← Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP): Inner Work and Strategies for Coping with Stress, Overwhelm, and Negative Emotions
Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP): Inner Work and Strategies for Coping with Stress, Overwhelm, and Negative Emotions
#383 | Why It Feels Like No One Can Do It Right Except You as a Highly Sensitive Person
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By the end of this episode, you'll discover the deeper reason it can feel like no one else can do things right, and how that pattern quietly keeps you holding on to doing more than you need to. In this episode, you'll discover why delegating can feel more stressful than just doing it yourself. As an hsp, what makes letting someone else take over feel uncomfortable even when you want to help, and how to begin sharing responsibility without constantly feeling the need to step back in. Welcome to this edition of Self Compassion Wednesdays, where we dive deeper into understanding ourselves as highly sensitive people by exploring the unique traits that shape our experience. Many highly sensitive people find themselves carrying a lot. There's always something to do, things to manage, things to follow up on, things that matter. And part of this comes from how we are wired. We notice things, we notice details that others miss, and we notice things that need attention and things that could become problems later on. So we also tend to care about doing things well and we follow things through and we take responsibility and we don't just do the minimum and move on. And often that means that things take more time because we are involving more of ourself in it. We're taking more responsibility, we're doing a more thorough job. And so this requires more thought, more care, more energy. So it's not surprising that over time it can start to feel like there's just too much to do, more than you can comfortably hold. So naturally you start thinking, okay, I need some help with this. And that part makes perfect sense. It is the natural thing to think of, okay, how can I get some help? How can I delegate some things? It's everyone knows this wisdom that if you can get someone else to help, it's going to make the job easier. My grandmother used to say, many hands make light work, so that's what we're looking for. But what often goes unnoticed is what happens next. Because when you do try to get help, it doesn't always feel like relief. Sometimes it feels like more work. You may recognize this. You've got something on your plate and it could be work related or something at home or something shared with someone else. And you've been holding it for a while, tracking it, thinking about it, making sure it moves forward. And at a certain point you decide to hand it off to someone who could do that job for you and carry that for you. And you explain what needs to be done. You maybe even make a little manual for how to do it. You give them thorough instructions and you train them and then you step back. And for a moment, there's a sense that things might actually get lighter. But then you start to notice things like how it's actually being done and what they're actually focusing on and all the things that they're missing. And it may be subtle at first, but you might end up telling yourself, okay, it's fine. You know, they'll figure it out. They're just getting started. But your attention doesn't end up leaving it. And you keep on thinking about it, and you keep on checking in, and you keep on running through what might happen next. And now, instead of feeling relieved, you feel more involved again. You're more alert, you're more responsible. And so at some point, you end up stepping back in. And maybe it's just to fix something or to clarify something or to redo some part of it, or you may stay mentally connected the entire time. Like they're working and you're thinking about it the whole time. So even though it's been delegated, you're actually still carrying it. And sometimes it ends up feeling like more work than if you had just done it yourself in the first place. My mom used to say this all the time. It's like, I'd rather do it myself than train anyone else to do it. And it's understandable. What starts to become clear in these moments is that even when something has been handed off, your attention doesn't fully leave it. You're still tracking it. You're still thinking about it. You're still connected to how it's unfolding. So the task may not be yours anymore, but the experience of it still is. When this becomes a pattern, it starts to shape how you approach everything. Because it's not just that you have a lot to do, it's that trying to share it doesn't actually reduce the load. So you begin to take more on by default, you start carrying the very thing that you've delegated, or you start avoiding delegation. And it may happen so quietly, almost unconsciously, just because it feels simpler or it feels more efficient or less complicated. And over time, this builds and ends up landing you with even more responsibility, more mental load, more background tension. And what often gets missed in this is that there's no real rest for you. Even when something is off your plate, it's not fully off your plate. You're still thinking about it, still tracking it, still anticipating what might go wrong, still ready to step back in. So the relief you were hoping for by delegating never quite arrives. And that can become exhausting in A very quiet way. And it can build because from the outside, it just looks like you handle so much. You get so much done. I was just joking with a client today about how I've been called a machine sometimes, and she was saying the same thing. And so it's like, out from the outside, it looks like we're doing really well, but internally, it can feel like everything keeps coming back to you. And this can feel frustrating, overwhelming, and can really increase your stress levels. And what keeps this pattern in place is usually something very simple, something that feels completely reasonable. A thought like, if I don't stay involved, this might not go well. Or if I don't keep an eye on this, something important could be missed, or even it's just easier if I do it myself. And that thought doesn't feel like pressure, may actually even feel like clarity. Because based on your experience, it has been easier, it has felt safer, it has led to better outcomes. So the mind learns something very quickly. Stay involved, stay close, don't fully let go. And without really noticing, that becomes the default. But something starts to stand out when you begin to notice a different part of the experience. Not just what's happening externally, not just the outcomes here, but what's happening internally. The moment something is no longer in your hands. Notice that subtle tightening, that increased alertness, that sense of stay. Like needing to stay connected because that reaction is happening automatically. It's not something you're choosing. And when you start to see that more clearly, it opens up a different possibility. This is what we call reaction. I'm not choosing to react a certain way, but unconsciously I'm believing this, that it's easier to do it myself. And so I end up acting based on that assumption. And when you start to see this clearly, then it changes things. It's not about forcing yourself to let go, but about understanding what's actually happening in the moment. This isn't really about other people doing things right or not doing them that well. It's about how your system responds when something is no longer in your hands. And that response, luckily, isn't fixed. You may have been reacting that way all your life, but it's actually something that you picked up, something that you learned, something that you fell into, started believing. And so that happens quickly, and it feels convincing in the moment, and so you go along with it. But when you begin to see that more clearly, something can also start to loosen. Because now it's not about managing how to delegate better, but when you begin to see the beliefs that are holding that response in place in the exact moment when you're pulled back in. And that's where this can begin to shift. So if you're tired of feeling like everything comes back to you, even when you try to share the load, and you don't want to keep going through that cycle of handing something off only to feel more involved than before, and then getting back involved and never really getting the rest that you want. But what you're starting to see is that there's something deeper happening here. Something in the way your system responds, something in the beliefs that get activated in those moments. And you can see it, but you can't quite get out of it on your own, then this is exactly the kind of work that we. We can do together. This isn't about better delegation strategies or finding the perfect way to communicate. It's about slowing this down and really seeing the beliefs that are holding this pattern in place so that your relationship to those moments begins to change. So that letting go doesn't feel like something you have to force, but something that becomes possible. If you'd like to explore that, you can go to trueinnerfreedom.com working together and schedule a 30 minute introductory conversation and I'll be happy to explore it with you.