← Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP): Inner Work and Strategies for Coping with Stress, Overwhelm, and Negative Emotions
Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP): Inner Work and Strategies for Coping with Stress, Overwhelm, and Negative Emotions
#266 | The 4 Traits That Make You a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), & How to Love Them
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Are you tired of feeling like your sensitivity is a weakness? If you’ve ever been told you're “too sensitive” or felt overwhelmed in a world that moves too fast, this episode offers a refreshing perspective. Discover how the traits that make you...
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Todd Smith
By the end of this episode, you'll understand the four core traits that define a highly sensitive person or an hsp and how recognizing them can shift your experience from self criticism to self compassion. Welcome to Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People, a podcast helping HSPs avoid overwhelm, eliminate stress, and find true inner freedom. Todd I'm your host, Todd Smith, a facilitator of the work of Byron Katie. A way to question and reduce stressful thoughts, and you guessed it, I'm a highly sensitive person myself. In this episode, you'll discover the four key traits that define the HSP experience and how to spot them in yourself. Why sensitivity isn't a flaw, but a powerful evolutionary strength. And how understanding your sensitivity can help you create a life that truly fits you. Welcome to this edition of Self Compassion Wednesdays, where we dive deeper into understanding ourselves as highly sensitive people by exploring the unique traits that shape our experience. The pioneering researcher on the HSP trait, Highly sensitive person traitor is Dr. Elaine Aaron, and she has defined four main areas that define the HSP trade. She calls them does so D stands for depth of processing, O stands for tendency towards overwhelm, E stands for emotional or empathetic, and S stands for sensitive, actually, sensitivity. So let's look at these in more depth because as you understand these, you will start to understand yourself better. And I find it to be very helpful for getting a feeling of I'm normal for who I am, like, there's nothing wrong with me. So the first one is depth of processing. And this is really the cornerstone of the highly sensitive person trait. There may be different kinds of sensitivity, but the HSP trait is centered around depth of processing. That means that HSPs process everything more thoroughly. That means information, emotions, interactions, decisions. It's not just that we think more, but we think more deeply and often even unconsciously. Our brains tend to activate more in areas related to integration and meaning making. In other words, we start connecting the dots. We start making connections between pieces of information. And that takes a lot of processing, but it can also lead to a lot of creativity and a lot of intuition, a lot of insight and meaning as a result of that. I think about it for myself when I learn foreign language, like I speak Spanish and French, the way I tend to do it is that I don't just learn individual words, but I learn words and then I want to find out how that word compares to another word that's similar and how that compares to another thing. And so I'm constantly building a web of connections between words. And that is very typical of the HSP trait. That's what we mean by depth of processing. It can also look like you reflect on conversations long after they happened and you start thinking, okay, what did that mean? And how did that connect? And what. And as you play with it, as you sit with it, and kind of massage the data, as it were, you start seeing things that you didn't, that weren't just obvious at first glance. That's depth of processing. Another place where it shows up is in decision making. And often HSPs will research decisions fairly exhaustively, even if it's a small thing, you know, which tooth, toothbrush to buy or something like that. We look at the pros and cons and we look at all of the different factors involved, and we, we can go deeply in that and find an optimal solution. And that is a skill. It can lead to overwhelm. Yes, that can be a downside sometimes, but it can also lead to extremely valuable decision making and in a way, avoidance of errors in a lot of ways, because we're making all those decisions ahead of time. Another thing that depth of processing allows is the ability to see multiple perspectives at once. This is super helpful in social situations, super helpful in research situations, any kind of learning or knowledge, and it gives a very broad perspective. I use it in the work I do when I'm helping people work through stressful situations. And I can look at it from their point of view, from maybe five other different points of view, and we can play with these different perspectives and see which one is more optimal in terms of the experience of the situation. So there are sometimes some downsides to having depth of processing. You may end up feeling like you're overthinking or ruminating or getting caught in perfectionism a little bit. You may feel mentally full or overstimulated sometimes by complexity. But this is only when depth of processing is pushed too far without a break. We're built to go deep, but we're not built to go deep forever. And so if you know that, then you can appreciate the quality, enjoy the benefit of it without going too far, where you end up getting stressed or overwhelmed by it. So that's depth of processing. The next one is overstimulation, which I've already just kind of mentioned. And that is that you're processing so much that you reach your capacity faster. And this is just normal for highly sensitive people. When you are building these, this many connections inside your brain, the same amount of stimuli is going to cause an overwhelm quicker because of all the work going on behind the scenes as you're processing it. This doesn't mean you're weak. It doesn't mean that you're. There's something wrong. It means that you're built for depth, not for processing tons and tons of things. You're built for processing a few things really, really well. And so it just means that you can get full, your brain can get full, you can reach capacity quicker than other people. This can also show up with. With sensory stimulation as well. Busy environments can do this. Social events can do this. There's a lot going on, a lot of subtle things happening in social interactions, including body language, including feeling, including words, and even what people are not saying. Multitasking can obviously lead to overstimulation in pretty much anyone, but especially if we reach that quicker with highly sensitive people and just constant input. If you're. If you're just constantly under the gun, constantly being given more information, there's a limit there that can cause you to shut down, become irritable, or just become emotionally flooded. And so overstimulation is a characteristic of being a highly sensitive person. And it just means that we reach overstimulation quicker than people who don't have this trait. And it can hit you suddenly. You may be fine at a party, everything's going fine, until suddenly you just hit a wall. It's like, boom, I can't go any further. And if you are aware of this, then you can take care of yourself and say, you know what? I just need to step out and get some fresh air. And that can be enough to reset yourself. Or you may say, you know what? I just have to go. I've had a great time, and that's it for me. Same with meetings or travel, where you can hit your exhaustion point quicker than other people, and you may need to schedule time to process and decompress and come back to your balance point again. Even intense conversations can require recovery time for highly sensitive people. We're processing a lot, and we may need some time to finish that. So one of the things that can happen with highly sensitive people is we tend to want to push past our limits to keep up with other people. And we may feel guilty about needing more rest or quiet time. And this is not healthy for us. What's healthy is for us to listen to ourselves, pay attention to our feedback internally, and keep in line with that. Because otherwise what happens is if we try to be like everyone else, then we can't be ourselves. So the next area that defines being a highly sensitive person is emotional responsiveness or empathy. And this is something that you will experience in yourself as being attuned to your own feelings and the feelings of other people. And you pay attention to this. It's important to you. And they've done research that shows that the brain gets activated in these areas related to emotional awareness in highly sensitive people. You may be moved by beauty. You may be moved by injustice, or you may be moved by kindness. You may be moved by grief. You're probably going to be moved because that's what this trait, how this trait shows up. And it's different in different people. You know, one way it can look like is if you. You may cry easily, and not just from sadness, but from beauty. You're touched by things, but you may not. You may also not cry easily. For example, my grandmother, I think she was a highly sensitive person. My dad definitely was, and I am, but I don't. None of us cry that much and. But we feel things really strongly. It's just not expressed that particular way. And maybe that was social conditioning, maybe it's something else, I don't know. But it's not always that you cry easily, but many HSPs do cry very easily and often. You'll also feel when someone's mood shifts, even before they say a word, you'll notice things that are like, something's changed there and you pay attention to it. It's important to you. And that is part of being highly sensitive. Doesn't mean you're psychic necessarily. You can be, but that's not necessarily a defining characteristic of being a highly sensitive person. You're just perceptive, you're tuned in. And so you notice these things. You also especially notice when people are suffering in any way. And there's a natural compassion that is a part of being a highly sensitive person. So deep compassion, emotional intelligence, ability to connect powerfully with other people, these are all part of this emotional intelligence or empathy or emotional responsiveness that define this character of being an hsp. So one of the things that we have to look out for is if we get too caught up in other people's emotions or become too empathetic to the point where we're excluding, taking care of ourselves or living in a balanced way, and this is something that can be learned and something that can be. You can gain clarity on where the boundaries are between you and another person. And you can still be just as empathetic and just as loving, but also not get carried away or lost in someone else's suffering or someone else's world in a way. So the last area, last part of this trait is sensory sensitivity. And this is a characteristic of being highly sensitive. That means that you are affected. You pay attention to. You're attuned to sensory stimulation. This could be bright lights or loud noises or smells, for example, tone of voice, textures, flavors, shifts in temperature. All these things are things that highly sensitive people tend to be attuned to. And we notice and we enjoy or don't enjoy, depending on whether we experience it as positive or negative. But it's just a matter of fact, we see a lot of subtle things, and not everybody sees those. We hear a lot of subtle things that other people don't pick up on. We taste a lot of things that others miss. And same with all of the senses. And you will also notice minor irritants that others will overlook. This is one of the reasons why this trait is, I think, continuous in not only human beings, but in lots of different animal species, is that we notice things that are off. And as a result, we are able to avoid or direct a whole society or ourselves in a way that it's going to be just like you're going to avoid problems. We also are affected more deeply by music or nature or art. And so these are naturally part of being a highly sensitive person. And they are wonderful. They make life rich. But you have to live within the limits because of this ability to sense so much subtlety in our environment. When there's too much stimulation in the environment, then it can be disturbing. Like, if there's too much noise, too much clutter, too much chaos, overstimulation, then we. It's like I always say, my hearing aids are turned all the way up. And so if you say something, it's maybe a normal voice for you. It's coming in really loud for me. And. And so we have to pace ourselves in environments. We have to kind of avoid certain environments if necessary, or limit our experience with certain environments so that we can use our gifts for what they're meant to be, which is in subtle ways. Subtle environments, picking up on subtle things. And so the loud things, they tend to be jarring for us. But it's important in all of this to see that being highly sensitive is not a flaw. There's nothing off about it. It's something that is part of, as I said, over 100 species they've looked at in nature. About 20, 15 to 20% of each species is made up of highly sensitive individuals. And there's a reason for that. We are able to perceive danger earlier. We're able to think of creative ways of getting needs met. And so, in a way, we're leaders in the community in which we live in, but we do it in a quiet way. And so if we can understand the goodness of our trait, then we can be more kind to ourselves when we have to protect ourselves and be a little bit more careful in the environments in which we live. A lot of times we've been told to toughen up, you know, you're too sensitive, you know, and so we may have downplayed our feelings or masked our needs or kind of even doubt that our. What feels natural to us is right. And this is just because we're a minority. And most people don't understand this sensitivity trait. And in many societies, it is seen as a weakness. Oh, you're too sensitive. But this is not the case, not the case at all. It's an extreme strength. And when you start to understand that you have the ability to do things that other people can't do, then you can step into your role, your natural ability, and live from there and contribute from there instead of thinking that you should be like everybody else. But it can mean that you have to take care of yourself differently. You may have to work a different work schedule than others in order to stay regulated. You may need more recovery time after different social events or different things that you do. You may have to pay attention to which relationships energize you and which ones deplete you, because the energy can be depleted quickly if it's overstimulating for you. You may have to learn how to honor your boundaries in a gentle way with others, but in a firm way. And you may have to stop comparing yourself to others and start designing your life around your actual strengths, around who you actually are, instead of trying to keep up with what other people do. I think HSPs are creative by nature. We make connections between ideas, and we see possibilities that others may miss. And we can imagine new ways of doing things that are unique, interesting, valuable, and often harmonious. And so we can design things that are helpful to us and to others. And if we pay attention to this internal intuition that is so strong and highly sensitive people, we can often become the kind of quiet leader for ourselves and for others that this world needs. So I invite you to stop trying to fit into a life that was never built for your nervous system and start designing your own way and see if you can create a path that works for you and will also end up serving others as well. So the feeling I'm left with today is that it's a gift to be highly sensitive. It's something that is very special. It's a unique value that we bring. I often compare it to being like a high, like a highly sensitive instrument or like a think like of a Stradivarius violin. It's very sensitive, can play amazing music, but you have to handle it gently. You have to. When they. When they sell a Stradivarius violin or transport it somewhere, it always goes with a person in the plane. It doesn't get packed and shipped like any other kind of package. So we have to take care of ourselves. And when we do, we have something amazing to share. In this episode, we looked at the four key traits that define the HSP experience and how to spot them in yourself. And we saw that the first one is depth of processing. And then the second one is tendency towards overwhelm. And the third is emotional, just being more emotional and more empathetic as well. And the last one is we're more sensory sensitive, more sensitive of our through the senses. We also looked at why sensitivity isn't a flaw, but it's actually a powerful evolutionary strength. We just need a little bit of protection so that we can use that strength to its best abilities. And finally, we looked at how understanding your sensitivity can help you create a life that truly fits you. If you honor your sensitivity, if you keep it, hold it as something valuable, and then protect it from getting beat up by the world around us, you can have a true gem that is something that can give a lot of value to society and to yourself. So thanks for listening. It's great to explore with you this HSP trait. This podcast comes out three times a week on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Join me next time for Strategy Fridays, where we think about specific things you can do to help manage stress as a highly sensitive person. Tired of feeling overwhelmed by everything all at once? Take the HSP stress test@truinnerfreedom.com you'll also find a link in the show notes. The test will reveal your unique sensitivity profile, including how your nervous system naturally responds to stimulation, emotions, social energy, and more. You'll also gain a clearer picture of how stress might be amplifying that sensitivity. Take the HSP Stress Test now. It's a powerful first step on your journey to true inner freedom.