Better Self Care With Neuroscience Informed Therapy Skills; Help For Empathic High Achievers

Summary

Podcast Summary: Take Out Therapy (Dec 12, 2025)

Episode: Better Self Care With Neuroscience Informed Therapy Skills; Help For Empathic High Achievers
Host: Rebecca Hunter, MSW

---

Episode Overview

This episode centers on the struggle empathic high achievers face when trying to truly rest and nurture themselves. Host and therapist Rebecca Hunter breaks down why traditional “just relax” advice doesn’t work for busy, sensitive people with active minds, and shares neuroscience-informed strategies for creating restorative rest, not just downtime filled with guilt or mental chaos. The tone is warm, relatable, and infused with therapist wisdom and everyday humor.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Empathic High Achievers Can’t Just Relax

• Many empathic high-achievers feel unable to unwind, even when they know they need to rest. Rebecca normalizes this as a brain and nervous system issue, not a personality flaw.
• Insight: Being unable to relax isn’t “brokenness”; it’s a result of habitual overworking of the mind.
  • Quote: “Oftentimes people blame themselves for not being able to relax. They actually think it's a personality trait...but that's not true at all. They're not broken. They have what they need in order to learn to relax.” (04:30)

2. Overactive Brains: The Neuroscience of Emotional Vigilance

• The brain’s default is to stay in “go mode,” scanning for emotional or environmental cues even during downtime.
  • Quote: “If you just try to go from doing thing to thing to thing, until like, ‘I'm just gonna take a little rest, I need time out.’ It doesn't work like that. The brain doesn't relax when it's in the mode of life.” (08:45)
• Emotional vigilance “steals” true recharge moments by keeping the mind busy and alert.

3. The Real-Life Consequences of Never Resting

• When people are stuck in chronic overthinking, even breaks become draining or guilt-ridden, leading to burnout, disconnection in relationships, and a diminished sense of presence.
• Rebecca’s own journey: She used to believe, “I am not someone who can sit still,” but learned to build restorative pauses into her day.
• Quote: “If I had not learned this skill in the midst of raising my kids, I’d be unhealthy, burned out, and completely disinterested in my life.” (07:41)

4. The Transition Ritual: The Neuroscience-Informed Self-Care Skill

• Key takeaway: The brain needs a transition between “doing” and “being.”
• Rebecca introduces a 3-minute transition ritual to bridge the gap between busy tasks and real relaxation.
  • Picture an “elevation scale” and slide gently from high alert to your ideal rest state.
  • Transition rituals could include:
    • Stepping outside to take deep breaths
    • Writing down repetitive thoughts (“Name it to tame it,” via Rick Hansen)
    • Saying aloud: “I’m going to take a timeout now”
    • Placing your phone away (or “bricking” it)
  • Quote: “It’s sending a message to your mind specifically—because it’s the troublesome party in the whole thing...you have to transition.” (10:45)
  • Notable tip: Declaring your break out loud, whether to yourself or someone else, boosts its effectiveness.
    • Example: “I will go find [my husband] and just say out loud, ‘Hey, I’m gonna meditate for 10 minutes. I’m just gonna have some quiet time in the bath for a while.’ I will tell him. And I’m saying it to myself, really.” (13:07)

5. Practice, Not Perfection: Real Rest Is a Skill

• The inability to rest is “a nervous system, brain-based problem,” not a lack of discipline or willpower.
• Tiny, intentional transitions add up to real presence and restoration over time.
• Prioritize these breaks as necessary to “insert yourself back into your life.”
  • Quote: “Rest doesn’t really work when the brain stays alert, which is why you have to get involved by making a small transition...You deserve real restoration, not a break that makes you mentally exhausted and thinking you’re not able to settle down.” (15:30)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It’s a busy machine, the brain, but the body actually needs to rest. But I know your mind refuses.” (05:45)
• “It’s very healthy to develop the ability to just sit down without being swallowed by mental noise, someone else’s needs, or constant distraction.” (07:02)
• “The lack of ability to sit still or to have a little rest is not a skill problem. It’s a nervous system, brain based problem.” (14:30)

---

Actionable Strategies & Tips

• Create a simple, intentional transition before rest.
• Use physical cues: deep breaths, stepping outdoors, writing thoughts down.
• Tell yourself (aloud): “I’m taking a rest.”
• Minimize distractions: place the phone across the room or use “the brick.”
• Allow rest to be a skill you practice, not something you’re “bad at.”

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Why rest is hard for high achievers: 02:00–05:45
• The neuroscience of chronic mental alertness: 05:45–09:45
• Transition rituals and practical steps: 09:45–14:30
• Real-life examples & reinforcing the practice: 13:07–15:45

---

Final Thoughts & Resources

Rebecca affirms: “You deserve real restoration, not a break that makes you mentally exhausted.” She recommends the Everyday Calm app (her own creation) as a tool for building these neuroscientific, daily practices into your life.

Find out more at takeouttherapy.com
Free class on overthinking available on her website.

---

Episode Tone: Empathic, validating, and practical—Rebecca’s voice is compassionate, direct, and gently humorous. Listeners walk away feeling seen, less alone, and equipped to make small but powerful changes in their self-care routines.

Transcript

[A]

What if tomorrow felt lighter than today? That's exactly why I built you an app.

[B]

I had the rare opportunity to build.

[A]

Something I have wanted for years. A responsive app that uses seven therapy modalities and the wisdom of the experts I lean on to help people feel.

[B]

Better every single day.

[A]

The Everyday Calm app is not random tips, is not mood tracking. It is a real daily practice that changes with you. You wake up overwhelmed. It gives you clarity, work, you feel tense, it gives you grounding. You're stuck in comparison or rumination. It helps you make the shift, it adjusts, it responds, and it teaches the.

[B]

Same tools that actually work in real life.

[A]

If you want your days to feel.

[B]

Calmer and more intentional, try the Everyday Calm app.

[A]

You can go to studio.comrebecca to get it today.

[B]

In this episode, I'll teach you why your br pain has a hard time shutting off even when you finally sit down to rest. And what you can do this week to create that sense of relief you've been looking for. Welcome to Take Out Therapy, the podcast for empathic high achievers who are done with overworking, overthinking and overwhelm. I'm Rebecca Hunter, an anxiety expert and a therapist helping busy, big hearted people like you learn practical skills to quiet your racing mind, overcome self doubt and actually be present in your life. If that sound good to you, you're in the right place. Visit me at takeouttherapy.com any old time. Thanks for listening. Let's get to work. Well hello there friend. I'm really glad that you showed up for today's episode because I think it's really going to help you if you're somebody who has a hard time just kind of relaxing and chilling out. In this episode, I'm going to teach you about why just sitting down to rest is doesn't really work when your brain is still chugging along on alert. How emotional vigilance can actually steal your recharge moments. And of course, I'll give you a simple way to help your mind settle so you can actually feel restored after you take the time out of your day to rest a little bit. You know, oftentimes people blame themselves for not being able to relax. They actually think it's a personality trait. They assume something's wrong with them, but that's not true at all. They're not broken. They have what they need in order to learn to relax. The problem is their brains are simply overworking most of the time. And once I teach people about what I mean by that, oh my gosh, they Always feel so much relief. And also the. They understand the direction that they need to move in to better be able to just chill out when they want to. So today I want to talk with you about what keeps your brain switched on. I work with really busy people, typically the kind of people that have trouble switching out of go mode. You know what I mean? I hear the same thing time and time again about how you've tried to relax. You try to sit down and give yourself a little break during the day, but it's impossible because your brain kicks in and then you start thinking about all the things you have to do, and before you know it, you're not really relaxing anymore. Can you relate to this? I know I can because it took me a really long time to learn what this concept even really means. But the experience is kind of the same for. For most of us. You sit down, you're gonna take a little time out of your day. Maybe your kid is napping or they're at school, or you have a little break in your workflow, or maybe you simply wanna just have your freaking lunch, right? You sit down to rest and your mind just goes on turbo drive, right? Or you lay in bed at night and. And you replay things that happen during the day. Or you find yourself totally emotionally wrapped up in some dynamic that's playing out in your life. Maybe you're one of these people that when you try to take a break at all or any kind of rest, you just start to feel bad, like guilty, like you ought to be doing something else. I hear this a lot from people. Or maybe sometimes you're trying to be with your family, but you're not really with your family because your brain is just completely going hog wild into all the things that you need to do or some dynamic or whatever it's going on about in any given day, right? It's a busy machine, the brain, but the body actually needs to rest. But I know your mind refuses. And it's an exhausting pattern because it makes days feel really long. Like maybe they're a week long, you know? And it's really, really frustrating when we're trying to take care of ourselves and we're not able to do it in the way that we know we should be. It's very annoying. And we start to have this concept about ourself, like, I am just not a person that needs that. Or I hear this a lot from people. And it's basically this narrative about I am not someone who can sit still. Still. Those are the words that I Hear a lot. It's like we feel behind even when we're just chilling out for five minutes, like we don't deserve it. And what happens is that this kind of habitual brain activity and our inability to control it or to discipline it leads us to finding it very hard to be present, to just be in a moment without completely being trapped in our brains. When this happens in your life, the people you're in relationships with, they get a lot less of you. Your presence kind of disappears, right? And the people in our lives can feel this. So it just begins this giant cycle where you kind of know you need to nurture yourself and you gotta rest from time to time, but whenever you do it, it's really difficult, and so you just avoid it. And then you just kind of feel crappy because you're avoiding doing something you know you need to do for yourself. So may I reassure you, I understand the goal here. It is a moment of peace in an otherwise chaotic world that we live in. I know you want to just take a quick pause. That feels good. That feels doable without a bunch of stress. It's really healthy to develop the ability to just sit down without being swallowed by mental noise, someone else's needs, or constant distraction. And I promise you, my friend, there is a way to live each day feeling like a person instead of a robot going through the motions. It. Like I said, it took me a long time to learn this skill. Being able to just rest and nurture myself as the day goes by. If I had not learned this skill in the midst of raising my kids, I'd be unhealthy, burned out, and completely disinterested in my life. So I will tell you, I've gotten great at learning the difference between living for myself and living for everyone else. I take breaks in the middle of my day. I will take a break to read a magazine. I will go sit outside for a while and do literally nothing. We have awesome birds where I live. I will take a break to enjoy some ice cream midday. Okay, I'll. I'll admit it, but that is a break. It's a rest. That moment of quiet. Maybe it's age, but I will argue with you every day of the week. It's skills. I can teach you what I know, both from my work and my studies on anxiety and its related intricacies and from my own experience as a recovered, anxious person and a person that used to identify as. I'm not someone who can sit still. Still. So I think one of the most important things to Understand is that when you're in your life and you go from thing to thing to thing all day long, your brain doesn't relax. It's working on your behalf, right? And so if you just try to go from doing thing to thing to thing, until like, I'm just gonna take a little rest, I need time out. It doesn't work like that. The brain doesn't relax when it's in the mode of life. It's in the mode of scanning for emotional or environmental cues. Right. When the brain is focused outwardly, you're not going to get it to relax without creating a tiny little transition between what I would classify as doing and being.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

So what I'm gonna help you with today is just to create a really simple three minute transition ritual before any break time, before any rest time, before you're trying to just chill out for a hot second. So an example of a transition ritual would be picture where you're at on an elevation scale, right? Picture you're running around all day, bringing people here, bringing people there, getting in meetings, having phone calls, doing some zooms. What are you at? Like an eight. Okay. And where would your ideal sort of reset moment be? Mine would be probably like a 3. So if you're going to go from 8 to 3, picture a slide right there. And understand that this transition that you're going to create between doing and being is a slide. It's gentle friend. It's maybe stepping outside and taking a few deep breaths. It's sending a message to your mind specifically because it's the troublesome party in the whole thing. Right. But also your body that you're transitioning into some rest time. Whether it's five minutes or 10 minutes, it doesn't matter. You have to transition. You could also just write down what your brain keeps repeating to, as Rick Hansen would say, name it to tame it. Right. Because our brain will just keep repeating the same subject over and over again. Unless we're like, hey, dude, why do you keep repeating that? So writing it down actually brings it out of the brain and into the context of your life. So you can take a look at it and be like, do I really want to be thinking about this? Before you go to take a break, unload what's actually going on. And I will definitely say, put your cell phone across the room. Or if you're like me, brick that baby. Use the brick. It's the best tool to curb a cell phone addiction.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It just helps you not use the damn thing for all the ways in which you tend to distract yourself when you're trying to take a moment for yourself. I put the link in the show notes in case you want to find out more about the brick. And another idea is just to say something to yourself. And I would say, like, say it out loud. You gotta bring it out of the brain and into the context of your life. Just something simple like, I'm gonna take a time out now. I'm gonna take 10 minutes to myself. You know, I just realized the way I do this in my life, which is kind of funny because I'm a very independent person. Like, I work by myself. Um, no one's really looking to me to provide anything for them. I've already done all that in my life. My husband's retired. He could care less what I'm doing all day. But when I take a little break time to myself, I will go find him and just say out loud, hey, I'm gonna meditate for 10 minutes. I'm just gonna have some quiet time in the bath for a while. I will tell him. And I'm saying it to myself, really. So if you can just say to yourself, I'm taking a rest. I'm off duty for a hot minute. It's time for a timeout. Whatever you want to say, it's very, very helpful. These kinds of really simple transition actions signal the brain to shift gears. The brain goes, oh, we're outside breathing. Oh, oh, okay, this is what we're doing now, right? The brain goes, oh, you've locked me out of your phone. Oh, geez. I guess we're not doing Instagram now, right? When you're saying things and writing things and being intentional about the fact that you're just going to take a little break, break your brain and your body will follow. So let me reinforce that taking a rest requires a transition from the busy, busy doing of life to just taking a time out. Which as a therapist I would advocate is a hundred percent necessary sometime in the course of your day to insert yourself into your life and take care of yourself, to simply reset a little bit. The lack of ability to sit still or to have a little rest is not a skill problem. It's a nervous system, brain based problem. When people learn to shift out of doing mode before taking a break, actually the break becomes way more pleasant and the recharge that you're looking for becomes possible again. So if you want some support building these kinds of shifts into your life, that's why I built you an app, friend. The Everyday Calm app walks you right through These tiny transitions that help your mind settle. The whole app is designed to help your mind settle permanently over time. You can find that [e-mail] Rebecca there's links on my website, there's links in the show notes. I just want you to understand that it's really important to transition if you want to get good at just taking little breaks throughout the day. And those breaks are incredibly necessary for good mental and physical health. The thing is is rest doesn't really work when the brain stays alert, which is why you have to get involved by making a small transition that will help your mind settle so that you can take a time out. You deserve real restoration, not a break that makes you mentally exhausted and thinking that you're not able to settle down. I hope that's helpful. Thank you so much for spending your time with me today. I really appreciate you being here and doing this work. You know what you can do to thank me? If you like the podcast, I would really appreciate if you could follow it and leave a quick, positive review so more people can find this kind of help. That is how the podcast industry works. And in return I want to give you a gift of a free class on overthinking where you will pick up a bunch of therapy informed skills for disciplining your mind away from all that overthinking. You can grab that [e-mail] and remember, takeout Therapy is an educational resource. Always get the level of support you need for your situation. Visit takeouttherapy.com to stay in the loop and until next time, take really good care of yourself friend.

[A]

What if one simple daily tool could.

[B]

Completely change how you feel by tonight?

[A]

Building the Everyday Calm app has been one of the most meaningful experiences of my career. I finally got the chance to put everything I know into one place. All seven therapy approaches I rely on in the office office every single day. The science from all the experts I trust and the technology.

[B]

It's next level.

[A]

The app pays attention to you.

[B]

It listens to your feedback.

[A]

It adjusts every single day based on how you're doing, what's going on in your life, and gives you exactly what will help you feel clearer, calmer and more steady. If you're tired of feeling overloaded or stuck in your head, this is the daily support you have been missing. Try the Everyday Calm app by going to studio.com Rebecca it's like having me in your pocket.

[B]

What could possibly go wrong.