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What do I do?
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My refund though. I'm freaking out. Don't worry, I can fix this. Lifelock fixes identity theft guaranteed and gets your money back with up to $3 million in coverage.
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B
I'm so relieved.
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B
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B
What I said Jabot and Jabim. Jabin Jibon. Take it ish.
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A
Take it ish.
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B
You take Sunday papers and what do you got? You got a couple of dudes who don't know what's what. They're gonna sit in their closets when we maroon and then they're gone.
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A
Read all about it. Read all about it. 2026, first episode of Sunday Papers.
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B
Oh, it's gonna be a doozy.
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A
Oh, it really. It's gonna be a short doozy.
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B
Yeah, sure.
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A
Because one of us is a full time job. More than a full time job apparently is how you explained it moments ago.
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B
Wow, my eyes look bloodshot. All right.
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A
You're the head writer on the Golden Globes.
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B
Yeah, it's heating up this year. Luckily, it's later this year. Last year was on the 5th. This year it's on the 11th.
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A
What can we expect? Mike Gibbons from the inside.
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B
Well, the whole room. It's very much like the 90s threw up in the room. You got Clooney, you got Julia Roberts, Brad Pitt. It's way more than that too. I'm forgetting the names, but it's very Sean Penn DiCaprio. It's very 90s in there.
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A
Will Smith.
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B
Will Smith is not in there.
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A
All right. He is in our show though. A little teaser.
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B
Oh, thank God.
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A
Little foreshadowing. And Nikki Glazer's the host.
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B
Yes, she's the host for the second year in a row. She's amazing. She's doing her sets in clubs. So I'm out every night till Late. And we. New Year's Eve, she did seven sets in.
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A
In Los Angeles.
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B
In Los Angeles.
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A
What? Three at the store.
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B
I can read it if you want.
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A
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's hear it.
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B
Okay. The sets on New Year's Eve were. Hold on. Shit. Whereas. I wasn't prepared for this. Was not prepared.
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A
Did you. Where. What did you do at midnight? Was she on stage?
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B
It was started. There is a comedy show at Man's Chinese Theater. Okay, so it's literally in a movie theater.
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A
Yeah.
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B
The screen is just white, but they put a. There's a stage and people sit in the comfortable movie seats. That was at 6, 7, 10 Comedy Store. 8 Jam in the Van. 9:40 improv. 10 Laugh Factory. 10:40 Comedy Store. Oh, we added an improv. So there were two improvs. It was improv. Jam in the van. Improv, Laugh Factory, Comedy Store.
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A
And where were you at midnight?
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B
Home.
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A
Oh, look at that.
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B
I know. Just home. And did nothing. Nothing. Kind. It was already. I had already seen all the headlines from the east coast with those two bozos in Times Square.
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A
Yeah. Come on, come on. If you're watching Anderson Cooper at midnight, you. You're. You have failed your New Year's Eve.
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B
He gave a shout out about, you know, his specialty now is grief. So he gave a shout out about grief. But I guess what's his name? They got Bravo guy. Andy got drunk and went off, did a rant about the outgoing mayor or something like that.
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A
Well, you know, look, these guys have to be outrageous. That's all planned, you know, I mean, two guys that are the most un. Outrageous guys in the country are suddenly drunk and acting outrageous and they're not good at it. It seems forced. Anyway.
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B
Yeah, no, it's.
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A
I did nothing. I had flown back from New York that day with my bride who had just come from South Africa.
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B
Right.
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A
Oh my God. So I didn't go to South Africa because I stayed back with her stepfather in law who is sick and couldn't make the trip. So I stayed and took care of him.
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B
She.
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A
For two weeks in New York City. Literally. Walking down the street on 16th street one day and I bump into Tom O'. Neill. How insane is that?
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B
That's amazing. Well, he's always out and about.
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A
Yeah. And did a bunch of podcasts. I did. We might be drunk with Sam Morrell and Mark Norman.
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B
Oh, awesome.
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A
And Dave Attell sat in. So we're like having a blast. Hilarious. And then all of a sudden they introduce this kid and he walks in and they go, it's The Rizzler. Have you heard of the Rizzler?
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B
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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A
Alright. I had never heard of the Rizzler. All of a sudden this 11 year old fat kid sitting next to me and they're asking him questions and he has zero personality. Which I find out Rizzler is short for charisma. This kid has no charisma at all. And so it turns into a roast where somebody said, well, Halloween must have been a long night for you. Mark Norman had him sit on his lap and then he goes, wow, you have a hot ass. And Morel goes, don't get a boner, Mark. I mean it was like crazy.
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B
Oh no.
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A
And then the father finally pulled the Rizzler out. But, but when I sent pictures to my kids of me with the Rizzler, I've never seen them lose their shit about anybody that I've been with before. Like the Rizzler, that's really funny. And then I did Jim Norton's podcast. I did Louis J. Gomez's podcast, Louis J. Gomez's podcast. And I interviewed a tell for mine. I have a new studio in New York that I'm using and Attel came in. So basically he's really hard to interview because he gets, he gets very frustrated if you try to be serious about anything. Like you cannot ask him about his life. He wants to do jokes, right? So I basically said, all right, we're gonna do the year end podcast. And I busted out topics from the year that I thought he would have jokes on because you know, he's. The thing about it tell is at any set that he does, he has five minutes of what's going on in the news and I'm talking if it's Britney Spears, he has jokes on Britney Spears. If it's the Rizzler he's got, I mean he's unbelievable. So I hit him with about 20 different things and he just fucking took, took the pitches and knocked them out of the park. It was so fucking great.
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B
Wow. All right, I gotta hear that.
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A
So that'll be up this week. And, and, and then, so what else you we have over the Hollow?
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B
Well, my dad stayed with me during the holidays and that's always, you know that it's great. I love it. And so he slept here. But what happens is now I'm living with the ghost of future me.
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A
Oh Jesus.
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B
And like all of a sudden he's like walking to the, you know, the bathroom with his boxers. I'm just like, ah, God, I don't. And he's not like that Much older than me. You know, he had me when he was in his mid-20s, I guess, and it's like, ah, shit.
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A
Yeah.
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B
And I mean, he's way older than me, you know, now. But what I'm saying is it's not going to be that long till I'm there.
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A
And.
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B
Yeah, so there was that. Speaking of a tell, we watched. We watched Chappelle's Hour, which was very interesting, and I watched it as a palate cleanser, because my dad loves a tell. I put on a tell special, and we watch that for a little bit. His special on Netflix. It's. I'd love to know how many jokes are in that 40 minutes. It's unbelievable.
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A
I got hit by a food delivery bike. My fault. I was on the sidewalk. No, I got hit by a food delivery guy, or as we call them in New York, third responders. It's my fault. I was on the sidewalk.
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B
Yeah. Heroes. Bringing heroes to heroes. Yeah.
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A
But no, let's talk about Chappelle's Special for a moment. You know, there's all these lists that people put out of the top 10 or top 100 comedians of all time.
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B
Yeah.
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A
And I see Chappelle is number one. And I just say he has, I would say, number one, most potential of any comedian of all time. He has the. He is the rizzler. He has the charisma, and he is an amazing orator, physically. Has an incredible voice. And the guy smokes the shit out of a cigarette. Nobody smokes a cigarette better.
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B
Maybe there was a lot of that.
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A
You got to go back to Humphrey Bogart for a guy that smokes a cigarette better than Dave Chappelle. But the material is not tight. It always feels a little bit lazy.
- [10:16]
B
He's. Well, no, I don't think it always feels lazy. He's destroyed it many times. I do think he's the greatest. But you. I think he's the greatest standup of all time. Yeah, I think so. But I think Louis Louie's up there for sure for me also. But this special. Listen, the bottom line is, I. It was hard for me. There were a lot of things I didn't like about it. You know, normally he does that ending. It's very. If I may say, Cosby in his prime would begin some story and then seemingly get lost along the way, and then he wasn't lost. And he ties it up in the end, you know what I mean? And Chappelle has become very good at that. So this time he goes, all right, are you guys ready for my Longest, like winding up, which he says halfway through. So you're like, wait, how long is this? Is this only going to be 40 minutes? And he does the longest ending. So long that halfway, he literally had to ask, are you guys bored?
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A
Yeah. Yeah.
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B
Because it was like a TED Talk.
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A
And I think some hands went up on that question.
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B
I know. And then I think he lost his. Like, I watched it twice and I don't get it. But worse than that is his justification for doing the Saudi Arabia Comedy Festival.
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A
I know, yeah.
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B
It's the worst. I mean, he's so much smarter than that. He must know how full of shit he is comparing getting canceled here by fans and maybe not even a network compared to a government telling you you can't talk about subjects. Well, the one I'd love to see, I'd love to see Chappelle over there talking about the women's rights, religion and their government and killing a journalist. I'd love to see that free speech.
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A
The one point he did make is Israel has killed 240 journalists in the last few months. I mean, that. Is that what. That one hit hard. That was like.
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B
Okay, yeah, I know, but like, shouldn't we be seeing the news saying that?
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A
Right? I mean, I know. Why was that news to me? I didn't really know that.
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B
Do we know that? I mean, I don't know if it's been fact checked. Yeah, obviously it's bad. I mean, I'm not. I'm not debating that, but whatever. It's hard for me to give him credit for saying that line.
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A
No, I did fact check it and it is correct. Although we're gonna get a lot of emails from people saying it's not, because why? I don't know. Let's talk about the Rose bowl briefly. First of all, the football game, so fucking exciting to see Indiana win. They're now 13 and, oh, this is a team that was quantifiably the worst big college football program in history. And now in one year or maybe two. Yeah, I think they started building last year.
- [13:16]
B
Oh, no, last year they had a lot of heat.
- [13:18]
A
Yeah. So pretty exciting. And I hope they go all the way this year, I think. I can't imagine the last time an underdog was rooted for as much as this team is right now.
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B
Right, right. They're great.
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A
But the parade. Well, why don't you talk about your thing first?
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B
Well, we loved it. It went around our text chain, the Channel 5 in LA, and I don't think it's gone viral. I mean, maybe it's starting to. Hopefully people find it. But in LA, there was Channel 5, and there 2 reporters are sitting there reporting from their, like, you know, station at the Rose bowl parade. And they're talking, talking, and behind them, you see a car pull up, stop, and there's no cars behind them. But that's the parade route. I guess. Somehow this guy gets on the parade route. The parade hasn't started or it finished anyway. Car pulls up, guy gets out. He just closes his door, goes to his back door, opens the back door of his car, gets out this big, what looks like a box, and then closes the door and then walks and positions himself behind. He can tell where. Where the camera's shooting these two people at the desk up on a platform. And then he unfolds this giant sign that says, Fuck Trump and just holds it for. And he's right. Yeah, right behind them. And you see the cameraman start to, like, jostle. And then you see the female anchor. Like, you could tell things are all of a sudden being screamed in her ear or she's hearing maybe, but the director, like, smack the cameraman on the shoulder, and he had to zoom in so tight on the reporters to frame the guy out of the picture. But it was so great. And it looked like it was like a heavy set. He looked like a heavy set, like, Mexican guy. But what a hero. He was amazing.
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A
Yeah, that was great.
- [15:17]
B
Yeah.
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A
All right. So as we do every year on the New Year's Day show, we make predictions and we check in on how we did on last year's predictions. So let's begin. I mean, if we were a real podcast, we'd have some kind of musical thing and some graphics, but we keep it simple here on Sunday papers.
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B
Yeah, so simple. And we would have, like, looked at the predictions. I saw a text I missed, so that's my fault. So maybe we'll do some next week.
- [15:50]
A
Yeah, we only have a few of the predictions from last year. You're going to go back and listen to the episode. I think we had sports and Oscars and a bunch of stuff.
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B
But did we run. Did we run a best of last week?
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A
We did not. We did not, Mike. Oh, yeah, Here's a few of the questions we had. Will Jay Z be indicted? Because at the time, the P. Diddy thing was blowing up. You said yes, I said no. He, in fact, has not been indicted.
- [16:21]
B
Well, yes. A woman suddenly dropped all charges.
- [16:27]
A
Yep. Jay Z's a very powerful, very rich man, as is his wife. That shit was going nowhere.
- [16:36]
B
And he might Be a very innocent man.
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A
Will inflation be higher? Mike said yes. Greg said yes. I don't know how this is possible. I looked it up. Inflation is lower.
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B
Wait, where did you look for that?
- [16:48]
A
Well, the cost of living index is higher.
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B
Hold on, hold on. You know, the latest report did not include the shutdown weeks.
- [17:00]
A
Oh, interesting.
- [17:03]
B
So reporters worth their salt pointed out these are bullshit numbers.
- [17:09]
A
Okay, let's.
- [17:12]
B
The government just blatantly ignored the data and did not include the data from that. I mean, how long was it closed? I mean, I forget. Six weeks to two months.
- [17:26]
A
Yeah, it's down to 2.7. Consumer Price Index was.
- [17:33]
B
Well, we both guessed the same thing. So we're either both right or wrong.
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A
Will eggs be cheaper? Mike said yes. I said no. They are $3 right now. They were about double that last month.
- [17:45]
B
Of course the eggs are cheap.
- [17:46]
A
Really? It had more to do with. There was some kind of avian flu.
- [17:50]
B
Yes. The chickens are thriving.
- [17:52]
A
Will a natural disaster bankrupt a major insurance company? I said yes. You said no. It was, in fact, no.
- [18:00]
B
Yeah, because they just don't insure people anymore.
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A
Now, here's a tricky question. Will there be a major tariff bill passed? We both said no, and we were both correct. Because he didn't go through Congress on any of these tariffs.
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B
Oh, all right.
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A
Which is in violation. It's in violation of the Constitution.
- [18:22]
B
Okay.
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A
And. And it is, in fact, at the Supreme Court now. And they. I. I think it looks like they're going to say they have to not only stop the tariffs, but pay back the money that was collected. Oh, are Elon and Trump still friends? I said no. You said yes.
- [18:47]
B
I think it's a no.
- [18:48]
A
They are very much not friends.
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B
Oh, you. Do you skip Department of Education?
- [18:53]
A
Oh, yeah. Where's that?
- [18:55]
B
Right above.
- [18:55]
A
Will there be a Department of Education? I said yes. You said yes. There is, in fact, no Department of Education right now.
- [19:02]
B
Wait, you don't think there's a Department of Education?
- [19:05]
A
No, there's not. It's done.
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B
I didn't know. Is that final or formal?
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A
I'm typing in. Is there a Department of Education? Now, I know it's. I'm pretty sure it's done.
- [19:20]
B
What? Well, what is she the head of?
- [19:22]
A
Oh, wait, hold on. It says yes.
- [19:25]
B
What. What is the wrestler, the wrestling Grandam. What is she in charge of then?
- [19:32]
A
Well, she was involved in ending it. See, I don't know if I'm getting the right answer on this. U.S. department of Education.
- [19:42]
B
There's a Department of Education. Who else is going to kill The Department of Education. It's an inside job.
- [19:57]
A
Well, a lot of layoffs. I think it is a. It is a skeleton operation right now. All right, let's. So you. I believe you won that one.
- [20:08]
B
Yes. Thank you.
- [20:10]
A
Predictions for 2006, 2026, 2016 will be much easier. Who will win the Super Bowl?
- [20:20]
B
Oh, man. Bears.
- [20:25]
A
Bears. I mean, the. But I think Buffalo is probably favorite. I'm going to say the Rams because I'm so fucking excited about the team. Even though they had a really bad loss.
- [20:32]
B
I don't know why you would say. How are you saying Buffalo's favorite?
- [20:37]
A
Aren't they favored?
- [20:40]
B
I don't think so. Keep going. All right, I'll do this.
- [20:44]
A
All right. Will we get Covid this year? I, to this date, have never gotten the COVID virus.
- [20:53]
B
That's amazing. Apparently, the flu is the one. We have to.
- [20:58]
A
I know. My whole family got it.
- [21:01]
B
Just so you know, Bills are not even in the conversation of who's favorite
- [21:04]
A
for the Super Bowl. Okay.
- [21:06]
B
Seahawks, Rams, Broncos, 49ers.
- [21:10]
A
All right, not the Bears then. Eagles?
- [21:14]
B
Patriots. Yeah. No, the Bills. I don't know where I think you're stuck in last year. All right. But I boldly picked a team that's not even in the conversation. Okay, you picked one of the favorites.
- [21:32]
A
You mean one of the ones that I've been a fan of since I was 7 years old.
- [21:36]
B
Why were you. I mean, I like the Rams because. Joe Namath. Is that why you liked him?
- [21:40]
A
John Cappelletti? Jack Youngblood? Vince Ferragamo out of Tarrytown?
- [21:46]
B
You like those guys?
- [21:48]
A
Honestly, when I was seven, I liked the helmets. I thought the helmets were very cool.
- [21:52]
B
Oh, God. Like a girl that. You like the colors.
- [21:55]
A
I like the tight pants. I like the way their ass is stuck out of those yellow pants.
- [21:59]
B
Okay. Oh, this coming year?
- [22:05]
A
Yeah.
- [22:07]
B
That's interesting. I don't think so.
- [22:09]
A
Okay, so you're saying no.
- [22:11]
B
All right, ready? Will either of us get the flu?
- [22:15]
A
All right, I'm going to switch it to flu.
- [22:17]
B
No, no, no. Do both.
- [22:19]
A
Okay.
- [22:20]
B
Although we both said no. Nevermind. Get rid of COVID Who cares? It's boring. We both said no. You're right. Flu.
- [22:26]
A
Flu. You're saying what?
- [22:30]
B
I think you will and I won't.
- [22:36]
A
All right. Greg will. He won't, and then I'm gonna say that you will and I won't.
- [22:45]
B
I heard a tip. You're supposed. I guess they have a test now. They being the pharmacies that test all three. Covid and I think Both strains of flu. I think maybe I have that right. Anyway, but the flu. And if you test positive, you can immediately call your doctor and get the. Whatever it is, the flu, I'm not good at this stuff. But, but the tariff, whatever it is, the flu cure, that will lessen the symptoms and shorten the duration.
- [23:20]
A
Nice. Dow is at 48,000 right now. I think we both know it's going to be lower. So why don't we each pick where it will be and whoever's closest to that number wins?
- [23:37]
B
Okay. I don't know. I'm gonna say 40.
- [23:45]
A
40,000?
- [23:46]
B
Yeah.
- [23:47]
A
All right. I'm gonna say that's probably around where I would have said, but I'll go 42 just to be different. Recession. Will there be. There is a, you know, a technical definition of a recession. Will there be a recession? Yeah.
- [24:09]
B
Yes.
- [24:10]
A
Okay, you say yes.
- [24:12]
B
What? A 20. What? A 26 man recession. Dow's gonna fucking fall. 8,000. You're gonna have a life threatening flu.
- [24:23]
A
Maybe you shorting the market for a change will actually work.
- [24:28]
B
I know, right? Here it is. Tza, baby, load up. Tza. What did it do? Oh, it's down today. What's happening?
- [24:36]
A
All right, Bitcoin. Up or down?
- [24:40]
B
Up.
- [24:41]
A
Okay, I'm going to say down. Earthquake. 5.5 or above. I know.
- [24:48]
B
You know, I got it. I. We are so overdue. You know, last year I think I said no, and I was right. I think I said no because I just got so frustrated. I mean, where it's supposed to be every 20 years, there's supposed to be one around.
- [25:04]
A
This is where. What area? Anywhere in the world. 5.5 or above.
- [25:09]
B
No, L.A. county. We're waiting for LA.
- [25:11]
A
Okay. LA.
- [25:12]
B
We're waiting for us, LA to get slapped in the face.
- [25:16]
A
So you're saying yes? I'm saying no.
- [25:17]
B
We're waiting for them to be like, oh my God, are fires and mudslides and Kardashians not enough? Like, now we have this.
- [25:26]
A
Yeah.
- [25:27]
B
All right.
- [25:28]
A
Who will die this year?
- [25:29]
B
Oh, what? Everyone?
- [25:32]
A
I'm gonna sadly say Mel Brooks.
- [25:35]
B
Oh, that's terrible.
- [25:37]
A
I don't want to jinx it, but I got a bad feeling. And you're gonna say, God, you see
- [25:44]
B
that viral thing that went around that said Bonnie Raid had cancer and she's a goner. Oh. It turned out to be false.
- [25:51]
A
You still gonna pick her though, that.
- [25:53]
B
But no, I'm just saying that bummed me out.
- [25:55]
A
Okay.
- [25:58]
B
No, there. I think there are a lot of
- [25:59]
A
people who go, Dick Van Dyke.
- [26:04]
B
I don't like this. No, I'm going to say Tom Cruise. And I need odds.
- [26:14]
A
All right. We're not going to do Oscar this year because the movie industry no longer exists. And I don't think I've seen more than two movies from the entire year.
- [26:22]
B
Well, I've seen. Not as much as I should, but I know about all of them because of the globes.
- [26:29]
A
All right, so who do you pick for best movie?
- [26:31]
B
Best movie. I mean, the front runners seem to be one battle after another, and Marty supreme, and I think it might go to one battle after another.
- [26:46]
A
Okay.
- [26:46]
B
I'm not saying those are the best movies. My favorite movie is Train Dreams. So far, I'm only Halfway through. Sorry Baby is also very interesting, and I like.
- [27:02]
A
All right, I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say one battle after another. And I'm gonna say for best actor, I think, because he. Because he learned how to play ping pong, I'm gonna give it to Timothy Chamlet.
- [27:17]
B
Is that his name?
- [27:18]
A
Yep.
- [27:19]
B
Okay, here's predictions. Oh, yeah, and DiCaprio. Wow. It's really a race between DiCaprio and Chalamet. In fact, maybe they'll split and Michael B. Jordan, who played two roles, will win.
- [27:43]
A
Okay.
- [27:44]
B
Oh, people think Sinners is going to win best picture. Like a lot of the public, I heard Hamnet's very good Sinners is this year.
- [27:52]
A
Oh, yeah, that's right.
- [27:54]
B
I was less than thrilled with Sinners. I thought it got. I thought it lost its way halfway through.
- [28:02]
A
Overall, I walked out feeling very buzzed about it, like I'd seen something exciting.
- [28:08]
B
You might. Maybe that's what you feel every time you see black people, though. Let's see here. Yeah, I'm going. I think one battle.
- [28:20]
A
Okay.
- [28:21]
B
Sentimental value is the one I'm halfway through, and I'm liking it very much.
- [28:25]
A
Okay. You didn't pick best actor. You gonna go DiCaprio?
- [28:29]
B
Oh, God, I don't know. No, I think Chalamet.
- [28:34]
A
Okay, so we. So this one's a bust because we both picked the same things.
- [28:37]
B
Yeah.
- [28:38]
A
All right, fuck the Oscars. Let's go to how many live podcasts will we do this year?
- [28:45]
B
Oh, wait, live.
- [28:48]
A
Live podcasts in a club? You're gonna say zero. I'm gonna say one. I'm gonna push us to do one this year. I'm going back to Sacramento. You can come up. We did it last time.
- [29:02]
B
Yeah. I was on my way down, I think from somewhere.
- [29:05]
A
You were hiking in the. In Yosemite.
- [29:09]
B
That's what I did after it. But yeah, it was. Yeah. I forget where the hell I was.
- [29:14]
A
Will the war in Ukraine end?
- [29:17]
B
Will the war in Ukraine. No.
- [29:19]
A
I'm saying yes.
- [29:22]
B
Well, what does end mean?
- [29:24]
A
You know, like a ceasefire. You know, a mean, like the other
- [29:28]
B
seven wars he solved.
- [29:30]
A
Right.
- [29:31]
B
Okay. Yeah. Then yes. No. I'll say no.
- [29:35]
A
Okay. Will Ghislaine Maxwell be killed in prison?
- [29:39]
B
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought the better one would be, will she be free?
- [29:46]
A
All right, let's do that.
- [29:53]
B
I don't think so.
- [29:54]
A
I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say no. The fact.
- [29:58]
B
Looks like it looked like it for a while.
- [30:01]
A
The fact that she was moved to a minimum security prison. Child trafficker. Is fucking insane.
- [30:10]
B
Yeah.
- [30:10]
A
Will China invade Taiwan?
- [30:13]
B
Oh, God, I have no idea.
- [30:16]
A
All right, so I'll put you down for no. Who else will be on Epstein's list?
- [30:24]
B
What? I don't know. We have a joke about that, and we're thinking it won't go well in the room, and I was wondering, is anyone in this room. Like, is DiCaprio on the list, by the way? I don't think so. I'm not speculating.
- [30:45]
A
I'm just putting you down for DiCaprio.
- [30:48]
B
No. Like, is Clooney.
- [30:51]
A
I'm putting Bill Maher down.
- [30:54]
B
Some people. Oh, some people, you know, were there truly socially, like, you know, like, he invited. You know, he invited a bunch of comedians and stuff.
- [31:06]
A
Yeah.
- [31:06]
B
And they'd go to dinner. Like Woody Allen. I'm not defending Woody Allen, but just all the data was, like, he and his wife would go to dinner there.
- [31:15]
A
Chris Tucker was there.
- [31:18]
B
Right, right, right. Yeah, There's. There's. There's odd ones like that, but, like,
- [31:23]
A
we got to move this along.
- [31:25]
B
The flight log is maybe a better question. All right.
- [31:27]
A
You're really fucking dragging this out.
- [31:29]
B
Well, your questions are unbelievable. Like, really hard.
- [31:32]
A
You know, we get. If you read the script, you would have known in advance and given it some thought.
- [31:39]
B
Like, tariff bill passed. Okay. All right, go ahead. Department of Education. All right, let's go. What else?
- [31:46]
A
Now that he's ordered strikes on targets in Iran, Nigeria, Syria, Somalia, whatever. What country will Trump attack next? Venezuela? Iran again? Russia or Canada?
- [31:59]
B
Puerto Rico.
- [32:01]
A
All right.
- [32:02]
B
No, I think he's going to. I don't know. What do you say?
- [32:08]
A
I'm saying Venezuela.
- [32:10]
B
What do you mean? We already attacked Venezuela.
- [32:12]
A
No, like, land troops.
- [32:15]
B
Are there even land troops still?
- [32:18]
A
Well, somebody's got to get there and light. And light the drones.
- [32:22]
B
Iran again.
- [32:26]
A
All right, and then first major Trump appointee to leave his post or her post Will be Cash Patel, Christie Noem, RFK Jr. Pete Hegseth.
- [32:40]
B
Pete Hegseth.
- [32:41]
A
That's what I say.
- [32:42]
B
Also, it's a race between Cash and Pete. What? Qualified?
- [32:49]
A
I mean, yeah, I'm going to actually go for both of those. Do you want both?
- [32:55]
B
Well, yeah, that's what I just said. How about we have to. One of us takes. It's a race. I'll take Cash.
- [33:01]
A
Okay.
- [33:03]
B
You take.
- [33:03]
A
No. Maybe on the way down. Also, I'm putting my name in for her.
- [33:09]
B
But the question was first.
- [33:12]
A
Oh, first your question.
- [33:14]
B
Yes.
- [33:15]
A
Oh, all right, then I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. Hegseth. You're going Hegseth.
- [33:20]
B
No, I'm gonna go Cash. To make it interesting.
- [33:22]
A
All right. This is interesting, isn't it? Who hasn't turned out tuned off this fucking podcast at this point? All right, that'll do it. The logo. This week we want to thank Bob for the New Year's. Very cute. We got hats on snow.
- [33:38]
B
Look at us.
- [33:40]
A
The song this weir this week is kind of a rehash, but it was our favorite from the past year. It's actually a couple years ago, but. Gubbins singing. Thank you, Dennis Gubbins.
- [33:51]
B
Yeah.
- [33:51]
A
Can't remember who sent that in, but we all credit. All love goes to Gubbins. Couple corrections. Mike missed a big one. George Bailey didn't go to war because he was deaf in one ear. It's a huge point in the story. It's part of the tragedy of his life. He wants to leave but is constantly having to stay. His brother goes to college before him, gets the big job away from Bedford Hills and is the war hero, while George is stuck with the hot piece of ass Donna Reed and the bratty kids. How Mike could miss this when he values good storytelling is surprising.
- [34:24]
B
All right, hold on now. I might have misspoke. I was talking about the actor was just back from war and that's why he got so emotional in that scene.
- [34:36]
A
Okay, there you go.
- [34:38]
B
But maybe I misspoke.
- [34:40]
A
Steven Blackwood said related. I missed. Oh, no. This is all Steven Blackwood related. I miss you guys talking about TV shows and movies. You are honest and break down the craft of storytelling really well.
- [34:50]
B
You.
- [34:51]
A
He wants us to do more of that. All right, and then somebody said while talking about the aborted RS stadium tour Rolling Stones, you referenced Bill Wyman. Wyman left the band in 1993. I think you were thinking about Ron Wood, who has indeed had children recently. Well, Wyman may have left the band, but he. He had a child at 63. I'm positive of that. So I. So that is a. An off. Correct. I correct your correction. All right, tour dates coming up. Cleveland, hilarities, January 8th through the 10th. Atlanta, punchline, January 15th through 17. Austin, Texas. The mothership, January 30th through February 1st. Then I'm coming to Sacramento, Philly, Lexington, Houston, Fort Worth, Janesville, Bakersfield. Go to fitzdog.com, get some tickets, come out and watch me do what I do. Somehow I'm not in the top 100 comedians, but most people that leave my shows say he's 99.
- [35:57]
B
Where. Where is this list?
- [35:59]
A
There's a few of them.
- [36:01]
B
How was Jersey after Christmas?
- [36:05]
A
Awful. What do you mean?
- [36:08]
B
What you said it was. You said. You said it's some of your favorite dates of the year. Weren't you by the Meadowlands?
- [36:17]
A
No, there was a good turnout, but every time I have this whole bit where I defend California and two, three out of the four shows, somebody started heckling me while I did that. There's so much hatred for California right now and Jersey. I didn't realize Jersey was so fucking against California. It was amazing.
- [36:39]
B
Wow.
- [36:40]
A
One lady just kept saying, pete Hegseth. I mean, Gavin Newsom. And I go, what? Gavin Newsom? I go, what is Gavin Newsom ever done that has directed you, that has affected you in any way? And she would just go, gavin Newsom. So it's like it's become this talking point that isn't even thought out in any way. I hope to God the Democrats don't run him because. For president, because I don't think the Democrats. I know I'm fucking boots on the ground. I know how America feels, and they fucking hate this guy.
- [37:17]
B
I know he might win over some of the haters, but he's not going to win over all of them. And he does douchebaggy things. And. Yeah, I wish he was. I wish he had better character when he talks and when he goes on these podcasts and when he has opposing views on. And when he sits across from those people, like, whether it's on FC News or. He's very, very good.
- [37:44]
A
Yes.
- [37:44]
B
And there's a lot to defend about California. There's a lot to criticize about California, but there's also a lot to defend, and he does that very well. Yeah, it's. How will he do with the things that California does wrong?
- [37:58]
A
Right. This week, we'd like to talk to you about fabric, but by Gerber Life. When you talk about life insurance, I don't know. I mean, Our listeners I really feel like are kind of in the sweet spot for buying life insurance. So I hope you guys listen to my experience. Basically my father died at 53 and he had bought life insurance and my mother lived comfortably for the rest of her life. Between his pension, he'd set aside a little money, but really it was the life insurance that led her. You know, she worked but she was able to get through life and be
- [38:37]
B
wouldn't even sue a garage. When the door fell on her. She. That was, that was the biggest money surgeon.
- [38:43]
A
When he put the fucking pacemaker in,
- [38:44]
B
in the wrong vow, what does she do? She must be so comfortable.
- [38:48]
A
So anyway, I bought it when my kids were getting into. Well when they were born I bought it same term life. It ended the. The year actually this year because my daughter turned 22. So I took out a 22 year policy or 24 because it started when my son was born. I slept at night. The racing thoughts about what happens if I die to my family were not there. I had a, you know, I had a million dollar policy which I know sounds like a lot of money, but you have to understand my wife is accustomed to a certain way of living. And with that failure and disappointment there should be a payoff for her someday.
- [39:32]
B
I did the same thing as you. I. Mine was 2 million. I took out a 2 million dollar policy on you and I put myself as the beneficiary and it did not go as planned.
- [39:44]
A
I'm so sorry about another one of
- [39:46]
B
my predictions that was off. No, I did do I think it was a two million dollar policy was pretty. It was. Listen, this is more reasonable than you think. Especially, especially if you act like when you're younger and that's when you should be thinking about it and the kids for you and I is what triggered it. And I got one and mine is still going. I think mine was 30 years.
- [40:06]
A
I look at you.
- [40:08]
B
Yeah. So why if my take a look at my kids, if something should happen to me because they know I think that I'm insured.
- [40:18]
A
Well, don't procrastinate. It really is quick. Fabric by Gerber makes it so easy. Start the year like you've done something good for your family. And it's really like if you've been putting it off, there's no better time than now. Over 2/3 of Americans overestimate the cost of life insurance. More affordable than you think. And fabric by Gerber makes it so quick and easy to make sure your family has more financial protection this year. Fabric by Gerber Life is term. Life insurance you can get done today. Made for busy parents like you all online on your schedule, right from your couch. You can be covered in under 10 minutes with no health exam required. So you know they've been partnered with Gerber Life for like a long time. Millions of families have used it. There's a no risk 30 day money back guarantee. Cancel at any time. 19 ohh. 5 star reviews. Anyway. Go. I could go on and on about it, but I'll tell you this. Join the thousands of parents who trust fabric to help protect their family. Apply today in just minutes@meetfabric.com papers. That's meetfabric.com papers. M E-E-T fabric.com papers. Policies issued by Western Southern Life Insurance Assurance Company not available in certain states. Prices subject to underwriting and health questions. Mike, let us get to the front page at 41 minutes into a podcast that only can be 60.
- [41:55]
B
Yeah, yeah, we gotta go in 20 minutes. 25 minutes maybe. I do have paper.
- [42:02]
A
Let me see. What do I got?
- [42:04]
B
Look at us. The papers. Without the papers.
- [42:07]
A
I got this.
- [42:07]
B
This is good.
- [42:10]
A
There we go. Front page. Mom. Mom. Donnie became the first man mayor of New York City just after midnight Thursday, taking the office, the oath at the historic decommissioned subway station.
- [42:24]
B
Such a cool station. Yeah.
- [42:25]
A
Yeah. But is that a good choice? A non commissioned station?
- [42:30]
B
It's just legendary and it's beautiful.
- [42:33]
A
Okay, so a Democrat, he was sworn in as the first Muslim leader placing his hand on a Quran as he took his oath. That, wow, that didn't go over well with a lot of people.
- [42:46]
B
Yeah.
- [42:47]
A
I mean, if that's. If you could get sworn in on. I guess you get sworn on anything, whatever you think is the truth and will make you compelled to be righteous. I would get sworn in on my Ford Mustang owner's manual. Everything in that is exactly right. Oil gauge, oil, tire pressure. And if it's wrong, they correct it next year. When's the last time they corrected the Quran or the Old Testament?
- [43:15]
B
I wonder if it'll still. It seems very, you know, 1700s to put your hand on a Bible. Like it's. I don't know, don't you. I mean, don't you go to jail if you lie, like, and don't serve the office? Like, shouldn't there be a legal ramification and maybe a. A symbol that legally you're swearing?
- [43:37]
A
Yeah, to. Well, this was a private ceremony. There's gonna. He's gonna get sworn in again in a grander style in a public ceremony at City hall at 1pm by Bernie Sanders.
- [43:52]
B
Yeah, no, he did. It was great. Bernie was there with his mittens on. Bernie. Bernie has mittens on. Because Bernie, if he touched the Bible, would burn his hand. So they're actually cooking mitts. That's a Bernie Wares
- [44:08]
A
where I. Well, I would say when Mandani is assassinated, I think Erica Trump plans on doing another tour even more over the top.
- [44:17]
B
More fireworks.
- [44:18]
A
More fireworks. Yeah, yeah. You know, I just spent a week in New York and, you know, forget about the free buses that he's planning. How about this? You have pellet guns set up at subway stations, you know, like in a carnival sideshow, where they're like attached to
- [44:37]
B
something somehow still listening.
- [44:40]
A
You shoot the rats on the tracks. You can't. You can't aim it at anyone on the platform. It's locked down, it swivels, but it can only aim at the track like water. Fucking rats on the tracks. It's insane.
- [44:52]
B
Yeah, there are a lot. I saw one on the platform when I was in New York and family stopped and pointed at it and were taking pictures. Yeah, like the tour. Yeah, yeah. It was just like that.
- [45:07]
A
Yeah.
- [45:08]
B
Did you see he took a taxi to get sworn in?
- [45:11]
A
I love it.
- [45:12]
B
I think he should have been like skateboarding or. So we're like sketching behind a car if there was snow. What about one of his buses? He should have taken the bus. I mean, in a weird way, a taxi is a little elitist.
- [45:25]
A
Or maybe one of those Persian, like, platforms that four slaves carries.
- [45:30]
B
Okay. All right, here's the brutal news side effect. I love this story. There's a brutal new side effect of chronic cannabis use and it's creating a surge in ER visits. And they have a name for it. So for some chronic cannabis users, a case of the munchies is the least of their problems. Over the past decade, ERs have seen a surge in regular tokers showing up with sudden stomach churning attacks that leave them doubled over in pain. The episodes are so brutal that medical staff have coined a term for them. Scromming. A chilling mashup of screaming and vomiting. How have we not had scromming before now?
- [46:20]
A
I did during the Rams loss last weekend. That was brutal. On a bad call, on a missed fucking pass interference with 30 seconds left where they would have been within 15 yards.
- [46:32]
B
What a threat. Like, you know how like some people are like, oh my God, I'm going to throw up. No, I'm going to like, don't show me that or whatever it is. I'm going to Throw. I'm going to scram it. I'm going to scrum it. Like, that's how I'm listening. If someone threatens to scram it, that's way more impactful than threatening to vomit.
- [46:48]
A
And I will say also. Let's go back to the predictions. Scram. It will be entered into the Oxford dictionary next year as an official word. That's how much it's going to get used this year.
- [47:01]
B
What else could it have been? I didn't really do the think this through, but like yelling and throwing up. Yelling, yuking. Yelling and puking. Yeah, I'm going to yuke. I'm going to scram it.
- [47:11]
A
Yeah.
- [47:11]
B
Not before I yuke.
- [47:15]
A
I heard that the doctors, to calm them down, are giving them MDMA and mushrooms. That seems to be the answer to everything now, isn't it?
- [47:23]
B
So it's just screaming.
- [47:24]
A
Yeah. All right, let's get to the ethical question.
- [47:28]
B
Here come the ethical question, sir. All right, what do we have today? I'll tell you what we have today. We have shelters. Won't let my mother adopt a dog. Can I pretend it's for me?
- [47:44]
A
Do we know why is it Ellen DeGeneres, his daughter, saying this?
- [47:51]
B
She's worn out her welcome. She's in her late 80s and lives alone in a house with a big fenced yard. She's sharp, mobile, surrounded by friends. She always lived with a dog and she gave her last one a one. She recently tried to adopt several rescues, refused because of her age.
- [48:08]
A
All right, um, I think she should be able to adopt a dog, but it has to have a terminal illness.
- [48:18]
B
I like that.
- [48:19]
A
Yeah.
- [48:19]
B
Oh, wait, what pet did I see? Oh, people were talking about rats. Is there some comedian? This came up in the writers room. There's some, I think, comedian that did an interview and he somehow got into rats. And he loves them as pets, but they don't live long.
- [48:37]
A
Yeah.
- [48:38]
B
And I know they're smart and all that stuff, but. Well, what about. Can you, like, co sign that you're responsible for this dog? If your mom. It's almost like your mom taking on a mortgage.
- [48:49]
A
Yes. And she's dog sitting you. You adopt it and she just dog sits 97% of the time. It's like people that set up their residency in Florida to avoid the taxes in New York.
- [49:03]
B
Yeah. All right, next one. Should I feel bad about joining a concierge medical practice?
- [49:13]
A
No, I think the medical industry should feel bad. My mother's in Florida. She has not joined one and she only sees practitioners now. She never sees an Actual doctor. And I think the medical industry. I don't know what's going on. Are doctors getting rich, or is the system fucking them so bad that they have to fuck you in turn to try to make some money?
- [49:38]
B
This is like scalping better tickets. I mean, that's what this. It's like a price surge. I was with my dad in Florida, and then he was having, like, chest discovery, whatever, but he had to see his doctor. And he is like, on this concierge thing. But anyway, I drove him there, and they know. They're like, come on in. And they know that he's having. And, you know, listen, he is. His heart is bad, and they just had shocked it, like, two months earlier. And he's in afib. So he's. He's a big risk. So we get there, I park the car. I then run up and join him in the way. And all of a sudden, immediately a guy comes out and goes, Mr. Gibbons, come on back here. And so I was like, all right, well, this looks good. Like this concierge thing. Like, you know, he's seeing you. That's great. And the guy comes back and sits down. He's like, listen, I just had some. A few questions. Again, I'm impressed. And he's like, your concierge service ran out last month. He's like, do you want to up. Do you want to upgrade or do you. We have a thing if you upgrade for two years. It's. He's like. And my dad was like, is that why you just called me in here?
- [50:43]
A
Oh, my God.
- [50:45]
B
Yep.
- [50:46]
A
Gross.
- [50:48]
B
It's so. It was almost like, hey, I have a timeshare. Do you?
- [50:52]
A
Yeah.
- [50:52]
B
Is this. This is the time to talk about it?
- [50:54]
A
Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to get 12, 12 CDs a month for 8 cents?
- [50:58]
B
No. We were like. And we're like, yeah, but we have concierge now. That's why we're here. He's like, well, it actually ran out. Like, you know, whatever.
- [51:05]
A
It was unreal.
- [51:07]
B
I know. Okay, one more. My ex lover lied about his marriage being over. Should I tell his wife?
- [51:16]
A
Wait, so she's having an affair with a married guy? Is that what the point is?
- [51:20]
B
I. Gus, let's go to the videotape. I started feeling I was again, the full story. My instincts were correct. Last summer, I was dating a man in our weekender community. Well, she didn't know. He seemed like a wonderful guy. After a month, who became intimate. He told me he was married, but that had been that he had separated for over A year. This. This old tale. Okay. I learned when I mentioned our relationship to a friend who also knows him, I learned that my instincts were correct. He is very much still with his wife and she is healthy. Oh, I guess I missed a part there. Should I contact his wife and let her know this is what he was doing and saying they're both.
- [52:09]
A
Absolutely. Absolutely.
- [52:11]
B
Because really, you, Karen?
- [52:13]
A
Yes. No. Here's how it is. It's like putting sex offenders to death. Because if you don't, they're gonna do it again. If she doesn't tell his wife, then she could break up with him and he's just gonna do it to another woman.
- [52:29]
B
All right, let's be clear. He forfeit. This is the. This is New York Times. He forfeited any claim to your discretion when he lied to you so extensively. Because the guy also said he's only staying with her or like, they're separated because she just had a surgery. Also false. Um, so we can agree, too, that his wife is entitled to know the truth about her husband, but that doesn't mean you are the one who should deliver it. You might ask yourself what you hope to accomplish. If she's unaware of your. Of the episode, your disclosure could upend her life. If she already knows, this couple may have reached a truce. Um, so what is he saying? The issue is irrelevant to your situation. The question for you is whether you want to remain entangled with this man. But by intervening directly in his marriage, you can't make him honest. But you don't have to let his dishonesty define your life. Huh? He's saying don't.
- [53:22]
A
I'm saying girl power. Tell. Tell the woman. Here's what I would say. All right, here's my answer. You. You will continue dating him as soon as he introduces you to his wife as his girlfriend.
- [53:38]
B
Yeah, I think she's out of the dating.
- [53:40]
A
Okay.
- [53:41]
B
Or wanting to date. What about an anonymous letter to the wife?
- [53:46]
A
Yeah, that's a good tip off. That's not entangled anymore. But the wife knows. Yeah. Fuck this guy. I would hand grenade him. Absolutely.
- [53:55]
B
It is pretty despicable.
- [53:57]
A
All right, let's get to entertainment. Speaking of despicable.
- [54:02]
B
The Kennedy Center.
- [54:06]
A
The Kennedy center honors that Donald Trump hosted telecast delivered all time low viewership for CBS. It averaged 3 million viewers, according to Nielsen. This is lower than the. This is down 4 million, so. Down 25% from last year. Here's the guy. I don't know how they didn't pull bigger numbers. Sylvester Stallone, who's.
- [54:31]
B
It was the funniest looking group ever.
- [54:33]
A
Who's 80? Michael Crawford, who's 83. I mean, I think he wanted people. Gloria Gaynor, who's like 85. I think he wanted to feel young. Kiss, who's really dead. I mean, they're so old. They're dead and they're still there. And this guy, Michael Crawford. Who the fuck?
- [54:55]
B
Phantom Man. He's the Phantom.
- [54:57]
A
You didn't know. Did you know that before the ceremony?
- [55:00]
B
I did, actually, yeah.
- [55:01]
A
All right. Well, you're gay.
- [55:02]
B
Yep. Well, of course I'm. I mean, what's gayer? Liking Kiss or liking Michael Crawford? That's a decent question.
- [55:10]
A
That's true. Or Glory Gaynor? She is very gay. Chance Langton used to have this joke. He goes, gloria Gaynor. Whatever happened to her?
- [55:23]
B
Regarding the name change, have you heard the. This comedy writer who's worked somehow with South Park? Like by somehow, I mean, I don't know if he was a full staff writer or not, but he bought Trump kennedycenter.org and he's turned it into a parody website.
- [55:41]
A
Oh, that's great.
- [55:42]
B
He predicted Trump would do all this, so he bought up all the names. Yeah, yeah. Wait, I'm trying to remember what he put on there. There's something. I don't know. Anyway, it's pretty funny, but Trump's going to get around that by just losing the Kennedy name altogether, I think.
- [56:03]
A
Oh, yeah. Except that he'll call it the RFK Kennedy Center.
- [56:11]
B
That's a good one. What a surprise.
- [56:14]
A
All right, here's one I hadn't heard about. This. This just popped up on my feed. A violinist accused Will Smith of retaliation after he said he was fired for reporting sexual harassment while on tour with the actor, according to a lawsuit. The suit is linked to what the complaint describes as a, quote, hotel intrusion in Las Vegas. The suit says Brian King Joseph immediately reported to hotel security. Days later, a representative for Smith accused Joseph of lying and fired him. Joseph began performing with Smith in December 2024 and went on tour with him. They began spending time alone together, the complaint states, and Smith allegedly told Joseph that they had a, quote, special connection that the artist had with no one else. In March, while in LA, Joseph said he returned to his hotel room around 11pm to find someone appeared to have unlawfully entered. According to security, there were no signs of forced entry and the only people who were part of Smith's management team had access to the room. All right. Among the items Joseph said he found were wipes, a beer bottle, an earring, a red backpack. HIV medication and a note that said, brian, I'll be back no later than 5:30. Just us with a drawn heart next to it. I mean, did P. Diddy break in? Was there baby oil?
- [57:51]
B
What. What is this? I mean, it sounds. Was it a bad prank?
- [57:55]
A
Plaintiff feared that an unknown individual would soon return to his room to engage in sexual acts after Joseph reported the apparent intrusion to hotel security, Smith's reps and police. The complaint alleges a representative for Smith blamed him for the incident and said he was being terminated. I don't think he should have fired him. Maybe just a slap on the wrist. Or in Will's case, a slap on the face.
- [58:21]
B
Yeah. Just slap him so hard.
- [58:23]
A
Yeah. So is Will gay? Is that what this is saying?
- [58:29]
B
Well, there's a violin in his act. It sounds like it, yeah. What? How is there a violin? All right, whatever.
- [58:38]
A
Have you heard that last album?
- [58:41]
B
No, but isn't it. Isn't it like a really popular joke?
- [58:45]
A
It is brutal. It's. Yeah, laugh out loud. Funny. It's so bad, right?
- [58:49]
B
That's what I've heard.
- [58:51]
A
So. I don't know. I guess he's gay.
- [58:55]
B
Very quickly, make America Florida again. Here we go. All right. Naked Florida. Naked Florida man robs meat market wearing nothing but a face mask. So Florida. Kobe Watkins, 24, was caught on a security camera making off with a thousand dollars from. Yup. BJ's Meat Market in Lake City. Completely nude except for covering on his face.
- [59:19]
A
Employees with BJ and Meat Market in the name of the store. This cannot be the first time a Florida man walked in with his out.
- [59:27]
B
Employees said he had. They believed he. He had. Sorry. Completely nude except for a covering over his face. Employees said he had what they believed to be a weapon covered with a cloth. So the gun was dressed. Police responded to the supermarket after form forming a perimeter, found evidence including clothing and other items believed to be connected to the robbery. And then they. They. They caught him. They caught the naked man with the covered gun or covered weapon.
- [59:59]
A
I got to think a meat market is cold. I don't. I wouldn't want my cock out. I'd rob a sauna. I'd rob a spa. Where it's about 78 degrees in there.
- [60:13]
B
I think you're hungry. And then you want an easy defense if you get caught. So you just take off all your clothes and go in. And now he's going to claim he was insane or on drugs.
- [60:23]
A
Yeah.
- [60:23]
B
Out of his mind. So he gets out of it, huh? All right, let's make America Kentucky Good. A woman was arrested. I love this story. A woman was arrested after raccoon named Chewy. I don't want to give away everything here. Was found in the driver's seat during a police stop. So I saved one detail. The incident occurred on Monday at approximately 7:15pm When Springfield Police officer decided to conduct a traffic stop after identifying a vehicle whose registered owner had an active warrant. When the officer approached the car, he found 55 year old Victoria Vidal and was able to detain her without incident. However, things took an unusual turn when the officer returned to the vehicle. He observed a raccoon named Chewy sitting in the driver's seat with a meth pipe in its mouth. Chewy had somehow gotten hold of a glass meth pipe leading officers to. To further inspect the vehicle.
- [61:24]
A
Yeah.
- [61:24]
B
The subsequent search revealed that Vidal's car contained a bulk amount of meth, crack cocaine and three used glasses. Oh, three used glass meth pipes. She Chewy? Joey Chewy. You fucked me.
- [61:44]
A
Is this town animated? Why did. Why do the animals have names?
- [61:49]
B
Is this. Yeah. This is so crazy.
- [61:53]
A
Is this a cartoon reality? And by the way, like Chewie, Victoria bared her teeth, had dark circles under her eyes and rabies.
- [62:01]
B
Don't corner her. Do not corner Victoria. Chewy's fine. You can go pick him up. He's very easy going after he hits the pipe. So ridiculous.
- [62:14]
A
Yeah, it's got to be tough lighting the. Lighting the lighter with no opposable thumb.
- [62:19]
B
Yeah, they're very, very clever animals though. Very clever.
- [62:23]
A
All right, let's skip it down.
- [62:25]
B
Yeah, we got to go way down here.
- [62:27]
A
Yeah, let's go way down a little
- [62:28]
B
this day in history.
- [62:30]
A
Yeah, let's do a little this day in history.
- [62:32]
B
Here we go.
- [62:34]
A
All right.
- [62:36]
B
Diane Keaton was born on this day. In what year? Give or take four years.
- [62:41]
A
I always go with my mom's age when it's older people like this. My mom was 42, so I'll go 42.
- [62:49]
B
Oh, man. I gave you four years. It was 46.
- [62:53]
A
Nice. Yeah. All right.
- [62:55]
B
Springsteen released his debut album Greetings from Asbury Park, New Jersey, give or take one year. When did Greetings hit the stores?
- [63:05]
A
1976.
- [63:07]
B
Nope. 73.
- [63:09]
A
Really?
- [63:10]
B
Earlier than you think. Earlier than you think. This was interesting. You're not going to get this. I've never heard of this either. I can give you a guess. But there was a thing called the Great Frost. It's Europe's coldest winter. It was Europe's coldest winter in 500 years. Began to take hold on this day. It would kill hundreds of thousands of people, make travel and trade nearly impossible, and disrupt two wars. Climatologists are still trying to understand the cause of what became known as the Great Frost.
- [63:47]
A
Well, I just read Stalin's biography, and I feel like it happened during him. So probably the 30s. I'll say 1939.
- [63:55]
B
1709. So, so close.
- [64:02]
A
Wait, did you give me 250 years?
- [64:04]
B
I don't think I did. I don't think I did. Yeah. All right, let's find you one more. In an effort to conserve energy during the oil crisis, Daylight Savings time began several months early in the United States and was slated to remain in place for more than a year. Oh, I thought this was the first year it was going to do it. Whatever. That's a bad one. Schoolhouse Rock.
- [64:29]
A
77.
- [64:30]
B
It was 74. Schoolhouse Rock debuted on ABC during the heyday of Saturday morning children's television programming, became one of the most successful education projects in U.S. history, give or take three years. When did Schoolhouse Rock hit the airwaves?
- [64:48]
A
73.
- [64:49]
B
It was 1973.
- [64:52]
A
Yeah, baby.
- [64:53]
B
We're going out on that.
- [64:55]
A
I was 7 years old. That's why I picked that up. I was like. I was literally the demographic for that show when it started airing. Letters to the editor. Hey, Greg, Listening to the latest Sunday papers, and you and Mike were talking about John Roberts. If you're familiar with Bob's Burgers, he does the voice for Linda Belcher. Another random trivia fact. The hot woman in the Corvette next to Judd Reinhold in Fast Times when he's in the pirate outfit, because I talked about that is Nancy Wilson from the band Heart, who is married to Cameron Crowe. Thank you, Jay. What a fat. There's so many interesting trivia facts about Fast Times, it's insane. That's a great one. Thank you. I was a huge fan of Heart. I saw them live, like, three times.
- [65:45]
B
Talent. The amount of talent in Fast Times is. It's. It's incredible.
- [65:49]
A
And it was the first time for a lot of these actors.
- [65:51]
B
I know. It was unbelievable.
- [65:53]
A
All right, what are we doing real quick? We got. Last week's submission was a kick cat sitting at a desk looking at a piece of paper, talking to a dog seated across from him. Sean from Ontario said, here at Perlator, we have a strict no leg humping policy.
- [66:12]
B
Okay.
- [66:13]
A
Flesh Tree said, basically, you're being a pussy.
- [66:17]
B
All right. Okay. The cat's saying that.
- [66:21]
A
Yep. Ted Farrell said, no, you can't walk around the office calling us pussies.
- [66:27]
B
That's at least gets the right perspective. Okay.
- [66:29]
A
And Martin. And Martin says. And finally, Dave, are you a push hound?
- [66:34]
B
All right.
- [66:35]
A
Brian Woodhouse says, says here you have a nose for pussy.
- [66:38]
B
Okay. All right.
- [66:40]
A
Rich. Butch Co says in this economy, old McDonald's can no longer afford a woof woof here nor a woof woof there.
- [66:47]
B
Well, rich one, he didn't do pussy.
- [66:49]
A
Mm. Joe. Joel. Bianca said. Yeah. It says here you've been eating my shit out of the litter. We're going to have to put you down for a promotion.
- [67:02]
B
It's very goofy. I kind of like that one.
- [67:04]
A
Matt says I can lick my own balls. Does. Doesn't belong on a resume.
- [67:08]
B
Special skills. Come on.
- [67:11]
A
Ben holdretz says, sorry, Mr. Wiggles, but you don't have the balls to run this firm. That's not bad.
- [67:20]
B
Yeah. I mean. Yeah.
- [67:22]
A
Harold Von Anus III said, sir. Sir. Asshole enthusiast doesn't not qualify you as a job skill. I didn't read that well.
- [67:31]
B
Well looking ass maybe would it? Right.
- [67:35]
A
Let's see. All right, so what do you like?
- [67:39]
B
I think I like the goofy one. Shit out of the litter.
- [67:44]
A
Okay. Joel Bianco. Yeah. It says here you've been eating my shit out of the litter. We're gonna have to put you down for a promotion. I gotta say, my delivery helped sell that one for the win. So I should get next week. We have. I don't know how many people remember the old Popeye comic strip, but it looks like. What's the fat guy's name here? Mike. What guy in the strip for next week from Popeye.
- [68:15]
B
I. He's the.
- [68:18]
A
He was the guy that always said if you give me five hamburger, he wants the hamburgers.
- [68:22]
B
All right, I'll look it up.
- [68:23]
A
If you give me a hamburger today, I'll gladly give you whatever. It was 50 cents on Tuesday.
- [68:29]
B
So let me think.
- [68:31]
A
So he's standing on the street. It says madam's Brothel in the background. There's a prostitute leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. She's looking. She's looking nonplussed as he talks to her. Her.
- [68:44]
B
Wimpy. Wimpy. His name's J. Wellington. Wimpy.
- [68:48]
A
All right, so Wimpy has on a coat and tie, a top hat. He's a little overweight, and he's talking to a prostitute. It does not have to be related to Wimpy or Popeye. This can just be a generic overweight guy talking to a prostitute. All right, let's go down to the pros. Hagger. The horrible lucky's talking to a woman at a party. She's quite attractive. He says, let me bring excitement to your life. And she says, okay. And then she points and says, fetch him. And points to a hunky looking guy. All right, so I guess you get to choose your assaulter in the. In the medieval times.
- [69:28]
B
That's a nice twist because it certainly
- [69:30]
A
is excitement to be held down by a massive Viking.
- [69:34]
B
Yeah,
- [69:36]
A
Lockhorns. We got a few. Leroy looks at Loretta. She's got a shopping cart that smashed in the front. And he goes, how did you manage to crash a shopping cart? Now he's eating dinner on a TV tray, watching football. And she goes, you've been watching instant replays all day and now you're complaining about leftovers.
- [70:00]
B
Nice. All right, let me do an onion. And then you're going to finish it up with.
- [70:05]
A
With blondie.
- [70:07]
B
Here we go. The mom. I like this onion one. Mom wants to know if you could use grandma's antique 12 person dining room table in your studio apartment.
- [70:20]
A
That's great.
- [70:21]
B
That's a good economic summary.
- [70:23]
A
All right. Dagwood is jumping out of his chair, looking at a ticket. It says, you're winning. Lottery numbers are 5, 19, 20, etc. He goes, yes, we won. And then he runs into. And he goes, sayonara, Dithers and company. His boss is looking at him as he throws money up. Cut to it was all a dream. He's in bed in donut pajamas talking to her. She's in an aquamarine top. It's falling off at the shoulder. It's frilly. And he goes, well, if 226 is anything close to what I just dreamed, we'll have it made. And she goes, dream on, honey. How about a dream where you pull your fucking donut slacks down, climb on top of that hot piece of ass and blow jizz between those bowling pin legs of hers?
- [71:13]
B
He doesn't even dream about that. That's the crazy part.
- [71:17]
A
She dreams about it. And because. Because she stands by her vows for some reason. I don't get it.
- [71:23]
B
There's a great short story. It's not Jackson's the Lottery, but it's about a lottery ticket. And a couple thinks they have the winning lottery ticket and they start dreaming and they realize how different their dreams are and it. It goes real bad. And then they realize they have the. They have the wrong number, so they didn't even win.
- [71:44]
A
Thinking of things going bad, you is over. You could die. You have children. Join thousands of parents who trust fabric to help protect their family. Apply in just minutes. Go to meetfabric.com papers and let them know that we sent you. I don't know that there's a discount, but it helps us get the ad, promote the show and put in papers. Okay, Mike.
- [72:14]
B
Perfect. Yeah. Sorry, I gotta run.
- [72:16]
A
All right. Say hi to Nikki.
- [72:20]
B
Yep. She says hello.
- [72:21]
A
Okay.
- [72:22]
B
I'll say A lot of the writers there. Everyone. Everyone loves you.
- [72:25]
A
I love it.
- [72:26]
B
Alrighty. Take it eash.
- [72:27]
A
Take it ish.
- [72:29]
B
What I said. Jabot and Jabim jabbing Jibon. Take it east.
- [72:35]
A
Take it ish.
- [72:37]
B
You take Sunday papers and what do you got? You got a couple of dudes who don't know what's what. They're gonna sit in their closet and we're marooned. And then they're gonna say stuff that isn't true about their friends, about the news, about actors and movies and such and such. And they don't know what news is. Cause there are a couple of guys that don't really give a shit. It's Sunday papers with Mike and Gibbons's Mike and Fitz's.
- [73:11]
A
Greg and Fitzsimmons and boy, had it for a minute.
- [73:16]
B
Had it for a minute.