← Tales from the Stinky Dragon
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Alexey Tinchenko
This episode is brought to you by Dragon Ball Legends, the ultimate Dragon Ball experience on your mobile device. Dragon Ball Legends features action packed anime action RPG gameplay with Goku, Vegeta, Trunks and all your favorite Dragon Ball characters. Summon your favorite characters from popular Dragon Ball anime series such as Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball GT to Dragon Ball Super. Fight in real time against friendly or rival Dragon Ball players from across the globe in live PvP battles. Enter ratings matches with your favorite Dragon Ball characters and earn rating points and rewards. Unite with friends to defeat powerful foes in co op. Dragon Ball Legends features the best enemy fighting scenes on your mobile device. And now Legends Festival is on so you can get up to 300 free Summon tickets. Are you ready? Download Dragon Ball Legends today. Available for free on both iOS and Android devices. Decisions, decisions. Wait a minute. Are you still looking for cars on Carvana? Yeah. Decisions, decisions. When I used Carvana, I found the exact car I was looking for in minutes. Bought it on the spot, electric or full diesel. Decisions. Come on, you've been at it for weeks. Just buy it already. You're right. Crossover. It is decisions decided whether know exactly what you want or like to take your time. Buy your car the convenient way with Carvana. What is this? You have not signed up for Stinky Dragon Patreon. That's crazy. Hello, my name Alexey Tinchenko. I am big superstar of the Patreon exclusive D and D campaign the Sea Squad. And if you're not subscribed to Stinky Dragon Patreon, ah, then you are missing out on big cool adventures. We have a whole collection of mini campaigns called Tavern Tales that you can treat those ears of yours too. Just go to sneakydragonpod.com sign up for a membership and you will have access to hours of exclusive content, including an epic adventure with myself and my good friends from the sea squad. Okay, so you go to stinkydragonpod.com and sign up today. Okay, Bye bye. Compliments to all you clawfish. Slither on into the Stinky dragon and take a taste of our latest tea. Reinvent the Eel. It's a mixture of poisoned potable water, lightning touched tea leaves, hissing honey and topped with a grappled apple. One round of this reptilian refreshment is enough to put the cute back in electrocute. Previously, our adventurers were booted into the deep end of basic training and called to protect their privates. After a deadly duel with some deceptive devils and an infernus imposter, the party managed to procure private parts Baptized by fire. B team became known as brutality. But can they live up to their name? Or will it spell disaster? Cobble a cup of tea, and let's continue this Cacatorus chronic. Hello, everyone. I'm Gustavo, dungeon master of our putrid party. I'm gonna hit our four players with an arrow. We're doing it. We're doing it. Pew, pew, pew, pew. That's all for you. What is one lesson learned during basic training, AKA boot camp? And how did it change you? And of course, you know, we're starting a new campaign here. Just a refresher for people who may not have heard our previous campaign. This is a chance for the players to introduce themselves and their character and give us a little bit of insight into them. I'll start. Hello, everyone. I am Barbara Dunkelman, and I play Doug Boone, the bugbear artificer. Hi, Doug. Hello, Gustavo. Nice to see you again. Fuend. Pleasure. Pleasure seeing you. How you been? Oh, you know, pretty good. Pretty good. It's been a while. Yeah, you know, whole two weeks, I guess, since we've seen each other. Yeah. I'm glad to see you again. Me too. And, you know, Gustavo, thank you for the question. You know, I've learned a lot, I think, in basic training. I think the main thing I learned is nothing could be done alone. You really gotta. You really gotta have a good team behind you. And this definitely has changed Doug, because Doug, you know, has spent a lot of his life alone and thought that, you know, maybe he could handle. Handle himself for the most part. But he's really learning a lot about the importance of a team. That's good. It's growing. What about bathroom time? Well, bathroom time, you know, Doug typically was someone who went to the bathroom with the door open. No one else was around. And now, you know, he's still. He's still used to having it open. So maybe he'll just quack it a little bit. It might lead to some awkward encounters in the bunk. Yeah, Doug gets lonely. Doug, you know, Doug is a loner, but he's not shy. Surprisingly very comfortable in his body. Is Doug the kind of guy who reaches a hand under the stall for, like, some hand holding through tough times? No, Doug's hand's a little too big usually to fit under the stall, unfortunately. My gosh. Are bugbears covered in hair? Yeah, I gotta reimagine what bugbears look like. Very hairy. Yeah, we hairy. Very. I'll go next. Yeah, sorry. I'm still. I'm also. It's been Three weeks. So I'm trying to summon the voice. It's been. Yes, it is me, Tolf. Oh, God. I do not know if I sound the same. You think you sound the same? Oh, I hope so. I just haven't talked about so very long. The big thing I learned from basic training is sleeping in the presence of other strangers. It's very weird. You know, I'm normally with my family on our boat and my crew. I'm so familiar and comfortable. And now I with a bunch of strangers. So I've learned things like snoring and fidgeting and trying to sneak to the bathroom. Who's the. Who's the worst snorer? Tol. Like, who's the one who. Who keeps you up at night with their snoring? Oh, you know, it's Doug, but also that Gunther. Oh, he. He's. He does weird little ribbits throughout the night. It's quite cute. Yes. I have a hard time sleeping. Can you tell? It's weird because Natt actually talked in her sleep. Does Natty as a drow, do they have like a trance or something? Oh, that'd be cool. Oh, that's a good question. I imagine they do do the same kind of sleeping trance. I don't know. So anyways, N just kind of stares at me in the night and I stare back and we have staring contests. So fun. Also, who are you and what's the character you're playing? Oh, my God. My name is To. I did say it is me to. That's my catchphrase. Who are you? Your actual I'm in. I'm Loftin character. This is it now. Blaine Gibson playing a. Yeah, Blaine Gibson playing Tol, the male orc barbarian 3. I'm just keeping up the tradition. Level 3. You sound like you're auditioning for a part in like, a TV show. Blaine reading for male orc barbarian 3. Willing to shave. I do want to confirm that drow do also trance. Similar to elves. Yeah, they're pretty similar to elves. Yeah. That's cool because they are. They are a. Like an elf variant of elves. Yeah. I'm Chris Damaris and I play Gunther, the male croak folk, which is a custom species of frog humanoids. What's your class? O Fighter. O Fighter Fighter Level three. What I learned in basic boot camp, it was glue. Glue. Glue. I'd never heard of glue before. The concept of glue glue. It was so fun. I love glue. You can glue things with it and. Which is a word in and of itself. And with the glue. You can stick things, but you have to be careful because you can stick yourself. Banto also learned not to eat the glue. Do not eat the glue. A very hard lesson. He learned difficult lesson. Hard day. Yes, it's. It looks like it would be good, but it is not. It changed me. This is a. A story from a long time ago. But me and a friend of ours, Bernie Burns, were on a show with good mythical morning called Red vs. Glue, where we had to unveil these two. Like, basically, what's the thing with, like, the silver. A cloche. Cloche. That's the word. Oh, the cloche. You guys are fooling me. That's not like that. It's like that silver. The silver dome that goes over a flower. Yeah, it's called a cloche. And one team looks under and there's pastries, and pastries on one side have glue on them and the other one doesn't. And you have to try to convince the other team that yours doesn't have glue or does. And, like, if they want to trade with you or not. And there was a few times I had to eat pastries with glue on it. Oh, was it obvious that it was glue or did it. It looked like frosting. It was supposed to look like frosting, but it's very obvious that it was glue. Gotcha. Yeah. Wow. Sorry, side tangent, but I've eaten glue. Hi, I'm John Risinger and I play Natty Wonder, who is a drow warlock. Spooky. I think I should find that offensive. Warlocks are like this kind of like the dark arts. Like. Yeah, it's all about how you use them. Art. Okay, Nemart, what was the question exactly again? What is one lesson you learned during basic training, AKA boot camp, and how did it change you? Oh, well, when I was in boot camp, I did meet this one nice dwarven gal. Her name was like Jennifer or Jonifer. I couldn't understand her very well, but I do remember that she had a big smile on her face. She looked happier than a dead pig in the sunshine. And she told me, if you're in a pinch, this is very important. While we were out in our bunks or didn't have all of our supplies and materials, and you use a matchstick, it can be used for eyeliner. And then poke weed. Berries can be used for lipstick. But you gotta remember you're gonna wanna wet the matchstick or you're just gonna scratch your eyes out. This was so helpful because I'd rather have people say that I look Overdone when I'm out and about, rather than people say, did you see Natty? She looked like hell. So this was very helpful for me. Barbara's learning a lot about makeup tips. Doug, not so much. Doug is sitting there going, I could probably make you something way better than that. That won' squat your eyes out if you use it. Oh, I'd love it if you came up with some makeup for me. I just realized something. Obviously. Obviously, the main goal of Campaign 3 is to get John in full. Natty wander drag by, like, at some live event. I want to see you with a good time. Oh, God, that'd be so cool. Did Natty have any preconceived notions about what boot camp was, and was she disappointed with what boot camp ended up being? Yeah. Was the name throwing her off? Yeah, I thought it was a place to get some boots. I still don't know why they call it boot camp, because we did so much more than just, like, learn about boots at the camp. But I've always gone into everything with a positive outlook, and if you do that, you usually get a positive outcome. So I've had a great time in boot camp. You know what they say, A positive and a positive make a positive. Right, Natty? Yeah, that's science. Yeah, that's just science. Well, actually, technically, it's math. Math is like the basis for science, isn't it? Isn't science just fancy math? I guess Yuwon could say that, but they technically are two different subjects. Okay, I got you. I understand. But they do. They do go hand in hand. So I see the reference. I defer to Doug. Doug seems like he knows what he's talking about. Yeah, it's working. And with that, there's a loud ka chunk you hear. And then a whoosh. And the sweltering heat and smoke subsides. The craggy cavern melts away, and all the lava vanishes into thin air. What's left is a barren warehouse made of iron instead of Yndarians. You see four young humans in blue military uniforms dusting themselves off, as well as the stout halfling private parts, who has sweat so much that his uniform is significantly darker blue than everyone else's. He's hugging us. The Bognome drill sergeant steps forward to address you all. Well, I can honestly say in the 30 years I've been training recruits, I've never seen a team quite like yours. Not saying that's a good thing. You have a lot, and I mean a lot of rough spots to iron out, but I might See a minuscule possibility of slight potential in U4. One of the young humans steps forward with a furrowed brow that quickly changes to a cheerful smile. His green eyes furtively scan U4. I don't know, drill sergeant Steel Eye. They seemed all over the place to me. Rookie moves all the way through and talk about rusty and or non existent armaments. I don't think the mortalian material. Did I ask you for your opinion, Private Lassic? Well, no, but I think you mean no sir. Or did you recently get promoted to Lieutenant? Private Lassic straightens up at attention. No, sir. Then get back in formation with a team until I say otherwise. Lassic salutes the sergeant and marches back to the other privates. But his eyes stare daggers at U4. The other three humans chuckle to themselves and one says, classic Lassic, am I right? Shut it, mess. What were we even doing out there? What are you talking about? It was brutal out there. A team continues to bicker amongst themselves. Sergeant Steel Eye rolls his eyes. Brutal. Anyway, as I was saying, I might be able to mold you four into something actually useful on the battlefield. But first I'm gonna break you down into tiny pocket sized pieces and then I'll grind you into a pathetic powder. And then I'll smash you to smithereens till there's no semblance of you left. Practically. Gunther is already. Shut up, you. If you survive all that, maybe just baby, you'll actually be soldiers. Welcome to Mortalion Boot camp B team. Or should I say brutality. I don't understand why a sergeant would want to punish people who are fighting on their behalf. Yeah. You guys ever think about this? It's tough love. It's his kink. Why are they like making us small little powder smashdown parts? That seems very waste of energy. I do not know. It's like how you recycle things, you know? Yeah, it's true. It's also very trendy nowadays. Like deconstructed dishes. You take something like a fancy dish and you like. This is deconstructed pizza. It's a dollop of ketchup and slice of pepperoni. Yeah, but you would think that like, you know, if you want the strongest team representing your side of the army, they would be like the strongest and not hoyt or sore or you know, they want to be ready for battle or not. You know, in pain. No pain, no gain, right? I mean that's. That's the old saying that Sergeant Steel I invented all those years ago when you first started to coin the term doing boot camp. Here At Fort Endridge. So we fast forward a little bit here. It has now been three months since you all started boot camp at Fort Endridge. Whoa. Yeah, it's a little time skip. How did that go so well? I'll take. That's a long rest. Yeah, it's a long rest. Gunther, you're no longer dead. Actually, you were no longer dead at the end of the last episode. Episode. Anyway, you all are resting in your barracks. It's one of several cabin like barracks with bunk beds. You have two stacked beds on either side of the room. Which side of the room do you all want to be on? For no particular reason? The left. You know, it just feels good. So we'll call that the west side of the room. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. We'll just say you all are on the west side of the room. Oh, I didn't realize I was picking for the team. I thought it was just my bunk team. Put it to a vote. I'm so sorry. No, it's canon. Fine. Okay. Someone said the name of the movie. Oh, that's the name. Could Gunther sleep under the bed? Yeah, sure. Absolutely. So you get Gunther calls bottom bottom bunk, also known as the floor, just to be clear. So you all are on the west side of the room in your two bunk beds. And on the east side of the room are another two bunk beds, which of course you all know is a team's bunks, having been here for a couple of months now. So is Private Lasik. Lassic. Sorry. Yeah. He's on a team. Like he's a member of a team. Correct. Okay. With mess and parts. The members of a team are a. Ok. Okray. Classic Lassic, Drano, Kandranos and Mesmestra. Kandra. Yeah. K A N D R A N O S. He's good for clearing out clog drains. So I think Doug would obviously take one of the bottom bunks because you don't want him on top. That's just an accident waiting to happen. Would it be the bottom bunk on top of Gunther or the other bottom bunk just to make sure you don't have the accident with bottom. Bottom bunk. Yeah. Probably on top of Gunther. Okay. Just three levels. Same. Yeah. It probably works out because Gunther's used to, like, warm climates and the heat of a Doug. I also feel like if Doug fell on Gunther, it probably wouldn't hurt him. Like, I don't. I don't. I said imagine Gunther as being like almost like rubber. Like, you know, I like to burrow. What bunks do tolv and Natty, take. I have no preference. Which would you like? I'll take the top bunk. Okay. Bottom bunk for me. I like. It's like a little cave. It reminds me of being on a ship underneath, you know, the floor. So we got Natty on top bunk, Doug on the bottom bunk, and Gunther on bottom bottom bunk. And then on the other side, we got Tolv on bottom bunk by himself. Is that correct layout? Yeah, I like that, actually. Yeah, I thought. I thought Maddie was over. Tolv. Okay. No, this is great. I like this because. Not because I'm selfish with the bunk, but I get to watch over my team and make sure they're okay. Everyone resting. Well, just for clarity, the reason I said it that way is in the arrow, Tolv said he was getting used to sleeping with strangers. So I think based on this layout, he would kind of go to the side by himself. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. This is important. We should spend a few more minutes on this. Remember this moment. I'm throwing himself in the deep end, having used to be alone, and now he's literally surrounded by people. Yeah. In this barracks, like I said, is your two stacked beds on one side, the other two stacked beds on the east side with a team. And there's personal trunks with equipment for each soldier that sits at the foot of each bunk bed. Mounted on the wall over the door is a scorched iron claw hammer. And there's a small plaque below the claw hammer. You all are resting. You can either be asleep or resting in your bunks. It's up to you. It's been the end of a long day of training. Natty would be sitting on her bunk playing her harp. Ooh. That's the ultimate relaxation, playing a little song like that. Her auto harp. Sure. And she uses her nails as the picks for the God of heart. Nice. Tove would be, I guess, polishing his warhammer and then humming along to the song, but quietly to himself. Not to make it about him. He just likes the tune in. Oh. I think Doug would be on his stomach with his feet kicked up, and he has, like, one of those little headlamps, and he's tinkering on something. But since we're in, like, a. Like a fantasy kind of world. It's like one of those candle. No, I think at this point, Doug would have invented something that's. Yeah. A little more electric. I like that. It's just a trapped fairy. That's what it is. Oh. Very Legend of Zelda. What's Gunther up to? Croaking. Croaking. You're dead. Oh, no. He's making those sounds you were talking about at the beginning of the episode. Episode? Oh, deep sleep. Nuts deep. Isn't quoking another word for dead? Yeah. Gunto, are you okay? Yes. You can't see him. He's just covered in blankets and shrouded in this under the bunk. Okay, so, yeah, you guys are doing this. A team is doing their best to try to sleep. Ignore us. A couple of them have pillows over their head trying to deafen out the sounds of an auto heart. I didn't know what time of day it was, so I'm just playing my auto harp. Well, then I'm playing, like, a little lullaby. How about that? How about because Natty's mindful of people's needs. Yeah, I mean, it's a shared space. And based on your previous three months of interaction, you know, they're not necessarily the most fond of you in the world. You've had an ongoing small rivalry with a team over the last three months. Hey, A team. Are you guys asleep? Hold on, I'm gonna do something. What? Gus is immersing himself in the story. He's grabbing a pillow. Wow. Shut up. I'm gonna take that as a no. You ain't asleep? No. Why are you guys so mean to us? Actually, I think there were the ones kind of maybe being mean to 18. If I'm being honest, Natty, we were playing music and. Yes, you know, quokking. I'm alive. This is like psychological warfare. Yeah, I just. I. I can't sleep if there's, like, problems. You know, if you sleep on your problems, then you just wake up with problems, and so we should just hash this out finally, so we can all be friends. I feel like A and B should be. Should be buddies. I'm not a problem. Why would you say you sleep on me? No, no, I'm not a problem. No, we know that, Gunther. Okay, then why you say you sleep on me? Oh, well, technically, Gunther, I'm not on top of you. Okay, yes, you are. No, technically, Doug is. Yeah, it's okay. I'm the problem. It's me. It's okay. Do you think maybe we could. We could just squash this beef? Gunther, before you say anything, that's an idiom. That's an idiom. Hush, hush. You might have to explain what an idiom means. I'm not an idiot. I knew that was going to be the next response. At that point, Private Lassic sits up in bed and says, ugh, listen, it's been a Long? Three months. Okay, let's just get through tonight, and then we'll be done. Is that your way of saying we can finally be friends? Yeah. Are we cool now? Is this cool? Oh, sure, we're cool. We'll get you through your graduation tomorrow, and that'll be it. We'll be cool forever. Wait, this is it? There's no more boot camp. Oh, we are all a bunch of super troopers, you know, shining like the sun, smiling, having fun, feeling like a number one. It's an ABBA song. They're from my homeland. Thank you. Thank you, Blade. Thank you. I need you to explain that kind of stuff. Blaine and I have an agreement. He explains musical pop references, and I tell him if I'm making a reference to Broadway. Nadia, you should know, abba, this is very much in your wheelhouse. I never got into abba. I just didn't. That's wild to me. We just have to get through tonight. You are all passing out tomorrow, and hopefully we'll never have to see you again. But just in case, can we, like. Can we exchange information so that if, like, you know, if you wanted to send me a letter, I can get it and we can have a little, like, pen pal situation? Elastic, kind of throws his arms to the side and pounds them into the mattress a little bit, then stands up and says, ah, sure. And he walks over to your bunk, Natty. Ah, biscuits. I'm so happy. From his pocket, pulls out a piece of paper and a writing instrument and begins scribbling on it and hands it to you and says, ugh. Here, you can send a raven whenever you want, and you can find me using this information. Ooh. Oh, aces. And Maddie writes on a little piece of paper and then puts a big old kiss on the corner and hands it to Lassig. Ooh. Don't lose this. Okay. Romantic. Without looking at it, he grabs it, sticks it in his pocket, and turns around to walk back to his bunk. And as he does so, he stumbles and trips a little bit over your footlocker. Oh, be careful, Lassic. Then he continues back over to his bed and lays down. I turned to Tolv, and I just give him a big old thumbs up like we did. Good job, Natty. Best friends it would be. I was going to propose while he was over here if we wanted to do a bunk swap where I go over to their side and then they trade someone over here. You know, just mix it up. Mix up the floor plan. I go to the east side, they go to the west. We should go to bed. We should really go to bed. The sleep crazies are taking over. Doug has already fallen asleep and is snoring. I. I play out the lullaby and then, and then stop for the night. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's. Yeah. Yeah. Sleepy. I wasn't sure if your video had froze there, Chris. I just had like a very still, blank, staring off into space look on your face. I was just thinking about, you know, like the lullaby and like it getting, you know, and I like the sounds of like frog. Have you ever been camping, like hearing frogs croaking? It's kind of like like the rainforest sounds or the. Yeah, they're good. Relaxing. 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They're an airline that cares about your travels as much as you do. United is transforming the flying experience with Bluetooth connectivity, screens, power at every seat, and bigger overhead bins to help fit everyone's bag. And with their app, you can skip the bag check line, get live updates and more. Change the way you fly. Book your next trip today@united.com youm all are sound asleep, dreaming your little dreams. And in the middle of the best parts of your dreams, you're startled awake by the sound of banging metal. Banging metal? Yeah. You sit up in your bed. Tulf slams his head on the top bunk because he forgets it's there. You wake up with a start. Sit up in your bed and see Sergeant Steel Eye banging two pieces of metal in the bunk, screaming at you all, wake up. It's time for contraband search. Ooh. Three months into training, now you're looking for contraband? We've been here the whole time. This is the final check before you pass out. Mr. Fur. Mr. Fur? No, that's not my last name. That was Gus. Attempt at a mean Nick nickname. I kind of like Mr. Full, Mr. Fur, Mr. Furry Feet. You're saying my name? Yes. We're getting. We're getting some insight into how good Gus would have been in school at, like, being a bully. Mr. Fur. I was on the receiving end. I know if one of you is a character like me, then I can come up with a lot of good insults for you. Yeah, but none of you are too much like me. Sergeant Steel Eye makes a beeline for your footlocker, Natty. And says, open her up. I open it up. I ain't got nothing to hide. He begins very quickly pulling things out and looking for any contraband that he can find inside your footlocker. And then pulls something out and puts it in front of your face and says, what's this? And he's holding a small cone that looks like it could fit over your head. Like a dunce cone? Kinda. I don't know. What is it? That's a. That's an interesting fashion choice that you have dealt with. That's not my style. I'll tell you what it is. It's contraband. If you say so. What is it? We're gonna find out. Wait, you know, sir, do you know what it is? I know what it isn't, and it isn't approved equipment. Okay, well, let's find out what it is. But the auto harp is. It's the cone of copia. Whoa. With that, he turns and walks over to Tolv and says, open up your foot locker. I open it and I present it with like a flourish. Like Vanna White. Blaine is fully. He can't get out of the voice, so he's saying the meta stuff in Tol's voice. Behold, my trunk of wonders. He begins dumping out all of the equipment, stretching through it, and you can hear him muttering under his breath. Contraband. I know it's in here somewhere. Contraband. Contraband. Yeah. He pulls out something. It looks like it's a healing item of some kind, some kind of first aid wrap. He says, I've been looking for these. What are you doing with them? These are my Bognomish leg wraps. Oh my gosh. I must have put them in my trunk by mistake. That is so embarrassing. How many push ups would you like? Go ahead, give me a number. Go ahead and give me 60 for starters. Okie dokie. Start doing push ups. We're gonna. We're gonna need you to really do it, Blaine, for us while we do the rest of the contraband. Don't tempt him. Don't tempt him. I think I can bring my microphone down to the ground. You gotta do it. Why would you say that, John Blaine? No, she's doing push ups. I can only keep going. Okay, don't break your microphone down there. No, I'm not going to. Sorry. I feel I stepped over a toll. Who's doing push ups and walks over to Doug. Watch your step. And what are you hiding for the listener? All we see is the backs of Blaine's ankles and his head popping into frame every like 10 seconds. 27. 28. Sorry. Go, go. Doug, what are you hiding, Doug? Mr. Fur, Mr. Full Hill, whatever you want to call me Shaw. You can't say that while I'm drinking something, cuz it's the stupidest. It's the stupidest like, nickname ever. Oh, it's not stupidest. A great nickname. I love it. Yeah, be careful. You won't be laughing when we're selling 5,000 Mr. First shirts and store.stickydragonpop.com so, you know, part of me is suspecting that the A team might have taken some of your stuff and put them in our Dockers because my team here. Very innocent, very honest as well. I mean, Torvdale actually did all the pushups that you wanted him to do. 60 pushups. All done. OE great way of waking up. And you know, I feel like it's part of the hazing here in, In Training. And I don't think they like us very much. And I think they wanted to get us in trouble. Is that your story? Blaming others for your shortcomings? Oh, I don't think the shortcomings is the proper term for this, actually. I think it's misdemeanor. It's merely deduction. But if you want to go take a. Take a look, you know, you'll probably find something. Just based off what's been going on here, what do you think I'm going to find? You tell me. Okay. What are you missing? Are you missing anything? He opens up your footlocker, Doug, and once again, he's muttering under his breath. Contraband. I can smell it. It's in here somewhere. I realize I started doing quartermaster from Camp Camp there for a second. I need to not do that. Today I learned you were the voice of quartermaster. He opens up your footlocker, and right on top, there's a painting. And he pulls it up and shows it to you and says, what's this? Some kind of vulgar painting? Is it a nude of you? What's the painting of? It's an artwork that looks like it's painted in blood, depicting the origin of demonic mythos. Oh, that's very concerning. This is definitely contraband. What are you into here, Doug? Sergeant Steelite, if you just take a look at my hands, you think these alpenos hands. Surely they are not. And it's right on top of my stuff. I mean, if I was trying to hide something, you think I'd really put that right on top? Well, let's see. I got my eye on you. Which one? The steel eye or store.stinkydragonpod.com Shut up. So stupid. He looks at the other bunk, which is empty. Then seemingly he remembers, and then goes over to the other bunk where he was originally and opens up Gunther's foot locker. What are you hiding in here is Gunther's foot locker? Is it smaller than the other ones? It's a matchbox. I think they'd all be standard sized. I think they don't bother making different versions of the footlocker. So it's like a room, and that should be his apartment? Yeah, that's like a studio. So what are you hiding in your apartment, Gunther? I have nothing to hide. So, metagame wise, just so I know, this was like a. A thing in our preview episode, you know, Gunther said he didn't have any coins and he wasn't going to be robbed. Just so I know. Is Gunther like a minimalist? He doesn't own very many possessions. Oh, see, Gus, you're trying to trick me into not hoarding it. In with character. Chris is red like alert. Light went off. I think now more than ever. If you're playing a croque folk, you shouldn't hoard. No. Well, I'll say this. He collects things, but they're for a purpose. Yeah. You know, totems from his victims that he murders. Vulgar paintings. Yeah. Buntle, is this yours? No, but yeah. He opens up the giant chest to him. You open up the giant chest and a bee flies out. Sergeant Steel Eye begins swatting at it. Get that thing away from me. Could he try and like, ribbit it, like, with his tongue? Sure. Let me look at your character sheet. Do you have like, any abilities for that tongue lashing? Your tongue has a 10 foot range. If you're trying to grab something, you'll need to make a deck scrapple. Check with it. You can't handle or move anything more than 10 pounds with your tongue. Well, this bee's definitely less than 10 pounds. Yeah, go ahead and make that grapple Check. I guess I think we all know what happens. What happens when he fails? What? He's a B18. I was really hoping he was gonna roll a one. Yeah, I was really hoping, Steve. And then his tongue inflates. I guess I'll make the B's. Check. I'm just gonna roll a D20 and we'll figure it out from there. Man, I want a really muscular B. All right, so you rolled an 18 on your dexterity check. That's a 14 plus 4. I'm gonna roll for the B here. Let's just roll a D20 and see where we end up. 17. Okay, now we gotta look up what a B modifier is in D and D. I was hoping it would be extreme one way or another. Not practically your same roll. If I know anything about bees, and I did watch the first episode of man vs Bee on Netflix with Rowan Atkinson fighting a bee. They're pretty dexterous creatures, I'm gonna say. It's probably gonna get away from you. First use of your tongue and you miss shout out to the bee movie. Yeah, it's not that it's stronger than you, it's just it manages to quickly dart out of the way and, you know, begins flying out of the bunk that you all are in. Your tongue flies right by Sergeant Steel Eye. And this seems to enrage him. You let it get away. What are you doing? We're not that friendly. Gunther, put that tongue back in Your mouth. Okay. All right, you four, you need to get yourselves in shape. Look your best, because today you're passing out the four of you getting promoted. But first, of course, there'll be a demonstration where you show what you've learned at boot camp in front of some of the top brass of the Mortalia. Oh, I'm nervous. I have performance anxiety. I feel like I'm being dumb for saying this, but are there repercussions for this contraband? You'll find out. Okay, John asked, not Natty, so I'm gonna answer as Gus, not Steel Eye. Okay. Okay. So if like, you are Steel Eye and you say the top brass, are we gonna be like other metal themed, like dudes? Like, what is that? Who are we touring performing in front of? You're performing in front of Colonel Boy, of course. Colonel Boy. What a silly question. Yeah, Boy. How do you spell Colonel Boy? Just like it sounds. B O, I, I, I. Oh. What? So dumb. Why don't the four of you make me? Perception checks. Okay. Oh, I love being high intelligent. And I rolled a nat 2025. Wow. Perceptions wisdom 1614. I have a plus two this campaign. Yeah, I did high wisdom, high intelligence for. Oh, both got a brainiac. Smarty Pants 8. All of you except for Natty. Notice that on the east side of the room, a team seems to all be giggling to themselves. And their blankets are shaking ever so slightly as they're watching and hearing all of this going on. What did I tell you? Cute sleepover. Not telling ghost stories. So you four get ready. It's almost time to show what you got. We just did that when you looked into art bunkers. Yeah, I got this weird blood painting. Sergeant Steel Eye stares at the four of you with all the contraband, minus the B under his arms and turns around sharply and walks directly to the exit and leaves the room. Enjoy your new painting. I didn't do it. I probably did. I'll just say it. Okay. Should we, I guess, like, limbo up or have like a team huddle or something? A propel? Well, I just had 60 push ups. I'm pretty limber. That's very true. Can you help me stretch out, Tolv? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll just like take the arm and I'll just kind of. Ooh, Rocky, you gonna get him? Doug has very bad posture. Like his. He's a little hunched and so I imagine you're trying to like, massage his shoulders and like, they're not. They're just like rocks. Oh, these knots in here. What have you been doing nothing. That's probably the problem. All right, so some time passes and you all find yourselves outside ready for your passing out ceremony. You're in the courtyard here at Fort Enridge. The fort itself is fairly sizable. It's not huge, but it's decently sized. It's built on some grasslands a few miles inland from the coast of the sea. The fort is an aged structure, but it's sturdy. It's got a rampart built out of stone and there's a few towers inside the fort. There is a catapult that you see that is stationed for defense of the fort itself. Here in the courtyard, which is referred to as the cortege, is a clay in the center of the fort where the field exercises, physical training, and ceremonial parades are held. And in your experience, it's probably the hottest area in the fort around. There are few buildings, including the hq, the mess, the armory, and the seesaw, which is the scrimmage indoor simulation area where you all have spent a lot of time training. Specifically in the last episode, that's where your training took place. Cool. So, yeah, the four of you are standing here waiting for the ceremony to take place. I'm not sure if there's anything you want to do, anything you want to say. It's like the last day of summer camp, you know, taking it all in before we go and I assume pass out from, you know, I don't know, lack of oxygen or something. It's weird, they keep saying past that. I don't understand that. Do we like, put each other in chokeholds or like, what is this? Yeah. Is it? Well, they like maybe make us lose consciousness and like we, I don't know, like, go into a different plane of existence and I don't know the test in that way. Yeah. Like a cult or something. Yeah. As you all are making small talk amongst yourselves, a gathering of people wander into the courtyard. And a few of them seem to be surrounding and talking to one person in specific, who seems to be a higher rank than them, you know. This is Colonel Boye, who has traveled many miles from another region to be the inspecting officer for the passing out parade. Wow. He walks straight over to you four and kind of takes you all in, looking at the floor of you. Natty starts singing. Here comes the boy. Hello, boy. Welcome. Welcome. I give him a real proper salute. And then I. And then I to the rest of the crew so that they'll follow suit. Doug is standing so straight. Wow. And he's not making eye contact because he's so shy. Your posture looks amazing, Doug. You're doing so good. We've all shouldn't talk to each other. Maddie salutes but kicks up one leg to the side and gives a little sass. Gunther just salutes and holds it very still, like you think he might be frozen. A frog statue. I also like to imagine Doug is sweating, but because he's so furry, just like the fur on his forehead is just, like, stuck, like, limp. Is Doug panting? A little bit. Colonel boy sees all of you and sees your leg kick Natty and says, oh, that's neat. He kind of does it in return. Also, he salutes and kicks his leg out too. I like that one. I might adopt that. Whoa. I like this guy. Yeah. The man, the myth, the legend. Colonel Boy. How goes the battle? How are the front lines, sir? Oh, the front lines. Yeah, you know, they're. They're in the front, obviously, and battling. Can I do a perception check? Is this actually a curve insight inside Vibe check? Insight. You can do an insight check. Okay. What's this dude's deal? 12. Yeah. Seems he's got all the markings of a colonel, and he's, you know, surrounded by people who are attending to him. Okay, can I motion Colonel boy to come closer to Natty? Yeah, he steps in a little closer. Hey, do you know what we're gonna be doing today? Do you got any little, like, tips or secrets about what's happening happening going on today? Because they ain't told us nothing. You're gonna be doing the passing out parade and showing off some of your moves that you learned here during basic training. Is it just a parade of four people? It's a very sad parade. Like, is there a float? Are we gonna be on a float? You know, I'll. I'll give some commands. You all will do the things I say, and then there will be a parade, and I think later we'll have some cake. I love cake. Well, this sounds not so bad. I imagine it won't turn bad at all. Since we're playing D and D, do you think that maybe, like, us under Sergeant Sei, he was, like, way harsher than the normal people in this military are. Like, maybe we just got, like, the bad apple. Maybe Colonel boy is, like, the difficult kind of leader. Maybe. I don't know. I like apples with that. Colonel boy says, anyway, it'll be fine. We'll get through it here in just a bit. You'll see. And he turns around to talk to one of the people who was there with him. It's A woman who's adorned and appears to be some kind of priestess. And they begin speaking to each other kind of in a hushed tone. You know how in like grade school when you walk around the school and it's like your graduation because you're taking it all in and it's like, you know, all nostalgic and stuff? Do you guys want to like boogie around the fort entry? Just say goodbye to everything, even though it's all inanimate object and buildings and stuff? Do you think maybe we should come up with like a little routine real quick? Should we have prepped for this? Oh, that's great. I like that. Is this supposed to be like a. Like a performance? Because they keep saying we're gonna show what we learned. Yeah, well, I. I assume, you know, like some guy would come out like one one v one kind of situation and stuff like that. Or. Or is it like us four doing like a choreographed like a one and a two and a one, two, three and then break out. I think the best way to show that we are a team that knows how to coordinate with each other is with a stylish dance routine. That's an idea. Well, I don't know if that's necessarily everyone's strong suit. Maybe you would do a dance routine, Natty. You know, I think a very talented dancer. I say we take that big catapult and launch someone in it into the sea. Huh? Who's with me? Who do we have that would be small enough to go in a catapult? I don't know. It couldn't be you to. You're just way too big. Too big. And Doug, you're just. You're also just a big old drink of water. And I gotta be honest, I don't know how to swim. So I don't think I'm the person to be shot out into. Into the ocean. If only we had a solution. So ideally an amphibious creature who could get launched into the water. It can't be Tove, it can't be Doug, and it can't be me. Who should we put in the catapult? Gunther, Any ideas? A cat, maybe Sergeant Steel Eye or maybe that bee that we saw before. You know, I like where you're going with the size there, Doug, but I think of if we put our superior in the catapult, that'll be bad. It's gotta be somebody who is equal rank at us and around for us to put into the catapult. I imagine all of our heads slowly turn towards Gunther. I don't Think Gunther quite understands what a catapult is? So he's like, okay, we cannot launch him in a catapult. This sounds like bullying. I don't like this. I would be honored to do this task. What else is around here, just out of curiosity? It's the mess and hq, right? Yeah. You're in the cortege, which is the courtyard, and there's a few other buildings. There's a hq, there's a mess hall, there's the armory, there's the seesaw, and of course, the barracks, which you all were in just a little earlier. And what was the seesaw? That's the simulation area. Correct. You know, the See saw is the scrimmage indoor simulation area. It's a stone building where you did a lot of your training. And, you know, over the past few months, you know, you've come to understand that it uses an ancient piece of thaumatech called an I caster to conjure lifelike illusionary environments, which is like the environment that you all were in in the previous episode where you were doing your training. It's called a what? I Caster Eyecaster. Like eye? No, just like eye. Like Steve Jobs. It's an Apple product. No, that one costs double the price. While this talk of the catapult is going on, could I try to overhear what Colonel Boy is saying to the priestess looking person? Yeah, it was actually the priestess who got his attention and who started talking to him. Make a, let's say, perception check to see if you can overhear what they're saying. 24. Wow. Oh, man, Barbara, you are killing it with the rolls today. Yeah. You hear the priestess talking to Colonel Boy, and it seems like she's reminding him that she's looking for something and that she doesn't want him to forget. That she needs to find the cone of Copia and take it back to her convent. That it's been missing for some time. We know where that is. Could I quickly shuffle over to my team and relay that information to them? Yeah, of course. Why don't you say it as Doug would? Okay, guys, huddle in real quick. I know we're talking about the catapult, but I need take a pause. So that priestess over there talking to Cor, she mentioned that she's. She's looking for that cone of Copia, which I think is natty. You found that. That was found in your trunk, right? Correct. So apparently she's looking for it. I don't know what it does. Do you know anything about it? I imagine it Makes a nice little sound if you're blowing one end. Would I guess Doug have any knowledge of what this con of Copia is? You've never seen it before? I'll let you make a religion check to see if you've heard of it. That's an intelligence check, Doug. Go to Sunday school. 24 dang devout. Wow. So you're not familiar with this specific relic, but you do know if this is a priestess from the Copia Convent, that. The Copia Convent's not that far away. And this must be some kind of relic that provides mystical or magical effect on whoever wears it. Okay. I heard they use these things to decorate their tables, and they put little corn husks and little pumpkins around it for, like, a big meal they'd have once a year. Yeah, I see the confusion of the cornucopia. A common mistake here. It's okay. Don't feel bad though, Natty. I never feel bad. I'm happy. So, like, I really want to help this priestess out, but, like, I also really like Colonel Boyi, and he is our superior officer. So, you know, maybe we can ask if we can help her by asking if we can help him. You know, like, get his approval first before making this decision. I don't know. I just don't want to get in trouble again. Steelai is so mean, and he makes me do push ups in the morning. So you think we should tell Colonel Boy about this? Yeah, I mean, I could go distract the priestess, and then you could pull him to the side and be like, yo, I know where this is if you want. Natty perks up from our little huddle and goes, colonel Boy, could you come over here for a second? And then I boogie over to the priestess. Hello, my name is Tove. How are you today? I'm imagining Toll's head, like, goes back and forth side to side so quickly while he talks. Okay, Yeah, I like that. Colonel Boy's head snaps around and he begins walking over towards the group, passing Tolv, as Tove walks over to the priestess. I'm gonna. I actually want to deal with Tove's conversation first because I'm most curious about this. We should. Okay. Her attention turns to you and she regards you and says, hello, Tove. I'm Priestess Chess. Pleasure to meet you. Welcome to Fort Indridge. Have you been here before? Before, indeed. Our abbey sends people to visit the fort very regularly. Oh, okay. Are you, like, part of the Mortalian? No, of course not. But we help support the Mortalian wherever possible. Well, thank you for the support like and subscribe. That's so great of you. Tell me about your abbey. Tell me about your people. Well, where do I start? Why don't you first tell me what you know about the Copia Convent? The copy convent? Well, I know it's nearby, and you're an abbey that supports the mortalion when we need it. You're a fantastic listener, Tove. Oh, thank you. Wow. Has anyone ever told you that? No, never once. They might have, but I wasn't listening. Well, allow me to enlighten you. The Copia convent worships the deity, the fruit bearer, and our symbol is an empty cornucopia. We try to do what we can to better the lives of people here. Okay, so, like, do you guys like cooking and stuff? You like food and foodies? Absolutely. We are foodies, as you say. But our primary duty at the abbey is that we are tanners. Tanners? Oh, like, you get a hide and then you can it in the sun after a hunt? Precisely. Oh, that's neat. Cool. So, like, what's your take on this whole war thing? I hate to bring up politics, but, you know, I'm just asking. Well, we, of course, believe strongly in it, and we believe we are on the right side and that we will emerge victorious over the Yndarians and must do whatever we can to vanquish them. Which is why the abbey does what we can, providing leather armor for the forces such as yourself. Oh, leather armor. Very cool. That's so neat. Thank you for providing that. You. You probably saving so many lives out on the battlefield. We do what we can. Yeah. That's so great. I look back at the team and see if I'm buying enough time. I think that's good. Wow. Neat. Neat. I love tanning. Yes. Hey, it's Kaley Cuoco for Priceline. Ready to go to your happy place for a happy price? Well, why didn't you say so? Just download the Priceline app right now and save up to 60% on hotels. So whether it's Cousin Kevin's kazoo concert in Kansas City. Go Kevin. Or Becky's bachelorette bash in Bermuda, you never have to miss a trip ever again. So download the Priceline app today. Your savings are waiting. 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While that conversation was going on, we'll say the conversation with Colonel Boy was happening at the same time. So he walks up to the three of you and say, yes, Doug, you're. I mean, you called him Oval. I thought you. I thought you wanted to tell him. Oh, we're. We have. We. We. Oh, well, quick. We'll. Quick. Before we get to that. I was. I thought it was Doug's plan. Yeah, but you called him over. I thought you were. I was assisting Doug. Gunther's very confused as to what is going. Classic, cuz we just met Colonel Boy. We don't know whether or not we could trust him. We did a. Rolled a 12 on an insight check. Could I do a. I guess, like, Doug's not very charismatic, so he would just straight up be like, colonel Boy. You're a good guy, White. I try to be sure. Can I do an inside check? Yeah, why not? Make an insight check. Be killing you with the rolls. Keep it up. 16. Not bad. It seems like he's a little fidgety. You think he's trying to be earnest, but he's maybe a little uneasy at the moment. How do you know that woman Odell you were talking to? She's with the Abby. She's part of the entourage here. They're bringing hides and armor for the base. It's part of the whole passing out ceremony. Oh, are they typically like to be twisted like you like? Yeah, the Abbey. They're great. Look at all they provide for the fort. He points around and you see there's actually lots of leather hides all around the fort on top of the leather armor that many of the recruits wear. Barbara, the player is always hesitant to give up information to people we don't know fully yet. Oh, do it and just see what happens. A stranger's just a friend you haven't met yet. Yeah, who's saying that? Is that Gus? So I couldn't help but overhear. That woman over there you were talking to, you said she was a priestess. Yes, that's right. She was trying to find this cone of copia. She's been talking about that non stop. She's looking for a few things. Do you happen to know when that went missing? She said it went missing like a week ago or so. Whoa. We might. We might have found it earlier today. Oh, really? Oh, she would love that. Doug. Elbows, natty. It was Sergeant Steele who found it. Oh, the sergeant found it. Does he have it? Well, technically, he found it in my foot locker. Did you steal it? Because that would be bad. Now you gotta hold on, let me finish what I'm saying. Okay. Doug here. Mr. Smarty Pants or some call him Mr. Fur. Not like that. Yeah, you should put that on a T shirt. No, I don't think we should. I think that should leave. We should leave that on the floor. He figured out or he deduced that a team might have planted it in my foot locker in order to get me in trouble. So I think if we put two and two together. A team. That equals four. It equals four. Man, we got too many literal folks here on this team. Private Lassic might have planted it and been the source of its original missing. You don't say. You have any evidence for that? Not a lick. Well, the priestess won't care in the end as long as she has it back. You said the drill sergeant Steel Eye has it? Yes. Okay, I'll talk to him. She's also looking for a be a beat. No, she's not looking for a beat. Okay, good, because it got away. She only likes a pluses. Nice. That's on my control. She's looking for a hammer of some kind. Have you seen that by any chance? Yeah, yeah, actually, Doug points over to Tolv. It was in his foot locker. I know 12's a pretty twistworthy guy. I don't think that was his. I give those little finger waves, you know, where you're like, you have no idea what we're talking about. He's got the hammer. Well, no, Sergeant Steel, I took that as well when he found it in his f. Loco. Oh, okay. So Sergeant Steel Eye has everything that the priestess is looking for. It would seem so. Interesting. Okay, great. I'll let Priestess Chess know. Thank you. You guys are doing great. You're going to kill it today. I know you guys seem like you're on the up and up. You're going to have no problem with the passing out ceremony. Well, I think also you should, you know, consider our honesty when you're grading us. Grating. Absolutely. It'll definitely go on your permanent record. All right. I feel. I feel good about this. Ain't nothing bad going to happen from this action we just took all on our own. I feel a little nervous about it, Natty, if I'm being honest, to work it. Yeah, I guess your conversations would probably end at about the same time. So, Tolv, you would see Colonel Boy heading back over towards the Priestess. Okay. I shake the Priestess's hand, and then I do my little jaunt over to the team. And then I give a little cute little salute to Colonel Boy. Toodaloo. You said her name was Priestess. What? Chess. Chess. Chess. Yeah. C H E S S. What does Gunther think about all this? I feel like Gunther would see a lot going on here. I mean, I think Gunther wants to go tell. We're Sergeant Steel. Steel. You don't see him. You haven't seen him since he left the barracks this morning after he woke you all up. Do we go help find anything? I feel like we told Colonel Boyi where to find it, and so we've done our due diligence. I feel like we can just let it lie. Should we work on that dance? Oh, the choreographed dance for the show. The big parade, the opening night. I heard dents, and I was like, I don't know. Listen, Doug doesn't like to dance. Okay. I'm just gonna show you a little thing called a kickball chain. Okay. And I just. I just show my feet and I do a little kickball chain, like, dance and kind of show Doug how to do a simple move. Make a performance check, Natty. Doug takes out a notebook and starts writing down notes of what he's saying. Performance check. That's an 18. Oh, yeah. I mean, Doug, you are getting a masterclass in how to do it. Your notes are, I assume, pristine. You have fully analyzed the stance and broken it down to its individual components. Now, Doug, you show me. You show me what you can do with those feet. Okay, Let me show you. And Doug turns his notebook around, and it's just a bunch of, like, equations and scribbles and stuff like that. That clearly is not anything helpful to Natty. Does this look white? I'm going to be honest, I don't know. Okay, so I got the kick, the ball, and the chain. How about all three of you try to do it together, and I'll assess your dancing abilities? Okay. Sound good? Yes, I'll try it. Yeah, I'll give It a shot. Okay. And a one and a two. And let's see. Performance checks from all three of you. Oh, my God. Dirty 24. Five. Somehow that's in character. Yeah. It seems like Tove really was paying attention and picked it up and does a really excellent rendition of the dance. Meanwhile, Doug and Gunther. I think one of them got the instructions backwards, like mirror image. And they keep bumping into each other every time they turn. They just can't seem to get out of each other's way. It's like that thing in the hallway when you walk up to someone and you go left and go right and like, just back and forth. That's what they're doing the entire time. Time I step on Gunther's toes, can I do like a spin at the end? And then like a boom, Like a dead drop with the leg in the air? I think if you did a little spin and then a bell kick, that would. That would just be peaches. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that. Yeah, I like peaches, too. Yeah, peaches are great. Doug and Gunther, we'll get it on the day. We'll get it on the day. Don't worry about it. Okay. Oh, I'm not too confident in that. With that, Eternal Boy steps up onto the dais and begins loudly addressing all of you. Welcome. Welcome, everyone. It is time for the passing out parade. I will be leading the demonstrations. And B team here will be executing the commands, showing their mastery of everything they've learned here at Fort Enrich. B Team, attention. All right, here's our moment now. Now do the little dance I just showed you. No, I'm not ready. I'm not ready. All right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Can we do the dance? And a one and a two. Before you can get it out, Colonel Boy yells the command. B team, draw arms. Oh, come on. Why you gotta phrase it that way, Gus? You know what's gonna happen. Tove presents his warhammer. Doug takes out his hand axe. Natty presents an auto harp. Gunther will pull out a surprise. I think he's learned what draw arms means. It's been three months. You've learned some of this stuff. I like it. Learning and growing. He's a fighter. Yeah, I imagine he. You know. I'm so proud of you, Gunther. You did it. We have not done the dance yet. B team, demonstrate advanced steps. Left three, right four, back two. Is this the dance? Go. We've been prepping for this. Oh, wait. At least I put practice once. Tol, why don't you repeat those steps to me? Okay. Left three, back four, right three. Nope. Left three, back four by right two. What? I don't think he said two at all. Natty, why don't you. You give it a shot. Now they're gone. It's gone. It was there for maybe a second. Maybe. I'm not even confident it was there for a second. It's gone, though. Natty does back three. Right, forward, left five. Gunther, you want to give it a shot? Yeah. Gunther wants to do that dance. Okay. Gunther begins dancing. Make her perform. Check. Gunther. Natty just starts going, so isn't that one? Oh, no, no. Instead of doing the steps, Gunther just face plants onto the ground. He falls face forward on foot and down. Can we add sound effects to Gunther's movements that are like, sticky? I brought shame to all of us. Doug, do you have those moves as far as I remember from many sentences ago? Left three, back one, right four. Everyone got kind of close, but not quite right. Gunther face plants, and the other three of you end up kind of like bumping into each other and kind of bustling around. Eternal boy just kind of furrows his brow and shakes his head a little bit. What was it? I whisper I'm sorry with big elaborate lips. Big team salute. Salute. Easy. Got that one. Nailed it. Just so you know, the traditional mortalian salute would be three fingers over the heart. Oh, so all four of you know that one you salute. Is it like. Is it that one or is it like this three? Is it Michael Fassbender three, or is it. Yeah, like which fingers? I think it's a pointer. Middle and ring. Ring. Cool. Yeah. Oh, it's like M for Mortalium, yo. Also, what were the steps, Just out of Barbara's curiosity, how close it was. Left three, right four, back two. I said that the second time. No, you didn't. You said left three, back four, right two. Oh, you were so close. You were so close. You were so close. I'm taking crazy pills right now. We have. We have the recording. We'll hear it in. In playback. Play it back. Play it back. Play back the tape. The three back, four by two. Let's see. Back for my brain two. I'm still proud of you, Blaine. And hence Colonel Boy clears his throat and looks at you, Gunther, and says, sand off like a rabbit. What army is this you've broken? Chris goes, not bad. Not bad. It's good. It's very good. To be clear, that's the sound of a rabbit getting run over by a tractor. Is that what. Yeah. He looks at you and then Turns his attention to Doug and says, doug, hello. Give the most disappointing sigh. It's pretty good because I interpreted that direction as like, a side that's disappointing, not a side that indicates I'm disappointed. So it's like a side that's like a really bad. A disappointing attempt at a side. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? That is being said to Kirk Boy right now. Right? So, like, you sigh with an asterisk, and you gotta explain all the asterisk stuff under it. Exactly. Natty. What? Summon your inner radish. Done. Good job. He pulls out a piece of paper and begins riding down while looking at you. Colonel Boy comes down from the dais and begins very closely examining each of you. Your uniforms and the way your posture is and how you're standing. He's like, writing notes down on a piece of paper. Doug sweating. Doug sweating. Arthur stands up real straight. He looks at Doug. You hear him? Oh. Sweaty as he's writing. It's cause I kill a lot. You kill a lot. These are concerned sweats again. Each one of you just looking at you and then riding down with a very concerned look on his face. I lean over to tell them, like, I think we're nailing it. He didn't give me a prompt. I cannot state how disappointed I am that I didn't get some weird prompt. I think yours was the dance thing. No, everyone had that. While he's inspecting utol, he, you know, looks you over writing. He's writing stuff down and says, what sound do clouds make? And then sometimes that's raining. Clouds do produce rain, so. That's very true. But I did. I said. I said all of this, and I, like, I was up on his ear, like, literally, like, my mouth to his ear going just like a private ASMR session. Yeah, yeah. Private ASMR is on C team. Take an inspiration. Die. That's a good one. First this one. As you're giving him his private ASMR session, the other three members of your squad can see that Colonel Boy's eyes grow wide, and he lifts his left arm and points off in the distance. Fire drill. Where is he pointing? Oh, oh, oh. Can we look? Gunther runs to where he pointed to same. It's probably the catapult, right? Why would we be running to where he's pointing? Fire drill. Yeah. You all turn around and look. And the mess hall is on fire. Oh. Is this part of the ceremony? Go, go, go. I think this is part of our test, guys. Let's go, let's go. Is there a well from Our training and stuff. Yes. There's actually a well near the mess hall. Okay. To the well. Can we run to it and then look for like any sort of, I don't know, bucket at the well? Is there like a bucket thing? Yeah, there's multiple buckets there. It's a very large well. Since it needs to supply the entire fort. Gunther, I have an idea. Pour water on mean. I'll run inside really quickly and see if there's anybody in there that needs to get out. Okay. And then, yeah, get a bucket of water and pour on them. And then I'm gonna kick down the door and see and go in and say yoo. Is anyone in here? Does anyone need rescuing you? You go in and make an investigation check. Okay. That is a 11. You don't notice anybody inside the message hall? It appears to be empty. Okay. Then I run back out because I am not fire resistant. Not this campaign. No one's in there. We probably still need to get the file out. That's probably, you know, kind of vital in this situation, Doug. I can see why you're the smart one. Well, no one's in now. I guess we're done. How big of a fire is it and where is it, like, located on the building? It's about 8 square feet. Feet in size. So it's not very big yet. It's still growing. Let's say it's like three feet by three feet. And it's near one of the corners by the front door. Okay, so it's on the ground. It's not like on the roof or anything. Correct. It appears to be starting from the ground. And of course, like a fire proceeding up and out. We have that big catapult. We could put a bunch of water in it and launch it at the fire. Can we just grab a bucket, start throwing water? Yeah, can we just. Just not overthink this and just start throwing water? That works too. Get into line and buck it down. Okay, I'll get in line with Gunther. Sure. Yeah, same. Doug, you too. Yeah. Why don't you describe to me the order you all are in? If you're making a bucket line, like who's at the well? Who are the two in the middle? And then who's the person at the end actually tossing the water? I think I should be filling the water. I'm not very fast. I don't think so. All fill the buckets and pass them to the next person. How about this? I'll just make a call. Doug told Natty Gunther. Yeah, Gunther's throwing It on the building. Gunther could also, like, put it in his mouth, you know, he's got big frog mouth. And go and blow it on the water like a hose. True. I love your creativity, but we're adding steps to something we've already got. Why don't the four of you make me a perception check? Okay. 11. Eight. I also rolled an 11. Oh. Six. Six. Not good. Sorry. I'm so distracted by the fire, I can't concentrate. Two eleven's a six and an eight. Tove and Natty, as you all are, you know, positioning yourself in the middle here of the bucket brigade, you think you hear some weird noise, like a yelping of some kind? From where? It's hard to say. It's somewhere around you, not too far away. Does it sound like. Like a familiar voice we've heard before? It sounds almost like an animal. Oh. Oh, no. The stakes have gotten higher. I guess Natty would start looking around for what that was. Oh, wait. We'll keep doing the buckets while you look around. Natty, I heard something. I heard something yelling. You go look for that. I'll take your position in line. I'll run with the bucket. Okay, Natty's on the hunt. Okay. For the three of you on bucket duty, make me dexterity checks to see if you're able to handle the bucket and pass it off between yourselves. Okay. Oh, man. A six. Mine went from a 19 and rolled into a one. So the three total 21. Good thing tol is in the middle. So, yeah, you're just running empty buckets that were spilling on either side. Well, I'm probably filling them up. Probably badly. That's what I'm saying. It's just. It's just a. There's a. There's two weak links in this chain. Guys, you're killing me. Doug is pulling up mostly empty buckets of water, handing them to Toll, who then hands them to Gunther, who throws them. And like it all falls short of the fire, it doesn't actually get to the point where it's effective. Right. Maybe. Maybe this auto isn't working for us. Should we reorder and then try again? Yes. The fire grows another 14 square feet. It continues to grow. Okay, Tolv, how about you take bucket fill duty since you seem to be really good at getting to waddle. Okay, Guntle, why don't you take middle, I'll take end. Should we try again? Yeah. Before I get to Natty, I'll have you guys try one more time. 18. 8. 12. I think Doug's sweaty hands made the bucket really hard for to handle. It's full of waddle. It's looking better, but it's still not great. Some water is starting to make its way onto the fire and helping to slow it down, but it's still very much an out of control, raging fire at this point. While that's going on, Natty, something caught your attention. You heard a yelping of some kind, and so you're starting to look around, trying to figure out where it's coming from. Why don't you make me an investigation check? Now you're trying to, like, focus down and find specifically what's going on. Ooh, first nat 20 of the campaign with my investigation. That's a 19. Do you have a minus one on that? Yes, I do. So your intelligence is negative. Yeah, classic. Classic us. Well, as with a warlock, it's all charisma. You feel like the yelping sound, it's difficult to pin down where it's coming from because you think it's coming from below ground. You put your ear to the ground and you feel like you can hear it more clearly Once you're, you know, you lower to the ground, you hear almost like yelping and growling and digging coming from under your feet. I lay down on the ground and I put my, like, just face straight to the ground and. And I just go. Hello, is. Is anybody there? Everyone, look. Natty is channeling a radish. Love it. That's great. Do you feel like when you do that, it sounds like the. The noises stop for. For a moment. I start digging. Okay. Make me a. Let's call it a strength check just to see how much progress you're able to make. That's a four. The ground's pretty tough. It's sun baked and packed. It is, isn't it, Gus? Yeah. It's really tough to start making progress. Okay. You'll get there. It'll just take a little while. Natty stands up and like. Yeah, it's like the nails aren't working quite well. Maybe Natty doesn't even, like, want to dig very much because. Cause just like, don't want to mess with my manicure. And Natty stands up, cracks her knuckles, and puts, like, both palms towards the ground and starts shooting eldritch blasts into the ground. Oh, that's cool. Nice. Don't hurt the thing. What does that look like when you start eldritch blasting the ground? I think what Natty would do to kind of contain what's happening is Natty would literally Put almost. Almost like a. Like a diamond formation with your hand and put them down, like, on the ground and just, like, brace with her face, like, turned away and just, like, shoot to, like. Like, make, like, a. A hole in the dirt. Yeah. And then assess, like, all the dirt that left and maybe do it again if there's more to go downward. Sure. Yeah. You begin starting to eldritch blast the ground. While you're doing that, why don't the four of you make me a perception check? Mm. Ooh. Better this time. 21, 23, 8, 10. So while this is going on, Natty and Doug, the two of you notice Colonel Boy is no longer in the central courtyard area in the cortege. It seems like you see him walking into the barracks. And how far are those from the, like, in relation to the mess hall? It's not too far away. It's, like, two buildings down from where you are. Okay. They keep the barracks and the mess hall kind of close to each other for efficiency's sake. And as you see him doing that, Natty, you finally manage to punch a hole in the ground, and you see that there's a small cavern beneath. And when you look down, you see, this is a cat, so help me God. Always find a way to find a cat for John. You look down to see a pair of eyes glaring back at you with a vision. Vicious scarlet glow flames ignite the cavern, and you're suddenly staring at three blazing red hounds that bound out from the hole onto the surface with a thud. As they bare their fangs and growl, your training floods back into your minds with the name of these fiery fiends, Daemon Girl. But they were, like, yelling, yelping, probably to try to get us to get them out, maybe to have them attack us. I don't know. They may have started fire because they're fire creatures. Yeah. Yeah. Can I use a bucket of water and throw it on one of them? You can. On the next episode of Tales from the Steamy Dragon Mystery. Our first cliffhanger. I hate already. Yeah, this was fun. I'm really. I'm really getting into the groove with these. These new characters. I'm really liking where this is all going. I think we had a lot of fun meeting not only you guys, but some new NPCs and kind of mixing it up a bit. Fun stuff. Love it. Found out we're not good firefighters. Yeah, don't quit your day job. We're not Chip Haneys. We talk about the fire a lot, and then we throw no water on it. Badly. Yeah. Find out what the fate of the Fire and the Demon Girls and B Team is in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Bye bye Bye bye. New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday anywhere you stream podcasts and of course on The Stinky Dragon YouTube channel. Want to listen to the show 48 hours early and ad free? Become a patron at patreon.com stinkydragon or become a member of Beacon at Beacon TV. Both memberships support the show and receive access to our explanation bonus series Second Wind and a Member only Discord for their designated platform. Become a patron and get access to even more exclusive bonus content, Stinky Drunk Community and Discord Events and you get your name shouted out just like Kristen Holland, Canvas Monsters, Mikey 3345 ARC and Mad Maxime 666. These patrons directly support the show and they also get ad free episodes, access to our Patreon Only Discord server bonus content like Second Wind and Behind the Screen and much more. Again, that's patreon.com stinkydragon we can't thank you enough for your support that lets us make this show. Listeners that interacted with us on the Stinky Dragon Discord had NPCs named after them in this episode, like Drill SergeantSteeline named after SergeantSteel82. I was just talking with him on Discord the other day. He was so surprised to see the NPC named after him. Private Aok Oakray named after Oak Private Classic Lassic named after Dirk voiced by Carrie Shawcross Private Drano Candranos named after Candranos Private Mess Mestra named after Creative and voiced by Ash Ouelette at F A F N Y R Colonel Jonathan Bo named after Jonathan Boy Armando Torres. Check out his show over at midnightsnack TV Priestess Chess named after Transient Day, voiced by Katie Ward at Katie Ward. This week's Arrow question was submitted by Ghostgamer55210. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst and written, edited, composed by Michael Risinger with additional editing work by Katherine Arnold. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.