Take Out Therapy: “Avoid Family Drama At The Holidays; Help For Empathic Overthinkers”

Host: Rebecca Hunter, MSW
Date: November 21, 2025

Episode Overview

Rebecca Hunter, MSW, therapist and anxiety expert, dives into practical strategies for empathic high-achievers to navigate the challenges of family gatherings during the holiday season. The episode centers on why family differences become amplified at this time, how to set clear boundaries, and cultivate a more peaceful experience—without sacrificing self-care or authentic connection.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Are Family Differences Louder During the Holidays?

• Togetherness Intensifies Differences: Being in close quarters and upholding traditions brings out clashing values, personalities, and histories.
  • “Holiday gatherings tend to put us all in a room together where all of our differences can be seen through so clearly…” (04:10)
• Exaggerated Expectations: The holidays carry sentimental importance, causing people to want to “show up” for loved ones, but often leading to tension and exhaustion.
• Common Aftermath: Many leave gatherings feeling drained, resentful, or self-critical for being “pulled in” to drama.

2. Groundwork for a Calmer Holiday: Planning Your Participation

• Inventory Your Gatherings: Before the season starts, tally how many events you’re attending.
  • “A lot of people have at least two, if not six gatherings… there’s an extra Thanksgiving, let’s have a Friendsgiving, maybe a brunch, right?” (09:40)
• Choose Your Engagement Level in Advance: Decide ahead of time who or what you’ll engage with, and what topics or dynamics you’ll avoid.
  • “Not everything deserves your participation, my friend. You get to choose.” (10:12)
  • Example: “If you’re like, I really am not going to be talking about any politics this holiday, cool. That’s what I mean.” (10:24)

3. Don’t Take Things Personally

• Understand Where People Are Coming From:
  • “People just talk about themselves, right? From their own experiences, from their own fears and their own beliefs.” (12:15)
• Let Go of the Need to Correct or Defend:
  • “You are free from having to correct your uncle about those chemtrails.” (13:04)
• Practice Curiosity Over Judgment:
  • “Just being curious, just sitting back in your seat and being like, huh, that’s a really interesting way to look at life, right?” (13:37)
  • “Curiosity tends to create a lot of emotional space because when we get all judgy, then we’re sort of choosing a pathway for our emotion…” (13:52)

4. Setting Boundaries With Confidence

• Lead With You:
  • “If you don’t want to stay later, just say you’re going to leave early. If you don’t want to talk about certain things, don’t talk about those things.” (15:02)
• Pocket Phrases: Prepare a few go-to responses for uncomfortable conversations (e.g., “When are you having a baby?”). Humor or clarity can give you control and end the discussion.
  • “Having a few phrases in your pocket for the things that you tend to come across… is super clutch.” (15:25)
• Self-Care is Non-Negotiable:
  • “I need to take breaks or leave early. Those are boundaries, friend. Just giving yourself permission to take care of yourself in the midst of this busy, busy season is so appropriate.” (16:04)
  • “You can step outside and take a deep breath…you can say no thank you to the conversation to begin with.” (16:35)

5. The Long-Term Payoff: A Calmer You

• Pre-Planning Brings Relief:
  • “The long-term benefit of a little bit of pre-planning is a calmer nervous system, a clearer sense of yourself and what you’re there for.” (17:13)
• Shift From Reacting to Choosing:
  • “Holiday stress gets way easier when you decide how you want to show up…instead of just having to react to all the things that start showing up around you.” (17:37)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Preemptive Boundary Setting:
  • “Not everything deserves your participation, my friend. You get to choose.” (10:12)
• On Letting Arguments Go:
  • “You are free from having to correct your uncle about those chemtrails.” (13:04)
• On Permission to Self-Care:
  • “Just giving yourself permission to take care of yourself in the midst of this busy, busy season is so appropriate.” (16:04)
• Big Picture Takeaway:
  • “Holiday stress gets way easier when you decide how you want to show up.” (17:37)

Timestamps of Key Segments

• [04:10] – Why family differences emerge at the holidays
• [09:40] – Counting up your holiday events and planning engagement
• [10:12] – Deciding what (not) to participate in
• [12:15] – Not taking others’ comments personally
• [13:37-13:52] – Practicing curiosity over judgment
• [15:02-16:35] – Setting boundaries, using pocket phrases, practicing self-care
• [17:13-17:37] – The benefits of pre-planning and intentional participation

Tools & Actionable Strategies

• Tally and Select: List all your gatherings; consciously choose your level of involvement for each.
• Plan Your Boundaries: Decide in advance what topics or dynamics you’ll engage with or avoid.
• Pocket Your Responses: Have phrases ready for tricky or invasive conversations.
• Prioritize Presence and Curiosity: Stay open and curious rather than defensive.
• Let Yourself Opt Out: Take breaks, leave early, or step away when needed.

Episode Tone

• Warm, direct, and practical—Rebecca’s style is compassionate yet unapologetic. She balances relatable humor (“You are free from having to correct your uncle about those chemtrails”) with clear, evidence-based advice. Her focus is on reducing inner turmoil and making self-care actionable for high-achievers who tend to overthink or overextend.

This episode offers a much-needed roadmap for anyone dreading family drama or overwhelm this season. Rebecca Hunter arms listeners with simple, effective tools and permission to prioritize their own well-being—making space for more ease, clarity, and even joy at the holidays.