C03 - Ep. 01 - Mission Through Middrus - Zero Hour

Summary

Tales from the Stinky Dragon Episode: C03 - Ep. 01 - Mission Through Middrus - Zero Hour
Release Date: October 2, 2024
Host: Gustavo Serola (Dungeon Master)
Participants: Blaine Gibson (Tolv), Barbara Dunkelman (Doug Boone), John Risinger (Natty Wonder), Chris Damaris (Gunther)

---

Introduction and Character Setup

Timestamp: [03:23]

The episode kicks off with Gustavo Serola, the Dungeon Master, introducing the campaign's unique twist. He asks each player to briefly describe their characters, emphasizing details like name, race, class, and physical appearance to build a vivid "theater of the mind."

Notable Quote:

Gustavo Serola [03:23]: "I want every player to briefly describe their characters... just really help us build that theater of the mind."

Character Introductions

Timestamp: [05:02]

Each player introduces their character with enthusiasm and creative flair:

• Barbara Dunkelman as Doug Boone
  A bugbear artificer, Doug is depicted as a tall, somewhat chubby character with a kind face, sporting dark brown hair with light patches. His attire includes brown pants, an off-white long sleeve shirt, a teal and maroon vest, and spikes on his leather armor.

  Notable Quote:

  Barbara Dunkelman [05:10]: "Hello, everyone. I'm Barbara Dunkelman... Doug Boone is a bugbear artificer... innocent and fluffy side."

• Blaine Gibson as Tolv
  Tolv is an orc barbarian inspired by Viking aesthetics, adorned in brown leathers with colors reminiscent of the Aurora Borealis. He wields a sword and shield, exuding a Viking sailor vibe.

  Notable Quote:

  Blaine Gibson [07:01]: "I'm going to be playing Tolv... think about like a traditional Viking... deep blues and greens."

• John Risinger as Natty Wonder
  A drow warlock who embraces fluid pronouns and loves drag, Natty sports a flamboyant outfit complete with a giant blonde wig, high-waisted jeans with rhinestones, white boots, and a gingham shirt.

  Notable Quote:

  Blaine Gibson [13:07]: "Natty's catchphrase is, 'Butter my biscuit, it'll be fine.'"

• Chris Damaris as Gunther
  Gunther is a croque folk fighter, a frog humanoid standing at about 2 feet tall, equipped with a sword and shield.

Setting the Scene

Timestamp: [15:07]

Gustavo Serola delves into the rich lore of Midris, describing a catastrophic event where Infernus, a fiendish overlord, slain the Bright One, leading to an age of darkness. The Pale One, the God of the Moon, temporarily restores light but seals the celestial gates to prevent further tragedies. Infernus now rallies an army to breach these gates, setting the stage for the adventurers' mission.

Notable Quote:

Gustavo Serola [15:07]: "But we aren't the only ones. For the past millennia, the Sun Slayer herself, Infernus, has amassed an army of devils and demons to storm the gates of Hyra."

The Mission Begins

Timestamp: [17:41]

The adventurers find themselves in a vast, craggy cavern illuminated by a molten river of lava. A bog gnome military sergeant thrusts items into their hands—a rope, torch, tinderbox, and water skin—and urges them into action with a sense of urgency.

GM's Narrative:

Gustavo Serola [19:03]: "You're in a vast, craggy cavern... Your gaze darts away from the lava to a short, mossy, stocky bog gnome... push you towards the river of lava."

Initial Encounters and Challenges

Timestamp: [19:27]

The team faces Yundarian minions and must navigate the perilous lava river. Players perform various actions, including:

• Natty's Resourcefulness: Crafting a lasso from the rope to capture an Undarian minion.

  Notable Quote:

  Blaine Gibson [25:02]: "I'd expect nothing less from you, cowgirl."

• Tolv's Tactical Maneuvers: Attempting to distract enemies with a lit torch to safely cross the lava.

  Notable Quote:

  Blaine Gibson [25:44]: "I'm gonna need you to hold your britches for a second, sir. I'm on my way."

• Gunther's Agile Attempts: Utilizing his croque folk agility to investigate and fight.

Rising Tension and Dramatic Escalation

Timestamp: [34:09]

As the lava continues to rise, the team confronts Infernus directly. The narrative intensifies with attacks from Infernus and the Yundarian minions, leading to critical moments:

• Gunther's Heroic Yet Unsuccessful Strike: Attempts to stab an Undarian but misses.

  Notable Quote:

  Blaine Gibson [35:02]: "I love Doug. This is great. Doug, you're in the wrong career."

• Infernus's Ferocity: Described in vivid detail, Infernus wreaks havoc, injuring players and pushing the narrative towards potential character deaths.

  Notable Quote:

  Gustavo Serola [36:17]: "Infernus is a devilish humanoid with bloodshot red skin... her eyes are a deep blackness that matches only her blade of nether flames."

• Critical Failures and Roleplaying Moments: Characters like Tolv and Gunther face severe challenges, with players expressing emotions and reactions to their characters' predicaments.

Climactic Confrontations and Character Demises

Timestamp: [55:02]

The episode reaches its climax as the players engage directly with Infernus and attempt to rescue their comrades. Despite valiant efforts, significant character losses occur:

• Gunther's Demise: Falls victim to Infernus's attacks after a series of unsuccessful attempts to strike.

  Notable Quote:

  Blaine Gibson [52:01]: "I guess today I am. You're shouting at me, dude."

• Natty's Sacrifice and Rescue: Despite severe damage from rising lava, Natty's quick thinking and actions play a crucial role in attempting to save Gunther.

  Notable Quote:

  Barbara Dunkelman [59:08]: "I feel so bad."

Resolution and Cliffhanger

Timestamp: [72:45]

After the intense battle, Gustavo wraps up the mission with the remaining characters facing repercussions of their actions. Sergeant Steel Eye evaluates their performance, setting the stage for future challenges and character development.

Notable Quote:

Gustavo Serola [73:49]: "Welcome to Mortalion Boot Camp B Team. Or should I say brutality?"

Conclusion and Tease for Next Episode

Timestamp: [73:49]

The episode concludes with a promise of continued adventures and deeper explorations into character dynamics and the overarching narrative.

Notable Quote:

Gustavo Serola [73:49]: "That's it for this episode. Find out what happens to brutality in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon."

---

Key Highlights and Insights

• Dynamic Character Interactions: The episode showcases strong roleplaying elements, with players effectively bringing their characters to life through distinct voices and personalities.

• Engaging Storytelling: Gustavo's narration immerses listeners in the dark fantasy world of Midris, blending lore seamlessly with the players' actions.

• High-Stakes Gameplay: The mission's tension escalates with the rising lava and the formidable presence of Infernus, culminating in significant character losses that heighten the narrative stakes.

• Humorous and Creative Moments: Despite the grim setting, moments of humor and creativity, such as Natty's crafting ingenuity and Blaine's playful character comments, provide a balanced and entertaining experience.

• Teasing Future Developments: The conclusion hints at further adventures and character growth, enticing listeners to return for subsequent episodes.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Gustavo Serola [03:23]: "I want every player to briefly describe their characters... just really help us build that theater of the mind."

• Barbara Dunkelman [05:10]: "Hello, everyone. I'm Barbara Dunkelman... Doug Boone is a bugbear artificer... innocent and fluffy side."

• Blaine Gibson [07:01]: "I'm going to be playing Tolv... think about like a traditional Viking... deep blues and greens."

• Blaine Gibson [25:44]: "I'm gonna need you to hold your britches for a second, sir. I'm on my way."

• Gustavo Serola [36:17]: "Infernus is a devilish humanoid with bloodshot red skin... her eyes are a deep blackness that matches only her blade of nether flames."

• Barbara Dunkelman [59:08]: "I feel so bad."

• Gustavo Serola [73:49]: "Welcome to Mortalion Boot Camp B Team. Or should I say brutality?"

---

Final Thoughts

"Mission Through Middrus - Zero Hour" delivers a captivating blend of intense gameplay, rich storytelling, and engaging character development. The episode masterfully balances the high stakes of the mission with moments of levity, ensuring an enjoyable experience for both seasoned D&D enthusiasts and newcomers alike. As the adventurers face perilous challenges and personal losses, listeners are left eagerly anticipating the unfolding saga in future episodes.

For those new to Tales from the Stinky Dragon, this episode serves as a thrilling introduction to the podcast's dynamic and entertaining approach to Dungeons & Dragons storytelling.

---

Stay tuned for more adventures from Stinky Dragon's fearless (and foolish) friends!

Transcript

[Gustavo Serola]

This episode is brought to you by Dragon Ball Legends, the ultimate Dragon Ball experience on your mobile device. Dragon Ball Legends features action packed anime action RPG gameplay with Goku, Vegeta, Trunks and all your favorite Dragon Ball characters. Summon your favorite characters from popular Dragon Ball anime series such as Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball GT to Dragon Ball Super. Fight in real time against friendly or rival Dragon Ball players from across the globe in live PvP battles. Enter ratings matches with your favorite Dragon Ball characters and earn rating points and rewards. Unite with friends to defeat powerful foes in co op. Dragon Ball Legends features the best enemy fighting scenes on your mobile device. And now Legends Festival is on so you can get up to 300 free Summon tickets. Are you ready? Download Dragon Ball Legends today. Available for free on both iOS and Android devices.

[Blaine Gibson]

Bada bada boom.

[Gustavo Serola]

Sold.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Huh?

[Gustavo Serola]

Just sold my car on Carvana. Dropping it off and getting paid today already. What? You still haven't sold yours? You told me about it months ago.

[Blaine Gibson]

I just.

[Gustavo Serola]

Is the offer good?

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, the offer's great. Don't have another car yet.

[Gustavo Serola]

I could trade it in for this car I love.

[Blaine Gibson]

Come on, what are we waiting for? Ah, you're right.

[Gustavo Serola]

Let's go.

[Blaine Gibson]

Whether you're looking to sell your car right now or just whenever feels right, go to Carvana.com and sell your car the convenient way.

[Gustavo Serola]

Terms and conditions apply.

[Blaine Gibson]

Up, up.

[Gustavo Serola]

Down, down.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Left, right, left, right.

[Blaine Gibson]

Ba Start. Oh, hi, it's me, Gum Gum from Tales from the Sticky Dragon. Sorry, I was playing some video games. Hey, did you know that our Patreon followers have access to gameplay videos? That's right. Me and the other Infinites are playing Baldur's Gate 3. So come on over to sneakydragonpod.com to become a Patreon member and watch me, Cat, Cyborg, Bart and Mud go on more video game adventures. That's DK Dragonpod.com sign up today. Peace. Best wishes to you breath drinkers. Spectralize into the stinky dragon and quaff our latest cuppa. Cross my heart and hope to Chai. It's a mixture of blacked out tea leaves, vaporous water, invisimilk soul filled seasonings and peppered with radiant refulgence. One inhale of this incorporeal concoction and you'll have a soul new outlook on life. Now bring over a brew. Snag a seat in view and let's introduce our foul odorous crew.

[Gustavo Serola]

Hello everyone. My name is Gustavo Serola. I'm the dungeon master of our putrid party. I'M gonna hit our four players with an arrow. But we're just thinking we're back. Before we really get into the arrow, we're gonna do a little slightly different arrow this time. I also, on top of the normal question, I also want every player to briefly describe their characters. I want to hear your player name, your character name, the race, species, class, and a physical description. Your face, body, clothes, stuff like that. Just really help us build that theater of the mind.

[Blaine Gibson]

And any food allergies, your dietary restrictions.

[Gustavo Serola]

This week's role playing warmup question is, if your character had a catchphrase, what would it be?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You said that all spooky. Yeah, Gus. We're back.

[Gustavo Serola]

We're back. Believe it or not, I feel like.

[Blaine Gibson]

We should roll for initiative to who has to introduce.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Let's do it.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Blaine Gibson]

I don't know how we decide who does it.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Everyone have a D20 in front of us.

[Blaine Gibson]

First roll of the campaign. Here we go with real dice.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I rolled a 12.

[Gustavo Serola]

8.

[Blaine Gibson]

8.

[Gustavo Serola]

8. Oh, Kunal.

[Blaine Gibson]

3.

[Gustavo Serola]

We rolled an 8.

[Blaine Gibson]

Roll off on the eights. Roll off on the eights.

[Gustavo Serola]

Roll off.

[Blaine Gibson]

19. 14. 14. Just. Good Lord. Chris. Ready? Roll off on the. So Blaine is after Barbara, after Barbz, and now it's me and Chris.

[Gustavo Serola]

Nine, two.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay. Barbara, Blaine, Chris.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

It's just alphabetical.

[Blaine Gibson]

That's the normal. Why did we just do that? The fates have to decide. Okay.

[Gustavo Serola]

We literally.

[Blaine Gibson]

That's the order we always go in anyways.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That's so funny.

[Blaine Gibson]

Amazing.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Well, hello, everyone. I'm Barbara Dunkelman.

[Blaine Gibson]

Nailed it.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Back for campaign three. Super excited.

[Blaine Gibson]

Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And on this campaign, I will be playing Doug Boone. Spelled D u G B o o.

[Gustavo Serola]

N e just like it sounds.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yes, exactly. Doug Boone is a bug bear artificer and he's very tall. He's about 7ft, 350ish pounds. Although he might say that he's 300 pounds. He's lying. He is a bit on the chubbier side. You know, a lot of bug bears are a little more toned and muscular. He's a little more on the soft, fluffy side. He has a very kind face. He has glasses that he doesn't wear all the time. He has kind of like dark brown hair all over his body and face with kind of like light brown patches. He wears brown pants, a kind of off white beige long sleeve shirt and a vest. And the vest is two toned colors, both teal and maroon. And he has black boots also. He has a lot of leather armor with spikes on it.

[Blaine Gibson]

I Love the fact that you are playing a character now that is larger in height and weight than your last two characters combined.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Combined.

[Gustavo Serola]

By far more than double, probably.

[Blaine Gibson]

Which episode will we find out that Doug is actually Elga and Bart in a trench coat?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

A giant, furry trench coat.

[Blaine Gibson]

Spoilers.

[Gustavo Serola]

John, don't forget to do your catchphrase. And I want to make this a little more interesting. Uh, oh, ok. Can we hear the catchphrase in your character's voices?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, absolutely, guys. I would love to do my catchphrase in my character's voice. Hey, guys, I'm Doug Boone. And my catchphrase is I could figure it out.

[Blaine Gibson]

I love Doug.

[Gustavo Serola]

I love it. That's so good.

[Blaine Gibson]

I'm already so endeared to this giant teddy bear character.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Thank you. Thank you. Boy. I mean.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, yeah. I guess that's a great place for me to start.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. What a great segue. Yeah.

[Blaine Gibson]

Hi, I'm Blaine Gibson, previously known as Kyborgan Chapaney, among others. And today, slash this campaign for the next year. I don't know, however long we are on this, I will be playing Tolv. Tolv is an orc barbarian similar to Doug. He is like 7ft something. He's a very tall drink of water.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Tall boys.

[Blaine Gibson]

We tall boys. This is like my first go at, like, a real heavy. He's a green orc. And when you think about him, think about like a traditional Viking, not like a Hollywood Viking with the leather armor and the horns. He's got armor pieces and a helmet and stuff like that that protects his, like, nose and stuff like that. And then the colors are a mixture of, like, brown leathers, but also the colors you think of when you think of an Aurora Borealis because he's a sailor and he's been, you know, sailing the seas. And for those less familiar with borealis, aurora for Chris. So I looked into, like, Swedish colors, colors that are common there. And it's like deep blues and maybe some, like, light greenish blue. Like aquas. Cool colors. Yeah. And like. And some, like. I don't. I forget all the words for the colors. Light blues.

[Gustavo Serola]

There's blues.

[Blaine Gibson]

A lot of blues and greens.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Like turquoise and stuff.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah, turquoise and stuff. Is there any chance that Tuls catchphrase is I forget the colors. So, you know, you gotta imagine Tolv, Big, huge orc Viking. And this is what he sounds like. This is his catchphrase.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yoo hoo.

[Blaine Gibson]

It's me, Tolv. I'll die.

[Gustavo Serola]

Not so good. They put his face in his hands.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah. Tolv talks like everything is questioned. He has a smile on at all times. Very happy to be here. He is still working on voice. Has not talked to people in long, man. Very glad to be with the group.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Hey, Tove, I think. I think your voice sounds really cool.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, thank you, Doug.

[Gustavo Serola]

That makes me so happy.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah. You sound like someone who I want to be friends with.

[Blaine Gibson]

Do you want to be the bodies? Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, yeah. Oh, good. Oh, yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

So Stolve, it sounded like you asked, do you want to be the bodies? And I was really confused for a second.

[Blaine Gibson]

The Boidies. Keeping with our sneaky dragon tradition of always having a barbarian, I will be relying upon both Chris and Barbara. I am in your hands with barbarian insights.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I will be of no help.

[Blaine Gibson]

I don't want that. Tolv's catchphrase that Blaine just did was the audio version of a person taking a high dive and doing three flips and then belly flopping at the end.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

He did great. And then doubted himself and then, like.

[Blaine Gibson]

Peeing themselves a little bit in the pool underwater. Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

So if we continue this tradition, then Jon will be the barbarian in campaign for. Right.

[Blaine Gibson]

Congrats, Jon. Your fate has been decided. Hi, I'm Chris Damaris, and I'm playing Gunther. He's a croque folk fighter. A fighter? Croque folk is a custom species of frog humanoids.

[Gustavo Serola]

Ooh.

[Blaine Gibson]

And he is 2ft and maybe like 10 inches.

[Gustavo Serola]

About 30 pounds. We gotta have a little guy every campaign.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Does he say he's three feet when he talks? Talks to other people?

[Blaine Gibson]

Just on his dating profile.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Blaine Gibson]

Think of like a yellow. More of like a light kind of darker brown yellow.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

A light, darker brown yellow.

[Gustavo Serola]

Well, I'm thinking, like, when you say that color, it makes me think of, like, Texas grass in the summer, like, where it's not green anymore. It's like, starting to yellow and kind of dry out a bit.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, the light dark brown yellow. Yeah.

[Blaine Gibson]

Well, Gus got it. Texas.

[Gustavo Serola]

I'm looking at my yard right now, so that may be part of it.

[Blaine Gibson]

With some, you know, kind of like speckled Y a little bit, you know, and he's got big frog eyes. He's clad in leather, and he's got a cape with a hood that he sometimes wears. Croak folk aren't very common, so sometimes he'll put the cape on or the hood on and kind of wander about. He's also got a sword and a shield.

[Gustavo Serola]

Weren't those Pokemon games Sword and shield?

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah. Yes, they were. Tolv would want to make Gunther feel special with Doug. So. Oh, look at those tall boys.

[Gustavo Serola]

All of us.

[Blaine Gibson]

Very tall.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

So tall. There's a five foot difference between him, Andre.

[Blaine Gibson]

His catchphrase would be, hello, I'm Gunther. It's a pleasure to meet you.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

The perfect voice.

[Blaine Gibson]

Please remove your shoes. I shall kill you.

[Gustavo Serola]

You've got the biggest voice out of the first three so far. There's a real discrepancy going on here.

[Blaine Gibson]

Did Tolvin Gunther switch voices?

[Gustavo Serola]

It sounds like play.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

D'oh. To meet you. Gu. Really glad everyone has names. That I could say very easily.

[Blaine Gibson]

Gunther, what a mighty shield you carry. That's. Wow, it's so big. May I try it on? And I imagine it's really small on Cole's body. Bottle cap.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, like a knee guard.

[Blaine Gibson]

Like something you would put on your detail about Gunther wearing a hood to blend in. Reeks of the Ninja Turtles wearing trench coats to blend in New York City. Like no one would notice the giant anthropomorphic turtle walking around who's wearing a fedora and a trench coat.

[Gustavo Serola]

Well, normally you want to ignore people wearing fedoras. And as a former fedora trench coat warrior, I would want to say you probably want to normally ignore those people.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, Gus, were you the Austin streaker of 89?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That's really how you get miladies.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah. Yeah. With a fedora. Hi, I'm John Risinger.

[Gustavo Serola]

John Breitzinger.

[Blaine Gibson]

I am this campaign playing Natty Wonder. Natty Wonder is a drow warlock.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh.

[Blaine Gibson]

Natty has fluid pronouns. He, him, she, her, but often with Natty's preferred form of gender expression. Natty's in drag all the time. Natty loves drag. Just to make it easy for everybody, she answers to she her when she's in drag. So I'll just be going with that. But either way, it's fine. It's all gravy. To Natty, who loves gravy. Because Natty's a good kind of a southern looking girl.

[Gustavo Serola]

Ooh, I love it.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And I love that the name is a pun.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yes. Yeah. Natty Wonder.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Genius.

[Blaine Gibson]

Wait, what?

[Gustavo Serola]

Natty, did you wanna explain it for Chris?

[Blaine Gibson]

Natty Wonder.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

NAT1.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I should have let him sat with it.

[Blaine Gibson]

I was thinking of the beer.

[Gustavo Serola]

No, Natty Light. She's not Natty Light.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yep. John loves beer. He named his character after it.

[Gustavo Serola]

Didn't make sense.

[Blaine Gibson]

I was like, you know, always talking about a brewski. It's not even a good beer. Natty is 5 foot 0 and in her drag, she's Wearing like a giant blonde, curly, larger than life wig. She is wearing like high waisted flared jeans that have rhinestones on them, white boots, a gingham button up shirt, gloves covered in rings. Because that's just the level of audaciousness that she loves. Cool. Natty is always also seen with her son, who she'd be happy to introduce you to later on as we get into the campaign. But she has.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Are we allowed to talk to him?

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's always on like, she likes to take him around on a little, like those little toddler leashes that you see people with. I reach down and say, it's me, your uncle. To.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Blaine Gibson]

Was there anything else that I need to tell about Natty?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Your catchphrase.

[Blaine Gibson]

Zing us with that catchphrase, brother. Natty's catchphrase is, well, butter my biscuit, it'll be fine. Ooh, I like daddy Wander.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Maddie wander.

[Gustavo Serola]

Hello, dolly.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You know, it's gonna be so hard for me is I have a tendency to like mirror people or like imitate people when I'm enjoying what they sound.

[Blaine Gibson]

Like for your Doug Southern accent.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

No, I'm gonna. I'm gonna like forget Doug's voice completely and just want to emulate like Tolv and Natty all the time because they're such thick accents and I love it.

[Blaine Gibson]

Same to Doug. So. So Natty's a drow. Drow queen.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, the first non inspiration die of Campaign 3.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah. Yeah. Hey, you better work, yo. You better work.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, I think it's time for us to all calm down. Simmer down. Everybody stay away.

[Gustavo Serola]

We have fun here. It's a fun show. All right, well, let's dive into it.

[Blaine Gibson]

We used to know the gods. They would descend from Hyra and dwell among us mortals. On Midris. The world was showered with rich blessings, and all felt the warmth of the Bright One, the sovereign God of sun. But one day, while the Bright One was sojourning on Midris, a fiendish creature called Infernus slinked out from the depths of Undar and stabbed the Bright One in the back with the blade of nether flames. The Bright One, God of gods, the shining light of Hyra, was slain. Half the world was instantly bathed in darkness. But thankfully, the pale one, God of moon, pierced the blackness with his longbow of lunar light and cast the devil back into the bowels of Undar. To make sure such a tragedy never happened again, the gods returned to Hyra and the celestial gates were sealed for A thousand years henceforth known as the day the sun stood. Still, we longingly wait for the day when the gates of Hyra are opened once more. But we aren't the only ones. For the past millennia, the Sun Slayer herself, Infernus, the Yundarian overlord, has amassed an army of devils and demons to storm the gates of Hyra. Above, only one thing stands in their way. Us. May the gods have mercy on Midris.

[Gustavo Serola]

Wow, that was a lot of lore. I hope you took notes.

[Blaine Gibson]

I did, for once in my life. Oh, my gosh. Three campaigns is all it took.

[Gustavo Serola]

You took notes, Blaine?

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah, the bright one, Sovereign God of Son, was stabbed by Infernus in Hyra. Laura, I got the guy that used to be.

[Gustavo Serola]

Move on. Wow. It's like I heard the all the lore twice there.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, it's crazy. Word for word.

[Gustavo Serola]

Spark notes. Your lungs choke with a swath of sultry heat and smoke. You're in a vast, craggy cavern, perhaps underground, and it's peppered with stone ruins here and there. It should be pitch black, if not for a molten river of lava oozing past you all nearby. What are you doing standing around, you meatheaded maggots? Your gaze darts away from the lava to a short, mossy, stocky bog gnome. He's wearing a blue military uniform with a golden patch on either shoulder. His face is currently contorted with eyes bulging, mouth dripping with spittle, and a single thick vein throbbing in his forehead. B team, the clock is ticking. You've got your mission. Go, go, go. He shoves something in your hands, and with stubby legs, he kicks all four of you towards the river of lava. Everyone, roll. Initiative. Oh.

[Blaine Gibson]

Whoa.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, my God.

[Gustavo Serola]

And just Do a flat D20 roll for me, please.

[Blaine Gibson]

12. 12. 11. John, we have to stop reaching like this. Wait, so. So this is without our modifiers. Just a straight D20.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay. Seven.

[Blaine Gibson]

Roll off. Sixteen. Sixteen.

[Gustavo Serola]

No, stop it.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You do.

[Gustavo Serola]

Pulling my leg. Eight.

[Blaine Gibson]

Seventeen.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay, okay, so, Natty before Tolv. So we got for you guys, we have Natty, Tolv, Gunther, and Doug. You all look across the river of lava, and on the other side, you see a fellow member of the military chained to a craggy rock. He's screaming, and that's what draws your attention to him. And over him is Infernus, who seems to be torturing him, really, really working him over.

[Blaine Gibson]

Wow.

[Gustavo Serola]

Between you and your comrade are a couple of Yundarian minions who appear to be mocking you, waiting for you to come closer.

[Blaine Gibson]

Is this like the Beginning of a Dark Souls game where I'm supposed to die right now by fighting the big boss in furnace.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, yeah. I was gonna say the person we're.

[Blaine Gibson]

Looking for right here. I was about to say. I was like, is that the name of the game?

[Gustavo Serola]

I think we went to blockbuster and got a game with a save file already. It's going to be a real short campaign. Three, just FYI, New game. Plus it is actually the Undarian's turn. Then after, the Yarian minions will be Natty and then Tol.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay, so we are in combat.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. And for this little scenario here, we're going to be playing like you all have level 0 stats, so no modifiers. Correct. No modifiers on your rolls. You're just gonna be doing straight D20 rolls.

[Blaine Gibson]

I love it.

[Gustavo Serola]

Just a flat roll of the dice. You can have your base normal movement speed, and everyone's AC will be 10.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, Gus, I just want to make sure you understand by doing that there's gonna be no math. Are you okay with that?

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, I'll have to make do. I'm gonna open the calculator app on my laptop and I'll just crunch some numbers just for fun while we're doing that. Yeah. And your h. HP is the maximum of your hit dice. So, for example, Doug, you have eight hit points. Gunther, you have 10. Natty, you have eight. And 12. You have 12.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

As the perks of being a barbarian.

[Gustavo Serola]

Beefy, between the four of you, I'll let you split it up as you like. You have a couple of items that the drill sergeant has shoved into your hands. Okay. You have a 50 foot rope, a torch, a tinderbox, and a water skin.

[Blaine Gibson]

I'll take the rope. Can I take the torch?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I'll take the tinderbox.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Also, do we really have to split these items up? Or could like, one of us just use them all in tandem?

[Gustavo Serola]

Right.

[Blaine Gibson]

We shall each cut the rope into.

[Gustavo Serola]

Before we clean this.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah. Give them all to Natty and she's going to MacGyver this until I got a machine gun.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, that's up to you. I assumed you wanted to split them, but one person can have all of them if they want.

[Blaine Gibson]

I like splitting them. Guys, I have an idea with the torch.

[Gustavo Serola]

I've always wanted to go to the Olympics. You don't have your normal weapons. Like, these are the only items you have.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

What about like, spells that we are able to cast? Are those not.

[Gustavo Serola]

Good question. For the moment, they are currently not available. Gotcha.

[Blaine Gibson]

No spells.

[Gustavo Serola]

If you. Unless you find A scroll, for example.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, so this is a team. We really got to use our secret weapon, the Blains Wayne's. And then some of us could use our blonde.

[Blaine Gibson]

Who's got blonde? I do not have a magic wand. Did you bring your blonde or your brains?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, listen, that's the last time anybody's gonna make fun of my accent.

[Gustavo Serola]

Don't make fun of Doug's speech impediment.

[Blaine Gibson]

No, I don't. I think that. I think I love the way Doug speaks. That's why I want to mimic.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

So does Doug.

[Blaine Gibson]

I feel like then from a meta perspective, splitting up the items would give everybody something to have in their hand to do something with.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yes, probably.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay. Yeah. So then Gunther has the water skin. We gave the frog the water skin.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I think that makes sense.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah, sure.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay, it is. The Yndarian minions turn, and these are like small, devilish looking creatures with red skin, spine tails, and gaunt wings. They're pointing at you all and cackling, muttering to themselves. So there are three of the minions. One of them stays behind with the soldier and with Infernus, and two of them fly up to the opposite bank of the river from where you are, and they're like beckoning you to come over. It is Natty's turn. As you survey the scene in front of you, you hear the sergeant yell, true leaders protect their privates. Get out there and save him.

[Blaine Gibson]

Sir, yes, sir. Okay.

[Gustavo Serola]

Why are you not saving him right now?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, why don't. There's no need to yell.

[Blaine Gibson]

I'm gonna need you to hold your britches for a second, sir. I'm on my way. So there is a lava river between us and the rock with our friend and Infernus. Is there any sort of land masses for us to traverse the lava, or is it a river of lava of some sort of length?

[Gustavo Serola]

It's pretty wide directly in front of you. But if you look, you know, you survey the scene in front of you, and you look slightly to your left and you see the river of lava narrows down and there's land not too far away with what looks to be maybe what was the remnants of a dilapidated foundation of a building that you think you could probably jump over to fairly easily. It's probably only a three, four foot jump. Ooh.

[Blaine Gibson]

And then the little Andarians that you said they were flying, I think I caught. You say that?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, they have wings and they're kind of the two that approached you that are just in the side of the river are flying.

[Blaine Gibson]

How far are the ones that are flying, that approach me from me right.

[Gustavo Serola]

Now from you, and it's straight. We're talking straight line over the river of lava, probably about 30ft.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay, so as the Yndarian flies, it's about 40ft.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. And just for reference, it's undarian.

[Blaine Gibson]

Undarian. Could I fashion a lasso out of the rope and attempt to grab an undarian?

[Gustavo Serola]

Ooh. Ooh, I love this.

[Blaine Gibson]

I'd expect nothing less from you, cowgirl.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, why not just roll me a D20 and tell me what the number is?

[Blaine Gibson]

17.

[Gustavo Serola]

You decide you're going to try to fashion a lasso out of the rope. And Natty, have you done this before? Because it seems to come second nature to you. You know, just the perfect knot, just the right amount of slack to put into the rope, and you easily build a lasso out of it.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I feel like with Natty's costume, it looks like she should have a lasso already attached to a belt. It feels like it just fits.

[Blaine Gibson]

Where I come from, if your mama didn't teach you how to do a proper knot in a rope, then your mama didn't teach you right.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oo yah, rootin tooting. Just paint a picture for me. What do you want to do with this lasso?

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah. Natty would get to the edge of the lava river as close as possible. If there's any advancement I can make to shorten the distance between me and the Yundarian and then throw the lasso and try to get it around the Yundari. And if I do, I. But there's probably some stuff I try to do with that.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay. Yeah.

[Blaine Gibson]

Also, Natty is just like, humming to herself while she does this.

[Gustavo Serola]

I'll tell you what, as you are building the lasso and start spinning it over your head, your feet, you kind of stumble a little bit, and you look down and you see at your feet, for some reason, there's an auto harp. Oh.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh. A what? That's my auto harp. Right?

[Gustavo Serola]

I don't know. Weird, right? Yeah.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay, well, I'd want to pick it up. Can I pick it up?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Blaine Gibson]

You can't just leave an auto harp on the ground next to a river of lava.

[Gustavo Serola]

No. Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

As this is happening, Doug goes over to Tolv and Gunther and goes, lies. Did you just see Natty summon an auto hop by spinning a rope? I didn't think that was possible.

[Blaine Gibson]

Very magical.

[Gustavo Serola]

What is.

[Blaine Gibson]

What is an auto harp? It's music. An auto harp is. Imagine a harp that is has a hard back like a guitar. As Opposed to a harp being see through, like, with just string that you can, like, go through. And imagine it being small enough that I could hold it in my arms as I was, like, hugging it and then playing it with my other hand and picking it, like, almost like a banjo.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, cute.

[Blaine Gibson]

So it is a string instrument that is handheld. Neato. You can sometimes have little picks on your fingers to play it.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I imagine her nails are long enough to be able to do that without picks.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, yes. Yeah. I pick it up one hand with auto harp, one hand holding a rope swinging overhead, and I tossed it out at Undarian.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay. Yeah, girl, that D20, that looks like.

[Blaine Gibson]

Sick album cover, I must say. It is right next to a river of lava.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yes.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

With a bunch of, like, little demons.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very different kind of country album.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I need artwork of this immediately.

[Gustavo Serola]

That is so cool.

[Blaine Gibson]

Sixteen was my role.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, really good roles. I don't like it when the party does so well.

[Blaine Gibson]

I know. It's these dice. I love these dice.

[Gustavo Serola]

Your lasso closes around the closest Yndarian to you across the river, and it does fall a short distance to the ground under it. And it seems to be struggling to free itself.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, by lassoing it. It fell a little bit.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. It's no longer flying. It is now on the ground opposite the river of Lavna.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, okay. If I have any action available left, can I pull it, or am I done with my action?

[Gustavo Serola]

Sure, why not? Let's guess. Andis give it a tug and roll me a D20. It's fighting against you.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Say give it to Doug.

[Gustavo Serola]

Give it a Doug. Doug, it's not your turn yet.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay.

[Blaine Gibson]

Golly, he's excited. I only rolled a 4 on that one, so I made you happy there.

[Gustavo Serola]

Gus, I'm going to roll with disadvantage to oppose you because the Yndarian is restrained. I rolled an 18 and a 2, so you actually. Even with the 4, you succeed.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Nice.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah. I guess with one hand on the harp, I guess I would just start, like, twirling to, like, rope it in. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I just say, come here, honey. Give us a kiss. And pull it towards the lav.

[Gustavo Serola]

You pull. The Yndarian that's struggling into the lava begins thrashing about. The Yndarian screams and then vanishes beneath the river of lava unseen.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay. Then I would give a whip of the rope to pull it back so it doesn't fully burn in the lava.

[Gustavo Serola]

Got it. Okay. Is that it for Natty?

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah. And then I play a little chord on My harp.

[Gustavo Serola]

Ooh, Little flourish.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I want to say that Doug looks absolutely in, like, bewilderment over what Natty Wonder just did.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Like, if you picture those, like, sparkling anime eyes, that is what Doug looks like right now.

[Blaine Gibson]

Is anybody else out there like me where they like the idea of giving gifts, but they're terrible at, like, the whole process of finding something good worth giving. Hi, John. Here, let's spark something uncommon this holiday. With just the right gift from Uncommon Goods. I found Uncommon Goods. I browsed through their website. I was looking for stuff to give my girlfriend. I found some really cool little handcrafted products. You know, the kind that are made in, like, small batches by artists or small independent businesses. I got them shipped and I gave them to my girlfriend, and she loved every single one of them because they were interesting and unique and different and not like the crummy gifts you would find elsewhere. And I got an extra win out of that because with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they also give back a dollar to a nonprofit partner of your choice when you make your purchase. And they've donated more than $3 million to date, which is pretty awesome. What is extra awesome is you guys can actually get an extra 15% off your next gift if you use our link and you go to uncommongoods.com stinky again, I must say that one more time. That's uncommongoods.com stiny for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. That's Uncommon Goods were all out of the ordinary. This episode is brought to you by US Cellular. Some things are worth waiting for, like getting your diploma or finding the right partner. You know what's not worth waiting for? The cable guy. Fortunately, US Cellular's home Internet is so simple to install, you can do it yourself.

[Gustavo Serola]

And it's just $39.99 per month when.

[Blaine Gibson]

Bundled with a wireless plan with a three year price lock guaranteed. US Cellular home Internet made simple without the waiting terms apply. Visit us cellular.com for details.

[Gustavo Serola]

Hey, it's Kaley Cuoco for Priceline.

[Blaine Gibson]

Ready to go to your happy place for a happy price?

[Gustavo Serola]

Well, why didn't you say so? Just download the Priceline app right now and save up to 60% on hotels.

[Blaine Gibson]

So whether it's cousin Kevin's kazoo concert in Kansas City. Go Kevin. Or Becky's bachelorette bash in Bermuda, you never have to miss a trip ever again. So download the Priceline app today.

[Gustavo Serola]

Your savings are waiting.

[Blaine Gibson]

Go to your happy place for a.

[Gustavo Serola]

Happy price with Priceline's Black Friday sale.

[Blaine Gibson]

Sa now and travel later with our.

[Gustavo Serola]

Best deals of the year. Got your happy price, Priceline. Next we have Tolv. Then after Tolv is Gunther. Tolv, it's your turn. The drill sergeant looks at Natty first and then says, excellent maneuver. However, it takes way too long. You tolv do it faster, faster, faster.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay, here we go.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yee haw.

[Blaine Gibson]

Natty, very good. You had mentioned that some of the Undarians were working their way towards us. Like, how far away are they? Are they within, like, melee distance, or are they all over the lava river? 40ft, I think.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. One is directly across the river of lava from you, which is 30ft away. And then another one stayed further back with Infernus, and that's probably another 30ft beyond that. So 60ft total.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay.

[Gustavo Serola]

As you're looking at them, sizing them up, Toll, you look down and see a warhammer on the ground at your feet.

[Blaine Gibson]

Hey, looky there. That's my favorite warhammer.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Blaine Gibson]

I pick it up.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Natty, do that too.

[Blaine Gibson]

Natty, you're so gifted.

[Gustavo Serola]

This is amazing.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay.

[Gustavo Serola]

It's not a mace. It's a warhammer.

[Blaine Gibson]

I kind of want to pull aggro, and I feel like a great way to do that would be to distract them with the torch. So I imagine if I'm not gonna.

[Gustavo Serola]

One minute left, son. Go. Oh, goodness, I'm sorry.

[Blaine Gibson]

So I guess I would run to the lava river and light the torch by dipping it into the fire.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Blaine Gibson]

And then I'd be waving around, and then probably so that I can connect to them heading towards that, like, land bridge area.

[Gustavo Serola]

Sure.

[Blaine Gibson]

So that a I can start making my way so that I can cross over safely, but also see if I can get them to follow me down there with them.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. Trying to bait them into it.

[Blaine Gibson]

Jurassic Park Road flare. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

You who follow me.

[Blaine Gibson]

Undarians do not look at friends.

[Gustavo Serola]

Look at Tolfi. Is there anything else you want to do there, Toll?

[Blaine Gibson]

Can't rage, right?

[Gustavo Serola]

Uh, no.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay. No, that is it. Is there any more goodies in the ground?

[Gustavo Serola]

Um. Roll a D20.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay.

[Gustavo Serola]

O5. No. You don't find anything else. However, you hear a very loud whistle blow from the sergeant, and he says, next, Gunther, you're up, Gunther. Infernus. And then die.

[Blaine Gibson]

Did any of the Yundarians move to follow or anything?

[Gustavo Serola]

No, it's not their turn yet, so they can't move.

[Blaine Gibson]

And there's that separation where the cabin is reset with the river. And then how long is the distance of the river.

[Gustavo Serola]

Otherwise, if you're going over there to the short area or just the area in front of you?

[Blaine Gibson]

Just the area in front of me.

[Gustavo Serola]

It kind of has an upside down U there. So right in front of you, maybe 10ft.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay. GUNTHER looks down to see if there's also any magical things that his feet.

[Gustavo Serola]

Good call, Gunther. There's a rapier and a shield at your feet.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oo, lucky me. But they're normal size. Can you pick them up?

[Gustavo Serola]

You hear the sergeant yell, quit looking at your feet, son. One minute left.

[Blaine Gibson]

All right. Gunther grabs the sword and shield and then tries to jump across the river.

[Gustavo Serola]

Whoa. Oh. Okay. Roll the D20.

[Blaine Gibson]

Krook folk have an ability called standing leap. So their long jump is 25ft and their high jump is 15ft with or without a running start. And I can use that once per short rest.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right. Roll that D20. I believe in you, Gunther.

[Blaine Gibson]

Go get them.

[Gustavo Serola]

Eleven. Yeah, it's dicey. You jump, but maybe there's like a little bit of loose dirt under your feet and you barely manage to land securely on the other side.

[Blaine Gibson]

And then how far? I guess that's 25. The full 25ft or whatever.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. How far are the Undarians from me at this point? There's one right next to you.

[Blaine Gibson]

All right. Can I try and stab it?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. Make an attack. Roll. Roll your D twin two.

[Blaine Gibson]

Good start.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. The Yndarian sees it coming and definitely dodges out of the way, evading your attack and starts laughing.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Ugly.

[Blaine Gibson]

I failed you. I apologize.

[Gustavo Serola]

The sergeant blows his whistle next.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh my God.

[Gustavo Serola]

But it's actually Infernus. Turn. Who's working over the other soldier on the other side of the river?

[Blaine Gibson]

Can I ask real quick, what does Infernus look like, Just out of curiosity? Just want to know what we're angry at.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I know.

[Blaine Gibson]

What if he's very unintimating? He's just a little guy. He's a chef.

[Gustavo Serola]

Infernus is a devilish humanoid with bloodshot red skin that glistens with a supernatural sheen. She towers over most creatures with vast leathery wings and a spiked tail. Her fanged mouth drips with molten lava and her eyes are a deep blackness that matches only her blade of nether flames.

[Blaine Gibson]

She's pretty cool.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

She looks over at you all, but kind of disregards you. Leans into the soldier she has held up and you hear her ask, where.

[Blaine Gibson]

Is the key to Hyrus Gates?

[Gustavo Serola]

And she's gonna go ahead and make an attack. Oh, actually, no. She's Gonna cast something, and I'm gonna roll a D20. Don't worry about it.

[Blaine Gibson]

Should we not? Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

Ooh, a 10. The chained up soldier seems his resolve seems to weaken. And you hear him feebly say, I don't know. I would tell you, but I don't know where it is. All right, next. Doug. Wow. Okay, so two minutes, son.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Two minutes. Our time went up.

[Blaine Gibson]

I think that's great, Doug.

[Gustavo Serola]

You look down at your feet, following everyone else's lead, and you find something. You find a scroll.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Ooh, could I pick it up?

[Blaine Gibson]

A scroll?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, you pick it up. It's a scroll of Firebolt.

[Blaine Gibson]

The most delicious food. The squirrel.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Squirrel.

[Gustavo Serola]

Squirrel.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Well, based on my calculations, this seems like a bit of a simulation because we woke up and all of a sudden this is happening. It seems very unreal, but, you know, I'll play your little game here.

[Gustavo Serola]

Game? Go secure your private son.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Natty, could you. Could I borrow that wolf from you?

[Blaine Gibson]

Sure, honey.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, you get the rope. Could.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Could I run over to where that little bridge is and try to cross it?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, just roll me a D20.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay.

[Blaine Gibson]

The building.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, it's like a broken down building.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I would say 12.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay. Yeah. You easily hop across.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I will save you. Doug wants to take the rope and start swinging it and try to reach over to Infernus.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And then I don't know if I need to make sure that that works before I try to cast my fire bolt.

[Gustavo Serola]

What's the goal with the rope?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I want to light it on fire.

[Blaine Gibson]

Ooh.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay, gotcha. Yeah. Roll a D20.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

15.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay. Yeah. You toss it out perfectly.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And essentially, I wanted to hook it around Infernus.

[Gustavo Serola]

Sure. Not as elegant as Natty, but you get it done.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Just always touching.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And then I want to cast firebolts in that direction, so it also attaches to the rope and goes around their neck.

[Gustavo Serola]

Very cool. And what does Firebolt do?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Firebolt. Hurl a mote of fire at a creature or object within range. Make a ranged spell attack against the target. On a hit, the target takes 1d10. Fire damage. A flammable object hit by this spell ignites if it isn't being worn or carried, and the spell's damage increases by 1d10 when you reach fifth level.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, okay. Go ahead and make that ranged spell attack like it asked for.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Eight.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, no.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

18. Sorry.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, 18. Oh, I just did it. Oh, yeah, I swear it was an 18. Yeah. Your fire bolt flies true, striking infernus. Roll your damage.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

7.

[Gustavo Serola]

7 points of damage. Infernus. Growls and looks in your direction. Doug. Kneel before the Yndarian Overlord.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And do I still have any movement left?

[Gustavo Serola]

We'll say you have 10 more, but.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

They'Re still probably, what, 20ft away from me?

[Gustavo Serola]

Something like that.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, well, is the rope on fire?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yes. The rope has burst into flames.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, I want to pull it.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay, you are now pulling on a flaming rope.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Is it attached to Infernus?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yes. Yeah, you did say that. Yeah. Make a straight. Just make a D20. Check. I'm gonna roll an opposed D24 13. Yeah. Infernus digs her feet in and hold strong against you. And with that, the sergeant blows his whistle next. Oh.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Why?

[Blaine Gibson]

Who else?

[Gustavo Serola]

You know, as the whistle fades away, you hear, like, a gurgling and a blurbling oh. From the lava. And it seems like the lava river begins rising and expanding, slowly engulfing more of the land around it. Blurble. Gurble to you, too. Everyone make a dexterity saving throw. So let's roll a D20.

[Blaine Gibson]

Roll it off my desk.

[Gustavo Serola]

Wow. You wouldn't believe it.

[Blaine Gibson]

I rolled a 18 11.

[Gustavo Serola]

So I believe Natty is the only one who succeeded. Natty, you see the river of lava expanding in time, and you're able to step away from it. Everyone else, that kind of catches you by surprise and singes your feet and your boots a little bit. Everyone is going to take a little bit of damage from that. That's seven points of fire damage. Oh, for all of us except Natty.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, well, I'm at 1 hp, like, right now.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right. Nobody went down. Everybody's up.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah, up and ready you go. How much is Gunther ready to go? Three ready to go. Three ready to go.

[Gustavo Serola]

Listen, all you need in life is one ready to go. Anything above that is extra.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Consider me ready to go.

[Gustavo Serola]

Take an inspiration. Die for that, Doug. Hey, you're gonna need it also.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Am I pronouncing that right? Inferness.

[Gustavo Serola]

Inferness.

[Blaine Gibson]

Infernus. Infernus. Infernus. Who I am imagining looks like Tim Curry in Legend.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, that's probably a good comp.

[Blaine Gibson]

Very scary. Just Google the Darkness children. It's a 1980s Ridley Scott movie that no one saw.

[Gustavo Serola]

The soldier who's chained up begins screaming, you know, looking at you all, help me, please. And then looks back at Infernus and says, I don't know where the key is. Okay, it's the Minions turn. We'll deal with the one that's closest to Gunther.

[Blaine Gibson]

I did not realize we were having despicable me crossover. What are you doing here, little yellow creature? Creature.

[Gustavo Serola]

I hate it. I hate it.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

All of a sudden, Tolv takes more damage.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, they're all going to focus on Tolv for some reason.

[Blaine Gibson]

That was the point of me holding the torch.

[Gustavo Serola]

Good. To me.

[Blaine Gibson]

That's right.

[Gustavo Serola]

Well, the one next to Gunther is going to take an attack on Gunther. It rears back with its claw like it's going to slash at you, but then at the last second, it spins around and its scorching tail whips out in your direction.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, fake out. Impressive.

[Gustavo Serola]

It's AC 10, which I believe is a hit.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah, we're all 10.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Because we're all 10, right?

[Blaine Gibson]

Well, we all have 10. All our AC is 10. Okay.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, all of everyone's AC is 10. So that is a hit.

[Blaine Gibson]

Wait, with the shield.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, right, you have a shield now. So it's 11.

[Blaine Gibson]

Dang. You needed that.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That doesn't hit.

[Blaine Gibson]

That would be 12. The shields are plus two.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, to 12. I rolled a 10, right? Seven. Plus three. 10. I rolled a 10. Okay. Yeah. So the tail lashes out at you, and you would be toast. It would really get you. But you duck behind your shield and the point of the tail sticks into the shield, and then it pulls it out. Oh, and hisses at you. There's one other Yundarian who's up by Infernus and the soldier. I think they're gonna see the Dire Straits that its friend is in. So it's gonna fly down and join the Frey as well. I love that bend. Doug's over there. Gunther's over there. Tove and Natty are over there. Okay, I'm gonna roll a D4. 1 and 2. It goes after Doug. 3 and 4. It goes after Gunther.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I really hope it doesn't go after Doug.

[Gustavo Serola]

That's a one. It goes after Doug.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, shouldn't have said anything.

[Gustavo Serola]

It makes a beeline straight for Doug and winds up an attack with its claw and lashes out, hitting ace AC. That's a 17. So hits AC 20, which I assume is a hit.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Let me do some math real quick. Okay, here we go.

[Blaine Gibson]

What's the damage?

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, I thought she was waiting for her to do the math.

[Blaine Gibson]

No, we're at all 10. We're all 10.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Here it goes.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay, so it slashes out, doing two points of slashing damage.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, I'm down.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, Doug, we hardly near you. Barbara, do you go ahead and roll up a new character before your neck. Next turn. Natty, it's your turn.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

All right, I'm now Elga Von Brath.

[Gustavo Serola]

The sergeant gets up in your face, Natty, and screams, you have two soldiers to save. Now. Go. Go.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, no. Oh. He's one chain.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I wanted those.

[Blaine Gibson]

How far am I from Doug?

[Gustavo Serola]

Doug is directly across the river from you, but the river has risen a little. I'd say roughly. Doug's probably 15ft away.

[Blaine Gibson]

Is Doug across the river or on that fallen building?

[Gustavo Serola]

Doug is across the river. The fallen building kind of straddles the river, so Doug is on the other side.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay, I can shorten this question. Can I reach Doug?

[Gustavo Serola]

And actually, that building is kind of submerged now, too, since the river rose. If you jump across, you could reach Doug.

[Blaine Gibson]

I would like to jump across.

[Gustavo Serola]

Or like. What do you mean? Reach?

[Blaine Gibson]

To get to Doug. To stabilize Doug.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay. Yeah. What do you want to do? Make, like, a jump or something?

[Blaine Gibson]

Yes. Because I don't think there's anything else I can do.

[Gustavo Serola]

You. You know, you kind of steel yourself getting ready to make this jump, Natty. And you look down, and wouldn't you know it, there's two scrolls at your feet.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh.

[Gustavo Serola]

Ooh.

[Blaine Gibson]

I'm a raider.

[Gustavo Serola]

You pick up a scroll of Eldritch blast as well as a scroll of cure wounds.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, well, which one should I use on Doug? Yeah, I want to jump to Doug.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right. Roll a D20.

[Blaine Gibson]

It's like in a video game when you press the wrong button. So you just blast your teammate. That's a 12.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay. Yeah. You jump across and land right by Doug.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah, I gotta test to see if there's team damage.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I like to imagine Doug in his half death state, just sees this beautiful being, just like, soaring through the sky.

[Blaine Gibson]

Just jumping while playing her auto harp. And just being like, okay, helps on the way. And I try to do a. Oh, I can. I was about to say I'll do a medicine check to stabilize, but I can do cure wounds. I'm going to do cure wounds on this. This berry bug. I got to look up cure wounds.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Is it on your character sheet?

[Blaine Gibson]

That's not an ability I have.

[Gustavo Serola]

I think it's just a D roll. A D8.

[Blaine Gibson]

It's a scroll. That's fatty five.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right, Doug, your eyes open? When did you start laying down?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Sorry, I must have. I guess I was sleepy and I took a nap. Am I okay?

[Gustavo Serola]

You hear Sergeant Steel. I yell, which one of you is the medic? You, Maddie?

[Blaine Gibson]

I guess today I am.

[Gustavo Serola]

And then he blows his whistle. Next.

[Blaine Gibson]

Discord hates it when you scream. Pretty sure Micah will, too when he's editing this episode.

[Gustavo Serola]

Luckily, you can see it in the waveform, but yeah, my waveform go. It peaks when I do that. I try to think about a little bit from the mic, but it's still a lot. It's Toll and then Gunther. Who? Me.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay, so last I checked, I was over by that house. Was I on the other. Am I on the other side? Kind of close to where Doug was. It keeps saying house and cabin. Where are you getting this from?

[Gustavo Serola]

It's a building. But yeah, yeah, yeah, you're still on the side of the river you started on. You haven't crossed. The drill sergeant looks at you. Toll gives you a saw soft kick in the butt and says, oh, what do I do with my slow privates? I kick my privates. And he kicks you again.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

It sounds like it hurts.

[Gustavo Serola]

No, no, no damage. Masochistic.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay. I wanna. I still. I still want to pull aggro, but I think at this point, Natty and Doug need my help. So I'm.

[Gustavo Serola]

I'm good.

[Blaine Gibson]

We're good. I'm going to jump the river. There you go.

[Gustavo Serola]

So roll that D20.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay, here we go. S15.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. You easily jump across and you land next to Doug and Maddie.

[Blaine Gibson]

When I land, I don't quite believe it. My eyes are closed the whole time and. Oh, I made it.

[Gustavo Serola]

I survived.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I think there was an earthquake. Oh, it's just.

[Gustavo Serola]

You can get the most important meal of the day any time of day. I'm Talking about the $5 big deal breakfast meal from Jack in the Box, available all day and all night. A breakfast Jack with a freshly cracked egg, a hash brown and French toast sticks for five bucks.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Sounds good.

[Gustavo Serola]

For breakfast, lunch and dinner at Jack. Every bite's a big deal. Order Jack's five dollar Big deal breakfast meal now.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

The holiday season officially starts when you.

[Gustavo Serola]

Get that first card in the mail.

[Blaine Gibson]

Shutterfly makes it easy to add more.

[Gustavo Serola]

Meaning to the everyday with hundreds of holiday card designs that can be personalized in seconds with your favorite photos from this year. Select your greeting, customize the color, and even add little extras like personalized foil to make a holiday card that really shines. Enjoy 40% off with code smile40shutterfly.com and send something meaningful this year. See site for more details. This episode is brought to you by Etsy. Oh, hear that? Okay, thank you. Etsy knows these aren't the sounds of holiday gifting. Well, not the ones you're hoping for. You want squeals of delight? Happy tears? How did you. And spontaneously written songs of joy. I am so happy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Um, okay, the song needs a bit of work, but anyway, to get those reactions, make sure everyone on your list feels heard with handmade, handpicked and designed gifts from small shops on Etsy. Gifts like personalized jewelry, custom artwork, cozy style items, vintage pieces, and home decor to celebrate all of your favorite people and their specific kind of special. For original gifts that say I get you, Etsy has it.

[Blaine Gibson]

Now. Do I have any more movement speed? Would I be able to make it to Infernus?

[Gustavo Serola]

You wouldn't be able to get all the way over there. You could get over to where? Gunther and the Yndarian. Well, actually, there's an Yndarian by you, there's an Yndarian by Gunther. You can get to either of those. Or you could get maybe half the way over to Infinity Furnace. Gunther.

[Blaine Gibson]

You need help on that, Undarian? I shall kill it or perish myself. Okie dokie. Then I die that I. That I fight the other Undarian.

[Gustavo Serola]

The one by you that took Doug down.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah, but before I do, I look at my feet.

[Gustavo Serola]

Any goodies? Oh, wouldn't you know it? It's like you have a sixth sense told there's a shield and some javelins.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, I got my shield. Okay, well, then I'll equip that. So that's plus two to AC and I guess I'll stow the torch for now. And I'll have my hammer and my shield. And I'm gonna attack the Ondarian.

[Gustavo Serola]

Do it.

[Blaine Gibson]

Ooh, that's a two.

[Gustavo Serola]

Believe it or not, that doesn't hit.

[Blaine Gibson]

In the spirit of competition, I wish you luck. Good job on your dodge, friend. Didn't expect that.

[Gustavo Serola]

Did you guys take an inspiration to. I told that point. That was really good. Can I use that for my bad? No, no, no. You got it. Because you missed.

[Blaine Gibson]

That's funny.

[Gustavo Serola]

Gunther, go.

[Blaine Gibson]

All right. Gunther wants to take another stab at stabbing the Undari.

[Gustavo Serola]

Wouldn't you know it? You want to do that, but you know you lose your footing for just a second as you realize you stumble over a hunting trap that's at your feet.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, like I stumbled into a hunting trap.

[Gustavo Serola]

It's not set.

[Blaine Gibson]

Gunther is split in two. I'll pick that up, but continue my stab.

[Gustavo Serola]

Stab. Sure, go for it. Roll that D20. That was a four. That's not enough.

[Blaine Gibson]

I shall perish. As I said before, I shall perish. Oh, man. It's like watching Yoda on his bad day. Then, yeah, I guess that's. That's it. Hey, y'all Whatever you do, don't help Gunther. He's got to learn this on his own.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Well, he said something about viewing it on his own it so I will only encourage him.

[Blaine Gibson]

You did your best, Gunther. You should be very proud. I shall die without any honor.

[Gustavo Serola]

That's the spirit.

[Blaine Gibson]

He's not really listening. The lava is just like roaring and we can barely hear him.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

Up next is Infernus. Then after Infernus is Doug.

[Blaine Gibson]

This will go well.

[Gustavo Serola]

I like the juxtaposition between the names Infernus and Doug.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, Doug.

[Gustavo Serola]

Infernus looks back at you all, scowls and leans over the chained up soldier, pulls out a blade and brings it down on him. Oh. Oh, no. I'm gonna get roll with advantage to attack because the soldier is restrained. A two and a six. Really?

[Blaine Gibson]

Yes. You did your best in furnace.

[Gustavo Serola]

You'll get them the next time. It's a plus seven to hit though, with two plus seven. Nine. I don't think that's a. Oh, no. With advantage. So six plus seven. Thirteen. I'm pretty sure that's actually a hit.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Why do you have modifiers in this simulation? If we don't?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. What the heck? Yep, that hits.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, that seems unfair.

[Gustavo Serola]

Infernus connects, doing four points of damage to the private who begins screaming in agony. Keeps repeating, I told you, I don't know where the key.

[Blaine Gibson]

I know where the key is.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh. Oh. What a bold maneuver. Infernus head whips around and her eyes narrow as she considers Gunther.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, I won't tell you.

[Gustavo Serola]

She's gonna stay where she is for now. But she is looking directly at you now, Gunther.

[Blaine Gibson]

When she turned her head, was it like an owl where it's the body remains, but the head just goes.

[Gustavo Serola]

Not quite like that.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, that would be extra creepy. That would be Venus, an already creepy person.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. So that's it for Infernus. Doug, it's your turn.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Could I see if I recognize this Private?

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, that's a really good question. Yeah. Roll the D20.19.

[Blaine Gibson]

Ooh.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. You recognize him. You think you met him before and you remember his name? It's Private parts.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, God. Jesus.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Private Parts.

[Gustavo Serola]

The drill sergeant screams from across the river. Go save your private parts.

[Blaine Gibson]

Don't touch him unless you ask for consent first.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

We're working on it. Do I know, like from our training essentially, like if Infernus has any vulnerabilities?

[Gustavo Serola]

That's an excellent question. Well, roll me a D20.

[Blaine Gibson]

Gus can be like you, remember? If you manage to cut her head off. She died. Ooh I order 14. Bold strat.

[Gustavo Serola]

You know, just. It's not necessarily from training, but just in general lore that infernus is somewhat resistant to fire.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I would assume. Yeah. Cause probably some type of like demon.

[Gustavo Serola]

Thing, but yeah, no necessarily weaknesses that you know. And this is really early in your training. This is like you all have not been training very long at all, clearly. But you look down at your feet, Doug, and you find a couple of things. You find a hand axe and some tools.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay. Do you want. Do you know what kind of tools I find?

[Gustavo Serola]

Just assorted wrenches and screwdrivers.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay, Gus. Sounds like me trying to name tools.

[Gustavo Serola]

It's like one of those little leather aprons that you put like a bunch of tools in.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Do I still have the rope?

[Gustavo Serola]

It is on fire on the other end.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay. Could I kind of pull it in and step on it so it like isn't on fire anymore? Sure. And then I don't know if I'm allowed to do this or if it's a bonus action, but could I toss the rope to private parts?

[Gustavo Serola]

He's pretty far. But you could roll a D20 to try that.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I guess. Could I get closer?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, you gotta stand up first, which takes half your movement. Then if you wanna get closer, there is an Yndarian still threatening you. So if you move beyond them, they will take an attack of opportunity on you. Oh, okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Well, I'll just stand up for now.

[Gustavo Serola]

Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And then I'll try to just toss the rope to the private.

[Gustavo Serola]

Sure. Make a just roll D 2013.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

You're able to toss it successfully to the prime.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Grab a hold of this roll. Private parts. Don't put it on your private parts though. Just in your private parts hands.

[Gustavo Serola]

You see him struggle a little bit in the chains and he does. You know, your throw was so true that, you know, he's able to easily grab it with his right hand.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, could I tell how he's chained up?

[Gustavo Serola]

Seems like he's chained to a rock. Both his ankles and his wrists independently are chained to the rock.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, like manacles. Now we're just stretching him.

[Gustavo Serola]

Each wrist isn't chained to each other. Just each wrist is chained to the rock.

[Blaine Gibson]

That's what I mean. Like, is he like a spread eagled?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Blaine Gibson]

He's flying squirrel in the rock.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

But he grabbed it with one of the hands.

[Gustavo Serola]

Right. He doesn't have a lot of movement, but you threw it good enough for.

[Blaine Gibson]

Just imagine private parts, like literally being like, you know, manacle to this rock. Spread eagle and just grabbing the rope with my hand going, thanks. As there's, like, a sword in his side from inverted.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Do I have, like, in the tools that I found any type of, like, lock pick or, like, wrench or, like, something small that might be able to pick a lock?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, you found a. There are lockpicks in there.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay. I don't know if this is going to work. I'm avoiding getting close. Could I tie one of the lock picks to my end of the rope? Oh, and say Private Parts. All you have to do is drag the rope in, and you should have a lock pick.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, he's. He begins nodding enthusiastically. He can't pull yet because it's not his turn, but, yeah, he seems like he heard you and acknowledged Infernus. Cover your ears.

[Blaine Gibson]

Do not button. Listen.

[Gustavo Serola]

Do they spot?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I think a furnace is distracted by the frog.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. Next. And with that, you once again hear the blurbling and blurbling of the lava. And once again, it begins rising. Ooh. Everyone make a dexterity saving throw.

[Blaine Gibson]

14. That was a three this time.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Ooh, I also got a 14. I don't know if that makes it. I think I got something similar last time, and I didn't make it.

[Blaine Gibson]

11.

[Gustavo Serola]

Well, luckily, 14 does make it. Only Natty and Gunther both fail.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, no.

[Gustavo Serola]

Cool. Doug and Tolv are able to see the river rising in time and step away, closing the distance to Infernus. However, Natty and Gunther do take, ooh, 12 points of fire damage.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You guys are probably down, aren't you?

[Blaine Gibson]

I am a down.

[Gustavo Serola]

Just a bit. Just a bit. Doug, this is not looking good.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I feel so bad.

[Gustavo Serola]

Your prophecy came true, Gunther.

[Blaine Gibson]

I've died.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, Natty saved me. And then I. I left her for lava bait. I feel so bad.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right, with that, it's Private Parts turn. He begins frantically pulling on the rope and manages to get the lockpicks over to him. I'm gonna roll a D20 to see if he's able to successfully grab them, since he's restrained.

[Blaine Gibson]

Come on, Private Bugs. You can do it.

[Gustavo Serola]

He rolled a one.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay, never mind.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Could I give him my inspiration die?

[Gustavo Serola]

Unfortunately not.

[Blaine Gibson]

You can, actually.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, yeah, you can. That's right.

[Blaine Gibson]

Our comment section has been yelling at that. That at us for, like, a while now that you can gift inspiration dice.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, I would like to gift my inspiration die to Private Parts.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay, sign here, please.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right. Private Parts is gonna take that. I always forget. Thank you for reminding me.

[Blaine Gibson]

Do I get inspiration Dice for remembering that?

[Gustavo Serola]

Sure, go ahead and take that.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yes.

[Gustavo Serola]

This time he rolls a 19.

[Blaine Gibson]

There you go. That's much better.

[Gustavo Serola]

Private parts. I was really hoping he rolled a one again.

[Blaine Gibson]

I was fine either way.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. So he manages with his right hand to grab onto the lock, picks free up from the rope, and he begins trying to use it to free himself. I'm gonna roll a D20 again, see if he's able to free himself. 18. Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Let's go, Private Paw.

[Blaine Gibson]

You are killing it, my friend.

[Gustavo Serola]

You're gonna kill me?

[Blaine Gibson]

No, you're doing great. Keep it up.

[Gustavo Serola]

So he's now freed himself, standing there next to Infernus. And now it is the Yundarian's turn. One is standing over Gunther where he fell, and the other is there by Doug and Tolv and Natty where she is down. The one over by Gunther is going to come over and support its friend. By Tolv and Doug. Each of them is going to attack one of you. The first one takes a swipe. We'll do Doug. We'll do this alphabetically.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Natty healed me for five points, so does that mean I have six? Or is it like, would I go down to zero and then got five?

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, you went down to zero. So if she healed you for five, you're at five.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay.

[Gustavo Serola]

And the first one takes a swipe at you, Doug with its claw hitting AC11.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, I would hit because I'm a 10.

[Blaine Gibson]

No.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

There's a lot of Doug to hit, so it's very easy to typically hit me.

[Gustavo Serola]

The claw slashes at the meaty part of Doug doing two points of slashing damage.

[Blaine Gibson]

It slashed his butt.

[Gustavo Serola]

The other Undarian Minion closes onto Tol and lashes out with its tail hitting AC11.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Ooh.

[Blaine Gibson]

Nuke's very close, but no dice. I'm at 12, right?

[Gustavo Serola]

This is the same one that tried to attack Gunther earlier. And it hit Gunther's shield with the tail. And now it has happened again. The Yundarian looks at its tail and curses at it. My friend, you're having a bad day.

[Blaine Gibson]

But I promise it might get better.

[Gustavo Serola]

All right, we got Natty. Natty, roll a death saving throw.

[Blaine Gibson]

18.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

All right, let's go.

[Gustavo Serola]

That's a positive. That's one good one. Tove, you are up.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay.

[Gustavo Serola]

And the sergeant once again whistles and says, two minutes, son. Go. Oh, goodness.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay, so that guy is close enough to me that if I were to run towards private parts, I would open myself to an attack of opportunity.

[Gustavo Serola]

You would open to two, because there's two right there. One by Doug and One by you.

[Blaine Gibson]

Ooh, that's not good. Okay, I feel like the point of this mission is to get that private out of there. So I'm going to take real quick. I'm gonna check my feet. You know the drill.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, yeah, right. Thank you. Let's see, Tolv. You check your feet and you find a scroll. Oh, what says it's a scroll of cure wound.

[Blaine Gibson]

Scroll of cure wounds. Okay, guys, seriously, who is littering all over the place?

[Gustavo Serola]

There's so much things. It's not good for the environment.

[Blaine Gibson]

How far away am I? Is that a distance thing, or do I need to be in a close proximity to the person that I would want to cast that on?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You need to touch them, right?

[Gustavo Serola]

I believe you need to touch them, yes.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I might buy natty if you want to throw it to me.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, that's a great idea.

[Gustavo Serola]

Good job, dog. Can I make it tiny paper plane out of my scroll and toss it.

[Blaine Gibson]

Over to my friend Doug?

[Gustavo Serola]

You all are pretty close to each other, I'll tell you could just hand it to Doug. Okay. But I make origami anyways because it's very fun. Okay, you do that.

[Blaine Gibson]

Here you go.

[Gustavo Serola]

It's a crane.

[Blaine Gibson]

I'm waiting for feedback. Any notes?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

It's very beautiful. Thank you, my friend. I wish it looked more like a.

[Blaine Gibson]

Airplane to just hands over a crumpled piece of paper.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Folded up.

[Blaine Gibson]

It's the best.

[Gustavo Serola]

I am wearing mittens. It's very hard.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay. And then, even though I got these guys on me, I think I can kind of hold them back with my shield. I want to take one of my javelins and toss it at infernus Furnace.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, okay. Yeah, make that attack roll. Okay.

[Blaine Gibson]

I say, hey, Infernus, catch 18.

[Gustavo Serola]

Oh, that hit.

[Blaine Gibson]

Roll damage, dude. Oh, sorry. Oh, my goodness. Blaine was waiting for Gus to do something, and I'm like, dude, you roll damage. You did the hit.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

We haven't played DND for so long.

[Blaine Gibson]

Leave that blank space in there, Micah.

[Gustavo Serola]

Normally what happens in D is you roll an attack, and if it's unsuccessful, you don't do anything. But if it's successful, you roll damage.

[Blaine Gibson]

That's new. This snooze to me rolled D6.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah, that's what it is.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Forward.

[Gustavo Serola]

Ooh, yeah. The javelin flies to infernus, hits her in the shoulder and sticking out. She pulls it out and turns her gaze from Gunther's body over to you and scowls.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, I scowl back. I give the meanest scowl I can summon.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I like to imagine when Tolv Scowls. He's still smiling, like so big.

[Gustavo Serola]

I can't help it.

[Blaine Gibson]

I'm just having great day with my friends in the lava pit. Okay. I think that's pretty much all I can do. Cause I don't want to have an attack on top opportunity.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. Actually, the sergeant blows his whistle and you'll nick. Ow. Doug, you are up.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Is it not in furnace this time?

[Gustavo Serola]

Look at you. Yeah, you are correct. It is in furnace. I have my cursor on Infernus because I adjusted her for her hit points and I looked below it. It's hot. Doug, look at you.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Wow. Isn't it a great memory? That requires maybe an inspiration die. That does.

[Gustavo Serola]

And not this time.

[Blaine Gibson]

You're. We're fishing for so many inspos.

[Gustavo Serola]

Being real liberal with them here. In episode one. Papa, please. Infernus is going to fly straight to Gunther's body. Oh. And begins looking through all of his belongings.

[Blaine Gibson]

I thought she was gonna like eat Gunther or something.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah.

[Blaine Gibson]

Fried toad.

[Gustavo Serola]

Can I speak? Uh, no, I think normally I'd give it to you, but I think, yeah, once you're down, you can't speak at all. Okay. Yeah. She goes through all your pockets and does not find the key.

[Blaine Gibson]

All shall fear me, the Sun Slayer.

[Gustavo Serola]

And tosses your body into the river of lava.

[Blaine Gibson]

I give a thumbs up as I. Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

As I go down, you take another 12 points of fire damage.

[Blaine Gibson]

What does that do?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Do I.

[Gustavo Serola]

Am I dead? Yeah, you. Gunther disappears beneath the river of lava.

[Blaine Gibson]

Well, this is the saddest game of.

[Gustavo Serola]

Frogger I have ever witnessed.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Think you mean Waggo.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yes. Doug, it's your turn.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay. So obviously, God we pay the fable and cast kill wounds on my fueng hill. Natty.

[Gustavo Serola]

Not Gunther.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I think it might be a little too late.

[Blaine Gibson]

Again. And it's a touch spell. So like, Doug would have to reach into the lava. Ow. Roll the D8 for me.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

It's only a 4, but I'll take it.

[Blaine Gibson]

4 0.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

There you go. And then I guess that's probably the only thing I could do.

[Gustavo Serola]

Well, what else do you have any other ideas?

[Blaine Gibson]

Movement would do attack of opportunities. So it'd have to be like a bonus action.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Well, did I find anything else by my feet? I guess I should have asked.

[Gustavo Serola]

No, that's it. Yeah. You look around your feet and you don't find anything. This time you'll cleaned up all the litter.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay. And previously you said I had a hand axe that I found, right?

[Gustavo Serola]

Correct.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay. Could I swing my hand axe at the undarian?

[Gustavo Serola]

Sure.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Thirteen.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. It connects. Cool.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And that would do. It's a D6. Six.

[Gustavo Serola]

Ooh. Yeah. You pull out your hand ax. Yeah. And you strike true with it right between the eyes of the Yndarian. And it falls to the ground, unmoved, moving.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sure you were a nice person amongst your group of friends.

[Blaine Gibson]

That's gruesome.

[Gustavo Serola]

We lost two friends today, Gunther. And this.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Rest in peace, just for some. Also lore. Doug doesn't like killing. Like, he'll do it if he needs to, but he. He doesn't like it.

[Blaine Gibson]

I'm really loving Doug. This is great. Doug, you're in the wrong career.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. Line of divorce.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I do what must be done.

[Gustavo Serola]

That's it for Doug. Yeah. You hear the sergeant yell. Excellent work, Doug.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Thank you, sir. I aim to please. Are we grated on the COVID at all?

[Gustavo Serola]

As you ask that question, the ground begins shaking and the lava begins rising yet again.

[Blaine Gibson]

God dang it.

[Gustavo Serola]

Everyone roll a dexterity saving throw.

[Blaine Gibson]

Man, I need this 16. I rolled a 9, but I might have to do an inspiration. Do I know if I fail that?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I think you did.

[Gustavo Serola]

That's not a good roll. I'll say that.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay, I give my inspo to Doug.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, you don't have to do that.

[Blaine Gibson]

I rolled a tin. Now you're gonna be on the ground if I don't.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I know that's true. So are you giving me your inspiration die?

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah. Cause I rolled a 16. I think that.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

And after your second roll, that was a 10 there, Blaine.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, I rolled a 20. Wow.

[Blaine Gibson]

Nat first. Nat wow.

[Gustavo Serola]

Pop.

[Blaine Gibson]

That's the sound of champagne. But it's alcohol free. Because we're family friendly here.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You can still say alcohol.

[Blaine Gibson]

Bleep that out, Micah. Her entire first campaign was led with alcoholic drinks at the top.

[Gustavo Serola]

I forgot about that. Probably all of the alcohol. So it's fitting you should do some kind of celebration, because you're about to go down 12 as you take nine points of fire damage from the lava that rises.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, no.

[Blaine Gibson]

You're in good company.

[Gustavo Serola]

I'm coming for you, Gunther.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Did you guys hear that?

[Blaine Gibson]

Dive.

[Gustavo Serola]

Like otters floating in the river, you, your body and Gunther's body hold hands to keep close to each other. All right, it's private parts turn. Private parts makes a beeline tries to run over to you, Doug and Natty.

[Blaine Gibson]

Beeline to the B team.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yeah. Private parts joins both of you. Natty and Doug. Sorry, I have to pause because I have to remember your new name.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, I mean, his first episode.

[Gustavo Serola]

And he approaches you all and puts his arms around each of you and gives you both a big hug. Oh, thank you. I thought it was a goner for sure.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

We got you, Mr. Poets. What's your first name, by the way?

[Blaine Gibson]

Private. Private. Private Bar.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Private Pipes. I'm gonna have to have a talk with your parents. That's unfortunate.

[Gustavo Serola]

And with that, there's a loud Ka Chunk. You hear? And then a whoosh and the sweltering heat and smoke subsides. The craggy cavern melts away and all the lava vanishes into thin air. What's left is a barren warehouse made of iron instead of undarians. You see four young humans in blue military uniforms dusting themselves off, as well as the stout halfling private parts who has sweat so much that his uniform is significantly darker blue than everyone else's.

[Blaine Gibson]

He's hugging us.

[Gustavo Serola]

The Bognome Drill Sergeant steps forward to address you all. Well, I can honestly say in the 30 years I've been training recruits, I've never seen a team quite like yours. Not saying that's a good thing. You have a lot, and I mean a lot of rough spots to iron out. But I might see a minuscule possibility of slight potential in U4. One of the young humans steps forward with a furrowed brow that quickly changes to a cheerful smile. His green eyes furtively scan U4.

[Blaine Gibson]

I don't know, drill sergeant Steel Eye. They seemed all over the place to me. Rookie moves all the way through and talk about rusty and or non existent armaments. I don't think the mortalian material.

[Gustavo Serola]

Did I ask you for your opinion, Private Lassig? Well, no, but I think you mean no sir. Or did you recently get promoted to Lieutenant? Private Lassic straightens up at attention. No sir. Then get back in formation with a team until I say otherwise. Lassic salutes the sergeant and marches back to the other privates. But his eyes stare daggers at U4. The other three humans chuckle to themselves.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And one says, classic Lassic, am I right?

[Blaine Gibson]

Shut it, mess. What were you even doing out there? What are you talking about? It was brutal out there.

[Gustavo Serola]

18 continues to bicker amongst themselves. Sergeant Steel eye rolls his eyes. Brutal. Anyway, as I was saying, I might be able to mold you four into something actually useful on the battlefield. But first I'm gonna break you down into tiny pocket sized pieces and then I'll grind you into a pathetic powder and then I'll smash you to smithereens till there's no semblance of you left. Shut up you. If you survive all that. Maybe, just maybe, you'll actually be soldiers. Welcome to Mortalion Boot Camp B Team. Or should I say brutality?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, that's pretty cool.

[Blaine Gibson]

I have dishonored my family and my team. I am sorry.

[Gustavo Serola]

That's it for this episode. Find out what happens to brutality in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. We'll be back next week with an episode of Second Wind to talk about this episode about Campaign 3. And we can definitely address how the gloves are off for player character deaths. And we're going to talk a little bit about how death works works for Campaign 3 in next week's second win. So make sure you check that out over on our Patreon patreon.com StinkyDragon All Patreon members get access to that. Until next time, stay Stinky friends.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

New Campaign Patreon. It's really the only way we could make this show, so keep supporting us.

[Gustavo Serola]

Yay. Please, we need it.

[Blaine Gibson]

Toodaloo.

[Gustavo Serola]

Bye.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Also, what was all great on that test?

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah.

[Gustavo Serola]

New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday anywhere you stream podcasts and on the Tales from The Stinky Dragon YouTube channel. Want to listen to the show 48 hours early and ad free? Become a patron at patreon.com stinkydragon or become a member of Beaconacon TV. Both memberships support the show and receive access to our exclusive bonus series, Second Win and a member only Discord, for their designated platform. Become a patron, you get access to more exclusive bonus content, Stinky Dragon Community and Discord events, and you get your name shouted out just like this. Oblivion AKA Don Boratz, Jekes, Flamingo, Hannah Morton, Ahoy, Bat One and David Spradley. Patrons that interact with us on Stinky dragon. Discord had NPCs named after them in this episode, like Drill SergeantSteel Eye, named by SergeantSteel82. Wonder where you got that name. Private Classic Lassic named by Dirk, voiced by Carrie Shawcross. Harry Shawcross. Check him out on Twitch. Private Mess Mess, named by Creative, voiced by Ashulet. Private Parts is voiced by Ben Ernst. Halcyonben this week's arrow question was submitted by GhostGamer5210. This episode of Test from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited and composed by Michael Reisinger, with additional editing work by Katherine Arnold. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

[Blaine Gibson]

Forget you not of who you be, the Lady Barb and man of three, your souls entwined with worlds untold by humorous his plans unfold.