C03 - Ep. 27 - From On Hyra -Early Bird Gets the Vermustang

Summary

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Tales from the Stinky Dragon

Episode C03 - Ep. 27: "From On Hyra – Early Bird Gets the Vermustang"

Date: October 1, 2025
Host/DM: Gustavo Sorola
Players: Chris Damaris (Gunther), John Risinger (Natty Wonder), Barbara Dunkelman (Doug Boone), Blaine Gibson (Tolv)
Theme: The party enters a raucous Vermistang race, confronts mysterious racers and magical obstacles, wins by a hair, and investigates the ominous "screaming" atop a monumental cactus—encountering a scapegoat with burdens deeper than its fleece.

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode brims with chaos and camaraderie as the party delves into a desert horse (Vermistang) race, showcasing their distinct personalities through a mix of skill challenges and banter. The stakes rise beyond gold and glory, as a mysterious scream atop the local landmark leads them to a literal scapegoat bearing the sins of a village. Both high jinks and genuine depth define the storyline, with strong comedic chemistry and moments of empathetic heroism.

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Key Discussion Points & Adventure Highlights

1. Arrow Question – Who’s Your Character’s Most Star-Struck Celebrity?

(02:59–09:29)
Each player answers (in character) which real-world celebrity their character would be most excited to meet:

• Gunther (Chris Damaris): Kermit the Frog. "I think it is very realistic...Maybe he's different type of frog than me. He does not burrow." (04:08)
  • Comedy ensues about whether Gunther's wife is a pig.
• Natty Wonder (John Risinger): Johnny Cash. "First time I saw that man ever performing, I. I had the vapors." (06:23)
• Doug Boone (Barbara Dunkelman): Madonna, 1984 "Like a Virgin" era. "Some of the best stuff over there. Doug used to blast for music when he was working in his workshop." (07:49)
• Tolv (Blaine Gibson): The Skarsgård acting family, especially Bill (Pennywise). Also muses about ABBA and robots, weaving it into Tolv’s quirky logic. (10:05–11:09)

Memorable Moment:

"We could call it 'It's Difficult Being a Shade of Emerald.'" —Blaine, riffing on copyright-safe Kermit references (05:02)

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2. Setting the Stage & Race Preparation

(12:24–14:31)
Immersive setup—players introduce their mounts:

• Gunther: Precious Little Angel
• Tolv: Terry
• Doug: Pop and Fresh
• Natty: Wester (Giggy rides for her)

Race Mechanics Introduced

• Three rounds of skill challenges, no repeated skills, competing against each other and the enigmatic “Racer X.”
• Initiative determined: Gunther, Tolv, Natty, Doug, Racer X

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3. The Vermistang Race & Skill Challenge Shenanigans

(15:00–50:33, focus on action around 14:31–50:33)

Obstacles & Solutions

• Rock slide: Gunther soars over it with an acrobatics check. (16:05)
  • "You whisper into El Angel's ears to fly, you fool." —DM Gus (16:16)
• Aggressive headbutting: Tolv tries to counter, veers off course, entangles with Racer X. (18:28)
• A murderous murder of crows: Giggy intimidates them with a growl. (20:23)
• Tempting sack of gold: Doug resists, emphasizing pride over greed. (36:00)
• Final photo finish: Giggy narrowly wins, mooning the camera in celebration. (49:57)

Notable Quotes

• "Miss me? Now you gotta kiss me. Wait a minute." —Doug (22:34)
• "He’s mooning the camera." —F (50:00)
• "That’s flubber." —Barbara, on a mooning joke callback (50:16)

Mechanical Highlights

• Inspiration dice humorously thrown around—singing ABBA and Kermit earns inspiration, failed skill checks lead to chaotic consequences.
• Cheeky DMing: "We'll call it a DC20...blow you, 30 saving throw!" —Gustavo, giving Gunther tough rolls (24:07–24:45)
• Life lessons: Gigi (the little demon-cat) learns focus (with a wisdom check and Natty's stern mom voice): "Mr. Gigglesworth, the harbinger of the great end, immortal...You stop it. You stop it right now." —Natty (42:19)

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4. Post-Race Revelry

(50:33–54:03)

• Reveling, dividing spoils, and sharing winnings.
• Doug sneaks off to get leftover gold, then generously shares it with Natty. (53:00–53:10)
• After finishing, the party (finally) confronts Racer X: he's Sheldon, Iris' nephew (the bookie’s kin), previously familiar by voice and looks. (52:21–52:32)

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5. Investigating the Scream at the Crackedus

(54:03–80:00)

The Ascent

• Players humorously struggle to use a ski-lift-equivalent; Tolv fails 7 times before succeeding (65:47–67:15).
  • "This place is a tourist trap." —Chris (66:20)
• Gunther and Natty discuss the etymology of their capitalized names.

Atop the Practice (Crackedus)

• They find a goat—shrouded in dark, flickering energy—a “scapegoat” left by the villagers to bear their sins.
  • "Some would say a scapegoat." —Goat/DM Gus (78:21)
  • Emotional responses to the goat's plight: "You seem like a decent being and you should have a second chance. You shouldn't be shouldering the blame of a bunch of other people." —Tolv (79:58)
• The goat gives Gunther a cursed tooth as a weapon component and hints at a secret entrance to the Crackedus via the aqueduct. (82:13–83:35)

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6. Planning & Diplomacy with the Sorceress Cult

(85:04–92:13)

Strategy Session

• As Natty frames it: "We are visitors in other people's lands...so we've got to do this diplomatic, like." (85:25)
• Doug, though socially anxious, steps forward as spokesperson.
• Hilarious preamble: "We got that creepy guy over there waving at you, his toes, gentle giant over there, and that little guy over there, this Gunther..." —Doug (88:34)

Diplomacy Success

• Natty's persuasive finesse secures secret aqueduct access:
  • "Just follow the secret entrance in the aqueduct..." —Sorceress (91:44)
• The honest sorceress promptly "takes a nap" to avoid fallout for giving away secrets.

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7. Venturing Into the Aqueduct

(92:41–95:57)

• The party jumps into the fast-running water, failing dexterity checks and tumbling into a dark tunnel.
• Suspense ratchets up as they are attacked by lizards in the darkness; cliffhanger for next episode.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Frog Representation:
  "Are you not, like, offended by him? Like, his representation of frogs being maybe unrealistic?"
  "Oh, I think it is very realistic." —B & C (03:58–04:08)

• On Race Tactics:
  "Giddy up, little wormy worm." —Gunther (15:04)
  "Fun thing is, you don't know which end it came out of." —Natty, on Giggy's flubber (12:18)
  "Can we have you sing 'It’s Not Easy Being Green,’ so we can post it?" —Gustavo (04:40)

• On the Tragedy of Terry:
  "No, I have a plan. I have a brilliant plan. I have concepts of a plan." —Tolv (19:12)
  "Sorry, Terry, you had a good run. Close your eyes, look away, and think about rabbits." —Tolv, (27:18)

• On Goat Lore:
  “Some would say a scapegoat.” —DM Gus (78:21)
  “Can we put the sins onto something else like this hat?” —Gunther (80:29) "Goats apparently" —Chris, when asked what the mages dislike (84:03)

• On Skill Check Fails:
  "Tolv fails 7 times to sit on a ski lift." (65:43–67:31)

• On Growth & Lessons:
  "With each life lesson, Gigi's hit points (and size) grow." (44:03–44:49)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Arrow Question (Celebrity Fantasy): 02:59–09:29
• Vermustang Race Beginning: 14:31
• Race Skill Challenge & Banter: 16:05–50:33
• Photo Finish & Aftermath: 49:48–54:03
• Race Winnings Divided: 53:00
• Investigating the Cactus Scream: 54:03–80:00
• Ski Lift Fails & Goat Encounter: 65:43–83:35
• Diplomatic Planning: 85:03–87:15
• Secret Aqueduct Entrance: 91:04–92:13
• Aqueduct Adventure & Cliffhanger: 92:41–95:57

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Flow, Energy, & Tone

The episode sparkles with quick wit, D&D in-jokes, and signature character quirks. Even amidst goofy failures (many, many failed skill checks), the narrative finds space for sincerity—especially in the goat scene—which grounds the humor without dulling the fun. The DM deftly balances challenge, running gags, and character-driven moments. Energy is high, banter seamless, and there’s always a wry punchline on the horizon.

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For Next Time

• Aqueduct infiltration is underway, but the party faces both magical and very real (lizard) dangers.
• Loose threads: the scapegoat’s fate, the sorceress cult, and the deepening mysteries of the Crackedus.

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For new listeners:
This episode is a standout example of Stinky Dragon’s blend of improv, game mechanics, and endearing chaos. It's a wild ride through humor, heart, and the unexpected staying power of a good frog (or goat) joke.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[C]

It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the.

[A]

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[C]

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[D]

He has arisen. Tim Allen and Kat Dennings return in.

[C]

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[A]

What? What?

[D]

With a star studded premiere including Jenna Elfman, Nancy Travis and. Hey, buddy.

[C]

A big home improvement reunion welcome. Oh, boy, that guy's a tool.

[D]

Shifting Gears season premiere tonight, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[E]

Peace to all you pathogenists. Strain your way into the Stinky Dragon and take a taste of our latest tea disease. Hey, Guzzler, have you tried the T disease?

[A]

What? No.

[D]

The king of improv.

[A]

I can't say I have. I wasn't expecting that disease.

[D]

Nuts.

[A]

Got him.

[E]

Previously, our adventurers were caught dead center in a duel. After testing Gunther's tete a tete, Aunt Shannon offered fighting instruct form formidable froggy friends. Soon after, B team sojourned to Solasad and spoke with Iris the bookie and saddled up for some vroom vrooms on Verma Stangs. Bring over a brew and let's buckle up for this bedtime tale.

[A]

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I'm your dungeon master, Gustavo Sorol. I was caught off guard. I'm gonna hit our four players with an arrow.

[B]

We are not caught off guard here.

[A]

This week's arrow question is, which celebrity from our world would your character be the most star struck by? And that's submitted by Buggy52. Everyone go and roll that D20. Let's see what order we're gonna do this in.

[B]

Shout out to buggy two.

[C]

Oh, also a 28.

[B]

All right, Blaine, roll off.

[A]

You two, roll off for third and fourth. Seventeen.

[D]

Oh, I bet I could beat that with a 17. Let's keep going. Come on, Barb. How long can we keep this going?

[B]

What are the chances? Sixteen.

[D]

Two. Dang it.

[A]

All right, so who had the 20? Me.

[F]

Gunther.

[A]

So it's Gunther, Natty, Doug, and then Tol.

[C]

Hi, I'm Chris Damaris, and I play Gunther, the male Crowfolk fighter, level six. And for me, the celebrity I would be the most excited to meet is, of course, Kermit the Frog.

[B]

Are you not, like, offended by him? Like, his representation of frogs being maybe unrealistic?

[C]

Oh, I think it is very realistic.

[F]

Wait, is Gunther's representation of frogs realistic?

[C]

Maybe he's different type of frog than me. He does not burrow. He's also much better at singing and dancing.

[B]

Could you sing one of Kermit's favorite or famous songs in a.

[D]

5, 6, 7, 8.

[C]

It's not easy Being Green.

[D]

I was hoping he would chicken out on that one.

[B]

It's actually really nice.

[F]

It wasn't even close to the melody, but I love the effort.

[A]

Can we have that available? Chris, can you sing It's Not Easy Being Green and we can post it.

[F]

Even chance of copyright infringement with that one. I love it. It was so good.

[A]

Yeah, the melody's totally different.

[G]

Totally different.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

We could call it. It's. It's Difficult Being a Shade of Emerald.

[A]

Yeah, there you go. So, Gunther, this begs the question. I know everyone's thinking it. Is your wife a pig?

[C]

No. You take that out of your mouth.

[A]

No, no, I'm just like. Like a literal. Not.

[C]

She's not a pig.

[D]

Oh, God. Folk, Gunther's climbing on the stage. He's about to hit Guzzlers.

[C]

Take that out of your mouth.

[A]

Okay, here it is.

[D]

Oh, there it goes.

[G]

Gross.

[A]

Cool. All right, thanks, Chris. Next up, I believe we've got Nettie.

[F]

Howdy, everybody. It's John Risinger, and I play Natty Wonder, the drow warlock, drag queen, mother of the bringer of the apocalypse, Mr. Gigglesworth. I think I've been pretty open about a lot of the people that I like and a lot of the people that I've styled myself a little bit around. But the celebrity I'd want to meet might be a little bit of a surprise to people, but if you really think about it, it shouldn't be that much of a surprise. Obviously, I'm a lover of music and musical talent, and the musical giants out there I've made reference to plenty of times. But if there was one celebrity I got to meet, it would be this hunk of a musician that I'VE got the hots for. His name is Mr. Johnny Cash.

[A]

Oh, that's a good one. Yeah.

[F]

First time I saw that man ever performing, I. I had the vapors.

[D]

I thought you were going Orville Peck. I thought you were going RuPaul. You took me on a journey there. I didn't expect Johnny Cash.

[C]

I. I was thinking Johnny Cash.

[F]

There you go.

[C]

I think you set it up well.

[F]

Thank you. Yeah. So that's who I'd want to meet, Johnny Cash. Or at the very least, go to a concert. That's all.

[A]

I think your wife may have met him.

[B]

His wife has been meeting a lot of people lately.

[D]

Yeah. This week.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, cool. Yeah, I think that's. That's very well suited. Thanks, Natty.

[F]

We'll.

[A]

We'll talk maybe in a second wind or something, about some more Johnny Cash.

[F]

Love to.

[A]

Up next, I believe was Doug.

[G]

It is.

[B]

Hello, I'm Barbara Dunkelman and I play Doug Boone, the artificer Bugbear Level six as well.

[G]

And, you know, I think, obviously you guys might think people Doug would want to meet Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, you know, Benjamin Franklin. It's famous guys who are very smart. You know, Alexander Wham Bell. And of course, Doug would be absolutely starstruck to meet these guys. But ultimately, similarly to Natty, Doug is a lover of music.

[A]

Oh.

[G]

And it might surprise you to hear this, but Doug would be absolutely starstruck to meet Madonna.

[C]

Madonna, okay.

[G]

Big fan of her music.

[F]

Which era?

[A]

Okay.

[G]

You know, kind of like the 1984. Kind of like. Like a virgin era for best music. Yeah, exactly. You know, some of the best stuff over there. Doug used to blast for music when he was working in his workshop and just, you know, especially, you know, because we are living in your material world. Material bug. Just some of my favorite stuff, too.

[A]

I was going to ask what your favorite song was, but you belted one out.

[G]

Material is pretty good. I also. Papa Don't Preach is a good one. You know, I could go on, but I'll save those for whenever I do meet Dolly. Not Dolly Parton. Whenever I do meet Madonna. Sorry, I was thinking about Dolly Parton because of Daddy.

[A]

Well, maybe we can. We can reach out to her people and see if we can get her on. Doug's on the ones and twos, which I hear is blowing up. It's massive.

[G]

Yeah. You know, maybe depending on when you're listening to this, maybe there's something that's coming soon.

[A]

Oh, yeah, it's probably already out by this point.

[B]

Hopefully.

[A]

Hopefully.

[F]

We are telling Ourselves one way or the other.

[A]

Without that call, we're not good at planning too far ahead. Okay, thanks, Doug.

[F]

What musician does Tove want to meet because everybody's been musical?

[C]

Well, Kermit's kind of half and half.

[D]

Yeah, Kermit's. Kermit's. Kermit's very musical.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

Triple that.

[A]

Yeah. I will say, when Doug was talking about liking a musical act, I was thinking maybe like Devo or something like that. Maybe very up Doug's act avenue. But, yeah, Madonna didn't expect that. Anyway, I'm sorry, Tol, you're up.

[D]

Well, hello. I'm Blaine Gibson, and I play. Oh, you. Who? It's me. To. I am a male or thaumatech barbarian. I still need to change that. Here we go. Another week, another meaning. To change my character sheet.

[B]

Now pull it up.

[A]

I thought you changed it last week.

[D]

No, no, no, I'll do it. I'll do it.

[F]

I'll do it later.

[D]

I'm a Level 6 male Thaumatech barbarian, and I have a bit of a cheaty answer. Oh, I guess if I wanted to do musicians, it would be bj, obviously. But no, I actually. Oh, abba. So good. So fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

But no, I have an actor, actually, a family of actors. This, again, is a bit of a cheaty answer because I love the Scars Guards. Wonderful. The Stellan and the Alexander and the Bill. Oh, I love Bill. He's Pennywise. Even. Even Gustav and Stefan, the lesser known Scars Guards. But they're just so great. And wow. They. They really are just a family of Vikings going out and pillaging Hollywood and starring in every film, genre, and franchise you can imagine.

[F]

I just rewatched Nosferatu, and, yeah, Skarsgard gets. He's lost in that character. It's fantastic.

[D]

Yeah. No, they're such good actors. And I think that's. I. Something I channeled with when I was lying to you, an orc, I was like, what. What does Skars Guard do to. To lie to their friends and they own method acting, so that's why I ate food and then would spit it out whenever you guys weren't looking and things like that.

[B]

Yeah, delicious.

[A]

Yeah. Generally, if you see a Scars guard in a film, you know, you're in for a good ride. Like, if Scars Guard shows up, you're like, ooh, yeah, we're. We're in for something good.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

And Alexander. Oh, he's so ripped. And have you. Have you seen the Tarzan movie? It's actually very. I mean, you'd think the Northman would be my favorite. But Legend of Tar. So good. So good. Margot Roby.

[F]

I thought you would have wanted to meet Brent Spiner.

[D]

I don't know who that is, Data. Oh, Star Trek, huh? That's cool.

[G]

What about that guy from Bicentennial Man? The guy who's a actual Bicentennial Man.

[D]

Oh, robots, people. Yeah, no, I just. I just can't get enough of those scars. Guards.

[F]

Or Haley Joel Osmond.

[A]

Oh, also good one.

[C]

I want to meet Flubber.

[A]

Another green level.

[G]

Yeah, maybe I could. Maybe I can make my own flubber for you.

[C]

That would be so neat. It would help me jump.

[D]

Oh, it looks like. It looks like Giggy already made a bunch of flubber like substance over there.

[A]

All right, everyone roll a D20. Lowest roll has to clean up Giggy's flubber.

[B]

Oh, I literally pulled up my entice to roll it right out because you.

[F]

Said that the fun thing is you don't know which end it came out of.

[A]

Yum. Fun.

[F]

All right, let's get everything set up and get these races underway. Natty does change Natty's attire through her morphing abilities into a very fancy racing like dress and a big old white hat.

[A]

Oh, nice. Very appropriate. All right, you all lead your Vermistangs out to the starting line. There's little stalls with the gate in front of it and Iris is watching it from the side. And with a flurry of magical explosions, go off.

[D]

On your marks, get set.

[A]

The gates open. And from the top of the practice, all of you hear a loud blood curdling scream. And with that, at the same time, a fifth unknown Vermistan takes off from the starting place and starts the race. We're going to do this kind of a way that we've done before where we're going to have a skill challenge and I'm going to describe obstacles that are in your way. Then each of you is going to tell me how you're going to try to get around it. And we're gonna have a little. A little bit of fun with this. We're gonna see who wins and wins their money back, I guess from the betting with Iris.

[B]

Should we go over who's. Who's on who?

[A]

Yes. Why don't you all tell me which vermistang you are writing?

[B]

I'm on, I believe, Pop and fresh.

[F]

That sounds right.

[D]

And I'm on the winner, Terry, everyone's favorite.

[C]

I'm on Precious Little Angel.

[F]

And I'm on the. The fourth one. I didn't write it down. Help Me?

[B]

You are on Wester.

[F]

Wester, yes. Isn't Giggy writing it for me? Giggy's writing it for me, yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's right. Kiki was on it. Okay, so we're gonna do this, everyone. We're gonna have three rounds of racing, and we'll see who comes up first. So every round, each use gonna make a skill check. And you cannot reuse a skill check twice. And the DC of the skill check depends on the risk involved. But I'll announce it before the roll. There's no magic. And you're playing against the other riders, so you're playing against each other and this mystery rider who has shot out of the gate.

[F]

Racer X. Racer X.

[A]

Yes. Ooh, Speed Racer. Your goal is to have three successes before two failures. Okay, so why don't we everyone go ahead and roll an initiative for me. So we'll determine the order. Everyone's gonna go in.

[C]

Ooh, 23, 18, 24.

[A]

All right, so we got Gunther with a 24, Tove with a 23, Natty with an 18, and Barbara with a 9. Oh, and I gotta do Race for.

[F]

X Barbara, the fourth character in this campaign.

[G]

Yay.

[A]

That's funny. I wrote down, I read as I typed it out, and I wrote Barbara instead of Doug.

[B]

We are one in the same. It's because I'm such a good character player. Player only.

[F]

Player only. I'm gonna make a shirt says player only.

[A]

Okay, Gunther, we're going to start with you.

[C]

Giddy up, little wormy worm.

[A]

Oh, that's good, Gunther. You take off with a shot and you're going down the straightaway. And as you do, a nearby cliff begins disintegrating and a rock slide begins coming down the track in front of you. Don't get knocked over. What do you want to do?

[C]

What are the capabilities? Like, how does the worm thing move? Does it move like a horse?

[F]

It's got, like, Jagger legs.

[A]

Yeah, that. That like a horse, but they don't end in hooves.

[C]

Okay. Could I try and make the horse jump? Like, jump over it?

[A]

Yeah. And I'll. Since you asked, I'll reread the description of the Vermistang to you since we haven't done that in this episode. It's a worm horse. That's horse shaped with no hooves and worm skin, and it's got a colored mane of hair. And, yeah, it gallops pretty quickly through the sandy ground. All right, so, yeah, you want to try to make it jump. Yeah.

[C]

You must use your wings to fly. That came out more Gandalfy than Gunther, but whatever. All right, it's Angel.

[A]

What kind of check do you want to make?

[C]

I guess, like, would that be acrobatics?

[A]

Yeah, make a. Make an acrobatic check. We'll call it. So you're just trying to make a jump. We'll call it a DC15 acrobatics check.

[C]

I passed with a 21. Ooh, that was a high. That was a high. I was nervous.

[D]

What?

[C]

15 is kind of high.

[A]

15'S pretty middle of the road. You have a plus eight on that. You whisper into El Angel's ears to fly, you fool. And it takes to the air gracefully jumping over these skittering rocks and boulders that come onto the track right in front of you. Next up is Tove riding Terry.

[D]

Yoo Hoo and Yee haw. Let's go, Terry.

[A]

You begin catching up to Racer X. And as you do so.

[F]

But I'm glad you used my joke. I like it. It made me laugh.

[A]

I wrote on the initiative order, Racer X. You begin catching up to Racer X. And right as you pull alongside, Racer X's vermistang lashes its head out and tries to headbutt Terry. How are you gonna try to evade it? What are you gonna try to do?

[D]

Well, first and foremost, I'm gonna make a mental note to talk to Iris about the safety of this race course because I'm seriously questioning it. And then I think I'm going to try to, you know, scare them back. You know, maybe intimidate them with Terry, make them second guess fighting Terry and Tove, the dynamic duo.

[A]

Okay, so you're going to absorb the headbutt and then try to scare them back.

[D]

I'm going to try to challenge the headbutt with a headbutt of my own. Some like a counter attack.

[F]

Yeah, okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you want to do that? What kind of check you want to make for that?

[D]

Whatever. Parry mix with some sort of check. Toad. I don't know, like diverting their momentum to. To make them attack themselves in some sort of way. I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, I don't think there's a judo check. All right, how about we do sleight of hand? You're like trying to, like, get around them and redirect it.

[D]

Yeah, sure.

[C]

Sleight of head.

[A]

Yeah, sleight of hand. We'll also call this one a DC15 slider head check.

[D]

Okay, here we go. That's a six. Is heroic. Is inspiration dies allowed.

[A]

Yeah, you can do an inspiration die.

[D]

Thank God, Terry, you could have goofed that up so bad. Good thing this next roll is going to be a victory.

[C]

14.

[A]

Just ever so shy. So I think Terry's trying to gauge how to avoid and, you know, redirect his headbutt. And they'll say, Terry manages to avoid the headbutt. But when you go out to, you know, kind of redirect and give the energy back to them, you kind of stumble a little bit. And Terry, instead of continuing down the track, begins going perpendicular to the track and veers off to the side.

[D]

Oh. Oh, no.

[A]

You begin falling behind a little bit here.

[D]

No, I'm tangled up with Racer X. And now we're kissing. Oh, no.

[A]

So Gunther pass told you kind of stumble a little bit. You avoid the headbutt, so you don't take any damage or anything, but you do end up falling behind a little bit because of the. The kerfuffle.

[D]

Okay, this. I'm right. I'm right where I want to be.

[F]

One mistake away from failing.

[D]

No, I have a plan. I have a brilliant plan. I have concepts of a plan.

[A]

All right, next up, we've got Maddie. Nope.

[G]

Good.

[B]

What'd you roll?

[F]

I'm not in the race.

[A]

Doug. I'm not Doug. Giggy.

[F]

A lot of people get dug in. Giggy mix next up.

[B]

Yeah, we are very similar.

[A]

Riding Wester. As Gigi is riding Wester going down the track, a flock of birds that was circling overhead begins getting lower and lower, and suddenly, you see a murderer of murderous crows begin pursuing Giggy, trying to peck at his eyeballs.

[C]

Well, the early bird gets the word.

[D]

Because we're riding worms.

[F]

Thank you, Nigel Thornberry.

[A]

What does Giggy want to do?

[F]

Gigi would bare his teeth at them and be growling at them to, like, show his alpha dominance. Like a little kitten trying to, like, puff up. Yeah, if the kitten was a team, it was a demon from hell.

[A]

Why don't you make an intimidation check on that? And we'll also call this1adc15.

[C]

In my head now, for the first time, Gigi is like a stitch or lilo.

[D]

Is it? Which one is it?

[B]

It's stitch.

[D]

Okay.

[F]

15 with no modifier.

[C]

Nice.

[F]

Plus zero on intimidation check.

[A]

The murder of murderous crows descends and begins trying to die for Gigi's delicious, juicy eyeballs. But Gigi bares his teeth, and the murderous crows think better of their plan and begin climbing away and continue to circle the track from above. Next up, we have Racer X. As Racer X rounds the bend, he comes across a dead animal that's splayed across the track and let's try to jump over it.

[B]

Fail. Fail, fail, fail.

[A]

Racer X makes the jump and you can see as he clears it, his Vermistan tries to kick it back at the racer behind them. But his kick to kick up the dead animal in your faces fails and does not manage to actually kick it up.

[D]

Oh, also this isn't a sponsored thing for a 17 year old movie, but the Wachowski Speed Racer. Really good.

[F]

It's incredibly good.

[D]

It's really good. You should watch it.

[F]

It's a lot of people slept on it.

[A]

I've never seen it. I'm one of those people.

[D]

It's incredible.

[F]

It's maybe one of the best anime adaptations in a live action format.

[A]

Partigree.

[F]

I don't know.

[A]

It's Ghost in the Shelf. All right, Doug, you're up. You would be pulling up to Racer X and his Vermastang once again rears his head around and tries to headbutt your Verma Stang. What do you want to do?

[B]

Could I maybe while this is happening see if there's like a better kind of angle or path that like mathematically that my Vermistan could take to avoid this?

[A]

Yeah. It's geometry, right?

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

My dear Watson.

[A]

Yeah. How do you want to do that? Like investigation? Investigation or do you have a specific role in mind you want to make.

[B]

For that like perception?

[A]

Yeah, you should really do a perception check to try to figure that out. Since this is kind of in Doug's wheelhouse. We're gonna make this a DC10 perception check.

[B]

Okay.

[G]

11.

[A]

Good thing it was. You see Racer X's Vermistan rear its head and you kind of expected this might be coming after seeing what happened with Tolv. So you make a break for the inner lane to try to pull away. And the headbutt clearly misses you and popping fresh.

[G]

Miss me? Now you gotta kiss me. Wait a minute.

[D]

That's two out of the four of.

[F]

Us have made by kissing the Racer X.

[D]

We all wanna kiss Racer X.

[C]

So hot.

[A]

Okay, why don't all of you make perception checks since we're talking about Racer X.

[D]

Okay. Ooh, that's a 1918, 14.

[F]

Is this natty or Geeky?

[A]

They'll let you choose.

[F]

It don't matter.

[B]

Natty could be watching.

[F]

I rolled a 7 at best.

[A]

I'll say. Everyone except for Giggy Natty kind of gets a look at Racer X. You see that Racer X has bristly hair and looks vaguely familiar. Maybe a little, a little on the, on the plump side and Is a human. Okay. Okay, we're back up to the top. Gunther.

[B]

Who have we met? That's on the plumber.

[C]

That's a human Colonel. Boy, I wish.

[H]

I love that guy.

[D]

You like the. The person that wasn't.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, Gunther. You know, you see Doug take that angle and move to the inside. You're distracted for just a second. And when you look forward ahead onto the track in front of you, Gunther, you turn around and you see a large cactus in the middle of the track. Oh, no. What are you gonna do?

[C]

Oh, no. Well, Gunther would use his survival skills to avoid natural hazards.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. Make me a survival check. We'll say this cactus is so big, you're going to really have to kind of try to find your way. Make a DC20 check on this one.

[C]

DC20?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Give me one of those 11s, Gus.

[A]

What?

[D]

What? 11 Gus.

[C]

Or whatever Doug had. Okay, I'm rolling.

[G]

Don't worry, Gunther. You can make it through the wilderness. Somehow, you'll make it through.

[C]

Wait, what was it? 20. You wanted a 20? Yeah, I rolled an 18.

[A]

Close.

[C]

That's pretty good.

[D]

Gus is playing favorites again. Barbara always gets mad because he picked.

[F]

One of his modifiers that's high. And so then Gus met that with a higher check he needs to make.

[C]

It's not even that high. It's a plus four.

[D]

Watch this. I'm gonna choose religion. He's gonna be like, blow you.

[A]

30.

[D]

Saving throw.

[C]

All right. Can I. Can I use. I guess I'll use my inspiration. Die.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Go. Waste that inspiration response.

[C]

Want to try?

[A]

Yeah. Go for it. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. 21.

[B]

Whoa.

[D]

Eat Chris's butt, Gus.

[A]

Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

[D]

No, no, don't. Stop it.

[A]

Yes. You. You see this huge cactus, and at the last second, you drift your vermistan around it and narrowly avoid hitting the giant spines and getting them in your leg and your vermistan side. Close call, Gunther.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

So that's two successes for Gunther. We're moving on to Toll Yoo. Hootle.

[D]

What kind of treachery do I find from that dreaded racer axe? I hope it's not more kisses. Oh, no.

[A]

A nearby body of water. It looks like kind of like a stream, I think I described it in the previous episode. Begins rising and flooding and running over into the track. And now there's rising water on the section of track that you are on. Tolv. What are you gonna do?

[D]

I'm gonna pick up such speed, I'll be like a skipping stone. Gliding over the water gracefully with Terry.

[A]

Ooh, I like it. What kind of role do you envision that being? I've got an idea, but I want to hear what yours is.

[D]

You're probably gonna say athletics, which is my highest modifier, so you're gonna make it something impossible. But I think that that's the most appropriate one. Athletics, right? Or is it acrobatics?

[A]

I was thinking acrobatics, but since you said, like, gliding and skipping and not, like, brute forcing through it. But it's whichever you want, Chris, pick one.

[D]

Acrobatics or athletics?

[C]

I thought actor.

[D]

Don't think.

[C]

Say acrobatics.

[D]

Acrobatics.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Why'd you put it on me?

[D]

I don't know. You're just standing there.

[B]

Yes. And.

[C]

Yeah, I was like, oh, shoot. I have to make a decision.

[A]

Why don't we make this also a DC20? Check.

[D]

Brutal.

[F]

Okay, here we go.

[D]

Oh, you know, I failed. That's a six.

[A]

Ooh. Ooh, yeah. Okay. You try to power your way and kind of glide across the top of the water, but Terry doesn't quite have enough speed, and you end up getting bogged down in the water and the mud. And slowly, Terry begins sinking deeper and deeper into the mud.

[D]

Betray you.

[F]

Immediately.

[D]

Immediately, immediately. The swamp.

[A]

Everyone in a certain age range becomes very upset when you hear something described like that. Until eventually. Yeah. Terry is chest deep in mud and unable to move. And to. The race is over for you. Oh.

[D]

Do you know what that means? I've got to put Terry down. I bring out my warhammer. Sorry, Terry, you had a good run. Close your eyes, look away, and think about rabbits. Canonically, I will not kill the swamp. The horse thing.

[A]

We're gonna go hoofer on this guy. No. All right, that brings us to Giggy.

[C]

Hoofer's alive. Schrodingers go.

[D]

Stupid hoofer.

[A]

Giggy is racing, probably. I would imagine. He's looking up at the crows and, like, shaking his little fist and muttering curses at them under his breath when he suddenly rides into a giant dust devil that has wandered its way onto the track. It's obscuring his vision. Where's the track? Where is he? What does he do?

[C]

Hmm.

[F]

He would probably just be like, okay, if the Vermistan just goes really fast, as fast as possible in some direction, he'll get through it.

[D]

It worked out for Tov. It'll work out for Gigi.

[F]

I just can't think of anything else that, like, if he was in. Like, if he. If he's a toddler who is stuck in a space he doesn't want to be in. And so he's just gonna want to muscle his way through that space. Again, I'm gonna make a reference to a cat. Like, if you get like a cat with a plastic bag attached to it, and then the cat just has to get away from that plastic bag, but. But has no, like, idea of, like, how not to hurt itself while it does it.

[A]

Okay, what kind of check do you envision that being? I have an idea for one, but what do you think?

[F]

I feel like he would bear down on the Vermistang, like, gripping it really tight and just like really trying to, like, push it forward. So I would say either something strength based or he could be trying to persuade the vermistang to go as fast as possible through, like, I don't know, intimidation or persuasion. So I'm gonna let the DM doesn't look good.

[A]

You did intimidation last time, so we cannot reuse that. So let's go with something strength this time. Sure.

[D]

Now keep in mind Giggy's life depends on this role. If he fails, he dies. Good luck.

[A]

You can make a. An athletics check. I think it would be good. That's a strength based one. Go ahead and make that check and we'll call this one. This is also kind of hard, so I'm gonna give you the option here. I can give you a lower dc, but then you have to make a separate roll to see if you pick the right direction or higher dc and you don't have to pick the direction. You don't have to make the roll to pick the direction.

[F]

That's fun. Let's do lower roll and lock into a good direction.

[A]

So just make a. We'll call this a DC10. Check to see if you can go fast and then we'll roll for the direction.

[F]

Yeah, you got 16, but his modifier is negative three, so 13. Yeah, that's why I went low check because I'm like, he's got a negative modifier on strength. He's small.

[A]

Yeah, he kind of bears down and gets the vermis tank to pick up speed incredibly fast now. So what we do is I'm gonna have you roll a D6. 1 and 2, you veer off to the left. 3 and 4, you go straight correctly. 5 and 6 you veer off to.

[D]

The right, go left. Who said that? It's like a ghost.

[A]

I like to picture like, like the face of Kyborg, like partially dissolved over Giggy's shoulder. Just appears and says, go left.

[D]

You can do it, bro.

[F]

And Gigi bites at it.

[A]

No.

[D]

Ow.

[F]

He rolled a six. So he goes right.

[A]

Yeah. So it makes you fall behind a little bit, but you're still in the race. You haven't, you know, totally fallen off the trail.

[F]

So is that a failure?

[A]

No, no, you're still in it. You're just falling behind a little bit. It's a, it's a success. You made the successful roll.

[F]

Oh, okay. Cool, cool, cool.

[A]

Foreign.

[C]

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[F]

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[A]

Okay, so now we are up to Racer X. Okay, Racer X is racing along. Then as he is accelerating the sand beneath the feet of the Vermistang begins sinking in and collapsing into a sinkhole. And he must try to power his way out. He is going to make a athletics check for this one and this is pretty difficult. It's going to be a DC20 but don't say I don't challenge him too. And he rolled a five. That is a failure. So Racer X begins sinking. Kind of like you know in old cartoons when someone steps in quicksand and they begin like sinking into it, and they can't move. It's kind of like that begins slowly sinking into the sand, Significantly slowing him down and letting everyone catch up and. Or pass him. Which brings us to Doug.

[G]

Hello, Doug.

[A]

You are riding popping fresh, not pooping fresh, as I wrote down here. Let me correct that.

[G]

That's why you call him when he goes to the bathroom.

[A]

As you're racing along, a giant sack is tossed onto the racetrack in front of you, Independent of everything else. Make me a perception check.

[B]

20.

[A]

Ooh, that's a really good roll. As the sack hits the ground in front of you, it opens up, and you see 22 pieces of gold spill out of it onto the track right in front of you. Deal or no deal?

[G]

No, wait, hold on.

[B]

What did I bet on this race?

[D]

I think I bet, like, one gold.

[A]

Yeah.

[G]

You know what? I'm gonna overcome my greed in this moment and keep on racing. No deal.

[A]

According to the calculator, this is 22 times the earnings you could get from your bet.

[G]

I'm gonna. I'll leave it there for Gigi to pick up For Natty, I think she's. She's in need of some.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

See, the problem is Doug has a gambling problem. And so they. Even though it's an easy win, Doug has to.

[D]

That's the play, the win, the bet.

[B]

His pride now is at stake.

[A]

Okay, so, yeah, you look down and contemplate the deal or no deal for a moment. And then when you look back up, you have to very quickly pull yourself back onto the track and find the best angle once again to get ahead. What kind of check do you want to make for that?

[G]

I mean, I get.

[B]

Would it be another perception check if I'm, like, essentially doing the same thing with figuring out the angle?

[A]

Yeah, but we can't use the same check again. So you gotta think of, like, a different way to do it.

[B]

Well, from the previous time. I did it and I did it.

[A]

Well.

[B]

What if I use my history of that moment and do a history check?

[D]

Oh, sure.

[A]

You've learned about the local landscape, and you're applying that knowledge practically. Now, why don't you make me a. We'll call this one a DC20 history check.

[B]

Oh, dear Gustavo, that was a natural 20 with a 7 modifier for a 27.

[D]

Go, Doug Racer, go.

[C]

I know this.

[G]

Yeah, I know this.

[A]

Once again, works out the best angle Using his history of mathematics and knowledge of the local landscape.

[F]

History of mathematics.

[B]

Mathematics of history.

[A]

Pull popping fresh back on track onto the best line. Which brings us back around To Gunther.

[C]

Giddy up.

[A]

You are looking at the track and in front of you is strewn out rotten fruit. It looks like someone maybe just dumped trash all over the track in front of you. It's covering the whole track and it's super deep. Let's say it's like a 10 foot patch in front of you. What are you gonna do? Okay, you have done acrobatics and survival so far.

[D]

Far stealth.

[C]

Can I do like a dexterity check to try and like weave through it?

[A]

Yeah, but it has to be a skill.

[C]

Gotcha.

[A]

Okay. You could pick a dexterity based skill.

[C]

Okay, what about this? Gunther will lean down and try and push all the stuff out of the way as it's as.

[D]

As the worm's running Looney tunes.

[A]

It's like curling.

[F]

Well, this whole thing has been like Hannah Barbera's wacky racers, so 100% this is. This is on track.

[C]

I guess that would be slight of hand is what I would propose for that.

[A]

I like it. It's a very creative solution, but it sounds like it would be incredibly difficult. So once again, why don't you make me a DC20? Sleight of hand.

[F]

Check.

[G]

Ooh.

[C]

Getting me all the hard ones.

[F]

Listen, when you're in the front of Mario Kart, you don't get blue shells.

[C]

13.

[A]

You don't have an inspiration die. I think you used it already.

[C]

I used it on my last 20. Check.

[A]

All right. Yeah. You lean over and begin swatting away at the dead fruit. But as you're doing so, Ellen, Hell's legs begin hitting your hands at the same time. It just ends up creating a huge mess and your hands get really dirty.

[D]

Oh, no.

[C]

Dinky rod and fruit.

[A]

So it does cause you to slow down just a little bit. All right, we're back at tolve. What are you doing? Tolf? You're out of the race at this point. You have a horse that's never ending storying over here.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Go get the money.

[D]

You know I'm glad that you came back to me no, I won't cheat. I not the tolv way. Instead, I will be comforting Terry by singing him the classic ABBA song, the winner takes it all.

[A]

Yeah, you want to give us a taste?

[D]

The winner takes it all the loser has to fall it's simple and it's plain why should I complain? But tell me does she kiss and.

[F]

Then go for that high note like.

[D]

I used to kiss you? We're getting into Racer X territory now.

[B]

It isn't easy being green.

[A]

Going to give Yourself an inspiration die if you don't have one to fall.

[D]

Wow. Hey, I'm gonna add singing to my list of things to do to get inspiration die out of you.

[A]

You have a list of things to do?

[D]

Yeah. Jokes is crossed out. Those. Those died long ago.

[B]

Good jokes.

[A]

Yeah, good jokes. That's the key. All right, Tolviz beautifully serenading Terry as Terry is slowly drowning and dying.

[D]

No, he's. We saved him. We saved Terry. Can I make a roll to save Terry? I didn't realize he was dying.

[A]

He's thinking you can make, like, a strength check or something to try to pull him out.

[D]

Yeah, I want to lift this thing out. 7. I'm gonna use my inspiration die.

[A]

3020. Yeah. You managed to start pulling Terry back out, and he's. He's no longer sinking and is slowly making his way out of the muck.

[D]

Don't give up, Terry. We have so many more races to venture.

[A]

FYI, I was totally gonna kill Terry.

[D]

Oh, no.

[A]

Okay, so that takes us to Giggy. Giggy comes across that same sack of gold that was tossed out at Doug earlier. So he sees the shiny gold on the track. I feel like that would at least motivate a Giggy check to see if he maintains concentration in the race or if he goes for the shinies.

[F]

Is that a typical Gigi? 10 or 11 or higher? Yeah, that's a 5.

[A]

I would think that that means Gigi stops the race and begins getting on the ground and grabbing all the gold and stuffing it in his mouth.

[F]

I try something as mama and try to convince him not to.

[A]

What do you have in mind?

[F]

Like, can I just yell from the stands, like, with all the boisterous volume that Natty can muster, to tell Gigi.

[D]

No.

[A]

I'll tell you what. Is there something that you have been that a lesson he's been trying to learn that could maybe be applied here?

[F]

Oh, yeah. I think, like, focus. You know, like any. Any toddler that is not something that is in their wheelhouse by default. In fact, the opposite. And so we've been trying to work on focus, because I'm gonna need him focus eventually on his main goal and not get distracted by money shinies or shiny things or candy or biting stuff or pooping in places or stealing stuff or saying bad words to people that he shouldn't be saying.

[B]

How do parents do it?

[F]

Spoiler. We do it poorly.

[A]

Why don't we get a taste of Natty's adult parent voice here and how she'll try to convince Giggy, Mr. Gigglesworth.

[F]

The harbinger of the great end, immortal.

[D]

Keeper of the souls, blood harvester of.

[F]

Darkness, and generally just a good Boy Wonder. You stop it. You stop it right now.

[D]

I'm getting flashbacks of my mom doing this to me. That's very well done, John.

[A]

It's like when you hear your middle name, you're like, uh, oh, yeah. All right, why don't we treat this as a life lesson with Gigi, and why don't we throw a wisdom check in here and see if this is, like, a permanent lesson that Gigi's gonna learn or not?

[D]

Oh, that's fun.

[F]

Good. Actually, I was thinking about that. We haven't done one of those in a bit.

[A]

Yeah. So give us a wisdom check. Let's see how it goes.

[D]

Will this trauma sit with him for the next 15 years?

[B]

Find out.

[F]

Is this easy, medium, or hard? That's D.C. 10, 13, or 16.

[A]

Yeah. I'm going to say this is a medium one. It's not basic social skill. It's slightly more complex.

[F]

It's personal skills.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

You know, it's self control. Hey, that's an 18.

[A]

All right. I'll say that at that point, like, you catch Gigi as he's stopping and, you know, like, looking down and beginning to reach, to grab, to put gold in his mouth. And he hears you, turns, looks, and like, does that thing like a. Like a dog where he his head and you see, like, the light bulb go off behind his eyes. He looks around and then pulls his vermistang around and continues the race.

[F]

Just appointing. Your mom's a powerful tool, apparently.

[D]

I know all about it.

[F]

Powerful incentive.

[A]

So I don't think in game, we've really dug into the life lessons with Gigi aspect.

[F]

We did that one episode where everybody got to do a life lesson.

[A]

Yeah. But since Gigi passed this check and learned focus, the additional reward Gigi gets is he gets an additional hit die to his hp.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

I've been keeping track of his HP getting up, which I kind of think of, like, him actually growing.

[A]

Oh, does he get physically bigger? Like he learns this lesson physically? Gets a little bigger on the vermostang.

[F]

Yeah. I was thinking that, like, he should grow as we adventure, because I think that's fun, because I think he does need to grow to something that's of a apocalypse bringer.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Although I. I can't remember what we figured out. His hit die was D4.

[A]

Yeah, it's D4.

[F]

He's gonna get an extra four points of hit points. He's up to 36.

[A]

So, yeah, Gigi perceptibly gets a little bigger. He's not quite as small as he was before. He's not huge. But he put on, like. He's like, walks up a little bit and turns around and gets his Vermistan back on track and begins resuming the race.

[C]

That Vermice Tang is suddenly, like, it's heavier.

[F]

That's 118 bigger compared to his previous HP. So, yeah, he gets 18 bigger. How much bigger would you get, Blaine, if you got 18 bigger?

[D]

Oh, let me see. That'd be.

[F]

Come back to me. Math is not my song. He's got to figure out what 1/8 of, like, 200 pounds.

[D]

Gaining roughly 23 pounds.

[A]

Whoa.

[D]

It's a significant amount of weight.

[F]

Yeah, it's like, almost as much as David Cornspot put on.

[D]

I've lost that amount since last summer.

[F]

It's not a small amount. So, yeah, Gigi does good.

[A]

Okay, great. Gigi has learned something and is still in the race. Hold on, let me check here. Oh, that means that's three successes for Gigi.

[F]

So what's he got to do to win at this point? Pass an English test?

[G]

I mean, but, I mean, he did.

[B]

Fail the check to go get the stuff. Is that not a fail?

[A]

We'll finish out the round, it's only Racer X and Doug, and then we'll determine the winner based on all of the extenuating circumstances. Just like that.

[D]

Let's go. Don't like that.

[A]

All right, so it's Racer X's turn, and, you know, I'll say, like, all this weaving by Giggy causes Giggy to get in the way of Racer X. So Racer X has to perform some evasive maneuvers to try to get around Giggy or else either fall or collide. So say, like Doug, he's going to have to find a path. He's going to try to perceive a better path to go on.

[D]

Oh, maybe he makes a charisma check for another kiss from Tom. Sorry. Just being around the presence of horse like beings.

[A]

I just.

[B]

Voluptuous horse like being.

[A]

That's a 19 plus 4, which is a 23, which is a success.

[B]

But he did fail his previous one, right?

[A]

He did fail his previous one. He was stuck in sand for a little bit. So, yeah, Racer X manages to very quickly turn his Vermistan and cut the corner around Gigi and avoid collision and continue on the race. Which brings us to Doug.

[F]

Doug's got two successes, right?

[A]

Doug does have two successes. I'm gonna say If Doug has another success here, Doug is the winner because Gigi went slightly off course in the previous one. But if Doug fails here, then Giggy's the winner. Come on.

[B]

My God.

[F]

Only if you say it's a photo finish.

[A]

It's gonna be close. I mean, we're. They're really neck and neck here.

[D]

A winner dog come out.

[A]

Once again, the murderous crows make a reappearance and swoop down trying to eat Doug's delicious eyes. Doug, there's a murder of crows all around you. What do you do?

[B]

Oh, man.

[F]

Doug gets really small like a bugbear and gets in the ear of his vermice to hide from. I don't know how small Doug can get. I just went like full on micro with him.

[B]

I know it's not a check, and I don't know if I'm allowed to do it, but can I cast shield?

[A]

No. We said no magic in this.

[B]

What about my steel defenders? He allowed to be or is that considered magic?

[F]

Come on, Gambot.

[A]

That's not magic. But yeah, your steel defender is always out. You could try to figure out a way to use Gambot if you want.

[B]

He has the ability to kind of like extend his head up, like in a spring, like motion. So I'm imagining he's just sitting on Doug's shoulders, just springing. And so the crows are kind of being swatted away by Gambot.

[A]

Yeah, sure. What kind of check you envision Gambot using for that?

[B]

I guess animal handling.

[A]

Sure. Why don't you make an animal handling check? We'll call this one. I think I said DC15 last time when this happened to Gigi. So let's do a DC15 again.

[D]

Roll for surface to air missile.

[B]

The fail to six.

[A]

Ooh, do you have inspiration die or anything you want to use?

[B]

No. Even though I was so funny earlier on and I sang different songs and lyrics, I did all these things.

[F]

Barbara uses guilt on Gus. Is it effective?

[A]

So no. Okay, got it.

[F]

Okay. Judges checked? Oh, yes. He has to have emotions for the guilt.

[D]

Ooh, the person from Russia. Bad slow score.

[B]

But could I see that Gambot is failing and then instead of this, just do it myself?

[C]

Ah.

[A]

No. We'll say that the have a talking.

[B]

To him and teach him how to properly.

[A]

The crows begin pecking at Gambot. At least Gambot distracted them from. From you, Doug, so your eyes are safe. But the. The crows do peck at Gambot. And you have to, like you said, spend some time trying to shoo them.

[B]

Away so they don't peck at my eyes, which means I'm able to continue on nice and straight.

[F]

Can you guys. Can you guys hear that?

[A]

Yep.

[F]

That's Barbara's competitive nature coming through.

[B]

You know, just trying to be fair since one of us got a. Got to be able to talk to our little companion creature guy.

[C]

And you're Talking to the 20, 2015 check guy here.

[D]

20, 2015.

[F]

Everyone's so sour. I love it. I don't care if I win.

[A]

Give it.

[D]

Give it to singing album to my horse that Gus almost killed. A great time.

[F]

No, genuinely, Barbara is someone that I. I would. If Barbara was on. On one of those reality shows, I would root for Barbara because I don't think anybody would want the win more than Barbara.

[B]

Go watch Survive Block island season one.

[D]

It's true.

[A]

Genuinely super fun.

[D]

Yeah, you can see me lose terribly.

[A]

All right. In a photo finish down to the very end, Giggy manages to pull ahead and pull out the victory at the very last second on Western.

[G]

Coming in.

[A]

Big crowd goes wild.

[F]

What's Giggy doing in the photo finish?

[D]

He's mooning the camera.

[F]

That's amazing.

[C]

So wait, when you say photo finish, who's it between?

[A]

Doug and Giggy?

[B]

Yeah. And you say he's mooning the camera. And is that. Is that flubber?

[A]

Nice, nice. Call back. Give yourself an inspiration.

[D]

There you go.

[B]

My guilting work.

[A]

No, for the record, no, it did not. I'm not encouraging bad habits. I'm gonna teach a Gigi lesson here to everyone.

[F]

I don't think I was able to put any money down on this anyway, so I don't think I win.

[A]

Yeah. Gig pulls ahead and wins the race.

[F]

Oh, wait, no. Tolve fronted me money.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Five gold pieces.

[F]

So Tolve wins money.

[A]

You all reconvene together at the end of the racetrack. What do you all want to do?

[B]

Can I go run back onto the track? Just get some. Get that gold bag. Well, no one's watching.

[A]

Yeah. So y' all reconvene and Doug immediately darts off back onto the track.

[G]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[F]

Natty would go up to Gigi and, like, raise him up over her head and, like, be cheering about how good he did everything like that.

[C]

I want to comfort El Angel.

[F]

How's that go?

[C]

You won in my heart. And I tell you what, your eating this. That evil cactus. I have cut it up, and now you can. And cut off the thorns, and now you can eat it.

[F]

Gunther, that's not the front end. You're Talking to.

[C]

Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. I long held you, you sneaky, sneaky.

[A]

What about 12? What's 12 doing?

[F]

He has sunk further and further into the quicksand with.

[D]

With Terry.

[F]

Yeah, just thumbs up as he goes down into the quicksand.

[D]

Seeing SOS by Abbas, we both sink down. No, I would have taken Terry to the stables and would have been cleaning.

[F]

The mud off of Terry and giving.

[D]

Him a pep talk. You did a good job, Terry. Don't let him get you down.

[A]

Very nice, Very nice.

[F]

I feel like worm horses would like the mud.

[D]

Well, then I put more mud on him.

[A]

How about that?

[D]

You are a super trooper.

[A]

Racer X pulls up as well and dismounts from his verm. I guess Doug has run off to is off. So Racer X would address Gunther and Natty at this point and just kind of shake his head.

[D]

I would have won if you hadn't played dirty.

[C]

He did not play dirty. Who put I nothing played dirty except for someone who throw trash.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Now who did that?

[A]

Oh, I guess we'll never find out.

[F]

Natty would reach out to shake his hand anyways because she's a good sport.

[A]

The racer would reach out to shake Natty's hand as well and say, I'm Sheldon. Sheldon. Sheldon.

[F]

Sheldon.

[C]

Hello, Sheldon.

[G]

Is this your first time here at my uncle's place?

[F]

Yes.

[D]

Iris's nephew.

[A]

Who?

[D]

Iris is the person that was keeping the horses and running the bedding.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

That Their nephew is a racer.

[F]

Oh, okay. I'm gonna give Blaine my inspiration dice that I have for remembering that there's.

[B]

Something about them looking familiar though. But I don't know if we've ever met them. Or is it just because they look like Iris?

[A]

Sheldon bears a striking resemblance to Iris now that now that you're put it together. Really, really looks like a younger version of Iris. Oh, we'll say, Doug, you picked up the gold on the track.

[G]

Hey, Natty, I know you came into some bad luck recently, so here you go.

[B]

And Doug hands half of the gold that he found on the track over there.

[F]

Oh, wow.

[A]

11 each then.

[D]

Oh, can I approach the group?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I think as you're approaching Cole, I'll let you say everything here in a second. Sheldon will say, head over to my.

[G]

Uncle Iris and he'll be give you your winnings. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got.

[C]

To put block splitter back up.

[A]

And he takes his vermistan, turns him around back in the direction of the stables. Oh, okay.

[C]

Did anyone else hear a merger?

[F]

We Heard a scream.

[G]

Maybe that was just like the. The starting bell.

[D]

Yeah, that's just how they start him. They just go, ah.

[C]

They start with a human sacrifice.

[D]

I'm gonna join the group. But as I'm passing Sheldon, I say, hey, Sheldon, good to see you. Bazinga.

[B]

I was waiting for a reference.

[A]

Nice, nice.

[F]

Let's go over to Iris and then we maybe can investigate what this scream was.

[A]

All right. Yeah. You all head back over to Iris's booth.

[C]

He says, oh, that was a good race. You did very well, Iris. Were you throwing things into the track? Be honest.

[F]

No, never. That was probably the spectators. They can get so boisterous here.

[C]

Can I take a vibe check on that?

[A]

Yeah, make that insight check 10. You believe he is not hiding anything?

[D]

Can I approach Iris?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Say, Iris, we're not very familiar with this location. Is it kind of a rough and tumble place? Because we may have heard some sort of act of violence at the start of the race and it's very concerning. Oh, I heard that too. It sounded like it came from the.

[F]

Top of the crag to.

[D]

I think we should go check that out. Someone might to be in hurt or in danger.

[F]

The practice is just a local attraction. Right. Is a monument like that big castle thing?

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

I knew what it was to look like, but I was like, it's function is. It's just a. It's just a tourist place. Right.

[G]

Do people like living now?

[F]

Yes, it's a popular attraction.

[A]

Meta wise. He mentioned last episode that you all could ride a lift up to the top.

[F]

But like, is it like the Eiffel Tower that it's just to go look at or is it like the London Tower where like prison prisoners used to be in it?

[D]

Eiffel Tower.

[F]

Yeah. Okay, so it's just something purdy.

[D]

Yes, it's beautiful. Well known. They probably built it in the middle of nowhere to just attract tourists and stuff.

[F]

Right.

[D]

That's my. Yeah.

[A]

So just as a reminder now that we're done and the way this conversation going, I just want to remind everyone of the general landmarks in the area here. That way we're refreshed. So there's the Crackedus, which is a cactus shaped boulder that's the size of a castle. It looks like it almost has stained glass on the outside. And there are lifts to the top, which was also described to you by Iris. There's also an aqueduct of some kind. It appears to be like a constructed channel of water flowing from the direction of Endridge Bay with a stone bridge crossing it. That kind of Seems to flow into the cactus itself. And there's also the racetrack that runs around the cactus across the aqueduct. And there's this boost that Iris is in with a sign that reads, place bets here. No magic. And the wooden corral of worm looking horses. Their spectator stands just past the booths. And that's it.

[F]

Well, I feel like as team leader, checking my notes. As team leader, I. I suggest we settle our bets and then head up to the practice to investigate what's going on. Why are we here?

[E]

Why are we at solar sign?

[D]

We're heading back from injured bay.

[F]

That's right. We're passing through.

[A]

Okay, you're heading back to Fort Endridge.

[F]

Which means just like we're supposed to always we get distracted by just random stuff that is interesting to us.

[B]

Exactly. Can't avoid betting on horse races, you know.

[A]

How much had you you bet, Natty?

[F]

5.

[A]

So Iris counts out five gold pieces and hands them over to Natty.

[F]

Here you go. Wait, all I got. All I got back was what I bet.

[A]

Oh, 10 gold pieces. You're right. Five and then five. Yeah, 10 gold pieces.

[F]

Congratulations, winner. Okay, I give all 10 to 12.

[D]

Oh, that's just so kind of you.

[C]

You know, this guy's got a pretty sweet deal. Cuz he gets. You only get 50. 50 earnings. But everyone bets. So like.

[F]

Yeah, the house always wins.

[C]

House really wins.

[A]

Listen, casinos in Vegas didn't get built because they give you money, Right? When you walk into a casino in Vegas, it's not because they're giving money away. Right? All that opulence.

[D]

You see, I want to go to Vegas with Chris so he could pick fights with all of the. The pit manager guys.

[A]

No way.

[C]

No way.

[D]

Oh, Chris got his legs broken again.

[A]

Dang it.

[C]

Should we hurry and go save the dead person?

[B]

Chris is counting cards again.

[C]

1, 2, 3, 4.

[D]

I head to the crack cactus.

[G]

Yeah, let's go. I think nanny, that's a great idea. Got your money. Let's head up.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

As we walk away, Gigi goes up to Iris and holds out his hand like he's supposed to win too.

[C]

Wait, didn't you get double if you. If you raced?

[A]

Yeah, you do get a little extra. There is a bonus for racing as well. So there is a little bit of money set aside for Gigi here.

[F]

I figured you're just gonna give him like candy or something.

[A]

Yeah, half the winnings go to the writer, half go to the better. So I'll give it as a bonus to Gigi. We'll give an additional two gold pieces of Winnings over to Gigi as acting as the writer.

[F]

And he immediately puts those in his mouth and eats him savings account.

[G]

That's not going to come out very well.

[C]

Or you invest and then it will grow, pay off in dividends.

[G]

Oh, he made a deposit all right.

[A]

Yeah, it'll pay off in flubber. Okay, you guys head over to the cactus, which as I said is a cactus shaped bowl boulder the size of a castle. And it appears like stained glass. And in one direction, I think in the last episode, Iris pointed out to you that there were lifts that you could pay to get up to the top.

[F]

What if we don't take a lift?

[A]

You want to try to free solo this probably very tall.

[F]

Oh, I just didn't know if there's stairs, you know.

[A]

No, no, no. It's a. It's a huge boulder. You'd have to. You'd have to rock climb up. Make a investigation check for me, daddy.

[F]

Oh, that's not gonna go well. Except I rolled nat 20 with a modifier of plus one. So 21.

[A]

Gustavo, if you had to estimate, you'd guess that the crack is probably about 100ft high.

[F]

Cool.

[B]

How many people fit in one lift? Like is it one person per lift or could a whole group of us fit?

[F]

Three people, one bugbear.

[A]

It's one person per lift seat. It's like a little seat that takes you up, you know, like a ski lift. It's kind of like on a track that goes around, but each individual little seat is just for one person.

[F]

It's just those chairs attached to some elastic cords and you sit in and just launches you up to the top.

[B]

There's a type of ski lift that is individual person and it looks like a little T bar and you have to like put it in between your legs and like the T goes around like the back of your legs. Those would stress me out so much as a kid trying to get in one of those.

[A]

Yeah, that is exactly what I had in my head. I didn't know how to describe it adequately. I'm glad you did, Barbara, because that's exactly what I was interested in.

[D]

That's how Barbara got to school every day through the snow.

[F]

Honestly, because we. We could do some. Some like snow sports in California where I grew up, because we had the mountains out there. The. It wasn't the getting on the ski lift that always got me. It's when you get off to dismount, cuz you're like if you're snowboarding this cuz I would go snowboarding One foot's not in the board. And so you have to kind of like, like get off and keep going as you get off the thing and don't fall there and be where everyone else is getting off the ski lift because it just keeps moving. And so more people are coming in a second that need to get off the ski. How much.

[D]

How much is it per. Per person?

[A]

Per lift? It is one gold per seat.

[D]

I'm pretty flush with cash. I'll pay for everybody.

[F]

Dang.

[A]

As you walk up, it's just like how Iris described. There is a tiny cactus with a mouth for a coin slot in a little sign by it that says one gold piece.

[D]

I'll put in. I guess five at this point. Does Gigi need one or can they. Can children ride for free?

[A]

Giggy can sit in Natty's lap.

[D]

Okay, four gold pieces. Cha ching, cha ching. Cha ching, cha ching.

[F]

Actually Giggy goes in Natty's wig.

[A]

Oh, okay. Even better. He's getting a little big for that. He may not be able to do that much longer.

[D]

My neck hurts.

[G]

Feel like a last. I just.

[D]

I'm.

[G]

I am a little embarrassed that I might not be able to get on this very, very gracefully. So I just don't want you guys watching.

[D]

Doug, that's fine.

[C]

That's okay.

[A]

Doug, that is a great question I was about to ask. What order is everyone getting on? So I'm gonna write Doug last.

[F]

I'll go first.

[C]

I'll go next.

[D]

I'll go third with kind of a loose handout in case Doug needs it, you know, to support them while also respectfully not watching because they asked.

[F]

I had a friend that it was. He was a very large football player in like high school school. And we went to Six5's Magic Mountain and there were a couple rides that the. The overbar things. He was too tall and big. Like they couldn't click so he couldn't ride the ride.

[A]

Incidentally, unrelated to anything else, I typed everyone's names in on my computer to keep track of the order everyone's going in. Gunther is the only name it auto capitalized.

[B]

Is it? Cuz it's the only like, like name?

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

It doesn't recognize everybody else's.

[A]

Maybe.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Cuz Doug is, is. Is not a typically a name. Tol is not a typical like English name. And Natty's not a. Natty's a way.

[D]

Of describing whether a person's on steroids or not.

[F]

That's what I'm saying. That's the only thing I can Think of with. Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

It's.

[F]

Are you Natty? Is it. Do you do a natural?

[C]

I didn't know that.

[B]

I didn't know that either.

[D]

Yeah, I'm not.

[A]

I'm Natty.

[F]

You don't say. Gustavo.

[D]

What if.

[F]

What if Gus was taking steroid?

[A]

What if this was. What if.

[D]

What if this was the result of something.

[B]

It's all legs and we just don't know because we just see him on a webcam.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I always remember Gus had abs. Every time I saw him, he had abs.

[A]

It's like a yeah, it's a no.

[D]

Okay. Not anymore. Not anymore.

[A]

Natty, you are up to, you know, pays the one goal for you. And the lift comes around with the seat. Go ahead and make me a strength check to see if you're able to successfully get on the lift. Uh oh.

[F]

Doug's nightmare 12. What is my strength modifier? Plus one 13.

[A]

Yeah. You go to hop onto the lift, you grab onto the bar but you can't quite manage it and you slip off and the lift continues going without you.

[G]

Uh oh.

[F]

Does that count?

[B]

Could like Gigi reach out his little hand and grab onto it and just drag you up?

[D]

Actually, what if.

[F]

No, nevermind. Oh, I can fly a little bit.

[C]

You can?

[D]

Yeah. That was a. That was an update from the last time they.

[C]

A little bit an update like.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Dlc. Yeah. The new patch. The new Natty patch Elemental gift as a bonus action three times per long rest. You can give yourself a flying speed of 30ft that lasts for 10 minutes. Can Natty fly to the thing and try again?

[A]

So. Well, here's the thing. I'm thinking you didn't go in the direction I was. I was expecting Natty could also just fly to the top.

[D]

You said 100ft was how tall it was.

[A]

Right.

[F]

But I want to ride the ride.

[A]

Yeah. The flying speed's 30ft for 10 minutes. So Natty would just have to spend 18 seconds.

[F]

You know how your walking speed determines in battle how far you can go. It's not how far to can walk until he can't walk anymore.

[A]

Right.

[F]

To only got 30ft out of entrance for entrance.

[A]

So you want to try to get back on the the left. Okay, so let me describe the way it works. It's kind of like how Barbara said how it's a T. When you pay the gold, the T opens up and then once you're not on it, it goes. If the seat folds back up into just a bar. So in order to try to get another shot, you have to pay another gold for it to open up and accept another.

[F]

But I'll fly up.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

Tovari was very generous in paying it, and Natty's low on funds, so I'll just fly up. But I'll fly up, like, right in front of us. It looks like I'm using it.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Like where everyone thinks you're using it.

[F]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm just, like, hovering in front of it.

[D]

Why do I imagine when Natty flies, though it's just a T pose. She just, like. It's like dragging an acid in Photoshop.

[F]

You know, like Magneto in days of.

[A]

Future past when he.

[F]

When he just lifts himself up.

[B]

Yeah, but instead of a cape, it's just her wig.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, Gunther, it's your turn to try to get on. Make me a stranger. Check.

[C]

Nat 20 for 19.

[F]

All right.

[A]

Nat 20 for a 20. 19. You grab onto the lift and manage to plant your butt firmly in it, and the lift picks you up. It's slowly taking you up to the top of practice. Next up is Tolve. Why don't you make me that strength? Check toll.

[E]

You bet.

[D]

Also, they're not very compliant with accessibility laws, I'm pretty sure. But, you know, that's.

[F]

That's a.

[D]

That's an adventure for another time.

[A]

No, I'm not. Not compliant at all. They need. They need some help with that. 12. All right. Oh, you try to grab on, but your hands. Maybe your hand's sweaty or something. I don't know. You just. You can't get a good grip on it, and you slide right off of the lift.

[D]

All right, I will take another gold, and I will pay again.

[A]

All right. Yeah. The put another gold in the cactus, and the next chair opens up into a T. And you can try again to sit on it. Make another string.

[D]

Hey, Doug, watch this.

[A]

Somehow that's even worse than before.

[G]

Just.

[F]

What'd you roll to?

[B]

10.

[A]

10.

[F]

Rolled a 10.

[A]

And you once again slide off, narrowly avoiding the seat hitting you in the head.

[D]

All right, third time's a charm. Here we go. One more gold piece for the house. 13.

[C]

This place is a tourist trap.

[A]

Maybe. You know, you keep trying to show off for Doug or show him how it's done. Maybe you should have to focus on on your yourself, because once again, you fail to really get a good seat and fall off of the lift.

[D]

Hey, another gold piece.

[F]

What's your strength modifier? Aren't you barbarian3?

[D]

If I rage, maybe I can do it.

[C]

You would rage at this point.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

After three failures.

[D]

14.

[A]

This is really infuriating.

[D]

$.

[A]

Once again, you try to grab on, and you. You slide off. We'll say this time, the bar does kind of bop you on the head a little bit.

[D]

One more gold piece. Rolling it again. Fifth time's a chop.

[A]

12.

[D]

I'm just gonna. I already know the answer. Skipping this one. The vibe's off. Rolling again. 14. Another one. This is the one. Here we go. Come on, dude. Five.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[D]

He's holding it again.

[B]

I. I like to imagine Doug is just here waiting as toll is just. Coin, coin, coin falling.

[F]

Coin falling in the head.

[A]

Yeah. Over and over.

[C]

Just smack, smack, smack.

[D]

Gus, I rolled a nat.

[A]

28Th time is the charm. It takes eight gold, but toll finally does it. Doug, this really boosts your confidence. No matter what happens to you, you cannot look nearly as foolish as Tolv.

[D]

Just.

[G]

With no one behind me watching, Right?

[A]

So, yeah, Tolv, you finally get the hang of it after eight tries, and you manage to hold on to the lift, and it takes you up. Doug, this really does inspire you. So why don't you make me a strength check with advantage? Oh, wait. How is this gonna work? Tolv, since you went up, did you leave a gold for Doug?

[B]

I have plenty of gold.

[F]

Yeah, I was just trying to be.

[D]

Nice by paying for everyone's entrance, not knowing it was gonna take me eight tries.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Can you take me higher?

[A]

All right, go ahead and make a strength check to see if with advantage since you've seen how not to do it.

[B]

Okay, that was. First one was a four. And the next one. Next one was an 11.

[F]

Oh, no.

[A]

Even with that guidance. Yeah. You're not able to quite do it. Maybe, like, your fur kind of slips off of the handle, and you're not able to get a good grip on it.

[B]

I'm trying to see if I have anything that could help me in this situation that would give me some type of advantage.

[A]

That's a very. A very dug approach, analyzing the situation, seeing what's available.

[F]

He just finds an off switch near the thing to just, like, stop the ride and then get on and turn it back on again.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, can I cast warding bond on this thing? Okay, I'll just. I'll just try again. There's one gold. Oh, 17.

[A]

Oh, okay. Yeah. On the second. Second try is the charm for you. You're able to successfully grab on and ride the lift with all of your friends.

[C]

I can't imagine that the checks for actually climbing this could have been harder than getting into the chairs.

[B]

Listen, I feel like it's accurate for how hard these things are actually are to get on.

[F]

I know we just had that conversation about it.

[A]

I liked that before we did it set the stage for this Barbara and how difficult this could be. It really put it in everyone's mind. Yeah, it's very stressful. You all take the slow, leisurely ride on the lifts. Once you're on up to the top of the crag.

[B]

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[H]

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[D]

A limited time at McDonald's, get a Big Mac Extra Value meal for $8. That means two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun and medium fries and a drink. We may need to change that jingle.

[F]

Prices and participation may vary.

[A]

After just a couple of minutes, you dismount. Don't worry, I won't make you make a check for that.

[F]

Thank God it's a DC20 check.

[A]

Otherwise you go all the way back down. Yeah, I'm just riding it.

[D]

I sleep on it.

[A]

No, no, no, no. We're not doing that. We're not doing that. You dismount on the top of the cactus. Like I said, you're about 100ft higher than you were before. And you look around and you can see miles in every direction. It's a really beautiful view. Up on top of the cactus, along with you, you see a goat that appears to be asleep.

[G]

Barney.

[B]

Sorry, you heard goat and you turn immediately into Barney.

[C]

He's been here the whole time.

[D]

Before we wake this goat, do I see any signs of like broken glass or anything that may have had to have done with what we heard at the start of the race?

[A]

This is going to be weird, but I want you first of all to make me a perception check. Okay?

[C]

The goat could have been the screen.

[D]

Or it could have bucked someone off of the top of the thing. 18 on perception.

[A]

Okay, now make me a Nature check.

[D]

Oh, I am one with nature. That is a king.

[A]

Yeah. You look around trying to find what could possibly have been the source of the scream and you consider the goat for a second and you know, it looks pretty patchy. Must be tired if it's asleep. It hasn't heard you all. And it seems almost like it's surrounded by a flickering aura of dark light. And it kind of draws your attention. And as you look at the goat more, you think maybe the scream you heard was a goat screaming.

[D]

So we didn't see anything related to the scream.

[F]

It was just.

[D]

We heard the audible scream from the top of the tower.

[A]

The crack.

[D]

Yes, the crackus part.

[C]

It's got a dark aura.

[A]

An aura of dark, light light.

[C]

It's a haunted goat.

[F]

Could could natty like investigate or. Or check on that dark light aura as a spellcaster to see if like the magic that she's familiar with or if like any bad vibes are getting from it.

[A]

Yeah, you want to make like an arcana check.

[F]

Yeah. Plus one to arcana with a natural one. So that's a two guess.

[A]

So maybe someone just installed black lights here. Yeah, I don't know.

[F]

Well everybody, it seems safe to me. Go ahead and approach it.

[D]

I check my shield. Does my shield do anything strange?

[A]

No. Seems not reacting at all.

[F]

Which number sibling is it?

[D]

I told you. No, you know, I. We could have just. I could have shut up. I was just curious.

[F]

I mean they could be they robots as people, but maybe like sibling number five was made.

[D]

Maybe I'm like a beast wars guy. You know, I can transform into like a. Yeah, gorilla man. Yeah.

[B]

So we don't really know much about this creature.

[A]

Just seems like a Apache goat that is asleep.

[F]

Get in there, Doug. You got some investigative power.

[B]

I try to read thoughts, see if this goats thinking about anything.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Of all the things that I thought.

[F]

You'Re gonna do, that was not on the list of them.

[B]

I like to keep you on your toes.

[F]

I love it. I love it.

[D]

What's this goat thinking?

[A]

12 of them. How does that work exactly? Can you read to me what it says for the rethoughts?

[G]

Absolutely.

[B]

I target one creature I could see within 30ft of my skin self and you detect with the sense thought option, you learn what is most on the target's mind. Right now if the target doesn't know any languages and isn't telepathic, I learn nothing.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. You concentrate on the goat and use your mind reading powers and you sense frustration and unhappiness. You see from the goat's perspective. People yelling at it and taking it and leaving it here on top of practice.

[G]

Oh, I don't like that at all, guys. I feel like this. This goat has not been treated good.

[D]

Oh, no.

[C]

Has it been bullied?

[G]

I think it has been bullied. Maybe we should go talk to him and maybe take him under our wing or something like that. Or at least help him back down.

[C]

Yeah, we don't want to bully the billy goat.

[G]

Oh, I see.

[B]

What you.

[F]

Just wondering what is that.

[D]

Stupid grin you were wearing?

[A]

Bully the.

[G]

The billy.

[F]

It's like, why are you smiling while you say that?

[C]

Can we approach the gooty?

[A]

Absolutely.

[G]

I think he's safe to approach. Just be. Be kind to him.

[C]

Hello, little billy goat.

[A]

The goat's eyes blink. Then it looks startled for a second as it sees you and stands up and it asks, who are you?

[C]

Oh, I am Gunther and these are my friends.

[A]

It looks around who regards all of you and says, were you sent by the bedrock?

[C]

No, we're nice to goats and not don't want to bully you.

[F]

What's the bedrock?

[A]

I was sent here as a sacrifice to the bedrock.

[F]

Oh, you're doing a great job of a goat voice, Gus.

[D]

I hope we don't re recast that because I think Gus is doing a great job with this voice.

[F]

I'm impressed. I'm always impressed. You are a man of many talents.

[A]

It was not my fault, but they blame me for everything.

[D]

Like what? What do they blame you for?

[G]

And who's they?

[A]

Failed crops. I was sent here as punishment. I carry the sins of all.

[F]

You're a whipping goat.

[A]

Some would say a scapegoat.

[F]

That's Natty laughing.

[B]

Not John just now.

[A]

That happens every time I introduce myself.

[F]

So what are they sacrificing you to? Is there like some sort of monster or dragon or deity that you're supposed to be appeasing?

[A]

Yeah, it's the bedrock.

[F]

What's the bedrock? I asked that question. What's the. Is it. Is it. What is that?

[A]

She is a God.

[C]

And what happens if there is no sacrifice from you?

[A]

I don't know. Hopefully nothing.

[C]

That's what I do.

[F]

Is that why you got bad, like, you got bad aura around you, like a dark aura? Is that like all the sins or something?

[A]

Yeah, everyone in the community puts their sins on me and casts me out to sacrifice me and purge their sins.

[D]

Oh, God. This is Jesus goat. Oh, no. You know what? I don't think that. And a cactus is like a cross a little bit.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Say That.

[D]

Micah. What are you doing here? Micah? I approach.

[F]

Some people would say, jesus is the goat. You know.

[A]

Take an inspiration. Die.

[D]

This isn't me doing any religious commentary, but this is me comforting the goat and saying, I don't think that you should be the one to blame for some people's misfortunes. So I for one think that you should not be sacrificed. You seem like a decent being and you should have a second chance sense. You shouldn't be shouldering the blame of a bunch of other people.

[A]

Thank you. But maybe I did it.

[D]

No. What did you do? Oh, my God.

[C]

Did you do it?

[A]

No. You don't know me, that's all. Maybe. Maybe you do.

[D]

Can I do a vibe check?

[A]

Yeah, make an insight check. Go.

[D]

It's weird. 16.

[A]

You think that this is a complicated goat. You think that maybe the. The sins that have been placed on it are affecting it? You know, this. This dark aura.

[F]

Oh, it's.

[C]

It's like a kind of like he's.

[F]

Holding a ring that he's got to take to a mountain to get rid of.

[C]

Can we put the sins onto something else like this hat? And Gunther holds up his eel skin hat.

[A]

I forgot about that. Have you. Has Gunther been wearing that this whole time?

[C]

No, but he's had it.

[D]

He sometimes puts it on in moments of privacy when he wants to feel special.

[A]

No, I cannot transfer them. It has all been put on me. This is my life. It's those mages down there who put me up here. They're over there by the aqueduct. And he kind of motions with his head down towards the base of the Crackedus, which in the direction of that aqueduct you saw before you came up.

[D]

Maybe we should go talk to the mages and release this poor goat.

[C]

You come with us. What's your. What was your name?

[A]

Scapegoat.

[C]

Go.

[A]

No, not like escape. Go.

[C]

Escape. Go.

[A]

Close enough. No, I cannot ride on the lift.

[D]

Neither can we.

[A]

Why don't you go talk to the sorceress and see if you can convince them to take me down?

[D]

I agree with that. Do I have, like, the context that maybe. Are these related to, like, was it. Was it Mother Abby? Who was. Who was the mage lady?

[B]

Campaign one, I think.

[D]

No, no.

[F]

Yeah, you're right. You're right.

[D]

That was. That was. Oh, God. We met them. They were like the priests.

[F]

Yeah, they were at the. They came with the chess priestess. Chess?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you think.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Thank you, Barbara. Making religion. Check.

[F]

Okay, that's not bad.

[D]

16.

[A]

This doesn't seem like it would be related to you based on your knowledge.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

I think we will have a word with these mages and see if we can lighten your load, Mr. Scapegoat.

[C]

Or if not a word, then a sword.

[A]

Perhaps I can offer assistance with the sword.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

How sure the goat begins. You know, you ever see a goat eat something? You know how that really exaggerated chew, like when you're grinding up plant material, starts like doing that with its mouth, like chewing on something and then it spits something out at your feet. Gunther. Oh, okay.

[C]

Pick it up and inspect.

[A]

Yeah, looks like a tooth. That's one of my teeth. You can craft it to a weapon.

[C]

Oh, my goodness.

[G]

Oh, are you like an inventor of some sort?

[A]

No, I'm just afflicted. And much like the goat, this tooth also has that flickering aura of dark light about it.

[C]

A cursed tooth. Thank you very much, mister. Is it Mr. Or Mrs. Or just scapegoat? Thank you. Whatever.

[D]

Is there anything else of interest at the top of this crag disc?

[A]

You know, you can see in every direction. If you wanted to, you could, like, look into other directions or you could just head back down.

[D]

We'll probably come back up here, talk to scapegoat. So I don't know, John, Barb, you guys. I don't know if you guys wanted to talk to goat anymore or look around. I don't want to speak for y', all, but I'm. I think I'd be good to, like, right. The dreaded lift back down.

[F]

Oh, we gotta come back up again.

[A]

One last thing that'll help you in dealing with the sorceress. The scapegoat kind of gets a little closer to you. For there's a secret entrance to the Crackus.

[C]

Oh, very easy.

[A]

If you follow the aqueduct in, you can enter the inside of the crack.

[F]

That's cool. So would it be advantageous for us to use that entrance to then go to the aqueduct that way? Or should we go to the aqueduct the front way and get down off of this? Practice first.

[A]

Get down first, then go to the aqueduct and enter practice that way. Okay.

[C]

Are these sorcerers? Is anything that they do not like?

[D]

Goats, apparently.

[A]

I don't know what they don't like, but they believe sleep to be sacred.

[B]

Sleep to be sacred?

[A]

Yes. I mean, yes.

[B]

Sorry, yes.

[G]

Like just like normal, like a nap or like, like the forever kind of sleep?

[A]

Nap, Dreaming.

[G]

Okay.

[C]

Okay, bye bye.

[A]

Okay, bye bye.

[D]

I want to seal this, you know, promise, in keeping with your culture.

[F]

And Tolv wants to bonk the Billy ghost.

[D]

Its head with his own.

[C]

That's cool.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Let's make a pro. Strength rolls. Okay.

[D]

Eighteen. Nice.

[A]

Eight. Okay. Yeah. You butt heads with Scapegoat, and you manage to push it back just a little bit.

[C]

It falls off the leg.

[A]

Very good.

[D]

Oh, crap. We're gonna do our best to get your situation figured out, Mr. Scapegoat.

[A]

Thank you. All right, you're all heading down. What's the move here, leader?

[F]

That's me.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Why don't I gather everybody around for a little bit of a. Like, a strategy meeting?

[A]

Okay.

[F]

All right, so we're going to go and meet up with these sorceresses, and they clearly are the religious type, and they clearly have customs here that they might be following, that they think that they're doing this for the good of everybody. So we got to do this diplomatic, like. Okay.

[G]

Okay.

[F]

We are visitors in other people's lands, and there's other customs here. Okay.

[G]

Respect.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Okay. So who here should be leading the discussion on talking with these sorceresses?

[D]

Ooh, that's a great question.

[G]

I mean, I know a lot about different religions and ways of life just from, you know, my readings and studies, but the only thing is, I'm not very good at talking to people, so.

[F]

Well, Doug, do you know how you get better at that?

[G]

Out. Natty, don't say talking to people.

[F]

You have to talk to people. It's practice. It's something you can't get. It's one of them things you're going to learn. This is that there's some things that book learning can't actually teach you.

[G]

Yeah, I've read things about exposure therapy as well.

[F]

All right, I think this is perfect. And just know. Just know that all of us back here, me and Tove and Gunther and Gigi and Gambot, and I think Captain Grumbles is still here. He might just be a pilot somewhere at this point. He's there, he's there, he's there. Okay, we're all here to back you up. Okay.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Look at this Charisma team.

[F]

Wow.

[D]

Look at us all.

[C]

We will be the muscle.

[F]

Yeah, well, I was thinking more like, we'd be emotional support for our friend here because we're not trying to intimidate people. I'm glad I brought this up, because, Gunther, that's why I wanted to talk about this. This is a diplomatic situation. This ain't no, like, bullying situation.

[D]

Yeah, I kind of saw that coming from a mile away. I was like, I think we're on the same page, but I think that this, this whole group meeting is specifically for one person and.

[C]

Yeah, you just confirmed their nods and winks.

[D]

Yeah, I don't think he's understanding now, do you?

[B]

Start brandishing his sword.

[D]

He's slicing his throat with his finger.

[F]

Okay, okay then. Then we've got our game plan. Doug, you're gonna be the talk. And Tov, you watch that frog, okay? You don't let that frog do anything, okay? That's your, that's your responsibility, okay?

[D]

Not to mess this up, Gunther.

[G]

I mean, it might be a good distraction if we need it, but everybody's.

[F]

Job is to be sending Doug good vibes. Okay?

[D]

Okay, here we go. Okay.

[G]

I don't like him.

[F]

Natty shuffles Doug forward to have us all head towards the aqueducts.

[A]

Okay. You walk over in the direction of the aqueduct and it's constructed channel of water flowing from Endridge Bay. There's a stone bridge that crosses the water. And there's a couple of what appear to be mages near the bank.

[G]

Are those the guys?

[F]

Yikes. I don't know. I mean, yeah, probably. I mean those might be like the welcoming party. Like we're probably on the outside of something where there's people on the inside.

[G]

Should we like talk about the game plan? Like, are we telling them about the goat?

[F]

That's a good question. I would say until we get to maybe someone in charge, our goal is to try to get to someone in charge and let them know that we want audience with them.

[A]

Hello. One of the sorceress is drawing a pail of water out of the aqueduct. When it hears you say hello, it kind of like jumps and drops its pail and turns around. Who are you?

[G]

Oh, sorry. My name is Boone. And here with me are my adventurer friends. We got that creepy guy over there waving at you. His toes. Gentle giant over there. And then that little guy over there, this Gunther. He might need to go boom.

[A]

Boom.

[G]

So that was that noise. And then right over there is Natty.

[D]

Natty.

[G]

Very friendly, very beautiful.

[A]

Hello. What are you doing here?

[G]

We're looking for your supervisor.

[A]

Flynn's not available right now. Maybe you can leave a message and we'll pass it on. Flynn? Well, no, no, I didn't say Flynn. You said Flynn.

[G]

Well, it's funny because Flynn and I actually go way back. And so if Flynn is somewhere inside, he wouldn't be surprised to see me. He would be excited. So maybe you should.

[A]

Inside? Inside what?

[G]

Well, I mean, because I know Flynn. I know there happens to be an aqueduct right here that will allow us to go inside and up the cragtis.

[A]

How do you know Flynn?

[G]

Well, here's how I know him. I will send thoughts.

[D]

Just.

[F]

Just. Sorry. This is an audio podcast. I am putting my hands to my.

[D]

Head, pointing as though vigorously sending my.

[F]

Brain out in order to determine to use telepathy.

[C]

Rethoughts.

[B]

Well, technically, if we're being accurate, I think I could only use that once per long rest.

[D]

You used it on a goat.

[B]

I did.

[F]

You used it on the goat.

[G]

I did.

[B]

I did.

[A]

But it gave you good insight.

[B]

It's true.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

Okay, well, he asked the question, how do you know Flynn?

[G]

Okay, well, yeah, me and Flynn, we. We go way back. You know, we used to talk about how sleep is sacred.

[D]

Very good.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

This is great.

[G]

To bond over our love of sleep.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

They called them the lazy.

[A]

Oh, did you kick your feet up with Flynn?

[G]

Absolutely. Yeah. I've ever seen Willy Wonka and Chocolate Factory. You know how, like, the grandparents kind of sleep like that? Kind of like sardines in the bed. That's kind of like me and Flynn. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I bet Flynn will be excited to see you then.

[G]

Perfect. Well, we will be on our way just after Natty chimes in.

[F]

You said Flynn's not here right now and you could take a message, but maybe we go find him or them, wherever they're at. Are they at, like, the local watering hole? Are they on an errand? Are they at home or anything like that? They'd understand if we stopped by.

[A]

Flynn is currently at headquarters attempting to connect with the Bedrock. Oh.

[F]

Oh, that sounds so. I've always been interested in learning more about the bedrock. They sound like such an interesting deity. Where might that. Is there, like, a local temple that you guys do that at?

[A]

Make a persuasion check, I guess.

[F]

Natty, I have advantage on those. Where's my modifier? That's still pretty good.

[A]

Roll.

[F]

That's 17.

[A]

17. That's pretty good. Oh, yeah. Flynn, you just have to follow the secret entrance in the aqueduct, and then the sorceress, like, stops and kind of, like, puts their hand in their face. Oh, no, not again.

[G]

Don't feel bad. I think someone who's honest and nice is a good person, and you should be very proud of yourself.

[A]

The sorceress, like, shoulders are slumped and turns around, says, I'll spill the beans every time. Actually, I'm gonna go take a nap. I'm gonna sleep this off.

[G]

I think Flynn would really appreciate you being so honest to friends of his.

[A]

Thank you. I'm gonna. I'm gonna Go take a nap. Sorceress turns around and walks away and finds, like, a little patch of grass along the side of the aqueduct and mats it down and lays down like a dog.

[F]

Like, does little circles to mat it.

[D]

Down or something similar, but, like, yeah.

[A]

Kind of mat it down. Like, you can't just, like, lay down in a bunch of grass and stuff. Got to, like, lay it down.

[F]

Make a little crazy person would do that. What you got to do is do little circles around the little grass.

[A]

You got to make sure there's no snakes.

[G]

All right. Well, shall we go inside, everyone?

[C]

Yes, let us.

[D]

Yes, but before we do, 10 out of 10 performance dog. Very good socialization. You're doing so good, black pro.

[G]

My confidence definitely has increased by at least 0.6%.

[D]

This is a growing moment. And you have gained one eighth your size.

[G]

I might not be able to fit into the aqueduct now.

[D]

Do we know where the entrance is? Gustavo?

[C]

Is it, like, just in it, like the water?

[A]

I think, Chris, the way you described it is probably most accurate, based on the information you have so far.

[F]

Just, what, follow the flow of the water?

[A]

Mm. We're like, enter the water, and the water leads you in.

[C]

Okay.

[G]

I feel like we should maybe have HOV lead the way just because he's the most familiar with water and might be able to sense kind of way to go inside you.

[C]

I'm also very. Spends lots of time underwater.

[G]

That is true. I forgot. You are a foil.

[F]

You were a desert frog. Don't even say that.

[D]

Yeah. What do you say?

[F]

You've been doing nothing but talking about how water's so rare and sacred to y'. All.

[C]

That's how I know how much to.

[D]

Just to admit it.

[G]

The good thing, though, about Gunther leading the way is if he does his voice from under the water, we'll hear the bass of leading the way.

[D]

Gunther, can you breathe underwater?

[C]

No, but I can hold my breath very long.

[D]

Oh, don't. You answered my question. That's all I needed. No, no, no, thank you. I can breathe underwater.

[F]

Okay. As leader of the troop, I shall make an executive decision to shall take front. And then we will have Gunther, and then, Doug, you be right behind. Behind. Gunther and I will take up the rear.

[C]

Gunther salutes.

[A]

Yes.

[F]

All right.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Forward march.

[A]

You all enter the water and realize that the aqueduct is kind of deep, you know, and is moving fairly quickly. Why don't all four of you make dexterity checks just to see how you're able to keep your footing and if you're able to resist the strong flow of the water.

[G]

Oh, five.

[D]

That's an 11.

[C]

17.

[D]

My dear God. Six. But did Natty give me a inspiration a while ago?

[F]

I did.

[D]

Can I use that, Gus? Or was it like you need to.

[F]

Use it in the moment?

[D]

Oh, 15.

[G]

I won't use mine yet.

[B]

I'm gonna keep the five.

[D]

Well, I just made a whole huff about being the water guy, so if I were to fail in front of Gunther, I would never hear the end of it. He'd be like, I'd be like our.

[F]

Barbarian failing on a bunch of strength.

[A]

Check. Doug and Natty lose their balance off, swept up with the current. The water rushes them forward, knocking them into Gunther and tolls. The momentum causes everyone to spin and flail about. Soon you all are careening down a dark underground tunnel, caught up in the current, unable to see clearly amongst the splashes. Skittering noises shuffle along the tunnel ceiling and several beady eyes leer at you from above. One after another, lizards leap from the ceiling, lunging for your faces. And we're going to resolve that in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

[D]

Oh, Gus and your cliffhangers. Oh my goodness.

[A]

You're kind of under the cliff at this point, but yeah, it's the same. Same concept.

[D]

Oh no, Racer X. He's back. He's kissing me.

[E]

Ever wondered what it'd be like if the Infinites had known each other when they were babies? Well, wonder no more. The two part adventure of our special tavern tale, the Infant Knights is available to listen now on our Patreon at stinkydragonpaw.com and for more toddler times, hop on over to store.stinkydragonpod.com to get your Infant Nights poster today. But just like your baby teeth, this poster will disappear soon. So grab your copy before October 2nd or be left crying in your little blankie. New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday wherever you stream podcasts and on the Stinky Dragon YouTube channel. Want to listen to the show 48 hours early and ad free? You can support us by becoming a patron of stinky dragonpod.com or join as a member on Beacon TV. Both give you early ad free access to in a members only discord for each platform. Looking for even more stinky content and community perks? Our Patreon offers exclusive bonus shows, behind the scenes content, access to the Stinky Dragon, Discord members only, livestreams, stinky community events, and a shout out on the show. Just like Banjo. Bravo, Susan Combs, Rebelo Fabio. This guy Petza, DanielroBC. These patrons directly support the show, get ad free episodes, access to our Patreon Only Discord server, bonus content like Second Wind and Behind the Screen and other stinky perks. Here's a sneak peek from the latest tavern tale, Infant Nights.

[F]

Well, actually, when Gum Gum lands at the bottom of the tree. Gum Gum. You see some people out there?

[C]

Oh no. They're trying to steal my birthday present for Mud.

[F]

Do you want to maybe tell your compatriots about seeing some people out there with you? Yes.

[C]

The party's already started down here. Come look.

[G]

There actually might be a my birthday present for you, Mud. I invited a little bit of a performer.

[D]

What?

[G]

Yeah, they're like a comedian. They talk about hair a lot though, so I don't really know if that's their shtick.

[F]

So you all rush to the treehouse windows, I assume to see what Gum Gum is talking about. And as you peer down into the sun drenched yard below. Sure enough, there they are. A tiny kobold with oversized glasses and a lizard folk whose eyes never seem to be pointing in the same direction.

[D]

I wonder if we could build a.

[E]

Ramp instead of a rope ladder.

[D]

I have crutches. That doesn't really make it up there.

[E]

I have a hammer.

[F]

It's fine.

[E]

I'll start building it.

[A]

It'll be okay.

[H]

Kyborg is the strongest person I know.

[A]

He can pull you up. Let's get this party started.

[D]

I call down to what's. What's doctor, but like pre. Pre doctorate at him. Hey, you could just call me Doc. Okay. I call down to Doc. Him and Hairless Touch. I say, hey guys, be careful down there. There's a lot of dirt that was. It was dry before, but then someone had to use the bathroom, so now it's Mud. It's Mud's birthday. It must be him. I don't know. I'm not asking questions. Just be careful of the Mud. Don't go rolling around in it. Where's Gum Gum?

[C]

I'm rolling in it.

[E]

Once again, that's stinky. Dragonpod.com we are incredibly grateful for your support which makes this show possible. Some of Our friends voiced NPCs in this episode and listeners who interacted with with us on the Stinky dragon. Discord had NPCs named after them. Iris and Sheldon, named after Little Sector, voiced by Eric Bedor, Eric Bador from regulation podcast and 100% Eat El angel, named after Angel Kite. Pop and Fresh, named after Pop and Fresh. Terry, named after Kaija Wester, named after Andreas Westerman. Blocksplitter. Named after Blockspliter. Blocksplitter. This week's arrow question was submitted by Buggy52. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst and written and composed by Michael Risinger, with additional editing work by Katherine Arnold and David Saunier. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Drag.

[F]

Have you ever seen those social videos where, like, people, like, they'll interview, like, little kids about, like, serious things, but it's like getting them to talk about serious things and be funny? Yeah, I realize that. I've heard the way Chris talks, and it's in those videos. It's how kids respond to the questions. Like, that was.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

That was. That.

[F]

That was high. Like, just.

[D]

It's very similar.

[G]

You ever have a dream that you. That you.

[A]

That I. That you.

[F]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Ye.

[F]

Chris would be great on, like, if they we did another reboot of Kids say the Darndest Things. He'd be great on it.

[B]

Chris says the Darndest Things. New series coming soon.