#249 | 3 Signs You’re Losing Personal Space at Work — And How HSPs Can Avoid the Overwhelm Spiral

Summary

Podcast Title: Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP): Inner Work and Strategies for Coping with Stress, Overwhelm, and Negative Emotions
Host: Todd Smith, Founder of True Inner Freedom
Episode: #249 | 3 Signs You’re Losing Personal Space at Work — And How HSPs Can Avoid the Overwhelm Spiral
Release Date: June 27, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode #249 of Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People, Todd Smith delves into the nuanced challenges that Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) face in the workplace, specifically focusing on the subtle ways they lose personal space and the ensuing spiral into overwhelm. Drawing from his extensive experience with The Work of Byron Katie, Todd offers actionable strategies to help HSPs reclaim their personal space, set healthy boundaries, and maintain emotional balance amidst workplace pressures.

Recognizing the Signs of Losing Personal Space

Todd begins by highlighting the first sign that an HSP is losing personal space at work: staying on when they really need to step away. He explains that HSPs often prioritize harmony and avoid tension, leading them to suppress their own needs in favor of maintaining a peaceful environment.

Notable Quote:

“As a highly sensitive person, the first sign that you're losing personal space at work is you stay on when you really need to step away.”
— Todd Smith [02:15]

He provides practical examples of how HSPs unconsciously give away their space, such as staying at their desks without taking necessary breaks, allowing coworkers to monopolize their time, keeping headphones off to appear approachable, or leaving office doors open despite the resulting overstimulation. These small daily choices cumulatively drain their energy and hinder their ability to perform optimally.

The Impact of Losing Personal Space

When personal space is compromised, HSPs experience emotional flooding, difficulty focusing, and physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches, and muscle tension. Todd emphasizes the importance of listening to these bodily signals as indicators that it’s time to assert personal boundaries.

Notable Quote:

“We all need breaks. We have physical bodies that we live in, and if we just stay in at our desk without breaks, then it can lead to overwhelm very quickly.”
— Todd Smith [05:30]

Overcoming Guilt in Setting Boundaries

A significant barrier for HSPs is the guilt associated with taking breaks or setting boundaries. Todd addresses this by encouraging listeners to question the thoughts that drive this guilt using Byron Katie’s method. He suggests examining beliefs like, “If I say that I need space, then they'll think I'm rude or selfish,” and challenging their validity.

Notable Quote:

“If I say that I need space, then they'll think I'm rude or they'll think I'm selfish. And you can literally question this.”
— Todd Smith [09:45]

Through this process of inner inquiry, HSPs can reframe their understanding of boundaries, recognizing that protecting their energy ultimately benefits both themselves and their workplaces.

Setting Healthy Boundaries Without Conflict

Todd outlines the second sign of losing personal space: avoiding boundaries to prevent appearing unkind or not a team player. He stresses that while social harmony is important, HSPs must honor their own limits to maintain balance.

He provides strategies for setting boundaries without creating conflict, such as:

• Communicating Needs Clearly: Using statements like, “I’d be happy to take this on, but I need to move something else off my plate to make room.”
• Negotiating Deadlines: Offering alternative timelines or adjusting expectations to ensure quality work without overextending.
• Delaying Immediate Responses: Taking a moment to assess requests before committing, thereby preventing impulsive yeses that lead to overwhelm.

Notable Quote:

“These are some things to think about when you're at work. We tend to think about personal space when we're in personal relationships... but at work, it may be even more complicated because of the power dynamics.”
— Todd Smith [22:10]

Managing Over-Giving to Clients and Bosses

The third sign Todd discusses is over-giving to clients or bosses at the expense of oneself. HSPs may feel compelled to respond immediately to every request, leading to constant interruptions that hinder deep work and increase stress levels.

Key points include:

• Understanding the Impact: Recognizing that overcommitting can lead to decreased productivity and increased anxiety.
• Balancing Responsibilities: Learning to delegate or negotiate workload to ensure tasks are manageable.
• Questioning the Need for Approval: Challenging the belief that constant reliability equates to job security or respect.

Notable Quote:

“What is it costing you? And is it really balanced? Is it really necessary? And are there other options?”
— Todd Smith [30:45]

Handling Persistent Pushback from Authority Figures

Even with clear boundaries, clients or bosses may continue to push HSPs beyond their limits. Todd advises on strategies to handle such scenarios without causing conflict:

• Reiterating Boundaries: Politely but firmly restating limits when initial refusals are ignored.
• Offering Alternatives: Providing solutions that accommodate both parties, such as adjusting deadlines or reallocating tasks.
• Maintaining Consistency: Staying steadfast in boundary enforcement to reinforce their importance.

Notable Quote:

“Things like, I'd be happy to take this on. I just want to make sure I can give it my proper focus. And what can I move off my plate to make room for this?”
— Todd Smith [37:20]

The Role of Inner Work in Protecting Energy

The episode concludes with a focus on inner work as a crucial element in managing stress and maintaining personal space. By questioning limiting beliefs and understanding their own sensitivities, HSPs can build resilience and confidence. This inner work enables them to communicate their needs effectively and sustain their emotional and professional well-being.

Notable Quote:

“Understanding yourself and your limitations as an HSP is something that gives strength. It gives confidence.”
— Todd Smith [44:10]

Conclusion

In this comprehensive episode, Todd Smith equips HSPs with the knowledge and tools to identify when they are losing personal space at work and provides practical strategies to reclaim it. By setting healthy boundaries, managing over-giving, and engaging in inner work, HSPs can prevent overwhelm and thrive in their professional environments without sacrificing their well-being.

Key Takeaways:

• Identify Early Signs: Recognize behaviors and physical symptoms that indicate loss of personal space.
• Set Boundaries: Learn to communicate needs clearly and assertively without guilt.
• Manage Over-Giving: Balance responsibilities and challenge the need for constant approval.
• Engage in Inner Work: Use techniques like Byron Katie’s questioning to reframe limiting beliefs and strengthen resilience.

For HSPs seeking to navigate workplace challenges and maintain emotional balance, this episode serves as a valuable guide towards achieving true inner freedom and professional fulfillment.

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Next Episode Preview:
Join Todd next week for Breakthrough Mondays, where he shares success stories and insightful strategies to inspire your growth as a highly sensitive person on the path to inner freedom.

Additional Resource:
Take the HSP Stress Test at trueinnerfreedom.com to discover your unique sensitivity profile and understand how stress amplifies your sensitivity.

Transcript

[Todd Smith]

By the end of this episode, you'll recognize the subtle ways highly sensitive people lose personal space at work, and how reclaiming it early can help you avoid the spiral into overwhelm. Welcome to Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People, a podcast helping HSPs avoid overwhelm, eliminate stress, and find true inner freedom. I'm your host, Todd Smith, a facilitator of the work of Byron Katie, a way to question and reduce stressful thoughts. And you guessed it, I'm a highly sensitive person myself. In this episode, you'll discover the small daily choices that drain your energy at work, and how HSPs often override their own need for space, why setting boundaries isn't rude or selfish, and how to speak up without creating conflict, and what to do when clients or bosses keep pushing, and how inner work can help you protect your energy without losing your job or your peace. This is an edition of Strategy Fridays where we think about specific things you can do to help manage stress. As a highly sensitive person, the first sign that you're losing personal space at work is you stay on when you really need to step away. Highly sensitive people tend to prioritize harmony, avoid tension, and instinctively read the room. And that makes us stay quiet, offer help, and often suppress our own needs. Here's some examples of what it means to give your space away in subtle ways that you may not be wanting to do. For example, staying at your desk when you really need to walk or break. We all need breaks. We have physical bodies that we live in, and if we just stay in at our desk without breaks, then it can lead to overwhelm very quickly, or letting a coworker drop in for 20 minutes because they're upset even though you're exhausted or you're under a deadline or you have too much going on, or keeping your headphones off to seem approachable, or keeping the door open to seem approachable even if the noise is actually overstimulating. These are small ways that you're you're giving away your space, and it can lead you to not paying attention to what is going on inside of you so that you can do your best job at work and stay as balanced as possible. Without personal space. Highly sensitive people experience emotional flooding, have trouble focusing or making decisions, and it can show up even as body tension. Like physical symptoms of fatigue or headaches or tight chest or sighing or foggy brain, the body lets you know when you actually need to stand up for your space. Sometimes just staying in a conversation longer than your system can handle is something that can overwhelm in a small way, but in a measurable way for highly sensitive people. And so pay attention, pay attention to yourself, what your needs are, and keep in mind that your purpose is to serve the customers or the company that you're working for. And you want to give your best. So it's a matter of aligning your actions so that you're able to give your best instead of letting them get diffused and spent by things that are draining your energy. One of the issues that comes in for highly sensitive people is that we sometimes feel guilty about taking breaks or to asking for space or interrupting the distractions that are pulling us in many different directions. And a key thought that you can question if you want to explore this further, is to look at the thought, if I say that I need space, then they'll think I'm rude or they'll think I'm selfish. And you can literally question this. I love doing the work of Byron Katie. So I will put this up to the four questions of the work and find turnarounds and examples and use that as a kind of meditation. So if I ask for the space, they're going to think I'm rude. Is it true? And just go through that process. So the second way or sign that you're losing personal space at work is that you're avoiding boundaries because you don't want to seem rude. That's kind of where we're just headed here. So if you avoid setting clear limits, the fear is that you may come across as unkind or aloof or not a team player or something like that. And this is just a need to fit in socially. And while it's great to fit in socially, there are limitations and we have different limitations as highly sensitive people and we have to respect those. If you're taking care of others, comfort more than your own, then that's not really actually doing anything. It's kind of like a side track where you let other people's issues, because you happen to be a good listener, come above your own, or you let other people's demands come above your own. And then when you are trying to get something done, it can cause conflict and it can cause stress and it can make you feel like you want to get out of there. And then the mind goes into all or nothing thinking, which is like, I'm just going to quit my job, you know. But that's the extreme version of it. Little ways of standing up for yourself, asking for your space and respecting your own space can make a huge difference in the quality of your experience at work. And then the third area where you may be losing personal space at work, a sign that you're losing personal space is when you're over giving to clients or bosses at the expense of yourself. As you can see, these are all on the same theme here of putting others above yourself, which in some ways is a great thing, but it has to be done in balance. So, for example, maybe you respond immediately to everything you know, Slack, pings, emails, calendar, invites. It's like, boom, you're there every time, every time you get interrupted. When you're doing deep work, it takes 23 minutes for your mind, your brain to come back to a coherent pattern of functioning and go deeper into the work. So these constant distractions and pings and invitations will prevent you from going deeper in your work. And that's very frustrating as a highly sensitive person. Another way that you may end up over giving to clients or bosses at the expense of yourself is to overwork over deliverance or absorb too much responsibility out of fear of disapproval. You basically may be believing something like, if I don't go above and beyond, then I won't be safe or I won't be respected, or I might lose my job, or I won't be seen as someone carrying their weight around here. So it's good to question this identity that comes in of being the reliable one. I am reliable. You can always count on me. I always do a good job. This can become an identity. And it's good to ask yourself, what is that costing you? And is it really balanced? Is it really necessary? And are there other options? So what happens if your boss or clients keep pushing? You know, even when your boundaries are clear? Sometimes there are some power dynamics in play that make it hard to say no. You know, a boss has more power, they can fire you, or a client has that power, they can fire you. And so for highly sensitive people, we are aware of that, and we also fear disapproval. We, we don't like conflict, we don't like letting people down, and it's easy to end up swallowing our no. Or swallowing our boundaries instead of standing up for them in situations like that. So how can that show up, for example, saying yes too quickly. You know, bosses and clients ask for a lot, and we may just say yes, of course, customer's always right. Boss is the one. I'm just going to do what they ask. And while that's a good thing, the yes too quickly can end up putting more on our plates than we're actually able to do. And we can end up delaying breaks or canceling time off. To be a team player, we can think that we must earn our rest or justify our limitations instead of looking at those as just reality. And we have to work within those limitations. So a way to work with this is to ask yourself, what am I afraid will happen if I say no? Or if I set a limit? Whose approval am I chasing and what is it costing me? So another area is if your boss or your customer is continuing to demand, you may want to play with a few ways of talking back to them in a way that's not causing conflict, but is reiterating your boundary. I always find that saying no the first time is hard enough. And then if somebody doesn't respect my boundary and then I have to say no again, like, that's like doubly hard. But it's a common thing and it's important because people don't always hear the first no or they don't. They want to test your no and see how strong it is. And so it is valuable to practice finding ways to say no again in, in a way that they can understand that is also kind to them and kind to you. Things like, I'd be happy to take this on. I just want to make sure I can give it my proper focus. And what can I move off my plate to make room for this? This is a great question for a boss, like, okay, I'd love to do this, let's do a great job on it, and I'm going to need to move something else off. You make that decision and it really is, it communicates the issue very clearly. Or I can do that by this deadline, that's maybe a reasonable deadline, or I can rush it for a sooner deadline, but I won't be able to use my usual standard, what's most important here? And you, you really put the decision making back onto the boss or the client so that they see that the reality of what they're dealing with. Because the tendency is to just say, oh, yes, sure, I'll do that. And then now you have to work late, you have to work long hours, you have to push yourself. And that comes at the cost of your own nervous system. Or simply let me check what I have on my plate before I say yes. I want to make sure I don't overextend. And it's just simple communication. So these are some things to think about when you're at work. We tend to think about personal space when we're in personal relationships. And that has its own challenges and value in finding our personal space and taking our personal space. But at work, it may be even more complicated because of the power dynamics of being somebody working for someone else. And that could be that you're going to risk your job if you stand up for yourself. So you have to be. You have to be clear about your communication, and you have to be clear with yourself what your values are. And if you take the time to do that, the chances are you're going to be delivering on a much higher level because you're not overextending yourself. In this episode, we we looked at the small daily choices that drain your energy at work and how HSPs often override their own need for space. And these can be small things like just not closing your door when you need quiet time, or saying yes too quickly, or just sitting at your desk too long when you actually need a break. We also looked at why setting boundaries isn't rude or selfish and how to speak up without creating conflict. Why it's not rude or selfish is because when you take care of yourself, when you protect your energy, you have more to give. And the more you have to give, the more everyone benefits. And how to speak up without creating conflict is using your natural HSP ability to pay attention to what other people's needs are and to communicate in a clear way that they can understand the benefit of you taking care of yourself. And then we looked at what to do when clients or bosses keep pushing and how inner work can help you protect your energy without losing your job or your peace. And inner work means questioning the thoughts that prevent you from saying no or prevent you from taking care of yourself or living in a more balanced way. This can be attachment to approval. This can be attachment to having a certain status or even a fear of losing your job. If you question these thoughts and begin to work with your thoughts and see other ways of looking at the same situation, you may find that it's not impossible to deal with people who keep pushing. So understanding yourself and your limitations as an HSP is something that gives strength. It gives confidence. It's not even personal. It's like I'm taking care of a being that happens to be myself and I need to nourish that being. It's like if I had a plant in the office, I would need to put water on it on a regular basis. I would want to make sure that it's getting light. I would want to make sure that it's getting everything it needs to thrive so that it can be a present like an important presence in the in the room. I'm the same way. And the more I understand myself as an hsp, the more I can take care of myself, help other people understand why I need to take care of myself, and then give the most that I have to give. So thanks for listening. It's always great to explore with you. This podcast comes out three times a week on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Join me next time for Breakthrough Mondays where I share success stories and helpful insights for highly sensitive people on the path towards inner freedom. Tired of feeling overwhelmed by everything all at once? Take the HSP stress [e-mail] youm'll also find a link in the show notes. The test will reveal your unique sensitivity profile, including how your nervous system naturally responds to stimulation, emotions, social energy, and more. You'll also gain a clearer picture of how stress might be amplifying that sensitivity. Take the HSP Stress Test now. It's a powerful first step on your journey to true inner freedom.