Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 296 (Jan 11, 2026)

Hosts: Greg Fitzsimmons, Mike Gibbons
Produced by Gotham Production Studios | The Gotham Network

Overview

In this episode, Greg and Mike deliver their weekly comedy spin on the news straight from the Sunday papers. The show blends behind-the-scenes gossip from the Golden Globes, irreverent banter about touring as comedians, quirky and controversial news stories, and running jokes about American culture. The tone oscillates between sharp satire, self-deprecating humor, and laugh-out-loud absurdity, all with a lived-in friendship energy.

Episode Highlights and Key Discussions

1. Golden Globes: Behind-the-Scenes & Comedy Writing (00:29–10:22)

• Mike’s Experience as Golden Globes Head Writer:
  Mike shares the chaos of prepping for the Globes with host Nikki Glaser, describing long nights, last-minute script changes, stand-up club scouting, and writing as a group.

  “She’s doing four sets a night or something like that at clubs in LA, trying to perfect it...You just have to strike the right tone: not dwelling on [bad news], but also giving people an escape.” — Mike (01:30)

• Comedian Collaboration:
  Established comics like Tim Dillon, Kevin Nealon, and Judd Apatow drop into LA clubs, pitch tags and jokes directly to Nikki after her sets.

  “They all like pitch a tag or a joke. And she takes those very seriously.” — Mike (02:52)

• Balancing Humor and World Events:
  The writers work to make the Globes an entertaining break from heavy news, acknowledging, “Sometimes I need a break from the news and just really focus on my masturbation.” — Greg (00:52)

• Industry Gossip — The New Globes:
  The boys discuss reforms to the Hollywood Foreign Press amidst its comeback and newly diverse judging panel, the chaos around venue reconstruction, and old-school LA fixtures coming back.

  “…are there More judges that are black or Latino or gay or switching sides or having fun?” — Greg (10:50)
  “We have no idea. They’re trying to, but boy, they’re really overhauling the image.” — Mike (10:57)

• Teasing a Secret Pre-Taped Bit:
  Mike hints at a surprise cameo by one of Greg’s friends in a pre-recorded Globes bit. (12:10)

2. Greg’s Tour Life: Cleveland, Clubs, and Rock & Roll (05:49–08:48)

• Performing at Hilarity’s Comedy Club in Cleveland:
  Greg praises the legendary comedy venue and its owner, Nick Costas, highlighting the diverse, receptive Midwest audiences.

• Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Tourism:
  He relishes returning to the Hall, gripes about current exhibits (Bon Jovi and Mellencamp), and launches into musical nostalgia and playful criticisms.

  “You’re looking at this teenage kid…wow, this guy’s fucking great. And then he sings his first song and you’re like, oh yeah, Bon Jovi sucks. It’s awful.” — Greg (07:32)

3. Pandemic Tales & Personal Life (12:42–14:18)

• COVID Testing Regimen:
  Responding to a listener doubting he never got COVID, Greg shares how his doula wife enforced constant testing and quarantines.

  “I was tested more than anybody you’ve ever met. And I never had.” — Greg (13:27)

• Comedians and STDs:
  Stories swap to crabs and awkward international pharmaceuticals.

  “Try going to a pharmacy in Denmark…that was like the greatest game of charades you’ve ever seen in a pharmacy.” — Greg (14:18)

4. Comedy News Roundup: Absurd Headlines & Satirical Takes (18:56–36:53)

• AI Misuse and Grok’s “Digital Undressing” Scandal (19:24–20:22)

  • Musk’s AI faces backlash over users generating deepfake nudes of women.
  • The guys riff on fratty AI names, how to code in “hairy nipples,” and satirical suggestions for responsible AI design.

• Stolen Walrus Penis Bone (20:22–22:07)

  • A Camden cheesesteak shop loses a penis bone bar conversation piece.
  • “I think I’d rather eat a walrus dick than a cheesesteak from Camden, New Jersey.” — Greg (21:31)

• Teddy Bear at Norfolk Airport—Viral Social Media Search (22:39–24:37)

  • Airport asks public to reunite a lost teddy bear with its kid.
  • The guys spiral into dark humor about the “Silence of the Bears” and other less wholesome uses of social media.

• RFK Jr. Nutrition Guidelines Satire (25:19–28:25)

  • Poking fun at RFK Jr.’s “carnivore” food pyramid—with red meat and cheese at the top—along with his environmental legacy and vaccine skepticism.
  • “The entire pyramid is red meat, white meat, and pork.” — Greg (27:26)

• Ethical Hypotheticals—Incest (Self-Destructing Bit) (28:29–30:33)

  • The duo debate if consensual, non-procreative incest has an ethical argument, quickly digressing in their signature inappropriate yet winking style.
  • “Is it ethically wrong...for a brother and a sister to have sexual relations... assuming they don’t get pregnant?” — Greg (28:35)

5. "Make America Florida" & "Make America Louisiana Again" (31:08–35:19)

• Florida Man: Concealed Handgun in Breast Implants (Cross-dressing Construction Site Encounter) (31:12–32:43)

  • Bizarre story riffing on Florida’s reputation for wild headlines.
  • “He didn’t have it on, right?...You’re under arrest. Anything in my pants can and will be used against you.” — Greg (32:21)

• Louisiana Mermaid Incident (33:21–35:19)

  • Naked woman claims to be a mermaid, resists arrest in a pond; tasers ineffective.
  • Spirals into a debate on mermaid biology, sailor mythology, and anatomical logistics.
  • “You can’t fuck a mermaid. The legs don’t spread.” — Greg (35:34)

6. International Oddities (37:02–40:23)

• Pakistani Man Seeks to Open Country’s First Gay Club, Is Committed (37:02–38:45)

  • Played for classic black comedy — “That’s when you know you made a bad decision: when they go, you’re nuts.” — Greg (38:14)

• China Taxing Birth Control to Boost Birthrate (38:46–40:23)

  • The boys lampoon China’s attempt at economic engineering:
    “We want a baby boom—families who can’t afford the extra 40 cents on a condom!” — Mike (39:20)

Recurring Segments

News Quiz — "This Day in History" (40:57–47:02)

• Mike quizzes Greg on historical events:
  • The Sopranos premiere year (Greg wrong)
  • Alexander Hamilton’s birth year (nailed it)
  • Bowie’s death year, Apple’s iTunes/iPod launch, All in the Family debut, Batman’s TV debut (Greg’s strikeout continues)
• Banter about Adam West’s career and Hollywood lore.

Letters to the Editor (47:02–49:05)

• Listener writes about the legendary John Updike essay covering Ted Williams’ last game.

  “It’s profound...When a writer, you’re like, I can’t believe how well he’s describing this thing.” — Mike (48:30)

Obituaries (49:06–51:47)

• Moving tribute to Renee Nicole Good, killed by an ICE agent, followed by Mike’s sharply satirical commentary on political spin around the event.

  “...her wheels were doing the exact opposite. She must have been the worst driver on the planet because she was driving away from the guards...” — Mike (50:26)

Caption Contest (51:55–54:59)

• Listeners submit punchlines for a cartoon of Wimpy (from Popeye) talking to a brothel worker.
  • Winner: “How much to cook me a hamburger, whore?” — Anthony Sexton (52:47)
• Mike: “Ignored all the ways Wimpy talks...made me laugh.” (54:03)

Comics and Onion Headline (54:59–58:25)

• Hagar the Horrible, The Lockhorns, Blondie: reviewed and ridiculed.
• The Onion: “JD Vance Claims Renee Good Had No Authority to Be Alive in the First Place.” (57:05)

Upcoming Shows & Golden Globes Plug (58:47–59:55)

• Greg plugs tour dates in Atlanta, Austin, Sacramento, Philly, Lexington, Houston, Fort Worth—fitzdog.com for tickets.
• Mike details Golden Globes’ structure, teases comedy bits and secret cameos.

  “Good amount of comedy in it...there are some really good movies this year.” — Mike (59:43)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Industry Satire:

“Sometimes I need a break from the news and just really focus on my masturbation…” — Greg (00:52)

On the Golden Globes writing room:

“You’ll see like Tim Dillon, Kevin Nealon, and Apatow, and they’ll all pitch a tag or a joke. And she takes those very seriously.” — Mike (02:52)

On Bon Jovi:

“And then he sings his first song and you’re like, oh yeah, Bon Jovi sucks. It’s awful.” — Greg (07:32)

AI and Digital Ethics:

“Grok just sounds like the frat guy you kind of go, should we let him in? He seems dangerous.” — Greg (19:37)

Classic Irreverence:

“You can’t fuck a mermaid. The legs don’t spread.” — Greg (35:34)

On China’s Condom Tax:

“We want a whole new generation of people who can’t afford the extra 40 cents on a condom.” — Mike (39:20)

Essential Timestamps

• Golden Globes/life as a head writer: 00:29–10:48
• Greg’s tour/Cleveland/Rock Hall: 05:49–08:48
• COVID/Comedians & Crabs: 12:42–14:18
• Front Page News (AI, penis bone, teddy bear): 18:56–24:37
• RFK Jr. Pyramid/Incest ethics: 25:19–30:33
• Florida/Louisiana man madness: 31:08–35:19
• International news (Pakistan/China): 37:02–40:23
• This Day in History: 40:57–47:02
• Obituaries: 49:06–51:47
• Caption contest: 51:55–54:59
• Comics/The Onion: 54:59–58:25
• Plugs & wrap: 58:47–59:55

Final Notes

Greg and Mike’s interplay is loose, fast, and loaded with inside-joke energy, blending satire and self-mockery. Loyal listeners will find plenty to laugh at and groan over, while newcomers get a vivid slice of stand-up life, Hollywood hustle, and irreverent headline riffing.

For tour dates: fitzdog.com
Golden Globes air date: Tonight (Jan 11, 2026)
Next week’s Caption Contest: Hiker meets Grim Reaper at the top of a mountain—send your best punchlines to fitzdogradiomail.com