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Tolv
Wow.
Doug
What's up?
Natty
I just bought and financed a car through Carvana in minutes.
Gustavo
You, the person who agonized four weeks.
Doug
Over whether to paint your wall's eggshell or off white, bought and financed a car in minutes.
Natty
They made it easy. Transparent terms, customizable down and monthly. Didn't even have to do any paperwork.
Doug
Wow.
Gustavo
Mm. Hey, have you checked out that spreadsheet.
Natty
I sent you for our dinner?
Gustavo
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Doug
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Gustavo
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Doug
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Gustavo
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Doug
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Gustavo
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Doug
Steaters Skidiron into the Stinky Dragon and sip on our latest libation, Itsy Bitsy Cider. It's a mixture of tarantularic tea leaves, a grapple of apple slices, cinnamon stickiness, climbing cloves, eight legs of nutmeg and a water spout. One wash of this whistle wetter is enough to clear the cobwebs and avoid the rain. Previously our adventurers fell from a foresting facade facility into a fortress of fiends and firewood. The four of them fought a ferocious baron, flying infernal foes and fake foliage foot soldiers, but were found flat footed. Finally, the Baron fared thee well through a fissured floor, but not before fetching a friend of theirs. Private parts Cobble a caffeinated cup and let's continue this kermurmuring Chronicle.
Gustavo
I like that you put a pronunciation guide for kermurring.
Doug
Even it said it wrong.
Gustavo
Anyway, who wrote it? Yeah. Hello everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I'M your dungeon master, Gustavo.
Gunther
Soola.
Gustavo
I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow in my mouth.
Doug
It's the first of 20. 25.
Gustavo
20.
Natty
25, 20, 20. Fine.
Gustavo
We're in the future.
Doug
The first full year of Stinky Dragon as a company.
Tolv
That's how that works. September.
Natty
That'll be in June.
Doug
Well, I'm saying the first full calendar year.
Natty
Calendar year starting now.
Doug
Calendar year. Thank you, guys.
Tolv
Go the company.
Gustavo
Make a company. Yeah, Go, go, go, go.
Doug
Make.
Tolv
Do it.
Doug
Make it work.
Chris
You're giving me anxiety, Gus.
Gustavo
I'm also blowing out my mic. I'm getting a little too enthusiastic here about running the company, adjusting my level. All right, everyone, your arrow question this week. It's a role playing warm up question. Your question is, what is your character's most recent or frequent nightmare? And that was sent by Jamara Hearts to Mir.
Natty
Are we rolling a D20 to answer?
Gustavo
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Doug
I was. I was going to grab my dice swing.
Tolv
Been so long, I dust everything off.
Doug
Oh, my dice. I missed you.
Gunther
I rolled a 17.
Doug
13, 19.
Chris
Oo 14.
Doug
Do I have an initiative modifier? Yeah, 21.
Natty
I don't know. I think we're just 20.
Gustavo
Yeah.
Doug
Now, you said roll for initiative, John.
Gustavo
We're just D20. We'll do John. Is it John. Barbara Blaine. Chris, I think Chris Blaine.
Natty
Chris Blaine.
Gustavo
Chris Blaine.
Tolv
Okay, I'm like last place.
Gustavo
All right, Natty, hit us up with your. With your nightmares.
Doug
Hi, I'm John Risinger and I'm playing Natty Wonder, the warlock. Drow or drow Warlock. Whichever you want to do with in English or Spanish, you know, because the adjectives are different places now, Gus.
Gustavo
Adjectives are they. But they're both nouns, though.
Doug
Yeah, I guess. I don't know how. But what would it go first, the drow or the warlock?
Gustavo
Anyways, I think it's drow or it's normally character racing. Character class.
Doug
And then class. What was my latest nightmare? Or most frequent or most frequent? Well, most frequent is. Is a better way of describing this because I. I have this dream all the time where it's. It's beautiful. I'm at my wedding.
Tolv
Oh, such a nightmare.
Doug
Yeah, I know. And. And I'm there. And I' altar. And. And I. And I. I'm there with. With my wife. And.
Gunther
Well, we talking about like. Like death alto.
Doug
Well, you know, like, I'm sure it's like the same altar like y'all have.
Tolv
Whenever y'all altered state of the clothing brand.
Doug
Do y'all know what an altar at a wedding is. Do you know what that is? Is that. Do you guys not have weddings in your culture?
Gunther
Knowing you, I was thinking like, like a sacrificial alto kind of thing, you know?
Doug
Okay, okay, okay. Just making sure you guys have, I. I don't know, traditions y'all have with like bugbears and croak folk and ocean people. Cool. Anyways, I'm there at my wedding and it's. It's the most important day of my life. And I'm looking obviously gorgeous. And I turn around and I look out and. And it's a big wedding. I got. Got lots of people. Like, like, like a stadium of people, honestly, just, just, just a crowd of crowds. And the thing is that as I turn around, I'm looking at all the faces and everyone is sad. Everyone's got like a look of like morose and worry and everything like that. And I can even hear some whimpers out in the crowd. And as I turn and I ask people like, hey, what's going on? What's wrong with everybody? Everyone just stares at me and this kind of growing feeling of dread grows in me. And then all of a sudden I wake up and I don't know what's going on.
Tolv
Wow.
Chris
Your wife not show.
Doug
Were those words?
Chris
Did your wife not show?
Doug
Okay, there you go.
Tolv
Maybe, maybe they found out there was not like an open bar or like, you know, it was like a buffet style serving system.
Gunther
Yeah. If you find out what went wrong in your wedding, please let me know.
Gustavo
All the details of what could possibly.
Gunther
Go wrong at a wedding when you're planning a wedding.
Gustavo
Yeah.
Tolv
Doug is like doing research for some.
Gustavo
Reason found out Tov doesn't like buffets at weddings for some reason.
Tolv
So. Okay, listen, we're in a post pandemic world. I think we all know what's the deal. No, I'm just kidding. If you have a buffet, it's fine. It's fine.
Doug
We now we did have a buffet because I prefer to let just people go up and get food when they want. I hate when people have to wait. Yeah, yeah. When you have to just sit there and wait for everybody to get food, it's terrible.
Tolv
Totally fair.
Doug
However, Tove, no matter what people's traditions are, I know that it's a major faux pas to have a cash bar, so I would never do that.
Tolv
Oh, okay.
Gunther
That's the wheel. Nightmail.
Doug
Yeah. There. You know, I'm sure, I'm sure it's nothing. I'm sure it's just. It's just A whatever kind of thing. But, yeah, that's. That's my sharing.
Tolv
Cool nightmare.
Doug
Thanks for asking.
Gustavo
Yeah, thank you. That's a. That's a. That's a disturbing dream. Natty. I think it maybe says it's weird because normally I feel like you don't mind being the center of attention, but I feel like this is a stress dream about being the center of attention. It's a little weird. We got a little duality of Natty going on there.
Doug
I think you're telling on yourself when you interpret it that way. But honestly, it's not about. It's not about.
Gustavo
I'm definitely.
Tolv
Okay.
Gustavo
I don't. I don't know. Some judgment from Natty here. I'm trying to figure you out.
Doug
It's more so. I'm just sad. Everyone's sad. I want people to be happy at my wedding. That's all I want, you know? You want to be a good host. You want to be a good host?
Gunther
Yeah. Cool.
Tolv
In the gang. Celebrate good times. Come on.
Doug
Yeah.
Gunther
And then you'll do the cha cha slide. Maybe a little later.
Gustavo
I think we covered that at some point in a past campaign. We did.
Tolv
We did.
Gustavo
It's bringing up memories.
Natty
No, we talked about the. The other song that we thought Blaine was making up. Oh, one that's like. To the right, to the right. To the right, to the right.
Gustavo
I don't remember it. Yeah, so I still think he's making it up. Anyway, Doug, I believe you are up.
Gunther
Yeah. So Doug, unfortunately, does have a lot of nightmares.
Gustavo
I'm sorry to interrupt you. Doug, please introduce yourself first.
Gunther
Oh, gosh, I'm so rusty.
Natty
My name is Barbara Dunkleman and I am playing Doug Boone, the Level 3 artificer. Bugbear Battlesmith artificer, to be more specific.
Gustavo
Cool.
Gunther
And yeah, so as I was saying before I was woesly interrupted by guys.
Gustavo
Whoa. Just trying to help Doug.
Doug
He said it so politely, too. He said it so gingerly.
Gunther
Doug is testing out this thing by being less. More passive aggressive or just aggressive aggressive, I guess.
Doug
Is that a skill you need to work on?
Gunther
Maybe a little bit. Doug has had a lot of nightmares, unfortunately, but the most recent one actually was, you know, being on the battlefield with his team, with the Boutella team, and everyone was down, they were injured, and then Doug was the only one left, and it was actually the magistrate that he saw, and he was holding all these weapons, and Doug didn't have any of his armor or his spells or his books or his tools or anything like that. And then he woke up. So I don't know what that means, but I think he doesn't want to be the last one standing. I guess it's a little intimidating.
Gustavo
Maybe a feeling of. Of helplessness a little bit.
Tolv
I think that that was like episode one or three or something.
Gunther
Episode. What are we talking about?
Tolv
Sorry. Never mind.
Gustavo
Cole, if you're breaking the man I.
Chris
Share, it's my turn. I'm Chris Damaris. Hi. And I'm a croak folk fighter. I'm a frog. Let's be clear.
Tolv
Now.
Doug
Hold on now. Actually, I want. I want to address that.
Gustavo
Thank you. Go. You go first, John. I think we might be about to say the same thing.
Doug
I'm curious if we are. It's. And it's not. Who's John? I don't know what you're talking about.
Tolv
No.
Gustavo
Sorry, daddy.
Tolv
Sorry, fingers. It's very scary.
Doug
Now, you said you're a croak folk, which is your. Your accurate race name. But then you constantly call yourself just a flat out frog. Now, I'm going to disagree with that because you are frog like, but you are not a frog as far as like the actual frogs that we see down in the creek.
Gustavo
And to expand on that specifically, Gunther, you walk on two like you're bipedal. Right. You're not hopping around on fours like a frog. Yeah.
Chris
I can be honest.
Doug
Are you ashamed of your. Of what you are?
Chris
No. I can just be what I want to be. Why are you.
Gunther
Okay, you think you're a frog. You'll be a frog. Okay, my boy.
Chris
Yes.
Tolv
I come in and I say, this is my nightmare. Is the nightmare in the room.
Doug
So I was just curious, like, where that comes from. Why. Why you. Why you like to say that instead of like, you know, Doug says he's a bug bear, and I say I'm a drow and all that kind of stuff. I'm just curious. The no answer. Yeah, I figured.
Chris
Okay.
Natty
What's your dream?
Chris
The nightmare that I have. Well, it begins where my tongue is wrapped around a stick and it will not come off. It is very embarrassing.
Gunther
Is it cold?
Chris
Yes. Then I see my family dying while my tongue is wrapped around. And I cannot move because my family is dying because it's wrapped around the stick.
Gunther
That's really intense.
Chris
Then I'm naked in front of the entire tire. Everyone.
Gunther
Gunther, aren't you kind of always naked?
Chris
I wear clothes. Not a lot, but I wear those armor.
Natty
Is he like Donald Duck? Where he wears just something on this top half, but when he gets out of the shower. He puts a towel around his bottom half.
Doug
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gustavo
So is that your most frequent nightmare, Gunther, or is it your most recent nightmare? I don't think we got clarification on that.
Chris
It is both.
Doug
Yeah.
Chris
Sometimes you have the same dream over and over, and it's slightly different, but sometimes it always is the same. It is like that.
Gustavo
Sure. Okay.
Chris
It's. It's both embarrassing and sad and then embarrassing again.
Gustavo
I may have missed this detail, but I'm just curious. When you have this nightmare, you talked about your tongue being wrapped around a stick. Do you recognize the location where you are?
Chris
Yeah, it is where it is. Like, it. It changes. Sometimes it is at a stick that is at home. Sometimes it is a stick in army, sometimes it is a stick. Here.
Gunther
Is it, like, the same stick, though? Like, it's.
Chris
Yes. I don't know. Why?
Gustavo
All right, well, thanks for sharing, Gunther. I think you opened up to us. I think you were. You were very vulnerable there, so I appreciate that.
Chris
I took my armor off.
Gustavo
Yeah.
Gunther
Gunther, you know, if you. If you see any sticks in the future that you're a little intimidated by and need us to chop them down for you before you get close, let us know.
Chris
I should stop trying to put my tongue on them.
Gustavo
Good advice.
Gunther
That's probably a good course of action. Yeah.
Gustavo
Good advice. All right, Tolve, get in here. You're up.
Tolv
Okay. You heard me told I'm a male Orca, Barbarian Level 3. Good day to you. How are you, interviewer?
Gustavo
Oh, I'm good. I just got over a cold, but I'm feeling better now.
Tolv
Oh, that's good. That's good. Not to throw you an arrow, maybe, like a dart. You know, something small, manageable.
Gustavo
What does dart stand for?
Tolv
Dare. Let's just move on. What was the question? You know, my most frequent nightmare or most recent? No, this is my most frequent. It happens all the time. And I have to preface. You know, sometimes there's, like, a nice beginning in middle and end. No, straight up skellingtons everywhere surrounding me. Yeah. Lots of them. Big style. And they're all just, like, pulling at. They're, like, grabbing my arms and my clothes and my beard and things.
Gunther
Oh, that's scary.
Tolv
And they're just. And it's no. No sound. No sound. Just pulling and grabbing at me. And then I, like, want to pull back and be like, hey, guys, skellingtons. One at a time, please. Let's form a line.
Natty
Perhaps every single one of your characters calls them skellingtons.
Tolv
Like, that's just how you say that word. So anyways, skeletons. I'm like, let's get in a line. Like, let's get a ticket number. Okay. And then no voice. There's nothing. Just, like, bubbles. And it's hard to move and hard to walk. And it's also very dark. And. Yeah, that's that one. And then also, you know, like, sometimes I have a dream where I, like, poop my pants.
Gustavo
Oh.
Tolv
But sometimes that's real. And that's not.
Doug
I'm about to say, if my nose ain't lying, that ain't a dream.
Gustavo
Sometimes in the barracks, when you all declared you're sleeping, who slept under Toll? Was it Gunther, I think. I'm sorry, Gunther.
Natty
I thought Gunther was, like, under under.
Gustavo
Yeah, I think Toll had the bottom bunk.
Doug
No, Tolls was by himself. That's what it was.
Natty
Oh, yeah, I think it was Gunther, Doug, Natty.
Gustavo
Yeah, that's right.
Doug
Because he wanted to. He made a comment about, like, getting to watch his friends.
Tolv
Ah. You know, just watch and make sure that things sleep okay, that everyone's okay. If someone needs a GL like that.
Natty
How? Now, retroactively, we're saying Toll was alone in his own bed because he poops his pants.
Gustavo
That's not the case.
Tolv
That is. This is my third most frequent nightmare confirmed.
Gunther
To poop his pants.
Tolv
Where's the Baron? Okay, let's talk about things that are real.
Gustavo
The Baron says, enough.
Chris
I will get my answers.
Gustavo
And she very quickly flies over and grabs private parts, who's been kind of left alone at this point. And she flies down into one of the holes that was there at the southern end of the room.
Natty
With private parts.
Gustavo
With private parts in tow.
Natty
Imagine she picks him up from, like, the scruff of his neck.
Gustavo
Yeah, yeah. He. He goes limp. He can't move. And as she does so, you all start to hear a noise from above. Almost like a cacophony of voices yelling.
Tolv
Like.
Doug
Are they applauding?
Gustavo
No, they seem angry.
Doug
I told you they were lying. They're down there.
Chris
Oh, the loggers are. Wait, not the loggers. The people of the. Hold up the rules.
Gustavo
Yep.
Chris
Yes, exactly.
Doug
Why are they here? We're gonna get those Mortalion people, and they're gonna pay for what they did. Well, team. Well, I'm. Oh, I'm a leader still.
Tolv
I'm the leader. Like, you're like, the president right now. What do we do?
Doug
I think it's more military, so it might be, like a general or something.
Gustavo
Or.
Doug
Commanding officer. That's the word There it is. Thank you, nobody. My family was military, so all this jargon, it's, it's, it's Pig Latin to me. Okay, well, I for one don't really want to deal with an angry mob who doesn't like the military. Also, I think it might reflect poorly upon us to Sergeant Steel Eye if and we come back to the. The base sans a private. So maybe we should blue skidoo and get down in that hole.
Chris
Let us go. Hurry.
Tolv
Can I just throw like one quick word to the villagers to just like potentially calm them and then I. And then I'll follow.
Doug
If you want to do that on your own, I'm not gonna yuck your yum. Okay. And Natty grabs. Grabs Giggy and just whispers in his ear bet. And grabs him and wants to float down the hole.
Gustavo
Roll to see if he does it.
Doug
Ah, criminy.
Tolv
Welcome to the new year. Idiot.
Doug
Giggy, Mama really needs this New year.
Tolv
Same giggy.
Doug
It's an 18. He's a bat.
Natty
Do it for 20. 25.
Doug
Yeah.
Gustavo
All right, so Natty and Giggy disappear down the hole.
Chris
Gunther follows.
Gustavo
Gunther follows. Tov is going to talk to the say a word to the townspeople. Doug.
Natty
I'm going to stay behind and wait for Toll to finish up so that he's not left alone.
Tolv
That just looks so kind.
Natty
But he's doing the thing where he's like looking back at the hole and going like, come on, come on.
Doug
Natty yells back. I will tell your story.
Gunther
Please don't close anything.
Gustavo
We're coming. As Natty and Gunther decided disappear down the hole, a rope gets dropped in from above. And you see Cobb climbing down and pointing and saying, hey, you too.
Doug
There they are. Meta wise, our most charismatic person just jumped into a hole. Just letting you guys know I'm in the hole already.
Tolv
No, I'm right here. What are you talking about?
Gustavo
Cobb begins climbing down the rope into the hole and appears like a rather large vulture is perched on Cobb's shoulder.
Tolv
Cool.
Doug
What? What race is Cobb again? So how's the scale?
Gustavo
Cobb is a gnome.
Doug
So it's a. It's a big bird on a little. Dude.
Gustavo
They're about the same size. They're very close to the same size.
Natty
He didn't have that on his shoulder before when we encountered him. Right?
Gustavo
You do not recall that.
Chris
You know how birds love holes?
Doug
No.
Gustavo
That was just like they don't. Silence and quizzical looks.
Doug
Chris, I don't think you can make jokes like that because we don't know if you're being serious.
Natty
I know. Like, do you know something we don't know?
Gustavo
Cobb hops off the rope and walks up over to Toll and says, why.
Doug
Did you lie to us?
Tolv
Cobb, so good to see you. Hello, bird friend. Oh, so nice to meet you, Cam. You what?
Gustavo
There's Cam.
Tolv
Cam. Cam is the bird.
Doug
Cam is the bird, Cobb and Cam.
Gunther
Your bird is named after your voice actor.
Natty
That's kind of funny.
Doug
Bar. That's great. I don't.
Chris
I don't know what any of that means.
Tolv
A lot of meta. So, like, you know, so good to meet you, Cam. Hello, Cobb. So good to see you. People of Raisin, do they return the whoop?
Gustavo
No more. People are starting to climb us.
Doug
I need you to roll a persuasion check for. For Blaine to see if he persuades.
Tolv
Them to whoop, whoop.
Doug
Don't just know his.
Gustavo
Make me a persuasion chip. Check at disadvantage.
Tolv
This is like a 12. That is like a zero. Oh, wait, no, no. That's a two. That's a two. What's. It's a one.
Gustavo
They are not into it. There is no returned whoop. Whoop.
Doug
Okay, so sorry.
Tolv
We are giving chase. There are bad people. And, you know, you guys seem very bad people here.
Gustavo
Oh, points at you.
Tolv
Touche, Cob. That was good. So, like, you guys need lumber. Look to the south.
Doug
Lumber.
Tolv
We've gotten you the lumber.
Gustavo
Okay.
Tolv
And then if you look to the north. Silver, you guys are, like, in dire straits. Right. You know, over at Raisin. So here are the things that you need. I need to go because we are giving chase. I am so sorry that we fooled you.
Gunther
We know we actually intentionally led you to this spot. Exactly. To provide you with everything that you need. Like Tove said. Right?
Tolv
That's. Yeah, totally.
Doug
If you guys turn and look in the hole, you can see Natty and she's holding those, like, opera glasses and just kind of watching. She's flying down.
Gustavo
Make. I'll tell you what. Make me a. Let's call it a persuasion check with advantage on this one.
Tolv
Persuasion.
Doug
The DM giveth.
Tolv
That is a 12. That's a 9.
Doug
Nice.
Tolv
If anybody has like a curse or her inspiration.
Doug
Doug, does he just. Barb just said she had to, but.
Gunther
It wasn't for this moment. Exactly.
Tolv
Okay, let's hear it out. Let's see what happens.
Gustavo
What's your name again? You told pointing at me.
Gunther
Oh.
Tolv
Oh, it's me, Tolf.
Doug
What would you do if you were in my position, Tove?
Tolv
I would probably be pretty upset, but trust me. And I. I can I reach for Cobb?
Gustavo
Sure.
Doug
In what way?
Tolv
Like, in a friendly kind of way. I'm going to grab his hand with both of mine and I'm going to say, trust me, Cobb. I mean you no harm. Nor do I want any of the people of Razin any harm. Okay. We are really trying to make good in this land. I. I believe me when I say this. Please, Cobb.
Doug
Hmm.
Chris
So we can take the lumber and the silver.
Tolv
I'm gonna put it. I'm gonna put an asterisk and say, yeah.
Doug
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Gunther
But we are not responsible for the outcome and the consequences of that. What that means, like, these belong to.
Tolv
The people of Teehee. But, like, dude, I gotta get going. So I'm gonna go. Best of luck. Enjoy the lumber. Enjoy rebuilding peace out. And then I'm gonna. I'm gonna just. Without even saying anything, I'm just gonna fall into the hole.
Doug
Can you just, like, trust.
Tolv
Fall into the hole with deuces up. I'm just gonna fall back.
Gustavo
Doug, what do you do about that?
Doug
What does Doug do?
Natty
Doug realizes that Tolb just abandoned him. When he was waiting for him to go to the hole, Blaine took a big drink.
Doug
That's why you heard that old lady laugh in the background.
Natty
Doug does that thing that cats do when they're scared of something, and he just slowly backs up.
Gustavo
Oh.
Doug
He like, curls his back and all of his hair is up, and he just kind of makes himself look bigger.
Natty
Taking one step back with each foot slowly. And then comically, like a cartoon, skitters away and into the hole.
Gustavo
I love it.
Natty
I forgot something in my car.
Gustavo
Oh, I thought Barbara was telling us that you had to go get something in your car right now. Man. That's a really interesting scenario you set up there, Blaine. I was trying to think how this would play out, and for some reason, I didn't think of this possibility. I think that's a really interesting scenario you set up, which you cannot see how it plays out.
Doug
This sounds like someone who just went and saw someone's community theater performance and doesn't know how to review it in a nice way.
Chris
That was a very interesting performance.
Natty
Yeah, unique.
Doug
The costumes were there.
Gunther
You did something.
Natty
Yeah.
Chris
I had not seen anything like that.
Tolv
Cool. Yeah.
Doug
I don't know.
Tolv
I'm sure that that's gonna make a war happen between Raisin and Teehee, but I hope that Tolv was. I was being. He was being genuine. So I hope that they came through for Cobb.
Natty
We're just gonna get blamed for this. Whatever spurs from this war potentially. Well, those Guys said we could take it.
Tolv
I mean, do we need to roll it back? I. I don't. I mean, it's too late.
Gustavo
You're not there in a hole you are in.
Doug
You gotta be confident with the choices you made.
Gustavo
First things first, Tove, make me a dexterity check.
Tolv
Okay, easy.
Gustavo
You're not just gonna get a free trust fall for the fall.
Tolv
That is 0:10.
Doug
What's Tolve's dex modifier plus three. Oh, okay, so that was a bad roll.
Tolv
However, I have that thing that is called danger. Since you have advantage on dexterity saving throws against effects that you see while not bl to defend capacity.
Doug
Weren't you falling backwards?
Chris
It also was in a saving throw.
Gustavo
Yeah, it's a check, not a saving throw.
Tolv
What did I do?
Natty
You did a check.
Gustavo
No, no. Like danger sense works on dexterity saving throws, not dexterity checks.
Tolv
Okay.
Gustavo
The council of barbarians weighed in. Yeah.
Tolv
Council of barbarians. You guys have left me. You've abandoned me.
Natty
Both me and Chris were just here shaking our heads as FL was explaining it.
Gunther
We're like, it's not going to work.
Tolv
You know, Gus, I have a. A package of uncrustables I could bring to you. Perhaps an inspiration dye.
Gustavo
Yeah. But you've got the grape ones, which are objectively the worst ones.
Doug
What?
Natty
That's fighting words.
Doug
It's so interesting to me that people are so vehemently against grape jelly because it seems like such a fine flavor.
Chris
Don't care for it.
Gustavo
It's just that the strawberries burn when you have strawberry.
Natty
Yeah, that's the same.
Doug
My kids are the same way. But I've never been like, I just like jelly. If there's jelly on the table, I will eat it.
Gustavo
I'm not a big jelly person in general.
Doug
So we used to go to Knott's Berry Farm in California and they had a restaurant outside of it that was Mrs. Knott's. And so it was like home style food. And they always had these like just a jar or like a tray filled with all these little jellies. And that was like the best part. I would take those all.
Gunther
Yummy.
Gustavo
I feel like we should have a. This is just an idea. I'm not saying we're doing it. In an upcoming second wind, we should have like a ranking of all the different uncrustables and good rank them from. From S tier all the way down to F. Could we just do it?
Doug
Can we do the thing where we like try them all? There's that many we gotta.
Gustavo
Yeah, we should Absolutely do that.
Doug
I like this.
Gustavo
And of course, Second Wind is our Patreon exclusive post show, which you can listen to@stingydrugapod.com or you can actually also listen to it on Beacon if you're a member there. At Beacon TV we need a P.O.
Doug
Box so people can send us.
Tolv
Oh my God.
Natty
I think we could buy our own crustables.
Tolv
This uncrustable's homemade.
Doug
But what if people have like, weird ones in different places around the country that we don't have access to?
Natty
It's not like Pop Tarts.
Doug
Are there weird Pop Tarts?
Natty
I don't know.
Gustavo
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Natty
People used to send us pop tarts way back in the day. So I'm just making an equivalent.
Doug
Your confidence dropped so much.
Gunther
Yeah, John.
Natty
There's totally weird types of.
Tolv
They did grilled cheese.
Doug
Okay, there you go. There you go. There you go. Okay. Okay.
Gustavo
We're in the hole.
Chris
Yeah, we're in the weeds is where we're at.
Doug
Yes, but that's where we go all the time. We live there.
Gustavo
All right, so you all hop down the hole. All four of you are there now. And it's very dark with dusty air. And you all hear echoes of tinkering metal and fluttering of wings.
Doug
Interesting.
Gustavo
Where you are, where you all come down, the air is, like I said, is very dusty. And the cave wall walls themselves are shiny. And you find yourselves at kind of like a T intersection. And there's an unlit torch.
Doug
Which orientation is the T? T is standing upright or T is.
Gustavo
On its side standing upright. So, like there's a path to the west, a path to the east, and a path to the south.
Natty
And are we. Where are we?
Gustavo
And you're right at the intersection.
Chris
You said it's dusty. Right. Can we look at the ground and see where the dust has been unsettled for footprints or anything like that, like, or even, even where the air is like pulling the dust? Because if you ran, it would like.
Gustavo
Yeah, why don't you make me a survival check for that? I'm gonna read a few more descriptors and then we'll deal with the results of that roll. Like I said, the air is thick with a silvery dust and the cave walls are shiny and lustrous with veins of silver. From where you are, the west path smells of fresh air, and the east path is blocked by a cave in the south path seems to kind of like get smaller and lead down to a narrow crawl space. And what's the results of your survival check there, Gunther?
Chris
Oh, I rolled a six.
Gustavo
You don't see any tracks or anything that would indicate someone came through. However, while you're looking on the ground, you do find an unlit torch lying on the ground near that east rubble.
Gunther
Should we light the torch so we can see a little bit better?
Chris
Light the torch.
Doug
Could I also? What's my dancing lights? My dancing lights, they're called dancing lights. Cantrip. I can do it as much as I want. I cast dancing lights.
Gustavo
So you're all doing dancing lights. Lights and the torch are just dancing lights.
Doug
This one creates four torch sized lights. So I feel like that's probably, I don't know, you guys can do what you want.
Natty
I think Doug will pick up the torch and take it with them though.
Chris
Yeah, I think not. Torches is good because so many of them like fire.
Gunther
Oh, it's true. Yeah. And maybe the fire will draw more attention to us somehow than just regular light. I don't know.
Tolv
Now you could like, extinguish the dancing lights, make them sitting lights, you know, if need be.
Doug
Yeah.
Gunther
Which way was the Fresh air.
Natty
Was it east or west?
Gustavo
West.
Natty
West.
Gustavo
West is fresh air, east is like a caved in rocks, and then to the south, it narrows down to a crawl space.
Doug
Do y'all know what I've always wanted to see? Once I heard this was a thing.
Tolv
Go on.
Doug
Hey, Doug, could you check the crawl space?
Gunther
You know, I didn't want to reveal this to the team, but yeah, I could check the crawl space. Guys, listen, I know I'm big, but as a bugbear, I actually have a very special ability to go into really small spaces.
Chris
Me too.
Gustavo
What?
Tolv
So like, how does that work?
Gunther
Bear too.
Chris
I do want to see this.
Tolv
Doug, are you like a cat where like if your head can fit in, then the rest of your whole body can fit in? Is that what this is?
Doug
Yeah. They can get into like tiny spaces.
Tolv
Are you like totally like Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon? And you can dislocate your shoulder and then like pop through things like super like rigs style. I'm getting too old for this.
Gustavo
It's under features and traits. It's near the bottom. It's called sneaky.
Natty
As a bugbear, you are proficient in the stealth skill. In addition, without squeezing, you could move through and stop in a space large enough for a small creature.
Doug
Oh, so even smaller than Gunther.
Chris
No, I'm.
Doug
Are you small?
Gustavo
I'm same size, yeah.
Doug
Oh, okay.
Gustavo
Yeah, absolutely. I want to see you do that, Doug. But before you do that, I just want to read something to clarify. Dancing lights. Just so everyone knows what it is, because I. It's a spell and I know you can see it, John, but not everyone can see it. So Natty's able to create up to four torch sized lights within range, making them appear as torches, lanterns, or glowing orbs that hover in the air for the duration. Natty can also combine the four lights into one glowing, vaguely humanoid form of medium size. Whichever form you choose, each light sheds dim light in a 10 foot radius. And as a bonus action on your turn, you can move the lights up to 60ft to a new spot within range. A light must be within 20ft of another light created by the spell. And the light winks out if it exceeds the spell's range. So basically it's like four dim torches that Natty can move around at will and combine them if she wants.
Doug
Yeah, and since we're not in combat, I can just keep moving them.
Natty
Okay, got it. That's cool. Good thing to have.
Doug
Yeah, it's fun.
Tolv
Everyone's whipping out their Nito powers, so I'M like, hey, look at me. I can do this. And then I, like, touch the silver wall, and then I go, go. Oh. And then I draw a smiley face.
Gustavo
Do you really touch the wall?
Doug
Yes, he did.
Tolv
He said.
Doug
He said it.
Tolv
Yeah, I totally did.
Doug
If Blaine's gonna say things happen, we have to have consequences.
Tolv
So I totally dropped in here and did the deuces, and they said, dexterity check. And I was like, okay. Then nothing happened, so I guess it landed perfectly.
Doug
You're a dummy.
Gustavo
The check was fine. The check.
Doug
Oh, okay.
Natty
It's probably, like, if it was maybe below a 10, you might have heard yourself or something.
Tolv
Yeah, yeah.
Gustavo
So, Doug, you squeeze down. It's not, like, super tight. You think normally someone of your size, Doug, might have trouble getting through here, but you're able to. To get down without any trouble, thanks to your sneaky trait.
Natty
You know what I picture with a bugbear and, like, why they're, like, able to do this? You know when you have, like, a really fluffy dog and it gets wet and it's like, all of a sudden, like, looks like a little rat. Yeah, that's what I'm imagining.
Doug
Gus has one of those.
Gustavo
Yeah, he's in the other room right now sleeping.
Natty
Yeah.
Gunther
Red dog.
Tolv
As he does this, I say, wow. Crawl all into the sneaky dragon.
Gustavo
That's good.
Tolv
That's her offshoot show.
Gustavo
I like it. Not good enough for an inspiration dive, but it was good.
Tolv
God target.
Doug
You know what I want now is I want a Doug Squishmallow.
Gustavo
Oh, that would be great. Yeah.
Natty
The hug a Doug.
Tolv
Hug a dog.
Doug
All right, get in the hole, Maddie.
Gustavo
Natty kicks Doug in the butt and.
Tolv
Shoves him into the hole.
Doug
I'm going, geez, no, I don't do that. I didn't do that. I just. You shouted, get in the hol with commanding officer Gravitas.
Gustavo
Yeah, it's like in Forrest Gump when they give him the gun and tell him to get in the hole, and he, like, in Vietnam, and he, like, dives in.
Doug
Yeah.
Gustavo
So, yeah, you crawl in, and much like that intersection where you were before. And, Doug, you're the only one who sees this because you're the only one who's gone in. The air is still very dusty, and the walls are shiny. As you look around, you see that there is a large curtain on the south wall and rubble everywhere covering the floor. And there appear to be two exits from this room. The one to the north, which you just crawled through, and one to the east.
Doug
Okay, so the crawl Space went into a room.
Gustavo
Yes.
Doug
And there's a curtain in the room.
Gustavo
Yeah. There's a large curtain on the south wall.
Natty
On the south wall. Could I go check out the curtain?
Gustavo
Yeah. You take a closer look, and you see it's a lustrous curtain that spans the entire south wall, floor to ceiling. An inexplicable breeze seems to ruffle the curtain. Every now and then, I want to.
Natty
Go open it up.
Doug
This is how Doug dies.
Gustavo
You open up the curtains, and it exposes a large mural painted on the wall. The mural depicts a halfling sailor drowning in a sea, reaching up to a chalice in the sky that appears to be overflowing with water.
Natty
Halfling sailor drowning, reaching up for a chalice that's overflowing.
Gustavo
Chalice in the sky overflowing with water.
Doug
That's weird to have in a silver mine.
Natty
Could I look at the mural with my spyglass of Zodia?
Gustavo
Yeah, absolutely. You look at it, and you realize you're too close. So then you stand, you take a few steps back to the northern portion of the room and take a look at it.
Doug
This is like when you get to, like, the looking glass in Ocarina of Time, and you just use it on everything, and there's nothing most of the time.
Natty
Yeah.
Gustavo
Yeah. You look at it, and you can see that the mural is indeed of fine quality, but it's not like the other one, where you saw stars and things. It doesn't seem to reveal any further hidden information.
Natty
Could I tell by me going through this little crawl space if the other members of my team would fit through? Like, am I able to judge that size?
Gustavo
Okay, you think Gunther? Definitely. And you think to. And Natty would be able to get through. Okay.
Natty
Okay. Doug crawls back out the way he came. So, like, butt first towards.
Tolv
What's up, Pac Man? How was. How was.
Doug
That's how, like, copy bearers do it.
Gunther
So we'll all fit through the quall space if we want to come take a look. But I found this, like, weird intersection where there was just curtain, and it was covering this mural. I don't know if you guys want to come take a look. And then there was also another exit to the east, but I don't know if we should go that way. So I don't know if anyone else wants to come take a look and maybe see something that I was missing or. Yeah, if we all just want to take a little field trip down this way.
Chris
Okay.
Tolv
Yeah, let's do it. All right.
Gustavo
Yeah. Everyone proceeds into the southern Room. What's the order? You all go in?
Natty
I'll go last this time.
Chris
I'll go first.
Doug
Yeah, have Gunther go first and me go second. I'm not going after Toll when he gets stuck.
Gustavo
Okay. Gunther. Natty. Tolve.
Tolv
Doug, stop hitting me with your tail. Why do you even have this thing? Aren't you like. Like a drow? What is this?
Gustavo
Ow.
Natty
Drow?
Gustavo
I can't spell drow without ow.
Doug
It's special. Quit your grappling.
Tolv
Oh, okay. Just the people want to know that, you know, they've been people.
Doug
You keep referencing something that's outside of our world. And I don't understand this whole fourth wall conversation you're having.
Tolv
No, there are only two.
Doug
Is Toll the deadpool of our group?
Tolv
Do not put that on me.
Gustavo
Speaking of fourth wall, check out store.stinkydragonpod.com for all your stinky dragon merch needs.
Doug
What a shilling.
Gustavo
Hey, I gotta buy my uncrustables. Buy a shirt. Go to Patreon.
Doug
I thought you were gonna say something important like health insurance. Make you went with uncrustables.
Gustavo
Uncrustables. They're 250 at living spaces.
Chris
He needs health insurance because he's eaten too many unhealthy crustables.
Doug
Not enough like nutrition and vitamins.
Gustavo
Okay. Yeah. So you all entered the southern room. And just a quick recap. I can expand on anything you all want. Air is dusty, seems to be thick. There's shiny cave walls. The curtain which Doug has pulled back, exposing the big mural. There's piles of rubble in the room. And there is a door to the east in addition to the crawl space that came in from the north.
Doug
Okay. I think Natty would be very curious about this mural. And I want to look more closely at the halfling. Is there anything noteworthy about the appearance of the halfling or any context clues for what they might be like? Are they wearing a uniform of some kind? Do they have a scar? Or are they just generic default player in a video game?
Tolv
Not to like double up, but, you know, having a background and nautical stuff. Tolv wants to look and see the same things as well as well.
Gustavo
Yeah. Both of you go up there and take a look. And it appears to be a sailor. It's definitely a sailor of some kind. So it's not like default adventurer with like a long sword and a pack. It is is someone who's definitely a sailor.
Doug
What hair color do they have?
Gustavo
Brown.
Doug
Okay.
Tolv
Yoohoo, sailor.
Chris
That's all colored, huh?
Gustavo
Yeah.
Doug
And what's the chalice. Is there anything to describe the chalice? Like, is it anything we would have seen before? Or is there anything, like, is it encrusted in jewels, or is it just, like, again, generic gold Chalice?
Natty
We've seen a chalice.
Chris
Yeah.
Doug
Yeah.
Gustavo
What do you mean?
Doug
Wasn't a chalice one of the items, like, the artifacts?
Natty
Was it something that was in our trunk? Drinks that they found?
Doug
Yeah.
Chris
Or like, one of the things that the judge stole.
Doug
Magistrate, magistrate stole.
Tolv
So, like, full disclosure, you know, no secrets with Tolv. Except for some. But, like, I got him. I. I recognize this chalice symbol. Yeah, I got. I got a message from the beyond, and they're like, dude, you totally know what this.
Doug
You know?
Tolv
Totally.
Doug
No, that is full honesty, because Blaine could have just taken credit for knowing what this was, but Blaine did not.
Tolv
No, no. Someone's like, wow, this is, like, the symbol of your deity. And I'm like, oh, my God, you're totally right. It is.
Doug
Okay.
Gustavo
Yeah, it's a. It's a holy symbol for a deity called the Sea Drinker.
Doug
Oh, is this what your deity does? It just drown people in the ocean?
Tolv
Amongst other things, you know? Yeah, he's just, like, a big water guy. I don't know much about him. I'm not very religious, I'm so sorry to say. But, you know, like, that's, like, that guy. I could totally relate. Look at him, you know?
Doug
Okay.
Tolv
He's like, ah, water everywhere. What do I do?
Gustavo
Drink it. Of course.
Tolv
Yeah. Salty. You.
Doug
Oh, oh, oh, oh. Could I try and remove the mural? Is it, like, something that, like, is hanging on the wall, or is it painted on the wall?
Tolv
Wall.
Gustavo
It's painted on the wall.
Doug
Okay. You said the curtain was moving.
Gustavo
Yeah, it seemed like every now and then, it was. It was ruffling.
Doug
Can I, like, lick my finger and. And see if I can follow where the. This wind is coming from?
Gustavo
Yeah, make a investigation check.
Doug
What's the check for? Licking your finger.
Gustavo
Investigation.
Doug
I'm gonna go with, ooh, that's a critical fail.
Gustavo
You lick your finger, and then you remember that you changed Gigi's diaper. A. You start spitting.
Doug
I've tasted that before, unfortunately.
Chris
I told you, be careful of licking sticks.
Natty
Licking sticks?
Tolv
No, not the sticks.
Doug
Hey, y'all, could you help me figure out where this. This. The. The curtain was moving. Could y'all help me find where this curtain was moving? Why?
Gustavo
We're.
Doug
We're in a cave. There's no wind.
Natty
Doug comes over to help look.
Tolv
Yeah.
Chris
Could Gunther look as well.
Tolv
Yeah, I want to look at this curtain. Is it, like, a fine quality? Could I, like, sew this into, like, a cool cape or something?
Gustavo
I'll answer that in a second. Tove, let me deal with the air investigation first.
Doug
Oh, sure, sure, sure. Tove. 100% does, like, sewing and, like, knitting work. He's that kind of a guy.
Tolv
Yeah, maybe.
Gustavo
Yeah. Doug and Gunther, each of you make investigation checks.
Gunther
I'm on the case.
Chris
15, 16.
Doug
Nice.
Gustavo
15 and 16.
Gunther
Good investigation, Gunther.
Chris
I got lucky.
Gustavo
Yeah. Both of you seem to think that the breeze and the wind is occasionally coming from behind the mural.
Doug
But it's painted.
Natty
Yeah, like through the cracks of it kind of thing. Or like, maybe does this.
Doug
Is this a door?
Tolv
Yeah. Is. Is this like Mario 64? If we jump into the painting, does it, like, go like Yahoo.
Doug
Doug, wait. Tove, I fully support this. You should take a running start.
Gunther
Okay, let me say. Let me sidebar here with Natty for a second.
Tolv
Yo, sir.
Gunther
Natty man called Natalie. Is that your full government? I don't know.
Doug
It is not. That is my full government name. Full government. It's actually not. It's my made up name.
Gunther
Here's the thing. Tove is Tov's big boy. He's kind of like a golden retriever. Well, he doesn't know his own strengths, you know, but thinks he's a puppy. And if he comes full speed running into this wall.
Doug
It's true, it's true.
Gunther
I know he's gonna break or it's gonna break.
Doug
You know, what would he be? Maybe even worse is if he does it and then Giggy sees and he just wants to mimic it. I don't want to see my little baby do that.
Chris
So what's told done while they've been sidebar.
Gustavo
Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to ask.
Doug
We're facing away from the mural, and then the camera just sees a large orc just run across the scene.
Tolv
Brusque to hear. We can do.
Doug
You just hear this Doppler effect sound of.
Gustavo
I'm very inclined to go along with that, but I would say in this case case, Tolv would probably be looking at the curtains because he did ask about the quality of the curtains.
Doug
Okay, it's true.
Gustavo
So he would be investigating.
Tolv
Yeah, I'm like. I'm like, putting them up to me, like, trying them on. Like, oh, does this. Look at my skin color.
Doug
It's like the Grinch trying on clothes before he heads out to see the. Who's like, ooh, ah.
Natty
I love that.
Doug
Sorry. I just watched that movie last month.
Gustavo
Yeah, it's. It seems to be very fine quality. It seems out of place here in, like, a cave system, a mine.
Tolv
Okay, I'm gonna, like, look to the left, look to the right, give a cough, and then when I cough, I rip the curtain off of the thing and stuff it into my back.
Gustavo
Okay. Yeah, you look left and right and make a very loud cough. Make a performance check. Let's see how that cough goes.
Natty
I like how he's essentially performing for us 15. As far as you know, there's no one else down here?
Tolv
Good cough.
Gustavo
Oh, yeah. You all think Tolv might be sick? He sounds like he's coughing up a lung, and at the same time, he. He yanks on the curtain and pulls it down.
Gunther
Tolop, did you get what Gus had?
Gustavo
I hope not. It was terrible.
Chris
Can we look for any openings in this mural, like, in the wall or anything?
Doug
Actually, yeah, I support that, but I also. Jokes aside, Natty would actually put her hand against the mural. No one's touched it yet.
Gustavo
Yeah. So, Gunther, you begin inspecting the wall with the mural painted on it, looking real close, trying to find cracks. And while you're doing that, Natti puts her hand up. Up to the wall and touches it. And, Natty, your hand goes through.
Doug
It was Mario.
Gustavo
Oh, yahoo.
Natty
Wait, really?
Doug
Okay. Natty would stick her head through.
Gustavo
Yeah, you stick your head through.
Doug
Doug, hold my tail.
Gunther
Okay, I got it.
Doug
Okay. And then Natty sticks her head through.
Gustavo
Yeah, you stick your head through while Doug is holding onto your tail, and you die. I'm just trying to think, like, how to say. Because it's always weird when one person goes through and gets information that everyone else doesn't have. So it's just like, internal DM dialogue.
Tolv
We can leave. We can turn off our headphones.
Gustavo
No, no, you're good. You stick your head in, and this seems like a very windy room. It seems like there's a tornado swirling around in this silvery chamber. And there's. In the center of the room, there's a blue halfling lying on a pile of silver pieces.
Doug
Whoa, wait. Blue halfling as in blue skin or blue garbed or blue statue?
Gustavo
Yeah, blue skin. Like, pale blue.
Tolv
Oh, is he, like, sad?
Natty
This isn't the same person who was on the mural, right?
Doug
Well, blue is usually what someone turns when they. They drown in the water.
Gustavo
I wouldn't be able to answer that question for Doug, but I could answer that question for Natty, and I will say, natty, you Recognize it looks like this halfling is the same halfling who was on the mural.
Doug
And so it's a large chamber, and the only thing I see is the sailor on the floor looking blue and pale, plus silver pieces.
Gustavo
No, it's windy. And you see a tornado swirling around the chamber as well.
Doug
Oh, there's literally like a tornado.
Gustavo
Yes.
Doug
Okay, interesting.
Natty
I think Doug would follow through the mural after seeing Natty go through it.
Doug
Well, let me. Let me pull my head back.
Natty
Oh, okay.
Gustavo
Yeah, because you're. Because, Doug, you're holding on to the tail.
Natty
The tail.
Doug
Right. That would be very disconcerting if Natty's, like, got her head through and then Doug puts his head. He's like, who's holding my tail? That is not how an anchor works.
Gustavo
You should have had the sailor help if you wanted an anchor.
Doug
I know.
Gustavo
Okay.
Doug
Natty comes through and tells them what Natty sees.
Gustavo
Well, as you try to, you know, remove your head from the room, why don't you make me? Let's call it a dexterity saving throw.
Doug
Uh oh, okie dokie.
Gustavo
And Doug, as in, like, an assist of some kind. Why don't you make me a strength check?
Doug
That's a 17 for Dex save grand old two.
Gustavo
Your anchor isn't very effective, Natty, but luckily you're able to. It feels like the wind and the tornado is pulling you towards it, and it's very difficult to extract your head. But you're able to pull yourself back out.
Doug
Yeah. Natty would push hands out and try to just kind of push against the wall with Natty's hands.
Gustavo
You try to push against the wall, but there's no wall there. Your hands just fly right through it.
Doug
Oh, it's that big of a mural, right?
Gustavo
Yeah, it's the whole wall.
Doug
Oh, okay. So this is really just a false wall.
Natty
I think the whole curtain was covering the entirety of it.
Doug
Right. Okay.
Gustavo
Correct.
Tolv
So, like, illusion, you know, or like, like portal. What are we thinking here? Like, is that room on the other side or are we, like, being teleported?
Doug
Hard to say.
Gunther
I think more illusionary.
Tolv
Okay.
Chris
Because the wind.
Doug
Okay, listen, team. Gather round, everybody. Team. Team meeting. Team meeting. Okay. Gunther, you still here? Yes. Okay.
Gunther
He's right below you. I know he's small, but I'm here.
Doug
Okay. Just hadn't heard him in a while. Just want to make sure we haven't lost our frog. Okay. There is a tornado in there, and I want to know what's going on with. There's a halfling on the floor, and it's the same guy. Guy. And since it is your deity, Tove, and you're a big old drink of water.
Tolv
Yeah.
Doug
I'm thinking we might create some sort of anchor system in here with the rest of us, and we send you in to check out what's going on in the there.
Tolv
Cool. Yeah. I will be the sacrifice. That's cool with me.
Gunther
I do want to suggest, though, the anko is usually the strongest and heaviest part. And if the ankle is the one at the front.
Doug
Yeah, But I. But I also think we learned about this. This. This folk tale of this. This guy named Mario. And he would sometimes turn into a heavier, steel like, version of himself, and that would allow him to traverse windy areas more.
Gunther
Cool.
Tolv
Yeah, that sounds cool.
Natty
That's a goal.
Doug
He was a very important drow from our. From our folk tales.
Gustavo
In some areas. They call him Mario.
Chris
Yeah.
Natty
Hey, that feels like a cheap shot at me. That is what I used to call it in Canada.
Gustavo
I was thinking more Michael Jones. He says it like that. Mario.
Natty
I feel like it's a north thing.
Gustavo
Yeah. So can you review the plan for me just to make sure I'm up to date on it?
Doug
Okay. I hear you, Doug, but you. You also are a big old so and so and so. I feel like if we just kind of really. If you kind of are the center of the anchor and then me, Gunther, and Gigi just kind of help also, we can be a good source of. Of collective strength.
Gunther
I'll do my best.
Chris
Hold on to the curtain.
Tolv
Maybe have, like, peons or what are climbing pitons or whatever they are.
Gunther
Well, well, why don't we just use.
Doug
Yeah.
Gunther
As you said, the curtain that Tolv took down, it's like, you know, I'll hold on to that.
Doug
What are you using the curtain for? I'm confused.
Tolv
Like, is the anchor, like, the rope thing around me?
Doug
We could use rope. Let's use rope. We have rope.
Gunther
We do have rope. I forgot about that.
Gustavo
John, I was with you. I was very confused about where this planet goes.
Doug
In my head, I was like, well, the curtain's probably the worst thing in the world to use in this windy place, so I don't know what you're thinking to use that for.
Gunther
It'll be like a sail.
Doug
That's what I thought it was going to be. But, yeah, I'm with Gunther on this. Is there, like, a stalag might.
Chris
Or tight?
Doug
Well, might be off of the floor so that we could, like, wrap a rope around it.
Gustavo
Well, there's rubble and the door and not much else.
Chris
A door.
Doug
Yeah, there's a door to the east. Let's not overthink this. Let's do some action. And we can all hold the rope. We'll kind of. Let's actually tie the rope around and we'll all hold on to Doug, and Tolv will tie it around you, and you go in. Cool.
Tolv
I'm so down for this.
Doug
Okay, let's do it. And break.
Tolv
Break.
Gustavo
You all tie the rope around yourself to give to a very secure anchor. Wrap the rope around Tolv as well. Who's tying all these knots, by the way?
Doug
Yeah, I think Tolv doing it. We can tie around to do it.
Chris
Yeah, he's a sailor. Sailor knots.
Doug
They're what? Oh, sailor knots.
Chris
Well, they know. They know they're not.
Doug
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's true. That's true. It's true. I don't know knots. I not know knots.
Gustavo
You know nothing.
Gunther
I did not.
Doug
I thought a funny visual is just. We're all tied to Doug, so it's just a big, like, we're just all, like, turned into one giant person tied onto him. Like, almost like holding onto Totoro. And so we're just trying to anchor him as best we can.
Natty
Doug secretly loves us because he's getting a bunch of hugs from everybody.
Doug
He's starved for intimacy.
Tolv
I just love what Gunther contributes to this whole thing because he's just like. His legs are probably not even touching the ground anymore.
Doug
That's what I imagine. Like, him and Gigi are just like magnets on a fridge.
Tolv
Yeah.
Gustavo
To how are you going to go through the mural? Like, what's your plan? I'm going to run and dive through. Are you just going to walk through, like, paint me a picture about what it looks like about you going through this mural?
Tolv
Yeah. So, like, I've been on board a ship, you know, when the high winds and, like, hurricane, you know, type things. So I know that it's like a low center of gravity and a wide base, you know, will keep you stable on your feet. So I'm gonna have a hand on the rope, and then I'm gonna have the other hand protecting my face, and I'm gonna just slowly work my way in.
Gustavo
Okay.
Tolv
Also, I'm going to leave my shield outside because, like, that would be like, a sail made of wood. It would, like, drag me around, and I don't want that.
Natty
Drag me around.
Doug
I do that. I. I like this little gruffness that's coming out of Toll's talking. It's Very fun.
Gustavo
You lower your center of gravity, you know, square yourself off with your feet under. You put your hand out in front of you. Your left hand, I assume, as you kind of, like, lead the way through the mural. And you walk up to it, and your hand touches the wall.
Doug
Oh, no.
Tolv
Oh, no.
Doug
You knew this was coming, Gus.
Gustavo
Oh, yeah. That's why I wanted to hear in extreme detail how this was going, because if he was running through, I would have had a lot of fun. Yeah.
Natty
Wait, why didn't he go through?
Chris
Can Gunther try and touch. Just put his finger. Poke a finger through.
Gustavo
Gunther detaches himself.
Natty
I think that we would all test the wall if we saw that happening, right?
Doug
Okay. So Doug stands up with us all attached to him and then walks towards the wall.
Tolv
Just.
Natty
I just wanted to put a finger with Gunther.
Tolv
So, like, okay, then I'll roll reversal. I will be your anchor. And then you guys test if you can go in. And I will make sure you do.
Chris
Not even go in. I'm just poking a finger.
Tolv
Yeah.
Gustavo
Doug's like a mama possum with all the baby possums attached and they're all falling off and detaching and going off and doing their things.
Doug
I do love that visual.
Gustavo
Yeah, you all. I guess there's only two of you left. Doug and Gunther walk up to the wall and, you know, try to stick a finger through Doug. Your hand is able to go through, but Gunther, no, you. Your finger touches the wall.
Gunther
What?
Tolv
Gunther, you and me are not allowed into the club, I guess.
Gunther
Guys, what do. What does Doug and Nanny have that you guys don't? Other than our feminine charm.
Doug
Doug does exude a lot of femininity.
Tolv
What is happening here?
Doug
Well, then I think we should just change our tactic, and either me or Doug should go through. We can figure out the why later. But I want to know what's with this halfling?
Tolv
Yeah, for sure.
Chris
They're blue.
Gunther
Fairly curious as to why only you and I could go for Natty.
Gustavo
So now are we doing, like, a To and Gunther anchor with Natty and.
Doug
No, I don't. I don't want to say. Well, do you want to go through together? Maybe we should have help. Maybe it's a buddy system. I did say buddy system. At the top of our little travel.
Gunther
I'll be a buddy.
Doug
And we are buddies. We were buddies from the top of it. All right, we're going to go in, and I need our. Our barbarian and our fighter to help us out.
Tolv
Yeah, you totally got us. Also, like, we are the best Anchors because we cannot even go in. So, like, if you guys, like get.
Gustavo
Sucked in.
Doug
Get pulled against the wall, is Gambot around?
Tolv
Or like, do you have to like, summon him?
Gunther
Gambut's resting right now, you know.
Tolv
Okay.
Gunther
Gotta get his strength back for the next battle.
Gustavo
He's on his wireless charging dock.
Doug
Okay. When. Whenever. To and Gunther anchor themselves. Like steady themselves. Gigi also joins them and holds. Like, if he could like, try to grab both of them with one arm and one arm each. And like, he also is like, he's. He's bracing.
Tolv
Hello. Or it's like, Giggy one leg, Gunther the other leg.
Doug
That's what saying, I have to roll. Wait, I have to roll something.
Gustavo
Okay.
Doug
He does do that. The opposite would have been Giggy's pushing you guys and trying to undo the road.
Gustavo
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Doug
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Gustavo
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Doug
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Gustavo
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Doug
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Doug
Okay, I grab Doug's hand.
Gustavo
Okay, you two, Thelma and Louise it into the mural, disappearing from sight. And you know, you walk in and there's just violet winds swirling all around in this silvery chamber. Doug, you see now what Natty was talking about. There's a pale blue skinned halfling in the center lying on a pile of silver pieces.
Doug
Oh, I didn't get. Get this pile of silver pieces.
Gustavo
Yeah. And, you know, he's laying there and he looks happy. Oh, you know, like how Scrooge Maduck goes swimming through coins and, like, throws them around? It's kind of like that, you know, he's, like, reveling in the pile of silver coins.
Doug
Wait, is he moving?
Natty
Is he, like, dreaming?
Gustavo
You don't know if he's dreaming, but he is moving.
Doug
Oh.
Natty
Oh, like, does it.
Doug
Is it.
Natty
Are his eyes closed?
Gustavo
Currently, yes.
Doug
Okay, we go in, and Addie yells out, star, we're here to rescue you if you need that. What's your name? My name's Natty.
Gustavo
The halfling's eyes open, and his head, you know, whips around and looks at the two of you, and you see that he has silver coins for eyes.
Tolv
Whoa.
Doug
Oh, here's the coraline stuff.
Gunther
Silver eyes, he says.
Doug
Ah. Welcome, Natty.
Tolv
I am the wind trader.
Doug
Hey, Doug, I don't think we have to save this guy.
Gunther
I don't know if we do it. But also, did you ever tell him your name? How do you know your name?
Doug
I just said it. I just said it.
Gunther
Sorry I came here. It's very windy.
Doug
It's very good. Very good.
Gunther
The wind tweeter. What? What's. What do you trade for wind? And what. Why would people want wind for trading?
Chris
Ooh, wind can be very helpful on the seas.
Doug
Natty smells the wind because wind trading kind of instills a different kind of thought in Natty's head.
Natty
Could Tolve and Gunther hear us through the wall?
Gustavo
Oh, yeah, good question.
Tolv
I was about to say, if you want to experience our version of this part of the podcast, like, cover your ears under your microphones and.
Gustavo
The air smells clean, by the way.
Doug
Thank you.
Gustavo
You all again, guess to. And Gunther, you don't hear it clearly, but you can hear, like, muffled talking. Yeah, like. Like, kind of how you described it, Blaine, you know, covering your ears and. And trying to hear it.
Tolv
Gunther, I think there's, like, another dude in there, like, another person.
Gustavo
The hobby.
Natty
I think Doug would run up to.
Gunther
The wall and be like, to, do you have any need for wind? This guy's twating wind.
Tolv
Oh, wind is, like, super helpful for sailors. So, like, yeah, totally.
Gunther
Do you want some?
Tolv
Give me, like, a few wins, please.
Natty
One wind, please.
Tolv
Is that a wind trader in there?
Doug
I had a question that came to my head. Yes. Oh, okay. You're so. You seem happy with your life.
Tolv
I have a pile of money.
Doug
Yeah. I mean, if that brings you Happiness.
Natty
Yeah.
Doug
Are you by any chance the one in the picture that we just saw when we came through the wall?
Tolv
Oh, yes. Horrifying.
Chris
I'm getting, like. Any questions?
Doug
I'm waiting for the. The riddles. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. Thank you, Chris. This says, like, Scoville written all over it.
Gustavo
No riddle.
Gunther
I have a question. Are you a reanimated corpse?
Doug
It's a good question.
Gunther
Like, are you. Are you dead?
Tolv
I am not undead.
Gunther
Okay. Anywho.
Doug
Someone like you might call me a demigod.
Tolv
Oh.
Doug
Oh, hey, to y'all in your religion that you are not. Not knowledgeable about, are there any demigods that look like this?
Tolv
Dude, hold. Let me look at my version of, like, the Bible and see if I have anything on this.
Gustavo
You can make a religion check, I guess.
Tolv
Okay. That would be great. Yeah, I had the patron of the sea sailors and sea merchants, so I don't know if. Yeah, this is. Oh, it's the sea drinker pronouns. Or she, her symbol. Chalice overflowing with water. Patron of the seas, sailors and sea merchants.
Doug
That's the deity.
Gustavo
Yeah.
Tolv
This is a demigod.
Doug
Your deity is a demigod. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Tolv
This is different.
Doug
This is different.
Tolv
God, I rolled a six.
Doug
Stop telling me the meta. I don't know what rolling a six means.
Tolv
Okay, here's the thing. I'm going to say this like, Tolvin. It may or may not be mega.
Doug
Speak, but, like, by the way, he's saying all this out loud to Gunther.
Tolv
I remember as we started this campaign that, like, part of this whole thing was that there was, like, gods and then, like, demigods that, like, lived amongst us. So this kind of tracks, right? It's just like a. Just like a person.
Doug
Gunther, do you have anything to say about that?
Chris
I think that he sounds scary.
Tolv
Okay.
Gunther
Yeah, he's kind of scary that he's happy. Yeah, a little too happy, if you ask me. If we're being in this situation.
Chris
How much is the wind?
Doug
That's a good question, sir. How much is a quart of wind? Well, depends on the purpose. What do you wish to trade exactly? Wait, the purpose or the. Or the trade material?
Gustavo
I guess from a meta perspective, like, what do you want accomplished?
Doug
I don't know.
Tolv
So, like, he, like, charges. Charges. Based on the use, I can offer safe passage.
Doug
To where? Wherever may be needed. I think we're in a. Like, a warp pipe again.
Tolv
My.
Doug
My friend Mario, he also would get to these places where wind would be able to Travel him to other places expeditiously.
Chris
Ask them why we can't come in.
Gustavo
It sounded like, no.
Chris
Ask them why we can't.
Doug
There you go.
Gunther
Is there a reason, Mr. Winter, why me and my friend Nanny were able to come in here, but we have some friends outside that would not get through?
Doug
I only allow those in who have enough currency to make a deal with me.
Tolv
Okay. We're talking about better. Like, this is totally that. Because he does not want us to have.
Doug
How much money you got on you, Doug? Amazing enough, I would say. Okay.
Gunther
I don't know if I should say it out loud, because I don't want him to take all of it.
Doug
You know, I yell back to Gunther. He don't like poor folk.
Chris
It's croak folk.
Gustavo
Oh, man, that's good. That's good.
Doug
That's. That's the one we get from Chris today day.
Gustavo
Take an inspiration. Die, Chris. That's really good.
Doug
Okay. Safe passage. I like that. Those are two words I like. Where can you send us safe passage? A2. Back to your friends. Well, that now just got ominous.
Gunther
Well, yeah, we not able to go back through the wall.
Natty
Could Doug try to, like, stick his.
Gustavo
Arm back through the other side, make a dexterity saving throw?
Natty
Oh, that's no good for me. 5.
Gustavo
You try, but the tornado window gets in the way. It starts blowing you around and, like, redirects you away from the wall, and you're not able to approach it.
Natty
Okay. So it's more about the wind keeping us from making our passage back.
Doug
Okay.
Natty
Versus, like, not actually being able to go through.
Tolv
Am I going to have to tug of war against a tornado?
Doug
What happens if he tugs on the rope?
Gustavo
Do you want him to?
Doug
Yeah, Well, I don't know.
Tolv
Give me, like, a symbol. Give me, like, a. Like a.
Doug
Okay, I'll tug. I'll tug on the rope. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gunther
Well, before he does that, I just.
Natty
Wanted to see what else was in this room. Like, could I do a perception check or something like that to see what else there might be in here?
Gustavo
Sure. I'll just tell you if there's something specifically you want to know more about. Tell me, and then maybe we can make a check on that. So the tornado, it's a rushing tornado swirling with silvery coins inside of it. And the halfling himself is pale blue, almost like. You would say. The skin color is almost like. Like someone who drowned. And he's wearing his. His sailor uniform is drenched wet. Like I mentioned earlier, he has silver coins for eyes, and his fingers are Long and pointed, and he's carrying a rather large coin purse that seems to jingle as he moves.
Doug
You know what, Doug? It just struck me that this is an opportunity to talk to one of these individuals who's connected to our. Our deities who have not been around on a. Our plane very much.
Gunther
I get. I'm a little scared of him.
Doug
Maybe we could. We could barter with him for even more than just safe passes. You know, they love. They love games, right? Don't like these kinds of things. They love to just mess around.
Gunther
Maybe. I don't know what this guy's cup of tea is.
Natty
You know, is there any other, like, doors or anything like that in this room?
Gustavo
Or is it just you look around and the halfling is sipping from a teacup and the silver coins are pouring out of it all around his face and his mouth.
Gunther
Whoa. He just made that appeal.
Tolv
Maybe.
Gunther
He could make anything appeal. What do we want on burger or something like that? I'm kind of hungry.
Doug
So, Mr. Wind Trader. Yes. On top of safe passage, what else might. What's on the menu?
Gustavo
Menu?
Natty
Menu.
Gustavo
Sorry. Just like, you derailed my brain.
Doug
Oh, we can make all kinds of deals. It depends on.
Tolv
On what you're looking for.
Doug
Wind, of course, is my specialty. Okay, Natty yells back to Tolvin Gunther for one more Ask for help. Guys, can you think of anything that we could use wind for involving our adventures?
Tolv
I mean, do they have any sort of, like, could they channel the wind into, like, some sort of a weapon? You know, like. You know, like, not curse an item, but I can still it with the powers of the wind and the sea. That would be cool.
Doug
Well, the sea is not my domain. I was merely given the wind from the sea drinker.
Gustavo
One more time.
Tolv
What? Louder. I cannot hear you. Very well, wind trader.
Doug
I was not given the sea. The sea drinker merely gave me the wind.
Tolv
If I could just come inside and talk to you directly, this would be so much easier.
Gustavo
Pay the fee.
Tolv
What?
Doug
I don't want to pay for them to come in here. Oh, I. I got a. I got a good way of asking this. Could you use the wind to bring someone to us that we're looking for? Intriguing. We are, after all, in an underground area in which wind would be quite advantageous in kind of creating a vacuum to pull people towards us. We're looking. Looking for a baron, huh?
Tolv
Yeah. You know, like when you go to the bank and they have the pneumatic tube system that, like, sucks things, you.
Doug
Know, Wind may not be able to bring them Here. But perhaps the wind could guide you there. Ooh, now we're talking. Something that I could. I could pick. So, safe passage, plus a little help to find our baron. Dude, what's that going to put me back?
Tolv
It's going to be like your soul.
Gunther
What are the colors of the wind in this situation? Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
Tolv
Make an offer.
Doug
Silver and gold are always welcome. Oh, he likes silver. We should offer silver.
Natty
If I only have gold. I know, like, technically, like one gold is X amount of silver and blah, blah, blah, blah. But if I only have gold pieces and he wants silver, is that work for a exchange?
Doug
Yeah. Are we bound to the specificity that we all just have gold coins?
Gustavo
Yeah, normally, you know, that's like the exchange rate is dealt with, like in trade, like kind of conversion. However, you are dealing with a demigod, so he will probably accept it. Okay, why don't you try and see? He did say gold and silver were welcome.
Doug
Where should we start, Doug?
Gunther
One gold piece.
Doug
Okay, that's gonna be insulting.
Natty
And then he adjusts his little collar on his shirt.
Tolv
I thought.
Gustavo
I thought Doug was gonna snap his suspenders.
Gunther
Yeah, yeah, no, he doesn't have any of those. Not yet.
Doug
How about 200? Oh, and that got. Oh, that got. Gunther heard that.
Gunther
Don't have that. What about. I think he might have said 100 accidentally. What about 2?
Doug
200 it is. No, what if.
Tolv
What if turn to Gunther and say, I don't think negotiations are going very well.
Chris
He never does.
Gunther
Do we maybe try to get them to yank us out of here or.
Doug
But I. I think this is worth doing. I think he wants real bartering is what he wants. I think you might be going a little bit too low for. For him to actually find a middle ground for us, you know? Okay, you gotta meet them where. Where they're playing. So how about 50?
Gunther
Yes. Oh, 50 whole gold pieces. That's. That's a lot.
Doug
Which is quick. Doug, do the math. How many silver is that?
Gunther
Well, by my calculations, one gold piece is equal to 10 silver pieces. And so that. That would be 500 silver pieces.
Doug
500 silver pieces. How about 600 silver pieces? I think we should take this.
Gunther
You know, I think we can make that work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Total. Right between the two of us.
Doug
Yeah. Okay. And that's for safe passage. And a buddy. A wind buddy. Wind will guide you there.
Chris
Wind will push you along on your journey.
Doug
Deal. I reach out my hand to shake.
Gustavo
Yeah, he reaches out his hand as well. And his fingers Are so long they wrap unnaturally around your hand.
Doug
Well, Natty has long fingernails, so it's kind of the same thing.
Gustavo
Okay, fair enough.
Chris
Yeah, but a halfling with long fingers is weird.
Natty
I know.
Doug
Very weird.
Natty
Really creepy. Logan.
Gustavo
As she shakes with his right hand, he reaches out his left hand and.
Doug
I shake the left hand as well. And we start dancing.
Tolv
And then you do that jazz dance move.
Gustavo
He reaches out his left hand, palm up, as if expecting something to be placed in it.
Gunther
All right. And Nadia, will you split in this? 50. 50. You, me.
Doug
You know what, Doug, I got you. We got help out each other.
Gustavo
Okay.
Gunther
Okay. Well, Doug will remember this. Thank you.
Doug
And I hand over. That's 60 gold.
Gustavo
Yeah. You place 60 gold in his hand, and as the gold touches his hand, it turns into silver and it runs through his fingers down onto the ground into the pile that he's rolling around on.
Doug
I'm not picking that up. That's yours.
Gustavo
And he says, exquisite.
Natty
Ew, I hate this.
Gustavo
And with that, the winds of the tornado die down.
Doug
Okay. And we go back through the wall.
Gunther
My pleasure meeting you, sir.
Doug
Toodaloo. Okay, I come out of the wall and I. I just go, woo. Do not go in there, Natty.
Gunther
Passion winning now.
Doug
All right, good news. We're safe. And we got some help to find the baron.
Tolv
Cool. We. We stood out here with rope in our hands and just kind of stared at each other for like 10 minutes.
Chris
I think your deity is weird.
Tolv
Well, he's like. He's like a demigod. He's like part of my. Yeah. Anyways. What are you saying?
Doug
Good question. What did you guys do while we were in there?
Tolv
Just kind of hung out and tried to listen as best we could.
Chris
Held so tight.
Tolv
Yeah.
Chris
Of de rope.
Gunther
Guys, we're just out here hugging each other. I kind of like that.
Tolv
Just kind of t posed, you know.
Doug
Wait, do you guys not exist when we're not in the room?
Tolv
We weren't allowed into the cool kids club. We were sitting outside.
Chris
The racist demigod.
Doug
Well, no, he's classist.
Gustavo
Yeah.
Chris
Does not, like, croak for folk.
Gustavo
Poor folk.
Doug
Poor ones. I feel like you guys need something to do. What do you guys want to do now?
Chris
Follow the wind.
Tolv
How does the wind. How do I perceive the wind? How. What does it look like? What's it. What form is it in?
Gustavo
Excellent question. Why don't you make me a perception check?
Tolv
Oh, that's a one. Wow.
Gustavo
Your friends all left you. Gunther, you make one too.
Chris
Okay, that's a four. Big. Four big Four.
Gustavo
Oh, my gosh.
Doug
Come on.
Natty
We are rolling today.
Gustavo
Just stagnant. You got ripped off, Doug and Natty, why don't you two make me one? Make a check as well.
Doug
Sixteen plus. Where's my perception? Two. Eighteen.
Natty
A twelve.
Gustavo
Okay, maybe because you all actually talked with the wind trader, but the two of you are able to see like, little eddies and like little dirt devils going over a part of the rubble. Just like swirling in a circle over a portal of the rubble that's on.
Natty
The ground, like, directing us there.
Gunther
Hey, guys, I think we should go check this out. I think the wind is guiding us in a way. I feel. I feel very inspired by the wind.
Tolv
I'm going to go ahead and untie all the knots that I put around us. We're all connected.
Gunther
Okay, we'll wait for the next owl as you untied. He's really good not to take time to untie.
Gustavo
Let's wait that out in real time. One hour of silence now.
Doug
Yeah, we point towards the rubble. Tolve, you want to check that out?
Tolv
Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. Go to the rubble.
Gunther
The rubble.
Chris
Well, can we just start moving the rubble out of the way like.
Tolv
Yeah, yeah.
Gustavo
Gunther and Tove, you start like excavating the rubble and moving it away, and you find the bodies of three of those winged devils beneath the rubble.
Tolv
Does this feel like a recent thing or are these like, older bodies that have decomposed?
Gustavo
I would say it seems fairly recent.
Tolv
Were these the winged devils we saw during the cave in with the baron?
Gustavo
It was similar. It's hard to distinguish one from another.
Natty
They're the exact ones, but they're the same creatures.
Doug
Gotcha. Right.
Chris
But they look freshly dead.
Gustavo
Correct. Okay.
Tolv
Okay, well, I'll carefully move them to the side as I move boulders.
Gustavo
Yeah, you move them to the side, and as you're moving one of them, 40 silver pieces fall out of its. One of its like little pouches.
Chris
What?
Gunther
Oh, well, Natty, I think you should maybe take these and start getting your money back.
Doug
I mean, I'm gonna leave that up to the group.
Chris
That's fine. I do not care.
Tolv
No, that's fine. If you spent money on things for the party, then it seems only fair that you get some money in return.
Gustavo
Natty needs to fill out an expense form and submit that this is gonna.
Natty
Be taxed, just so you know.
Doug
Okay. Natty grabs the silver.
Gustavo
Yeah. FYI, Mike is reminding me we did establish the name of these kinds of creatures are grilts Grills. Yeah.
Doug
What part of the room was the Rubble just. I didn't lay the land.
Gustavo
It's all over.
Doug
In the room where these guys were.
Gustavo
Where these guys were. I would say it's like close to the eastern wall where that door is.
Chris
Okay, can we continue our digging following where the wind was?
Gustavo
Yeah, the wind seems to have moved and is swirling over the bodies. Oh, oh.
Tolv
Should we investigate the bodies further?
Chris
Yeah, can we look at the bodies?
Gustavo
Yeah. Blaine, roll me a foresighted die evens and odds are what I'm looking for here.
Tolv
Four.
Gustavo
Okay, there were three bodies. You know, the silver fell out as you were moving one of them. Tolv, you look at one of the other bodies and Gunther looks at the other one to the body you're looking over. As you're looking through its belongings, you find an iron key. Ooh, and Gunther, as you're looking through the possessions of the other grilp, you find a scorched lantern.
Chris
Scorched lantern. Does it like. Yeah, look like just a basic lantern or like magical in any way? You know what I mean? There's just like basic.
Gustavo
What does that. What does that mean? How does something look magical?
Chris
Oh, I don't know.
Doug
You like how there's like food and then magic?
Chris
Is there just. Is it just a lantern that got burnt or does it look like it's something of importance?
Doug
You have to rub it. You have to rub it, Chris. This is how magic lanterns work.
Chris
Now rub it.
Gustavo
You rub it and you rub some of the soot off of the outside, but it appears to be. Nothing seems to happen. Appears to be. From what you can tell, a mundane lantern.
Tolv
Well, okay, so like, everyone be on the lookout for like a locked, locked door because I have an iron key.
Doug
There's a door to the east. Natty just points to that door, but.
Gunther
We don't know if it's locked. Although that would be very handy dandy if this key we found opens the door.
Doug
Sorry, just looking at the video and just looking at Blaine process that and then look down at his notes.
Tolv
Okay, so like, should we double back to the area with the curtain? You know, go through the. To the cubby holes and try to unlock the door? Or should we. We follow the wind?
Chris
The wind.
Doug
After they have pulled the belongings from the grelps, what does the wind do?
Gustavo
Yeah, good question. Everyone make a investigation.
Tolv
Check you've got it. It's gonna be a good one.
Doug
17, 7, 18. Dang. Gosh.
Natty
I am rolling very badly today. I got a six.
Doug
Don't worry, the detective boys are on the case.
Chris
We have found It.
Gunther
I think all the wind that was happening maybe brushed all my hair in front of my eyes. So there's a lot of hair having trouble seeing.
Tolv
I'm so caught up on the word grilps because it just sounds like. Like an affliction. Like. Like there's like, I don't know, warts that have grown into your throat. Oh, I got a case of the grills.
Natty
Go get some antibiotics for the grills.
Gustavo
Yeah, grill is singular and plural, by the way.
Tolv
Oh.
Natty
Oh, it's grill.
Doug
Yeah, we're probably not gonna remember that. Just FYI, I wrote it down.
Natty
Steel trap. It's in there now.
Doug
What's their investigation? Get them.
Gustavo
You feel like the wind has shifted. You don't see like little swirling dirt devils or eddies anymore. Instead you feel like the wind has shifted and is coming out of the west, blowing towards the east.
Tolv
Out of the west, blowing towards the east.
Doug
Towards the door.
Chris
Yeah, the wind is that way.
Tolv
Okay.
Chris
And then like follow it. Gunther wants to close his eyes and just feel the wind and walk towards.
Gustavo
Okay. The wind feels nice and cool on your skin.
Chris
Do you know what I mean? Like where he just feels where the. Like almost like lets the wind move him.
Natty
Yeah, yeah.
Gustavo
It's. It slowly pushes you to. Along towards the east. Micah says use the wind, Luke.
Natty
I keep thinking of Pocahontas and that song, the Wind. Do I take the steady path?
Tolv
Cool. I'll follow.
Chris
Yeah. Where does that take us?
Tolv
Does that head take us through the door?
Doug
I just like the idea that Gunther's falling. The wind, but it's like veering him off. So Tove just kind of of gently.
Gustavo
Pushes him towards the door to vis his rudder.
Tolv
Yeah.
Gustavo
It seems to guide you towards the iron double door on the eastern portion of the room.
Tolv
Cool. I'll take out the iron key.
Natty
Do you want to see if it's locked first?
Tolv
Oh, give the door a little jingle jangle and see if it's unlocked.
Gustavo
The door is locked.
Tolv
Oh, if only we had a key. Just kidding. I have one. I unlocked the door.
Gunther
Door.
Gustavo
Boldly you to assume that it's the correct key. But it is. The key fits in and unlocks the door. Plane looks very smug.
Tolv
I say, yoo hoo, it's me.
Gustavo
Trolls coming through. Baron, the door is now open. Gunther, are you still allowing the wind to push you through?
Chris
Yes, yes.
Natty
I like the idea that to opens the double doors and Gunther just like floats in with his arms open.
Doug
Just wafts in.
Gustavo
As Gunther wafts in. You all see this, but he doesn't because his eyes are closed.
Doug
Oh, no, that's okay.
Gustavo
Gunther walks firmly into the backside of an orc who's standing very upright with good posture, who's wearing clerical vestments that seem to be made of some kind of maybe rat skin.
Doug
Oh, the size. I'm sorry. The size of this means that Gunther went into his butt.
Tolv
I'm just.
Gustavo
I said backside. But yeah, that's essentially it.
Doug
Face into derriere.
Tolv
He's just like he's taking breasts with the wind.
Chris
The source of the wind.
Gustavo
He turns around when Gunther bumps into him and you see him wearing a glowing silver ring. And he looks very intensely at the four of you and says, have you.
Chris
Come to help purify this world?
Gustavo
No.
Doug
No. This place is just. It's just barrel of monkeys who just want to fight.
Chris
Yes.
Tolv
Crazy city.
Chris
We do have cup. Yes.
Doug
If someone asks if you're a God, say yes.
Gustavo
Find out if they are indeed here to purify the world. On the next episode.
Doug
There are no nice people in this land. Is this just a bunch of.
Gustavo
How do you know this person's bad? He's talking about purifying the world.
Natty
It's true. We don't know purify the world.
Gunther
Give him the benefit of the doubt.
Tolv
Well, fantasy, Mr. Clean.
Gustavo
Find out what world purification is all about. On the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.
Doug
Bye Bye.
Natty
Should I marry Coco?
Doug
Wom.
Chris
I've never seen seen Pocahontas so like I have.
Doug
Well, you just gotta remember this, Chris. It's historically accurate.
Gustavo
I'm sure it is. New episodes of Tales from Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday wherever you stream podcasts and on The Stinky Dragon YouTube channel. Want us to show 48 hours early and ad free. Become a patron@stinkydragonpod.com or become a member of Beacon at Beacon TV. Both memberships support the show and receive access to exclusive bonus series second week Wind and a member only Discord for their respective platform. Become a patron and you get access to even more exclusive bonus content. The stingy drink community Discord events and you might even get your name shouted out. Just like vixisoftpaw. Loof Fanatica888 Nathan Damien and I stab Oreos personally. I eat Oreos. These patrons directly support the show and get ad free episodes access to our patron only Discord server bonus content like Second Wind and Behind the Screen and much more. In fact, here's a quick peek from the previous episode, Second Wind.
Doug
Speaking of the module, any questions?
Natty
Yes, what Is the Pathfinder. Can you tell us right now what.
Doug
Can I tell you? I can tell you that for those that don't remember, in the episode that was the Baron asking. I don't remember who they asked. Was it. Was it Tolv?
Tolv
Might have been Tolv.
Doug
Yeah, it might have been Tolv. Do you know who or where? Maybe I can't remember the exact question.
Natty
What do you know of the Pathfinder?
Doug
What do you know of the Pathfinder?
Gustavo
That's what it was.
Doug
Okay. We haven't heard that name before in this campaign. What do you guys think? What are some guesses of the Pathfinder being?
Tolv
I have some ideas. We've encountered in that cave. We encountered almost like nautical navigational equipment.
Doug
And stuff like that. And there's stuff with astronomy and I.
Tolv
Feel like that's gotta have some connective.
Doug
Tissue with whatever the Pathfinder is.
Tolv
Seems like there's searching for something.
Doug
What it is, I don't know.
Natty
Well, they're looking. We're ultimately looking for the Gates. The. The key to the Gates of Hydra.
Doug
Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
Natty
My brain just went, you remember these things.
Doug
That was a good recall. That was great recall. Yeah. You can't tell right now, but I'm so proud of you guys right now. Yeah.
Natty
So I'm just wondering if, like, maybe Pathfinders, like someone who could show you, essentially show you the way of what you're looking for.
Doug
Very interesting.
Gustavo
Again, that's stinky. Dragonpod.com. we can't thank you enough for your support that lets us make this show. Listeners who interacted with us on the Stinky dragon, Discord had NPCs named after them in this episode by Cobb, voiced by Cameron Fletcher. Amron Fletcher on Socials. The Wind Trader, voiced by Nick Schwartz. Check him out on regulation podcast or 100 Eat podcast. And preacher Reggie, named after Daydance, voiced by Joe lee. @low g's on Instagram and Twitch. This week's Arrow Queen was submitted by JamiraHearts. Jamera Hearts. Jamira Harts. One of those. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst and written, edited and composed by Michael Reisinger, with additional editing work by Katherine Arnold. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.
Chris
Oh, that's a good drawing.
Gustavo
John's drawing of it. That's pretty accurate. It's pretty good.
Natty
It's colored and everything.
Tolv
Wow.
Doug
No, it's highlighters. I use highlighters for. For all my. You can see, like, my notes are like this.
Chris
That's great, John.
Tolv
That's good.
Chris
I wish I had handwriting I could read.
Gustavo
Do the different colors mean different things?
Doug
It's. It's either just something to highlight, like something that's important, or I use it as connective. Like tissue to, like, be like. This connects to this. So look at this.
Tolv
This.
Gustavo
Can you take a photo of that and slack it to Ben?
Doug
Yeah. Like, right here on this one, you can see this is a map. But I ran out of room. So pink goes back to this pink. This was our. This is our chase for the magistrate.
Gunther
So cool.
Doug
This is my notes. I like colors, actually. I want to get more. I want to get more highlighters. Only got four colors, and I want more. Also, while we're sharing, look at my mommy gave me for Christmas.
Natty
What is that?
Doug
It's a dice tray. That's a little leather kitty. Oh, my God.
Natty
Take a picture of that, too, for Patreon.
Gustavo
Okay.
Tolv
Yeah.
Gustavo
I was gonna say we can post that. That map on Patreon and maybe even the. The kitty dice tree.
Doug
I should. I should just take pictures of all these. I've taken a lot of extensive notes.
Natty
Which, by the way, you could support us on Patreon by going to stinkydragonpod.com dude, you suckers.
Gustavo
Barbara. You took the words right out of my mouth. Take an inspiration. Die. I'm so proud of you.
Natty
I already have one, but.
Doug
Yay.
Natty
Acknowledge.
Tales from the Stinky Dragon – Episode 11: "Mission Through Middrus - As Good as Mines"
Host: Stinky Dragon
Release Date: February 19, 2025
Overview: In Episode 11 of Tales from the Stinky Dragon, titled "Mission Through Middrus - As Good as Mines," listeners embark on another comedic and adventurous journey with the four friends navigating the fantastical world of Dungeons & Dragons. Hosted by Gustavo, the ever-patient Dungeon Master (DM), the episode combines immersive storytelling, engaging character interactions, and humorous dialogues, all set against the backdrop of exotic lands and peculiar creatures.
Timestamp: [03:00]
The episode opens in a futuristic setting, marking the first full calendar year of Stinky Dragon as a company. The characters – Doug, Natty, Tolv, Gunther, and Chris – humorously discuss the company’s progress and their enthusiasm about running it. Gustavo, as the DM, introduces the players to a role-playing warm-up exercise, asking each character to share their most recent or frequent nightmare.
Timestamp: [03:30 – 08:05]
Each player takes turns revealing their character's nightmares, providing deeper insights into their personalities and backgrounds:
Doug (John Risinger, Drow Warlock): Shares a recurring nightmare about his wedding day, where despite the joyous occasion, everyone around him appears sad and distraught. He awakens with a lingering sense of dread, "I just wake up and I don't know what's going on" ([05:31]).
Chris (Croak Folk Fighter): Describes a terrifying nightmare where his tongue is forcibly held by a stick, rendering him helpless as he watches his family perish. The embarrassment intensifies when he finds himself naked in front of a crowd ([12:14]).
Gunther (Bugbear Battlesmith Artificer): Recounts a haunting vision of being the last standing survivor on a battlefield, unarmed and vulnerable, facing a formidable magistrate figure ([09:17]).
Tolv (Male Orca Barbarian): Mentions nightmares involving skeletal figures surrounding him, pulling at his clothing and impeding his movement, reflecting feelings of entrapment and anxiety ([14:11]).
Notable Quote: Doug reflects on his nightmare, saying, "Everyone just stares at me and this kind of growing feeling of dread grows in me" ([05:19]).
Timestamp: [16:48 – 34:37]
The adventurers find themselves at a critical juncture within the Middrus Mine, facing challenges that test their camaraderie and strategic thinking. Key developments include:
Encounter with the Baron: Previously, the group battled a ferocious Baron with infernal foes and deceptive foot soldiers but ultimately failed to defeat him, resulting in the Baron escaping with a captive, Private Parts Cobble ([01:55]).
Discovery of a Locked Door: The party uncovers a mural depicting a halfling sailor drowning and reaching for a chalice overflowing with water. This leads them to investigate further, finding that the mural conceals a portal to another realm ([38:54]).
Meeting the Wind Trader: Upon entering the portal, they encounter a pale blue-skinned halfling with silver coins for eyes, known as the Wind Trader. This demi-god offers them safe passage in exchange for silver, establishing a pivotal plot point for their quest ([62:57]).
Notable Quotes:
Timestamp: [62:57 – 75:37]
The players engage in negotiations with the Wind Trader to secure safe passage through the stormy chamber:
Bartering for Wind: The Wind Trader demands silver in exchange for guiding them to their target, the Baron. After a series of humorous haggling and suggestions, the group agrees to offer 600 silver pieces ([73:04]).
Successful Transaction: Upon handing over the gold (which magically converts to silver), the winds subside, granting them safe passage and assistance in locating the Baron ([76:22]).
Notable Quote: Tolv confidently offers the silver: "500 silver pieces... 600 silver pieces? I think we should take this" ([75:02]).
Timestamp: [40:43 – 84:17]
With the Wind Trader’s aid, the party delves deeper into the mine, uncovering more mysteries:
Rubble and Remains: As they excavate the rubble, they discover the bodies of winged devils (grilts) and retrieve valuable items, including an iron key and a scorched lantern ([79:03]).
Challenging the Curtain: Natty uses her spyglass to examine the mural, leading to the revelation that it serves as a portal. Attempts to pass through the mural result in Doug being pulled into the chamber, where he encounters more challenges and navigates through the stormy environment ([49:05]).
Interacting with Celestial Entities: In the silvery chamber, they meet the Wind Trader again, who hints at further quests and world purification, setting the stage for future adventures ([85:36]).
Notable Quote: Doug muses on the mysterious mural: "I think about the halfling sailor drowning... that's weird to have in a silver mine" ([39:38]).
Timestamp: [84:17 – 86:45]
As the group gathers their newfound resources and information, they strategize their next moves:
Safe Passage and Guidance: Thanks to the Wind Trader, they now have a lead on locating the elusive Baron, who remains a critical figure in their mission ([75:37]).
Reflecting on Discoveries: The adventurers contemplate the nature of the Wind Trader and the implications of their interactions, pondering over the deity's motives and the potential for deeper connections to their quest ([86:10]).
Notable Quote: Gustavo (DM) leaves listeners with a cliffhanger: "Find out what world purification is all about on the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon" ([86:26]).
Timestamp: [86:45 – End]
The episode concludes with a humorous wrap-up and calls to action for listeners to support the podcast:
Merchandise and Patreon: Listeners are encouraged to visit the Stinky Dragon merchandise store and become patrons for exclusive content, including bonus series and behind-the-scenes access.
Acknowledgments: The hosts thank their supporters and mention contributions from the community, highlighting the collaborative spirit of the podcast.
Notable Quote: Gustavo promotes community support: "Check out store.stinkydragonpod.com for all your stinky dragon merch needs" ([41:52]).
Conclusion: Episode 11 of Tales from the Stinky Dragon blends humor, camaraderie, and engaging storytelling as the adventurers navigate the mysterious Middrus Mine. With each character’s unique quirks and the DM’s creative narrative, the episode sets up intriguing plot developments and leaves listeners eagerly anticipating the next installment. Whether you’re a seasoned D&D player or new to the genre, this award-winning podcast episode offers a delightful mix of adventure and comedy suitable for all ages.
Notable Quotes Recap:
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This summary captures the essence of Episode 11, focusing on the narrative progression, character dynamics, and key plot points while excluding advertisements and non-content segments.