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Take Out Therapy: End Overthinking & Overwhelm for Empathic High Achievers
Deal With Your Triggers Easily; A Therapy Method For Empathic High Achievers
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Rebecca Hunter
In this episode, you'll discover what a trigger actually is, why it hits so hard, and the four step method I've taught for decades to handle emotional reactions with more clarity and calm. Welcome to Takeout Therapy, the podcast for empathic high achievers who are done with overworking, overthinking and overwhelm. I'm Rebecca Hunter, a therapist and anxiety expert, helping busy, big hearted people like you learn practical skills to quiet your racing mind, overcome self doubt and actually be present present in your life. If that sounds good to you, you're in the right place. Visit takeouttherapy.com for more helpful resources. Thanks for listening. Let's get to work. Well, hello there friend. I'm so happy you stopped in for today's episode because today we're talking about triggers. Not the trendy kind, but the real thing. What happens in your brain and body when something hits a nerve or someone being triggered means your system is reacting from past pain, not present reality necessarily. And this reaction can hijack your nervous system, cloud your thinking and blow up your relationships. Am I right? Here's the thing. You can't control the world, but your brain and your body thinks you should be able to. People often feel really ashamed for getting triggered or. Or they blame someone else, right? I shouldn't react like this. That person made me feel this way. They shouldn't say things like that or do things like that. But your brain isn't trying to mess with you, it's trying to protect you. Your brain remembers every hard thing that you've been through, even the stuff you have consciously forgotten. And when something in the present feels familiar, it kind of pulls the fire alarm and elevates your nervous system, especially in situations where you feel powerless. And that, my friend, is often at the root of most triggers. We don't like being powerless, do we? The thing is, is you want to try to stay present, not spiral at every trigger, right? The goal can't be to never get triggered because that's just not real life. The goal with with triggers is to notice it sooner, give your nervous system what it needs and come back to yourself faster. That is what the race strategy is for that I'm going to teach you about today. It's a simple four step method that we used to teach in juvenile justice programs and still use with adults all the time. Because it works. When I was first a social worker, I worked with teens in an alternative education program. These were kids who had been through real trauma and were coming out on the other side of legal system, right? We had to teach them emotional regulation in the most accessible, usable way possible. One of the best tools we gave those kids was a worksheet with a car on it. And it was called the race model R A C E meaning recognize, assess, cope and evaluate. When they learn this skill, they practice, they got better, and so can you. Today I'm going to teach you how to use the race method when you're triggered by life's everyday occurrences. So here's a question. Do you know what types of things trigger you? Whether it's getting unexpected critical feedback at work or at home, maybe being interrupted or dismissed or invalidated during a conversation. I think parenting can be really, really triggering because a lot of times you're just sitting in a powerless position trying to get a kid to do something you want them to do, or getting a text that's sort of vague or has an undertone, we need to talk kind of thing. All these are examples of things that can trigger us. And there are many more examples, aren't there? But I want you to understand quickly the physiological process of a trigger. Because when a person gets a trigger, the amygdala, which is the brain's threat detector, fires off an alarm based on past experiences, things that you've been through, things that hurt you before, not necessarily current reality, even though that might hurt you too, right? When that happens, that sets off the sympathetic nervous system, which we talked about on Monday. There's a great little quick lesson there for you about the nervous system. When the sympathetic nervous system gets set off, it releases stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol which prepare the body for fight, flight, flight or freeze. Your heart race is going to increase. You can feel that, right? Your muscles tense, your prefrontal cortex. This is the part of the brain that is responsible for rational thinking. This part goes offline. Let me repeat that. The part of the brain that keeps you rational, emotionally regulated and acting like an adult goes offline when your nervous system goes into a trigger. Essentially the body goes into survival mode before the brain can assess whether the threat is actually real. That's why it's really important for you to understand your role in all of this. So let's walk through the race method so that I can help you out. When you get into a triggering situation, when you feel that rise, that familiar rise in your nervous system, the first step is to recognize, to create some self awareness in the moment and understand that something's actually happening within you. Right here is a nice place to ask a couple of questions, right? You recognize that something's going on? Do a little bit of inquiry. Some examples of questions you can ask are, what's going on with me right now? What am I feeling? What just set me off? And then a little deeper inquiry of what does this situation remind me of? Remember, it's often not about what's happening right now, it's about what it feels like from the past. And that awareness is so powerful. The next step is to assess the situation. Assess the validity of the situation by doing a little bit more inquiry and asking yourself, is this situation as dangerous as it feels in my body? Am I truly powerless right here? Am I truly whatever the trigger is unseen, unheard, unloved, Am I really? Or could there be another explanation? The thing is, you don't want to ever dismiss your experience. This little process just gives it a bit of space to breathe. The race process is a really good example of doing your own work before you involve somebody else in a situation. So now we're to the third step, which is cope. Now it's time to regulate your nervous system because it's all fired up, right? So it's your job at this point to do something to calm it down. See how you're staying focused on your own experience here. There's so many things you can do to calm your nervous system down and you really have to learn to work with it. If you listen to the Monday mini episode, I taught you a little bit about your nervous system. But some things you can do to calm it down are to step outside, take a short walk, maybe move your body, get some nice slow breaths going to communicate with your body that you're actually not really in a threatening situation. And of course, one really important coping skill is just to name what's happening, name your feelings, name your thoughts, right? You don't have to fix the situation right here. Really. You're just working to calm your system and try to process what's happening in a functional way. So those are pretty much the steps to race. There's a fourth step, the E, right, Because after the situation passes, we always want to look back. This is what it looks like to do personal growth work. We have to evaluate, right? We have to reflect on what did we do in that situation, what worked out well, what didn't work out so well. And perhaps you can do some work to figure out what you could do next time you get into a situation where you feel triggered by something. This evaluation step really builds your self trust. It really helps you have that conversation with yourself. And I promise you, over time, if you do this process over and over and over again. You're going to see how far you've come in just very quickly getting a handle on triggers, becoming present and re entering the situation with the maturity and emotional regulation that the people in your life are probably looking for. The thing is, is everyone gets triggered. This is how we grow. I think that triggers are a huge opportunity. Whereas most people feel like every time they get triggered they're like messed up or they're not doing life right. Honestly, being triggered means your system is working overtime to protect you and that you still have some places in life to process and to settle up with, right? But now I'm hoping if you use this race method, you'll have a way to meet that moment with a little bit more self awareness and frankly, self care. Again, the more you use this strategy, the less reactive you're going to become and the more rooted you will start to feel. Hopefully today I taught you that triggers aren't flaws, they're simply signals from your body that it's picking up on something right? The body and the brain react from old pain, not always from current danger. And the race method recognize, assess, cope and evaluate will help you respond with clarity instead of chaos or blowups. Thank you so much for spending your time with me today. I really appreciate you being here to do this work. I release sessions on Fridays and Mondays because sure to subscribe and please do a quick review so more people can get this kind of help. Speaking of which, if you haven't taken my free newly revamped class that helps you stop overthinking everything to death, just grab it@takeouttherapy.com I'd love to teach you what actually works. And a quick reminder that takeout therapy is a great educational resource, but always get the level of support you need for your situation. Head to takeouttherapy.com to stay in the loop and until next time, take really good care of yourself friend.