C03 - Ep. 36 - From On Hyra - No Guard Feelings

Summary

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Tales from the Stinky Dragon

Episode: C03 Ep. 36 – "From On Hyra – No Guard Feelings"
Date: February 4, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon picks up with the party venturing inside the Kyrenian watchtower, their eyes set on infiltrating the ominous prison. What should have been a classic standoff with guards quickly devolves into madcap chaos: a hail of magical mishaps, a surprise attack from a swarm of flying spider-like creatures ("skyders"), confusion caused by magical darkness, and the ever-present banter and movie references that define the Stinky Dragon crew. In the midst of pitched combat and magical mayhem, the group faces not just the danger of battle, but the hilarity and uncertainty that come from their unpredictable decisions and a DM who's always ready with a movie tangent. As the dust settles, the party manages to secure the way forward—straight into the heart of the prison, but not before leaving a trail of chaos (and a few traumatized guards) in their wake.

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Key Discussion Points & Story Segments

1. Character Introductions and Arrow Question – The Perfect First Date

[04:28 – 17:31]

• The Arrow Question: Each character/player is asked, “Describe your perfect first date.” This icebreaker sets off storytelling and comedic hijinks, blending in meta-jokes about podcasting and classic movie references.
  • Doug (Barbara Dunkelman): Prefers a no-pressure Zoom call, citing the anxiety of in-person dates. “My perfect first date would be no date at all... But maybe a Zoom call!” ([06:03])
  • Gunther (Chris Demarais): Shares a frog-life childhood anecdote about his now-wife Punya helping him retrieve a prized pebble. “If we are talking about the date, as in where you meet someone... I had just little Nubby's legs...” ([08:08])
  • Tolve (Blaine Gibson): Jokes about a fantastical date at a discotheque with Abba, revealing (meta) he’s “never been kissed.” Movie tangent ensues.
  • Natty (John Reisinger): Recalls a magical dance in a dreamscape with his wife—a ballroom on clouds, ending with a walk through a graveyard and stars forming their faces. Twist: references to both Adam’s Family and Sandy Bullock movies.
• Meta-comedy: The group gleefully derails into discussions of movie calendar dates and problematic romance films.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Barb: “My perfect first date would be no date at all... it's very nerve-wracking to be face-to-face with another human being...” ([05:52])
  • Chris: “I don't think April 15th is the best first date. If anything, it would have to be April 1st or March 1st or...“ ([07:53])
  • John/Gus banter: “You know when you burn hair? I imagine that's what's going on right now too.” ([21:18])

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2. The Chaos Begins: Scaling the Tower and Skyder Swarm Attack

[17:31 – 24:14]

• Setting the Scene: The party bursts onto the watchtower, surprising a group of guards.
  • Immediate perception checks reveal an unnatural snowfall, with black specks—soon identified as swarms of “skyders” (tiny flying spiders) descending on the party.
  • “You realize it's a swarm of skyders—flying spiders are descending down...” ([18:09])
• Combat Prep:
  • Doug immediately firebolts the skyders, vaporizing half the swarm.
    • “Doug's first reaction to seeing any sort of spider-like creatures would be to burn it...” ([20:04])
  • Tolv uses his “mittens of mushrooms” to spray spores at the guards, messing with their short-term memory. ([21:26])
  • Natty engulfs the area in magical darkness centered on her ring—a boon for chaos, but a visibility nightmare for everyone (including the party).
  • The group muses, “What if the skyders were actually friendly, like soot sprites from Ghibli?" ([23:32])

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3. Combat in the Dark: Spells, Swarms, and Slapstick

[24:26 – 47:41]

• Tactile Confusion:
  • Gunther blunders around attacking in the dark, sometimes missing, sometimes stabbing guards suffering memory loss.
  • Multiple jokes about “taking a stab in the dark” and the confusion of potential friendly fire.
• Guard and Skyder Reactions:
  • Skyders swarm, some try webbing, but many are burnt or battered.
  • Guards, some with erased short-term memory, react in a daze.
• Meta Moments:
  • A run of ska-band puns erupts, culminating in: “I'm the mighty, mighty boss tone of this place.” – Gunther ([76:53])
• Inventive Use of Items:
  • Doug deploys his Echo Pulse Locator (a homebrew echolocation device) to track the guards, emitting hilarious “hello, hello, hello”s. ([54:07])
• Notable Quotes:
  • Tolve: “I'm just going to try to grapple one of these guys and throw them off the side of the... rampart.” ([86:48])
  • Gus (DM): “They fall into the icy lake, and the crocodiles come up and begin biting at him, dragging him to the bottom.” ([88:38])
  • John: “Did I say it wrong? He's a puncture.” ([75:04])

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4. Victory and Fallout: Bridge to the Prison

[47:42 – 96:11]

• Climax: The party defeats most guards, interrogates the last remaining one (Bosco), and gathers critical info about the prison and its formidable warden.
  • Gunther threatens: “If you lie, then you die.” ([91:59])
  • Bosco pretends to comply, but makes a break for the controls, so Natty shoots him off the rampart.
    • “Thanks for doing that for us. Now we don’t have to.” – Doug ([94:53])
  • The bridge extends to the prison, and the group glimpses a horde of armored guards and the imposing warden coming to confront them.
• Future Foreshadowed: The party prepares for a direct confrontation and possible incarceration inside the prison.
• Movie reference: “It's like The Departed... find out how that all plays out... next time.” ([96:23])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [05:52] Barbara Dunkelman (Doug) on first dates: “My perfect first date would be no date at all, because it's very nerve-wracking...”
• [08:24] Chris Demarais (Gunther): “When we were tadpoles... a mean bully, he threw one of my favorite pebbles out of the water… That's when Punya came up and she said, ‘Hey, I'll go get your pebble.’”
• [14:27] John Reisinger (Natty): “My wife came and took me to this, like, elegant ballroom… and at the end of the day, the stars formed a picture of both of us.”
• [20:25] Barbara: “It does 2d10 of damage and that is a 14 total.”
• [23:32] Barbara: “I wonder if the skiders were actually nice… like the soot sprites from a Ghibli movie. How long has that thought been forming?”
• [23:48] Blaine: “You haven't said anything since... that's been on your mind since that moment happened. Oh, you're so sweet.”
• [76:53] Chris: “I'm the mighty, mighty boss stone of this place.”
• [91:59] Chris/Gunther: “If you lie, then you die.”

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Important Timestamps & Segment Guide

| Timestamp | Segment / Event | Highlights | |-----------|-----------------------------------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 04:28 | Arrow question: First date tales | Cast shares in-character date stories, blends in movie references and meta jokes. | | 17:31 | Guards & skyders ambush | Party surprises guards; swarms of magical spiders attack; chaos ensues. | | 20:04 | Doug firebolts skyders | Half the swarm vaporized, then realization sets in. | | 21:26 | Tolv’s “mittens of mushrooms” | Spores erase guards’ short-term memory—leads to confusion. | | 24:26 | Magical darkness & confusion reigns | Natty casts darkness on her ring, making the entire area pitch black. | | 54:07 | Doug’s Echo Pulse Locator | Uses echolocation device to hilariously draw in dazed guards. | | 76:53 | Gunther’s critical hit + “boss tone” joke| Gunther lands a nat 20 and delivers a signature ska pun. | | 91:59 | Interrogating and then dispatching Bosco| Last guard flees for the crank; Natty shoots him off rampart, enabling bridge extension to the prison. | | 94:45 | The prison warden appears | The warden and armored guards rush across the bridge—next episode will start with a major standoff. |

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The Episode's Energy & Tone

• High-spirited, playful, and zany: The cast can't go five minutes without a movie tangent, meta-commentary, or puns (especially ska and music references).
• D&D hijinks: Homebrew gadgets, wild spellcasting, and “what the hell is happening” energy dominates as darkness, memory loss, and spider swarms stack up.
• Collaborative chaos: Characters repeatedly question their own choices (“the skiders might have been friendly!”), and the banter between players and DM is as much the star as the in-game action.
• Comedic physicality: Combat in the dark means missed attacks, slapstick humor, and at least one textually described wardrobe malfunction.

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For New & Returning Listeners

This episode captures what makes Stinky Dragon distinct: accessible, character-driven, and brimming with improvisational fun—great for D&D veterans and newcomers alike. If you enjoy actual-play with heavy banter, genre-savvy references, and creative problem-solving (“hello, hello, hello!” echo device), you’ll find lots to love.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

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[B]

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[C]

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[C]

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[D]

Reggie, I just sold my car online.

[B]

Let's go, Grandpa. Wait, you did? Yep.

[D]

On Carvana. Just put in the license plate, answered.

[C]

A few questions, got an offer in minutes.

[D]

Easier than setting up that new digital picture frame.

[B]

You don't say. Yeah they're even picking it up tomorrow.

[D]

Talk about fast.

[B]

Wow. Way to go. So, about that picture frame.

[D]

Ah, forget about it.

[C]

Until Carvana makes one, I'm not interested.

[A]

Car selling made easy on Carvana. Pick up these. May apply.

[B]

Best wishes, all you bayou beasts. Bound your mound in the stinky dragon and drink up our latest leaf juice. Marshy Mellow. It's a mixture of swamp spice tea bags, boiling bog water, Jynx craft juice, hexed honey, and topped with thinly sliced pears of poison. One mouthful of this Moorish mixer will clear any bog in your throat. Previously, our adventurers tossed themselves towards turbid terrain and combed the cold depths for. Can do, Cody. Next, they were vexed by a volley of arrows and voted to vacate the premises to parse out a plan. Whilst crouching closely beneath a cozy canvas cover, they cautiously crept closer to the Kyrenian watchtower column and climbed inside. Now they travel to the top of the turret and its group of guards. But a new tentacular torment teases our team. Cobble a cup and let's continue this Kokodorus Chronicle. Hello, everyone.

[C]

Welcome to Tales from the Stingy Dragon. I'm your dungeon master, Gustavo Sorola, and I'm gonna hit our four players with an arrow.

[B]

I have a good feeling about this arrow today. I feel really good about it, Gus. I think it's gonna be a banger.

[D]

Go ahead.

[C]

I don't know if you have inside information or not, but this. This arrow today was submitted by Tolv. Oh, and the arrow is.

[B]

Tell me, Lane, did you know that we're getting a bunch of questions from us, and we've been asking them just, you know, patterns and things. I've been noticing some stuff, you know.

[C]

Tell me about your per. First date.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Roll dice.

[A]

Roll dice.

[C]

Perfect. First date, everyone. Roll the D20. Yeah. Let's see the order.

[D]

14.

[A]

I also rolled a 14.

[B]

7. Critical failure.

[A]

Roll off, Chris.

[D]

14.

[A]

17.

[C]

So it's going to be Barbara, Chris Blaine, John.

[A]

Yes. Oh, going for so much pressure. Oh, I never podcasted before.

[C]

That's not true.

[A]

I've never podcast. Not in my whole life. Gus, what are you talking about?

[C]

You have done it. And your character has a podcast as well.

[A]

Oh, my Gosh, you're right.

[B]

13, 14 years of podcasting under your belt.

[A]

Yeah, I think 13 and a half.

[B]

Get it together, Barbara.

[A]

Yeah, I know. Well, hello, Stinkers. It is I, Barbara Dunkleman, main character of Stinky Dragon.

[B]

Your guy? Yeah.

[A]

I play Doug Boone, the male bugbear. Artificer who is also battlesmith. Fun fact.

[C]

Ooh.

[A]

And, you know, if I was being honest, Gustavo, my perfect first date would be no date at all, because it's very nerve wracking to be face to face with another human being that you're trying to impress.

[C]

True.

[A]

And that's one of Doug's worst nightmares. But I think if I were to have a perfect first date, it would be via zoom call, because that way you get to know each other a little bit, you have some conversation, but yet you're still in the comfort of your own space. And. And, you know, not necessarily having to spend money on each other if you don't know if it's gonna work out yet. And that way, you kind of break the ice without having to be somewhere in public and maybe sweating profusely and, you know, all the fun stuff that comes with being on a first date. So, yeah, that would be Doug's ideal.

[C]

Doug, I see me in this photo, and I don't like it. Take this down. Yeah. All right, that's good, I guess, but I know the question's out about. The question is strictly about first dates. But, you know, of course, if things go well, you might have to move beyond that. But I think it's a good starting point, so. I appreciate that insight, Doug.

[A]

Yeah. The other joke I was going to make is favorite first date is April 15, because it's not too hot, not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.

[B]

Is that mean girls? No, no, that's miss congeniality, isn't it? Yeah. Okay. All right.

[D]

All right.

[B]

All right.

[C]

That's pretty good shot.

[B]

Here in Austin, is there, like a calendar of all of those, like, dates from movies that everyone always like October.

[A]

3Rd from Mean Girls.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

He asked me what date it was.

[B]

The back to the future day and all that stuff. Probably there should be.

[A]

We should. Let's just make it movie calendar.

[B]

Yeah, I'd subscribe to that on Google.

[C]

Yeah, you kind of blew my mind. That should absolutely exist. There's so many dates that we reference, man. Yeah, that's great. Okay. Sorry.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. Thanks, Doug. Yeah, that's good information. Next up, I believe we have Gunther.

[D]

Hi, I'm Chris Demaris. Up a Gunther, the male folk fighter. And I have to disagree. I don't think April 14th is the best first date.

[A]

15Th.

[C]

I don't.

[D]

I have to disagree. I don't think April 15th is the best first date. If anything, it would have to be April 1st or March 1st or. Or maybe February 1st. Fifteenth is just not first, but.

[C]

But rooster teeth.

[D]

No, no. Literally, first.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, I think also Gunther has tax problems and continually needs to file for extensions. So he's not a fan of April 15th in general.

[B]

Sounds like someone. Someone I know.

[D]

But if we are talking about the date, as in where you. You meet someone, then I have a different answer. And that would be. I don't know if this is actually date, but it was the first time I really got to know Punya, my. My now wife. It is. But when we are tadpoles. And so I had just little Nubby's legs nabileg. And she was very, very brave. And. And, well, I was afraid to leave the water. I was afraid to leave the water. And we were swimming around with all of us tadpoles. And then I had. And then a mean bully, he threw one of my favorite pebbles out. Out of the water. And then I was just looking at it, and then. And that's when Punya came up and she said, hey, I'll go get your pebble. And I was like, but you don't have legs. Not full ones. She says, we have to at some point take the leap out of the water. And then she.

[B]

She.

[D]

She got out and she got my pebble. And then you know what? The very next day, I got out and I got her a pebble.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

You came out. Wow. Congrats.

[B]

Do you guys know people who, like, met each other in grade school, started dating in grade school, middle school, and then they just stayed together? I think that that's. That's. That's. That's Gunther and Punya.

[A]

Very beautiful.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Also, correction, because I know people will correct me on this. It's April 25th. Is the perfect date. Not too hot, not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.

[B]

Sandra Bullock was so upset just then.

[A]

10 days off.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I also got my first blister from.

[C]

Trying to use your new legs. Yes. So that was your first date with Punya. To summarize, your perfect first date is getting picked on by a bully, having your date undo or remedy the situation, and then you giving the date a gift the next day.

[D]

Yes. If you. It is much sweeter when I say it.

[C]

Just a summary. I'm thinking high level here. We're just trying to make sure that we all understand the points here.

[D]

It was the perfect date. In my head right now.

[B]

I think it was the only first date you had, too, because nobody else.

[D]

That's the only time I can have a first date.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Last date. Because I think you asked her to marry you the next day.

[C]

No, he got down on one stubby little knee.

[A]

When you know, you know.

[C]

All right, thanks, Gunther.

[B]

When you're a kid, you don't know. I just got to be clear about that. I just don't want people to put that pressure on themselves. And to think that that's. That's like a thing. Wink. Right, John?

[C]

Wink if you're a tadpole or frog, maybe. But if you're a human, probably not.

[D]

Well, I did not know I was going to marry her then. I just thought. I was just impressed that she got my pebble.

[C]

Yeah, you're not human. Don't worry, Gunther. It's fine. It's different. All right, thanks. Thanks, Gunther. Next up, who's next to, I believe is next? Yeah. You.

[A]

Who?

[B]

It's me, Tove, played by Blaine Gibson. He's stepped out of. For the moment. I will say his name.

[C]

Yeah. So.

[B]

Well, first of all, great question. Good question. Submitter.

[C]

That's.

[B]

That's very good question. Very creative, very fun. It's already ripe with comedy. So I would say first date.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

I would. I think I would want to go out for a night of dancing at the discotheque, listening to abba, you know, and having all the fun there. And then maybe, like a nice walk around the ocean, you know, looking longingly into the sea, and then just, you know, bearing it all, you know, feelings.

[A]

Why not in the ocean?

[B]

I mean, we could do that. We could go for a swim. Yeah. You know, just, you know, bearing our souls, bearing our endoskeletons, you know, showing off that we are all robots. And then, you know, if they run away, so be it, but if they stick around, if they're into that sort of thing, that's, you know, great. So, yeah, Never been on a date. Never been kissed.

[A]

I love that movie.

[C]

Yeah, it's not a good movie, but.

[D]

Kind of a weird premise because it's. It's high school teacher dating high school girl, but she's not really high school. Anyway.

[B]

Maybe it's not a good movie. I take that back. Actually, now that I know the premise, I don't.

[A]

I still like it.

[B]

Is it really about a high school. It's in the end. Yes.

[A]

Nuanced.

[B]

That's. Who kisses her. Oh, she's undercover.

[A]

She's of age.

[B]

It's a 21 jump with Drew Barrymore. It's true. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Huh. Lots of unpack on that one. Well, anyways, the energy just fell off.

[C]

A cliff for Blaine there.

[B]

Sorry.

[C]

All right. It's funny. I don't think this is the time or place for it tolf, but one of these days, I want to circle back and find out the effects of brine and, like, the sea air and salt water on your skellington and how that all works, because I never thought about it until you talked about it. You set this scenario right now. Yeah.

[B]

Magic metals. You know, I don't know. It's like Atlantean technology.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

We could just yada, yada, that away, you know? I mean. Yeah, that's. That's how, like, what's all that technology underwater in the comic book. Yeah.

[C]

If you've ever seen the movie the Quick, Quick, Quick tangent. If you ever seen the movie. Thank you for smoking.

[B]

No. Not allowed to do movie quick.

[A]

Yeah, they have to be long tangents.

[C]

There's a scene. We have a separate podcast route. There's a scene where someone's pitching a movie in space and they want to have the character smoking on a space station. And one of the characters asks, well, isn't it an all oxygen environment? Wouldn't it explode? And the executive's like, oh, yeah, just say, we invented the whatever thing that makes it not a problem. Just like, total MacGuffin. Just, like, totally write it off. It's like that. All right.

[B]

Not to extend your tangent, but I have to say I recently rewatched the original Planet of the Apes, and Charlton Heston is in space and literally lights up a cigar while he's up there.

[D]

Hell, yeah.

[B]

In the first five minutes of the movie.

[C]

Movie.

[B]

It's great.

[C]

All right, thank you to. Next up, we've got Natty. Hello.

[B]

I am John Reisinger, and I play Natty Wonder, who is a drow, warlock, drag queen, mother. And. Well, I was gonna ask. When you asked this question, I was gonna ask, do you want the short version or the long version? But considering who just went before me, I'll give you guys the short version so we can just get to our adventure.

[A]

She looks so offended.

[B]

No, it's fine. Because I'm. I'm the same way. My first date is with. You know, my favorite first date would be what my wife did with me on our first date when we first met. And it was like. I mean, talk about ideal. It was in a dream, so, I mean, it was a dream date, you know, And. And it was actually. It has a little bit of connection to what Tove listed as his favorite date, because while he went, he decided he'd like to go dancing at some thingamajig. Called a discothequector. I did go dancing, and my wife came and took me to this, like, elegant ballroom kind of setting. But it was, like, magical. And the floor was clouds and there was, like, magnolias all over the place. And they were singing the music. And we danced all night. And then we went and walked through this graveyard. And that was also. And we just talked as we walked through the graveyard. And the stars kind of just, you know, they whooshed around, and at the end of the day, they formed a picture of both of us. Stars in the sky.

[A]

It's funny because the juxtaposition of, like, who Natty is in that character and even the visuals of that character mixed with, like, death and, like, walking around in a graveyard and being married to death, like, it seems. So, yeah, they shouldn't fit together, but they do.

[B]

Also, might I add that this is just another Sandy Bullock movie while you were sleeping. I mean, that's. It's right there. Another kind of problematic movie. A woman falls in love with a.

[C]

Man in a coma, you know, wow.

[B]

There's a lot of bad romance movies that have questionable premises. It's true. It's true.

[A]

It's the early. It's the 90s and early 2000s, baby.

[B]

Yeah, Barb, I like to think I. I, again, just to connect it to another movie, because that's the only way I connect with people in life, apparently, is I watched Adam's family, and the lady who is, like, not part of the Adam's family, but then marries cousin.

[A]

It.

[B]

She's like that, where she's like a normal, like, chipper, cheery, like, stereotypical domestic wife kind of person, but then, like, she's married to a little monster and part of the Addams Family. Family. But she was evil, though, wasn't she? You're thinking of Addams Family values, the one who tries to woo Uncle Fest.

[A]

Also, guys, love is love.

[B]

Yes. If it's an axe murder, you know, go with it. Love is love.

[C]

My wife and I were walking through Target the other day, and they were playing, you know, that in store music. And it was the MC Hammer Addams Family song from, like, the movie in the 90s that came on. And I turned to my wife. I was like, man, this is a deep cut. Do you know what this is? And I told her, she's like, you love this song, don't you? That's why you know this. Like, she's like, I've never heard this song before. I was like, it was super popular. It's terrible. It's an awful song.

[A]

Anyway, she negs you as well.

[B]

Is that your perfect first date, Gus?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Listening to MC Hammer in Target, you all hop out and Natty jumps out from the ring. Doug Rich reforms into a solid mass and tosses a stinky stone. Gunther, I feel like does like a combat roll out from the hatch ready to attack. And Tolve jumps out very menacingly. No skin, just pure thaumatech rage.

[D]

Cool.

[C]

It seems like you have caught the guards by surprise. And all four of you. Make me a perception check.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Okay. Oh my God.

[B]

7, 13, 4, 17.

[C]

Cole and Natty, you notice some unusual snowflakes starting to fall. They're not pure white snow like all the others. There's like little small black specks falling as well, intermingled with the white snow. And as you look closer, you realize it's a swarm of skiders. Flying spiders are descending down on the top of the watchtower, covering all of you and the floor. Floor.

[B]

Can I tell based on the guard's reactions if the skyers are a defense measure or are they also taken aback by the skyers?

[C]

Make a.

[B]

It's like a three way battle.

[C]

Yeah, it's like the end of the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Man, we're just non stop movies today. I'm sorry. I think it's me.

[B]

That's a great movie though.

[C]

So good. Make a. Let's call it a perception check. No, no, no, not perception. That's more of an insight check. Make an insight check. Vibe check on sky.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't like that roll anyways.

[A]

He rolled an eight on his perception.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

Barbar.

[B]

Oh, that's a 22. Yeah, I. Insight. That's right.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Makes way more sense.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[C]

And just a reminder, we still have vibe check hats at the store, right? Store. Stinky. Dragonpod.com.

[B]

We do.

[C]

They're quarter R. Get your own. Get your own vibe check hat.

[B]

They're very comfy.

[C]

Great hats. Okay. You notice the skyers and you kind of turn instinctively 12 to look and see what the reaction is of the guards are. And they look. How can I phrase it? They look disturbed and upset about the skyders arriving.

[B]

I see. Okay. Are we in initiative order or.

[C]

I'll give you all a chance here to let me know or figure out what you want to do. And then depending on circumstances, we can jump into initiative or figure that out.

[A]

I think I would react with a firebolt. Personally.

[B]

I have a non combative solution. But if you want to go Doug, do your worst.

[C]

What are you, what are you going to aim that firebolt at, Doug?

[A]

Probably up at the where the skyers are coming in. Yeah, because I think Doug's first reaction to seeing any sort of spider like creatures would to be burn it, Doug.

[C]

Once again, I see myself in this photo.

[B]

I think I have a, a good reaction as well. This has very similar vibes of like the southern guys who shoot their guns up into a storm.

[C]

All right, so is there a roller? You just. You hurl a mote of fire at a creature or object within range. So you make a range spell attack against the target.

[A]

It is a 26.

[C]

Oh, I'm pretty sure that's a hit. I'll double check that.

[B]

What's the, what's the AC on these skyders? They're heavily armored.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They're made of titanium.

[A]

They fly so they could dodge.

[C]

They're wearing full plate. Yeah, that, that hits Doug.

[A]

Okay. It does 2d10 of damage and that is a 14 total.

[B]

That's got to kill one at least, right?

[C]

Well, it's a swarm. So in D and D, like when you deal, it's not. Since there's a whole bunch of them, you're not targeting like individual little creatures.

[B]

I used to turn into swarms.

[C]

Yeah, well, yeah. Mud knows that, Doug. You see the skyers and then almost without thinking, you'd probably hurl that moat of fire skyward at them and it does a significant amount of damage. You see, let's say like half of the swarm vaporize and then fall to the ground around you and then off the side of the tower as well.

[A]

Oh God. I think one's in my hair.

[C]

Oh God.

[A]

Gay out.

[B]

You know when you burn hair and it smells terrible, I imagine that's what's going on right now too.

[C]

We're just like, oh, Tolst, did you say you had a reaction as well?

[B]

Yeah. So I have something fun called the mittens of mushrooms. I used them once on the Anna Lavacant.

[D]

The.

[B]

The volcanic Honda. There it is.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, there it is. Mushroom covered thaumatech gloves. Smells musty. Spongy texture. Glows. Next glows near fungus. I didn't realize that. Huh. Interesting. Making a fist releases a fungal spray. 15 foot cone. So I can get into failure and all that stuff. But I wanted to target as many of the guards as I can in that 15 foot cone to just kind of like before we get into all the combat, throwing them off their guard and kind of confusing them. Yeah.

[C]

So you make a fist and you Blow these spores out in the direction of the guards. So they need to make a DC13 constitution. Say. Let me double check what their constitution is they have. Was that a plus one? So I need to roll a 12 or better on this for them to succeed. Yeah. And here it goes. Boop.

[B]

Prefer if you rolled badly.

[C]

That is an eight, which is a nine, which is a failure. So the guards are unable to form short term. Remember, 15 foot cone. There were six of them up here. You could probably get three. Three or four. Is it four? Three or four? We'll go four. You're able to get four of them.

[B]

Take it. That was Gus trying to do the geometric math in his head of like. All right. If you took.

[C]

I was trying to imagine a 50. A three dimensional 15 foot cone and translated.

[B]

I know you. I'm just imagining it like in video games when you see the cone of. You know, like the.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

With the fart sound too.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Blaine, you roll a 1D4. You roll a D4 to see how many rounds are unable to. To form short term memories for.

[B]

That's two rounds.

[D]

Do we all get kind of a surprise attack?

[C]

Sure. We'll call it a surprise action.

[D]

Gotcha. Gotcha.

[C]

We have to be violent. Yay.

[A]

I wonder if the Skyders were actually nice.

[B]

I had that thought too. I was thinking that they're kind of like the soot sprites. The soot sprites from like a Ghibli mute movie. How long, Barbara? How long has that intrusive thought been forming in your head?

[A]

Ever since I burned half of them.

[B]

You haven't said anything since. You're like modifier. And I'm like. That's been on your mind since that moment happened. Oh, you're so sweet.

[C]

As they fell to the ground here to help you. Spider. You heard them yell watch after my children.

[B]

Good Samaritans. They're gonna help these other people escape. Let's go in.

[A]

We've been following you guys for miles. In the preparation to protect you from Harmony.

[D]

We were just gonna make a message above a pig so it wouldn't get eaten.

[C]

Some frog. Gunther or Natty? Someone have an action they want to take here?

[B]

I'm second guessing. If what I wanted to do, I should still do.

[C]

Do it. Do it. Do it.

[B]

Don't second guess. All right. Natty casts darkness.

[C]

That really tickles, Chris.

[D]

Well, it's gonna create such chaos.

[B]

Yep. I mean, it would have been. It's still helpful. And I gotta read you how like it's. It's A well, how big is this tower? Actually will determine like what's the radius of this tower?

[C]

Gustavo, it's PI divided by. No, it's about a. I want to say it was about 30ft. I'm double checking to make sure that that's correct.

[B]

30 square feet, 30ft wide in total or diameter? Diameter.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Okay, perfect. Perfect. Because darkness is a 15 foot sphere. And so I'll put it in the middle, which I assume is where we are.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And that'll cover us. And all these, these skiders that are now angry will. Will go after the guards.

[D]

See if you can get some of those short term memory guards too, because that would really confuse him.

[B]

I cast darkness and the darkness spreads around corners. A creature of dark vision can't see through this darkness and non magical light can't illuminate it. And so yeah, we're all. We're all in a little protected darkness. You know how we're on a train? What if you cast it and then it just held the position? It just gets blown away. Is it like quantum leaf fiction in a position or does it travel with me?

[C]

That's a great question. I think if I was a jerk, I would say it would stay in place.

[B]

So then it stays in place. Then there's actually. You can cast darkness on an object and it travels with the object.

[A]

Yeah, do that.

[B]

So Natty casts it on her ring.

[C]

Okay. So it's permanently centered on your ring. So if you move around, it moves with you. Yeah. Okay.

[B]

There you go. And then while in the darkness, Natty turns into one of the cards.

[A]

Nice, nice.

[C]

And then begins saying I believe in a thing called love.

[A]

I was gonna say that darkness is her old friend.

[C]

There's another one.

[A]

So many darkness references.

[C]

Yeah. Okay, who turned the lights out? Wait, so wait, none of you can see then either, right? Nope.

[B]

Right.

[A]

What if we have dark vision?

[C]

Nope, nope. Darkvision does not work through darkness impenetrable. It specifically says ironic. Creatures with dark vision can't see through this darkness and non magical light cannot illuminate it.

[D]

Yeah, it's a fun spell. So I guess it's my. My little action now.

[C]

Yeah, if you want, no pressure.

[D]

I'll take one. I'll go to the one of the guards that's not been short term memory lost and attempt to attack them.

[C]

You think you're gonna try that? Why don't you roll me a D4 and see if you go in the right direction. One is the right direction. Two, three and four are not.

[D]

Okay, well, I feel like I would know where. I don't have short term memory loss, so I feel like I would know.

[A]

Yeah, but it's dark.

[C]

Yeah, I feel like you wouldn't though.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Isn't it dark, though?

[C]

Yeah. Right. It's because of the darkness, Barbara.

[D]

All right, so I rolled 3. What was the right answer?

[C]

1.

[B]

As soon as Gus, you told him to roll a D4. And then I heard Chris rear up for his rebuttal. I knew me as like, gus ain't gonna pick up anything Chris says. There ain't nothing you can say right now, Chris. And sure enough, you came back with just a. I think he wouldn't be able to say. You gotta sweet talk him, Chris. You gotta be like, gus, I love your glasses today. You look really handsome.

[D]

Wow.

[B]

And then you go into your yard. No way in hell that was gonna work.

[D]

That darkness joke was really good, Gus. That was a really good.

[C]

There you go.

[B]

That a boy.

[C]

Well, I'm not gonna be super mean. I'm not gonna say you fall off the edge of the tower or anything, but you walk. And I'll tell you what, I'm gonna roll a die as well. Because you said specifically you were gonna try to target one of the ones that did not have memory loss. I'm gonna roll a die and see if maybe you hit one that does have memory loss. Like it's a target rich environment.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, crap. Oh, crap.

[B]

I just read something in the spell thing that I. I think has to be followed by the rules.

[C]

Let's hear it.

[B]

It's not 15ft in diameter. It's 15 foot radius. So it fills the entire tower.

[D]

Even better. Even better.

[C]

There is no safe place or there is no illuminated place. All right, so I'm going to roll a die. And maybe you hit a guard who just does have memory loss. Right. I'm going to roll a D4. One through three, you hit a guard. And then four is just. You miss entirely. You hit nothing. Two. Yeah. So you wander around. Your intention is to hit a guard suffering or not suffering from memory loss, Right? So instead you hit a guard with memory loss.

[D]

Okay. They'll be just even more confused. I guess I'm not really strong, so I'm going to just attack.

[C]

Okay. And since you're in darkness, this attack will be at disadvantage.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

2218.

[B]

Nice.

[C]

Yeah. That's a hit.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

And that's 10 piercing damage. Stab. Stab. And you know what? Just to make this even more confusing, possibly for this guard, okay. I'm gonna do try menacing attack so that they Are scared of me.

[C]

Okay?

[D]

So I'm gonna roll superiority dice. That's a D8. Boom. That's an. That's a 6. Added to the damage for a total 16 damage. And they have to make a Wisdom saving throw of 16.

[C]

Wisdom saving throw DC 16. Their wisdom is. Their wisdom is plus 4, so they need a 12 or better.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

They're pretty wise. Yeah.

[C]

They only got the best cards here. Doesn't matter.

[D]

Roll to seven and I say, I'm here to get you.

[A]

Boo. Boo.

[C]

Boo. Little bit of Gunther channeling Barney there, but okay.

[B]

Gus just goes, okay, this guy has advantage. I'm gonna roll again.

[A]

He's somehow more brave now after he said that.

[C]

And what does that do? He's just afraid of you.

[D]

So they're frightened until the end of my next turn. So frightened you have disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls while the source of fear is within line of sight. Sight.

[A]

Sounded like the Price is Right song.

[B]

That was. That was 100% of the prices.

[D]

Right. They can't willingly move closer to the source of fear.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

So that still works even if they can't. Even if they don't have disadvantage.

[B]

So you're doing that thing that my sister used to do where she'd lick her hand and then approach me with it. And then I would just be like, yeah.

[A]

In my mind, I'm so gross.

[D]

In my mind, I'm like, there's only one way for them to go. And it's like they were on the ledge, right? Shooting arrows.

[C]

They were all around. I think what I said was because that's right. Doug had tried to come up when they weren't all looking, but I said that they were all facing in different directions.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

There's no railing on these things.

[C]

This would be almost like. What do they call it? I believe they call it like a rampart.

[A]

I'm going to have to Google that.

[C]

Is that the correct term where it's like a rampart?

[D]

Where there's like. Like plate. It's walls, but there's little, like, subsections that are like lower or holes where they can shoot.

[B]

Yeah, got it.

[A]

I only know about that word from the. Isn't that in the national anthem?

[B]

Yes, it is, Barbara. Usa. Come on, guys. Why isn't you rechanting with me?

[A]

It's red.

[D]

This is fantasy world.

[A]

Exactly. America.

[B]

All right. 51 states.

[C]

Is there anything else, Gunther, or is that it?

[D]

I could do another attack, but I don't know if it. And that's one action, but it's whatever.

[C]

Yeah. I mean it's. We said we kept it broad as an action, so. Yeah, if you're taking an attack action, absolutely.

[D]

All right, well then if, if there is there another one within reach that I could stab?

[C]

You think so?

[A]

You don't know. It's dark.

[D]

All right, I'll take your stab at it.

[C]

All right. Roll a D4. One and two you find someone. Three and four you don't.

[D]

Let's see.

[A]

Are we including that in that someone.

[C]

Three, three and four you don't.

[D]

Oh wow.

[C]

Roll a D4. If you roll a one, you hit one of your teammates.

[D]

Oh man.

[A]

God.

[D]

Two.

[C]

Okay. Yeah. You. You turn to attack one of the other guards and begin slashing for viciously. But you're just attacking nothing. You're just attacking the air.

[D]

Ah, dammit. Dude. So they're so sneaky. They're dodged so well.

[C]

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[B]

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[C]

Okay?

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[C]

Yeah. Let's go and let's make this official. Let's. Let's roll some initiative here.

[B]

3, 19, 14, 12. Okay, what do your nerds roll, Gus? These stinky guards.

[C]

The guards are six and the skyders are 15.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I think these shouldn't be called skiders because it keeps sounding like you're saying ska dters and they should just be ska spiders. They're skanking on us.

[C]

Yeah. Keep.

[A]

I always think of Bruce Green when I think of ska.

[C]

I was gonna say stop or Bruce Green's gonna show up.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know how he's gotten so associated with that music genre.

[D]

I'm gonna get my trumpet.

[B]

That sounds like a curse more than anything. I wouldn't want that association.

[A]

I know. What kind of music would you want to be associated with?

[B]

Hair metal. Hair rock. Glam rock. Stupid 80s rock.

[A]

For me, Baby shark. That's it.

[B]

Oh, that's a good one.

[D]

I'd want to be associated with the soundtracks from. For Toast from Sticky Dragon, which you can stream on music platforms.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

The enthusiasm for that was off the charts.

[D]

I was saying it matter of fact, like.

[C]

Well, maybe a topic we could really dive into on Second Wind, which is available for all levels of [e-mail].

[B]

I want to know what show tunes John is going to reference that he wants to be associated with. Is it Cats?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Jesus Christ superstar.

[B]

Oh, Gus, we all know that you're the Blade Club soundtrack thing.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Blood Rave.

[B]

Yeah, that's the one. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Great scene, man. What an opener to a movie.

[B]

I gotta watch that.

[C]

It's.

[B]

Oh, yeah, man.

[C]

So good.

[B]

What were we doing? Oh, DD that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry.

[D]

Who had short term memory loss? It was the guards.

[A]

Where are we?

[C]

We're leading off with Tol, then the Skyders, then Gunther.

[B]

Brah.

[C]

Yo.

[B]

Okay, stop. I would like to. As far as, like, memory with who I had in front of me, am I gonna have to roll on where I last saw them kind of thing.

[C]

It depends on what actions you say you're gonna do. If it's someone right in front of you. Then it's like, it's just a straight attack with disadvantage. If you wanna move and attack. Then it's like, oh, you're gonna have to make. I'm gonna make you make a roll to see if you can picture it correctly in your head. I see.

[B]

You know, I never rage. Cause I'm always like, I gotta save my rages. But I have four of them and I think I'm gonna. It's okay. I'm gonna use a rage. Use a rage.

[C]

Are you sure?

[A]

Why make a question?

[B]

Gus used question. It was super successful.

[A]

We have the skull of insecurity with us somewhere.

[C]

Oh, no. I brought him with me.

[B]

Gus, is that for blame?

[D]

No, it's the skull of insecurity.

[B]

Oh, God. I'm going to rage.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And then I'm gonna use the gavel of the galestrom against the nearest guard from memory.

[C]

Okay. And you use the mitten of mushrooms. So the nearest guard in front of you would be one suffering from short term memory loss.

[B]

Yeah, he arguably got the most of it. He got a mouthful of it just right there in it. Yeah.

[C]

Okay. Yeah. Just make your attack. Roll with disadvantage.

[B]

Okay. That's a 19 and a 12.

[C]

A 12, right was because you rolled with disadvantage.

[B]

Yes. I skank on over to him and then I hit him with my gavel. She's bad at.

[C]

You take a swing and unfortunately you miss.

[B]

Okay. And then I have a second attack. Hold on. Going to make sure you gain advantage on strength checks and saving throws. That's not a strength check. Just making sure. I'm just reading through. I don't rage often enough, so I need to make sure I'm catching everything here. You're a barbarian. Yes, I know. I've been dealing with my anger. I've been managing my anger. All right, I take another attack.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

With the gavel. Oh, it's a 14 and a half. A 2114.

[C]

Unfortunately, it is a miss again. It's just this darkness is just messing with your aim. Toll. I'm sorry. Sorry.

[B]

It happens. Okay, that's good for me.

[C]

Okay. Tol is unable to connect. So it is the Skyder's turn.

[A]

Skyder.

[C]

And just for fun, no reason at all. I'm rolling this die. Y' all don't need to ask me what it's for. So nobody can see, Right? It's darkness. No one has any way to see at all, Right?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I could probably do something on my turn, but naturally can't see.

[B]

No, I'M going to make a request to Micah that I get some sort of home brewed Thaumatech infrared vision. Like predator mode, you know, that's Terminator, but you know, it's cool.

[A]

Same thing, right? Same thing, right.

[B]

Play Schwarzenegger.

[C]

So you know, Natty, you feel something crawling up your legs.

[B]

Like get off.

[C]

No, no, this is like little, little legs, almost like insect legs just climbing up and starting to swarm all over your feet and your legs.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[C]

And you begin to start to feel little bites, like insect bites.

[B]

How big are these skiders?

[C]

Yeah, they're pretty small.

[B]

So are they actual spider size? Are they like little monster spider size?

[C]

Bigger than actual spiders. I mean they're in dd. They're classed as tiny. So they're like, they're not like the size of a dog or a cat, you know, if that's what you're thinking.

[B]

They're like, they're small creatures like a chinchilla. Smaller, like smaller.

[C]

They're big spiders. Not a maybe, not quite tarantula size.

[B]

Okay, okay. I just curious because they were like regular ones, they ain't gonna bite through Natty's clothes. What's a worse sensation? Something crawling up your leg or something like creeping down your leg?

[A]

Up.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, but the alternative is that you just, you know.

[A]

Oh, like poop, pooped yourself.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. You know, I don't know.

[D]

Yeah, but at least you know what you have. At least you know what's going on.

[A]

If it's going down, it's going away from you. If it's coming up, it's. Where's it gonna go next?

[C]

Yeah, yeah. They, they try to begin biting at you, but they don't seem to really. Maybe it's like what you said, Natty. They're unable to bite through your clothing and they're unable to really attach with their fangs. However, you begin to start to feel a little bit restrained. Like maybe there's some kind of webbing starting to entangle your legs. Uh oh. Why don't you roll me a dexterity saving throw? Okay.

[B]

Natty, did you pad. Is that why they're not able to. Of course, of course. Natty, pad. What was that, Dex? Saving throw. A rolled A5. What is my modifier? Doesn't matter. Properly. Plus three. Eight.

[C]

Yeah, you feel like the web is getting tighter and tighter and it's starting to restrict your movement. Meta wise you are under the effect of the restrained condition.

[D]

Hey John, can. Can Gigi see in the darkness? Do they have total whatever sight?

[B]

No.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

I think the only thing that would allow you to see in this kind of magical darkness would be like a blindside.

[D]

Yeah, there's some like imps and stuff that have those. That's why I was asking.

[B]

Doesn't have it listed on his. I looked actually. Yeah.

[C]

Or predator.

[B]

Infrared vision, you know, Micah, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

All right, so you're. You are restrained Terminator by some. By something that seems to be starting to form around your legs, Natty. All right, next up is Gunther. Then after Gunther is Natty.

[D]

I guess I'll take a stab in the dark.

[C]

Yeah. Since you've moved and you kind of know where one guard is at this point it's just disadvantage because of the darkness.

[D]

Okay, take a stab. 13 and 24.

[B]

I would hate to see Gunther go after a pinata. Like there'd be a lot of casualties, unfortunately.

[C]

Maybe you're starting to get in your own head about the darkness. Gunther. Your attack fails to connect. Oh shoot.

[D]

Well, I guess I'll do another one.

[B]

It's all that ska music. I know it's hurt your hearing. His trumpets are too loud.

[A]

Scrub it up.

[D]

My second attack is a 22 and a 17.

[C]

That successfully connects. You do feel something on the other end of your rapier this time.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Roll some damage. Uh huh.

[D]

Now, now I'm nervous. The way you phrase it.

[B]

I was like, somehow got me.

[D]

That's a nine.

[B]

Me, Doug and Natty just skewered through all three of us.

[D]

But you know what? I'm going to do my puncture once per turn. When you hit a creature with an attack roll, you can reroll one of the attack's damage dice and you must use the new one. So I'm going to. Instead of, I'm going to reroll that damage.

[B]

You didn't like the nine.

[D]

Oh man, it got worse. It's an eight.

[C]

Yeah. I can't believe he didn't like the nine.

[D]

Well, no, it was two plus seven out of a D8. So it was like out of a D8.

[C]

So now it's one plus seven.

[D]

Now it's one plus seven. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Okay. And you stab out in the darkness with your rapier and connect. And you feel something on the other end of your rapier. And as, as you stab, you feel an increased weight on the end of your rapier. Like something has gone limp on the end.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Ah.

[D]

What a sublime feeling. I'm sorry, I'm incorporate ska bands. Oh, it's. It's. Sorry, I'm done. I'm done.

[C]

Okay, okay.

[D]

No doubt. I Have killed them.

[C]

You know that great SCA band?

[B]

No doubt.

[D]

Early. Early. They were ska.

[C]

Yeah, Yeah, I guess. I guess so.

[D]

They've gone rancid, I believe.

[C]

Okay. Is that it for you, Gunther?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, that's gonna be it.

[C]

And quick side note for in case it comes up and anybody listening for any of the rules, lawyers out there. I know. We play hardcore D and D by the rules. Darkness makes people blinded. That's the effect that it has on creatures. That's why things like Darkvision don't necessarily work.

[D]

It's like a magical darkness that's like all consuming.

[C]

Okay, that's it for Gunther. Up next, we've got Natty. Then after Natty, the guards, and then.

[A]

Doug coming in last.

[B]

Okay. When Natty raised her hand like a little Planeteer and called upon the power of darkness in her ring to turn into one of the guards, she was looking at one of the guards. So that's the guy she's gonna have in mind. Gus, you pick whoever that is and we'll roll whatever needs to happen.

[C]

For whatever I do, roll a D6 for me.

[B]

It's like a normal dice six.

[C]

Okay. I just picked a card based on your role. Cool.

[B]

Natty's going to cast armor of Agathis, which should help with everything I want to happen.

[C]

The.

[B]

I'm going to get to the spell.

[A]

It was Agathis all along.

[B]

I think about her every time I cast this. In this context, it's skagathis.

[C]

Stop. I'm going to leave.

[B]

A protective magical force surrounds you, manifesting as a spirit, as a spectral frost that covers you and your gear. You gain five temporary hit points. And if a creature hits you with a melee attack while you have these hit points, the creature takes five cold damage. I imagine things trying to bite me. Might have a hard time with that.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

It have no effects on you.

[B]

There it is. That's a ska band.

[D]

Well, it's a punk band that does some sca.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Actually, yeah, Chris hasn't really said a full. Full on ska band yet.

[D]

Yeah, I have. Well, Sublime.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Sublime.

[C]

He's looking at his Google list.

[D]

I mean, I know all these bands. I'm picking the ones I know. Yeah, no doubt.

[B]

There it is.

[C]

You said that one already.

[D]

I know, I know.

[B]

I just wanted to say so the armor of Agathis would be my action. Okay, Goose, so with my action, I guess that leaves me with movement. But I am restrained. How do you stop being restrained for this?

[C]

Metagame wise, there's you probably you don't know this for a fact, but you can probably take an educated guess that there's a web that's restraining you. You can try to destroy the web through whatever methods you want to try to use.

[B]

Good news. I birthed a destroyer. So Natty's going to call upon Gigi to try and eat the web. Ooh, like cotton and candy.

[A]

Gross.

[C]

With little crunchy bits.

[B]

Yeah, those are surprises.

[C]

Yeah. Do you have to roll to see if Giggy listens?

[B]

I guess I do. Well, darn, I rolled a seven.

[C]

So can we get like, what does it sound like when you ask Giggy to do it?

[B]

Giggy eat mama's shoes. Gigi eat mama shoes.

[C]

Yeah, you can't see it. You don't know what he actually does. But Gigi never shows up.

[B]

We hear biting somewhere in the darkness.

[C]

Yeah, you hear chomping in the. In the distance in the darkness, but you're not quite sure exactly what's going on.

[B]

Okay, I'm gonna let you decide what's going on.

[C]

Guess maybe he's trying to listen, but he went to the wrong place. Who knows? He's most likely eating someone's shoes.

[A]

Hey, is mine. Aren't they?

[D]

Good thing I do not wear shoes.

[A]

It's true. Gunther is barefoot. He's just eating your feet.

[D]

Ah, my toes.

[A]

Eating one of your toes. You're gonna become the. The six toad. Oh, wait, four toad.

[B]

Yeah, I had a teacher in college that didn't wear shoes and yeah. Ew. He walked around Austin streets with no shoes on.

[A]

That's vile.

[B]

Yeah, and then he showed up to one day and he had flip flops on and a bandage. Cuz he stepped on glass.

[A]

I was going to say it's not only gross, it's dangerous.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That is a literal nightmare I have every now and then that I'm like out and about in public and I'd like, like, oh, crap, I don't have shoes on. Like, how did I get here? Like, I have to walk on the street now or I have to walk like, you know, on rocks and I don't have my shoes.

[B]

It felt so performative. And I just remember the disgusting feet. I mean, it was just rancid feet, not the ska band.

[C]

Stop. All right. Is that it for you, Natty?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Okay, next up we got the guards. And then Doug and then back to the top with Toll.

[D]

So curious to see what these guards are going to do.

[C]

It's the guards turn and like, you guys, they're also in the darkness, which creates a problem for me. Huh. One of them you want them? Gunther knows is dead. Four of them are affected by the mitten of mushrooms, which leaves one alive that is not affected by the mitten of mushrooms. I guess it'll try to make an. I'm just going to roll an attack here with disadvantage, obviously, because it's in the darkness. That's not gonna hit anyone. That's a seven.

[B]

You sound so sad.

[C]

Yeah, well, it's like I didn't even bother trying to call someone out. It's like it's probably not gonna hit anyway.

[B]

I'm sorry, Gus. You want me to take down the darkness, Gus, so you can do something?

[C]

No, no, no, no, no. I know what it's gonna do. You all hear an arrow whiz past in the darkness. Doesn't sound like it hits anyone. It flies off into the distance. You hear the shuffling of feet, as if someone's moving around in the darkness slowly, like sliding their feet on the ground. And then you hear, like, the clicking of metal, almost like gear.

[A]

Is it the cupid Shuffle?

[C]

Almost like metallic gears interacting with each other.

[D]

Oh, like where they did the thing that extends the prison to the. To the prison.

[C]

You don't know, Chris. Maybe it's dark, so you can't see, but you do hear some kind of mechanical mechanism activating. And that's it for the guards. So then it's Doug. Then after Doug is Tolvoy, and then the Skyders.

[A]

What I have, I feel like with Doug's ability to, like, equate things and use his, like, senses, with his math skills, he'd be able to maybe hear things and be able to tell how far away or where they are in relation to him.

[B]

Like Daredevil?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Are you the bat?

[C]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, maybe. Sure.

[A]

Do you want me to, like, roll something to check?

[C]

What do you have in mind?

[A]

I would like to swing my hand axe.

[C]

You have an invention that you might be able to test here.

[A]

Oh, is that with me? I didn't send that off already.

[C]

No, I don't think you've sent it off yet because you were supposed to show it. You're supposed to take it and show it off.

[A]

Yeah. It basically uses echolocation to bring in wildlife towards the machine. I have. So, yeah. Could I guess try that out?

[C]

Yeah. What's it called? Isn't it have, like, echolocation in the name? Is it Echo pulse locator?

[A]

Echo pulse locator. Yeah.

[B]

What if it was, like, echolocation gadget? It just spells out Elga.

[A]

I lost the thread spelling it. I was like, Are you spelling elgato?

[C]

So, yeah, maybe you have this. It's in the name Echo pulse locator. Maybe you could use this to try to help you out.

[A]

Yeah, let me try it out.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I strap it to my back and I try it out.

[B]

What does it sound like?

[C]

That's exactly what I was gonna ask.

[A]

It sounds like this.

[C]

Hello, Hello, Hello.

[A]

Hello. Hello, Hello, Hello. It's just my own voice that I've recorded for it.

[B]

That's the best answer ever.

[C]

Okay. And what is your goal with this?

[A]

My goal is to bring, I guess, the guards closer to me.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And like, be able to tell where they are in the space because. Yeah, echolocation, it would, like, bounce off of.

[C]

Yeah. Why don't we make a check against the dice pool?

[A]

I need to stop playing a smart character because I'm not. My knowledge is not matching.

[B]

It's so funny. Why do you think Blaine and Chris play the characters they play? Just got a point.

[C]

What is your dice pool at? Do you have that written down?

[A]

I don't know if I have that written down. I think I've rolled it once before and I think I got rid of one dice.

[C]

That's what I was thinking. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So we were at 4D6. So let's do a 3D6 dice pool check.

[A]

That is a two sixes and a two.

[C]

So the two is dropped, which means you've dropped one more dice. So now you're down to a 2d6 in the dice pool.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

So you strap the echo pulse locator to your back and begin emitting your hellos. Hello, hello. Out to the. The darkness. I would say that it probably begins attracting the. The guards that are currently affected by the mitten of mushrooms. If they're not forming short term memories, it's like they're having a conversation with someone.

[A]

Hello, hello, hello.

[C]

Like, back and forth between you and them or between your device and them.

[A]

There was a time when I was a teenager over at my friend's house and her grandmother was in the other room and she farted and said hello because she thought her fart was someone else coming into the room.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

And so that's just my favorite goals. Yeah. I was like, I want to be.

[C]

That old lady talking to your own farts.

[B]

Yeah, I was almost there.

[A]

Almost.

[C]

Yeah. So you can't see it, but some of the guards begin shuffling in your direction slowly.

[A]

Okay. And I'd probably be able to hear that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Then I will use my hand axe to just out in front of Me.

[C]

So, metagame wise, since you use the echo pulse locator, which specifically helps you find and bring things to you, you can make this attack roll with no disadvantage.

[A]

Oh, okay, cool. I'll use my hand. X swing and a swing. That's a 19.

[C]

That is a hit.

[A]

And that does.

[B]

Oof.

[A]

Just two points of damage. Slashing damage.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And you know what's funny? I was looking at my character sheet the other day, and I don't know when I got this. I have an extra attack.

[B]

Oh, you do?

[A]

That I just have never been using. But also, I guess I don't attack very often.

[D]

I think you just got it from this past level.

[A]

Oh, maybe. Okay, cool. That makes sense. Yeah.

[B]

Congrats, Doug.

[A]

Thank you. Oh, thank you so much. I've been. You know, I realized after you use one hand to do something, you could use the other hand to do something. To do something. Yeah. I don't know why I didn't think about that.

[C]

Genius.

[B]

Feet come next.

[A]

Feet come next. Yeah. So I'm gonna just attack again the same way.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

That one.

[B]

O.

[A]

Don't know if that's gonna hit. It's a nine.

[C]

Ooh. No, that is not enough. You. You get overly excited.

[B]

You.

[C]

You rarely get to do this. Maybe your excitement gets the best of you.

[A]

Yeah, I try using my left hand and that. I just. You know when you try to throw a ball with your left hand, if you're not left handed and it like, just goes like, wonky.

[C]

Yeah, that's what happened. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, you still managed to get one. Anything else, Doug?

[A]

Nope, but my little Gamba is. Oh, wait. Is he still out in the field?

[B]

He's on mission.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

He's wearing Bjorn skins.

[A]

Could he have been making his way to us?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Okay. He's not here yet, probably, but he's bouncing along.

[C]

Yeah, he'll be here. Because you all have to climb and everything. It'll be a be here probably after combat. We'll say it takes a little while.

[A]

He hears my. Yeah, he hears my echolocation too. Hello. Hello.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

Just like to imagine he's standing in front of the oncoming train, just waiting.

[C]

To board, just shivering.

[A]

Close your eyes. Exhale. Feel your body relax.

[B]

And let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[A]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1800 contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast.

[B]

And breathe.

[A]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-contacts. New year new me. Cute. But how about New Year new money? With Experian, you can actually take control of your finances. Check your FICO score, find ways to save and get matched with credit card offers giving you time to power through those New Year's goals. You know you're going to crush start the year off right. Download the Experian App based on FICO Score 8 model offers an approval not guaranteed. Eligibility requirements and terms apply subject to credit check which may impact your credit scores. Offers not available in all states. See experian.com for details.

[B]

Experian, we heard you. Nine years of bring back the snack wrap and you've won. But maybe you should have asked for more. Say hello to the hot honey snack wrap.

[C]

Now you've really won.

[B]

Go to McDonald's and get it while you can.

[C]

Okay, we're back up to the top of the order. So it's Tolve and then the Skyders and then gunther.

[B]

Yoo hoo. Okay, 70.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

You know, I'm just gonna try to hit. I'm trying to think of any like creative things or ways that I could parse out who is who. Yeah, I'm just gonna take another hit at the guy that I was attacking previously that I missed all my attacks on.

[C]

All right. Yeah, roll that beautiful bean footage. Okay.

[B]

I have this thing called the storm aura thing. Oh yeah. Where I can like hit inflict people of lightning damage. I'm not asking for like a handout here. I understand that even if it's like lightning, I probably am not going to see it, but I feel like it would at least help with sound in my own echo locations. It's not as good as Doug's hello machine, but I want to activate that as my bonus attack first.

[C]

So yes, storm aura. I'm going to read what it says here. It says you gain a 10 foot aura effect when you start your rage and as a bonus action on each of your turns and when activated it. One creature of your choice in your aura takes lightning damage decks DC14 half damage on success based on your level. So I feel like we should have probably done it previously and now. But yeah, we can. We can do it now. Maybe you want to like.

[B]

I think previously my bonus action was towards raging though. So I think it's okay that it didn't activate. Says it happens when you rage will farts.

[C]

Yeah, when you start your rage and as a bonus action. So it is a bonus action on subsequent turns, but I think you get a free beef when you rage as well.

[B]

Okay, we're learning.

[C]

Yes. Yeah. So you want to try to activate this and just like, what's your goal with this again? Here. Sorry, I was reading.

[B]

I'm embracing the darkness. I'm gonna open all of my audio perceptors and really listen in for who goes when I strike them with lightning. So just. Just kind of like listening ahead of me.

[C]

Who?

[B]

The person I was originally trying to attack and kind of echolocate them that way.

[C]

Yeah, you could probably also, since it's like storm. Or you could also ask, like, the sea drinker for guidance for help in achieving your goals.

[B]

Okay, yeah, yeah, I'll do that. Is this, like. Do I need to. Do I need to say this out loud? Or is it. Is it in my. In my mind?

[C]

Either way. But why don't you say it to us so that we hear it?

[B]

Okay. Yeah, well, actually, I mean, this is. This is for. This is for Njorta. So if you guys can just like, stop listening. Audience members as well.

[A]

I'm gonna take my headphones off.

[B]

Yeah, I appreciate it. Yeah.

[C]

Okay, great.

[B]

I can say that you know, your name because it's just you and me just talking. No one else is listening.

[C]

Nobody else.

[B]

Just you and me.

[C]

How you doing? Good.

[D]

Good.

[B]

That's good.

[C]

Good to hear.

[B]

Well, this is told, by the way.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Miss you.

[C]

Hope you're doing well.

[B]

We're still looking for the fire eater. Is that who you're looking for? Hold on, let me look at my notes.

[C]

Let me make sure.

[B]

Yeah, it's the fire eater. Yeah. We're still got our eyes out for the fire eater. And we're on top of a tower. It's like actually on a choo choo train. It's very confusing and it's very dark. So what was I talking about? Sorry, I just get distracted. There's so many Skyders in the air and they smell so bad because Doug burned them all. But, oh, yeah. Anyways, I can see my enemies, so if you can help guide me to them. I'm going to try to kill them so we can release Bunlap. He's like Gunther's friend. You remember Gunther? He's like the little frog man.

[C]

He got his own. Like this. Yeah, so if you can help with.

[B]

That, that'd be great. Yep, that's about it. Anyways, hope you're doing great. Cool, cool, cool. Let's catch up sometime. Okay. Peace, love, and kisses from Tolv.

[C]

Bye. Bye.

[A]

My headphones are pretty loud. I heard all of that.

[D]

No, I was having to like, hold them far away and then had to like, look somewhere else. So I wasn't thinking about it.

[A]

Yeah, I heard pieces.

[C]

So you.

[B]

That's like when you're sitting down for a dinner and you're starving, but then someone goes, let's. We're gonna pray before the meal. And then they just give the longest prayer possible and you're just like, I.

[A]

Just want to eat.

[B]

I just want to eat.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

They think for everybody. Oh my God, I just want to roll. It's always the same key phrases too. Yeah.

[C]

Dear Lord. Thank you, Lord.

[B]

Yes, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus.

[A]

I just want to roll. Could be for both the dinner.

[C]

So perfect. Okay. Yeah. You commune with your deity tolve and your storm aura reaches out. And I'm gonna say because of your communication that whoever has to make the dexterity check does so with disadvantage. Cool.

[B]

It's also, you know, I'm not. Hey, I'm not trying to milk things here, you know, I'm no Chris Damaris. Okay. But it says 10 foot aura effect, so it could be multiple. Multiple. You know, if you're feeling generous. But guys, you look great today. What have you been doing with your hair?

[C]

It also says what activated one creature of yours.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I read that and then I was. You know, just. Anyways, if they were holding hands. Were they holding hands? I mean, you know, it's the dark, you know, so just never mind. Let's keep going.

[C]

All right, so that is a DC14 dexterity saving throw. Their dexterity save is is plus seven. But they have disadvantage on this. Okay. Rolling right now. And that is a 5 and a 12. So they take the 5 plus 7, which is a 12. So yeah, that is a failure. So one of the creatures in the darkness takes the storm aura. Death.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then this is based on my level. Well, third. Okay. Cuz like next is a tenth and I don't not do hear that yet. So one D6. Yeah, I will roll that one D6. Now three.

[C]

Okay. I'm just picking one here. That. That would have hit. Yeah. You hear someone yelp in pain in the darkness. Fish out of water.

[B]

And then I attack them with my gavel.

[C]

Okay. Yeah. Again, because of the sound that draws your attention and because of your. Your deity intervention, you do not have disadvantage on this. On this attack. This would be a normal, just straight attack on it.

[B]

Cool.

[C]

Toll speak your Attack, I guess.

[B]

Okay. Rolled an 18 6.

[C]

24. That is a hit.

[A]

I.

[B]

Let me see. Hold on. Actually, I'm going to let my inventory decide this. If I'm holding my shield, it is not equipped. So this is a two handed attack. So that's 1D. 10 plus 3. Ha cha cha gr Gus, did you just notice that growth? I'm trying to.

[C]

He's like the Grinch. His heart grew bigger.

[B]

Except it's his brain. My skull hurts. I think that's a.

[C]

That's a four.

[B]

One plus three. Yeah.

[C]

Okay. Is that. Is there anything else?

[B]

I have an additional attack. I didn't know if you wanted me to go with that. I was gonna stop down so I wasn't like. And then this and then that.

[C]

Yeah, we'll say that the guard or whoever the. The creature that you're hitting is still standing if you want to do that. Additional attack.

[B]

Okay. Gonna roll again. 21.

[C]

That is a hit.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Two handed. That's a seven.

[C]

Okay. You bring your weapon around and strike mightily. And you feel whatever it is that you hit crumple to the ground beneath your mighty machine muscles.

[B]

Got one. Cool.

[A]

You know what?

[B]

I'm call it.

[C]

There.

[B]

I think that was fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My prayer took long enough.

[C]

All right. That is it for Tolve. It is the Skyder's turn. Okay. They have restrained Natty. They were unable to bite. They're gonna move on.

[A]

But they also can't see. Right.

[C]

From a metagame perspective. I'll let you all know this now. Spiders have blindside.

[A]

Son of a.

[D]

That's cause they have eight eyes.

[C]

I mean come on. I'm gonna retcon that. Instead of moving on, the skiders continue crawling up Natty.

[B]

Stop it.

[C]

And you can feel them coming up your torso and then down your arms onto your hand. And they convene entirely around your ring. That is the source of the darkness.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[C]

Is that. Stop it. Yeah. Then as they're doing so, you see the darkness begin flickering in and out. And then as they totally swarm over your hand and the ring, the darkness falls off and you can once again see.

[A]

You'd think they'd want to keep it on because they're the only ones who could see the through this.

[C]

Or maybe they're attracted to it.

[B]

Oh, what did they do? There's nothing. I don't really care. But there's nothing I could have done to counter what they were doing.

[C]

I'll tell you what, Just to be fair, why don't you make me? Let's Call it another dexterity saving throw about a concentration. We say dexterity because you're, like, trying to, like, fling them off, but you have a disadvantage on it.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Because of the restraint.

[D]

So that ring on your finger, would you say it's. Is it gold? Like, so you have, like a Goldfinger.

[A]

Is that a ska band?

[B]

It's a ska bands, yeah.

[C]

Listen, there's, like, three listeners who are super excited right now.

[B]

He said dexterity saving throw. I rolled my. My low one was 15, 18.

[C]

18. What was your high one? That's. That's really good.

[B]

My high one was. I rolled. What is that? I rolled 21.

[C]

Yeah. Wow. Okay. The spiders being climbing up your torso and then down your arm and around your hand, and you feel like they're trying to maybe swarm around your ring, but you do that thing, you know, like a bug touches you, like, especially because it's in the dark, and you shake your hand with such violence that it stops the spider or it stops the skyers from totally covering your ring. But as they were getting on it, you. You can see that it was starting to make the darkness flick in and out. And that light was beginning to penetrate again. So it's like, almost like a strobe light effect for a few seconds.

[B]

So now everybody's.

[D]

There's a beat of the scar.

[B]

Isn't there a game where it, like, you turn the lights on and then off, and then you now.

[C]

Lights on.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I love that game.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So those little moments of the light peering through, everyone just, like, stare at each other just for a half second.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I look at the body that I just took out, and it sits Bun lap. Oh, no.

[A]

Turns out he didn't need our help at all. He was escaping all on his own.

[C]

Well, Natty ruined my fun, so.

[B]

Oh, no, I didn't mean to do it twice in a row now I feel bad.

[C]

Oh, no, they'll just attack you again.

[A]

That's how inspiration die from us, remember?

[B]

He does.

[C]

Oh, yeah. But that was his role, though. Or that was Natty's role, so I can't. It's not lucky.

[B]

No, no. Attack me again.

[C]

But thank you for the reminder. Yeah, they'll try to bite Natty again, but that's no fun.

[B]

I'm so sad.

[A]

So is Gus.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Yeah. They'll just attack again.

[A]

Micah saying he wouldn't be as generous as you, Gus.

[C]

Yeah, I'm too nice to you guys.

[D]

Still softy.

[C]

They hit 21 this time. Oh, they're mad because I'm mad.

[A]

They're big mad.

[C]

Yeah, big mad. They begin biting at you, maybe on your hands because it's not as covered by the clothing.

[B]

I have gloves, just to be clear.

[C]

Oh, that's right, you do have gloves.

[B]

But that's fine. They've bitten through the armor. That's the roll. And the armor is my gloves.

[C]

And you can feel like a burning sensation from where they're starting to bite you on the hands. And you take 10 points of poison damage. And you also are under the poison and effect.

[B]

Look at the bright side. Maybe they're. They're radioactive. You know, you get some fun new.

[D]

That's true.

[B]

Yeah. There could be a perk.

[A]

He feels it in his bones.

[B]

Scott Scotter, man. Michael wants us to do a concentration check.

[C]

Yeah, I was gonna bring that up.

[B]

What's the concentration check?

[C]

So the way the concentration check works is so basically it's a concussion saving throw. So you roll a D20 and add your concentration constitution modifier.

[B]

Okay, rolling. This is just for John, right? Or for Natty. Yeah, yeah. They're biting me. I am using a concentration spell, which is darkness. A roll of six.

[C]

Is that with your constitution modifier. That is you try to hold your concentration for the darkness spell. But the again, it begins flickering as the pain and the poison courses through your blood and the darkness drops.

[B]

Okay. Hi, everybody.

[C]

You just can't maintain that concentration. Yeah.

[A]

What do we see when the darkness fades? Who is like fighting a wall? Who is like. Whose pants are down?

[B]

It's like blinking from Robin Hood. Men in tights.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When do we see Gunther's just kissing a guard.

[C]

They met while he was. When he was on the inside. I think Gunther would probably be at the edge of of the rampart facing the wrong way to would be standing over one of the enemies that he just vanquished. Doug has a contraption strapped to his back that's just going hello, hello, hello, hello. And two of the guards are down. Three of them are seemingly in a daze. And one of them is activating, seems to be activating the plank to extend it to the prison.

[B]

Oh, what's Gigyg up to? Oh, yeah, who's he chewing?

[C]

Giggy is chewing the face of one of the guards that's laying down on the ground.

[B]

That's mama's little angel. Mouth to mouth. He's trying to save him.

[A]

Doing such a good job.

[B]

He's teething.

[C]

That is it for the skiders. Which means it is now Gunther's turn. And then Natty.

[D]

Do I have any idea? Looking at the Faces of these guards. Which one's afraid of me?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You do.

[C]

Do not. But I'm gonna tell you right now that the one that was afraid of you is dead.

[D]

That's right.

[C]

Yeah. It's the one that you had stabbed again and that fell. If that was the weight on your rapier.

[D]

Gotcha. The one that's cranking the machine a. I'm gonna go after that one.

[C]

Okay. And you can see it's like. It's like a big circular gear like a crank. And he's like pulling it. And as he's activating the crank, this long, like, piece of wood is extending up from. From the tower that you all climb up in.

[A]

Wouldn't we want to be letting him do that so that he could make the bridge come out?

[D]

Well, we can do it once they're gone, but I don't want them going and getting help before getting new people.

[A]

Okay, Fair enough.

[C]

Yeah, you can absolutely attack that one. Gunther.

[D]

Okay, yeah, I'll go after that one he's got both his hands on. Is it a two hand crank thing?

[C]

Yes. Make me a perception check, Gunther.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Five.

[C]

It's really weird. You do a double take that guards twin is out here too.

[B]

What?

[A]

What's going on?

[B]

I don't want to say there's two of them.

[C]

Like, there's another guard that looks identical to that one.

[B]

I figured it out. There you go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Natty's disguised as one of them.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

So yeah. You rolled a six. Thanks, John, for your disguise. And that's this one. I'm keeping track of all of them. It is this one that ran to the crane.

[A]

That's so good.

[B]

That guy's having the worst day of his life. Like, he's just like.

[D]

Yeah. And then I'm gonna attack it.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Attack the block.

[D]

All right, that's 24.

[C]

That's a hit. All right. Believe it or not, That's my favorite superhero.

[D]

I'm re rolling my dice. I'm doing. Using my puncture thing.

[C]

Okay. You didn't like the roll too low.

[D]

I rolled a one. So. And now it's a. Now it's a six. So six plus seven. 13 damage, stabby.

[C]

It's Piercer, by the way.

[D]

Did I say it wrong?

[C]

He's a puncture.

[D]

I said do not spin the wheel unless it's a wheel of death.

[C]

So you do 13 points of damage. Okay. You stab that guard and he winces in pain, but he still keeps his hands on the. On the guard crank.

[B]

He's committed.

[D]

All right, I will stab Again, it's stab a gale.

[B]

At first, you don't succeed. Stab, stab again.

[D]

Gus, I rolled a one.

[C]

I. I didn't. I didn't say it last time because you roll so well, but because this guard has two hands on the crank, I had assumed you would have advantage on this because he's not defending himself.

[D]

Thank you, Gus. Thank you.

[B]

I was hoping it's one of those things, because you know how rapiers are, like, really flexible.

[A]

Flexible.

[B]

That he would stab in the armor and it would just go back and then just stab Gunther in the head.

[C]

That's funny. It's like a cartoon.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, yeah. Okay. Thank you, gus. I rolled nat 20, so that's gonna be a lot more zero to hero. All right, so that would be a two. And then we said the one that does max damage, right?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. So that's 17.

[D]

Yes. But then I also have an ability where I get an extra damage die. It is called enhanced critical. When I score a critical hit that deals piercing damage to a creature, you can roll one additional damage die when determining the extra damage it takes.

[A]

So enhance critical.

[C]

Okay, so it's currently 17 because of the critical. And then you're going to do enhanced critical. So you roll another D8 on top.

[D]

Of that, plus 7. So.

[C]

So 24.

[D]

That math checks out, Gus.

[B]

Mo.

[C]

And we'll wait to hear back from NASA on that one, but for now, we'll use the preliminary number of 24. Yeah. You know, you stab the guard with your rapier, and he still keeps cranking. And then you take a step back and then hop forward almost like a fencer, and take a second stab with your rapier. And he slumps over the mechanism, unmoving.

[D]

Gunther crosses his arms and says, I'm the mighty, mighty boss stone of this place. Okay. I'm like, what? As an. It was really bad. Mighty mighty.

[C]

The jokes are even better when you have to explain them.

[D]

I know. Aren't they? And that's my turn. Okay, well, does the crank stop? What happens when he dies? What happens to the crank? Does it, like, return, or is it just stop?

[C]

It stops, and it's, like, stuck in place, almost like it's a gear mechanism with, like, a tooth that holds it in place that you have to release if you want to retract it. It's probably OSHA compliant, so that way it doesn't, you know, slam back in and potentially hurt the someone, as it should be.

[B]

But OSHA is a deity in this land.

[C]

The deity of workplace environments. Take an inspiration die, John. That's really funny.

[B]

Hell yeah.

[D]

Yeah, that was a good show.

[A]

The great osha.

[C]

That's it for Gunther, which means it's Natty. And then after Natty is the remaining guards. And then Doug.

[B]

Okay, now he's going to try this again. Sweetie pie, love of my life, beautiful little Cherubian angel.

[C]

Yo. What's going on?

[A]

Yeah, what's up?

[C]

How can I help, Daddy?

[B]

Gigi, I need you to come get mommy out of these webs.

[A]

All right?

[C]

Ricka, roll and see if Gigi's listening or if he's too obsessed with the face that he's currently eating. Munching on. Yeah.

[B]

What is he from Florida? Sixteen.

[C]

Remember bath salts? Yeah, that works. Yeah. Something about the way you say it catches Giggy's attention this time. And his head whips around, looks at you and he comes running. Maybe now he can see more clearly so you know he knows that he's not actually doing what you had said. And you had called it cotton candy before. Right. You come up, he runs over to what he believes is cotton candy.

[B]

Yeah, Dirty cotton candy. It's his favorite.

[C]

Ooh. Have him make an attack roll to see if he's able to, like, attack the dice. Unless there's, like, another way you want him to do it. Like, I'm trying to feel like. I know you said he's going to eat it, but like his.

[B]

His attack is literally called rend. Okay, so let's just go with that. Rend. Melee attack plus five. It's 23. Mama's Little angel roll.

[C]

A little bit of damage to see if he's able to rip it all off.

[B]

D4 plus three. Five total.

[C]

Okay. Yeah. I feel like he would gather it all up into one big ball and then just shove it all into his mouth in one big bite.

[B]

Then he's gonna be chewing on that for a while.

[C]

Yeah. Then there's like, his mouth is like glued shut for a little bit.

[B]

Great. Natty, since we're playing D and D and you've called out that the skyers are swarms, how many swarms are we dealing with here?

[C]

It's one swarm that fell down. But after Doug's firebolt from earlier, it appears that it's only about half of the swarm that had initially appeared is still around.

[A]

Welcome.

[B]

Okay, so that's like meta wise, the swarm lost that much hp, but visually we're looking at a swarm getting smaller and we're still fighting the same one swarm.

[C]

Correct.

[B]

So I ask all that so that if Natty wants to shoot the swarm There is one swarm to shoot.

[C]

Correct.

[B]

Perfect. Natty wants to do that.

[C]

What are you gonna shoot him with, Natty?

[B]

Love and Elder's Blast.

[C]

See, they're immune to love. It says it on their character sheet right here on their stat block.

[B]

Eldritch blast is right there. Plus seven. That's 26, my friend.

[C]

That hits. Believe it or not, I'm walking on there.

[B]

Good song.

[A]

It's very good. I'm gonna listen to it after this.

[B]

Same eight. Plus four. Plus four for agonizing blast, plus three for thunder damage from her warlock Genie's wrath or so. 8, 4, 4, 3. So that's 19.

[C]

19. Yeah. You see them still kind of, like, swarming on you on your hands, and you do that thing where you point your right hand at your left hand. Eldritch, blast them off of. Off of your hand. And they all begin sizzling and explode and fall to the ground.

[A]

Ouchy. Ouchy.

[C]

Unfortunately, it also hurts your hand a little bit.

[B]

Oh, no. Ouch.

[C]

So you take nine points of that damage from the Eldritch blast going through and hitting your own hand.

[B]

Ow. Don't shoot yourself.

[C]

It's just a thing where it's like when. Again, when you got, like, a bug on you and you begin swatting at or moving all, like, wildly, not realizing that you're going to hurt yourself in the process, too.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But. Yeah, that's it. The swarm is done for.

[A]

Yay, biters.

[B]

The sound of a swarm of brass instruments. It's quiet. Aw.

[D]

Just. Scott died in the 90s, and now it dies again.

[A]

It did. It died doing what it loves most.

[B]

Biting the glove of a drag queen.

[A]

Being referenced.

[B]

Oh, there you go. Gigi did something. I did something. I'm gonna high five Cap' n Grumbles and let my turn be over these grumbles.

[C]

All right, there are three guards left. These three, however, were affected by the mitten the of mushrooms.

[B]

These three guards are gonna get beat.

[C]

But this is the last round. They're under the effect of mitten of mushrooms because you rolled a two, but they are still under that effect, and they wander around seemingly, like, not really knowing what they're doing. Have any of you ever had twilight anesthesia?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

I imagine that's what it's like because I've had it, too. It's just like nothing is sticking. You may as well be asleep or not there, because it's just not registering at all.

[D]

Twilight anesthesia.

[C]

It's like you're. You're awake.

[B]

It's like when they read you the Books while you're in surgery. So then you learn about Edward and Jacob.

[C]

It's really bizarre if you've never heard of it. You are awake, but your brain is not forming memories. So you're there, but it's like you're on autopilot.

[A]

I think they use that for my colonoscopy.

[C]

Yeah, they probably. I had an endoscopy, and that's what.

[B]

I didn't put you down for that.

[A]

Well, I don't remember anything, but I think they'd use it so that. Because they have to tell you, like, okay, we need you to shift or whatever.

[C]

Right.

[B]

I'm glad there was an F in that word you just said.

[A]

Listen, it's the freakiest thing ever, because I'm like, I.

[B]

This is very vulnerable. That's just true serum.

[C]

Then I remember when they gave it to me, I had my endoscopy, and they wheeled me into the room to do the procedure. And, like, right as I'm getting. Getting wheeled into the room, it's like multiple injections they gave me. They gave me the final one as I was getting wheeled in, and my last memory was, oh, my doctor's here. That's weird. What a random coincidence.

[A]

What are you doing here?

[C]

And, yeah, it's that. And that's before the final dose. Then the final dose hits, and you're like, I came to, and I was eating a barbecue chicken pizza, and I looked at it, and I thought, who ordered this? I hate barbecue chicken pizza. And my wife looked at me, said, I told you not to get that, like, five times when you insisted you wanted it.

[D]

There's a roosteeth animated adventure of this.

[B]

I love that one.

[C]

So, yeah, that's what it is. It's just you are. You are not there.

[B]

But anyway, I can't imagine how belligerent a Gus recovering from anesthesia would be. Like, I can't.

[A]

Just so argumentative.

[C]

Yeah, I was a jerk. Based on the stories I heard. And I hope I never have to do that again, because I do not want to subject my wife or anybody else to that.

[A]

Oh, you're gonna.

[C]

I feel so sorry. So all that to say these three guards are eating barbecue chicken pizza. Okay.

[D]

All right.

[C]

They're. They're not here.

[B]

Twilight.

[C]

So we're gonna go ahead and skip past them and go to Doug. Then after Doug is told, would you.

[A]

Say they're all kind of like, in a central spot?

[C]

Yeah, because they all were affected by the mitten together, so. So they're all clumped up.

[A]

So if I were to say cast fire bolt, like in that area. Usually it's just, I think targeted at one creature. But if it's fire, would they all be affected? Potentially.

[B]

Line up your shot like it's pool or something.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I love yes ending, but I'm gonna say no on that one. This one will just affect one creature.

[A]

Okay. So instead I'm just going to use my crossbow to shoot at the one closest to me.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, dang it. 11.

[C]

Yeah, that's not a hit. It goes wide.

[B]

You can have my inspiration down. Really?

[A]

Aw, thanks, John. 14.

[C]

No, no, Doug, you're just not used to using this crossbow. Your hands are a little shaky and the shot just goes above their head.

[D]

Well.

[A]

Is Gambot back yet?

[C]

No, I think we said Gambot would come back at the end of combat.

[B]

Gambot back.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Just because every round is six seconds and this is our second round. So it's been 12 seconds.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, all right, who's next?

[C]

All right, that's it for Doug. So we're back up to the top at tolve and then Gunther and then Natty. So when do the mittens wear off? Is it on your turn or at the top of the round? Because if it's top of the round, they're aware again.

[B]

Micah.

[C]

Micah.

[B]

Help. It says mushrooms covered. Thaumatech gloves. Smells musty, smudgy. Texture glows near fungus making fist releases spray. 15 foot cone. DC13 con. Save on failure. Target unable to form short term memories for one D4 terms on success. Target loses concentration. Train of thought. It doesn't really say anything.

[C]

Since the. Since we use that on what we coined, like a surprise round, we're going to say that it ends now at the top of the turn. So they're. Not that it matters much, I don't think, but they are aware now. Okay.

[B]

Okay. It changes a little bit of what I was gonna do, but that's all right. I. What the heck? I'm gonna see if this flies. Instead of using. Instead of using my storm aura, I'm just gonna see if I can grapple one of these guys and throw them off of the side of the, like, train thing.

[C]

The Rampart. What do we.

[B]

What do we call the Rampart? Yeah, I'm just gonna see if I can toss one into the water or shove something. Yeah, something to that effect. That's just gonna get him out of there.

[A]

Yeah, because would a shove be like a bonus?

[C]

Yeah. If you're gonna shove them or try to grapple Them we'll just make like opposed strength checks to see if you're able to overcome them and, and get them off the side.

[B]

Okey dokey.

[C]

So make me a strength check.

[B]

That's a 15.

[C]

15. Their strength is plus three. Oh, we are matched.

[B]

We're the adversary.

[C]

So they need a. Just like you, they need a 12 or better. So if they match or beat your roll, they don't move.

[B]

Then they throw me off the rampart.

[A]

They just hold fast and the ramparts.

[C]

Red glare.

[B]

Your Canadian is showing.

[A]

Is that not the lyric?

[C]

And they rolled a 16, which is a 19.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. Raging. You gain advantage on strength checks. Oh, because I'm raging.

[C]

Oh, okay. Roll that again.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 22.

[C]

Yeah, 22. So I rolled a 19. So you're 22 is able to overcome it. Yeah, you rush in and the guard puts his shoulder down and meets your charge and you think for a second he's not going to move. But then with like a last little bit of effort, you activate your thaumatech overdrive and his legs begin sliding along the floor and he, you know, you push him. Did you want to push him over the edge or to the edge?

[B]

Over into the water? Yeah.

[C]

His legs slide or his feet slide across the the top of the tower and eventually over the air and his weight drags him down and he falls to the icy lake below. You see him fall, it's like a temple of doom. He falls into the water and the crocodiles come up and begin biting at him, dragging him to the bottom.

[B]

Icy water where crocodiles really thrive. Well, that's.

[D]

Well, it's like the ones that got our friend Halfling can. Dude, Cody. I guess Halfling is not. Is his race, not his name, but.

[C]

You know, meta wise. These are cryodiles.

[A]

Skyders and cryodiles. Where are we folks? D and D land, where anything could exist.

[B]

These are just Pokemon. Yeah.

[C]

Anything else tolve?

[B]

Yeah. So then I'm gonna take that gavel of Galestrom strike. So I still have my attacks, so I'm gonna focus those on another person if I had the movement.

[C]

Yeah. Okay. It's only if we said 30ft across, so even at worst case scenario you'd be able to do it.

[B]

Okay. So yeah, I'm gonna do that. That is a 23 that hits. Okay, that's a seven.

[C]

Okay, seven points of damage. Let me. Okay, yeah. You bring your gavel of Galestrom down on this guard who winces into the pain, but he is of course. Still standing. This is the first damage he's taking.

[B]

Oh, okay. And then I'm gonna hit him again cuz I got a second attack. Okay, same old, same old. That's a nat 20.

[C]

Ooh, critical hit.

[B]

Roll that damage. I rolled a four and a five, but I know that we crit one one of those maxes out. I don't know which which one you want.

[C]

Normally I do the first. So 10 plus 4 is 14. Plus 3. 17 points of damage. Yeah, he is still standing, but he looks look pretty shaky on his feet.

[B]

Cool. That's it. That's for me.

[C]

Cool. All right, that's it for Tolve. Up next is Gunther, then Natty, then any guards who will be left, if.

[D]

They are still left, I'll hustle to the one that's nearly standing on its feet. Or barely standing on its feet.

[C]

Okay. The one tolve just hit.

[D]

Yeah, and I'll just attack it. Nat20.

[C]

That's three criticals in this combat. Wow.

[D]

I'm just as surprised as you are.

[B]

Look at us go.

[D]

All right, so wait, so I'll roll my damage now.

[C]

Yeah, so it's eight plus seven is 15, plus seven is 22 points of damage, plus so 24 points of damage. Okay, so Gunther runs over, seeing his opportunity strikes the guard that T.O. had just hit with his gavel. And this guard falls to the ground. Unmoving, no doubt.

[D]

I'm just going to keep you in that one. What's the next one nearby?

[C]

Yeah, the next. I mean, you'd be able to get to it. This tower is only 30ft diameter anyway, so that's within your movement.

[D]

How many are left total?

[C]

There's only one guard left.

[D]

Can I attempt? I want to try and talk to freeze. Or you shall die.

[B]

You.

[D]

You do as you say. Then we can be friends. Or at least you will live. And we will be, you know, and acquaintances.

[B]

What a poet.

[C]

Yeah. He raises his hand and says, okay, I yield. We can be friends.

[B]

This guy's already outsmarted Gunther.

[D]

No, it's not gum gum. We require entrance into the prison. What will we face?

[C]

You'll face additional guards and possibly the warden.

[B]

Oh God. Boss fight.

[D]

Are there passwords? Are there secrets? Tell me. And know this. If you lie, then you die.

[B]

It's pretty good. It's pretty.

[C]

Fire bars. It rhymes.

[A]

Should be a ska song.

[C]

What did you ask? Are there secrets? Is that. Was that your question?

[D]

Are there secrets? Are there passwords? Are there tra. You know, like.

[C]

Oh, there are no passwords. Secrets are There secrets.

[B]

The bathroom at the far end of the building is the best bathroom. Most people don't know. It's stocked with the finest toilet paper. No one uses it, so it's usually pretty empty. The guards will always seek to lock.

[D]

Down and then question. And the warden. Tell us of the warden.

[B]

She rules the prison with an iron fist. Nothing gets by her.

[A]

Except I. Yes. Nice. Right now.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it's just Doug just sliding across the frame behind Gunther to say that little line.

[D]

Okay, what are they wearing exactly? Like, are there. Can we in theory disguise ourselves with their uniforms? The ones that are around?

[C]

Yeah. These guards that you encountered up here, they're pretty tall humans. They're wearing horses. White fur lined leather armor.

[D]

Cover your ears. What's your name? I'm Bosco.

[B]

That's one of my favorite drag queens.

[A]

Dante Bosco.

[D]

Mighty, mighty Bosco. Cover your ears, Bosco, please. Okay.

[C]

He covers his ears and turns away.

[D]

You think we could go in under the disguise and then bring Bosco, but someone be like, I don't know, like secretly ready to stabby or something so he. He takes us the right way. I don't know. What do you think could alert the.

[B]

Others to our presence though? I feel like. Does anybody have any spells they can cast to like, make sure that he cooperates?

[A]

I. It might be easier if it's just us going in, you know, because, you know, maybe they'll cooperate, maybe they won't, and just, yeah, yell out that, you know, we're capturing them or trying to break in.

[C]

Good point.

[B]

You.

[D]

Can you read minds?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

How far?

[A]

Let's find out. Might not be able to because I don't know if we've taken a long rest of it.

[D]

I don't think you've used it recently, have you?

[A]

I might be. I might still have it.

[C]

Everyone make me a perception check.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Something's happening.

[D]

5, 14, 24, 13.

[C]

Doug, as you're, you know, thinking this over and trying to figure out your move, you hear the sound of footsteps running. And you look up to see Bosco making a dash for the crank. No. And he begins very quickly finishing extending the plank. And it drops down to the prison.

[B]

Natty shoots him. There you go.

[C]

Yeah. Make your attack roll.

[A]

Thanks for doing that for us. Now we don't have to do it.

[B]

That's a 19 plus whatever her modifier is.

[D]

I. Yeah.

[C]

So go ahead and roll your damage.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Three plus four plus four plus three. So 14.

[C]

14. That's good. Yeah. The force of the blast hits Bosco in the back and he loses his footing and falls over the edge of the tower into the icy depths below.

[B]

Natty leans over the edge and tries to shoot him again before he gets in the water.

[C]

With a loud slam. The gangplank finishes extending and then slams down onto the roof of the prison across the lake and you see a horde of armor plated guards and a woman aboard the plank and quickly run across an acostewall.

[B]

Natty starts pulling the crank up so that while they're crossing, retracts.

[A]

Accosted us.

[C]

Yeah. The woman commands the guards arrest and incarcerate these invaders. We'll deal with them in the prison.

[A]

Guys, we're in.

[B]

Natty. High fives, Doug, but you look like.

[D]

You still look like one of the guards.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Find out how that all plays out.

[B]

Yeah, you're going to jail in the.

[C]

Next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. It's like the Departed. Yeah, thanks for listening everybody. We'll see you all next time.

[B]

You might think this month is February, but it's actually Stinkuary. That's right. All month long we'll be celebrating Stinky Dragon in what's known as Stinkuary. And yes, it's an official holiday. It's official. We'll be having a weekly stream showing off our Patreon exclusive content, announcing what's coming this year and bookending the month with a two part Tavern Tale adventure. So tune into our YouTube channel for our big kickoff stream on February 2nd, then every Friday to see us record our Patreon content live. And finally to wrap it all up, we'll be having a big finale Stream on Saturday, February 28th and you're not gonna wanna miss it. We'll have more details on our social pages, TinyDragonPod and on Patreon, so check those out closer to the end for all the information and get ready to get stinky. No showers are allowed. A whole month. No showers. New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday wherever you stream podcasts and on The Stinky Dragon YouTube channel. You want to listen to the show 48 hours early and ad free. Well, you can support us by becoming a [e-mail] or join as a member at Beacon TV. Both give you early ad free access and a members only discord for their respective platforms. Looking for even more sneaky content and community perks? Well, our Patreon offers exclusive bonus shows, behind the scenes content, access to the Stinky Dragon, Discord members only, livestreams, stinky community, community events, and A shout out on the show. Just like our friends Ryanair, Loreal, Bloodnasir, Liam Coyne and M with the smiley face turned upside down. I didn't know you that these patrons directly support the show. Get ad free episodes, access to our Patreon only Discord server, bonus content like Second Wind and Behind the Screen and other stinky perks. Once again, that's stinkydragonpod.com we're incredibly grateful for your support which makes this show possible. You know, viewers like you. Hey, some of our friends voiced NPCs in this episode. And listeners who interacted with us on Stinky Dragon Discord had NPCs named after them. The character Bosco is named after CrazyGuy343 and was voiced by Kinda Funny's own Blessing Adioye Jr. And he could be found at BlessingJr. On social media, the warden was named after Terrell and they were voiced by Fiona KT Howitt. You can find them at fionakthowitt on Instagram. And her most recent podcast project is Last Line Rewind, a new horror anthology podcast where tabletop role playing game brings the terror of the TV glow to life. This week's arrow question was submitted by Tolv.

[C]

You who? I love that guy.

[B]

This episode of Tales from the Seeky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst and Micah Risinger, written and composed by Micah Reisinger and edited by Alina Lakorchic. Tune in next week for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Sneaky Dragon. Sam.

[C]

Question.

[B]

Yeah. What the hell is the origin of that Marco Polo game that we all know what you're talking about. What is that? Who started it? I don't know what the game is because you even have a. You're like fish out of. What does fish out of water have to do with Marco Polo? I don't know.

[C]

Know.

[D]

Just.

[B]

It's. Everything's nautical based. It's tall, you know, he's a sailor, so sometimes it's a bit of a stretch, but, you know, it's better than Chris's scar references, I'll tell you that much. I'm all right. I'm all right. Come on. Okay, Chris, don't get upset. It's, you know, I'm.

[D]

Look what shirt I'm wearing right now.

[B]

What shirt is that?

[D]

I changed. I had a costume change in our bathroom break. I'm now wearing an Operation Ivy shirt.

[C]

Cool.

[B]

And now you're also filled with pee because you should have used the bathroom during that time.

[A]

What's Operation Ivy? Is that a ska band.

[D]

Punk ska band.

[A]

Oh, I was making a joke and it's actually real. Never mind.

[B]

Well, the holidays have come and gone once again.

[C]

But if you've forgotten to get that.

[D]

Special someone in your life a gift.

[C]

Well, Mint Mobile is extending their holiday.

[B]

Offer of half off unlimited wireless.

[C]

So here's the idea.

[D]

You get it now, you call it.

[C]

An early present for next year.

[B]

What do you have to lose?

[C]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch limited time.

[A]

50% off regular price for new customers. Upfront payment required $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for a 12 month plan. Taxes and fees. Extra speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes per month when network is busy.

[C]

See Terms if you're the purchasing manager at a manufacturing plant, you know having a trusted partner makes all the difference. That's why hands down, you count on Grainger for auto reordering. With on time restocks, your team will have the cut resistant gloves they need at the start of their shift and you can end your day knowing they've.

[B]

Got safety well in hand.

[C]

Call 1-800-granger. Click granger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.