C03 - Ep. 08 - Mission Through Middrus - The West is Yet to Come

Summary

Tales from the Stinky Dragon Episode C03 - Ep. 08: Mission Through Middrus - The West is Yet to Come Release Date: January 8, 2025

---

Introduction

In Episode 8 of Campaign 3, titled "Mission Through Middrus - The West is Yet to Come," the adventurers embark on their inaugural mission assigned by their Dungeon Master, Gustavo Sorola. Promoted to the rank of privates within the Mortalion, the team is tasked with investigating unsettling claims in Andridge Bay—that individuals are being replaced by imposters.

Mission Briefing and Promotion

[26:04] Gustavo: "Congratulations, B Team. You all have been promoted to the rank of private."

The team learns that their mission involves traveling 18 miles west to Andridge Bay to meet Fizz’s mother at a local establishment called the High 3. Gustavo emphasizes the opportunity for each member to showcase leadership qualities, hinting at potential promotions based on their performance.

Setting Out: Character Dynamics and Backstories

As the adventurers prepare for their journey, personal histories and character dynamics come to the forefront:

• Natty Wonder shares a poignant memory about learning the beauty of death, reflecting her role as a drow warlock.

  [05:56] Natty: "We used to make little gravestones out of macaroni... all over the walls in the community center."

• Tolv, playing the male orc barbarian Yoohoo, recounts childhood moments juxtaposed with his life of raiding and pillaging.

  [07:30] Tolv: "We were raiding and pillaging a nearby village... Ironclad would stomp on my sand castle."

• Doug, portraying a bugbear named Doug, expresses complex feelings about death, hinting at deeper emotional layers.

  [11:01] Doug: "It wasn't my fault."

Journey and Interactions

[30:51] Yeti: "Do you have any special equipment for this mission?"

The team emphasizes preparedness, equipping themselves with necessary gear while humorously navigating their roles and relationships. Interactions often blend humor with character development, strengthening their camaraderie.

Encounter at Raisin: Meeting the Locals

Upon reaching Raisin, the group encounters a disgruntled mob protesting against the Mortalion for destroying their settlement:

• Cobb, a local lumberjack, leads the protest, demanding compensation and apologies for the destruction caused.

  [75:16] Cobb: "We're planning a protest. Mortallions came and destroyed Raisin, leaving us in ruins."

The adventurers engage with Cobb and other locals, uncovering deeper tensions and the community's struggles. They pledge to assist by offering their skills to help rebuild, earning goodwill and setting the stage for future alliances.

Interaction with Bode Bear: The Dwarven Merchant

At a local tent, the team meets Bode Bear, a dwarf merchant struggling to sustain the lumber industry:

• Bode Bear sells essential supplies and mentions PI a la Mode, a wood elf missing her axe and pickaxe.

  [94:38] Bode Bear: "She might be out harvesting trees somewhere."

This interaction leads the team to pursue a side quest to locate PI a la Mode, aiming to aid her and gain valuable information about the ongoing conflict.

Exploration of the Tree Sanctuary

Venturing into the tree sanctuary, the adventurers face imminent threats as fiends emerge from the trees, signaling an attack orchestrated by unseen forces:

• Gunther, the frog-like character, detects foul play and signals danger.

  [106:27] Gunther: "You think they're mad at the Mortalion?"

A sudden ambush ensues, leaving the team on edge and setting up a cliffhanger for the next episode.

Notable Quotes

• Private Parts on Leadership:

  [27:13] Gustavo: "This is a chance for you four to test which of you has the metal to be a leader."

• Natty on Death:

  [45:10] Natty: "It's actually a transition to a new place."

• Cobb on the Mortalion:

  [75:16] Cobb: "Mortallions came and destroyed Raisin, leaving us in ruins."

Conclusion and Cliffhanger

As the group delves deeper into the ruins of Raisin, tensions escalate with the emergence of hostile fiends. The episode concludes with the adventurers preparing for an impending battle, leaving listeners eager for the next installment.

---

This episode masterfully blends character development with engaging storytelling, showcasing the team's evolving dynamics and the escalating challenges they face in their quest through Middrus.

Transcript

[Doug]

Yeah, sure thing. Hey, you sold that car yet?

[Tolv]

Yeah, sold it to Carvana.

[Doug]

Oh, I thought you were selling to that guy.

[Gustavo]

The guy who wanted to pay me in foreign currency. No interest over 36 months.

[Gunther]

Yeah, no.

[Gustavo]

Carvana gave me an offer in minutes.

[Tolv]

Picked it up and paid me on the spot.

[Gustavo]

It was so convenient.

[Natty]

Just like that?

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[Doug]

No hassle?

[Gustavo]

None.

[Doug]

That is super convenient.

[Gustavo]

Sell your car to Carvana and swap hassle. For convenience. Pick up.

[Doug]

These may apply.

[Natty]

Hey there, Ryan Reynolds here. It's a new year and you know what that means. No, not the diet resolutions. A way for us all to try and do a little bit better than.

[Gustavo]

We did last year.

[Natty]

And my resolution, unlike big wireless, is to not be a raging and raise the price of wireless on you every chance I get. Give it a [e-mail] switch.

[Gustavo]

$45 upfront payment required. Equivalent to $15 per month.

[Private Parts]

New customers on first three month plan only.

[Gustavo]

Taxes and fees, extra Speed slower above 40 GB on unlimited. See mintmobile.com for details.

[Tolv]

Film.

[Natty]

Motion pictures. Cinema. If you like those words and you'll love our Patreon exclusive podcast called Stinky Pop. Just go over to stinkydragonpod.com to show your support and you can watch me, John Risinger and the rest of the Stinky Dragon team talk about a different movie each episode. Watch along with us as we talk about our favorite films. And do not forget, we have tons of other awesome exclusive content for our patrons. So once Again, go visit stinkydragonpod.com to sign up today. Compliments to all you canalothes. Track your way into the Stinky Dragon and guzzle our latest gulp. Pick a guard. Any guard. It's a mixture of invisiblack tea, tapioclaw pearls, uncanny candy apple and a spiny tongue's worth of sugary limbs. One lick of this bubbly beverage and you'll feel dimensionally locked and loaded. Previously, our adventurers landed themselves in litigation due to life choices and lack of lawful literation. Luckily, they laid down some logical language whilst lacking a lawyer and locking horns with lads. After a level headed and lore filled long rest, they lurched from their lie down to learn of a looming lead on their legacy. Their first mission. Latch onto our libation and let's leap into our lore.

[Gustavo]

Breathe Micah.

[Tolv]

I beg you.

[Gunther]

Hello everyone.

[Gustavo]

Welcome to Tales from the stinky dragon. Campaign 3 Episode 8 the 8th most episode of Campaign 3. 8th most 8th most episode of Campaign 3 the 8th most your Dungeon master, Gustavo Sorola. I'm joined by our Four players who I'm going to hit with an arrow every time. Every time I try here. I rolled a 17. I think that's it.

[Natty]

Toss us an arrow. Or. Or maybe.

[Gustavo]

No, it's D and D. It's violent.

[Doug]

You got to shoot us. Yeah.

[Gustavo]

What is your fondest childhood memory and why?

[Doug]

Roll for initiative.

[Gustavo]

That question. Submitted by the Jeff. Yeah. Roll for initiative.

[Natty]

Jeff.

[Yeti]

The Jeff.

[Natty]

Jeff the little shark.

[Doug]

Yeah, we're rolling a D. 20, 10.

[Natty]

17.

[Doug]

I rolled a 7.

[Gunther]

Do you get Chris one?

[Gustavo]

So it's Natty first with the 17, then Tolv with a 10, Doug with a 7, and Gunther with a 1.

[Doug]

Know what I realized before we get into these arrow responses?

[Natty]

Go for it.

[Doug]

We brought this up on a previous episode about how with Blaine, he always introduces himself with, like, a little catchphrase. Like, he had one for Chip and he had one for To. We're like, oh, we didn't really have one for Kyborg. It's because we didn't introduce our characters every episode in the Infinite Campaign.

[Gustavo]

That's true.

[Doug]

We didn't have arrows. We didn't, like, introduce what our character's class and race was like. We didn't do any of that in Campaign one each episode. So I'm like, oh, that's why he didn't have fun.

[Tolv]

I'd also argue it's I'm Coborg.

[Natty]

So what you're saying, Barbara, is that's another thing. We need to go back, edit those files.

[Gustavo]

No, no, no. Please, no, no.

[Tolv]

I'm gonna do a couple pickups if you can drop those in there.

[Doug]

I'm sorry.

[Natty]

I just wanted to say that you. Trigger Gus.

[Gustavo]

I'm on my third pass.

[Natty]

Yeah. Hey, everybody. I'm Jon Reisinger. I'm the antagonizer of Gustavo Sorola, and I play Natty Wonder, who is a drow warlock. And the question of what was my most fondest memory as a child? Is that what it was?

[Yeti]

Fondest memory.

[Gustavo]

What is your fondest childhood memory and.

[Natty]

Why I got so many. I had a great childhood. I grew up in a great community with Good2Good Mamas. And I would say my fondest childhood memory has to be the day. I'm sure everybody here can relate to this kind of a memory because everybody has that moment when they're. They're, you know, some sort of parental or. Or important figure in their life might sit them down and teach them about death and how death is just a beautiful, beautiful thing. Is it's actually our. Our deity that we love and we praise and we pray to and we worship and we talk to and we make crafts about and we bake for and all that. And that was just a special day that I will always hold fondly in my mind.

[Gustavo]

Do you have a favorite death craft or. That you've made in the past, Natty?

[Natty]

We used to make little. Little gravestones out of macaroni, is what we would do.

[Gustavo]

Cute.

[Natty]

Yeah, it was very cute. All the little kids would do it. And then we put them up. We put them up all over the walls in the community center.

[Yeti]

So do you have, like, an annual death day, kind of like how people have, like, both days and stuff?

[Tolv]

Yeah.

[Natty]

Do you like.

[Tolv]

Do you like le roadkill out by the fireplace?

[Natty]

I don't think we would honor death with. With roadkill necessarily, but I guess there's no wrong answer as long as you're doing with a good heart. No. You know, every day is a good death day. That's what. That's what we say. And that's how we start service at.

[Doug]

Our temple, the death temple.

[Gustavo]

Every week. There's a screening of Happy Death Day on the weekends.

[Gunther]

Yes.

[Doug]

I was gonna make a reference to that movie too.

[Natty]

Death becomes her. Yeah, anything with death. That's me.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, that's. That's interesting. I think maybe not everyone can relate to that as. As widely as you think, Natty, but I think, you know, I think there's. There's definitely people who can. Who can understand and relate to that life experience, learn something new.

[Yeti]

Today is definitely a very unique individual.

[Natty]

Well, thank you.

[Yeti]

It was a compliment.

[Gustavo]

All right, who's next?

[Natty]

That's 12.

[Tolv]

I think it's me because I roll a 10. Hello, I'm Blaine Gibson. I'm still finding my voice. I play a male orc barbarian named Yoohoo.

[Natty]

It's me, Tove.

[Tolv]

It's actually. My first name is not Yoohoo. This is how I greet people. But my name is Tolv. So good to see everybody. I'm Barbarian.

[Natty]

Yoohoo's your first name? It's me. Tov is your middle name.

[Tolv]

Yeah. Yoohoo's my favorite drink. Let's just make that clear. Favorite childhood memory. Don't have many, but if I had to say, it would be ye. You know, sometimes my family, we go to the beach, you know, and. And I'd be able to make the sand castles. That was quite fun. You know, we were typically there because we were raiding and pillaging a nearby village, you know, so there'd be dead bodies and skulls, lots of Skulls. And then, you know, Ironclad would come over and stomp on my sand castle and say, what are you doing? You should be killing your killing machine. And I'd say I ju. I just want to make sandcastle. Dude. You. You could relax and me too. I didn't say that. But that's what I. That's what I thought in my mind. And then I'd go and you know.

[Yeti]

That's your fondest memory of someone stomping on your.

[Tolv]

The preceding. The stomping of the sand castle, the building. You know, constructing things is nice.

[Doug]

Yeah, fair enough.

[Tolv]

Fair enough.

[Yeti]

Well, thanks to for that great answer.

[Gustavo]

Of course I want to. I want to explore on one thing that Toll mentioned there. Sorry Doug, I'll get to you in a second.

[Tolv]

Oh, I'm on the spot.

[Gustavo]

You made me think about Yoohoo the drink. So we're gonna talk about Yoohoo now. Toll sponsor.

[Natty]

It's got a long shelf life, so it's good for a ship.

[Gustavo]

It's got a long shelf life because I just realized there's almost no milk in it.

[Natty]

No, it is not a milk beverage.

[Tolv]

You do not need to know. Refrigerate you who it can be Warm room tempest.

[Gustavo]

It is water. High fructose corn syrup and whey mostly.

[Gunther]

And chocolate. There's some chocolate in there. In there. There's got to be some chocolate.

[Gustavo]

Less than 2% of cocoa and non fat dry milk.

[Tolv]

I went to Costco the other day and a lady was doing the samples for a canned protein shake and she was like you want to try some? And I was like this is going to taste terrible. I tried it and I was like this tastes exactly like Yoo. Staring at her eye contact, grabbed the crate and I was like you win this time.

[Yeti]

I did.

[Doug]

Strawberry Yoo who referenced in red versus Bl from Sarge Strawberry.

[Yeti]

Yoo hoo.

[Natty]

Now I want to know in Strawberry Yoohoo what is the strawberry ingredient in strawberry Yoohoo. I said that with air quotes because I would assume it is not strawberries. It's like pink dye and pink dye.

[Tolv]

Number seven sucralose, red dye, whatever.

[Gustavo]

I think it's just labeled under natural flavors. Natural and artificial flavors.

[Natty]

Yeah, like mama used to make.

[Gustavo]

It's water. High fructose corn syrup. Syrup whey from milk and contains less than 2% of non fat dry milk. Natural and artificial flavors. I think that's where it is.

[Doug]

I'm surprised the water came before the high fructose corn syrup in that ingredient list.

[Natty]

Water is 51% the high fructose corn syrup is 49%.

[Gustavo]

Yoohoo. If you want us to stop, you need to send.

[Natty]

You need to.

[Gustavo]

You need to pay us. Otherwise we're going to badmouth Yoohoo every episode thanks to Troy.

[Natty]

What we're doing advertising now is if we bad block fail, then they pay us to stop.

[Gunther]

It's a threat.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Anyway, I'm sorry, Doug. I got distracted by Yoohoo. You were saying? It's your turn.

[Doug]

Hey, guys. Porsches, they suck. Am I right, guys?

[Yeti]

Oh. Hello, guys.

[Natty]

Hello, Addie.

[Yeti]

Hello. It's me, Doug. I'm the Bugbear Artificial level three. And you know, Gustavo, I got a lot of childhood memories. Very fond memories. But I think the fondest of memories are most of the time of growing up with my brother. His name was Phil. And, you know, we had a lot of.

[Natty]

Wait, your name is Doug and his name is Phil?

[Yeti]

Yeah, that's correct.

[Natty]

As in if you dig the hole and then you fill the hole, F.

[Yeti]

I. L is how you start.

[Gustavo]

Okay, so good. No notes. Love it.

[Yeti]

But yeah, you know, we were really close growing up, and I just. No, I really miss him.

[Natty]

Was he older or younger?

[Yeti]

He was older.

[Tolv]

If, like, you were to die, would we meet Phil and he would sound very similar to you?

[Yeti]

No, we actually. We actually sound very different. He grew up, you know, being a lot more tough and a lot more kind of like similar to our family. Well, I was a little bit more, you know, on my own most of the time, but when we were. When we were young, we used to. We used to do a lot together.

[Gunther]

Oh.

[Gustavo]

I want to clarify something if I could. Yeah, because you said he was older. Is he still older? Or did something happen?

[Tolv]

Or did he. Did he stumble into one of Natty's, like, death day ritual days, you know?

[Natty]

Now, last time we talked to, you said you were going to try to be more respectful. I love.

[Tolv]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Natty]

I know it's hard, and I know we all stumble, but I'm just here to help keep you on your path that you said you put yourself out for.

[Tolv]

I am learning. I'm so. Thank you for your patience. Doug. What happened. Happened to Phil.

[Yeti]

I don't really want to say.

[Natty]

Oh, he's not around anymore.

[Yeti]

He's not around. Something really bad happened.

[Natty]

I'm sorry to hear that.

[Yeti]

Well, I mean, you know, you talk about death being positive white Natty, like something good. And so that's kind of like what I. I hope is the case.

[Natty]

I mean, there's a very Good chance that he's met my. My wife.

[Yeti]

My wife.

[Natty]

It's hard not to say that and instill that. That cor. Feeling we all have when we hear those two words, no matter how you say it.

[Yeti]

Well, I hope that if. You know, if your wife was kind and you know, maybe they'll. They're friends wherever they are. Together.

[Natty]

Oh, everyone loves her. And she loves everyone.

[Tolv]

Sounds lovely.

[Gustavo]

Very gregarious.

[Tolv]

Okay, Doug, we've had three depressing ones. Now take us home. Big happy memory. Here you go.

[Natty]

To mine. Was not depressing. I need you to work on this.

[Tolv]

You're so right.

[Gunther]

I'm Chris Damaris.

[Doug]

Hi, Chris Damaris.

[Gunther]

And I play a level three fighter frog, Gunther. Croak folk.

[Gustavo]

Right?

[Gunther]

Croak folk.

[Tolv]

Croak folk. Get it right. Idiot.

[Natty]

Tobe is spicy today. I don't know what was in his pudding.

[Tolv]

Homemade coffee, a lot of cold brew.

[Gustavo]

And a bunch of jalapeno seeds.

[Natty]

Yeah.

[Gunther]

A favorite memory. However, might I have. Whatever.

[Doug]

What?

[Natty]

I think Gunther just had a car accident. Accident?

[Gustavo]

Gunther. Speed running the arrow, I think.

[Tolv]

Did he just say that while running past us?

[Doug]

Can we slow that down in the ambulance?

[Gunther]

Favorite memory ever might have with.

[Gustavo]

A.

[Gunther]

Favorite memory I had whenever I was child is one time there was. There was all of. All of the beetles escaped and then they all out everywhere. So then me and my father and my brothers and then my good, good friend Bunlap, we all went searching across and exploring and looking to capture up all the Beatles and return them home. And it was an adventure.

[Gustavo]

Or were these like livestock for you or pets?

[Gunther]

Yes.

[Tolv]

Was like one of them named Paul McCartney?

[Gunther]

No.

[Tolv]

Okay.

[Yeti]

What about John London?

[Gunther]

No.

[Doug]

We're getting closer.

[Tolv]

So, like, are beetles like. What are they to your people? Food?

[Gunther]

They are toys. Like, you take them into them and then you have them in a gate.

[Tolv]

So do you milk the beetles you like?

[Yeti]

Like, hood them like you would with.

[Doug]

Like sheep or something?

[Gunther]

You heard them. And then there is the juice of the beetle.

[Tolv]

Oh, is it tasty juice?

[Gustavo]

Warner Brothers call us.

[Gunther]

Sorry, what?

[Doug]

Juice of the beetle.

[Gustavo]

Brothers needs to give us a call. So I think in the past, Gunther, if I remember right, you've also mentioned raising flies. Were there other animals that. That you raised as well? In addition to beetles and flies, there's.

[Gunther]

Many bugs and animals and things. Yes, yes, yes. My family may have had many animals on our farm.

[Gustavo]

Which was your favorite?

[Gunther]

Probably my brothers.

[Doug]

Your brothers were my favorite animal too.

[Tolv]

Who's. His name was Dunlop. What was his name?

[Gunther]

That was my best mate.

[Tolv]

Oh, what Was your brother's name Bun?

[Gustavo]

Lap, I believe was the friend.

[Gunther]

I have had many brothers.

[Yeti]

Oh, how many brothers?

[Gunther]

From memory, I had 33.

[Tolv]

Whoa.

[Gustavo]

That is a lot.

[Tolv]

Wow.

[Gunther]

Yes. And then with my sisters, that would.

[Tolv]

Be.

[Gunther]

51 or 51.

[Yeti]

Okay, and where do you fall into order of all your siblings? Like your middle child, oldest, youngest. Do not know, like, first, third, or.

[Gunther]

I do not know, top five generation.

[Gustavo]

If he doesn't know, I'm willing to bet he's somewhere in the middle of that. 85 children. You know, typical middle child. Gunther, over here. Number 42.

[Tolv]

There's Middle east, middle child.

[Gunther]

Let me clarify. 51 was the total.

[Gustavo]

Oh, 51 was the total. Sisters, you said.

[Gunther]

I misspoke.

[Gustavo]

Oh, so 17 sisters, then.

[Gunther]

Yes, 18. Wait, no, I am right.

[Gustavo]

You are one too. So 33 brothers and 17 sisters. And of course, Gunther and me.

[Gunther]

Yes, that is it.

[Doug]

Okay, I have a question for Chris, not Gunther. Did you look up the average amount of eggs that a frog lays?

[Gunther]

No.

[Doug]

And then that's. Oh, because I was like, you're right on. It's between 34 and 75. Yeah.

[Gustavo]

Wow.

[Gunther]

I just pulled that out of my butt. It's between four. How many and 75?

[Doug]

34 and 75.

[Gunther]

Wow.

[Gustavo]

So, yeah, you're like, right in the middle there.

[Doug]

Yeah, they do that four to six times a year. So that's like, in a chunk.

[Natty]

That begs the question. The reason why in nature that's the case is quantity over quality. And because most of those are going to be eaten. So then. So if all your siblings. You got that many, how big is your community right now?

[Gunther]

I do not know.

[Natty]

Do you live in, like, a metropolis of. Of. Of croak folk?

[Gunther]

I am not there right now, so.

[Private Parts]

I do not know.

[Gunther]

They are.

[Natty]

When you laughed, how like, is it a. Is it just the biggest community ever?

[Tolv]

If I were to, like, walk up to it and say population, what would the number be?

[Gunther]

I've never yet counted it. I would say several thousand. No, Hundred thousand? No, hundreds. Hundreds of hundreds. If not a thousand or more. It depends.

[Gustavo]

Well, I will say Gunther's biggest fear from several episodes ago was also bird. So that may play into the population as well.

[Doug]

That's very true.

[Tolv]

Watch out for the.

[Doug]

Specifically the. I don't know if I'm going to pronounce this right. The Koqui frog, female, lays clusters of 34 to 75 eggs four to six times a year. But every common frog lays up to 4,000 eggs in one spring.

[Gunther]

I'm not a common frog.

[Doug]

That's What I assumed.

[Tolv]

That's right.

[Gustavo]

Coqui Frog is in Puerto Rico. When I lived there, you could hear them all the time. They are so loud.

[Doug]

That's what I imagine Gunther is, if he was any type.

[Gustavo]

Slowly, you all begin waking up the next morning, more or less, pretty much all together at the same time. And as you do so, you wake up and you look around and you see private parts standing there watching, waiting for you guys to wake up.

[Natty]

It's not creepy at all.

[Private Parts]

Morning, B team.

[Gunther]

Good morning.

[Tolv]

Good morning.

[Private Parts]

I've got new orders for you guys. It's your first mission.

[Tolv]

So.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, Private parts is there in the barracks with you guys. It says.

[Private Parts]

Well, come on, sleepy heads. We've got to get over to headquarters asap. Sergeant Steel Eye is waiting for us.

[Yeti]

Oh, can't wait to see Sergeant Steel Eye first thing in the morning.

[Tolv]

Our favorite. Yeah.

[Gustavo]

All right, does anyone need to do anything or get anything or gather anything before you head out?

[Natty]

Last time we took our time, we got in trouble.

[Tolv]

Yes. We should do this on the double, you know, private Parts, do we need to, like, grab all of our equipment? Will we be coming back to the barracks?

[Private Parts]

Well, that's up to you guys, but you know, Sergeant Steel, I likes it when you take charge and are ready for action.

[Gunther]

Grab our stuff.

[Tolv]

You. Let's grab all of our stuff. And if anybody wants to, like, take a dump in one of a team's foot lockers, I will turn a blind eye, no questions asked. Okay, bye. Bye.

[Natty]

I'm gonna roll to see if Gigi heard that and does what you ask.

[Gustavo]

Oh, Blaine almost did a spit take.

[Tolv]

I forgot that we have someone who will do basically anything.

[Natty]

We have an influential little toddler.

[Gustavo]

Yes.

[Natty]

Who is happy too. And I rolled a 14, so yeah. Giggy goes and takes a dump. It's important that he goes before we go because I don't want to deal with it on the way.

[Tolv]

For sure.

[Yeti]

Do you have diapers for Gigi or what do you usually give him when he goes boom boom?

[Natty]

I tried, but he kept eating them.

[Yeti]

Oh, that's so close.

[Gustavo]

The look on Barbara's face.

[Doug]

Imagine someone eating a dirty diaper.

[Natty]

Well, they weren't dirty. He ate them before he could dirty them up.

[Doug]

Oh, okay, that makes it a little better.

[Gunther]

In our, like, trunks and in our room, are there any, like, longer term materials or equipment for, like, longer missions?

[Doug]

Like healing potions or.

[Gunther]

Yeah. Rations.

[Tolv]

Magic food?

[Gunther]

Yeah. Things.

[Gustavo]

No, just whatever you would like. There's no extra inventory there. It's just whatever you have.

[Gunther]

Gotcha.

[Gustavo]

Like it's just your items. Imagine like a bed and a trunk with all your stuff in it.

[Doug]

I would say Doug takes all of his stuff with him and also makes his bed.

[Gustavo]

Oh, that's nice.

[Natty]

Is there any. Any of your. Your, like, special stuff you want to do, Doug, to any of our things is. I don't. I don't know how you artificers work, but you seem to have stuff to do to make things special.

[Yeti]

Well, it does take some time. And, you know, before going to bed last night, I did infuse Tolv's Hamill.

[Tolv]

What? What?

[Natty]

Oh, that's right.

[Yeti]

So that's looking a little bit stronger, Tov. Let me know how that works out for you, buddy. Okay.

[Tolv]

I mean, let me try it out on one of these footlockers over here. I attack one of a team's footlockers, not the one that's been pooped in now.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Make a. Make your attack.

[Tolv]

Roll the 20.

[Natty]

Dirty 20.

[Tolv]

Dirty 20. Yeah. Yeah.

[Gustavo]

All right. For the uninitiated, that means It's a 20 after modifier. Not a. Not a natural 20. Yeah, I guess. Roll your damage. Which footlocker do you pick?

[Tolv]

Kanjunos.

[Gustavo]

Okay. You bring your hammer down on Kanjanos footlocker, and it splinters the lid off of it, and the lid falls to the ground, broken off. And since we clarified that it was Kandronosa's foot locker that got hit, that means that's not the one that had the poop. Do you want me to just randomly roll and pick one?

[Yeti]

Oh, I was just say, not last six. Last six is the only guy that's.

[Natty]

The one talking to us, right?

[Gustavo]

Yeah. No. Private parts is there with you?

[Doug]

Well, parts talking to us currently, but Lassic is the one who actually stood up for us in court.

[Natty]

I don't remember. Wait, I can remember. Hold on.

[Tolv]

I have. No, wait, no, that's. That's the fort. We've got Private mess. Lassic.

[Natty]

I feel like that's just in the name, so make a mess and mess.

[Gustavo]

Okay. Private. Private mestra. Got it.

[Tolv]

And then there's oak gray.

[Natty]

Oh, okay.

[Tolv]

Yeah, they. They get by this time. This time.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Private parts watches. I don't know what you watches. Gigi and Tolve go to work on the foot lockers and just raises a concerned eyebrow and says, I don't think.

[Private Parts]

They'Re gonna like that.

[Tolv]

We're super hyped for this mission.

[Yeti]

Oh, you saw nothing.

[Natty]

You know what snitches get?

[Private Parts]

Ah, presents.

[Natty]

Nope. It rhymes.

[Yeti]

Yeah, tell him, Gunzo.

[Gunther]

Gunther is excited and stabs his own locker. Can I roll?

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Okay. Sure. Yeah.

[Natty]

Make your attack say that he attacked it. Do we have to do the rolls?

[Gustavo]

It's part of the fun.

[Gunther]

14.

[Gustavo]

Okay. And make your damage.

[Gunther]

9.

[Gustavo]

Okay. Yeah. Here's the lid of your foot. Locker also breaks off.

[Tolv]

We did it. Is Kangeros have any medical supplies in their locker? Since they're the medic, Perhaps a potion or 4.

[Gustavo]

Make an investigation check so you can rifle through it.

[Private Parts]

Okay.

[Gunther]

Nice.

[Tolv]

It's a nine. I could do a inspiration if we wanted to.

[Gustavo]

You tell me.

[Tolv]

Ah, what the heck.

[Natty]

Let's do it.

[Tolv]

13.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. You find two healing potions neatly on top of the items in there.

[Tolv]

Oh, these just fell out. Oops.

[Gustavo]

But the tops are shattered and the contents have spilled all over the rest of the items in the trunk.

[Tolv]

Okay. Too powerful. Too strong.

[Gunther]

Shall we destroy more?

[Tolv]

No, we should go. We should go.

[Yeti]

No, I think we're ready to go on a mission personally. We don't want to get in more trouble than we already are at this base.

[Tolv]

Yeah.

[Gustavo]

You all are on thin ice.

[Yeti]

It's making Doug very anxious.

[Gustavo]

So, okay, you all follow Private Parts out over to hq.

[Tolv]

Yeah.

[Doug]

I can't believe we have a character named Private Parts.

[Tolv]

Welcome to Stinky Dragon.

[Gunther]

Private Parts. What are we doing?

[Private Parts]

We're going to headquarters to get your mission from Sergeant Steel Eye.

[Gunther]

Do you know the mission?

[Private Parts]

No, I'm just the messenger.

[Gunther]

Oh, okay.

[Doug]

Gunther's being very feisty.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, he is. You'll walk out of the barracks and head over to hq, which isn't too far away. It's just like pretty much the next building over to the southwest from the barracks. You all are very familiar with this building. This is where your court martial, or your court martial was held. In the courtroom inside of headquarters, you'll walk into HQ and Private Parts leads you into the war room. Where you find Sergeant Steel Eye looking at a large round table. Looks up, locks, eyes with you and walks straight over to you all. B Team, it's about time you showed up. It's time to get to work.

[Yeti]

Okay. Okay. So we are ready for our mission.

[Doug]

And Doug salutes.

[Tolv]

Let me at them. Yeah, I salute.

[Gunther]

Gunther does his salute with his foot up the back heel. Whatever you call it. The little kick that we did back then.

[Gustavo]

Oh, like colonel boy. Like, you salute and then kick your leg out. Okay.

[Gunther]

Yeah, son.

[Gustavo]

We gotta work on that one. First and foremost, congratulations, B Team. You all have been promoted to the rank of private.

[Gunther]

For what did we make this promotion after we were Just in trial.

[Gustavo]

Son, I'm going to need a question.

[Gunther]

For what? Did we make this promotion after we were just in trial?

[Gustavo]

Yes. Anyway, your mission is to travel to the local city west of here, Endridge Bay, look into some intel. We just received a local by the name of Fizz. Mom claims that people she knows are being replaced by imposters. Sound familiar? Mission is to do reconnaissance, investigate the claim, and determine whether or not this is true or some kind of red herring. You're to meet Fismum at a local business called the High 3. Andridge Bay is 18 miles due west, so it should be about one day's hike.

[Gunther]

All I got from that was Fismum.

[Yeti]

I got it all.

[Doug]

Don't worry.

[Yeti]

Don't worry, guys. Doug is on the case.

[Tolv]

I tried my best. My handwriting is so, so bad.

[Gustavo]

This is a chance for you four to test which of you has the metal to be a leader. Each of you takes turns trying out the role of team leader. Your responsibilities will include training, leading in battle, maintaining discipline, tracking supplies, and staying on mission. Private parts here is going to follow along as an observer and he'll deliver a report back to me in three days. And if private parts doesn't return, it'll be on your heads.

[Yeti]

That's a lot of pushing.

[Natty]

To be clear, his observation starts now. Not like 20 minutes ago. Like, I just want to make sure that. When's the report start? Because that's a little important right now.

[Gustavo]

That's at private parts discretion.

[Yeti]

Private parts is. Did anyone tell you that you're looking real sharp today, buddy.

[Gustavo]

He pulls out a pencil and begins scratching something out from a notepad.

[Yeti]

I think that's a good thing.

[Tolv]

I'm sure he's writing nothing but nice things.

[Gustavo]

Private parts report. And my assessment of that report and your performance may lead to a promotion for one of you to the rank of corporal, who will then be the new team leader and receive benefits befitting the rank.

[Tolv]

Kind of benefits those talking about here.

[Gustavo]

You'Ll find out if one of you makes the cut.

[Tolv]

Surprises.

[Natty]

I think they let us in the like a. Like a teacher's lounge and we get access to like a toaster and microwave.

[Yeti]

Oh, all the fancy stuff.

[Tolv]

Okay, real quick. My mom was a teacher at my school and I used to go to the teacher's lounge and it might. The other teachers hated it. So do the kids. And I used to get free iced tea every day. It was the best I really want to be corporate.

[Natty]

Wait. Free iced tea? That was your big treat?

[Tolv]

Yeah. We live in Texas.

[Gustavo]

It Was for the teachers and you were stealing it.

[Tolv]

Yeah, well, no, I was entitled to it. I was a Nepo baby. Duh.

[Natty]

Was it sweetened tea?

[Tolv]

Yeah, it could be okay if you put sweetener in it.

[Natty]

Oh, okay.

[Tolv]

It's called chemistry. Maybe Doug knows something about it.

[Yeti]

I put of chemistry.

[Natty]

How do we decide who is the leader for the moment? And how do we decide when we swap?

[Gustavo]

I can't be expected to hold your hand every step of the way. You four need to figure it out. Now go.

[Doug]

This is the most Gus character in any campaign we've had. I can't be expected to hold your hand in this.

[Tolv]

You guys want to, like, roll initiative or something? And then we can decide based on that order who becomes the team leader.

[Natty]

Yeah, we could draw a lot.

[Tolv]

Okay. How do you draw a lot? What does that look like visually?

[Natty]

I was just. I was just trying to think of an in universe way people would say instead of rolling dice. Unless dice is a part of the canon universe. I don't know. Maybe it is.

[Tolv]

Sergeant Steel IO dice a part of the cannon.

[Natty]

Just roll.

[Gunther]

Yeah.

[Gustavo]

He turns his back to you four and turns his attention back to the big table in the room.

[Natty]

Okay, let's just roll.

[Doug]

Just roll a D20 or initial.

[Natty]

Yeah, D20.

[Gunther]

I rolled a 9.

[Yeti]

I rolled a 10.

[Natty]

What you roll, Tove?

[Tolv]

I rolled a 1.

[Natty]

I rolled a 14.

[Gustavo]

So Tol wins. You're going with lowest, right? Toll's number one to number one.

[Natty]

I just rolled another dice to see if Giggy would roll. And Giggy did roll and he rolled a 15. So Giggy's in charge.

[Gustavo]

So I think based on drawing lots, Natty wins. But Natty secretly is going to let Giggy run the show.

[Natty]

No, no, no. Just. That was just for me.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Natty]

Yeah, I guess I'll take the start.

[Yeti]

Okay. And we're going due west, which means directly west from here, 18 miles until we get to the Fort Andridge Bay or just Edwards Bay.

[Gustavo]

Andridge Bay. There you go.

[Yeti]

Sorry, I misspoke.

[Gustavo]

It's all good, Doug. Just want to make sure you're on the right page.

[Doug]

But it sounds like you are in a metagame perspective. If you know we're on a map, are we like, at the far edge of where we are? So it's like if we traveled across all of Fort and Ridge, that would be X amount of miles. Or are we like, at the very kind of end going west?

[Gustavo]

If you were looking at a map, you can go in any direction. Basically. I'm not sure if I'm Answering your question appropriately. Like, think of fort entrance as being in the middle. Right. Now think of, like, a layout of hexes all around you, and you can go in any of the directions based from where you are.

[Doug]

I guess if, like, I'm saying, like, if each hex is X amount of miles wide, are we at, like, the edge of a hex? So if we, like, I think you're.

[Natty]

Saying fort in the middle of the hex.

[Gustavo]

I see what you're saying. Imagine you're in the entire hex. Like, you're not going to spend any movement moving within the hex that you're already in. Gotcha. Okay. Make sure I answered your question.

[Natty]

Okay. Do we get any special equipment for this? No.

[Gustavo]

Are you asking? Yeah. He turned his back to you guys.

[Natty]

Okay, I guess we should go. And as my first decision as leader, we're gonna move that direction, and I point west.

[Tolv]

What is marching order?

[Natty]

Maddie, I feel like we should have the buddy system.

[Tolv]

Okay.

[Natty]

Okay, so find your buddy and we'll walk with our buddies.

[Tolv]

Will you tell me who my buddy is?

[Yeti]

Natty, could you be my buddy?

[Natty]

Okay. Doug and I are buddies. And Tolvan Gunther are buddies.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Gunther]

Okay.

[Gustavo]

Who's Giggy's buddy?

[Natty]

I'm always Giggy's buddy.

[Doug]

Biggie don't need nobody.

[Natty]

Okay, then we head out, I guess. Yeah.

[Yeti]

Yeah, let's go. I'll focus on staying on mission.

[Tolv]

We did it. Episode eight. And we're leaving this place, finally.

[Gustavo]

Hey, that's up to you guys. That's been your decision.

[Gunther]

It's like Midgar in Final Fantasy 6 or 7. Final Fantasy 7. We're finally leaving Midgar and we see the Overworld for the first time.

[Gustavo]

Ooh. There's more to the map, so. Yeah, I guess. Imagine in your mind's eye that it's a hexagon map, and from where you are in Fort Endrich, you can go. I'm going to go all the way around. North, northeast, southeast, south, southwest, or northwest.

[Natty]

Oh, so we have a choice of going southwest or northwest?

[Gustavo]

Basically, you go in any of the directions you want.

[Natty]

Well, okay, I'll. I'll revise that to head in the general direction of west. That's our two options, yes.

[Tolv]

Yeah.

[Doug]

Yes. We want to go north or southwest.

[Natty]

You could just flip somebody flip a coin. All right, we're going northwest.

[Tolv]

Are you sure? I have a lot of rewards points with southwest.

[Gustavo]

We're trying to make progress. Life's curveballs often feel like taking one step forward and two steps back. A time checking account makes Financial progress easier with features like no maintenance fees, fee free overdraft up to $200 and getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit. You can learn [e-mail] dragon I think everyone has probably had an experience where you overdraft your bank account and it just snowballs and what turns out being a couple bucks just with fees ends up being way, way more. Well, with Chime, you can overdraft up to $200 with no fees. You can join millions of Chime members who are working on financial progress. CHIME helps you make progress with fee free overdraft up to $200 because your next deposit is applied to your balance Months. Get spotted on debit card purchases and cash withdrawals. No monthly fees or maintenance fees. With over 50,000 fee free ATMs to date, Chime has spotted members over $30 billion. Friends give friends a boost Eligible members get complimentary boost to temporarily increase a friend's Spot Me limit. When you give a boost, they can boost you back to temporarily raise your limit. Set up direct deposit in your CHIME account. After a qualifying direct deposit of 200 or more, Chime will notify you to enroll in Spot Me. With an activated debit card, Chime will spot you up to $200 when you exceed your balance and your next direct deposit is applied to your negative balance. Chime never charges fees or interest for using Spot Me. Make progress towards a better financial future with Chime. Open your account in two [e-mail] dragon that's chime.com dragon Chime feels like progress. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp Bank NA or Stride Bank NA members. FDIC Spot Me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Boosts are available to eligible Chime members enrolled in Spot Me and subject to monthly limits. Timing depends on submission of payment file fees. Apply at out of network ATMs this episode of Talesman Stinky Dragon is brought to you by hexclad. You might not know this about me, but I actually really enjoy cooking. It's something I look forward to. I like planning it out. I like doing it. It's like a meditation. It's a moment of Zen for me. And I know around this time of year, New Year's resolutions going around, a lot of New Year's resolutions start in the kitchen. So whether your resolution is to cook healthier, save money, or just stop eating microwavable burritos, hexclad has you covered. It's time to leave behind the delivery fees and scratched up pans you've been clinging to since college. You've probably already heard how hexclad has completely revolutionized pots and pans by combining the performance of stainless steel with the convenience and easy cleanup of nonstick. But hexclad's innovation doesn't stop there. Their Japanese Damascus steel knives are sharp as they are tough, perfect for leveling up your meal prep. And their sleek pepper mill lets you season like a pro with precision and style. You know, Gordon Ramsay might be the toughest critic in the entire world, and he has used Hexclad both at home and as Michelin star rated restaurants. Hexclad products also come with a lifetime warranty. That's right. These are literally the last time you ever have to buy these kitchen essentials. Hexclad pans truly check every single box when it comes to picking your cookware. They're metal, utensil safe, dishwasher safe, and oven Safe. Up to 500 degree induction ready. They even have a stay cool handle you can saute with ease. I've got a. I've got an induction cooktop. Let me tell you, it's great not having to worry about that. It's also great being able to put it in the dishwasher when you're done. I feel like you have to compromise so often with pants when it comes to that kind of thing. So New Year new you new cookware for a limited time only. Our listeners get 10% off on your order with our exclusive link. Just head to hexclad.com stinky support our show. Check them out at hexclad.com stinky make sure you let them know we sent you. Bon appetit. Let's eat with hexclad's revolutionary cookware. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon is brought to you by Rocket Money. I know it's easy to think that you're on top of it. You understand and you know every subscription you have. And you think someone like me, a dungeon master who keeps track of many things at the same time, would be on top of that. Rocket Money has even helped me find a subscription I forgot about and helped me to cancel it. And it's the start of a new year. It's a perfect time to get organized, set goals, prioritize whatever matters most. And of course, one of those priorities for everyone should be financial wellness, which feels more important than ever. And thanks to Rocket Money, goals feel achievable. I mean, they show me all of my subscriptions right in one place. They help me easily cancel ones I forgot about that I've been paying for. Like, there was definitely one that I found that Rocket Money found for me. Rocket Money also pulls together all my spending across all my different accounts so I can clearly track my spending habits and see where I can cut back. Super helpful. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bill so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to 740 a year. When using all of the app's premium features, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com Stinky Dragon today that's Rocket Money.com Stinky Dragon Rocket Money.com Stinky Dragon give yourself an inspiration. Die back.

[Gunther]

Render time.

[Tolv]

Heck yeah.

[Yeti]

I just. I hate those seating policy. I like having an assigned seat.

[Gustavo]

I think they're. They're changing that.

[Gunther]

They are.

[Doug]

I think they are.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Natty]

Northwest.

[Gustavo]

Okay, so you all decide to go northwest. You, you know, you gather up your equipment, your packs, and, you know, Private Parts is tagging along with you as an observer.

[Natty]

Oh, he could be Giggy's buddy then. There we go.

[Doug]

Oh, okay, so he's leading with Giggy.

[Gustavo]

Well, yeah, Private Parts is, you know, is following as an observer, and I guess he's Jiggy's buddy.

[Natty]

I don't want someone to not have a buddy, so we're gonna stick to this.

[Private Parts]

Private Parts just says, oh, okay, that's an interesting command decision, and just begins.

[Gustavo]

Scribbling something on a notepad.

[Natty]

I assume it's something good.

[Gunther]

Private Parts, how did you get in here? To the war? Where are you from?

[Private Parts]

Oh, my family has a long history of serving the mortalion. It seems like it's always been almost predestined that I join up and do my part in the ongoing conflict.

[Gunther]

Do you have other family in here?

[Private Parts]

Not currently. I'm the youngest child, so everyone has already moved on and they're out and about in the world. I'm hoping to catch up soon. I think after doing this job observing for Sergeant Steel Eye, he'll note my special skills, and I'll get my promotion and finally be able to move up in Rake.

[Gunther]

We will make sure that we do. Good for you.

[Tolv]

Yeah. Glad to have you on board.

[Private Parts]

Thanks. I appreciate it.

[Tolv]

We will definitely make sure you survive this mission as well.

[Yeti]

And maybe, you know, it would be one of those Situations of, you know, we squash your back, you squatch our back. Wink wink.

[Private Parts]

Okay, I can see that. Yeah, maybe. Why not? You know, you all are new to the rank of private. I don't want to brag, but I've been private for a while now. So while we're traveling, I think it's time I let you know all the perks you get now with your newfound promotion. Being a private in the Mortalion it honors. First of all, you can purchase non magical weapons and armor at a 20% discount at any facility associated with the mortallion.

[Yeti]

20%?

[Private Parts]

Yeah, it's great. Opens a lot of doors.

[Tolv]

What are you packing? Private parts.

[Gustavo]

He's got a long sword.

[Tolv]

Oh, cool.

[Private Parts]

Besides that. Don't forget that. Now as privates, you are part of a hierarchy that provides you with orders. If you cause any trouble at Midras, you answer to your officers, not local law enforcement.

[Natty]

Oh, does that mean we got some.

[Gustavo]

Sort of community diplomatic immunity?

[Doug]

Do we actually though like some type of.

[Gustavo]

So you're above like the common law of the land. You answer to the military law. As you all already have experience with dealing with your almost court martial.

[Gunther]

Ah, the military. Do we know like how ubiquitous is. Is it across the land and how's. What's the digital perception of the military across the land?

[Gustavo]

Yeah, that's a good question. I mean it's pretty much everywhere. Everyone's very familiar. Well, I would say most, most, most people are very familiar with the mortality and have. You know, this is a very wide ranging conflict that's been going on for quite a while. But you know, as with most things, it can vary. You know, like going with like sentiment. It can vary town by town or person by person. Everyone's got their own feelings on what's going on. So it's hard to say. There is no general consensus, but there is definitely a wide range of thoughts about it.

[Tolv]

I mean if martial law is in effect at all times, I feel like that might cause some weird distrust.

[Gustavo]

No, no, it's not that it's martial law. It's that you all are above local law. You only answer to military law. Yeah, the locals still answer to their local law enforcement.

[Tolv]

Yeah, so I have immunity when it comes to local law enforcement because I only listen to my military leaders. Got it. Martial law.

[Natty]

Cool.

[Tolv]

Glad we established that.

[Gustavo]

I think to might not know what martial law is.

[Private Parts]

And of course your rank in the Mortalion now grants you access to places that are off limits to civilians. With your commander's permission, you can enter dangerous training grounds or Military installations like an army's regional headquarters or a repository of top secret intelligence. Plus, you can also request that your commander grant you authority to act in their name or provide access to experts or leaders higher in the chain of command.

[Yeti]

That feels really powerful.

[Private Parts]

It is. You won't believe the things I've seen.

[Tolv]

Oh, like in a bad way or like.

[Private Parts]

Of course not. Heavens no.

[Tolv]

Oh, okay. It's like, did you commit war crimes or something? Jeez.

[Private Parts]

You undertake your missions at the direction of a commanding officer who expects your absolute obedience. These missions have clear and precise goals leading you on the path of adventure. In rare cases, you're trusted with open ended tasks that afford you leeway in interpreting orders. Orders?

[Natty]

Well, you're just a walking psa.

[Private Parts]

I do my best. I love the mortalion, and I'm very dedicated to this.

[Yeti]

Oh, Sergeant Steel, I must love you.

[Private Parts]

Oh, I hope so. I've tried to get it good with Sergeant Steel Eye.

[Natty]

Does it bother you that we just became privates and then the Steel Eye said that one of us gets to be corporal soon, and you've been waiting this whole time to get promoted?

[Private Parts]

All a duta time. I'll earn my rank when it's due to me.

[Yeti]

That's a very mature way of looking at it.

[Private Parts]

Yes, thank you, Doug.

[Gustavo]

And he scribbles something down.

[Yeti]

Excellent. 10 points for me.

[Private Parts]

And the final thing I need to tell you is each member of your group earns a regular salary or share of the military's forces spoils. The amount varies depending on your organization and your position within it. But at minimum, you enjoy a modest lifestyle. You receive a small salary, as well as access to food and housing. On military bases, you get one gold per day, but rely on that money for room and board off base. With higher rake comes higher pay. I hear that as an officer, you could maintain a comfortable lifestyle and get two gold per day.

[Gunther]

Wow.

[Yeti]

Hey, big spendover.

[Tolv]

That's big living.

[Yeti]

Double the income, I guess.

[Private Parts]

Tell me about it.

[Yeti]

The 1%.

[Private Parts]

Oh, for sure.

[Yeti]

All right, well, we're trying to stay on mission White and head over west to. To Andridge Bay. How. How long of a hike is that, would you say?

[Private Parts]

Well, Indridge bay is about 18 miles, so it should take us pretty much an entire day to get there.

[Yeti]

All right.

[Natty]

All right.

[Tolv]

Surely we've been walking while talking. Yeah.

[Private Parts]

I mean, absolutely.

[Tolv]

Okay.

[Yeti]

Thank God it's only been five minutes.

[Natty]

Make sure you hold your. Your buddy's hand.

[Doug]

Doug reaches out to hold Natty's hand. I grabbed Doug's hand, but I imagine you're holding just my big finger because.

[Natty]

Oh, because he's got a big old mitt.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Gunther]

I'm trying to think of the size. Size discrepancy between. Gunther.

[Tolv]

You can literally ride my shoulders, and I would not notice you. And it is totally cool if you want to, like, chill just offering it.

[Gunther]

Okay.

[Gustavo]

Do you need to make a roller? See if Gigi holds private parts hand.

[Tolv]

You are living to regret this, child.

[Natty]

I rolled a nine, so he's gonna fight it a little bit.

[Gustavo]

I like to think that instead of reaching out with his hand, Giggy reaches out with his mouth and just, like, tries to clamp onto private parts hand as they're walking. So, you know, y'all are paired up in the buddy system, buddies. What do you all talk about during this initial part of your trek?

[Doug]

I probably want to talk to Natty about death.

[Natty]

I love that. Just.

[Doug]

Cause I think. I think that's. That's, like, one of the things that Doug doesn't really understand or, like, think is, like, has any positive to it, even in all of his. His studies and. And, you know, time researching things. He just doesn't see, I think, a benefit to death.

[Natty]

Doug, what's on your mind?

[Yeti]

Oh, so much. So much, Natty. Yeah, So I get, you know, you talk a lot about death, and I just, like. I just can't comprehend how anybody would be driven towards thinking that this is a good thing or, you know, because it's just like, if you lose someone, they don't come back. And so, like, I guess, how is it? How is that good?

[Natty]

Well, I mean, it depends on what your definition of, like, what this losing means. Like, it's not a finality, as I think you might be thinking it is, because it's just. It's just transition to a new place is what it is.

[Yeti]

How do you know?

[Natty]

I guess because my wife, she told me.

[Yeti]

You talked to her?

[Natty]

Yeah.

[Yeti]

How?

[Natty]

I mean, it's usually in when I'm sleeping.

[Yeti]

Oh. I mean, I talk to my brother sometimes before I go to sleep, but she doesn't talk back. So.

[Natty]

Is Toad interjecting?

[Tolv]

No, I'm just reacting. I heard that, and I'm like, oh, my God, that's so sad.

[Natty]

Yeah, I would imagine it's. It's hard to talk to the dead. But my wife's not dead.

[Yeti]

What is she?

[Natty]

She is death. Oh.

[Gustavo]

Oh, oh.

[Yeti]

So she took my boil.

[Natty]

Not necessarily. She is the essence of that. The feature of life. That is the end of it. And so she's not necessarily the one that killed him. But she's there to. To greet him when he came. When he. When he came to visit her. And I'm sure he was. He was loving it because, like I said, she has the nicest smile you've ever seen.

[Yeti]

I mean, I. I know that she's not the one who killed him. I know that.

[Natty]

Who did? If my.

[Yeti]

If I might ask, I can't really say right now.

[Natty]

Maybe we can take baby steps towards sharing that. Cause I know talking about stuff helps.

[Yeti]

I just. It wasn't my fault, okay?

[Natty]

I didn't say it was. I'm on your side, Doug.

[Yeti]

That's all I wanted to say. It wasn't my fault.

[Natty]

Okay. Okay. Good baby steps. Good bab. Hey, everybody. Everybody, Doug just took some baby steps towards the direction of sharing his feelings. Everybody give a little. Little clap. Little clap for Doug. Okay.

[Tolv]

Oh, we did it.

[Yeti]

It actually. It was my fault. Okay. I just am trying to tell myself that it wasn't.

[Natty]

Oh.

[Yeti]

But maybe if. If your wife sees. Sees Phil, she could just, like, tell him that I'm stally, You know, I.

[Natty]

Would tell her that, and I'm sure that would mean the world to Phil.

[Gunther]

Why was it your fault?

[Natty]

Oh.

[Yeti]

Oh, God.

[Gustavo]

I don't know. If you're there, you're gonna be having a separate conversation with Toll.

[Gunther]

Okay? I didn't know because we were all clapping.

[Natty]

Imagine just Daddy turned around and told everybody to clap. That's all it was.

[Yeti]

Yay.

[Natty]

Does that make you feel better, Doug? A little bit.

[Yeti]

Maybe like.07% better.

[Natty]

Hey, progress is progress.

[Yeti]

Wow, that's. What have you found a St. Peter? That's really not interesting.

[Natty]

Yeah, I go with therapy all the time.

[Doug]

That's John speaking.

[Natty]

I got therapy today.

[Tolv]

On ambition.

[Doug]

Is that who Giggy really is?

[Natty]

Well, I'm proud of you, Doug. I'm proud of you. I'm glad. And Natty squeezes Doug's hand even tighter. Or his finger even tighter.

[Doug]

Natty's very strong, unexpectedly. And so Doug kind of went. Is at the pain.

[Natty]

Oh, no, not like that. Like. Like a. Like. Like a. An affectionate squeeze. Not a. Not a painful one.

[Gustavo]

All right, what do to and Gunther talk about first?

[Gunther]

Am I writing on to?

[Tolv]

That's cool with me. That's cool with you.

[Gunther]

Then could we also, like, while we're looking? I think Gunther would be, like, looking for any sense of supplies or things in the terrain. That could be, like, just scouting ahead, being, like, very aware of the surroundings and looking for danger or anything that they could use on their journey.

[Gustavo]

Make A perception check.

[Gunther]

It's a five.

[Gustavo]

No, it seems like there's not much out here. It's pretty barren here. But you are making your way away. You can see the fort slowly getting smaller behind you as time goes on.

[Gunther]

And I don't know how this supplies, but I have the Wanderer background which I can find food and fresh water for yourself and up to five other people each day, provided that the land offer small game, water and support. So I don't know if that matters in this context, but super useful.

[Tolv]

It's so cool. Gunther.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, yeah. Is that something you'd, you'd want to do?

[Gunther]

I think so. I think Gunther's used to wandering and that's part of his like process of wandering is always being like looking for the next meal.

[Gustavo]

I guess you already rolled your perception check, but I was just trying to see. Do you want to make like a. I don't know, like an investigation check of some kind to see if you're able, if you're successful or.

[Gunther]

Survival.

[Gustavo]

Survival. Yeah, survival. That's it. Yeah. Roll a survival check.

[Gunther]

I rolled a one. Gus.

[Gustavo]

You find a trail. There's footsteps. It's maybe five humanoid sized creatures and one smaller one. It seems like they were coming from the east and heading west.

[Gunther]

We're being followed.

[Gustavo]

This is scrubland, but you can't seem to find anything. Maybe the presence of the fort being so close scares away any potential game that you could hunt. And you know, maybe they've already scoured the nearby fruit or berries or anything that's edible in the area around the fort. So it's already too picked over.

[Tolv]

Something I can talk to Gunther about?

[Gustavo]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[Tolv]

If he's in a chatty mood going third. You want to talk?

[Gunther]

Okay.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Tolv]

So like I was, you know, raised and grown up around water and I'm curious about your culture because it sounds like you come from like a desert climate. So like, what, what's like water like for you guys? I just want to share our common experiences and just, you know, find differences and just, just share about our cultures.

[Gunther]

Water is very special.

[Tolv]

Oh yes, it is.

[Gunther]

That is where everything comes from. The water.

[Tolv]

Yeah, that's true. Okay.

[Gunther]

And in the desert it is hard to find, so we do not go very far from the water.

[Tolv]

So do you have like a lot of water? Is it like a pond? No. Where do you get your water?

[Gunther]

It's from the sky or from the one source. And our village, it is oasis.

[Tolv]

Oh, cool. Have you ever been to the ocean, Gunther?

[Gunther]

No.

[Tolv]

Would that like freak you out with all of that water?

[Gunther]

Yes.

[Tolv]

Yeah. Okay.

[Gunther]

Yeah, that sounds like too much water.

[Tolv]

Can you swim, Gunther?

[Gunther]

Yes, I could swim very well. Can you swim?

[Tolv]

Not really, no.

[Gunther]

Are you not on ships?

[Tolv]

I was on ships, but that was, like, kind of part of the deal is, like, if you fell off, then, you know, bye.

[Gunther]

Bye.

[Tolv]

You know, then.

[Gustavo]

Then you're meeting Natty's wife.

[Tolv]

Yeah. Quick meeting.

[Gunther]

So you never fell off the ship?

[Tolv]

Oh, yeah, yeah. It was very scary.

[Gunther]

And what happened?

[Tolv]

Well, that's. That's the last time I saw my crew.

[Gunther]

You know, when you fell off the ship?

[Tolv]

Let's not say that I necessarily fell off. It wasn't by my choice. You know, I'm very careful on the ship. I'm a very good sailor.

[Gunther]

You've pushed.

[Tolv]

Yeah, we could put it that way. I was pushed. It was not a fun day. Not a fun day at all.

[Gunther]

Who pushed?

[Tolv]

It was ironclad. But that's a story for another time. But I think if we ever end up in a mission on the water, I'll watch your back, and I think it'll be. You'll be a. Okay. I think you're gonna have sea legs in no time.

[Gunther]

She likes.

[Tolv]

Yeah.

[Gunther]

That is, like, something I like.

[Tolv]

Sounds good.

[Gustavo]

What would Gigi try to say to Private Parts?

[Natty]

I was wondering if you were going to bring that up.

[Gustavo]

Oh, you know, I love Gigi.

[Tolv]

Gigi's my new.

[Gustavo]

Giggy is my new, like. Like, pseudo player that I get to be in the campaign.

[Natty]

This could be your favorite character because it's not played by any of us. Gigi would just kind of observe everyone's chatting and then look up longingly at Private Parts. He's a very. He likes mimicry and parroting, and so he would just kind of, like, want Private Parts to kind of take the lead. So what would Private Parts do to. To respond to Gigi's stare at him?

[Private Parts]

What's your name, little one?

[Natty]

He just.

[Private Parts]

Oh, I don't know if I could pronounce that. That's interesting. Did your Bob daddy give you that name?

[Natty]

Gigi looks at his mom and then looks at Private Parts and then looks at the ground and finds a. Finds a bug and gives Private Parts the bug.

[Private Parts]

Oh, thank you, Agua. Agua. I appreciate that. It's very thoughtful of you. Do you want to share it?

[Natty]

When. When Private Parts made that noise, Gigi did the whole, like, Chihuahua head tilt kind of thing like that, making a sound that's like him. That kind of thing. And then goes and picks up a rock and gives it to Private parts.

[Private Parts]

Oh, thank you. I feel like I should give you something here.

[Gustavo]

Private Parts, like, begins digging through his pockets looking for something and pulls out a copper piece and hands it to Gigi. I love the roll.

[Tolv]

Doing a roll.

[Natty]

He doesn't eat it.

[Gustavo]

It's a particularly shiny piece of copper. It's like. Must be, like, newly minted.

[Natty]

Okay. He puts it in his little. In his little harness.

[Private Parts]

Don't tell anybody about that. That's between us, okay? We're battle buddies.

[Gustavo]

Battle buddies.

[Natty]

Geeky. Let me see. Let me see how he responds to that. He rolled. I rolled a one. He. He bites private parts. But. But he's, like, smiling while he's doing you.

[Private Parts]

Thank you.

[Natty]

And Natty hears that and turns around, goes, oh, he likes you. He likes you Guys are buddies.

[Private Parts]

Oh, boy.

[Doug]

This reminds me of anytime you go to a friend's house and they have, like, a cat or a dog that's, like, really aggressive, and the person's totally comfortable with it, but you as a guest or not, and you're just like, oh, is he. So are they supposed to be growlers like that?

[Gunther]

Or is it. What should I normally.

[Gustavo]

What's.

[Gunther]

What do you do?

[Doug]

Am I allowed to pet him or.

[Gunther]

What am I doing wrong?

[Gustavo]

No, no, you're doing it right.

[Tolv]

Oh, he likes you.

[Gustavo]

That's fun. After passing a little bit of time talking to each other, the land begins slowly changing. Ever so often, you start to see, you know, a little more vegetation popping in here and there. Not like a ton of it, but just a little more. More frequently than you were seeing before. You begin walking up slowly closer to what appears to be maybe a river in the distance. And around there, you see, you know, some rocky outcroppings and maybe a small bridge crossing over it. And everyone, make me a perception check.

[Tolv]

10.

[Doug]

11.

[Gunther]

God, another one.

[Natty]

16.

[Gustavo]

Okay, so it was a 16 for Natty, an 11 for Doug, a 10 for to and a two for Gun. Her.

[Yeti]

Yeah, I rolled bad.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, bad. Natty, you begin to hear what you think might be, like, a chorus of voices that seem to be yelling.

[Natty]

Describe the emotional tone.

[Gustavo]

If you had to guess, you would say anger.

[Natty]

Oh, coming from the direction up ahead.

[Gustavo]

Like where you saw the river and the bridge still west. Correct.

[Natty]

I put up my hand to tell the group to stop, but I pull up the hand that I'm holding with Doug and put our. Both our hands up.

[Yeti]

Yeah, we could do it now.

[Natty]

Doug, I love your enthusiasm. Everyone, everyone quiet. I feel like we should approach with caution for I Have heard a commotion up ahead.

[Yeti]

Commotion? What kind of commotion?

[Tolv]

There's a choo. Choo train.

[Yeti]

No, that. That's a locomotive.

[Tolv]

Oh, okay.

[Yeti]

Got you.

[Natty]

That's a crazy motion. You know what? As leader, I've decided we should send one of us up for reconnaissance before we approach this, what seems to be a tumultuous, angry noise.

[Gunther]

I am very sneaky if you want me to sneak.

[Yeti]

Yeah, I think Gunther's a good sneaker, too. Yeah, he's small.

[Natty]

Let's stand. Gunther. Gunther, you go find out and report back what's making this noise.

[Yeti]

And you also, like, worst comes to worst, because this place is, like, you know, a little bit more full of vegetation and stuff like that. You could just blend in as a regular frog if you needed to.

[Gunther]

That's a good idea.

[Natty]

I want to make sure we have a signal if you're in danger. So is there. Is there a sound you can make that could alert us?

[Gunther]

That's a croak.

[Natty]

And you can do that loud?

[Gunther]

Yes.

[Natty]

Okay.

[Gunther]

Because, like, you know, frogs croak and you hear them, like, real far.

[Natty]

Sure. Gus just said it.

[Gustavo]

Those koki frogs are super loud.

[Gunther]

And then if I'm not in danger, I will do this.

[Yeti]

Oh, a little bit higher pitch.

[Tolv]

I see one is mrom and the other one's wrong.

[Natty]

As long as Tove can tell the difference, I'm confident.

[Tolv]

Yeah.

[Natty]

Okay.

[Gustavo]

I think Tolv and Gunther's time together during this journey has let Tolv understand Gunther a bit better.

[Doug]

Yeah, he just taught him all his different croaks as they were walking. This is when I'm in danger.

[Tolv]

If I may. I need. I need a quick word with Gunther to wish him farewell.

[Yeti]

We are farmers. Is that the one you're singing?

[Tolv]

We know each other's language. We. We. He. I wish them the best of luck.

[Gustavo]

Well, on that best of luck note, if you're gonna proceed, why don't you make me a stealth check, Gunther?

[Gunther]

Okay. Yeah. And then, like, what's laying in front of it? It's the river and the bridge. What's the Trent? You said it's like a little more vegetation.

[Gustavo]

It's also pretty rocky. Or it's becoming very Rocky.

[Gunther]

That's a 20. A dirty 20.

[Gustavo]

Oh, nice.

[Tolv]

Got the top men on it.

[Gustavo]

Top men. You stealthily approach in the direction of the path is going. And you get closer, you see that there is a small wooden bridge crossing a river from the northeast to the southwest here. And as you approach it, you see what appear to be some ruins. It Seems like there's some buildings that are kind of destroyed and falling down and some scaffolding with crumbling walls throughout the area. And there's a group of people in the street in front of some of the ruins. Seems like they're angrily discussing something.

[Tolv]

Just really quick for clarification. Are these like ancient ruins or are these like war torn ruins?

[Gustavo]

Gunther, he would see. Yeah, I think Gunther would be the one to ask.

[Gunther]

Yeah, I mean, I guess that's a good question. Are the ruins on the other side of the bridge?

[Gustavo]

Correct? They're on the other side of the bridge.

[Tolv]

Okay.

[Gunther]

And then what do I hear what they're discussing?

[Gustavo]

Make a perception check.

[Doug]

And they're yelling. They're not like talking.

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[Gunther]

And are they grouped in such a way where there's like two different sides?

[Gustavo]

No, it seems like they're all. They're all mixed up together. There's not. It's not like two groups arguing. It's one big group kind of all angry.

[Gunther]

That's a 16 on perception.

[Gustavo]

You hear the words compensation and apology being thrown about quite a bit.

[Gunther]

Compensation and apology. And how many are there?

[Natty]

Did you say that?

[Gustavo]

It's like a mob of people. Let's say like 12, 15 somewhere around there.

[Gunther]

And what's their like, General? Are they all the same race?

[Gustavo]

It's a mixture of various types of.

[Gunther]

Humanoids and their garb. Like, are they military? Are they townsfolk? Are they.

[Gustavo]

They seem like civilians to you?

[Gunther]

And the structures that they're around, does it seem like it's a place that they live or is this just a like, ruin, Ruins.

[Gustavo]

You see various tents set up. It's almost like a small settlement here.

[Gunther]

Settlement. So that they've been there for a while.

[Gustavo]

It seems like they're based out of here, if you had to guess.

[Gunther]

Okay, so they're arguing about money and this is their home base. How far up am I, like, relative to them?

[Gustavo]

Not much higher. You're perched up like on a small rock on the north side of the river. You're maybe five, six feet higher than they are.

[Gunther]

I can't hear anything else about what they're arguing or like what's going to happen.

[Gustavo]

They're so far, it's hard to pick out.

[Gunther]

Can I signal the group to come closer?

[Gustavo]

Does that sound a again?

[Yeti]

Oh, I think that means he's, he's in danger and we shouldn't go any closer.

[Gustavo]

It's a new year, 2025. And I know you're thinking, how am I going to make this year different? How am I going to build something for myself. You know, what if I could be my own boss and see if I can turn that business idea I've had into a reality. But you know, I don't know how it's going to happen. Well, Shopify is how you're going to make it happen. And let me tell you how the best time to start your business is right now. Shopify makes it simple to create your brand, open for business and get your first sale. Get your store up and running easily with thousands of customizable templates. No coding or design skills required. All you need to do is drag and drop. I know you know how to do that. They're powerful social media tools, connect you to all your channels and create shoppable posts that help you sell everywhere people scroll. Shopify makes it easy to manage your growing business. They help with details like shipping, taxes, payments, all from one single dashboard, allowing you to focus on the important stuff, you know, like growing your business. What happens if you don't act now? Will you regret it? What if someone beats you to the idea? Don't kick yourself when you hear this again in a year because you didn't do anything. Now with Shopify, your first sale is closer than you think. Established in 2025. Has a nice ring to it, right? Well, sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.comdragon all lowercase go to shopify.com dragon start selling with Shopify today. Shopify.com dragon oh, such a clutch off season pickup, Dave. I was worried we'd bring back the same team. I meant Those blackout motorized shades. Lines.com made it crazy affordable to replace our old blinds. Hard to install? No, it's easy. I installed these and then got some from my mom. She talked to a design consultant for free and scheduled a professional measure and install hall of fame son.

[Gunther]

They're the number one online retailer of.

[Gustavo]

Custom window covering in the world. Blinds.com is the goat.

[Private Parts]

Shop blinds.com right now and get up to 40% off. Select styles, rules and restrictions may apply. ABC tonight, Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears.

[Yeti]

Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like.

[Private Parts]

So a couple of days when his.

[Gustavo]

Daughter moves back in.

[Private Parts]

The last time you walked out that.

[Natty]

Door, you looked back at me and.

[Gustavo]

Gave me a double bird. I was 18.

[Yeti]

The double bird was how I ended all our conversation.

[Gustavo]

The wheels come off.

[Yeti]

Can we try to talk to each other like rational Adults.

[Gustavo]

If you watch the news lately, that's.

[Natty]

Not a thing anymore.

[Private Parts]

Series premiere tonight, 87 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[Natty]

I guess.

[Gunther]

Is there a way, can I get closer where I can find out more about them? Can I get up closer? I just want to be able to hear what they're saying more.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, we. You could try to get closer. You, like, cross the bridge maybe and listen. But I would say you would need another stealth check to try to get a little closer and see if they don't notice you.

[Gunther]

Okay. And if it matters, I would try going under the bridge. Okay, so, like, that way I'm not visible.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. So you would crawl down from the rock, get on the ground, and then, like, kind of slink into the water.

[Gunther]

No, no, like, stay on the bridge.

[Gustavo]

I think I said under the bridge.

[Gunther]

Like, climb up over the bridge so I stay.

[Gustavo]

Wait, wait, you're confusing me. Climb over the the bridge or climb under the bridge? You said both.

[Gunther]

Under the bridge, but without. But stay on the bridge. Like, as in. Like, as if I'm climbing on the under. Under part of it.

[Tolv]

The chip special.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, climb under the bridge, but on it.

[Natty]

We had a cartoon about this.

[Gunther]

Yeah, like how. You know, Remember the cartoon Chipani, Like.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, but what's the on it part? That's what I'm not understanding.

[Gunther]

Like, as in not.

[Doug]

You would just be climbing under the bridge, like, doing the monkey bar.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. You just kept saying on the. The bridge, which is like, I don't understand what that means. Make me a. A stealth check to see if you're able to successfully climb under the bridge.

[Gunther]

All right, 25.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. You do Gunther bars under the bridge and swing your way across, and you get a little closer. Frog croak folk bars. And you. You can make out what they're saying a little bit better.

[Cobb]

They owe money to us for all the damage. It's time we get together and start us a protest.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, Take that protest and we'll get our money that we're all old.

[Tolv]

What is this voice? What is this cadence?

[Gunther]

Okay, does it sound like they're arguing about someone that's not there, or are they arguing? Okay. And that's all I can hear.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. That seems like a lot of planning for some kind of protest to try to get compensation.

[Gunther]

And I can't figure out who they're talking about.

[Cobb]

They came here and they just destroyed everything, and they owe us to try and fix it.

[Gunther]

Anything else I can gather before I leave to go back?

[Gustavo]

No, I'd say that that's about it.

[Gunther]

Okay. Am I. Does it sound like they're mad at, like, the army that we're in? I guess is the one thing I want to know.

[Gustavo]

Make a intelligence check, I guess. Insight. Insight's better.

[Gunther]

12.

[Gustavo]

You think they might be mad at the Mortalion?

[Tolv]

Oh, that's us.

[Gunther]

Okay. Can I sneak back to the group?

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Make me one last stealth check. Oh, yeah.

[Gunther]

25.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Why couldn't you have failed one of those? Yeah. You're able to successfully.

[Natty]

I'm good at stealth. I told you I was good at stealth.

[Gustavo]

Sneak back to your group.

[Tolv]

I'm imagining I'm sitting there talking to, like, Natty and Doug. And then Gunther sneaks up on me, like, oh, where did you come from?

[Natty]

Roll for an attack.

[Gunther]

There are many people there, all very mad at the Mortalion. They said that we destroyed their things, which I do not know if we did, but we did. Not personally. But we should pretend to not be Mortalian.

[Yeti]

You know, Gunto, someday I'm gonna teach you about this thing that I learned very young called. What's it called?

[Gunther]

When you learn it, you shall tell me.

[Yeti]

Punctuation.

[Gustavo]

Chris played a reverse card there.

[Yeti]

He did Punctuation.

[Gustavo]

Very important. I think that would be a good lesson.

[Yeti]

Do you know where one sentence ends and the other begins? Helpful sometimes.

[Tolv]

So, like, you think we should act like we are not part of the Mortalion and, like, roll through, or do you think we should sneak our way around?

[Gunther]

I think we should act like we are not part of Mortallion. And also mad at Mortalion.

[Tolv]

Nadi, what do you think? What's your read? You're the team leader.

[Natty]

I know from our character art, it's not there, but is there anything about us or Private Parts that reads as military?

[Doug]

I was wondering the same thing.

[Tolv]

Yeah, private parts is a big red flag.

[Doug]

I feel like he's so proud to be part of this military that he couldn't pretend not to be.

[Tolv]

Freshly starched pants with the pleats ironed and everything.

[Gustavo]

He's part of the military? Yeah. You all would be in uniform.

[Natty]

Oh, do we then carry our civvies?

[Gustavo]

Sure. Why not?

[Natty]

Okay.

[Yeti]

We can also say that we were part of it, but we escaped because we didn't agree with what they're doing.

[Natty]

That's setting us up for having to persuade them of something when we could preempt that by not giving them the thought. We're just some travelers, you know, making our way downtown.

[Tolv]

Daddy, I bet I could persuade you. That's a nine. Dang it. Okay, never mind. This is A bad idea.

[Natty]

I was wondering where this was going.

[Gustavo]

Doug, you. When you mentioned talking about like deserting the military, that seems to like private parts. Gets a little shocked, you see? He starts getting a little sweaty at the thoughts.

[Yeti]

Listen, I mean, you heard the conversation, right? These. These people over here, we don't know if like they'll attack us if they know we're part of the military or.

[Private Parts]

Oh, yeah. I just can't imagine leaving the mortalion.

[Natty]

I got this. Private parts. This is all espionage. Okay? We are. We are going undercover for our team, you know, in order to get more information or intel. Yeah, intel, yes. Everyone else, throw out really interesting military terminology.

[Tolv]

Conison black ops.

[Natty]

How's that sound? Private.

[Private Parts]

Shouldn't we try to convince them that the Mortalion are in the right and settle any issues they might have? And what happens if they find out we're lying? Oh, lying makes me nervous.

[Gustavo]

He starts sweating a little more.

[Natty]

Gigi starts licking the sweat.

[Gunther]

What is our mission? Is our mission to communicate with them?

[Private Parts]

Well, our mission is to get to Hendridge Bay, I guess, but.

[Gunther]

Okay then.

[Private Parts]

I just hate the thought of people not appreciating the mortality.

[Natty]

This is part of my fulfillment of my leadership duties that I am training you, as you can tell. And Natty strikes a pose. I am a queen of presentation and performance.

[Yeti]

Natty is the queen. I can't conform. My queen. Also, like, you know, sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. Private parts. Okay. It doesn't mean we don't respect the mortality in or anything like that, but you just gotta pretend for a little bit.

[Private Parts]

I understand. Okay. Again, I'm just an observer, so I leave it to your team leader's discretion. But don't forget, we all abide by the Mortalion's goals.

[Yeti]

Also, you know, I just want to point out it's important life lesson to know that like, not everyone will agree with your way of life. And you know, sometimes you just gotta stay true to yourself no matter what. But, you know, gotta do what you gotta do to be safe.

[Natty]

I feel like that was a mix message, but I'm hoping private parts took that in it.

[Private Parts]

That's true. But as we always say in the mortalion, together we stand, unbroken.

[Natty]

Okay. Hey, we're gonna play a part together.

[Yeti]

Unbroken.

[Natty]

Get that? That's your name.

[Private Parts]

Hearts. The Z is important.

[Natty]

Oh, yeah. And so? And so everybody get into their civvies. Okay?

[Doug]

Okay. Doug goes behind a bush to change.

[Natty]

But the bush is too tiny.

[Gustavo]

It's like one of those cartoons where it just strategically covers.

[Natty]

How about this? I'll even help this a little bit. We are a traveling group of performers.

[Tolv]

Oh, this won't get us into trouble at all if they call our bluff. I like it.

[Natty]

I love your confidence to.

[Tolv]

Yeah.

[Natty]

Let's approach. Let's do it.

[Gustavo]

Okay, so everyone gets into their civvies and approaches the ruins up ahead.

[Natty]

Yeah.

[Gustavo]

What's your marching order for this?

[Natty]

Let's go.

[Tolv]

Me.

[Natty]

Me. Doug told Gunther Gigi. Private parts.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Yeti]

So, you know, I'm not very persuasive, so I don't know if you want me near the front.

[Natty]

I can do the talking.

[Tolv]

I can do the talking.

[Natty]

Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. You got this.

[Gustavo]

Natty and Doug, you both, you know, are in the front. And you begin approaching this group of people in this area. It was just like Gunther described. There's a small wooden bridge, and as you get close, it seems like the entire mob of people all kind of take notice of you in turn and watch as you all approach.

[Natty]

Howdy.

[Cobb]

You're not hot for me here.

[Natty]

That is correct.

[Tolv]

How can you tell?

[Cobb]

Your accent is totally wrong.

[Natty]

Well, I mean, I'd use it. I'd use a word called diffusion. Different.

[Cobb]

Different.

[Yeti]

Natty, these people seem to be talking kind of like a little bit slower, a little bit sleepy. So maybe if we talk like that, they'll sing to form here.

[Tolv]

I think it's called code switching. Match their vibes.

[Natty]

Kiki gets concerned and starts. Starts slapping tolve to wake him up.

[Cobb]

What are you doing here? No one ever comes to the ruins of Rayzin unless they need something.

[Natty]

Well, then we're. We're a first. We don't need nothing we other than to pass through.

[Gustavo]

Hmm.

[Cobb]

Where are you going?

[Natty]

That direction.

[Cobb]

Speaking of direction, you came from the direction of Fort Endridge.

[Natty]

Yeah.

[Tolv]

Is that what we passed? Geez, we've been on the road for a while.

[Cobb]

Why have you been on the road for so long?

[Tolv]

Just traveling along, you know? Merry band of travelers. Right, guys?

[Gustavo]

Make a deception check.

[Natty]

Blaine, you just said you're bad at deception. Then you spoke up, you dummy.

[Tolv]

I'm fine. I'm fine. It's a 12.

[Gustavo]

The key to lying is to open your mouth a lot and keep talking.

[Gunther]

I don't.

[Cobb]

I don't know. I guess it's plausible.

[Natty]

What's your name?

[Gustavo]

Cob.

[Natty]

Well, howdy, cop. I'm Natty.

[Yeti]

And I'm Doug.

[Cobb]

Natty, Doug and you.

[Gustavo]

And he points at Utol.

[Cobb]

Then your little squishy friend.

[Tolv]

Which one?

[Natty]

Both. That's Gunther. That's Giggy. Do we know what is Private Parts's first name? No.

[Gustavo]

Parts.

[Natty]

His name is First. No, it's Private. That's Private. His name is Private.

[Cobb]

Private.

[Tolv]

No.

[Natty]

Oh no, no. He said Private Private Parts in our first episode.

[Tolv]

I know, but this is not gonna help.

[Cobb]

That's a little military sounding.

[Natty]

Yeah, I mean sometimes people got funny names.

[Tolv]

Yeah, I've met people named like Major.

[Natty]

Yeah, your sounds like a food.

[Cobb]

You're all right.

[Gustavo]

Cobb slaps you on the back, Natty.

[Natty]

Well, I know I'm all right. You're all right.

[Cobb]

You're all right.

[Natty]

Oh, we're all alright, aren't we?

[Cobb]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Natty]

So what's. What's the hubbub around here? What you guys up to?

[Cobb]

We're planning a protest. Mortalions came and destroyed Raisin, leaving us in ruins. We need to get them to pay for the damage that they caused.

[Yeti]

Why did they destroy it? What happened?

[Cobb]

There was a battle and they just called. Call it collateral. Those people at Mortalion and Copia Convent, they owe us compensations and an apology.

[Natty]

Who? Who were they fighting?

[Cobb]

The Undarians. Wow, you really aren't from here, huh?

[Natty]

Well, I meant I was being a little bit more specific than that. Like what were they? Is it. Was there a special in Darien or was there a reason there? Andarians here.

[Cobb]

Why do they fight anyway? They just show up, they start breaking things, not even caring who it affects.

[Natty]

Yeah, that's a bummer.

[Doug]

Be real.

[Gunther]

Or the Andarians being attacking it too.

[Cobb]

Oh, we were hiding. Trying to stay out of crossfire. It's hard to say.

[Natty]

Yeah, it does sound like there should be some sort of fund, you know, set aside to kind of help people like us who are here on the sidelines of this war.

[Tolv]

Yeah.

[Gustavo]

He shoves a piece of paper and a writing instrument in your hands. Daddy.

[Natty]

Here.

[Cobb]

You seem like you're like minded. Sign our petitions.

[Natty]

Happily. I love signing things. It just feels so special when you get to sign your name.

[Gustavo]

Everyone make me a perception check.

[Tolv]

Oh, rolling like Gigi's diaper today.

[Doug]

I keep rolling sixes so I have an 11 with my modifier.

[Natty]

18.

[Gunther]

Nat. 20 for 21.

[Gustavo]

Gunther and Natty, you both noticed that Private parts have started sweating profusely. I mean he's just like drenched now.

[Cobb]

What's with your friend? Is he sick?

[Gunther]

He's exactly.

[Natty]

Hush, hush, hush. Don't answer. He is sick.

[Tolv]

He has.

[Gunther]

He has the great sick. Stay away from him.

[Cobb]

A great sick?

[Tolv]

Oh yeah. Keep away.

[Gunther]

Could be contagious.

[Tolv]

Very sick. Very contagious. Yeah.

[Gustavo]

Okay, both of you make me.

[Tolv]

Deception checks.

[Natty]

What's. What's the definition of idiocy? 1320 curses.

[Cobb]

I've never heard of the Great Sick, but it does sound bad.

[Gunther]

That's great.

[Tolv]

Get your vaccine is the point.

[Cobb]

What does it do exactly? In detail.

[Gunther]

It is where you lose all of the liquid in your body.

[Tolv]

Yeah. And you, like, start to lose your ability to speak and you, like, bite things. You know, Gigi over there was a perfectly normal little boy before he got the Great Sick. Now look at him.

[Doug]

He's over there just like.

[Bode Bear]

What's Giggy doing?

[Yeti]

Yeah, he's got a full head of hail, full head of teeth.

[Cobb]

Okay. I don't want to get the Great Sick.

[Tolv]

Definitely not. Yeah.

[Gustavo]

And you signed the petition, Natty. What name did you sign on it?

[Natty]

I signed it Nutty. Wander.

[Doug]

Is it Wander spelled the same as Wonder?

[Natty]

No, with an A. Like a wandering person.

[Gustavo]

Oh, God.

[Cobb]

Oh, Wander, you're wandering now. You were made for this.

[Gunther]

Not all who Wonder are lost.

[Cobb]

You're all right too. All right, well, you're welcome to pass through what's left of raising. Look around if you want. Keep on going. You're a okay with Cobb.

[Natty]

Hey, that's aces with me.

[Yeti]

Thank you. Cobb. Do you have anybody you know named Cornon?

[Cobb]

Oh, that's my father.

[Natty]

John would want to pass through and get out of here. Natty's a people person. Natty would want to say hi to some folks. Can Natty, like, is there. Is there commerce or anything? Or is this like this place is all in wreck and we should just move on? You guys got the military discount here.

[Doug]

I mean, we do get 20 off.

[Tolv]

I know.

[Gunther]

I don't know from these people.

[Natty]

Hey, Kai, before we we head out, I feel like your story has hit me so hard. Is there anything we could do to help y'all, you know, like on our way?

[Cobb]

In fact, you could.

[Natty]

Okay.

[Cobb]

Since we're rebuilding, we do need lumber. If you could help us find some.

[Tolv]

Ah, okay, Sounds good.

[Natty]

Sure, why not?

[Tolv]

Yeah.

[Cobb]

If you head over to Teehee, just south of here, there's plenty of lumber there.

[Gustavo]

What's the name of this place where you are now?

[Natty]

Yeah.

[Gustavo]

Raisin.

[Natty]

Raisin. Hey, cops spell that just like it sounds.

[Cobb]

R A E Z E E N Racing.

[Natty]

Not Sam's. Okay. And we're heading to Teehee to get lumber for y'all. Yeah, I think that's the least we could do.

[Cobb]

You'd be heroes to the people of Raisin and our cause of rebuilding.

[Natty]

And I Like, I elbow private parts. I'm like, isn't that nice for us to do something for these people to help them out?

[Gustavo]

He's like. He doesn't open his mouth, but he just starts nodding his head and, like, big drops of sweat fall off of his forehead onto the ground in front of him.

[Tolv]

Gentle with him. He has the sickness.

[Natty]

Is he down with it?

[Gustavo]

He's naughty.

[Doug]

Can I give private parts a little rub on the head to kind of, like, wipe away his sweat with my.

[Natty]

Big, like, soak it up with your fuzzy hands?

[Tolv]

Yeah, sure.

[Private Parts]

Yeah.

[Yeti]

But almost like, I'm like, oh, it's okay, buddy. Like.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, your. Your hand is now damp with private parts sweat.

[Natty]

That's not a good sentence.

[Doug]

Retake that.

[Gustavo]

Give yourself an inspiration, Doc. And I am gonna retake that. Your hand is now damp with the sweat. That was previously on his forehead.

[Gunther]

Sorry.

[Natty]

I just got it. I say keep that in. That's funny.

[Gunther]

I just got it.

[Gustavo]

I was.

[Gunther]

Because I was just thinking about the character's name.

[Yeti]

What?

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[Natty]

Let's head south. Why not? Let's have an adventure.

[Yeti]

Yeah. I think, you know, based on the direction, trying to stay as west as possible. Southwest, maybe?

[Natty]

Sure. I think he was saying Teehee's the hex right below us, right?

[Gustavo]

Correct.

[Tolv]

It's still. We're not deviating too far. It was the other odds.

[Natty]

We're not going back.

[Gustavo]

Right, Right.

[Tolv]

We're just basically, like, northwest down, and then it's still the adjacent block.

[Gustavo]

Correct.

[Natty]

But can you imagine how proud I say this in private to my group? I'm about to talk about stuff that I don't want Cobb to hear. Can you imagine how proud Sergeant Steel I will be if we come back with not only intel on Andridge Bay, but also we have helped the morale of, like, the perception of the mortality with the locals.

[Yeti]

Based on what happened, I would say that I don't know if Sergeant Cli cares whether or not this place is helped or not.

[Tolv]

True.

[Yeti]

They just. I don't know if they care about this kind of thing. Yeah, we do, though.

[Natty]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Yeti]

We could be a new generation of privates who care.

[Natty]

Privates who care. I like that.

[Yeti]

Yeah. Let's take out brutality.

[Natty]

Can we just change our team from B team to that south we go?

[Gustavo]

Okay. Yeah. You pass through Raisin, and, you know, you follow the path through Raisin, and you see some, you know, dilapidated buildings and stuff that's seen better days, let's say some buildings that are falling apart. Like I said, scaffolding on some of them. So you pass through Raisin and continue on your way south. And after, you know, a couple of miles of walking, you start to see tree stumps begin increasing in number.

[Doug]

Is the tree stumps.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Dotting either side of the trail as you're walking through. Yeah.

[Doug]

So as if they've been demolished or cut down.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Harvested.

[Natty]

Can we hear Tim Curry singing in the distance about oil and sludge? That's a ferngully reference, Gus. Yeah.

[Gustavo]

I got you. I got you. Okay. Okay.

[Natty]

I didn't know.

[Gustavo]

You're walking through, and eventually you come to a crossroads, and you see several people, like, dressed up with equipment who seem to be setting up some kind of cast.

[Natty]

What are they dressed up as?

[Gustavo]

It seems like they're like lumberjacks.

[Gunther]

Oh, okay.

[Doug]

So they're probably the ones doing us.

[Gustavo]

The trees.

[Doug]

Do they seem to have, like, trees with them and they're like.

[Natty]

Like a pile carrying around in something or.

[Doug]

Yeah, in a pile.

[Gustavo]

You do see a pile of lumber, but it's not very large. They notice you all walking, don't seem to pay much attention. It seems like they're focused on harvesting trees at the moment and collecting them.

[Tolv]

Hey, gang, let's have a group chat real quick. Yeah, okay.

[Yeti]

What's up?

[Tolv]

Okay, so, like, we could probably use military leverage to see if we can make them give lumber to the people of Raisin.

[Natty]

They're called raisins.

[Tolv]

Yes, the raisins.

[Yeti]

What if they also hate people from immortality?

[Tolv]

Yeah, we might have to just feel out the vibe. Yeah.

[Natty]

Maybe to simplify our story so that they don't tell Cobb that we're. We're military. We just stay in our civilian stuff, and if it becomes advantageous to let them know we're from the military, we can reveal it.

[Tolv]

Oh, that's good idea. All I'm saying is, I don't think we have the money, but, like, maybe they could build a mortalion or something.

[Natty]

Well, you're such a. You're such a big, strong, manly man. Maybe this is. This is your time to shine with your. With these other alpha males that are clearly out here taming the wild.

[Tolv]

Oh, you know what? Warhammer is very similar to an axe. We have so much in common.

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[Tolv]

I can lead this. I can. I can go for this.

[Natty]

I love it.

[Tolv]

Okay.

[Natty]

All right. Gunther and Tolve take the lead.

[Gustavo]

Why don't all of you roll me a perception check?

[Gunther]

11.

[Natty]

That's a dirty 29.

[Doug]

17.

[Gustavo]

Gunther and Natty, you both notice that there's a signpost here at the crossroads, and you see signs and directions written on the signposts. It says north and says ruins of Raisin. Then northeast, Fort Endridge, southeast, foothills of Flak, south, Gulf of Kibosh, southwest Trigon mouth, and northwest Sol Assad. As you all are looking at the signpost, it slowly begins raining. There's like a small drizzle that starts. And one other thing, Doug and Natty, you both rolled good, and you perception checks. You see that there's something carved into the side of the signpost, written in Elvish.

[Natty]

Oh, who speaks Elvish? I speak Elvish. I'm a doctor. Forgot. What's it say?

[Yeti]

What does it say, Natty?

[Gustavo]

I'll send it to you, John, so you can read it as Natty.

[Natty]

Yeah, that's important role playing. I'm going to have Giggy read it. All right, group this Elvis. On this signpost, it says, these words shall root in minds that read. No rest until you plant a seed.

[Yeti]

So I guess we need to plant a seed.

[Tolv]

These words will root in mind.

[Gunther]

What was it that reed sounds like? To cut a tree, you must plant a tree.

[Natty]

I mean, that just sounds like common sense.

[Yeti]

But what about our minds? Like, does it mean we have to plant something from our body or something?

[Natty]

My mamas used to have this saying where they say readers are leaders and leaders are readers. So maybe that's what's about read a. Read a dang book.

[Yeti]

Well, I've done that, and you are.

[Gustavo]

The leader right now, Natty. And you did read.

[Natty]

And I have decided Tov will go do his manly duty.

[Tolv]

Okay, can you run that poem by me one more time?

[Natty]

These words will shall root in minds that read. No rest until you plant a seed.

[Gustavo]

Now that you're looking around, Tolve, since Natty is tasking you with making contact with these people as you look around, in addition to the workers who seem to be clearing the trees, you see that there is what appears to be a tent with a vendor in it nearby as well.

[Doug]

Ooh, could I go look at the tent?

[Yeti]

Yeah, maybe they have some. Some seeds for sale.

[Tolv]

Well, I was gonna see if there's a good find, like, can I identify the leader or anything like that. Is there anybody that seems to be in command, or is it. Is the vendor probably, like, the base camp for this?

[Gustavo]

You don't see anyone, like, giving orders or anything. Everyone just seems to be milling about, like, going about different tasks. Okay.

[Natty]

Lumber milling about.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, that's why I kind of, like, chuckle to myself.

[Tolv]

I'm gonna approach just the nearest lumber guy.

[Natty]

Spit on the ground boys do that all the time.

[Tolv]

Okay. And I go and I spit on the ground. And then I. And I say, hey. Hey. My lowest voice.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, the. He stops and looks at you.

[Tolv]

Hey, who's in. Who's in charge around here?

[Natty]

The deep voice with the falsetto cracks is just on point.

[Gustavo]

Well, he kind of, like lifts his hat and scratches his head a bit and says, I guess if you wanted to say someone was in charge, it's maybe PI a la mode.

[Tolv]

Okay, where can I find PI a la mode load?

[Gustavo]

I don't know. She's probably out harvesting trees somewhere.

[Tolv]

Okay.

[Gustavo]

She's a wood elf. Can't miss her. She got a curly bubblegum hair, flannel petticoat.

[Tolv]

She sounds cool. Very stylish. Okay, well, how about you, like, help me find her? They'd be really cool, you know, his fellow dude, his fellow guy, and I. I slap him on the back.

[Gustavo]

He kind of, like, stumbles and forge a step or two. I. I can. I'm. I'm real busy right now. I got to finish up my work before the day's done.

[Tolv]

Yeah, yeah, I totally hear that. Yeah. Hard. Hard work. Hard work. Okay, well, extra help. Toodaloo.

[Natty]

Tgif.

[Tolv]

I guess I would try to go. Let's go. Try to find P. A. Mode.

[Yeti]

Ayla Mode.

[Natty]

I. I'll walk up. Could you point us in direction?

[Gustavo]

He kind of haphazardly points, like, further deeper into the clearing to the west.

[Natty]

All right. Toll of you heading that way.

[Tolv]

Yeah.

[Gustavo]

Don't forget. I just wanted to touch back something that Barbara said is Doug. There is also a vendor with a tent, and I think Doug was going to go check on that as well, so I'm gonna sidebar with Doug, who I assume is doing that at the same time. Okay. You walk up to the tent, Doug, and inside is a dwarf with tiny ears wearing a red necklace. And they look up at you as you walk in.

[Doug]

Do I recognize this necklace at all?

[Gustavo]

Make a wisdom check.

[Doug]

17.

[Gustavo]

It's a necklace with an enormous red eyeball attached in a glass case. Make me a reality check.

[Doug]

Remind me what that is again.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, sorry, I forgot. It's relatively new to us. Roll a D20 and add all of your ability score modifiers.

[Natty]

Oh, yeah.

[Doug]

Okay, so it's a 14 plus 26, I think, is the total.

[Gustavo]

Okay. Yeah. There is something strange about it, which did catch your eye in the first place, and you don't remember it. And then as you're looking at it, trying to remember what it is, it just seemingly disappears. From around the dwarf's neck.

[Doug]

And that's what happened in the trial with the horn underneath the judge's desk or something like that.

[Gustavo]

Right in the lector. Not in the judge's desk.

[Yeti]

Right.

[Doug]

Sorry.

[Gustavo]

The dwarf looks at you and says.

[Bode Bear]

My eyes are up here.

[Yeti]

Oh, sorry. I. I was just looking around and I. I just. I. I admire your shirt. I like the shirt you're wearing. It's very nice color on you.

[Gustavo]

It's like filthy, just covered in dirt. They look up and say, okay, so what's.

[Yeti]

What you got here?

[Bode Bear]

Well, I'm the last merchant here in te, so not much. I do what I can to support what's left of our lumber industry.

[Yeti]

So is that what you. You sell just lumber?

[Bode Bear]

Yeah, I sell various things that assist in the lumber industry.

[Yeti]

So why. Why is that so popular here?

[Bode Bear]

Popular? Have you looked outside? There's not much going on outside of trying to find some trees to fell. It used to be a vibrant hub. There was lots of industry back when there were more trees. But slowly as the trees have gotten chopped down, the lumber yard went out of business. Fewer craftspeople take this route now, and it doesn't seem like we get nearly as much traffic as we used to. What are you doing here?

[Yeti]

I'm just passing through with some fwends friends.

[Bode Bear]

Oh, that's nice.

[Yeti]

Yeah, no, I agree. It's nice to have friends nice to it. Is there something special about your trees that you guys have here? Like why so many people would be harvesting them?

[Bode Bear]

Oh, you know, it's just lots of trees. But not as many as he used to be.

[Yeti]

Sounds really sad.

[Bode Bear]

Yeah. Well, what can you do?

[Yeti]

Well, what do you have for sale, Hil? I want to support local business.

[Bode Bear]

Oh, well, I've got a bag of dry wheat biscuits drizzled with honey. There's a cedar chest that's reinforced with iron, topped with a sturdy lock. And between you and me, it has a false bottom perfect for storing your ill gotten gains. And I've got some hemp rope.

[Gustavo]

They point over at a carefully coiled segment of hemp rope.

[Bode Bear]

And some chamomile tea.

[Yeti]

Wow. Quite the variety.

[Bode Bear]

Yeah, I've got some things.

[Doug]

Does that look familiar to the chest that we saw in the armory by any chance?

[Gustavo]

No, no.

[Natty]

Does not appear the ones holding the artifacts.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, yeah, I turned around, I was like, what chest is she talking about? Like, oh, the artifact ones.

[Yeti]

Okay. Yeah, well, I guess the wope. I think some wolp would come in handy.

[Bode Bear]

How much do you need? I have maybe like 500ft.

[Yeti]

How much per foot?

[Bode Bear]

You can have the entire 500ft for 10 gold. So 2 gold for 100ft.

[Doug]

It looks like I have 145 gold pieces.

[Tolv]

Lord, what bank did you rob?

[Gunther]

How do you have so much money?

[Doug]

I think it was like a setting that I. When I built my character, it's like, how much wealth they had.

[Tolv]

Nepo, baby.

[Gustavo]

I was waiting for it.

[Yeti]

How much for the 500?

[Natty]

10 for the 500? Yeah.

[Yeti]

Okay. Yeah, I'll take. I'll take all. All your hemp rope.

[Bode Bear]

Oh, wow. Okay. It's a banner day for Bodache Bear. Here you go.

[Doug]

Would I just put rope in my inventory?

[Gustavo]

The names in this episode, you put hemp rope. If you want to be specific.

[Natty]

Could Natty come over?

[Gustavo]

Sure.

[Natty]

Natty's ears heard someone talk about a false butt. How much for that? That bottom?

[Bode Bear]

This cedar chest, 25 gold.

[Natty]

Wait. Oh, that's what it has. The cedar chest has a false bottom. In my head, I heard, like, it was like a false butt that you put on and store things.

[Bode Bear]

Well, I guess if you're a certain size, you can attach this chest to yourself.

[Natty]

I like my idea better than yours.

[Gustavo]

That is a good idea. I do like it.

[Natty]

Never mind. I don't need no chest. Oh, mine's good enough.

[Bode Bear]

Fair enough.

[Natty]

Thank you, Blaine.

[Bode Bear]

Are you two traveling together?

[Yeti]

Yeah.

[Bode Bear]

Oh, many visitors. I'm Bode Bear. What are your names?

[Yeti]

I'm Doug.

[Bode Bear]

Yep. Nice to meet you, Doug.

[Natty]

And I'm Nutty.

[Bode Bear]

Nutty. Okay. Nice to meet you, Nutty. What are you all doing here? Is there anything I can help you with?

[Yeti]

Well, maybe, perhaps.

[Doug]

And Doug whispers over to Natty, do.

[Yeti]

You think that this person might be able to help us with what's said on the signpost?

[Natty]

Oh, it was in Elvish. I don't think a dwarf would be writing something in Elvish. But maybe. You know what? Ain't no hurting asking.

[Yeti]

Well, maybe because they live here, they might know something about it.

[Natty]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ask. Ask away.

[Yeti]

Bodace. Is that what it is?

[Bode Bear]

Yep.

[Yeti]

I have a question for you. So, you know, there's, like, a signpost out there with, like, all the different directions, different places you could go. There was something written about planting a seed. Do you happen to know anything about this?

[Bode Bear]

I'm not sure. I think PI Alamode might know a little more about that. She is an elf.

[Natty]

Oh, yeah. She's a wood elf.

[Bode Bear]

Yeah, she might help you with that. You know, she's missing a couple things, so want to get on her good side you can help her find her missing items. I bet she'd reward you if you helped her out.

[Yeti]

Was she missing?

[Bode Bear]

I think she's missing a woodcutter ax in a pickaxe. It's a very special pickaxe.

[Yeti]

Oh, what's special about it?

[Bode Bear]

It's the Tempest Tinker. It has a special name.

[Yeti]

That's a pretty good name.

[Bode Bear]

It's widely known in this area.

[Yeti]

What does it do? Is it like a special ability?

[Bode Bear]

It's very unique. You'll know it when you see it. It's a Bloodstone pickaxe wafting with smoke.

[Natty]

Dang. All right, we'll keep our eye out for those.

[Bode Bear]

You do that. It's a surefire way to get on PI's good side.

[Natty]

Should we go find this pie lady?

[Yeti]

Yeah. Thank you for allowing us to patronize your place.

[Bode Bear]

Thank you for the business. You have a great day.

[Yeti]

Natty. I. I could have sworn that I saw that person wearing, like, a necklace that had a red eyeball in it.

[Natty]

They weren't wearing a necklace when I came up.

[Yeti]

I know, but I could have sworn I saw it on them. It's the weirdest thing.

[Natty]

You know what? I saw a horn in the courtroom, and it was the same kind of thing where I thought I saw it and then it wasn't there.

[Yeti]

I'm going to take note of these things.

[Natty]

You do that. All right, Tove, lead the way.

[Gustavo]

As you walk out to rejoin with Tov, you see, you know, the other abandoned tents, just like Bodeish talked about. Flanking this tent and going down a little ways along the the path.

[Tolv]

He did mention he was like, the last shop keeper or something like that. Or last vendor.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. And you all walk back up and rejoin with to and Gunther.

[Tolv]

How was that conversation? Did you guys have a lot of laughs and fun with your new friend?

[Yeti]

I got hemp rope, cuz.

[Gunther]

It's cool.

[Tolv]

We could play like, jump rope with Giggy.

[Natty]

I like where your brain is at.

[Yeti]

It's 500ft, in case that makes a difference.

[Tolv]

We could set like, a Guinness World record with the most people the play jump rope with. You know, I don't know, spitballing ideas.

[Natty]

You do a lot of jump rope.

[Tolv]

On the ship with a lot of downtime. It gets very boring on the high seas, actually.

[Gunther]

I bet that'd be hard because of this. You know, the rowing.

[Tolv]

You get good at it. Did you learn anything about the surrounding area? Is business good? Is business bustling?

[Yeti]

Oh, it's not. It's not good.

[Natty]

All the wood's gone.

[Tolv]

That might be an issue for trying to acquire lumber for raisin, but apparently.

[Yeti]

Someone was a pile of mode.

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[Yeti]

Hey, Paella mode. They might be able to help us, but the shopkeep said that if we found no missing items, they might be more inclined. So we could find like a.

[Doug]

A.

[Yeti]

A wood cutting axe and also a. A pickaxe. Specifically, a tempestinkle pickaxe.

[Natty]

Our side quest gave us a side quest.

[Yeti]

Exactly.

[Tolv]

We're already on a side quest for a side quest.

[Natty]

It's just side quests all the way down.

[Tolv]

I'm also feeling like everywhere we go, there's gonna be, like, sad, more problems, and it's bummer, man.

[Natty]

I just feel like it's other little badges we can put on our chest and go, hey, Sergeant Steel Eye. Look what we did.

[Tolv]

Look at all the things we did. Okay, so let's find those axes then, huh?

[Natty]

Yeah, let's go. I feel like we should go talk to Pie.

[Tolv]

Yeah, well, like, on the way, maybe we keep our eyes out for these pickaxes.

[Gustavo]

As you all are talking amongst yourselves, one of the lumberjacks is walking by and says, pie. Have you seen her lately?

[Gunther]

No.

[Tolv]

I heard she was the one we.

[Yeti]

Were just looking for, actually. Yeah.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, I am too. Haven't seen her in a day or two.

[Yeti]

Oh, what do you need, a fool?

[Natty]

Do you have a side class full us?

[Gustavo]

Well, I'm just trying to find Pie.

[Tolv]

Okay.

[Gustavo]

Last I heard, she was missing some items. She went looking for them over in the tree sanctuary.

[Natty]

Oh, thank you, sir. With pivotal information.

[Tolv]

An exclamation mark above.

[Natty]

Your head is your name Day use X. Is that what your name is?

[Gustavo]

When you see her, you tell her that Yeti needs to talk to her.

[Natty]

Yaddy.

[Tolv]

Yeah?

[Gustavo]

I need.

[Yeti]

Is that you?

[Gustavo]

That's me. I'm Yeti.

[Natty]

We will do that.

[Tolv]

All right, let's go to the tree.

[Natty]

Sanctuary before someone else talks to us and gives us more things to do.

[Tolv]

Eyes and ears.

[Gustavo]

This was helpful for you to go in a direction. You're acting like I'm making this more difficult. I'm trying to help you, Yeti.

[Natty]

We're not talking to you anymore, okay? We already got what we need from you.

[Tolv]

Calm it down, Yeti.

[Natty]

Hash it up.

[Yeti]

Do you think Yeti has a boy named Louis?

[Gustavo]

Take. Take an inspiration. Die. It's a good one.

[Tolv]

Oh, I don't get it.

[Gunther]

I don't get it.

[Doug]

Yanny and Laurel. It's the sound from, like, people five.

[Gustavo]

Or six years ago.

[Doug]

Some people hear Yanny, some people hear Laurel.

[Gunther]

Oh, What?

[Natty]

Wow. That's like the. The blue. Blue and black dress thing.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, exactly.

[Tolv]

Well, I was. Or a golden white dress, John.

[Yeti]

But it is.

[Doug]

You said yatty, right?

[Gustavo]

Yaddy. Y a d I Yatty.

[Doug]

Okay.

[Gunther]

While we walk that way, can Gunther look on the ground for seeds?

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Make a survival check.

[Gunther]

That's a five. I want to use my inspiration. Die. I want seeds.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Gunther]

All right. 16.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. You find a couple of tree seeds sprinkled amongst the tree stumps here.

[Gunther]

Okay.

[Gustavo]

You walk over the direction Gaddy pointed, and you find a glass house with a sign that reads, tree sanctuary under construction. And then it's like a dash and presumably a name chased chain.

[Natty]

Nobody throw rocks.

[Doug]

What is a tree sanctuary? Like a greenhouse?

[Natty]

Like a president?

[Gunther]

Like a. Yeah, like a temple dedicated to trees, I guess.

[Tolv]

Let's go in and find out. Knock, knock.

[Gustavo]

The door is just kind of loosely swinging open. This whole building is very rickety. The whole thing kind of sways and seems like it's barely standing.

[Tolv]

OSHA here. You have some violations to answer for.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. The door swings open. You see, inside, it's a cramped space with dirt floors and what appear to be a couple of tree exhibits.

[Gunther]

Like, what's in the exhibits?

[Gustavo]

You walk in to take a closer look, and everyone who walked in. Make me a perception check.

[Gunther]

I walked in 13, 12, 15, 12.

[Gustavo]

It's a little DM tip for anyone listening. If you want your players to enter room. Say, anyone who entered a room gets to make a check. And then suddenly everyone enters the room.

[Tolv]

Goddess again. Dang.

[Gustavo]

When you all enter the sanctuary, you all hear what appears to be some kind of mumbling.

[Tolv]

Is this like the mumbling of someone distantly talking through a wall or captured and gagged?

[Gustavo]

It's the mumbling of someone beneath the sanctuary.

[Doug]

Like, underground maybe.

[Tolv]

Are there any doors or anything? Or trap doors or.

[Gunther]

It's dirt ground, right?

[Gustavo]

Yeah, it's dirt floors.

[Gunther]

Are we able to, like, hear, like, they sound like they're buried or like there's a cellar or something?

[Gustavo]

So I want to answer a question you had earlier, Chris, before I get to this new one. You asked about the exhibits. So inside, like I said, it's a cramped space. No glass, dirt floors, and three tree exhibits. And there's a fountain with a sculpture. And there appear to be three gardeners working around inside the room. When you look at the tree exhibits, you see that there are different species, and they're labeled Chortle Chestnut, Drizzle, Dogwood and Hogwash Hickory. And all three trees look similar to you. And they each have pairs of holes in the trunk.

[Natty]

Cool.

[Tolv]

Trees.

[Gustavo]

And like I said, there is a fountain. It's like a central sculpture of a silver coin the size of a dinner plate etched with wind lines, and it smells of fish, and the water is still. And there's a plaque on it.

[Tolv]

You.

[Doug]

Could we go up to read the plaque?

[Gustavo]

Yeah. The plaque reads, sacred font of the wind trader.

[Doug]

This is on the fountain?

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[Tolv]

Trader, as in, like, someone who, like, trades or someone who, okay, turned against their people.

[Doug]

Sacred font of the trader wind.

[Gustavo]

Trader of the wind. Trader wind.

[Natty]

Gigi trades wind all the time.

[Gustavo]

It's terrible. And the water is translucent and hard as a rock, but it's not ice. And there's a silver coin sculpture on a spinning swivel. And in addition to that, there's three gardeners walking around tending to the trees and various vegetation in here.

[Gunther]

Hello.

[Gustavo]

Do you approach one of them?

[Doug]

Anything else?

[Gunther]

Yeah, I say hello to one of them.

[Tolv]

Have you guys seen PI?

[Gustavo]

One of them looks up at you and says, no, haven't seen PI. Don't know where she is.

[Gunther]

And what are you gardening?

[Tolv]

Why?

[Gustavo]

That's my job. I garden here.

[Gunther]

Is this religious?

[Gustavo]

Religious? What do you mean?

[Gunther]

Are these sacred trees in some way?

[Gustavo]

Well, it's an exhibit. You got your troidal chestnut, your drizzle dogwood, and your hogwashick trickery.

[Gunther]

What is the purpose of this exhibit?

[Gustavo]

What are you showing the different trees that grow here? It's the tree sanctuary. That's what we do to preserve the trees.

[Gunther]

What are your feelings with the people who cut down the trees?

[Gustavo]

Well, it's all part of the cycle. We grow the trees. People cut the trees and use the trees, and we grow more trees.

[Gunther]

But there are not enough trees.

[Gustavo]

No, we gotta grow more. We need to get busy. That's why I'm here.

[Gunther]

How do you grow more trees besides these three?

[Gustavo]

Seeds?

[Gunther]

Oh, do you have more seeds?

[Gustavo]

He kind of, like, pats at his pockets and looks around and says, no.

[Gunther]

Gunther holds out his seeds.

[Gustavo]

Oh, thank you. He pulls them, grabs them out of your hands and, like, sticks them into his pockets.

[Gunther]

Anyone else?

[Tolv]

Do you guys. Am I going, like, cuckoo in the head, or does anybody else hear mumbling under the floor?

[Gustavo]

Gardener mumbling under the floor. Yeah, that's where a tree's roots are.

[Tolv]

Great. Do you have, like, a subterranean level of this tree sanctuary?

[Gustavo]

No, only the trees do. Okay, the root level.

[Tolv]

Got you. Do any of the trees make noise? I know that that sounds crazy talk, but, like, I swear I hear mumbling.

[Gustavo]

Mumbling the gardener gets down on the ground and puts his ear to the dirt. I don't hear anything.

[Tolv]

Great. Okay, I'm going crazy.

[Natty]

I heard it too. I heard it too.

[Doug]

Who was the person from our group who actually heard the mumbling?

[Natty]

I think we all had the same perception.

[Gustavo]

I think. Yeah, you all rolled well enough to hear it.

[Tolv]

So say that I take a pickaxe or a shovel and I dig straight down from where I'm standing. There's nothing below me that you know of.

[Gustavo]

Just dirt and roots.

[Gunther]

Can I see if they're being honest with us?

[Gustavo]

Can you make a vibe check? Insight check.

[Tolv]

Do the same?

[Gustavo]

Yeah, go for it.

[Gunther]

It's a 18.

[Tolv]

That's a 9.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, this is just some dumb gardener told you have no idea what he's on about. Gunther, you think that this person is not being forthright with you?

[Doug]

Who could have seen that coming?

[Gustavo]

You think there's something not right, like he's not behaving the way you would expect he would?

[Gunther]

Can Gunther go up to the tree and you tell me the truth or I kill the tree?

[Gustavo]

Oh, make me a perception check. Gunther.

[Gunther]

15.

[Gustavo]

As you know, you look to the tree like you're going to harm it. You notice that the two holes that are in the trunk have eyes peering out of them, watching you.

[Gunther]

Oh. Does it seem like the trees are in control here?

[Tolv]

Is that the vibe or that there might be. They're hollowed out fake trees and this is a secret base. Might be undarians.

[Gunther]

Who's in charge here?

[Gustavo]

The gardener looks around nervously and as he does so, a green skinned devil about the size of a house cat pops out of the tree, begins flying around. And out of each of the trees, another fiend bursts out and begins swarming, circling around you and your friends. Gunther.

[Tolv]

I knew I wasn't crazy.

[Gustavo]

The gardeners look at each other and say they know. Get them.

[Tolv]

Oh, remember they were. There was reports of people saying that others were being like mimics.

[Gustavo]

Everyone go and roll Initiative.

[Doug]

Oh, yeah, but that was in Enrige Bay 6.

[Gustavo]

And we will find out what those initiative roles are on the next episode of Tales of the Sneaky Dragon.

[Natty]

You don't know.

[Gunther]

21.

[Natty]

Shut up.

[Gustavo]

No, no, I'm writing them down. 21. Six. I got a 14 for Doug and a 20 for 12. Awesome. All right, so no matter what happens in the next episode of Chelsea from the Stinky Dragon, Natty is going last.

[Natty]

That's fine.

[Gustavo]

All right, tune in next time to find out what happens to the party.

[Tolv]

Farewell, trees.

[Doug]

Have I.

[Tolv]

Hey, Pointer Pro tip. Watch out for your trees, okay? There might be little undarians in them.

[Natty]

Thanks, George of the Jungle.

[Tolv]

If you're listening to this, go chop down a tree quickly. Do it.

[Doug]

Watch out for that tree.

[Gustavo]

Do it before it gets you. New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday wherever you stream podcasts and on the Stinky Dragon YouTube channel. Want to listen to the show 48 hours early and ad free? Well, become a [e-mail] or become a member of Beacon at Beacon TV. Both memberships support the show and receive access to our exclusive bonus series Second Wind and a Member Only Discord for their respective platform. Become a patron, you get access to even more exclusive bonus content, Stinky Dragon Community and Discord Events and get your name shouted out just like Migloo the goat man. Ms. Bio Major. I wonder what your major is. Paula Hoffman. I can't make a joke about that one. That's just a name. Alex Anthony. And that's two first names. I don't know how I feel about that. You listen to C Squad if you want to know more about that. And Joe Contour. These patrons directly support the show and get ad free episodes, access to our Patreon Only Discord server, bonus content like second winded behind the screen and much more. Again, that's stingydragonpod.com we can't thank you enough for your support that lets us make this show. Listeners who interacted with us on the Stingy Dragon Discord had NPCs named after them in this episode, like Private Private Parts voiced by Ben Ernst at Halcyon. Ben Bodeshe Bayer, voiced by Cody Hawkins, Hothand Hawkins and Cobb, voiced by Cameron Fletcher. Amron Fletcher. This week's agroquestion was submitted by the Jeff with a J. This episode of Tales from the Sinking Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited and composed by Michael Reisinger and additional editing work by Katherine Arnold. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Drag.