1527 - Daniel Massively Cheated on his Wife with Men, Women and Couples

Summary

Strictly Anonymous Confessions
Episode 1527: Daniel Massively Cheated on His Wife with Men, Women and Couples
Host: Kathy Kay
Air Date: July 22, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode features Daniel, who candidly details a lifelong journey of sexual exploration, addiction, and infidelity involving men, women, and couples—all predominantly conducted behind his wife’s back. With extraordinary honesty, Daniel and Kathy navigate topics including kink, compulsion, morality, marriages under strain, and the sometimes-brutal honesty required for self-acceptance. The conversation is raw, nonjudgmental, and delves into dark, complicated corners rarely discussed so openly.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Daniel’s Background and Early Sexual Imprinting

• Early Exposure: Daniel was exposed to pornography and sexual content at a very young age, which he now identifies as “ridiculously, wildly oversexed, way too early.” (16:52)
  • Quote: "From a very, very early age, I was exposed to pornography... only child in a lower income, so I was out getting into all the time."
• Childhood Abuse: Discloses sexual abuse by an older cousin at age 8. He minimizes the trauma but recognizes it’s shaped him. (19:51-21:13)
  • "It never seemed like trauma to me... just the little manipulation and stuff." (20:19)
  • Kathy recognizes the long-tail effects even when minimized.

2. Sexual Orientation and Early Experiences with Men

• Bisexual Experiences: Identified early comfort with bisexual behavior—first male sexual encounter was a spontaneous adult theater gloryhole situation.
  • "That was the first time I'd ever sucked a dude's cock. And it was awesome." (25:14)
  • Distinguishes between “sexual orientation” and “erotic orientation” (28:39), stating, “I could care less who's on the other side of the hole.”
• No shame about his own bisexuality or openness, but makes clear he's always loved women equally or more: "I've always preferred women – I love women." (26:27)

3. Meeting His Wife and Early Relationship Dynamics

• Met wife young; on-and-off dating as teens, then marriage in their twenties.
• Cheating began early, both before and after marriage, though wife was only ever suspicious of other women, never men. (31:49-32:29)
  • "To a degree, that is correct. She's never really trusted me...But never would she consider that I would be at an adult theater." (32:32–32:44)

4. Compulsion, Addiction, & Drive

• Daniel describes the pull toward these experiences as addictive and difficult to control, using language familiar in addiction circles.
  • "You can get addicted to anything...anything that takes you out of yourself, you can." (13:34)
  • Daniel asks, “Is sex addiction real?” and says for him, it certainly feels like it. (12:16, 13:57)
• Kathy and Daniel both agree cheating comes with guilt, but not the acts themselves—in Daniel’s words, “The only guilty part was that it was outside of my relationship." (10:18)

5. Sexual Kinks and Openness in Marriage

• Explores wide spectrum of kinks: feet, hairy armpits, piss play, come kissing, fisting, and more.
• Wife is aware and even enthusiastic about many of his kinks within their relationship, but not about group activities or bisexuality.
  • "She has been quite adventurous…sometimes she’ll grow her armpit hair out even now because she knows you’re into it." (41:00-41:45)

6. Infidelity Logistics & Encounters

• Affairs and hook-ups occurred both during work travel and locally.
• Story includes encounters in Germany (legal brothels, bathhouses, debaucherous clubs), US gloryholes, local bondage/bdsm couples, and more.
  • "If I had all the money back from the money I spent at brothels, I'd be a millionaire." (34:42)
  • Describes being "a bull for couples" through classifieds and porn shop scenes. (43:20)
  • Participation in orgies and gangbangs, often facilitated by online or in-person classifieds. (44:11–44:56)

7. Deeper Affairs and Emotional Connections

• Had affairs that went beyond physical, including one with a German woman and another significant relationship abroad. Emotional connections complicated his double life.
  • "That was the last girl I ever really, like, shared any feelings with to that degree." (57:26)
  • Affection for these women caused pain: "I felt bad for cheating on my wife, and horrible for making her fall in love." (57:53)

8. Discovery and Fallout

• Wife discovered infidelity after a woman called Daniel’s phone late at night; she left him temporarily.
  • "My wife hears the tender, beautiful little voice on the other end... She got up and packed and left." (58:31–58:59)
• They reconciled when Daniel was deployed to Afghanistan, but the history continued to put strain on their trust. (59:14–59:50)

9. Slowing Down: Maturity, Guilt, Present State

• Daniel claims to have reduced risky behaviors as he got older, attributing change to maturity, self-reflection, and desire to set a better example for children and grandchildren.
  • "Maturity, one. ...I was very selfish as a youth." (46:16)
  • These days, “once a year, maybe I’ll still go to a gloryhole or something.” (11:15)
• Guilt remains, especially as his wife now (mostly) trusts him: "Now that I feel like she may actually trust me, I feel like an even bigger bag." (67:14)
• Sex with wife remains satisfying when it happens, though medical issues make intimacy less frequent.

10. The Complexity of Double Lives and Self-Forgiveness

• Daniel is torn between enjoying sexual exploration and recognizing ongoing self-betrayal and moral friction.
  • "Well, I feel like that's a weakness. And I'm shitty. I'm a shitty human for it. And I try to make up for it in a lot of ways. But without stopping doing that, there's no really way to. In my own mind." (67:51)
  • Kathy notes: "When you're going against your own morals, that's when you could have a little bit of a problem." (75:12)
• Daniel concludes he’s still unable or unwilling to stop fully: “The problem is, you don't want to. Maybe that’s the problem. Yeah, that’s the problem.” (76:49)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "I've never said any of these things out loud to any other human." (78:00, Daniel)
• "To me, when you’re going against your own morals, that’s when you have a problem." (75:12, Kathy)
• "I cannot, like, you don't want to. I can't get—I can't let it go." (77:01, Daniel)
• "When I have stress, I don't share that with anyone. And that's probably unhealthy. But when I have stress, then I will go... that's how I deal with it." (69:15, Daniel)
• "There's plenty of Christian men out there getting their sucked through holes..." (30:00, Daniel)

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Important Timestamps

• Early exposure to porn & abuse – 16:52 - 21:40
• First experience with a man – 25:14 - 26:06
• Differences between sexual and erotic orientation – 28:39
• Marriage & being a "bull" – 43:20, 44:56
• Emotional affairs – 49:18 - 51:41, 52:03 - 59:07
• Wife discovers affair – 58:21 - 59:07
• Daniel’s explanation of slowing down/maturity – 46:14 - 47:39
• Admission of residual cheating, ongoing struggle – 61:08 - 67:20, 69:15
• Reflections on morality and self-judgment – 67:51 - 77:01

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Tone, Language, and Approach

• The episode is candid, confessional, and unfiltered.
• Kathy maintains a supportive, nonjudgmental but probing style, pressing for honesty without condemnation.
• Daniel oscillates between brash self-acceptance (“I love women. I love sex.”), sardonic remorse (“I’m a shitty human for it.”), and philosophical reflection on addiction, secrecy, and morality.
• The dialogue is explicit but always rooted in real emotions and consequences.

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Summary for Listeners

This episode is a deep dive into the psyche of someone who has led a double life of sexual excess and secrecy while wrestling with guilt, addiction, and a desire for connection. Daniel’s story is both a cautionary tale and an unusually frank exploration of the human capacity for self-deception, rationalization, and, ultimately, self-discovery. His confessions, layered with regrets, love for his wife, kink, and unvarnished honesty, provide insight into why people cheat, how compulsion works, and the long, hard path toward self-forgiveness.

Transcript

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[A]

The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving.

[C]

Real people respond.

[D]

You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much.

[A]

Does your friend know that you're banging her? No.

[D]

No, he has no idea. And anything goes.

[B]

Motto of the show, let your freak flag fly.

[A]

Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehide your whips. And sh.

[C]

Here is your host, Kathy.

[A]

Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow me at Strict Anonymous if you want to be on the show. It's called Strict Strictly Anonymous because they change everyone's voices and names. Okay? So if you have an interesting secret naughty life that you want to talk about while remaining anonymous or not anonymous, if you're out and proud, you could email me at strictly anonymous podcastmail.com or go to my website, strictly anonymous podcast.com and click on Be on the show. Now listen, I'm also looking for people that have any kind of like regular interesting stories or any kind of health journey stories. Like you lost a lot of weight or you started working out and you completely transformed yourself or anything to do with health. If you have an interesting story, I do a sexual health Saturday series and I'm looking for regular people to call in and tell their health stories, if that makes sense on my show. You know, like I said, I mean, email strictly anonymous podcast gmail.com. now listen, if you have a naughty confession you want to leave on my confessions line, you could do that 247. The number is 347-420-3579. That's 347-420-3579. Call from a quiet place. I can't use ones when people call where they're driving. Some of those confessions make it onto a confessions episode. The rest go on to my Patreon. Now, my Patreon is super fun and it's very inexpensive if you ask me. It's only $7 a month and you get every single episode. I do seven episodes a week. You get every single one of them early before anyone gets them, as well as intro and ad free. You also all the confessions and you also get Q&As that. I do like every other month where I answer a lot of questions as well as you get anonymous pics of probably every single girl that has called into my show. Every single female guest. I got pictures of them over on my Patreon. Like I said, It's $7 a month. The link to Patreon is in the description. If you do sign up for my Patreon or buy my book. I wrote a book. It's called Strictly Anonymous Confession Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. It's all stories from my show told in the third person. They're super fun. And the audiobook is coming out in August. So if you buy my book either in paperback or ebook or audiobook version. The links are all in description. I will also give you access to my Private Discord. Like I said, if you join my Patreon or if you call into my show or if you buy my book, I will give complimentary access to my private Discord. My Private Discord is not a paid site. It is free, but it is private and you can only get in if I send you the link. I promise you you will not be disappointed. My Discord is full of great effing people. Okay? So if you buy my book, send me a screenshot of your purchase and I will send you the link to my Discord. Last thing I'm going to tell you about is if you want to sign up for SDC.com I do have a free trial for my listeners. SDC is like the world's largest online dating website. And it's not just a place where you could hook up with people. You could learn all about the lifestyle, you could out about all the lifestyle events and meetups and all kinds of things going on in your neighborhood as well as if you're going to travel and you want to have a little fun, you're going to find it all on SDC.com Like I said, you get a free trial if you use my code 37712 or just go to the description and click on the link. That's 37712 or just go to the description and click on the link. Oh, today I have on Daniel. What an interesting story Daniel has and how honest Daniel is. I mean, he calls himself a scumb. On more than one occasion. He was really calling in to like, you know, get off his chest because he's been doing a lot of things behind his wife's back for a really long time. He's sort of been there, done that. He's into a lot of. And it's not like he doesn't do with his wife, but he doesn't do this with his wife that he's doing with these other people. And he talks all about it. So he's definitely like a major cheater. He's also a guy that is into a lot of kinky things. Like he's into dudes and going to glory holes and he's into piss play and hairy pits and hairy couples. He's been a bolt of couples. He's like I said, been there, done that, everything. And like he really started out when he was super young. And that's what we start off talking about his younger days and how he got Sort of turned on to sex, like, way earlier than he should have. He talks about how that happened. He also talks about some abusive things that happened to him when he was younger. And then he also talks about his first sexual experience. And, like, all those things you're going to hear in the beginning definitely shaped him to be, like, a little bit of the freak that he is. You know, he winds up getting married, and because he's in the service, he lives away from his wife a lot. And he does talk about all the crazy things that he got into and did behind her back. And then he. He also did stuff throughout their marriage in his own hometown. He talks about, you know, all the naughty things he did as well as, like, a few affairs that he had. One affair that almost ruined his marriage, how his wife found out. He does talk about the fact that he really has slowed down a lot. Like, when you hear about, like, what he was through his whole marriage and to what he has done in the past three years. There's a drastic difference. And we do talk about, you know, why there's a drastic difference and what happened to him and why he feels differently about what he does now as opposed to what he used to do and why he doesn't do what he used to do anymore. It's a super interesting episode. He's very honest. He is like, he cops to the fact that this is, like the first time he's talking about any of this that he's ever done. Nobody knows about this except me and you and all my listeners. And I appreciate his honesty because he's straight up honest about all his. You're not going to believe it. It's a super interesting story. He's a super interesting guy. There's many layers to him and he's very honest about all of them. And you're gonna love the episode because it's interesting. I know I use that word a lot, but I'm serious, it's interesting. So I'm gonna get right to it and be right back on with Daniel.

[C]

This is the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Strictly Anonymous podcast.

[A]

Hi. I don't know why I wrote down Deborah. Your name is Daniel. Hi, Deborah. I mean, Deborah. Why did I call you Deborah? I gotta.

[D]

Please, please, not Deborah.

[A]

Oh, my God. I just taped it. Deborah. Hi, Daniel. Oh, my God. Daniel. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Do you have some confessions for me today? Can we list some of the things that are going to be involved? Your confession, A lot of. Most of them are all done behind your wife's back, correct?

[D]

Yes, that that's unfortunately correct.

[A]

We're talking about men, we're talking about women. We're talking orgies, foursomes, gangbangs, trains. You name it, you have done it. Right. Been there, done that.

[D]

Yeah. Probably that's the case.

[A]

Oh, my God. You fisted men and women. I mean, there's just so much to list here. So we're just gonna start talking. Okay. Now let me ask you this, Danielle. If you don't do these things anymore, so you're like, on the other side of all this kind of stuff? Correct, correct.

[D]

I'm. I'm trying to be. For sure.

[A]

Well, which is super interesting. So you had a net like this. This. Like you didn't. Like, this kind of stuff was kind of dark to you.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Like you didn't feel right about it on some level if you had to. If you decided to stop doing it. Correct.

[D]

Of course I didn't. Yeah. Right. Because I grew up sort of in a Christian background, so I always felt a little guilty about.

[A]

But did you also feel guilty because you were cheating?

[D]

Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, that's.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean, to be honest, I never felt guilty for doing anything that I. The only guilty part was that it was outside of my relationship.

[C]

Right.

[A]

So, like, if you were single and doing that stuff, you would have been totally fine with it, but.

[D]

Yeah, absolutely.

[A]

Yeah. Of course. I feel like most people would feel that way. Don't you think?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So, okay, you know, let me. Let's start with where you're at right now. Are you still married to your wife?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. Did she ever find out about anything?

[D]

Well, she. There. She discovered some infidelity, you know, several years ago, and we fought through it and got. Got through that.

[A]

Is that when things. Is that when you decided to maybe stop things?

[D]

Well, no, I have a problem.

[A]

Okay. Well, you said you're on the other side. You don't do it anymore. That was three years ago. How long after her catching you did you continue on cheating?

[D]

Well, still occasionally. 1. And I mean, when I say occasionally, I mean once a year.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Maybe I will still go to a glory hole or something because you're, like,

[A]

craving dick or something.

[D]

Yeah. Well, just to be. Not even what I'm craving so much is just the anonymous naughtiness of it all, you know?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. So now you could get your. It scratched once a year and you're okay. But before it was, like, assuming you. It sounds like.

[D]

Oh, yeah, it was a. It was my. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, that could happen. I could see how that could happen. I'M an addict, right? So I could get addicted to anything that's like, good, you know what I'm saying? Like whether it's a song, it's a chocolate bar, you know what I mean? Like, I get it, I get that pull and you know, and I think a lot of people get. Especially when it comes to sex, because if something like draws you in and it's so good, if you are someone that, you know, can't control yourself, you can get so pulled into it and you can't stop because you just need to scratch that itch more and more, you know, when you need more and more, right? And it's like kind of like a hamster on the wheel.

[D]

One of the questions I have is there's a lot, a lot of people say that there's no such thing as sexual addiction. That it's not a legitimate diagnosis or whatnot. But I mean, I think it is.

[A]

I'm sorry, as an addict, okay? And I would. I'm dying to have Dr. David lay on my show. He's a brilliant genius. He wrote the whole Hot Wife book. And he does talk about how he doesn't believe in sex addiction or maybe it's porn addiction. But I personally think as an addict that people could be addicted to anything. Like an addict is what you are and what you choose to lose yourself with and, you know, detach from your feelings and your life is just a. A side thing. So I think you could use anything. I mean, I think people that are like addicted to like Jesus freaks, like they're. That's an addiction, you know what I mean? It's like using something outside of yourself to believe that it's controlling things. It's like an escape, you know? So I think people use all kinds of things. Work, sex, drugs, alcohol, you know. You know, listen, hypochondria. When I was younger, before I could get addicted to other things, I was addicted to brain tumors. That was my way of checking out that was my addict brain. When I couldn't handle an emotional thing that was happening to me, I would create diseases that I didn't have and I would become hyper fixated on them. Do you understand? I mean, it sounds nutty, but I mean, you're the one going to glory holes. I mean, who's weird over here?

[D]

Yeah, you were all.

[A]

No, but you were all, you know, it's like anything that takes you out of side of yourself, you can. So I personally definitely believe in being addicted to sex for sure. And it's not always like, oh, because you're checking out sometimes you could get addicted to it because it gives you such a rush and a high that you would get addicted to that. It's like the feeling, the adrenaline, what you're getting out of it that you're not getting at home, unfortunately.

[D]

Right. Well, I think that's a part of the chemical reaction, you know, the, the release and all that. Or. Yeah, I think, I think, I think it's very legitimate. I'm not a medical doctor, so I

[A]

don't know, but I believe it. And this is why I never became a doctor because I could just be unprofessional and say whatever I want and I don't have to like.

[D]

Right. You.

[A]

I can make sweet things statements but I personally believe in it. And like I said, I think people could get addicted to anything. And a lot of times in relationships, I think, you know, cheating sex, unfortunately a lot of times things that are naughty like, are so super highly charged and it brings something to like a, a long term relationship that a long term relationship doesn't have anymore because it's not supposed to have that intense thing that's happening.

[C]

Right.

[A]

That goes out the window after like eight months, a year, whatever. And so if you start to get that sort of, of rush outside of the marriage, it can be very like in, you know, it can create an itch that you need to scratch all the time because it's never going to be. You're never going to have that kind of feeling at home, right?

[D]

Well, maybe, but it's also that little piece of somebody else finds you desirable, you know.

[A]

Well, yeah, that's. Yeah, yeah. That's another thing. I mean there's so many different reasons why people go out and cheat and everything. And that's why I do have these, these episodes on my show. And I do talk openly with cheaters. You know, a lot of people want me to judge them and condemn them and yell at them on the show. But like how do you get people to tell the truth if you're coming from that place? I'm just a very non judgmental person. You're, you know, it's not my life. You have your own life. Like your life is your sort of journey and we all make mistakes and do things and everything. I love that you're on the other side of things and you have drastically cut back. Right. So that says something about you and, and everything. But you're. I always feel like I'm, I'm not like anybody else's like sort of moral police, like we all sort of Create our own morals and values, ourselves. Right.

[D]

And you know, everyone has their own problem quirks, whatever. It doesn't have to be sexual. It could be anything. But yeah. To be judgmental on other people for their thing is very, I'd say disingenuous. Dishonest with yourself probably.

[A]

Yeah. I mean because like if we were all perfectly, there'd be no reason to be born. I feel like we come here to messy and up and learn things and grow and become better people because of it and then we die.

[D]

So let's get cycle of life.

[A]

Yeah, let's start with all your naughtiness. Now, were you always like into a lot of sexual things? Like including guys? Like, were you very open and curious your whole life?

[D]

Yeah, well, look, it wasn't that I was so much curious my whole life, but from a very, very early age, I mean elementary school age, I was exposed to pornography and kind of, I was unsupervised a lot, so I was out. And I was only child in a lower income, so I was out getting into all the time.

[A]

Right.

[D]

So yeah, I was exposed to like dirty magazines early. Right. And I. Well, I like them.

[A]

Yeah, you're so you're get, you're seeing this stuff from a very early age.

[D]

Oh yeah. Ridiculous. Wildly over sex. Way, way, way too early.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[D]

And then when I was maybe eight, you know, my, I put this in the email, my, my uncle, you know. Oh, you got, yeah. And it, and it wasn't like it was a violent thing or anything. It was, was more manipulative and he was probably, I don't know, 12 or 13 years old, probably just exploring his own little stuff and I just happened to be available, you know.

[A]

Do you ever tell anybody about this? What's happening?

[D]

No, no, no, I didn't. It never, it never occurred to me because it never, it was just a simple, hey, don't, you know, hey, don't tell anybody. And then, yeah, it was, it never seemed like trauma to me.

[A]

Right.

[D]

It never seemed like there was no violence. It was just the little manipulation and little, little, you know, stuff like that. So anyway, that was eight years old and, and even, even before then, I'd been exposed to pornography. So there's that.

[A]

Yeah, that kind of affects you on levels, you know what I mean? Even if you don't understand it.

[D]

You up on many levels?

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. And I, and I am up. Don't get me wrong. I'm a well adjusted guy, pretty much, yeah. But I have some secret little dark Up. Which. Yeah. You read about there.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. All right, so go on. So that. How long did that abuse last for?

[D]

I don't know. It was over a couple years. Not long. It wasn't. I think he was, you know, going through puberty or something and then whatever.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's interesting how you minimize it, but that's very common. I feel like, like.

[D]

Well, I do minimize it because I chose, as an adult, not to address it.

[A]

I kind of.

[D]

I know we. We still see each other.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Every, you know, Easter and whatever. And I hate the guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And. But he's such a miserable piece of now that I. I feel like. Yeah, you just got what he deserves.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So you grow up now. Does that quite, like, do you like. Like after that experience, do you feel like that, like, made you turned on to guys or got you interested in that kind of a thing? Like it skewed you that way because of that experience?

[D]

Nope, I don't think that had any impact on that whatsoever.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

But I'll tell you this. My very first. When I lost my virginity, my best friend and his girlfriend, we all did a little threesome.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

And. And he and I didn't mess with each other, but we were all naked together. Other. And I was watching his, you know. Well, I mean, it was a nice cop. Really. Yeah. In retrospect, I wasn't really focused on it. It was just. I was just happy to be. That's the first time. Well, that was the first time I'd ever had sex. But I also instinctively knew that that's the. I like to give oral sex to. To girls. It was magical.

[A]

Yeah. And I have to say, though, that's another thing that is gonna wire you into. When your first sex this naughty. You know what I mean? Not regular guy, girl, or dating sex. That's also something.

[D]

There was no pretense of, like, boyfriend, girlfriend stuff. It was.

[A]

Yeah. This is like a straight up hookup that, like, you know, it's crazy as adults to do it. And this is your first sexual experience, so that's going to also wire you into all this stuff. So do you. Do you. You didn't hook up with your guy friend then? Do what?

[D]

No, no. Right.

[A]

And how old were you when you wind up getting married, by the way?

[D]

Married?

[A]

Yeah, married.

[D]

I was in my 20s. Yeah.

[A]

But did you start hooking up with guys before that and try that?

[D]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Yep. So when I first got my driver's license at the age of 16 or so. Well, no, I. So my mother came out of the closet as a lesbian when I was 16 or 17.

[A]

Oh, that's kind of interesting. Interesting.

[D]

It was, it was odd. I didn't. It wasn't a shock. There was other things going on that we were more pissed off about than that. But I don't know, she had always had like, like gay mat. Not magazines, but like, I don't know, informational, you know, things anyway.

[A]

Brochures?

[D]

Yeah, like brochures. Well, it just like the clubs, you know, there were gay focused magazines on the. The restaurants and the clubs and the goings on. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[D]

And the personal ads, you remember back in the day, right? Personal ads and like that. So when I, when I got old enough to drive, I would. There was a. There used to be a very big old school prominent like adult theater in, in my town, in my city. And so I went to. That had no idea what the was going on.

[A]

Were you, did you go there though? Looking for dick? No, sorry.

[D]

I went there just looking for porn.

[A]

Oh, okay. Good to know. Okay.

[D]

Because the Internet didn't exist, Kathy. So I had.

[A]

Yeah, no, I know. I had a friend who owned those adult stores on 42nd Street. So you know, he had those little, you know, those booths where you go in and you watch porn.

[D]

So. So this theater was like laid out like a normal movie theater. It had all the rows of, of seats and everything and the big giant screen and they were in the. So I went there for the first time ever just looking for porn.

[A]

Okay, good.

[D]

So. And I walked down the aisle and I. And I sit. You know, the dudes were spread about right. Nobody was sitting and there wasn't that many people and. But there was a guy that I had not even acknowledged existed when I walked in and I noticed he kept looking at me. And so finally I look over and I go, hey man, what are you looking at? And what do you think he said? Look at your cop. Oh yeah. And I didn't know what, I didn't know what to say to that. So I just looked at him and he, he stood up and come sat next to me, pulled his out and. And then that was the first time I'd ever sucked the dude's cop. Wow. And he sucked my cop. And that was, and it was, was awesome. It felt good. I wasn't like disgusted by the whole thing or, or whatever.

[A]

Like no post not clarity, weird vibes, feelings when you're driving home.

[D]

Nothing. No, no, no. I never had weird hang ups like that as Far as, like, even when I was young, you know, I, I thought Sean Connery was a handsome dude. You know what I mean? I didn't have any problem saying that's a good looking man.

[A]

Right. And you're. But you also know, I'm assuming at this point that you really like chicks too, Correct?

[D]

I do.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And I've always preferred when I do, I love women.

[A]

Right. So. So you're clear on that? And you just.

[D]

Oh, yeah, very clear. There was no, like tormented anything about my sexuality. I've.

[A]

Right.

[D]

And. And there would never be any mistake. I'm a manly man. There's absolutely no question about that. And I've never.

[A]

Do we think that gay men are not manly?

[D]

We. No, there's plenty that are. But that's the trick. They're used to the stereotype.

[A]

Yeah. It's like ridiculous. Right. So. But I'm just saying, like that that's probably why I think sometimes it could be confusing for some people. And that's why I typically like to ask, did you feel weird about it or not? But you were clear because you knew you liked women and you sucked a dick and you didn't feel bad about it. So. And that was okay with you.

[D]

Well, so here's the thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And here's what I think is that a lot of people will never understand. Yeah. It's the sexual part of it. It's not to do with the dick or the pussy. It's to do with the sex.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And moreover, as doing anonymous sex at a, at a theater or a video shop or whatever, it's to do with the anonymity. It's to do with the, the naughtiness of it. It's.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Could care less who's on the other side of the hole or whatever. Do you know What I mean?

[A]

100%. I never knew what you meant. By the way, I've been doing my show for about 11 years and probably for five or six, I don't know. When Dr. Joe Court came on my show and explained it to me and changed my. It was like a light bulb moment. But I didn't really understand it before. But I had so many guys like you calling in saying this and I think, you know, and he said there's like a difference between sexual orientation and erotic orientation. Erotic orientation means, like, you know, you might suck a dick in the middle of like a hot night because you're just horny and it's there. You just do it and it's erotic. You know, I mean, that's your Erotic orientation has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. Like, like you, you're into men or you're into women. It's just that in the moment, in the hotness of a moment, you'll do whatever. That's it. And made a lot of sense. And he was a gay man here to say, because, you know, typically the, the gay man stereotype is like, oh, they think every guy's gay. Right. But this was a gay man that went viral to say like, you could suck a dick and not be gay or even be bi. You know what I mean? For real?

[D]

Yeah. No, that's right. That's 100.

[A]

Right, right. So you're just down for a dirty sex is what you are right for.

[D]

Yes. So again, back to, back to my youth though, with like being exposed to porn early. Like I read Playboy magazine religiously. Like I was enamored with the Hefner lifestyle, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Carefree, walking around with your bathrobe on with the bunnies all over and everything. And I read Penthouse Forum religiously. I don't know why I was so drawn to it. I mean, obviously the, the written word is a lot more descriptive or, I don't know, you can, you can put your own things in there versus a picture. And I always was drawn to the ones with like, well, one multiple people, but like, you know, some hedonistic couple who had like a couple of dudes living in a house with a, a lady and, and this and that. Just all kind of crazy stuff, you know?

[A]

Yeah. The crazier the better for you.

[D]

Yeah, I thought, very interesting. And just not. I, I didn't assign any like, oh, he's gay or any of that weirdness.

[A]

Right.

[D]

And it's weird that because being from a sort of Christian type background, you would think I would have done that.

[A]

But you had your own brain.

[D]

Yeah, there's plenty of Christian men out there getting their sucked through holes,

[A]

of course. But you weren't one to be. You weren't one that felt bad about it. Like you're, you're like okay with it. That's the difference, you know?

[D]

And even today, if I weren't married, I wouldn't feel bad about it still, but.

[A]

Right, yeah, no, it sounds like you were just always that way. It was super open minded. But also all these other things, you know, all these things could exist in the same person. You could be open minded and open sexually, but also have issues and blah, blah, blah, you know what I mean?

[D]

So it can all exist in the same package. That is correct.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And that's what makes people unique, you know? And so we're all a concoction, you know? And I think some people. And I think the more real someone is, the more their concoction doesn't make sense. The people that, like, read the book and they're like the stereotype person, and every single thing applies to them is like, are you even a real person? Because typically real people don't make sense. Do you know what I mean? So, yeah, yeah. So let's get. So let's get. So you start to. Now, like, after you went to that first experience, because I want to get to the point where you're married and everything, do you start, like, going all the time to those places and hooking up secretly with guys?

[D]

Oh, yeah. I went pretty. Pretty often. Yeah, pretty often.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Now and then you meet your wife.

[D]

Well, no, look, I. My wife and I met on a school bus. We. We've known each other for a long, long time.

[A]

Okay, well, when do you get married? Should we go there?

[D]

We were together, boyfriend, girlfriend, off and on, that kind of thing for a long time, and then we didn't marry until our twenties. Yeah. I was messing around the whole time, right? Yeah, for sure. Even when we were teenagers and I was messing around with other girls, she knew about it. We'd break up and, you know, whatever. All those things that teenagers do.

[A]

Right.

[D]

And then.

[A]

But, you know. Wait, but she never found out about the guys, Correct?

[D]

No, no, absolutely not.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Which leads us to. I was going to ask you. The question is, I hope, one, how do you obscure the voice? And I hope that it's good in quality.

[A]

I'll promise you. And I'll send you a sample beforehand so you can hear it all.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Okay, Go on.

[D]

No, never about guys, because I was. Well, one, that is so absurd in her mind that it could happen that it's so easy to hide.

[A]

Right. It's the last thing that she would ever think because you're so manly. Like you said, she's.

[D]

She's got her antenna up for other girls who. Who. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

If we have an attractive female in our friend circle, she. She's got her eyeballs open.

[A]

Right. Because you've always been a cheater and she doesn't trust you.

[D]

Right?

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[D]

To a degree, that is correct. She's. She's never really trusted me.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And. And for. For rightful reason. And. But never would she consider that I would be at an adult theater.

[A]

Yeah. It's crazy how much, like, I know all of this stuff, because I do my show, you know? But so many women would never have any idea the. That I hear that men do. And women go on. On, quote unquote, business trips. I'm like, oh, my God, like, after doing my show, I'd never go on a business trip if I was married. You know what I mean?

[D]

Like, it is so absurd. Some of the things.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That rational, normal people can't. Can't fathom it.

[A]

Yeah. Or. But that the. And also that they're doing it. You know what I mean? And nobody has any clue. And you wouldn't know. I mean, I wouldn't know about a lot of these things if I wasn't talking to guys for the past 11 years.

[D]

12 years, so. And then. Never mind. Like the bath house, right? Gay bath house.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

That. That is pure debauchery. There's nothing. It's. It's all debauchery.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And, you know, many women probably have no idea. They're just like, oh, is that a fitness club? Yeah, sure, whatever.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I know. Go on.

[D]

Madness going on in there.

[A]

Yeah. So let's get to the point where you get married and start cheating. Like, I know that you're cheating before you even get with her. Catchy. But you get married, you try to remember, remain faithful in the beginning because you're married and you're taking sort of to a degree.

[D]

But check it out. I went in the army immediately.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[D]

Now, that's a recipe for disaster also.

[A]

Yeah. I could imagine.

[D]

But being away from home, that's what you do. So in Germany, like I said before, there's. Well, brothels are legal in Germany.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Even still. And they're like these very opulent nightclubs that. Except the women are just nude, wearing really nice high heels and like maybe a little like a gold chain around their belly or something. And they look. Yeah. So there's that. And I was a. I frequented that. If I had all the money back from the money I spent. Brothels, I'd be a millionaire. It's insane.

[A]

Really.

[D]

Oh, it's so. It's like you're reading a forum. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's. It's like that. And you go into a club and you get your. You know, you go to the locker room, you get naked and you put your towel or your robe on, and then you walk out into this just opulent den of iniquity. And every woman, they don't fall on all over you because it's. Hey, would you like to have sex? Well, yes, I would. Or no? No, maybe I'll wait. And there's, you know, and there's drinks and food and. And just. And couches and lounge chairs and saunas and hot tubs and the whole works. So it's so luxurious for like 40 bucks. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Wow.

[D]

Like, you pay a. A cover charge and then you go in and. And now it's negotiated when you're with the women, right? The. All the services, but that's a very individual thing anyway. It's magical. And, And.

[A]

And you. And you were stationed in Germany, right? And so you did that while you were there. How many years were you living there all told?

[D]

About five.

[A]

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[D]

But on two. Two separate occasions.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

And. And even. Well, I haven't been there lately, but even if I do a flyover through, I'll. I'll go to a.

[A]

You mean for work now for your work. You travel, right? Okay. Okay. Yeah.

[D]

So if I stop in Frankfurt or something like that. Yeah, I'm gonna go. Go to paradise.

[A]

Yes. And I just want to say real quick, I just got to list some of the things in your email. Like, and I just wonder because. And I. Because I wonder like, did you ever bring this side of yourself into your Marriage. Because you're like, I love things like women's feet, hairy armpits, piss play, come kissing, licking plump women and so much more like, you know, fisting. You'd like all the, that you're into. Like, did you ever bring any of that stuff into the bedroom at home with, with your wife? Does she know how freaky you are?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Yes. So. And she has been quite adventurous with me, but it would, it would never go beyond just me and her for sure.

[A]

Right, okay.

[D]

But yeah, she's very

[A]

open.

[D]

What's the word?

[A]

Open and down.

[D]

Even enthusiastic sometimes.

[A]

Yeah. Into it.

[D]

And we've done. Yes. It's. I have filled her up with my com and then stuck my face and just, just gone to town.

[A]

Right.

[D]

She has me with a strap on and that was only once ever because that's not my thing.

[A]

Right.

[D]

It was hot at the moment. Do you know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like we were in a very special place and it, and it was the right thing to do and we did it and it was hot as.

[A]

Huh.

[D]

We. Yeah. Sometimes she'll grow her armpit hair out even, even now because she knows you're into it.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. And. And most of the time I ask her to keep her hair, you know, kind of thick.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I like, I like it. It takes me back to when my childhood, you know, of course those magazines, magazine women actually had hair on their. It was beautiful.

[A]

Yeah, totally. Listen, I know guys that like bush. It's not. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

It's. It reminds me of natural. It's. It seems very natural and feminine to me. And that's the thing that I liked about Germany.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Is when I was there in the 90s, women had hair under their pits.

[A]

Right.

[D]

And on their legs and hairy and you know, strippers and working girls and whatnot.

[A]

Yeah. And also Germans are very open minded and very like, right. When it comes to sexual. Yeah.

[D]

They're very kind of debaucherous as a, as a philosophy.

[A]

Yeah, totally. I know. So wait, keep going. So you're doing all this stuff behind your, like while you're like away from your wife but like when you come back home, like what kind? Like how do you cheat on your wife and do all this crazy stuff? These orgies, these gang bangs, all this that you're doing?

[D]

Well, most of the. So most there's been so much. Right. But throughout our lives, there's been so many times where I've been gone for a week for work or there or for whatever. Do you know What I'm saying.

[A]

Saying, I guess.

[D]

And that's when I would. That's when these things would happen.

[A]

Okay, so how would you. How would you find these things when you're away? Did you go to swinger clubs? Like, you know, how do you wind up in orgies and gang bangs being a bull for couples? You know, how do these things come to play?

[D]

Well, so in the early Internet days, there was. I don't even know. I think maybe alt.com still exists. Yeah. You know, I met. I've met some people through that. In one town that we lived in, there was a little like a porn shop that had glory holes and stuff and they had booths and things, but there was a lot of couples that would go there, like, not just dudes.

[A]

Oh, interesting. Okay.

[D]

So, yeah, it was. And so I've met plenty of couples that way. And then, you know, still there used to be, in the early days of the Internet, again, there was all these like sort of classified type ads, pets like you. You talk about Craigslist a lot similar to that. Right. You know, couple looking for a. Get, you know, buy a guy or bull or whatever. Whatever they're looking for, you know.

[A]

And you would do this when you were traveling and you knew you'd be away?

[D]

Definitely when I was traveling for sure. And this one. And again, this town we lived in, sometimes I would. I'll sneak off if she were. If she was going to be away in know, go visit her mom or sister or whoever. There was a lot of opportunities, you know, There was a lot of opportunities

[A]

even in your own neighborhood, is what you're saying.

[D]

Well, yeah.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Well, like this one bondage and discipline type couple who ironically, the lady was German, they did in fact live in my, my same neighborhood. And it was crazy. But.

[A]

And what would you do with them?

[D]

Oh, man, she was. She was a nut. Yeah, we would. She would tie me and him up, like hanging by our wrists and have us facing each other and our touching and she would suck on us and then she'd whip us and. And like then I would him and he would her while I'm him and just all kind of crazy stuff.

[A]

That is crazy. And this is like down the street from your house.

[D]

House. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I know.

[D]

That's horrible.

[A]

If your wife.

[D]

Horrible.

[A]

It's crazy.

[D]

It's. It's horrible from a moral.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Standpoint.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

But I'm. I was so consumed.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And I'm not as consumed now, but I still have my, my weaknesses.

[A]

Can I ask a question? Yeah. Can I ask you a question. We're, we're still going to go back to this time frame. We're, we're definitely not at the end but quick question and typically I would have asked you this at the end but like why do you think you were so consumed then and you're not so much anymore now? Do you think it's kind of like been there, done that or you got older and you got lower testosterone? Is it because you just all of a sudden felt really bad about it and you don't want to cheat anymore and you had like this awakening? Like what do you think is the difference between you then and you knew you now?

[D]

Well, well, maturity one.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[D]

And you said testosterone now I'm, I'm 53 years old and I had, I don't have low testosterone anymore because I'm, I get shots. But we have kids, grown kids and grandkids. So I, I want to be some, something of an example. Now they will never know these things of course. Right. But I also don't want to be a hypocrite when I'm telling my, my 30 year old son not to go around on his wife.

[A]

Yeah. So maybe that maturity is a big. Maybe maturity is like you said it first because it sounds like that's a big. One of the biggest reasons you just like grew up and you see things differently.

[D]

Well, I was very selfish as a youth.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And that was due to. Well one coming up kind of, kind of poor a little bit. I was, was, I was out to get whatever. I get whatever I could get. Right.

[A]

Of course. Because he didn't have anything.

[D]

I didn't have anything.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And then, and in the emotional part of it's kind of there. Like when I'm away for a long period of time, I, I have a problem. Like I, I have to be with a woman. I have to have a. And I, I don't just mean which it inevitably does that but I need the presence of a woman to balance the out all the man that. Do you know what I'm saying?

[A]

I guess, I mean I'm glad you brought that up because you did say early on that it wasn't just the fix, wasn't just the sexual thing. It was also getting someone to like you. Like you were into that as well.

[D]

Right. So being a manly man, which, which I am and being a, a tough guy and, and doing a tough guy job.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

There is that any insecurity that creeps in man. It's, that's hard to deal with because you don't want to feel weak and you don't acknowledge any weakness and this and that, of course. So a woman, you know, you flirt with a lady and she flirts back and it feels good. So then you throw the charms on her to make sure you're still valid or whatever. And yeah. Then you end up doing crazy.

[A]

Right. So you needed that too. Like you were getting that. Like you had a little bit of a hole there that was like getting also like filled with this and stuff. And that's like an ego thing, I feel like maybe.

[D]

Yeah, for sure. That some self. I mean, ego goes along with selfishness, I think.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

So, yeah, ego, for sure. I needed to be desired.

[A]

And was there also like a lonely. Like you were someone that could never be alone? Alone?

[D]

No, I'm okay. No, the opposite of that. I'm a loner type.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

And I've always been. But I'm not one to hang around in a group of people just to be around people.

[C]

Right.

[A]

I got.

[D]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I'd rather be alone and then be with a person for. Even for a night, even for whatever.

[A]

Right. Yeah.

[D]

So I'm gonna tell you a thing. And, and this has only been a few incidences with other women, but there has been some very real emotional exchange.

[A]

By the way, I was just about to interrupt you and be like. I, I do know that you did state that you had some affairs, right?

[D]

Some.

[A]

Some stuff that went more than just sex. I'm glad you just went there. Yeah, yeah, tell me about that.

[D]

The first girl again, oddly enough, was German and just an absolute beauty. Oh my God. She was blonde haired and green eyed and she was thick. Like, I like women with a little curve on them. That's. That's me. That's my.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Personal flavor. And she, she was that. And. And I was in Germany alone. My. I didn't. Well, I wasn't even married at the time. Time. She was my wife. I mean, she was my girlfriend.

[A]

Right.

[D]

But we were apart and that crumbled just by distance.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

At that time. But the girl, though, yeah, she was adamant about not dating an American guy, soldier, and she was very adamant about it. So I was just cleverly persistent. And yeah, we ended up living together and it was magical. And then when I came back to the United States and I got out of the army the first time, then I got, I had a break in service. I, We. We stayed in touch. And the whole point was that I was going to get my visa and get my passport and get all the things. And go back to Germany as a civilian. Oh. And what was I doing? I was off. I was everybody and their brother.

[A]

Right. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. So. And that's as she started to realize, because she was, I don't know, four or five years older than me. She. She started to realize that I was just off.

[A]

Right. And it wasn't going to go anywhere.

[D]

Nah, I wasn't going to go anywhere. And it could have. And if I was immature, more mature at that time, that, who knows, she may have been my wife. I don't know. But.

[C]

Right.

[D]

Because I was true. I did love her. I was in love with her and she was in love with. With me.

[A]

Right.

[D]

We had some out. Oh, my God, amazing sex. It was. It was. It was magical. And she did pee on me. That's where. The first time I've ever been.

[A]

Oh, and that's what got you into that? Because that was one of your kinks.

[D]

Yeah. And she. And it was an accident, but she got very embarrassed, but I thought it was very hot. And then we. Yeah, it was. It was pretty neat.

[A]

And then you were into that all the time.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God. Did you have any other affairs with any women while you were, like, deep into your marriage with your wife?

[D]

Oh, yeah. So then the one that nearly created the divorce, the one that got found out, this was. I don't want to name the country. It'll give me away. But anyway, I met a young. I met a young girl, and she was maybe 8 or 10 years younger than me, and she was, oh, my God, just a beauty. My God. And she was so sweet and just, for whatever reason, enamored with me. I don't know why, I put the charm on her a little, but not really.

[A]

She knew you're married? She knew you're married?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

She did.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

But. And we courted, you know, like for a while with never. There was never any intentions.

[A]

How do you meet this girl, though? That's what I want to know. Are you traveling?

[D]

She was a waitress at a pub

[A]

in your own town.

[D]

Well, yes. And this was in this foreign. This. This other nation here. And I was not with my wife.

[A]

Okay, Okay.

[D]

I was married.

[A]

Okay, but you were traveling at the time.

[D]

But I was. But I was traveling, yes.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

And she was a waitress at the podcast pub. And I went to the pub, you know, and. And that's it. And then, I don't know, man, she. We ended up going out on, like a double date with a friend of mine and his. His girlfriend. And even then I, I didn't expect anything whatsoever to happen. I did not pursue anything to happen. And charmed her pants off.

[A]

I guess she must have done something to you too, because how do you fall for her after all the. I mean, you, like you have a million other people you've been and hooking up with. Like, why. Well, why this one? Because she was young and she was a rare combination.

[D]

Yeah, she was a rare combination. The. Her, her body type, physically, she was unusual for her particular demographic. And she was just exceedingly well mannered and kind and even if. And. And she was a little bit clumsy, which was just cute as all, all hell. And she. I don't know, man, she just was the. I would say she was one of the most supportive human beings on the planet. Right. If I said a thing thing, she would back the thing no matter what. That's part of the, the you fall in love part. The sex was phenomenal. And she was wide open. Like, she was. She was not a virgin when she met me, but she had been with one guy before, one time. And so it was all new to her. But she was curious, you know.

[A]

Yeah, she'd try anything.

[D]

She wasn't nervous, she was curious. And so she was wanting to try new things. And she would ask me about. About, you know, bizarre. And I would tell her and then, then, you know, two days later she'd be like, would you want to try this? You want to try that?

[A]

What kind of stuff do you do with her?

[D]

Well, she. Well, let me back it up to the aesthetics. She also didn't shave her armpits. Naturally. She didn't. It was just so she had hair on her and she had hair on her.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And it was so, like, beautiful. And she also pissed on me.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Out of. And I didn't ask. So this is the thing that we arrived to by her curiosity and playfulness.

[A]

Right.

[D]

We were walking home and we were in kind of like someone's yard, I guess. It looked. It was kind of like somebody's front yard and she had to pee. So she, she kind of just pulled her dress up and, and squatted and piss. And I was just standing right there and I was like, oh, my God, that's funny. And then she looked at me and gave me a naughty woman look and I got down and she pissed on me. It was crazy.

[A]

Wow. Can I ask you a question? What? Like, was something going on at home that created this room for her to, like, come in and make you fall for her or like, was it just her? Like. Cuz I just wonder, like, why, you know, because you've been cheating for. I, I, I'm assuming, like, many years.

[D]

This is years now. Yeah, this is years now.

[A]

So, like, why, like, why the it has to be more than just this girl? Were you going through anything at the time? Were you, like, having, like, a disconnect with your wife? Or was it just all her? I mean, because I'm sure you other hot girls that were into what you were into.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I, I have. I'd say it was mostly her. It was mostly her.

[A]

It was just like that.

[D]

But here's the thing that. Here's the immaturity part, is that I imagined somehow that I could just, okay, I'll just divorce my wife and, and live happily ever after. Wow. But in the back of my head, I knew that that was not gonna happen. I knew that one day. And that day did come, by the way.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That I was gonna leave that place and this girl was not going to come with me. And. And that was it. And the day she realized that, she was devastated. And I felt like such a shitbag, not only for cheating on my wife, but for them leading this girl on. This is the last girl that I ever really and, like, shared any feelings with to the degree that she didn't know that I was going to be out of there. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Because since then, any woman that I've been with, I'm like, look, I'm married. I'm, I'm. I'm gonna leave here in six months or whenever. And if you want to hang around, do. If you don't, don't. And that's it because of that one particular time.

[A]

Right. Because you felt so bad.

[D]

I felt bad for cheating on my wife. Yeah. And then I felt.

[A]

No, you bet you felt bad for how you made that girl just even

[D]

horrible for making her fall in love.

[A]

Yeah, I got it. I got it.

[D]

And that's almost worse than just. Right. Like, that's worse.

[A]

Yeah. But it sounds like maybe, maybe before this time. You did that other times, too, but you didn't feat. Like, maybe you didn't. You weren't old enough or mature enough to realize what you were doing to the girl.

[D]

That's. That's possible. That. That, that's possible.

[A]

Well, what. How did your wife find out?

[D]

Girls, I'm sorry?

[A]

How did your wife find out about her?

[D]

Oh, my God. Well, because I'm a, I'm an idiot. And I had a cell phone. And at this time, the cell phones were still, still like analog. There weren't smartphones or anything.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And I still had a phone with a SIM card from there. And then I get a phone call, you know, three. Three in the morning while I'm laying in bed next to my wife.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

And then my wife hears the, the tender, beautiful little voice on the other end.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

And then she. She was out of there. Next morning, she got up and packed her packed kids and moved.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Moved away. And I was devastated because I felt like such an idiot because why would I let sex do. Do this? Right.

[A]

Right.

[D]

But it's a powerful thing.

[A]

How'd you get your wife back?

[D]

War. Yeah. War came along. Yeah.

[A]

So what, you had to go serve and she was there for you? I don't get it.

[D]

Yeah, well, she. We have a history. We have children. And the thought that. Well, my children's father is going to Afghanistan.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

For the first time.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

It may not come back. Yeah, it was. There's an emotional event.

[A]

Yeah. Major.

[D]

It was an emotional event. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Crazy.

[D]

So we got back together kind of based on that. And I, you know, baby, I'm sorry. Know this and that.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Because here's the problem. Here's a problem with me is that even when I'm lying, I'm, I'm, I'm genuine. I'm. I'm not. I was genuinely sorry right. In the moment.

[A]

In the moment. Right. You're.

[D]

You're right, exactly.

[A]

You're telling the truth in that moment.

[D]

In that moment. And when I'm with a, even with a prostitute at that moment, I genuinely love that girl.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Right. Do you know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[D]

Whoever she is, just the beauty of her body and then. And the color of the eyes and just the fat and however you choose to touch, you know, it. It's, it's genuine and it's one. I'm there 100%. Right. You know what I'm saying? So that's a problem because I do love women. Oh, my God. It's.

[A]

Yeah, but you said now you only like, cheat like once a year. And it's typically you're going to like the theaters you're not seeing. Right.

[D]

So here.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So here's the darkness that I do now. And it's. And it's not dark. Right. My wife knows I look at porn.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

And she doesn't like it, but she's like, you know what? You're. She. This has been a thing in our whole life that I'm a very sexual, over sexed Person. And she's not that she doesn't like sex. She. She's.

[A]

She does, but she just doesn't meet you. She's not even close to being how you are.

[D]

Oh, God, no. God, no.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And so she knows I look at porn, so, you know, I'll jack off and whatever. And that. Yeah, that's it. Really. And then if. If it gets to the point where I need the touch of someone else. Yeah. I'll go to the. I'll go get my. Sucked through a glory hole or. Or whatever.

[A]

Can I ask you a question? Do you feel like. Because, like, let me just go back like two seconds before, like, right after she found out. Right. You did cheat a little bit more after that. Or was like, did you go to Afghanistan and like, do. When you were there, did you come back and like, you never, like, did anything else after that? Because I felt like you said you got caught, but you still cheated after you got caught.

[D]

Oh, yeah, for sure. So that was early in the game. And then of the war, I mean. Right, and then. Yeah, and then we were. Yeah. And then we went back to another foreign country. And during that time. Yeah, I was. I was doing your thing. I was never having flings with girls that I would meet at a bar. Do you understand? I was having sex with. With a prostitute or going to bath houses. Right.

[A]

And the places where you were seeing the prostitute was legal because you're in foreign countries. Right?

[D]

Exactly. 100 legal, right.

[A]

Huh?

[D]

Even now it's 100 legal, right?

[A]

Yeah. Where you do it.

[D]

Yeah. Why America doesn't. Well, I do know why, but it's irrelevant. Yeah. It's legal and it's magical.

[A]

Your wife never caught you again?

[D]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

No. Now I. I will. Well, God, I will confess that I had two other little. I say regular girl affairs. Like women that were not. Not working. Right. Like.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Normal human beings that Even after that

[A]

one affair that almost got you divorced.

[D]

Yes, but these were not low. Like, these were very much. Like I said, hey, look, I'm married.

[A]

Oh, okay. So affairs, you mean like that you just saw them for a longer periods of time?

[D]

Right. Okay, but these were. But each of these women. And this was in a. A very. Well, they overlapped, actually, but they were grown women my age. And when I say my age, I'm talking about. We were at that time in our mid. Early 40s. Mid 40s.

[A]

Uhhuh.

[D]

And so there's a difference between grown women and young women.

[A]

Right?

[D]

Grown women know they're. They know what they want. They they're not. There's no pretense. There's no, oh, I'm looking for a husband or any of that. Yeah. So if they want a manly man to go out and sit next to at dinner and then go home and have some really great sex, that's what they want and they'll tell you that. So.

[A]

Right. And call it a day. And they're okay with that.

[D]

And call. Yeah. And high five. Hey, I'm heading back to the States. All right. Yeah, see you. So that, that happened a couple times. And both of those really. It was fun. It was great. One of them was kind of crazy. That's. It's. She enjoyed being fisted, it turns out.

[A]

Right.

[D]

And so we, we explored that a little bit. And. And the other enjoyed anal sex. Like, it was bizarre.

[A]

Why was it bizarre for a girl to, like, anal after all the. You've done and now it's bizarre. Anal sex is bizarre to you. That's hilarious.

[D]

Well, of all the people I've had sex with in my life and it's been a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean, if you just take the women, there's been very few that have said, hey, I love to get in the ass.

[A]

Yeah, interesting.

[D]

You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah, interesting.

[D]

Very few.

[A]

Yeah, interesting. Okay, so you finally got that. You could check that off the box.

[D]

So. Yeah, man. Yeah, there. So, and then, let's see, we come back. I. I would only go. So there. The last place we were at, we had. There was an adult shop that was, was. It was pretty good. And occasionally there would be some couples in there, but I never. It was only that. Right. I would go there and there was a couple of. A few couples that would go in pretty regularly. So I would, I would. The wife and. And then the husband would either like, suck me off or. Yeah, whatever. We did like, whatever. And one. And one guy that, that went there, there. He invited me. He. He had an orgy at his house and so he invited me and I showed up and there was already, I don't know, 12 or 15 people there. So it was pretty good. And that was, that was a. I say semi recent, you know, within the past few years, but it was pretty good and it was cool. So when it was.

[A]

So like three years ago, though, is when you kind of have this change of heart. Correct. And you were like playing around and doing all the stuff that you're talking about until that time, right?

[D]

Three. Well, maybe a little more than that. But even then, even since then, I've. I've a well, twice, actually. A girl that I've known for a long, long time who knows my wife as well, she. She. But she's like a. She kind of acts more like a guy than a girl. She just wanted to. She just wanted to have sex. She just wanted to.

[A]

Right.

[D]

And so, yeah, so there was that. But then. Only then, even in the past couple years, I've been to the Glory Hole couple times. I haven't been to a bath house, and I can't tell you how long.

[A]

Right. And your wife has never found out about anything else since. Does she trust you, your wife? Or is she nutty with you a little bit? Because. Because of what? You know, your history.

[D]

Well, I think there's always a little bit of. A little bit of in the back of her head, you know, Always. But I think she generally trusts me.

[A]

Huh.

[D]

Now. And. And I don't see. And that's another thing. Now that I feel like she actually may trust me, I feel like even bigger bag.

[A]

Yeah, that was what my last question. I want to know, like. Because, you know, you've. We started off kind of talking about how you're kind of on the other side of things, and you did feel really bad and you had all these feelings about what you were doing. You're still kind of doing it. And so I was wondering how you feel about yourself now.

[D]

Well, kind of, yeah, I am. Like, okay, yes, like I said, every once a year or so I'll go to the. To the Glory Hole.

[A]

But how do you feel about yourself now?

[D]

Well, I feel like that's a weakness. And. And I'm shitty. I'm a shitty human for it. And I try to make up for it in a lot of different ways.

[A]

Interesting.

[D]

But without stopping doing that, there's no really way to. In my own mind.

[A]

Right. Do you try to stop it? Have you ever tried to stop it?

[D]

Well, when you say try, I. I hate the word.

[A]

My son knows that. Try. Try. Hope.

[D]

Wait, I have all these weak words.

[A]

Yeah, I hate weak words. Words. You know what I mean? Like, to me, try doesn't even make sense. You either do something or you don't. But, like, have you try. Like, I know the reason why I use the word try is because I know you haven't stopped. Okay, so, like, you tried when you fail your word. Okay, you failed. I know you failed.

[D]

I am a sexual human being. And. And so there's that. And one of the excuses I use for myself. I'm a very. I'm a rock amongst my. Amongst my community, my people. My, my. My circle, my family and friends and everyone. I. I'm one of the dudes that's an unshakable dude or problem solver and all those things. But when I have stress, I don't share that with anyone. And that's probably unhealthy. But when I have stress, then I will go.

[A]

And that's the way you release it. That's how you deal with it.

[D]

And go get. That's how I deal with it.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Maybe.

[A]

Why? Did you ever try having a drink? You ever just try having a drink?

[D]

Well, look, I used to be a hard drinker and that's. That's worse, I think. I think that's worse.

[A]

No, that. Well, listen, that's. That's the addict, right? Like, that's the thing, you know?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I'm an addict. I quit drinking like 24, five years ago. 20. I don't even know at this point how long it's been. But like, like, you know, my way of checking out now is like going to a movie. You know what I mean? Like, that helps because you got to do something sometimes, right? Like, because life is difficult and you are going to have stress. You know what I mean? And you have to like, you know, and you're still sort of really. You're still using it in the same way you used it before A little bit. Right. It's just that little leftover that sometimes if you're really stressed out and you need to deal, that's your way to deal.

[D]

No, that's it. That's 100 it. And it's. Doesn't make it okay or anything else. That's just, that's what it is.

[A]

Right.

[D]

So that is my stress relief. And other than that, my. Now I will say that my wife and I have been on a. On a. What do you call it when you. We haven't had sex for a little while. Slump. But it's not because she doesn't want sex or, or I don't like having sex with her or anything like that. That when we do, it's magical. It's, you know, sex is good. I mean, sex is awesome. And so when we do have sex, it's, It's. It's. Yeah. Magical. It's. Now she has some medical stuff going on and that's usually a little bit prohibitive. So.

[A]

Yeah, that's not gonna help her feel hot.

[D]

I don't get the sex.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like, I want the sex. Ex.

[A]

Right.

[D]

And I don't pressure her because of course, as much as I am An I'm not an. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm, of course I'm not going to

[A]

pressure her, which is going through a terrible time. Exactly.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So I'm sure if you ask her, she'll say, for sake, pressure me. Don't go to a Glorial.

[B]

But

[A]

all right. In the perfect world. That's right. Of course. If she.

[D]

In a perfect world. Right.

[A]

How do you like, I mean, you know, besides just going there. You don't do any of like the online stuff now or anything like that. She can, that she could catch you and anything like that, right?

[D]

No, I don't do any of that at all.

[A]

Right.

[D]

There's no, there's no reward in it. I do have. Well, I don't know, there's a little paradox, I guess. I, I do like a connection with someone. Me and my wife have like the best sex because we know each other other inside and out, top to bottom.

[A]

Right.

[D]

We've been doing it for a long time and we know how to make each other feel just right.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And it's good. Yeah, it's beautiful. It's magical. Yeah. Sometimes. That's why I don't really. And I never have liked one night stands where you, because you don't got to go talk a girl's pin.

[A]

Yeah. It's not layered like it is.

[D]

Yeah, it's. But oddly enough though, with a prostitute, I kind of look at that kind of similar to porn, like, except there's physical touch and it's a physical human. But I treat the, I treat those working ladies with absolute respect and I treat them like the, you know, well, dare I say, queens that they are. God bless them for doing a thankless job. Right. So I treat them well, they treat me well. They're, they're happy to be being treated well. So there's a little connection there. And I genuinely care that they're, I don't know, I'm sure not every prostitute I've ever has had an orgasm, but I'll put the effort in. Right, right. I, I, I, I just love women.

[A]

Yeah. And you like the connection too. A little bit.

[D]

And I like the connection.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And I have sex not only to get off, but if, if it were me or them, I would rather them get off than me. Right. I can, right. Or please, I can jack off. I can. It feels good to come inside of a woman's mouth or, or whatever. But yeah, I want to make sure that they're enjoying. It's a mutual event. Do you know what I'm saying it takes two. Takes two at least.

[A]

But, but I, I feel like I keep getting, like, thinking maybe I'm hearing something different now, but that I heard before. But like, should I assume that you don't or you still, you're still cheating on your wife with women sometimes too. Not just.

[D]

I'm. Say that again. You broke it up a little bit.

[A]

You're still cheating on your wife with women too. Once in a blue moon, besides.

[D]

No, not for years. Yeah, okay. Because there's too much, it's too much to expect a woman to accept that you got a wife and that she's got a. Keep that all separate and never violate your trust. And.

[A]

Yeah, it just sounds like you're getting old. Thank God for your wife, you know what I mean? Just slowing down.

[D]

I know. Thank God she's such a, she's such a hard woman.

[A]

We hope that your wife never finds out all this other stuff, right? Like, that's what you hope. And you hope that now that you're like, really sort of slowed down and got away with murder, considering how much she found out about and how much you did, you'd hope that, you know, from now on she never finds out one other thing, because that would be terrible, you know, But I, I, I, I think what's interesting because, like, I always like to find out, like, how people feel about what they're doing. And like, to me, when I say I'm not your moral compass, I don't make up your morals or your values like those you set yourself. But what I, I think is not great, right? It's like, because I have my own set of morals too. And it's like to me, what's most important is not whether I do what someone else thinks is right, it's like what that I do what I think is right. You know what I mean? And when you're going against your own morals, like, that's when you could have a little bit of a problem. And the part of you that still feels like a scumbag, a dirt bag, like, you know what I mean? Like, that's, that kind of sucks that you still have that, you know what I mean? Because, like, where do you go, go from there? Like, you still have this feeling that you're doing something that you don't, that you know for yourself isn't right, but you do it anyway.

[D]

Yeah, well, it ain't ever going to be right. The only way to make it right would be to come clean, divorce my wife and live, live my hedonistic off lifestyle. But check it out, though.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Much like drinking alcohol, like when you're in the moment. Moment. Right. When you're there in the moment, that's. That's what matters most in that moment.

[A]

Yeah, I get it now.

[D]

There is post not clarity. Don't get me wrong, I've. I've never felt horrible about the physical act of doing the thing. It's always after the fact that. That I'm cheating, of course. And so the, it's so. It's such a. It's so powerful. And yes, the easy. The right answer is just don't put yourself in that situation. Just don't do it. Yeah, well, that's easier said than. Than done.

[A]

Well, I don't know, as somebody that's really good at quitting things, you know, like I said, I, you know, I remember when people, when I tried to quit smoking and I smoked every day for 15 years of my life, and people are like, how are you gonna quit smoking? Like. Like, I'm like, because I'm just gonna quit. And I did. You know what I mean? And it's just like, like I said, it's not like you're gonna try. And what if you don't? You know, if you don't do it, it's like, no, like, I'm either gonna do it or I'm not. So like, I do believe. Believe if you're that type of person, then you can actually summon up the discipline to just not do it.

[D]

Well, here's my problem.

[A]

The problem is you don't want to.

[D]

Maybe that's the problem. Yeah, it's. That's the problem. I could resolve not to do that. I could.

[A]

Yeah, of course. Right.

[D]

I have resolved not to do many things and not done them ever again.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I cannot, like, you don't want to. I can't get. I can't let it go.

[A]

Yeah, I get it.

[C]

I'm curious.

[A]

I'm gonna be really curious about, like, what you're gonna think about your story when you hear it from a third person. Like, there's, it's like, I know that you said, I think in the end of your email, like, oh, be fun to like, sort of get this off my chest or just talk about this, you know, maybe therapeutic, you know, but what's also like, super interesting about doing this kind of show and talk, like, not just talking about it, but actually hearing it back. I don't know what you're gonna take from it. You know what I mean? You might feel better about your. Yourself. You might feel I'll probably sit here

[D]

in a very judgmental, I don't know, position and say, you piece of. Just stop doing what you're doing.

[A]

No, but it'll be.

[D]

That's probably what I'll say to myself.

[A]

Well, you'll see. But it's just to hear your story outside of yourself is going to be a very interesting experience, Kathy.

[D]

And here's why. Listen, this. I. I've listened to your show and I've listened to several. Several episodes. I've never said any of these things out loud to any other human.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Me.

[A]

Nature.

[D]

And it's not that me and you have some connection or trust.

[A]

Of course.

[D]

Right. We don't know each other, but it's anonymous confessions.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I feel the need to maybe if I say these things out loud and look at them from a third person perspective and go, okay, yeah, maybe.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Let me just. Because again, when we have sex, we. It's great. Yes. I don't have. It's not that sex is a problem. And again, I. I can jack off whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I have a very deep connection with my wife. Right. I just. There's a little. It's a little something different, man. It's different.

[A]

Yeah. And that's why I'm curious to see how you feel when you listen back. So let me know, because I love. I'm so happy that you called in and shared your story. It's so super honest of you to, like, put this all out there and then let me know what you think after you hear your episode. It would be very interesting to me, but I hope that it was therapeutic at the end of the day for you, even if you don't change your mind or anything, whatever. You know what I mean? I hope that you enjoyed or feel some, like, good about actually letting it all out. And I'll be. Like I said, I'll be curious to see how you feel afterwards when you listen to it. So let me.

[D]

Yeah. That's awesome. I can't wait to hear it. And I will give you a little blurb and let you know what I'm. What. How I thought of myself. That bag I'm listening to on the podcast Best.

[A]

Oh, my God, I can't wait. Keep me posted. Danielle, this will be up very soon. I'm obsessed with this story. It's super interesting because it's very. You're very honest. Thanks, Danielle. Daniel, thanks for calling in.

[D]

Thanks very much. Talk to you later.

[A]

Bye.

[D]

All righty. Bye. Bye.

[C]

Still waiting in line again. That's time. You'll never get back. Save time and money with stamps.com over 4 million businesses have skipped the line with stamps.com join them to save up to 90 off carrier rates from your computer or phone right now. Print postage for certified mail, registered mail and packages in seconds. Then schedule a pickup right from your home or office for a limited time. Go to stamps.com and use code podcast for a free welcome gift. Taxes and fees apply.

[A]

Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out till August 25, but you can pre order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story, there's a cuck queen story, there's a cuck story, there's a gang bang girl story. Like a. I said 17 stories and they're all T told in the third person and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top. Like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe. Right. But these are true stories, 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could could read the whole book. It's available in ebag format, paperback format. And finally, the audiobook is available, coming out August 25th, but you could pre order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay? There's no way you get into My Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay? I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other and that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you could win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total, strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private. Like I said, all you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase. Whether you did the audio, audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback, send it to me at strictly anonymous podcast gmail.com. that's strictly anonymous podcast gmail.com and I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.

[C]

This is the Strictly Anonymous Podcast Strictly Anonymous Podcast.