C03 - Ep. 10 - Mission Through Middrus - Don't Axe, Don't Tell

Summary

Tales from the Stinky Dragon Episode C03 - Ep. 10: "Mission Through Middrus - Don't Axe, Don't Tell" Release Date: February 5, 2025

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Introduction

In the tenth episode of "Tales from the Stinky Dragon," titled "Mission Through Middrus - Don't Axe, Don't Tell," Dungeon Master Gustavo leads the adventuring party through a perilous mission in the exotic land of Middrus. The episode blends comedic elements with classic Dungeons & Dragons gameplay, showcasing the camaraderie and playful banter among the four friends and their patient dungeon master.

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Setting the Scene

The adventure begins as the party faces off against a formidable foe named the Baron. After a skirmish with "grup and green-thumbed goons," the heroes find themselves in a dark cavern filled with mystical obelisks and the lifeless body of a wood elf. The atmosphere is thick with tension as the Baron declares her dominance over the forest.

Notable Quote:

Baron: "I filled this forest to its knees, and so shall you. All shall tremble before the Baron."
[17:05]

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The Encounter with the Baron

As the party navigates the cavern, the Baron manipulates the environment, causing the obelisks to rise and deploy minor demons to thwart the adventurers. The players engage in strategic combat, each attempting to overcome the Baron's powerful defenses.

Key Interactions:

• Chris Demaris (Tolve): Attempts to attack the obelisks but faces gravitational challenges that impede his movements. His character embodies the classic bumbling yet brave barbarian archetype.

  Notable Quote:

  Tolve: "I just want to blow up this obelisk. We're a very diverse group."
  [66:18]

• Barbara Dunkelman (Doug): Struggles with the moral complexities of her character's past crush and navigates the battle with cautious precision.

  Notable Quote:

  Barbara (Doug): "If everyone who heard that little secret could just keep it to themselves..."
  [11:13]

• Michael Risinger (Natty): Utilizes magical abilities like Hex and Eldritch Blast to weaken the demons, showcasing his character's arcane prowess.

  Notable Quote:

  Natty: "I'll hex that grind. I hex people."
  [53:15]

• John Risinger (Gunther): Engages in dynamic combat maneuvers, attempting to leap over gravitational barriers to strike the Baron directly.

  Notable Quote:

  Gunther: "What do you know of the Pathfinder? Leave me alone, lady."
  [66:18]

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Combat Highlights

The battle is marked by a series of missed attacks and fortunate hits, with players employing both strategy and luck to gain the upper hand. Despite initial setbacks, the party manages to inflict significant damage on the Baron's forces.

• Gambot's Valorous Defense: Barbara's character, Doug, commands Gambot to protect the group, resulting in strategic defense against incoming attacks.

  Notable Quote:

  Barbara (Doug): "He doesn't have arms, but somehow you could tell that he's standing up straighter and taller."
  [21:48]

• Natty's Arcane Assault: Utilizing Eldritch Blast and Hex, Natty delivers a powerful attack that pushes back the Beasts.

  Notable Quote:

  Natty: "Here, here."
  [50:55]

• Tolve's Determination: Despite taking damage, Tolve remains steadfast, demonstrating resilience and leadership in the heat of battle.

  Notable Quote:

  Tolve: "You're supposed to do. You're supposed to be the meat shield."
  [66:37]

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Climactic Moments

As the fight progresses, the party begins to turn the tide against the Baron. Natty's aggressive magical attacks and Tolve's unwavering resolve culminate in a decisive blow that disrupts the Baron's control over the obelisks.

Notable Quote:

Baron: "You think I would be afraid of a little amphibious fool?"
[76:37]

---

Conclusion and Aftermath

With the Baron's defeat, the adventurers secure victory, albeit with their own share of wounds and challenges. The episode concludes on a lighthearted note, reflecting on the day's intense but entertaining adventure.

Notable Quote:

Gustavo (DM): "Let's get some good damage here. That is eight points of slashing damage."
[61:07]

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Key Takeaways

• Teamwork and Strategy: Despite humorous mishaps, the group's strategic decisions and collaborative efforts lead to their success.
• Character Development: Each character showcases unique traits and growth, adding depth to the narrative.
• Humor Amidst Chaos: The blend of comedy with classic D&D elements offers an engaging and enjoyable listening experience for both seasoned players and newcomers.

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Speaker Highlights

• Gustavo (DM): Guides the narrative with enthusiasm and creativity, enhancing the immersive experience.

  "Episode is brought to you by Lifelock..."
  [01:01]

• Barbara Dunkelman (Doug): Balances humor with heartfelt moments, providing a relatable character amidst the fantasy chaos.

  "This is my nightmare. All right, all right."
  [04:12]

• Chris Demaris (Tolve): Embodies the spirited and sometimes clumsy adventurer, adding levity to intense scenes.

  "That's our boy."
  [21:48]

• Michael Risinger (Natty): Delivers powerful magical attacks with a flair, contributing significantly to combat dynamics.

  "Natty: I'll hex that grind. I hex people."
  [53:15]

---

Final Thoughts

"Mission Through Middrus - Don't Axe, Don't Tell" is a testament to the enduring appeal of "Tales from the Stinky Dragon." The episode expertly weaves humor, strategy, and character interplay, making it a standout installment in the series. Listeners are left eagerly anticipating the next adventure as the group continues their quest through the fantastical realms of Dungeons & Dragons.

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Note: All timestamps are based on the provided transcript and correspond to the moments highlighted in the summary.

Transcript

[Gustavo]

Yeah, sure thing.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Hey, you sold that car yet?

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah, sold it to Carvana.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, I thought you were selling to that guy.

[Gustavo]

The guy who wanted to pay me in foreign currency.

[Chris Demaris]

No interest over 36 months.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, no.

[Chris Demaris]

Carvana gave me an offer in minutes, picked it up and paid me on the spot. It was so convenient.

[Gustavo]

Just like that? Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

No hassle?

[Chris Demaris]

None.

[John Risinger]

That is super convenient.

[Gustavo]

Sell your car to Carvana and swap Hassle for convenience. Pick up.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

These may apply.

[Gustavo]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.

[John Risinger]

I don't know if you knew this.

[Gustavo]

But anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail].

[Michael Risinger]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for three month plan, equivalent to $15 per month. Required intro rate, first three months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra fee, full [e-mail] this.

[Gustavo]

Episode is brought to you by Lifelock. During tax season, your personal info travels to a lot of places between payroll, your tax consultant and the IRS. If your W2 gets exposed, that's just the ticket for identity thieves. That's why Lifelock monitors millions of data points every second. If your identity is stolen, they'll fix it, guaranteed, or your money back. Don't let identity thieves take you for a ride. Save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com podcast travel terms apply.

[Michael Risinger]

Good evening all you Arena. Burrow your way into the Stinky Dragon and quaff our latest cuppa London Hedge Fog. It's a mixture of feral grey tea, quill milk, Verminila syrup, well water and topped with a scrounging of lavender. One splash of this spine's tingling sauce and you'll be saying, gotta go fast. Previously, our adventurers were ganged up on by grup and green thumbed goons. But after a ring around the gladiatorial garden, they brought the house down. Now they've fallen face to face with a fiendish foe named the Baron. Dry yourself a drip and let's dive into this dank drama.

[Gustavo]

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon, episode number 10. We're in the double dip. They tried to stop us, but they couldn't. I'm your dungeon Master. Gustavo should roll off. I'm joined by four players. I'm gonna hit him with an arrow.

[Chris Demaris]

Yay.

[Michael Risinger]

Who is trying to Stop us.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. You know Big Rooster?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That's gotta be a villain in a future campaign.

[Chris Demaris]

I am Big Rooster.

[Gustavo]

Totally unrelated. And we can cut this if it's deemed necessary, but we've been recording episodes of anma. None of them have come out yet, but we have this recurring theme that Roost was trying to stop us for years. And now we're free, and we can do. We can do what we want. Anyway, this week, the question is, who was your character's secret crush when they were younger and did they let them know if so, what was the result?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Roll a D20.

[Michael Risinger]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Remembering.

[Chris Demaris]

I got 11 pulls. Character sheet first. Okay, here we go. I'm just going with 11 as well.

[John Risinger]

1 5.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

So Blaine and I both got 11.

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[Chris Demaris]

Let's roll off D20 again.

[Michael Risinger]

Watch out, this is important.

[Chris Demaris]

6, 17.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, so it goes. Who got a 15?

[Michael Risinger]

5. I'm holding up my number.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

So it goes.

[John Risinger]

Chris, I got a one.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, so it goes.

[Michael Risinger]

Blaine. I think I won.

[Chris Demaris]

I think I won.

[Gustavo]

Blaine.

[Michael Risinger]

Barbara.

[Gustavo]

John.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Chris.

[Chris Demaris]

This is my nightmare. All right, all right.

[Michael Risinger]

First of all, hello.

[Gustavo]

Hello.

[Chris Demaris]

I'm Tove.

[Ben Ernst]

You who?

[Chris Demaris]

I have a few bones to pick. Okay, first of all, I thought I forgot the voice, but here we are. I rolled right into. Someone set this recording to 9:45. We always do. 10. I have been rush like a madman all morning. What was the arrow? Something about to crush.

[John Risinger]

Do you want to crush?

[Gustavo]

I'm going to give you a quick life hack here. I think it would be helpful if you look at your calendar the night before, then you can adequately plan in the morning and you're not rushing around all crazy.

[Michael Risinger]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Did 15 minutes make that big of a difference?

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah, because I didn't get to feed my dog. So then I was like, kristen, can you feed the dog? I'll go feed the cats tonight. So I had to, like, start the day with negotiations, and then I'm.

[Gustavo]

What time did Blink go up today?

[Chris Demaris]

9:30. It's warm in my bed. It's cold outside. It's wet.

[John Risinger]

I got up at 9:30. No, I got up at 9 because I thought we were recording at 9:30.

[Gustavo]

Are you all children?

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah.

[Ben Ernst]

Listen, what you got to do is look at your calendar two weeks in in advance. Make a schedule, plan it out. You know, do the math equations for how long you got to sleep, when you got to get up, when you got to ask your girlfriend to feed your dog. You know, you plan all these things ahead.

[Gustavo]

You, who I'm told, Doug Are you Me?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That's. Hey, Gus. That's my secret. This whole time, I've just been role playing you.

[Gustavo]

That sounds. That's. That sounds very familiar to me. Okay, the question. Let me reread the question here for Mr. Tolv. Who was your character's secret crush when they were younger? Did they let them know? And if so, what was their result? And that was sent by Diedrich. I don't think I said that before.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah, so you.

[Gustavo]

Who I'm told.

[Chris Demaris]

Sorry about the rough introduction. Let's get into this.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Chris Demaris]

It's okay. Yes, Cole did have one crush, you know, as a bit of a sailor, a seaman going from port to port. You know, at one point, I went to a harbor town and I went into a bar where a woman was laying whiskey down. And all the sailors, they say, you know, Brandi, you'd be a fine girl. You know, what a good wife you would be, you know, but my life, my love and my lady is the sea.

[Michael Risinger]

That wasn't an ABBA reference.

[Chris Demaris]

They did a cover of this song.

[Michael Risinger]

Okay, you're confined to ABBA references.

[Chris Demaris]

I'm in ABBA jail.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Chris Demaris]

I'm going to be so real with you right now. I heard that in a song and I thought it was me. Funny.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. I think that was an old sea shanty.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah. Yeah. No, I do not. Tolf has not experienced much love in his life. You know, I said from the love of his fellow crew members. You know, and that's more of a platonic love. Yeah. No, you know, my. All my options are open. You know, we. If we find someone on this adventure.

[Gustavo]

Okay. I mean, let's not get ahead of ourselves. We're talking about the past. We're talking about, you know, in the past. That sounds like Toll is setting up a dating profile.

[Chris Demaris]

I'm an eleph eligible bachelor, so, you know, my name is Tolvi blonde. I'm about 7 foot 2. My hobbies include sailing, tying knots, hitting things with a hammer.

[Gustavo]

Sounds like a handyman.

[Chris Demaris]

Hit me up.

[Ben Ernst]

You'll find your love someday.

[Chris Demaris]

I'm hoping to tell Just yoo.

[Michael Risinger]

Where you at?

[Chris Demaris]

You up, you up.

[Gustavo]

Well, thanks, Tol. I think that was very, very insightful. And kids, if you don't get that song reference, go ask your parents or your grandparents.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

At this point, we just. Just to date this podcast a little bit. We recently put out the Spotify wrapped details, like all the different stats and demographics about our podcast. And we noticed that the 55 and up age range is 1% of our listeners. And so I want to start a petition to get everyone who listens to the show to get their mom, dad, or grandparents to listen, depending on age.

[Michael Risinger]

From the start, I've been. I've been. I've been petitioning for Grandma's from the beginning. And so I'm actually going to take credit for that 1%. That's what I mean.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

They will get our references that. That age range.

[Michael Risinger]

My other favorite demographic. Little tidbit. Fact is, every time we put out new merch, someone from Norway really likes our store. And it must be. The time is set up there. It's always like. Because I see on the back end of the store, top countries that are buying things for today. And Norway always shoots up there. And then it slowly gets pushed down by America and England and all those other kind of things. But there's someone who I'm really appreciative of in Norway.

[Chris Demaris]

He's the president of Norway.

[Gustavo]

I'm gonna do a quick plug for our Discord here. I know who that is. I've seen them in Discord. If you'd like to join our Discord to communicate with someone from Norway who loves our store, go to stinky dragonpod.com and us.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gustavo]

Sign up for Patreon and you get to get Discord access not only to us, but to someone from Norway.

[Michael Risinger]

O. I'm loving this Norwegian. That's all I gotta say.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah. Shut out.

[Michael Risinger]

Barbara, introduce us to Doug.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Hello, I'm Barbara Dunkelman, and I play Doug Boon, the Artifice, or Bugbear, currently at level three.

[Ben Ernst]

And let's see, Doug. Doug's crushes. You know, it's kind of awkward because Doug, when he was younger, grew up just like in his clan, like, in his area. So, like, having a crush on someone is kind. It's almost like having a crush on, like, your sister, which is kind of weird. But there was this one girl named Rosemary. She was, you know, about a foot taller than Doug, very strong, and made Gus feel.

[Chris Demaris]

Oops.

[Ben Ernst]

Not Gus made Doug feel some kind of way. So Gus and Doug are similar names.

[Gustavo]

They're very, very similar.

[Michael Risinger]

Did you ever tell her?

[Ben Ernst]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. I would never. That secret, other than telling all of you right now, has stayed locked away and Dug taught for a very long time.

[Gustavo]

Well, it's in. It's in the past.

[Chris Demaris]

Where's Rosemary now?

[Ben Ernst]

I mean, she might still be traveling with them, but I. I don't know. I haven't seen her in many years.

[Chris Demaris]

Oh, you know, Doug Lord, just dropped your clan travels.

[Ben Ernst]

Oh, you know, time to time. They're typically in one location, but every now and then they go out on a hunt and, you know, do you think. Do your boat thing?

[John Risinger]

Vacation?

[Gustavo]

They're like. They're like always on the look. They're like the fantasy equivalent to, like, people who go to open houses and look at houses for sale, not necessarily intending to move, but they find the right one. They're like, ooh, this is nice. We're going to. We're going to see if we can make this happen.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Put in an offer.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. That was really enlightening, Doug. Thank you. Thanks for sharing.

[Ben Ernst]

If everyone who heard that little secret could just keep it to themselves, not tell anybody who.

[Gustavo]

The circle of trust.

[Ben Ernst]

Yeah, Circle of trust was all of our listeners as well. Even in Norway.

[Gustavo]

Big circle. Your microphone's working, right, Doug? We got that.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

The circle of trust is the globe.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah, that's the circle.

[Gustavo]

Who's John, I believe Natty, I think.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah. Hi, I'm John Risinger and I play Natty Wonder, who is a drow, elf, warlock and God. Crushes. I mean, of course, I had. I had crushed. I reckon almost everybody must have a crush at some point or is hoping to have. Well, I had. Honestly, I had a lot of crushes when I was young. And in fact, I used to. I'd write a song about every crush that I had. And the funny thing is, is that actually my. My first album that I ever released was all just names of boys I liked, was all the song titles. The album was called How Do Y'all? Well, I'm Natty and y'all.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Well, I'm Natty.

[Michael Risinger]

You know, the funny thing is, is I can't. I can't remember which was my first crush, but, I mean, it's got to be one of the titles of that first album. There was Johnny Jason, Willie Whelan, Sturgill, Steve Garth, Tim Tyler and the other Tyler.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah.

[Michael Risinger]

Oh, so one of them.

[Chris Demaris]

Wait, junior or senior of what?

[Gustavo]

I know what. I know which one he means.

[Chris Demaris]

It's not Whalen, It's. Oh, never mind. There's a country singer and they're like.

[Gustavo]

It was Hank.

[Chris Demaris]

You were thinking Hank Williams Jr? Hank Williams Senior.

[Michael Risinger]

My God. Yeah, sorry.

[Chris Demaris]

That's a. Hey. Shout out to our age 55 and up demographic.

[Gustavo]

I mean, you're keeping it real. Representing. Joining me.

[Michael Risinger]

And I mean, another fun little Natty fact is that the album did so good that people. I think people started being nice to me just so I'd Have a crush on them. And I'd write a song about it.

[Chris Demaris]

Oh.

[Michael Risinger]

So.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh.

[Michael Risinger]

But, yeah, I had lots of crushes, and I told them all, Tova's in.

[Chris Demaris]

The back of the room singing, Play Jolene.

[Michael Risinger]

Play Jolene.

[Ben Ernst]

You have a question on somebody named Jolene?

[Michael Risinger]

I didn't.

[Ben Ernst]

No, Natty, you don't have to have a question on me, but what would a song about Doug be called?

[Gustavo]

Doug?

[Michael Risinger]

Oh, gosh. I haven't even started writing songs about y'all. I suppose I should get on that at some point.

[Chris Demaris]

That is this campaign's new theme song thing. That's what we do.

[Michael Risinger]

But, yeah, that's my answer.

[Gustavo]

Micah just wrote. Great.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

A new character songs, all performed by John as Natty.

[Gustavo]

Thank you, John, for referring.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah, happy.

[Gustavo]

To Gunther, why don't you step up to the mic? Yeah.

[John Risinger]

Hello, I'm Chris Demaris. I'm playing Gunther, the level three fighter Croak, folks. Or frog. When I first heard this question, at first I thought I had crushed many bugs. But then I understand you that you speak of love. And I could say this, the one that got away. Oh, my wife.

[Michael Risinger]

Oh.

[John Risinger]

Because I'm not there anymore.

[Chris Demaris]

Gunther lore.

[John Risinger]

So that would be my first crush.

[Ben Ernst]

Did you abandon your wife?

[John Risinger]

No. Yes.

[Chris Demaris]

Did she know, like. Or did you leave her a letter? Did you talk about it?

[John Risinger]

Yes, she knows.

[Chris Demaris]

Oh. But you guys are still married, right? You didn't break up, right?

[John Risinger]

Yes, she's still my wife. I'm just not there.

[Chris Demaris]

Oh.

[Ben Ernst]

She's still looking after all the kids by herself, like, single mother style. Because that's tough. That's tough life.

[Chris Demaris]

That's a D and D adventure on its own, right?

[Ben Ernst]

So many tasks and so many quests. Side quests.

[Gustavo]

And soccer practice.

[John Risinger]

I feel sadness.

[Michael Risinger]

I'm not sure Gunther knows what the phrase the one that got away means.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, it is where I'm not there.

[Chris Demaris]

Technically, you're the one that got away.

[Ben Ernst]

Yeah, more like ran away.

[John Risinger]

So I got away.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

Okay.

[Chris Demaris]

Do we need to, like, take you back home?

[Gustavo]

Gunther, are you lost?

[John Risinger]

No, I'm not lost. Where are you?

[Gustavo]

So, Gunther. Yes. There's always so many threads to pull whenever you start talking, and there's so many. Every answer yields, like, three more questions. Oh. Oh, yeah. So you're an enigma. We're gonna figure out what's going on with you. At some point, Gunther, you will hit.

[John Risinger]

Me with an arrow.

[Gustavo]

Yes, I will.

[Ben Ernst]

He already knows your game.

[Gustavo]

The next hour just needs to be. How old are you?

[John Risinger]

Secrets?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

How old do croak folk live like, what's average lifespan?

[John Risinger]

Well, it's a made up class. I mean, I'm a made up race. I say made up custom. So I think we talked about, like, normal. I don't know. I don't remember.

[Gustavo]

Micah.

[Ben Ernst]

Help us.

[Gustavo]

All right, that's. It was good. A lot, A lot of great information here.

[Chris Demaris]

I'm eating an uncrustable.

[Gustavo]

I see it didn't air fry it. Huh?

[Chris Demaris]

It's actually kind of frozen. It's when the peanut butter is nice and. Oh my God, Gus is addicted. Hey, if anyone listens has a connection with Smuckers, please get us in touch because we've gotten Gus hooked.

[Gustavo]

I ate two before we started recording. I'm set. I love these things. Oh my God, they got so many calories. But we love you, Smuckers. Okay.

[Michael Risinger]

I wink at her.

[Gustavo]

Oh, she doesn't like that. She looks at you and says, if I'm going down, you are too.

[Michael Risinger]

Oh, you can try.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Ominous.

[Gustavo]

She turns around and strikes the wall behind her. And the whole building begins collapsing all around you.

[Michael Risinger]

Uh oh.

[Gustavo]

Big pieces of lumber and the wall fall down, begin knocking holes in the ground beneath you. And you. And the whole ground begins to shake and eventually collapse. You all fall into a dark cavern. Below. You see four obelisks made of petrified wood glowing with fiendish runes. And you hear a boisterous yet posh voice say, I filled this forest to its knees, and so shall you. All shall tremble before the Baron.

[Chris Demaris]

I'm not sure if we. I think we rolled for initiative, but I'm not sure if we did. This is the Baron, similar to the fancy, like, Cyclops demon guy that was all judged out.

[Gustavo]

Give me his name and I'll give you an inspiration die, Magistrate. All right, Inspiration die.

[Chris Demaris]

Thanks, team. Go ahead and go.

[Michael Risinger]

Hey, high five.

[Ben Ernst]

We're going to split that Inspiration Die.

[Michael Risinger]

Of course.

[Gustavo]

Of course.

[Chris Demaris]

Wait, I didn't get an inspiration die, did I?

[Gustavo]

Yeah, I said if you had it. If you said, wow. I mean, this is also a demon slash Devil does not look like the Magistrate. Let me read the intro just because there is a description there. Okay. After you all fall, the dust settles and there's a glow from runes, dimly illuminating a wood elf lying on the floor amongst the obelisks. Her flannel petticoat and face are bloodied, and her bubblegum hair is torn. An immense figure steps over the elf. It's a hairy devil with brawny muscles and sprawling horns. Her armor resembles the look of the petrified wood obelisks with matching Runes. At the sight of the devil, the elf begins to whimper and limply shuffle away on the floor. The devil lifts her tree trunk sized hands and the four obelisks rise into the air. She slams her fists into the floor and the obelisks follow suit. With a wham. A wave of force discharges from the glowing obelisks, quaking the cavern. And your knees. The elf freezes in place, like a statue lying on the ground, still breathing but motionless. The devil looks down at the elf. This one proved I know nothing. And she looks up at you all. But perhaps you will prove to be more valuable.

[Michael Risinger]

Huna, Grego.

[Gustavo]

Whoever brings me these intruders will have Kyo's share of the silver. The two gardeners rise from the rubble, look down at their lifeless companion, and immediately charge after you all.

[Michael Risinger]

That's the gardeners?

[Gustavo]

Yes.

[Michael Risinger]

Okay. And we murdered one of the. One of the three.

[Gustavo]

Yes.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

The Baron is the one who was lifting the obelisks?

[Gustavo]

Yeah, not physically, but it seemed like. Yeah, it was controlling them to go up and then down.

[Chris Demaris]

Okay, guys, who should we attack first? The giant hairy demon with flying orbs that they can control with their mind, or the two people with the little hand trowels and nice little gardening gloves on?

[Gustavo]

I should have also mentioned that along with you guys and the gardeners were a couple of the corpses of those demons that you dispatched upstairs during your fight.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And we're with our team. And then Private Parks is with us too, right?

[Gustavo]

Correct.

[Chris Demaris]

Go get him. Private parts.

[Ben Ernst]

Private parts. You go after the Baron.

[Gustavo]

Why does everyone roll me? Initiative. Just so we know where everyone is. Sure.

[John Risinger]

This is a new fight from the one we were previously in. Whenever the floor collapsed.

[Gustavo]

Correct.

[Chris Demaris]

Starting fresh.

[Michael Risinger]

29, hot.

[Chris Demaris]

Dropping. 18.

[John Risinger]

15.

[Michael Risinger]

You said orbs. Did you mean obelisks?

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah.

[Michael Risinger]

Okay, just checking. Toll footer.

[Gustavo]

Obelisks.

[Chris Demaris]

Obelisks. Obelisks. Those are like these things. You ever seen the one. The 2001 Space Odyssey? You know, with the big standing thing and the monkeys go. They're like that.

[Ben Ernst]

To be more specific, is a tall, slender, a tapered monument with four sides and a pyramidal top.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah, and they make monkeys go.

[Ben Ernst]

Exactly.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah.

[Gustavo]

Doug, I think you're a little closer.

[Michael Risinger]

It's almost like Doug might be reading a Wikipedia page.

[Ben Ernst]

No, this is just Doug reading from the inside of his mind of all the knowledge he's collected in his mind palace.

[John Risinger]

It'd be weird if you could read your mind like a book, wouldn't it?

[Chris Demaris]

We've established in stinky dragon lore that Barbara doesn't Have an interesting, like, a inner monologue voice. So maybe that's how it is, is it's all, like, text.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That's not lore. That's just. Barbara does not have an inner monologue.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah, yeah, but it's like Lord of the people that listen. I don't know.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

It's just me being. It's like one of two people. The people have a inner monologue and people who don't. Oh, it's like the same thing where it's like people who stand up to wife and people who sit down to wipe.

[Gustavo]

Let's not start that one again.

[John Risinger]

People who like cilantro and don't like cilantro.

[Chris Demaris]

But that's blaine. Laura. I love cilantro.

[Gustavo]

So good. Yum, yum.

[Chris Demaris]

I just wanted to be the. Anytime we. Chris, I want to. Like, anytime we have something like a fact about our lives, we just call it lore in the stinky dragon realm.

[Gustavo]

You know, it's just reality, dude.

[Chris Demaris]

No, no. Legend has it, blame Torres Bicep.

[Michael Risinger]

I think literally the etymology of lore is something made up.

[Chris Demaris]

No.

[Gustavo]

Okay, I've got all my initiatives set up here, and just point of clarity for me, Doug. You still have gambot deployed at this point, correct?

[Ben Ernst]

Correct.

[Gustavo]

Okay, then gambot goes on your turn.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I think he goes right after me on my turn.

[Ben Ernst]

Right.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Or does it matter?

[Gustavo]

Probably doesn't matter.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah, he goes on your turn. Like, if you wanted to gambit go before you can.

[Gustavo]

So I'm gonna. I'll give an initiative overview here, and then I'll update you guys as we go. First up, we have doug with a 20, to with an 18, private parts with a 17, one of the gardeners with a 16, gunther with a 15, the baron with a 14, natty with a 9, and the other gardener with an 8.

[Michael Risinger]

Sounds good.

[Chris Demaris]

Okie dokie. I mean, while we have a moment of pause, you know, stinky dragon lord Gus loves uncrustables.

[Gustavo]

So good. Gimme. Not the grape ones, though. Just strawberry.

[Chris Demaris]

I love the grape ones.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, I know you. I figured as much because you're talking about getting them at Costco, and Costco only carries the grape ones.

[Chris Demaris]

Gus has done research that's very specific.

[Michael Risinger]

Con Crossable's facts.

[Gustavo]

Okay, so we're gonna start off here with Doug. Doug, before you're able to act, the baron screams and it's so loud you all have to cover your ears. And a swarm of those small flying demons fly out from holes in the ground and begins surrounding you.

[Michael Risinger]

Guys, they just popped out of the ground.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

How did we kill those last time?

[Michael Risinger]

Physical damage.

[John Risinger]

Not fire.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah, not fire.

[Gustavo]

That's.

[Michael Risinger]

That is correct.

[Chris Demaris]

At one point, to put his cape over the hole to block mist. So maybe I could put my shield on a hole and, like, stand on it.

[Michael Risinger]

Feel like that's gonna be like a.

[Chris Demaris]

Game of whack a mole or, like 1080 snowboarding. Because I'll be, like, surfing on my snowboard.

[Gustavo]

All right, Doug, you are up.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, the gardener is running towards us. Could I take aim at one of them with my crossbow?

[Chris Demaris]

Sure.

[Michael Risinger]

What were their names?

[Gustavo]

The two that are remaining are Grego and Hunna. Hannah is the one that had the smoking pickaxe.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, I'll do it at Hannah.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I'm guessing this doesn't hit, but that's a nine.

[Gustavo]

No, that does not.

[Chris Demaris]

Dang.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Doug, fire your crossbow. But the shot flies wide.

[Chris Demaris]

Can I give an inspiration die?

[Gustavo]

Absolutely.

[Chris Demaris]

Go ahead, take another shot.

[Gustavo]

Oh, wow.

[Ben Ernst]

Thanks.

[Chris Demaris]

I wouldn't have gotten it had you not answered the question with John.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

12.

[Michael Risinger]

That work?

[Gustavo]

No, that does not hit.

[Chris Demaris]

Give it back.

[Michael Risinger]

You know what? Screw it. You can have mine too.

[Chris Demaris]

Can.

[Gustavo]

Is that.

[Michael Risinger]

Does that happen?

[Gustavo]

I don't know, but let's say yes.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, my God.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

17.

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[Chris Demaris]

Okay, we got it.

[Michael Risinger]

Teamwork, maybe.

[Gustavo]

I think that's a miss. Let me double check. Yeah, that's a miss.

[John Risinger]

What are they gardening?

[Gustavo]

It's almost like they're not really gardeners or something.

[Chris Demaris]

It's like they're gardeners.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Well, that's annoying. All right, well.

[Michael Risinger]

Well, we got info. We know these guys are stacked.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, I guess. Could I then move right behind my steel defender?

[Gustavo]

Yes.

[Michael Risinger]

He's so much smaller than you.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I know.

[Chris Demaris]

Oh, Gambot.

[Gustavo]

Gambot, save us, Gambot.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, that's all I could do then.

[Gustavo]

Okay, what about Gambot?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Well, I have a question. How close are they to Gambot right now?

[Gustavo]

They're probably, let's call it 15ft away.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, then Gamba will move up 10ft towards the nearest enemy.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And then he will try his force empowered Rend.

[Gustavo]

Oh, that sounds powerful.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Which is a melee weapon attack. So it's a plus six to hit. And he's not gonna get it because it was a 4. So plus 6 is 10.

[Gustavo]

Not good rolls today.

[Chris Demaris]

You do your best, Gambak.

[Ben Ernst]

Oh, Gamba. You know, that was a good try, buddy. Come back to me.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And he just stepped back towards Doug another 10ft.

[Chris Demaris]

Does Gambot talk?

[Ben Ernst]

No, I talk to him, though.

[Chris Demaris]

Oh.

[Gustavo]

What is the range on Gambot's rend. Is that like a five foot reach?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Five feet, yeah.

[Gustavo]

So then if Gambot comes back to you, that would proc an attack of opportunity from Huna.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, he would. Okay, he'll stay there then.

[Gustavo]

Okay, so gambot moves up 10ft and stays there, kind of threatening Huna.

[Ben Ernst]

Yeah.

[Gustavo]

All right. That it?

[Ben Ernst]

Yep.

[Gustavo]

Okay. It normally would be Tolv's turn, but since those devils flew out, two of them are gonna go right now and they begin flying around and they're gonna. They're gonna try to swipe at Gambot. Since Gambot came out and tried to hit Hunna.

[Michael Risinger]

This is sad.

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[Chris Demaris]

This is first fight.

[Ben Ernst]

If you hoy him, it'll be okay.

[Gustavo]

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[Gustavo]

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[Chris Demaris]

What we love. Gambot protected on cause.

[Gustavo]

All right, they begin. Oh, this might have. This. That might actually not have been good for me. Well, we'll find out when we get there. All right, the two of them begin trying to bite at Gambot. Have Gambot make two constitution saving throws. Okay, I'll tell you what, just roll the D20 twice and we'll figure it out from there.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay. 7 and a 15. So total of 22.

[Gustavo]

Okay, it looks like he has a plus 4 on that. So that's an 11 and a 19, which. Yeah, that is successful. You needed an 11. So the bites actually do nothing. Yeah, is able to shake them off. Maybe it's his steel exterior.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

He. He doesn't have arms, but somehow you could tell that he's standing up straighter and taller even though he's very small.

[Chris Demaris]

That's our boy.

[Gustavo]

All right, Tolv, it's your turn. That after 12 is private parts and a couple of those demons.

[Chris Demaris]

Okay, tell me again about the surroundings. Are there any like, you know, beams holding up like. Like load bearing beams or.

[Gustavo]

Sure.

[Chris Demaris]

Explosive barrels.

[Gustavo]

So this is a pretty dark cavern. And you look around and you see veins of silver ore in the walls. It's almost like a rough rectangle kind of oblong room. You all are in the southern portion of it, and it goes out to the north from where you are. A little north of you is those obelisks. Then beyond that appear to be some piles of silver. I'm going to deal with your immediate area directly around you, because I assume that's what you're going to focus on. Where you are. There's stacks of lumber and piles of rock on the ground, and deep holes that appear to be left over from mining excavations.

[Chris Demaris]

Okay, and then with the obelisks, do I recognize the runes that are written on the obelisks that the. The baron is using?

[Gustavo]

Yeah. So you look up to the center of the room and you see four obelisks that appear to be made of petrified wood that are illuminated with. With runes. And just to reiterate, in the middle of the four obelisks is a female wood elf with curly bubblegum hair, wearing flannel petticoat. And the illuminated rooms orbit each of the four obelisks slowly and they appear to be identical on each Obelisk, and they are written in under common.

[Chris Demaris]

I don't understand our under common. I don't think I do.

[John Risinger]

Probably not under common. Like, what is that? Is that just a variation of common, but it's a different language, right?

[Gustavo]

Exactly.

[John Risinger]

Entirely.

[Gustavo]

Okay. Yeah.

[Chris Demaris]

Okay. Okay, cool. I'm going to take some. I'm going to go first of all. You, who I'm told I'm going to rage first and foremost. That's my bonus action. Am I close enough to the, like, the obelisk and the elf in the. The middle of the obelisks to. To make my movement, or is it too far away?

[Gustavo]

Let's see if the obelisk are probably, like, 25ft away from where you are.

[Chris Demaris]

Okay. I'm gonna head to the closest obelisk.

[Gustavo]

It's two on the north side and two on the south side. So when you approach, there's two. There's like, one to the west and one to the east. They're about the same distance from you. Okay.

[Chris Demaris]

I'll take the southwest one.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Chris Demaris]

Hopefully I get some bonus miles, and then I'm going to wipe at it with my warhammer.

[Gustavo]

The funny thing is, as you start to get closer, you feel like you become heavier and heavier, and it's harder and harder to move.

[John Risinger]

As he gets closer to the obelisk.

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[Chris Demaris]

Some sort of gravitational field. Do I recognize the sensation?

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah. It's after you eat a big meal.

[Gustavo]

You don't recognize the sensation necessarily, but you feel almost like you're slower. In general. From a metagame perspective, your movement speed is halved once you start getting closer to the obelisks.

[Chris Demaris]

Well, I have a walking speed of 30. Does that cancel out because it's 25 away.

[Gustavo]

It's 25 away. So then you get. I'm doing some quick math in my head. You're not able to get the entire distance. It's like once you're about halfway to the obelisk is when it starts. So then you only get about 3/4 of the way to the obelisk before you're out of your movement.

[Chris Demaris]

Okay.

[Gustavo]

So you're still. If you do your maximum movement, you're still 10ft away or so from the obelisk.

[Chris Demaris]

Okay. Then I'm gonna try to throw a javelin at one of the obelisks.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Chris Demaris]

I was thinking about double moving, but I want to get something done.

[Gustavo]

Okay, go for it.

[John Risinger]

I was also wondering, Gus.

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

Since he was raging at the end of the last battle and he. We immediately went into another battle, would he still be raging.

[Gustavo]

Oh, the council of Barbarians has convened. Someone has lit the torches.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That's a good question.

[Chris Demaris]

Constant Gum Gum, you have something to say?

[Gustavo]

Yeah, that's a. That's a good question. Whoa. Who was that? Whoa. Get back, get back.

[Chris Demaris]

You're not.

[Gustavo]

You're not allowed here.

[Chris Demaris]

Councilwoman Elgar starts on the matter.

[Ben Ernst]

You know, I'm just watching from afar. I'm not going to get involved at all.

[John Risinger]

I'm here.

[Ben Ernst]

Just observant.

[Chris Demaris]

Thank you, fellow council members.

[Gustavo]

You're not supposed to be here. Get back to the vampire. Okay, yeah, I'll say. Yeah. That you're. We'll say your rage would have continued. That you wouldn't need to reprock it. The chair recognizes the point. By gum Gum.

[Chris Demaris]

Thank you, council member. Gum gum.

[John Risinger]

You're welcome.

[Gustavo]

Okay, now get out of here for real.

[Chris Demaris]

Bye bye.

[Ben Ernst]

Okay, Gum Gum, let's go. Continue to go play make believe of up above in the threes.

[Chris Demaris]

Goodbye, council lady. Elga, say hello to. Oh, God, what's his name?

[Gustavo]

No one. Tell him no, Boris.

[Ben Ernst]

Oh, don't worry. Boris knows you. Say hello.

[Gustavo]

All right, you two, get out of here. This is in your place. Okay, so you're still making that javelin attack. I'm sorry, I got distracted by those two knuckleheads.

[Chris Demaris]

No, because of those. Those lovely council members, I've clicked my rage. So I have that back and you.

[John Risinger]

Have your bonus action.

[Chris Demaris]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Thank you. I'm gonna use my javelin, so I'm gonna roll for that. Oh, no, that's a six. I mean, they don't have very high AC because they're just stupid little obelisks, right?

[Gustavo]

Yeah, but six is a pretty bad roll. That's not gonna hit.

[Chris Demaris]

Well then let's see what my boss, your inspiration.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Die.

[Chris Demaris]

It's okay. It's okay. Don't worry about it. It's chill storm aura. You get a 10 foot aura effect. Am I within 10ft of this thing?

[Gustavo]

Yeah, I think I said 10ft. Yeah, I think I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Demaris]

When activated, one creature of your choice and your aura takes lightning damage. So I'm gonna try to use my storm aura of the sea.

[Gustavo]

Is that.

[Chris Demaris]

Am I able to do that?

[Gustavo]

Yeah, it's a bonus action. Oh, it says one creature of your choice takes lightning damage. But I mean, we'll go with it. Yes. And.

[Chris Demaris]

Oh, thank you. Yes. And D6. Rolling. That's A2.

[Gustavo]

All right. Two points of damage. 12 points at one of the obelisks. And very quietly under his breath as Kachow and his aura of lightning reaches out or extends out and hits the obelisk, doing two points of damage.

[Michael Risinger]

I just want to point out four creatures have now taken their turns. And what we have resulted in is about like the equivalent of like a static shock on the wooden obelisk. That's all that's happened so far. No one has been able to accomplish any damage. Otherwise, it's fantastic.

[Chris Demaris]

I'm sorry.

[Michael Risinger]

No, I'm saying it's Everybody. Everybody. Even the. Even those demons that were trying to attack Gambot. It's just like everyone's whiffing.

[Ben Ernst]

Yeah, but did you see how brave he was?

[Michael Risinger]

He was very brave.

[Ben Ernst]

Important aspect of all.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He stood his ground.

[Chris Demaris]

This does feel like a bit of a middle school dance. Just kind of awkward and cumbersome.

[Michael Risinger]

I love dances.

[Gustavo]

All right. Is that it for you to.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah. The. The only other thing. Do I notice it have any effect after having hit it?

[Gustavo]

It seems like the. You know, when the lightning hits the obelisk, like the runes scramble a little bit and then reform and continue spinning.

[Chris Demaris]

Okay.

[John Risinger]

Did the guy who's controlling him, did he react?

[Gustavo]

And his name was.

[Michael Risinger]

Well, it's not a guy.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, her name was.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

Not Grego. It's not Hana.

[Gustavo]

It's not Gus. It's not Chris. It's not Barbara.

[Chris Demaris]

Those are all the names I know.

[John Risinger]

Not Hana. It's you. I don't. I don't know who.

[Gustavo]

The Baron.

[John Risinger]

The Baron?

[Chris Demaris]

No.

[Gustavo]

It doesn't seem like she particularly notices. No. Because she's so focused on you guys. It's private Parts turn. Private Parts is going to do what he does best. And he's going to try to offer assistance. And who's he going to give assistance to? He's going to get close to you, Gunther.

[John Risinger]

Okay?

[Gustavo]

And say whatever you want to do. Don't worry.

[Michael Risinger]

I'll cover you.

[John Risinger]

Thank you.

[Gustavo]

Metagame perspective. You are the recipient of the help action. So you get advantage on your next attack.

[John Risinger]

Okay.

[Gustavo]

Okay. That's it for Private Parts. And it's more Demon Turn. These two are going to focus on Tolls because Toll, you were. You were doing something they didn't like. So tolls make me two constitution saving throws.

[Chris Demaris]

Okey dokey. That's 15.

[Gustavo]

That's success.

[Chris Demaris]

And a 20.

[Gustavo]

That's a success. Curses. These things are worthless. All right, that's it for them. Hey, look, I gotta try, you know. They showed up. They gotta take the shot.

[Chris Demaris]

I feel kind of bad, you know, Emotionally. It hurts that you guys ganged up on me. Does that help? Does that make you feel better?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

But isn't there, like, AC super high?

[Gustavo]

Nah, their AC is kind of garbage.

[Chris Demaris]

I'm sure you guys are gonna do great. I'm sure you guys are gonna win.

[Gustavo]

It's.

[Chris Demaris]

It's cool. Keep chins up, everybody.

[Gustavo]

All right, it's one of the gardeners turn by process of elimination. You know, this is Grego. 12 is over there. Gambot's over there. He's gonna go after Gambot because Gambot is threatening Hana.

[Ben Ernst]

I mean, he's not that threatening. He's pretty small. He gets little smile spit on my screen.

[Gustavo]

He has a war pick in his hands, and he goes up to try to smash Gambot with his war pick. This is a plus four to hit. That's a 2016 plus four. 20. Whoa.

[Ben Ernst]

Yeah, it hits.

[Gustavo]

All right. He brings the warp pick down, doing three points of damage.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay.

[Chris Demaris]

Real low scoring game, you know?

[Gustavo]

Yeah, it's a. It's a real crowd pleaser.

[Ben Ernst]

What is this, soccer?

[John Risinger]

I don't understand sports, but it made me laugh.

[Gustavo]

And I guess that's all he's going to do. That means it is Gunther's turn then. After Gunther is the Baron.

[John Risinger]

And where is the Baron in relation to Gunther, exactly?

[Gustavo]

The Baron is further up, closer to the obelisks in the center of the room. And Gunther, the entire party fell and is in, like, in the southern portion of the room. To the north of them is the obelisks. And then beyond them is. I said, like, some bones and treasure.

[John Risinger]

Okay. Baron being in the center of the four obelisks. So, like, to get to the Baron, I have to go over the obelisks. Is that correct?

[Gustavo]

I don't know if I'd say over. I'd say by them, because are they.

[Chris Demaris]

Spinning around him or are they just kind of hovering in place?

[Gustavo]

The runes are spinning around them.

[Chris Demaris]

Oh, those are two different things.

[Michael Risinger]

The runes are spinning around obelisks, which are stationary.

[Gustavo]

Oh. Oh.

[John Risinger]

In my head, they were, like, spinning, like, flailing.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah.

[Gustavo]

The Baron had lifted them up and then slammed them into the ground earlier.

[Chris Demaris]

And then the monkeys.

[John Risinger]

Okay, so could I get to the Baron in my turn?

[Gustavo]

The obelisks themselves are about 25ft away. Then she is probably another. Let's call it 10ft beyond that. So she's probably a total of 35ft away.

[Chris Demaris]

Gunther, keep in mind that you do take half speed once you get to a certain point.

[John Risinger]

Yeah. Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

All right.

[Gustavo]

Because you slow down.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah. Unless you double move.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Feel heavy.

[Ben Ernst]

Unless I have range stuff.

[John Risinger]

I want to try and do this. I want to move forward to about where the slowdown begins, you know?

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[John Risinger]

And then I want to try and standing leap where I go 25ft high or sorry, 15ft high and try and like, because it's a 15 foot radius that slows you down. So I want to try and jump over it if I can. Can I do that?

[Gustavo]

So you're jumping 15ft high and then how far forward?

[John Risinger]

Long jump is up to 25ft and your high jump is up to 15ft with or without a running start. So I'm trying to like jump over the slowdown period. I guess I have a question. Is that jump. If I jump, is it maxed out at my movement speed or can I jump past my movement speed? Does that make sense?

[Gustavo]

So are you. Look, is. Are these special moves specific to Gunther or are you asking about jump in? Okay, well.

[John Risinger]

Oh, I guess the stand the standing leap for Gunther or that the ability.

[Chris Demaris]

Good opportunity for fan art. You know, maybe like the Air Jordan logo, but with it a frog just.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Ribbit.

[Gustavo]

John.

[Chris Demaris]

John. Merchandise.

[Michael Risinger]

John. Yeah, we totally would get away with making Air Jordan references in Nike parody.

[Chris Demaris]

I'm sure they wouldn't mind. We can send them an email, perhaps letter Air Gunther Air gun.

[Michael Risinger]

We did get a notice from our fulfillment office saying that with what we have been able to do so far with the store, we have surpassed what Nike sold in its first year of business.

[Gustavo]

Wow.

[Michael Risinger]

So it's a fun little fact. I'm sure Nike didn't sell very much in their first year.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

They sold two shoes.

[Michael Risinger]

That's what I'm saying. It's like their first year as a business. But I thought that was a very silly little thing they sent.

[Gustavo]

So did a little bit of reading up on it. And it seems like your standing leap is considered part of your movement total. So it does eat into that. Because otherwise then people would break that rule by just jumping all the time and never actually moving. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so based on what you know, you can move about 10ft closer to the obelisks before that slowdown starts. So you want to move up 10ft and then try to jump the remainder of your movement.

[John Risinger]

Yeah. And I guess I'll just land because that's where the obelisk is anyway. So I'll just try and land right in the center of the obelisk so I can attack it like on the other side.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[John Risinger]

I tried to jump over the slowdown so I land within attacking distance.

[Gustavo]

Okay. So your movement is 25ft. So if you moved up 10, that would leave you 15 for your leap. And then you want to try to use that 15 to leap over and then get to the obelisk that way.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, so I can get within striking distance.

[Gustavo]

Gotcha. All right. So, yeah, you move up to 10ft and, you know, prepare yourself for a standing leap and jump in the air. And when you jump in the air, the same thing seems to happen to you. It's almost like your gravity has more effect or you're weighed down more. And rather than getting the full 15ft of the jump, you're only able to jump forward about seven or eight feet.

[John Risinger]

That's small. I was trying to jump, like, over.

[Gustavo]

Micah and I were having a side conversation. Like, we don't know why you thought of the slow as like a 2D flat thing. It's an aura.

[John Risinger]

Yeah, yeah, that's what I was saying. Like, where I get to the edge of it, I jump and then I just. It starts when I fall down into it. Does that make sense?

[Gustavo]

Yeah, but it's. It's like an aura. It's a three dimensional space.

[Chris Demaris]

Hey, Gunther. Council of Fighters, it's me, Cyborg. Do a backflip. Do a barrel move.

[Gustavo]

You jump, Kyborg. Why is everyone walking in here today?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Could all these characters help us in this battle?

[Gustavo]

I think inadvertently, it's experience we've learned with all of them. So you jump and you end up more or less at about the same place where Tolv is. You're just a little bit behind him. Actually, I think Tolv's movement is more than yours. Tol's movement is 30. Yeah.

[John Risinger]

So it's higher than 15ft, the radius of the slowdown.

[Gustavo]

So I'm just trying to picture what you're talking about here. There's two different things here, like a high jump or a standing leap. So it's like your movement is either going vertically or horizontally. If you're trying to move 15ft horizontally, you're not also going 15ft vertically.

[John Risinger]

Oh, I thought I was right again.

[Gustavo]

It's our friend the hypotenuse. You're going at an angle. Go forward to try to make the 15ft of horizontal movement.

[Ben Ernst]

It's our friend the hypotenuse.

[John Risinger]

Okay, sorry, I misunderstood how the jumping worked.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, because there's two jumps. There's a high jump to go vertically, and then like a leap or a long jump to go horizontally. It's just like in the Olympics, the dudes who jump over the bar or the Dudes who jump really far into the. The sand. Okay. So you can high five to. If you want. You're in high five distance.

[John Risinger]

Well, then I'm gonna. I guess I'll throw a hand axe.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Chris Demaris]

Just goes right into back.

[Gustavo]

Who's your target?

[John Risinger]

I'm gonna try the. What's his name? The Baron. I'm gonna throw at the Baron.

[Gustavo]

What's her name?

[John Risinger]

What's her name? Baron.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. You pull out your hand axe and take aim at the Baron and let it fly, hitting AC. Oh, no.

[John Risinger]

8.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, you. You let your hand axe fly, and the Baron just watches it as it flies by her.

[John Risinger]

What a waste of everything.

[Gustavo]

All right, listen, guys, let's just call it. I mean, we're all doing terrible today. I think this isn't going anywhere.

[Chris Demaris]

Episode's not bad.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

All right. I end my turn in. In shame.

[Gustavo]

In shame, man. Gunther, we're all there. I mean, it's been one of those episodes. All right, it's the Baron's turn. What's she gonna do, flee? Yeah. She's so terrified by all the missing are missing. She's going to. Oh, actually, I've got an idea here that you all will hit.

[Chris Demaris]

Goody.

[Gustavo]

She's going to lumber forward, and she advances on Toll. She lumbers forward and pulls out a giant axe and takes a swing at Toll. Oh, and she's large, so she doesn't have to get the full 5ft close to you. She attacks from 10ft away, and she takes a swing with this axe, which is a plus seven to hit.

[Chris Demaris]

You roll like a two, maybe a three.

[Gustavo]

I rolled a nine, which is a 16. Does that hit?

[Chris Demaris]

Oh, my God. I made it. I'm alive.

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[Chris Demaris]

I'm a 17.

[John Risinger]

AC good.

[Gustavo]

Wow.

[Chris Demaris]

I might equip my shield after this.

[Gustavo]

All right. Well, man, I wish that had hit.

[Chris Demaris]

It's okay.

[Gustavo]

She's gonna try one more. She gets two attacks. She's gonna try to take a second.

[Chris Demaris]

Okay, good. They're your turn. Go on. Step up. No, I'm done.

[Gustavo]

No, no, it's. You told. Oh, you're the Barbarian. This is what you signed up for. Oh, that's a 17, which is a 24. Yeah.

[Chris Demaris]

Great job. He did it.

[Gustavo]

Finally. Let's get some good damage here. All right. I'm gonna do some slashing damage. That is eight points of slashing damage.

[Chris Demaris]

Okay, but I'm raging, so you take four. Yeah, I'll take it this time.

[Gustavo]

And you know, it's funny you mentioned Gunther, because her attack continues through you.

[John Risinger]

Whoops.

[Gustavo]

And Continues on to Gunther.

[Chris Demaris]

What is this, Looney Tunes? Did it just chop me in half?

[Gustavo]

And then gunther, it hits AC. 14 misses. Do I need to roll that? Let me. Let me double check. Do I need to roll that?

[Michael Risinger]

Does it carry over from his.

[Gustavo]

No, I have to roll again. Okay, well, I was really excited about that. With the two attacks, I thought I was gonna be able to hit both of you four times instead of hit one of you once.

[John Risinger]

That's cool, though.

[Gustavo]

It's really one of those episodes. Yeah. Yeah. And that's it.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Payback for the insanely high AC of.

[Michael Risinger]

One of these gardeners.

[Gustavo]

She bangs the hilt of her axe onto the ground and yells, done with the patriarchy.

[Michael Risinger]

Natty goes, here, here.

[John Risinger]

What are we fighting for?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Did she actually say that, though? Like, is that like a piece of lore?

[Gustavo]

Okay, there's two of the flying devils turns, and then it's Natty's turn. These two flying devils are going to circle at Gunther. Gunther, make me two constitution saving throws.

[John Risinger]

Okay. Oh, shoot. I forgot to use my help on my attack Shoot.

[Gustavo]

Oh, I forgot about that too.

[Michael Risinger]

Oh, well, gotta remember to use your staff.

[John Risinger]

Yeah.

[Gustavo]

Private parts is crying.

[John Risinger]

That's a 20, Nat. 20 for 25. And the other one was a 10. Can I use my help on this saving throw?

[Gustavo]

The creature you aid gains advantage on the next ability check it makes to perform a task you are helping with. So it's not even an attack, it's an ability check.

[John Risinger]

Okay, so a 25 and a 10.

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[Chris Demaris]

Yay.

[Gustavo]

One of them's a failure.

[Chris Demaris]

Saying yay.

[Gustavo]

All right, so yeah, one of them you're able to shrug off, but the other one kind of hurts. And you take one point of piercing damage and it feels like your arm burns where you took the bite.

[John Risinger]

Do I have, like, an active condition on that?

[Gustavo]

Yeah, metagame wise, you're just vulnerable to fire again. And just for clarity, can't escape the fire help can be used on an attack roll. We got rule clarification here. So it's either ability check or attack roll. Okay, Natty, you're up. Then some flying devils, Then huna.

[Michael Risinger]

When you got excited about landing an attack, you reminded me, Gus. I watched this movie recently called the Last Voyage of the Demeter. It's a kind of a pretty poorly made, like, Dracula movie. They managed to, like, turn Dracula trapped on a boat with pirates. Takes like two hours of a movie for Dracula to kill them all. And while I was watching the movie, I was just like, kill somebody. Kill somebody for Dracula. At that point, I'm like, just do something that sounded like you because I was there with you when you did the. When you actually landed their role. I was like, yes, something happened. Natty's going to kind of pull up her britches a little bit and turn her gaze right at Hannah and go, hey, honey.

[Gustavo]

That's all you wanted to say?

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah. And cast Hex on Hannah. So I guess a little extra damage and I guess disadvantage on dexterity checks.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Michael Risinger]

I don't know.

[Gustavo]

We'll see. I made a note.

[Michael Risinger]

Haven't really found a lot of success with that part of Hex yet. But then I'm going to do a classic. An Eldritch blast classic. Uh huh.

[Ben Ernst]

Classic, classic.

[Michael Risinger]

Which is 18 plus 5 is 23.

[Gustavo]

23 to hit. Yeah, that hits.

[Michael Risinger]

Yay.

[Gustavo]

Something happened.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

We needed Natty.

[Michael Risinger]

Just needed Natty. I'm gonna roll that five plus three is the eldritch blast damage. Plus three for agonizing blasts. Plus they get pushed back 10, 10ft. Plus they take a D6 of necrotic, which is three damage.

[Gustavo]

So that's 14 points of damage and pushed back 10ft.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah.

[Gustavo]

Is that added up correctly?

[Chris Demaris]

Damage.

[John Risinger]

Thank goodness something happened.

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

Like that's. That's the biggest hit we've had.

[Michael Risinger]

Natty just starts doing a little. A little Miss America wave at everybody. Like, hey, everybody. Hey, everybody. Hi, y'all.

[Gustavo]

Okay. Yeah, that's a. Huna is looking worse for wear, I will say that. And it's now been pushed back 10ft.

[Michael Risinger]

Hana and Grego are fronting up on Gambot, right?

[Gustavo]

Yes.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

But he's so brave.

[Gustavo]

Well, actually, Gambot was fronting up on one of them.

[Michael Risinger]

Well, Gigi was watching that intently because Gigi has seen Gambot as like a little friend and did not like when they were attacking Gambot. Especially when Grego hit Gambot, he just started growling a little bit. So Gigi's going to lunge towards Hana as well and help mommy.

[Gustavo]

All right. Normally I would like say that you should roll to see if Gigi's gonna do that, but I totally buy that. I think Gigi would. Right. There is motivation here. Like, Gigi is angry about this.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah. I guess I'll just do. Does Huna look very wise? How wise does Hunter look?

[Gustavo]

Perception check.

[Michael Risinger]

Sure.

[Gustavo]

Or insight. Let's call it insight.

[Ben Ernst]

Check 1 to 10. How similar to Doug does huna look 5?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Check wise.

[Michael Risinger]

Check 17 plus 2. 19.

[Gustavo]

You would say that Hunna appears to be of average wisdom, but Hunna's looking.

[Michael Risinger]

Like Hunas might be Dead soon. Worse for wear was your words.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, worse for wear and probably the weakest of the major enemies that you see in front you.

[Michael Risinger]

Gigi's gonna go for a claw. I was thinking about scaring Huna, but I'm just gonna go for a claw attack.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

She's the one that has the pickaxe, right?

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah.

[Gustavo]

Correct.

[Michael Risinger]

This is plus four to hit. Giggy rolls a 17. Plus four is 21.

[Gustavo]

That hits.

[Michael Risinger]

So then Giggy does 1D4, that's a two plus three piercing damage. So that's five and must succeed on a DC10 constitution saving throw or take some some poisson damage.

[Chris Demaris]

Hey, guys, do you think that they're possessed and we should try to, like, non lethally take them down? Just want to throw that out there.

[Gustavo]

Before you answer that question, I had a question of my own. Did you say it was five points of damage? Yeah, it's academic anyway, because Huna falls to the ground.

[Chris Demaris]

Oh, okay. Oh, never mind.

[Michael Risinger]

Cool. Then get the pickaxe. Yeah. Natty yells to Gigi, gigi, grab that axe for Mama. Mama wants it.

[Gustavo]

Okay, on that, I'm gonna say you should make a check to see if Gigi actually lives.

[Michael Risinger]

All right, I'm gonna roll my D20.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And you have to say, dad axe.

[Michael Risinger]

Dad axe. That's very good. I'm surprised Gus has not given you inspiration dice for that.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, I was about to say take an inspiration dice for that one. That's really good.

[Michael Risinger]

Dang it. Gigi rolled a six. Gigi doesn't do it. Gigi instead starts protecting Gambo.

[Gustavo]

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. That seems like good motivation.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Gambot just goes.

[Chris Demaris]

Farts on him.

[Michael Risinger]

Gigi makes that sound too, but he's farting.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Those are mechanical noises. Okay.

[Michael Risinger]

Well, often mechanical noises are the expulsion of some sort of gas from a hydraulic system. So it's very similar to our gastrointestinal movements.

[Gustavo]

It's the GPR Gambot pressure release.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah. Natty's frustrated, but very happy to see that her son found a friend.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. All right, that's it for Natty and Gigi. It's a few of these flying demons turns. We'll have two of them swarm. Natty. Natty, make me two constitution saving throws.

[Michael Risinger]

That's an eight. That ain't gonna pass. That's a four. So two fails. You're welcome, Gus.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

There you go. Happy birthday Day.

[Chris Demaris]

Yay.

[Gustavo]

You take a whole two points of damage, and the bites also feel like they're itchy and burning. And metagame you're also vulnerable to fire.

[Michael Risinger]

Oh, okay.

[Gustavo]

Okay. There's two more of those flying demons. Doug has been left unscathed, so the other two go to Doug. Doug, two Constitution save you. Barbara's eyes got really big and she started looking around.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Two constant cuts.

[Gustavo]

Your city throws.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

So are they physically attacking me?

[Gustavo]

Yes, they're like bites.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Cuz I also have something called S.H.I.E.L.D. which is a reaction.

[Chris Demaris]

I have one of those too, and.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I don't know if I could use it in this kind of sense, but.

[Gustavo]

So this normally works with most attacks. If, like there's an attack roller AC involved, this is kind of a special attack where it's just directly a save.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay.

[Gustavo]

So yeah, SHIELD would not work with this.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, I will hold on to it for further notice. Notice. Okay, so you said two Constitution saving throws.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Oh, God. And as you've seen, worst case scenario, you're gonna take two points of damage.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah. Oh my God. I did not roll. Well, an 8 and a 12.

[Gustavo]

Okay. So one of them fails. So you take one point of damage and you're bitten. And the source of the bite's like a. Like a really angry mosquito bite kind of burns. And you're also vulnerable to fire damage.

[Michael Risinger]

Okay.

[Gustavo]

All right, that is it. We're gonna go back up to the top of the order. So Doug, it's your turn. Then after Doug, two of the devils, then Tolve and Private parts.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

How close am I to tolve?

[Gustavo]

Tolv ran up from where you were. So he's roughly. We say roughly 20, 25ft because he ran towards that southwest obelisk.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay. And if I run towards him, am I opening myself up for any attacks of opportunity from anything?

[Gustavo]

You've got two of these flying demons around you. You. They would potentially be able to attack you.

[Ben Ernst]

Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I guess instead of doing that. I don't know if this is allowed. I have a hand axe. If I swing it in a kind of a swooping motion, could I manage to hit both of the flying demons?

[Gustavo]

I'm gonna say normally, I love yes sanding. I'm gonna say no because of special abilities that allow you to do that kind of thing. So I don't want to give you that without you having those abilities.

[Michael Risinger]

Sweeping attack like what the Baron just did.

[Ben Ernst]

I know, right?

[Gustavo]

Exactly. With the Baron.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Okay, I'm. I'll just use my hand axe to swipe at one of them then.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Ben Ernst]

18.

[Gustavo]

That hits.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Doing three points of slashing damage.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, you slash at the flying demon and you cut its head off and it Falls.

[Ben Ernst]

All right. Okay.

[Michael Risinger]

Gigi starts eyeing that head as a chew toy. Gigi loves skulls. I'm so glad these are small.

[Gustavo]

They're like Giggy sized.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And that's all I could do for myself.

[Michael Risinger]

He's teething right now.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

But then I think Gambot is going to jump up and try to do his little melee weapon attack on the other demon if he's close enough.

[Gustavo]

Gambot ran up and is currently threatening Grego.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Then he's gonna get Grego.

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Little weapon attack here. Nice. That's a 23.

[Gustavo]

That hits. Cool.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That will be six points of force damage on Grego.

[Gustavo]

What is that kind of attack? Is it like his head extends pneumatically and smashes into Grego?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I imagine he has like a spring loaded head like right into his chin probably.

[Gustavo]

Ooh.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Making him fly backwards like a piston. Yeah. Very, very devastating attack.

[Gustavo]

It's like an uppercut like coming just up from under, hitting the bottom of the chin. Ooh, yeah. Grego gets hit in the chin by the spring loaded Gambot head. And you see three little birds appear around Grego's head tweeting in a circle.

[Michael Risinger]

It should be like three little like winged demons just beep beep beep.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Yeah. Three little winged demons and three stars.

[Ben Ernst]

Excellent move. Gambot just. I programmed you.

[Michael Risinger]

Giggy's eyes are wide like an anime girl as he watches Gambot.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Once Gambot lands back on the ground after his blow, he looks over to Gigi and does the equivalent of if he had a top hat on and went, m'lady.

[Chris Demaris]

A little head tilt.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Little head tilt.

[Gustavo]

I feel like if his head is spring loaded like it would kind of wobble down a little bit. Kind of like tipping a hat. Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah.

[Gustavo]

I love it.

[Michael Risinger]

If there was text that accompanied this game, it would just. It would just say geeky will remember that.

[Gustavo]

Oh, such a clutch off season pickup, Dave. I was worried we'd bring back the same team. I meant Those blackout motorized shades lines.com made it crazy affordable to replace our old blinds. Hard to install. No, it's easy. I installed these and then got some for my mom. She talked to a design consultant for free and scheduled a professional measure and install hall of fame son.

[John Risinger]

They're the number one online retailer of.

[Gustavo]

Custom window coverings in the world.

[Michael Risinger]

Blinds.com is the goat shop blinds.com right.

[Gustavo]

Now and get up to 45% off select styles. Rules and restrictions may apply. All right. Is that it? Yeah. All right. It's two of these winged Demons turns.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I got one of them right.

[Gustavo]

You got one by you. There's ten total. So now.

[John Risinger]

Oh my goodness.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, there's. There's still. There's nine left. These two are gonna go after toll. So tolls make me two constitution saving throws.

[Chris Demaris]

Okay, gee whiz. That's a 18 and a 18 17.

[Gustavo]

All right. Yeah, those are both successes. You, you swat at them. They're just annoying you.

[Chris Demaris]

Sorry boys. Next time. Next time.

[Gustavo]

And it's your turn then after you use private parts then some demons and Greco.

[Chris Demaris]

Okie dokie. All right, so I was already making some progress to that southwest obelisk. Yeah, I'm gonna finish the distance which I imagine I have enough even with the slowed down thing because I have 30ft of movement.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, it's about 10ft away or so. So even you know it takes double. So it takes 20ft of your movement where you're able to reach the southwest obelisk.

[Chris Demaris]

Okay, so I lumber up to the obelisk. I square up to it actually.

[Michael Risinger]

Did someone pull out the. The sandstorm thing?

[Chris Demaris]

No, this is sling a small sandstorm. Yeah, I'm gonna take a two handed attack with this. I haven't equipped my shield, so I'm gonna roll for that with my war hammer. Kachow 17 that hits. Okay, here's my damage and I do.

[Gustavo]

Want to clarify just for anyone who may be listening. Just so they don't say that you didn't have an attack opportunity taken on you. I specified The Baron was 10ft away. Oh actually yeah. The Baron is 10ft away and her reach is 10.

[Chris Demaris]

Why do we got a chance?

[Gustavo]

You can take an attack opportunity on you on that. So if you want to move, I'll have her take the attack of opportunity. If you don't want to move, I'll retcon it and say you did take the attack.

[Michael Risinger]

You got this big strong toll.

[Gustavo]

You're a tank.

[Michael Risinger]

Big strong raging tove.

[Chris Demaris]

This does change things.

[John Risinger]

The attack of opportunity would it hit us both potentially.

[Gustavo]

So that ability that allows the baron to hit two targets is a special ability. So it has to be on one of her attacks. Not just like attack of opportunity is just a reaction. So it's just like a knee jerk. One swing, she would not be able to cleave.

[Chris Demaris]

Then I'm going to equip my shield and still make my movement towards Theopolis. Opening myself up to an attack of opportunity.

[Gustavo]

Understood. I think that's a good move personally.

[Chris Demaris]

Oh, Council of barbarians is a new member.

[Ben Ernst]

Jerry is still out.

[Chris Demaris]

She realize you and Elliot mode. Sorry.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

She popped her head back in.

[John Risinger]

Are you playing without me? Can't come over and play.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Gus is shoving us out.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, Gunther has. I mean, not Gunther. Gum. Gum has not played in a while. He's like desperate to come out and play. I rolled a nat 20.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah, sure. Great. Good, good. Fantastic.

[Gustavo]

Which is a hit. That means I will roll. She, you know, takes a huge swing and does 17 points of damage. Slashing damage. So you take half. So you take eight. And as she strikes you tall, she yells, what do you know of the Pathfinder?

[Chris Demaris]

Leave me alone, lady. I just want to blow up this obelisk.

[Gustavo]

Golly.

[Chris Demaris]

I'm like so down to take down the patriarchy. You don't even know. We probably have so much common ground. But you came out here with your axe and your gardeners. I don't even know if this is going to work. I feel so stupid. I'm taking all the damage.

[John Risinger]

That's what you're supposed to do.

[Gustavo]

You're supposed to do.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, you are. You are the meat shield.

[Chris Demaris]

I don't like it. Okay.

[John Risinger]

Welcome to the council.

[Gustavo]

All right, so you take the damage, but you keep moving because tolve is so mighty. And you approach the southwest obelisk and you take your attack. And we'll use the roll that you had, which was a hit.

[Chris Demaris]

I have to correct myself though. I need to re roll damage because now it's one handed because I have my shield equipped because I was going to get into my big old packs.

[Gustavo]

Roll that damage.

[Chris Demaris]

Great. It's worse. Eight.

[Gustavo]

Eight points of damage. Yeah. The obelisk begins splintering and it seems like eldritch energies are like flying off of it.

[Chris Demaris]

Okay, I'm gonna finish the fight on this stupid thing and use my bonus action, which is my storm aura. So I'm gonna use that which is, you know, tin feed aura effect when you start your rage. And bonus action, your turns reactivated. What creature of your choice, signora, takes lightning damage. So that's a 1.

[Gustavo]

D. Are you doing it on the baron or the obelisk?

[Chris Demaris]

The stupid obelisk that's done nothing to me that I don't even know if it's going to blow up or not.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I feel like to should get angry like this more often.

[Chris Demaris]

2. I am raging. So skinned character.

[Gustavo]

So 2 points of damage.

[Chris Demaris]

2 points of damage.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. The obelisk explodes into splinters and energy and it seems to fly everywhere and you no longer feel encumbered and slow.

[Chris Demaris]

We won the fight, everybody. We did it.

[Michael Risinger]

The fight against gravity.

[Chris Demaris]

I have 10ft of movement remaining. May I take it?

[Gustavo]

Correct. Yeah. Correct. Yeah. Okay.

[Chris Demaris]

Then I'm going to go up to pie a la mode, and I recognize that I am dipping into extra, extra bonus action gum gum time. So if I can shake her or give her a nudge awake or something, great. If not, I understand you can do.

[Michael Risinger]

Free action of talking paella mode.

[Chris Demaris]

Would you wake up? I have taken so much damage, and I am hurting so bad right now, you don't even know.

[Gustavo]

So you walk up to her and using your remaining 10ft, and try to, like, rouse her with your voice.

[Chris Demaris]

I'm gonna put her in between me and the Baron, in fact, because I don't want to take more damage. This barbarian shtick is so different Cones.

[Gustavo]

As you begin approaching the unmoving PI Aayla mode, once again, you begin slowing down and get slower and slower.

[Chris Demaris]

Gosh, what did I do to you?

[Gustavo]

You're not able to get all the way there.

[Chris Demaris]

Is it something I said? Was it something I did?

[Gustavo]

You look around and you see three of the other obelisks are still glowing with runes spinning around them. And you notice that a piece of the armor on the Baron is no longer glowing either. Like it was before. Before.

[Chris Demaris]

Oh, something, I guess.

[Gustavo]

Okay, so you can yell at PI a la mode, but you're not able to get all the way there.

[Chris Demaris]

Okay, wake up. If I was in walking distance of you, I would shake you awake.

[Gustavo]

She doesn't lift her head or move, but you hear a muffled voice say, I can't move.

[Michael Risinger]

So you did help.

[Chris Demaris]

Is it the obelisks?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

It might be like the gravitational effect that you guys were feeling, like, really intense by where she is.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'm working on it. And then I go back to the team, guys. I'm like, these obelisks have, like, armor something effects on the Baron. So, like, if you want, I can try to take all of them down, but this is a very slow process.

[Ben Ernst]

You're doing great. You're doing great, Tove. Keep at it.

[Chris Demaris]

I feel like it. I feel, like, bad.

[Ben Ernst]

In fact, Progress is progress, even if it's just one little step.

[Chris Demaris]

Okay, That's. I am rallied.

[Michael Risinger]

I'm so in love with this chapter of Toll. This is so good.

[Gustavo]

Oh, he's got to come to grips with the fact that he's a damaged.

[Michael Risinger]

I love Blaine's frustrated.

[Chris Demaris]

Toll voice is the best.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I love the more high pitch it gets.

[Chris Demaris]

I'm rich. Okay. Excuse me.

[Michael Risinger]

It's so good.

[Gustavo]

Is that it for you, Tolfers? Or anything else.

[Chris Demaris]

I have nothing else to contribute to this.

[Michael Risinger]

I give toll my turn. Tolve can have my.

[Chris Demaris]

No.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That'S something you're allowed to do.

[Gustavo]

No, no, no, no.

[Michael Risinger]

Closest thing is what private parts is doing, which is help. Yeah, right.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah. I don't think I have anything else. I'm just gonna brace for the next attack from the baron that will surely knock me and my.

[Gustavo]

But all right, well, it's not the baron's turn yet. It's private parts who tried to help Gunther and watched him fly off into the distance. So private parts will turn to Natty.

[Michael Risinger]

And say, well, I guess Gunther doesn't want my help.

[Gustavo]

So I'll cover you. I'll help you. So now you have. You're the recipient of the help action, Maddie.

[Michael Risinger]

All right, I'll take the high notes, you take the low notes. Okay?

[Gustavo]

Yeah, sounds good. And then after he says that, Private part looks down at his notebook and begins scribbling furiously.

[Michael Risinger]

You're taking notes while we're doing this? What are you doing? That's my job.

[Gustavo]

They sent me here to evaluate your combat effectiveness.

[Chris Demaris]

How are we doing so far?

[Gustavo]

We don't have the final tally yet.

[Ben Ernst]

Is this all a simulation, Private part?

[Michael Risinger]

Oh, definitely not.

[Chris Demaris]

Is the baron actually still I kill you.

[Ben Ernst]

We knew Steel Eye was against the patriarchy from the beginning.

[Gustavo]

He seems like it. Yeah. All right. Borosai. That was told. Private parts. It's a couple of the flying devils. These two around Gunther. Gunther make two constitution saving throws.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Gunther, Giggy, Gambot. We have all a G's.

[Gustavo]

Oh, yeah. Grego.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Grego.

[Gustavo]

All right.

[John Risinger]

I failed both those nine and seven. Hit me.

[Gustavo]

All right. And you all don't know this, but the the demons are called Grilps. My whole initiative is just filled with G's. Over here.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, my God.

[Michael Risinger]

And your name is Gus.

[Gustavo]

And I'm Gus. Yeah. Yeah. You take two points of damage from the bites, Gunther, and you're still vulnerable to fire. All right, you need to get some off or something. I do burn a citronella candle. Yeah.

[John Risinger]

Oh, I have a tongue.

[Gustavo]

That's them. It's Grego's turn. Grego just got uppercutted by Gambot. And Giggies in front of him as well. He's gonna bring that War pick down again on Gambot. Try to return the favorite here.

[Michael Risinger]

How dare you.

[Gustavo]

War pick is plus 4. That's an 11. That's a 15.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That's equal to it. So I guess that's a hit.

[Gustavo]

Yay. Yeah. That hits the warpit comes down, hitting Gambot, doing some piercing damage. That's seven points of piercing damage right on Gambot's little head.

[Ben Ernst]

Seven.

[Gustavo]

Woof.

[Chris Demaris]

That's nice. Mike just put something in the chat he said meets it.

[Michael Risinger]

Beats it.

[Chris Demaris]

That's like a good little mnemonic device.

[Gustavo]

Yep. So Gambot's still up? Yeah. Oh, curses.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

All right, Gambut's got 21 HP for what it's worth.

[Gustavo]

Go.

[Michael Risinger]

Almost as sturdy as Natty.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I mean, it is made of steel. So, you know.

[Gustavo]

All right, that's it for Grego's turn. That means it's Gunther. Then after Gunther is the Baron, then some devils, then Natty. Okay, Gunther, you're no longer slowed down. You have your normal movement.

[John Risinger]

And how far is the next nearest.

[Gustavo]

Obelisk from where you are? The next nearest one is either the one north of you or the one east of you. Oh, and you weren't all the way there? The one to the north is about 35ft north, and then the one to the east is about 35ft kind of east.

[John Risinger]

All right, all right, all right, all right.

[Ben Ernst]

What's she going to do?

[John Risinger]

I can't get through them, but. And where's. What's the.

[Gustavo]

The Baron?

[John Risinger]

The Baron. She's within. She's like 10ft away, right?

[Gustavo]

She's about 10ft away from you. Yeah.

[John Risinger]

And there's two bugs on me, correct?

[Gustavo]

Demons. But, yeah, in Gunther's mind, I think they're like mosquitoes, Right? They're like bugs flying around here.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I do like the idea of us calling demons bugs.

[John Risinger]

All right, I want to run past the bugs. I don't know if they take attacks of opportunity.

[Gustavo]

They do. Yeah. So roll two. Concentration throws 12 and a 20. Those are fine. Yeah. You take no damage and I'll pass.

[John Risinger]

By the baron, Correct?

[Gustavo]

Yes. And the Baron would get an attack of opportunity.

[John Risinger]

They've already used their attack of opportunity.

[Gustavo]

Oh, you're right. Look at that. Their reaction's done.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Look at you.

[John Risinger]

So I want to go ahead and attack.

[Gustavo]

Before you attack, I'm going to ask you to do something for me, Gunter. I want you to make me a perception check.

[John Risinger]

Thirteen.

[Chris Demaris]

Not bad.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. As you're, you know, running by, you know, evading the demons, AKA bugs, and running by the Baron, something on the obelisk catches your eye, you look around and you notice you can read what's on all of them.

[Chris Demaris]

Oh, I.

[John Risinger]

Can I speak under common?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Did you not check that?

[John Risinger]

No, I forgot.

[Gustavo]

I've been waiting to see if he remembered that he could read under common.

[John Risinger]

I even, like, clarified. Oh, my God.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I feel like whenever you mention a language, the first instinct that I have is, let me look at my languages. Do I know it? No, idiot.

[Gustavo]

The runes come into focus and you realize that they all say lumbering, Encumbering.

[John Risinger]

Lumbering. Encumbering, I say aloud, is what the ruins say.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

There is lumber down here. Maybe there's something we need to do with the lumber.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. And the obelisk star. Wooden.

[Chris Demaris]

I thought for sure it was the stock market ticker. And the. The down Jones was down.

[John Risinger]

Lumbering, encumbering and. Yeah, where's the lumber in relation to us?

[Gustavo]

Wants to deal with it. There's just piles of lumber scattered all around the southern end of the room where you all. Well, I guess fell into. I was gonna say entered.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, dang. I wish it was my turn.

[Chris Demaris]

I feel like it's just. That's like the spell that's on the obelisk's lumber things is that they encumber us.

[John Risinger]

All right, well, I'm gonna go ahead and I'll stab at the Baron.

[Gustavo]

Ooh. Okay.

[John Risinger]

While I'm passing by and I don't know if I can try and aim for. I guess it doesn't really matter. Aim for the spot where the armor wasn't illuminated.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, let's just see how the rolls go, and we'll figure that out. That's 10 to hit. No, that's a miss.

[Chris Demaris]

But do you have that inspiration die? Right, Right.

[John Risinger]

No, but I do have Action Search.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Is that how Gunther says it?

[John Risinger]

Action series.

[Gustavo]

It's very different from Kybor.

[Chris Demaris]

This pleases the Council of Fighters.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

One other one.

[John Risinger]

All right, that next one is 23.

[Gustavo]

Oh, that does hit.

[John Risinger]

All right, so that's nine damage.

[Gustavo]

Okay, what kind of damage is that?

[John Risinger]

It's gonna be piercing.

[Gustavo]

Okay, nine points of piercing damage on the Baron.

[John Risinger]

I want to make a menacing attack. When I hit with a weapon attack, you spend one spear already die. To add the total to the damage roll, and the target must make a wisdom saving throw on failure. It is frightened of you until the end of your next turn.

[Gustavo]

Oh, interesting.

[John Risinger]

So DC14 wisdom saving throw, and I get to add a superiority D to the damage.

[Gustavo]

Okay, you said DC14 Wisdom. Boom. I'm rolling. Then I'm going to look up the modifier. Oh, I rolled a 14, so that's a success. Oh, let me make sure it's not a negative modifier. I don't think it is, but let me just verify. Is no, wisdom is plus three.

[Chris Demaris]

Oh, okay.

[Gustavo]

17. Okay.

[John Risinger]

So it's not scared of me. Yeah, well, it still gets extra damage.

[Gustavo]

All right. What is that extra damage?

[John Risinger]

7.

[Gustavo]

Is that the most damage we've seen from a single attack?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

16 points probably so far today.

[Gustavo]

It's pretty good.

[Chris Demaris]

My God, he's the one.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

He's fighting.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Your attack lands and you poke the Baron who. Who laughs and says, you think I would be afraid of a little amphibious fool?

[Michael Risinger]

You know what they say, don't poke the baron.

[Chris Demaris]

That's good. That's very good.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That's a good one.

[Gustavo]

Take an inspiration. Die. That's good.

[Michael Risinger]

Oh, good. Okay, I'll take it.

[John Risinger]

I want to use the rest of my turn to move towards the nearest obelisk. Whichever one.

[Gustavo]

Okay. To.

[John Risinger]

Isn't going towards.

[Gustavo]

Well, to Went towards the middle.

[John Risinger]

Towards P. Okay, then I'll move.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah.

[John Risinger]

To wherever the cliff close this one is.

[Gustavo]

It's either north or east. You pick north. Okay. Gunther begins continuing or continues north towards that obelisk. See, you would move another 15ft. It was 35ft away. Yeah. So you're getting like right to the boundary where it begins to start. You know where like it would begin to start slowing. And you're right. Right at that boundary. Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

The 2D flat boundary.

[Gustavo]

The floor is lava.

[Chris Demaris]

What if we incorporated the Z axis, Gus? How would you feel about that?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Fancy.

[John Risinger]

And I shall end my turn.

[Gustavo]

That's it for Gunther. It's the Baron's turn. Okay. The Baron sees to go into pie a la mode. Gunther has gone by to the north. Gambot's over there. Natty and Private parts are to the south.

[Chris Demaris]

You know when a dog is like definitely in trouble and they just kind of side eye you? Because they don't want to.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, they want to see what you're.

[Chris Demaris]

Doing, but they don't want to attract your attention. That's what Tolva's doing right now to the Baron. He's just kind of looking away, but eyeing. Eyeing the Baron. Eyeing the Baron.

[Gustavo]

I know what the. I know what the baron will do. The Baron picks up the broken obelisk that's fallen over the one that's to the southwest. Picks it up and hurls it to the north, trying to hit both Tolve and Gunther with it.

[Chris Demaris]

Fantastic.

[Gustavo]

Great. Both of you make dexterity. Saving throws.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Run.

[Chris Demaris]

I have advantage on dexterity.

[Gustavo]

So that was a 15. The barbarian 23.

[John Risinger]

And.

[Chris Demaris]

And a one.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh God.

[Gustavo]

15 and a 23 then.

[John Risinger]

Yeah.

[Gustavo]

All right. Yeah, you both succeeded. Oh, thank God. You both duck out of the way, and the. The broken obelisk flies over your heads where your heads would have been, and crashes to the north end of the room.

[Chris Demaris]

We almost died, dude. Did you see them lob that obelisk at us?

[John Risinger]

It was fast.

[Chris Demaris]

It was very fast. It's very lethal.

[Gustavo]

Once again, she raises and slams her fists on the ground. And the obelisks all discharge a wave of force. Gunther and Toles. Yeah, just you two make dexterity saving throws again.

[Chris Demaris]

Oh, advantage on dexterity.

[John Risinger]

15.

[Chris Demaris]

That's a 15 and a 16.

[Gustavo]

Those are both successes. All right.

[Chris Demaris]

You hate to see it.

[Gustavo]

There's a wave of force, like an invisible wave of force radiates out from all of the obelisks and, you know, goes through your body and over you. But you brace yourselves and hold fast on the ground, unmoving. And, you know, you're kind of shoved around a little bit, but you. You manage to stand your ground.

[Chris Demaris]

I have my sea legs, I guess.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, that helps, man. Those were both two really good attacks. And y'all saved.

[Chris Demaris]

Welcome to my world. Sorry.

[Gustavo]

All right. I mean, that's all she can.

[Chris Demaris]

You did your best. You did. You did your. You just tried your hardest. That's what counts.

[Gustavo]

She looks at you, Tolv, and says, you will tell me your secrets. You surface dwellers are all the same.

[Chris Demaris]

We're a very diverse group. In fact, I don't think that that's true at all.

[John Risinger]

I sometimes. Do not surface dwell.

[Gustavo]

And you never tell secrets. You have too many.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Do not surface dwell.

[Gustavo]

It's two of the flying demons turns. These two went after Natty. Natty, you make two saves.

[Michael Risinger]

17 is my first roll, and seven is my second.

[Gustavo]

All right, so you fail on one of them, you take one point of damage, and itchy out burns.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You should go to your doctor.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Natty, it's your turn.

[Michael Risinger]

How far is Natty from the smoky.

[Gustavo]

Pickaxe that was on Hannah? Her body's up where Gambot and Giggy are. It's not too far from you. 10, 15ft, maybe. Not far at all.

[Michael Risinger]

Grego is still fronting up on Gambot. Just smashed him. Grego has taken much damage. Little damage, no damage.

[Gustavo]

Grego's taken a decent amount of damage, but Grego still looks healthy. Not in the danger. Falling over immediately, but definitely bloodied.

[Michael Risinger]

Okay, can I have Gigi go?

[Gustavo]

Yeah, why not?

[Michael Risinger]

All right. Natty yells out, gigi, bang. And Gigi goes for a bite on.

[Gustavo]

Grego real fast before you rolled that. And again. I'm trying to yes. And Giggy. Do you think Gigi would be conflicted at all here because Gambot tipped his hat at him. Like, is Giggy inspired? Maybe gonna want to smooch Gambot instead of. Instead of attacking now?

[Michael Risinger]

Gigi doesn't think of Gambot that way. Gigi's like, this is a buddy. This is a little. This is a little. He wants to go on adventures with Gambot. He wants to make sense, make pillow forts and climb trees. That's what he wants.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And they could definitely do that because Gamer could launch Gigi up using his spring load.

[Michael Risinger]

That's all the mathematical equations going on in Gigi's head, but they're all like, wrong math and like scribbles.

[Chris Demaris]

There's emojis thrown in there.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's definitely like some poop emojis and that kind of thing up there. Okay. Gigi does a bite. Gigi rolls a 16 plus four. So 20 dirty 20 that hits. And Gigi does. What is that a D4 plus three. That's a three. Plus three is six. And then give me that 10. DC 10 constitution saving throw. So six damage. And then give me a con.

[Chris Demaris]

From the inventors of Bat Comes bite. New shirt line coming out soon.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

It's spelled the same way though. Just said.

[Gustavo]

Constitution. I have a plus two on this.

[Michael Risinger]

This and roll a seven.

[Gustavo]

I rolled a three. How's that?

[Michael Risinger]

You are poisoned. Oh, and you take some poison damage too. 2D4. That's a 2. That's a 2. So 4.

[Gustavo]

Grego begins coughing.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah. 9 damage and poison.

[Gustavo]

Still alive.

[Michael Risinger]

Cool.

[Gustavo]

Micah says that the Giggy Gambot team up is Gigam.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, my favorite pattern.

[Michael Risinger]

I keep forgetting to say this on the proper podcast. I want to be very clear. Gigi is spelled G I G. G Y. I see a lot of people going G I G. I'll. Gigi spells it.

[Gustavo]

Good to know.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah. Just want. Just. We don't spell out very much stuff here. So I'm some people and that's always confusing.

[Gustavo]

So I'm helping.

[Michael Risinger]

I'm helping.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Very true.

[Michael Risinger]

Okay. Natty runs up and grabs that pickaxe. Yes.

[Gustavo]

Okay. Yeah. You run up and grab it.

[Michael Risinger]

What kind of cool armor transforms onto me and turns me into like a really cool looking, like, gladiator?

[Barbara Dunkelman]

You are Iron man now.

[Michael Risinger]

Yeah.

[Gustavo]

You pick it up and you see it's a bloodstone pickaxe that's just wafting with smoke. And just as a reminder, in the last episode you saw Huna use This. And when she activated it, the head transformed into like a dragon wyrmling head and exhaled like a breath weapon.

[Michael Risinger]

Oh, cool. Does Natty feel like when she picks up the pickaxe she can like tap into that same kind of ability?

[Gustavo]

Sure, yeah, why not?

[Michael Risinger]

She's smart. Yeah, she's very smart.

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[Michael Risinger]

Not Doug smart. More like your grandma who's like been around for forever and can do a million things smart.

[Ben Ernst]

Well, not a lot of people Doug smart.

[Michael Risinger]

I would agree.

[Gustavo]

I would agree.

[Michael Risinger]

I would never impede upon your. Your hold on that. That area. Okay. Would I be able to do that attack and in a way that would catch more than Grego in the crossfire. Perhaps a. A demon or petrified wood or baron.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, Let me just verify the range on that.

[Chris Demaris]

Maybe a gunther. No, no.

[Gustavo]

It's a 15 foot cone that it operates in. So from where you are, if you.

[Michael Risinger]

Went up and grabbed it where Hana.

[Gustavo]

Died, Hanno died, you could definitely hit Grego and the southeast obelisk.

[Chris Demaris]

Cool.

[Michael Risinger]

Then shall do that. But first a bonus action. Grego's looking pretty bad, right?

[Gustavo]

Yeah, not great. Not he's not just about to fall over. But it's gonna happen soon.

[Michael Risinger]

Let's hex him. I like to hex people. I hex that grind. I hex people. I'll hex. I'll hex. Yes. That's what. That's what Natty says. Thank you.

[Ben Ernst]

I'll hex.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Break loose.

[Michael Risinger]

Okay. And then take disadvantage on dexterity checks. That's fine. Yeah. I cast whatever the thing you described was. Gus.

[Gustavo]

Okay, let me just put that status effect on Grego. All right. Yeah. You. Natty picks up the axe.

[Michael Risinger]

Is it called Puff the magic dragon spell?

[Gustavo]

Yeah. And you know, feels that. That arcane energy flowing in it and points it at Grego and the obelisk and roll me a D6.

[Michael Risinger]

Natty, I'll be very clear. Natty uses the pickaxe to strum her autoharp and then cast it out.

[Chris Demaris]

Ooh la la.

[Michael Risinger]

What is. What was that roll again? Because I was making a dumb joke.

[Gustavo]

Joke. Just roll a D6.

[Michael Risinger]

D6.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

An important joke, A vital joke.

[Michael Risinger]

They could be dumb and important.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

That's very true.

[Chris Demaris]

Yeah. Look at Chris.

[Michael Risinger]

2.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. I love that Chris was the. The first to laugh at that. And it was the loudest to laugh at it.

[Michael Risinger]

What I thought about when I said that was my teenager children, which you often.

[John Risinger]

You often compare me to.

[Michael Risinger]

There are a lot of comparisons persons.

[Gustavo]

You point the weapon at Grego and the obelisk and, you know, you activate the arcane energies, and the head transforms into a wyrmling head, and a blast of stormy wind flies out. Oh, I did it in the wrong direction. Oh, no. Oh, no.

[John Risinger]

Yeah.

[Michael Risinger]

Oh, Natty goes, I did it. And then Natty goes, I did it.

[Gustavo]

Instead of flying out where you're pointing it, the breath is focused to the north, like, left of where you were trying to aim it. Luckily for you, no one's standing there at the moment. So it just kind of goes out into the area, like, where Tolve had been and where the other obelisk was. But there's no one there at this point.

[Michael Risinger]

Oh, okay. Natty just does nothing and goes. Okay. And Natty turns to Grego and goes, now, if you don't surrender, that's gonna happen to you. Sit down.

[Gustavo]

That's an interesting point. We have a mechanic that we've been toying around with that we're gonna try here.

[Chris Demaris]

What's their name?

[Gustavo]

He's gonna make a morale check.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh.

[Michael Risinger]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We did that before.

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I thought. I know. We've done reality checks. I don't know. Have we done a morale check?

[Michael Risinger]

We did a morale check. Someone decided to flee. To run. Yeah, because we killed their. Their buddies.

[Gustavo]

Oh, right. So I'm gonna roll a 2D6. I'm going to roll this as tolve, because I can't roll it as DM. So you're going to see this roll come from Tolvail fail 6. He sees, you know, he hears the threat from Natty and sees that Dragon breath. And he. He looks like he's shaken. He begins trying to withdraw.

[Ben Ernst]

That's.

[Michael Risinger]

Why does that provoke an attack of opportunity by Gambot and the two of us?

[Gustavo]

It does.

[Chris Demaris]

Oh, my God.

[Gustavo]

All right, so that's Gambot and Gigi both, I believe.

[Michael Risinger]

I'm not up on them.

[Gustavo]

Oh, yeah, you are there, too, because you got the axe. Yeah. The pickaxe. Yeah.

[Michael Risinger]

Okay. Natty goes. Gentlemen first. And. And lets Gambot and Gigi go.

[Gustavo]

Okay.

[Michael Risinger]

Gigi's farting. Yeah, that was a Gambot.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Would it just be like a typical melee weapon attack?

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Normal attack. Yeah.

[Ben Ernst]

That would be 12.

[John Risinger]

Ooh.

[Gustavo]

That does not hit.

[Michael Risinger]

All right, I'm gonna roll for Mr. Gigglesworth.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Mr. Gigglesworth.

[Michael Risinger]

12 plus, he doesn't really have an unarmed strike modifier. He does his bite. Would that be what it is?

[Gustavo]

Yeah.

[Michael Risinger]

Okay, 16.

[Gustavo]

That's the number you need that hits.

[Michael Risinger]

Oh, cool.

[Ben Ernst]

Nice.

[Michael Risinger]

Giggy rolls. Four damage. With a D4. Three plus three, that's six.

[Gustavo]

Six points of damage. Yeah.

[Michael Risinger]

Poison do again. Disadvantage.

[Gustavo]

I think it gives him disadvantage on some of his, like, attacks.

[Michael Risinger]

Oh, okay. Not on attacks. On them.

[Gustavo]

No.

[Michael Risinger]

I always forget what it is.

[Gustavo]

I think it's disadvantage on attacks and ability checks, if I recall properly.

[Michael Risinger]

Okay, cool then. Yeah. Takes that damage.

[Gustavo]

All right, then, Natty, you also get to attack fo show.

[Michael Risinger]

And he does just an unarmed strike.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Unless you have, like, a melee weapon.

[Michael Risinger]

He doesn't carry away.

[Gustavo]

Well, you could swing. You have. You're carrying that pickaxe that you picked up.

[Michael Risinger]

What does that do? Can I. Okay, I'm just going to roll a D20 and you do what you got to do. 19 is what I rolled.

[Gustavo]

All right.

[John Risinger]

Do you still have help?

[Michael Risinger]

Yes.

[John Risinger]

You probably won't beat at 19, but you have advantage.

[Gustavo]

Yes. Roll it anyway just to see if it's a crit.

[Michael Risinger]

I rolled a 19 again.

[John Risinger]

Oh, I can only remember other people's helps.

[Gustavo]

All right. Yeah. You swing with the war pick, hitting Grego doing 1d8 points of damage.

[Michael Risinger]

4.

[Gustavo]

That's exactly what he had left. Yeah. So as Grego turns to run away, you hit him in the back with his friend's warpick and he falls to the ground unmoving.

[Michael Risinger]

Natty goes, say hi to my wife. And then kicks him off the ass.

[Gustavo]

Forgot about that. All right, well, that's Grego's turn. Rip. Wait, that was not Grego's turn. That was Natty's turn. Turn.

[Michael Risinger]

That's Natty's turn.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. All right, so then it's one of the demons that was circling Doug attack. So Doug make a constitution saving throw. It's the only one remaining around you. 20.

[Chris Demaris]

Whoa.

[Gustavo]

All right. Yeah. You succeed.

[Ben Ernst]

Yeah, that's right. You got not going to mess with Doug this time, brother.

[Michael Risinger]

That's what they say.

[Gustavo]

It's Doug Hogan, everyone.

[Chris Demaris]

While you guys are wiping out the gardeners and the demons, Cole is just watching from near Anopolis, just being stupid. Obvious. What did I do with this board? Baron's kicking my butt and I'm just fighting wood.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

All part of being a barbarian.

[Michael Risinger]

It's just Natty and the kids.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

And Doug.

[Michael Risinger]

No, I mean, like, I'm. Because I'm with, like, Gambot and. And geeky back where I am.

[Chris Demaris]

You know, when you're a kid, you look out the window and, like, the neighborhood kids would be playing without you, and you'd just be, like, longingly staring. That's what Tole's doing, right? Now doing your homework.

[Michael Risinger]

I picture the.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

The episode of the Simpsons where Bart breaks his leg and he's watching everyone have a pool party from outside his window.

[Ben Ernst]

Yeah, your epidermis is showing.

[Gustavo]

All right. We're back at the top of the initiative order with that. And the baron says, enough. I will get my answers. And she very quickly flies over and grabs Private Parts, who's been kind of left alone at this point. And she flies down into one of the holes that was there at the southern end of the room.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

With Private parts.

[Gustavo]

With Private Parts in tow.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Imagine she picks him up from like the scruff of his neck.

[Gustavo]

Yeah, yeah. He goes limp. He can't move. And as she does so, you all start to hear a noise from above. Almost like a cacophony of voices yelling.

[Michael Risinger]

Like. Are they applauding?

[Gustavo]

No, they seem angry.

[Michael Risinger]

I told you they were lying.

[Chris Demaris]

They're down there.

[Michael Risinger]

Oh, the loggers.

[John Risinger]

Or wait, not the loggers. The people of the hold up.

[Chris Demaris]

The ruins of Resin.

[John Risinger]

The rules. Yeah, it's exactly.

[Michael Risinger]

Why are they here?

[Chris Demaris]

We're gonna get those mortalian people and.

[Gustavo]

They'Re gonna pay for what they did.

[Michael Risinger]

Can't you see what we were doing? We were fighting this demon.

[Chris Demaris]

Look, there's like lumber all around us. You can have it. You can have it.

[Gustavo]

Find out if the party's able to reason with the mob and if they're able to get Private Parts back. Because if they don't, that's. That's going to be a bad grade with Sergeant Steel Eye.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Oh, no. We lost your soldier. Sorry, dude.

[Gustavo]

Yeah. Find out what happens on the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

[Michael Risinger]

I hate escort missions.

[John Risinger]

Yeah. Oops.

[Gustavo]

Have you seen the Kyborg? You choose. Plushie. That's right. You can get everyone's favorite empty headed archer now in plushie form by youtooz. Head over to kyborg.youtooz.com to check it out. Pre orders go live February 4th. Probably right around the time you're listening to that again. That's kyborg.youtooz.com k y b-o r g.y o u t o o z.com they're only available for a limited time. Check it out ASAP and get one while you can. New episodes of Tales from the Stinking Dragon premiere every other Wednesday wherever you stream podcasts and on The Stinky Dragon YouTube channel. Want to listen to show 48 hours early and ad free. Become a [e-mail] or become a member of Beacon at Beacon TV. Both memberships support the show and receive access to our exclusive bonus series Second Wind and a Member Only Discord for their respective platform. Become a patron and get access to even more exclusive bonus content, the Stingy Dragon Community Discord Events and get your name shouted out. Just like Damon Johnson, Destiny Anderson, Sylvie Marsu, Giancarlo Pineda and Categar Katigar Kate Gar. One of those is probably right. These patrons directly support the show and get ad free episodes. Access to our Patreon Only Discord Server bonus content like Second Win, behind the Screen and more. Here's a quick peek at our latest behind the screen episode, the Council of.

[Chris Demaris]

Barbarians Elgo was just like such a standout character and then just maintain at.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

First I was going to play a big beefy lady was a very classic barbarian looking character like with the helmet and the braids and stuff like that. And I wanted her to be like giant and also for her name to be Helga. But she was going to talk like this and her name going to be Helga and like she say it like Elga because it's Helga but for her accent. And then I was like what if her name is just Elga but it's a little girl instead? Because that's unexpected.

[Chris Demaris]

You pitched that and I didn't want to influence your decision too much, but I was so clearly in love with Elga that we got over Helga. Not that Helga was bad, but I was like I think just there's just more mileage out of little Elga little girl.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

I think it also made the dynamic of the team fun for that and I think that's what I've enjoyed so far about each of our Barbarians is like they've always provided a good dynamic with the rest of the team. It seems like that's where this whole.

[Gustavo]

Running joke of the Council of Barbarians came from. Was like asking what can Tove learn from Gum?

[Ben Ernst]

Gum and Elga, Your teacher Elga and Gum have arrived to instruct you on all how to be Barbarian.

[John Risinger]

It's my first class. Nice to meet you Mrs. Elgar.

[Gustavo]

Again, that's stingydragonpod.com we can't thank you enough for your support that lets us make this show. Listeners who interacted with us on the Stinky Dragon Discord had NPCs named after them this episode. Like the Baron named after Shieldmaiden and voiced by Hannah McCarthy. Hi hellohanna gregoliver named after Oliver Kyodai named after Kyodai and PI a la Mode named after Angelamont voiced by Ashley McCarthy new at Smash re on Instagram. Additionally, Private Parts is voiced by Ben Ernst at HalcyonBen and Cobb is voiced by Cameron Fletcher at Cameron Fletcher on Instagram. This week's error question was submitted by Diedrich. This episode of Tales of a Stinking Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited and composed by Michael Risinger, with additional editing work by Katherine Arnold. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Drag.

[Ben Ernst]

All right, Doug, time to shine. Doug's all alone in this room with maybe Ben listening in on the ones and twos. We're here mid episode. Not a lot has happened. We're pretty bad so far, guys. Think not looking good. Really failing here. Third campaign into Stinky Dragon. Really showing our true colors here. Not being professional D and D players we once thought we were. And we'll see what happens when we return here on Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

[Gustavo]

Oh, Private Parts always tunes in for fun fun facts with Doug. I love this part of the podcast.

[Ben Ernst]

Oh, hello, private Parts here. How are you feeling? You know, halfway through this battle hill?

[Gustavo]

Oh, I mean, things are kind of interesting. I, I really don't know what Gunther expected me to do in that fight because I kind of said I'm here to help and then he, he kind of just ran in and didn't communicate at all what he wanted me to do.

[John Risinger]

So.

[Ben Ernst]

Classic gonzo.

[Gustavo]

I'll get him on the next one.

[Ben Ernst]

If you or friends has a gun to in your life, feel free to call into the show at 555-555-5555.

[Michael Risinger]

Doug, what are you doing?

[Ben Ernst]

Oh, hello, Natty. Welcome to the show. Welcome to the mid mid season show mid episode show here on Tales from Stinky Dragon radio with your host Doug Boone.

[Michael Risinger]

You got a show.

[Ben Ernst]

Yeah, we're here with Natty Wonder and private Parts here taking a mid episode break.

[Michael Risinger]

What are we playing today? What's on the ones and twos?

[Ben Ernst]

Oh, just a lot of elevator music as we wait for us to finish this battle.

[Michael Risinger]

I feel like, I feel like you, Doug, with your mechanical proclivities would enjoy more like electronic music.

[Ben Ernst]

Oh, typically I do.

[Barbara Dunkelman]

Typically I do.

[Michael Risinger]

Doug is an artifist pumper.

[Gustavo]

Oh, that's good. That's really good.