Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 301 2/15/26

Summary

Sunday Papers w/ Greg Fitzsimmons and Mike Gibbons

Episode 301 — February 15, 2026

Produced by Gotham Production Studios
Part of The Gotham Network

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Main Theme & Episode Overview

This episode finds Greg and Mike offering their trademark blend of news, irreverent humor, personal anecdotes, and ethical head-scratchers, all filtered through the “funny pages” of the week’s headlines—plus plenty of playful banter about life, family, and recent events. They tackle everything from Super Bowl losses and vacation stories to ongoing scandals involving Epstein, AI fears, and even a serial defecator in Wisconsin. The pair also invite listeners into their worlds with stories about family poker nights, bittersweet nostalgia, and hard-hitting takes on ethics, all punctuated by their quick wit and easy rapport.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Banter & Tech Woes

• [02:22] Greg faces audio issues, likening the experience to his wife echoing everything he says with sarcasm:

  “...I'm used to my wife repeating everything I say, but that's with an echo of sort of incredulity and sarcasm.” — Greg (02:22)

• Mike compares Greg’s struggles to his own time in Florida with his technophobic dad.

2. Family, Parenting, and Valentine’s Day

• [04:06] Both discuss how their children fled the Northeast winter—Sophie escapes to Guatemala/Nicaragua on her first vacation from her new job.

  “That's how much the cold drove her out.” — Mike (04:28)

• Greg admits he’ll miss Valentine’s Day for a poker game, much to his wife’s delight:

  “She just loves when I come home and I’ve lost money. It's just—it's romantic.” — Greg (06:06)

• Running joke about a friend’s poker night and the host’s wife, and Mike’s confessions on why he dislikes poker but loves backgammon.

3. Super Bowl Reactions & Halftime Shows

• [11:07] Both found the recent Super Bowl underwhelming, with Greg reminiscing about halftime's humble past:

  “It used to be something you did while everybody went and took a shit and went on a beer run. ...Now you’ve got people starting investigations about Bad Bunny. It's insanity.” — Greg (11:32)

• Mike appreciates the details of this year’s show, including use of real people and subtle nods to Brooklyn and LA taco stands.

4. Gambling Tales, Super Bowl Pools, and High Stakes

• [15:54] Mike recounts being seconds away from winning a pool, trying to sell his “square” for quick cash, but losing out.
• [17:10] Greg’s sister wins the pool, offsetting her husband’s near $50K loss due to a called-back touchdown. They marvel at how regular people manage such big money pools.

5. Miracle on Ice Documentary

• [18:01] Mike discusses watching the “Miracle” doc with his family, praising its “David and Goliath” narrative and highlighting how blue-collar the American players were.

  “It really did not go for ... the waterworks ... but the best part was my dad... and Olivia, though, was very into it.” — Mike (18:01)

6. Epstein Files, Conspiracy, and Political Theater

• [21:14] Both praise Tim Dillon’s new episode on Epstein:

  “Tim Dillon is, like, otherworldly as a podcaster. He is so powerful...” — Greg (21:14)

• [37:03] Pam Bondi’s congressional testimony on Epstein:

  “She accused the Democrat of theatrics for asking her to just make eye contact with them and recognize them.” — Mike (38:25)

• They satirize Bondi’s avoidance of accountability and the way political hearings pivot to unrelated “wins” (like stock market performance) in the face of tough questions.

7. Gambling & Insider Betting Scandals

• [41:12] Discussion of Israeli soldiers indicted for insider trading on Polymarket, with $150K in winnings and broader implications of betting on war and global events.

8. AI Fears & Bioweapons

• [66:43] They discuss a prominent AI researcher quitting, warning “the world is in peril.”

  “There once was a thing called AI, and billionaires used it to spy...” — Greg recites a limerick as the engineer’s possible first poem (67:40)

• [69:00] Worries about AI’s exponential learning and how it’s poised to eclipse entry-level jobs in multiple industries.

9. Ethical Dilemmas & Listener Questions

• [52:46] Is it ethical to keep nude pictures of an ex for personal use?

  “I never had any nude photos at all of any ex-girlfriend. I never saw a nude photo of a girl I was dating. Like, I'm that old.” — Greg (53:55)

• Rapid-fire: Ditching a helpful friend with bad opinions, helping a homeless cousin after years of frugality, and reporting a neighbor’s makeshift auto shop (with ICE implications).

10. News of the Weird: Serial Defecator & Texas Tragedy

• [59:54] Wisconsin woman repeatedly shitting in a park—drone footage helps police catch the “serial defecator.”

  “If you write her a ticket, she’s just going to wipe her ass with it.” — Greg (61:04)

• [62:43] In Texas, a drunken father accidentally shoots and kills his daughter after a Trump argument; the man is not charged, provoking both hosts’ horror and satire.

11. Swiss Population Control Referendum

• [49:30] Switzerland’s proposed population cap triggers jokes about Swiss countryside and government euphemisms:

  “Family reunification, that sounds like such a nice way of kicking somebody the fuck out of your country.” — Greg (50:27)

12. Olympics: Scandal, Confessions, and Proposals

• [71:39] Norwegian Olympian uses his post-race interview to confess cheating on his girlfriend, revealing the personal pressure faced by high-achieving athletes.

13. This Day in History & Trivia

• [74:00+] Mike quizzes Greg on events like the creation of YouTube (2005), “Silence of the Lambs” release (1991), and the adoption of Canada’s maple leaf flag (1965).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Old Friends Moving Away:

  “It's like you stepped in it and it's in your shoe—you’re not getting rid of that.” — Mike, on the serial defecator’s persistence (60:58)

• On Pam Bondi Testifying:

  “Translation: I am not going to do my job, which right now is to answer questions, and I'm also not going to do it in general.” — Mike (38:31)

• Greg on Young Love Letters:

  “I just felt like I’ve never loved anybody the way I love her. And I wouldn’t want [my wife] to read those and think that I had because...love is excessive at that age.” (55:34)

• On AI Outpacing Us:

  “AI can tell when it’s being tested and behaves better...and then when it's not, it gets a lot more autonomous.” — Mike (69:00)

• On Greg’s Travel Burnout:

  “I'm in the middle of 10 weeks on the road, and I'm starting to burn out already. Jesus. I'm not sick, though...” — Greg (24:05)

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Important Timestamps

• Tech troubles and family banter: [02:22–03:25]
• Super Bowl/halftime discussion: [11:07–12:58]
• Gambling, Super Bowl pools: [15:54–17:51]
• “Miracle” documentary chat: [18:01–20:25]
• Corrections segment (Epstein, Raging Bull, Leno, etc.): [24:54–29:36]
• Epstein testimony & Pam Bondi: [37:03–41:12]
• Polymarket insider trading scandal: [41:12–44:50]
• AI researcher quits: [66:43–69:29]
• Serial defecator/Drones in Wisconsin: [59:54–61:56]
• Texas daughter tragedy: [62:43–66:08]

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Listener Interactions, Letters, and Games

• Ethical questions: [52:46–59:13]
• Letters to the Editor: [80:07–82:38]
• Obituaries: [82:41–84:39]
• Comic Caption Contest: [84:46–87:35]
• Sunday Funnies Read-Through: [89:52–91:47]
• Trivia/This Day in History: [74:00–79:53]

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Tone & Style

Irreverent, quick-witted, and openly self-deprecating, the conversation is both newsy and personal, veering from hard-hitting satire of political theater (especially around Epstein and Pam Bondi) to nostalgia, trivia, and the absurd. The frequent asides, shared laughter, and willingness to poke fun at themselves, their families, and each other make for a lively, free-wheeling show.

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Summary Takeaway

This is a classic Sunday Papers episode: wide-ranging, acerbic, and intimate, mixing big news with petty grievances and offbeat ethical quandaries. Whether they’re dissecting the failures of politicians, sharing gambling woes, debating morality, or analyzing drone footage of a serial pooper, Greg and Mike bring a blend of sharp humor and honest insight—reminding listeners that sometimes the news really does belong on the comics page.

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Transcript

[Mike]

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[Greg]

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[Mike]

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[Greg]

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[Mike]

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[Greg]

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[Mike]

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[Greg]

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[Mike]

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[Greg]

Visit botoxchronicmigraine.com or call 1-844botox to learn more.

[Mike]

Read all about it. Greg's got Audio Issues Here we go.

[Greg]

Read all about it. Read all about it.

[Mike]

We're an open book. Share Share your audio issues all right.

[Greg]

So I've got a little bit of an echo, but that's fine. Because I'm used to my wife repeating everything I say, but that's with an echo of sort of incredulity and sarcasm.

[Mike]

Well, when you went off to try to find another headphone and you called it jack, because I thought, was it all the way? Anyway, I go, I've just been in Florida for a week with my dad. I told Matt that this feels very familiar. Feels. Feels very similar talking to my dad about tech stuff. Yeah, yeah. You're not, you're not the most tech savvy. One of the originators of the podcast.

[Greg]

I told you. Yes, the originators. And if you get it right, do you think that Orville and Wilbur Wright would be. Would be driving 18 gear 4 pound bicycles today? No, they'd have a giant front wheel.

[Mike]

I. I think they'd know how to melt butter for popcorn. I think, I think they get the rudimentary stuff in.

[Greg]

Yeah. Okay, so I. Here's my mom's technological expertise. She says to me one day I bought her a plane ticket to come out and visit. And she goes, well, can you send it to me through the intercom? Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Carlton, this is your doorman. Yeah, exactly.

[Greg]

So, all right, so now we're uploading on this. All right, good.

[Mike]

Google it, kids.

[Greg]

Who did what show up and running. It's the day after Valentine's Day when.

[Mike]

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody. And a lot more winter coming. What's. Oh, my God. Both girls have been frozen in the northeast. Olivia came down and joined me in Florida.

[Greg]

Does either one of them have a date for Valentine's Day?

[Mike]

Sophie is in Guatemala now.

[Greg]

What?

[Mike]

That's. That's how much the cold drove her out. It's her first vacation on her new big job that she started during the summer, and she's in Guatemala and Nicaragua. I think she's going, did she get.

[Greg]

One of those free one way flights from ice?

[Mike]

You're right. She was probably on there with a lot of. Maybe they're happy people now leaving the country. I don't know.

[Greg]

I'll tell you what, we have a housekeeper. And she's like, I'm out of here. She's like, I'm moving back. She's like, guatemala is beautiful. She goes, I didn't have a lot of money, but it beats being here. This is really on. This is an unhappy way to live. And I guess that's the whole point.

[Mike]

Did you do Guatemala? Do I recall you doing no volcanoes?

[Greg]

Oh, no, we did Costa Rica, Mexico and Chile.

[Mike]

Got it.

[Greg]

But Owen went to Guatemala last year. He spent like, two months there. He loved it.

[Mike]

Got it.

[Greg]

She's.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's Nicaragua and Guatemala.

[Greg]

So today as we're recording, always full disclosure on the podcast. We let you know when we are recording. Today is the 12th, it's Thursday, and I'm about to leave tomorrow morning for Philadelphia. So I will miss Valentine's Day with my wife, but in lieu of it, tonight, I will be going and playing poker with the guys in the neighborhood.

[Mike]

Good for you.

[Greg]

Yeah. She loves. She just loves when I come home and I've lost money. It's just. It's romantic.

[Mike]

It's like, you did spend the romantic dinner and flowers money. It did get spent this week.

[Greg]

Exactly. Yes. And I will probably eat some chocolate. There'll be chocolate marijuana gummies or something. So it'll be romantic. Yeah.

[Mike]

You'd probably pay to see a couple of pair of ladies in your hand.

[Greg]

There's a guy who is hosting, and I won't say you know him very well, but he's hosting the game. And there's been a running joke for 15 years that whenever we play poker at his house that we're each gonna fuck his wife. And. Oh, yeah. And it's a running joke that she has no idea we've been making for 15 years. It's all. It's always about like, you know, I'll be there a little bit late, but leave the back door open and just let know I'm there, like, oh, I just said her name. All right. Nobody needs to know that you're on.

[Mike]

A first name basis. I got it.

[Greg]

Yes.

[Mike]

It's all fun and games. It's all a joke till it's not a joke. Then it gets interesting.

[Greg]

You're not a poker player, are you?

[Mike]

I. It makes me uncomfortable lying to my friends.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah. No, I'm not very good. I'm not good. I. I'd probably overthink it also, and all that stuff. Yeah, I don't know. I don't really have that much fun playing poker.

[Greg]

Have you ever played strip poker?

[Mike]

I have, but just. But it's solitaire and it kind of. It's a nice icebreaker for me over here. But I. But it's not like I don't like gambling. Like, I'm. I'm as you know, quite good at backgammon, and so I will take people's money and backgammon.

[Greg]

Um, yeah, I like playing back. Emma, my. My niece who lives down in San Diego. This is so cool. She. She works from home. She's had this work from home job for the last two years. And you know, she moved to San Diego, didn't know anybody, and then ends up with a work from home job. And so to meet people she like, she's kind of a barfly. And she started a chess club at the local bar near her house and it fucking blew up. And now it's got like a huge social media page and Sea World now pays her to host it one night a week at Sea World. And now she's got like a hundred friends.

[Mike]

Yeah, well, that's the difference. That's the cool thing about backgammon. When I say I'm, I'm pretty good, I'm right up to the level of being able to. Which I cannot do this look at the board and I think they're called pips, but it's, it's how many, how many. I don't know what you'd call them. How many roles it takes to get off the table. At the minimum or whatever is how many spaces you are from getting every one of your players off the table. Guys.

[Greg]

So you can count to 12. That's amazing.

[Mike]

That's great. Oh no, no, it's usually over when you start doing it. It's. It's up towards 100 and, and they can look and know almost instantly. Never mind. They know the odds of getting hit and hitting and coming back in the board. They know that. That's like just. They don't have to think about it.

[Greg]

Yeah, my brother in law is from Iran and the Persians are very big on backgammon and he fucking. You think it's a game of chance until you play somebody who's really good and you lose every time and you're like, how is this happening?

[Mike]

Well, that's because you're particularly bad. But the, that's what I was just going to say. The difference between chess and backgammon is they say if you're an average, like you kind of know your stuff, you could play the world champion and I think you would win three out of 10 in backgammon. In backgammon, two or three out of 10. That's if you're not making stupid moves. And, and chess, you could play 4,000 times. You're not going to win once.

[Greg]

Right. And also with backgammon it's about the betting getting cubed. You know, the really good players know when to cube you.

[Mike]

Well, that's the counting. That's when they're like, oh you, you're. It takes you 70 even though you look like you're. The boards can be really? Whatever. We don't go. The boards can look deceiving. You could feel you're ahead. But if I'm on the Spectrum and I can count enough, I realize you're actually 76, like, slots to get off, and I'm 74, and so I'll take the cube that you give me because I think you made a mistake.

[Greg]

Wow. Speaking of gambling, you lost money to me. You owe me 20 bucks from the Super Bowl.

[Mike]

Okay, we're going to let her ride on a bet later on in this podcast.

[Greg]

All right, we're going to get to that later. But it was a complete bust of a Super Bowl. It was so unenjoyable to watch that game. And the halftime show. I mean, it's so funny that a thing that used to. Somebody sent me a clip of the 1956 halftime show. Did you see that clip?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah. Corey. Marching bands.

[Greg]

It's not even. It was, like, six women with those twirlers. They were twirlers. And it used to be something that you did while everybody went and took a shit and went on a beer run. You know, they had something to kill time. And now you've got people that are starting investigations about Bad Bunny. It's insanity.

[Mike]

I love the halftime show. And then the more I. The more I learn about it. Just like such a cool planned story, you know, everything and that he used the real people, and he used the real woman. The real woman from Brooklyn, I think it is. And then the La Taco stand he featured, and. And then he made sure to put her street address, like, on. On the building in the. In the stadium. So anyway, there was just really cool things about it.

[Greg]

Well, I thought that the. The counter programming, the. The Kid Rock show really was amazing. And it got. I think the super bowl had, like, 300 million viewers worldwide, and he got 3 million. And I thought to make this fun, they should have had both concerts, you know, because one side is all Puerto Rican and the other side is all rednecks. Have them on opposite sides of the field and have it be like west side Story where they fight each other.

[Mike]

I read a great tweet, which was the same people who felt they needed their own halftime show are the same type of people who felt they needed their own water fountains back in the day. Yeah.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

That's fantastic.

[Greg]

Yeah. But it was. What's his name lost? The huge. The Houston furniture guy we talked about last week. He put 4 million down on the Patriots.

[Mike]

Yeah. Here was my. My dad decided to have people over. He hosted oh, you said.

[Greg]

He said, basically, you. You were fishing to get invited to a party, and you ended up hosting it yourself.

[Mike]

Well, I'm like, why don't we go to one of your fancy clubs? Or, like, we went to a really fancy club last, right? So I fished for that. He's like. All of a sudden, the next. He's like, okay, yeah, yeah, we'll find a party. Next thing was an email to all these like. Like, ancient guys that my dad's gonna have them over. So this was it. One, two. Here's six old men in a room.

[Greg]

It.

[Mike]

It looks like it's a. It's like this is like a meeting. Are we gonna buy the Patriots? That's what that looks like. So then Olivia, then my dad kept going, like, because they were so old. One arrived. Oh, he's not there yet. One guy then arrived in a wheelchair, and he was. He's a former congressman from Minnesota. And so he arrived a little late, so I think he missed that. My dad introduced Olivia. His granddaughter's there. But then my dad started really using her as help because the guys didn't want to get up. A lot of them have canes to walk over to get the food, which is, like, I don't know, seven feet away. And so he'd be like, olivia, just pick up that tray. Just pass it around, offer everybody more pigs in a blanket. And then every time she did, they would take it. I thought they'd be like, oh, we're fine. The other guy gets in late, doesn't hear the intro that Olivia is his granddaughter. So he's like, mike, Mike, can you have your girl bring around those. Bring around the vegetables again? Can you have your girl bring around the vegetables again? The help.

[Greg]

Yeah. Well, I remember we were on that. Probably in that same room. Remember on Easter when the girls were little?

[Mike]

Have the picture of all of our kids bartending?

[Greg]

And it was.

[Mike]

He always puts them to work, I guess.

[Greg]

Yeah, they were all. They all had on bunny ears, and they were serving the cocktails when they were, like, 9 years old.

[Mike]

That's a little Playboy club.

[Greg]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mike]

Before dark. Yeah.

[Greg]

My God. Are we gonna talk at all about Epstein's Island? I didn't see any stories in our news feed about it.

[Mike]

Well, Bondi's gonna start because that was just such a travesty.

[Greg]

So we're taping.

[Mike]

Yeah. All right. How about I try to liven up? So Greg has a football pool with all the boxes, right? Or whatever that's called. Squares.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

2 minutes and 30 seconds left. I have the winning box. I'm going to pull in 200 or something like that. And I then offer to sell my winning square. And I did not get generous offers at all.

[Greg]

Well, you wanted $175 to win 200. And there was like four minutes left in the game.

[Mike]

No, I just said there's less than two and a half minutes.

[Greg]

Okay.

[Mike]

And it's over. It's totally over. And. And then no one would buy it. No. But then I lowered it a few times. And then I thought, well, why won't someone just take a quick 70 bucks? Of course, I was thinking someone might score also, but. And then a useless 6 points was added, and that was it.

[Greg]

Well, my. My brother in law, a different brother in law would have won. Remember that touchdown that got called back?

[Mike]

Oh, yeah.

[Greg]

All right. If that had gone through, he would have won $50,000.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Greg]

But just take a sting out of it. The 200 that you lost, my sister won. Which is her. His wife.

[Mike]

Right, right, right. Oh, man. What.

[Greg]

What was.

[Mike]

What was that? He was in.

[Greg]

They do. I think the boxes are $1,000 each.

[Mike]

Jeez.

[Greg]

And, yeah, and they. And they're. These are not rich guys. These are like. He's a construction worker and his friends are, you know, mostly blue collar, but they pony up for this fucking pool. It's crazy. I. And the crazy thing is who's holding the hundred thousand in cash or in a Venmo or. I don't know how the actual dispersing of the money happens, but there's gotta be some tax ramifications at some point.

[Mike]

Yeah, especially when he takes that 100 grand and quickly places a bet on if someone will say a certain word during a congressional hearing.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And then what else do we got? Oh, while I was down there, a good thing. I think it was Pete Scott who maybe recommended it to us. But I watched the documentary with my dad and Olivia. Miracle. It's the documentary on the 1980 team, the Hockey team. And it really did not go for, like, the waterworks, like tugging on the heartstrings, but it. It kind of did. But the best part was my dad was my dad. And I, of course, I knew, would be fascinated because I remember where I was when that happened with. And Olivia, though, was very into it. They really did. One thing they did very well was just reinforce what a David and Goliath. It was like. It was incredible. And how blue collar and middle class, at best, middle class. The players for America were Mike Aruzioni, Captain. Man. They used you see, man, you see his upbringing and how many people lived in the house with him. It was incredible.

[Greg]

But didn't Russia win every single olympics for like 20 years before that?

[Mike]

You know, what I didn't know is we won, I think, in 1960 or something like that. I didn't know we ever did. But they were the absolute best. It was the best goaltender on the planet. And just their players were so, so elite. And when you saw the scores coming up. And they also wiped Madison Square Garden with us two months or a month earlier. Which I had. Which I. Yeah, which I had forgotten about.

[Greg]

Okay.

[Mike]

But. But they. I mean, Olivia literally, like, at one point goes, holy shit. When she saw their run up to our game, it was like 16 to 28 to, like. It was crazy.

[Greg]

Wow. Yeah. I remember there was a movie. Was it called Victory or Miracle on Ice? Was it Miracle on Kurt Russell? Yeah, that was. That was a tear jerker. That was pretty powerful. But Michael Ruzziani was a BU player.

[Mike]

Was four of them. Four of them were BU players.

[Greg]

Right, right, right. Yeah.

[Mike]

Including Craig. The goalies who won everybody's hearts.

[Greg]

Jim Craig.

[Mike]

Yep. And two of them had just lost parents.

[Greg]

Huh?

[Mike]

I know. No, dude, it's. It's. And it's only 90 minutes. That's a good thing.

[Greg]

All right, all right, I. What's going on with this newscasters mom who got kidnapped?

[Mike]

I know we're not doing that story, but I haven't. I mean, that's the thing. People can't believe how little they know.

[Greg]

I've never seen.

[Mike]

The FBI's on it, so I'm sure they're gonna wrap it up real fast. Will they even. Will they even try to catch them?

[Greg]

No, I think if the kidnapper smart. And he knows the FBI is in charge of this, he will go to Epstein's island and just lay low because it's the last place they're investigating.

[Mike]

Exactly, exactly. They should just send memos. I did it to Pam Bondi. And then they'll never be found.

[Greg]

They'll redact it.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Greg]

By the way, shout out to Tim Dillon did an episode about the Epstein files that just came out a couple days ago. That is so fucking good. Tim Dillon is, like, otherworldly as a podcaster. He is so powerful and so.

[Mike]

Well, he just starts screaming and gets on a rant and. Yeah, like, I'm worried from, like. Does he know where he's going? It doesn't matter. He always gets there.

[Greg]

He always gets there. And this one is really good. He's Like a preacher. It's really good. All right, let's get to. The logo. This week is from Jane, who has been a very prolific logo. And this is from Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Apropos of nothing. Except I was going through an old file. We're low on songs and logos. I mean, somebody please do a Winter Olympics logo for us. And we have only a couple songs left, so get behind your keyboards, your guitars, crank us out some new music. It only has to be 30 seconds, and it doesn't need to be more than one or two instruments or acapella. We've had a capella before.

[Mike]

Probably doesn't even have to be 30, does it?

[Greg]

15.

[Mike]

Could we have a jingle?

[Greg]

I guess we should call them Jingos.

[Mike]

Jing. Maybe with an L. Jingles.

[Greg]

Right, right, right.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Greg]

What's jingo? Was that a.

[Mike]

That's one of those words that I was.

[Greg]

A game. It was a game that we used to play in the 70s.

[Mike]

Are you serious?

[Greg]

Yeah. It was called Jingo.

[Mike]

That might be bingo.

[Greg]

Nope. It was called Jingo.

[Mike]

A jingo is a vociferous supporter of policy favoring war. Jingoisms. Yeah, that's how. That's what I mean. I literally knew it since probably high school. And that's one of those words where I'm like, I've lost touch with that word in my brain.

[Greg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Jingoism.

[Greg]

Jingo is a game. Jingo is a Jenga. It's a. No, Jingo. It's a stacking tower game. It's like.

[Mike]

That's Jenga.

[Greg]

No, it's like checkers, and you slide them down into slots. It's called Jingo.

[Mike]

Oh, okay.

[Greg]

Anyway, that'll be in Corrections next week. And I'll say, you're wrong. I was wrong.

[Mike]

Sure will.

[Greg]

The song this week, I should shout out Ray Manslanka, who does amazing work for us. Thank you. He's been on fire in the last six.

[Mike]

Sorry, Ray. Greg has not sent me the song yet, so I haven't heard it, but, boy, am I gonna enjoy it when I get it.

[Greg]

I'm a little off this week. I'm in the middle of 10 weeks on the road, and I'm starting to burn out already. Jesus. I'm not sick, though, which I'm very. I got that. Those drops you told me to use to keep you from getting sick.

[Mike]

Oh, the iodine nose drops.

[Greg]

Iodine nose drops. I started on them today.

[Mike]

We don't need any corrections about them. Maybe they work, but it sounds like they're. They're going to Be a placebo for you. At least that is probably effective.

[Greg]

Well, it is stamped on the side of the box when I got it from Amazon. Not. Not tested by the FDA in any way.

[Mike]

Right, but I mean it is iodine. It is proved to on contact kill things. I don't know the percentage of iodine. Blah, blah, blah. I hope you don't get sick.

[Greg]

All right, couple corrections. Bill Gates. This is from Tim Dilly, who is a rabid corrector of us. All right. Bill Gates never emailed Jeffrey Epstein about getting antibiotics. Epstein strangely emailed himself. Yeah, that was a lot of these were like self emails, huh? It was referring to some. Some speculated that he was trying to set up some kind of blackmail situation. Oh, that's from Toby. That's from Toby. Thank you. Tim Dilley says first. Come on. Raging Bull was in black and white, not color. Okay, I could have sworn I saw a lot of blood, but I guess not.

[Mike]

You do. And it's very vivid, but it's still not red.

[Greg]

Next, please tell your colleague, Mr. Michael Gibbons, he owes me two hours of my life. Back on a flight to Hawaii this past week, I downloaded Train Dreams for the flight. I was sitting in the exit row next to the emergency door. I must have glanced at that door three or four times trying to determine if jumping out the door. Okay, we get it. We get it.

[Mike]

All right, this. So let me break down what this was. This is Tim and a guy so privileged he's flying back from Hawaii in an exit row and he is watching the squalor and the struggling of this frontier guy Lager, who has all the worst luck in the world. And I guess it was a little unrelatable to Tim. That's what I'm guessing. Who still had a lay around his neck.

[Greg]

Yeah, when you're drinking a Mai Tai, you want to see Elvis Presley movies. You want to see, you know, stuff with Beach Boy soundtracks.

[Mike]

When you have flip flops and shorts in an exit row on a plane and you're on your fourth drink being served to you by attractive flight attendant who's put a lay on your head already. Not the time to fire up train.

[Greg]

Dreams Already your sun hat. You're having trouble with sun hat because the back of the brim is hitting the seat rest.

[Mike]

Exactly. You are feeling sadder than the characters in Train Dreams just because the kids pushing his feet against your chair behind you. That's your struggle.

[Greg]

RFM said Mike got something wrong with the Leno this day in history? He asked when Leno left and Conan took over he said 2016. But the last year of Leno's appearance was before leaving.

[Mike]

Probably did. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

No, I know. Conan took over because you want to know the funny thing? So I was on Lopez Tonight. Who? Lopez Tonight was on tbs. They were trying to break into the Late night game and it was, you know, good for them. Like Fox had tried it decades before, but they were going to try to do it. So they got Lopez and we were on Let's. I think it was at 11. And then Conan got displaced by Leno, didn't they?

[Greg]

They moved to 10 o'. Clock.

[Mike]

Yeah, but then he got moved later by Leno. Right?

[Greg]

I think originally.

[Mike]

I think so. I don't know. We don't have to belabor it over.

[Greg]

Kona took over from Leno. It stayed at 11:30. Then when they brought Leno back, they moved it to 10 o' clock and eventually back to 11:30.

[Mike]

They moved him. And the big thing was Conan was the victim of this getting. He was moved because of the money making decisions by the network and all that stuff and by another late night host, Leno, who got in there. So what happens? Conan leaves NBC, he comes to TBS and we're at 11. He pushes us to midnight and he takes over. 11.

[Greg]

That's right.

[Mike]

That's what happened. Yeah.

[Greg]

No, I mean, wow. I'm sorry. Conan. Wah. I never got why people got so upset about that. It's like they put him in at 11:30 on NBC, he didn't get ratings, they fired him. That's it. That's all that happened.

[Mike]

Yeah, I love Conan, but he had this like army of followers who made like the, you know, the, the, the Obama Hope poster and they put Conan's face in there and kind of made him like this figure and he was like kind of the underdog, but boy, if you look at underdog standards, he didn't, he didn't. He didn't check a lot of those boxes.

[Greg]

No. Harvard got. Yeah.

[Mike]

Oh, no. But also his kill penalty out of his deal was sick. 40 million. I forget what.

[Greg]

It was crazy, right? By the way, on Lopez Tonight, did Kate Shellenbach work on that show?

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, definitely.

[Greg]

Okay, so we both knew Kate from the Ellen show where she was started as a researcher, I think, left as a producer, and then she was a producer on Lopez. But.

[Mike]

And then I brought her over to James Corden and she had great. Well, I mean, I'm one of the people, but I like, I put her name in the hat. In the hat, in the ring. God, I can't get. I'm mixing all my metaphors today.

[Greg]

So there's this. I'm just bringing it up because there's this really good documentary about. It's not even a documentary. It's the Beastie Boys. I think it might be on Apple tv, I'm not sure. But it's the remain. Adam Yauck died. And then the remaining two guys, Mike D and Adam Horowitz, do this sort of like. It's almost like a one man show with the two of them on stage at a theater in New York. And they have a big screen behind them and they play video clips and they show stills and they basically tell the history of the Beastie Boys. And they get very, very much into the Kate Schellenbach story, where she was the original drummer for the band back when they were a punk band just coming up. And then she played with them when they first started doing hip hop and then they signed with. Here's the crazy thing. The beastie boys were 16 years old, skipping school and hanging around a. An NYU student's dorm room. Rick Rubin. Rick Rubin. It was crazy. Rick Ruben.

[Mike]

I'm sorry, did I just step on your story?

[Greg]

No, I mean, it's fine. We're like a comedy team, you know, we're like Martin Lewis.

[Mike]

I thought you were forgetting who it was. Sorry.

[Greg]

And. But it was just so crazy because it's, it's Rick Rubin, the Beastie Boys. And then they are basically Russell Simmons third client as a music manager. You know, he had like the, a couple of the original rappers from the Bronx. And then somehow I can't remember how they met him, but he, he kind of. It was crazy.

[Mike]

Ad Rock was in his dorm room and all these demos were coming in. And as the story goes, he, he goes, well, listen to those. Tell me if you like any of them. And apparently he is the one that held up LL Cool J and said, this is good.

[Greg]

Oh, really?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Huh.

[Mike]

And Rick Rubin signed him.

[Greg]

Anyway, so Kate, Kate got fired because when, when he came on board as their manager, Russell Simmons, he said she does not fit the brand of the band because he, he kind of saw them as break. They were gonna break through mtv, they were gonna play colleges, they were gonna be frat guy and they didn't want a lesbian woman in the band. So. And they, they regret it to this day. They, they often talk.

[Mike]

Oh, man. You could tell that documentary, I mean that that section which is a lot on her is.

[Greg]

Oh, you saw it?

[Mike]

Yeah. It's really like a love letter to her.

[Greg]

Yeah. It is.

[Mike]

It's like. And kind of an apology.

[Greg]

Yes, very much so. And I read their memoir and they, they got into it in the memoir as well. Anyway, speaking of apologizing, I am sorry to my wife because I will be in Philadelphia this weekend at the Helium Comedy Club tonight. When you hear this, it'll be February 15th. It'll be my last show in Philly. Next week in Lexington, Kentucky. Then I'll be in Houston, Fort Worth. We got the St. Patty's Day show at the LA Improv. March 17th, Janesville, Wisconsin, Bakersfield, Escondido, Boston. Go to fitzdog.com, get some tickets, come hang out.

[Mike]

By the way, it's a little, little preview of this day in history. What year do you think Yok died?

[Greg]

Longer ago than I thought. I think he died in like 2012.

[Mike]

He did?

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

That's. That is so long ago. It feels so recent.

[Greg]

I know, I know. And they haven't played together since, man. Want to give a shout out also to our new production company, Gotham Productions out of nyc Times Square. Right in the heart of it. Thank you. You guys are doing a great job. And let's also talk about the people that pay us money so we can keep the lights on. It is miracle made sheets. You ever wake up in the middle of the night, Mike? I don't know if you run hot or cold. I run cold. I need sheets that keep me cozy. And yet my wife, who's six inches from me, gets very hot at night, so she needs sheets that adjust to her menopause.

[Mike]

I wish some astronauts could have developed.

[Greg]

Something that could have helped, like NASA technology, like silver infused fabric that regulates body temperature and also gets rid. It prevents up to 99.7% of bacterial growth. How often do you clean your sheets, Mike?

[Mike]

I'm never cleaning them anymore.

[Greg]

That's right. I'm going to the moon in my sheets.

[Mike]

I've told you my little depressing situation. I, I'll. I have a cleaning woman comes here once every two weeks, right? Sometimes at the end of one week one, I'll be like, time to switch to the other side of the bed. And I got fresh sheets. I have fresh sheets untouched. The blanket hasn't even been lifted off of them. I got fluffy pillows. I just go over to that side. It's a whole new room. That's my lonely life.

[Greg]

Well, what's very sad is God forbid you do bring a woman home. She's in the dirty side, right?

[Mike]

Yo, I'm like, no, don't go over there. It's like, it's like when you see beds, like in colonial Williamsburg. They're all in a room. Say they're behind a rope, like, no, no, no, no. Don't sit on or lean on that bed. That's display only.

[Greg]

Anyway, traditional sheets hold on to all this bacteria, like a toilet seat. And these sheets, I'm going to tell you something. I got mine in the mail about three weeks ago. We've used them every week. It feels like you're in the Four Seasons. Like, it feels like the highest thread count. Smooth, breathable, soft, luxurious, and for a price that you cannot believe, especially when you hear about this insane discount that you're gonna get with us. Upgrade your sleep with miracle made. Go to trymiracle.com papers and use code papers to claim your free three piece towel set and save over 40% off. That's try miracle.com papers. Code papers at checkout. HTTPs://on, forward/, forward slash. Do you have to still say that?

[Mike]

Just keep going.

[Greg]

Use code papers. All right, let's get page.

[Mike]

All right, I think I got this.

[Greg]

There we go.

[Mike]

Oh, man. Attorney. First of all, let's lead it off. Well, Attorney General Pam Bondi repeatedly shouted at Democrats during a combative hearing in which she postured herself as the Republican President's chief protector. So the best was the Onion headline this morning was this is all they had a right. Pam Bondi thought that went pretty well. And they, they show her sitting there looking over, and she probably does, but she is just not dealing in reality. Besieged by questions over Epstein, Bondi aggressively pivoted in an extraordinary speech in which she mocked her Democratic questioners and praised Trump over the performance of the stock market. Did you, did you see that exchange?

[Greg]

No.

[Mike]

At one point, they're like, well, she's like, there's no, like, wrongdoing. And then the senator shows the Congress shows the wrongdoing and goes, so, are you going to prosecute on this? And she goes, why are we even. Do you see where the stock market is? Why isn't the focus? It's like, what? Why is.

[Greg]

Yeah, I'm sure the abuse victims are cheered up quite a bit when they heard that Nasdaq spiked above 22,000.

[Mike]

I mean, the attorney general all of a sudden just pivots into talking about the stock market.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So then she goes, you sit here and attack the president and I'm not going to have it. I am not going to put up with it. Translation, I am not going to do my job. Which right now is to answer questions. And I'm also not going to do it in general or where. My job is to not conceal evidence and to pursue crimes. I will not put up with any of that. I'm. In her opening remarks, Bondi told Epstein victims to come forward to law enforcement with any information about their abuse and said she was deeply sorry for what they had suffered. But she refused to turn and face the victims when she was asked to do so and apologized for what Trump's Justice Department has put them through. She accused the Democrat of. Of theatrics for asking her to just make eye contact with them and recognize them. In fairness, Bondi then did say she didn't want to see the woman as they're no longer that attractive and they're way past their prime.

[Greg]

Oh, my God. They're old hags.

[Mike]

She didn't want to look at them. Yeah, but I'm sure these. Oh, yeah. There you go. Right. All right. What? Wait, did you. Is this what you wrote in there?

[Greg]

If she got. Oh, yeah. Now, like, she got so angry at the people asking her questions. It was, like, seething. Like, you can't imagine that she could have a husband or relationships with friends. And I thought if she got this upset at the men who committed pedophilia, we might be making some progress. Oops, we're off the algorithm. Oh, yeah, I just said pedophilia. We're no longer getting paid. That's how fucked up this country is right now that we are being financially penalized for questioning. Why pedophiles are not facing justice when their names are sitting in the documents where the government is blacking out the. The names of guilty pedophiles. And when we mention it, we are financially penalized. That's where we're at right now.

[Mike]

If I redacted you, could I get paid for this podcast?

[Greg]

Nope. Oh, I get. I control the purse strings, as you've noticed over the last year.

[Mike]

Block out your face. Yeah. I have not gotten. I have not gotten restitution in quite a while.

[Greg]

I didn't know who owed money at the end of 2000. 20, 25.

[Mike]

That's how good times are. Hey, we should teach while we go teach a class and starting your own business. You could do accounting if you want, but you might find some surprises.

[Greg]

Oh, my God. Thank God for these NASA sheets.

[Mike]

Oh, I know, right? All right, next story. Israeli soldiers are accused of using polymarket to bet on strikes. One of the reservists and a civilian were indicted, by the way. They were indicted. A Shin Bet said so. I'm Reading this story and I see Shin Bet, I'm like, oh, that's the name of their Poly Market. No, Shin Bet is the. Betting is the, the name of the country's internal security agency. They maybe change the name when they're looking into the Poly Market scandal.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So Poly Market lets people place bets to forecast the direction of events. They wager on everything from the size of an interest rate cut to the winner of the League of Legends video game tournaments to the number of times Elon Musk will tweet in the third week of February. I'd like to bet on that. The arrest followed reports of a series of Poly Market bets last year when a user correctly predicted the timeline around the 12 day war between Israel and Iran. And that one to me seems easy. That's like, can you bet on who's buried in Grant's tomb? Or when was the battle of 1812? The war of 1812. Like, that one's the 12 day war between Israel and Iran. I think I would have gotten that right.

[Greg]

Also, I just want to point out one thing. I was on Rogan last week and somebody was talking about like they, they were showing like a tweet from somebody and they were talking about Jews and, and they had a picture of a juice box. And I go, why is juice box like. Because you can't say juice or you get flag. I go, why is there a picture of a juice box? Literally took me like 30 seconds ago. Oh, juice box.

[Mike]

Nice. Yeah, yeah. It's like when we're supposed to say grape. Yeah. Again, juice box could cover that for us. The account in question raked in more than 150 grand in winnings before going dormant for six months. It resumed trading last month. Betting on when Israel would strike Iran. In recent months, polymarket has been hit with repeated controversies about insider trading. People bet on when Maduro was gonna be and then there was a winner there, like when he was gonna be ousted. Someone bet the day before. Among the questions with the highest trade volume on Poly Market currently is when Washington will carry out military action against Iran. The current trading volume is $238 million. So here's our bet, Greg. The market sees better than even odds. It's a 53% probability that the US will strike before the end of June. What do you think?

[Greg]

Well, it is bombing season attack.

[Mike]

Oh, okay.

[Greg]

I mean, this is, it's a romantic time of the year to, you know, throw down missiles on poor people in brown countries. So I'm going to say yes, I'm going To say before the end of June, we rained down terror on Iran.

[Mike]

Okay, I was going to say the same thing. So let's find our date. What about before the end of May?

[Greg]

I'll take that.

[Mike]

Huh. What about before the end of April?

[Greg]

I think it's next week. Because this Epstein thing is heating up and there's only so many times you could say you're gonna invade Greenland before you have to actually strike somebody.

[Mike]

Okay, here it is. You ready? There is a bet, and there's more than 12 million on this, that we will attack Iran or strike Iran before February 28th. They think it's a 16% probability, but. But I kind of. I would make that bet. You want to make it? So why don't I give you two to one odds we'll let the 20 ride? I owe you. Geez. I owe you 20 right now. Yeah, so I owe you another. I'd owe you 60 if I lose this bet.

[Greg]

No, that's not good odds. 16% you should be paying me. No, seven or eight times my money.

[Mike]

Then I'll take the. Fine. I'll take the bet. I think we're going to attack before February 28th.

[Greg]

Okay, so if you lose. If we don't by February 28th.

[Mike]

Well, now you have to give me odds. People don't want to listen to this. We're going to handle this off air. That's the bet we're going to make.

[Greg]

Okay, how about this? Will Ghislaine Maxwell get pardoned? Would you take that bet?

[Mike]

Nope.

[Greg]

So you think she will get pardoned?

[Mike]

Well, here's the weird thing. She wants exoneration from the guy she's going to rat out. But the main reason she won't get it. Although I think that is the main reason. But the main reason she won't get it is because she's very consistently lied under oath. So there's no value to what she says because it can be so discounted by the other side.

[Greg]

Yes. All right. Second bet. Bill Clinton is about to go into an open door session. He is going to testify on camera about his involvement with Epstein. Do you think he will incriminate himself or Trump when he does it?

[Mike]

Well, he's smart enough not to. He won't incriminate himself. But will he. Will he get sort of cornered?

[Greg]

Well, all right, let's say this. Will he incriminate Trump in any way?

[Mike]

Well, that's a tough bet to make, but basically with the Clintons, who both graduated Yale Law School, what they. The chess game they were playing is by first of all, they wanted it in the open. But now I think, I think I might have this right by purposefully going in contempt first, I think they triggered discovery and that's what they wanted to do because Trump would be under that discovery also.

[Greg]

Oh, interesting. Okay, right.

[Mike]

I might have some of that wrong. But I do know the goal was triggering discovery process because Tim Dillon's whole.

[Greg]

Rant was about how, you know, Hillary, all she ever wanted in her life was to be president and that she doesn't give a fuck a about her grandkids and she doesn't give a fuck that her husband's cheating on her every other week. She just wanted to be. And now that that's not going to happen, she's got nothing left but a final desperate shot at Trump. That's the only thing that'll bring her any validation. So. So they're willing to take the shot.

[Mike]

Another thing she wanted was to order pizza for her staff, which the right turned into Pizzagate and accused them of a child sex ring out of a pizza store, a basement of a pizza store in D.C. the store, of course, not having a basement at all. And the poor guy, I think was driven out of business. But now, and I don't know how much we can believe this, but man, if you can believe the amount of times the word pizza comes up in the Epstein files, which is actually a fact, but they might be like fake emails, I don't even know. But it in fact is a code word for exactly what they were saying. But it's these guys on the right.

[Greg]

Well, now it's becoming some kind of.

[Mike]

Or Epstein, Epstein friends. I shouldn't say guys on the right, but just horrible people affiliated with Epstein.

[Greg]

Well, now there's a flex going on among comedians about who's in the Epstein files. Like Whitney Cummings is in the Epstein Files, and I think it's Louis J. Gomez. They said they were going to go see her perform in Palm beach as like Epstein was planning on going to see her perform in Palm Beach, Florida at the Improv. And I think it was the same thing. I think it was like whatever comics were touring through Palm beach ended up in the Epstein Files.

[Mike]

He must have thought she was a lot younger. Yeah.

[Greg]

All right, let's get to Switzerland.

[Mike]

Here we go. Switzerland is going to vote on, or might vote on, capping its population at 10 million people. Proponents of the initiative, led by the anti immigration Swiss People's Party that has the most seats in Parliament, have tallied enough petition signatures to put the issue on national ballots June 14. Passage could trigger a new showdown with the rich Alpine countries, European neighbors. The federal statistics office said Switzerland had 9.1 million people as of the end of 3Q25. The proposal would make a law that both Swiss citizens and foreigners with residency papers must not exceed 10 million before 2050. If the population reaches 9.5 million before then, the government would take steps such as asylum, family reunification, residency permits and a bunch of other measures.

[Greg]

Family reunification, that sounds like such a nice way of kicking somebody the fuck out of your country. We're going to re. We're going to reunite you with your family.

[Mike]

They would also start randomly killing people. I think that's what they would do there to keep it under like once they hit 9.5. Yeah, but listen, Switzerland, here's why you're not getting more sympathy. I thought about this. Every picture we see of Switzerland, it is a gigantic landscape with cows eating and not a human in sight. It's just Alps coming down to these meadows. And it's just the most open spaces, zero sense of crowding. So start getting rid of the fat cows. Why don't you do that first year your milk chocolate producing cows. Then we'll start listening. Also, Switzerland is over twice as big as New Jersey. But New Jersey has 750,000 more people than Switzerland. Swiss Jersey needs to start exterminations to get its numbers down.

[Greg]

Oh, I'll help out with that. I'll volunteer. But it's also, Switzerland is like. I mean I. The only thing I know about Switzerland is the army knives, the chocolate, the watches, and the Sound of Music. And based on the Sound of Music, maybe don't have 11 kids in each family. That'll cut things down a little bit.

[Mike]

Germans were trying to do their part. They saw the problem coming. They would have, they would have gone to town.

[Greg]

And you know, I know we're a little bit tight on space in this country right now, but I'm sure we can make a little space for some of these five, 11 blonde haired hotties whose families are in the banking industry. I mean, if they're getting rid of them anyway. Well, we'll take a couple, whatever.

[Mike]

Yeah, why not send them our way? What was your plan? How did you used to loosen up and breathe a little? Breathe a little better? Back when you were in the city.

[Greg]

I would slip into the darkness and I would take one human life, see. And I know it doesn't. That doesn't really make the city less crowded, but it just feels. It's what they call an Adjustment. An internal adjustment.

[Mike]

Yeah, you breathe a little deeper, a little easier. Perfect. All right, we got what's called an ethical question. Okay, you. Someone sent one in.

[Greg]

It's your turn. But this one came from Manilow. Matos. Manolo Matos. That sounds like some kind of Eminem stiletto heel. Is it okay to keep sexually explicit pictures of you and your ex wife or girlfriend after the relationship is over as a token for personal use to masturbate?

[Mike]

Wow.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So he had a friend.

[Greg]

I have a friend that had a podcast with his wife, and I sent him this question, and it almost broke their marriage. He said yes, but she said no way. The answer turned into a huge argument on the podcast.

[Mike]

Of course she said no way. Well, you pre. You predate this, Greg.

[Greg]

How's that?

[Mike]

Well, what do you have? Polaroids, Sketches? Do you have a sketch artist with all your ex girlfriends?

[Greg]

I never once. No, no, no, that's not true. We know. I never had any photo. I never had any nude photos at all of any ex girlfriend. I never saw a nude photo of a girl I was dating. Like, I'm that old. And that's true.

[Mike]

I didn't think about that. But what's happening now is it's when you're flirting and you're like you're in another city or whatever it is, or you're in your. You're each in your own apartment, and then you send pics.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

That's why. What threw me on this is explicit pictures of you and your ex wife or girlfriend. I'm like, pictures of me?

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

What are you talking about?

[Greg]

I will say this. We were cleaning out my aunt's basement in the Bronx a couple years ago, and I found this box filled with love letters from my ex girlfriend. You remember Cindy from college?

[Mike]

Yes.

[Greg]

She studied abroad for a semester, and we wrote letters, like, every fucking day. I had this box full of letters from her.

[Mike]

Wow.

[Greg]

And they were very loving. And I found them and I debated it for two days whether or not to keep them, and I ended up throwing them out.

[Mike]

Really?

[Greg]

Was that the right move?

[Mike]

I don't know. What was the argument in your head for keeping them?

[Greg]

Well, it was kind of a journal of what my life was like at that age. You know, Aaron wouldn't have.

[Mike]

Eren wouldn't have been threatened. I don't know if, like, I don't know how old your kids were. If one day they would. Well, they wouldn't want to see that. But, yeah, it's like a time capsule.

[Greg]

I just felt like I've never loved anybody the way I love her. And I wouldn't want her to read those and think that I had because I, you know, you're 19. Love is excessive at that age.

[Mike]

Well, the good news is she wouldn't have seen your letters to Cindy where you're like, oh. And you circle the little wet mark like, oh, that's a tear because I'm feeling so close to you. And this is my big jizz stain over here because I'm feeling so close to you. And I always come when I cry.

[Greg]

Yeah, so she would have been so wet letter. Jesus. I wonder if they'd even take that in the mail.

[Mike]

What, did you have some NASA ink so you could write through the soaking wet paper?

[Greg]

Yeah. I did not want to lick the envelope when I was done, I'll tell you that much.

[Mike]

Here are some rapid fire ethical questions for Gregorius.

[Greg]

Here we go.

[Mike]

Can I cut ties with a friend who helped me through a hard time? As I recovered from my heartbreak, I started to notice he had some views that I couldn't disagree with more.

[Greg]

I think you can downgrade. You can downgrade a friendship without ending it.

[Mike]

Right?

[Greg]

I think you can have boundaries around somebody and you always love them, but you may not want to spend a lot of time with them.

[Mike]

The catch is, you're going to have to console them when you break up with them. You do owe them that. You do owe them that. My cousin is about to become homeless. How much should I give up for him? And then the next subtitle is. I've eaten PB and Js for 35 years in an effort to have a retirement where I can do what I want. So this is the old grasshopper and aunt, I think, right?

[Greg]

The say, well, first of all, if I'm the homeless cousin, I probably got more than one cousin. And I'm not going to be approaching the one who eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day.

[Mike]

Yeah, no, he's not only homeless, he's going to be on life support. He has to be unwatched for. For ending it. Yeah, I'm trying to find euphemism so we don't lose more of the algorithm. Yeah, we're. My. My neighbors are last one. My neighbors are running an auto shop in their driveway. What should I do? I'm afraid that even a code violation could draw attention from ice. Huh?

[Greg]

Yeah, My. My sister has a nextdoor neighbor and they. They came in and they bought the house. Here's the thing. They used to be best friends with the people that Lived next door and they used to go to the. They had a nice pool in the backyard and they spent the summers at the pool. My brother in law would clean the pool for them for free. But they were like literally best friends and they would spend the entire summer sitting on that deck. And then the best friend moved away. New family comes in and they find this app where you can rent out your pocket pool to strangers. So now every day there's another family of 14 splashing and screaming and blasting a radio in the back of this house that used to be their pool.

[Mike]

Oh, no, that's crazy that there's even an app like that.

[Greg]

I know I, I would. I think I would drop a dime on that because that feels I. Maybe the parking. I don't know where you'd get them, but I would do whatever I could to make that situation end.

[Mike]

Is there an app that you can say, I have a garden hose in the back of my house. Go to town.

[Greg]

I have, I have some lie that I'm going to slip into the water overnight.

[Mike]

Oh, my God. All right, that is our ethical questions. I don't think you passed very, very convincingly. And now we're going to make America. Wait for it. We are not doing Florida this week. We have two. Stay tuned for the juicy one, really juicy, which is Make America Texas again. But first we're going with Make America Wisconsin again.

[Greg]

Whoa. These are never northern states. These are always Mississippi and Alabama.

[Mike]

True, true. But we got Texas coming up. But here we go. Make America Wisconsin. Drone technology helps the Staughton police. Oh, this was sent in. You should look up and give this guy credit. Whoever sent this in. Drone Technology helps police catch serial defecator using park as a public Bathroom So this is in Stoughton. I'm probably mispronouncing that. Wisconsin. A drone helped Authorities arrest a 46 year old woman who was repeatedly using a park as a public bathroom. The police said it received dozens of reports from people complaining about finding feces and used toilet paper in a park along a walking path. Police noted that the woman is not homeless. And this is the worst part. And they believe she does not have mental health concerns. No. When we first learned of it, we thought it was going to be isolated. But then with neighbors and users of the park continuing to call us to complain about it, I realized that it wasn't going away. Yeah, it's like, it's like you stepped in it and it's in your shoe. It's, you know, you're not getting rid of that.

[Greg]

Right away. And if you write her a ticket, she's just going to wipe her ass with it.

[Mike]

That's exactly what's going to happen. Now, there is the drone footage. I sent it to you. It's in the doc. And they used what looks like a heat sensor or heat detecting camera. And you see this blue. I guess that's the park. And then you see the figure with arms outstretched and you could see the body heat. And it should be noted that was a hotter red right before they duked it out. Before the. Before the drone flew over. I'm surprised we can't see the mess behind her.

[Greg]

I like the posture, too. It looks like a referee and somebody just kicked a field goal.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Celebrating the deuce.

[Mike]

Yeah, well, it went through her. Kind of uprights her cheeks. So she split them. She bit.

[Greg]

I can understand this. I've been in Wisconsin. You eat a lot of cheese. You can't always plan out your bathroom visits.

[Mike]

It's also fun to watch it sort of steam in the cold.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So there's also.

[Greg]

That's why. What's the big deal? This is an easy cleanup. This isn't a Louisiana shit. That's all mushy. This is rock hard. Just grab it with a couple of sticks through the bushes.

[Mike]

The park is probably popular with dogs, too, but only in Wisconsin would you assume. No, that's a woman's crap. That's a woman's crap right there. That I almost.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

All right. We're gonna make America Texas. Here it is. Oh, this is a doozy. Texas dad fatally shoots own daughter after big argument about President Trump. A Texas man. Wait for it. Will not face charges after gunning down his daughter after they got in a heated argument about Trump. So right out of the gate, I'm hoping she, she was the Trumper and that's why he's not being charged. And then I remember the name of this segment is Making America Texas, not Vermont. So we're not going to be so lucky.

[Greg]

I'm also guessing somebody bought a couple of Trump bitcoins before not being charged with the murder.

[Mike]

That's a distinct possibility. Lucy Harrison, who was visiting from the UK where she now lives, died of her wounds after the 23 year old was shot in the chest at her father's home near Dallas. Her dad, Chris Harrison, admitted he was an alcoholic who had relapsed and drank three glasses of wine on the day of the shooting. Three. Why are you even talking to us about three glasses of wine? Like, oh, I, oh, I can't Believe I. Well, I shot my daughter. Yeah, but, I mean, guys, I had almost half a bottle of white wine.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

The argument started when Lucy pressed her father about an unspecified hypothetical scenario regarding a woman who had been sexually aid. Are we allowed? We're already off the algorithm. Assaulted. How would you feel if I was the girl in that situation and I'd been sexually assaulted? She asked her father. Chris shot back that it wouldn't upset him that much because he had two other daughters who were living with him.

[Greg]

Oh.

[Mike]

You know, that seems fine to me. I do that with my daughters. I do that with my daughters. I pit them against each other. And if one's one's my favorite daughter, by the way, do you know I do do that. I have the list of favorites, you know, in your phone. And I always remind Olivia she's second. I show her. I show it right to her face. A few minutes before they were going to leave for the airport, Lucy's father took her hand and led her to a bedroom. 15 seconds. No, no, that sounds worse than what happened, which is she was shot and killed. Fifteen seconds later, there was a loud bang, followed by Chris squeeze screaming for his wife. The dad said, as I lifted the gun to show her, I suddenly heard a loud bang. I did not understand what had happened. Lucy immediately fell, he said, admitting he couldn't recall if his finger was on the trigger. I mean, what. What do you think happened? He should have been like, it was either my finger or more likely an immigrant's finger. I think it was an immigrant's finger. I don't recall seeing one in the room. But we're in Texas, odds are right. Chris said he fully accepted the consequences of his action and that there isn't a day I don't feel the weight of that loss and I'll carry it the rest of my life. Good for him. He fully accepts the consequences of not even being charged for manslaughter. How are you doing it? How are you accepting those consequences?

[Greg]

Well, three glasses of wine law.

[Mike]

Lucy's mother, Jane, described her late daughter as, quote, a real force of life. She cared. She was passionate about things. She said. She loved to have debates about things that meant a lot to her. And I'm thinking those aren't exactly the warmest things you're saying about your daughter. It sounds like MAGA mommy didn't like her daughter having ideas of her own and getting lippy.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's what that reads like, right?

[Greg]

You don't talk to your father like that. Get him. Get her.

[Mike]

Well, My daughter, well, she was a real force. And when she cared about something, she got in a lot of debates. Yeah.

[Greg]

That's insane. So he has two other daughters at least. So I think these two are going to be real quiet around dad for a while.

[Mike]

How, how are you going to vote today, Dad, A couple of years from now?

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I'll go with you if you want.

[Greg]

All right. An AI safety researcher has quit US firm Anthropo Anthropic with a cryptic warning that the quote, world is in peril. In his resignation letter shared on X Marine, Mac Sharma told the firm he was leaving amid concerns about AI bioweapons and the state of the wider world. He said he would instead look to pursue writing and studying poetry and move back to the UK to, quote, become invisible. He said in his resignation letter his contributions included investigating why generative AI systems suck up users, combating AI assisted bioterrorism risks, and researching, quote, how AI assistance could make us less human. So now he's gonna write poetry.

[Mike]

There are so many.

[Greg]

Here's his first poem. You wanna hear his first poem?

[Mike]

I do. I do wanna hear.

[Greg]

Okay. There once was a thing called AI and billionaires used it to spy. It stole lots of data. But that doesn't matter because AI doesn't care if we die.

[Mike]

Did you write that or did I?

[Greg]

I did.

[Mike]

I was going to say AI would never rhyme matter with data.

[Greg]

I'm from the Bronx. I was born in the Bronx.

[Mike]

Yeah. Matad Data. Matadata. No, it was a scary week. There was a lot of news stories actually, because I guess it just reached some milestone where it's, it's learning is now it's in the geometric sort of growth. But it's. One guy had said. Oh, another thing that came out this week is a couple of more than one independent study. I believe they suspected this. Then they tested for it and it was confirmed. AI can tell when it's being tested and behaves better and is more like takes direction and doesn't do things on its own when it knows it's being tested and then, and then when it's not tested, it gets a lot more autonomous.

[Greg]

Oh, my God.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Greg]

That's insane.

[Mike]

So, but more than this, the other study was trying to see it's predicting its effect on all the industries and it is so taking over especially the entry level jobs of almost every industry. Yeah, I mean, they went into law. They went into so many areas.

[Greg]

Well, yeah, because law, the first few years of law, as a lawyer, you're just doing research and they can do a week's work worth of work in about five minutes with AI, But.

[Mike]

Oh, it's even less. But in looking over contracts and all that stuff. Well, and then a guy. A guy. Oh, here, I'll read it to you. Diggy sent me. Did you see the fight? AI created a fight between Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. Now it's pretty. It's pretty. In fact, my joke was it'll seem weird because the fights will probably look real versus, you know how Hollywood fights look now. Yeah, but no, it's. So here it is. So the writer, it was a tweet. The writer of Deadpool and Wolverine, this guy Rhett Reese Base says, I hate to say it, it's likely over for us. And then there's the fight between Cruz and Brad Pitt.

[Greg]

Oh my God.

[Mike]

Hey, I didn't get it. Totally right. Tom Cruise looks pretty hetero.

[Greg]

Yeah. And Brad Pitt looks a little like Patrick Swayze.

[Mike]

Yeah. So maybe, maybe we're safe. Although I'd see that fight too.

[Greg]

We got another year. All right, let's sports. Let's get to sports.

[Mike]

So we have two different stories here. You put in such a positive one.

[Greg]

Four days after Breezy Johnson's Winter Olympics began with skiing's downhill gold medal, her boyfriend proposed to her. Gave. Gave her a. Gave her a ring. It's a silver ring. Which do you want to give at the beginning? So she wins a gold medal, he gives her silver. So just to let you know what marriage is, it's a giant disappointment. It's a downgrade right out of the gate.

[Mike]

You're on the second platform, not the high one.

[Greg]

Yes, yes. Anyway, get to your story.

[Mike]

So Norway's. This, this story got pretty big this week. This skier from Norway, Sterla home. He won a bronze medal in the 20 kilometer biathlon and used his post race interview in the middle of him having just won to reveal. He said, while it is. He goes. While it is an amazing day. He also then confessed that he had cheated on his girlfriend. No one knows why he did it. In this moment, quote, six months ago, I met the love of my life, the world's most beautiful, sweetest person, he said while crying. And three months ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life and cheated on her. This is in the Post interview?

[Greg]

Yeah. Right.

[Mike]

So this guy, 28 year old guy, he won the gold last Olympics in 2022. And then he's a seven time world champion in five different biathlon disciplines. And he expressed his desire to share this metal moment with his Partner. But also he wants to share the bronze. Did he share the gold with his side piece? That's what I'm wondering.

[Greg]

Yeah. Yeah. She got the good shit. And by the way, if you want to date someone who's not going to cheat, don't date a biathlon. Date a guy that plays one sport.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Greg]

And focuses solely on that.

[Mike]

He's bi. What'd you think was gonna happen? The chances are much larger.

[Greg]

And he's. Wait, what does it say? He cheated on her. And he announced it.

[Mike]

He's come out since, by the way, and said he's sorry for going public with. Because she's very upset at it also. But he's sorry. He's sorry he brought his personal life into that Olympic moment.

[Greg]

Oh, God. He's not the only one cheating in the Olympics this year. Have you seen the Fill in the Blank team?

[Mike]

What? No.

[Greg]

What now? I just said I was. It was just a joke that I didn't have a punchline to.

[Mike]

Oh, I got you. What a loser. There it is. All right, are we skipping to. Where are we? We're moving along.

[Greg]

Let's go down to this day in history.

[Mike]

You got a pally. This day in history coming at you. Let me find it. Let me find the days. Here are the days. We got. We got YouTube. So Chen, Hurley, and Kareem registered YouTube, a website for sharing videos. More than a year later, it was acquired by Google for 1.65 billion in stock. What year was YouTube registered as a website? Give or take three years.

[Greg]

Oh, come on. All right, I'm going to go. 2014, dude.

[Mike]

2005O. I remember when it came out. And then I got obsessed because then I created Toshno in 2000. Late 2008. But I was already going down deep, deep rabbit holes on YouTube, like in comedy Central. Knew I was kind of obsessed with it.

[Greg]

How many hours a day would you say you're on YouTube?

[Mike]

Oh, no, hardly any now. But back then I would just find literally the weirdest for so much funny stuff. But just the big music, all the concert footage. You look up, moments from TV that you remember being embarrassing. Clips of shows. Stand up. Like all the stand up. You couldn't, like, do that before, right? It was wild. It was great. All right. Silence of the Lambs was released. I remember it was released on Valentine's Day. And then a year later, it won. More than a year later, it won all the top prizes at the Oscars. Silence of Lambs was released in American theaters today. In what year? I'm going to give you four years.

[Greg]

Let's see. Jody Foster was still relatively young. Anthony Hopkins was fairly young. I'm going to say 87.

[Mike]

I gave you four years.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

God damn it. 91.

[Greg]

Nice.

[Mike]

I'm surprised you did the math that fast. All right, let me go up top. I had some other ones here. Leon Spinks defeated Muhammad Ali to become the heavyweight boxing champion of the world. No one could believe it. What year was that? Give or take six years.

[Greg]

1979. 78. Nice.

[Mike]

You did it.

[Greg]

Yeah, I did.

[Mike]

I did not know this one. Canada officially adopted the Maple Leaf flag following a royal proclamation with the red on both sides. Then that. That Maple Leaf flag, give or take 40 years. When did Canada officially adopt the maple leaf flag?

[Greg]

1910.

[Mike]

I know. I did that on purpose. I threw you off. It's 65. Can you imagine?

[Greg]

I thought the Royals were out of the picture by 65.

[Mike]

Well, it might be a tricky question, like, maybe they were using it for many years, but that's when they officially adopted it. But it's probably when they started using it also. Okay, give or take five years. When did Fidel Castro seize power in Cuba and become the premier?

[Greg]

I just read a novel about that called Telex from Cuba. So I know exactly when it was. It was the late 50s. I'm going to.

[Mike]

You already got. You already got it.

[Greg]

7:50.

[Mike]

7:59.

[Greg]

Nice.

[Mike]

But late 50s would be great book, by the way. Uh, you'll probably remember this. First of all, we're gonna do two. This one. Just because there's a stat in here I forgot about. American tennis player John McEnroe was born on this day, in what year? Give or take four years. Bonus question, can. Do you know where he was born?

[Greg]

He was born. I'm going to say in Queens, because that's where Arthur Ashe Stadium is, where he famously was the US Open champ or opium champ. And then I would say he was born somewhere between our generation and our parents generation. So 66. Minus 10 years.

[Mike]

56, 59. And I'll give you a second chance, give or take 2,000 miles. Where do you think. Give or take 2,000 miles. Where do you think McEnroe was born?

[Greg]

He was not well born. All right, well, 2,000 miles. I don't know.

[Mike]

Phoenix, West Germany.

[Greg]

No shit. But he grew up in Long island, right?

[Mike]

Totally.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah. His dad was a businessman. Maybe his dad was in the military.

[Greg]

Okay.

[Mike]

I don't know. I don't know how that happened. Okay, Last 1. The NHL became the first North American Professional sports league to cancel an entire season. It was canceled after the collective bargaining agreement between the owners and the players union ran out, give or take five years. When did this season get canceled? The whole season. There was not a season.

[Greg]

91.

[Mike]

2005. I don't remember it. All right, you ended on a low note. No problem. Let's. Let's get to letters to the editor.

[Greg]

Okay, you want to read this first one?

[Mike]

Hey, we just got engaged in Japan. Well, why am I reading this?

[Greg]

Oh, wait, I'll read this. We just got engaged in Japan after dating for almost seven years. We'd love for you to give my boyfriend a shout out because he finally proposed. We've listened to Sunday papers ever since your first episode, and at first I thought it was weird, but now I love it. Lol. In every single Sunday. My fiance's name is Zef Z E F. And I've written in a few times. Asian girl Cara. Okay.

[Mike]

Is that how she. Why would she put the Asian in there?

[Greg]

Well, she knows maybe I have a soft spot for the. For the Asian, so.

[Mike]

No. Maybe that's how she signs everything. Asian girl Cara signing off.

[Greg]

Well, Cara, shout out to you, Zeff. Congratulations. You got.

[Mike]

Both of you.

[Greg]

Yeah, and, Zeff, it sounds like you're not from this country. I don't know what kind of name Zeff is, but if you want to stay in this country, I would suggest you change it to Jeff and Cara. Maybe change it to Karen.

[Mike]

Sounds like German boy Zeff married Asian girl Kara.

[Greg]

Yep.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Greg]

All right.

[Mike]

Or Jewish boy Zeff. Maybe both.

[Greg]

You want to read this next one?

[Mike]

What? Wait a minute. Is this continued? What's that next line with a smiley face?

[Greg]

I don't see a smiley face. Oh, yeah, I didn't read the whole thing.

[Mike]

Oh, I gotcha.

[Greg]

Hey, Greg, since Mike mentioned Secret Mall Apartment on Netflix, I thought you might like to know about the Philly version of Secret Apartment in Veterans Stadium In Philly. I'm sure you are aware that Veteran Stadium Stadium had its own courtroom and jail for rowdy fans. Kevin Sweeney from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I'll see you this weekend, Kevin. I hope you're coming out to the shows.

[Mike]

Yeah, Kevin, it's really comparable. I mean, Secret Mall Apartment had artists who are incredibly cool and creative, and Veterans Stadium has a bunch of degenerate animals who have to be put behind bars.

[Greg]

And.

[Mike]

And they weren't even creative enough to find that space. They had to be dragged there by Philly cops. Yeah, it's exactly like the Secret Apartment.

[Greg]

So they're By Philly cops. And many of them are Philly cops, probably. Exactly.

[Mike]

Okay, Obituary, a quick one.

[Greg]

Well, there's actually two. We'll give a shout out. Before you get to this one, we'll give a shout out to. To Van Beek. What was his name?

[Mike]

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Vanderbeek, right?

[Greg]

Vanderbijk.

[Mike]

Is that his name? That is sad, man. Did people know he was.

[Greg]

He was from Dawson's Creek, right?

[Mike]

Yeah, Vanderbeek. James Vanderbeek.

[Greg]

James Vanderbeek.

[Mike]

Oh, man. Born in 76.

[Greg]

Yeah. And I know our friend Billy Clark worked with him. He directed him and said he was a very nice guy.

[Mike]

I think he might have gotten very religious. Well, and I'm not just saying at the end. I think before that, but I don't know. But there was a video of him when he thought he was gonna make it, but he was very sick. And it's. It's very moving. It's. It was a cool message he gave.

[Greg]

Well, I'd be moving if he found God and then got saved.

[Mike]

That would be very. Is that the story you're gonna write? I keep it real.

[Greg]

Okay.

[Mike]

All right. On a less sad note, because we compare these things, Bud Court, who lived to his. In his 70s, was Harold from Harold and Maude. So I think people are more celebrating and remembering the movie, but he was extraordinary in it. And it was really a Wes Anderson movie. Before Wes Anderson.

[Greg]

Yes. It had the crazy good soundtrack. And ironically, it's about a guy going to a funeral or many funerals. Oh.

[Mike]

And it has the beautifully framed, you know, scenes and. And a lot of the sort of malaise and the, you know, the discontent of the younger characters and the sort of absurd older characters, the parent figures and authority figures.

[Greg]

Quirky. Let's cheer up. Let's cheer up right now and go to the funnies.

[Mike]

There we go.

[Greg]

I don't know how much we're gonna cheer up reading the punchlines from last week's comic caption contest. As you know, every week we give you one frame of a combination, and then you write us some punchlines, you send them to fitzdogradiomail.com and then the winner gets a koozie. So here are the finalists. Last week's comic was me standing in a doorway looking at a dog who had just shit on the carpet. And this is what you guys came up with?

[Mike]

Okay.

[Greg]

Michael said it was with some resignation that actor Odell Snesworth realized he may have failed the audition for Hair. I guess I don't have hair.

[Mike]

Okay, Dude, Odell Snesworth. Is that just a made up name?

[Greg]

I don't know.

[Mike]

Okay. That I like. What? This is what I like about that one. It keeps us guessing.

[Greg]

Yep.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Now you got pariah. Who wrote it Wasn't easy, but Harry was finally able to break his dog's habit of shitting outside.

[Mike]

Do they not realize that you. You're a Harry?

[Greg]

We made it clear last week. We said that it was me.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Greg]

And there is a Sunday papers framed logo on the wall.

[Mike]

So the shitting outside, it's a creative way of looking at the opposite of what they do. But. But there's no indication, like, you've just introduced this concept of the. The dog shits outside. Also, you don't look very happy about the dog shitting. Neither does the dog, but okay.

[Greg]

Finally, Gary said, man says you're shit out of luck. And the dog says, I'm out of shit.

[Mike]

I want to be careful with what I say because I'm assuming Gary's 10, so I don't want to be too critical of Gary.

[Greg]

Well, the return address is from Epstein's island, so I guess there was kids of all ages there.

[Mike]

It's good that he's still getting some joy, you know, and he's looking for fun things to do.

[Greg]

Yeah, well, I think Pam Bondi is cheering him up about the stock market, so.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Well, so we have to pick a winner, Mike.

[Mike]

No winner. No winner. I'm backlogged on the koozies, man. I gotta get them out.

[Greg]

We appreciate. We do pre appreciate your creativity and your time. And I blame myself. I think perhaps this was. This was a user, a viewer, a listener created this piece of art. And it was very nice and I wanted to put it in to appreciate that, but I don't think it was very fertile for comedy.

[Mike]

I'm going to stump people. Also, regarding koozies, I went out, I answered some people in YouTube who claim they never got their koozie. And I said, well, listen, man, I want to make that right, so write in again. Or I said, contact me on Venmo. I don't know if they can, but I checked my Venmo. No one's contacted me. But, Greg, you might have some emails, so get them to me. I will send them out.

[Greg]

I send you every time somebody says they didn't get it, I send it. Right. I sent you two today.

[Mike]

No, they. Oh, they were caption contest winners. I'm talking about the people way back who bought one and never got it.

[Greg]

Oh, I don't know about that now.

[Mike]

What about the guy who was in. Where was he? No. Long Island. Wherever, where I sent it to, right down.

[Greg]

He was going to donate $500?

[Mike]

Yes.

[Greg]

He said he still hasn't gotten it.

[Mike]

That's not true. You're making it up. Well, you didn't send that to me.

[Greg]

He just emailed me yesterday. Still hasn't gotten it. But who knows? I'll. I'll get back to him and I'll try to figure out if we can make this right. But this is time.

[Mike]

How about get the 500? Because obviously the koozie doesn't mean much in this exchange. But. But he has my word. Get the 500. I'll send him two koozies.

[Greg]

I'll send him a Sunday papers. Do we have T shirt? No. What do we have? I'll send him a Fitz dog radio. T shirt sounds good. There we go. All right, next week's caption or comic to caption is two snowmen in the. In the background. They look sad. And then there's a. There's a snowman in the foreground who is melted, except for the top half of his head. And he's got a carrot nose and a top hat, and his stick arms are laying on the snow. And you just see two eyes and a top half of a head on a sunny day, it's very sunny out.

[Mike]

Well, basically, it's two snowman Lost a friend. And the creativity is going to be in. Why did he melt when they didn't melt? So what happened?

[Greg]

Survivor's guilt.

[Mike]

Oh, I like that.

[Greg]

Okay, let's get down to the pros. We've got Helga. Helga is chopping up a ham in the kitchen. And off screen, you see Hagar says, helga, I'm back from my stroll. And she goes, that was quick. And he's got a cake and a sausage in his hand. And he goes, I took a shortcut through the Olson's kitchen.

[Mike]

God, he's pillaging next door.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Huh.

[Greg]

And I. And then Helga goes, oh, I thought that's a piece of Mrs. Olson's underwear on your shoulder. I guess you really did pillage.

[Mike]

Well, that would be the grape part.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Off the algorithm, who cares?

[Greg]

Lockhorns, we got. Loretta's mother is in bed. There's a doctor taking her temperature. And Leroy says, just a bad cold. I was hoping she was homesick. Okay, now we've got Leroy on the train with his friend, and they're on the subway standing up. And Leroy goes, loretta got me A gag gift for my birthday. She baked me a cake.

[Mike]

Oh, her cooking. Loretta's cooking.

[Greg]

It's awful. It must be so bad. And then we've got. Finally, Leroy and Loretta are online for a play call or an opera called Le Troyens. And Leroy says to her, any chance we can cut to the back of the line?

[Mike]

It's a bad attitude, Leroy. It's a bad attitude.

[Greg]

He really doesn't like the opera, and he doesn't like her. And yet he goes, what's his motivation here?

[Mike]

Right? But you know, she's going to be like, you know what? Don't even come if you're going to say things like that. That's. That's the argument on the way home.

[Greg]

Right, Right. I know.

[Mike]

All right. You want to do one more in place of Blondie?

[Greg]

One more. What?

[Mike]

You don't have a blondie, right? They were hard.

[Greg]

Don't have a Blondie. Blondie just sucked this week. It was such a disappointment. Nothing funny, nothing sexy.

[Mike]

Then that's it. I think we've landed this plane.

[Greg]

We land like it. We want to thank you guys for tuning in. And don't forget to support our sponsor. If you're in the market for. For some sheets that are going to make you feel cool or warm, depending on what you like, and keep the bacteria off of you, go to trymiracle.com papers, get yourself 40% off, and that's it.

[Mike]

Yeah, man. And if I'm promoting anything, it would probably be that documentary miracle.

[Greg]

Okay, do it. We're gonna do that. I'll see you guys later.

[Mike]

And I'm wishing you luck in your card game with this mental faculty that you're.

[Greg]

I don't think I'm gonna go. I think I'm gonna cancel.

[Mike]

That's what you should do.

[Greg]

Yeah, I'm gonna cancel.

[Mike]

You know what? Don't get credit for wanting to spend time with Aaron.

[Greg]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike]

Meanwhile, what a letdown for her having you being this. This alert and fun to be around.

[Greg]

Yeah. It's bad enough when I'm at 100%. Jesus.

[Mike]

All right, take an ace.

[Greg]

Take it. EAS.

[Mike]

Paper.

[Greg]

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