Why You’re Still Anxious Despite All the Therapy, Podcasts & Self-Help Books

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Take Out Therapy: End Overthinking & Overwhelm for Empathic High Achievers

Host: Rebecca Hunter, MSW
Episode: "Why You’re Still Anxious Despite All the Therapy, Podcasts & Self-Help Books"
Date: November 28, 2025

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Episode Overview

Rebecca Hunter explores why high-achieving, empathic individuals still struggle with anxiety, overwhelm, and emotional turbulence—even after consuming vast amounts of self-help content and therapy. Through relatable anecdotes and practical wisdom, Rebecca breaks down the missing elements in most people’s mental health routines and offers a clear, actionable framework for sustainable emotional well-being. The episode focuses on why consuming information is not enough, what truly constitutes an effective mental health system, and her introduction of the Everyday Calm app, which applies these concepts in daily life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The "Trying Harder" Trap (01:31)

• Insight: Many people believe that if they just tried harder—consumed more self-help content or “did more”—they should have their stress and anxiety under control.
• Rebecca: "Trying harder, listening to more podcasts, reading more books and getting more information still hasn’t impacted your mental health in the way you hoped it would." (01:51)

2. The Cost of Overwhelm for High Achievers (02:45–04:00)

• Context: Rebecca describes her audience: those who show up for everyone, get things done, but still feel constantly exhausted and mentally cluttered.
• Reasons Why Anxiety Persists:
  • Managing only others’ needs without real self-attention
  • Knowing skills but not being able to apply them in the moment
  • Self-blame for “inconsistency”
• Rebecca: "Your brain isn't overwhelmed because you're doing it wrong. It's overwhelmed because you're doing too much. Without a structure that your nervous system can actually follow..." (04:13)

3. The Pitfalls of Random or Unstructured Self-Help (05:00–06:30)

• Skill snippets from books, Instagram, or podcasts are hard to organize or apply contextually, leading to “mental health clutter” and sporadic emotional regulation.
• Rebecca: “Knowing when to use [skills] in what situation and remembering how to do them feels impossible.” (03:44)
• Consequences: Increased anxiety, reduced emotional regulation, and a lack of self-trust.

4. Real-Life Example: The Single Working Mom (06:45–08:15)

• Story: A client who had tried all the self-help tools but only used them under duress.
• Solution: Rebecca’s “5 elements” daily program yielded less panic, more emotional reserve, and improved boundary-setting.

5. The Five Elements for Sustainable Change (08:20–15:15)

Rebecca lays out the five pillars necessary for real, sustainable mental health growth:

1. Self-Awareness (“Noticing”) (09:00)

• Shift focus from uncontrollable external factors to internal noticing.
• Quote: “Self awareness is the very first opportunity that we have to interrupt whatever’s going on, right? Whether it’s negative thinking or you’re heading on into a panic attack, just becoming aware of yourself and creating a presence right there is crucial.” (09:41)

2. Constant Learning (10:15)

• Wider learning (not just about your problem) gives the brain more perspectives, lowering shame and helplessness.
• Rebecca: “Your brain actually expands and fires differently when you feed it information... Context and perspective just widening out.” (10:35)

3. Gathering Personalized Tools (11:30)

• Not all techniques will fit everyone; experimentation is crucial.
• Quote: “You need tools that actually fit into your life and your body and your perspective... Maybe it’s a 20 second breath, maybe it’s doing some grounding work... You need tools.” (12:08–12:35)

4. Integration Through Daily Practice (13:30)

• Actual change happens through repeated, small actions—not intellectual understanding alone.
• Rebecca: “Your brain rewires through small daily practices that over time, just basically become automatic.” (13:43)

5. Ongoing, Nonlinear Healing (14:20)

• Real progress is incremental, often unnoticeable day-to-day.
• Self-trust grows by embracing the continuous nature of change.
• Quote: “There isn’t, like, I used to be that way, and now I’m totally this way. It’s a process, my friend.” (14:56)

6. Brain Science Behind Change (15:50)

• Reference: Cites Lisa Feldman Barrett's work on the brain as a “prediction machine.”
• Integrating the Five: Awareness interrupts patterns; learning expands perspective; using new tools shifts the nervous system; integration locks in change; ongoing practice reinforces it all.
• Rebecca: “Awareness interrupts outdated predictions and ideas. Learning new things updates the meaning of things in your mind... Integration rewires the new pattern in, and of course, ongoing healing reinforces it over time.” (16:33)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On personal kindness: "Within this amount of stress and overwhelm, we don’t always have a very tender or kind relationship with ourself. There’s not a lot of self trust." (05:20)
• On system-building: “You’re missing a system that your nervous system can actually follow.” (03:07)
• On actionable change: "Without integration, we're just throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping it sticks." (13:55)
• On change as a process: “If we understand that we'll always be working on healing, then we're more willing to make just constant, tiny, cumulative shifts on an ongoing basis.” (15:24)
• On comparison to physical health: “You’re really not supposed to wing it with your mental health. That would be like winging it with your physical health—like, I don’t know why I feel like crap. I’ve just been sitting around here eating Big Macs for the last week. No, that’s not a plan. Right?” (17:20)

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Key Segment Timestamps

• Why “trying harder” isn’t working: 01:31–04:13
• The syndrome of empathic high achievers: 04:00–06:00
• Story: The overwhelmed single mom: 06:45–08:15
• Introduction to the Five Elements: 08:20–08:50
• 1: Self-awareness: 09:00–10:00
• 2: Constant learning: 10:15–11:15
• 3: Gathering tools: 11:30–13:00
• 4: Integration/daily practice: 13:30–14:20
• 5: Ongoing healing: 14:20–15:50
• The science of change & Lisa Feldman Barrett: 15:50–17:20
• Why Rebecca built the Everyday Calm app: 17:30–19:00

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Episode Tone & Style

Rebecca’s signature voice is present throughout: warm, relatable, realistic, yet encouraging. She blends professional insight with conversational wisdom, offering practical suggestions in a down-to-earth, compassionate manner. The episode balances scientific explanation with everyday language and stories, making complex concepts feel accessible and actionable.

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Actionable Takeaways

• Stop blaming yourself for inconsistency—what’s missing is a system, not effort.
• Adopt the five elements (self-awareness, constant learning, personalized tools, daily integration, ongoing healing) to create a sustainable routine for mental health.
• Focus on ongoing, tiny steps rather than waiting for breakthrough moments.
• Try Rebecca’s suggested resource (the Everyday Calm app) if pulling together your own system feels too overwhelming.

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For more resources or to try Rebecca’s approach yourself, visit takeouttherapy.com or learn about her Everyday Calm app at studio.comrebecca.

Transcript

[Rebecca Hunter]

What if tomorrow felt lighter than today?

That's exactly why I built you an app. I had the rare opportunity to build.

Something I have wanted for years. A responsive app that uses seven therapy modalities and the wisdom of the experts I lean on to help people feel.

Better every single day.

The Everyday Calm app is not random.

Tips, is not mood tracking. It is a real daily practice that changes with you.

You wake up overwhelmed, it gives you clarity work, you feel tense, it gives you grounding, you're stuck in comparison or rumination.

It helps you make the shift, it.

Adjusts, it responds, and it teaches the same tools that actually work in real life. If you want your days to feel calmer and more intentional, try the Everyday Calm app. You can go to studio.comrebecca to get it today.

In this episode, you'll discover a very simple process for change for those of you busy people who carry too much, think too much, and feel constantly overwhelmed. Welcome to Takeout Therapy, the podcast for empathic high achievers who are done with overworking, overthinking and overwhelm. I'm Rebecca Hunter, an anxiety expert and a therapist helping busy, big hearted people like you learn practical skills to quiet your racing line, overcome self doubt and actually be present in your life. If that sounds good to you, you're in the right place. Visit me at takeouttherapy.com any old time.

Thanks for listening.

Let's get to work. Well, hello friend. I'm so happy you stopped in for today's session. I want to talk to you about why trying harder is something I hear people talking about a lot in the therapy office and also something that's never really worked. By the end of this session, you'll understand why Trying harder, listening to more podcasts, reading more books and getting more information still hasn't impacted your mental health in the way you hoped it would. I'll give you the five elements that busy people really, really need in order to maintain good mental health. And I'll talk to you about something exciting that just came out that can help you rebuild your mental health even when life won't slow down. The thing is friend, you're not failing at mental health because sometimes you get totally wigged out, overwhelmed, and feel like you're gonna lose your mind. You're missing a system that your nervous system can actually follow. If you're someone who gets things done, who holds everything together, who shows up for everyone, even when you are burned out and exhausted, you probably feel like with all the stress, you should have it under control by now, right? You're responsible. You make it from point A to point B and C on a daily basis. I know you're very thoughtful because you're listening to this podcast and you want to do your best. You've read the books, you listened to the podcast, and yet your nervous system still occasionally or often hijacks your day. This episode is for people who are doing everything right and are still running on fumes. When you're overloaded, life starts to look really stressful. It's like you wake up in the morning and you feel like you're already behind. You've done all this work before 9 o' clock in the morning to manage everyone else's needs while literally not doing anything to take care of your own. I know what life looks like right there. And while Instagram is great for teaching us random skills, knowing when to use them in what situation and remembering how to do them feels impossible. I hear from a lot of people that they feel like they should know better how to manage their anxiety or their stress level or whatever, right? But they are still reacting to their lives as though they don't have any tools. And I can see how you could resort to blaming yourself for being inconsistent. The thing is, your brain isn't overwhelmed because you're doing it wrong. It's overwhelmed because you're doing too much. Without a structure that your nervous system can understand and stabilize, without a real process for maintaining or improving your mental health. What happens is that we get a lot of mental health clutter. There's a lot of sort of unorganized and random thinking going on. And when there's mental clutter, anxiety typically will show up and your ability to regulate your emotions will decrease, meaning that probably you might get a little frustrated or what we call snappish in our house. This is a kind of exhausting way to live. It's very herky jerky. And your brain responds to it by being herky jerky too. Overthinking becomes the default. And people talk a lot about just feeling so under pressure, as though if one more thing happens, they are like a crisis away from completely shutting down. And within this amount of stress and overwhelm, we don't always have a very tender or kind relationship with ourself. There's not a lot of self trust. We're not standing there beside ourselves and saying, don't worry friend, you can get through this. Right? It's really hard when life kind of bowls us over and we do not have a process for dealing with that. So I want to help you out with that. Today I had this client came to see me and she was a single mother, full time working, right? Her parents were getting older. Her, she owned her own home and she was learning to do a lot of stuff for the first time and just carrying so much of other people's stuff and just feeling like. I've gone to the yoga retreats, I tried the meditation, I've tried some breathing. When things go bad, she has tools in her pocket, right? But it was only when things went poorly that she would pull out the tools and use them. So we put her on the Rebecca program, which basically helped her use five different elements every single day that are pretty easy to remember to create tiny, consistent shifts, like less panic, more emotional reserve, more of an ability for her to set boundaries because she was able to just be confident and present less. Spirals are always welcome, right? So it's a good example of kind of why sometimes people have a lot of skills and a lot of knowledge, but the way they're using them isn't super effective in helping them lessen their stress level. So I'll give you five elements that will change your approach to mental health. These are sort of things that I teach people when they come to see me. And I do it in a certain order to really help each thing get integrated. In my opinion and the way that I work with people. There's five undisputable elements that we need to incorporate when we're trying to change or improve our mental health. I don't care if you're all the way to the spectrum, depressed, like down in the dumps and need to get out, or you just feel like your stress level's a little high. These five things are necessary for your change process. Okay, so the first one is self awareness. And we talk about this a lot. I call it noticing, like what's happening with me, right? So many times when difficult things are happening, we look outside of ourself and right there we've made the number one mistake. We've focused on things we have no control over. Instead, self awareness will help us to notice our tension before it becomes overwhelming. Notice when we're getting shut down, irritable, or when we are starting to overthink and get overwhelmed. Because self awareness is the very first opportunity that we have to interrupt whatever's going on, right? Whether it's negative thinking or you're heading on into a panic attack, just becoming aware of yourself and creating a presence right there is crucial. The second vital element to any process of change is constant learning. Here's the thing that I want you to understand. You might know a lot, but your brain actually expands and fires differently when you feed it information. And I don't mean only the information about your problem or the solution to your problem, but context and perspective just widening out. It's one of the great reasons to listen to a podcast like this actually, is that you're constantly learning. Your brain starts to understand different perspectives on the same situation, which actually gives it context in order to calm it down. Understanding how the brain works reduces our shame about, like, how messed up we are and our fear that we might not get better. It's really important to continue to learn about your brain and your nervous system and mental health and all, all the things that make up this area of your life. The third element for a good plan of attack in your emotional health is gathering tools. And it's funny, I always tell people when they come to work with me, I have a toolbox sitting in front of me, right? And I have all the tools. And over there you have a toolbox sitting in front of you, but your toolbox right now is a little bit empty. So I'm just gonna hand you tools and then you can try them out and figure out if you wanna keep them in your box or give them back to me or chuck them, whatever, give them to a friend. You need tools that actually fit into your life and your body and your perspective. Because I'll tell you, when I teach anxious people to breathe, it doesn't always hit right away, meaning they don't really like it when they first try it. And so we have to try a lot of different techniques until we find something that their body can relate to. So you have to be constantly gathering tools, tools that actually fit you. Maybe it's a 20 second breath, maybe it's doing some grounding work. Maybe it's working on cognitive skills like reframing or emotional regulation skills. Skills, right? You need tools. Everyone needs tools that we can use inside of a moment, inside of a bad moment, a chaotic day, a moment in life where we need help. And that help comes from within us, not outside of us, right? So I've talked to you so far about three of the five elements of a good process of change. Self awareness, constant learning, gathering tools, but then what, right? So it's called integration, friend. Integration means take everything you know and integrate it into your life. And the way that we do this is by doing things. Here's the secret. Your brain rewires through action, through repetition of different and same actions on A consistent basis. Did you listen to Monday's episode? Because I talk all about that. Your brain rewires through small daily practices that over time, just basically become automatic. You probably know by now that I built an app that uses simple daily steps to help people improve and completely rewire their mental health. The thing without integration, we can't really budge very much. Without integration, we're just throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping it sticks. But I think the most important and the fifth element that I would say is crucial to understand for ongoing change is, is the fact that you will literally be healing and changing and improving for the rest of time. There's not always a big breakthrough. There isn't. Like, I used to be that way, and now I'm totally this way. It's a process, my friend. And when we think it's not a process, we're screwed, because it's disappointing, it's slow, and nothing exciting's really happening or change. But it's funny because I sit in session with people and people are like, well, I didn't do anything you told me to do, and nothing's really changing. And I literally can see that they're doing what they need to be doing, and it is changing. That is actually the value of having somebody like me in your corner, because the. My job is to reflect back to people what they can't really see. Actually, I just did this with somebody yesterday. I was like, wait a second, that's not true. This has changed. This over here has changed. I see you taking action here. I see you thinking about things differently over here. And she was like, oh, my gosh, you're totally right. I love my job. Sometimes if we understand that we'll always be working on healing, then we're more willing to make just constant, tiny, cumulative shifts on an ongoing basis, which actually builds a lot of trust within ourselves and capacity for change. Right? Slow and steady wins the race. I love the work of neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett on this. She's written some fabulous books. Her latest book looks fascinating. I'm going to read it. It's called Seven and a Half Lessons about the Brain. Anyway, Lisa talks a lot in her work about how the brain is a prediction machine. It basically uses your past and everything you've been through as all the information that it has to decide how to respond and react to a situation right now. Right? So you change your brain and you change these prediction patterns, and actually, it's the foundation of Everyday Calm, which is the app that I recently built because it's how the brain actually changes, right? Awareness interrupts outdated predictions and ideas. Learning new things updates the meaning of things in your mind so it has more to work with. Learning tools and using tools shifts your body, your nervous system, so the brain can actually take in new information. And then integrating all that stuff rewires the new pattern in and of course, ongoing healing reinforces it over time. Yeah, I'm kind of stoked that I made an app that helps somebody do all this stuff without me even having to be there. The thing is, friend, is that most people don't really know how to incorporate these five elements into their mental health plan. So that's why I built the app, because it's really hard to pull from podcasts and books and an article and an Instagram video. A mental health plan that will help you stress less, really have less anxiety, be more emotionally responsive and grounded instead of reactive. Just manage your mental health on a daily basis in a way that feels kind of like you manage your physical health, just natural and enjoyable. That's what I'm trying to help people do. Because you're really not supposed to wing it with your mental health. That would be like winging it with your physical health. Like, I don't know why I feel like crap. I've just been sitting around here eating Big Macs for the last week. No, that's not a plan. Right? The mental health is the same. Your brain changes through really intentional but tiny daily repetition of actions. And these five elements are a good framework for you to take into your own life and see if you can figure out a program for yourself to improve your mental health. And in case your program doesn't quite come together on your own, I made you an app so you have that as a backup plan because this is the exact process that everyday calm walks you through. My fabulous, wonderful, amazing app. The technology is mind blowing. This listens to your feedback that you tell it every day and it creates a new day of things to help you with what you're struggling with. And this is all my content that I've worked on putting together for years and years into short, personalized practices that help busy people rebuild steadiness from the inside. You can get the [e-mail] Rebecca thank you so much for spending your time with me today. I really appreciate you being here to do this work. And as always, while takeout therapy is a great educational resource, get the level of support that you need for your situation. Head to takeouttherapy.com to check out my resources. Until next time Take really good care of yourself, friend.

What if one simple daily tool could.

Completely change how you feel by tonight?

Building the Everyday Calm app has been.

One of the most meaningful experiences of my career.

I finally got the chance to put everything I know into one place. All seven therapy approaches I rely on in the office every single day, the science from all the experts I trust, and the technology.

It's next level.

The app pays attention to you.

It listens to your feedback.

It adjusts every single day based on how you're doing, what's going on in your life, and gives you exactly what will help you feel clearer, calmer, and more steady. If you're tired of feeling overloaded or stuck in your head, this is the daily support you have been missing. Try the Everyday Calm app by going to studio.com Rebecca it's like having me in your pocket. What could possibly go wrong.