T. It's like, oh, it's not a big deal for an HSP, and even for non HSPs, it can be a big deal when these things happen. And so stress is stress. And if you feel stress, that's your clue that there is something there that you might want to look at. Just because it might roll off another person's back doesn't mean that it's not sinking in deeply for you and can be shaping your identity and your worldview. So I mention these because often it's easy to overlook the little T's, like, oh, that's not a big deal, and skip over doing any work on them, when actually those can often be extremely productive areas to do work on. So that not only does it free up that little trauma, but it often gives us a lot of insights into, into ourselves and can even have ripples out into all areas of our life. So what happens when trauma goes unworked? For highly sensitive people, it doesn't matter if it's big or small trauma. If it's unprocessed, if it's left unworked, then it doesn't go away. For highly sensitive people, the effects can continue and they can be intense because of our heightened awareness and our tendency to internalize. That is there. And this is true again for everyone. But we notice this a lot and it can have its effect. So here are some examples of what unprocessed trauma can look like in highly sensitive people. Can show up as hypervigilance. Constantly scanning for danger or rejection, people pleasing or self abandonment. Suppressing your need, your own needs in order to stay safe. It's kind of a coping mechanism that a lot of us figure out at a young age. And it's a sign that there's an experience of trauma, whether anyone would recognize it or not. There's something in there that would be good to look at. Emotional reactivity of any kind indicates that there's a possibility of some trauma. Is there? I'm responding bigger than the actual situation merits. Like later on something similar happens or something even slightly like it and I have a big response. It's. There's something in there, something from the past. Avoidance. This is another sign of trauma. Trying to avoid or withdraw from situations that might feel like they're going to be too much over identifying with being broken or being too much. Chronic shame or self doubt that goes beyond what your actual reality is. It's like an exaggeration. And of course somatic symptoms like headaches, fatigue, tension, gut issues, all these can indicate that there's some unworked trauma in there and we all have it. There's no, there's no perfection here. But the idea is when you can find ways to work with trauma in a safe way, in a gentle way that actually can transform that stuck area of yourself into something more healthy, then it frees up a lot of energy for living your life and being a more balanced person. And it can be an extremely important part of stress management. One of the things that can happen for HSPS is because we tend to be conscientious, we may end up trying to manage around trauma rather than actually healing it. And we use different coping mechanisms like perfectionism or isolation or over giving. And we use these to distract or to work around it and not actually look at the hurt that is sitting there and is just waiting to be held and understood and met with compassion. So how can we work with trauma as a highly sensitive person? The key word is gently and we can say compassionately in ways that honor our sensitivity. The biggest fear that people have for working with trauma is that it's gonna bring back and bring up an old wound and we don't want to feel that pain, we don't want to look at that and it seems scary to do. But there are ways that can be very gentle, very supportive and also effectively deal with the actual wound that is there. And that's what I look for as an hsp. There's no one size fits all path and you'll find an approach that works for you. I'll start with trauma informed therapy. I think therapy is a wonderful tool when you want to look at their, want to look at trauma and need an expert to hold you in that so that you can deal with it in an effective way but also in a gentle way. And I highly recommend looking for a therapist who also is a highly sensitive person. And that will give a lot of extra rapport and understanding from your therapist. There can be interesting modalities like somatic experiencing which focuses on releasing stored tension from the body, emdr, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. And this helps reprocess traumatic memories without reliving them. Ifs internal family systems working with different parts of you. Especially good for shame and inner conflict and trauma informed talk therapy. This is especially helpful again if the therapist understands the HSP trait and can hold you gently. The balance in therapy is you're, you're holding somebody gently but you're also like holding them there so that they actually go and look at the, the wound and address the issues and, and don't skirt around it as well. So it's a skill that is, is part of therapist's repertoire and if you look for someone that you resonate with, it can be a huge help for dealing with trauma. Another area which is what I do is the work of Byron Katie. This approach is not therapy and it can't be a substitute for therapy. It's not an intervention, it's not a, it's not, doesn't like. As a facilitator of the work in Byron Katie, I'm not a expert in psychology and deep processes and skills that therapists have. But the work of Byron Katie can provide a really safe space for inner work. It allows you to do, to look inside and find for yourself things that you may not have seen. And in this way it can be super helpful in many cases. Healing and is something that I have loved for many years. What you do is identify stressful situations like a traumatic situation and look for the stressful thoughts that you were believing in that moment and question those thoughts and then gently bring awareness to the story that you're telling and how maybe an opposite story might also be true. And it opens your awareness to and can often create a lot of space in what was a scary kind of situation. It's also nice for hsps because it's self paced, it's non invasive, it's empowering and it doesn't bypass pain, it meets it with clarity and kindness. Another Approach would be somatic and nervous system regulation practices. These again, are not about solving trauma directly by creating, you know, some kind of direct healing on the trauma itself, but they can be helpful tools for softening your experience. So that's a little less stressful for you, a little more tolerable. For example, breath work or grounding exercises or gentle movement like yoga or walking in nature, or body scans. These kinds of things can reduce the feeling of overwhelm and can give a little bit of softness to your experience and work really well hand in hand with therapy or inner work. And then finally, I just want to mention the idea of safe relationships. Often healing happens in connection, not just in solitude. And so whether you're working with a coach or a friend, or just interacting in a community, just having a space where you're seen and heard and not judged for your sensitivity can be powerful ways to allow it to heal naturally. We will heal. And these kinds of safe relationships can be a great support. Again, they're not a substitute for deep therapeutic work, and that is always worth exploring. But why not approach trauma from all different sides? And this is yet another way to do that. In this episode, we looked at what is big T and little T trauma and we saw that big T is mainly major life events where it's obvious that it's a, a strong kind of traumatic experience. And little T trauma are minor, seemingly minor things, less obvious, but still impactful experiences that can cause stress. And ultimately, what makes something traumatic or not is your experience. You may experience it as traumatic and someone else may experience the same thing as not traumatic. It depends on how it affected you personally. And then we looked at what happens when trauma goes unworked. So if it did get to you, if you didn't process it, then it doesn't go away. And the effects can build. They can be long lasting and they can lead to all kinds of stress reactions, including emotional reactivity and even physical symptoms. And then finally, we looked at options for healing trauma as a highly sensitive person and we saw that therapy is a important option to look at. The work of Byron. Katie can be supportive and things like somatic or nervous system regulation practices can also be helpful, although they may not get to the core of the actual trauma experience. And then finally, just safe relationships can often be very healing. Again, they may not get to the absolute core, but they nourish it with so much goodness that it may heal it for all intents and purposes. So thank you for listening and considering this important area of trauma. We all have different experiences with it. We all have bits of trauma. Basically anything we experience as stressful is like on a tiny T level all the way up to a large T level falling on that spectrum somewhere. And so pain is pain. If I hurt, then why not take a look at it and see if I can find some way of healing that? Dreaming of a stress free balanced life? Visit trueinnerfreedom.com and complete the HSP Stress Survey. Gain clarity on your stress triggers and Enjoy a free 15 minute inner freedom call designed to guide you towards lasting inner peace and fulfillment.