The Trance of Busy and How Overthinking & Overfunctioning Keeps You Stuck - Take Out Therapy: End Overthinking & Overwhelm for Empathic High Achievers

Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: Take Out Therapy: End Overthinking & Overwhelm for Empathic High Achievers

Host: Rebecca Hunter, MSW
Episode: "The Trance of Busy and How Overthinking & Overfunctioning Keeps You Stuck"
Date: November 7, 2025

Episode Overview

Rebecca Hunter tackles the phenomenon of the “trance of busy”—the compulsive cycle of overthinking and overfunctioning that keeps empathic high achievers stuck in a perpetual state of doing. In her warm, direct, and relatable style, Rebecca explores why so many people mistake nonstop busyness for productivity, how this habit numbs emotion and creates anxiety, and what practical steps listeners can take to finally slow down, reclaim presence, and find authentic calm.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Trance of Busy”: Defining the Pattern

Many empathic high achievers feel overwhelmed not because they lack time management skills, but because busyness has become a way to cope with deeper issues, such as anxiety, perfectionism, and a need for control.
- Quote: “Busyness has become a coping mechanism for anxiety, perfection, and maybe a little control.” (02:16)
Being “busy” has become a badge of honor and a common cultural script—something we say to prove we’re “in the game.”
- Quote: "It’s almost like a cultural thing that we’ve been made to say, to sort of prove that we’re like, in the game, you know?” (03:14)

2. The Cost of Chronic Busyness

Life for high achievers starts to feel like “one long check,” with every hour packed and little space for genuine presence or enjoyment.
The constant race from task to task leaves little intention or satisfaction—people become “heads on a stick,” disconnected from their actual lives.
- Quote: “Every hour is packed with tasks, goals and plans. … We just can’t enjoy the process. It really feels like, just go from thing to thing. Like a head on a stick really.” (05:00)
The body’s nervous system interprets 24/7 busyness as survival mode, impairing cognitive clarity, emotional regulation, memory, and patience.
- Quote: “The nervous system actually just thinks we’re in survival. It thinks we’re fighting for our lives and it stays stuck in that mode.” (07:11)
This detachment leads to “what’s wrong with me?” thinking, but in reality, it’s just depletion—not deficiency.
- Quote: “If you’re relating to any of this, nothing’s wrong with you. You’re just depleted.” (08:42)

3. Overfunctioning as Overthinking

Many clients come wanting to “feel more calm” or “be more present”—what they’re really seeking is a break from uncontrolled, exhausting “hamster wheel” thinking.
- Quote: “Mostly what people say is, ‘I’m so tired of all the thinking. Like, I am just going like a hamster in a wheel.’” (09:14)

4. Stepping Out of the Busy Cycle

a. Recognize the Pattern and Its Purpose

The first step is awareness:
- Notice when you say “busy” or “yes” to everything—these are signals that avoidance is at play.
  - Quote: “Watch for that word busy. ... Watch for the word yes. ... There’s an avoidance happening.” (12:14)
- Get curious: Ask yourself, “What am I avoiding right now?”

b. Retrain the Brain

Chronic busyness teaches the brain that only outcomes matter—anything not productive feels “wrong.”
- Quote: “Your brain thinks life is about outcomes. ... When you experience just silly fun without any productivity, there’s probably some negative emotion going on.” (14:00)
Intentionally schedule three activities per week that are just for fun and NOT productive to slowly retrain your system.
- Ideas: Dancing while cooking, creative hobbies while listening to music. Pairing fun with daily tasks is allowed, but fun is non-negotiable.

c. Embrace Mindfulness and Boredom

Begin to practice mindfulness—being truly present and doing one thing at a time, even if it feels boring.
- Eat and simply eat, noticing flavors and sensations.
- Walk and simply walk, observing bodily sensations and the environment.
  - Quote: “When you eat, just eat, friend. ... Just practice being right there. One thing at a time.” (18:58)
  - “When you go for a walk, practice being on the walk. ... Feel your feet on the ground. ... This is mindfulness. ... It’s the present moment.” (19:42)

d. Accept Incompleteness and Rest

Sometimes, the radical act is to let things be unfinished—to peaceably say no.
- Quote: “Just letting things be unfinished sometimes is just a radical act of training your system away from the trance of busy.” (21:05)
True rest, boredom, and letting go of the need to earn relaxation is, in fact, healing—not laziness or failure.
- Quote: “Remember, you don’t need to earn your rest. Slowing down is not failure. That is a cultural training that we need to ditch. And fast.” (22:00)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“Busyness is a really clever disguise for avoidance, actually. It feels really productive, but it just disconnects you from the life you’re working so hard to build.” (21:37)
“Awareness is the doorway back to peace. So if you can figure out what’s going on, you’ve done half the work, friend.” (13:47)
“We can be busy and still feel calm, to be honest. ... You don’t need to fix your schedule or figure out any hacks. You just need to grab a little of your peace by showing up whenever you can.” (21:51)

Important Timestamps

00:00 — Introduction: Episode’s goals, relevance for empathic achievers.
02:16 — “Busyness as coping mechanism”—why we all default to “busy.”
05:00 — The loss of presence and emotional cost of packed lives.
07:11 — The impact of chronic busyness on the nervous system.
08:42 — Reframing: Depletion, not deficiency.
09:14 — How uncontrolled thinking creates exhaustion.
12:14 — Spotting the signals of over-busyness & avoidance.
14:00 — How to teach (and retrain) your brain away from constant productivity.
18:58 — Mindfulness for busy people: Eat or walk, one thing at a time.
21:05 — Accepting unfinished tasks as part of healing.
21:37 — The great disconnect: Busyness as avoidance.
22:00 — “You don’t have to earn your rest”—general reframe on healing.

Conclusion & Takeaways

Rebecca Hunter’s message is clear, compassionate, and actionable: Being busy isn’t a virtue and won’t fix your anxiety. The trance of busy is a cultural and personal pattern, but you can break free. By noticing your triggers, embracing unproductive fun, practicing true presence, and allowing imperfection, you create space for healing, presence, and authentic calm.

Key Reminder:
“You don’t need to earn your rest. Slowing down is not failure. That is a cultural training that we need to ditch. ... Slowing down, resting, being bored, it’s actually kind of healing.” (22:00)

Recommended Next Step:
Try three nonproductive, enjoyable activities in the coming week and notice how it feels. Name and notice when you say “busy”—use this as your cue to pause and ask, “What am I avoiding?”

Transcript

A (0:00)

In this episode, you'll discover why overthinking and over functioning are keeping you trapped in busyness and how to slow down long enough to feel relaxed and calm again. Welcome to Takeout Therapy, the podcast for empathic high achievers who are done with overworking, overthinking and overwhelm. I'm Rebecca Hunter, a therapist and anxiety expert here to help you stress less, set better boundaries, and finally, relax without guilt. If you're ready to stop people pleasing, take control of your mental health and create real work life balance, you're in the right place. Thanks for listening. Let's get to work. Well, hello there, friend. I'm so glad you stopped in for today's short session. In this episode, you'll discover why empathic high achievers fall into the trance of busy how over functioning is actually a form of overthinking and sometimes anxiety. And of course, I'll help you step out of the busy cycle and reclaim your calm, my friend, because I see this pattern every single week of my entire career as a social worker. Smart, caring people are exhausted from holding everything together. They think they have a time management problem, they have adhd, something's wrong with them for sure. They have some sort of diagnosis that they need help with for not being able to keep up with all the crap they have going on in their lives. But the truth is simpler and a little harder to digest than that. People are just too freaking busy. Busyness has become a coping mechanism for anxiety, perfection, and maybe a little control. I mean, when you ask people how they are and the word that comes up is busy, it's starting to be a pet peeve of mine. Oh, well, we're really busy. Oh, you know how busy I am. But I also experience it in my own life. And then I'm that person who when people are like, well, what's been going on? I'm like, oh, well, you know, we're staying super busy. It's almost like a cultural thing that we've been made to say to sort of prove that we're like, in the game, you know? So today, let's just talk about this a little bit. There's like this trance of busy that we have going on. And I want to talk with you about what is it? What is it at the deepest part of this, like, busyness, what is going on here? I want to teach you how it sneaks up on you without you even noticing and give you some tools to finally step out of this busy culture. And wouldn't it be nice you've Worked your butt off to get to where you are most likely. Is it okay with you if you just enjoy it a little bit, to just lean back into it and just chill out a hot second? If you're somebody who works really hard but also has a partner and maybe some children at home and you just feel like you're not able to be present because you just have all this stuff going on that's really important to address because honestly, marriages survive on presence and children desperately need adults who see them and validate them and are just present. Not perfect, but present. You know, for people who are driven, high achieving people, life starts to look like one long check. I've so been here. Every hour is packed with tasks, goals and plans. Between work, errands, kids, self care, relationship, like everything gets super squeezed in and we can't just kind of enjoy the process. It really feels like, just go from thing to thing. Like a head on a stick really. And in there, I don't think there's really an opportunity to feel like, to feel what all that stuff feels like. To create intention around what we're doing, where we're placing our attention. Like we feel really productive, but it's actually kind of numbing. We're constantly just going from thing to thing, rarely just being in the thing. And the problem with it is that our brain and our nervous system, our whole human system isn't built for this type of nonstop demand. When we're constantly going, going, going. The nervous system actually just thinks we're in survival. It thinks we're fighting for our lives and it stays stuck in that mode, which reduces all the other stuff that the brain and nervous system are supposed to do. Well, when our nervous system is stuck in survival mode, we can't think clearly. Our cognition is crap. We're like, I'm losing it, like I can't remember things. We're impatient, we can't regulate our emotions properly. That system kind of takes a little break break when the nervous system is in survival mode. Cause there's a lot that has to happen there. And I think a lot of people feel this kind of detachment from the life they've created, right? We're just like motoring through everything. We're not really in our lives. And of course then the brain kicks in with its whispers of what's wrong with me? Why can't I do all this? This is just a regular everyday life. I should be able to do more. I should be able to be more present with my kids or be more patient. Listen, if you're relating to any of this, nothing's wrong with you. You're just depleted. Your brain's trying to function. With no rest, no recovery, and no space to process anythingness keeps us from feeling, I don't know, just like everyday discomfort and a whole bunch of emotion, which is what comes with life. So generally, when somebody comes to see me and this comes up a lot, what the goal tends to be is presence. They say things like, I just wanna feel more calm. I don't wanna be super anxious. And mostly what people say is, I'm so tired of all the thinking. Like, I am just going like a hamster in a wheel. But the thinking is uncontrolled, right? So, yeah, we want to slow down, take a deep breath, and feel like ourselves again. In the midst of this craziness that we've created in our life, wouldn't it be awesome to just move through the day, kind of present in whatever we're in? We don't need to rush, right? We don't need to pressure. And when we're present, we remember what matters, which is, like, why we busted our butts all this time to create this awesome life that we're just running around through, you know? So today I'm just gonna give you this quick strategy. Um, I love this expression, the trance of busy. That's a Tara Brock expression. Actually, I believe she came up with that. I want to help you wake up from this trance of busy because then you can step into your life and see what's up and see if you like it and make changes if you don't like what's going on. Make changes in yourself, right? Make changes in your situation or just enjoy what you've created a little bit more. So always, always the first step of change is noticing when you're doing what you do. I always tell people, watch for that word busy. Watch for gives you a lot of information. And watch for the word yes. Catch yourself when you say yes to everything. When you're filling every gap with an activity, there's an avoidance happening. All you want to do is act like a little bit of a reporter and try to figure out what's going on. What am I avoiding right now? Awareness is the doorway back to peace. So if you can figure out what's going on, you've done half the work, friend. And what I would say is we have to teach the brain a different way of performing. Okay? Like, the brain is a very simple machine. And as I've said 1 million times, if you don't learn about your Brain, you're going to have a really hard time getting control of your mental health. And so knowing how the brain works is so helpful. So you got a monkey with it a little bit. And what has happened, probably if you're relating to this trance of busy in your life, is that you've taught your brain it has to be doing something all the time that produces an outcome. Your brain thinks life is about outcomes. It is producing outcomes for you. And here's the thing, there's a whole other part of your brain that's not really firing that well, and that's the part where there's no productivity attached. What you want to do is retrain your system about things like joy and boredom and rest, because your brain doesn't like those things because you've been running so hot. And so when you experience just silly fun without any productivity, there's probably some negative emotion going on. You might notice it as self critical talk or this very judgmental voice that comes in even maybe that's the representation of a negative emotion, which is just a discomfort of not being productive in an otherwise nutty existence. This is why we stay busy, to stay comfortable. Does that make sense? So what you want to do is choose three things every week that are just for fun, no productivity allowed. Maybe it's like three things each week that you pair with other things. Like maybe you're cooking dinner and you decide just to play some fun music and dance while you're doing it. Or maybe you're listening to a podcast and instead of taking a walk, you decide to try a creative activity like drawing or painting instead. So pairing things is fine, fun is non negotiable. This will slowly retrain your brain and also your nervous system to experience joy and silliness. A childlike quality, right? Rest and relaxation. Yeah, maybe boredom. There's a little bit of exposure therapy here because there will be discomfort. And the way to meet up with discomfort functionally differently to retrain your system is mindfulness, which is just this long word to say, choosing to be focused on the present moment, which is kind of boring, actually. If you want to wake up from the trance of busy, you have to catch it. You have to train your brain for fun. And then you have to practice being present, because being busy isn't being present. Right? I like this idea of just practice one thing at a time and call it mindfulness. So when you eat, just eat, friend, just eat food, feel how it feels in your mouth, smell it, experience the tastes and the different sensations that come every single time. We eat. Whether you're eating a carrot in front of the refrigerator or a beautiful meal that you made, just practice being right there. One thing at a time. When you go for a walk, practice being on the walk. Feel your feet on the ground. Feel your body as it moves. Look around you. Are you in nature? Is there anything interesting to look at? Can you feel the air on your skin? This is mindfulness. It's not super exciting. It's the present moment. And when we teach our brain to come into the present moment, we teach it that it's okay not to be so busy and things just kind of slow down. And sometimes. Oh, sometimes the best part is we make peace with saying no, with things being incomplete. Just letting things be unfinished sometimes is just a radical act of training your system away from the trance of busy. Being present is kind of where it's at. It's where peace lives. That's what I know. Busyness is a really clever disguise for avoidance, actually. It feels really productive, but it just disconnects you from the life you're working so hard to build. You don't need to fix your schedule or figure out any hacks. You just need to grab on to just a little bit of your peace by showing up whenever you can. This isn't about perfection. It's just about learning to let go of the idea that life has to be so flipping busy. We can be busy and still feel calm, to be honest. And hopefully this episode will help you with that. Hopefully in this episode, you've learned how the trance of busyness will very quickly drain your peace. I taught you a little bit about how the brain can't function well in constant overdrive. And hopefully I gave you a little bit of a lesson in what presence actually really looks like. Remember, you don't need to earn your rest. Slowing down is not failure. That is a cultural training that we need to ditch. And fast. Slowing down, resting, being bored, it's actually kind of healing. Thank you so much for spending your time with me today. I really appreciate you being here and doing this work. Will you follow the podcast and leave a quick review if you like it so more people can find this kind of help? Cause that's pretty much how it works. Friendly takeout therapy is an educational resource, but always get the level of support you need for your situation. Head to takeouttherapy.com to stay in the loop until next time. Take really good care of yourself.