C03 - Ep. 03 - Mission Through Middrus - Liar, Liar, Fort’s on Fire

Summary

Tales from the Stinky Dragon Episode C03 - Ep. 03 - "Mission Through Middrus - Liar, Liar, Fort’s on Fire" Release Date: October 30, 2024

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Introduction

In Episode 3 of "Tales from the Stinky Dragon," the adventuring party faces escalating challenges at Fort Middrus. This episode delves deep into the complexities of trust, deception, and combat as the heroes strive to control a spreading fire and uncover the truth behind Colonel Boye's mysterious transformation.

Recap of Previous Events

The episode begins with a brief recap of the party's prior encounter, where Stelae inspected their belongings and identified unfamiliar objects as contraband. This inspection set the stage for the current predicament: a fort fire drill spiraling out of control, leading to confrontations with demonic entities known as Demongrals.

Combat with the Demongrals

As the adventurers attempt to manage the fire, they are ambushed by three Demongrals—fiery, one-eyed hounds emerging from a newly dug hole. The Dungeon Master (DM), John Risinger, orchestrates a tense combat scenario:

• Initiative and Engagement:

  • The party rolls for initiative, determining the order of action. Notable interaction occurs when the DM describes the Demongrals emerging with a menacing presence:

    "[14:24] Demongrals will act on seven." - John Risinger

• Gunther's Attempt to Attack:

  • Gunther, the level three croak folk fighter, attempts to shoot a Demongral but fails due to nervousness:

    "[17:30] ...his shot flies wide." - John Risinger

• Blaine's Barbarian Rage:

  • Blaine, playing Tolv, the level three orc barbarian, enters a rage to bolster his attacks:

    "[37:12] I’m going to rage..." - Blaine Gibson

  • His subsequent attacks successfully weaken the Demongrals, showcasing his combat prowess:

    "[38:25] ...it explodes into bits and is no more." - John Risinger

• Natty's Quasit Assistance:

  • Natty, the priestess, summons a Quasit named Gigi, who aids in defeating the remaining Demongral:

    "[42:24] It lets out a little scream of delight... doing a claw action on the Demongral." - Chris Damaris

Revelation of the Imposter Colonel Boye

Following the combat, the party confronts the true identity of Colonel Boye:

• Discovery of the Imposter:

  • The adventurers pry open a crate to find the real Colonel Boye, revealing the earlier imposter's deceit:

    "[70:16] ...you give Colonel Boy’s hair a bit of a tug..." - Barbara Dunkelman

• Colonel Boye's Transformation:

  • Colonel Boye, now revealed as a cycloptic devil, confronts the party, exacerbating tensions and mistrust:

    "[71:11] I hereby promote the four of you... in brutality to the rank of private." - David Katzer

Exploration of the Underground Caverns

Determined to uncover the origins of the conflict, the party ventures into the ancient subterranean caves beneath Fort Endridge:

• Investigation and Discovery:

  • Gunther expertly navigates the caves, uncovering remnants of the historic Cordage Crusade and the significance of a mystical hammer:

    "[63:26] ...the battle was so ferocious, I thought it destroyed everything." - John Risinger

• Encounter with Drill Sergeant Steel Eye:

  • Drill Sergeant Steel Eye arrives, demanding explanations and further investigation into the demonic activities:

    "[81:55] ...We have a mission by Colonel Boyd." - Drill Sergeant Steel Eye

Resolution and Advancement

The episode concludes with the party successfully quelling the fires, defeating the Demongrals, and uncovering critical information about Colonel Boye's true nature and intentions. Their valor earns them commendations, and they prepare to delve deeper into the mysteries of Fort Middrus in future episodes.

Notable Quotes

• Blaine Gibson on His Barbarian Rage:

  "[36:06] Okay, so we have the guy that's biting Gunther..."

• Barbara Dunkelman Discussing Artificer Pronunciation:

  "[08:56] Category recommend: DW to our own podcast."

• Chris Damaris Introducing Quasit Gigi:

  "[42:45] ...he's actually a little shorter than a regular Quasit..."

• David Katzer's Promotion of the Party:

  "[75:17] ...commending you all for stopping the spread of the fire..."

Insights and Discussions

The episode highlights themes of trust and deception, as the party grapples with identifying the real Colonel Boye amidst imposters. The strategic combat sequences demonstrate the importance of teamwork and individual strengths in overcoming formidable foes. Additionally, the exploration of ancient battlegrounds introduces rich lore, deepening the narrative complexity of the campaign.

Conclusions and Future Directions

"Mission Through Middrus - Liar, Liar, Fort’s on Fire" serves as a pivotal episode that advances the overarching story of Fort Middrus. The party's successes and discoveries set the stage for more intricate adventures, promising further development of characters and unfolding mysteries in subsequent episodes.

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For those who haven't listened, this episode offers a captivating blend of humor, strategy, and storytelling, making it a must-listen for both seasoned D&D players and newcomers to the genre. Stay tuned for more thrilling escapades with the "Tales from the Stinky Dragon" crew!

Transcript

[Gus Sorola]

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[Blaine Gibson]

Decisions, decisions.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Wait a minute. Are you still looking for cars on Carvana?

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah.

[Blaine Gibson]

Decisions, decisions.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

When I used Carvana, I found the exact car I was looking for in minutes. Bought it on the spot, electric or full diesel.

[Blaine Gibson]

Decisions.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Come on, you've been at it for weeks.

[John Risinger]

Just buy it already. You're right. Crossover it is Decisions decided whether know exactly what you want or like to take your time. Buy your car the convenient way with Carvana.

[Armando Torres]

Up, up. Down, down. Left, right, left, right.

[Chris Damaris]

Ba.

[Armando Torres]

Start. Oh, hi, it's me, Gum Gum from Tales from the Sticky Dragon. Sorry, I was playing some video games. Hey, did you know that our Patreon followers have access to gameplay videos? That's right. Me and the other Infinites are playing Baldur's Gate 3. So come on over to sneakydragonpod.com to become a Patreon member and watch me, Cyborg, Bart and Bud go on more video game adventures. That's sneakydragonpod. Sign up today, please.

[Katie Ward]

Long time no see, all you living portents. Hover on into the stinky dragon and partake in our latest potation forecast, Pearls Before Swine. It's a mixture of spiced price of defiance tea, crushed seeds of hope, a.

[Chris Damaris]

Radiant strike of cinnamon and ginger topped with a zesting of blessing.

[Katie Ward]

One drop of this divine drink is.

[Chris Damaris]

As good as wishing upon a falling star.

[Katie Ward]

Previously, our adventurers were startled by a sudden inspection of their stuff by Stelae, who found unfamiliar objects the party claimed were unclaimed. Next, they prepared themselves for passing out on the parade grounds of the cortege.

[Chris Damaris]

With the promise of promotion from Colonel Boy.

[Katie Ward]

But now it seems a fort fire drill has gotten out of hand, and.

[Chris Damaris]

They dug themselves into a hole of hellish hounds.

[Katie Ward]

Grab a Guzzler. And let's get back to this gassy goss.

[John Risinger]

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Snakey Dragon. I'm your dungeon master, Gustavo Sorola. I'm joined by our four players. Hello, players. Hello.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You said Doug and it made me happy.

[John Risinger]

Lowercase d, not uppercase D. It's a big difference. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. I was preparing.

[Katie Ward]

I was bracing.

[Chris Damaris]

He was singing. His favorite part of Little Mermaid is what he was doing.

[John Risinger]

If your character had access to a smart sending stone, AKA a phone, what app would they use the most? And that was submitted to us by King of Cows.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Well, that's a great question.

[Armando Torres]

I'm Chris Damaris and I play Gunther, the level three croak folk fighter, which is basically a frog humanoid fighter, a frog boy, and.

[Katie Ward]

Chris never goes first.

[Chris Damaris]

Here comes the voice.

[Armando Torres]

I don't know, maybe lots of apps that I like to use. One I like. It aggregates news articles and all sorts of different things. It's called Ribbit.

[Katie Ward]

Is this a real app? Is this a real app?

[Armando Torres]

No, it's called. It's a play on Reddit.

[John Risinger]

Oh, wow.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

The best jokes are the ones you have to explain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should have said Reddit.

[John Risinger]

Gunther's mom thinks he's funny. Okay.

[Armando Torres]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Damaris]

That was. That was so good. I'm in such a good mood now.

[John Risinger]

Does Gunther have, like, a side hustle doing app development on the side? Like. Yeah, making. Yeah, making apps.

[Armando Torres]

No, no, no, no. He doesn't understand how the sending stone works, but he tries, you know, he has to get younger people to do it to help him.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

It's funny because you, like. It's a reference to Reddit. And you said, like, an aggregate of news and stuff like that. News articles. And for some reason, my brain doesn't equate Reddit to news, even though, like, that's where a ton of news is and a lot of people use it for news. For me, it's just like silly pictures and.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You know.

[Armando Torres]

Yeah, I guess it depends on how you use Reddit.

[Katie Ward]

Also, you mentioned that because of his age, he has to have the younger kids. How old is Gunther?

[Armando Torres]

I mean, middle age.

[John Risinger]

You can't.

[Chris Damaris]

You can't shrug your shoulders. This is your character.

[John Risinger]

It's also an audio podcast. We can't hear a shrug.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

We can hear this middle aged.

[Chris Damaris]

It was like last week, we were like, how do you spell it? He's like, I don't know.

[Katie Ward]

Evasive.

[John Risinger]

Micah commented that the problem with Ribbit is there's too many trolls living on that app. That's good.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That's good.

[John Risinger]

All right, who's next?

[Katie Ward]

Sorry, I'm just still so thrown by.

[Chris Damaris]

Still having the answer. Haven't got the answer.

[Katie Ward]

First Chris thing. I'll go. What does he say?

[Chris Damaris]

Audio podcast. Seeing Blaine turn his head to the side like as though.

[Blaine Gibson]

Shut up, John. It's me, T.O. oh, good morning, everybody.

[Chris Damaris]

Good morning.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Hello.

[Chris Damaris]

Hello, T.O.

[Blaine Gibson]

I am a level three orc barbarian, and if I had to take a application, I think I would use the compass app or perhaps a maps app, because I. You know, it's. Sometimes when you're out on the seas, you get a little lost. You know, if there's, like, you can't see the stars, you know, and you need, like, there's clouds in the way, you know, you might need a little help with the directions.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

So I want to do my, like, voicemail message.

[Blaine Gibson]

Please leave a message after beep.

[John Risinger]

I was thinking it would be great to have a toll voice on your gps, like, telling you when to turn or what directions to take.

[Blaine Gibson]

Take a right on Sanderson.

[Armando Torres]

It would be Kyborg. You just end up going in circles.

[Katie Ward]

Turn left, go left, go left, take another left.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, that'd be a great mode for a gps. No right turns. If you're gonna go right, it's three lefts.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, my God. Every trip takes you three times as long.

[John Risinger]

Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Hello, everyone. I'm Barbara Dunkelman, and I play Doug Boone, the Level 3 Bugbear Artificer.

[Micah Solusod]

Fun fact.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I was doing some research on how to play like an artificer just because I know so little about it. And there was this one person who was adamant, adamant about how it's pronounced artificer.

[Katie Ward]

Artificer.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And I kept listening to it.

[Katie Ward]

Now artificial.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I don't even know, like, why. What the reasoning was, why he was saying it was pronounced artificer. But artifact maybe, but I don't know. Yeah, now I'm. I forget how to actually say it.

[Katie Ward]

Our artifact ruined us.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That's the one.

[Micah Solusod]

And, you know, Doug. Doug would. I have an answer for both of these. Okay, so Doug would use one app the most and one app the least. Okay, so the app he would use the most is Spotify. Oh, Doug likes. You know, when he works, he likes to have some music on, some music in the background. He also listens to some podcasts every now and then. Specifically shout out to Tales From Stinky.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

DW to our own podcast.

[Chris Damaris]

I love it. It's so good.

[Micah Solusod]

Doug likes listening to adventures. And the app that Doug would listen to the least is obviously the calculator, because Doug does not need a calculator. Doug has a calculator built into his mind.

[John Risinger]

Doug is a calculator.

[Micah Solusod]

Doug is a calculator.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Exactly.

[Micah Solusod]

Thank you, Gus.

[Chris Damaris]

I can't wait to see this in action.

[Katie Ward]

I've also noticed that I think Doug and Tolv seek using words that have Rs in them because we have such pronunciations.

[Micah Solusod]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Katie Ward]

You know all.

[Micah Solusod]

Calculator.

[Chris Damaris]

Calculator gave a question.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, I hate to derail us, and I'm super sorry to say this.

[Chris Damaris]

We've been so on track so far.

[John Risinger]

Micah just sent me a message that that person you read is actually right about the pronunciation of artificer. Barbara.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I know they probably were, and I hate it.

[John Risinger]

If you look it up in the dictionary, that's actually the phonetic pronunciation. Artificer.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Artificer. But the thing is that, like, there's other words involving artificer.

[Chris Damaris]

Like artifice.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Like artifice. And art is something where artifice doesn't make sense.

[Katie Ward]

What if they are a lady? So is it artific? Lady.

[John Risinger]

Get out. Take the video party. What did I do?

[Blaine Gibson]

I just made it funny.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I think I'd be. Is it not sir and madam?

[John Risinger]

Hey, there it is. That's quality Artifa.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Madam.

[Chris Damaris]

No, I think Blaine's also right. Because when ladies. Isn't that also like a royal. Like sir?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

It might be gentlemen and lady.

[John Risinger]

I like madam more.

[Chris Damaris]

Hello, everyone. I'm John Risinger. I'm the one who's here to laugh at everybody's terrible jokes. And I am playing Natty Matid, who is a level three warlock drow.

[Katie Ward]

Natty Matid.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Natty Wonder.

[Chris Damaris]

That's Natty's name. Didn't you know that?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

What? My brain just broke. I was like, was that her actual last name?

[Chris Damaris]

No, actually, you broke my brain when I didn't. I don't think I remember you saying Doug's last name. So you said Doug Boone. I was like, oh, I don't remember that. Learn a little more about Doug Boone.

[Micah Solusod]

Doug Boone.

[Chris Damaris]

Doug Boone. I play Natty Wonder who is a drow warlock. And my favorite app on the Smart stone, It has to be Cantrips with Friends. It's a game that me and all my friends in school we used to do all play with all each other. And it would really help us remember our lessons because you kind of bring up stuff you learned about, and then it's also A little game you get to play with your friends.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

So good. Now, do you want an actual app?

[Blaine Gibson]

Are you sure it's not the Jeremy Renner app?

[John Risinger]

What was that app called?

[Katie Ward]

Yeah, I don't remember.

[John Risinger]

It was like a social network.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

The Jeremy Renner app.

[Chris Damaris]

I think it was just called the Jeremy Renner app.

[Katie Ward]

Yeah, it's great.

[Chris Damaris]

And now I'm sad it doesn't exist anymore. I think we need the Jeremy Renner app again.

[John Risinger]

Jeremy Renner official rest in peace, Jeremy Renner app.

[Blaine Gibson]

Not to Jeremy Render. I believe he's still alive.

[Chris Damaris]

He's still alive.

[Micah Solusod]

Hawkeye, the worst of the Marvel characters.

[Chris Damaris]

Even though a snow blower tried to take him out.

[John Risinger]

The one thing I was gonna say is, I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know if we got Gunther's level in class. I know he introduced himself as middle age, but I don't know if we got the rest of the details.

[Chris Damaris]

That's his class, Middle age, level three.

[Armando Torres]

Fighter.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, he said fighter.

[John Risinger]

You did? Okay.

[Blaine Gibson]

What's Gunther's last name? No, he can't stop.

[Chris Damaris]

He can't stop.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I think Chris legitimately hasn't thought of a last name.

[Chris Damaris]

I don't know, because we just had a conversation in a. In a second. When we recorded, I was going to say the same thing where Chris was like, I don't want to be mysterious anymore. I want to. I want to tell people stuff.

[Armando Torres]

And then he said I had a last name.

[John Risinger]

Oh, but you're not saying it.

[Chris Damaris]

But Tove is asking it right now.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

We also don't know Tolv's last name.

[Blaine Gibson]

I don't have a last name.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You're like Madonna.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah, Madonna. Mean her. Except for I'm less mean. Apparently. She was mean. Oh, yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

We'll use Beyonce as an example instead.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Although she does have a last name. It's Knowles.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, but no one ever says that.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Told Knowles.

[John Risinger]

What was your most used app, Doug. I'm just noting all of these.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Spotify.

[John Risinger]

That's right. Spotify. We were looking at the pronunciation of artificer when you said that, so I just wanted to make sure I've got it all straight here.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

By the way, I'm going to keep saying artificer. I'm not going to say artificer just because it breaks my brain.

[John Risinger]

I'm 46 years old. I'm firmly set in my wrong ways. I think that's what happens when you get old. You just refuse to accept new things, and you refuse to accept that you're wrong. And you become a cranky person because nobody agrees with you anymore.

[Katie Ward]

Oh, my God, Gus, you were like my age when I met you. I need a moment.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah. Someday we'll be that age.

[John Risinger]

It'll happen to you.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I think gus was, like, 27 when I first met him.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, it's wild. Yeah. I was young once. A long time ago. All right, Natty, you finally managed to punch a hole in the ground. And you see that there's a small cavern beneath. And when you look down, you see.

[Blaine Gibson]

This is a cat, so help me God.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Always find a way to find a cat for John.

[John Risinger]

You look down to see a pair of eyes glaring back at you with a vicious scarlet glow. Flames ignite the cavern, and you're suddenly staring at three blazing red hounds that bound out from the hole onto the surface with a thud. As they bare their fangs and growl, your train floods back into your minds with the name of these fiery fiends. Demongrals.

[Chris Damaris]

What?

[Micah Solusod]

G.G.

[Chris Damaris]

What? G.G.

[Katie Ward]

G.G.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Natty.

[John Risinger]

Good one. Let's go ahead and kick off this episode by everyone rolling initiative for me.

[Micah Solusod]

Okay.

[Chris Damaris]

Eight for Natty.

[Armando Torres]

16, 17, 12.

[Blaine Gibson]

Kind of sounds like Tolv. Is that fun?

[John Risinger]

It does.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

It does. Maybe that's your last name. Tolv. 12.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, it's 12:00.

[John Risinger]

So in the order, we have Doug with 17, Gunther with 16, Tolv with 12, Natty with eight, and they do. Mongrels will act on seven.

[Armando Torres]

Other than Natty, we're all above with the buckets of water, right?

[Chris Damaris]

I'm not down. I'm not below.

[John Risinger]

Correct. Yeah. And Natty had not dropped down. Natty had just started digging, I think, and you, Eldritch, blast, if I recall properly, to maybe open up some of the dirt.

[Chris Damaris]

I did. That's how I found the hole. That's how I found these mean doggies.

[Armando Torres]

A cool way to dig.

[Blaine Gibson]

No such thing as a mean doggie. Only mean owners.

[John Risinger]

Why dig when you can blast? All right, Doug, you are in the bucket brigade, and I guess you would, you know, obviously the fire's in front of you at the mess hall, and you would know, or you would see that Natty has been digging this hole and is now startled with what appeared to be flaming hounds peeking up at her.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, so is it safe to say that these are probably fire resistant?

[John Risinger]

Why don't you have Doug make a wisdom check?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, Doug is gonna do a wisdom.

[Chris Damaris]

Does Doug have a Pokedex check?

[Blaine Gibson]

Do not send out the bulbasaur. Send out the scroll.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That's 20 for 23.

[Blaine Gibson]

Good Lord.

[John Risinger]

Yeah. You would assume that this type Doug's a very wise bugbear. And you would assume that this type of creature is probably immune to fire or very resistant to it at the very least.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, and how far away am I from the nearest creature where you are?

[John Risinger]

Over to where Natty is. She probably only walked about 15ft away to start digging.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, could I try to shoot my crossbow at the one closest to Natty?

[John Risinger]

Sure. There's one that's head is barely peeking out above the ground. And you can take aim at that.

[Chris Damaris]

Whack a mongrel.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I want to take aim at that one right between the eyes or whatever type of vision things it has.

[Blaine Gibson]

Shoot your shot.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, gosh, that's a six.

[John Risinger]

Just a six. You can't add anything on that.

[Chris Damaris]

Well, she rolled a two and added four.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, I rolled a two.

[John Risinger]

Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I don't have any sort of inspiration die or re roll feet.

[John Risinger]

Okay. Oh, well, I think you're so shocked, Doug, that there's actual combat. You know, you pull your weapon out and fumble with it a little bit and you're a little shaky when you let your shot fly and it flies wide.

[Chris Damaris]

Doug, maybe next time you shoot your crossbow, you keep your eyes open.

[Micah Solusod]

Oh, well, yeah. At least I didn't shoot you in the face, Natty.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, I noticed you winced when you're doing, like, violence and I get that. So maybe you. But maybe, you know, open your eyes.

[Micah Solusod]

Okay, I'll try next time.

[John Risinger]

It's funny you say that because I was going to say the shot flies wide and then priestess Chess has to duck to avoid getting hit by the crossbow bolt.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, oops. And then question for you, dms, since I'm still so new to this, y'all, the ability of math. Thank you, Blaine. The ability of magical tinkering.

[Micah Solusod]

Is that an action?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Is that something I have to do? Not in combat. Is that a bonus action?

[John Risinger]

So, magical tinkering. I'm going to read what it says for everyone here. You can imbue a tiny non magical object with a magical property of your choice. 5 foot radius, light recorded message up to 6 seconds long. Emits odor or nonverbal sound. Static visual effect including up to 25 words of text. You can affect a maximum of four objects at a time, and that is an action. And if you look at the bottom there, like if you on your character sheet under features and traits where it says that there's like four little boxes you can click that denote the uses. And it says magical tinkering one action. So that would be an action to perform that.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay.

[Chris Damaris]

How long do they last after being imbued?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I think it depends on what I imbue it with. So I imagine every long rest.

[John Risinger]

So that's just kind of the summary description. The longer description says that the chosen property lasts indefinitely.

[Katie Ward]

Okay.

[Chris Damaris]

So it is something that, like, in the morning, Doug could, like, prep, you know, up to four items to have these abilities. If you want it. If you want it.

[John Risinger]

Yes.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay.

[John Risinger]

But you can only ever have four at a time. It's not like you can make four new ones every day.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

So how do you undo it?

[Chris Damaris]

I guess you use it.

[John Risinger]

Yeah. You would use it if it gets expanded or if it's broken or if you just choose to, like, remove the effect so you can put it on another one.

[Micah Solusod]

Okay.

[John Risinger]

We'll say, like, as part of your tinkering, you can also tinker with the object to disimbue it. That's not a word. But I just made it up. You can disimbue it, disembark it.

[Chris Damaris]

He's got to disavow it, imbue it somewhere else.

[John Risinger]

It's Mission Impossible rules.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I guess since that didn't work, I'll just get a little bit closer to Natty, so I could help out a little bit more. But still, like, not within, like, arm's.

[Chris Damaris]

Reach of the melee.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

So you want move, like, 10ft that way you're, like, 5ft away from them.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

Okay.

[Chris Damaris]

I feel like we should be challenging Gus Mort, and being like, no, I want to move nine and a half feet, and he has to start keeping track of, like, fractions of distance.

[John Risinger]

Yeah. I'm not sure what would happen, but it wouldn't be good for you. I would. I would find a way to disincentivize that as quickly as possible.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Have we not learned three campaigns and never sas Gus?

[John Risinger]

I'll find a way.

[Chris Damaris]

No, I've learned sass Gus until you get the point where Gus doesn't want to be sassed anymore. And then step back just one step.

[Armando Torres]

Or maybe half a step or three quarters.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Exactly.

[John Risinger]

You find that line, and then you just take a step back. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Damaris]

It's like a little. It's a little bonus game inside of D and D. Yeah.

[John Risinger]

Okay. So is that it for your turn, Doug?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That's my turn.

[John Risinger]

Okay. And I don't know. I didn't mention it at the top of this episode during the recap, but there was one other thing I felt maybe compelled to mention here at the end of the previous episode as well. I believe you all made you all roll a perception check. And some of you noticed that Colonel Boyi was walking over to the barracks.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah. Thank you for that reminder.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And that's not what's on. The mess hall's on fire.

[John Risinger]

Correct.

[Chris Damaris]

Mess hall's on fire. Barracks is where all the items were and stuff. All the items were. Yeah.

[Armando Torres]

I thought what's his name took him the drill sergeant.

[John Risinger]

He took the contraband. But your footlockers and the beds and all the other stuff is there. Drill Sergeant Steel, I just took your contraband.

[Chris Damaris]

You said there was a hammer over.

[John Risinger]

The door with a plaque.

[Chris Damaris]

Wasn't that important. Didn't someone say a hammer was important?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I thought one of us found some type of hammer in our as contraband.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, why doesn't everyone make me a wisdom check?

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, good.

[Katie Ward]

Roll.

[Micah Solusod]

7, 3.

[Chris Damaris]

No modifier I plus 0, 15, 16.

[Blaine Gibson]

The Wisest Barbarian of them all.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I need to get all my bad rolls out of the way.

[John Risinger]

All right, Doug and Gunther, you can't quite recall exactly what the details of that were, but Tolv and Natty did roll well enough to remember that there was actually no hammer in the contraband. I think Doug said that to Colonel Boy last episode. But that was Doug misremembering what actually happened. The hammer was actually mounted above the door in the barracks and had a plaque under it.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

So what was in Tolv's footlocker?

[Katie Ward]

I had, like. Well, it was like some sort of wrappings or something. It was like something that belonged to.

[John Risinger]

Steel Eye, I think. Yeah, you had said that Tolv had the hammer, but it was actually foot wraps that belonged to Drill Sergeant Steel Eye.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I could have sworn someone had some type of weapon.

[Chris Damaris]

Gotta take better notes.

[Blaine Gibson]

I mean, I have a sword hammer. You know, maybe you remember mistaking me. You look at me. I have a hammer. You think, oh, hammer guy.

[Micah Solusod]

I do look at you and think, Hamill.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah.

[Blaine Gibson]

Stop.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

It's because you nail it.

[Chris Damaris]

I didn't write down what our contraband was, but I did write down that the people at the Abbey of the Convent are Tanners. Zach, give me some.

[Micah Solusod]

There you go.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, maybe like, hammer Tanner.

[John Risinger]

I don't know.

[Chris Damaris]

Let's move on.

[Armando Torres]

All right.

[Blaine Gibson]

There's something there.

[Chris Damaris]

I'm so.

[John Risinger]

I'm so bad at this point. Doug, now that your turn is over, you also notice that Colonel Boy stops for a second at the door to the barracks, and he begins kind of scratching his head like Scratching his hair. And slowly, you see, he just rips all of his hair off of his head and it all comes off like a hairpiece. And as he does so what you knew as Colonel Boy seems to fade away. Well, not fade away, like disappears. And instead replacing Colonel Boy is some kind of cycloptic devil. Colonel Boy looks around with a sneer on his face, and he looks at the demon girls that are looking at you. Natty. And you just hear one word escape his lips.

[Blaine Gibson]

Burn.

[John Risinger]

And he turns and walks into the barracks.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, was it just a burp? Was he burping?

[John Risinger]

Yeah, yeah, he A little gassy. You know, brimstone and fire comes back up.

[Katie Ward]

No, Colonel Boy was really cool. We are all kind of suspicious with.

[Armando Torres]

How cool he was.

[Katie Ward]

That dude was.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You said it was a cycloptic.

[John Risinger]

Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

So like, one eye kind of thing.

[Katie Ward]

Correct, Colonel Boy. Oh, gosh. Now, if we're going to be dealing with, like, fake persons and stuff throughout this campaign, I'm not going to trust anyone.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I know. I thought we, like, got a good vibe on him, did we not?

[John Risinger]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny, because normally you all are so trusting of every NPC you meet. It's going to be a huge, huge turnaround for you all.

[Armando Torres]

This was a big betrayal.

[Blaine Gibson]

I wanted to turn over a new leaf.

[John Risinger]

Gunther, you're up. Then, after Gunther is told, just to.

[Armando Torres]

Be clear, I didn't see Colonel Boy or hear the burn.

[John Risinger]

No, but it's up to Doug whether or not he would have said something.

[Micah Solusod]

Guys, Colonel Boy just turned into a cycloptic thing and said burn. It's B U O N. In case you couldn't understand me saying, born that born.

[Blaine Gibson]

Like he was celebrating a birthday day or something.

[Armando Torres]

Okay. Gunther would like to take the bucket of water he's holding and splash it on the dog that's got its head poking out.

[John Risinger]

Oh, interesting. Okay.

[Armando Torres]

Or poor doggy.

[John Risinger]

I don't know how we would do that, but make like an unarmed. Like an unarmed strike or like a touch attack. Sure, one of those.

[Micah Solusod]

I like that.

[Katie Ward]

This was Bart. He'd be peeing on the dog.

[Micah Solusod]

What do you mean?

[Armando Torres]

19.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, that would hit. Yeah. So you take your bucket of water over. Just so I know we're still early in this campaign, so I'm gonna have questions about the characters.

[Armando Torres]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

When Gunther moves, does he walk or does he hop?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, good idea.

[Armando Torres]

Depends on how fast he's moving. If he's moving slow, I think he can, you know, walk. If he's, like, dashing I think he hops.

[Chris Damaris]

Cool.

[John Risinger]

Okay, so in this case, he'd probably be hopping.

[Chris Damaris]

He's got to hold the bucket.

[Armando Torres]

Yeah, I don't think so, because he's. Yeah, because he's holding the bucket.

[John Risinger]

So walking.

[Katie Ward]

Yeah, I could hop with three limbs. Hold a bucket.

[John Risinger]

Okay. Yeah. So you walk over with the bucket and you toss it on there.

[Micah Solusod]

Roll.

[John Risinger]

Let's call it a D8 for damage date five.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay.

[John Risinger]

Yeah. You upend the bucket on top of the Demongral's head, and, you know, they very quickly starts dousing the fire and steam emanates everywhere, kind of surrounding you. The Demongrals and natty and rising up a bit. The Demongral howls in pain and lashes out at you with a bite.

[Armando Torres]

Well, I was gonna. I was gonna say I more like, you know, toss it. Like, I wouldn't have gotten, like, right in front, like, within attack of opportunity.

[Chris Damaris]

I'd love. I love an after a thing.

[Armando Torres]

No, no, I mean that.

[Chris Damaris]

Let me say. Let me say I like it when after a thing happens, you get a. Well, from Chris. That's such a classic Chris thing. I did mean classic.

[John Risinger]

You didn't say it. In the future, if you say it, I'll allow it, but this time I'm going to say no. It lashes out when bites back at you.

[Chris Damaris]

I love it.

[Katie Ward]

It's so good.

[Chris Damaris]

It's so good. It's okay, Gunther, because I know how this went down. It's. Chris thought this. But Chris doesn't say everything he thinks I miss.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

When we were newer at D and D, and so I know.

[Chris Damaris]

Chris, Chris. I actually believe that Chris thought that this is what he wanted to do, but he doesn't vocalize it, so therefore, Gus can't act on it.

[John Risinger]

In my mind, yeah. It was like walking up and pouring it on. All right, so it lashes out with the bite, hitting AC17.

[Armando Torres]

That's equal to mine.

[John Risinger]

All right, so it hits high ac. Yeah, you have very high ac.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That is very high. Geez.

[John Risinger]

It clamps onto you biting, doing eight points of damage.

[Armando Torres]

All right.

[Chris Damaris]

Whatcha gonna do?

[Armando Torres]

Well, I have a question. Was that my action to toss the water?

[John Risinger]

Well, yeah, it's an attack, right?

[Armando Torres]

I don't know. To me, it was like a bucket toss. So that's why I was asking.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, that would be like an attack, since you made an attack roll. It's an attack action.

[Armando Torres]

Okay.

[Blaine Gibson]

You have bonus actions.

[John Risinger]

So the daemon girl bites at you, doing eight points of damage. And its mouth is so hot that it also burns where it latched Onto you.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, God.

[John Risinger]

Spicy teeth doing an additional five points of fire damage.

[Blaine Gibson]

It's like the more you resist, the more hurt you get. It's like there's lessons being learned here.

[John Risinger]

And it's like totally latched on, biting you. And it now has you grappled. Oh.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, dear.

[John Risinger]

You can make a check to see if you can escape it. Since it is your turn right now. You can make either a strength or a dexterity check.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Reactions.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, get out of it.

[Armando Torres]

Yeah, I'll do a dexterity check.

[John Risinger]

Sure. Just roll me a dexterity check.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I'll do a dexterity check. Yeah, go ahead and roll me a dexterity check nine.

[John Risinger]

And I want to give you a peek into my insight into my thought process here, Barbara. Yeah. This is our third campaign and I frequently ask for checks and get saves. And I frequently ask for saves and get checks. So that's why I know over and over he's.

[Chris Damaris]

He's parroting. He's parroting in order to reinforce. Yeah, reinforce.

[John Risinger]

Okay, so Gunther rolls a nine, which is not. It's close, but it's not quite enough to get out. The Demongral's just like chomping down on you.

[Chris Damaris]

What's the scale of this Demongral to our little croak folk guy?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Good question.

[John Risinger]

Are you a medium sized creature, Chris?

[Armando Torres]

I think I'm small.

[John Risinger]

You're small. Okay, so the Demongrals are medium sized. So it's pretty big. There's a bit of a size difference.

[Micah Solusod]

Nice doggy.

[Chris Damaris]

It's like when a dog gets like a little frog toy in its mouth and it's just like. That's what I'm imagining.

[Katie Ward]

I'm imagining that.

[Armando Torres]

So I want to use my maneuver Menacing Attack. When you hit with a weapon attack, you can expend one superiority die to add the total to the damage roll. And the target must make a wisdom saving throw. DC14 on a failure. It is frightened of you till the end of your next turn.

[John Risinger]

What's that called again? I want to read up on it.

[Armando Torres]

Menacing attack.

[John Risinger]

Superiority die.

[Micah Solusod]

Menacing, yes.

[Armando Torres]

Superiority die.

[John Risinger]

So even though the bucket is not a weapon, you were using it as a weapon in this case. Right. Since you were attacking with it. So, yeah, we'll say, you know, it's not. I think normally it wouldn't work, but I think in this case the way you were using it. Sure, why not? It's a weapon attack. So you spend that one superiority die and add to the damage roll. Okay, so what is your superiority die? A D8. It's a D8.

[Armando Torres]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

Okay. Yeah, go ahead and. And roll that.

[Armando Torres]

It's a five.

[Micah Solusod]

That's quite superior.

[Blaine Gibson]

I did not know such a dice exist, dude.

[John Risinger]

Okay. And needs to make a wisdom saving throw. DC14. Correct. Its wisdom modifier is minus 4, so I need an 18 or better on. On this.

[Blaine Gibson]

Wow, you've got this in the bag, Gunther.

[John Risinger]

I rolled a 6. 16. Close, but not quite enough.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That's still pretty high.

[John Risinger]

Yeah. So it is now frightened of you until the end of your next turn.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I like the idea that it bites.

[Armando Torres]

You and then goes, would it still be biting me?

[John Risinger]

So the way it all works, it would all happen at the same time. Its bite. Just to peek behind the screen here is a reaction, kind of like an attack of opportunity. So it kind of triggers at the same time as your thing. So it definitely bit if it's frightened. Let me see the frightened condition. It has disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls. While it's a fear of last night, it cannot move closer to you. I'm gonna say it can hold on because it already happened at the same time, but now it has any disadvantage on any more rolls against you.

[Armando Torres]

Okay, so I can't move because it's grip me. Right. It's got me cracked. Correct. So all right, I am done.

[John Risinger]

That's it for Gunther.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I declare bankruptcy.

[John Risinger]

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[Katie Ward]

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[Blaine Gibson]

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[Barbara Dunkelman]

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[John Risinger]

Up next is Tolv, then Natty, then the Demongrals to go for it.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay, so we have the guy that's biting Gunther. Is there anybody else out right now?

[John Risinger]

So there are a total of 3 demong girls. Only one of them is kind of like partially emerging. And that's the one that's engaged with Gunther at the moment. There are two more you can see kind of in the hole that's been blasted open below there, but they're. They're not fully emerged yet.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, just cover the hole with your giant body.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Great idea, Mr. President.

[John Risinger]

Just take one for the team. Yeah, it's like a grenade on the ground. Just jump on it to save your team.

[Blaine Gibson]

In first order of business, I am going to disengage my shield because I want to do two handed attacks. Okay. And I'm going to take my war. No, I'm going to rage.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

There he goes.

[John Risinger]

When you say disengage your shield, you mean like store it?

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

Okay, got it.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah. Then I'm going to rage.

[John Risinger]

How again?

[Blaine Gibson]

Ooh, spooky. So scary. Everyone very intimidated. And then I'm going to take my warhammer and I'm going to whack a mole.

[John Risinger]

Yeah. Who are you going to start with? Are you going to start with the one that's chomping on Gunther? Or are you going to start with another one that has not been damaged yet?

[Katie Ward]

I'm gonna ask this, and if you want to give me some grace, I'd appreciate it because I'm so rusty at D and D. Guys, it's been so long. If I were to attack that guy, you're not gonna like include Gunther in the attack, right?

[John Risinger]

No, no, no. You would be able to attack him without endangering Gunther.

[Katie Ward]

Okay, so then I'm gonna attack the one that's attacking Gunther.

[John Risinger]

Okay.

[Blaine Gibson]

Get him off my friend's butt.

[John Risinger]

What do you say?

[Blaine Gibson]

No. Frog leg served in this restaurant rolled. Oh my God. That's a 24.

[John Risinger]

Believe it or not, that's a hit.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah, it's a crazy hit.

[Katie Ward]

And then I'm going to use the bludgeoning called storm aura.

[Blaine Gibson]

It's a 10 foot aura effect when you start your rage. And as a bonus action on each.

[Katie Ward]

Of your turns, when activated, one creature of your choice in your aura takes lightning damage.

[John Risinger]

So the way that I read this and the way this would work is I think this would happen before your attack. So if you wanted this to hit the creature that's biting Gunther, you could. Or you could have it hit something else and then have your melee attack actually hit the one that is attacking Gunther.

[Katie Ward]

Are the other little dudes in the hole? Are they in my range? Are they in my aura?

[John Risinger]

If you stepped up, Yes. I said they were about 15ft away. So if you took like a five foot step and then raged, then, yeah, they would all be in range. Got it.

[Katie Ward]

It's one creature. Okay, then I will use my aura.

[Blaine Gibson]

On the guy that's chomping on frog.

[John Risinger]

Okay, so it needs to make a Dexterity saving throw. DC13. And its dex check is minus one. So I need a 14 or better. Yeah, that is a 13, which is a failure. So it takes the full amount of lightning damage.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay. So I'm going to roll my D6. A2. Not a lot.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, you rage and like a small amount of storm clouds come in over you, starts crackling. And to ask, do you know what happens to a de Mongrel when it gets struck by lightning? No.

[Katie Ward]

For the record, canonically to no. You know what?

[John Risinger]

Yes.

[Blaine Gibson]

And just like everything else, it gets electrocuted. Whatever Halle Berry's line was should use.

[Chris Damaris]

That line on Gunther.

[John Risinger]

That Demongral gets zapped with electricity, seizes up and then falls over. Its flame extinguished. Gunther is no longer grappled wee. Which means that your attack on that one doesn't need to happen. You can target one of the other ones with that attack if you wanted to, because now you would run up and then do your warhammer attack.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay.

[Blaine Gibson]

And then I. And then I will whack a mole.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, and we can use that same roll you already did.

[Katie Ward]

That's fine. Yeah, I mean, I figured you hit.

[John Risinger]

Another one that's in the hole. So, yeah, the one that's biting Gunther gets zapped with electricity, falls down. So then another daemongrel pops its head up, ready to emerge. And just as it does, Tolv shows up to whack a mole and hits it over the head, doing four points of damage.

[Katie Ward]

It'll be six. Cause I got the plus two from the rage.

[John Risinger]

You are correct. Six points of damage. All right. Is there anything else you can do there, Tolv?

[Katie Ward]

Has it already emerged from the hole or has it Gone back down.

[John Risinger]

I say its head is like popping up and that's when you hit it.

[Katie Ward]

Okay.

[Chris Damaris]

It's like a diglett.

[John Risinger]

Yes.

[Katie Ward]

I'm just going to throw this because I think it'd be a funny visual. It's not going to happen. But not. You know what? Never mind. Yeah, I'm just going to stand at ready by that hole maybe. Maybe a distant enough so that I can't get like a surprise attack thing, you know, like within like five feet of it. I don't know.

[John Risinger]

I don't know.

[Katie Ward]

I wanted to put my shield on the hole. I thought that would be funny.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I mean, that might help, but I.

[Katie Ward]

Think it's too many actions.

[John Risinger]

I think Gus would say, yeah, bonus action for the rage. And then the attack. Yeah, we're getting a little much.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That's fine.

[John Risinger]

But yeah, you stand there at the ready. Okay, that's Tolnatty. You're up.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay. Is the steam that came off of that one demongral, is it still surrounding us or is it dissipated?

[John Risinger]

It's starting to dissipate, but this is all happening very quickly at the same time. So it's still there.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, that's fine. Natty's standing there and is taking account of everything that's happening. And then all of a sudden, and Natty's hand starts kind of like twitching and vibrating, kind of like on its own and kind of like shaking out away from her a little bit. And Natty takes an eye at it and goes, uh, oh, looks like someone wants to come out to play.

[Blaine Gibson]

What?

[Chris Damaris]

Out from Natty's ring pops a little creature.

[John Risinger]

Ooh, what does it look like? What is it?

[Chris Damaris]

Give me one second. I have to look up the name because it's a weird name.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Did you not name it yourself?

[Chris Damaris]

No, the name of the creature type of creature.

[John Risinger]

Uh, oh, we got Natty Lore dropping.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah.

[Blaine Gibson]

Gone through basic training and I'm just now meeting this little guy and or.

[Chris Damaris]

Girl out pops out a little closet.

[Micah Solusod]

Oh, oh. Did it come out of the closet?

[John Risinger]

Inspiration die. Inspiration die for that one. Inspiration you can have.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That's the easy way to remember it now.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah. Natty goes, all right, all right, all right, you can have some fun. Go on. And this little creature lunges at the demongral that Tove was fighting.

[Katie Ward]

Okay, I just looked up a quasit and they are perfect balance of horrifying and cute.

[Chris Damaris]

I can't actually. I got. Actually, I should describe this little Quasit I'll introduce you to later. But he's actually. He's Actually a little shorter than a regular Quasit. He's kind of got like a little portly belly a little bit. And he's a little smaller than the typical Quasit.

[Armando Torres]

For those who aren't super familiar with Quasits, what's a typical Quasit size?

[Chris Damaris]

They're like demonic looking little like gremlins. They almost look like gremlins. Like the actual gremlins that the mogwai turn into in gremlins.

[Armando Torres]

And that size is about appropriate.

[Chris Damaris]

They're tiny fiends. That's what their actual designation is. And so he lets out a little scream of delight and does a claw action on the demongral. And I will roll for that.

[Katie Ward]

Does he sound like Salacious Crumb?

[John Risinger]

It does kind of.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

It looks like a cross between Salacious Crumb and the Gremlins.

[Chris Damaris]

It does? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The little guy rolls a 14 on attack.

[John Risinger]

Wow, that hits.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You know what it reminds me of, Gus?

[John Risinger]

Yeah, what?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That episode Treehouse of Horrors from the Simpsons where there's like the little creature on the school bus.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, that's totally what it looks like.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah.

[Chris Damaris]

I gotta start watching Simpsons to get all your guys reference.

[Katie Ward]

When you guys talk about the Simpsons, it's like you dip into a different language. And I'm like, oh, I don't know.

[Blaine Gibson]

What they're talking about.

[Chris Damaris]

Just right over my head every single time. But it's fine. I'm glad you guys have that connection. Rolling for damage. That's a four plus three. That's seven piercing damage. And the target must succeed on a DC10 constitution saving throw or take some poison damage.

[John Risinger]

No, it doesn't because it's dead.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, I thought that was going to be like they're immune to poison. Shut up, John.

[John Risinger]

Your closet emerges, lashes out at the Demongral. And just like I picture, it's like it begins clawing at its face and just doesn't stop over and over until the Demongra falls over or falls back into the hole under.

[Chris Damaris]

And it's making sounds that you can only ascertain are like delight and joy.

[John Risinger]

How do those sound?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Like that does sound like a lot of delight.

[Chris Damaris]

And Natty turns to him and go, such a good boy. Look what you did. Look what you did. That's a good little boy.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Does it have a name?

[Chris Damaris]

It does.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Are we allowed to know yet or is that tbd?

[Chris Damaris]

I'll introduce you after combat, okay? Because I want. I want Natty to introduce it to you guys.

[Blaine Gibson]

Didn't always bring your closet to work day.

[Chris Damaris]

And that is my turn okay.

[John Risinger]

It is now the day Mongrel's turn. There's only one of them left. It does not like how this combat is going. Its friends have all been killed. As soon as they pop their head out. This one has not popped its head out. It's going to try to run away through the underground passage. Anyone who's there in melee range can take an attack of opportunity. Which would be Doug to. And Natty.

[Chris Damaris]

And the Quasit.

[John Risinger]

And the Quasi.

[Armando Torres]

Wait, would I not be.

[John Risinger]

I'm sorry I said Doug. I meant Gunther. I'm still learning your names. I'm getting your names wrong.

[Armando Torres]

That's what I thought, but I didn't.

[John Risinger]

Gunther, Toll and Natty. I looked at this guy. I looked at you, Chris, and I said Doug. Which is obviously wrong.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

It's funny because you did that last one. I think you talked about her on Second Wind for last episode. About how you accidentally did that and then you just went with it.

[John Risinger]

I just rolled with it. I pretended like it's what I meant. Yeah, no, it's Gunther Tolv.

[Armando Torres]

And Natty rolled a 14 for a Warhammer 21.

[Chris Damaris]

Wow. Quasi did not hit. That was a nine.

[John Risinger]

Okay.

[Chris Damaris]

And then Natty can do an unarmed strike. Is that what it would be?

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

Or if you have a weapon you can use, you can do that too. It's up to you.

[Chris Damaris]

I don't have a weapon.

[Katie Ward]

Or if you have another closet up your sleeve.

[Chris Damaris]

Shush. 17 on a hit.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Nice.

[John Risinger]

Let's see all of those hit. So everyone roll your damage.

[Blaine Gibson]

8.

[Armando Torres]

I hit 7.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

1 be 16 total. If you're counting all of them up.

[Chris Damaris]

Look at that math.

[Blaine Gibson]

Thank you, Doug.

[Chris Damaris]

Doug with the calculations.

[Micah Solusod]

See what I tell you guys? No calculator needed.

[John Risinger]

And what did the quad roll to hit?

[Chris Damaris]

9. So didn't hit.

[John Risinger]

No, that actually does hit.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, it does?

[John Risinger]

Yeah. Dang.

[Chris Damaris]

These things ain't got nothing on them.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, go ahead and roll the damage on that.

[Chris Damaris]

That would be six piercing damage, so.

[John Risinger]

A total of 22 points of damage.

[Micah Solusod]

22 points.

[John Risinger]

See, Doug does not need the calculator to figure that out. We already covered that. Yeah, okay. Yeah, the Demongrael kind of turns around to try to run away and all at once. The three of you in the closet all like hit it at the same time and it just explodes into to bits and is no more.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

They're somehow still trying to impress Colonel Boy. Who's not actually Colonel Boy.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, no.

[Armando Torres]

Well, he still might be Colonel Boy.

[Katie Ward]

So we're out of combat.

[John Risinger]

Yeah. At this point, you all look around at each other with, you know, a sense of satisfaction. You just, you know, handle some combat. The mess hall is still on fire, but, you know, you've at least stopped the Demongrals for now. And as you look around with a sense of satisfaction, the Cycloptic daemon walks back out from the barracks. The one who you previously knew as Colonel Boy.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Is he holding anything?

[John Risinger]

Yeah, he does have something in his hand. He looks around at U4 and sees, you know, the Demongrals have been dispatched. And you see in his hand he has a hammer. Uh oh.

[Blaine Gibson]

I told you the Demong rules are of no matter. I have what I came for. The claw hammer. That was a bad rhyme. You should workshop that if that was your intention. That's not very nice. Why would you say that? Attack me, bro.

[John Risinger]

I'm raging.

[Blaine Gibson]

Come on, you know you want to. Look at me.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

O.

[Blaine Gibson]

Hit the to. Come on. Inter combat. Let's go.

[John Risinger]

We'll say he. He thinks about it. He looks at to and really gives it a thought.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, come on.

[Chris Damaris]

Roll for persuasion.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, make an intimidation check.

[Blaine Gibson]

Ooh, see?

[John Risinger]

Plus three to.

[Katie Ward]

That could be good. Thirteen.

[John Risinger]

Yeah. His eyes fixate on you.

[Chris Damaris]

Eye. Yeah, that's true. It's true. He said eye.

[John Risinger]

He said I. Yeah, yeah. His eye fixates on you. And a cloud of smoke begins crackling over your head. Tol. Uh oh. This is not the clouds you summoned. Make me a wisdom saving throw.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh no.

[Blaine Gibson]

7.

[John Risinger]

Oh no.

[Micah Solusod]

I killed him.

[John Risinger]

You suddenly become really frightened by this gaze. And you feel like you can't hide anything. And all your deepest, darkest secrets are laid bare before this demon. And you feel like you can only tell the truth and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay, carry on.

[Chris Damaris]

Never mind.

[Blaine Gibson]

I'll see you later. Please leave.

[Micah Solusod]

Go.

[John Risinger]

The creature jumps forward and hisses at you all wielding the hammer.

[Chris Damaris]

Can Natty turn to the chest, Lady?

[John Risinger]

Yeah.

[Chris Damaris]

Is this normal? Is this like a thing he does?

[John Risinger]

Priestess Chess is running away. She's trying to hide.

[Chris Damaris]

I'm gonna take that as a no.

[Blaine Gibson]

She's just sprinting for cover.

[John Risinger]

The creature jumps forward. Instead of using the hammer that's in his hand, he pulls out a mallet and takes a swing at Tolv.

[Chris Damaris]

With that, all according to plan.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I have a quick question while this is happening.

[John Risinger]

Go ahead.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

So obviously we encountered Colonel Boy, or who we thought was Colonel Boy earlier. Is it clearly that this is the same Colonel Boy that took off his skin or whatever he did to turn into this creature? Or is there another Colonel Boy Somewhere in this vicinity that we could see, and someone else was disguised as him.

[John Risinger]

Why don't you make me a wisdom check, Doug?

[Chris Damaris]

A wisdom check? He didn't make you do a perception check.

[Micah Solusod]

You know what?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I'm gonna use my inspiration. Die already.

[Blaine Gibson]

I think it's worth it.

[Chris Damaris]

What'd you roll?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I rolled a three. Now I rolled a 15 plus three.

[Micah Solusod]

So 18.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

You think it's likely that this is an imposter?

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, an imposter, but that there's not another boy here?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Like, basically, I was trying to figure out if the one we were speaking to before was the real one. And that is. It's like he's hiding somewhere.

[John Risinger]

This is the same one you were talking to before?

[Chris Damaris]

Same creature.

[John Risinger]

That helps.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, yeah, no, I think that's actually helpful to discern.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay.

[Katie Ward]

And also, based on his wording, a colonel boy exists.

[Armando Torres]

Yes.

[Chris Damaris]

That's just not here.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, because this was an imposter.

[John Risinger]

Yeah. Yeah. So the demon takes a swing, rolls a 17, and meets. Yeah, but he's got a plus with his weapon. Plus five. That's a 22. Oh, that.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah, that hits. That's a good hit.

[John Risinger]

He hits with his mallet. Doing.

[Chris Damaris]

It's gonna be bludgeoning damage. You're fine.

[John Risinger]

Four points of bludgeoning damage.

[Blaine Gibson]

That was so veeny of you.

[Micah Solusod]

Would it be half of that?

[Blaine Gibson]

I'm raging right now that you. You cut that number in half.

[John Risinger]

So go ahead and make a wisdom saving throw as well.

[Blaine Gibson]

Doug, give them the number. What's the real number?

[John Risinger]

Let's see.

[Micah Solusod]

So if my calculations are correct, four divided by two, because you're waging, would be two.

[Blaine Gibson]

Thank you, Doug.

[Chris Damaris]

Doug, is the. The Vanna White of TOL's game show?

[Katie Ward]

Eight Wisdom Safe.

[John Risinger]

All right. You know, you'd think that you can shrug that off easily, but when the mallet hits you, you feel almost like it hits you metaphysically, like you feel it damaging your soul.

[Chris Damaris]

It hit your childhood.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, no.

[John Risinger]

You take an additional five points of psychic damage.

[Katie Ward]

Oh, so it was originally four. Ducked down to two.

[Chris Damaris]

Two plus the five.

[Katie Ward]

So seven.

[John Risinger]

Seven. Correct. Okay.

[Blaine Gibson]

I can do this all day.

[John Risinger]

Oh, he sneers at that. And then rears back the mallet and then swings at you again. Yeah.

[Blaine Gibson]

Teach me a lesson. Come on.

[Armando Torres]

What are you going to do, big shot?

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, we found kink 22.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah, maybe that hits. I don't know. Go for it. Throw your damage.

[John Risinger]

Doing four points of bludgeoning damage.

[Micah Solusod]

By my calculations, again, that would be divided by two. It'll be two.

[Blaine Gibson]

Thank you, dog.

[Chris Damaris]

It's 100% the Zach Galifianakis, like, gif of the numbers rolling around his head as he does that.

[John Risinger]

And make me another wisdom saving throw.

[Micah Solusod]

Okay, Remember, guys, I could figure it out 16 better.

[John Risinger]

Okay, yeah, yeah, that's. That's fine. I'll tell you what.

[Chris Damaris]

What?

[John Risinger]

He doesn't like that, he's going to force you to reroll that wisdom sleeping throw.

[Micah Solusod]

Oh, my God.

[Chris Damaris]

Did you give this guy lucky? You gave this guy lucky?

[John Risinger]

You might have something like that, the.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Way Gus is just smirking.

[Blaine Gibson]

Two campaigns of trolling have come to this point. But that's okay, because I got to 17. Hey, Doug, is 17 more than 16?

[Micah Solusod]

So you take 17, you minus 16, and you get a one. So, yes, it won more than 16, which means it is more.

[Blaine Gibson]

Take it.

[John Risinger]

How many charges of lucky did Kyborg get?

[Chris Damaris]

Like, three, I think.

[Blaine Gibson]

You know, on a good day, unless he, like, used them on other things.

[John Risinger]

He liked to use them on dumb things just to make a point, right? Yeah, he's gonna do it. Why don't you reroll that again?

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, God.

[Armando Torres]

Dude, come on.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, no. Oh, that's a nat. 20 dumb.

[Chris Damaris]

I don't know whose team I'm on. I don't know whose team I'm on, because I do like that Blaine is thwarting this. But I also love how much Gus has, like, bulldog bitten into this.

[John Risinger]

All right, well, guess what? He's got one more.

[Micah Solusod]

You want to do one more?

[John Risinger]

One more time.

[Blaine Gibson]

Let's go for it.

[John Risinger]

Come on.

[Micah Solusod]

I can roar one more.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, you got this, tove 12.

[John Risinger]

Yes. All right, that's a failure. You take an additional.

[Chris Damaris]

All four.

[John Risinger]

Eight points of psychic damage.

[Katie Ward]

Okay, so the eight, plus the bludgeoning. 10 damage.

[Armando Torres]

Boogers, like, up. He's like, what's going on?

[John Risinger]

Oh, that is satisfying. I see why you do that now. Yeah. This demon looks at you, Tol. Straight in the eye. His eye, your eyes. And says, justice has been served.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, you can't.

[Blaine Gibson]

What is this?

[John Risinger]

We heard that before. And with that, he jumps into the hole that the daemon girls were in.

[Katie Ward]

Tolv dips his head into the hole.

[Blaine Gibson]

Like, that was the lamest line. So stupid. I don't like you. We. You and I have created the opposite of a friendship. And I hate you now. And I don't use that word often, but I hate you.

[Chris Damaris]

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[Katie Ward]

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[John Risinger]

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[Chris Damaris]

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[Katie Ward]

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[Gus Sorola]

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[John Risinger]

Now.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Does Doug remember if we've heard that someone say that before?

[John Risinger]

Make a wisdom check. I feel like Doug has a lot of very insightful questions. I'm gonna be. I feel like I'm already seeing a precedent. I'm gonna be having Doug make a lot of Wisdom checks this campaign.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

17.

[John Risinger]

Nice. It does not Ring a bell at the moment? Doesn't sound like anything that sticks out necessarily.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Maybe just to Barbara does.

[Chris Damaris]

Was the mallet like a. Like a judge's mallet?

[John Risinger]

Oh, is that maybe Sawyer, is that you? Maybe.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Interesting.

[John Risinger]

Could be.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

He did say justice has been served. So there is some type of maybe, like, law.

[Chris Damaris]

I don't know.

[Blaine Gibson]

Can I. Can I roll a perception check to see if he had, like, a white powdered wig?

[John Risinger]

He did rip his hair off a wig wearing band.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

What did his hair look like?

[John Risinger]

Well, look, before, it looked like human hair. Like Colonel Boy's hair. Wasn't a white powdered wig, but it was a wig of some kind. Anyway. Yeah, the demon jumps into the underground caverns and then disappears from your sight. And. Yeah, we're out of combat, so should.

[Micah Solusod]

We maybe finish putting this fire out?

[Chris Damaris]

Guys, is the fire still going?

[John Risinger]

Yeah, the fire's still going. The flames are burning at a constant rate.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Doug just wants to grab, like, buckets of water and run back and forth himself trying to dash.

[John Risinger]

We talked about this.

[Chris Damaris]

You don't want to do an assembly line again.

[John Risinger]

We talked about this the last second.

[Blaine Gibson]

Wind about how we went.

[John Risinger]

You guys went about this the most inefficient way possible.

[Armando Torres]

I was gonna say we should get back into line. Really inefficient.

[Chris Damaris]

And we talked about in the episode, how was you that started that idea?

[John Risinger]

Just in that second when you mentioned the way when you do the line, you have to make four checks to get one successful bucket instead of four checks for four buckets. Anyway, I'm learning. Doug, you start getting some water and putting the. You begin putting the fire out, trying to get it under control.

[Chris Damaris]

Maddie helps.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Thank you.

[Micah Solusod]

Yeah. Anybody else?

[Armando Torres]

Well, just to be clear, there's no way we're gonna catch Judge whatever his name. Cyclops.

[John Risinger]

He's gone.

[Armando Torres]

Gone.

[John Risinger]

You could go into the underground passage. If you want. You can try to help Doug and Natty put out the fire. You can go anywhere. You're still in the courtyard here. Yeah, yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You're your own man.

[Armando Torres]

Then I guess I would at least hop down and see if, like, how far away he is. Like, if I get to see him within that turn.

[John Risinger]

Sure. Tol, what do you want to do?

[Blaine Gibson]

Definitely don't want to go down the hole. I want to put out these fires.

[John Risinger]

Okay. So you also grab a bucket and start putting out the fire. The three of you, you know, very pretty quickly, you're able to get the fire under control. Running back and forth with your buckets of water. Gunther, you hop down and look into the caverns. Why don't you make me? Let's call it an investigation. Check.

[Armando Torres]

Nat 20.

[John Risinger]

Whoa.

[Armando Torres]

For 19.

[John Risinger]

Nice. Yeah, you hop down, and you can see that these seem to be ancient subterranean caves that are carved out. Like, they're roughly hewn through the rock, and it's very humid with steam permeating all throughout it. Yeah, it seems like you're in almost like a small passageway cavern, and it kind of widens out and leads into maybe a slightly bigger room. If you continue down the passage.

[Armando Torres]

Okay, but I don't see Judge Eyeball.

[John Risinger]

Judge, you don't see him here. You presume there's only one way to go. You presume he continued down this passage into where it widens out.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Judge Eyeball.

[Katie Ward]

Chris, please. It's the honorable Judge Eyeball, please.

[Armando Torres]

I hop back out.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, you hop back out, and you see that the rest of B team has the fire under control.

[Katie Ward]

I have to say, as dumb as it is to hop into the hole that the enemy escaped through, I do think that that's like a Gunther. Like, he's, like, stalking his prey, you know, like, he's like a warrior. That seems pretty rad.

[John Risinger]

It's very, very, very brave.

[Armando Torres]

Yes. Escape. But there is passages. Why did they build this army camp over. Over caves?

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah. Well, like, let's talk to the architect because, like, wow, terrible decision. Why would they build it here?

[John Risinger]

At this point, I'll say, Drill Sergeant Steel Eye comes running up to you guys.

[Chris Damaris]

Are you a demon, too?

[John Risinger]

And he. He appears frustrated and flustered. He goes, I'm gonna ignore that remark, soldier. Where's the real Colonel Boy? What's going on here?

[Micah Solusod]

So let me break it down for you.

[Chris Damaris]

Sergeant Doug pulls up a chair, turns it around backwards, and sits in it in a bad way.

[Micah Solusod]

Let's whap. Okay, so here's the thing. The real Colonel Boy, I don't think was ever heal. I think the one that was healed was an imposter. We saw him whip his hair and maybe his skin off and turn into his weird Cyclops guy. He also maybe got away with that hammer that was in the barracks.

[John Risinger]

Cats are clawhammer.

[Micah Solusod]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

You let him get away with it.

[Armando Torres]

So did you.

[Micah Solusod]

Well, I think everyone here let him get away with it.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Technically.

[Micah Solusod]

I mean, we're not the only soldiers here.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah. What were you doing? Huh?

[John Risinger]

Well, that's none of your. You answer to me. I've got the stripes on my shoulders, and you will address me as Sergeant.

[Chris Damaris]

Like that moment where that's part Gus talking. Gus had to think about, like, answering the question. And then he was like, wait, I'm in charge.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, wait a minute. You kind of want to reverse me.

[Chris Damaris]

So is that hammer. Is it important?

[John Risinger]

That hammer is a relic from a pivotal battle of old fought in these grasslands from the Cornish Crusade.

[Chris Damaris]

You gotta say that word again. Cornish. Like Cornish ham? Cornish bird.

[John Risinger]

Cornage. C O U R T E G.

[Chris Damaris]

E. We need subtitles when Gus is doing Sergeant Zela because Discord does not like you yelling.

[John Risinger]

Sorry.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And neither does Esther.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, she's annoyed with it now.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Cortage.

[John Risinger]

Cordage.

[Katie Ward]

A Cornish.

[John Risinger]

It's probably pronounced the way you said it, Barbara, but my pronunciation guide, I think, says Cordage.

[Blaine Gibson]

So, like, is this magic hammer, like some sort of special, like, weapon of mass destruction? And if so, like, why were you having it hanging in like a door and not in like some cave or something?

[Micah Solusod]

Yeah, it seems kind of dangerous to leave it out in the open. Like, definitely wanted to just kind of.

[John Risinger]

Grab it's here because Fort Endridge is built on an old battleground from the Cordage Crusade. And that hammer was used by soldiers on this very battlefield where now that barrack stands.

[Armando Torres]

Also, this barrack stands on caves.

[John Risinger]

I guess at this point he would look down and realize that there are caves down there and that there's the cave system. He would say, well, I'll be. That must be the ancient subterranean battleground where the battle actually took place. I didn't realize it was still down there.

[Chris Damaris]

Normally caves stay around. I don't know why you thought it was going to go away.

[John Risinger]

Is that sass? Are you sassing me, Natty?

[Chris Damaris]

Just stating geological facts.

[John Risinger]

The battle was so ferocious, I thought it destroyed everything.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay, so how long ago was this battle?

[John Risinger]

You.

[Blaine Gibson]

I'm assuming you weren't there.

[John Risinger]

Oh, that battle was a hundred years ago. Your drill sergeant's old, but he's not that old.

[Micah Solusod]

Okay, so are you familiar with this guy? He looks like a Cyclops kind of demon kind of guy. And if so, is it really bad that he took that hammer?

[John Risinger]

Oh, I bet he's an Undarian agent, probably sent by Infernus to collect that relic. I don't know who he is specifically, but I guarantee he's up to no good.

[Blaine Gibson]

So, like, what could that hammer do? You know, like, what's what, Worst case scenario? What kind of advantage do they have?

[John Risinger]

Now, I've never wielded Katzer claw hammer myself, but. But from what I understand, when a creature struck with the hammer, it causes chaos in Their mind.

[Micah Solusod]

Oh, dear. What if there's already a little bit of chaos in your mind?

[John Risinger]

Then it's double.

[Micah Solusod]

Oh, you. For you guys, that's times two.

[John Risinger]

So I'm liking Doug. This is fun.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah. Doug the mathematician is fantastic. Natty would be looking around to see if the priestess chest is around at all still. I know she. She ran away.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, she's still there. She's still, like, kind of hiding behind some crates that came on the wagon along with the procession that she was riding on with Colonel Boy.

[Chris Damaris]

And she arrived with the boy?

[John Risinger]

Correct.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay.

[John Risinger]

Her and Colonel Boy arrived together along with a procession of other people and supplies on the wagon and whatnot.

[Chris Damaris]

Could I have a quick chat with her?

[John Risinger]

Yeah, you walk over. Like I said, she's close to the wagon, hiding behind some crates and some barrels.

[Chris Damaris]

Ms. Chess, I gotta ask. When did you meet up with Colonel Boy? E. Thank you.

[John Risinger]

He picked me up at the abbey just earlier today.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, so he's. He came and picked you up?

[Katie Ward]

Yes.

[John Risinger]

The whole procession came from far away.

[Katie Ward]

And since the abbey's closed, we were.

[John Risinger]

The last stop before they arrived at Fort Endridge.

[Chris Damaris]

Was he alone when he picked you up?

[John Risinger]

No, we had all of this procession with us.

[Chris Damaris]

There's, like a gathering of processional people.

[John Risinger]

Various soldiers and, you know, milling about.

[Armando Torres]

Any demon dogs?

[John Risinger]

Demon dogs? No, I. I didn't see them until.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

They burst out from the ground.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, can I turn to the procession people, then?

[Gus Sorola]

Sure.

[John Risinger]

Yeah. There's a couple milling by nearby.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay.

[Blaine Gibson]

Daddy, they might be in disguise. Snatch their vigs.

[Armando Torres]

Go around and start pulling people's hair.

[John Risinger]

Will you?

[Micah Solusod]

Wear wigs?

[Chris Damaris]

Will you Verwigs? It's another Good Lord of the Rings reference. Okay. Then Natty would turn to all them and go, who's the first person that saw Colonel Boy? I'm just trying to figure out where the Cyclops begins and Colonel Boy ends.

[John Risinger]

They all kind of look around at each other, like questioning and shrugging and talking amongst themselves. No one seems to step forward to give you a straight answer. They all seem very passive in their responses.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, now I got a very important question. Are any of you demons?

[Blaine Gibson]

Go ahead, raise your hand.

[Micah Solusod]

And you have to tell the truth.

[Chris Damaris]

I promise I won't be upset. Okay. I just want honesty. That's all I want.

[John Risinger]

Again, they all look around and start murmuring amongst each other. And they all are shaking their heads. No one is verbally saying it or stepping forward to proclaim it, but they all seem confused by the question, and they're all shaking their head. To claim that they're not demons.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, I'm gonna take that as a you all are claiming you're not. But I gotta remind you, trust is an easy thing to break and a very hard thing to build back up. Okay? So if this is a moment where you need to rethink your answer, I'm gonna give you one more chance.

[John Risinger]

Okay, Natty, why don't you make me a perception check?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Natty's so generous.

[Chris Damaris]

Vel said I was a nat 20.

[Blaine Gibson]

Wow.

[Chris Damaris]

Plus two. 22.

[John Risinger]

It's a natty 20.

[Chris Damaris]

Natty 20.

[Micah Solusod]

Hey.

[John Risinger]

As you know, you're standing by the cart close to priestess Chess, and you're addressing all of this procession of people, and you think you hear sounds coming from the cart.

[Katie Ward]

Oh, all right.

[Chris Damaris]

I go and investigate these sounds.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, you lift up the tarp that's covering the tarp. You lift up the tarp that's covering the cart.

[Chris Damaris]

There's a tart inside the cart.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, there's more supplies. A box full of tarts.

[Chris Damaris]

I love me a good tart. What kind of tart?

[John Risinger]

Raspberry. And it seems to you that one of the crates is shaking, and you can hear, like, muffled sounds coming from it.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, is there, like, a latch? Can I just open it?

[John Risinger]

It's like a hammered down, like, with nails. Like, you need to pry it open, but you can try to bust it open. You can try, you know, with your hands to pry it open.

[Chris Damaris]

No, I'll turn to my party and go and look towards where Tove is. Like, I could use a very strong man with a big hammer right now.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, that's me.

[Micah Solusod]

Nanny doesn't want to get her nails dirty.

[Chris Damaris]

I know this Barb says, having just done her nails while we're playing D.

[Katie Ward]

And D, Tov will step up. I'm also re equipping my shield.

[John Risinger]

Okay.

[Katie Ward]

Yeah. You know, speaking of shield, I guess I'll kind of use it as a crowbar if it has, like, a sharper edge. And I'll kind of whittle open the chest.

[John Risinger]

Can you describe your shield a little bit for me? Is it like a big rectangular shield? Is it the kind that's, like, wide at the top and tapers down?

[Blaine Gibson]

Well, Tolv is, you know, as, you know, kind of like a Viking. And so he has a circular shield, and it's got his crest on it.

[John Risinger]

Okay, and what is that crest?

[Blaine Gibson]

Wouldn't you know it, I don't know. Off the top of my head, quick.

[Chris Damaris]

Funny enough, the crest is actually raspberry tarts. It's like three raspberry tarts in a little.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Now I'm hungry.

[Katie Ward]

So to crest is kind of like. It's a rune. So it's a. Best way to describe it is two right angles. One is like a less than symbol on one side, and then a greater than symbol on the other. And they're kind of like, meeting in the middle. And in the negative space, it almost looks like an S is in between them.

[John Risinger]

Yeah. You can get your shield and pry it under there. Just make me. Let's just call it a strength check.

[Blaine Gibson]

Okay.

[John Risinger]

And I'll give you advantage because you're using the shield, like, to get leverage.

[Katie Ward]

Okay, great. Oh, Needed that advantage.

[Blaine Gibson]

That's a von.

[John Risinger]

Wow.

[Blaine Gibson]

And 12.

[John Risinger]

The crate is hammered down pretty securely, but you're able to get a corner lifted up, and you're able to peel the top off. And inside you see a gagged and restrained Colonel boy.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, my goodness.

[Armando Torres]

Gunther does that salute with the kick up.

[Katie Ward]

That's amazing.

[John Risinger]

That's great.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I like to think that when Gunther does that kick, he's so flexible. Cause he's like a frog creature that his sticky foot, like, hits the side of his head and then stays.

[John Risinger]

So he's, like, saluting from two sides. One with his hand, the other side with his foot.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, that's funny.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, Colonel Boy, let me help you.

[Katie Ward]

And I'm gonna take his gag off.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, you remove his gag, and Colonel Boy, he seems very somehow, like, angry and relieved at the same time.

[David Katzer]

Help me out of here.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, yes, sir.

[Chris Damaris]

Natty turns to all the procession and goes, none of you heard him in this crate. I'm really disappointed, y'all.

[David Katzer]

Oh, I will definitely be dealing with them. Oh, I can guarantee that.

[Chris Damaris]

Is he in a bad mood?

[John Risinger]

He is. He's cranky.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, he cranky.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I would be, too, if I was stuck in a box.

[Blaine Gibson]

Probably not the same cheery Colonel Tove that we met before.

[John Risinger]

Colonel Tove.

[Armando Torres]

Colonel boy.

[Blaine Gibson]

Colonel boy.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Could Doug run over and try to help him out as well?

[David Katzer]

Oh, thank you. I've been smelling tarts all day.

[Micah Solusod]

You know, I wouldn't say that's the worst thing you could have been smelling.

[Chris Damaris]

All day, but smelling tarts and then not be able to eat them that entire time? I imagine that's got to be kind of torturous.

[John Risinger]

Smelling farts.

[Armando Torres]

Tarts.

[Chris Damaris]

I said tart.

[John Risinger]

I gotta give credit. That was a Micah joke. He sent it to me. I stole it Right then.

[David Katzer]

What happened to the imposter? Where's the magistrate?

[Micah Solusod]

What's the Magistrate.

[David Katzer]

He's a devil with one eye. He captured me and put me in his box.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, so he's a judge. Like, dude.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh.

[David Katzer]

Oh, you've seen him.

[Chris Damaris]

That was John.

[John Risinger]

Oh.

[Chris Damaris]

If you'll notice, John talks in a Californian deep voice.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That was a magistrate.

[John Risinger]

Yeah.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah. So, like, that guy was dressed as you. Very convincing. Okay, so don't get mad because I think you would have been fooled. You would have been like, what the heck is this? Some kind of a mirror. Anywho, he stole a big hammer and ran away underground and started some fires. But we put out the fires. You're welcome.

[David Katzer]

You stopped the fire from spreading.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[David Katzer]

That's good. And where exactly did he go? Underground hole.

[Blaine Gibson]

It went to there.

[Armando Torres]

The well known battlefield caves.

[John Risinger]

I saw in person. Blaine pointed, so I'll assume that toll pointed as well to the hole. And, you know, Colonel boy's eyes. Follow where you're pointing and look.

[David Katzer]

Ah, that must be the old battleground.

[Micah Solusod]

Yeah. And he took. He took that hammer as well that we had in the barracks, which I. He was bad news bears.

[John Risinger]

Yeah.

[David Katzer]

Did he have any reinforcements or was he just by himself?

[Micah Solusod]

I. I don't know.

[Chris Damaris]

He had some Demong girls.

[David Katzer]

Oh, Damon girls. What happened to them?

[Blaine Gibson]

We killed them.

[Katie Ward]

They're dead now, you know, at least three of them.

[David Katzer]

Yeah, I see.

[Blaine Gibson]

But like, while you're here, you know, like, because he snuck past us and he might have reinforcements. Can you, like, look at your dudes and make sure they're not his dudes? You know, because they were being really weird and kind of, you know, evasive to us. So maybe they'll listen to you.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Can I do something real quick before he answers?

[John Risinger]

Sure.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

So as Doug is helping him up, I think Doug is going to just like, gently tug on his hair just. Just to make sure it's real.

[John Risinger]

Oh, my God.

[Chris Damaris]

I fully support this.

[John Risinger]

Is Doug trying to do it sneakily or, like, stealthily?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Or does it in a way where he's, like, helping him, but because he's all big and clumsy, Maybe he accidentally pulls on his hair a little bit as he's lifting him.

[John Risinger]

We'll call it a sleight of hand check because you're trying to mask it as doing something else.

[Chris Damaris]

That's how I pick up my kids, too. Check the hair.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

18.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh.

[John Risinger]

You do it and you give Colonel Boy's hair a bit of a tug stealthily. And it does not seem to move. It seems to be firmly attached to his head. He kind of like, yelps a little bit.

[Chris Damaris]

Ow.

[Micah Solusod]

Sorry, that's called the Doug Tug.

[David Katzer]

The Doug. I assume you're Doug.

[Micah Solusod]

I'm Doug. Yeah, that was. I was just trying to help Zoe. A little clumsy heel.

[David Katzer]

Okay.

[Chris Damaris]

Doug bug tug.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah, it's part of his culture, you know.

[David Katzer]

In light of the occurrences today, I will commend you all for stopping the spread of the fire, for defeating the day mongrels, and for discovering the escape route of the magistrate. Now, I don't think we have time for a full passing out parade, but I will say that you have proven yourselves worthy of the rank of private.

[Chris Damaris]

Is there any chance that the sentence justice has been served? Does that ring a bell of why that magistrate would have said it?

[David Katzer]

He loves his catchphrase.

[Micah Solusod]

What? Colonel Boy, what is your catchphrase?

[David Katzer]

Oh, my catchphrase.

[Chris Damaris]

Well, it's yeah, boy.

[Katie Ward]

Yeah.

[David Katzer]

Yeah, boy.

[John Risinger]

Micah slacked the same thing at the exact same moment you said it.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah.

[David Katzer]

Boys, I hereby promote the four of you in brutality to the rank of private. Congratulations.

[Micah Solusod]

Oh, wow, guys, we did it.

[John Risinger]

Group hug.

[Chris Damaris]

Ooh. Private Wonder sounds good.

[Micah Solusod]

I don't think anyone, any other team.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Has maybe gone about getting their private.

[Micah Solusod]

In this kind of capacity, but good job, team.

[Blaine Gibson]

I'll take it.

[Chris Damaris]

All right, roll for high five.

[John Risinger]

We'll call it a performance check. Okay.

[Micah Solusod]

Oh, no.

[Chris Damaris]

17 from Natty.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Also 17.

[Armando Torres]

I rolled a Nat one.

[Blaine Gibson]

14.

[Chris Damaris]

That tracks.

[John Risinger]

I think you all plan your high five too high, and Gunther's not able to get up there. So Gunther kind of tries to do the high five, but for you guys, it's a high five. For him, it's a high high five. Slaps to be able to get all the way up there. Yeah. And as he slaps Tolv in the crotch, Private Lassic walks up, salutes Colonel.

[Chris Damaris]

Boy, and says, allow me to introduce myself, sir. I'm Private Lassic.

[Armando Torres]

If you'd like some actual skilled, real.

[Chris Damaris]

Privates to take care of this, we'd be happy to jump into the caverns and pursue the magistrate for you, sir.

[Blaine Gibson]

Wow.

[Chris Damaris]

Natty turns to Lassic and goes, honey, you got a little something on your nose. You got a little something right there on your nose.

[Blaine Gibson]

Get him.

[John Risinger]

Natty Lassic just kind of doesn't turn his head and just turns his eyes to look at you, but keeps. Tries to keep his eyes focused on Colonel Boy.

[Chris Damaris]

Natty wets her. Wets her, like, thumb and goes, I'll get it for you. I'll get it for you.

[Micah Solusod]

Okay, Natty, I don't see anything on his nose either.

[Chris Damaris]

I'll explain it to you later, Doug.

[Blaine Gibson]

Hey, Private Lassic, where were you when the camp was being attacked? You were, like, not here. Were you, like, doing something else in the mess hall?

[Chris Damaris]

Perhaps a team was providing medical aid to the victims of the fire and the attack.

[Micah Solusod]

Blah, blah, blah.

[Blaine Gibson]

Whatever, dude.

[Chris Damaris]

Securing the perimeter of Fort Enridge to prevent any further incursions by the enemy.

[John Risinger]

Colonel boy sees that y'all are, you know, kind of going back and forth with each other, and he thinks for a moment and says, well, there's strength in numbers.

[David Katzer]

Maybe both squats. A team and B team should be up to the task of pursuing the magistrate. Returning the claw hammer.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yes, sir.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, no, we gotta take these guys with us.

[Micah Solusod]

I mean, I think that's a good idea, don't you guys?

[Chris Damaris]

This is John. This is John saying, oh, no, we have to take these guys with us. Natty would just be, like, more the merrier. More the merrier?

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah. Like, anyone have any, like, you know, like, healing potions or anything? You know, short rest, you know, magic, food? I don't know.

[John Risinger]

Private Elastic says, take all the time you want.

[Armando Torres]

Tall.

[Chris Damaris]

A team will go out and scout ahead and clear the area for you.

[John Risinger]

And he runs back to the rest of a team, and they begin gathering their equipment together and proceeding down into the cavern.

[Blaine Gibson]

I sprint to the hole. I sprint. I beat them to the hole.

[Micah Solusod]

We're gonna.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

We're gonna find a team as, like, a bunch of corpses, aren't we?

[Armando Torres]

Do you have anything for burns? I've been burned.

[John Risinger]

Oh.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, he's being free. I thought he was, like, setting up a man, like, a big, like, dis or something.

[John Risinger]

I thought so too.

[Blaine Gibson]

No, I was waiting for the ultimate insult. No, our poor frogman, he's actually burned and very hurt.

[John Risinger]

So no one has anything for Gunther?

[Armando Torres]

I'm asking for, like, the whole army camp, right? I mean, there's all a bunch of people around and there's a bunch of supplies.

[John Risinger]

Seeing you guys discuss it, Colonel boy watches and inquires which one of you.

[David Katzer]

Was assigned medic in your squad.

[Micah Solusod]

I'd probably, I guess, would be me.

[Chris Damaris]

Maybe my little quasi raises his hand.

[David Katzer]

Well, Doug, maybe you should take care of your frog friend here and make sure he gets the medical care he needs.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Could I cast cure wounds on thunder?

[Gus Sorola]

Sure.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, we do have a healer.

[Armando Torres]

I didn't know you actually had healing.

[Micah Solusod]

How much you get?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

10 points of healing.

[Blaine Gibson]

Can I also get, like, heals? I can go to someplace else in the camp. I don't want to burn through all of your spell. Slots or whatever.

[Chris Damaris]

The little Quasit hears that, and he goes over and he just picks up dir and start just packing against your body.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, thank you, Quasit. By the way, Natty, what is this little fella's name?

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, this is my son, A baby boy. Ooh, his whole name is a mouthful. It's actually Mr. Gigglesworth, the harbinger of the great end. Immortal, keeper of souls, blood harvester of darkness, and generally just a good boy.

[Micah Solusod]

Is there something perhaps for short we could call him?

[Chris Damaris]

I just call him Gigi.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, Giggy, Giggy, come here. Give your uncle Toll the hug.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, no. I have to roll a dice now.

[John Risinger]

Oh, no.

[Katie Ward]

Why?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

He's gonna hurt you.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah. He attacks Tolv.

[John Risinger]

Oh, no.

[Blaine Gibson]

I really need heals. How much damage do I take?

[Chris Damaris]

He rolls a 19 on a claw attack.

[Blaine Gibson]

I have armor class of 19, but I guess that meets. So you. You still get the attack.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, and he does five points of piercing gauge.

[Blaine Gibson]

All right, so now we know can sing.

[Chris Damaris]

You know, Tolf, that means he likes you.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, great. So, happy.

[Chris Damaris]

Do we have time for a little bit of a short rest or something?

[Blaine Gibson]

Gigi looks tired, but we're in pursuit.

[Chris Damaris]

We're in pursuit, Right.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Well, they're gonna go scout ahead, so.

[John Risinger]

Yeah.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, we're letting them do that?

[John Risinger]

Oh, yeah. A team's already in the cavern, so if you guys want to take a short rest, that's up to you, I think.

[Micah Solusod]

I mean, let's take advantage of this. You know, 18 wants to really prove something, so, you know, let's let them scout ahead for us.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, sure. Short rest.

[Blaine Gibson]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

Where do you all want to do that? You want to go do that in the barracks out here by the hole?

[Micah Solusod]

I say in the barracks, we do have beds.

[Blaine Gibson]

I just got infiltrated. Ya.

[John Risinger]

Yeah. You walk back into the barracks, and the hammer that was hanging above the door is gone. But, yeah, you can go in there and unwind.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Is anything else missing?

[John Risinger]

Make a investigation. Check. Check.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

17.

[John Risinger]

You look around, and it doesn't seem like anything else is missing.

[Micah Solusod]

Okay, well, time to, I guess, call it a day.

[Chris Damaris]

We're taking a long rest.

[John Risinger]

I mean, take a little nap.

[Blaine Gibson]

I don't. I don't know. I'm thinking I only need a little one.

[John Risinger]

Yeah.

[Micah Solusod]

What do we have time for?

[Chris Damaris]

Well, however much time we want to take. It's up to us.

[John Risinger]

Oh, yeah, I thought you all were taking a short rest. I mean, you tell me.

[Armando Torres]

I thought short rest.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Take a short rest.

[Chris Damaris]

Do a short rest.

[John Risinger]

All right. Yeah, all of you can Take a short rest.

[Chris Damaris]

I don't need it. I don't take it.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I guess like, spell slots aren't it's less long rest, right?

[Chris Damaris]

Depends on your class, but yes.

[Blaine Gibson]

Or if we find magic food.

[John Risinger]

As you all are taking your rest, Drill Sergeant Steel Eye burst into the barracks. Why are you guys sleeping on the job?

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, no.

[John Risinger]

A team's already ahead of you. You've been given a mission by Colonel Boyd.

[Micah Solusod]

Go.

[Blaine Gibson]

How do we snooze this alarm clock.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You accidentally hit him on?

[Chris Damaris]

Did he do this before or after our teammates get the effects of a short rest? After.

[John Risinger]

After. The effects of a short rest.

[Micah Solusod]

Sorry, Colonel. We were just really making sure we were mentally and physically prepared.

[Chris Damaris]

Go.

[Micah Solusod]

Yeah, because, you know, sleep is the most important. Most important part of your health.

[Blaine Gibson]

We were debriefing about. About the, you know, last engagement with the encounter Amenemy.

[Katie Ward]

Yeah, that's exactly.

[Micah Solusod]

Amenity.

[Katie Ward]

Said it exactly like that.

[Micah Solusod]

All right, let's go.

[Blaine Gibson]

All right, let's get. Yeah. Giddy up and go.

[Chris Damaris]

Natty reaches over and attaches the little leash that she keeps on the harness of Gigi and takes him out to the. Out of the barracks.

[John Risinger]

Do you need to ever walk Gigi, or.

[Chris Damaris]

That's what we're doing right now. He's getting his energy out.

[John Risinger]

He's getting his steps. Yeah, okay. Yeah, you all walk out with the least. Gigi. And walk over to the hole that Natty blasted into the ground. What order do y'all want to hop down there in?

[Chris Damaris]

I'll take lead.

[Blaine Gibson]

Oh, I was going to say I'm the barbarian. I can do that if you want, but, yeah, go ahead. It seems like Gigi's probably going to get their scent or something.

[John Risinger]

Who's after Daddy? I'll go next, Gunther.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

All right, I'll be lost.

[Blaine Gibson]

I'll go third.

[Micah Solusod]

I just don't want anybody. Like, if I get stuck, I don't.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Want anyone getting stuck behind me because of your size.

[Micah Solusod]

Yeah, I gotcha.

[John Risinger]

You all hop down and it's. You know, Gunther, it's just like you saw before, where it's like kind of a small chasm here that then widens out into what appears to be a large room at the other end. As you get closer, stifling steam wafts from a vent in the floor of this cavernous chamber. But what stands out the most to you is the sound of water dripping down the metal bars of six iron St Cells.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, like prison cells.

[John Risinger]

Maybe we can answer that question. Oh, you stop it. Of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

[Blaine Gibson]

I don't like that. I don't like that cliffhanger. We should Barbie like like Will the steam affect Natty Wonder's hair? Find out next week.

[John Risinger]

Will the steam affect Natty Wonder's hair?

[Blaine Gibson]

I can't wait to tune in.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Very spooky.

[John Risinger]

Is Gigi gonna catch the scent? 1 of 18 yeah, yeah.

[Chris Damaris]

Same time.

[Armando Torres]

When do we find their bodies?

[John Risinger]

Find out on the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Goodbye.

[Blaine Gibson]

So long.

[Micah Solusod]

LOL A fen alvido sin.

[John Risinger]

Listen to this. ELGA Bait Collection is releasing October 25th. Shirt stickers and more all themed around everyone's favorite nocturnal flying barbarian. New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday anywhere you stream podcasts and on The Stinky Dragon YouTube channel. Want to listen to the show 48 hours early and ad free? Become a [e-mail] or become a member of Beacon Beacon at Beacon TV. Both memberships support the show and receive access to our exclusive bonus series, Second Win and a Member Only Discord for their respective platform. Become a patron, you gain access to even more exclusive bonus content, Stinky Dragon Community and Discord Events and you get your name shouted out just like Trey aka Cookie Monster 17, Kirigallo or maybe Kirigayo who knows Alderaan Coding Entity and Underscore Echo. Underscore. These patrons directly support the show and get ad free episodes, access to our Patron Only Discord server, bonus content like Second Win and Behind the Screen and much more. Again, that's stinkydragonpod.com we can't thank you enough for your support that lets us make this show listeners that interact with us on the Stinky dragon. Discord had NPCs named after them in this episode, like Private Classic Lassic, named after Dirk, voiced by Kerry Shawcross, HarryShawcross on socials and Twitch. Colonel Jonathan Boye named after Jonathan Boye, voiced by Armando Torres mondodoestuff Priestess Chess, named after Transient Day, voiced by Katie Wardieward the Magistrate, named after David Katzer, voiced by Bruce Green. BruceGreen on socials and Twitch. This week's Arrow question was submitted by King of Cows. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited and composed by Michael Risinger, with additional editing work by Katherine Arnold. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

[Micah Solusod]

Hey guys, Just Doug Hill on the ones and twos. Just taking a little break here with Gus Davo and the Wings.

[John Risinger]

Does Doug want to be a podcaster.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

He does.

[John Risinger]

Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I like to think he has, like, a morning show that he pretends to do as well.

[John Risinger]

Good Mornings with Doug.

[Micah Solusod]

Good morning from Doug. We're here out in the field. Just finished battling some pretty spooky guys. Gus really had Blaine, you know, run for his money with those luckies.

[John Risinger]

Got real close. Yeah.

[Micah Solusod]

Got really hairy.

[John Risinger]

Yeah. So at this point. Sorry, scrolling. I'm trying to get everything done so I don't have to, like, get halfway through this and then start. Take a pause and start talking again.

[Micah Solusod]

Let me know if you need any help with the math, Gustavo.

[John Risinger]

Thank you.

[Micah Solusod]

That is four extra bonus. Inspiration. Die.

[John Risinger]

Get out of here, Doug.