C03 - Ep. 40 - Under Oondar Fire - Caught Off Vanguard

Summary

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Tales from the Stinky Dragon – Campaign 3, Ep. 40: “Under Oondar Fire – Caught Off Vanguard”

Release Date: April 1, 2026
Main Theme:
This episode follows the C-team adventurers (Tolv, Gunther, Doug Boon, and Natty Wonder) as they endure a tense siege at Fort Meado by the approaching Undarian vanguard. As the fort falls, the party debates fight or flight, uncovers mysterious temple secrets, encounters a deranged god in a blood-soaked canyon, and ultimately escapes via a bizarre catapult—literally launching themselves toward the “Veiled Veil” in pursuit of new answers and greater dangers.

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Party Level-Up: Character Growth & New Abilities

Starts ~[03:00], main segment ends at [21:35]

Character Upgrades Breakdown

Tolv (voiced by Blaine)

• Advantage on initiative and cannot be surprised if not incapacitated.
• Savage Attacker feat: Can reroll damage dice for more effective strikes.
• Trains like “Conan the Barbarian” for regained combat prowess.
• Mechanically, internal “tiny servos” help optimize attacks.
• Notable exchange:

  “I’ve matured so, so much. ... Kind of been doing Conan the Barbarian training montages.” – Blaine as Tolv [05:03]

Gunther (voiced by Chris Damaris)

• Superiority Die “Trip Attack” maneuver: Can trip enemies when engaging attacks.
• Shield Master feat: Proficient at hitting with shield for bonus actions.
• Strength stat is now positive for the first time.
• Practices his skills by ambushing Tolv, reminiscent of Inspector Clouseau and Cato.
• Memorable moment:

  “I studied how to study, and that’s how I can survey people.” – Chris as Gunther [09:46]

Doug Boon (voiced by Barbara Dunkelman)

• Skill Expert feat: Gains proficiency and expertise in Insight and History, boosts Intelligence.
• Flash of Genius: Can add +4 to an ability check or saving throw (4x per long rest) for self or others within 30ft.
• Dream vision from the Veiled Eye inspires these skills.
• Notable quote:

  “Doug, isn’t your intelligence at the maximum it could possibly be? For that I say, thank you, but no. Always more to learn.” – Barbara as Doug [11:42]

Natty Wonder (voiced by John Reisinger)

• Ghostly Gaze: Can see through solid objects within 30ft via darkvision once per short rest.
• Moment to Think: Cantrip to momentarily stop time (for certain non-offensive actions) [17:28].
• Ancestral Communion: Grants recurring heroic inspiration during concentration.
• Augury: Ritual divination (by rolling bones) for guidance on next actions.
• Notable moment:

  “Now, this is something every mama wants—I just need a moment to think. Right? I literally have an ability called ‘Moment to Think.’” – John as Natty [17:10]

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Siege at Fort Meado: Bloodbather’s Intervention & The Decision to Retreat

The Vanguard Arrives

[21:27–27:00]

• Undarian vanguard (front line of attacking army) approaches the fort.

• Sky cracks open; rain of blood, humans are “raptured” into the sky.

• Bloodbather, a massive sentient marble statue, emerges. Proclaims:

  “Bloodbather Children is humans. Pure sweet. I rescue children from mortalion now. Safe with Bloodbather in Hyra. They stay with Bloodbather till dum dum war over.” – Bloodbather [24:26]

• All humans vanish, leaving the party and other non-humans.

The Party Assesses Danger

[29:01–32:00]

• Natty casts Augury with her bones; result is “whoa”—a clear omen not to attempt a stand at the fort.
• Party consensus: Retreat is best.

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Temple Investigation: Secrets of the Bloodbather’s Basilica

[38:04–55:08]

• The group explores the Basilica of the Bloodbather (infirmary, statue, weapons, and a mysterious shield).
• Doug uncovers a veiled eye emblem hidden under the statue—suggesting this temple may predate current worship, possibly tied to the Veiled Eye.
  • Inspiration moment:

    “Maybe this was the Veiled Eye's temple, but it got misappropriated to the Bloodbather.” – John as Natty [45:59]

• They acquire the Bronze Blood Shield—imbued with protective blood magic.
  • Shield grants effect of “shield” spell (adds +5 AC, blocks magic missile) when traced with user’s own blood at cost of 5hp.

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Escape Plan: Tactical Withdrawal & Distracting the Foe

[59:00–61:20]

• Party organizes a tactical retreat for the remaining Mortalian soldiers, directing them to Fort Endridge.
• They set basic traps, create fake “Danger—Minefield” markers, and attempt to sow confusion for the approaching Undarians while sneaking away under disguise (including Gigi hidden in Doug’s hood, and Gunther riding “hunchback” style on Tolv) [62:05–67:12].

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The Blood-Soaked Canyon: The “Stump” Encounter & Catapult Escape

The Canyon's Horrors

[69:18–91:43]

• The canyon is pitch black, filled with corpses, blood, and viscera (random viscera table used for colorful details).
• Stump, a halfling with amputation tools, is encountered muttering “Bow before your God.” Claims to be a “God of Medicine,” expelled from the “Bloodshed Bishops.”
  • “No, you’ve met a God.” – Stump [75:39]
• Stump’s Secret: For the price of Doug’s heavy-duty drill, reveals a secret escape: a hidden catapult that will launch them through the canyon to the “Veiled Veil.”
  • “There’s a secret passage that takes you straight to Veiled Veil… It’s a catapult.” – Stump [84:35]

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Launch to the Veiled Veil

[91:43–96:01]

• Testing with Gigi (the goat) proves the catapult’s safety.
• Party launches themselves through pitch-black space, landing in a new valley, taking 15 damage each from the landing.
• Comic moment:

  “I think we team rocketed this kid.” – Blaine as Tolv [93:49]

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Arrival at the Veiled Veil: Mysteries & Threats

[96:06–end]

• New region: a valley in darkness with three strange locations—a glacial fortress, a suspended spherical building, and a labyrinth wreathed in golden mist.
• Doug suddenly receives a mystical question in his mind, “Where is the Veiled Eye?” He attempts to commune, prompting a cryptic response:

  “I’m not where I should be, but I am where you should be.” – The Veiled Eye [99:03]

• As Doug’s body goes rigid, the party is ambushed by three golden, antlered feline beasts spewing golden mist.
• Cliffhanger:

  “Is it the same golden mist around the labyrinth?” – [100:13] “We’ll have to find out in the next episode...” – DM Gus Sorola [100:17]

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Notable Moments and Running Jokes

• Meta humor on D&D rules, player character quirks, and repeated “trip attack” feats.
• Numerous references to past campaigns (“Jim Glurb”), “team rocket” launches, Home Alone-style traps, and pop culture (e.g., “Space Mountain,” “Conan the Barbarian”).
• “Stay” lesson for Gigi the goat, advancing his stat block, with banter over raising their future nemesis [64:07f].
• Ongoing bit about inspiration dice—and players lobbying the DM for more, even dragging listeners' family members into the joke [103:09f].

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Key Timestamps

• [03:00] – Character level-up discussions begin.
• [21:43] – Bloodbather’s strange “rescue” and vanguard siege.
• [29:01] – Natty’s “augury” omen against fighting.
• [38:04] – Basilica of the Bloodbather exploration.
• [45:23] – Discovery of hidden Veiled Eye emblem.
• [55:25] – Assignment of Bronze Blood Shield.
• [59:00] – Retreat plan for Mortalian troops.
• [69:18] – Party enters the blood-soaked canyon.
• [74:01] – Dancing Lights reveal grisly surroundings.
• [75:03] – Introduction of Stump.
• [84:35] – Secret passage—catapult.
• [93:49] – Launching Gigi in a test run.
• [96:06] – Landing at the Veiled Veil, new region.
• [99:03] – Doug’s communion with the Veiled Eye.
• [100:11] – Arrival of golden mist felines (cliffhanger).

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Standout Quotes

“Now, this is something every mama wants—I just need a moment to think. Right? I literally have an ability called ‘Moment to Think.’”
— Natty (John Reisinger) [17:10]

“Bloodbather Children is humans. Pure sweet. I rescue children from mortalion now. Safe with Bloodbather in Hyra. They stay with Bloodbather till dum dum war over.”
— Bloodbather [24:26]

“There’s a secret passage that takes you straight to Veiled Veil… It’s a catapult.”
— Stump [84:35]

“I think we team rocketed this kid.”
— Tolv (Blaine) [93:49]

“I’m not where I should be, but I am where you should be.”
— The Veiled Eye [99:01]

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Summary

This episode blends slapstick, horror, and D&D dramedy as the C-team barely escapes a hopeless battle, uncovers deepening world lore, and encounters both the grotesque and the absurd. Major upgrades to the party’s skills bring new combat and investigative tools just as the campaign veers into stranger, darker territory. The group’s antics and interplay keep the tone irreverent even as the dangers mount, and a new cliffhanger looms at the “Veiled Veil” as eldritch mist and golden feline beasts close in on our heroes.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

car in Carvana last night.

[C]

Well, that's cool.

[A]

No, you don't understand. It went perfectly. Real offer down to the penny.

[D]

They're picking it up tomorrow.

[E]

Nothing went wrong.

[C]

So what's the problem?

[A]

That is the problem.

[B]

Nothing in my life goes to smoothie.

[A]

I'm waiting for the catch.

[F]

Maybe there's no catch.

[B]

That's exactly what a catch would want me to think.

[F]

Wow.

[C]

You need to relax.

[A]

I need to knock on wood.

[B]

Do we have wood?

[A]

Is this table wood?

[F]

I think it's laminate.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, that's good.

[B]

That's close enough.

[C]

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[E]

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[D]

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[E]

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[C]

3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra.

[B]

See full [e-mail] rake up your roots and roost your nest 4 foes turn friends and close your quest to find your path first lose your way where flowers bloom all times of day. Cyborg remix. What's up, bow and arrowers? It's the cyborg verse. And I'm here to say I shoot a bow and arrow like it's my job every day.

[D]

Give me that mic. Get out of here.

[A]

What is happening?

[B]

I don't know.

[D]

Give me that.

[B]

I don't know.

[D]

This is my Kyborg. You're not even in here.

[B]

I know. It's not my campaign.

[D]

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Chelsea of the Stinky Dragon. This year, Dungeon Master Gustavo Sorola. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow.

[A]

It's kind of too cold for arrows. They kind of sting more. Could we just, like, try something a little softer?

[C]

Like a pillow?

[D]

Flaming arrow?

[B]

A Nerf dart, perhaps?

[A]

A Nerf dart, that'd be nice.

[C]

Pillow fight.

[A]

Quick, make up an acronym for Nerf instead. Good job, Improv. Let's go.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Roll a few. 20.

[A]

All right. 25. 6. 14.

[D]

So go. 20.

[A]

That's Lane, Chris, Barb, John.

[D]

That's exactly it. The question this episode is. Oh, well, actually it's more of a statement question. So, you guys, since our previous episode, you all have moved up to level eight. That's two levels. So we want you to explain your character's new capabilities in world. How have you been training? What have you been learning? What skills did you acquire? Just give us a little amuse bouche of what's been going on.

[A]

It still makes me laugh. Stupid.

[B]

Hello, I'm Blaine and I play Alexei. Then check. I'm just kidding.

[D]

You started a little boar at you there.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

That's her tavern tale. We're recording that also, and I'm having fun with that.

[C]

It should be out by now, I think.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

If you're listening and you haven't already, you should go check it out. Season two and I play Tolv.

[D]

You who?

[B]

It's me. And. Oh, wow. So much growth. Both from a physical fighting prowess level and on a character level. I've matured so, so much. I guess real quick meta talk. I, with my level 8, have gotten advantage on initiative roles.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

I also can't be like, surprise attacked as long as I'm not like, incapacitated, so I can just act normally, which I think is great.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

And then with my level 8 ability, I have a new feat called savage Attacker. And I basically can roll damage dice. So in my mind, you know, TO has been still shaking from being at the bottom of the sea. And he has lost his combat prowess. So he's kind of been doing like Conan the Barbarian training montages on a free time.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

And, you know, swinging his axe around, flexing his muscles that are actually, you know, robot stuff on under skin that's not his own.

[D]

Either way, he needs to get oiled up.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And are you talking in Toll's voice, but in the third person?

[B]

Tol talks in the third person sometimes.

[F]

Yeah. How weird is it for us to talk in the third person, Dabu.

[A]

But it wasn't even like.

[E]

I don't know if that's.

[A]

That's like fourth person who's like, he does this.

[D]

And I'm like, yeah, he's talking meta talk as Blaine, but speaking as Toll. Talking about Toll.

[B]

One time we had to do talking head interviews for production forever ago. And it broke my brain having to talk in the past. Present.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Anyways. Yeah, no, he's just been like, practicing a lot, I think, with like, the damage strikes and stuff like that. In particular, like, I'm imagining like a bullet time thing where like, maybe he makes a strike, but he makes like, like Sherlock Holmes type adjustments to make

[A]

it, like the perfect hit.

[D]

I see.

[B]

So it's not like time manipulation, but it's like hyper processing.

[D]

I almost think like tiny servos that adjust the exact angle of the blade and whatnot for, like, maximum damage on impact.

[B]

Yeah, whatever, nerd. Yeah, that's what I'm doing.

[A]

I'm going to try out the thing with Tolv where like, you go up and you push the robot really hard and you see if it can, like,

[B]

stabilize itself, you know, Boston Dynamics thing.

[D]

Yeah. Just kick him with a hockey stick.

[C]

I do have a question about Toll's make, now that I'm thinking about it.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Are the muscles that you have on your body, like, from your robot infrastructure or from like, the skin? Like, are the muscles included in your skin suit?

[B]

I think it's the. It's like the skin and I think we've talked about it a little bit. His biology is weird, but I think it just kind of like tethers to the. The Bjorn skin and like just kind of adjusts in size and in shape.

[C]

Very futuristic.

[D]

He's just stuffing chicken breasts under his. Yeah.

[A]

To has implants. Just letting you know.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Hey, I'm not shaming you go, girl.

[D]

Okay, cool. That's a. That's a lot, Tol. I'm curious to see how these play out, because I think there's some very powerful things that you have. You've picked up there?

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Okay, I believe next up was Chris Damaris.

[E]

Hi, I'm Chris Damaris, and I play Gunther, the Crow folk fighter. And I shall tell you what I have learned. First of all, I can know my opponent very good. Now I can study them and learn everything that they have known.

[D]

Everything.

[E]

Well, I know if they're better than me or stronger than me or weaker than me, I can also. I have also learned new fighting techniques where I can trip and I can throw and I can crow.

[B]

You can trip or you can trip someone else?

[E]

I can trip people.

[B]

Really?

[E]

Trip attack. Trip attack.

[C]

Oh, is that like a bonus?

[E]

It's a maneuver like so with my little purity die, and I can, like, knock them down.

[A]

It goes with an attack, doesn't it?

[E]

Yeah, yeah. When I hit with an attack.

[A]

Yeah, it's like a modified attack where this attack, I'm gonna hit them and they're gonna fall over. That's handy.

[E]

And then I also got. I learned some. I got stronger strength now is no longer negative.

[D]

Stronger what?

[B]

Stronger streaks.

[E]

Strength.

[D]

Oh, strength.

[B]

Oh, oh.

[E]

No longer have negative strength.

[C]

You had negative strength as a fighter?

[E]

Yeah, yeah, because he's Dex built. It makes sense. He's a little flower. I'm just a little guy. I love that.

[A]

Find me.

[E]

And I got the shield mast. I'm getting better with my shield. I can be people with it.

[C]

You can hit people with your shield.

[B]

Is that like a bonus or is that like a unarmed kind of attack?

[E]

It's like a feat.

[D]

Can you combine it and trip people with your shield swipe.

[E]

It does. Yeah. And now I'm looking at it. Now I'm saying this aloud. I'm like, maybe I should have picked a different trip. Trip instead of trip, because they're kind of repetitive.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[D]

I was like, commit, commit.

[A]

It's great.

[E]

I get two chances.

[B]

I mean, that's what happens when you upgrade five minutes before the recording.

[E]

No, I did it. I did it the other night, but I was sleepy.

[C]

That's full Chris talking.

[D]

So, metagame wise, like, what does Gunther do to acquire these skills?

[E]

Oh, do you see? I've been. I have been. I've been thinking a lot about. I've been watching with my eyes and saying, look at them. What could they be doing? And then I go and fight. And then I say, oh, I was right or wrong. And then I learned from that. I studied how to study, and that's how I can survey people. And then also I've been practicing just blocking and Hitting with my shield and throwing things. I've just been fighting. I would sometimes sneak up on Tov and I go, haha. And I attack. But he cannot be surprised by me.

[B]

Yes. I have advantage on the initiatives that I cannot be surprise attacked. So we are.

[E]

It never works.

[B]

No, but we have fun here on camp. It keeps Natty awake, but we still have fun.

[D]

For the older audience, it's a very like, Inspector Clouseau, Cato kind of relationship going on there.

[A]

I love that relationship. I've been watching the old Pink Panther movies and it's just so great. The first time they introduced Cato into the movie series and he like, he's just really determined to attack Clouseau at the worst possible time. It's so good. It's such a dumb movie. I love him.

[D]

Classic. Classic. All right. Is that all of your stuff, Gunther?

[E]

Yeah, it's enough.

[D]

Okay. It's enough. All right, all right. I don't remember who was next. I believe, Barbara, you were next.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes. Hello, everyone.

[F]

I'm Barbara Dunkelman and I play Doug Boon, the Artificial Bugbear. And I actually, the other night, the Veiled Eye came to me in a dream and he showed me things, he reminded me of things. And, you know, it made me a skill expert.

[B]

Ooh.

[F]

Oh, yes, Skill experts. Specifically in insight history. And I, you know, I got to increase my intelligence a little bit, even though, you know, I know what you guys are thinking. Doug, isn't your intelligence at the maximum amount it could possibly be. And for that I say thank you, but no. Always more to learn.

[B]

Doug, you misread this. It says you're a kill expert.

[F]

I could never.

[A]

An S. Kill expert. That's S Level tier.

[F]

Oh, S. Wow.

[C]

So, yes, metagame wise, I took a feat called skill expert, where I gain an ability score increase, which I chose intelligence and then skill proficiency. You gain proficienc in one skill of my choice and expertise. You choose one skill in which you have proficiency but lack expertise, you gain expertise with that skill. So I chose Insight History and intelligence score increase.

[B]

That's handy for this campaign because I feel like we keep making those rolls.

[C]

And I also got another cool ability with my leveling up called Flash of genius.

[B]

Ooh.

[C]

For this. It's when you or another creature you can see within 30ft of you makes an ability check or a saving throw. I could use my reaction to add plus four to that roll.

[B]

Dang.

[C]

So if I could see you, I could have a flash of genius to help you.

[B]

Barbara, I gotta say this Is really good. I mean, can you imagine if you'd done, like, Trip Twice, how silly that would have been?

[C]

No reaction from Chris on that one.

[B]

Chris is frozen.

[E]

I was reading up about my shield bashing. Sorry.

[C]

Instead of listening to us speak directly

[B]

about Did I really equ. Trip like some version of Trip Twice.

[D]

I feel like we would, like, pan over to Gunther and instead of SHIELD bash, he'd be like, kit bashing. He'd have, like, multiple, like, Mech Gundams that he'd be putting together. Trying to make something cool out of them. Like. No, Gunther, put that away.

[C]

Also, my flash of genius. I could use it four times per long rest.

[A]

Wow. Oh, yes.

[B]

That's a feat.

[C]

No, that's just something I get with my reactions for I think level eight.

[A]

That seems probably a trait then.

[D]

Yeah, that seems broken. That seems super powerful.

[C]

Yeah. Starting at seventh level. So I guess I got it would have gotten at seven new Lucky just dropped. So you gained the ability to come up with solutions under pressure. When you or another creature you could see within 30ft makes an ability or saving throw, you can use your reaction to add my intelligence modifier, which is plus four to the roll.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

So we got two of our party that have added processing speed to themselves.

[F]

Yes.

[D]

More ram.

[B]

It's very hard to come by these days.

[C]

Yeah, that was. I considered that. I. I saw that was added at my level, and I was like, let me make sure I increase my intelligence score if I can, so that I have even more to use.

[B]

Because before, I was like, why would you upgrade your intelligence if it's already so high? But now it's like, you're like, we're brain powers. You know it.

[E]

Great. So good.

[B]

All right, Natty, tell us how you became a more proficient killer.

[C]

S. Killer.

[A]

Hello, everybody. I'm John Reisinger, and I play Natty Wonder, who is a drow warlock drag queen mother. And I don't think I necessarily got anything with our training time that helps me become a better killer. I'm just already so good at that. You don't. I don't need to improve it, but what I can improve is I've kind of worked on two routes of my being to become better, but they kind of meet at the end. The first is is that I've upgraded as a mom. I always thought, you know, dang, my mommas, they see everything. They almost got eyes in the back of their heads. I didn't know that was a thing that you got as a mom. Eventually, the more that you, like, raised your Youngins and I now have the ability to see through stuff. I can see through walls. I can see through, you know, the floor, the ceiling, a rock, you name it.

[D]

Lead.

[A]

Oh, it says, no lead. Just kidding.

[C]

I was gonna say all buildings from now on are made of complete lead.

[A]

No. And so, metawise, Natty has ghostly gaze, which I loved partly because it says gaze once for short rest. As an action, you gain the ability to see through solid objects with dark vision. So that's like, basically gray, black, and white to a range of 30ft.

[C]

For one minute, I feel like ghostly gaz is the phrase that perfectly encapsulates the majority of your D and D characters.

[B]

Yeah, it's like ghostly gaze. Isn't that just petit confess?

[A]

And so that helps me be a better mama. And I've actually. I've grown closer with my wife, who. Yes, I said that. What you giggling over there? You wanna share with the class? I just said my wife.

[B]

No. How many fingers am I holding up behind my back?

[A]

I'm not saying. Spending it right now.

[F]

Oh.

[A]

And so with that, I feel like, with my, like, communion with her, being a God and stuff, I've become more favored in that kind of area. And with that, I've kind of grown. She's kind of bestowed upon me some more things to help me be, you know, a better custodian of the harbinger of the apocalypse.

[C]

Most excellent.

[A]

So. And it's so funny. Y' all got better at processing stuff and, like, making decisions better and kind of examining things better. Except for Gunther, who now just trips with his shield. I Now, you know, this is something that every mama wants. You think you're all going to agree with me? I just need a moment to think. Right. I literally have an ability called moment to think.

[E]

Whoa.

[A]

It's a can trip. When you cast this spell, you briefly stop time for everyone but yourself.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

You can take one additional action and move around in your space while no time passes. For other creatures, that action can be used only to take the search, study, or utilize action. So it's not like a go hit somebody. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

It's not that broken, but it's like, do you need a second to think or to move or to check out something or look at something up close?

[F]

So anytime Gustavo pulls out one of those. All right, you got 60 seconds to do this. And he's actually timing us.

[D]

I'm like, I gotta study for a bit.

[F]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Just do the that's so Raven thing, where you're like, it's the future.

[C]

I could see.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Can't affect or damage any creatures or objects other than objects I'm wearing or carrying. If an object leaves my hand, it also becomes frozen in time. So that's cool. Oh, and so, yeah, that's just a bonus action I get to pull every once in a while. It's a cantrip. So I can.

[C]

Yeah, I was gonna say cantrip. You can do that whenever you want, pretty much. Right.

[E]

Wow.

[B]

Got some really good upgrades on the team. And, Gunther,

[A]

it doesn't end there. Because of my divine favor, I also can commune with my wife on a more regular basis. Isn't that so nice?

[C]

How lovely.

[A]

Yeah. I actually have something called ancestral communion. It's a concentration spell, and I invoke the wisdom of my ancestors to gain insight into my trials when I cast the spell. And at the start of each of my turns for the duration, I gain heroic inspiration, if I don't already have it. So it's kind of like a buffer or a buff that I can pull. And then during the combat, I get heroic inspiration, which is basically like. Almost like a lucky roll.

[D]

It's interesting that something having to do with communing with your ancestors allows you to commune with your wife. I didn't realize Natty was from Mississippi.

[A]

I'll have you know, Gustavo, that my ancestors have been communing with the God of death for a very long time. We've always been fans of her.

[B]

So she's robbing the cradle is what you're saying.

[A]

No, I mean, I guess any God to date an immortal would be like, really dating someone younger than you. But I'm. I'm old enough. I'm a big girl.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

And then one more thing comes with this thing. It's.

[D]

Wait, there's more.

[A]

It's a feat.

[B]

It's a warlock.

[A]

Feat is what I sham.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

But this one's another. Like, it's kind of similar. I have augury, which is kind of like a divination that you can do where it's fun. This is something you have to help me with, Gus. Here's what's funny. It says by casting gem inlaid sticks or rolling dragon bones, laying out ornate cards. I thought when it said that. I thought it said when laying out ornate candies. And I thought that sounded even more fun. I can employ blah, blah, blah, and ask the, you know, the fake to give me guidance on something that I'm going to make a decision on the next 30 minutes. And then, Gus, you have four options that you can respond with. They sound like severance things. One is wheel W A E A L for good results, woe for bad results, Wheel and woe for like come see comm sa and nothing for results that aren't especially good or bad.

[D]

Yeah, I think you all used augury once in Campaign two, if I'm remembering right.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Just real fast to circle back on the X ray vision thing. That's always interesting to me because I always wonder like when does it stop? If there's someone just on the other side of a wall you're looking through, are you looking through them too? Is it like a depth of field thing where you like focus in where you know exactly within the 30ft that that X ray vision stops?

[A]

Yeah, I mean I think that's something that like John the comic book reader has always seen artists depict. Is that like those who have that ability, it's kind of like a focus. Kind of like how I'll focus on something further away. It's kind of the same thing and that can adjust how far you're seeing through.

[B]

But whenever she uses it, she goes very cross eyed. It's quite funny.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

That's why she wears the sunglasses. Private Mark Book runs up to you, Gunther salutes and asks what are your orders, sir?

[E]

Defend at all costs. Do not let them in.

[B]

Defend at all costs. Understood. We'll take care of it, sir.

[E]

They are coming.

[D]

And as he turns to scramble away to defend the walls, the sky cracks with lightning and thunder. A downpour of rain begins to fall, but not of water, of blood. You turn back to look for Mark Book, but he's gone. One after another, the soldiers are being snatched into the sky as if by invisible streams, screaming as they disappear behind blood soaked clouds. A rat realization falls on all of you. Every soldier now snatched into the sky was human. You find yourselves hilariously outmatched. And the UNDERMI is nearly on your doorstep. So you all are standing there on the ramparts at Fort Meo, watching the Undarian vanguard approach. All four of you, make me a perception check.

[B]

You've got it.

[A]

What's a vanguard?

[D]

It's like the, the you say like the tip of the spear, the very like forward positions of a. Of an attacking army.

[A]

Okay, I thought it was something like that, but you know, you don't know, ask questions. 15, 21 9.

[B]

It's also an SUV made by Toyota, but you know, I'm sorry, I was so busy trying to remember who made that perception. Thank you Barbara. One step ahead. That's lifelong friend. Fifteen.

[D]

I got you so Yeah, I would say everyone except Natty. Natty, you're just, like, awestruck watching the vanguard approach, which. Thank you for asking. You know, our listeners might not know what a vanguard is, too, so it's good task.

[B]

Question.

[D]

Questions. Anyway, Natty is so awestruck watching the vanguard approach that she does not hear the rumbling coming from behind her. The other three of you, however, hear a rumbling noise within Fort Meadow itself.

[A]

Gigi, he's hungry.

[D]

It almost sounds like a rumbling sound followed by loud thumps and the sound of, like, stones scraping against stone.

[A]

Are we getting. And do. Is. We got. Sorry. I don't know. Hey, you guys, look at that vanguard. They got nice outfits. They're.

[C]

They're.

[A]

Look at them. All matching and clean. Hey, did anybody else hear anything and want to. Want to talk about it?

[E]

Can we look behind the other side? And is it coming from below us or behind us?

[D]

Yeah, like, behind and below, like, in the courtyard of the fort.

[E]

Can we go look?

[D]

You turn around and look, and as you turn around, you see what appears to be a large marble statue walking out of the keep into the courtyard of Fort Meado. Oh, I Bloodbather.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[E]

Bloodbather Children is humans pure sweet. I rescue children from mortalion now safe with Bloodbather in Hyra. They stay with Bloodbather till dum dum war over.

[D]

And with that, the statue turns around and walks back into the keep.

[E]

Did anyone else see that?

[F]

I thought I was the only one who saw that, but you guys saw that too.

[E]

I tell you, sometimes before you die, you see your life flash, but sometimes you're like, this isn't even my life. This is just a weird statue man talking.

[F]

I mean, I feel like we've seen a lot of weird stuff lately, so this just gets added to the pile.

[B]

So the stat. I'm so sorry. I was thinking of, like, how this is the season Smartian. What was that? Jim Glurb.

[D]

Whatever.

[B]

What was that guy named the. The season two campaign?

[D]

Jim Glurb.

[B]

Jim Glurb. That was his name, right?

[C]

It was the. I think it was the. The gems of Glurb art.

[B]

Yeah, there was, like, the big crystal man. Anyways, I didn't hear a word that this guy said. He said he was here to help us and he's gonna protect the fort.

[C]

Yeah, he's gonna protect the children.

[D]

Totally.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

All right. Did he go? Could we go talk to him? Can we go hang out?

[D]

Yeah, he went back into the keep.

[E]

Can we go hang? Chill. I'm gonna go hang out. With that dude.

[B]

He came out, he's like, I'm here to help. And then he leaves. Is that what I'll.

[D]

I'll repeat what he said.

[E]

Okay, thank you.

[D]

Just to be safe.

[E]

I Bloodbather. Bloodbather Children is humans. Pure sweet. I rescue children from mortalion now. Safe with Bloodbather and Hyra. They stay with Bloodbather till dum dum war over.

[B]

Okay, so he. He raptured the humans?

[C]

Yes, he's saying that like his children are the humans and that he's going to protect them.

[A]

And they're in Hyra.

[C]

Okay, we'll rescue them from the mortalion.

[E]

Do we count as is it? When we say humans, he's referring to us.

[A]

No, you're not. A human.

[D]

Is a frog a humanoid?

[A]

Yeah. You're not.

[E]

Okay, all right. Well, you know, it's a weird thing in DD because it's like.

[A]

No, it's not. There's an actual race called humans.

[E]

No, but you know, humanoids.

[D]

Humanoid is just like a general broad classification. You know, you're walking upright, two arms, two legs. It's just for like combat classification purposes.

[B]

Two belly buttons, completely normal, normal stuff.

[C]

And did he mean humanoids or actual like specifically humans?

[B]

I think human humans. Cuz those were the guys that disappeared when this stuff went down.

[D]

Correct.

[B]

Which you know, color me surprised, because I just thought you were one very hairy human. But I guess you're not. You're. What do you, what do you refer to yourself as? A bug bear.

[F]

Are you talking to me?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[F]

Oh yeah, a bug bear. Definitely not human.

[B]

Bug bail.

[D]

Okay, okay, everyone make a dexterity saving throw.

[E]

Oh, you're being shot with arrows again.

[A]

Do I have to be hit with the airs as well? Because I was just waiting for them to stop talking. I'm just messing. I'm just messing.

[B]

17 Dirty 27.

[A]

15.

[D]

15's the number you were looking for. So everyone except Doug succeeds with that. A Doug the human. A volley of arrows lands in the fort all around you, piercing you. If you saved on your say, if you made the save, I should say you take 11 points of piercing damage, Doug. However, for failing, you take 22 points of piercing damage. It seems like all the arrows have little pieces of paper tied to them.

[C]

Oh, are they all questions for us from the audience?

[D]

Take an inspiration, doc. That's really good.

[A]

Barb's on fire. Barb's on fire today.

[C]

Could Doug pop one out of him and read one of what the paper says?

[D]

I'm gonna slack it to you, Barbara.

[F]

That one Smarted. All right, this one says. Oh, guys, this says, time's up, Eldarion, Overlord and Sunslayer Infinite. Wow, they really. They have a nice signature on it.

[E]

They did this on every single arrow. That is such a waste of time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did he, like, copy all of these? Do they have, like, a team, or did she just sit right every. I mean, there must be thousands of them.

[E]

Ah, yes. Let me check this one.

[D]

Yeah, it. Yours. Yours says the exact same thing. Gunpowder.

[E]

I wonder about this one. Let me check this one here.

[A]

Natty would like a moment to think.

[B]

Okay. But I found one that has a typo. This one says, says, tim's up. That's very embarrassing.

[E]

Who is Tim?

[D]

Are you stopping time to have your moment to think, Natty?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Okay. Time, pause.

[A]

Time pause. Time, pause.

[B]

Timeout.

[E]

What is Zack Morris.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so this is. This is just like. This is for everyone's benefit, just to re. To kind of like. Natty's gonna take this time to map out what we're looking at here in its entirety. So we're at the keep, or we're at the ramparts ahead of the keep.

[D]

Correct.

[A]

That surround the keep. Surround the keep, or block it off. And then in front of us is the entire. Or what seems to be the entire Undarian army. And do we see Infernus with the vanguard?

[D]

No, you see, the vanguard is about. Let's say more or less, about 50 undarians.

[C]

Also, I just want to make sure Infernus is referring to herself as both the Undarian Overlord and Sun Slayer.

[F]

Correct.

[C]

It's not two different people. Okay. At first I was like, is this two different.

[A]

It's like your little extra titles, you know?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[A]

And then the marble dude, he came out and went back into the keep. And so it's just the four of us, plus our kouterman of NPCs and stuff hanging out here on the ramparts.

[D]

Correct. There are a few non human Mortalion soldiers left within the fort as well.

[A]

Oh, okay. Then I'm gonna. I'm gonna do another thing because. And this is again, for the benefit of everybody, can I do augury?

[D]

Yes. Look at you, putting all your abilities to use immediately.

[A]

Well, we're like. We're like, at a crossroads. So I'm like, well, let me think for a second, and then let me get some advice on.

[B]

What did you call me? Ugly?

[C]

No. Odd.

[A]

All right. Natty takes some bones, Dim bones from the bag of bones she keeps for Giggy to chew on all the time. Puts them on the ground and asks, is this a battle we should fight or not?

[D]

So you're asking is this a battle we should fight or not? Was that your wording?

[A]

Yeah, maybe. Since the the results are either good results, bad results, or both good and bad, what's gonna happen if we try to fight? How about that? That help you out, Gus?

[C]

Yeah, like, are we gonna, like, should we try to flee versus yeah.

[B]

And so it's that thing when you throw the bones down, they form a shape and then you can glean some sort of message from it. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Well, this one just makes a skull. I don't know if that's good or bad.

[E]

But it's also. He's throwing a scene school.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I'm so confused. This one's that cool s symbol that I used to write to my journal back during basic training.

[A]

Stop it. We can't make stucy references in every campaign of this show.

[C]

Just watch us, John.

[D]

Oh, can we?

[B]

We've all been there. You're online shopping. You got all those action figures in your cart. You got the discount codes entered. You're ready to go to proceed with the purchase. And then you realize your wallet is across the house. Worse, you left it in the car. But then the miracle happens. Oh, it's the purple Shopify pay button. It has all your info saved for a quick and simple checkout process. Boy, howdy do I love Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Gymshark and Chubby's to brands just getting started. For those fellow small business owners out there like me, you can get the word out with Shopify. Like you have whole marketing team behind you. You can easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. Hey, what if you get stuck? You got this problem that you can't figure out. Well, Shopify is always around to share advice with their award winning 24. 7 customer support CLS carts go abandoned and more sales go with Shopify and their shop pay button. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com dragon go to shopify.com one more time. That's shopify.com dragon this time of year

[G]

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[D]

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[D]

You toss the bones onto the ground and cast augury. And looking at the bones, when they land on the ground, they almost, to your eye, appear to form a skull kind of shape on the ground.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

Which you interpret and you know as meaning, whoa.

[A]

Whoa. Okay.

[E]

Like, whoa.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Time in so I can talk to my teammates.

[E]

You dropped your skull.

[B]

There's all these bones on the ground. Someone, they need you to clean this mess up.

[A]

Hey, I got a little insight. This ain't a fight we should do. Okay. I know it's kind of obvious since seeing as how it's just like basically us, us versus all the Indarians. So, yeah, either we go into the keep or we go even further and just get out of here.

[E]

Because I retreat to the keep and go talk to the big stone man.

[D]

There is also just to make sure you're aware of all your options, I should say, you know, you can of course go in the keep if you want. You could try to escape somehow. Whether that's going in a direction, maybe escaping to the canyon or back in the direction you came from.

[A]

I like that.

[D]

You could try to bulldoze through, try to push your way through and see if you can break the vanguard charge in Order to escape on the other side. I mean, it's really up to you guys.

[A]

Yeah. My vote is we get out of here.

[D]

Who's team leader?

[E]

I guess I am. I am.

[D]

I think.

[E]

Let us go talk to the bloodbaiter real quick just to see what's up with him.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Okay. So we'd be going. He went into the temple?

[D]

Yeah, he went back into the.

[C]

The keep.

[D]

But you do. But that is a good note. You do know, you remember in the previous episode that there is a temple to the Blood Bather inside the keep. I'm sure that's why you said that.

[E]

Right. Probably hanging out in there.

[C]

I have that written down.

[A]

All right, let's go. Let's go.

[D]

All right, you walk back into the keep and you find the temple, which you know is referred to as the Basilica of the Blood Bather. And you see bronze armor pieces and weapons that mask and mend a derelict stone temple, which is in the center of the fort in the keep. Inside, you see that there are inner walls painted red. Or is it blood? It seems like there were a few rooms in here that served as triage for wounded soldiers. And there's a muscular marble statue of a bronze armored man, which is the statue that went out and spoke a little while ago. And there's a red bronze shield that hangs on the wall.

[B]

Is this like his size shield or our size shield?

[D]

It's a pretty big shield. Well, looking at it, you see his scale? Yeah. It's hanging on the wall. It's painted red.

[B]

There's runes on it. They look like wb.

[E]

Interesting.

[D]

And it seems like it's been used. It's maybe not just an art piece. It appears like it's actually been used in combat.

[E]

The Bloodbather statue that's there, is it still animated?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

No, it is unmoving. It is a muscular marble statue of a man dressed in bronze armor, wielding a bronze sword. And it drips with blood.

[E]

But that's not the one we saw before.

[D]

It is the same one.

[E]

It is the same, same one.

[C]

He's just not animated anymore.

[B]

He woke up, said, hey, I'm taking all the humans, but none of you other guys because I'm xenophobic. And then he just went back. And he went back to sleep.

[E]

Okay, maybe he's not as cool as we thought.

[D]

No.

[B]

Maybe we shave Doug to look like a human, and then we convince him that he's missed one.

[E]

If this is.

[F]

If you guys have ever seen. All right. Have you ever seen a bear?

[E]

When you shave it, they look weird.

[B]

I've never seen those.

[E]

Google it.

[B]

All right, I'm gonna pull up the Google.

[E]

Don't ask me why I know this.

[F]

I'm telling you, you don't want it in here.

[D]

In the Basilica, there appears to be one bishop remaining who's walking around tending to some of the wounded soldiers. Wounded non human soldiers who are still here.

[A]

Is he walking in? Only diagonal lines.

[D]

Nice. That's a chess joke. It's an intelligent podcast.

[C]

Do you have a question about this?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You said his sword was dripping with blood.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Do we see anyone wounded around here that like, may have been injured by him and his sword?

[D]

It seems like there are some injured soldiers, but it doesn't seem necessarily like they're freshly injured.

[A]

I think it's a feature.

[D]

Yeah. Like the entire statue as a whole is dripping blood. Not just the sword, but yeah, the sword is also.

[B]

If I had to take a guess, it was probably like a ritual thing where they have to give blood to him.

[C]

He's called the Blood Bather. So maybe he's just. Yeah, always needing to be bathed in blood.

[B]

Yeah, they're like paying tribute or whatever.

[C]

Boy, would this be a fun room for a different character.

[D]

Yeah, Chip would love this.

[B]

Can I approach the bishop?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Tolv to be 10. It's a chess joke. Hey, you. Can we summon this guy or is he like taking, as Natty calls it, nanies?

[D]

This bishop is a half dwarf with brown hair. He's kind of bow legged, wearing a bronze breastplate, and he's got a bronze sword at his side. And much like the statue, his skin is also covered in blood or red paint. I don't know, it's kind of weird. And so you approach him and ask your question, Toll. And what was your question again? I'm sorry, I was too busy looking at this. If.

[A]

No, you're good.

[B]

If we can summon the Blood Bather, bring him back. Or is he just like, back to being out of it, bro?

[E]

I don't know. That was really weird.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Okay.

[F]

Have you ever seen him do that before?

[E]

No. Why are you covered in blood? This is the Basilica of the Blood Bather.

[B]

Why does it sound like you have a Jolly Rancher in your mouth, bro?

[E]

You want one? Are you holding back on us? I've got watermelon.

[B]

I'll go pass.

[E]

I think we need to sneak past. Maybe we decorate ourselves like bad guys and sneak.

[C]

Why do we need to disguise ourselves?

[E]

Oh, because we need to continue going past them, I guess. And they're all in the way.

[B]

Gunther Saying it's a dead end with the Bloodbather. So we have to get out of the fort.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

Got it. I think we could probably. I think we could probably skedaddle out of here without having to make ourselves look like Andarians. And we just be sneaky because there's. We. We can go to. We can go to the canyon.

[F]

I think so too.

[B]

I think I am in agreement. I think that, you know, the fort is lost.

[E]

Fortunately, the fort is lost.

[D]

Well, imagine your post.

[B]

Okay, let's calm down.

[E]

Let's have some calm now. Officers abandoning us.

[B]

They are you. No. Yes and no. We're going to make a strategic retreat. The humans are safe because the Blood Bather took care of them. So we're going to get the non humans, and I believe we should get them to retreat with us and maybe protect them so that we do not lose more forces.

[C]

Is there any sort of information in this temple about the history of the Bloodbather?

[D]

The temple itself seems pretty.

[A]

There's an audio tour you can do in about three hours.

[C]

I'm picturing, like, the plaques in front of the statue.

[B]

Brother of the Mud Bather. Oh, interesting.

[A]

Oh, there's a button here in front of the statue, and he moves when you push it.

[E]

Oh.

[B]

Established in 1845, the blood bather Temple.

[D]

There's not much to this temple itself. You did hear some legends previously. I'll tell you what, Doug, since you're looking around trying to see if there's anything more to this basilica, why don't you make me an investigation check just to see if there's anything else?

[C]

Sure.

[D]

And just while you're doing that, just as an overview, there is, you know, this statue. There's that shield which was on the wall, and there's also that triage area with cots that seem to be for wounded combatants, wounded members of the Mortalia.

[C]

I'm going to use my inspiration knight because I rolled a two. All right, cool. That's better. 20.

[B]

Ooh, nice.

[D]

20. Yeah. You look around and there's really not much else. However, you do notice that under the statue, there seems to be some type of emblem on the ground.

[C]

Could I look at the emblem?

[D]

It's only partially visible.

[F]

Okay.

[D]

You might have to, like, because he's standing on it. Right. You might have to, like, shove the statue or find a way to look under it.

[F]

All right, Mr. Bloodbatho, I apologize. If you're still in there, I'm gonna have to just Moji on over here.

[C]

And I think he would, like, wiggle his Way over to the emblem and stand on it.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Or push the statue. You mean so you can see the emblem?

[D]

Yeah, it's pretty heavy. I won't make you go through the checks because we'll just end up. Keep rolling until it works.

[A]

But listen, if Link can do this in dungeons, Bugbears can do this in dungeons.

[D]

Yeah, it's a really heavy statue. It takes a lot of effort and you probably have to involve some of your. But you're able to move the statue a little bit and, you know, it just. It does scrape the ground a bit and leave a little bit of scoring.

[C]

It's very animal crossing esque moment.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. However, you see that there was an emblem beneath the statue that was being obscured, and it's a starry eye.

[C]

Oh, like the veiled eye?

[D]

Yeah, it's the symbol of the veiled eye.

[A]

That's weird.

[C]

I mean, it isn't and isn't because I think the veiled eye was the one who told us to come to Mito Canyon.

[A]

Maybe this. Maybe this was like his place before the Blood People took over.

[F]

Oh, it's very possible.

[B]

Yeah. That was something where it's like there was like some sort of disruption and then all of the gods kind of got messed up in their lore, so then they started taking them literally. So, like, maybe the Blood Bather is one of those. I don't know.

[E]

Oh, yes.

[D]

I tell you what, I'm going to interrupt you for a second, John, give yourself an inspiration die.

[B]

I'll take one too.

[A]

Why?

[C]

Yeah, what's he getting the inspiration die for?

[D]

There's some good, good thinking going on by John there.

[E]

What did John say? I say it again.

[A]

Pay attention.

[E]

I was bit.

[A]

What are you going to say, Chris?

[E]

I was paying attention, but I say it again because I was there. Everyone was talking at once.

[B]

He said maybe this was the Veiled Eyes temple, but it got misappropriated to the Blood Bather.

[E]

Oh, okay.

[A]

So Natty wants to go over and. Can Natty pull the shield, see if it comes off the wall?

[D]

Yeah, you, you know, you give the shield a bit of a pull and it's not like super fixed, you know, you wouldn't say it was glued to the wall. It's like hanging on some hooks on the wall. So it's actually pretty easy to pull off. Yeah, yeah. You're able to, you know, pull it off of the wall. And the bishop goes, I wouldn't do

[E]

that if I were you.

[A]

Hey, who's the superior officer?

[E]

Okay. All right.

[A]

Why wait? Why why? You said that kind of in, like, a warning way. Why shouldn't I do it? Is it because you. Is it like a feng shui thing? Or is it like. Hey, that's not yours.

[E]

Well, it's a temple.

[A]

Okay. Okay, I pull it off. Is there anything on the wall or underneath the shield or anything like that? I'm looking for stuff.

[D]

I'll tell you what. Make me.

[C]

Tell me what.

[D]

Make me an. Let's call it a religion check.

[A]

Oh, I'm actually proficient in that. I finally get to use that dirty 20.

[D]

Okay, you don't see anything physical, right? There's nothing, like, hidden behind the shield. There's nothing written on the back of the shield. However, you feel like this shield is imbued with some kind of magic. Some kind of. Some kind of, like, almost like a blood magic question mark.

[C]

Blood magic.

[A]

Scale to Natty. Is this, like, Natty could hold this? Or Natty could sleep under this.

[D]

You could sleep under it.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

It's not super. Let's say it's Natty's size.

[A]

Okay, well, I don't really use a. Hey, Tov. Yeah, I know you got a special shield that, like, glows up when you see your kin.

[B]

Yeah, sure do.

[A]

Do you want to hold on to another one?

[B]

Like, I'm just, like, Mr. Shield now. Like, Captain Shield.

[A]

Captain Shield. It's Shield man from Mega Man. Actually, I'm gonna go over to the Bishop, and I'm like, all right.

[B]

What's it.

[A]

Was this the bloodbathers? Is this his? Well, Regent says, are you Scooby Doo?

[E]

Who's reginned?

[D]

Slight Scooby Doo voice. Raspy inserts ours into words. Eg.

[E]

Rut Row.

[A]

Okay, I guess it's the first time we picked up on that. Okay. Okay. So this is the Blood Bathers. Can we. I, as a superior officer, would like to borrow this.

[E]

Well, you're the boss.

[D]

And he salutes you.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

I like this powerful.

[D]

Doug has some power.

[F]

Well, okay. Yeah, he does. I'm just observing.

[A]

Did Doug tell us about Doug's, like, little moment with the Veiled Eye?

[C]

I would think so, yeah.

[B]

There wasn't one collective thing that was just Doug.

[A]

Oh, that's a good question.

[C]

That's something I didn't write down. If that was just me, I think. Yeah, with the Veiled Eye and Maestro and Pharynx and stuff like that. That was everybody, right?

[A]

Or is that just me and Doug? Because we were outside with the tarot.

[D]

That was all four?

[E]

No, because we went and joined you.

[A]

Okay. That was awful. Okay. Okay, cool.

[D]

Right, well, you two were walking through the or, the other two were walking through the courtyard to the keep, and you got sucked in as well.

[B]

Okay, I'm glad you guys were there because I had a moment with them at the Lava Snakes temple and I thought I was going crazy.

[A]

Volcaniconda. Put some respect on her name.

[B]

Forgive me. Forgive me.

[A]

All right, I'm out of ideas. I thought this shield would have given more answers, but it's just like a special shield. I don't know. I don't know what it's special for. It feels like it's blood magic special, but I don't know what to do with it.

[B]

Okay, how about you cut open your hand and put blood on it?

[A]

Smart. Natty pulls a little blade out of her hair, cuts her hand and puts the blade back in her hair.

[E]

Gross cute.

[A]

And smears it over the shield.

[B]

You wrote toll socks with an X. What the heck?

[F]

I don't think she wrote that, but

[A]

it seems like it just filled in cracks.

[F]

Like a. A Rorschach test maybe, where you're seeing things that you're deeply thinking.

[D]

It's like, again, like augury. It shows up. In a way.

[A]

The gods have spoken.

[B]

Oh, geez.

[D]

You feel like a magical aura fill in around you, giving you some type of protection.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Natty does.

[A]

Yeah, I feel stronger, so I feel like Natty would want to hold onto this. But you said it's so big. Can Natty, like, hold onto it?

[D]

Yeah, I'll say. It's surprisingly light.

[A]

Okay. I'm not much of it.

[D]

I mean, you're able to get it off the wall.

[A]

Okay. Natty's. Can I equip this? I feel like I'm taking up so much of this podcast time with this shield. I want to move on.

[D]

Yeah, if you can use a shield, sure.

[A]

Oh, shoot. How do you.

[C]

Hmm.

[A]

What am I?

[D]

I don't think your class typically can.

[A]

Okay, I don't want it. Then who wants it?

[E]

It's probably too big for me.

[A]

Okay. Tolv, would you like another shield that, like, you could leave your, like, your Bluetooth one on your back. And this one you could use for like, actual aura stuff.

[B]

Yeah, I'm down for that. Is that cool? Can I take this?

[A]

You don't have blood, though, so you're gonna have to ask for help.

[B]

Okay. I know.

[E]

Or it'd be blood of your enemies.

[B]

That's cool. I like that.

[C]

All right, well, yeah, if Natty put her blood on the shield, but Tolva's the one holding it does Natty still feel that effect of the like, what do you say, Gus? Like protection?

[A]

Did putting down the shield change my status?

[D]

So Natty put blood on the shield, then hands it to Tol. Then you're asking if does Tol feel protected or does Natty still feel protected?

[A]

I bet you Tol does.

[D]

Natty, you still feel the protection.

[A]

Oh, so the blood of whoever puts it on the shield gets protection?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Okay, that's weird.

[E]

Oh.

[D]

However you feel like it is beginning to wane and wear off.

[A]

Hey, it's fine.

[B]

Throwing sketti at the wall. Maybe if we put blood on the bloodbather, maybe that does something.

[D]

I don't know.

[B]

I'll cut Toll's like a little servo open to get some hydraulic fluid, which is essentially his blood.

[C]

It's your lifeblood.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I just go.

[A]

I thought it'd be like oil.

[E]

I think we need to retreat out of here before they come and get us. Probably we should rally the troops, maybe set some home alone type traps as we leave and then retreat. What about Reverend Droopies? Am I to go with you?

[A]

Is that your name?

[D]

Reverend Drupes?

[E]

Reverend, yes, of course. We could never leave you here alone, Reverend Droopies. Were you laughing at me?

[A]

Is that your name?

[F]

I just didn't realize. I just didn't realize you were Reverend. I thought you were a bishop. Oh, wait. Are those two different things? I don't know. I don't know. I'm not great.

[C]

Barbara's not great with religion information.

[B]

We like to call.

[A]

We.

[B]

We like to call Doug. Reverend Dooby

[F]

Dooby. Dooby doo.

[A]

You probably should lock the door. Maybe if you got a couple of locks, use those. Maybe put, like, a couch up against that door and then point us to the back door. Okay, this is all strategy. Okay?

[D]

Yeah, yeah. You've already intimidated Reverend Doopies into respecting the chain of command, so he will do as you ask. Okay, so he begins trying to pull out logs and arrange. Getting some cots ready to barricade the door.

[E]

I guess you could leave out of the northern part of the fort.

[A]

Where's that lead to?

[E]

Ropen Field.

[A]

I'm sorry, I can't take you seriously.

[F]

Just an open field. I think that's okay. As someone who also has trouble saying some words, I understand you, Gus.

[A]

Is that an open field? That is, like, towards a direction that is not from where we came from?

[D]

Yeah. So the main portcullis to this fort, you all entered from the southern. Southern side of the fort. So, you know, exiting the north Would be essentially the back. And then the I believe you all came from kind of like the west west slash northwest kind of direction here. And then the Undarians and the canyon are to the east of the fort.

[E]

And where were we trying to get to?

[B]

We're trying to get to the canyon is probably our best means of escape. Otherwise we have to go through them.

[A]

So.

[D]

Well, you just to clarify, you will have to go through them. They are coming from the direction of the canyon. So if you want to go to the canyon, you will have to either barrel through them or sneak around them in some way to get to the canyon.

[A]

How about sneaking?

[E]

Sneaking sneak.

[C]

I, I, I, I mean, I know Natty could go into her ring, so that's an easy way to hide at least one of us.

[B]

Yes, and I have disadvantage on stealth, so that's great. Great.

[A]

Helpful.

[F]

It's okay. I could help you with my flash of genius potentially.

[D]

Okay. Before we figure out what we're gonna do with the canyon or wherever you all are going here real fast. I forgot to to say, Blaine, if you want to put that shield in your inventory, you can. It should be called the Bronze Dash blood shield.

[B]

Okay, and then the dash, is that spelled out dash or is that the symbol dash?

[D]

It's the symbol.

[B]

Thank you.

[E]

Thank you.

[B]

Okay. It says blood brother shield found in Mito Canyon. Bronze shield painted in crusty blood. Gross. Bears symbol of the Blood Bather. Bloody bronze sword. I guess that's the symbol. It screams insults at enemies when attacked. That's fun. Trade blood for protection when painted with one's own fresh blood. 5hp worth wear instantly gains the effects of the shield spell. Oh, it has more information. It says Gus owes me one extra inspiration. Die. Okay. Gonna mark that.

[D]

Gussoes me one. That doesn't make sense.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know.

[E]

Strange.

[D]

Okay, yeah, I didn't. Just because we were feeling it out. Natty, I didn't make you take the five hit points worth of damage in that little test run.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

What's the shield spell? Does anyone have that?

[E]

It's like plus five to ac.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Add five to ac.

[E]

Plus five.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I think it's. Mine's a reaction. Yeah.

[E]

Wow.

[D]

But it's only for one turn.

[C]

Minus farts.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Okay. The one Blaine's doing.

[A]

And it costs.

[B]

Can't do magic.

[A]

5 hp. 5 hp.

[B]

I'm just gonna pawn this off when we get the nearest opportunity. Everyone keep their eye on a resale store.

[D]

The interesting thing about the shield spell, just as a quick aside, is that it Also allows you to take no damage from magic missile, which is magic missile you normally can't avoid. So that is, like, a weird, nice quirk of it.

[B]

Oh, so now I'm having, like, building my Batman playing against each of the team members. And that's for natty.

[E]

Well, Matt, she didn't have magic.

[A]

I don't shoot magic missile.

[D]

What do you shoot?

[B]

You always got that one that you shoot.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Elder's blast.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[C]

It is a blast. So I could see the confusion. Missile blast.

[D]

Plasma blast. It's a different campaign. Go to stinky dragonpod.com and listen to C Squad. Season 2.

[A]

Spring starts at the home depot, and we are bringing the heat to your backyard. This season, fire up the flavor with our wide variety of grills for under $300. Like the next grill four burner gas grill. That's perfect for hosting your spring cookout. Then set the scene and turn your

[B]

outdoor space into the go to spot

[A]

the patio sets for every budget. Bring it this season with grills that

[B]

deliver flavor and patios that set the

[A]

vibe from the Home depot. Start your spring with low prices guaranteed

[D]

at the home depot exclusion supplies.

[B]

See homedepot.com pricematch for details.

[E]

Are we not. Are we to abandon everyone here?

[B]

I don't want to do that. I think we need to give them some sort of escape plan so that we can sleep at night.

[E]

Yes. I say we barricade everyone up and make a sneaky retreat. And in the ca.

[C]

I thought he said there was only one bishop in here.

[E]

No, no. Like all the people. The ramparts.

[D]

Correct. There's still some Mortalion members left, and there were a few injured soldiers. I'd say if you had to estimate it, you'd say ballpark. There's probably roughly 30 mortalian members total left.

[C]

Gotcha.

[B]

Boarding them up, that's just. They're just gonna set the building on fire. Cause that's what I would do if I was attacking a base.

[D]

Blaine. Vicious.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

You know, I don't know.

[E]

Can we. Can we round everyone up and make a retreat?

[D]

Yeah, you tell me, Mr. Team Leader. What's the plan?

[E]

We shall round everyone up and make a retreat, for we shall not let them die in vain.

[B]

We should not let them die, period.

[E]

Yeah. Oh, yes.

[D]

That. Okay, what does that look like? You're gonna take everyone and all 30 of you leave to the north together? Or, like, what's the. What's the nuts and bolts here?

[E]

Well, where could they go? Because they don't necessarily need to continue

[D]

onward, but we do they could return in the direction you all came from, to the northwest or so.

[E]

Yeah, I say we tell them away

[D]

from the Undarians, we tell them to

[E]

go return to Fort Indridge or something, and then we try and sneak our way past them in the confusion of. Of abandoning the fort.

[D]

Just to be clear. So they know where to go. You said Fort Endridge or something. You're directing them to go to Fort Endridge. Right.

[E]

What's the nearest safe place? Where the would that be? Fort Indridge.

[D]

I mean, you know that there's, you know, that's a military installation. There's definitely reinforcements and mortality and support there.

[E]

Okay, that makes sense to me. I say we do that.

[D]

Okay, so the plan will be to gather everyone up, exit out of basically the back door of. Of Fort Meadow to the north, and then send the remaining Mortalion about 30 people or so away back toward Fort Endrich, while the four of you sneak around the Undarians to the east, towards the canyon. Am I summarizing the plan correctly?

[E]

Yes.

[D]

Great.

[C]

Doug salutes.

[B]

Also, just for the heck of it, can I, if I find like a piece of wood or something, can I quickly scribe on it? Danger minefield and then just plant it into the ground? Just like we don't have time to actually set up any traps, but just anything that could slow their progress in the courtyard. Yes, I know it sounds stupid, but any level of confusion we can add to this disarray so that we can slow them down.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Because I'm really trying to buy those 30 people time.

[E]

Or if we have any, like, if there are any traps that, like bear traps or things like that we could just quick have people set up as they retreat.

[D]

Sure, yeah, we'll say you're able to start organizing that kind of stuff. And you know, Tolv is able to

[E]

fashion some marbles, you know, around the stairs.

[B]

Paint cans with twine areas.

[E]

Exactly.

[D]

Really home alone. Well, you don't have too much time, so I'll say you at least get the sign and you're home alone. One or two things. And then you round up all of the soldiers and instruct them to make a tactical withdrawal towards Fort Endridge.

[E]

Tactical withdrawal. You protect the injured, do not leave them behind.

[D]

And they begin with as much haste as they can, making their way in that direction. So what are the four of you gonna do as far as like sneaking or trying to. To get around or. What's the plan for you?

[E]

For what do the Undarians look like? Is there anything we could disguise ourselves with either like them or within the environment.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, Undarians, it's a. It's a pretty. What would you say, like a diverse or scattershot type of creatures that.

[A]

Eclectic.

[D]

Eclectic. There you go.

[B]

That's a good word, A vocab on this guy.

[D]

It's an eclectic look of creatures that make up the Undarians. So there's not like one specific look you could go for, but maybe that plays to your advantage.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah. Okay. Maybe we take some of the garb from the dead ones that have been slain and then try and do. It's not gonna be perfect, but it's something.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I have an idea to help Doug.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, Doug, come here. I'm gonna make you look like a really big, scary Andarian. Okay.

[F]

Okay. You can make me look bigger and scarier than I already look?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Okay, so you know you have your. Like your vest that you wear.

[F]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Okay. If you pull that up over your head, you know, like the collar up over your head so that it's almost like a hooded thing.

[F]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But you kind of put a little extra forward. And then as Doug does that, I pick up Gigi and I put Gigi in the hole, face facing out, so that it's Gigi head and bugbear body.

[C]

Okay. So it's like multiple.

[D]

Multiple.

[C]

Yeah. Got it, got it.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Make a kicky roll. Oh, no.

[A]

I mean. Okay, well, first, wait here. Gigi, Mama really needs this one. Okay, Mom. And you, you like Uncle Doug, right? Like the one that. Who's like, don't. Well, there's two things I gotta ask you. Stay there.

[C]

Turns down and goes.

[F]

Hi. Hi, guys.

[A]

Stay there. When I put you in his hood and don't fart. But if you gotta pick one, stay there. Okay.

[F]

Oh, God.

[A]

Okay, now. Hey, I give him a treat and I. I say, I'll let you kill something later. Okay, I'll let you kill something later.

[D]

Why don't we treat this as a pedagogic method of life lessons with Gigi?

[A]

Ah, we haven't done one of those in a while.

[D]

Yeah. So I'm gonna say, you know, this breaks down into whether the lessons are easy, medium or hard. Yeah, I'm going to say this is probably a medium lesson.

[B]

Stay.

[A]

Stay as a medium.

[D]

Well, it's because it breaks down into easy is basic social skills. Medium is slightly more complex, like know the difference, ally, foe or other. So I think you're kind of like riding the line here between like. Like social skills and a slightly more complex lesson. And hard would be Advanced doomsday philosophy, which we're not there.

[A]

Okay, then it. That involves a wisdom check of DC13.

[D]

Correct.

[A]

And I'm rolling with my wisdom modifier. Gosh darn it. It's plus zero. All right, come on.

[D]

Still got a good chance.

[A]

13 or more.

[C]

Good roll.

[A]

17. 17. 17.

[D]

So Gigi not only agrees, but Gigi has learned a lesson here. And this allows his stat block to improve slightly.

[E]

Wow.

[D]

So since this is a medium lesson, with bigger risks come bigger rewards, John. Gigi gains an additional hit die to his hp.

[B]

Okay, I just had a thought. Do you think that we're, like, building a future enemy? And this is not to Natty, and this is not to offend John, but I feel like, like, whenever we need Gigi to cooperate, we pull one of these out, and it makes him stronger, and I'm worried.

[C]

Makes him smarter. Yeah, well, you know.

[D]

Yeah, that's it.

[B]

I'm just.

[C]

It's like, hey, I think what's.

[F]

It's good for Gigi to learn lessons and to learn how important his mama is and how he should always treat his mama and his friends with love and respect. Right, Gigi?

[B]

Okay.

[E]

You can't abandon a child just because they have difficulties. Otherwise, they'll turn out like you. Yes.

[A]

Jeez. Natty puts Gigi up in the hood, gives him a treat, makes a little. Little click sound, you know, to signify the move and to stay. But. But, Gigi, you can look scary as much as you want. You can slobber, you can. You can growl. You need to like, you use that andarian, you know, genes you got inside of you.

[D]

Okay, well, he's also gained an extra hit. Die. So he's a little bigger. He's a little scarier.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

All right, Gigi, hop on top, buddy.

[A]

Doug is sorted.

[B]

I can.

[A]

I can get into my ring.

[F]

So undernight,

[A]

Gunther and Tove, which y' all go gun do to be sneaky.

[E]

How much does gun. Because Gunther's like, frog, like, right? How much does that look like?

[C]

Undarian might be small enough to just be sneaky without having to actually do anything.

[B]

Yeah, you can sneak under my jacket or something. I don't know. You could look like. What's the dude from Total Recall? That's like popping out of that guy's chest.

[D]

Quattro.

[A]

Quat.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

No, quado.

[B]

Quado.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Quattro is the blade that I use.

[A]

Thanks for ruining that movie for me, guys. I'm was waiting to watch that.

[D]

It's only been 40 years. I know.

[C]

Being serious Oh, I know what.

[B]

I know what to will do.

[A]

Just.

[B]

Just a quick on the fly thing. But he's gonna take his Bjorn face mask and flip it inside out.

[E]

There you go.

[A]

Do that. And put Gunther in your back. So you got a hunchback.

[E]

Yeah, they let me do. Yes, yes.

[D]

All right. It sounds like we've got a plan. Perfect.

[A]

Natty puts her ring into Doug's hand and then jumps into it.

[F]

I got the whole Natty family right here because death is right at our back door.

[D]

And you guys said you're not going to barrel through directly through the vanguard. You're going to kind of take a wide, wide arc and turn around them. Right. And try to, like. Yeah. Go casually but stealthily.

[E]

Fly casual.

[D]

Yeah. Fly casual kind of deal. Yeah. I'll tell you what. Why don't all of you make me. We'll call it stealth with advantage checks. Because I think you all have a good plan going here.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

With tolls being disadvantaged themselves. Should I just. This is standard roll regular.

[D]

Yep.

[A]

Got it. I did a 192411 inspiration die given to.

[B]

Oh, thank you, sweet Natty. I will not waste it. 17.

[E]

Ooh, that's pretty good. Average.

[B]

I'm betting I get more inspiration die from my teammates than I do from you.

[C]

Your success is our success.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

It's a team effort.

[A]

Tea H's on inspiration diet welfare.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

All right, so you all head out to the northern. You take a northern exit out of the fort and begin turning your way east, but staying far to the north of the vanguard. I assume you keep them in sight so you can also see the canyon that you're heading to. And you watch them, you know, close the distance and begin banging on the fort and, you know, attacking the walls and trying to get the portcullis open. Then after a while, you know, they disappear in the distance as you continue making your way east towards the canyon.

[A]

Mission accomplished.

[E]

Excellent.

[B]

Easy peasy.

[A]

Now, if we don't turn around, we don't know if it ended badly for them there.

[B]

So Schrodingers kill their allies.

[D]

You know, you go for a bit, and you eventually do see a canyon passage to the east of the fort. And as you get closer, you see that it appears to be pitch black. And once you get to the entrance, let's say the mouth of this canyon passage, you see, you know, like I said, it's pitch black, and the walls appear to be concave. And it stinks. It reeks of rotting flesh.

[E]

The canyon itself, like.

[D]

Yeah, the canyon pattern passage itself Are

[E]

there bodies or anything? Or is it just like the. The material that it's made of?

[D]

It's pitch black. Can you see through the dark? Yeah. What is everyone's dark vision? Low light vision. What's the situation here?

[A]

I like caves.

[C]

I have dark vision.

[E]

Dark vision.

[C]

I could see it in dim light within 60ft.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

So I was basically raised in a cave. I mean, I was born by it.

[B]

Molded.

[A]

I was molded by the cave.

[B]

Hey, I.

[F]

At the point, I could take Gigi off my shoulders. Now, I think he might have gone doo doo.

[A]

I think we got to make another roll for that one.

[E]

You have a different type of dark vision now.

[F]

Oh, how gross.

[D]

You get inspiration.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know how to find my. If I have vision, it should be

[C]

in your features and traits.

[A]

Features and traits. Can't see anything ever.

[B]

No, I don't believe I do. Bummer, really.

[C]

The robot, that's surprising.

[B]

Micah, can we work on that?

[C]

You'd think you'd have like, night vision, infrared.

[F]

Yeah, yeah. It's okay tolve. Just hold on to one of us and we'll lead the way.

[E]

Okay, I'm still on your back. Just following my lead.

[D]

So, just for a rules clarification, if you have dark, the way it works is if you have dark vision, you have disadvantage on perception checks in pitch black.

[E]

Okay?

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Okay. So, Gunther, you asked if what the source of the smell was, or how did you word it? You asked something about that?

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Like, is it something on the ground, like bodies? Or is it the material of the canyon itself?

[D]

You look around. This is why I was asking. This is why we started talking about darkvision and what you can see since it's so dark.

[A]

Just so you know, mine's called Superior darkvision.

[D]

Oh, it makes it superior.

[A]

I don't know.

[D]

It's just premium. It's just like they charge twice as much, but it's the same thing.

[A]

Dark vision. Dark vision. Plus, there's still ads, though. It's kind of annoying. Your darkvision has a radius of 120ft.

[D]

Oh, it's just further because normally it's 60. 60.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay. So you look around trying to identify the source of this smell. And as you're looking around, Gunther, you see that there are corpses piked into the canyon walls and there's blood and viscera that are. Are oozing and flooding the canyon floor. There's the occasional bit of, like, military wreckage, like war machines and things of that nature.

[E]

Do we get a sense of who was killed? What Type of people Were they? Udarians? Were they?

[D]

It looks like mortalion Corpses Mortalian.

[A]

I bet you this is their stop before they headed to the keep.

[D]

Oh, God.

[F]

I think I'm gonna be sick.

[E]

We should be careful.

[F]

I would say.

[D]

So all four of you make me a. I'm gonna call it a perception check.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

But we have disadvantage.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

So he does not have darkvision because he's aquatic base. Can I have something called sharkvision? You know, can we have fun with that? No.

[D]

Your eyes become like shark eyes. Just like black like a dog's eyes.

[C]

Seven for Doug.

[A]

Ten.

[E]

That's a nine.

[D]

Oh, and nothing. I guess from Tolf because he can't see.

[B]

Oh, yeah, sorry. I'm assuming not to not play ball, but I just can't see.

[D]

Yeah. 9, 7, 10. Nothing.

[B]

I'll give you an inspiration.

[D]

Die.

[B]

Gus. Can I take out a loan for inspiration

[A]

Bail bondsman.

[D]

At this point, you do not want to know the interest on that. You don't see anything. But I'll say all four of you hear something. Almost like someone muttering to themselves.

[B]

Is it like craze like. Or is it like.

[C]

I think he's about to do it.

[D]

Yeah.

[H]

Bow, bow, bow before your God just good for nothing. Get in here and fix it.

[A]

Hello. Hello.

[D]

You hear a shuffling that appears that sounds like it's getting closer and closer to you, Natty.

[A]

I cast dancing lights.

[D]

Oh, okay. What does that do?

[A]

Tell us everyone has to start dancing now.

[F]

Yes.

[A]

It's a Cantrip. Dancing lights. 120ft. 4 torch sized lights within range. They appear they're glowing orbs that hover in the air so they light the area.

[H]

Cool.

[D]

Okay. The area around you lights up. And before you, you see see a sinewy halfling who is topless, wearing oxblood. Wearing oxblood gingham braise, which are short trousers. I hope I said that right.

[B]

Turn off the lights. Turn off the lights.

[D]

He appears to have a belt with medicinal tools around his waist. He shields his eyes.

[H]

Who are you?

[A]

My name's Natty. What. What you doing in here? I heard you mumbling to yourself.

[H]

Yeah, yeah, I'm working hard at work. The name Stump.

[B]

Stump.

[F]

I feel like that's pretty apt being a halfling. Did you name yourself?

[A]

Oh, I thought you were gonna say because he looks like he's got a medicinal bag and like, it's like amputation. You went for a short joke.

[D]

I thought the same thing. I guess I should clarify. Yeah. On the tools he has, it's like. Like saw and forceps. Tweezers He's a.

[B]

He's a.

[A]

He's a war medic. I figured he was doing a lot of that, right?

[D]

Think of like doctors in the. I think of like the US Civil War. Right? Like a. A saw Bones, as they would have called it back then.

[A]

Oh, so well, it does. Is there anybody alive in need of your services?

[H]

Oh, yeah, everyone needs my services. I'm working hard.

[E]

Anything we can help with?

[A]

Hey, guys, I think this guy's just been cutting up dead bodies for a while.

[B]

I think we have met a serial killer. Well, I could be wrong.

[A]

Is it a killer if you're just doing it to dead things?

[H]

No, you've met a God.

[A]

Oh, you're a God.

[F]

Yeah, I think we heard you mumbling something about like, bow before your God. Is that something you said or something someone said to you?

[H]

Yes, I say it to everyone. Bow before your God.

[A]

Hey, Stump, how long you been in here?

[H]

Oh, a long time.

[A]

Yeah, it seems like it.

[H]

I got kicked out from the bloodshed bishops.

[E]

Oh, so what are you God of?

[H]

I'm a God of medicine.

[F]

Aw. Seems pretty handy.

[B]

Do you have any, like, pseudonyms? Do you go by any other monikers other than Stump the Bonesaw? Oh, Bonesaw's ready.

[E]

So why did. Why did he. Those annoying bloodshed bishops, what did they do? Why did they make that such a mistake?

[H]

Oh, they don't understand. They don't know. The plague.

[E]

Is it coming or are you bringing it?

[F]

Tell us about it.

[H]

The plague. The plague. It's everywhere. It is here.

[B]

Did you happen to know Doopies? Was he a bloodshed bishop?

[H]

Oh. Oh,

[D]

he spits.

[B]

Okay, I don't know why. On my face. I was asking a question.

[H]

He's the worst of them all.

[A]

Hey, Stump, I got a question. Did by any chance an entire army of demon like creatures just come through here?

[H]

Oh, yeah. Undarians.

[E]

How did you survive?

[H]

Stump is a God.

[E]

Yeah, but like, on a practical level, did you. They just walk right past you or did you fight them? Or did you go invisible or what?

[H]

They fear my power.

[E]

Gotcha.

[A]

Hey, where'd your shirt go?

[D]

He looks down and seems almost shocked at the sight.

[H]

Huh, I don't know.

[D]

He reaches over to a corpse and pulls off a tunic and kind of haphazardly drapes it over himself.

[A]

Stump, I think you're actually more of an autumn, so I don't think that's in your colors. Let's see if we can find you something that's a cooler color shopping spree that will give more contrast to you.

[H]

Ah, no matter.

[E]

Well, maybe we'll look for a good shirt. Over this way. You look that way.

[H]

Yeah, Stump is busy.

[C]

I was gonna ask if I could cast detect thoughts.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

On this guy.

[D]

Yeah. Why don't you remind us what that does? Not for me, for the audience.

[E]

Of course. Of course.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Once prolonged rest, you could cast it without a spell slot or spell component.

[A]

It's like things that are on the forefront of their mind.

[C]

Okay. I guess it's either sense thoughts or read thoughts. So I think I'm going to read thoughts. Target one creature you could see within 30ft of yourself that you detected. With the sense thoughts option, you learn what is most on the target's mind. Right. Now, if the target doesn't know any languages and isn't telepathic, you learn nothing.

[D]

Okay. Yeah, you do that. Try to read thoughts and reach out into Stump's mind. And it's almost like the same thought repeating itself over and over.

[H]

Curse you, Mayhew. I will have my revenge. Curse you, Mayhew. I will have my revenge.

[E]

Don't say real name.

[H]

Don't say real name. Don't say real name.

[A]

Hey, Stump, what's your real name?

[D]

He looks, like, shocked for a second.

[A]

Stump. No reason. I just thought. I just thought that would be like a nickname and that maybe you have a real name. Does Doug hear the real name?

[D]

You wouldn't have heard that anyway.

[B]

I know, I know.

[A]

I'm messing. I'm messing.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Would Doug know his real name? If he's like, sensing his. Or reading his thoughts, rather.

[D]

That that's all that you're hearing.

[F]

Okay. Hey, Stump.

[H]

Yeah?

[F]

This is a awkward question, but, you know, I heard about this guy that I thought maybe you might know about. Named Mayhew. Do you happen to know who that is?

[D]

He spits on the ground again.

[B]

Stop spitting on my face.

[C]

Why are you on the ground?

[H]

I hate me.

[B]

You.

[H]

I need my revenge.

[B]

Revenge against what?

[F]

Who is he? Yeah, what'd he do to you? Maybe we could help you.

[H]

He pretended to be injured. Made Stump help him.

[D]

Dead.

[E]

What happened?

[D]

And.

[F]

Yeah, what'd he do to you?

[E]

What was wrong with that?

[H]

He learned too much.

[E]

Did you cut his arm off too? So how you help him?

[F]

Like you healed him or something like that. And you learned how you did it?

[H]

Yeah. Too much secrets.

[B]

Well, so that we're on the same side, we'll help you find Mayhew. But what secrets did you tell him? That way we know more about our enemy. You know, enemy of our enemies, Our friend. You know, like like secrets are secrets.

[A]

Dang it.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

I thought he would fall for that,

[H]

but there is a secret I can share. Okay.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Leaning in.

[B]

Don't spit on me.

[A]

Hey, Stump, I'm going to need you to say that in a less creepy way.

[H]

You got anything to trade? Anything old Stump could use?

[E]

Yeah, lots of stuff.

[F]

Yeah, what do you need?

[H]

Medicine, Tools? Cadavers?

[F]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about. How about this heavy duty drill?

[E]

Wow, that looks neat.

[D]

His eyes perk up. Yeah. That's the hand drill you got, right?

[C]

I think so.

[D]

Yeah, I remember that. You got that. I don't remember where you got it. I do remember it was like that heavy duty drill.

[C]

Yeah. It could drill through stone, so maybe I don't want to get rid of that.

[D]

When you mentioned it, I will say it seemed like he perked up at that.

[F]

Oh, well, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This heavy duty drill, Doug could probably make his own, so, you know. But yeah, I think trading this for some juicy information could be, you know, something we could bargain for.

[H]

Oh, that is pretty good. Can I try it out?

[F]

You give us one secret to try it and then an ultimate secret to have it.

[H]

Half the secret now, half the secret after. It's a good secret.

[C]

Can I do an insight check on him? Yeah, if he's telling the truth.

[D]

Vibe check.

[C]

Vibe check. Welp, I have no idea. 7.

[D]

Yeah, I would say you think he's being truthful, but, you know, you could try a persuasion, maybe.

[C]

Yeah, let's persuade him. Me and my negative one.

[D]

Eight.

[H]

No, Half now, half later.

[F]

Well, okay.

[A]

All right.

[D]

You hand over the drill. And he holds it, kind of tries to feel the heft in his hands and goes over to one of the corpses and begins trying to drill into the skull.

[F]

Oh, I regret everything.

[A]

Gigi is cheering him on.

[H]

So there's a secret passage out of the canyon?

[D]

Oh, yeah, Go on.

[H]

Continue all the way down the canyon in that direction.

[B]

So to get out of the canyon, we just have to go through the canyon.

[D]

He spits again.

[B]

Oh, all right.

[A]

Oh, I got my mouth.

[F]

I'm starting to think that Tolv might be Mayhew.

[H]

There's a secret passage that takes you straight to Veiled Vale.

[A]

That's probably where your God temple is.

[C]

Would Doug know what the veiled veil is?

[D]

I don't remember if it was mentioned to you or not. I think it was, but, you know, it is. It's a valley that. I don't want to say too much in case we didn't say anything about it before, but yeah, it's a valley with a few different things in it, but, yeah. It is related to the Veiled Eye.

[C]

Okay. I mean, I assumed, but I shouldn't know if, like, Doug would have read about that or something, or have known of that location.

[E]

Where is Chimera keep?

[D]

I believe that was further on, beyond.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So he knows where the secret passage

[A]

to the Veiled Veil is.

[H]

It's a big machine.

[B]

The Veiled Veil or the secret passage?

[D]

Big machine.

[H]

The Secret passage.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

What, what does it look like? Like a meat compactor. Giant air conditioning unit. Giant robot.

[H]

Here's the secret part.

[B]

It's a catapult.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

Like, get into it and then shoot yourself out.

[H]

Yeah, Secretly.

[E]

Okay, great.

[F]

How many people fit in this secret catapult?

[H]

You could fit a lot. It's pretty big. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

[E]

You want to show us how it works?

[H]

No, I'm busy.

[B]

Clearly.

[H]

Gotta get back to work.

[C]

Has Doug heard the name Mayhew before?

[D]

Make a history check.

[C]

Yeah, with pleasure. 29.

[D]

That's. That's such a good role. Oh, my God.

[C]

I now have a plus 10 to history.

[D]

Lord, no. That name does not sound familiar to you.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

You sure, 29? Sure.

[F]

I guarantee you I've never heard that before.

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

All right.

[A]

Stop.

[H]

Gotta get back to work.

[D]

He begins waddling away back over to a wheelbarrow that you see now he had in the distance.

[B]

Best of luck, Stom.

[H]

They'll all bow to your God. They'll see. They'll understand. Yes, yes, yes.

[E]

They'll bow.

[H]

They'll understand you.

[E]

Good to meet you. Can we continue? I don't know. What a guy.

[C]

I'd say we should probably go the direction he pointed us into that secret passage.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. You continue to the east and the passage stays pitch black every now and then. How long do the dancing lights run for? Do you keep them up, Natty?

[A]

Yeah, I can keep them up. They're a cantrip.

[D]

Okay, so it is pitch black, but you're able to see some light with the dancing lights, courtesy of Natty. And every now and then you see. See snakes slithering along. It seems like they retreat from the light whenever you approach with it. The width of the passage itself fluctuates pretty wildly. Sometimes it narrows down to, you know, only 5ft in width. Other times it widens out to 15ft in width. And the whole time you're walking through it, it just blooded with viscera and blood all along the floor and the walls.

[B]

Lovely.

[A]

A turnaround. And Gigi's just walking Walking along with his tongue just dragging against the walls.

[D]

I was thinking like a little kid in galosh or like jumping puddle to

[A]

puddle, making splashes with his mouth wide open.

[E]

That is how you get tetanus and,

[D]

yeah, probably all kinds of other things. Every now and then you see wreckage, like a ruined or rotting piece of military equipment, maybe from past battles or something. And on the walls, you see, like, Gwyd Gunther noticed earlier, bodies that are piked to the canyon walls hung upside down. And the top of the walls, you know, seems like there's a. It's plagued by a harsh blizzard.

[E]

Oh, there's like, a blizzard above us?

[D]

Yeah. Over the top of the passage in this canyon.

[E]

This place is weird. Yeah.

[B]

I could figure out, like, the. I don't know, are we heading to a different climate, or is it something to do with the nature of this canyon? Is it magical or something? Or are we just traveling such great distances that it's like we're heading into a new, you know, biome region?

[E]

Biome.

[B]

Thank you, John.

[D]

So just as a reminder, the prison that you were in not that long ago was frozen as well. So it's cold in general. Okay. And as you're walking along here, you know, looking at all of the different grotesque sites everywhere, Doug, you don't notice, and you stub your toe on a. A piece of rock on the ground.

[F]

Oh, darn it. Why me?

[A]

Do you need to borrow Captain Grumble's shield?

[F]

No, Doug doesn't have a potty mouse.

[B]

Was. Was that a rock or was that something else?

[C]

Yeah. Could Doug look down and see what he stubbed his toe on?

[D]

Yeah, it looks like a rock. It's just the top piece of a weathered rock sticking out from the soil.

[B]

All right, fair enough.

[C]

Could we look around and see if there's any other rocks like this poking up?

[D]

You see a.

[A]

You see a circle of rocks, except there's one missing. And then we put the rock in the missing spot. A little leaf that pops out. It gives us.

[D]

You don't see. I mean, you see a couple of rocks, and you see various little bits of viscera on the ground. In particular, you see a brittle gallbladder next to the rock, and by that, you see a flattened piece of fat.

[C]

Okay, could I look at the flattened piece of fat?

[D]

Yeah, you bend over, you know, and touch the piece of fat and pick it up and examine it, and, you know, it's pretty slippery. Why don't you go ahead and make me a constitution saving throw?

[C]

Okay. 19.

[D]

Okay. It's really gross. And it's got, you know, old viscera and blood on it. And, you know, you realize that you're touching something pretty disgusting, so I would say you probably look at it and then just drop it pretty quickly. But you do, however, take a level of exhaustion from touching this decrepit piece of waste.

[C]

Even with. With us 19.

[D]

Yeah, it would be way worse if you'd failed that scene.

[C]

Oh, gosh. Could I at least tell, like, what, like what creature it was from?

[F]

Or.

[D]

Yeah, you think it's some kind of humanoid, probably human, specifically.

[B]

So the gunk on the walls could hurt us, damage us in some way?

[C]

I. I can't tell if it actually hurt us or it's just so gross that it made me, like, ill. Maybe

[E]

we should get out of here. This is gross.

[B]

Yeah, let's find that catapult. Chop chop.

[C]

Guys.

[F]

I'm just gonna put my blinders on and just walk forward.

[A]

Blinders being just your hands next to your head.

[C]

Yep. My giant bear paws.

[D]

So are you gonna continue looking at this stuff? What's. What's the idea here?

[C]

I think we should just continue on.

[F]

You guys just watch out. I. I stubbed my toe and it hurts a lot, so there might be stuff poking out of the ground. So just walk with caution. Also, don't pick up any of the this fat or you just stuff you see. It's pretty gnarly.

[D]

I do want to give a quick shout out and a quick thanks to Micah, who made a random viscera table for this episode. And it's gross here. I'm just to utilize it. I'm gonna roll a couple more times to give you some more flavor text on things that you see.

[C]

Should we actually say what viscera is? Because I don't know if a lot of people might know that term.

[D]

It's just like gore. What you would expect after a bloody battle to remain.

[A]

If you'll go play the steam game, viscera cleanup, you'll know it really well.

[D]

Things like spongy veins and wax coated glands. Gross, disgusting. All right. Yeah. You continue your way easier and again, just more viscera. More broken machines. But then eventually, after walking for a waste, you do see a war machine that's largely intact. And it's a catapult.

[F]

Oh, well, there it goes.

[B]

All right, all aboard. I'll be taking your tickets at the kiosk here.

[F]

Could someone first check inside there to make sure there's no more viscera?

[D]

Doug's covering his eyes.

[B]

Tolve will check in the basket to make sure that there's nothing in there for us.

[D]

Yeah, the basket itself is pretty clean. There's nothing in there.

[E]

Should we do a test fire so that we do not slam into walls?

[B]

That's not a bad idea, Giggy.

[F]

I still know how easy it is to reset this thing.

[A]

Gigi could. He loves this kind of stuff.

[D]

All right, so y' all gonna put Giggy in there and fire away.

[E]

And maybe Captain Grumbles, too.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, no, he's fragile, like your kid.

[D]

Yeah, toss him in there. This random npc.

[A]

Hey, he's strong. And we. He does this on his own time.

[B]

Okay, well, Gigi, line up. You must be this tall to ride the ride.

[E]

Well, good thing you had that growth spurt.

[D]

I'd like to think that he's way below the minimum height. We still put him in there anyway.

[B]

All right, perfect. Lift your arms up. Uppies.

[A]

I rolled a 14. He does it.

[B]

Okay. I lift him into the machine.

[A]

All right?

[B]

And I say, keep all limbs inside of the ride during the duration of your experience. Leave a yelp review. And then I crank the lever or whatever the release mechanism is.

[D]

Yeah. With a thud. The catapult fires, and Gigi Goat flies in a wide arc out of the canyon off into the distance.

[B]

Barbara, what does that sound like?

[E]

Like.

[C]

The Grape Lady.

[D]

He's fading like a Doppler effect into the distance, but, yeah, he does not hit the wall.

[B]

Do we see where he lands, or is he just, like, gone?

[D]

It's, like, in the distance. Yeah, it's pitch black. So he goes out of your dancing lights range very quickly.

[F]

Natty, can you call out to him and see if he's okay?

[C]

Gigi?

[A]

Hey.

[D]

You don't hear anything?

[B]

All right, I think we team rocketed this kid.

[D]

All right, so which of you has experience with siege weapons to reset this?

[B]

I'm assuming.

[E]

Well, haven't we have army training?

[A]

We've got an engineer.

[F]

I was like, I think I could figure it out.

[D]

You can figure it out. I'm just being difficult.

[B]

Also, I think episode two, we also were gonna launch Gunther.

[E]

That is true.

[D]

All right. Yeah, yeah. If you want, you can reset that. It's not that difficult.

[F]

This is like a child's toy to Dug.

[D]

Yeah. So you're able to, you know, pull it down and reset it and get it back into a configuration where it's ready to fire again.

[A]

Natty jumps in.

[F]

Well, I mean, should we just. Should we all go in there? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

That is all right. One big happy family.

[A]

Gigi will catch us.

[D]

All right. Yeah. You all climb in the basket. And I assume you can get like a sword or a long stick or

[A]

something and Eldritch blast.

[D]

Eldritch blast. There you go. That's even better. To let the mechanism loose and you all fly through the air.

[A]

Whee.

[F]

Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

[D]

You launch out and you can't see too far. Do the dancing lights go with you? I guess.

[H]

Wouldn't they?

[C]

Because they're around.

[B]

Are they fast enough?

[A]

No, I think I have to will them.

[D]

Yeah, I think so.

[A]

So I think this launch.

[D]

Yeah. So you launch very quickly. It's like riding Magic Mountain. You're going really fast and it's pitch black. And you. Or Space Mountain. There you go. And you can't see anything.

[A]

And there's rock music.

[D]

Yes. There's no rock music here, but yeah.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

Once I got stuck on Space Mountain and they had to turn the lights on while I was still in there on the ride.

[B]

Terrifying.

[D]

And I never rode it again after that.

[C]

Yep, Yep. It's scary looking reality.

[A]

Natty puts her arms up, you put

[D]

your arms up, and you all fly through darkness. And eventually you land with a thud and hit the ground. Everyone takes 15 points of bludgeoning damage upon landing.

[F]

15.

[C]

Are you sure that Doug couldn't, like, splay his arms out like a flying squirrel kind of situation?

[D]

Maybe if you could see what was going on. Yeah, but it's just pitch black. 15 guys.

[B]

I landed on Gunther,

[D]

So make sure that Gigi takes that as well.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

Now who is the flattened fat.

[D]

Okay. You find yourself in a new location. You find yourself in a valley blanketed with darkness. Except for moonlight. It appears that there are a few different buildings and paths in front of you. You see a glacial fortress. You also see a spherical building swaying between two dead trees. And lastly, you see a labyrinth gated by luminescent golden mist. Doug, as you're looking at all these things, you feel like a question slowly creep into the back of your mind, but you're not even sure. Was it your thought, or is it something that was planted there? But you can't help but wonder, where is the Veiled?

[G]

Die.

[F]

I. I can't help but wonder. Where is

[D]

like an inspiration. Die. That's. That's perfect. That's.

[E]

That's perfect.

[D]

Comedy peak comedy right there.

[A]

I don't know. Where'd you leave him?

[F]

I mean, I don't know where he is. He. I mean, I don't. I don't want to keep tabs on him or anything like that.

[A]

Should you, like.

[F]

Well, I feel like he should be

[A]

here, though, have a little moment of prayer.

[C]

Could I try to, like. Yeah. Close my eyes and. And feel his presence and, like, try

[A]

to little Marco Polo.

[C]

Yeah. Communicate kind of with him a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Why don't you, I don't know, make a religion check?

[F]

You got it.

[A]

Can I help somehow with this religion check?

[C]

Well, I'm immediately going to use my inspiration guy because that was a one for an eight.

[D]

Yeah, you can roll to assist. Like, you roll like a religion check and see if you can, like, add a place.

[A]

I'm really. I'm. I've. My mamas were the high priestesses, and so I'm really good at religion and stuff, so I'm a roll to assist. Is that just a D20 or is that with my modifier?

[D]

Just roll a flat D20.

[A]

I rolled a 12, rolled a 16 for assistance.

[D]

Doug, what is your question? Or what do you say as part

[F]

of this oh, veiled eye, we are here in the veiled veil seeking your guidance and your presence. Where might you be and at this

[D]

moment, from beyond in your mind, you feel like mists. Party and thought, a thought being implanted into your brain. You can almost hear a voice that answers your question, reaches back to you and says, who's this?

[F]

It's D. Remember me?

[B]

Who's that?

[F]

Oh, no. The last time I spoke with you, it seemed like you were, you know, forgetting things. And it seems like whatever is happening might have. Be progressing. But I am someone who very much, you know, worships you and. And looks for your guidance in everything I do. So I'm one of your, you know, most trustworthy followers. Oveildai Doug Boone. Spelled D U G B O O N E. In case you need to write it down or something. Something like that. If you have like a post it

[B]

note, use my cowed. I'm not where I should be, but

[H]

I am where you should be.

[F]

And where might you be at this moment?

[B]

Not where I should be.

[F]

And what do you see? Could you describe your location for me at all?

[D]

As soon as you ask that, Doug, your vision goes stark white. Everything around you is blank, colorless void. It's all quite unnerving, perhaps even paralyzing. And for the rest of the party, you see Doug's body go stiff and his eyes turn milky white. But that's not all. Amidst the darkness, your eyes catch shifting shadows approaching and the padding of footsteps. Three beasts swiftly flank your position. They look feline, but their bodies are shaped like tents and their fur is flaked with gold. Their heads bear six antlers and their tails are short like a bobcat. The dark darkness is suddenly pierced with light as golden mist spews from each of the felines mouths right into your face.

[C]

Is it the same golden mist we see around the labyrinth?

[D]

We'll have to find out in the next episode.

[A]

Let's meet these kitties later and we'll

[D]

find out what that all means in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Thanks for listening everybody, and if you'd like to hear more like our show Second Wind or Sea Squad Season 2, which is available now, you can head over to our [e-mail] until next time, thank you.

[C]

Survived high school. Try doing it with superpowers. Episodes of our newest tavern tale, Sea Squad Season two are available now for patrons. Follow the continuing and chaotic adventures of your favorite new soul youngsters, played by me, Barb, Blaine, Chris and Gus as they navigate puberty powers and pop quizzes under DM John Risinger. It's time to go back to school. Head over to our Patreon to catch up on season one and D dig into season two at stinky dragonpod.com New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday wherever you stream podcasts and on the Stinky Dragon YouTube channel. Want to listen to the show 48 hours early and ad free? You could support us by becoming a [e-mail] or join as a member on Beacon TV. Both give you early ad free access and a Members Only Discord for their respect respective platform. Looking for even more stinky content and community perks? Our Patreon offers exclusive bonus shows behind the scenes content access to the Stinky Dragon Discord Members Only live streams stinky community events and a shout out on the show just like our shout outs for today including Kai Wernicke, an Omniscient God, Phoenix Rising and Timmy the bfg. These patrons directly support the show. Get ad free episodes access to our Patron Only Discord Server bonus content like Second Wind and Behind the Screen and of course other Stinky Perks. Once again, that's stinkydragonpod.com we are so incredibly grateful for your support which 100% makes this show possible. Also, some of Our friends voiced NPCs in this episode and listeners who interacted with us on the Stinky Dragon. Discord had NPC PCs named after them, including Infernus, voiced by Laurel Rothamel at Laurel Rothamel Rev doopies named after Scooby Doopies, voiced by Ryan Brandt at Kaidozu Stump, named after Katrina Stump, voiced by Barrett Courtney from Kinda Funny at Sadboy Barrett and the Veiled Eye, voiced by Andre Ouelette at Andre Kurt. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst and Michael Risinger, written and composed by Michael Risinger and edited by Alina Lakorczyk. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

[E]

Hey. Hey, Gus. My sister was listening to the podcast and she says she thinks you should give me more inspiration. Diversity this.

[D]

Whoa.

[C]

Sounds like all of us should get one except Chris.

[A]

I feel like you just, like, put a nail in the coffin if you never get any inspiration diet ever again.

[E]

Yeah, I was.

[D]

That sounds. That sounds like nepotism or something.

[E]

I was telling my sister's, like, I

[B]

think you should get more.

[E]

I'm like, you're my sister.

[C]

Hey, Gus, My elderly grandmother, who loves you, by the way, listens to the

[B]

podcast and says, my grandfather on his deathbed said

[A]

inspiration.

[D]

All right, all right, all right.

[E]

Get out of here.

[A]

None of my family likes this show, so I got nothing to say.

[C]

You know what they say? Early bird gets the ultimate vacation home. Book early and save over $120 with Burbo, because early gets you closer to the action, whether it's waves lapping at the shore or snoozing in a hammock that overlooks looks. Well, whatever you want it to. So you can all enjoy the payoff come summer with Virpo's early booking deals. Rise and shine. Average savings, $141. Select homes only.

[H]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go

[D]

to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row

[E]

at a comedy show.

[F]

Hey, everyone.

[C]

Check out this guy and his bird.

[A]

What is this, your first date?

[B]

Oh, no.

[D]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married.

[A]

Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[E]

Anyways, Only pay for what you [e-mail].

[A]

liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.