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This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp and we're taking a moment to celebrate women and all that they carry at work, in relationships and families, and in the many roles they hold every day. In D and D terms, that is a lot to carry without being over encumbered. For instance, my sister is raising a family entirely on her own. She's got a young child and my brother in law. She also has a really stressful job and yet despite all this, she still manages to organize my family which is impossible to go on trips together. Now it's your turn. I'd invite you to pause and reflect on the roles that women play in, the expectations placed on them and the pressures they feel. Well, therapy can help create balance, set healthy boundaries and support overall well being for everyone. BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US and with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, Having served over 6 million people globally and it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Your emotional well being matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off@betterhelp.com Stinky Dragon that's better. H E L P.com Stinky Dragon thank
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Good day all you death Giant reapers.
C
Haunch your way into the Stinky Dragon and swallow our latest swill jack of all shades. It's a mixture of shadow, shriveled citrus, a dreg's draining of Dolce, big bags
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of blackened soul tea, Teleport tossed water
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and haunted with a handful of horrifying
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hail or just ice One gulp of
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this gloomy guzzler and you'll feel a
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soothing scythe of relief.
C
Previous Lair adventurers were apprehended, arrested, and split into separate sky blue prison cells. While isolated, they were introduced to other
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incarcerated and idiosyncratic individuals.
C
They each devised and deployed plans for prison breaks and eventually delved into a
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dungeon where the true danger lied in waiting for them.
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The Warden.
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Latch on to a libation and let's leap into our lore.
B
Hello, everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I'm your dungeon master, Gustavo Sorola, and I'm at our Four Players with an Arrow.
E
I think Gus is using hacks because he has unlimited ammo.
C
Oh.
B
Pew pew pew. We don't keep track of him. We're not that kind of D and D podcast.
D
We give them back after each time.
E
I think that's what happens. You think that is that part of like, battle where you go out there and you just get your arrows back or are they done?
D
That's a good point.
B
Yeah. And I never miss. Everyone roll a D20. And this week's question is, what does your character believe will happen to them after they die?
A
14.
E
6.
C
18.
E
2.
B
Okay, so it looks like it's going to be Tolve, Gunther, Natty, Doug. Tolv, why don't you lead us off?
C
Hello, it's me, Blaine. Back from vacation. Terrible to be back. Thanks for asking. I'm engaged now. Congratulations. That's nice news. Yeah, thank you.
D
That wasn't the question, but thank you for telling us.
C
Yeah, yeah, I know.
B
I'm kidding. I'm just kidding.
D
I'm kidding.
E
I'm so kidding.
C
Let's stay on track. Sorry, guys. I play Tolve. He's a thaumatech barbarian and.
B
Yoo hoo.
C
As far as things that happen when you die. God, my voice is gone. Yoo hoo. Me Tov. Hello.
D
Welcome to Jet Life.
E
This is going to be maybe the weirdest episode ever.
C
Yeah, it's just.
E
It's already got those vibes. I'm here for it. I'm here for it.
C
Yoo hoo. Yoo hoo.
F
Yoo hoo.
C
Yoo hooray. Okay, anyways, so when you. When you die, I don't actually think that we are living. You think? I think that it is some sort of like. What's that thing called?
E
Simulation.
C
Simulation, yes. Thank you. John Reisinger from On the Spot. And so I think that I just go, you know, and I just. Like I'm in a holding pattern in a tube. Like in the great beyond. Like the Great. D and D beyond. And then I'm there and I look to my left and there's another green guy and he's a parts robot and he has an arm that's a robot. And then I see a purple man and he's there too. And I see a man that looks like a lawyer and he's screaming, is he on fire? Something about Euthanaya.
D
That tracks.
B
So a holding pattern filled with nightmares is what I'm gathering from the tolf.
E
Yeah.
C
Until the next adventure awaits.
B
Interesting. Interesting. All right. Yeah. That's a horrifying vision of the future. Thank you, Tolt.
A
Very far fetched.
B
Oh, Gunther, I'm glad you're here. You're actually up next.
A
Yes.
C
Hi.
A
I'm Chris Damaris and I play Gunther, the male Crow folk fighter.
C
Chris is also engaged.
A
I'm not.
C
Big announcement.
A
Congratulations.
D
Engaged in this podcast recording.
E
Wow.
A
Engaged in combat.
B
Oh.
A
When I die, I believe I will. I will join my ancestors in the ground. And then. But we are not just dead. We are still there watching and, and, and, and looking up over our. Over our families and our village. We are in the ground, not in the sky.
D
Powerful.
B
Looking up over your families.
A
Yes, yes, yes.
C
Beautiful.
A
Oh, we look up and then.
B
Yeah, the prepositions are kind of messy with my mind here.
A
Yes, yes, I see you. So we don't see their feet all the time. Sometimes maybe you can, like, jump up high.
B
Gunther, you are a weird little frogman. It's always interesting to hear your perspective on, on what's going on, because I guarantee it' going to be a little. A little different. So thank you for that.
A
You're welcome.
B
Is there. Sorry, I'm going to, I'm going to dig into that. Just, just the first.
A
Yeah, because we're in the ground. That makes sense.
B
Yes. I got to dig you up and ask, is there just family that you would look over or is it anything wider in the world? Like, are you still concerned with the same connections you had?
A
Yeah, well, my village and the people in my village and, and my family, that is who that is, where I will be. We're like, planted.
D
I love the way that Gunther says family. I don't know why. Family. It's very.
A
Just like all of my brothers, sisters, and me.
B
It's just like character. I want a loop of Gunther saying family and Elga saying broccoli just playing back and forth over and over for eternity. I'm gonna fall asleep to that. Thank you, Gunther. Appreciate that. Locally, Natty, you are up next.
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Hi, everybody. John Risinger, I am not engaged. I already tried the marriage thing and didn't work out. And I. I was there.
C
I saw.
E
I played Natty Wonder, who is a drow warlock, drag queen mother, and I'm impressed with the question of what happens when I die. I don't think I'm gonna really surprise anybody with my idea or understanding, but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna go be with my wife.
B
My wife.
E
I was like, the train was coming and I knew that it was gonna come out that way. And I was like, you know what? It's fine. It's fine.
D
Yeah, let it happen.
E
What harm can a little bit of Borat in our show be?
D
Listen, only a partial portion of our audience is millennials, so.
E
So, yeah, I mean, I'll, you know, my wife will be there and, you know, I think. Well, I mean, the real answer is that we're gonna finally get to have our actual celebration of our marriage and our wedding and all that kind of stuff, which is what I've been sending all there to get prepped for it because, you know, they got a lot of napkins to fold and stuff.
F
Natty, I have a quick follow up question to that.
E
Go for it.
F
Have you actually met your wife?
C
Yeah, my wife.
F
When?
E
In a flashback, in my dreams.
F
Oh, okay. Well, you know, I don't know if that would actually constitute meeting, but, you know, fair enough.
E
Well, hold on. Did you. Didn't you say that you, like, talked to your God?
F
Yes.
E
Where did you talk to him?
F
I plead to this.
B
I feel like I could picture Doug looking down at his feet in that moment, twiddling.
E
You know what they always say, don't point a finger because you got like three more pointing back at you.
F
Oh, well, that's. I guess the thumb is technically not a finger, so. That's very wise, Natty. Excellent use of the terminology.
E
Well, and the way that I point my thumb's not pointing at me. How do you do that where your thumb's pointing at you?
D
I'm trying to do it.
F
I can't.
C
Everybody at home.
E
Now, stinky dragon, try to point at someone and point your thumb at you.
B
Let's see the fan art of all the characters pointing their thumb back at them.
D
I think I'm doing it
B
so natural.
D
I'm double jointed though. The fingers just extending out.
B
Okay. Was that it going to be with your wife, have the actual celebration wedding?
E
Yeah.
B
Okay. I hope everyone's invited. Thanks, Daddy.
E
Yeah, everybody is invited.
D
I hope not.
A
I don't want to go.
E
I Keep looking for tolves off button.
C
You're never going to find it.
B
All right. And finally, up we got Doug.
D
You know how in Grotesque we did this, like, gag during our arrow questions, how it was like we were in, like, confessional booths or something like that?
B
Yes.
D
I think my headcanon for Canon is that we're sitting around a campfire with Gus and just telling him all these. We're answering all these questions for him at a campfire.
B
Okay, I like that.
D
That's what I picture.
B
Yeah.
E
Because we're on the go a lot
D
and we have, like, the talking stick or something that allows us each to talk.
B
Yeah. It's funny because. It's funny you say that because right now, earlier in this episode we were recording right now, I was like, oh, Gunther, there you are. Come on over.
C
He was underground.
B
He had walked out. He had walked out to go use the facilities in the woods. And coming back to the fire.
D
Yeah. Which turns out was three feet away from us.
C
Drink some more water. My God.
F
Well, hello, everyone. I'm Doug Boone, the artificial Bugbear. And, you know, it's a great question about what happens after death. And, you know, Gustavo, I think Doug knows a lot of stuff. Doug feels like he's very knowledgeable, very wise. But Doug is willing to admit this is the one thing he has yet to learn. This is the one thing he doesn't know, but he hopes to learn maybe someday, maybe through some divine intervention or some type of knowledge, what happens. Ultimately, he just wants to be reunited with his brother.
B
That's nice.
F
And just tell him he's sorry. So whatever happens after death, I hope that could be the case.
B
It's a reunion and communication of some kind.
F
Exactly.
B
Oh, that's really nice.
C
You didn't say if you're engaged or not.
D
Oh, I was engaged. I've been engaged so long that I turned married.
A
No
E
weird way to phrase.
C
I mean, it's not wrong, but it is weird.
E
I turned married.
D
I turned married. Yeah, I've been engaged so long as
B
you all are taking the room in A faceless yet familiar voice reflects off the walls.
D
There's no use hiding it. I can smell your fear.
B
The warden steps out from behind the tombstone tapestry and takes in a deep breath through her nose. You feel a tingle run down your spine. Everyone make a charisma saving throw. Oh.
C
All right, let's get rizzy. Ooh, that's a four.
B
Okay.
F
18, 16.
B
Oh.
A
20, 30, 28.
D
Nice.
C
Well, I'm glad one of us failed.
B
So.
C
So we can see what's gonna happen? And I. Yeah, I did that for you guys.
B
There you go, Colve. You feel an all consuming fear washing over you like an ice cold wave. You immediately drop within your hands and take off, running in the opposite direction, away from the Warden as fast as you can. Metagame wise, you're under the condition frightened.
E
Frightened.
B
The other three of you. You steel yourself as a deluge of fear crashes over you. But even though it doesn't take fully control, your knees buckle beneath you, forcing you to fall prone.
E
Oh, okay.
D
In here, no one can hear your screams. In here, I am the Warden.
C
In here, I am the queen of nightmares.
B
Her horn rimmed spectacles flash over her eyes and the tapestry behind her flaps from a ghastly wind. The thread work shifts from a tombstone into a crank. And all at once the crank begins ratcheting with a click, click, click, click. And the ceiling rumbles to life, lowering menacingly toward the floor. And you, everyone roll. Initiative. What are those initiatives?
A
7, 6, 9, 21.
B
Let's see. And the warden's got an 8. All right, so she's going to go between Doug and Natty. So we got Gunther, Doug, Warden, Natty, Tolve, Gunther, why don't you lead us off?
A
Okay, so we're in the center of the room.
B
You are close to the center, not like dead center. You came down from that hatch, which is kind of close to the center, like a little north of the center of the room. Because in the center of the room is that pedestal. So you're just north of that and
D
it's circular or square. What's the shape of the room?
A
A hexagonal.
B
The room's hexagonal. And then.
A
And where is the Warden in relation to us?
B
She emerged from behind the tapestry that's on the north wall. So she's pretty close to you within like 10ft or so.
A
And that tapestry that's on north wall, is it billowing? Like what's the, what's it look like it's doing? Is it actively moving, like cranking?
B
Yeah, it looks like it's. It's a type of crank called a dog. So that may be confusing, but. Yeah, it's a.
A
That is confusing.
B
It's a crank and it appears to be like ratcheting through gears. That's why you hear like click, click, click, click. Oh, it's a hand crank. I'm sorry, it's not a dog. This one's a hand crank.
A
So this tapestry looks like a TV or something where it's got. It's like moving, or is it three dimensional?
B
I think you can think of it like a tv, right? But instead of pixels, it's threads that are moving. Okay. Does that make sense?
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the ceiling is falling down on us now.
B
Yeah, it's lowering. I wouldn't say falling implies. Like, it's coming very quickly.
A
Yeah, yeah.
B
It's cranking down.
D
Falling with style.
C
Indiana Jones.
B
Yes.
C
Got it.
A
Okay. All right.
E
All right.
A
I'm going to. Well, I guess stand up first, so I'm no longer prone. And would I be able to reach the tapestry?
B
Yes, but the Warden is between you and the tapestry.
A
Okay.
E
I'm gonna.
A
Can I just try and hop over to just jump over her entirely and just hit the jump to the tapestry?
B
Yeah. I mean, describe to me your. The specifics of your jump. How high can you jump? How far can you jump?
A
I can jump up to 25ft. High jump is 15ft. My long jump is 25ft because I'm my crook folk legs and whatnot.
B
So standing up from prone, use some of your movement. Does that affect how far you can jump?
C
What if it's like a track runner stance, though, and he gets extra push?
A
I guess it probably would, right? Yeah. So I'd be like half movements. So what is that?
B
It's like 12 for your long jump.
A
12 and a half.
B
Yeah, yeah. And I said the warden's about 10ft away from you, and she's between you and the tapestry. So you'd basically be.
A
Wouldn't be able to reach jumping. Yeah. Okay.
B
Right. You'd be jumping right to her then.
A
Never mind, Gus. I want to rush her and just go for an attack. Okay, I guess.
B
What kind of attack? Why don't you paint me? Paint me a picture. Paint me a tapestry with my sword.
A
I will paint you a tapestry.
E
That's not how you make tapestries.
D
Me a tapestry.
B
That's how I make tapestries.
A
I shall not run from you this time. Immortan. It is me.
B
Hi.
A
And then runs forward with his sword and stabs. Stabby stabs.
B
Okay.
A
I guess at her.
C
Take her glasses. She's got roomroom glasses.
A
I stab her in the eye.
C
Yeah, yeah.
D
Get her.
F
Yeah.
B
Well, you're gonna make an attack. Let's avoid called shots here. Let's not get in the weeds that much about it.
A
Okay. All right. I shall roll. That's only a 10.
C
I shall fail. Ooh.
A
Ooh.
B
So you run up and try to lash out at the Warden with your rapier. But maybe the stress of the Situation remembering or seeing the warden again triggers bad memories and your blow misses.
A
But what if I extend a superiority die to add eight to it? Or try to add eight? I'm gonna do that.
C
Didn't see that coming, did you, Gus?
B
Okay, so how does that work? You use priority die, and you can roll a D8 and add it to your roll.
A
Yeah. So that's plus six. So 16 hit.
B
Yeah, 16 does hit. Woo.
A
All right, so then I will hit her.
B
Hit her. Okay, so never mind. You don't miss. You actually hit.
A
I tricked you. 12 points of damage.
C
Whoa. Focused on the glasses.
B
Stop.
E
What?
D
Spectacles actually is the word that he used.
E
Gus, you should just let him do what he's doing and. And have Chris do this. At disadvantage. It's a call shot, right? That's how it works.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we could homebrew that. You lash out, hitting the warden, who doesn't even really seem to wince. She just kind of sneers at you. Gunther.
D
And says, oh, Gunther, welcome back. Oh, welcome back.
C
Yeah, he was there.
A
He.
D
Right.
A
Welcome back.
D
I was like, have we met the this person before?
E
I need that in Doug's voice, cuz that's.
C
What the hell?
D
What are you talking about?
F
Oh,
E
thank you, Barbara.
D
Aye, aye, captain.
A
And I guess I'll strike once more. By this time, I want to strike her toe.
F
Get him.
D
Wait, how many toes does she have?
C
Is she wearing flip flops? Gus, this is important. No Birkenstocks, perhaps?
E
You never know proper prison shoe attire.
C
Pinstripe suit, split block, A true villain style like that.
B
She sits at a desk all day. You know, people don't see. She just wants to be something.
E
She's one of those people who takes her shoes off on the plane, isn't she?
A
All right, that's a 16. Does that hit?
B
Yes.
D
Listen, if you're on a 14 hour flight, you gotta take the shoes off.
C
It's always wrong, Barbara. It's always wrong.
D
Well, you leave the socks on at
E
least one sock on, Right?
A
I rolled a one on my damage, but I'm gonna use my. I'm gonna use puncture to reroll that damage. Die. All right, so that's 10.
B
Okay, so you rolled a one, but you're gonna use the puncture skill to reroll it.
A
Yeah, and make it a 10. So that's 10 points of damage to her.
B
10.
A
All right, and I shall use my bonus action.
B
Yeah. Is that. Is that a maneuver? What is that exactly?
A
No, that's just like a feature of like a feat. I got And I want to use my frost blade rapier effect, where when the blade strikes a surface, as a bonus action, an inch of ice spreads across a surface up to 10ft in radius. And I want to try and freeze where she's standing. That's why I stabbed her in the toe.
C
Oh, she's going to get cold feet.
A
Can I do that?
B
Gus, there's a lot to read, so I'm just trying to keep up with you here.
A
Yeah, I'll read it. Icy inch. When the blade strikes the surface, as a bonus, an inch of ice layer spreads across a surface up to 10ft in radius. I just kind of want it around her.
B
Okay. And does it have any other effect or it's just like it becomes icy?
A
It just becomes icy. I guess maybe she's like. I'm hoping she's frozen to the spot.
B
Okay, well, we'll deal with that when we get there then. Making a note of it here.
A
Because she was standing in water, right?
B
Yeah, this like water. And there's already some patches of ice in here as well. Okay, got it. You've got a lot of abilities. Good. Gunther.
A
Yeah, I'm out. I'm done.
B
Okay.
C
Gunther's gonna be wearing an Elsa dress. He's like, called Blue.
B
Doug, you're up next. Then after Doug is the warden, then Natty, then Tol.
F
Okay. I wanna stand up.
B
Stand up. That takes half your movement.
F
I believe that's okay. Cause I'm gonna use my crossbow, comma light
D
to shoot at the warden.
B
Okay.
D
Anywhere, Gus. Anywhere. I'm not calling the shot. Just want to shoot at her.
B
Okay, I appreciate that.
A
I was just thinking about our Baldur's Gate three videos where I have Gum. Gum has that tiny little baby crossbow.
E
That's what I picture this being like.
D
It was a 21.
B
21. That's a success.
D
All right. And that does.
F
Heck, yeah.
D
10 points of damage.
C
Ooh.
B
Oh, dang.
D
But also, Gus, Doug has something called Surprise Attack, where if you hit a creature that has not taken a turn yet in the current combat with an attack roll, it takes an extra 2d6.
A
What?
B
What?
C
Roll it.
D
Pain. And that does an extra six points.
B
Woo. Woo. Wow. Perfectly average.
D
Perfectly average. Exactly.
B
So that's 16 total.
D
16 total.
B
Great. Got it.
D
But then I got another attack now.
F
Oh, yeah. Extra attack.
D
So I'm gonna do that again.
B
Doug gets two attacks already.
D
Mm.
B
Wow.
D
Yeah, I figured that out last episode. Probably had it for who knows how long.
E
I just wanna point out the vocal range of our Barbara. She goes from, like, this Very. I got another attack now to a little gremlin going.
C
Mm, mm.
D
I don't know if this will hit, but it was a 14.
B
Oh no. Sadly, that is a mission.
F
Okay.
D
And then I want to summon my steel Defender.
B
Okay.
D
So I think he goes right after me.
E
Do we have a thing that you do or say when you summon him?
F
No.
D
He's always just kind of there.
E
Yeah, but is there like. Is there like a. Like, you know how like I tell. You know, we tell all our devices to do stuff in our house. Is there like something you do to activate. I'm not saying you have to. I'm just curious.
D
Alexa summon Gambot.
A
Everyone's Alexa just got really confused.
B
Wow.
C
Just kidding. So follow up question too. Is it always Gambot or is it. Do you have other. Like, is it always have to be the same Steel Defender?
D
It's just Gambot.
C
It can't be like Thomas or something or.
D
No, I. I would never. I would never blame.
C
Okay, sorry.
A
I'm just curious.
B
I. I think it'd be great if every time you summon Gambot with whatever like your phrase is that we get like a Sailor Moon style, like animation thing where like he comes up and it's like all sparkly and it's like the. The camera coming around and all the parts attaching to Gambot. Yes.
D
Hair all of a sudden waving in the wind.
B
Yeah. Little theme music plays. And it's just like this. Yeah. An easy reusable animation. It's like anytime Gambot comes out, it's like this is the sequence we play.
D
What is. What does he say, Blaine, When Sailor Moon comes out, like, I am the something something moon.
C
Prison power makeup that flaps at night.
D
I am the tear that's left. Darkwing Duck, Moon Prism Power Flight make up. All right. I think what Doug does to summon Gambot, he doesn't say anything. I think he has a little button that he presses to be discreet.
E
It's his belly button.
F
I'm not telling you where the button is.
C
Yeah, no, no.
D
I don't want any abuse of power.
F
We all know where Toll's button is already.
C
She hasn't found the button. She hasn't found the button yet.
F
Or shall I use ink?
C
Our fuse.
F
Doug knows where it is.
B
Gambot activate.
D
Gambot activate. So I think he goes directly after me.
B
Okay. Yeah.
D
So he is going to roll up to this warden here and do some force empowered rend, AKA shoot his little head up into her chin.
F
Bam.
B
Okay.
E
Shot.
D
I know I know. Well, I mean, you know, shoot his head up into her vicinity. Oh, that is a 26.
C
Wow.
B
How that's so good.
D
He has a plus seven to his attack.
B
Wow.
A
Getting hit in the chin is the worst.
B
Yeah, more like a steel offender.
F
Got him.
D
And then he does 1d8 plus 3. So that would be. There's a one so close to her, so four points of damage.
B
You got it.
A
Kind of psychomical, like boing ding.
D
I like to imagine he knocked the glasses off of her.
A
Yeah.
C
Guys, come on, guys.
B
Let's say that the warden's head flies back from the force of the impact in which she pulls her head back down. Her glasses are just a little askew.
D
So what you're saying is her. Her vision is kind of off.
B
Yeah. No, I'm not saying that.
D
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D
All right, that is it for me.
B
Okay, it is the warden's turn. What she's gonna do is she's going to point at Tol and a bolt of energy flies out from her hand in Tol's direction.
C
I'm already running away. What more do you want from me?
B
I'm running the opposite direction, hitting AC18.
E
Yeah, that gets me. Unless. Well, wait, if it hits my back and my shield is on my back, would that be.
B
Oh, no, you're not wielding your shield.
F
Oh no.
C
But it's on my back though, where it needs to be.
B
This bolt of energy hits you and it's a psychic damage. So it, it forces you to recall and it brings up scary memories from your past. What does it make you think of, Toll?
C
Oh, man. Scary memories from my past. Oh, I remember this one night I
B
was waking up in my bunk bed
C
and I saw in the corner a man sitting there with a big hat. It's so scary. But it was a coat rag.
B
That's all it was.
C
But for like five, like minutes, not even seconds.
B
Five minutes.
C
I thought, that is a dude staring at me.
F
Maybe the man in the yellow hat from Curious George.
B
Oh, no.
C
It could have been Ikoma.
B
This bolt of psychic energy makes you think of this terrifying encounter you had tol. And it shakes you to your core, causing 30 points of damage.
C
Oh, my God.
B
Ow.
E
Gus.
C
What did I do? All right.
B
The warden laughs with joy watching you. You were already afraid, and now you're even, you know, now you're damaged and recalling scary memories. She seems to really relish in this.
C
A lot of our villains laugh. Can we give a villain a laugh that actually kind of of sucks? Like, it's just not scary.
A
Like. She snorts.
C
Yeah, or like a tee hee hee.
D
I have an idea. How about we. When we cast this npc, we cast him for all the voice lines, except we keep Gus's laugh for the villain.
B
What are you saying?
D
I'm saying you have such a great laugh that no one could do better.
B
Oh, yeah, right. Yeah. Okay. Gotcha. Yeah. After you take this damage to the warden adjusts her glasses and looks over them at you and says, my brother
D
may have misjudged you, but I can see into your heart's horrors. I'm no magistrate. I am the warden.
A
Wait, Brother.
C
What's her life? What's her Do I see, like, a name tag on the warden?
E
The magistrate Brother was ironclad.
D
Is her brother.
C
What'd she look like?
B
I described her already.
A
She described it.
C
I know. Horn room glass. Yeah, but, you know, like jowls.
E
Jowls?
D
Short jowls, skinny pinstriped suit.
E
Huh.
D
And also has a. Was it a button that had, like, the scales being weighed down by serpents?
A
Yeah, she had a button with the scales.
E
Wasn't the magistrate the thing that we fought at the beginning of this campaign the bad guy?
C
Yeah, but that was. That's an Undarian. And she seems like not an undarian. Right.
E
Well, that thing didn't look like it was an Indarian either. At first.
C
The magistrate.
E
At first.
C
Well.
E
Oh.
A
Or is she related to someone else?
E
She said the magistrate. It's gotta be the magistrate, right?
A
Judge?
B
John, get an inspiration, Die.
E
Am I taking crazy pills?
B
You get an inspiration. Die.
F
John, haven't we met the magistrate? Yes.
D
Wouldn't we recognize her then?
C
Yeah. Wasn't the magistrate a noondarian? Isn't she not a new Noondarian. This is like a. Not a noondarian prison. Why would you offer this information? You look at so much confusion you have sowed into our party.
F
This is the first time I didn't ask if I recognize this person in
D
the middle of combat, and it bites
F
me in the butt.
C
Also, why would I. I would never be like, ooh, my sister went to this Starbucks mall. Like, why would you offer this information?
B
Uh, you talk about Ironclad all the time, dude.
C
Yeah, well, he's my sworn enemy. I don't talk about, you know, Tio and Neo.
B
You talked about looking for your sibling.
E
Why is this bothering you so much?
C
Because, John, how many times do you go to Best Buy and say, my brother Micah has a Mac?
E
I think you did psychic damage to Blaine. I think Blaine has taken psychic damage.
B
It seems like it.
D
I think the 18 hour travel day Blaine had yesterday did psycho psychic damage to him.
B
Possibly.
C
Who's to say?
B
Okay, we're all on the same page. Is everyone good? Do I need to clear anything up?
C
They are the magistrate's sister, maybe.
B
Correct.
C
I'm done.
E
Can I cut recording?
C
I'm done.
A
Did we kill the magistrate?
C
We killed the magistrate. Murdering magistrate instead of.
A
Yeah, yeah, we killed your brother, huh?
B
Ooh, that's a bold move, Gunther. Let's see how it plays out. All right, Natty, you're up. Okay, I have a couple.
F
Natty, can you take your turn to
D
explain to us what's going on?
C
Yeah, yeah, story time.
E
I actually want to try to accomplish a couple of things. First, Gus, is there any way that a other party member can help their party member remove the fear thing? Or is that something that the player has to resolve on their own?
B
If you have, like a spell or an ability or something that can do that.
E
But there's no, like, just like, normal, Correct. Okay.
D
Not like, you know, lending a hand when they're down or something, right?
B
You're not gonna, like, shake them by the shoulders and start slapping him to get him out of it or get smelling salts out.
E
Okay, that's fine. I was just curious.
C
Pep talk, perhaps?
E
Tov, how full is your glass right now? I can't. I can't hear you over the screaming.
D
Your fiance is going to think something's wrong.
E
Is that that almost empty glass? Is that what that is? Okay, okay, Captain Grumbles, get that. That shield of swearing over and block tow from any more damage. Okay, that's a good. That's a good little sweary boy. All right. And then. And Natty stands up, uses a bonus action to use her elemental gift of flight grabs.
C
Yeah, just.
E
Yeah, the T pose. It's every time. It's Magneto and Days of Future Past. And she grabs Gigi and flies up. So if I got up from the ground and the elemental gift gives me a flying speed of 30ft, how high can I go?
B
So you'd be able to do. So removing the prone aspect takes half your movement, so you'd be at half of your flying speed. So you'd be able to fly up.
A
15 does. If turning, flying, does that not automatically remove prone because they're not standing up. They're just flying up.
C
Oh,
B
no. Takes half the movement.
C
That's so much more lame that they're having to stand up and then they lift off.
E
Yeah. Okay, so the Natty will go up
C
and into the sky.
E
She's got Gigi in her hand, and she's gonna throw a Gigi pokeball at the tapestry.
B
Cool.
A
Nice. Nice.
B
The one with the crank.
A
The crank?
E
No, just one of the other ones.
A
No, not the crank.
E
I was messing.
C
I was messing.
F
Ding, dog.
D
Only one.
C
It's like, John, John, stop being silly.
E
Yeah, I throw it at the dog. Crank.
C
Dog.
E
Hand crank.
B
Hand crank. Yeah. All right, is. Are you trying to have Giggy do something or you just throwing him at it? Or what's. What's the plan here? Paint me a picture. Paint me a tapestry.
E
Well, Natty's plan is throw Giggy at the tapestry. If Giggy gets the tapestry, Natty then will try to command Giggy to do something.
B
Yeah, we'll just have you make, like, a strength check or something just to see if you're able to throw Gigi far enough to get to the tapestry.
E
And I get, like, advantage in that. Like, with a mom who's, like, got adrenaline going, they can lift their car off their kid. Right.
B
Well, you're not trying to save Gigi. You're trying to throw him into danger.
E
But in Natty's mind, a car is on Gigi right now.
B
Just.
C
No, doesn't matter, Nat. 20. Doesn't matter. Mom is here.
E
Mom is here. Mom's strength. Mom's strength on the board.
B
Okay. You toss Giggy. And I like to picture, like, he rolls up, like, into a little ball and, like, tumbles end over end, hits the wall with the tapestry and bounces off and is like a pokeball in Pokemon. Just, like, wiggly back and forth on the ground. Yeah.
E
So when he hit the tapestry, since you went ahead and played with that visual, nothing happened.
C
Did he go into world 1.1 in Mario?
E
I was. Well, yeah, there's that opportunity. Or I was going to say it, like, hoping that he would, like, cat, like, grab onto it.
B
Oh, you want him to Grab onto it. I mean, you could say either way. Either he's holding onto it or standing in front of it like a screen door. Yeah.
E
All right. Gigi, can you stop the crank? Bite the crank. Do something. Bite it. Bite it for mama.
B
Roll to see if Gigi listens.
E
Man, I rolled an 8.
B
I think you tell Gigi to do that, and he does that thing like a dog where he sits down and then puts one of his legs up and starts, like, chewing on the inner part of his thigh. Okay.
E
Dang it. All right, well, he's there.
D
He's flexible.
B
Yeah.
E
Our soldier is. Is on the point.
B
You've deployed Grumbles and giggy.
E
I would imagine me throwing giggy as my action.
B
We call it a bonus action if you want.
E
I have bonus action. Was flying. I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be honest.
B
Okay. All right. Yeah. So then. Yeah, okay.
C
I think you earned a bonus.
D
John, you don't have to be.
C
Give him an inspiration that he's been so good today.
E
I can't even more, guys. It's Christmas time. I gotta be good for Santa.
C
Okay, well, by the time this comes out, it's gonna be way past. Yeah, it's not gonna be smart month or whatever.
B
Smart month.
E
Summer.
D
Stinkuary. Yeah, that's.
C
That's the one.
D
Probably Happy Stinkuary.
E
Well, then Natty will finish her turn by saying, that tie does not match that suit. Just saying, girl.
B
If that. That's it for Natty. You all see the warden disappear.
E
What?
B
She seems to, like, vanish just, like, poof, out of existence. And then with a poof, she reappears immediately, right next to Tolve. Oh.
A
Oh.
C
What is their obsession with me?
E
Tove and grumbles. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
B
Tolv, it's your turn. Okay, well, and you can remake, by the way, just for reference, you can remake your save at the end of your turn to try to break the frightened.
E
Oh, great.
C
To clarify, you said that I drop everything. Can you just tell me if I was holding my gavel and I dropped it or if I dropped something because I. I don't know what was equipped, if anything.
B
I would say. I'm going to look at your inventory, if you have it. Yeah, it looks like right now you have. Well, you have both your gavel and your javelin equip.
E
That's Blaine.
B
So I would say, yeah, you drop the gavel.
F
Okay.
E
How many shields does he have equipped
B
on the back or the front?
C
In both. Am I still running? Because you said that I was running in the opposite direction.
B
You were running then. You are still under the frightened effect. So let's double check what that says.
E
The room's not that big. He's probably just scratching at the wall.
C
I had a plan, actually, that involved a wall if I was running.
B
So you have disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls while your source of your fear is in line of sight, and you cannot willingly move closer to the source the of of your fear. Oh, lucky for you, she came to you.
C
Oh, great. Can I paint you a picture for what I think would have to happen?
B
Okay.
C
And then you do all the things you know, Gus. Hatred things where you make me roll, bad things, and then I lose and I die. If I'm running then. And I see a wall, I just keep running at the wall, and I have my. They are called.
B
Oh, your mittens.
E
Leggings.
B
Oh, leggings.
A
Your octo leggings, or what are they called?
B
I think of the mittens of mushrooms.
C
I have my stockings of spider silk, so I want to go, like, real looney Tunes with it. And I would just run at the wall and then run up the wall.
D
What? I have a question. What do those look like?
C
Lululemons.
D
You know, like, do they look like fishnet stockings or something like that? Like what?
E
In my head, they're male ballet dancer stockings.
D
Oh, amazing tights.
C
It's cold in Austin right now, and I'm wearing, like, actual leggings on right now underneath my jeans, so I just kind of imagined they were just like that. Like, athletic, like, under armour, Lululemon type.
F
Very cool.
B
Okay. Yeah. You could try to keep running at the wall. Okay.
C
So I'm just gonna do that. And because I'm not prone, I think I got my full speed right, so like, 40. 40ft.
B
Yes. However, I'm gonna get my attack of opportunity.
C
Yeah, I figured that would happen. I mean, I have to do it, though, because you told me I'm just running.
B
So the warden appeared next to you, which reignited your fear and caused you to continue running at the wall. She lashes out again with another one of those psychic attacks. Okay. Ooh. Lucky for you, I don't think it's very good. That is a 12.
A
Yes.
C
You missed. Okay, I have a great quip for this, even though I'm afraid. You want to hear it?
B
Yeah.
D
Don't you know that terror leads to truth? Nothing is hidden from me. Your secrets are mine.
A
You just told us your secret. That you have a brother.
C
Yeah, suffering so many little quips.
B
Okay, listen, if Micah wrote him, I'm gonna say him. I know.
E
Of course I understand.
C
We was. Is the wall. The. What's the distance between me, the wall, and then how tall is the wall? How far up do I get on the wall with my spider silk?
B
You were probably pretty close to the wall already. Cool. And then from where you were, the ceiling was 60ft high, but it's starting to crank down. We'll say it's probably closer to 50ft at this point.
C
Okay, so I'm like 10ft from the roof.
B
Ish.
C
Somewhere. Maybe not. Then like 30ft. Feet up in the air.
B
Okay.
C
Yeah.
B
Halfway up the wall, we'll say. Sure. Or when it was fully extended. Cool.
C
So I'm up on the roof, and you said I can't take.
F
Or.
C
Sorry. Up on the wall, and you said I can't take any sort of actions against them. Right.
E
Disadvantage.
B
Yeah, you're just at disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls.
C
Okay, then I want to. I'm going to double speed, double move up, and I want to be to where when I end up on the roof, I'm directly on top of the person.
B
Okay. Yeah.
C
So then in my next turn, if I theoretically take the fear thing off, then I could just, like, jump down on him or something.
B
Yeah. Luckily, you're so afraid of the warden that you don't have time to be afraid of the ceiling that's slowly cranking down. It doesn't even register with you.
A
Yeah.
C
Okay, so now I'm upside down, and you guys look like you're on the. On my roof. And then I'm gonna finish with a rage. Although if I don't take. If I don't attack, then that's gonna screw me up, right, Farts?
D
Yeah.
B
Or take damage, which, unfortunately, the. The attack of opportunity missed.
E
Yeah.
C
Okay, well, then can I at least try to, like, shake the fear thing?
B
Yeah. Make another charisma save.
C
Oh, 18.
B
Oh, you shake it off.
F
All right.
B
Nice.
E
Like Taylor Swift.
D
Yeah. Players gonna play, play, play, play, play.
C
I wish I. Man, I wish I knew the rest of the lyrics of that song. Thank you. Thank you.
A
Okay.
D
That's all I need.
C
All right, so I am no longer afraid, and I'm on the roof, and I'm directly on top of her.
B
Yeah.
E
All right, cool.
B
You're no longer afraid of her. There might be other things in your life you're still afraid of.
C
No fear. Tol has no fear. Except for the hat man. That really did shake him to his core.
B
Okay. Is that it, Toll?
D
Yeah.
C
Yeah.
B
Okay, then we're back up to the top with Gunther. And, Gunther, you're up. Gunther, why don't you. You hear something, Gunther?
A
What do I hear?
B
Is that. Is that Captain Grumble? Captain Grumble's in the wrong direction. It sounds like some kind of groaning or mumbling coming from behind one of the tapestries.
A
Which one?
B
Make a perception check, soldier.
A
Seven. Pretty. You know, seven?
B
Not bad.
C
They say it's the new 20.
B
Gus, seven's the new 20?
C
Yeah, Dungeons and Dragons magazine says sevens are like the new crit D and D power.
B
That's the new 2026 thing? I guess.
E
Yeah, yeah.
A
You may not have read it yet, but we did.
C
Issue comes out tomorrow.
A
Nat7.
B
It's somewhere in the southern end of the room. So, like, not quite close to you, but, like, down in the opposite. Opposite direction.
A
All right, which. Which tapestries are on the southern side?
B
The ones in the south are the pair of hands with fingers tied together. That one's in the southeast. The one to the south is a tombstone. And then the one to the southwest is two faces, one of which is covering its ears and the other one's covering its eyes.
E
I'm gonna.
A
Gunther's just gonna. Can Gunther make it to the pair of hands? Fingers tight together.
B
See? I'm pretty sure you can make it. Yeah, you can make it there in one movement.
A
Okay, I'll go there and I guess I'll, like, first touch it. Touch the hands. Are they tactile, like moving like the other ones, or.
B
You approach the tapestry with a hand outreach to touch it and feel like how tactile it is. And as you're doing so, several serpents leap out from the tapestry all over you. Make me a strength saving throw.
A
Oh, no. Snakes. I gotta be snakes. That was good.
B
That was really good.
A
Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
E
Five.
F
No.
D
It did.
B
The snakes all begin wrapping around you and drag you down to the floor. And they begin slowly starting to constrict you. What does it feel like? Describe that to me, Gunther.
A
It feels like giant worms are. Can I do anything? Am I restrained? Completely.
E
Better.
B
Game wise, you. You lose the ability to roll a D20 until the end of your next turn. So all D20 rolls and saving throws are auto failures.
A
Dang. Okay, question. I don't remember. Did I use misty step last time? Have I used misty step?
B
I believe you did for part of your surprise. Like when you did the. When you surprised the guards.
A
That's right, I did.
F
Okay.
C
Is it only a one time per long rest thing?
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, so I lose all my D20s.
B
One thing I'm going to mention as well. You hear the. The clicking of the crank. Continue the click, click, click, click, click, click. And the ceiling just continues to lower to. On the bright side, you're getting closer to the ground. But for everyone else, the ceiling appears to be dropping precariously more and more.
A
Okay, I guess that's. I don't know. Can I. Can I. I can't even. I'm just like in the ground, wrapped up. Right.
B
On the ground. Yeah.
F
In the ground.
B
Yeah. I was like. I know we covered that at the beginning during the arrow.
E
Yeah.
A
I don't know if I could do anything other than maybe I could try and use my tongue to like move the tapestry. Could I do that? I don't know if that counts as a D20 if you're trying to grab something. I guess I need to make a Dex grapple. Check with it.
B
Correct. That's a D20.
A
Well, I gotta. And I.
B
Stop. Gunther's a little tongue tied at the moment.
A
Tongue tied?
B
Yes, tongue tied. Alright, that's it for Gunther, Doug, and after. Doug's the warden and Natty.
D
All right, I'm gonna try something here.
B
Who's that?
D
That's Barbara. That's a new voice I'm trying out.
E
It's Dig.
F
It's Dig. Dig.
B
Deg.
F
Oh, I wonder if I could do a British accent for dog. Oh, that was. That was tough, me lad. All right.
B
I love it.
E
Where does that go?
D
This is his friend Rug. I am going to once again shoot my crossbow light at the magistrate. But before I do that, I don't know what skill check you want me to use for this, but could I try to remember what we know about the magistrate or what we learned in our battle with them?
A
History.
B
Make me a history check.
D
Yeah, okay. I figured. I just didn't want to assume.
B
Yeah.
D
20.
B
That's pretty good. The magistrate, he was initially disguised as Colonel Boy.
E
And that's not how you say his name.
B
Boy.
E
Thank you.
B
You fought him early on at Fort Endridge.
D
How did we kill him?
B
You had combat with him in the armory room. Remember? By the three chests. And then afterwards, Steel Eye came in.
D
Would Doug remember if he was like, had any vulnerabilities during that battle?
B
I don't think it was anything specific. That seemed to work better than anything else. No specific vulnerabilities. I'm double checking to be safe.
E
If I remember correctly, he had to have his blood in his body to keep living.
C
Yeah, that's one weakness
D
to. To. Yeah. That would be, I guess, a weakness.
B
Yeah, there was nothing that seemed to, like, be especially effective, but nothing that also seemed like it didn't work, if that makes sense.
D
Yeah, that is. Makes sense. Well, I'm going to try. Try shooting my crossbow. I imagine she's still within range. I have 80ft on that crossbow.
F
Okay.
B
Yeah.
E
Shooting.
D
That is a.22 to hit.
B
Wow. Okay. Yeah, that connects.
D
And I will do my damage. Three points of piercing damage.
E
This better than last time.
D
That was a decent.
E
No, wait, that was a gambot Gambit. Got the low roll.
D
But I do also have a spell called Branding Smite, where the next time I hit a creature with a weapon attack before the spell ends. The weapon gleams with astral radiance as you strike, the attack deals an extra 2d6 Radiant damage to the target.
E
Look at these random little buffs you have.
D
I know, I know.
B
What was that called?
D
Branding Smite. It's a spell.
C
Brandon Smite. Never heard of him.
B
So I think the spirit of the spell, just for clarification, is you cast Branding Smite at some point, and then the next time you attack with a weapon and it hits, then it activates, we'll let it slide. There's not a big difference one way or another in this case.
D
Okay, so I would have had to cast it before I made the attack, right?
B
You had the bonus action and everything, so we can easily say you would have cast it first and then used your crossbow, because that's like, you can cast it and then if your crossbow misses, it's still active, then the next time you would hit, it would work.
D
Look, okay, I. For some reason, I thought it was something you do after, so I will remember that for future spell casting.
B
I'm just bringing it up so we
E
know going forward with Paladins, like, you do your smites after you hit your attack.
B
Some of them are yes. Or some of them. It can go either way. I think with Paladins also, it's like. Yeah, you can proc it after.
F
Gotcha.
E
You can only. You can only go one way. You can't go two ways.
B
Gus. Yep.
D
Gus being generous. Dm.
B
Well, it also. It's not that big. It's just the order that we do things, so it wouldn't have made a difference here. And this one's a con. I guess the big difference is this one's a concentration spell, so you wouldn't be able to, like, keep it up, cast something else and maintain it at the same time.
D
Gotcha. So I assume now that I'm using it to do that extra d6.2 d6 of damage. After that, the spell is off.
B
Correct.
D
Okay, so that's an extra 2d6 of damage, which is 7.7points.
B
And that's radiant damage, right?
D
Correct.
C
All right.
B
The Warden does not seem too pleased about that.
E
It's cause she's a daemon.
F
A daemon?
E
She's an Undarian. And they probably don't like that radiant damage.
B
But she is still standing and fighting a Daimon.
D
Well, good thing I have a second attack.
E
Damn it.
D
Crossbow comma light hitting at ya.
E
Ooh.
D
19 to hit.
C
Nice.
B
Yeah, that hits.
D
And that. Oh my God. It's gonna be another three points of damage. I keep rolling ones on my hit. Die.
B
Three. Yeah, not great. I mean, those are all pretty. It adds up, but yeah, they're all a little low.
F
Yeah.
D
And now how far is Gambot from her?
B
Okay, well, she teleported over closer to Tolve, so Gambot is probably, let's say, 25ft away.
D
Perfect.
B
His 20. 25ft. Somewhere in that neighborhood.
D
His speed is 4. So he's gonna go up to her again and give her another. What's it for?
B
Gambot's got wheels.
A
He does.
E
The problem is that Gambot moves like a Roomba. So he doesn't actually go straight at her, he just starts hitting walls.
D
Yeah, he uses up all 40ft of
E
his speed just being around, just trying to find her. Mapping the area for himself for later.
C
Caught on the lip of the carpet again.
D
He's trying to dock on Toll.
C
Stop it.
B
Gambot. Diggy left a mess on the floor and Gambot rolled over it. Now it's everywhere.
D
And his tray's already full.
C
No.
D
All right, and then he's gonna do his force empowered rend once again, which is a plus seven to attack. That is a critical fail. So one. So it'd be an eight.
B
Let's say the spring mechanism that powers it didn't properly reset after the last time. So it goes. And like the spring just like. Like all of its energy gets dissipated in the wrong direction and the Gambot's head doesn't actually launch up.
F
It's okay, Gambot, you get it next time, buddy.
B
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E
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D
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F
Oh. Oh sorry.
D
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B
Yeah. Thinking.
E
Oh, yeah. It's her turn.
B
Oh, it is her turn, isn't it? Okay, great.
D
It is.
E
I thought that's what you were doing. I thought you were thinking about what to do for your turn.
B
She has things she can do on other people's turns, like where she teleported to Tol, so I was gonna use one of those. But no, it's her turn, so she'll do her actual stuff.
C
Teleport her to Tolvi in. Come on, Gus.
E
I like when Blaine laughs like an old Victorian woman.
B
Well, I mean, she already hit Toll. He's right on the ceiling above her, so why not teleporter? No, not teleporting. She's not going to go up there. But she's just going to use her psychic attack on you. A bolt of energy flies out once again from her finger guns flying towards you. Tol. Hitting AC15.
C
Ah, you missed. Smells like uptolven here.
A
Come on.
C
Same.
E
Say it.
B
Say it, please.
C
Hey, Toad.
B
What's up, Toad? Somewhat frustrated. The. The.
C
Nothing much. Natty, what is up with you? I'm sorry I got so excited. You acknowledged me.
B
I was waiting for it. It was like you just laughed.
C
I go, okay, so stupid.
B
She kind of furs her brow cole
D
and says, I like to think that, but despairing is caring. And trust me, I can take care of all of you.
A
Uh.
E
Oh.
F
Oh, that sounds nice, actually.
B
Yeah.
C
Wow. Thank you.
A
Wow.
E
I think she's about to do an aoe attack, so it's not gonna be very nice.
C
I think she's about to do something very matronly. I think she's about to turn over a new leaf right now.
B
And she concentrates, but you can't see what the effects of it are right now.
E
Great.
C
Time to break that concentration.
E
I love danger. I can't see.
B
Natty, it's your turn. And then after Natty is toll.
E
All right, Natty's gonna fly over to the tapestry.
B
The one where Giggy is.
E
Yep. And he's gonna feel around on the crank and see if, like, Natty can do something to it. Can Natty grab it or stop it or just rip up the tapestry? I don't know. You can. I blue skidoo into the tapestry?
B
Oh, no. But
C
no.
B
Make me a perception check, Natty.
E
Gladly. That's a 14 plus. What is my modifier? 3. 17.
B
Yeah. You come up to this tapestry, and, yeah, you can see Like a crank that's woven into it. And you begin feeling around, trying to see what you can do with it. You touch it, and it just appears to be flat. Like, there's no. The texture is of thread and, you know, the woven fabric, but there doesn't seem like there's anything sticking out from it.
E
What about behind the tapestry?
B
You move the tapestry and look, and there's just a stone. I mean, a metal wall behind it.
E
What happens if I just crumble up the tapestry and my hand just kind of hold it? Like, Just kind of like, you know, it's still probably attached to where it is hanging, but I'm just kind of, like, crumbling up. Does that stop the ceiling?
B
No, you. You bunch it up. It's still attached, but, no, it seems like the ceiling. You can still hear it clicking. Click, click, click, click, click, click. And the ceiling is still slowly lowering itself.
E
Hey, any of you guys got an idea what to do with this tapestry? I'm here. I'm open to ideas.
C
I know how to stop the ceiling from falling. I know this. But I'll go on my turn.
F
I got a firebolt.
E
Yeah, you think it's like, destroy it. Hey, Warden, how do I stop this?
D
She'll tell us.
E
If I say please, will you tell me?
D
No.
E
Natty shoots the warden. Yeah. Eldritch blast. I don't know what to do with this tapestry. I'm gonna have Gigi try and just scratch at it, but I'm gonna shoot her first. Oh, that's a 19. Plus modifiers doesn't matter. Probably. Right?
B
It doesn't matter. However, the Warden crinkles her nose, and you have to reroll that die. Okay, she has what Micah has lovingly coined desperation die. It's like an anti luck die, which for forces you to re roll.
C
What does that have to do with her nose? Did she smell something weird?
B
It's like a. Like a bewitch thing.
E
Yeah.
C
Can you do that? The genie.
B
No, it's not.
E
Not a genie.
B
The witch.
E
The witch. Literally in the name.
C
No, the genie does it remember.
E
No, she does the. She does the. The head knot. Get your old TV land shows. Correct.
C
Okay, you're right. I'm sorry.
E
Okay, I rolled again. I rolled a 16 with modifier.
B
Oh, curses. All right, that's. That still connects.
E
Yeah. Yeah.
B
What a waste of a desperation die.
E
Yeah. Oh, man, it really sucks when you try to do something and then you roll and your demon child won't do it.
B
Wait a minute. Gus has. Oh, that's an inspiration die, not a luck Die, man. Yeah, I was going to use it.
E
He's grumpy. I rolled a three plus four. That would be seven plus. Oh, I got to see all my modifiers. I get agonizing blast, so they move the plus four. So I say seven. That's 11. And then I have my. My genie thing gives me three thunder damage. So 14 damage.
B
And this all attached to an eldritch blast, right?
E
This is all attached to an eldritch blast.
B
Okay. Yeah. So your eldritch blast leaps forward from your hand. Zigzag. I like to think eldritch blast, kind of like zigzag. Like a lightning bolt zigzags through the room, striking the warden, doing 14 points of damage.
E
It's like dark sides laser. He says to a room full of people who have no idea what he's talking about.
B
No idea.
E
I shoot another eldritch blast. Can I do that?
B
If you can, you tell me.
E
Yeah, I can. All right, 17.
B
That hits.
E
Oh, that's a good one. That's a nine plus four. That's 13 plus four. And I don't think I do thunder again once during each of your turns.
F
Yes.
E
So 17 total.
D
That's a lot of damage. Yeah.
B
All right. All right. Yeah. The warden is displeased with you, Natty. She might have to do something about that, but she is still standing.
E
That's fine. I'm a roll to see if Gigi will do it. Mommy says Mommy rolled an 18. Gigi eat the tapestry.
D
All right.
E
Gigi's going to just try to rend at it with Giggy's attack.
B
Sure. I think in the future, let's just make sure we ask Giggy and then roll. I want to make sure we don't roll and then change the idea after.
E
Oh, that's fine. Yeah.
B
No, but yeah, you had already said that that's what you were going to do, so it's fine.
E
Yeah, that's why. Normally I wouldn't, but that's a good call.
B
Okay. Yeah, I guess have Gigi make an attack.
E
Yeah, let's do that. Rend is plus five. I rolled a six. That's an 11 on the tapestry. What's the AC of the tapestry?
B
That's a great question. I'm trying to double check while they're doing that.
C
Hope it's not a seven. That's like the new 20.
A
Yeah.
E
Callback. Good callback.
B
Take an inspiration. Die. That was an excellent callback.
C
Oh, my God. I've been needing one. I've been diving grass with straws.
B
Here I like the callback. I'm gonna say that Giggy begins clawing at it and trying to rend it, but it doesn't really seem to do anything metagame wise. I think it was a little low. Probably should have been a little higher to really be effective.
C
I thought Gigi was gonna eat it.
E
He's just hanging there on this tapestry.
B
Yeah, I guess. Like he's trying to claw through it, but he just like, claws out on it.
E
Oh, Mama's done.
A
Mama.
B
Tolve, you're up. And then after Tolv, we go back up to the top to Snaky Gunther.
C
Okay, Tolve is gonna stop the roof from falling, so he's gonna push down really hard.
D
Push down?
B
Yeah, go for him. It's down.
A
Like jump.
C
He's not gonna jump. He's just gonna. He's gonna hold it as strong as he can. Does that have any effect on it?
F
It's a good thing Tolve can't poop.
E
How did I know that? When I said, has anybody got any ideas? And you said, tov knows how's I to does not know how.
C
Oh, he's leg pressing it. He's going.
B
I thought he had a better idea too. No, it doesn't seem to do anything. You're what? Yeah, you're stuck to the ceiling. Slash floor for you. And it's still very slowly clicking down that ominous click.
C
But I'm on top of the warden. Warden.
B
I would say you're above the warden, Right?
C
How far away is the warden from my gavel?
B
Oh, she teleported. Let's say 20, 25ft. I think that's what we rolled for. Gambot's movement.
C
Oh, farts. Okay, I'm gonna have to do this really, really cool attack without it. But that's all right because I got my javelin.
A
You can just drop it. You don't even have to make an attack. Right. You just drop.
C
Okay.
A
A free hand action. Free action.
E
Like a cow.
B
Yeah. Nice.
C
Nah, this is way cooler. Check this out. It's time to get tolverized. I take my javelin and I un. Release from the roof with my spider socks. Silkings directly on top of the warden. And then as I'm coming down with my javelin, I want to do like a lightning strike. So I'm going to engage my rage. I didn't mean to rhyme. I'm loving that. That sounds fun.
F
Engage your rage.
C
When I start raging, I proc Storm aura. So I gain a 10 foot aura effect when you start your rage. And as A bonus action on each of your turns. When activated, one creature of your choice and your aura takes lightning damage. So, like, right as I'm about to hit him, I activate my rage.
B
That's pretty cool.
E
He's doing a blanka.
C
That's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolute to lightning strike.
D
I loved playing blanka.
E
You would so op. I like Blanka too.
B
He looked like a little mutant. Let's figure out the damage. Well, I guess you have to make an attack of some kind. How is this gonna work in your mind, Blaine?
C
Probably the.
E
In Blaine's mind, this will kill the warden. Does that work for you?
C
In my mind, I think that this is about as powerful as a nuclear bomb. It's a javelin attack. So, I mean, it says it's thrown, but I'm just going to treat it like it's like a melee.
A
Two handed.
E
Yeah, like Scrooge McDuck in the Nintendo game. He just went down with his cane. That's what he did.
C
So maybe I'll do that. And then because I'm raging when it happens, I'll add my rage bonuses and then I'll add my storm aura bonuses on top of that.
B
Javelin's listed as a melee weapon here. You can't. You can throw it, but yeah, it says it's a melee weapon, so. Yeah, if you just use it as it's in there, it should work fine.
C
Okay, then let's roll. 12.
B
That's a miss.
C
Wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on. Does rage give me any advantage? You gain advantage on strength checks and saving throws.
B
Plus two.
C
Okay, it's plus.
B
Yes. Damage.
C
All right, well, hey, Gus, remember when I made you laugh and you gave me that inspiration die?
B
Yes.
E
That's what you get, Gus, for letting Blaine make you laugh.
C
There you go. I'm gonna use my inspiration.
B
Die.
C
Rolling that again. That's a little bit better. Oh, I think that's a little bit better.
F
21 dog, is that you?
B
A 21, believe it or not.
F
Good.
B
Okay, that's a hit.
C
So I'll roll my javelin. That's an eight. Plus two melee damage from Rage. 10. And then I'm gonna use my storm aura, which is.
B
Okay, I gotta start writing these down. Hold on. A1.
C
DC okay, so once again, it was. It was eight with the javelin, plus two with rage, plus a 1D6 that I'm about to roll.
B
Okay, you gonna roll?
D
Roll.
C
Here it is.
B
You who.
C
That's a B Farts one. It's a one.
A
Yeah, but the emotional impact. The emotional damage was an 8.
C
Well, speaking of impact, do I get any, like, additional bonuses because I'm dropping from the ceiling?
B
Yes, yes. We call that fall damage.
D
You fell 40.
B
No, no, no.
C
On them, Gus.
B
On them. Well, let's deal with your fall damage first, then we'll figure that out. So you fell 40ft, and it's D6 per 10ft. So roll. I'm gonna roll four. D6 falling damage here.
C
Okay, but I'm also raging, though, so you'll take half.
B
So lucky for you, that's only 10. So you take half of that, which is five.
C
Don't take that
B
five.
C
All right, cool. And then I want to use my second attack. Boy, would I love to go for my Gavela Galestrom. And I have the movement speed to do it. But then I would proc. A whatchamacallit.
B
She missed last time.
E
That's when Gus turns into the little demon on Blaine's shoulder.
C
She missed last time. I'll just hit with the javelin again.
B
Yeah, you could also. Also, if you want, maybe ask the sea drinker for help.
A
What?
C
I can do that. Okay.
B
All right.
C
Oh, seadrinker, I don't know. I'm starting this with a whisper song, but I want to know if you'll help me. I'm trying to attack this warden. Please, sea drinker, I did, like, a cool lightning strike. In your name I pray.
B
Amen. Make me a religion check.
F
Okay.
D
Do you say pray, men? Yeah, it's like pray and amen.
C
It's, like, combining praying and amening.
E
13.
B
It seems like nothing happens, and then the water along the floor begins, like, lapping and moving, almost like waves are generating in a wave pool. It seems like the origin point is under your gavel of gale strum. And the waves begin picking it up and floating it across the floor, and it comes across and bumps into your shin right around your ankles.
C
Oh, it's surfed. Very cool. All right.
B
Oh, God.
C
C. Drink a wide. I pick up my gravel then.
B
Okay, yeah, you pick it up.
C
But I want to do it, like, with a cool flourish where it kicks up water and it makes, like, a Lego, like a. What are those? Water tornadoes.
F
Okay.
D
Do any of us get picked up in that?
C
Yeah, you could surf with it, Doug.
B
You start a little vortex.
E
Yeah, yeah.
C
And then carrying that momentum from picking up the gavel, I hit. Take another swipe at the warden.
B
Okay,
C
that's a 12.
B
Ooh, that is a miss.
C
But what if I did a bonus that I don't have? All right, fine. What if I make you look what if I do a little dance, Gus?
A
Huh?
C
Come on, guys. Give me a little inspiration.
B
Well, you don't get an inspiration. Die. But you miss. And there's something about seeing you miss. Especially after having such a cool moment with the sea drinker bringing you the gavel. It shakes the conflict of your party members around you. Something about seeing this cool moment kind of fizzle causes everyone to have doubts and they feel like they could. You all could potentially fail at your mission here.
E
Dolph gave us anxiety.
C
No.
B
Everyone hears the Warden whisper in their minds, your friends will fail you.
D
Rude.
B
Metagame wise, everyone has disadvantage on their next D20.
F
You roll.
E
Dang it.
F
All right, but what if we heard it and didn't believe it?
C
What if we heard the Friends theme song after.
F
Yeah,
E
Barf was so fast to that.
B
Yeah.
D
I hope they came through in my audio.
F
It did.
E
We heard it.
B
Unfortunately, the Warren's in her napalm era. She's going to take down.
D
I'm the only one here who.
B
You're the only one. I saw your Spotify wrapped check for
D
my name palm era.
B
Okay, that's it.
C
For to.
D
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
B
That's it.
A
That's it.
B
Gunther, what's up with those snakes?
A
I don't know. I don't know. Are they on me still?
B
Yeah, they're constricting tighter and tighter. What are you gonna do?
A
Can I try and slip out of them? Slippery. I'm all wet. I'm a frog.
B
Yeah. At the end of your turn, we say you can make another strength saving
A
throw, but until then, I just stay under. Snake.
B
I don't know if you have any other abilities or any other ideas.
A
All right, well, so. So can I. Can I stand up or am I on the ground?
B
They dragged you to the ground and they're wrapped around you. You could. We could try to stand up. You can make, like, a strength check independent of the saving throw to see if you're able to stand.
A
Okay, here goes.
B
Oh, wait. No, you can't, because all D20s are auto failures.
D
Okay?
B
So no.
A
Okay. Farts. I want to roll to the next paint. Next mural.
B
Tapestry.
A
Yes. I want to roll to the one with the two faces and listen and see if I can listen. Hear that noise that I heard?
B
No, you can't do that because that's a check. Those are all perception checks.
A
Oh, well, I'm just going to roll to the two faces.
B
Okay, you roll over to the two faces, which does not require a check. That's just movement. You don't get all the way there, but you get most of the way there. Oh, wait, that would be regular movement. You're rolling, held up by snakes. You get halfway there.
A
Okay.
B
Yeah. And like every other, like, half of the turn, you're submerging yourself in water. It's like you're torturing yourself half the time, you're rolling over there.
A
Mamba mia.
B
Mamba mia.
A
Mamba's name is Snake.
E
That's good.
B
Have you been looking up snake puns?
A
Shut up, John.
C
No, I didn't say anything. Shut up, John.
F
Yeah, John.
B
He goes after John.
C
Wait a minute. I didn't do nothing.
A
Say Gus. I was gonna say Gus.
B
John. Catching strays for no reason over here.
C
Shut up, Joss.
A
Normally, you're the one calling me out for click.
F
So used to.
E
I've been a good boy.
C
I've been a good boy.
A
All right, Sneeze. I can't do anything unless it's like, one.
B
It's like a one. Like an anime moment. I can't do anything unless. Gunther.
C
Gunther. It works for me to pray to the sea drinker. You should pray to your crappy God.
A
I pray. Please help me. I've not talked to any other gods. Water flower, please.
D
Water flower, please.
A
Like anything.
B
That's your. That's your prayer?
A
Okay, I could do better. Listen, I've been thinking about you a lot, and I'm trying my hardest at. And, you know, I have been good and, you know, not seen any other deities or even thought of them. Just me, you, and these snakes. And they're getting between us.
D
I think it's gonna work.
B
Make a religion. Check
A
15.
B
You say this prayer, you know, close your eyes real tight, and then you open them, and you see the water moving in front of your face and very, very slowly up from the ground. You see a water lily start to sprout up from the ground and flower and bloom right in front of your face. And the waves kind of cause it to move back and forth, and it leans forward and touches you in your nose.
C
It's in the shape of a middle finger.
B
You regain the hit points that you've been missing for a little while here.
E
What?
A
Really?
B
Yeah.
A
Oh, my.
C
It worked. Whoa. Exploring this. It was the water from the sea drinker that I summoned. So is this seadrinker, or is this the tiger lily?
B
A lily sprouted out and touched him?
A
No, I've been at half HP for, like, a long time.
C
Yeah, because your God took it away. So, like, don't be so happy that they're giving it back.
B
You Know, like, it sounds like an abusive relationship. Yeah. But, yeah, you got it back.
A
Thank you.
C
You're too easy to impress.
B
But you're still covered by snakes.
A
Yeah, snakes. Why do you want snakes?
B
Anything else?
A
No.
B
Okay.
A
I can't do anything. Can't move, can't breathe.
B
You want to try to make a strength check to see if you get out?
A
It's too much.
C
Grab too much stuff on me.
D
So much voice cracking happening right now.
B
I forgot about that. I was wondering what the reference was.
A
All right, I'm done.
B
Make your strength saving throw.
A
Oh, yes. Come on. 20. Dirty 20.
B
At disadvantage. Yeah, it's at disadvantage.
D
Ooh, I thought it already happened. Where's all of his D20.
F
Ah.
C
21.
B
Oh.
D
At disadvantage.
B
It's from the warden's your friends will fail you thing. Okay. Yeah. You managed to pull the snakes off like some kind of wrestler ripping your shirt open.
C
Yeah.
A
Can they just explode into gory goo? Like, just
B
you rip the snakes apart and have snake bits all over you? Gunther.
A
Yes. Those snakes are history.
B
All right, Doug, you're up.
D
Oh, gosh. Okay. Could I. Could I pray to the veiled eyes?
E
You've opened a can of worms, Gus.
D
I feel like I see it happening, and so I'm just like, oh, yeah,
F
it's a good idea, actually.
B
Yeah.
F
Oh, blessed veiled eye, it is I, Doug Boone. I remember last time we spoke, you kind of didn't remember my name when I told you, but now I'm telling you again as a fable to you. Give me a sign that you hear me.
B
Make a religion check.
E
I guess not normally what you do in a prayer.
F
Give me a sign.
B
Yeah, I wasn't expecting that, so I was like. That was a long pause.
D
Would this be a disadvantage?
B
Yes, because it's your next date.
E
Okay.
B
Ah.
D
Okay. An eight. It was a one, so it's critical Veil.
B
You feel a breeze? Is it the veiled eye? Is that something it does?
F
Tov, was that you? All right, I'm just gonna assume you're listening to me. I need help stopping this floor from moving or just the ceiling from moving down and crushing us to death. So if you could point me in the right direction in order to stop this from happening. Do it now.
B
Okay. Make a religion check for this.
D
For the actual ask, is this also disadvantage?
B
No, that's cleared now. So it's just your regular 18. You finish your prayer and open your eyes. And then you see over by where Natty and Gigi are, that tapestry develop and form like an eye of fire on It.
D
Oh, okay.
B
And then the tapestry. The eye of fire spreads across the tapestry, catching the entire thing in flames.
E
Wow.
F
Thank you, Veil Die. Hopefully that was you and the right decision to be made in this moment.
B
Well, on the bright side, the clicking stops, and it seems like the ceiling is no longer coming down towards you.
F
Guys, Guys, look.
D
And did it.
C
No,
F
you know what? We all did it. Because, you know, you guys showed me the power of praying to your deity that a lot could be done.
D
Okay. So I think. Would that at all be considered my action for this turn?
B
We'll say your prayer was your bonus action.
F
Okay.
D
So I think in seeing that. Are any of the tapestries still up?
B
All of the other tapestries are still in place. The only one that caught fire was the one with the crank.
D
Could I aim my fire bolt then at the. Is the two face. Is one still up?
B
Yeah. Do you want me to describe all of them to you?
D
Yeah. There's one with the tied fingers. There's one with the tombstone.
E
Tombstone turned into crank.
D
Tombstone turned into crank. Correct. And then the two faces.
B
Correct.
D
On the southwest.
B
Right, Correct.
E
From my own curiosity, why are you attacking another tapestry?
D
Well, when this one burst into flames, it stopped the crank. So I want to see if burning all these tapestries maybe injures her.
C
It's not a bad theory.
D
Or it helps us get out of here.
F
Yeah.
E
I was just curious. You do you.
F
Doug has method to his madness.
A
Yeah.
F
Doug casts fireball at the Two Faces tapestry.
B
Fireball, Firebolt.
D
Sorry.
B
Oh, okay. I was like, oh, where'd you get this fireball?
A
I was gonna say. I was like.
B
I was like, that's pretty powerful.
E
That was also on her Spotify rap.
D
Yeah, yeah. Fireball, Firebolt, please. Which is a cantrip.
B
Yeah. Make a range of spell attack 16. Yeah. That's a successful hit.
D
Okay. That does 11 points of fire damage.
C
Wow.
B
The fire bolt strikes the tapestry, igniting it, and the flames run all through it. And the tapestry goes up in a puff of smoke.
D
Okay.
B
And it seems like the smoke rises up to the ceiling and just kind of dissipates from there.
D
Do I see anything change in the room or does anything happen to the mad. Well, the Warden.
B
Make a perception check 25. Nothing that is apparent to you.
D
Okay, well. And Doug just brushes his hands off
F
and goes next,
D
which I think it Gambot's turn.
B
Oh, yeah.
D
Where is Gambot now in relation to the Warden?
B
I believe Gambot is still right by the Warden because the warden didn't move. And Gambot had run up to the warden.
D
Well guess what he's gonna do. Bob that little head up force empowered rend.
B
Yeah,
D
that is a 26 that hits plus three, which is seven points of
B
damage that hits the warden squarely in the jaw.
F
Good job, gambler.
B
Does Gambot reply?
D
And then he spins up in the air and does another one of those Sailor Moon poses.
B
We've got it, we're gonna use it. Okay, that's it for Doug and Gambot.
D
Yes.
B
Okay, it's the warden followed by Natty and then Toll. The warden is once again gonna go after Tol. She's like single minded on Tolv apparently.
C
My gosh, why are you obsessed with me?
B
Well, you were frightened and now you're right next to her, so it's just easy. She's gonna try to psychically damage you once again. Hitting AC18.
C
Yeah, yeah it is.
B
The bolt flies out and strikes you, forcing you to recall another scary memory from your past. Toll. Okay, okay,
F
okay.
C
So there's this one time, right, where I'm hanging out with the crew, right? You know what's all me? All the my brothers and sisters are on the ship. And then someone says like a really funny joke. So I'm laughing, ahahaha. And then suddenly my stomach like turns like, like spoopy style. And then I just like all of the fluids inside of me just start like, you know, coming out and I'm just like. But you know, like everybody's still laughing. And I know that if everyone noticed that I stopped laughing, that something was wrong. So I have to keep laughing. So I keep laughing and then I'm just like counting down the moments until I can go to the poop deck. It's terrifying. Really scary stuff.
B
Yeah, I got secondhand embarrassment for you there to.
C
It happens.
B
Terrible memory. And on top of that terrible memory, you also receive 15 points of psychic damage.
C
Is there any sort of like effect that raged does, Let me see, does that knock that in half or is it just physical?
B
It's just for physical. I'll say. Gunther, you notice that the tapestry in the northeast begins moving, but almost like it's flapping in the wind. From the tapestry emerges a giant bird.
A
A bird.
D
Gunther hates birds.
A
I do not like birds.
B
It takes flight and flies over you, Gunther. And it's circling.
A
Oh no.
C
Everyone run.
B
So Gunther doesn't like birds.
A
I do not like birds.
B
And the bird circles and then dives down at you with its claws stretched out, almost like it's gonna grab you. Gunther,
A
what is it? What did I do?
B
It would hit AC14.
A
Oh, thank goodness. I miss knee.
B
The talons clasp right around you, but you move your head at the last second. Otherwise they would have firmly gripped around your head.
C
Oh, everyone, there is a bird.
E
Yeah, we can see it, Gunther. It's like a. It's like a 30 foot wide room with a ceiling that's like down to like 30ft.
C
There is a bird. I feel bad for the bird.
B
It's like when you go to the
C
Home Depot and the bird gets stuck in here. Can we help it? Is there anything we can do?
B
You know what? I'm gonna use my Gus inspiration. Die.
C
Oh, yes, yes. The pineapple.
E
Oh, no, I'm just coconut.
B
I'm gonna reroll that.
D
Come on.
B
That's a 25.
C
Yeah.
E
Go bird. Go bird.
B
The bird's talons grasp firmly around your skull. Don't go for the snakes you raise. Ripped the snakes off already doing 12 points of slashing damage. And it begins beating its mighty wings against the air, trying to take flight. Make a strength check, Gunther.
A
Oh, it's a 13.
B
I rolled a 13 and I have plus five on strength. That's an 18. The giant bird takes flight with Gunther and its talons by the head. I figured it's kind of like a Kermit the Frog situation where your arms and your legs are just flailing around frantically. No.
C
Help me. I want to make a fan art request that someone does the Mexican flag. But instead of a snake, it's.
B
It's.
C
Oh, my God.
B
And as you're taking flight to the air, you once again hear that, that groaning sound. Gunther, this one's not you. It's not your groan. It's something else.
A
Where do I hear? Do I hear where it's. Do I hear where it's from?
B
Make a perception check.
A
A tin.
B
It seems almost like it's coming from the tapestry in the southeast portion of the room where the snakes leapt out from.
A
What?
E
The one you rolled away from?
C
Do not be afraid of those snakes. There is something in there in the tapestry, I think.
B
Okay.
A
That is as I. Being carried off.
B
Yeah. His voice fades away. Natty, you're up.
E
Okay, well, Natty's flying.
C
You're not the only one.
E
Or Natty can fly. Yeah. I'm gonna shoot at the bird.
B
Okay.
E
Actually, could I. Could I do another Gigi throw?
B
Yeah.
D
Please, please and thank you.
E
That's what I want to do. I think Gigi up close and personal with the bird is exactly what I want. Right.
F
B1 with the bird.
E
Giggy so throwing. You did what? A strength check goose.
B
Yeah, yeah.
E
14 plus. What is my strength modifier? 1 15.
B
That succeeds.
E
All right, and then I gotta roll to see if Gigi will do what I want.
B
Yes.
E
To, like, attack the bird.
B
Yes.
E
Okay, that's a critical fail. It's not a good day for me getting Giggy to do what I want.
B
Okay, well, what were you gonna have Gigi try to do? I'm just curious.
E
Let's attack.
D
Just.
E
Just, like, just mess up the bird.
B
My perspective on this, the failure since you know you didn't succeed, is that Gigi gets there and is so overcome with the fact that he's flying in the air that he loses sense of what's what and begins attacking Gunther.
E
Perfect.
C
I think John failed intentionally because Chris told him to shut up earlier for no reason.
D
It hurt him.
E
So am I rolling for attack with Giggy then?
D
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
E
All right. What is Gigi. Okay, Gigi's a plus five. That's a 17.
B
Does that hit Chris?
A
No.
B
What? I asked that sarcastically. I figured that was a hit. Uh, all right.
D
He's so strong.
E
He's got a weirdly high ac. Remember Gus?
B
Yeah, I just double checked it. Yeah. All right. He begins trying to attack Gunther, but Gunther's just flailing around so much that all the attacks miss. Yeah.
C
Floppy limbs. The bird, not me.
D
That's exactly what I'm picturing. Just.
C
It's wet slaps. Just, like,
E
since I didn't use a bonus action this time, can I make the throw? My bonus action this time? And now do an attack.
B
Sure.
E
Oh, you're such a good man.
C
Who's a good man?
E
Who's a good?
B
Good.
E
That's a 25 from a first eldritch blast.
B
That's good.
E
So then we'll roll for damage. That's three plus four plus four plus three. So 14 damage.
B
Ooh, yeah, that's pretty good. You knock some feathers loose from the bird.
E
Perfect. And we're gonna shoot the bird again, just like we did in the backyard with my mama's.
C
What?
E
You know, like, you go sit in the backyard and you shoot. Maybe I'm just thinking of my dad. I think he had a memory where he would, like, shoot, like, doves in the backyard and then they'd, like, eat them.
C
Oh, hurting small animals with your parents.
E
I didn't do it. My dad did. It's like, on a farm.
B
It's hunting.
E
Yeah, it's called hunting. People do it.
A
I thought you were just revealing that you just killed birds for Fun as a kid.
C
Yeah.
E
I said, my dad.
B
Worked your way up to.
D
He did different.
E
He said my dad.
A
The signs were all there.
E
Yeah. You know how much I hate animals. I've really incorporated into all of my
B
D and D characters.
E
I forgot what I was doing. Was I rolling my second shooting a bird or something?
B
Yeah, yeah.
C
Harming a small.
E
No, I rolled a 16 plus 7 is a 23.
B
This, which is successful.
E
Thank you. That's 8 plus 4 plus 3. So 15. 15.
B
The Eldritch Blast flies striking the bird, which causes it to explode into, like, a big ball of feathers. And it falls to the ground.
E
And so do Gigi and Gunther.
B
Along with Gigi and Gunther. Okay, let's see how much fall damage they take.
A
Yeah, let's.
E
Yeah, do it.
B
Taking seven points of fall damage.
E
Okay. Gigi's gonna take damage. That's okay. He's actually almost as beefy as Mom.
A
Wow.
B
He's growing. He's a big boy.
E
And that's my turn. I didn't use any of my flying, so could I fly over to that tapestry that was making the noise?
B
Yeah, absolutely.
E
And just as a free action. Can I just whisper? Is anybody in there?
B
It's not Captain Grumbles.
E
One grumble if you're a person. Perfect. Okay, there's someone in the tab tapestry. It's probably a prisoner of somebody.
C
Careful. It could be the hat man.
E
All right, that's my turn. I'm done.
B
Cool.
C
How close is the warden?
B
Pretty close. Still right up on you. Okay.
C
Stuck in here. That's okay. Toad is still spinning around. He's gonna act like he. Look, that momentum that he was carrying from that missed hit, it's still going. He's working up a vortex, and he's gonna go for another hit. All right, so I'm gonna hit with my gavel. Gelstrom.
A
Oh, my God.
F
Play your duty again. Play it. Play the Z drinker.
C
Z drinker, please. I'm bombing over here.
B
Everyone. You hear? Once again, the ward's voice in your mind. Your friends will fail you.
E
I think you just mean Tove. Tolva fail us.
C
To fail you. There we go. Wow.
B
You didn't have to, like, name names.
C
Okay. All right, I'm gonna keep spinning around, and then I'm gonna take another hit.
E
He's gonna vomit.
B
All right, and you have disadvantage on this one because of the. The effect because of the. Your friends will fail you.
C
Okay, Disadvantage.
B
Great.
C
I really needed that. 25 and 17.
B
Believe it or not, that's a hit.
E
Oh, my God. All right.
C
Well, it's definitely two handed, so I'm gonna roll with that. So it's a one D10 plus 13. So that's seven plus two from rage plus storm aura, which would be a D6. So we're at nine right now. We roll that dude. And it's a three.
B
Okay, one more. Doing some math.
C
13, I think.
B
You spin around again, maintaining that vortex and maintaining that momentum. And even though the warden's somewhat in your head with her whispering about failure, the gavel of Galestrom comes around and strikes her on the side of the body, doing a significant amount of damage. It does that thing where it knocks the wind out of her. She gets hit in the lungs and all the air comes out. Almost like when you get hit in the solar plexus and you're like. You're like trying to get your breath back in.
C
Barbara, what does that sound like again?
F
I can't breathe.
B
And you hear her mutter something.
A
How?
B
And she falls to her knees and then slumps over to the ground.
C
Oh. Oh, did we get her?
B
How?
C
How?
D
Maybe she's just impressed by our combat abilities, I think is what's happening.
C
We're just wiping this family out. This is great.
E
See, if it's a fake face.
C
Can I face off? I'm gonna pull the face.
B
You go and you try to mission impossible her. And you see that she is indeed wearing a disguise.
C
Oh, my God.
D
Just like her brother did with Colonel Boy.
C
Who would do such a dastardly thing? Wearing a fake skin mask. My God, what have we come to as a society?
F
Who is it? Who is it? Who is it?
B
It's no one you recognize. It's like a disfigured being that seems like obviously she's not moving. She's, you know, you've taken her out. But it seems like she would be hunched over on all fours, shivering. She's got Mantis arms.
A
Mantis arms?
B
Yeah, like a sagging, tearful face.
E
Okay.
D
Deceased.
A
Is she deceased?
B
It seems like it. Okay. And it seems like her face almost looks like Elva's face.
D
Elva, like your sister Elva?
B
Yeah.
C
The fake one or the real one?
B
The real one.
C
Okay, as in Elva's disguised face when Elva was in disguise?
B
No, like Elva's face as you remember her, working with her on ironclad ship.
D
Oh, is there any known ship shapeshifters out there? Or like, people who could take on the appearance of others?
E
Now you just start shape shifting in front of you guys, saying, yes, I've done it the entire Time we've been here. Who?
C
Do you think such a thing exists?
B
No, Doug, you ask that question and, you know, you look over at the warden's face and you have no idea what to's talking about. That is very clearly your brother's face.
E
Oh. Oh, no.
B
Oh, my God.
A
Whose face does he look like to me?
B
You go and look, and you see your wife laying there, Gunther. My wife?
A
My wife can't go and kiss her.
F
Natty, who do you see?
E
Do I see anything?
B
Yeah, you take a look, Natty, and yeah, you see your wife as well. You see death's face on this body that's laying there.
E
Well, I know that's not her.
A
Well, she's dead now, maybe.
B
And then from the corner once again, you hear,
E
Oh, yeah. Natty moves the tapestry aside.
C
Who do you see?
E
Who do you see when you look in the face, Mr. Mumbles?
B
Oh. You move the tapestry aside, and behind the tapestry, you see a bloodied and restrained Bun Lap.
C
Bun lap.
B
No.
E
Natty goes to try to remove his face, see if he's.
C
Who are you?
E
Who are you?
B
You try to pull at it, but his face is. Is actually there.
A
It's a real face.
B
It's a real face.
F
Okay, Gunther, is that the real Bun Lap?
A
I don't hope so. Gunther runs over and tries to restrain him.
B
Yeah, he's got, like, a gag in his mouth and restraints holding him. And you're able to free him. And it looks like he's been worked over. He's pretty bloodied and beat up.
D
Can I cast cure wounds on him?
B
Yeah, and it seems to really help. Like, you cast cure wounds. I'll let you roll. Whatever the. The healing is here.
D
Five points of healing.
B
Five points. And it seems like that kind of energizes him. Like he can really, like, breathe. And he seems like. Oh, like his eyes clear up and he can look at you. He's taller than most croak folk. Muscular and knightly. He's got dreamy golden eyes.
A
Very dreamy.
B
They're very fierce and they fix on you. Gunther, he says, gunther, thank you for coming back.
A
I'm sorry I. I left.
B
Think nothing of it. It is what needed to happen.
A
But, Gunther, you need to help me escape now. Of course. I'm sorry. Let us go. Yes, let us go.
C
And, Gunther, I have something I need to tell you.
B
What?
C
I know where the Wilder Shield is.
A
Tell me.
B
Find out where the Wilder Shield is and find out what's going on with Bunlap. All in the next episode episode of Tales from The Stinky Dragon Glenn, I
F
could see why you wanted to say fun lap.
B
Hello.
C
I just said he's like the harder version of you. Hello.
A
Hello.
B
This is what he looks like beat up.
C
Oh my God.
B
He's so dreamy.
F
I think it helps.
B
All right, well, thanks for listening everybody. We'll see you next time.
E
Think you survived high school? Try doing with Superpowers Our newest tavern tale sea squad season two officially kicks off on March 18th. Follow the continuing and chaotic adventures of your favorite new soldiers, youngsters played by Barb, Blaine, Chris and Gus, as they navigate puberty powers and pop quizzes under me, the DM John Risinger. It's time to go back to school and the premiere drops March 18 for every single one of our patrons. Head over to our Patreon to catch up on season one today. New episodes of Tales from Sticky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday wherever you stream podcasts and on the Sticky Dragon YouTube channel. Want to listen to the show 48 hours early and add free? You can support us by becoming a patron@stinky dragonpod.com or join as a member on Beacon TV. Both give you early ad free access and a members only discord for their respective platforms. Looking for even more stinky content and community perks? Our Patreon offers exclusive bonus shows, behind the scenes content, access to the Stinky Dragon, Discord members Only, livestreams stinky community events and a shout out on on the show. Just like Vash Stumpt, Adam Wood, Luna Neko and Shiba Fan 1, these patrons directly support the show, get ad free episodes, access to our patron only Discord server, bonus content like Second Wind and Behind the Screen and other stinky perks. Once again, that's stinky dragonpod.com we are incredibly grateful for your support which makes this show possible. Some of Our friends voiced NPCs in this episode and listeners who interacted with us us on the Sneaky dragon. Discord had NPCs named after them like the Warden named after Terrell, voiced by fionakthowat, kth Bsky Social on bluesky and ionakthowat on Instagram. Her most recent podcast product is Lastline Rewind, a new horror anthology podcast where tabletop role playing games bring the terror of the TV glow to life. Also Bun Last voiced By Devin Finn EvanCurothers this week's Arrow question was submitted by Old Man McGregor. This episode of Tales from Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst and Micah Risinger and composed by Micah Risinger and edited by Alina Lakorchuk. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.
F
Anybody realize Curious George didn't have a tail?
D
What? What?
C
He's a curious little monkey. Monkey's got tails, don't they?
A
Cut his tail off.
D
I just think he.
A
Was he a Doberman?
D
He just didn't have a tail in the, in the artwork.
B
That is weird. I never thought about it.
E
Docked his tail.
A
That's like a monkey's defining thing.
C
Yeah, that's how they, like, walk.
E
They need that thing.
C
I know, for balance.
B
I say they walk with their legs, but. Okay.
D
Some might say it's curious.
B
Oh, get out of here.
A
Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying Big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good
B
in this world, stop with Mint.
A
You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month.
B
Of course, if you enjoy overpaying.
A
No judgments. But that's weird.
B
Okay, one judgment anyway.
A
Give it a try.
B
@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for
D
three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full terms@mintmobile.com@vrbo, we understand that even the best of plans sometimes need a little support. So we plan for the plot twists. Every booking is automatically backed by our VRBO Care guarantee, giving you confidence from the very start. Whenever you need help, it's ready before your stay, through the moments in between and after your trip. Because a great trip starts with peace of mind and maybe a good playlist. But we've got the peace of mind part covered.
Episode: C03 - Ep. 38 - From On Hyra - This Means Warden!
Date: March 4, 2026
Podcast Summary by Section & Timestamp
In this episode, the party continues their attempt to escape a strange magical prison, facing off against the ominous Warden. The adventure features prison break antics, inventive problem-solving, and a tense boss battle drenched in irreverent humor, character backstory, and classic improvisational D&D play. Not only do our heroes confront their own fears (both metaphorical and magical), but revelations about the Warden, their own connections, and the nature of the threats they're facing all come to light.
Each player answers: "What does your character believe happens after they die?"
Key moments and quotes:
Light banter flows as castmates riff on engagement announcements (“I turned married”—Doug, 12:21) and the conversation devolves into silly attempts to point thumbs at themselves and more.
True to the Stinky Dragon’s tradition: casual, humor-laden, self-aware, and brimming with in-character bickering and fourth wall breaking. Storytelling intertwines with jokes, friendly ribbing, and moments of emotional candor. The group’s camaraderie fuels much of the comic timing, even as the stakes in the game world remain high.
The party faces (and defeats) the Warden in a magical prison full of devious tapestries and psychological warfare. Heroic failures and big laughs abound as the heroes deal with their fears—real and sorcerous. They rescue Bun Lap, who reveals he knows the location of the Wilder Shield, setting up a tantalizing next step in their quest.