We had split feelings about this listener’s DM

Summary

Style-ish Podcast Summary

Episode Title: We had split feelings about this listener’s DM
Host: Shameless Media
Date: June 9, 2026

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Episode Overview

This engaging episode of Style-ish centers around the complexities of life milestones and how people show up—or don’t—for their friends during these big moments. Spurred by a heartfelt DM from a listener feeling let down by her friends’ lack of enthusiasm for her wedding, the hosts, Madison Sullivan Thorpe, Annika Joshi Smith, and Joanna Fleming, explore expectations around celebration, shifting friendship dynamics, and the changing face of support through different life phases. Through candid discussion, community responses, and personal stories, the episode examines gendered expectations, emotional labor, and the importance of marking both traditional and non-traditional achievements.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. **Opening & Lifestyle Swap

(Timestamps: 00:08–06:06)**

Hosts' Latest Obsessions

• Annika: Color-blocking in fashion. “Color blocking is so fun, and it brings a sense of optimism back to our outerwear.” (01:29)
  • Mustard/teal, cornflower blue/burgundy, pastel/chartreuse, bold purples and reds—key combos for winter and upcoming spring/summer.
• Madison: Skincare routine for hormonal breakouts—relies on the Rationale cleanser and serum, Tower 28 SOS spray, and La Roche Effaclar H moisturizer.
• Joanna: The TikTok sensation “Ellie the Elephant,” the New York Liberty’s (WNBA) dancing mascot. “She does the splits. She does like headstands. It's wild. …And I feel weird saying that about an elephant costume.” (05:12)

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2. **Listener DM: Feeling Let Down by Friends

(Timestamps: 07:21–13:08)**

The Dilemma: Daniella's Story

• Daniella’s friends aren't showing up with the same energy she showed them during their weddings. She wonders: “Is this because I'm the last of the group to marry? Is it normal to feel let down?”
• The hosts offer immediate empathy:
  • “Let’s start by acknowledging this just sucks.” — Madison (08:21)
  • Relationships are rarely 50/50; context matters—people may be at different levels of emotional capacity and commitment at any time.
  • “You are the main character in your own life, but you're not the main character in everyone else's.” — Joanna (10:01)

The Reality of Friendship Effort

• The expectation of reciprocity (treat others as you want to be treated) often sets us up for disappointment.
  • “When you do do that, you almost set yourself up for a bit more disappointment because your expectation is that people are going to give exactly back to you what you gave to them. And… that's not always real life.” — Annika (10:29)

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3. **Community Responses & Life Milestones

(Timestamps: 11:28–17:26)**

Survey Results: Showing Up at Milestones

• Bridesmaid/Hens Party: 71% feel you must “bring your A game,” 30% say it's enough to just attend, 2.6% feel there shouldn't be pressure.
• Being Last to Reach Milestones: Many feel left out or experience grief as friends enter new life phases (marriage, babies).

Notable Listener Stories

• One listener expresses deep grief over losing community when all friends have children:
  • “Within one year, it feels as though I've lost so much community... I have felt like an outsider. As if I am a foreign object in their life, despite being the one who hasn't changed.” (13:08)
• Hosts empathize, share their own insecurities and coping methods for similar feelings.

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4. **Navigating Changing Friendships

(Timestamps: 15:03–22:57)**

Host and Guest Perspectives

• Madison’s strategies for maintaining closeness with friends with kids:
  • Meet friends where they are (literally)—coffee at home, walks with strollers, being adaptable.
  • “You just have to bend this little bit and you can think it's unfair as the one without kids or you can just go, you know, this will come back around.”
• Annika celebrates her role as an “aunt” to friends' kids and frames it as filling a hole during her own fertility struggles.

Insert: TikTok Clip from Danny Duncan

• On the “invisibility” of being a child-free adult:
  • “When all of your friends start having children and they no longer show up for you... That is one of the hardest things about being child free as an adult... You also deserve to be seen and asked how you are and cared for.” — Danny Duncan (17:26)

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5. **Audience Insights: Milestone Etiquette

(Timestamps: 24:23–32:22)**

Stats and Sticky Situations

• Wedding Invite Reciprocity: Only 45.6% feel pressure to return a bridesmaid invite; responses are circumstantial.
  • Jo: “If you've really drifted apart, you haven't seen each other in, like, three years…” (25:12)
  • Annika: “If I wasn't in one of my girlfriend's bridal parties and they were my bridesmaid, I'd be pissed.” (25:48)
  • Family is the “safe” bridal party choice.
• Commenting on Engagement Posts: Mixed feelings about “Finally!” or “Hardest secret I’ve ever kept.”
  • Annika admits to using “Finally!” as a comment, recognizes it can be cringey, especially outside of close relationships.

Milestone Hijacking

• Unwanted pressure/comments (e.g., asking “when are you having a baby?” after a wedding) are common, often insensitive, and can touch on pain points.
  • “I just think the kindest thing that you can do when someone has an announcement is let it belong to them. Let that milestone belong to them without looking for the next person in the room to be like, and what about you?” — Madison (31:05)

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6. **Celebrating Non-Traditional Achievements

(Timestamps: 32:27–36:52)**

• A listener laments friends only cared about her love life, not her achievement as a clinical psychologist:
  • “I didn’t even get a card for my graduation, even though I’m a legit doctor, which I’m sure is very disappointing.” (32:56)
• Madison: “I think as well, like, no matter what stage of life you're in, you have to have the awareness for your friends of who and what they have around them.”
• Hosts champion marking career, educational, and personal achievements—IVF journeys, divorce parties, graduation, home buying, and other non-traditional milestones.

Survey: Do We Celebrate Women’s Career Milestones?

• 72.8% say yes. Madison calls this “the first generation of women who have had complete autonomy and exposure to having careers and climbing ladders and breaking ceilings. We should be celebrating that the same way that we should be celebrating when [their] kids finally are in daycare...” (36:23)

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7. **Celebrating Single Friends & Avoiding Comparison

(Timestamps: 36:52–43:43)**

Survey: Supporting Friends’ Dating Wins

• 45.6% always celebrate breaking up with a terrible ex; 33.3% offer support via text.

Hosts’ Experiences

• Madison and Joanna share the fun and at times vulnerability of celebrating dating wins and commiserating losses.
• Joanna: “I've kind of done the whole thing, you know, so I think being able to pull those experiences in… is also really valuable.”

Navigating Comparison Culture

• “Comparison really is a thief of joy… just trying to actually be really content with where I'm currently at.” — Annika (41:16)
• Madison quotes her friend: “Who you end up with is so much more important than when you end up with them.” (42:20)

Affirmation Practice

• Joanna shares an affirmation card she keeps: “All things come to me at the right time and place.” (43:03)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Friendship Expectation
  • “You think about yourself a lot more than other people do. …Yes, you are the main character in your own life, but you're not the main character in everyone else's.” — Joanna Fleming (10:01)
• On Compassion Through Life Stages
  • “I feel like when I show up for people, I am so fiercely loyal...when you don't get that in return, it hurts.” — Annika Joshi Smith (11:10)
• On the Complexity of Milestones
  • “I have felt like an outsider. As if I am a foreign object in their life, despite being the one who hasn't changed.” — Listener submission (13:08)
• On Comparison and Timing
  • “Who you end up with is so much more important than when you end up with them.” — Madison Sullivan Thorpe quoting her friend (42:20)
  • “All things come to me at the right time and place.” — Joanna Fleming’s affirmation (43:03)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:08–06:06 – Host swap: Recent obsessions in fashion, skincare, and viral mascots
• 07:21–13:08 – Listener Daniella’s DM about feeling let down during her wedding planning
• 11:28–13:48 – Community survey: What’s expected at milestone events
• 15:03–17:26 – Advice on showing up for friends in different phases, especially after children
• 17:26–18:15 – Danny Duncan’s viral take: The grief of child-free women when friends move on
• 24:23–27:39 – Wedding etiquette: Reciprocating invitations, bridal party politics, and group dynamics
• 31:39–32:22 – Pushing back on intrusive questions about children and marriage
• 32:27–36:52 – Celebrating career and non-traditional milestones
• 36:52–43:43 – Single friends, dating wins (and fails), managing comparison
• 43:03–43:43 – Affirmation and closing thoughts on trusting your timeline

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Final Thoughts

Tone: Conversational, warm, candid, and inclusive. The hosts blend humor, vulnerability, and real-life insight, making the episode relatable for listeners at any life stage.

Overall Takeaway: Life milestones are complicated—expectations, timing, and enthusiasm vary wildly between people and seasons of life. The best friendships are defined by empathy, flexibility, and mutual recognition—both for traditional milestones (weddings, babies) and personal achievements (career wins, mental health victories, endings like divorce or graduation). Trust your own timeline, celebrate each other authentically, and be sensitive about when (and how) you show up.

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Interested in more? Listeners can always send in their own stories for future discussion via DM or email.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Joanna Fleming]

Foreign.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

This episode of Stylish is brought to you by Dan Murphy's Find out what's new now and next when it comes to trending drinks. This is Stylish, the podcast for all things fashion, lifestyle, brand, and beauty. I am Madison Sullivan Thorpe, and I am joined by my lovely co hosts, Annika Joshi Smith and Joanna Fleming.

[Joanna Fleming]

Wait.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

True. She's back. The bitch is back.

[Joanna Fleming]

I don't know that I want to call you that.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Oh, my God. Off campus song stuck in my head. You know, I'm still living in the

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

moment, still at the restaurant. What are we talking about today, Jojo?

[Joanna Fleming]

Oh, we have a meaty one today. We've got another edition of iul, which for anyone who hasn't listened to our IUL episodes, it's a little bit different to what we normally do, but we essentially dissect some bigger themes and genres. In these episodes, we lean into the

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

lifestyle element of our intro.

[Joanna Fleming]

Yes, these are, like, lifestyle focused episodes. So in this episode, we're focusing on life milestones and how we show up for the people in our lives. And it was actually it came about because we got a DM from a listener that kind of stemmed us talking about this. So we're gonna get into that right after we do our swap. And because we know this is gonna be a meaty episode, I'm just gonna throw straight to Annika.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Da, da. Okay. Wow. And there's something a little bit more lighthearted. I have been loving color blocking lately, and I think because we're currently mens is.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I'm in full gray.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

I'm wearing gray. This is me branching out of my all black. So this is. This is progress, guys. But because I think it's winter, everyone's feeling a little bit more wanting to know, be a little bit more. I don't want to say the word morbid, but sometimes a little bit more morbid in their dressing. Color blocking is so fun, and it brings a sense of optimism back to our outerwear, our everyday wear, just everything we're doing, really. And Prada really coined it first because I think they really kind of go quite aspirational with a lot of their looks. But we're now seeing them trickle into the mainstream a lot more of those unexpected, expected color combos. Okay, my first, which I think you guys will both like really beautiful. Cornflour blues and burgundy. Are we seeing this?

[Joanna Fleming]

Yes.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

As well as mustard and teal. I know it sounds a little bit. But it does look very nice together. Soft pink and chartreuse.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Now, this is Gonna get around that.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Very into. I think it's fair, I think it's pastel, I think it's fun. But you can do it in a few different ways. And I think maximalist colors are really gonna start making an impact, especially once we hit spring summer. So think bold purples. I'm looking at you. Actually, I'm looking at you too. I think you could do, you both could do quite like.

[Joanna Fleming]

What shade of purple are we talking?

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Like I'm going like a real accent. Like bold pop purple and even reds. Like reds are forever. We know that.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I'm kind of liking the purple with tan at the moment.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Chic.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Great. Okay, thanks.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

You're welcome.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Ajs tick of approval.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Onto the next.

[Joanna Fleming]

Love that Mads.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Mine is my skin's just really playing up at the moment. Jo has been on this journey on panic texts, calls, FaceTimes. It's just a lot going on hormonally. I know that it's that, but it's like I'm really paying attention to what I use. I've gone back to a trusted trio that I'm like, it just works at soothing my skin down. It is the number four rationale cleanser, the number one rationale serum and my Tower 28 SOS spray.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Okay.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

And that is just like my holy trinity. There's actually a fourth in there. The La Roche Efficlar H moisturizer. Oh yeah, that's in that rotation. They're just my like, calm the farm, bring it back down. I'm conscious. This is going to be a long episode.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Jo, can I ask a question? Hands up. Jo. Would you say that because of the time of year, change of seasons, like are we all going to maybe start seeing a few flare ups to our skin?

[Joanna Fleming]

I think it depends on the skin type and concerns. Some people will experience more dryness in winter. Like I know I definitely do. And those with more atopic skin conditions like eczema, psoriasis, those types of concerns will definitely see their know conditions worsen.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Okay, next question. If you got to invest in one product, what would it be?

[Joanna Fleming]

Oh, for winter?

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Yeah.

[Joanna Fleming]

Oh, the Bioderma outaderm shower oil.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I've got that. Yeah, I've got that too.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

I love that.

[Joanna Fleming]

Not sponsored I know that we are doing some work on this podcast with Bioderma, but that's my genuine first thing I thought of.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Yeah, no, I bought it and I love it.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I've got that and I've got the Naturium body oil wash that I quite like as well. Yeah, that's I like both of them.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Yeah.

[Joanna Fleming]

I also really love the l' Occitane one. But if you need a fragrance free one because you've got eczema, then that would be the one.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

So stunning. Take it away.

[Joanna Fleming]

Mine is the most random one I think I've ever brought to this podcast. And I've brought a few random ones with me, including, you know, Flip, which I still stand by. This one is Ellie the elephant.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Sorry.

[Joanna Fleming]

Now Ellie the elephant. I got sucked down a TikTok hole of Ellie the Elephant. She is the mascot of the New York Liberty in the wnba, so the women's NBA in the us Come again? She is. I don't know what you elephant watching to get here. Honestly, I have no idea. I could not tell you where. How my algorithm led me there to Ellie the elephant.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Do you follow the wnba?

[Joanna Fleming]

No.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Okay.

[Joanna Fleming]

Don't know how. I. I didn't watch basketball at all. Anyway, so she's the mascot of the New York Liberty and she does like dances with the other performers. So kind of cheerleaders. Well, yeah, it's. It's like bring it on. Except she's in an elephant costume and

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I want to do a live.

[Joanna Fleming]

You've got to look her up.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Okay.

[Joanna Fleming]

So she has her own TikTok account. She's got 267 followers. She's got this signature stomp dance move that she does and she twerps. She does the splits. She does like headstands. It's wild. And I don't actually know who's under the costume or if there's multiple people. She is honestly so cool. And I feel weird saying that about an elephant costume of an elephant.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

But there are so many character arcs for Joanna Fleming, everybody. Like I'm just. I didn't expect this today.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Like Madonna.

[Joanna Fleming]

Yeah.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Okay.

[Joanna Fleming]

Full Madonna outfit.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Right.

[Joanna Fleming]

It is actually so funny. Like you'll get sucked into the elephant. Now that you've listened to this episode will probably end up on your algorithm. I just really loved it. I thought it was just really fun and like women's sport just doesn't get enough attention. And I really love that they're just leaning into this.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Okay.

[Joanna Fleming]

And she's going off where to make

[Annika Joshi Smith]

an entrance with Ellie the elephant.

[Joanna Fleming]

Yeah, there you go. I'm going to start watching WNBA Liberty is my team now.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

From Joe's milestone of Ellie the elephant to life milestones. We're going to talk about our audience's perspective on all things milestones. But that's going to be right after a word from Today's sponsor, Winter, has a funny way of changing our habits. Suddenly we're spending less time out and more time inviting people over, saying yes to dinner parties and looking for any excuse to gather around a table. And when those invitations start rolling in, it's always nice to arrive with something a little different. That's why we love Dan Murphy's. They're always across what's new now and next in drinks, making it easy to discover something beyond the usual bottle of wine. One of their latest finds is the Brookvale Low Sugar Ginger Beer can, a premium premix with a great classic ginger beer taste. It's spicy yet mild, smooth yet sharp, making it a great option to bring along to your next Catch up with Friends. So whether you're hosting, heading to a dinner party, or simply looking to try something new this month, Dan Murphy's is the perfect place to discover your next drink. You can find the Brookvale Low Sugar Ginger Beer can in store from June 11 and plenty of other trending drinks in store online and on the Dan Murphy's app. Remember to choose to drink wise and thank you so much to Dan Murphy's for making this episode of Stylish possible.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Okay, so we absolutely love listening to our listeners and this episode was inspired by a DM we received from one of our listeners. Daniella messaged us to say hi stylish team. I'm feeling frustrated because I feel like my girlfriends aren't showing up for my wedding the way I did for theirs. I all of my girlfriends got married in a similar period around two to three years ago and now it's my turn. I feel like they're feeling past it and whilst they're being lovely about the idea of my wedding, it doesn't feel like they're very excited for their weddings. I made myself available for every pre wedding event, beauty appointments, constant support with their wedding planning, and endless conversations over the details. I haven't been met with the same energy and I thought would share the same experience only to be left feeling let down. They don't seem that excited or involved with my hands either, which is coming up soon. Do you think it's because I'm the last in my group to get married? I feel like it's important context that they don't have kids yet. I don't want to be too demanding of them, but I'd love to celebrate with my friends. Is this normal? Thanks, Daniella. Oh, cyber hugs.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Cyber hugs. Like let's start by acknowledging this just sucks.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

It does.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Objectively, subjectively sucks. It is so hard for any relationship to be a 50 50, and to get what you give and give what you get. It just in an ideal blue sky, cupcakes and rainbows world, that would exist, and that's just sadly not the world we live in. And I remember listening to an incredible episode that Esther Perel was a guest on, like, maybe six or seven years ago. And it was in the context of romantic relationships, but I think about it a lot in friendships and. And it's that, you know, forget a hundred. Like, sometimes you're both just at a 20, or someone's able to give 80 at a certain time in 20 at another. And I think the context of them not having kids is really important because that's kind of the first reason we give someone grace, to sort of exit stage left of commitment.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Yeah.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

But there are also other commitments that come up, and it might be family members or, you know, relationship troubles, or it might be they're having another friendship trouble or turmoils at their job. Like, I just think there's a lot of layers as to why sometimes people aren't there, and that can be really hard. But I do still really empathize with that feeling of joy or excitement not being met.

[Danny Duncan]

Yeah.

[Joanna Fleming]

Totally understand that feeling of disappointment that comes with just the feeling of them not showing up. Like, even if, you know, they don't feel that that's what they're doing, you're perceiving it that way. I kind of want to be devil's advocate in a way, and I don't mean this in a. In a harsh way, but I think reminding myself of this constantly in my own life is that you think about yourself a lot more than other people do.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah.

[Joanna Fleming]

So that's sometimes, like, reassuring, I think, to know that. That, yes, you are the main character in your own life, but you're not the main character in everyone else's. And as much as this is like, the most important time in your entire life, as it should be and should be celebrated, unfortunately, other people also have other stuff going on that is more of a priority to them.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah.

[Joanna Fleming]

So I think just remembering that maybe makes you feel like it's a bit less personal when people aren't contributing in the way that you want them to or showing up for you the way that you want them to.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Definitely. It kind of takes me back to your point as well, Matt. About 50, 50. Like, we are taught at such a young age that we want to treat others how we want to be treated. And I want to flip that because I feel like when you do do that, you almost set yourself up for a bit more disappointment because your expectation is that people are going to give exactly back to you what you gave to them. And reality check, that's not always real life. And that's so hard. Like, I learned that so such a hard way. I feel like when I show up for people, I am so fiercely loyal. I think it's the Gemini in me as well. But I just show up in a way that it's like, you know, I'm there, I'm going to be present. Like, I will give you 110 even if I'm feeling like 10. And when you don't get that in return, it hurts.

[Joanna Fleming]

Yeah.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

But at the same time, that's just again with the seasons of life that we're all at, I think as well with everyone in this room. Even like where we were last year versus where we all are now. We are such at different stages together, but we still respect and support each other's journey. And it's so hard to actually come to terms with the fact that it ain't 5050 all the time.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

And so we thought that off the back of Daniela's DM that we would actually survey our own community and ask them how they feel and respond to these sort of big life milestones. And firstly, we asked you all if you're a bridesmaid or a close friend, how important is it that you turn up to a hens and give it your all? 71% of you said you need to bring your A game, 30% said you need to be at the event, and 2.6% said there shouldn't be any pressure to come. So you're not alone. Daniella, I think people think if you are going to be called up for the job, you got to bring like a plus plus plus plus plus effort and energy. In addition, we also asked the audience how they felt about being the last in their friendship group to experience one of those big life milestones. And in this instance, I'm speaking about those more traditional ones like getting married or having a baby. And we got a few responses that I wanted to read out. But response one was, I'm currently in the throes of friends having babies and honestly, I have never felt more grief. For me, friendship means spending quality time together and within one year it feels as though I've lost so much community. I tried really hard to show up for my friends, but having a baby has fundamentally changed everything. Friends I used to see weekly, I now see once every three Months with catch ups that were once full of laughter and gossip transformed into an inventory of everything that has happened since the last time we saw each other. Before I met my current partner and decided I wanted to have kids of my own, I was content with the idea of a childless life. Satisfied with being an aunt to all of my friends babies. But these past few years, I have felt like an outsider. As if I am a foreign object in their life, despite being the one who hasn't changed.

[Joanna Fleming]

Mads, you look like you're gonna cry. I cry.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Do you know what? I feel really sad by that one because I also face a very real reality that I may never be a mum. And. And I just. I have never felt like a foreign object in my friend's life. And I don't wanna isolate this beautiful listener because I see that and I feel that and I can so easily see how that happens. So I'm hoping I can give some tangible tips of how. I've actively tried not to, but I also see and feel that pain and know how easily it could happen. Like, I know you've just had your baby, Annika, but you were one of the last ones of your friends to have one.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Yeah.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Did you feel like this at any point?

[Annika Joshi Smith]

It's interesting because I think with my journey, I actually relished having all of my friends having kids before me because one, it gave me something to look forward to. And we don't have family here, so I think our friends have become our community in such an extended way. Like my girlfriend Hannah, who you guys have both met and adore. She loves you back. Her daughter Vada, who was the flower girl at my wedding, I was there the day she was born and I've seen her all the way to who she is today. And she's 8 years old. She's got more sass than I do, which is unre. But I just feel like she is my own daughter as well. And so at times when I was at my bottom, when I also was really struggling with my fertility and whether or not I was actually ever gonna be a mom, having her has always been like, she's my little bestie. I've literally got goosebumps right now talking about it because it gave me. It filled a bit of a hole in my heart that couldn't be filled at a time in my life. And I empathize with our listener because obviously she's at such a different stage and it's so hard sometimes when also all of your friends are sharing a journey and you're feeling a little bit left out of that conversation. So I guess Mads like your tangible tips. I want to hear them. Because how does she involve herself? How does she become part of that chat? How does she include herself without just putting a hand up to be like, I don't know, the nanny or, you know, anything else?

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Totally. And I want to start by saying no one's at fault here. Like, I think the empathy that I have for all of my friends who have had kids and I have friends who've experienced that really differently, is that this is probably the most life altering time for them. Their identity is shifting. It's their biggest identity shift. It's the brutality of, you know, their life looking really different now. And for some of them, you know, stepping back from work's really hard, if that's what they're doing, or, you know, having a really tough baby is really hard. And I mean, sleep deprivation, all the things. For me, it's being really, really honest about what is possible for your friends who have babies and kids, you know, it changes. And I think it's really important to think of it as like seasons. So when your friend has a newborn, going for a walk or a coffee or taking Uber eats to their house is the easiest way to see them, like meet them in their environment. And I know that might feel unfair and I know that the wine bar and the gossip and the big belly laughs and drinking too much and Ubering, not driving is probably more fun. It's probably more fun for your mum friend too. But this season she's at home. It's better for her to be there if the baby wakes or naps. Like it's such a big exercise to get out of the house.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Yeah.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

And then I have like. And so I have a lot of friends that are probably in that under one year old phase. So I like to think that I can kind of meet them there. But I also have some friends who have older kids who are in this beautiful transition phase of wanting to get back to the wine bar and feeling comfortable with the babysitter. So I think it's that you just have to bend this little bit and you can think it's unfair as the one without kids or you can just go, you know, this will come back around, this will swing back and we will find our new wine bar version just at a different time. Jo, I know as well you've spoken a lot about, you know, your decision and whether you will or won't have children. Some of your friends have kids.

[Joanna Fleming]

Do you have kids? I actually really like that take of yours, Mads. I saw a video the other day by content creator Danny Duncan and I, as soon as I read this response from this listener, I was like, I have to insert this here, which we have like snipped down a little bit. But I think it's really important to share this perspective as well from someone that is choosing to be child free because I think that's also, you know, maybe it's not going to come around for someone else that relates to this comment as well if they choose not to have kids. So I thought Dani's perspective was really interesting. We'll play that now.

[Danny Duncan]

When all of your friends start having children and they no longer show up for you and they no longer see you and they no longer even ask about how you are. That is one of the hardest things about being child free as an adult. And I know this because I've talked to so many people who are experiencing this and whenever I bring it up, people are like, yeah, I'm feeling a lot of grief about my friendships changing. And you're not a bad person for being this way. And doesn't mean that you're not showing up for your friends that are having kids. It just means that you're a human that also deserves to be seen and asked how you are and cared for. And I know this is a really big problem that a lot of people are facing. I was facing it as well. And so I knew that I wanted to do something about it because it's one thing to go, oh, we'll just find new friends then. Find new child free friends. Where. How are you meant to do that?

[Joanna Fleming]

I think this transition in like late 20s, early 30s in friendships, like, we don't really talk about it, but for women in particular, there is a huge impact on our friendships, especially if you're in different seasons of your life and if you're not quite at that season yet. Like our earlier listener, Daniela, like, she was the last in the group to get married and maybe feels like all of her friends like, oh, been there, done that. We're not really that interested in your celebration. Maybe there's just this kind of like misunderstanding or misalignment between your seasons. And so that can make it challenging to kind of like still relate to each other and those types of things, which, as you said, it kind of will come back around eventually. Once, you know, kids are at a certain age and they're at school and you know, their mum is back working or whatever it might be, then you have other Things that you can share in common. But I definitely can understand where that grief is kind of coming from. And it was so funny that Dani said exactly the same thing. I've read this response and I was like, oh, I think she needs to hear this. I think she just needs to hear that she's not alone in feeling that way and doesn't need to feel selfish or self centered for feeling like that and that she's grieving these friendships that once were super, super valuable to her in the way that they were.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah. And I think as well, a lot of my girlfriends who have had kids for them, having those really solid friendships that aren't just mum friends is really important as well. And I don't want every response to all of these things to be that if your friends have become mothers that you bend and mold around just that it's having empathy for them. But equally like the, you know, as women transition into mothers, I think it's really important that your only community isn't the echo chamber of just people who are mums and just people whose kids are the same age as your kids. Because you won't know any life outside of your own if you're only around other people who have kids at the exact same age doing the exact same things. You know, I do want to have that empathy of it's not just the person who's last or isn't going to do it bending around.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

I really like that you made that point because I think something that I've also kind of struggled to say out loud and this is a safe place, so I'm just going to do it anyway. But I think something that comes up often in my friendship group is the fact that it's okay when you are a new mum to mourn your past life and to mourn my past self. And even saying that out loud, it makes me feel proud of myself because I think, you know, I have my own business. I have worked really hard to get to where I am today and I never, never wanted to give up so much. And I think it's so interesting where I'm at right now because I knew it was gonna be hard. I knew the season was gonna be really hard, but I don't think I anticipated just how hard. And being able to actually talk openly about it has been so important. But also something I love when you guys came over like you wanted to know all about Poppy, which love. But also I wanted to know about you guys. I wanted you to keep me informed on what's going on. Like Tell me what's happening in your love lives. Tell me what's happening just in general. And I think something that's really important is just to actually remember that for a mom sometimes as well, that sense of escapism with your girlfriends again and actually having real talk and just chit chat. God, it felt good. Like it's just those things that kind of take you back to you again.

[Joanna Fleming]

There was another response that was very different as well to that initial one that Mads read out. This one says, I think the benefit of being a little behind others, married later, kids later, is more compassion for the fact that you never know what's going on. And so to take a lack of support personally is to be tunnel visioned. I found being last upsetting at first, then experienced a weird desire to look hot and kick career goals to compensate, but then unexpectedly found a huge sense of peace in knowing that everyone else, especially those with kids, had so much going on that they didn't really care what I was doing in a good way. That mindset helped me to put myself out there more, dress more creatively, be less self conscious. A huge blessing that I feel set me up to be a more complete person by the time I did get to those milestones, which I think is such a positive way of looking at that. And again, it's like, you know, you. You think about yourself so much more than other people do and you never know what's going on in someone else's life, so don't let it bother you too much.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah. Can I give another positive take on being one of the last and one of my beautiful girlfriends, Georgia. She's 33, she has three beautiful young children. And she was really emotional one night, sort of saying to me, thank you so much for, you know, you always. And I feel bad calling on you to show up if you can help me or like drop off a coffee and that you offer. And I said, do you know what is such great joy? If I do become a mum one day, she is going to have done every phase up until probably 10. I'm like, Girl, you are going to repay so many favors. Now, that doesn't mean it's tidbit for tidbit, but I'm just like, oh my God, what a blessing that all of these women who I love and trust will have all this lived experience that I can be like, how y' all doing? I need some advice. Like, there's some benefit in being last too.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Yeah, I have to double down on that because I feel like there have Been so many things that, like, you just don't get taught, right? Like, guys winding is a thing. Oh, my gosh. I could go on about this all day, every day, but it is a thing. And having been able to rely on my girlfriends who have been in this stage, they're like, oh, my God, that stage. Wait till you get to this. I'm like, oh, God, buckle up, baby. Like, there's more coming. But having that lived and relied, like, good advice and, like, there's so much advice. The Internet is just like, yeah, don't. Don't go there. But having friends that you trust and can rely on. Best advice ever. And just to your point, Vader, I can't wait. She's probably gonna be like, 18 by the time Poppy's 10. So I'm like, hello, babysitter game clocked.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Next, we're finding out what milestones you actually care about. But that will be right after a word from today's sponsor. There are few things better than getting a recommendation from someone who really knows their stuff. That's exactly why we love Dan Murphy's. Their team are constantly keeping an eye on what's new, what's trending, and what drinks people are talking about. Whether you're looking for something to bring to a dinner party, planning a weekend catch up, or simply keen to try something different, they've made it easy to discover your next favorite drink, head into store, jump on the app, or browse online to find out what's new now and next at Dan Murphy's. Remember to choose to drink wise. And thank you so much to Dan Murphy's for making this episode of Stylish possible.

[Joanna Fleming]

So we wanted to know more about the actual milestones that you have some feelings about too. So we've got a few stats to read out to stay on the wedding theme for now. If you were a bridesmaid for someone, did you feel the pressure to invite them to your wedding? Is our first question. 45.6% of you said that you do for some people. 27.2% said, no. 16.7% said, yeah, and I want to return the invite. And 9.6% said, yeah, and I don't want to return the invite. Thoughts?

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I mean, there's a big difference between being invited to be in the bridal party and being invited to the wedding at all.

[Joanna Fleming]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I think if I was a bridesmaid in someone's wedding, I would expect them to be invited to my wedding. But I don't think you can be asked to Be in a bridal party.

[Joanna Fleming]

What if you're not friends anymore?

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Oh, that's a big one.

[Joanna Fleming]

Like, if you've really drifted apart, you haven't seen each other in, like, three years.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Gosh, it's hard. So when we were doing our wedding guest list, we made like. We sat down and we were like, okay, who do we want in our lives moving forward? So that was kind of one of the things when it came to doing our guest list. But it is very circumstantial, like, going back to that point. Jo. I just. It's funny. I've been in so many group situations where my girlfriends have had a few too many drinks and, oh, they've told me how they really feel. And it's literally been like, but it happens. Like, this is real girl chat. If I wasn't in one of my girlfriend's bridal parties and they were my bridesmaid, I'd be pissed.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

You'd be shitty.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Then I think I would be like,

[Joanna Fleming]

I think I would.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

I'm a diva. Like that.

[Joanna Fleming]

I think this is where it gets complicated, having a bridal party. And we spoke about this in the bridal series. Ri and I were talking about this. I. That's why I chose not to have a bridal party, because it just eliminates the complete. It's one of the reasons, but it just eliminates the complexity of, like, having to choose favorite.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Yeah, yeah. And I think as well, like, if you look at it from a sense of, okay, your childhood friends, who you're still your besties, versus new friends, like, how big is this bridal party maybe gonna be? And then sometimes as well. So many of my girlfriends have gone down the route of, no, my sisters are just gonna be in my bridal party.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Family's the safe bit.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

It is safe.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah. I tell you what else is nice. Just invite some of your favorite girlfriends over, get ready with them, and then off you go.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

That's cute. I like that.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

What I've told my girlfriends, you find me the husband, you can be a bridesmaid. Simple. A TikTok we found when looking into themes for this episode. One we found was by creator Princess Olia 111. She spoke about how frustrating she found the comment of finally, on engagement posts, we asked you if there were any comments that you dislike seeing on people's engagement posts. For example, finally or hardest secret I've ever kept and why it bothers you. You can probably tell by my voice how I feel about these. The sentiment was pretty mixed. A few of you had a Lot to say. Some of them were. It's easy to read between the lines. Some messages are more about proving that they know this person better than you do. Others said that comments like this are just a bit embarrassing and a transparent flex, but they don't bother me. Another response was all of the above. Also future misses assuming they'll change their last name. It just feels regressive. And traditional engagements and weddings unfortunately highlight gender inequality in our society in a pretty stark way, to be honest. Speaking as someone who's married, have you ever done this? Like, I've finally.

[Joanna Fleming]

I don't know if I have or not. I'm just trying to think back, like, have I done this?

[Annika Joshi Smith]

I actually did this recently, you guys. I'm calling myself out. I know.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I'm like, what did you go with?

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Oh, my gosh. Okay. So my brother in law and my now sister in law. I'm so excited. Sam, hi. About this. We were on FaceTime and met finally. Drop that knee. I did it again and literally my response was finally like. I was like, I've been waiting and so is James mum for so long for this moment. And I felt bad because I was like, shit, the poor guy.

[Joanna Fleming]

The proposal was happening live or you commented on it.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Oh, no, no, no. I said it to his face. So maybe that's better. Not FaceTime thing.

[Joanna Fleming]

Better.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

That's better. Yeah, yeah, I know, but I literally just said it because I think one, I feel like it's okay because we've been on the journey with this couple. We're very close, we're family.

[Joanna Fleming]

I think in your case, I'm going to give you a pass there.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Okay.

[Ella]

Thank God.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Shit.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

I was actually shaking about that. I was sweating while you were speaking. I was like, oh my God, this is me. I'm that annoying person.

[Joanna Fleming]

I think some people just find those comments cringe because as that first comment said, as that first comment said, it's like a competition of like knowing that person better and like, you know, the inner workings of their relationship versus everyone else that got to see it later,

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

you know, I think people just like to be like, I'm closer with them than you. And it's their way of just inserting themselves in a really happy, exciting narrative.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Guys, I'm only thinking about myself now. I then commented on the post and

[Joanna Fleming]

I was like, sister.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

No, no, sister. Very different. Finally in the post. You can say that in the FaceTime, not the post. I'm gonna also, it's your brother in law. I think, like, it's a bit different. When it's like, you know, a girlfriend or someone, you know, I love that

[Joanna Fleming]

we're trying to excuse her behavior.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Yeah, I know, I know my behavior is so rogue, you guys. Like, who knows what I'm gonna come up with next. I just. Yeah, Nope. Yeah, I did it. I did what I did.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

We also asked whether you'd been up upset at how someone treated one of your life milestones and received some really interesting responses. This one we found particularly interesting. It was a bit of an opposite scenario, but when my sister in law announced her pregnancy, so many comments and questions began to turn to me and my husband about when we would be having a baby. I'm so excited for her and I'm so excited to be an auntie, but it frustrates me when people take away from that and look for the next big announcement.

[Joanna Fleming]

So she didn't want to take the thunder?

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

No, I, I don't think she wanted to take the thunder. But I also think, and I hope I'm not speaking for her here, but it sounded like, why is there pressure that I'm married and the assumption that I must be now, you know, the next thing that I must do is have a baby.

[Joanna Fleming]

Oh, this happens to me all the fucking time.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Really?

[Joanna Fleming]

How do you all make. Oh, people just do it. Not knowing what my stance is on having kids and that I'm still very, very much undecided. And so people just always make comments like, oh, I guess you guys must be like, you know, playing to have kids. And I'm like, no, I just, I just say it like I just say, no, we're not.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

I hate how people make it quite like this conversational like point of discussion, like it's just an assumption. I remember when we got married, straight away, like straight after the wedding, it was like, oh, okay, so like obviously you'll be having kids now. Obviously, obviously. Like stay in your lane. That's not like a open topic, especially with randoms and sorry, randoms sometimes being like my parents, friends, bestie said them not to me,

[Joanna Fleming]

hush. Sorry Karen and John about that.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I just think the kindest thing that you can do when someone has an announcement is let it belong to them. Let that milestone belong to them without looking for the next person in the room to be like, and what about you? Like, it just, it baffles me and I know that there is this big thing of intention versus like execution. I don't think anyone says something like that thinking that it's not going to be held in jest or wit or humor or warmth. But the reality is you are talking about a lot of the time things that might be sensitive to a couple about one of them wanting to get engaged, one of them not.

[Joanna Fleming]

Happens all the time with engagements 100%.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

And also a lot of those conversations are laced around, you know, millennial and Gen Z children of divorce that might have very complex ideologies or relationships with things like marriage. You're talking about things like babies that we know now can be very complex. It's not the birds and the bees textbook. It's not linear. Having a child, you inserting yourself or warmly wittily, you know, in your words, quizzing it is actually not your business. So I'm moving away from, I understand the intent versus execution debate, but I'm moving away from the intent being pure and sweet, particularly when there's so much complexity that surrounds in particular those two large milestones.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Agreed. I think we can mic drop there

[Joanna Fleming]

and back to the prior question where we asked our listeners if they'd ever been upset about how someone treated a life milestone. We found this response interesting. This person says, yes, I am single and my friends are in relationships. I visited Australia for a month on my own last year and all my friends asked me was, did you meet any hot men? Also, the reason I went on a big trip was to celebrate finishing my training as a clinical psychologist. I didn't even get a card from my friends for my graduation, even though I'm a legit doctor, which I'm sure is very disappointing.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

That is just disappointing. I actually have nothing to say other than that's disappointing. Yeah, shit, girl. I think as well, like, no matter what stage of life you're in, you have to have the awareness for your friends of who and what they have around them. And I know we've spoken about this on this podcast, and I know I spoke about it on the Inherited episode. I did as well. Sort of saying, like, when you don't have a partner or a person that, you know, buys you the birthday present or the Christmas gift, or like, it's very often that you're not getting a card or a gift or an acknowledgement of something, it's not necessarily a material item. It might be a dinner booking or having someone cook for you. So I think especially showing up for girlfriends who maybe don't have a partner. Like, I think it is so important. I had a girlfriend who was single for about six years. She finished her PhD during that time. Like, I still get chills when I think about how hard she worked, because what she Sacrificed what she gave up, what she, like, hustled to do and become a doctor. Like, we had a party for her, we bought her a gift. We bought Dr. Fisher, like, mugs and T shirts. Like, there's photos of us holding her up because she deserved to be celebrated that way, because no one else was going to take her for dinner that night. And I don't mean that like, you know, there was a big abundance of people, but I think, like, you know, it's not in the most traditional sense, so I am disappointed for this person.

[Joanna Fleming]

I think, unfortunately, we aren't quite at the stage where we celebrate, like, non traditional milestones that are still massive. And I think, especially as women celebrating, like, achievements in Korea and education, buying a house or renting in, you know, your dream suburb, like, there are other things that we can celebrate outside of children and marriage.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

And I think awareness is key. So many things might not be those big, monumental milestones to me, but to you they might be the biggest deal. And I think being aware enough of our friends and what they're actually excited about and working towards that is so important. Like, do better friends.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Guys, when I did my last round of ivf, I was out for dinner with girlfriends and we all drove to one of their houses after to do the needles together. And we were, like, playing music and crying together and laughing together. Like, we had. That was like, our celebration. That, like, girl doesn't have to do this anymore. Also, I was just itching for a glass of champagne.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

I'm like, smiling and, like, crying, and I'm just like, I don't know how to feel about all this. That was us. This is important. That was us. Yeah.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

And let me just say, the divorce party popped off. Endings can be beautiful too, and they also sometimes deserve to be celebrated.

[Joanna Fleming]

Oh, I wish I was there.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

We'll do another one. No, ideally it'll just be engagement party or something.

[Joanna Fleming]

Well, we pull the question to our audience of do you celebrate your friends when they get a promotion or that, you know, they advance in their career? And we've got some stats for you. 72.8% said yes. That's great. 26.3% said it depends sometimes. And 2.6% said no. Do those results surprise you guys?

[Annika Joshi Smith]

I'm happy. 72.8 said yes because I'm like, I'm with those people. I think it's so important. Like, like we just said, every milestone is worth celebrating. And I think you work so hard, like, you go to school, you do however many years at school. Then you maybe go to university, you work your ass off there, you give up and sacrifice so much, and then even, like, when you do have a career, maybe you've chosen to give up, you know, or put on pause or whatever your situation is. Motherhood. All of these milestones deserve to be celebrated with a resounding fuck. Yes.

[Joanna Fleming]

Yes.

[Ella]

Good.

[Joanna Fleming]

Thank you. And a mic drop from you.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

No, I echo that entirely. I just think, you know, at the end of the day, this is probably the first generation of women who have had complete autonomy and exposure to having careers and climbing ladders and breaking ceilings. We should be celebrating that the same way that we should be celebrating when their kids finally are in daycare and we're like, let's go for dinner, or, like, let's enjoy that lunchtime Pilates class, whatever it is. But, yeah, I think it's important to, you know, celebrate work milestones.

[Joanna Fleming]

We also wanted to know how our audience shows up for their single friends, and we asked whether you feel like you celebrate your single friends. Dating wins. 45.6% said, I'll always celebrate breaking up with a terrible ex. We're going out. 33.3% said, yeah, I'll text them. 14.9% said, Only if it's positive news, like getting really excited about a new partner. 12.3% said, I'm more of a shoulder to cry on. And 7.9% said, not really.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I can speak for the two of you when I say FaceTime. Confidants. We have squealed and jumped in Cremorne laneways, while. Actually, that was just me, and it wasn't a laneway. It was a straight. And I have a friend who worked in an office over the road who did unfortunately see it and say, who are you on FaceTime? To jumping up and down in the laneway?

[Joanna Fleming]

Oh, God. Some of those conversations I live. When Maddie and I first met, she would give me nothing about her dating life. We've gotten to a point where she gives me the most sorted details, and it is honestly, like, the highlight of my life.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

We have come a very long way, everybody. And I just. I'm gonna. I'm gonna pause, and I'm gonna check myself. I'm not gonna give away those details, but there is some very important milestones in Maddie's dating life that I love celebrating. I love being a part of the journey.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I might. But I'm, like, trying to wrap my head around what they might have been.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Exactly. So many.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

When we started this podcast, we sat in a room and said, what topics Will you never, ever speak about. And I looked everyone dead in the eye and I said, I will never talk about my fertility, I will never talk about my failed marriage, and I will never, ever, ever talk about dating. And here we fucking are.

[Joanna Fleming]

And we broke down those walls pretty quick, didn't we?

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

You came with a jackhammer. No, I do think it's actually fun. And I remember, like, I used to love my single girlfriend's stories and I was, you know, in a long term relationship at that time. And it's. You just make sure the space is comfortable for them, let them share what they want. Be sad and disappointed for them if they're seeing someone that they really like and it doesn't end the way they want it to. It is disheartening. And they are dealing with all of the milestones that are going on around them. Particularly for women in late 20s, you know, into their 30s, I think you're watching lots of different milestones that feel very different. I mean, the irony that I was watching Annika breastfeed, I was telling her about a first date is not lost on me. Like, you're going, this is a friend who's had a baby and is very happily married for a number of years now with your other friend who's freshly married, who are sitting there like, it is it. I've taken them to Disneyland, nodding along to like, and what drink did you have next? Like, did you go anywhere after the bar? But it's like, you know, if you're single and you're comfortable sharing your stories with your friends, it's fun for them as much as it's fun to be at their weddings and engagement parties.

[Joanna Fleming]

I think I've been able to show up for my single friends in the past more because I've had a lot of different experiences to be able to pull from. Like, I had the long term relationship, I've had a narcissistic ex, I've had, you know, a long term relationship breakdown and been single in my late 20s. I've done the dating apps and then I've met someone that's loved my life. Like, I've kind of done the whole thing, you know, So I think being able to pull those experiences in when I'm talking to my single friends and in the not so good times as well, not even just when it's gossip, but like when they're having a shit time with it because there are waves of really shit times when you're single. And so I think that being able to bring that all together amongst the gossip is also really valuable as well when you are single.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah. And I think just acknowledging that it can be shit, I think that's really nice too. And also checking in because the stories can be fun. When it's like, went on a third date with that guy and it's like. But it's also like, sometimes there's no dates, you know, I know we're laughing. Annika's acted like I've gone on 50 first dates. That's so far from the truth. More like five.

[Joanna Fleming]

But to be exact.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

But it can be really hard. And, you know, being on dating apps, you know, I know there's all the tiktoks of like, you know, being in person online. Lala. Look, the apps can be. They can be a sad place to hang out on a night.

[Joanna Fleming]

And I think it can be tricky from a comparison perspective as well because you think, like, the grass might be greener somewhere else. How do you guys navigate that comparison game? I think that's probably a good thing to finish off on is like, what's your mindset when it comes to comparison culture? Oh, gosh.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

I feel like the old cliche is a cliche for a reason. But comparison really is a thief of joy. And I think we've all been there, like, guilty. I've compared myself to other people who I might aspire to be, like, who have reached a milestone well ahead of me. And all it does, again, is managing my own expectations. And it let me down at that time. And now it's like just trying to actually be really. I don't know if happy's the word, but content with where I'm currently at. And it's like again, like we were saying before, everything comes around. And I know right now I'm making sacrifices in friendship, even my relationship, because Poppy is the number one priority. And things will come back around. It's just the season we're currently in don't compare.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah. I think probably more to my point earlier of sort of giving that reference of Georgia with her three kids and it being like, oh, I could compare myself to her or I can look at how beautiful it might be if I get to be a mum one day, that I'll have a great friend who will have all this lived experience and be able to help. I also was at a wine last night with a girlfriend. We had a Little Alina at 4:00pm My favorite. Oh, sign of getting old. Lunch, dinner.

[Joanna Fleming]

I was thinking, what does that mean?

[Annika Joshi Smith]

It's very economic.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah. And we were talking about a partner and I said, you know, yeah, I'm kind of, like feeling ready for that. And I was like, but I'm like, I'm not in a rush and I'm not looking for that. And she said, no, of course not. Because you're not looking for a boyfriend or a partner. You're looking for love. And so that's not an immediate thing. And I think who you end up with is so much more important than when you end up with them or, you know, having a baby at a time that feels right for you is so much more important than having it when your friends are having it. So I think maybe like, that kind of being that the axis point to always go back to. Honestly, I dropped my fork. I thought, look out, Yoda. What a piece of advice. So, thanks, Ella. We'll give her the credit for that.

[Joanna Fleming]

I actually put a little affirmation card beside my bed many, many years ago. This would probably be at least six or seven years ago. It was probably one of my, like, lowest times come out of a very long relationship. I was just, like, feeling very. Just a bit lost. And I put this affirmation card next to my bed, and it says, all things come to me at the right time and place. And I've had that beside my bed ever since. And that has honestly come to fruition so many times in my life since then that I just really believe that everything will come to you that you want in life, but you can't ask for it at a specific time, but it will come to you.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

That's gonna make me cry. Trust me, you know, we are. And, yeah, I'm going through some stuff at the moment.

[Joanna Fleming]

And, you know, I can lend you my card.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Do you know what? I would love nothing more than to be lent that card. I promise to savor it and not let George chew on it, please. He does love cardboard. That is all for this week's episode of Stylish. It's been so long since we've done Are youe. Well, it's been really nice to do it. As always. We really love when we can get you guys involved. And as we said, this episode came about because of a dm. So please don't feel like they ever go unanswered or we're not noticing them or reading them. We do. And you might spur our next episode inspo. So if you do ever want to contribute, you can always slide into our DMs. Otherwise, you can email us at style-ishameless media.com Our DMs are also stylish we. We dropped the pod.

[Joanna Fleming]

We dropped the pod.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

We got.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

We got just the word now.

[Joanna Fleming]

Lucky us.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

We can't forget to thank our wonderful Shameless Media team who put so much work into these are you well? Episodes and getting the surveys live. Head of podcast Lucy Hunt and senior podcast producer Kate Emmerburg. We'll be back in your ears next Wednesday. See you then.

[Joanna Fleming]

Bye.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

Bye. This podcast was recorded on Wurundjeri land. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land.

[Ruby]

Hello, it's Ruby here, the host of Shameless Media's interview show, Inherited. New interviews drop every single Tuesday, and I wanted to remind you about the special life lessons episode with my Nana Kay. A few weeks ago, we sat down in Perth together and unpacked the last 80 years of her life. It's a really interesting story. The Inherited team are actually going to share their thoughts about this episode. First up is Annabel Lee.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Hi. I adore this episode. It's got to be one of my most favorite episodes of Inherited because obviously you guys have such a close special bond. Nana K has such a fascinating story that I did know about, but not this much. Also, just one last thing.

[Joanna Fleming]

I really love.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

This is kind of random, but I really love how many times Nana K said your name. It was just so special.

[Joanna Fleming]

She said a lot, and it was just filled with so much love.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

And I just adored this episode in

[Ella]

Nana K. I love this episode so much. As someone who has lost all of their grandparents, I actually lost them by the age of 11. I've never been able to have a conversation with them as an adult, so I don't know what they were like. And it was. It was so cool to see Rubes now in her 30s, talking to her grandma about what she was like in her 30s and asking questions that I don't think that you can ask in normal family circumstances. So it was just a fascinating conversation. I cried 10 minutes in. I wish I could have a line with her.

[Joanna Fleming]

Ruby's Nana is just so thoughtful, reflective, and has a emotional depth to her that I think a lot of grandparents probably can't access. It's like it's that reflective chat over

[Annika Joshi Smith]

a lifetime that you just really wish

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

you could go that deep with your grandparents.

[Annika Joshi Smith]

So, yeah, it made me cry so

[Ruby]

much to listen to this conversation in full with my Nana K. Just search Inherited on your favorite podcast app. And Inherited interviews drop every single Tuesday. So we'll see you then.