C02 - Ep. 50 - Finale in Faunaloch - Unloching A Secret

Summary

Tales from the Stinky Dragon - Episode C02 - Ep. 50: Finale in Faunaloch - Unloching A Secret

Release Date: August 13, 2024

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Introduction

In the climactic finale of the award-winning actual-play D&D comedy podcast, "Tales from the Stinky Dragon," hosted by Stinky Dragon, our four adventurous friends—Chip Haney, Elga von Brauth, Barney Varney, and Matid Confesses—alongside their patient Dungeon Master, Gustavo Serola, navigate the treacherous terrains of Faunaloch. This episode, titled "Unloching A Secret," wraps up the long-running saga with gripping battles, heartfelt moments, and revelations that set the stage for future adventures.

---

Characters and Setting

• Chip Haney as Blaine Gibson, the Tiefling Rogue
• Elga von Brauth as Ilka von Brauth, the Half-Elf Vampire Barbarian
• Barney Varney as Barney Varney, the Human Cleric
• Matid Confesses as Matid Confesses, the Eric Cochrane Ghost Monk
• Barbara Dunkelman as Barbara Dunkelman, another key character
• Gustavo Serola as the Dungeon Master

The group finds themselves deep within Atra City, dealing with various adversities ranging from mischievous vampires to environmental hazards like the perilous Lockwood.

---

Plot Overview

The Final Confrontation with Hugo Von Bratt

As the adventurers delve into the depths of Faunaloch, they encounter the formidable vampire, Hugo Von Bratt, who has been the primary antagonist throughout the campaign. The tension culminates in an intense battle within a grim grotto adorned with scarlet stones and gray slime dripping from the ceiling.

• Matid Confesses: "I want to be known as making the perfect latte." ([09:27])

The battle is fierce, with Hugo showcasing his monstrous might. The group employs strategic maneuvers, utilizing spells like Flamestrike and iconic items such as Chip's Crossbow of Coolness. Despite Hugo's legendary resistance, the party manages to weaken him significantly.

• Hugo Von Bratt: "You four can't stop me? Not now." ([37:03])

Unveiling the Greater Threat

Just as the group believes they have vanquished Hugo, a Draconic man and an Elvish woman named Sedate Tempor emerge, revealing the existence of the Inuverse—a connective tissue among all planes of existence. They disclose that a malevolent entity named Hubris poses an imminent threat capable of consuming entire worlds.

• Sedate Tempor: "Hubris... he has grown into a colossal creature of consumption." ([80:00])

The characters are entrusted with a new quest to gather allies from various worlds to confront Hubris, setting the stage for future adventures beyond Faunaloch.

---

Key Moments and Insights

1. Strategic Combat and Teamwork

   • The group's coordination during battles showcases their growth and adaptability. Chip's clever use of the Crossbow of Coolness combined with Matid's Ghost Monk abilities play pivotal roles in overcoming obstacles.
   • Chip Haney: "I want to be known as the world's kindest assassin." ([05:30])

2. Character Development and Relationships

   • Barney's reluctance to be known but eventual embrace of his role adds depth to his character.
   • Elga's transformation and bonding moments, especially her interactions with Barbara, highlight the camaraderie within the group.
   • Elga von Brauth: "You have made your father proud, my dear." ([38:16])

3. Revelations and Future Directions

   • The introduction of the Inuverse and the threat of Hubris expands the narrative universe, promising expansive storylines in subsequent episodes.
   • Draconic Man: "You have been chosen by destiny to lead the charge." ([82:09])

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Notable Quotes

• Hugo Von Bratt: "You have suffered a great loss in this world. Perhaps the greatest of all love was snatched from you." ([37:06])
• Sedate Tempor: "Hubris... he may be able to consume entire worlds." ([80:00])
• Matid Confesses: "We still have to uncover the mystery of this whole Mars situation." ([55:03])

---

Conclusion and Cliffhanger

As the dust settles from the final battle, the adventurers are thrust into a new realm within the Inuverse, greeted by enigmatic figures who beckon them towards a greater mission. The episode ends on a suspenseful note, with the group accepting their destiny to combat the looming threat of Hubris, leaving listeners eagerly anticipating the next chapter in "Tales from the Stinky Dragon."

• Draconic Man: "Do you accept this quest?" ([82:51])

This seamless blend of humor, strategy, and storytelling cements Episode 50 as a memorable finale that honors the journey of our beloved characters while opening doors to new adventures.

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Final Thoughts

"Finale in Faunaloch - Unloching A Secret" masterfully balances comedic elements with high-stakes drama, providing both seasoned D&D players and newcomers with an engaging narrative. The episode exemplifies the essence of "Tales from the Stinky Dragon"—a podcast where friendship, creativity, and imagination converge to create unforgettable auditory experiences.

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Note: Timestamps correspond to the moments when the quoted lines occur in the transcript.

Transcript

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[Chip Haney]

Decisions, Decisions Wait a minute.

[Elga von Brauth]

Are you still looking for cars on Carvana?

[Chip Haney]

Yeah. Decisions, decisions.

[Elga von Brauth]

When I used Carvana, I found the exact car I was looking for in minutes.

[Barney Varney]

Bought it on the spot, electric or full diesel.

[Chip Haney]

Decisions.

[Elga von Brauth]

Come on, you've been at it for weeks.

[Gustavo Serola]

Just buy it already. You're right. Crossover it is decisions decided whether know.

[Elga von Brauth]

Exactly what you want or like to take your time. Buy your car the convenient way with.

[Matid Confesses]

Carvana Film Motion Pictures Cinema. If you like those words then you'll love our Patreon exclusive podcast called Stinky Pop. Just go over to stinkydragonpod.com to show your support and you can watch me, John Risinger and the rest of the Stinky Dragon team talk about a different movie each episode. Watch along with us as we talk about our favorite films. And do not forget we have tons of other awesome exclusive content for our patrons. So once again go visit stinkydragonpod.com to sign up today.

[Gustavo Serola]

Top of the morning all you tophets. Stomp on into the Stinky Dragon Quaff. Our latest coffee belly full of heli. It's a mixture of of java lava, charred chocolate sauce, whole fat milk minus the milk, a grappling of rum cracker crumbs and topped with a hearth of harsh mellows. One sip of this scorching sauce, you'll have a tummy ache that can only be described as lit. Jeez. Previously our adventurers were arrested in Atra City, met a manic and mosque, uncovered a carcass soup coup, grasp the gems of Glurp, proved passe and perish, unveiled vengeance in Vania and find themselves in a finale in Fonnelock and latch onto a libation. Let's unlock this lock of lore.

[Matid Confesses]

You know there's words you read first and don't know how they're pronounced.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matid Confesses]

One of them for me was hearth. And I remember getting into World of Warcraft and there being a hearthstone, which is what you use to go home all the time. And I remember the first time I got in a voice chat and I said, hearth, and everyone made fun of me.

[Chip Haney]

Sir.

[Gustavo Serola]

Get out of here.

[Matid Confesses]

And let me tell you, being made fun of by a bunch of wow. Nerds.

[Elga von Brauth]

It's epitome of embarrassment.

[Matid Confesses]

Very nice.

[Barney Varney]

Love it.

[Matid Confesses]

Barbara has to have inspiration dice for that.

[Gustavo Serola]

We need inspiration. Yeah, that's definitely inspiration. Die word.

[Elga von Brauth]

We need one.

[Matid Confesses]

Yay.

[Gustavo Serola]

The other one I love is biopic and biopic.

[Chip Haney]

That one.

[Elga von Brauth]

I feel like both is right, though, because I've heard both people argue on both sides of how to use biopic.

[Barney Varney]

I remember my cousin one time was reading a book, and she was like, oh, look. Ignore a moose.

[Elga von Brauth]

Oh, ignoramus. Took me a second.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matid Confesses]

Hello, everyone.

[Gustavo Serola]

I'm Gustavo Serola, the dungeon master of our putrip party. I'm gonna hit our four players with an arrow.

[Chip Haney]

Yavin's mine. Gavin and Yavin.

[Gustavo Serola]

This week's role playing warm up question is, what does your character want to be known for?

[Chip Haney]

Oh, like, remembered for.

[Elga von Brauth]

The first time. Pushed his way to the front.

[Matid Confesses]

He has to go to the bathroom.

[Barney Varney]

I'm Kristen Maris, and I play Barney Varney, the human cleric. I don't. I just. I'd rather not be known at all.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh.

[Barney Varney]

But if I was known for anything, I'd just like to be known by my name.

[Matid Confesses]

Maybe Barney.

[Elga von Brauth]

Hi, Barney.

[Gustavo Serola]

Why is it. Do you prefer Barney over Barnabas?

[Barney Varney]

It's.

[Gustavo Serola]

It's a little easier, so it's more for other people's convenience.

[Barney Varney]

My mom started calling me Barney, and it stuck.

[Matid Confesses]

We start calling you Bus.

[Chip Haney]

Bus. Hey, busy.

[Elga von Brauth]

I'm just going to start calling you Arnabus. Take that B away.

[Matid Confesses]

Like Topher.

[Elga von Brauth]

Be different.

[Chip Haney]

I just want to hear Barney say girls.

[Barney Varney]

No, then it'd be different.

[Elga von Brauth]

Oh, Artemis.

[Barney Varney]

No, because you say be different, but take the B away and be e different.

[Gustavo Serola]

We do jokes here. This is fun.

[Elga von Brauth]

Turn it off.

[Gustavo Serola]

Comedy.

[Elga von Brauth]

The last episode of this campaign, and we're still figuring it out.

[Chip Haney]

Hey there.

[Matid Confesses]

It's God.

[Chip Haney]

I did it again. Blaine Gibson. I play the Tiefling rogue, Level nine Chip Haney. And I want to be remembered for just three small things. Three little things. Particular order. I want to be known as the world's kindest assassin.

[Matid Confesses]

All right, kill him with a smile.

[Chip Haney]

That's what I always said. I want to be known as.

[Elga von Brauth]

Have you ever said that?

[Chip Haney]

Once.

[Elga von Brauth]

This whole campaign?

[Matid Confesses]

Oh, God, what a missed opportunity.

[Chip Haney]

What a shirt I could have had. Oh, well, the other thing is, I want to be known as the world's most loving husband. And then this last one makes me really emotional. I want to be known as having the best lawn in my neighborhood. Sorry, I got.

[Gustavo Serola]

It's allergies.

[Barney Varney]

Right.

[Gustavo Serola]

Are you allergic to grass?

[Chip Haney]

Yes. I just cut the grass as I always do every morning.

[Elga von Brauth]

You want people to walk by and be like, wow, yeah.

[Chip Haney]

There's a dude in my neighborhood that actually. That cuts, like, every one or two days, and his grass is the freshest grass.

[Elga von Brauth]

But that could never be me.

[Matid Confesses]

Why?

[Chip Haney]

Because it's so nice. You walk by and you're like, oh, yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

My grandmother loved her lawn so much.

[Chip Haney]

Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

She cut it with scissors and a ruler.

[Elga von Brauth]

Oh, my God.

[Chip Haney]

You said that before. That is. That's maddening.

[Elga von Brauth]

I hate that so much.

[Gustavo Serola]

It had to be perfect.

[Elga von Brauth]

He wanted it, like, a certain height.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yes. And it had to be uniform.

[Elga von Brauth]

That makes me sad.

[Chip Haney]

Gus is a boiler.

[Elga von Brauth]

I also, like. I imagine the reality situation. She cuts her grass and then measures it to make sure it's right with the ruler. I pictured you going from section to section with the ruler.

[Gustavo Serola]

I think that's she did it.

[Matid Confesses]

No way.

[Gustavo Serola]

Her lawn also had. She lived on a hill, so it kind of sloped down, so it would be difficult to use a machine or a mower. And she knew she wouldn't hire anyone to do it. She would do it herself with scissors and a ruler.

[Chip Haney]

If you don't mind my asking, how long did she live to be or how old did she live?

[Gustavo Serola]

Early 80s, probably 83, 84. Somewhere around there.

[Chip Haney]

Something about, like, hardworking, active old people that just keep going for forever.

[Elga von Brauth]

Yeah. Like Barney.

[Chip Haney]

Yeah. 300 and going strong.

[Elga von Brauth]

Hello, I'm Barbara Dunkelman. Thank you guys for being here today with us on Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And my voice, Elko von Brauth, the half elf, vampire barbarian, also level nine. Thank you so much.

[Gustavo Serola]

Pew, pew, pew, pew.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Could have gone to 10. Nice. Around the even number. But no.

[Gustavo Serola]

Maybe after this episode.

[Elga von Brauth]

Maybe if we survive.

[Gustavo Serola]

You won't.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I think at first, Ilka didn't really have a whole lot of aspirations for how she wanted to be remembered or known for, because she just spent her whole life in the vampire. So she was kind of sheltered. But now I think Elka wants to be known for being brave.

[Chip Haney]

Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And for helping people because she's seen a lot of hardship in this last week, and it's really changed her.

[Barney Varney]

It has been hard on Chip.

[Matid Confesses]

The look on your face, Barbara, as you looked up to determine the timeline that should encapsulate.

[Chip Haney]

It's that. But also that Duncan's been telling this story over the course of a night. But if it's like 50 episodes and it's popped up, it's like an hour each. How long?

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah, these are long.

[Gustavo Serola]

Well, you think of it this way, it's more like he's telling the story 50 cocktails. You're right, Chris, but you are the story. So it's like the story he's telling may be a summary of these events. Yeah, you're not hearing the actual story he's telling. This is the basis for the story getting a little meta here.

[Chip Haney]

Anyways, they got lost to the vampire, so and so died. That's like four hours truncated in a sentence.

[Matid Confesses]

I feel like him. Like, that's when Gus says, find out next week. Is Duncan saying that?

[Elga von Brauth]

Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, keeping people kind. Coming back. Yeah, that's a good marketing for a year.

[Elga von Brauth]

Yeah, that's actually a really good strategy to get people to come visit your establishment.

[Chip Haney]

It's like trivia night, but worse.

[Matid Confesses]

Hi, my name is John Risinger, and I play Matit Confesses, who's an Eric Cochrane ghost monk.

[Chip Haney]

Last time we're going to be.

[Elga von Brauth]

We're still going to make John do that. And no matter what campaign we're doing.

[Matid Confesses]

You know, I'm not necessarily trying to make my mark on this world in any sort of way. But it's ironic, Duncan, Monsieur Duncan, that you keep asking these questions and pouring these drinks. Because what I want to be known for is making the perfect latte.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh.

[Elga von Brauth]

Away from baking into a barista.

[Matid Confesses]

But a good coffee drink goes perfect with almost every baking. Every baking venture.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yes. Coffee and croissants, delicious.

[Matid Confesses]

Yes.

[Gustavo Serola]

You got those every morning in the vamps. Buyer, right?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

My favorite.

[Matid Confesses]

I can survive off of bread and coffee only.

[Elga von Brauth]

Dude, that's John speaking.

[Chip Haney]

Did Matid break the fourth wall? Are we talking to Duncan now?

[Matid Confesses]

That's who's doing the arrow the whole time.

[Gustavo Serola]

Right.

[Chip Haney]

But are we talking to Duncan?

[Elga von Brauth]

I like to think Duncan is like the interviewer in those confession booths. Yeah, they're just sitting right off camera and they're like, okay, well, tell us what you think about this.

[Gustavo Serola]

It's like BTS talking head stuff for the story.

[Matid Confesses]

Just like a documentarian who's been getting all this information from us beforehand, and now he's telling the story.

[Chip Haney]

Story.

[Matid Confesses]

We're jumping around in timelines.

[Elga von Brauth]

I watch a lot of, like, reality shows, including a lot of, like, what you do dating reality shows. And so I think I like, Love island. When there was there in those confessional booths, like, yeah, right. This new bird came in. She's right. Fit I.

[Chip Haney]

The RuPaul Drag Race set. So it's bright pink behind me, and I'm throwing shade at all of my ladies.

[Gustavo Serola]

What reality show are Barney and Matin.

[Matid Confesses]

What show aren't those. There's those ones where they just drop a person by themselves on an island.

[Elga von Brauth]

Oh, naked and afraid.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah, that's. That's Matti. Seems nice.

[Gustavo Serola]

You got, like, a jungle background.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah.

[Chip Haney]

Is Barney on? What was it? Welcome to your life or this American life or whatever.

[Gustavo Serola]

What?

[Chip Haney]

It's like the original reality show.

[Matid Confesses]

This is your life.

[Chip Haney]

Yeah.

[Elga von Brauth]

Barney's on Big, Big, Big, Big Brother. It's like, grand, grand, grand brother.

[Matid Confesses]

Barney would be on, like, Jerry Springer because it's like, oh, you are the father.

[Chip Haney]

Barney's dancing.

[Barney Varney]

Dietermind. Your mind determined. That's another one. I did that one way later when I was. Wait, when I was way too old.

[Elga von Brauth]

Mike was like, what?

[Gustavo Serola]

That's not even what we're asking or talking about.

[Matid Confesses]

But I thought about it.

[Gustavo Serola]

What reality show was Barney on?

[Elga von Brauth]

Dietermind. He's Dieter. Mind to tell you, on the next.

[Barney Varney]

Episode of Dietermind, I don't watch a lot of reality. Maybe Nathan for you.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, maybe you guys just waited right here. Go.

[Gustavo Serola]

If you're sure they'll be right here.

[Elga von Brauth]

When you get back.

[Chip Haney]

I feel like they're not gonna wait here.

[Elga von Brauth]

All right, we go in.

[Matid Confesses]

Dive, dive, dive. Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

With a splash, you submerge beneath the blue viscous liquid and feel the fluid envelop your body. All of a sudden, you hear the temple above you collapse with a crash. Bones and stone, debris drift, the lockwood sinking past you out of sight. As darkness swallows your vision, something in the distance softly glows. The faint luminescence casts a shadow on the back of something right in front of you. It's the silhouette of Jaws. The silhouetted jaws lurch forward toward you all. Everyone make a dexterity saving throw.

[Chip Haney]

Oh, I thought it was like a skellington.

[Elga von Brauth]

Well, I rolled 19.

[Matid Confesses]

27, 15.

[Elga von Brauth]

Barney.

[Barney Varney]

Oh, sorry.

[Elga von Brauth]

Barney has a 22.

[Barney Varney]

Thank you, Barbara.

[Gustavo Serola]

Everyone manages to quickly swim out of the way, except for Chip. And the jaws come down, envelop you, and then just continue falling past you.

[Chip Haney]

What a ghost.

[Gustavo Serola]

You realize now it's just a sculpture of Jaws. Oh, It's a sculpture depicting what you think might be the great Moth. It just happened to be falling and went around you.

[Chip Haney]

That was funny. Right, gang, just avoid the water near me. It's awfully warm. Yeah.

[Elga von Brauth]

Yeah. Are we able to, like, communicate with each other down here?

[Gustavo Serola]

Not right now. If you have some way of, like, telepathically communicating, obviously, you know, that'll work, but anything that requires actual, like, speaking would be difficult. You can try. We can have fun with it.

[Matid Confesses]

You know, could Matid speak? Because Matid doesn't require oxygen.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Matid Confesses]

So mate is making sound without oxygen.

[Gustavo Serola]

But it might be difficult for them to hear because the sound is traveling through a lockwood instead of air.

[Matid Confesses]

So I need to yell thick.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yes. And it might still be muffled. So you all are in a smallish chamber made of what appears to be some kind of ancient stone. And there's something scattered on the floor. And in the center of the chamber is a set of jaws.

[Matid Confesses]

Is it a bunch of pennies on the floor? Do people throw them in for wishes?

[Gustavo Serola]

Maybe. Maybe it's hemo pieces.

[Elga von Brauth]

No.

[Gustavo Serola]

Trying to tempt Matid. To the east is an unnatural opening in the stone wall, and there seems to be somewhat of a faint glow coming from it.

[Elga von Brauth]

Elga points to it and goes.

[Gustavo Serola]

What a great podcast.

[Elga von Brauth]

She starts swimming towards it.

[Chip Haney]

I swim to it.

[Matid Confesses]

The hole in the wall with the glow.

[Elga von Brauth]

Yeah.

[Barney Varney]

Barney sinks. I realize he is chainmail.

[Gustavo Serola]

Well, luckily you have also advantage on strength based checks, right?

[Barney Varney]

Oh, shoot.

[Matid Confesses]

I do.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, it kind of played out for you.

[Elga von Brauth]

Yes.

[Chip Haney]

You can also grab onto Chip's tail if you need.

[Matid Confesses]

While they're investigating that hole, I want to see what's scattered on the floor.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, make an investigation check for me.

[Matid Confesses]

17.

[Gustavo Serola]

Everyone seems to be focused on the opening to the east. But, Mathid, you look down at the floor and you see what appear to be scattered bones on the floor. It appears that maybe they all originated from a box that fell from the temple above. And judging by the size, these must have been huge creatures. And amongst all the bones on the ground there, you see a scroll.

[Chip Haney]

We're sure it's not Henry's bones, right?

[Matid Confesses]

Giant bones. Stop it. Oh, sorry. Stop trying to murder this child.

[Elga von Brauth]

Well, the thing did collapse on them.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but box of bones is interesting. I grabbed the scroll.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right. Yeah, you grab the scroll.

[Matid Confesses]

And I read it without even thinking about it out loud, hoping it's an enchantment.

[Chip Haney]

It's in Latin.

[Gustavo Serola]

Make me an arcana. Check.

[Matid Confesses]

15.

[Gustavo Serola]

You recognize it as a scroll of air. Bubble.

[Chip Haney]

Oh, convenient.

[Matid Confesses]

So like Sonic the Hedgehog, water level, air bubble?

[Gustavo Serola]

Kind of. This is. It's a little smaller though. It allows you to create a spectral globe around the head of a willing creature. You can see within range and the globe is filled with fresh air.

[Elga von Brauth]

Just one.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yes.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah, I'm gonna hold on to this. We're all fine. We got an hour of being under the water.

[Chip Haney]

Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

Do you?

[Matid Confesses]

Oh, no, we don't.

[Elga von Brauth]

We have an hour of not being.

[Matid Confesses]

Affected by the Lockwood.

[Barney Varney]

Oh, shoot.

[Chip Haney]

I forgot.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah, I forgot too, because I don't breathe and I don't care.

[Chip Haney]

I'm good.

[Elga von Brauth]

If we make that little air bubble, could we like pass it around to each other?

[Matid Confesses]

I imagine since it's a scroll of enchantment, it's a one time spell use that goes on to a person.

[Barney Varney]

Yeah, but maybe if you're getting close.

[Gustavo Serola]

Maybe you could like stick your nose up to it and kind of like siphon off some of the air.

[Matid Confesses]

I don't know. You tell me. Guys.

[Chip Haney]

He's got the best breath of the group of us.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Kiss my father.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, we'll play with it. If you want to try it. We can try it. Why not?

[Elga von Brauth]

Okay, well, should we maybe swim through this hole first and then.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah. Yeah. Because D and D rules. You have breath for how long?

[Gustavo Serola]

You can hold your breath for a number of minutes equal to one, plus your constitution modifier. So whatever your constitution modifier is, add one to that and that's how many minutes you can hold your breath.

[Matid Confesses]

How many? Sound off?

[Elga von Brauth]

Four.

[Chip Haney]

So three minutes.

[Matid Confesses]

Three minutes.

[Barney Varney]

Wait, what?

[Matid Confesses]

What's your constitution modifier?

[Barney Varney]

It's three.

[Elga von Brauth]

So his is four. So it's four. Four.

[Matid Confesses]

And three. And three.

[Elga von Brauth]

And what's yours?

[Matid Confesses]

Infinite.

[Elga von Brauth]

Oh, right. Cause you're. Yeah. Okay, cool. So I'm assuming it's been five seconds. So move quick.

[Matid Confesses]

Move quick. Move quick.

[Elga von Brauth]

Elga swims towards the light.

[Chip Haney]

Same.

[Gustavo Serola]

You see an unnatural hole that seems to have been carved in this eastern wall. And it's big enough for everyone in your party to squeeze through. And beyond that opening is a faint glow that appears to be just out of view.

[Elga von Brauth]

Before going in, could we quickly just glance around and see if there's any other openings or anything else on the ground worth noting?

[Gustavo Serola]

I'll leave it up to you. Investigation or perception check?

[Elga von Brauth]

Perception.

[Matid Confesses]

I did another investigation. Check. 18.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Elga von Brauth]

He was asking me. 24.

[Matid Confesses]

I know. Sorry. I was joining in to aid this roll.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I don't need no help.

[Elga von Brauth]

24.

[Gustavo Serola]

You don't see anything else other than this box? Or I should say all the bones that appear to have fallen out of the box that fell into here from above.

[Elga von Brauth]

Does the box have words on it?

[Gustavo Serola]

No.

[Elga von Brauth]

Okay.

[Matid Confesses]

And I don't recognize what the bones are, other than they're a big creature.

[Gustavo Serola]

Make a history check.

[Elga von Brauth]

It is dragons.

[Barney Varney]

Dragons.

[Matid Confesses]

That was two ones.

[Elga von Brauth]

All right.

[Gustavo Serola]

Maybe they're people bones.

[Matid Confesses]

Oh, wow. They're big people.

[Chip Haney]

Can I glance back at those bones and see what they dare.

[Gustavo Serola]

Make a history check. It's like in the Flintstones when Fred would get the giant rack of ribs that would tilt his car over.

[Chip Haney]

Rolled an eight.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, definitely. Someone was having a barbecue. This is like the leftover rib bones. Someone. This is probably just where they tossed them after they were done.

[Elga von Brauth]

We'll probably figure out eventually.

[Gustavo Serola]

Sure.

[Matid Confesses]

Who cares? Bones through the hole.

[Elga von Brauth]

Yeah. Elga swims through the hole.

[Chip Haney]

I swim through the hole.

[Barney Varney]

Oh, I want to do that thing that gives me Advantage on Initiative. I'm calling it now.

[Gustavo Serola]

Do you need to speak to cast that?

[Barney Varney]

I don't think so, no. Let me check.

[Gustavo Serola]

I like that the initial knee jerk reaction is no, wait, hold on. I actually have no idea.

[Matid Confesses]

You know who also does that? My children.

[Barney Varney]

Well, at least I owned it. It just says I can just do it.

[Matid Confesses]

No, but what's the component?

[Chip Haney]

No, literally, the description says just do.

[Barney Varney]

It's like give one creature advantage on initiative.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. It's a vigilant blessing. Yeah. It says you give one creature, you touc.

[Barney Varney]

All right. Touch myself. Let's chip you on it.

[Elga von Brauth]

I think you. I think you're good having it go through the hole.

[Gustavo Serola]

You bless yourself.

[Elga von Brauth]

I do.

[Matid Confesses]

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[Gustavo Serola]

You can go back to doing whatever you were doing. Now you all enter a large L shaped chamber. The walls, floor and ceiling are slimy and stained from the blue lockwood. Bubbling throughout the chamber are a handful of fissures discharging some kind of green gas that's floating up.

[Chip Haney]

And this is still underwater, right?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yes.

[Chip Haney]

And as far as L shaped, are you saying like if we looked up then it would 90° or is it like.

[Matid Confesses]

Is there a corner?

[Chip Haney]

Yeah, like backwards L. So it's a.

[Gustavo Serola]

Backwards L. You're at the bottom left.

[Matid Confesses]

Okay, so there's a corner and there's a bunch of fissures spewing out green gas.

[Chip Haney]

Okay, so we just swim up. Let's just swim up the length of.

[Elga von Brauth]

The big L. I don't know if it's. Is it L shaped tallways or L shaped like a room that's L shaped?

[Gustavo Serola]

Both. Like Imagine that, that, that continues up and then tapers down at the ceiling.

[Chip Haney]

Okay, so it's like a chimney. Like we got a chimney.

[Gustavo Serola]

You're looking at a top down view there, Barbara. Yeah, and then it just kind of tapers and gets, you know, forms to a ceiling. Almost like A cave at the top.

[Elga von Brauth]

Okay. Okay, gotcha.

[Matid Confesses]

I swim around the fissures, avoiding the gas.

[Gustavo Serola]

Everyone make me. Before you start swimming with tea, do me a favor. Everyone make me a perception check.

[Matid Confesses]

19.

[Elga von Brauth]

14.

[Chip Haney]

I have advantage on this. That is a 14 and a. We're just gonna go with a 14.

[Barney Varney]

11.

[Gustavo Serola]

And Matidio had a 19, right?

[Matid Confesses]

Correct.

[Gustavo Serola]

You're the only one who notices this. As you enter this room, you catch sight of a disfigured looking Hugo at the northeast portion of this room. Oh, it looks like most of his skin is burned off. His lips are missing, and so his fangs are just perpetually visible, and they seem to be dripping with some kind of green liquid.

[Barney Varney]

I wonder how he talks with his lips. Some real Nosferatu.

[Gustavo Serola]

Look. Outstretched from his back are two bony wings.

[Elga von Brauth]

Does he look dead?

[Gustavo Serola]

No, his back is to where you all entered from. He's looking away, doing something because he.

[Elga von Brauth]

Came down into this. The Lockwood without the croissant. So I imagine he's not. Well, he's probably feeling the effects of this.

[Matid Confesses]

Well, yeah, he got disfigured in that fight with Eddie, and now he's even more disfigured than he was before.

[Barney Varney]

That's how Eddie got disfigured in the first place, right?

[Elga von Brauth]

Yeah, by going in the lock with.

[Matid Confesses]

Him, losing his skin. Lockwood apparently takes some people's skin and so.

[Elga von Brauth]

Sorry, what else was in here?

[Matid Confesses]

You said this. Why did you take Chip's skin when he fell in?

[Elga von Brauth]

There's a green gas. And what else is there in here?

[Matid Confesses]

Fissures.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, fissures that are discharging the green gas.

[Matid Confesses]

Fissures are like cracks in the floor.

[Elga von Brauth]

Gotcha.

[Matid Confesses]

So they're spewing.

[Elga von Brauth]

And that's from the wall or the floor?

[Matid Confesses]

All over?

[Gustavo Serola]

Both.

[Matid Confesses]

Okay, how far from Hugo are we?

[Gustavo Serola]

The room's a fairly decent size, and you're on the other side from it. You have to kind of go straight and then hook a left. Since the room is el sh to get all the way up there as the mateed flies.

[Matid Confesses]

There you go.

[Gustavo Serola]

It's probably, let's say, like 60ft away.

[Matid Confesses]

60Ft. So should we sneak up on him? Like maybe get a little grapple on him?

[Chip Haney]

I have an ice arrow. I don't know if I could freeze the water around him.

[Elga von Brauth]

Do you have any radiant damage? Anybody here? I do, because he is likely vulnerable to radiant damage.

[Matid Confesses]

I was thinking if we could just sneak up on him and get a good grab on him, then we get some answers.

[Elga von Brauth]

But also, like, we're Underwater.

[Chip Haney]

We're underwater.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah.

[Elga von Brauth]

We're not gonna. I don't know if we could chat with him.

[Chip Haney]

And what is he busy with again? His back is turned to his turn. And what is he doing?

[Gustavo Serola]

You can't really see.

[Chip Haney]

He's probably playing Game Boy underwater.

[Matid Confesses]

Game Boy?

[Chip Haney]

I don't know.

[Gustavo Serola]

All this Tetris talk and singing the theme song has a Game Boy on Blaine's mind.

[Barney Varney]

There a way to, like, swim above him where we can look and see what he's doing?

[Gustavo Serola]

You can try.

[Barney Varney]

I don't think I. Bart, I'll do it.

[Matid Confesses]

I'll do it.

[Elga von Brauth]

Nikita's very graceful. Yeah, I feel like they would like.

[Barney Varney]

Yeah, nothing great. More graceful. Like a bird underwater.

[Gustavo Serola]

Have you ever seen a duck?

[Barney Varney]

Yeah, sure.

[Gustavo Serola]

Penguins. Penguins are birds. What?

[Elga von Brauth]

Well, graceful is what I was in the water. In the water?

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah.

[Chip Haney]

Mango her of one.

[Matid Confesses]

Like a flamingo, I charged through the water stealthily.

[Chip Haney]

No, no, no. He said flamingo. You're flamenco dancing.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Elga von Brauth]

Get out.

[Gustavo Serola]

It's impossible to take a direct straight path to him just because of all the fissures that are releasing gas. Unless you want to swim through the gas that comes through.

[Matid Confesses]

Oh, could I use my incorporeal movement and go, like, translucent or whatever you want to call it? Transparency. Stuff passes through me. What's the word I'm looking for?

[Gustavo Serola]

Incorporeal.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah, it's incorporeal. I'll go incorporeal. And then could I go directly at him that way?

[Gustavo Serola]

Where is that? I want to read it real fast.

[Matid Confesses]

That's probably a good thing to check me on.

[Chip Haney]

Just says just do it.

[Gustavo Serola]

Incorporeal movement once. For short rest, you can use your bonus action to move through other creatures and objects for up to 1 minute with concentration. You take 1d10 force damage if you end your turn inside an object. So it's not necessarily like a magic effect or anything, Right? It's just something you can. Can do.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah. Cause I'm a ghost.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay, make a stealth check for me then, since you're being a little sneaky here.

[Matid Confesses]

That's a nat. 20 plus nine. 29.

[Elga von Brauth]

Yes.

[Chip Haney]

So stealthy finale rolls that we need.

[Elga von Brauth]

Matid doesn't even move the Lockwood at all.

[Gustavo Serola]

Right.

[Matid Confesses]

Cause I'm incorporeal.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, yeah. You begin swimming through the Lockwood, and luckily for you, with your incorporeal movement, you're able to avoid some of this green gas that's bubbling up from these fissures. And you get to a point where you are above Hugo looking down.

[Chip Haney]

Yeah.

[Matid Confesses]

What do I see?

[Chip Haney]

Dunen.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah. Matid is making that sound.

[Chip Haney]

It's all POV pv.

[Matid Confesses]

Matid.

[Elga von Brauth]

Matid.

[Gustavo Serola]

You can see he's pushing on something on the wall. And then all of a sudden, the wall opens up and he seemingly falls through.

[Matid Confesses]

He falls through it?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Matid Confesses]

Doesn't go through. Falls through. Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

Like, it opens up and kind of like Lockwood escapes with him. It sucks him out, and then the wall reseals.

[Chip Haney]

Oh, Game Boy.

[Elga von Brauth]

I mean, he probably knows something. He probably knows something we don't.

[Chip Haney]

Right.

[Elga von Brauth]

Like, this is a way he should be. He knows to be going.

[Matid Confesses]

Didn't somebody in the old Game Boy, like, ads, like, say Game Boy? Like, didn't they just, like, blurted like that?

[Gustavo Serola]

That was like a Sega thing.

[Matid Confesses]

That was Sega. Anyways, then I'd like to investigate where he was pushing against the wall.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. You swim down there and you see what appears to be like, a slimy, narrow gate that looks like an aperture. And right now it's closed. It doesn't appear to have a handle or a lock or anything on it.

[Matid Confesses]

Are we in a toilet?

[Chip Haney]

This could be a Utah.

[Matid Confesses]

He just flushed himself.

[Chip Haney]

Yeah. Is that a P trap that we're on?

[Elga von Brauth]

Do we want to quickly see if there's any other openings or anything like. Because that probably is the only way to get out of this chamber.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Matid Confesses]

You guys should probably make your way to me.

[Chip Haney]

Yeah. Watch the green liquid.

[Elga von Brauth]

Elga very dexterily goes over.

[Chip Haney]

Is that a word?

[Elga von Brauth]

Dexter. Dexterously.

[Matid Confesses]

There you go.

[Elga von Brauth]

Dexterily.

[Matid Confesses]

She verily dexterily.

[Elga von Brauth]

She barely.

[Gustavo Serola]

She doesn't know.

[Elga von Brauth]

She spums over to Matid can. And avoiding the green stuff.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right.

[Barney Varney]

Can Barney do it? Whatever the opposite of dexterily is.

[Matid Confesses]

Clumsily.

[Gustavo Serola]

Sure.

[Chip Haney]

I just imagine arms waiting like.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah.

[Chip Haney]

Chip moves over there, and he uses his tail like a fin. He's actually quite good.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. So you all are there as well, and you see the same thing. Matid saw this slimy, narrow gate that.

[Matid Confesses]

Is currently closed, and he was pushing against a wall.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, he was trying to manipulate it somehow.

[Matid Confesses]

I do that.

[Gustavo Serola]

Make me an athletics check.

[Elga von Brauth]

Unless this was a trap, and he accidentally triggered a trap and got sucked out.

[Matid Confesses]

Eh, let's go for it. 21. Nice.

[Gustavo Serola]

The aperture opens up for just a brief moment and sucks you and all of your friends out.

[Matid Confesses]

I did it, everybody.

[Elga von Brauth]

Is it a slide?

[Gustavo Serola]

No. You sound so disappointed. As you pass through the gate, it closes behind, and you immediately spill onto the floor of a long, fairly narrow cavern absent of Lockwood.

[Chip Haney]

Can I do an athletics Check to see if I land in a superhero pose.

[Gustavo Serola]

Do acrobatics, not athletics. Okay.

[Chip Haney]

All right, here we go.

[Elga von Brauth]

I just want to do that one more time.

[Chip Haney]

21.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

It was hard to hold my breath for that long.

[Chip Haney]

Lean like a ninja.

[Gustavo Serola]

You land with grace. Doing the superhero pose.

[Chip Haney]

You guys impressed?

[Elga von Brauth]

Elga's still trying to catch her breath.

[Gustavo Serola]

You land on a floor made of scattered scarlet stones interwoven with a gray slime that drips from the ceiling.

[Matid Confesses]

Is Hugo in here?

[Gustavo Serola]

Make an investigation. Check.

[Chip Haney]

Marko.

[Matid Confesses]

Hugo. That's a nine plus one. Ten.

[Gustavo Serola]

You don't see him at the moment? No.

[Barney Varney]

Okay, so there's a gray slime on.

[Matid Confesses]

The floor coming from the ceiling.

[Elga von Brauth]

And something about crimson tiles.

[Matid Confesses]

Scattered stones.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, scattered scarlet stones.

[Chip Haney]

Surely there's footprint. Cause he was wet. And he would be carrying Lockwood with him.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yep. There's also all the slime on the floor as well, so it's not like it's a totally dry room you're in.

[Chip Haney]

Can Chip use, like, his investigation?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, you can make, like, if you're looking for tracks, that's survival. You can make a survival check.

[Barney Varney]

Okay, Can I do that, too? Barney?

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah.

[Chip Haney]

I have advantage on this. It's a 10 and a 3.

[Elga von Brauth]

Elga's gonna look as well.

[Barney Varney]

11.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay, I'll wait for Elga's check as well.

[Elga von Brauth]

20.

[Gustavo Serola]

All three of you also make me dexterity check. 14.

[Chip Haney]

21.

[Elga von Brauth]

6. That's with advantage.

[Gustavo Serola]

Ouch.

[Elga von Brauth]

I rolled the same thing twice.

[Gustavo Serola]

Barney and Chip, you're unable to find any tracks, but it's probably because you're preoccupied trying to avoid this slime from falling on you as it's dripping from the ceiling.

[Barney Varney]

Ew.

[Gustavo Serola]

Elka, you're so focused on finding tracks that you are able to uncover them. You do see some tracks that may have been left by Hugo. But as you're looking down at the tracks, a large glob of gray slime falls and envelops you.

[Chip Haney]

Oh, my glurb.

[Elga von Brauth]

What does it do to me?

[Gustavo Serola]

It's like the effects of a slow spell. It's just slowing you down. Now you're just all soggy and waterlogged.

[Elga von Brauth]

Could I try to remove it from my body? My person?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, you can just take some time to remove it. Is there any specific. You just kind of try to brush it off?

[Elga von Brauth]

Yeah, just the thing. You know, when you finish showering and you want to get some of the excess water off of you, just, like.

[Chip Haney]

While you're doing that, I cg you're.

[Elga von Brauth]

And then she also shakes like a Little puppy.

[Chip Haney]

I say, elga, quick trust fall, and I fall into you.

[Matid Confesses]

Why?

[Chip Haney]

Because she's a slow spell, so she probably is going to not be able to catch me. Because it'd be funny. Because she's got to react fast. I don't know.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right.

[Elga von Brauth]

Elga does not try to catch Chip.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah, yeah.

[Elga von Brauth]

How many points of damage does he take? Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

Chip falls to the ground and takes two points of bludgeoning damage.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Chip, I hear the words. They didn't notice.

[Chip Haney]

I know you're clean.

[Gustavo Serola]

I saw you wiping off after being distracted by Chip's trust fall. Your eyes continue following the tracks, Elga, and you do see Hugo to the north, who turns around, notices you all and begins moving very quickly for what appears to be an exit to the north.

[Elga von Brauth]

Could Elga pick up a glob of that slime and throw it at him?

[Gustavo Serola]

It's pretty far. You can try, but it's gonna be a good bit of distance. But, I mean, let's try it. Why not do an unarmed strike at disadvantage? Because it's so far.

[Barney Varney]

Okay, how far away is it?

[Gustavo Serola]

60, 65ft, something like that.

[Chip Haney]

Think about all your days playing for the vampire football team. This is the fourth quarter. You gotta make that Hail Mary throw.

[Gustavo Serola]

Here we go.

[Elga von Brauth]

My disadvantage was 15.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay, yeah, I'll say. You are actually able to hurl it far enough. And it hits him. He looks at it kind of like, disgustingly, and then, like you did, he kind of shakes himself and it all flies off with ease. And he continues running to the northern exit.

[Chip Haney]

That was still cool. That was good.

[Matid Confesses]

That was a good throw.

[Gustavo Serola]

It was a good throw.

[Matid Confesses]

I chase.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You can run, but you cannot hide.

[Gustavo Serola]

Foopa. Yeah, Matid. You give chase.

[Chip Haney]

I chase as well.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, all right. Everyone gives chase. And you see Hugo disappear through a narrow opening that seems to lead to a dark chamber to the north.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

He's just taking us exactly where we need to go. We don't even have to figure it out ourselves.

[Gustavo Serola]

And one more time, everyone, make me a dexterity check.

[Elga von Brauth]

Mm.

[Barney Varney]

22, 16.

[Elga von Brauth]

4 5.

[Gustavo Serola]

Barney and Matid, you're able to get to the northern exit without issue. But Chip and Elga are so focused on running, they're again not paying attention to that gray slime. And it falls on them. So it's gonna take them just a little longer to catch up.

[Barney Varney]

Oh, we're in a race, guys. For what? I don't know.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

It's a race.

[Chip Haney]

I am Weenies.

[Gustavo Serola]

I am Weemy. Is there anything special Chip or Elga want to do to try to get the slime off?

[Chip Haney]

No.

[Elga von Brauth]

Elga does the thing again where she shakes herself like a little puppy who's just wet.

[Chip Haney]

Okay, I'll use my tail as, like, a windshield wiper.

[Gustavo Serola]

There you go.

[Barney Varney]

I'm gonna cast. Bless. Bless up Barney on us.

[Gustavo Serola]

Bless. Dismiss. Which does.

[Barney Varney]

Oh, sorry. Bless for one minute up to three creatures of your choice within range. Whenever they make an attack roll or saving throw before spell lance, the target can roll a D4 and add the number roll to the attack roller. Saving throw.

[Gustavo Serola]

I assume you pick your three party members.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Barney Varney]

I don't know.

[Gustavo Serola]

And that lasts for one minute.

[Barney Varney]

Yeah.

[Chip Haney]

So if we're doing, like, little spells, things like that. Can I have had my Poisoner's Path thing prepped when we took the last short rest? I always forget to do it.

[Elga von Brauth]

Sure.

[Chip Haney]

It's okay.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay. Okay.

[Elga von Brauth]

What does that do to us? Barney. Sorry.

[Barney Varney]

Whenever you make an attack roll or saving throw, you get a D4 to add to the end.

[Elga von Brauth]

And just once.

[Barney Varney]

No, for a minute. While we're on the chase.

[Matid Confesses]

Hey, I'm gonna take a bite of a brownie.

[Chip Haney]

Ooh.

[Matid Confesses]

Since we're all just doing little.

[Gustavo Serola]

Little buffs, some gastric fortitude.

[Matid Confesses]

Barred brownie gives me bardic inspiration. I get three charges of it. I don't remember where I got this.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Maybe the Bartholomew Fin Scourge.

[Matid Confesses]

Skeg Craig. Dregs, dregs you got there. I think that's where I got it. Anyways, I take a bite of a brownie. It's yummy.

[Chip Haney]

Chip has his mouth open. He's pointing at it.

[Gustavo Serola]

He wants a knuckle sandwich.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Punching.

[Matid Confesses]

I let Chip take a bite of the brownie.

[Chip Haney]

I don't have to take the effect.

[Matid Confesses]

He takes a bite of the brownie. I shove it in. Eat the brownie. Eat the brownie, Chip.

[Elga von Brauth]

This is the most violent I've seen, Mateen.

[Gustavo Serola]

It's like in they Live when Rowdy Roddy Piper's trying to get the sunglasses on the glasses on Keith David.

[Chip Haney]

I love that movie.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right, so is everyone ready to proceed?

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

You enter a dark grotto with white columns built into the wall. At the far northern end of the room, you see a disfigured figure facing away from you, hunched over, ranting.

[Hugo]

I've come too far to be stopped here at the dead end. Come now, I've done my part.

[Gustavo Serola]

You all feel the scarlet floor tremble beneath your feet, and the monstrosity turns to face you with a lipless, fanged grimace.

[Matid Confesses]

No.

[Hugo]

You four can't stop Me? Not now. Unless perhaps, you, too wish to know the secret of Grotesque.

[Matid Confesses]

Yes.

[Draconic Man]

Chip Haney.

[Matid Confesses]

Hugo Von Bratt.

[Hugo]

You have suffered a great loss in this world.

[Chip Haney]

Yeah.

[Hugo]

Perhaps the greatest of all love was snatched from you. It's no mystery that you achingly long for your Carol. To hold her again, to feel her warmth, to see her smile beaming back at you. Go on, Barney Farnie. Cheated of your best years, robbed of your memories, deprived of your precious family. Surely you're feeling your age weigh upon you like that of plate armor that you should have hung up years ago.

[Barney Varney]

Can I. Can I respond?

[Hugo]

Matide confissus. Your carefree nonchalant is something to aspire to. Surely you of all people, lack nothing in this world. Or perchance have you drifted through this immortal coil for so long that you have steadily been stripped of that which drives us all? Purpose.

[Matid Confesses]

Oh, Elga.

[Hugo]

My sweet little Elga.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Hugo.

[Hugo]

You have made your father proud, my dear. Truly a vampire's vampire among our people. I see it in your eyes, my child. The same thirst that lurks in my own gaze. Surely you are fatigued and parched of tiptoeing through a world that maligns you when they should all be bowing before you.

[Gustavo Serola]

A crimson glint shimmers in Hugo's veined eyes.

[Hugo]

I can change all of your worlds. All you have to do is yield.

[Gustavo Serola]

Everyone make a charisma. Saving, throw, stalling.

[Elga von Brauth]

And don't forget, we have the bless.

[Chip Haney]

Bless up, yo.

[Matid Confesses]

Ooh.

[Gustavo Serola]

Nah. 20.

[Barney Varney]

That was 12 on me.

[Matid Confesses]

23.

[Elga von Brauth]

I would be 11.

[Chip Haney]

21.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, some very charismatic party members here.

[Chip Haney]

I got the raz.

[Hugo]

You know, I have faced you before.

[Advertisement Speaker]

And I can do it again.

[Matid Confesses]

You don't have much of a face left.

[Gustavo Serola]

Haggard Hugo spreads his bony wings and charges straight for you with fierce fangs. Everyone roll. Initiative.

[Barney Varney]

I wanted to eat. I wanted to eat that bell.

[Matid Confesses]

What?

[Barney Varney]

That's what I wanted to do.

[Chip Haney]

20.

[Matid Confesses]

24.

[Barney Varney]

21.

[Elga von Brauth]

I also rolled a 20.

[Barney Varney]

Not worth it.

[Elga von Brauth]

Now, Chip, what is your dexterity?

[Chip Haney]

15.

[Elga von Brauth]

Okay, so you go before me.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, okay. So mateed was 24. Barney was 21. Chip and Elga were both 20. But chip goes first.

[Elga von Brauth]

Yes. Wow. I'm going last initiative with a 20.

[Matid Confesses]

I know. Yeah, well, I got good initiative modifiers.

[Gustavo Serola]

Now, at this point, I'm going to roll for Hugo here.

[Chip Haney]

Roll a one. Go on, dork.

[Gustavo Serola]

Ten. All right, Mateed, you're up first. It's Matid. Barney, Chip, Elga, Hugo.

[Matid Confesses]

He's charging at us.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Chip Haney]

Oh, we've twins.

[Gustavo Serola]

It's like bilbo. In fellowship.

[Elga von Brauth]

Oh yeah.

[Barney Varney]

So scary.

[Matid Confesses]

Sure, I'll charge at him. Come at me, bro.

[Chip Haney]

Got him.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah, I'm going to.

[Gustavo Serola]

He's not expecting it. It's like when a bear charges you and you make yourself all big. It's like. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Chip Haney]

Chill.

[Gustavo Serola]

What are we doing here?

[Chip Haney]

Hey.

[Matid Confesses]

Oh yeah, I'm gonna use the spear of the superior baker. No, no, listen, I would have used that except that you pointed out I can't do stunning strikes with that.

[Gustavo Serola]

Correct.

[Matid Confesses]

So I'm not gonna be using that as much anymore. So that for last episode.

[Chip Haney]

Anyway, that's it.

[Gustavo Serola]

I'm ending this campaign. I'm gonna kill you all.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah, I'm just gonna go in for a two handed strike and I'm gonna do that by rolling a 30.

[Gustavo Serola]

Let me check. Oh yeah, that hits.

[Matid Confesses]

Okay, 1D 8 plus 7. That's a 6. Plus 7. 13.

[Gustavo Serola]

And that's piercing damage, right?

[Matid Confesses]

Piercing damage. And I'm gonna make it a stunning strike.

[Gustavo Serola]

What is the save?

[Matid Confesses]

75?

[Gustavo Serola]

I don't think so.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah, I'm looking at my sheet right now. Constitution saving throw of 16.

[Chip Haney]

Hoo hoo hoo.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay, my constitution's plus three, so I need a 13 or better.

[Chip Haney]

Is he at disadvantage because he has no lips?

[Matid Confesses]

Is that where you hold all your constitution?

[Elga von Brauth]

I mean, if you're speaking a spell, it might like affect your maybe ability to have like proper speech patterns.

[Chip Haney]

I'm so sorry, I'm getting hung up on the lipless detail. But it's just, you know, I mean, come on.

[Elga von Brauth]

That is like so unsettling to think about.

[Matid Confesses]

He's chugging my dick now.

[Gustavo Serola]

Well, he rolled a 12 plus 3, which is 15, which is a failure. However, he uses his legendary resistance to instead of fail to succeed on that saving throw.

[Matid Confesses]

Well, I use flurry of blows to do another two unarmed strikes, which can be stunning strikes as well.

[Gustavo Serola]

I hate you.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah, well, you shouldn't give everybody legendary resistance. So that's how the croissant crumbles. That is 16 plus 9. 25. That hits 9.

[Gustavo Serola]

9. And is that slashing?

[Matid Confesses]

Slashing, but it's considered magical. Okay, and then another stunning strike.

[Gustavo Serola]

17. Woo hoo.

[Matid Confesses]

That's a 13 plus nine. 21 to hit.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, that hits.

[Matid Confesses]

Doing seven. Magical slashing. Okay, and then give me one more con saving throw.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right, this is plus three. 19.

[Matid Confesses]

Okay, that's fine.

[Chip Haney]

Stop celebrating over there. This is bad, Gus.

[Gustavo Serola]

I mean, it's all perspective. From my perspective, the Jedi are evil. Okay?

[Chip Haney]

Inspiration.

[Matid Confesses]

My movement I wanted since in order to do these strikes, I have to be up on him on a melee distance. Okay, so I'm right next to him then.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yes.

[Matid Confesses]

Nice wings. Mine have feathers.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, he takes ego damage.

[Matid Confesses]

Bony, nasty wings.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, my self esteem.

[Elga von Brauth]

Yeah, don't make Trevor state all of my self esteem.

[Gustavo Serola]

Is that it for you?

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah. We done?

[Gustavo Serola]

Barney, you're up.

[Barney Varney]

I'm gonna cast Flamestrike.

[Chip Haney]

Flamestrike.

[Barney Varney]

Flamestrike.

[Chip Haney]

That's new.

[Barney Varney]

A vertical column of divine fire roars down from the heavens in a location you specify each creature in a 10 foot radius. 40 foot high cylinder centered on a point within range must make a dexterity saving throw. A creature takes 46 fire damage and 46 radiant damage on a failed save. Or half as much damage on a successful one.

[Chip Haney]

Keep in mind, Matid's up on Hugo, so maybe aim past him.

[Barney Varney]

Yeah, just aim it.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, I'll say. It's possible to aim it in a way that only encompasses Hugo and does not engulf Matid. So it's a dexterity saving throw. What's the save? D.C. on it?

[Elga von Brauth]

Dex 18.

[Gustavo Serola]

Dex 18.

[Chip Haney]

All right, best of luck, Ugo.

[Gustavo Serola]

My dex is plus three, so I need a 15 or better.

[Chip Haney]

Yeah, you're not gonna make that.

[Elga von Brauth]

He's going to do it now because he just.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh. Three.

[Barney Varney]

The four D six. So that's 1616 fire 21 radiant. That's a good roll, Chris.

[Chip Haney]

Good boy.

[Gustavo Serola]

The holy fire seems to strike down from above and it envelops Hugo, who begins screaming in pain.

[Barney Varney]

How far away is he right now from me?

[Gustavo Serola]

You didn't move up yet. So he's at the very edge of the range of your spell, which is about 60ft.

[Barney Varney]

I move up within 5ft.

[Gustavo Serola]

Move up.

[Barney Varney]

Up to Hugo.

[Gustavo Serola]

Do you have 55ft of move?

[Barney Varney]

Oh, no, I don't. No. No, I don't at all.

[Gustavo Serola]

This is D and D. You didn't realize he was 60ft away even though I just said.

[Barney Varney]

I know, I know, I know. Sometimes I was reading my spell. As my bonus action, I'll move forward my 30ft towards him.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Barney Varney]

And then I'm going to telekinetic. Shove me five feet further.

[Elga von Brauth]

You should telekinetic shove yourself.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

So you're 25ft away from him.

[Elga von Brauth]

Barney, hit the nos blinds.com's Black Friday sales event is happening now with our best deals of the season, let our design experts help you make the perfect selection for your home on your schedule. We can send free samples right to you and handle everything from measure to install. With over 25 million windows covered. Blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings. Save up to 50% site wide plus door busters and a free professional measure at the blinds.com Black Friday sales event. Now rules and restrictions may apply.

[Gustavo Serola]

The Ford Explorer has what you need for the road ahead. Up to seven selectable drive modes, a 5,000 pound towing capacity and an available 400 horsepower engine. The 2025 Ford Explorer. It's all in the name.

[Advertisement Speaker]

When properly equipped. Max towing varies based on cargo vehicle.

[Gustavo Serola]

Configuration, accessories and number of passengers. Horsepower, torque, payload and towing are independent attributes and may not be achieved simultaneously. Horsepower and torque ratings based on premium.

[Advertisement Speaker]

Fuel per SAEJ1349 standard.

[Gustavo Serola]

Your results may vary.

[Barney Varney]

You can get the most important meal.

[Gustavo Serola]

Of the day any time of day.

[Barney Varney]

I'm Talking about the $5 Big Deal Breakfast meal from Jack in the box, available all day and all night.

[Gustavo Serola]

A breakfast Jack with a freshly cracked.

[Barney Varney]

Egg, a hash brown and french toast sticks for five bucks. Sounds good for breakfast, lunch and dinner at Jack.

[Chip Haney]

Every bite's a big deal.

[Barney Varney]

Order Jack's five dollar Big deal breakfast meal.

[Gustavo Serola]

Now there's a little on the walker, like two little jets pop out and. Is that it for you?

[Barney Varney]

Yeah.

[Elga von Brauth]

Are we allowed to know how that damaged Hugo? Because I imagine he's vulnerable to radiant.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yes. You know that as a vampire yourself, that radiant bad for vampires. From a metagame perspective, it's considered a vulnerability. Yes. That was Barney's turn. So we got Chip. And then after Chip, Elaga.

[Chip Haney]

Okay, really quick. How far away is he again from me?

[Gustavo Serola]

About 60ft.

[Matid Confesses]

60Ft.

[Elga von Brauth]

Is that all of us?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. Except not mateed. Who's up in melee range. And Now Barney is 25ft.

[Chip Haney]

I'm gonna use my movement to get up as close as I can to Hugo. So that would be 40ft.

[Gustavo Serola]

So you get within 20ft of him.

[Chip Haney]

And then I want to take cunning action to dash the remainder of that distance.

[Gustavo Serola]

So that uses your bonus action to continue to close the distance.

[Chip Haney]

And keep in mind, this is 60ft. This entire 60ft. Chip is screaming, charging. He's got his crossbow of coolness out and he's prepped the bitter cold bayonet. So he's charging at him with a bayonet going.

[Gustavo Serola]

It's like the scene in Monty Python. Yeah, the charging scene.

[Matid Confesses]

Precisely.

[Gustavo Serola]

This goes on forever.

[Chip Haney]

And then I'm going to. Yes. Use my crossbow of coolness because he hasn't taken an action that is going to be an assassinate thing. You have advantage on attack rolls against any Creature that hasn't taken turn in combat yet. And any hit you score against the creature that is surprised as a critical hit.

[Matid Confesses]

Don't think he's surprised if you're screaming at him though.

[Gustavo Serola]

He's not surprised.

[Chip Haney]

But that's a 19 and a 16. And then I'm gonna roll the D4 for bliss. So technically it's a 21 you hit. Okay. So I'm gonna do the damage with that attack. So that's nine. Nine points of cold damage. Cause it's from the Crossbow of Coolness. In addition to that, I also do the 5d6 damage because it of sneak attack wasn't very sneaky. But because matid is within 5ft, I get that extra 5d6.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yep.

[Chip Haney]

And that is. I don't see a lot of high numbers there.

[Matid Confesses]

18 kind of damage.

[Gustavo Serola]

Since it's sneak die, it's just additional. I think this would be considered some kind of piercing damage. Most likely, yes.

[Chip Haney]

And then I don't know if I can stack this. I'll just ask. You know, remember when I said that I wanted to have poison cake?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Chip Haney]

Okay. I'd like to use that. Okay. Regis.

[Gustavo Serola]

My life is that. That's not like a bonus action or anything. Right? You just use it.

[Chip Haney]

It says you gain expertise with the poisoners kit during a short rest. You can create a one single use injury. Touch ingested or inhaled poison. On effect, the target must make a Constitution saving throw. DC10 plus your proficiency bonus. Or take 2d6 plus 4 damage.

[Gustavo Serola]

Poison damage. So then metagame wise, it would be that you had applied it to the dagger. The dagger. Right.

[Chip Haney]

Yeah. Because I'm going make it a touch thing.

[Gustavo Serola]

Well, this would be injury, I think, because it's not like you're touching him.

[Chip Haney]

Totally what I said.

[Gustavo Serola]

An injury. Poison.

[Chip Haney]

Anyways, so you need to make a DC10 plus your proficiency bonus. I guess it's a 14 roll. 14.

[Gustavo Serola]

14 constitution saving. Don't roll.

[Chip Haney]

14 roll like a 1 or something.

[Gustavo Serola]

My constitution 3. I need an 11 or better. 19. It was an 8 and then it switched at the last second. 1922. Successful save.

[Chip Haney]

Okay, so then do you take any of that or do you take half?

[Elga von Brauth]

Probably have.

[Gustavo Serola]

No, it doesn't say that. It's just. He shrugs it off.

[Chip Haney]

That's okay. And then. And then.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yes.

[Matid Confesses]

And you have to be done at that point.

[Chip Haney]

I think I might be done at that point. No, there's one other thing. There's one other thing.

[Gustavo Serola]

Because the way you said it. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Chip Haney]

Because it's the crossbow coolness. And I charged him with the bitter cold bayonet. On a hit, you can expend a charge. No action. And the target must make a DC15 constitution saving throw or become frozen seat petrified the next turn. So roll for a constitution.

[Matid Confesses]

I'm trying to stop you. Yeah, okay.

[Gustavo Serola]

What was the DC on it again?

[Chip Haney]

DC 15 stop rolling high numbers constitution is plus 3.

[Gustavo Serola]

I need a 12 or better.

[Matid Confesses]

This is for your own good, gus.

[Gustavo Serola]

That's a 13, so that's a failure.

[Matid Confesses]

There you go.

[Chip Haney]

Yay. So you're frozen. You look really warm from the fire.

[Matid Confesses]

Now start singing an Idina Menzel. So.

[Elga von Brauth]

So what effects does that have on Hugo?

[Gustavo Serola]

You see from where the bayonet pierced Hugo's side, seems like icy tendrils start spreading across his skin, slowing his movement, eventually freezing him solid in place.

[Chip Haney]

Well, gang, we did it. We beat the final boss.

[Matid Confesses]

Which you're able to do because I burned through his legendary resistance. You're welcome. Thank you.

[Chip Haney]

Okay, good. Kai fives all around team.

[Gustavo Serola]

Is that it for you?

[Chip Haney]

Well, because I have of 20ft of remaining movement and he's frozen, so I can't imagine he can take a tackatov opportunity. So I'll use that to move away from him.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay, you move 20ft away and that's it for your turn, right?

[Chip Haney]

Yeah, but I moonwalk away. I stabbed him and then I go heel.

[Gustavo Serola]

That means it's your turn.

[Elga von Brauth]

I would like to rage.

[Gustavo Serola]

Despite all her rage. Still just a bat in a cave.

[Matid Confesses]

Form of.

[Elga von Brauth]

Do I have to side right now? I do have decide right now.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Elga von Brauth]

Form of the beast with bite.

[Matid Confesses]

Bite.

[Elga von Brauth]

I'm going to take bite.

[Chip Haney]

Do you lose your lips?

[Matid Confesses]

No, they actually get bigger.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I just got the giant teeth.

[Elga von Brauth]

Then I want to move up 40ft.

[Chip Haney]

You know when a child for Halloween puts those like teeth in?

[Elga von Brauth]

Yeah, that's me right now.

[Gustavo Serola]

That's so gross. So you take them out. Oh, I hate it.

[Chip Haney]

And they never fit. They always hurt.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, I'm sorry, Barbara.

[Elga von Brauth]

I want to move at 40 all right. On my whole walking speed. And then I'm going to throw my axe of the scarab towards Hugo.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Elga von Brauth]

So to hit that is a 25.

[Gustavo Serola]

That hits.

[Elga von Brauth]

Okay. Doing. Oh, my God. Eight plus, I guess three because it's slashing and I'm ranging.

[Gustavo Serola]

So I don't know if you get your rage bonus on ring stuff.

[Matid Confesses]

Is it melee?

[Gustavo Serola]

It might be melee. Let me double check. It might. I might be wrong. Let me just double check that real.

[Elga von Brauth]

Quick because this is a this attack type is melee here.

[Gustavo Serola]

I'm gonna say no, because when you throw it, that is ranged, because it does have a range on it. It's not just a within melee. Okay, so eight. You still do eight.

[Elga von Brauth]

All right, well, I'll do it again.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Elga von Brauth]

To hit. That is a 29.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay. Yeah. That hit.

[Elga von Brauth]

Doing. There we go. That's a little better. 13 points of slashing damage.

[Gustavo Serola]

You throw the axe of the scarab. It hits. Hugo chips off a little piece of his shoulder for eight points of damage. Then you resummon the axe of the scarab back to your hand and throw it again. It hits him so hard, it unfreezes him, crying out in agony as his deformed, damaged frame falls to the ground.

[Matid Confesses]

You.

[Hugo]

You must be feeling pretty good about yourselves right now.

[Gustavo Serola]

I suppose.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah.

[Hugo]

Pretty much like heroes at the end of a long adventure.

[Matid Confesses]

Well done.

[Chip Haney]

We're clapping now.

[Gustavo Serola]

Why are we climbing?

[Hugo]

But we've been here before. What, all five of us? And I fell to my death then.

[Advertisement Speaker]

Just as well.

[Hugo]

But this time. This time is different. I know the part I play.

[Gustavo Serola]

Do you? And then, rather abruptly, Hugo falls to the floor, unmoving, his red eyes fixed eternally on the four of you.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You lied to me for my whole life, and I'll never forgive you. But worst of all, you're just an evil person, and I don't like you, and I will never love you.

[Elga von Brauth]

And then she spits.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh.

[Elga von Brauth]

Onto his face.

[Matid Confesses]

I kick him.

[Barney Varney]

Barney goes up and lowers his head.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh. Okay.

[Elga von Brauth]

Elga runs over to Barney and embraces him.

[Gustavo Serola]

Aw, sweet.

[Chip Haney]

I join Matid in the kicking while he's down.

[Matid Confesses]

You go for the head. I'll go for the back.

[Chip Haney]

Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Well, guys, he said something about that he was playing a part. Do you think this was all a trap?

[Matid Confesses]

Yes.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay. Thank you, Fatid.

[Matid Confesses]

I do not think that this adventure is quite over. We still have to uncover the mystery of this whole Mars situation and what he was after all along.

[Gustavo Serola]

With a rumble, the scarlet ground quakes.

[Chip Haney]

Beneath you once more.

[Gustavo Serola]

But this time, the entire grotto begins to tremor and fracture. The surrounding white columns slowly start to split open vertically, and the floor lifts and undulates wildly, throwing the four of you toward the pillars. As you slide along the floor, you quickly realize the columns are pointed and jagged on the ends, like giant white spikes. Everyone make dexterity. Saving throws 1112 for Oliga, 24.

[Chip Haney]

I rolled a 9, but I have a evasion. When you are subjected to the effect that allows you to make a dex saving throw, you will take Half damage. You instead take no damage if you succeed.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right, so everyone failed except for Matti. So you're gonna take a little bit of piercing damage. Chip, you take half of this. Five points of damage. Chip, you take two. You pass through the spikes, and suddenly you're free falling. As if from a towering cliffside, torrential wind is zipping past you. Your body's flailing wildly downward. You have but seconds to save yourselves from plummeting to your deaths.

[Elga von Brauth]

I turn into a bat.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I go.

[Matid Confesses]

I'll grab. I'll grab.

[Barney Varney]

Chip, it's dark. I'll turn it. I'll float. Depth of night.

[Gustavo Serola]

That all sounds pretty good. Adjust for funsies, mat. Just make a strength check just to make sure you're able to grab and hold on to Chip.

[Matid Confesses]

I rolled a NAT20.24.

[Gustavo Serola]

You're able to swoop over. And I'm kind of sad.

[Matid Confesses]

I rolled a nat20 on that one.

[Chip Haney]

Dismiss me entirely.

[Elga von Brauth]

I go.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I'll help you.

[Gustavo Serola]

Don't worry.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Chip, grab my little wing.

[Chip Haney]

No, Mateen's got my shoulders. But then Elga has my tail, like.

[Elga von Brauth]

Just, like, daintily holding it in her mouth.

[Gustavo Serola]

So you all are able to interrupt the fall and lightly land on the ground below. After the dust finally settles, you all gather your bearings and survey your surroundings. It's dark. Maybe nighttime. There's no stars or moons in the sky, but a faint red glow lingers just past a mountain. You all struggle to make sense of what you see, but your faculties are failing you. The blackened ground feels parched, far beyond desert sands ever should be. The air feels stale and eerily silent. The ground shifts, vibrating under you. As you look around, you instantly find the cause. The mountains are moving. As the mounds shift, you also realize the source of red light. It's a half sun. The faint vermillion blaze casts a shadow across the mountain, or what should be a mountain. You see the rows of white spikes high up in the sky. They open wide, revealing themselves to be one massive maw. An oddly familiar voice bellows both inside your minds and all around you.

[Matid Confesses]

Welcome, welcome, O. I do love visitors.

[Gustavo Serola]

Elephantine tentacles with claws emerge from the sides of the mountainous monster and rush straight for you. Everyone rolling their.

[Matid Confesses]

Oh, good Lord.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

The great ma.

[Matid Confesses]

Wait. Hugo?

[Chip Haney]

The maw?

[Elga von Brauth]

No, I think Hugo was just serving the maw. And like, probably.

[Matid Confesses]

I thought the maw was like a.

[Chip Haney]

Benevolent, like deity, but it seems to recognize us.

[Barney Varney]

Yeah, you said a familiar voice. Can you elaborate?

[Matid Confesses]

That's a voice? Because we can't hear it now.

[Gustavo Serola]

Familiar but not in a way you feel like you can place or you can identify.

[Elga von Brauth]

Okay.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right, everyone, roll initiative.

[Chip Haney]

10, 11, 8. You guys are really bad at counting down. 12.

[Gustavo Serola]

12.

[Elga von Brauth]

11, 10, 8.

[Matid Confesses]

Much lower than our first fight. Yeah, that was really bad.

[Gustavo Serola]

Let me roll for the mountain.

[Chip Haney]

All right, guys, now we gotta fight a mountain.

[Gustavo Serola]

17.

[Elga von Brauth]

Did this thing say it was the maw?

[Matid Confesses]

It didn't, but we're assuming.

[Chip Haney]

They say shy, familiar.

[Gustavo Serola]

So I go first.

[Matid Confesses]

The mountain?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, the way it should be.

[Chip Haney]

Can I do, like, a right click info on this mountain?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, it's like three skulls.

[Elga von Brauth]

Is that difficulty? Yeah, we're zero skulls.

[Matid Confesses]

That means that we can't tell what level it is because it's so high.

[Gustavo Serola]

You all feel a torrential wind buffeting you from behind, as if pushing you closer to the mountain. Everyone make a. Let's call it a Dexterity saving throw.

[Elga von Brauth]

27, 21.

[Chip Haney]

14. With evasion. If I take damage, it'll be half.

[Barney Varney]

I rolled a one.

[Chip Haney]

No, Barney.

[Elga von Brauth]

Barney's just so overwhelmed by seeing a talking mountain that he just.

[Gustavo Serola]

So elga and matid you're able to stand your ground. But Chip and Barney, the winds suck you in and pull you even closer to the mountain.

[Chip Haney]

So that's what I wanted. Cause melee attacks.

[Elga von Brauth]

Is this like the mountain is in the Game of Thrones mountain, where it's just a big dude?

[Gustavo Serola]

Well, it's just like a. It's huge, right? It's just like a mountain. Monotonous amalgamation of a monster. It's got a massive maw, an assortment of eyes, 10 giant tentaclaws, and an extensive streak of red across its belly and neck.

[Elga von Brauth]

Streak of red on the belly and neck.

[Chip Haney]

Those might be the weak points. Aim for those.

[Gustavo Serola]

They're not glowing, though.

[Chip Haney]

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[Matid Confesses]

And it's got a big T on its chest. It's a superhero.

[Elga von Brauth]

Ooh, pentaklese.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay, so it pulled Chip and Barney closer. I'm gonna roll a die to see what attacks one and two. Barney, three and four. Chip. One. That's Barney. Oh, my God.

[Matid Confesses]

That makes sense. He rolled a one.

[Gustavo Serola]

One on one, one of the giant tentaclaws lashes out at you, Barney. Okay, hitting.

[Matid Confesses]

Let's see some real damage here, Gus. Come on.

[Elga von Brauth]

I need to live.

[Matid Confesses]

I'm trying to Support Gus.

[Gustavo Serola]

Hitting AC18. That does not hit.

[Barney Varney]

Does not hit.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, you have like, a 20 or something, right? All right, I'm going to make another attack. One or two? Barney, three or four? Chip looking at me. Two. It's Barney again.

[Chip Haney]

I'm Sitting there on my knees, praying.

[Barney Varney]

Hit the old man.

[Gustavo Serola]

Take him instead. Lashes out, hitting AC35.

[Barney Varney]

That one hits.

[Gustavo Serola]

Shockingly, doing 40 points of slashing damage.

[Barney Varney]

40?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Barney Varney]

That's a lot.

[Elga von Brauth]

Are we high enough level for less?

[Chip Haney]

We're level nine. This must be the level 20 boss fight.

[Gustavo Serola]

And you are now grappled. It has you in its grip in one of its tentaclaws. A third tentaclaw lashes out at Chip.

[Elga von Brauth]

Got it.

[Matid Confesses]

Oh, God. Not. All right.

[Gustavo Serola]

Hitting AC23.

[Chip Haney]

Roll it again. Because I have super groovy cape. That is called the cloak of displacement, I believe.

[Matid Confesses]

Oh, yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

So attacks are at disadvantage against you, right? Correct.

[Elga von Brauth]

I just want to point out that he rolled a 35 of attacking Barney. He probably has a very high modifier.

[Matid Confesses]

It's like it's an item that automatically does it, doesn't it?

[Elga von Brauth]

Yeah, I'm just saying it.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Elga von Brauth]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matid Confesses]

Lucky he's. He's using an item that stays.

[Chip Haney]

Yeah, copy.

[Gustavo Serola]

So that's a 27 your concern, Barb.

[Matid Confesses]

I would be there with you.

[Chip Haney]

27 and a what?

[Gustavo Serola]

23. Okay. Is that a hit?

[Chip Haney]

I see we do the. Let me do the quick math. Yeah, that hits.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay. Okay. Yeah. I need you to tell me, please. I need this.

[Elga von Brauth]

Gus needs the validation of hurting you.

[Gustavo Serola]

Doing 42 points of slashing damage. And you are now grappled as well.

[Chip Haney]

I have uncanny dodge. When an attacker that you can see hits you with an attack, you can use your reaction to have the attack's damage against you.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay, so 21. Oh, wait, no, no. But you had to have had. You had to have had dodge already as a reaction. Oh, is it as a reaction?

[Chip Haney]

Yeah, it's a reaction.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, never mind.

[Matid Confesses]

You have patient defense, which is that.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm thinking of. All right, so 21 points of damage.

[Matid Confesses]

And spoiler gun us. I will be using that.

[Chip Haney]

21 damage.

[Matid Confesses]

So we all know what my bonus action is already.

[Gustavo Serola]

You're calling it.

[Chip Haney]

And you're grappled, and I'm grappled.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Chip Haney]

I grapple back. I hold on. I got you. I want you.

[Gustavo Serola]

It's just like judo. You just got to use its weight against it and toss it onto the ground.

[Chip Haney]

Exactly.

[Matid Confesses]

He's just this speck fighting a.

[Gustavo Serola]

Speaking of a spec. It's your turn, Chip.

[Chip Haney]

Okay, okay, let me see.

[Gustavo Serola]

Grapple.

[Chip Haney]

Creature speed becomes zero, and encampment speed.

[Matid Confesses]

You can do everything. You just can't move.

[Chip Haney]

Then I.

[Gustavo Serola]

You can also, if you want, try to escape it.

[Chip Haney]

Yeah, no.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay. Because you're grappling it?

[Chip Haney]

Yeah.

[Elga von Brauth]

We're supposed to try to fight this thing.

[Chip Haney]

All right, I'm going to use my crossbow of coolness once again.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Matid Confesses]

I mean, if you want to run away, I'll go.

[Elga von Brauth]

I'm just trying to, like, decipher if this is a thing we actually could potentially be fighting. Or, like, if it's something that's the lost cause.

[Chip Haney]

Don't worry, gang. I'll soften them up for you and Mateed and Elga.

[Elga von Brauth]

All right, guys, you're just a base of a mountain just punching.

[Gustavo Serola]

I've got him where I want him.

[Chip Haney]

So I'm gonna use the crossbow of coolness that you're a little one. I can use my inspiration to. That's more like in a 23.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah.

[Chip Haney]

So that's eight points of cold damage. And then I also want to use a charge for range rhyme. Upon firing a crossbow bolt at an enemy, hit Orbis. As a bonus action, you can expend a charge to cause the bolt to explode with icy charge shards. Each creature within 10ft of the target must make a DC15 dexterity saving throw or take 46 cold damage. Okay, so there.

[Gustavo Serola]

So it's gonna affect it, you and Barney?

[Barney Varney]

Well, yeah. What are you shooting?

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, well, I mean, all creatures within 10ft of it.

[Chip Haney]

Yeah, but I'm not sure, like, can I aim for, like, a different part of it?

[Matid Confesses]

That's not.

[Gustavo Serola]

I think it says all creatures within 10ft of it.

[Chip Haney]

Well, you know, I shot a bolt at it. It's a big thing. I don't have to aim it.

[Elga von Brauth]

Also, is each tentaclaw a different creature?

[Gustavo Serola]

No. That's a good attempt.

[Chip Haney]

Okay, but if a creature. Let's say it's 100ft big, right? And I just shoot at it, like, to the far left. And we're over to the right. That's not within 10ft. Like, I can I can I aim the crossbow bolt so that it's not going to hit where Barney and I are?

[Gustavo Serola]

Make a roll of persuasion. Check against me.

[Matid Confesses]

I like this.

[Chip Haney]

I support this.

[Matid Confesses]

This is good.

[Chip Haney]

Okay, I have a plus 12.

[Matid Confesses]

Are you opposing?

[Chip Haney]

Yeah.

[Elga von Brauth]

What's your. Do you guys have modifiers or What'd you roll?

[Chip Haney]

A 14.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay, sure. I'll give it to you. Yeah, you persuaded me, Blaine.

[Chip Haney]

Okay.

[Elga von Brauth]

I like making checks against the DM.

[Chip Haney]

That's fun.

[Gustavo Serola]

4D.

[Chip Haney]

Six cold days.

[Gustavo Serola]

That's what the dice decided.

[Elga von Brauth]

Yeah, I like that.

[Chip Haney]

That is a not terrible 16. Okay, I want to get out of the grapple and if possible, use Cunning action.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

Wait, did you use. Did you use your bonus action already?

[Matid Confesses]

I did.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matid Confesses]

Did I To do the explosion?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, you said as a bonus action. Oh.

[Chip Haney]

Oh, no. Did I lose?

[Elga von Brauth]

Yes, yes, you did.

[Gustavo Serola]

I want that isolated. Did I lose?

[Chip Haney]

Can I. Can I try to get out of the grapple, though? That is that or is that a bonus? Like that or movement?

[Gustavo Serola]

Normally, yeah, but why not? I'll let you try.

[Chip Haney]

Oh, okay.

[Gustavo Serola]

Make your choice. Either strength or dexterity.

[Matid Confesses]

Sound of a man looking at a high modifier on the character he's looking at.

[Elga von Brauth]

Let me try.

[Chip Haney]

Strength or dexterity. Old goats. Old Dex.

[Matid Confesses]

Watch ass.

[Chip Haney]

I doubled down on my grip on the tentacle. You're not going anywhere.

[Gustavo Serola]

You've got him right where you want him, Chip.

[Matid Confesses]

Combat is the best part of combat, Elga.

[Elga von Brauth]

Oh, it's my turn.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, it's Elga, then Matid, then Barney.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Well, I'm still a bat, Bit. How far away am I from this guy?

[Gustavo Serola]

You're 30ft.

[Elga von Brauth]

I am using my flying speed.

[Chip Haney]

Whoa.

[Elga von Brauth]

To get over right up close this thing. And I want to aim at the, I guess, tentaclaw. That's grappling, Barney. Okay, I will rage against.

[Matid Confesses]

Okay, turn back into Elga. Or can you rage as a bat? Oh, that was a genuine question. But I like the response.

[Elga von Brauth]

I imagine I cannot rage or attack as a bat.

[Gustavo Serola]

I don't think so.

[Elga von Brauth]

Yeah, so I turn back into Elga, and then I will rage.

[Matid Confesses]

I like that. Did you zoom in with your flight speed, but then, like mid air turn into Elga so you're still flying with the movement.

[Elga von Brauth]

And I'll take the form of the tail. All right, I'm going to take out my great acts of gaining. Get those gains and try to slice down on the tentaclaw. That's holding Barney. Okay, so to a hit. That is a 23.

[Gustavo Serola]

That hits.

[Elga von Brauth]

Nice doing, man. 11.

[Matid Confesses]

What note was that, Micah?

[Elga von Brauth]

14 points of slashing damage. Okay, does it seem to, like, weaken its grasp or anything on Barney?

[Gustavo Serola]

Make a perception check.

[Elga von Brauth]

Okay, I see nothing. I rolled a one with a plus five.

[Gustavo Serola]

Six. It still seems to have a very tight grasp on Barney.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, Barney, I will get you out of there.

[Chip Haney]

Oh, my gosh.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, gosh, he's killing him.

[Matid Confesses]

He's getting a curid.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

This cannot breathe.

[Elga von Brauth]

I'll slice it again with my great ax. All right, I'm going to use a inspiration die because that's a 14. I imagine that does not hit.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, man.

[Elga von Brauth]

13.

[Gustavo Serola]

Sorry. All right, well, he's no good.

[Elga von Brauth]

He's no. Good. I guess that's my turn then.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay, Elga's furiously elging at one of the 10 o'clock, which means it's mateed, and then.

[Matid Confesses]

Barney, how big is this thing? Are we talking Empire State Building? Are we talking dump truck? Yeah, dump. Yeah. What's the scale here? You said a mountain. Mountains, rain range.

[Elga von Brauth]

There is a mountain range. Did you ask that question just to lead up to that joke?

[Chip Haney]

Nope.

[Matid Confesses]

I found that joke.

[Gustavo Serola]

As I said, it's from D and D scale. It's gargantuan.

[Chip Haney]

So like the size of a 711 or a Bucky's.

[Matid Confesses]

Okay, it's gargantuan.

[Barney Varney]

32 to 64ft tall.

[Matid Confesses]

Okay.

[Chip Haney]

Oh, okay, that's manageable.

[Elga von Brauth]

Pretty tall.

[Chip Haney]

Phase inside of it, like vision and then mess with its organization.

[Matid Confesses]

You said it's a big maw.

[Gustavo Serola]

It has a massive maw.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah.

[Elga von Brauth]

When we say maw, what is that?

[Gustavo Serola]

Like a mouth? Okay.

[Matid Confesses]

Is it open?

[Gustavo Serola]

Sure, why not?

[Matid Confesses]

Can I fly into it?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, why not?

[Matid Confesses]

Okay, I fly into the mouth.

[Elga von Brauth]

We must nourish the maw.

[Chip Haney]

Wait, there might be something to that.

[Elga von Brauth]

Probably.

[Chip Haney]

Maybe the information we need.

[Matid Confesses]

This is intentional. This is my plan.

[Chip Haney]

Yeah.

[Matid Confesses]

Okay.

[Elga von Brauth]

It doesn't like poultry, though, so.

[Matid Confesses]

No, I'm not a chicken.

[Chip Haney]

But not all birds are poultry. You're right. You're the bravest person I've ever met.

[Matid Confesses]

I go into the maw.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Matid Confesses]

And what do I see?

[Gustavo Serola]

You fly into a damp, fetid, stinking, giant mouth with horrific teeth everywhere.

[Matid Confesses]

Does it have a face?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yes.

[Elga von Brauth]

It has eyes, you said.

[Gustavo Serola]

Right.

[Matid Confesses]

Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

It's got. Oh, yeah. Ten eyes. Yeah, just for, I guess, perspective. You fly in and you know what this is? You jump. Just came out of here.

[Matid Confesses]

Oh, we were in. That was the. What? That was. Oh, is it like scarlet stuff with gray slime?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Chip Haney]

Oh, we were in it.

[Matid Confesses]

Wait, is Hugo here?

[Elga von Brauth]

No. Well, he's dead.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. You see his body hanging on a tooth.

[Chip Haney]

Oh, ew.

[Matid Confesses]

So then at the end of the.

[Elga von Brauth]

Oh, wait, were the white pillars teeth?

[Matid Confesses]

Yes.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yes. That's why they had spikes on the ends.

[Matid Confesses]

So from my perspective, visually, looking at this big old map, is there a throat?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yes. You realize that's where you were before this.

[Elga von Brauth]

We're in the throat.

[Chip Haney]

And now you will remain where you will be.

[Matid Confesses]

Hallway. Before we went into there, were we in its stomach?

[Gustavo Serola]

You were.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, wait.

[Matid Confesses]

So wait, it was.

[Elga von Brauth]

The Lockwood that we were in was in its stomach?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. All the green gas.

[Chip Haney]

It wasn't through its butt?

[Matid Confesses]

No, no, no.

[Chip Haney]

The Lockwood, the saliva or stomach acid. Yeah.

[Matid Confesses]

Could I then theoretically travel back to the stomach area?

[Gustavo Serola]

Theoretically, you could try, but the whole area is moving in a way it wasn't before. Like you could try to start making your way down there. It would take a while, but it's way more treacherous than before. Whereas before it seemed like a stable room, now everything's sloshing about and moving. Like the floor becomes the wall becomes the ceiling. Everything's all topsy turvy.

[Matid Confesses]

Can I fly up to its face and attack its eyes?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Matid Confesses]

Okay, if I threw the battle goozling on top of the maw, could it stay on top of the maw and keep attacking it?

[Gustavo Serola]

It could try, sure.

[Matid Confesses]

Okay, I'm gonna do that gopierre.

[Chip Haney]

Piercing.

[Matid Confesses]

And that would be my action.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, sure.

[Matid Confesses]

Okay, then that's what I'm gonna do. I throw the goozling on the maw. I want to be like hovering in front of the maw and use patient defense to take dodge.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Matid Confesses]

And now it's the goozling.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Matid Confesses]

And the goozling is going to attack them off.

[Chip Haney]

We save Grotef in atrocity. They build a giant statue of a goose.

[Elga von Brauth]

Of a goose.

[Chip Haney]

And then like four little idiots below.

[Matid Confesses]

The goose, it uses bubbling hiss and exhales acidic bubbles in a 15 foot cone. Because I wanted to hit as many eyes as I. Okay, so the creature must make a DC13 dex saving throw.

[Chip Haney]

I bet it's dexterity is not great. Cause It's a mountain.

[Gustavo Serola]

Plus three.

[Chip Haney]

Oh, okay.

[Gustavo Serola]

That's a 16.

[Chip Haney]

My dexterity.

[Matid Confesses]

Okay, you take half or like 100. I can't. 14 plus two. 16. Acidic damage.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Matid Confesses]

And I'm done.

[Gustavo Serola]

Barney, you are still grappled.

[Barney Varney]

Okay, I want to use my channel divinity, twilight, sanctuary as an action you preserve represent your holy symbol. And a sphere of twilight emanates from you. The sphere is centered on you, has a 30 foot radius and is filled with dim light. The sphere moves with me and lasts for one minute. Whenever a creature, including you, ends its turn in the sphere, you can grant that creature one of the benefits. 1d6 +9 temporary hit points or removes. Charmed or frightened. Okay, and then I want to. Barney wants to try and like fight his way through out of the maw. Or I mean out of the grapple.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right, so you're gonna make a check to.

[Barney Varney]

Oh, and I think what happens is instead of like doing that. Exactly. He incorporeal moves through it.

[Chip Haney]

Huh.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Barney Varney]

And you phase into a misty version of yourself for the duration. Spell lasts for One minute.

[Gustavo Serola]

And.

[Elga von Brauth]

Oh. Elga sees this happening, and it's like.

[Gustavo Serola]

I'm not a rope.

[Barney Varney]

I think Barney doesn't know you guys.

[Matid Confesses]

Remember, he's dead, right? We went over this. We don't need to keep the pretense off anymore.

[Elga von Brauth]

Hasn't been made obvious of what he is.

[Matid Confesses]

I found his body in his coffin. I saw it.

[Gustavo Serola]

Elga is shocked at the Barney reveal, as Barney was shocked at the Elga reveal.

[Matid Confesses]

I saw the body.

[Gustavo Serola]

It runs in the family. They refuse to acknowledge what is right in front of him.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

It could have been a dummy body. It could have been.

[Gustavo Serola]

It was a dummy body.

[Matid Confesses]

He's right there. I have gendar for ghosts. Okay. I know when I see a ghost.

[Barney Varney]

And I can't cast any spells or anything, but I'm also, like, immune while I'm in that.

[Matid Confesses]

You have to. It lasts for a minute. Yeah, yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

So I was double checking. It's resistance, not immunity.

[Barney Varney]

Oh, sorry. Resistance. And then I'm gonna go ahead and roll for that bonus HP from your Twilight. Yeah. So that's 12 bonus HP.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay. And just for the record, with incorporeal movement, you have resistance to non magical damage.

[Barney Varney]

Okay, cool.

[Gustavo Serola]

So it's not immunity. Tall damage. It's a lot more narrow. Okay, it's the. The mountain's turn again. It lost its grip on Barney. Everyone go ahead and make a wisdom saving throw.

[Barney Varney]

27.

[Gustavo Serola]

Wow.

[Matid Confesses]

15. 5.

[Chip Haney]

Okay, that's at 12.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right. Only Barney succeeded. Then everyone else is just frightened at the horror that is looking at this giant creature and the daunting task that lies before you.

[Elga von Brauth]

Is that a condition we should add?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yes, you're frightened. You can repeat your saving throw at the end of your turn.

[Barney Varney]

Also, Twilight Sanctuary can remove frightened.

[Matid Confesses]

At the end of our turn?

[Barney Varney]

Yeah, at the end of your turn.

[Gustavo Serola]

But do they have to be within range of you? Yes.

[Barney Varney]

30Ft.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay, I think they're all probably within 30ft of you. It's also going to attack a little more. It's not holding on to Barney. That's too bad. Well, it's holding on to Chip still.

[Chip Haney]

I was, like, holding. I couldn't hear plane. Just stop breathing.

[Elga von Brauth]

It's like when the teacher's like, all right, I need to volunteer for this. And you're just, like, looking down.

[Matid Confesses]

No, no, no.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, wait, hold on. Your gosling would also have to make a saving throw against that.

[Matid Confesses]

Oh, wait. It's immune to being frightened.

[Elga von Brauth]

The maw?

[Matid Confesses]

No, the goozling. I love this gooseling.

[Chip Haney]

I do, too. It's gonna save Us.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay, I'm annoyed now.

[Matid Confesses]

Don't kill it.

[Gustavo Serola]

The goozling was immune. Barney escaped my grasp. You all feel murmurs within your mind. Like just nonstop chattering. A cacophony of voices. Everyone make an intelligent saving throw.

[Elga von Brauth]

9.

[Matid Confesses]

Dirty 27.

[Barney Varney]

8.

[Gustavo Serola]

Everyone failed.

[Chip Haney]

Great.

[Elga von Brauth]

Very cool.

[Gustavo Serola]

The voices just overcome any ability for you to form your own coherent thoughts. You all take 83 points of psychic damage. If you are still alive, you are now insane. Insane to the brain. You can't take any actions, can't understand what other creatures say, can't read, and can only speak gibberish. You're still up, would you say? Who's still up, Barney?

[Matid Confesses]

Me.

[Elga von Brauth]

I'm still up.

[Gustavo Serola]

Elga. The only gibberish you're able to string together is blurbal gurble. I like the commitment to the bit.

[Barney Varney]

It's the best.

[Gustavo Serola]

The same familiar voice bellows all around you.

[Matid Confesses]

Dinner.

[Gustavo Serola]

The monstrous maw opens wide, and like the snap of a finger, darkness swallows you whole. Well, thanks for listening, everybody.

[Matid Confesses]

That's our way now.

[Chip Haney]

It's fun.

[Matid Confesses]

Are we. Wait.

[Chip Haney]

Rest in peace, Chip.

[Matid Confesses]

Are we doing another episode?

[Gustavo Serola]

No, we will not. See you next week. What?

[Elga von Brauth]

We're still recording.

[Barney Varney]

Wow.

[Chip Haney]

Well, guys, if you enjoyed that, make sure you follow us on Patreon. We're gonn.

[Gustavo Serola]

A shadow eclipses you from above. You see watery silhouettes of two people, one sitting and the other standing. But both are looking down at the four of you. A gentle voice calls out to you.

[Draconic Man]

It's time, my friends. Time to wake up.

[Gustavo Serola]

And with hardly any effort, you each feel yourselves gradually float to the surface and inhale what feels like your first breath. Your eyes are blurry, but you feel hands reach out to tenderly pull you out from the water onto a stone ledge. You try to look around, but everything still appears murky.

[Draconic Man]

Give yourselves time to adjust. There's no rush.

[Gustavo Serola]

You all feel your lungs slowly swell, inhaling and exhaling the fresh air. The murkiness slowly subsides from your ears and eyes. And you see two faces softly smiling at you. An Elvish woman and a Draconic man. They both seem familiar, like faces from a forgotten dream. The man stands and speaks.

[Draconic Man]

I realize you four must have a myriad of questions, but I find it's best to start with the basics. For one, no. You're not dead.

[Chip Haney]

Ah, good.

[Draconic Man]

In fact, you're probably the most alive you've ever been before.

[Gustavo Serola]

As the Draconic man speaks, details start to dawn on you. His scales are a burnt orange. You're standing on a circular Stone dais surrounded by water and runic archways arc over your head.

[Draconic Man]

2. Though you may not recognize even yourselves, for some reason you all know each other.

[Gustavo Serola]

And sure enough, you look down to find your reflection in the pool. But an unfamiliar face stares back at you.

[Draconic Man]

And three, before I tell you where you are, I'd like my friend to tell you a tale.

[Gustavo Serola]

The Draconic man takes his seat once more. And the Elvish woman steps forward. She has dark features and black hair. She's wearing a navy cloak and matching double breasted tunic along with eggplant pants and leather boots.

[Sedate Tempor]

My name is Sedate Tempor.

[Gustavo Serola]

What?

[Sedate Tempor]

And this is my tale. Long ago when I was young, I met a boy named Hubris. I fell in love with his charm and zest for life. Before long, we were betrothed far too young and eloped as soon as we were of age. One night I awakened to an empty bedside and went out into the night, searching for Hubris. I stumbled upon him hunched over, eating and drinking from someone's insides. A horrific visage. What was a zest for life was actually an insatiable hunger and thirst. But before I could react, he overtook me and drew my very life force from me. And that's when I fell into darkness for the first time. I awakened in murky waters and emerged in a strange place. A world beyond worlds. A space between realities. The connective tissue amongst all planes of existence. The Inuverse. It was founded by a society of special individuals whose souls are found in every reality. They may look different in each world, but they possess the same soul and serve as peacemakers in every realm. No one has ever been forced to awaken until they are ready. And for the safety of the realms. The location of the universe has been kept a secret for generations upon generations. But recently, one individual made a connection to the Inuverse without waking up. A man named Hubris. Though he has never been here before. For reasons I cannot explain, he is now able to travel amidst the known worlds. Every realm connected to the universe. His hunger started small, but for every creature he consumed, he grew larger. But it didn't stop with creatures. He began devouring homes, towns, and over time, even entire regions. When he dies, he just spawns in a new world and begins consuming it. If it continues to grow, he one day may be able to consume entire world. What was once a man has now grown into a colossal creature of consumption. Hubris.

[Gustavo Serola]

The Draconic man stands.

[Draconic Man]

And so we call upon thee, Blaine, son of Gib.

[Gustavo Serola]

What?

[Draconic Man]

Barbara, from the men of Dunkel, Christopher of the Maris, and John of those who rise and sing. You fool. Have been chosen by destiny to lead the charge to gather our ranks from worlds beyond to face head on the imminent threat of hubris and save the inuverse. Do you accept this quest?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Y.

[Elga von Brauth]

Yes.

[Chip Haney]

Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Barney Varney]

Yes.

[Matid Confesses]

We.

[Gustavo Serola]

No.

[Elga von Brauth]

You're John now. You're John. You're you.

[Matid Confesses]

I said that in an American accent.

[Gustavo Serola]

I guess we'll have to find out in the next campaign of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

[Elga von Brauth]

Hey.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

What?

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh. Sa.