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Strictly Anonymous Confessions
1539 - How to Navigate Opening Up Your Marriage w/Dr. Stacy Friedman
01:07:30
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I'm not giving up.
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I am selling the building. The final season of FX is the Bear.
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The restaurant is flooded. Everything's either gonna be okay.
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No.
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Stop. Or not.
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We are outgunned and we are outmanned. But we have each other. FX's the bear, the final season, all episodes now streaming on Disney. This isn't a running ad from REI because it's mostly walking and occasionally flying. It's hitting your favorite trail with your favorite people who showed up for the same unhinged reason. And it's not just about fastest known
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times, but finding the funnest times.
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Because this isn't running. It's trail running. Get your gear for the trail in
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store or@rei.com hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile.
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Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it
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turns out that's very illegal.
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So there goes my big idea for the commercial.
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Give it a try@mintmobile.com Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for a 12 month plan required. $15 per month equivalent to taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy. See Terms. When you join Sam's Club, you get way more than you'd expect. You don't just get value. You get insider tips from fellow members. You don't just pick up a pizza. You actually vote on its toppings.
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Mmm.
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Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast.
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Strictly Anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond.
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You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much.
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Your friend know that you're banging her? No, no, he has no idea. And anything goes. Motto of the show. Let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re hide your whips and shame. Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram, Or Twitter. Follow me at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, it's called Strict Strictly Anonymous because they change everyone's voices and names. Okay? So if you have an interesting secret Naughty. That you want to talk about while remaining anonymous or not anonymous, if you're out and proud, you could email me at strictly anonymous podcastmail.com or go to my website, strictly anonymous podcast.com and click on Be on the Show. Now listen, if you have a naughty confession you want to leave on my Confessions line, you could do that 24. 7. The number is 347-420-3579. That's 347-420-3579. Call from a quiet place. I can't use ones when people call where they're driving. Some of those confessions make it onto a Confessions episode. The rest go on to my Patreon. Now, my Patreon is super fun and it's very inexpensive if you ask me. It's only $7 a month and you get every single episode. I do seven episodes a week. You get every single one of them early before anyone gets them. As well as intro and ad free. You also get all the Confessions and you also get Q&As that. I do like every other month where I answer a lot of questions. As well as you get anonymous pics of probably every single girl that has called into my show. Every single female guest. I got pictures of them over on my Patreon. Like I said, It's $7 a month. The link to Patreon is in the description. If you do sign up for my Patreon or buy my book. I wrote a book. It's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. It's all stories from my show told in the third person. They're super fun. And the audiobook is coming out in August. So if you buy my book, either in paperback or ebook or audiobook version, the links are all in description. I will also give you free access to my Private Discord. Like I said, if you join my Patreon or if you call into my show or if you buy my book, I will give complimentary access to my private Discord. My Private Discord is not a paid site. It is free, but it is private and you can only get in if I send you the link. I promise you, you will not be disappointed. My Discord is full of great effing people. Okay? So if you buy my book, send me a screenshot of your purchase and I will send you the link to My Discord. I'm going to tell you about is if you want to sign up for SDC.com I do have a free trial for my listeners. SDC is like the world's largest online dating website. And it's not just a place where you could hook up with people. You could learn all about the lifestyle, you could find out about all the lifestyle events and meetups and all kinds of things going on in your neighborhood as well as if you're going to travel and you want to have a little fun, you're going to find it all on SDC.com Like I said, you get a free trial if you use my code 37712 or just go to the description and click on the link. That's 37712 or just go to the description and click on the link. Okay. Today I have a great convo with Dr. Stacy. She was on before when we ended the conversation she had told me she was in a previously been, was in a very long term open relationship and she open marriage actually. And she does help couples with open marriages and couples who want to get into the lifestyle. So I was like, oh, let's do a whole episode on that. Because the first time she in we talked about mismatched libidos, erectile dysfunction and what men really need in and out of the bedroom. She's great. You're gonna love that episode if you haven't listened to it. It's 1473. But this time she called in to talk all about, you know, how a couple can get into the lifestyle. First we talk about, you know, the first step which would be, you know, just bringing up to a partner that you wanna maybe open things up and get into the lifestyle and be non monogamous. She talks about how she coaches couples through that phase. We get detailed in how to bring up fantasies. She talks about how she talks to couples and how she helps guide them to talk about it and bring these things up. Because that's always the hardest part. Okay. And it's actually like the step that changes the game. She also does talk about how like couples who want to maybe spice things up and really open things up don't have to go all the way. And she talks about how her and her guy, now because she had a long term open marriage, she talks in detail about that, what they used to do and everything. She talks about her 14 year second marriage and she talks about how with this guy they are not open but they still go to swingers clubs. And she talks all about how that can be super fun. And she talks about other options for couples to take that isn't necessarily going out and other people. Then we get into the next stage, which would be the couple that have already decided to get into lifestyle. She talks about how she coaches them before they open things up, like the important things to discuss, what to do, the types of things that could come up. And then we talk about problems in the lifestyle. The couple that come to her because someone's feeling jealous or there didn't work out for them. And she talks about how couples can work through that phase. It's a very informative episode each step of the way. She gives so much great information for couples. No matter where you're at in this, you know, lifestyle journey, you're going to get something out of this episode. She's also available to help people. She does that all the time. She gives a free call to people and she calls it, I forget what she calls it, an exploratory qual. But, but it's free. It's like a free consultation call to find out if she could help you. She typically works with couples short term, on a short term basis where she guides them through getting into the lifestyle, you know, and all that kind of good stuff. She's great. I think she's great. If I was in a relationship and wanting to open things up and wanted a little help, I'd hire her. I think you're going to love her. I'm going to put her link to her website in the description. But anyway, I'm going to get right to it and be right back on with Dr. Stacy Friedman.
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This is the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Strictly Anonymous podcast.
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Oh, hi Dr. Stacy. Welcome back to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today?
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I'm doing great. Thanks for having me back again. I enjoyed our first time so I'm sure it'll be great again today.
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Well, you did throw out at the last minute when we spoke last time that you were in a non monogamous relationship or maybe you told me that, but like you talk on that too. And I'm like, why don't we just talk about that as well? Because that's a whole other side of you that I didn't know. But it's also something that you talk about, right? And talk on. You are. Are you a sexologist? Give me your, your credentials again.
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Yeah, I'm a private intimacy adviser. I clinical sexologist and sex coach and I also have 26 years in the medical field as an ultrasound tech. So I have a lot of medical background as well. So I love talk about all that
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good stuff when I go get ultrasounds and biopsies. Like, I'm just like, I'm like watching in like such interest. Like I can't even tell you. I'm like so jealous. I'm not doing the work, you know, and don't know everything that's going on. It's interesting to me for some reason. But anyway, your first episode was 14. Your first episode with me had nothing to do with ultrasounds. It had to do with mismatched libidos. We talked about erectile dysfunction, what men really need in and out of the bedroom. Right. That was a really good episode. If people haven't checked it out, they should check it out. It's number 1473. I'll put that number next to your name in the description so people can remember. But you did tell me, I think a little bit I forget it was right in the beginning or right at the end that you do are in a non monogamous relationship. Right. And we, we are.
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At this time. Yeah, at this time I'm not. But I was. I have history of it and it is one of my specialties working with people that are trying to either do any type of alternative lifestyle or. Or ethical. What they call enm. Ethical.
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Nominal. Okay, but were you a dominatrix too? Or is that not you?
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No, but I can be.
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Oh, what was it that. Wait, what was it that you said at the end? Forget. That was like, oh, wait, why are you telling me this now? Do you remember what it is?
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Well, I think that's what kind of. Yeah, I think that's kind of what got the subject started about the like swinging lifestyle and all that kind of stuff is that I had been in one. And you help people.
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Yeah. And you help people with it now.
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Yep.
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And I love that because my people are all listening to my show. Either they're in open relationships or they want to be in an open relationship, you know. So yeah, that's what I thought we should talk about. Now when you're typically help couples, is it like couple. And I'm assuming you're going to be like all of the above, you know, but like are you talking to couples who want to open, who are open already and having issues? Like who are you typically talking to about open relationships?
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All of the above.
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Right.
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But no, but I think that a lot of people. I'll actually get some people that reach out to me alone saying this is something I'm interested in. How do I even bring it up to my Partner. How do I even get some started? So there's like actual three different types of people. The ones that want to get started don't know how to bring it up. And then couples that are both brought it up and are interested in getting started and want to know the pros and cons and how to make sure they do it the right way. And then there's couples who say, I wish we found you sooner when we didn't screw it up.
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Okay, well, you just gave me the whole outline for our whole podcast episode. Okay. We're gonna start and go through each phase and talk about, like, what's going on in those phases, what to. What not to do and all that kind of good stuff. Right. Because probably people that are listening are going to fall into those three categories as well. But. And I think you told it in the perfect chronological order. Right. So let's start with the person wanting to get into it and does. And they. But they don't know how to bring it up with their partner.
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I think that people are so quick to. And I did this whole month on my social media on fantasy and people like, there's no way I would say anything to her. You're just going to cause us to get a dream divorce. And I'm like, you don't just come right out and say, I want to be in a threesome and not wait,
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I'm sorry, but I'm sorry I'm cutting you off and I'm not going to do that, I promise. But I'm sorry. No person's going to end a whole marriage because you brought up a fantasy that they're not. They don't even leave people after they cheated on them when they have three kids and houses. I mean, your wife's not going to divorce you over a fantasy. But anyway, go on.
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I know, but these people, it's just like, you know, I guess their, their insecurities come up or, you know, I said if they're, if they're going to divorce you over something, so so called other problems. There's other issues that need to be addressed. But I try to tell people we can't just go right ahead and just say, hey, I was thinking about being in a threesome or thinking about doing this because the partner, if it's just coming out of nowhere, they're going to look at you and be like, what's wrong with me? Why am I not enough? You know, they're going to probably personalize it, internalize it. And so it's very important to be Able to start having a conversation just about sex in general and finding out what are some things that you might like or what are some things you're interested in. Or sometimes you could even like Google or do a chat and saying, like, you know, a hundred questions on sex and different types of open relationships. And then when the question comes up, it's a good conversation starter. So you can at least test the waters, you know, to see what people might think about it. Oh, my God.
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And they are, they are so smart nowadays. How they have these. Cause, like, I've done some Q and A's recently on Sundays, and people have been emailing me, like, oh, and I, you know, I do the Q&As with the person on the call, but people have been emailing me, oh, give me the list. Because I want to do it with my partner. Because you do learn a lot about people. But they have these apps out nowadays that are so perfect the way they're set up, because what happens is they're like a swipe right, swipe left. You do it with your partner, and I forget the name of the apps. I'll look it up and put it in the description. But it really is an app that, like, you and your partner go through kinks and things that you're into and you say whether you are or aren't. And what happens, and this is what's so brilliant about the way that they're set up, is what happens is you only see what you match, what you're connected. Yeah, exactly. You do not see that your partner, you know, clicked on, I want to have an orgy. If they're not into having an orgy. So they're never gonna know. Right?
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B
Well, it's. It's kind of like on my website, DrStacyFreedman.com my website, I have a free sex tips, free downloads, and one of them is the yes, no, maybe list. And it's kind of similar to what you were saying. But usually when I'm working with people, I tell them to fill out the list and bring them to me. So it's private when I read it to the people. When I'm working with them side by side, I usually just pick the ones that are matched. That's smart. If you have very safe relationship where you feel like you can share things, it's also something you could do together. But the sites like you were talking about, where they match them up and you only get to the ones that are matching, is really good. But that can help bring up a conversation where before Rather than just saying, hey, would you be wanting to do a threesome or would you want a swinging relationship? It's much more difficult. So having that where it just comes up kind of organically is a much better way to start that conversation.
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A
Yeah, of course. And listen, I don't think it's that big of a deal to bring up the stuff that you're into that your partner isn't into, because a lot of times that's how people wind up realizing what they're into. I don't think we're all born with, like, stuff that we're into and that stays the same our whole lives. Right. It's absolutely 1000% true that even what we're into sexually grows and changes so much as you get older. And I've heard millions of people talk about how they tried something that they never thought they were into because their partner opened them up to it and they were into it. So I say go for it. And even bring up. Don't be afraid to bring up something that maybe your partner didn't say yes to, because maybe you'll get them into it. You never know.
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B
You can change on a daily basis, on a yearly basis. The problem is that there are a lot. And this is what my month of July is all about, is. Is religious, cultural, and slut shaming. And a lot of people have a hard time bringing things up because their partners shame them. And for example, men, men that want to be pegged, let's say many of them won't bring it up. One guy said he brought it up, and his. His wife said, what, are you, gay? And, like, automatically shamed him. So he's like, I'm not bringing anything up. You know, the way she talked to me, things like that. So that's why sometimes when it comes up organically, rather than just sharing something, if you're not sure where your relationship lies, that could be the safer space. Otherwise, if you're able to share fantasies or ideas of things you like like, then go ahead and just say, hey, let's just talk about some things we were interested in. Doesn't mean it has to happen, but let's just talk about it.
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A
Okay, everyone, remember the good old days when sex wasn't rushed and you and your partner and savored every moment? Well, this summer, why not slow the down and start savoring sex again? And while you're at it, since sex really is a skill, why not up your game by learning something new? And you know where you're gonna learn something new? It's on Beducated. Educated is the Netflix of sex education. They literally have over 150 courses on sex. They have courses on everything from yoni massage to different sex positions, guided masturbation, if you're down to play with yourself, and the best oral sex courses ever. Okay, listen, if you're a guy, you need to check out their Cunningus course. It features 10 different new moves that you could try on your girl that she's going to love. Okay? And the best thing about beducing it is you're going to learn those moves by seeing a guy doing them on a girl. That's right. Most of their courses include a video tutorial featuring real hot humans guiding you. Okay, so you're not just going to learn by reading about it. You're going to learn by seeing it in action. So what are you waiting for? Go check out Educated. All you got to do is go to the description, click on the link, and you're going to get your own personalized roadmap to a slower, more pleasurable sex life. That's right. It's super easy. Just go to the description, click on the link to get your personalized roadmap to better sex. Yeah, no, it's. And that's what I think the biggest fear is. It's because I think putting out your, like, fantasies, especially your sexual ones, are. Is a very vulnerable place to be.
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B
Absolutely. Yes.
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A
Especially because what, you know, a lot of people are faced. You know what, what their, their biggest fear is, like, ew, or you're gross. You know what I mean? And a lot of times that's what people say and, and give someone, you know, if they're not, if they're not open to it, and that's like a terrible feeling for the other person, you know?
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B
It is. It closes them up immediately.
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A
Yeah. And that's what I think most people are afraid of, bringing something up. For women, it's like, I'm a. For men, it's like, oh, you're. You're disgusting pig. You know what I mean? It's like, it's scary for the, for plenty of reasons, but it has to do. It has to be something that, like, that is though, the first step. Right? Because how else are you going to get there? There?
- [19:28]
B
Yeah, it's the first step of just getting the idea out there and just seeing like if, if one of the questions were, oh, would you ever be in a three summer. Would you ever want an open marriage or ever want a swinging. And someone goes, oh, God, that's ridiculous. Never. I would never do that. Then you kind of already know it without even having to bring it up. Or someone might say, I don't really know enough about it to make a decision. Then you might be like, oh, well, would you want to, like, just look at it and see what it's about out?
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A
Right. And aren't all those things, like, even if someone says no, that's something I would never do. Like, isn't it possible that, like, there's other alternatives? Like, you could just, like, then mock up those situations in role play and. And right in the bathroom play.
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B
Role play is ideal. Talking about it. And what a lot of people don't really know is because I was in the lifestyle, I know all this as well as my education. But you don't have to be in a swinging lifestyle or alternative lifestyle to go to a swing club and just enjoy the atmosphere and the sex, sexy vibe that's out there. And you could just be with your partner, nobody else. You can go into a room, you could shut the door, but you could be watching people. They could watch you if you want any of that. And that could just give you an idea of what the environment is like. And that's where you could stop if you wanted to.
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A
That's why I love having couples on who are totally vanilla like that. Because I feel like a lot of times, times it's like so much more, like, relatable than my couples who are doing orgies and gangbangs and hard swaps. Because, you know, maybe the majority of people aren't ever going to go that far. But I think what's really great is to show them this other side of things. And the fact, and the truth is, because you lived in that world, and I've heard it before, is like the swinging community is nobody pushes anyone to do anything. You could absolutely go to a club, right? And not. Not engage at all at all, right? And no one's gonna judge you for it, right?
- [21:20]
B
No, no. And then you could be so horny and go, your partner when you get home, you know, it's like, you don't even have to do it at the club. But that's what it is. It's the most consensual space. More so than going to a bar and having someone try to pick you up when you have this nasty person just like, leave me alone. I said no. Where if you go to a club, if you go as another couple, because I've gone with my husband now, when we're not in a lifestyle, we go just because of the environment, to be able to watch others, to be able to do things in front of people, to just have that freedom. And if someone says, oh, can I join? No, thank you. Okay. Do you mind if we watch? Sure, go ahead and watch. You know what I mean? It's. It's. It's so easy and so open to be able to just enjoy each other.
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A
Right. And you don't even have to take your clothes off. I mean, you could say as vanilla as you want and literally say, that's what we're gonna do. You never know how you're gonna feel when you're there. Exactly right. Can I ask you a quick question? Then we're gonna get back to exactly where we were just at. Like, why. Why did you go from having an open relationship and now you're not in one? Like, what's the difference? Is it a new partner and they're not into it, or you don't want to yet with them? Like, what. What changed in you or in the relationship?
- [22:28]
B
Well, I think that in my previous relationship, not saying that you have to be in the lifestyle because you're missing something. Something. Because I know that in my marriage right now, I have absolutely everything I could ever want or need sexually, emotionally, physically, everything. So I don't need anything else. And that usually most people, there's always something maybe missing. Not dramatically, but even with my. My partner, if we go, we still enjoy it. And you know what? We've been together for 14 years. It's still open. It's still a possibility. I might still have a threesome. I might still bring in another couple every once in a while if we decide to. But it's not something that is, first of all, in the time of my life, that I want or need. But in my previous marriage, it was something that was needed. I was younger, it was. I was a little bit more wild. And I was missing quite a few things from my marriage, Even though I had a very solid, good marriage. And we like to explore and experiment. So we wound up doing that. And I was actually the pusher of it.
- [23:34]
A
Well, listen, maybe it's not so much that it's like, it's. There's nothing missing now, but maybe it had more to do with just like now actually. You just having been there, done that, like, you got it all out of also. Right. Like, I mean, you're somebody system. You know, I have to assume if you were the pusher of it, you were someone that was very curious, very open, and very much wanting to experience all the stuff and you did, right? For how many years were you in the lifestyle with your last.
- [24:02]
B
Oh, gosh, most of, most of the marriage. I'd probably say about 15 years maybe.
- [24:12]
A
Yeah, that's a long time. You've been there, done that, everything. Like what were you and your husband into?
- [24:18]
B
Just, you know, the, just swapping with couples or being, you know, threesomes. You know, we start off with just the threesomes and then it got to be a little bit more because then started. People started getting married and then the men started having to be included. But then, you know, and then, then we're like, okay, well the men can just watch and not touch. And then it's like, okay, well then maybe the men can touch but we can't have sex. And then it developed into like, okay, maybe we can have sex. They were all little levels, all little steps. The guys stayed again away from the guys. It was all about the women and it was all about just the fun and the connections we made. Because it wasn't always like we got together and had sex. The relationships, the friendships were what was very valuable, which you just, it's a different, it's so open, like you could just joke around with people and it was just easy. You don't have to worry about it.
- [25:07]
A
Yeah, I think that's why they call it the lifestyle. Right? So, yeah, maybe it's like, you know, you, you've kind of been there, done that, and I think it's like, you know, that's it. Maybe that's the reason why some people who are in a 14 year vanilla marriage for so long, the second time around, maybe they want to open things up because they've never done that before, you know?
- [25:24]
B
Yes, yes.
- [25:25]
A
So it totally makes sense. So last question though, about that. When you met your second husband, the guy that you're with now, when did you cop to the fact that this is like who you, you were and this was your past? And how did he react?
- [25:39]
B
Immediately?
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A
Okay, and how did he react? Was he like, oh, one of the
- [25:44]
B
things is like, I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time because my now husband was in the middle of splitting up with his wife, I was splitting up with mine, and we just wanted to have a good time.
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A
Right?
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B
And I said, you know what, I don't want to have to hide who I am. I was always having to hide in my previous relationship who I was, who I said, spoke to. And I said, this is who I am. I'm very sexual, I'm very open minded. And whoever's going to know me, is going to know me 100% me. And if they're not into it, then they can. It's not right person for me.
- [26:14]
A
Right.
- [26:15]
B
So I was very open about just saying, yeah, you know, this is who I am. I explained, you know, when we talked about the history, if I felt any shame or any pushback, then it wasn't somebody that I wanted to be with.
- [26:27]
A
And what was his reaction? You're to going, right?
- [26:29]
B
Yeah, he was just like, cool, sign me up, you know?
- [26:33]
A
But then was he disappointed that you're like, but I don't want to do it anymore? Like, how did you guys decide not to go down that route, considering you come into the relationship as somebody that had been there, done that? Did you. Were you also done with it by the time you met him and knew going into a new relationship that you weren't going to be open again?
- [26:49]
B
I was. I was pretty done with it because I had it for so many years. But I always said that, you know, if it's something you were interested in or open to because he had just a regular. I say regular. A monogamous vanilla.
- [27:02]
A
We call it vanilla.
- [27:04]
B
Yeah, that's a regular. And I basically said, if you ever have an interest in being with somebody else or doing other things or experimenting, let me know. I'm open. I'm completely open. But because, I mean, it's a very unique relationship that he and I have, because it's not something that most people have. It is perfection. I mean, our relationship is literal, literal perfection. And I'm happy, and he's happy spending 247 with each other in a little hole, you know, I mean, it's just a very, very solid relationship. But, you know, when I asked him, I was like, well, what are some of your fantasies? And he's like, I don't know, it'd be cool to have, you know, threesomes or this or that. I'm like, okay, well, let's keep our eyes open. If it's ever an opportunity, I'm open to it.
- [27:45]
A
Right.
- [27:46]
B
And that was it. It's just having those conversations and saying, you know, he didn't need to have everything that I had. He didn't need it. We've gone to the clubs, We've enjoyed the clubs, and he loves the clubs. But do. Does he need to go sleep around with people? He doesn't care. He's got me. I'm a sexologist, sex coach. I give him what he needs.
- [28:05]
A
Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, that's great. I mean, listen, I Don't think, like, I just think everybody's wired very different. And I think some people are wired to be like, listen, some people want to eat the same thing every time they go to a restaurant. Some people want variety. Right? Like, we're all very different, you know, So I don't know that it's like, oh, you don't need anything, but you're just happy with each other. And that's what's like working right now. But I love that you're. And what I. I think sometimes, like what you resist, persists. And sometimes when someone knows they can't have something, it's like so elusive to them. All they ever think about, you're going
- [28:36]
B
like, that chocolate chip cookie.
- [28:37]
A
I can't eat that. Chocolate chip cookies.
- [28:39]
B
I'm on a diet. It. I want the cookie.
- [28:41]
A
Yeah, it's all, that's all you ever want. I think, you know, with your, your guy knowing that it's whenever and going to the clubs and he, you know, it's. There's so much less pressure. And maybe that's why he doesn't even think of it. Because it just, it could be when I, you know, I don't know. There's something to that. So that brings us right back to like where we were starting from, right? Like where you bring it up and you have those conversations and you get, you know, you talk about your quote unquote fantasies. Like, let's say the part, I made
- [29:08]
B
it a safe space. I made it a safe space. If he ever needed to talk about it or wanted something different, just to let me know and we'll talk about it.
- [29:14]
A
Well, plus, you also made it like, let's go to some clubs and do it. I mean, you took it a step further than most vanilla people. And that's what I think is such a great thing that couples can also bring up, like, let's just like, we don't even need to go and do these things. Like, I had a couple that want were talking about threesomes and hot wifing and they wound up getting a machine. And it was like so great for them to like mock it up with that, that they didn't ever wind up crossing the line. And then they would. The farthest they went was like exchanging like videos with another couple online, which I think is also another creative way of maybe staying with only your partner, but also doing something a little more naughty than regular vanilla. Something, you know.
- [29:53]
B
Yeah, I tell people to bring in like a suction cup dong if the guy wants to see his wife with somebody else and. And doing things like that, there's ways around it. It's. It's a feeling many times people will get that they want to have. Not necessarily the actual fantasy itself.
- [30:07]
A
Exactly.
- [30:07]
B
So there's ways around it.
- [30:09]
A
Yeah. A good, good role play goes a long way. But let's say the partner is open and interested, right? And now you're with that couple that's about to maybe open things up. Like, how do you counsel them? And what. What kind of conversations should they be having?
- [30:24]
B
Well, first of all, the reason why that is so important because if people say, oh, everything sucks, our marriage, is that we need to spice things up, you know, because things are not doing well. No, that's not what you do. You make sure you are on a solid ground. It's really about solidifying your relationship and then saying, okay, you know what? We have a great relationship. What. What are some things we want to do to add to it? It's adding to it. It's not doing it in place of, you know, things are not good. So let's try to do that. This, these, then that can just get worse. If there's jealousy involved, you have to say, am I a jealous person? If you don't know, you need to start small, such as just going to a club without doing anything. You have to have boundaries. You have to sit, think of the pros and the cons. Any scenario that you can imagine. So these are things that I work with people is like, okay, well, these are some scenarios. I've been there, I've done it. I've worked with people, and I know scenarios that people have been in. They're drinking. You do not drink the first time you're going to a club. But then people sometimes want to drink because they want to be comfortable. But then you're not 100 in control.
- [31:31]
A
Oh, no. Yeah. No. First of all, when you're horny, it's like you're drunk already, so. And you're not. You're not thinking properly. If you add alcohol on top of it, that's like a recipe for. And you know what I'm really surprised at? And I mean, maybe this is just the people who call into my show, but how much, like, how much less alcohol that's taking going on in, you know, the swinger community than in a regular bar. Most people that I talk to are not doing this, like, half loaded, you know what I'm saying? At all.
- [31:59]
B
No, they're not. Because they want to be able to feel it and enjoy it. Plus, most of These on premise clubs. And when I say on premise, it means you're allowed to have sex there. They don't even sell alcohol. You have to bring in your own alcohol. They only have like the, the other side drinks, like Juicy juices and cokes and things like that.
- [32:15]
A
And as a professional swinger, you and your husband, would you have want even approach the person that seemed like totally drunk in a swingers club? Probably not.
- [32:24]
B
No. Because then you're worried about, like, are they going to be able to consent? Yeah. And are they going to listen if I say no? You know, are they going to be respectful? Even though I've really never had negative experiences that I can remember, everyone has been. Been really, really good. But, you know, it's usually people have to start off with the drinking because they're not necessarily comfortable. But when you're dealing with everybody that has the same mindset, it's all like, hey, you know, are you interested? No, thanks, I'm good. Okay, cool. No problem. And go off. It's just so much easier where you don't have to worry about it because you're not fearing that rejection in the same way. It's hard to explain, but it just. That's one of the things that I'm like, you know what? Go sober and just don't do anything with anybody. Go with your boundaries. Write down the pros and cons, write down why you're doing this. Think of different scenarios. And like, if this happens, what do we do if this happens? Especially when you get started, you could get started just saying, no, we're not able to do anything, but if someone wants to kiss you, you can kiss and that's it.
- [33:25]
A
Right?
- [33:26]
B
That's okay. You know, these little baby steps and these little baby boundaries are okay, but you always have to focus on your partner. You always have to be in tune with your partner.
- [33:36]
A
Right? And how important are boundaries before people even get started? And rules, you know, all that kind of good stuff.
- [33:43]
B
Otherwise they come to me.
- [33:45]
A
That's the third step. We're gonna get there. That's our next thing we're gonna talk about.
- [33:51]
B
Yes, the boundaries are the, the thing. You should never do it unless you really talk through those boundaries, because they will get crossed if you do not discuss them before.
- [34:03]
A
Right.
- [34:03]
B
And then you're going to wind up having to do the work after to fix it or to be able to try to get those feelings past that, oh my God, they did something that I didn't want them to, or that made me uncomfortable, or now I don't know if I can look at them the same way. Yeah, because you can up your marriage.
- [34:19]
A
Yeah, totally. And isn't it important for couples to know that those boundaries most likely will change? Some will be added, some off. Right. Like what? Do you remember the ones you and your husband, Your first husband?
- [34:31]
B
Yes. We changed them with every single experience we did. And sometimes it just depended on the day. If we weren't in the mood, or let's say for some reason I had a period or something, we'd be like, okay, well, there's no sex today because I'm not able to. Or this is, you know, whatever it is, the boundaries can change every single time you go out to a new experience.
- [34:51]
A
Right.
- [34:52]
B
So, yeah.
- [34:53]
A
And what's most important, like, for that couple to take into account consideration maybe, like, besides boundaries and stuff, anything else that they should do before they head out to their first experience?
- [35:06]
B
Well, a lot of people are very careful with condoms. So you always want to make sure that you're protected, and you want to always want to double check and do safety checks, medical, you know, making sure that you're physically healthy. Yeah, that would be the first thing. Second thing, yes, obviously, there's the boundaries, but. But knowing that your partner is your number one. Because what I've seen happen is that people will go, and especially if they're drinking, they'll get so into what they're doing, and they're not realizing their partner is sitting there three steps away with their hands crossed, just watching, pissed off. And so you have to always check in. Are you doing okay? How is everything? Is there anything that you want to talk about or have a safe work where if your partner says, not pineapple, because that just means swinging. But you could say something like, you know, I need to get some ice water if you don't want to make it obvious. Or you could say red light or whatever, so the person knows. Okay, this person needs me to stop what I'm doing. You need to stop. I don't care how turned on you are. I don't care if you're in the middle of. You listen to your partner.
- [36:17]
A
Yeah.
- [36:17]
B
And those safe words can be helpful night or day.
- [36:22]
A
Yeah. And explain some situations that you would like, you know, tell couples about that they might get into and they will have to work through so that they kind of know what is, you know, what they might be in for. Like, what are some of those. Give two maybe examples of what you would, like, go through with a couple just to, you know, test them out, let them go through a Lot of
- [36:44]
B
people don't know if they're going to be jealous or not. So you need to definitely start slow. And so if you're going to start kissing or making out and your partner feels some jealousy and you're sitting here going, oh, my God, this is amazing. I've been with the same person for 20 years. I can't believe that I'm with somebody else. This is so exciting. And then your partner says something and you'll be like, oh, wait, wait, let me just finish up here. I'm almost done, or whatever it is. No, it needs to be immediate because if not, then you lose respect in that partner. Partner loses that safety. Yeah. And so you have to listen immediately to your partner. I don't care if you're in the middle of having sex and you're going to blow any second. Okay. You have to. You literally, it could, it could completely derail your entire situation. That would be one of them. And also, just sometimes, if you're doing something with a part, with somebody else, reach for your partner. Partner, don't make it all about. Especially if your partner is there, because this was a situation where the partner's like, I'm sitting here by myself, you know, three feet away, just staring, and that person didn't even know I was even in the room anymore. So always try to include. Depending on what you talked about, obviously, but try to include. Try to look back at your partner. Try to recognize, acknowledge, so your partner knows that you are there.
- [38:01]
A
Yeah. And listen, in that scenario that you're talking about, I just had a couple on that that had that exact thing happen, and the details were not. Oh, because it sounds like you're talking about like a guy that just like. Or a girl who's just forgetting about their partner. That's not necessarily the case. The reason why it happened with a couple recently, and this is like a real situation that could happen, is like they were couple swapping. Right. They both approved of the man and the woman, and they were both attracted to them to be, you know, to start off. But once they started going, the guy, the woman, you know, was with the guy and the guy was horrible. He couldn't get it up. He, you know, I mean, so she was having a terrible experience. Her guy was having the best experience, but he didn't know, you know what I mean? He wasn't. It wasn't like he just forgot about her. You know, they had agreed, they went into a couple stuff, but she. It didn't work out. And a lot of times those four Way connections are hard to get. Right. Right. So that could very well happen. So. And she was very upset because there she was not having a good time time and he was. And he just didn't even take that time to look over. They were a newbie couple. Right. To do what you said, which was make sure your partner's also having a good time. Because that's the kind of scenario that could wind up happening especially with a four way connection. You don't know. Right.
- [39:11]
B
And, but, but, but sometimes you are not going to have the exact connection. There's many times because swinging is a woman's world. And I say that because they're usually the ones that make the rules. And what happens happens many times is that the guy may not get a situation where the woman may want or I mean sometimes you say oh I take one for the team. Sometimes there is a take one for the team. But not every experience is going to go well. And that doesn't mean that you need to be upset with your partner. So if this situation doesn't go well because let's say someone can't get it up, for example, that is, it's not really fair to sit there and get mad at your partner because they're enjoying themselves when you are not. Find other ways to have fun. And this just goes back to just regular sex. It's not all about the intercourse. You know, there's other things that you can do to have fun. And if you're getting bored and you're done and you, you know, you're done with it, you go up to your partner and just say hey, you know, I'm ready when you are or whatever, you know, if you want to let them finish, let them finish. If you want to, you know, just get them off right there and, and say that you're going to help them. Maybe you help them them, you know, maybe you involve yourself. So there's just a lot of scenarios that people may not know exist.
- [40:24]
A
Yeah. And one thing that I didn't know really exists in a swinger club and is more common than I thought is that a lot of men do have a getting it up problem while there who might typically not have it outside.
- [40:37]
B
Oh, they're almost all on meds.
- [40:39]
A
Yeah, right. It's. And that. So it happens. I just had Mr. And Mrs. Jones from the Week got a think podcast and he had like prostate cancer. He went through a time where he couldn't get up and he did figure out ways to keep that other person happy and comfortable because even when he Couldn't get it up because it happens. And the. By the way, the other thing I was going to point out and say is like the taking one for the team thing gets old really fast. Like I talked a lot of couples in the beginning, they'll all take one for the team, you know what I mean? But after a while, all those rules and boundaries, they start adding them and like taking one for the team isn't working for anyone down the line, you know what I mean?
- [41:17]
B
Yeah.
- [41:17]
A
They figure out other ways to have fun because that becomes not so great after a while. So let's talk about when. I mean, in that couple, when she looked over and her husband, I mean, they didn't. She totally understood what was going on and she didn't get mad. But I have had plenty of couples on my call who, you know, and I have couple friends of mine in New York City who are professional, professional swingers. And once in a blue moon, one of them might get jealous. And they're not jealous people because who knows?
- [41:42]
B
Right.
- [41:42]
A
You know what I mean? Yeah. Everyone's human. You never know how you're going to feel on a certain day, you know, and it could be the other person's acting away that makes you feel a certain way, you know?
- [41:51]
B
Right.
- [41:52]
A
You know what, what is what. How do you talk to people and tell like, what. What are they supposed to do when they have those kinds of moments afterwards? Yeah, yeah.
- [42:02]
B
And they all, even if they are, like you said, professional lifestyle, swingers things, you are going to have situations that. That's going to happen.
- [42:09]
A
Totally.
- [42:10]
B
The most important thing is understanding that it is a situation. It doesn't. We don't always know how it's going to come out and we don't always know how we or our partners are going to feel.
- [42:20]
A
Right.
- [42:20]
B
So always come from a place of curiosity and a place of compassion. And so after, if you're getting a little upset or jealous or anxious about something, don't sit there and just start yelling at your partner because that can just ruin everything. Just say, listen, you know, you always need to have some type of a, you know, when you're done with the evening or the morning to talk about it and say, was there anything that bothered you? Is there anything you need to change? Always have like a little pow wow about it. So that way, you know, the next time. But if something's bothering you, say, listen, this upset me and the person should not be defensive. Well, we never upset you before. Dah dah. Then it can start getting into to an issue.
- [43:02]
A
Yes.
- [43:03]
B
But majority of the time in the lifestyle, people are very understanding that these things happen. So it's really saying something about it. Just saying, you know, when you did that, I did get jealous and let the person have the compassion back and say, I'm so sorry, it wasn't what I intended. You know, it's usually not even necessarily their fault. It's just a feeling that that person had. So talking through it and saying, well, what could I have done? Or what can I do next time? So that doesn't happen. And it's just having a conversation. People don't know how to have conversations anymore.
- [43:35]
A
No. And what people, what people don't understand, and I say this all the time and make jokes about it, is that the overt communication that takes place in open relationships because, you know, for the successful ones, at least the ones who are successful are talking ad nauseam, right? They are talking before they go. They're talking while they're looking through the apps. They're talking on their way. Always talking. They're always talking. And, and ultimately that's what makes them feel so much closer to their partners. It's the talk. They're finally talking again about something else besides kids and what are we having for dinner? You know, the same that everyone else is talking about. They're talking about new things. They have something in common. And that's like the exciting part. And it, to me, it's like the reason why these couples always, at the end of my episodes with them, I always ask them, like, what? How is your relationship different because of this? Because a lot of times that they're married 30 years and now they just opened it up and it's that they feel so much closer. And I think it's the over talking and because that's a part of that
- [44:30]
B
communication because these are things that you can't talk about. I mean, there's so many people when I, when I did all these posts on fantasy that are like, oh, I can't talk to my partner about that. I can't talk to my partner about that. And it's like, that's this lifestyle. Even though it's not something I'm in right now, I have that communication ability with my partner. But, you know, it did help us. My, my ex and I stay together even that much longer because we had so much better communication because we were able to really tune in onto how are we feeling, what do we need, what do we want?
- [45:02]
A
Right?
- [45:03]
B
And people that are in these lifestyles, a lot of people like, oh, it's Just an excuse to get out of your marriage, or it's just an excuse to cheat and all this kind of stuff. No, it actually can bring you closer with all of the connections that you make. Not even just with yourself, knowing yourself better in your body, but your partners.
- [45:20]
A
Oh, yeah. And I had a guy recently, and I know he put into words with so many other guys. Have never put into words because it was the first time I ever heard it. And I. And I've. I've totally talked to tons of guys who have had, like, you know, jealous feelings after seeing their wife with someone the first time. You know what I mean? Like, I've heard that story many times. Like, they want their wife to hot wife. They finally, it happens and they don't feel that okay with it the first time for whatever reason, you know. And this one guy, he worked through it. It was very important for him to work through his feelings and get to the other side because he still wanted to experience it. That was his decision, you know. And what he said is, is over time and now he enjoys it. And he was able to work through it pretty fast. By the way, it wasn't like it took him two years to not feel jealous. It was like by the third time, he wasn't jealous at all. But what he said, and I feel like, oh, this must be so true for so many other guys, is that he felt like being vulnerable about feeling, like, jealous. And putting that out there with his wife made him feel closer to his wife than he ever had been because he showed a side of. He just felt. Felt more seen by his wife than he had ever before. And I think that really helps men because typically men aren't walking around vulnerable and open about their feelings about anything. Right. It's so not manly. Right. Like, blah, blah, blah. It's like the thing. But you have to in the lifestyle. Right. So when these guys start opening up, I'm feeling jealous or I felt, you know, it. It like this guy said it, like, made him feel closer to his wife to sort of show that part of him. Because we all know guys have. Have those vulnerable sides of themselves. Right.
- [46:51]
B
But they're typically hidden. Yeah. And it helps the wife show compassion and help feed the ego a little bit for the man to be able to say, I'm here for you, I got you, I love you totally. You know, things like that. And so that vulnerability also helps the woman feel more attracted to the man because they are opening themselves up and being more vulnerable.
- [47:11]
A
Yeah. I mean, as a woman. Yeah. I mean, as A woman. As a woman, we could just sit here and tell guys right away, like, all we want is to see that side of our partner. Right. Like it would never be. It's like maybe it's a turn off to another guy, you know what I mean? Because you're all so worried about not being a man. But no woman is ever upset if she sees a vulnerable side. Like, we always just want to be closer and get deeper with our guys, you know what I mean? That's like what every woman wants from a guy. So you're never gonna get a woman looking at you funny for that. She's only gonna, like, like you said, be more turned on, if you ask me, because that you. She felt like. She feels like she's getting a side of you that nobody else has ever seen. Right? That's what we all want. Yeah, guys. Right.
- [47:51]
B
And it's very sexy. It can. It can be very, very sexy. Absolutely.
- [47:55]
A
Yeah. And I thought what was key is that the guy talked about how he felt like it so much better about doing it because he was this macho guy who had never put himself out there, you know, I mean, have you seen a lot of, like when you're seeing people come in who are having the problems, do you ever tell some couples, like, maybe this just isn't for you? Like, what kind of couples is this not for?
- [48:17]
B
Well, there's many times I tell people that they should not. Because when they're coming to me, a lot of times they are in a situation that they are. One person might be wanting it and the other one's not really crazy about it. But then they're like, well, I, you know, you know, it's something that he's constantly. Or she's constantly bringing up or something like that. I think people who have a lot of jealousy, people who are fighting all the time and are just looking to, you know, try to do something different. Those. It's not healthy. And I think that if you're trying to do it where you just want a way to be with other people, it's not necessarily healthy too, because then you're looking for it because of going somewhere else and not doing it with your partner.
- [49:09]
A
Right? Yeah. And how many people maybe, like, there's people out there, I don't know, maybe you've seen them that maybe they don't even realize that that's, you know, kind of the pat. The reason why they went down that path. But maybe looking back, they see it, you know, like. Right.
- [49:22]
B
Well, that's, that's why when I've talked to a lot of people. Listen. There could be a situation where the wife is like, you know what? I have no interest in, in really having sex anymore. I have this, you know, I have pain. I'm not interested. Go ahead, let's have an open relationship. You do what you want to do, I don't really need to do it. And then the person is doing it the way they want to do it, and it's fine. So it can be for a lot of different reasons. So I think the reason, that's why I said, when you first figure out this is something you want to do, figure out why, right? And figure out if it makes sense. And, you know, and, and thinking of the pros and cons, because that's going to make the whole difference. Because it's definitely not for everybody and it definitely can ruin a relationship if not done. I don't want to say the right way, but not done in a healthy way.
- [50:08]
A
Yeah, totally. I mean, I love a swinger gone wrong story only because I feel like people learn from it. You know what I mean? Like, this is what you shouldn't do. I have plenty. And what I think is important is that the majority of my episodes are stories that show that non monogamy can work. Because I feel like the typical word on the street out in the vanilla world is the minute you open up your relationship, it's doomed for failure. You know, I heard two people talking on a regular, like, Bravo podcast I listened to that's My World, you know, and they were talking about, like, because all these women on a Real Housewives show recently were talking about all the threesomes they had with their husband, you know, and the women, women discussing it were saying like, oh, you know, that just means your partner doesn't love you and all this kind of stuff. And so, yeah, you know, what my show is always here to say is like, I don't think everyone should be non monogamous. Most of my friends are monogamous. I've never had a bento swinger club myself. You know what I mean? This. I'm not saying people should do this. All I'm saying is that people can do it. And if they do do it and it works right, they can be happier because of it. So that's what's important. Yeah. But I do think that the stories of it not working out because it is not, not for everybody, are super important too. And typically, a lot of times my gone wrong stories are like, when people stop doing it as like a couple and are doing it like in a separate way. Right. Like to me it should always be about something that adds your relationship. Yeah, right then. Yeah.
- [51:33]
B
And that's why I said if it's starting to go where it's just you doing something and then someone else, then you're in an open relationship. And it's not really a lot lifestyle relationship. It just really depends on what you're looking for to get out of it.
- [51:44]
A
Yeah. And I always get afraid when people are like solo play. I'm like, that's always like a recipe for disaster. Some couples do it and they do it forever and it works out. But a lot of times that leaves to me the window open. If there are any sort of like things not in your relationship. Yeah. It leaves room for someone to go and fall for or somebody else. But I don't think that can happen unless there's something wrong to begin with. Don't you think? Right.
- [52:11]
B
No, I agree. And I think that just even let's say my situation with my partner, we have like I said, the most incredible relationship. And even if I did something or he and I did something in the lifestyle and, and were with other people, it's all because sex is fun. It has nothing to do with emotion. We can come back and, and be like, okay, so someone touched. Some people get turned on by watching their partner get turned on by other people. You know, knowing that the partner is, is good at what they do and seeing someone else feel that pleasure, that could be a turn on for many people. And you can't yuck somebody's yum. If it's something that you are doing and you're in a healthy relationship and you have those conversations, it could be really rewarding.
- [52:51]
A
Yeah.
- [52:51]
B
And like I said, I'm not, I'm not against if that was something that we wanted to do together that I'm open to that, that, you know, it's just we never really got to that place where we needed at this point. And that's why just going there, enjoying the atmosphere, meeting people, talking to people. It's fun.
- [53:06]
A
Yeah, totally. Now how do you help people in your practice? Like say people are listening and they're either they're at any part of the, this phase that we were, these phases we were talking about, you know, how do you work with them? Do you have stuff on your website that they could like courses or is it something that you do in practice? You know, like how does it work for you?
- [53:27]
B
Well, if it's something specific, I do onetoone coaching and I do Individual coaching as well as couples. And it's. Everything's on my website@doctorstacyfridman.com but you know, first of all, depending on what level they're at, if they're just starting, just asking questions or they're in it and trying to, you know, fix it, I work with all of that and it's just basically trying to, to. It's a reclaim framework and it just helps people in different stages get to the point that they need to. And it's just coaching and figuring out where they are now, where do they want to be and how do we get them there. I also have a private online community of people all in midlife dealing with all different things. It's fairly new, so it's a little bit small right now, but it's all different types of people with different types of needs. Needs. Some people getting rid of shame, getting rid of the. Trying to understand the mismatched drive. There's a lot of opportunity to learn. I'm all over social media at Dr. Stacy Friedman and I do a lot of helpful videos and things like that. And I have a lot of free resources on my page as well.
- [54:33]
A
Yeah, remind, let's tell everybody again about the sex tips because I think that that's really like, that's like this place you start, right? The sex quiz, right? It's a sex quiz, not tips.
- [54:43]
B
It's. No, it's sex tips. You were right. Okay. Yeah. If there's a place on my website that just says free sex tips and when you click it, I have the blog with all these articles. I do have some articles on the lifestyle and swinging and how to have another person, how to add another person. And then there's also free downloads. There's about 16 plus downloads where you just put your information in and you can have access to all 16 of those free things. And I also offer a free private, it's confidential 30 minute call for anyone that just wants to kind of get some guidance, a little discovery call. And if coaching is something that can benefit, we could talk about that. But otherwise I always leave everybody with something that they can take some information, some helpful resources. And so that 30 minutes for free is very, very helpful. And they can find that information right on my website as well.
- [55:33]
A
And for a couple that is looking to maybe get a little coaching, you know, because they want to get into the lifestyle, what are they looking at? Is it like, you know, to be typically once a week for three months? Like what do you recommend is a long term commitment or short term?
- [55:48]
B
No Coaching is a little different than therapy. It is more short term. I do have a single clarity session, which is 50 minutes for people that might just have some, you know, quick kind of questions. That's good. Yeah. But then if they needed something, let's say a couple is like, okay, well I need just to have a couple of months to figure out, figure out all this out. I have a three month and a six month. And they're only like either if it's an individual, it's six sessions. If it's a couple, it's eight. And then if they have a little more issues where maybe they did it backwards and are trying to fix things. Yeah, they might need a six month program where there's about 18 sessions. So it just depends on what they need. And that's what that discovery call, that 30 minutes for free. If I see that it could benefit, I will offer it. It's not a sales call. It's actual discovery to help you figure things out. And that's something that we can see if it's needed. But it's three months, six month, or I have a clarity call for an hour.
- [56:49]
A
Yeah. And I love that you, you know, you're available to kind of help couples with that first step, which sounds like super easy, just like bring up what you're into, but it really isn't.
- [56:59]
B
It's not. Yeah.
- [57:00]
A
You know, and I have to say to people listening, that is like the first domino in like, you know, changing the whole game. Like that is like where, where I, when I have couples and episodes on where like the title is like, these people were very vanilla and now they're swinging and having foursomes, you know, I mean, it always starts with somebody brought something up in conversation, you know what I mean? It's never. They accidentally walked into a foursome, you know what I mean? It has to start somewhere and it starts with those conversations. And I think that's the hardest thing. And I think it's like super great that they could have somebody like you there. So that if the partner does say like, what the. Or, you know, what does that mean? And you know, you could like explain like, no, first of all, pegging doesn't mean you're gay or just because this person wants to see you, someone else, it doesn't mean that you, they don't love you. Right?
- [57:48]
B
Yes. It's so important to have that. And you know, for the people that I hear when they comment on my, my social media about, oh, it's been 20 years and I can't do this I'm like, well, maybe you need to have a conversation and I can help guide that conversation. That's all it is is somebody helping guide to be able to make sense of what people are thinking or feeling and making sure that it's done the right way. So you can have the sex life that you want.
- [58:12]
A
Yes. And it could change everything. Like seriously, you know what I mean? But, and I get that it is harder sometimes to bring it up, up after 20 years and then it is to bring into like a new relationship. Yeah, it's always going to be harder and sometimes those 20 year relationships are the ones that would like benefit the most from maybe a little spice, you know what I mean?
- [58:33]
B
Yes.
- [58:33]
A
A new conversation about sex after kids and all that. You know, a lot of times couples lose their way, you know what I mean? So I think it's so great that nowadays like everyone is so connected and there's so much like help available out there because a little help goes along way. I love that we did this whole episode and that you this kind of help because you know, I know a lot of people listening could use your services. So give a shout out again to your website but I will literally put it in the description for anyone driving. But just give your shout out to all your stuff and like I said, I'll put it in the description too.
- [59:10]
B
Yes. Thank you so much, Kathy. I'm so glad you're doing this because people need to hear this information. So thank you for having me on. But people can find me at Dr. Stacy Friedman. There's no E in my name. Stacy. Dr. Is Dr. Dr. Stacy Friedman. I am all over the Internet in a nice way, not in a naughty way. You're not going to see any nude photos. But there are, there are everything on every social media you can find me. And like I said, I do offer that free private 30 minute discovery call if anyone needs and that's on the website.
- [59:43]
A
Like they could find that easily as
- [59:45]
B
soon as they go to the website. Yep. And every single social media, if you go to the bio, it's on there where they can just click for a free free call and schedule it.
- [59:53]
A
All right, awesome. This was great. I love this conversation. To me it was so informative with the information that people need. So thanks so much for calling back in again, Dr. Stacy.
- [60:01]
B
Yes, thanks for having me and I'm happy to do it anytime for something else.
- [60:05]
A
Awesome, awesome. You're the best. We'll do a Q and A or something fun in the future.
- [60:09]
B
All right, sounds good. Appreciate it.
- [60:10]
A
Thanks.
- [60:11]
B
All right, take care. Bye.
- [60:12]
A
Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out till August 25, but you can pre order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story, there's a cuck queen story, there's a cuck story, there's a gang bang girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse Letter. It's more direct. It's not so over the top, like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe. Right. But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in ebag format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre order it it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay? There's no way you get into My Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay? I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other and that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you could win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total, total, strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private. Like I said, all you gotta do is email me a screenshot of your purchase. Whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback, send it to me at strictly anonymous podcast gmail.com that's strictly anonymous podcast gmail.com and I will send you send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.
- [62:36]
B
This is the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Strictly Anonymous podcast.