B (3:52)
This is all the stuff that we carry around with us that we don't really talk to anybody about. It's logistical crap, maybe stuff from the past, ideas we have about our roles in our life. The invisible load is complicated. And, yeah, invisible. Right. It's not just the work that you do in your life, the actions. It's everything behind the actions. It's everything before action takes place. It's things like taking responsibility for the vibe in your house, which a lot of the time includes managing other people's feelings. It's keeping things rolling. Right. Keep the birthday celebration intact, keep the holiday rolling, or whatever season we're in, you keep it rolling. And there's a huge load to doing that. There's like anticipating someone else's needs before they even know they need that. And part of the invisible load, I think, that we don't really talk about is just trying to be the steady person for everybody else because they seem like they're losing it. Right. This invisible load situation, it creates a particular kind of exhaustion, the kind that sleeping at night will not touch. This exhaustion, it becomes your personality. You know what I mean? When you get to this point in life where you're carrying this giant emotional low, you wake up tired, you still feel tired after taking a nap. Maybe you keep taking breaks and trying to nurture yourself, but then your mind, like, jumps in, right? And it really gets going, which interrupts your ability to be present at all in life. And then forget about emotional regulation, knowing how you feel and being able to act accordingly, there become this big emotional swings. This is what it feels like when we're on the brink of burnout. And I know people talk about this a lot in our work together that we turn on ourselves. And maybe you do this too. Maybe you think something's wrong with you, because you can't handle life, because you can't hold all together. The exhaustion literally makes you feel guilty. And I think there's a concern that you won't be able to keep going. And so today I just want to reassure you a little bit that it's fairly simple to back up the truck from this emotional load. To feel like yourself again, to feel lighter, to feel less responsible for everything everybody else, you know, just to feel, like I always say, in your feet, but to just feel steady, like I am running my own life. Yeah. Just to have like some part of the day that feels like it's yours, because it is. I think it's really apropos to talk about burnout in the holiday season because I don't care how much you participate or do not participate in the holiday season, but there's a lot going on. There's a frenzy among us. Right. And maybe you're part of the frenzy and maybe you're not, but we can't ignore that. The season kind of puts a little bit of pressure on everything. The thing is, it's not about a to do list. It's not about the season, it's not about this week or whatever you try to tell yourself, believe me, I've been there. I know all the excuses and all the justification. But here's the thing. Rest only works. And resetting your nervous system only works. And rethinking the way you're living your life only works when you decrease the emotional load that you're carrying. So this week, I want to offer you some ideas about how you can do that. The first place to start is just identifying one place in your life where you're emotionally overextending. Uh, look for red flags of like, you're working harder on behalf of someone else in your life than they're working on their own behalf. And just see if you can reduce your involvement in whatever you find by about 10%. Just don't answer the phone one time or say, no, I'm not going to be able to help you with that today. Not a full stop boundary. Just make some little shifts. So some examples would be like, we got gatherings coming up. It's really easy to overperform in these gatherings. You know, covering all the bases, making sure everything is just so playing a little game where you don't solve all the things at the next gathering could be good for you. Letting someone else carry a task that wouldn't normally be doing much of anything at all at some of these gatherings. Right. Another example would Be not staying emotionally tuned in to everyone else's responses to things. That's a really hard one. If you're an empathic person like I am. We pick up signals of other people's emotional states pretty easily actually. But do we need to and must we engage with that all the time? Turning that off a little bit or ignoring it sometimes is really, really appropriate. And something else to consider is engaging as you choose in any conversations that you have meaning you get to leave whenever you feel like it, right? If you see a conversation heading in a direction that's going to put you and your emotional load at risk, just leave the conversation a minute earlier than usual. My ideas for you are small shifts in the moments of your life where you can totally see that you have the potential here to over extend and do too much. It's not hard to do, is it? And I think one of the hardest skills is catching ourselves in the moment before we do it. That's the real trick. It's not about checking out or not being helpful. It's just about like reclaiming your own agency a little bit. When people start to reduce their emotional in the various ways that they do it, the fog, the exhaustion and the burnout, they start to lift. When you're not so bogged down by all this invisible labor and this emotional load, you're able to be present, actually you're able to be in the tiny moments of your life and it's quite enjoyable, my friend. Your energy will absolutely return when you nurture yourself in that direction. So hopefully today I've given you some ideas about how to do that. But let me tell you, if you want any help identifying where you're overextending and you want to create a clearer plan to just get reset a little bit, just book a session with me. You can book on my website. You don't need to have a consultation call. That's an option if you want it. You can book anytime. @takeouttherapy.com I work with people on a single session mental health coaching basis. It's really fun to just come in, have a session, get some change going and off you go again. Is if you related to this episode, you're probably not tired, you're not exhausted, you're carrying too much, you've overextended your capacity, my friend. And reducing your emotional load will give you back your energy faster than sleeping for three days will. So take a few small steps this week to feel more like you're living in your own life. That self created space that you worked so hard to find. I hope this was helpful. Thanks so much for spending your time with me today. I really appreciate you being here and doing your personal growth work. Here's what I need from you. I need you to follow the podcast and if you like the content here, would you do a quick review? That's how more people can find this podcast and this kind of help. It's kind of how the podcast world works. As my gift to you in exchange to take my free class on overthinking, it's available again on my website. You can grab it@takeouttherapy.com and remember, while Takeout Therapy is a great educational resource, get the level of support that you need for your situation. Head to takeouttherapy.com to stay in the loop until next time. Take really good care of yourself friend.
