Tavern Tales - Infantnights: Part One - The Quarter-Pint Quest

Summary

Tales from the Stinky Dragon

"Tavern Tales – Infantnights: Part One – The Quarter-Pint Quest"

Release Date: September 24, 2025
Host/DM: John Reisinger (and the Stinky Dragon crew)
Setting: The town of Boulderay, a suburban fantasy neighborhood seen through the eyes of "toddler" versions of the regular Stinky Dragon heroes (an affectionate send-up reminiscent of 'Muppet Babies').

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Episode Overview

The Stinky Dragon team throws a charming, laugh-out-loud Dungeons & Dragons live-play adventure, reimagining their seasoned fantasy characters as rambunctious, barely-potty-trained toddlers. This "Tavern Tale"—performed for their YouTube anniversary live stream—delivers goofy play, pun-filled riddles, light puzzles, and plenty of improvisational antics. The core quest: help the so-called “Infant Knights” find the perfect birthday present for their friend Mud, which leads them from a backyard treehouse across the neighborhood and down into mysterious, squishy-catacombed, candy-littered dungeons.

This episode is part one of a two-part story, with the adventure’s resolution reserved for Patreon supporters.

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Table of Contents

• Opening & Introduction [02:09]
• Meet the Infant Knights [06:41]
• Party Formation: Birthday Quest [11:20]
• Visit to Lady Siltmeyer & The Riddle Challenge [21:58]
• Journey to Boulderay Park [40:07]
• First Encounter: Brink Tussler and The Playground Hatch [48:53]
• Down the Hatch: The Sandbox Catacombs [60:05]
• The Color Tile Puzzle Room [66:53]
• Tunnel of Choices: Whispers & Hums [93:36]
• Jelly Bean Riddle & Bridge to the Burrow Box [105:04]
• The Burrow Box Battle: Stuffy Drun Appears! [119:40]
• Cliffhanger Ending & Next Time on Infantnights [169:02]
• Notable Quotes & Highlights

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Opening & Introduction [02:09]

John Reisinger opens with gratitude and pride—celebrating the Stinky Dragon's one-year anniversary as an independent business. The team hypes up their Patreon, new merch, and gets ready for "the most people we've ever had play at once!" (Expect chaos.)

"It's insane that we were able to all lose our jobs in one fell swoop, and then... hit the ground running with our own company." — John Reisinger [02:09]

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Meet the Infant Knights [06:41]

Scene-setting: the classic suburban backyard in Boulderay, crowned with a makeshift, rule-laden treehouse fort ("HEROES only. NO baddies. Aloud."). Inside, the party squabbles over who's in charge:

• Bart (halfling toddler): Stout, orange-haired, bossy.
• Elf boy: Lanky, acrobatic, "leader" complex.
• Gum Gum (half-orc): Youngest, wears a newspaper hat and patchwork diaper, loves delegating.
• Sleek (dwarven child): Arrives with a wooden lute, sweaty from searching for a lost arrow as part of a pointless quest sent by the others.

Classic D&D party banter—but with more giggling, bumbling, and poorly executed "backflips."

"I am the boss of this place." — Bart [06:41]

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Party Formation: Birthday Quest [11:20]

The players decide it's Mud's birthday—surprise!—and realize they need a gift. Sleek marked his return by presenting the aforementioned arrow as a gift, to little fanfare. The gang observes uninvited “partygoers” arriving—a tiny kobold and a lizardfolk (Hairless Hutch, "Dr. Ahem"). Hilarity ensues.

Physical comedy (jumping from the treehouse: "Gum Gum jumps down off the treehouse and starts grabbing Mud from the dirt." — Gum Gum [12:09]) and a running motif of making mischief as clueless toddlers punctuate this section.

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Visit to Lady Siltmeyer & The Riddle Challenge [21:58]

The party (now six strong) sets out to Mud's aunt, Lady Siltmeyer—a venerable firbolg with a magical garden. She promises to help, but only if they solve "plant-based riddles" (think: pun-laden, dad-joke central).

Highlighted riddles and responses:

• "What is a frog's favorite flower?" "Crocus!" — Lady Siltmeyer [26:03]
• "What kind of flower grows on your face?" "Tulips!" — Lady Siltmeyer [27:46]
• "What kind of tree can fit into your hand?" "A palm tree." — Bart [28:21]
• "What vegetable rings when you shake it?" "Bell pepper!" — Lady Siltmeyer [34:02]

Each successful riddle edges Siltmeyer closer to recalling "the perfect gift": the legendary Burrow Box, hidden beneath the Boulderay Park playground.

She gifts the party three "dirty canvases" that "will help you when you need them." (Cue Chekhov’s gun.)

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Journey to Boulderay Park [40:07]

The party navigates the streets—facing travel mishaps/hijinks:

• Hutch eats a hairy old gumdrop, gaining disadvantage from a sugar rush.
• Sleek steps in fresh pavement and is stuck at half speed (cement boots!).
• Gum Gum is distracted by a butterfly; rescued by Bart, who uses a reflective foil “butterfly” to lure him onward.

Neighborhood lore pops up (warnings about "Hugh Manor" the local delinquent), a classic suburban D&D flavor.

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First Encounter: Brink Tussler and The Playground Hatch [48:53]

At the playground, they find the "burrow": a hatch in the sandbox with "Do not open. Seriously." scribbled on it. As Sleek attempts to cast “finger guns” on the hatch, the schoolyard tyrant Brink Tussler appears, slinging sand, mockery, and his classic goblin goon posse.

Teamwork and hilarity ensue as:

• Hairless Hutch tries to help using a canvas square (it does nothing).
• Sleek casts the "rumor" bard spell, spreading: "Brink pooped his pants in math class last semester" across the playground. ("You want to try that description again?" — John, as Sleek bumbles the reading [55:54]: crowd whispers and giggles about "Brink the pants-pooper".)

The party uses distraction, animal handling, and stealth to escape Brink and his gang—and slip into the sandbox hatch.

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Down the Hatch: The Sandbox Catacombs [60:05]

They descend through a hidden tunnel into the dark, candy-encrusted, and block-fortified world beneath the sandbox: “the under sandbox.” Illuminated by a glowing mushroom, they face a refrigerator box door adorned with a stylized “cool S”—confirming the adventure’s nostalgia-core for listeners of a certain age.

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The Color Tile Puzzle Room [66:53]

Inside, they're stymied by a grid of magical, color-coded tiles; an ominous voice warns them:
"Step with care and mind your stride. The wrongest step will make you slide..."

They blunder through, with trial-and-error and a magical dirty canvas providing a cryptic riddle:
"Begin where blush and bashful meet, step where sunshine warms your feet..."
Through a bit of deduction (and some failed launches via "catapult" spell), Sleek and others realize the correct tile sequence: Red > Yellow > Blue > Green > Purple.

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Tunnel of Choices: Whispers & Hums [93:36]

Next, six tunnels, each with different ambient sounds (whistling, giggling, water drips, scurrying, wind chimes, bees). Another dirty canvas yields a riddle:
"Step with stillness, calm and true, our shadows come to swallow you. Echoes lie and giggles roam, but hums will guide the soul back home."

Guessing, the party heads into the tunnel “with the bees”—“hums”—and is instantly teleported to the next chamber.

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Jelly Bean Riddle & Bridge to the Burrow Box [105:04]

In a room saturated with the scent of stale, sugary candy, the party faces a table with four massive jelly beans (red, yellow, green, black). A canvas clue reveals:

• "One is spicy but makes you freeze. Another so sweet it sparks a sneeze. One tastes burnt, but makes you sore. The best is sour; it opens the door."

Gum Gum correctly picks yellow (sour lemon), and a magic door appears.

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The Burrow Box Battle: Stuffy Drun Appears! [119:40]

The final chamber: the Burrow Box (shaped like a badger head) is perched atop a throne of squishmallow “pillows." As Gum Gum lifts it, the pile coalesces into the monstrous STUFFY DRUN: a four-armed, dragon-headed, squeaky-bellowing beast.

Notable rounds:

• Bart insults Stuffy Drun to psychic effect:

  "You're not as soft as you look!" — Bart (using Dissonant Whispers, sending Stuffy Drun fleeing) [129:49]

• Kyborg circles behind and (with a motivational Independence Day-style speech from Sleek) discovers an “X” of Velcro on Stuffy Drun’s butt, slashing it open and releasing a flood of stuffing in the climactic finish:

  “Go fluff yourself.” — Kyborg (attacking the Velcro) [166:05]

• The teamwork (bardic inspirations, healing with "the power of hair," and gripping improvisations) is top-notch.

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Cliffhanger Ending & Next Time on Infantnights [169:02]

As Gum Gum picks up the newly acquired Burrow Box, the chamber shakes and a wall cracks, pouring in sand until all are up to their shins—

"That's a good question to be answered in Part Two of this adventure, just only available for our patrons. All tiers will have access…" — John Reisinger [169:09]

The story cuts off on a literal rising tide, urging listeners to catch “Part Two” via Patreon.

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Notable Quotes & Highlights

• On the non-canonical, toddler setting:

  "This is not a canonical story of these characters when they're babies... This is the alternate reality version of the Infinites. Like Muppet Babies." — John [16:03]

• On the ‘dirty canvases’:

  "These will help you when you need them." — Lady Siltmeyer [35:19]

• Metagaming with gusto:

  "Did you know that Velcro, I think, was invented in Canada?" — Gum Gum (in the heat of battle...) [163:34]

• Riddle madness:

  "A human bean." — Hutch, earning Lady Siltmeyer's praise [33:37]

• Character moments:

  "I don't know if I've ever had a hug before." — Doctor Ahem [115:56]

• Goofiest spell use:

  "Finger guns" — Sleek (heroically… and then accidentally shooting at a party member) [134:12 & 135:15]

• Teamwork and camp:

  "We're the last line of defense. We're not gonna go quietly into the night..." — Sleek, quoting and riffing on Independence Day [164:18]

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Standout Moments & Highlights

• Hysterical baby logic: “As my first order of being in charge, I want to put Bart in charge.” — Gum Gum [07:43]
• Sleek’s disastrous “elf shot” spell: “If I get rid of him now, I can become him.” [134:03]
• Real-life nostalgic references: Lincoln Logs, cool S, playground lore.
• Inspired teamwork: Multiple bardic inspirations, roleplaying injury (Hutch gets “sugar rush” disadvantage), "catapult" spell launching gum gum (who slams into an invisible barrier with cartoonish consequences).
• Wholesome chaos and actual D&D puzzle-solving, through the lens of creative, improvisational roleplaying.

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Timestamped Key Segments

• Intro & Community Thanks: 02:09–04:42
• Treehouse Scene & Party Debate: 06:41–11:20
• Birthday Gift Realization: 12:09–17:37
• Lady Siltmeyer’s Riddles: 21:58–35:10
• Travel Mishaps: 37:28–40:07
• Brink Tussler’s Antagonism: 48:53–55:04
• Color Tile Puzzle: 66:53–85:18
• Jelly Bean Riddle Room: 105:04–111:22
• Stuffy Drun Boss Battle: 119:40–166:45
• Cliffhanger Ending / Patreon Plug: 169:02-end

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a showcase of expert improvisation, clever D&D adaptations for a kid-themed one-shot, and whip-smart comedic banter, all wrapped up in a friendly, inviting package. Even without having heard the original, listeners will get a sense of the Stinky Dragon team's unique warmth, their affection for each other, and their commitment to delivering both genuine fantasy adventure and outright silliness.

To get the conclusion of this miniature, nostalgia-fueled epic, fans must tune into Part Two via the Stinky Dragon Patreon.

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Want more?

• Stinky Dragon Patreon & Merch
• Stay tuned for future Tavern Tales and more actual-play hilarity!

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Transcript

[Kristen Bell]

Hi, I'm Kristen Bell and if you.

[John Reisinger]

Know my husband Dax, then you also know he loves shopping for a car. Selling a car, not so much.

[Kristen Bell]

We're really doing this, huh?

[Sleek]

Thankfully, Carvana makes it easy.

[Kristen Bell]

Answer a few questions, put in your.

[John Reisinger]

Van or license and done.

[Kristen Bell]

We sold ours in minutes this morning.

[John Reisinger]

And they'll come pick it up and.

[Kristen Bell]

Pay us this afternoon. Bye bye Truckee. Of course, we kept the favorite. Hello, other truckee. Sell your car with Carvana today.

[Sleek]

Terms and conditions apply. ABC Wednesday. Shifting Gears is back.

[Kyborg]

He has arisen.

[Sleek]

Tim Allen and Kat Dennings return in television's number one new comedy.

[Kristen Bell]

What what?

[Sleek]

With a star studded premiere including Jenna Elfman, Nancy Travis and.

[Kristen Bell]

Hey buddy.

[Sleek]

A big home improvement reunion welcome.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh boy, that guy's a tool.

[Sleek]

Shifting Gears season premiere Wednesday, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[Hairless Hutch]

Pro Savings days are back at Lowe's. Mylo's Pro Rewards members save even more with limited time doorbuster deals. Save $5 on 24 count. Contractor's Choice 42 gallon trash bags now just $14.78 plus get your choice select Dewalt Elite series saw blades for $9.98. Not a pro Rewards member. Join for free today at Lowes. Valid through 917. Selection varies by location while supplies last. Loyalty programs subject to terms of condition. See lowe's.com terms for details. Subject to change.

[John Reisinger]

Hey everybody. John here. This was a tavern tale that we performed live on our YouTube channel to celebrate our one year anniversary as a business. We've now edited it down and added that audio magic you expect from Stinky Dragons so you can enjoy it right now and once you're finished.

[Kyborg]

Good news.

[John Reisinger]

Part two is already available for all of our paid patrons. So when you're done with this one, there's more kidding around with the kids waiting for you. Enjoy. And thank you again for supporting us through an entire year. Oh, I think we're live. Live. I don't think I had to push the button. Hi everybody.

[Kyborg]

Welcome to the stream.

[John Reisinger]

A year of being independent and we're still learning how to stream properly. I'm John Reisinger and I'm here to welcome you guys to a wonderful anniversary stream. For us, we have been independent for a whole year, technically yesterday, and we have been able to do that and do things like keep our lights on, right? The AC have Internet to play Pokemon games because of you guys, our community, our listeners, our Patreon supporters, all of you, anybody who just listens to anything. Stinky Dragon. It is Your fault. It is your support. And so we thank you for that. It's been amazing. Like, be honest, just for one second before we get into the shenanigans of some fun entertainment. It's insane that we were able to all lose our jobs in one fell swoop. And then we were able to hit the ground running with our own company getting to make Stinky Dragon full time. And it is something I'm still grateful for every single day with the most genuine sentiment I can muster. So thank you guys so much. If you even just listen to the show, you're the reason why we're able to still be us, and that's been great. And speaking of being us, what we have for today to celebrate with you guys, our anniversary. We got a few things to celebrate with you, and one of them is that we have, obviously, we want to ask, like, hey, if you want to support us for on Patreon, we would love you to support us on Patreon. This is a great time to buy a year. Just have a year of great content set up and ready to go for you guys all year long. It's not a bad thing. And then on top of that, we have some merch in the store that is also some celebratory merch. We will have even more merch to announce very soon that is linked to the Patreon tier that you. That you subscribe to. So if you're a little stinker, you get some little stinker merch. If you're a big stinker, you get the little stinker merch and big stinker merch that you can buy. So we've got a bunch of stuff like that coming down the line. And yes, as you guys can see from my little bug, we are going to play some D and D today. And I am dming. I'm letting everyone else play. I'm letting everyone else have shenanigans. I'm taking on the challenge of, one, DMing live on YouTube with Y', all, which is frightening. And two, I'm doing it with a lot of people. The most amount of people we've ever had play at the same time. So get ready for some oddities. Just get ready for it. It's gonna be. It's gonna be a lot, but I hope you guys have some fun. And if you guys are ready to have some DD fun here on a Monday, a random Monday at the beginning of June also, Happy pride. We can get started with that.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay. All right.

[John Reisinger]

Get settled, get your drinks, get your blankies, and let's have some fun, okay? And I present to you the Infant Nights. We open on what looks to be the backyard of a quaint home in the suburbs of the town of Boulderay. Looking around the scene, one would spot the usual domestic accoutrements typically found in a family yard a red tricycle sitting on the porch, a clothesline where fresh laundry is drying in the summer sun, and nestled near the back of the yard, atop a tall oak tree, sits a wooden tree house. At first glance one might be so bold as to judge the construction of such a structure as shabby or uneven, but upon closer look, you'd find character and charm in the build of such an arboreal abode. At the bottom of a rope ladder that ascends to a manhole entrance rests a crudely written sign in crayon declaring HEROES only. NO baddies. Aloud. Aloud is obviously spelled A L O U D. The treehouse itself is designed to look like a makeshift fortress, ready for siege from any would be attackers. Along a balcony jutting out from front of the house sits a cache of water balloons and a pair of binoculars duct taped to a wooden stand. A crow's nest of sorts sits atop the whole building with what looks to be a bucket filled with arrows tipped with suction cups. And inside this verdant villa is where we find our heroes of this story sitting criss cross applesauce on a multicolored rug in the middle of a room, we see a halfling, an elf, and a half orc, who seem to be having a heated discussion over who should be the leader of their band of misfits. The halfling, a stout toddler with a full head of messy curly orange hair, stands up to his full height and declares in a diminutive but forceful voice, ah.

[Bart]

I am the boss of this place.

[John Reisinger]

Perfect. The elf, a lanky boy with long blonde hair and clothes covered in grass stains and dirt, spots from what looks to be too many attempts at acrobatics, rolls backwards in an awkward yet impressive reverse somersault and springs to his feet, shouting, action.

[Kristen Bell]

Sh.

[Kyborg]

Was that cool? Are you guys impressed?

[John Reisinger]

The half orc don't ignore me. The half orc, wearing an origami pointed hat made of newspaper and a patchwork diaper stitched together from various cloth materials materials, rises to join the other two standing around him. Clearly the youngest of the three, his ascent is slow and careful, like a newborn foal. At his full height, despite clearly being younger than the other two, he stands an inch taller than even the elf. He smiles, exposing A single tooth that can be seen amongst a wide gummy.

[Kristen Bell]

Grin and says, I think that I should be in charge of everyone. And as my first order of being in charge of everyone, I want to put Bart in charge.

[John Reisinger]

Welcome the infant knights to their treehouse. Welcome. How are you guys going to decide who's your leader?

[Kristen Bell]

Let's take a vote.

[Bart]

Well, I think the answer is pretty obvious. It's going to be the biggest person here, which is me.

[Kyborg]

Well, as the leader of this group, I am proud that you have all elected me unanimously to be the head honcho. And I want to thank my right hand man, Bart, and my left hand man, Gum Gum and mud, my buttman. And as my first act of class president, I demand everyone use backflips.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Do you guys do backflips?

[Kristen Bell]

This election was rigged, but I agree. Let's go.

[Gum Gum]

Bart does one of those, you know, when you try to, like, set yourself up for a cartwheel, but you just like full sprint it and just like put your hands on the ground and do a little hop?

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gum Gum]

That's what he does.

[John Reisinger]

Very nice. What does Gum Gum do?

[Kristen Bell]

Gum Gum just flips onto his back.

[John Reisinger]

Like jumps and just belly flops. But it's a back flop. Yes, perfect. I'm sure that'll be great for the structure of this treehouse.

[Kristen Bell]

I just thought about the weight capacity of the treehouse.

[John Reisinger]

What's the. What's is that osha that's supposed to make sure that's enough to code. Just then, the rope ladder connected to the entrance at the front of the room goes taut, and a brass bell attached to it by a string rings an alarm. All three of you look at the entrance and what do you do?

[Kristen Bell]

I draw my bow and arrow.

[Bart]

I would go over and call out.

[Gum Gum]

Say, who goes there?

[Bart]

This is sacred territory. Only the finest of adventurers may join us.

[Kristen Bell]

Covers his eyes.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, perfect. Up through the manhole pokes the head of a dwarven child. Breathing heavy and sweating from his climb, the boy plops down onto the floor of the treehouse, too exhausted to move any further. The only physical feat he can muster is to awkwardly roll slightly to one direction to shift something strapped to his back to his side so that he may lay flatly to catch his breath. What that thing is? It's green and it's a wooden loot.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, no.

[Sleek]

Hey, guys. I, I just, I. I feel, I feel like I. I heard you guys were all hanging out together and I thought it would be a lot of fun if maybe you had some music. To go along with the hanging out. And I figured maybe I could hang out with y'.

[Kristen Bell]

All.

[Kyborg]

Who invited sleep?

[Kristen Bell]

Who told him you're here?

[Gum Gum]

I was like, I'm gonna wait for Blaine to respond.

[John Reisinger]

Sleek, so good to see you.

[Kristen Bell]

Wow.

[Sleek]

Oh, my best friend. Oh, I'm so glad. I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad I got the invite.

[Kristen Bell]

Wow.

[Bart]

I didn't realize you guys were best friends from such an early age.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Kyborg]

Yeah. Sleek, I thought. I didn't I send you on a very important quest across the the woods?

[John Reisinger]

Did you?

[Kyborg]

Are you're back so soon?

[Sleek]

Yeah. You fired an arrow out into the woods and told me that it was really important I bring it back. And so I went out there and I spent day all. All night looking. I scoured everywhere. I went to Smar's cavern. I went to where that. That birdo thing was that we found at one point, and I eventually, like, found it. Fired into the tallest tree in the deepest part of the wood. Who would have known?

[Kristen Bell]

Wow.

[Kyborg]

You want to play again?

[Kristen Bell]

Open my eyes.

[John Reisinger]

You want to play again?

[Bart]

You could open your eyes. It's Sleek.

[Sleek]

Hey, Gum Gum.

[John Reisinger]

Hey, Sleek. I feel like you're forgetting something. Could you roll me a wisdom check?

[Sleek]

Oh, yeah. Anything for you, DM. That's gonna be a solid 13.

[John Reisinger]

Oh, okay. That's a fantastic roll, Sleek. You remember today is a special day and you actually brought some friends along for that special day. It's Mud's birthday today. It's Mud's birthday and he's having a birthday party and you just remembered about it and you brought some friends along. Did anybody remember to get Mud a present?

[Kristen Bell]

Gum Gum jumps down off the treehouse and starts grabbing Mud from the dirt.

[John Reisinger]

You jump out of the treehouse that is up at the top of an oak tree.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes.

[Gum Gum]

How much damage are you taking?

[John Reisinger]

I was going to say, why don't you roll? That's just fall damage.

[Gum Gum]

You want to rethink that?

[Kyborg]

How high up are you?

[John Reisinger]

You're a like a two year old at the. On the top of a oak tree.

[Kristen Bell]

I mean, I said I did it. I'm just gonna commit.

[John Reisinger]

I mean, I. You said you'd said it, but I know often you do not think about the surroundings of what we're in. So do you want to. Do you want to roll for damage?

[Kyborg]

Gus said 1d6 per 10ft.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Sleek]

How high is the treehouse?

[Kristen Bell]

Wow.

[Gum Gum]

So that's gonna be all your health.

[John Reisinger]

Let's say we are only 10ft. Speed up. So why don't you roll 1d6 for damage?

[Kristen Bell]

3.

[John Reisinger]

Not bad. Very good. 3 damage already to Gum Gum. Well, actually, when Gum Gum lands at the bottom of the tree. Gum Gum. You see some people out there?

[Kristen Bell]

Oh no. They try to steal my birthday present for Mud.

[John Reisinger]

Do you want to maybe tell your compatriots about seeing some people out there with you guys?

[Kristen Bell]

The party's already started down here. Come look.

[Bart]

There actually might be my birthday present for you, Mud. I invited a little bit of a performer.

[Kristen Bell]

What?

[Bart]

Yeah, they're like a comedian. They talk about hair a lot though, so I don't really know if that's their shtick.

[John Reisinger]

So you all rush to the treehouse windows, I assume to see what Gum Gum is talking about. And as you peer down into the sun drenched yard below, sure enough, there they are. A tiny kobold with oversized glasses and a lizard folk whose eyes never seem to be pointing in the same direction.

[Kyborg]

I wonder if we could build a ramp instead of a rope ladder. I have crutches. And that doesn't really. Doesn't really make it up there. I have a hammer.

[John Reisinger]

It's fine.

[Kyborg]

I'll start building it.

[Sleek]

It'll be okay. Kyborg is the strongest person I know. He can pull you up.

[Hairless Hutch]

Let's get this party started.

[Kyborg]

I call down to what's. What's doctor, but like pre. Pre doctorate at him. Hey, you could just call me Doc.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Kyborg]

I call down to Doc. Him and Hairless touch. I say, hey guys, be careful down there. There's a lot of dirt that was. It was dry before, but then someone had to use the bathroom, so now it's Mud. It's Mud's birthday. It must be him.

[John Reisinger]

I don't know. I'm not asking questions.

[Kyborg]

Just be careful of the Mud.

[John Reisinger]

Don't go rolling around in it.

[Kyborg]

Where's Gum Gum?

[Kristen Bell]

I'm rolling in it. Well, I'm trying to collect it.

[John Reisinger]

I just imagine Gum Gum like, you know when like you see like those pugs that are just like doing that back like roll kind of thing they're doing? That's Gum Gum out there. Well, it is in fact Mud's birthday. He's having a party today. Mud's not here with you guys? That's the way I'm going to solve Mud. Not having to play Mud for the rest of the season.

[Gum Gum]

We're celebrating his birthday without him here.

[John Reisinger]

Well, you don't have a birthday present, so I need you guys to solve for that.

[Bart]

I guess he wouldn't like my hairless Hutch gift. 20 minutes of stand up straight. I thought he would have loved it.

[Kyborg]

Starting now.

[Hairless Hutch]

All right, Got it. You guys look like a great crowd.

[Kyborg]

Thanks for coming out today.

[Hairless Hutch]

Man, what's going on with this weather lately, right? It's. It's got my. It's got your hair all frizzy, I bet. All the humidity.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, I.

[Hairless Hutch]

Why don't you describe that to me? Tell me what that's like.

[Kyborg]

Kyborg's laughing.

[Gum Gum]

Wait, does Kyberg have both of his arms?

[Kyborg]

Okay, so I was gonna. I wanted some clarification, John, before we, like, sure. Not to get too meta.

[John Reisinger]

Sure, we get meta when we have weapons. Do we have weapons?

[Kyborg]

Or is Cyborg's bow and arrow, like a little suction toy arrow gun?

[John Reisinger]

Actually, I appreciate you bringing that up, Blaine, because I wanted to set some standards here of what we're playing around with. This is not a canonical story of these characters when they're babies. This is the alternate reality version of the Infinites. Akin to, like, Muppet Babies. Muppet Babies was not necessarily Muppet lore. In fact, the Muppet lore has always changed throughout the years. So this is a non canonical version. So it's up to you guys. But, yes, this is like, you guys are the babies. Okay, so you guys probably have little baby versions of what you're doing, but, you know, your weapons need to be doing damage because you guys are fighters, so. Yeah.

[Kyborg]

Then, Barb, to answer your question, I would still have my metal arm.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay. Okay. Yeah.

[Kyborg]

Guys, have you seen my parents lately?

[Kristen Bell]

I don't know. Have you seen mine?

[John Reisinger]

We're not getting into that for this adventure. This is a fun adventure. And to have some fun, I need everyone to roll a history check.

[Gum Gum]

Oh, okay.

[Kristen Bell]

Minus one.

[Hairless Hutch]

I'm great at history.

[Sleek]

Oh, I also have a minus one. Best friends.

[John Reisinger]

You want to go get another arrow? 18, 18, 12. 12, 18, 17. Who got 19?

[Kristen Bell]

Me. Sleek.

[Gum Gum]

And 15 for Bart.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, so with a 19. Sleek. You actually remember that lady Siltmire, Mud's aunt? She lives only two blocks from here. Her and Mud, they're. They're very close. And she's probably sure to know, like, a good idea of what to get Mud for his birthday. If you guys are looking for ideas.

[Kristen Bell]

Hmm. Okay.

[Sleek]

Yeah, I think. I think we could go. Go just visit Mud's aunt and maybe they can tell us. I already got my gift. I don't know if you guys have an idea. I got this arrow from the tallest tree in the deepest part of the forest. But I'll help you guys get your gift.

[John Reisinger]

Here I mean, we don't have jobs.

[Kyborg]

We don't have school because it's summer vacation. Yeah, I'm down for an adventure.

[Bart]

And we don't have parents.

[Kristen Bell]

No responsibility.

[Kyborg]

If you are want, I can give you homework, though.

[Hairless Hutch]

No, no, no.

[Gum Gum]

Bart slowly just edges to push Dr.

[Kyborg]

M more for me. Aw, I'm really being endeared to Dr.

[Kristen Bell]

M.

[John Reisinger]

It's very much stinky dragon adventures do is what we're getting.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

Great. So you guys want to head out to Lady Siltmeyer's? Yeah, let's do it.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Hairless Hutch]

Yeah, let's go two blocks. We should be there by nightfall.

[Gum Gum]

Bart climbs down the rope.

[John Reisinger]

Be very, very clear what you're doing.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, that's what that's for.

[Sleek]

Oh, man, I just got up here.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, so you all climb down and you join as a party of the six, and you guys start heading out to where, you know, Lady Silt Meyer lives. We have a little. We're going have a little function here. When you guys change location, you guys can do a travel check. After all, you guys are like, you know, three year olds walking around a neighborhood. So I need you guys to roll me a check to see how well you travel. So everyone roll me a survival check.

[Kristen Bell]

All right.

[Kyborg]

Who knew?

[John Reisinger]

Ben, Sleek, what did you roll?

[Sleek]

I got a NAT one.

[Kyborg]

Okay.

[Sleek]

Not it.

[John Reisinger]

On surviving. Is that what the knot is?

[Sleek]

You got it.

[John Reisinger]

We got a one from Sleek, 23 from Bart, nine from Hutch, 19 from Gum Gum, 14 from Kaiborg, Kai Baby. And. Ahem.

[Kyborg]

I got a three.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, I also want to point out.

[Gum Gum]

I rolled a nat 20. Yeah, but with the three, it's.

[John Reisinger]

Well, Bart, Gum Gum and Kyborg, you guys managed to traverse the streets fine. Hutch, you got distracted. You found a gumdrop on the floor and ate the gumdrop.

[Hairless Hutch]

It had some hair on it from.

[Kyborg]

Being on the ground, so you have.

[John Reisinger]

Disadvantage on intelligence and wisdom checks till after your next battle due to sugar rush.

[Hairless Hutch]

I'm not good at those anyway, so it's fine.

[John Reisinger]

And Sleek, you stepped in fresh pavement while you guys were walking around. And so you have half speed until you can find something to clean it off.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Sleek]

Oh, man. I was. Look, I dropped my gumdrop and I stepped in this pavement. I don't. I don't know where I am. If there's one thing my loving parents have always told me, it's that I am a follower, not a leader. And so I need someone to help me out.

[Kyborg]

Kyborg, at least you had parents.

[Kristen Bell]

It's okay. Add a gumdrop at the Beginning of this adventure too.

[John Reisinger]

And then a hem or doc.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes.

[John Reisinger]

You found a raccoon and you tried to pet the raccoon. Someone needs you to roll an animal handling check to see if it attacks you.

[Kyborg]

It's good when they handle you back as well. Let's see. Animal handling is a plus one. So 17.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, you handled it fine. It didn't attack you. And my field guide.

[Kristen Bell]

Ready?

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. You got distracted, but you recover. Okay, so you guys make your way downtown, and the party eventually finds their way to the gated entrance of a lush landscaped garden. As you unlatch the gate and head in, you are amazed to find yourself amidst a plethora of different biomes, each filled with their own unique plants and vegetation, all coexisting in this one yard. You follow this winding dirt path till your meandering leads you to the front porch of a house carved into an enormous sycamore tree. Sitting on a rocking chair, sorting little seeds into little pouches, sits a graying old firbolg woman humming a tune. A couple of you catch from your peripheral vision what looks to be some of the plants swaying to the rhythm of her song.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Oh, would you look at you. Little weeds popping up where I least expected. What brings a band of grubby little sprouts to old Siltmayer's porch this fine growing hour?

[Bart]

Hello, m'. Lady.

[Kyborg]

Oh, God.

[Bart]

Just a term of endearment, not anything else. Non suggestive in any way. Is it true that you are related to the Mud Bramble Crack?

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, of course.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

That's my little muddy daddy. I love him so much.

[Kyborg]

And is it true that you give out full candy bars during Halloween because you are so rich and live in a gated community?

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Yes, I, I, I do love to be generous with the little ones around that time. Although it is summer, so I don't have them with me right now.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, okay, okay.

[Bart]

Fair enough. Well, I do appreciate you giving us a new nickname for my Muddy Duddy. That's so great. I'm gonna be using that from now on.

[Kyborg]

We will definitely bully him with that later.

[Bart]

But I'm here with some of my compadres behind me. I am the team leader, Bart, of course, as we all decided equally.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Oh, well, congratulations.

[Bart]

And we're on the hunt for the perfect birthday gift for Mud Muddy Duddy. And we're hoping you give us some guidance there.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, yes.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

A gift for little Mud.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes, yes.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

I might know just the thing. But you know my poor old mind, more tangled than my morning glories. See My memory is a bit unrooted these days, but I do find I recall things best when I play my favorite game. Plant based riddles.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, yay.

[Bart]

Hairless Hutch is really excited about riddles.

[John Reisinger]

I hope there's some pun intended to Gus for yes, Standing Lady Silkmeyer.

[Hairless Hutch]

Listen, I. I know people were not. You guys were not a fan of Scoville the Stumper, but I had fun with him, so I'm hoping he comes back around.

[John Reisinger]

So she stands up with a surprising amount of, like, sprightliness and reaches into a nearby watering can and pulls out a tiny little notebook made of pressed leaves. Grinning, she addresses you all again, and.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

She says, if you seedlings can answer a few of my Flora fueled riddles, maybe I'll remember where that special toy is buried in my brain box. What do you say, my darling dirtlings? Do you accept the riddle of the roots?

[John Reisinger]

I do love brain teasers.

[Kristen Bell]

Let's do it.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, so this is going to be a riddle game. And so each player I'm going to give you. You guys are going to answer this. One at a time is what I want. I'm making this a little challenging, but you guys can each roll an intelligence check for your turn. And if you roll low, you're going to get a harder riddle. If you roll high, give me an easier one. And you have to, guys, get enough to satisfy Lady Stiltmeyer so her memory can be unlocked.

[Hairless Hutch]

Okay, and just to clarify, I have disadvantage on this roll?

[John Reisinger]

You do.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

All right, who would like to go first?

[Kyborg]

Oh, please, let Kaibar go. As leader of this team, I am happy to go first and show my fellow compatriots who's who's in charge.

[John Reisinger]

All right, roll me an intelligence check.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Kyborg]

I give a knowing look to Bart. Okay. All right, let me crunch the numbers.

[John Reisinger]

There.

[Kyborg]

That's a one.

[Bart]

I don't know why you made eye contact with me on that. I think it messed you up.

[John Reisinger]

What'd you roll, cyborg?

[Kristen Bell]

I rolled a one.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Right. Okay. What is a frog's favorite flower?

[Kristen Bell]

That would be a lily.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Oh, I can see where you'd go with that. That's not correct. Do you want to take maybe one more stab at that?

[Kyborg]

Can I phone a friend and call my friend Gunther?

[John Reisinger]

I'm stumped.

[Kristen Bell]

I don't know, man.

[John Reisinger]

I just. I'm here for the candy bars. I don't know.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

That would of course, be a crocus.

[Bart]

Is it kind of flower? I've never heard of that.

[Kristen Bell]

I've never lied about flowers, and I've Never heard of it.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Well, Gum Gum, would you like to go next?

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

All right.

[John Reisinger]

Roll me a check.

[Kristen Bell]

I rolled a 9, which is pretty good for Gum Gum.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, I'll give you an easier one for that.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Gum Gum, what kind of flower grows on your face? Oh, it seems your friend Bart might have some help to give you.

[Kristen Bell]

Not an ear or nose. What is it, Bart?

[Bart]

What if I give him a clue?

[John Reisinger]

I will let you help him. If you can roll a stealth check for me, you can be sneaky.

[Kyborg]

Oh, that's fun. That's a.

[John Reisinger]

That's a good way to.

[Gum Gum]

I rolled a one plus five.

[John Reisinger]

There have been so many critical fails.

[Gum Gum]

So far, I start sneaking over, and I trip over, and I take Gum Gum down with me.

[Kyborg]

You know how kids are when they just fall down and they just get.

[Kristen Bell]

Up and they just. Yeah. Gum Gum.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Do you want to make a guess? I'll give you a hint. It has to do with something on the lower part of your face.

[Kristen Bell]

Lower part? Yeah, the chin. Chin.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Little higher. Little higher.

[Kristen Bell]

Mouth. Mouth.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Yes, right around there.

[Kristen Bell]

Mouth, Teeth. Teeth, mouth.

[Bart]

What else is there? What else is there? No, no. What else is there around the mouth?

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Getting colder.

[John Reisinger]

Getting a bit colder.

[Kristen Bell]

Lips. Lips.

[Hairless Hutch]

Does Gum Gum have a beard?

[John Reisinger]

He's the hairiest baby ever.

[Bart]

How many lips you got?

[Kristen Bell]

Who lives? Oh, yes.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Gum, gum, you got that all on your own. I'm so proud of you.

[Gum Gum]

I do like chin, chin.

[Kristen Bell]

Chin, chin.

[Kyborg]

Nose, chin, mustache, Beard.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Okay, who would like to go next?

[Gum Gum]

I'll go.

[Kristen Bell]

Ooh. All right.

[Bart]

Sorry, Hutch.

[John Reisinger]

Roll me that check and I.

[Hairless Hutch]

Go ahead. You're. You're a star. I'm just the supporting character here.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Oh, but, Hutch, you're a star in my heart.

[Bart]

19.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Oh, that's a very good roll, Bart. What kind of tree can fit into your hand?

[John Reisinger]

A palm tree.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

You were so quick with that. Just a sharp little halfling, aren't you?

[Bart]

You know, hey, I like to think I'm a pretty big, smart halfling.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Hutch, did you want to go next?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah, hit me. All right.

[John Reisinger]

Roll that check for me with a disadvantage.

[Kristen Bell]

That's right.

[Hairless Hutch]

It's gonna be great. 16 and 16.

[John Reisinger]

Oh, good rolls. Good rolls. Okay.

[Hairless Hutch]

I'm very smart.

[John Reisinger]

Yes, you are.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Hutch, what kind of plant is known for its.

[John Reisinger]

Roar.

[Kristen Bell]

Roar.

[John Reisinger]

Um, does Kyborg want to try to stealthily help Hutch?

[Kyborg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Reisinger]

Roll me that stealth check.

[Kyborg]

It's a 13.

[John Reisinger]

I'll allow that.

[Kristen Bell]

Hutch. Hutch. Yeah, yeah. What? Stop touching my hair.

[Hairless Hutch]

It smells real good.

[Kristen Bell]

I know.

[Kyborg]

Thank You.

[Hairless Hutch]

Are you using a new conditioner?

[Kristen Bell]

Please stop.

[Kyborg]

Just focus. Up.

[John Reisinger]

You blow on it.

[Kyborg]

You blow on it, and then the seedlings spread.

[Kristen Bell]

You know what I mean? Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, Yeah.

[Hairless Hutch]

A sunflower.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, you were so close.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

I do love me a sunflower, but unfortunately, the answer is a dandelion.

[John Reisinger]

We were looking for a dandelion.

[Hairless Hutch]

That one, yeah.

[Kyborg]

Were you serious just then?

[Kristen Bell]

Hutch? What?

[John Reisinger]

Is that for real?

[Kristen Bell]

Would you accept it, Tiger Lily? You pulling on sunflowers?

[Hairless Hutch]

Hutch's intelligence is nine.

[John Reisinger]

I don't think that's being in character.

[Hairless Hutch]

In character? I don't think you've got it.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

All right, let's keep going. I'm loving this. And it is. I'm.

[John Reisinger]

I'm.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

I'm unlocking my memory. It's helping.

[John Reisinger]

We're.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

We're almost there.

[Sleek]

You hear? You're a kachunk.

[Kristen Bell]

Kachunk.

[Sleek]

Kachunk. And around the corner. Sleek, covered in pavement and concrete boots. Hey, guys. What are we doing?

[Gum Gum]

I made it.

[Sleek]

Don't worry. I've been here the whole time. What's going on?

[John Reisinger]

Sleek.

[Kyborg]

It was.

[John Reisinger]

I do love that we just keep cutting in front of him. Roll me an intelligence check.

[Sleek]

We could go. It's fine.

[John Reisinger]

No, I kind of like this narrative.

[Kristen Bell]

I'm ready.

[Sleek]

18.

[Kyborg]

That's great.

[John Reisinger]

That's a great roll.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

All right, my dear little sneak. What is a chicken's favorite plant?

[Sleek]

Okay, yeah, yeah. I got this. Got this. Chickens. Chickens. Favorite plant. Chickens, babies, Favorite plant. Do I know any chickens?

[Kristen Bell]

You're a chicken.

[Hairless Hutch]

Kite works right over there.

[Sleek]

What's my favorite plant? It could be anything. It could be a. Anybody. And he just looks around or is.

[Gum Gum]

Doing one of those things where he's, like, not making eye contact.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Do you want to make a guess at it, maybe?

[Sleek]

Is it. Is my favorite plant poison? I.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

No, a chicken's favorite plant is an eggplant.

[Sleek]

Oh, that's. That makes a lot of sense, now that I think about it. That was my second guess.

[Kyborg]

That was.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Yes, I'm sure it was. Doc, would you like to play the game?

[Kyborg]

Oh, I can play now. Okay, great. I thought this was all you, not me.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, why don't you roll me an intelligence check?

[Kyborg]

I wrote an 8, doc.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Where do vegetables go after work for drinks?

[Kyborg]

Where do vegetables go after work for drinks? I know it's not a tavern. Let's see. Vegetables would go to the produce aisle at the market.

[Sleek]

I think, guys. No, I think he's onto something. I think he's onto something.

[Kristen Bell]

Let him cook.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

That's not quite right. But you're heading in a direction. Wait, I'll give you one more try. Do you think maybe you could take a guess at this? Does anybody want to.

[John Reisinger]

Now she's just asking for you guys to help.

[Kyborg]

Doc, I'm mostly familiar with the Latin roots of all these plants. So, yes, any help could be. Will be useful.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Where do you go for drinks?

[Kyborg]

A bar.

[Kristen Bell]

Starbucks.

[Bart]

Can you put the question in a sentence?

[Kristen Bell]

What's the country of origin?

[Sleek]

Can you spell it for me?

[Lady Siltmeyer]

A salad bar.

[Kyborg]

Salad bar. I was just going to say. I will write that down for later.

[Kristen Bell]

You're still.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

You're so close. I'm just so eager to keep playing this forever. But I do want to help you with the party.

[Kyborg]

I have a question for you, if I may, ma'.

[Kristen Bell]

Am.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Sure.

[Kyborg]

What was your last name again?

[John Reisinger]

Bramble Crack. Bramble Crack. Okay, well, my name is Silkmeyer.

[Kyborg]

Okay, so it's not. Not use a janaya.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Oh, dear. No.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

All right.

[Kristen Bell]

Never mind.

[John Reisinger]

Does someone else want to take another.

[Kyborg]

Stab at another rhythm?

[Bart]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Reisinger]

How about, let's have some fun?

[Lady Siltmeyer]

I'm just having such a good time. Everybody can participate with this one.

[Sleek]

Okay, I'm really excited to answer this, but I don't want to steal the limelight. So I think. I think Bart should answer this.

[Bart]

You know, it's like, I didn't realize how smart of a guy you were.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

What kind of bean. A sticky bean doesn't grow in a garden.

[Bart]

What kind of bean doesn't grow in a garden?

[Kristen Bell]

Yes.

[Bart]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Hatch, do you have an answer?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Hairless Hutch]

A human being.

[Bart]

No.

[Kristen Bell]

That's a good one.

[John Reisinger]

That wasn't the answer, but I'm gonna take that one. Lady Silmare likes your cleverness so much and gives you that one. Okay, how about.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

How about just one more for me, Just for fun. One more for.

[Kristen Bell]

Just for fun.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Can you guys tell me what vegetable rings when you shake it?

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, you guys.

[John Reisinger]

Oh, you guys are all into this now.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

I saw duck.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes.

[Kyborg]

I was thinking it's a bell pepper.

[Kristen Bell]

That's so correct. Oh, you guys have done so well.

[Sleek]

I was gonna say onion ring.

[Kyborg]

Oh, that would have been so good as well.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Bonus points to you, Sleek.

[Hairless Hutch]

Okay, I like that. That is probably Sleek's favorite vegetable. It is the onion working.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Oh, well, Petunias and peonies. You clever little sprouts actually did it. You've rattled the roots of my memory loose.

[John Reisinger]

She spins in place with, like, this joy and nearly knocks over A hanging planter as she does it. And she says, excited, with her eyes twinkling, oh, yes.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Oh, yes, I remember now. The perfect gift for a young, muddy, duddy. Something magical, something dirty. Something made just for burrowing babies and bashful badgers.

[John Reisinger]

She leans in at this point for, like, dramatic effect and lowers her voice to, like, a theatrical kind of whisper.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

And she says, it's called the burrow box. It's a toy chest unlike any other. It's buried deep beneath the boulder. Playground at the park. Playground in the tunnels only the bravest of babes dare to explore.

[John Reisinger]

She reaches into an empty flower pot next to her and pulls out these three small, square cut pieces of dirty canvas. And she holds them out in her hand.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

She says, these will help you when you need them.

[Kristen Bell]

Three dirty canvases. Do they have anything on them?

[John Reisinger]

No, they seem to be just squares of dirty canvas. Just blank.

[Gum Gum]

Like a painting canvas.

[John Reisinger]

Like canvas bag that you would hold fertilizer or potatoes in.

[Hairless Hutch]

Okay, okay, I'll take one.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

There's one for Hutch.

[Kyborg]

I don't have any hands because I have crutches.

[Bart]

So, yes, I think, you know, we hired Hairless Hutch, so why don't we put him to work?

[John Reisinger]

Oh, is Hairless Hutch hired.

[Gum Gum]

Is he contract work as Mud's birthday?

[John Reisinger]

Okay, so he's contract work. Okay, then Lady Stiltmar hands all three to Hutch.

[Hairless Hutch]

You guys let me know if you're in a hairy situation, and I'll come to the rescue.

[Sleek]

That's a good tagline for a business. I feel like you could. You could really get. There's something there.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Okay, now go on, you garden gnomes in training, find that box and make sure Mud has the best birthday a firbog ever had.

[John Reisinger]

And with that, Lady Stiltmeyer claps her hands together, and with the dusty puff of, like, potting soil, she disappears from the porch.

[Hairless Hutch]

That's a lot of pressure.

[Sleek]

Thanks, Mrs. Doubtfire.

[Kristen Bell]

We killed her.

[Bart]

You guys all saw her, right? That wasn't just, like, a figment of my imagination.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

You guys turn around, all of a sudden, you're in an empty lot, and there's nothing there.

[Kristen Bell]

No.

[Kyborg]

Just kidding. It was all a bunch of dreamery.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Kyborg]

Guys, I don't think we should have got into that house that had the tint canopy surrounding it.

[John Reisinger]

It's really foggy in there. There's a striped canopy.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Hairless Hutch]

You look over Hairless Hutches on his back.

[Gum Gum]

We're all just talking to a lamp.

[John Reisinger]

Tail shriveled up and curled up. What do you guys do.

[Kyborg]

I think we gotta head to the playground, guys.

[Sleek]

Yeah, let me head out first.

[Kristen Bell]

I'll.

[Sleek]

I'll meet you guys there.

[Kristen Bell]

We know where it is. Or do we have to, like.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, you guys. You guys know where the playground is. You guys have been there quite a lot.

[Kyborg]

I mean, Gum Gum might not, but we would.

[Kristen Bell]

Maybe.

[John Reisinger]

Maybe someone hold Gum Gum's hand so he doesn't cross too many streets without looking.

[Hairless Hutch]

Not it.

[Kristen Bell]

I'll do it.

[Hairless Hutch]

Holds his own hand.

[John Reisinger]

So with that, you guys are deciding to travel again? Let's do another skill check. Another travel check.

[Kyborg]

Excellent.

[John Reisinger]

Give me a survival roll.

[Sleek]

Oh, man.

[Kyborg]

I will take up the RIA.

[Gum Gum]

21.

[John Reisinger]

21.

[Hairless Hutch]

18.

[John Reisinger]

18.

[Kristen Bell]

8.

[John Reisinger]

Gum gum with an 8. Oh, yes.

[Kristen Bell]

18.

[John Reisinger]

18.

[Sleek]

Solid 9.

[John Reisinger]

9 for sleek. And doc.

[Kyborg]

13. Lucky number.

[Gum Gum]

Another 13.

[John Reisinger]

So then, that is. These are the slight survival checks. Bart, Hutch, Kai, Baby. And we'll say Doc, I'll let you have this one. You guys make it there, no problem. But Gum Gum, you get distracted by a butterfly at one point, and you can't continue the journey until someone figures out an idea of how to get your attention back.

[Kristen Bell]

Not it. Oh, my goodness.

[John Reisinger]

Does someone want to help Gum Gum?

[Gum Gum]

I will help.

[John Reisinger]

How are you going to help them?

[Gum Gum]

For moments like this, I've crafted my own butterfly made with shiny paper so that anytime Gum Gum gets distracted by butterflies or other objects, I know that he's a fan. I pull it out and I start flapping it.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, my goodness.

[John Reisinger]

Just aluminum foil. You said shiny paper, but it's just aluminum foil.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. Magic. Magic paper butterfly. Over here. You have a friend. Look.

[John Reisinger]

Roll me a persuasion check to persuade Gum Gum to go towards yours 13. Oh, yeah. That succeeds. Gum Gum clearly likes the shiny butterfly more and starts biting at the. For the aluminum foil.

[Kristen Bell]

I want to catch the shiny Pokemon.

[Gum Gum]

I do one of those things where, you know, if you're, like, trying to play a magic trick with someone and you put it over their head, and then I grab it with the other hand to pocket it, and so he thinks it disappears.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, it got away again.

[Bart]

Again. I know. We'll catch him next time. Gum Gum.

[Kristen Bell]

I know. Hey.

[John Reisinger]

Hey, guys.

[Kyborg]

Since we're heading to the playground, I just wanted to say, you know, I passed my survival check, and I think we're gonna map out our routes through the neighborhood. We should avoid Hugh Manor's house.

[John Reisinger]

He just got back from juvie hall.

[Kyborg]

From lighting fires and killing small animals. We needed. We need to avoid going through that property.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay, guys? Yeah, he did weird stuff with his dolls. Yeah, it's like, what is it? What is it from Sid From Toy Story.

[Sleek]

I got you, Chris.

[John Reisinger]

And then Sleek with your survival check. I think this works actually pretty well for considering you still have some concrete on your foot. You actually trip on some uneven sidewalk and you take one damage.

[Kyborg]

Why did that sound like the Minecraft damage? That was verbat.

[John Reisinger]

Like when you drop your fall damage sound.

[Sleek]

Yeah, canonically, it's how I think sleek actually sounds.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, cool. So you guys head to the Boulderay park playground. As the party gets further and further from Lady Stiltmeyer's house, the sun shines brightly overhead, casting playful shadows on the familiar neighborhood. Soon you arrive at the Boulderay park playground, a bustling hub of childhood adventure. The playground is a vibrant landscape with colorful plastic extensions, equipment with towering slides and swing sets creaking in the breeze, and an enormous central sandbox where the sand glitters like tiny golden gems. Children's laughter fills the air and the scent of fresh grass mingles with the faint aroma of packed lunches. The sandbox, the heart of the playground, is bustling with activity, with various children playing imaginary games all around.

[Kyborg]

Could I talk to Kybo really fast?

[Kristen Bell]

Sure. Hey, what's up, Doc?

[Kyborg]

Kyborg. I was here, you know, a few weeks ago and there were these dragon born that wanted me to helping them with their homework, but I was too busy and that's why I got this broken leg. Oh, could you keep an eye out since you seem to speak their language really well. I'm gonna bully these bullies.

[Kristen Bell]

They're not gonna know what's coming.

[Kyborg]

No one hurts my friend, Doc. You got it, Doc. I'm gonna watch out you.

[Kristen Bell]

I'm gonna watch you back, buddy.

[Kyborg]

Thank you very much. If you run into him, just repeat after me. Tell him. Excellent. I'll write that down.

[John Reisinger]

This is a family friendly show, Kyborg, if you could keep the sense of swearing down. So sorry, guys.

[Kristen Bell]

So sorry.

[Kyborg]

Sleek, avoid the swimming pool with your brick shoes.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay, just, just, just saying you got a boss.

[John Reisinger]

All right, so you guys are at the playground. What do you guys do?

[Gum Gum]

I think Bart would go straight over for a swing set.

[Kristen Bell]

Cool.

[John Reisinger]

Why don't you roll me a investigation check?

[Gum Gum]

I wanna. I am swinging.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, at disadvantage.

[Gum Gum]

You got it.

[John Reisinger]

Because you're moving.

[Bart]

D1. I can D16.

[John Reisinger]

Wow. Even while in motion, it must be that like at the peak you get that kind of overwatch element. As you keep doing just for a brief moment and you do see that you notice like near the center of the sandbox there's an area that seems to be like, at a lower elevation than the rest of the sandbox.

[Kristen Bell]

To the sandbox. Wait.

[John Reisinger]

How do you get off the swing? Do you slow down and get off?

[Gum Gum]

I wait for it to slow down on its own momentum.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

It's just everybody waiting for the centrifugal force to stop.

[Bart]

Meet you guys there in probably two and a half minutes.

[Sleek]

So all we're here is I'll meet you guys.

[Kristen Bell]

All right.

[John Reisinger]

Do you guys all gather?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Sleek]

You know, this, this makes sense. I, I, I've heard Kyborg's told me before that cats will sometimes bury candy bars in here and that I should look for them. And I haven't gotten to it yet, but maybe now's the time. You know, we could all split a candy bar.

[John Reisinger]

Inspiration dice.

[Hairless Hutch]

Ben, I want to say, Ben, you're killing it. I mean, you're cracking me up. I mean, that's so good.

[John Reisinger]

Hello, everybody. John Rising here to talk to you about business. I'm a business owner. I've started my own business in the last year. Well, I started my own. I did it with six other people. But one thing we couldn't predict when we started this whole shebang was how many different hats we all were gonna have to wear to make this thing work. But I've got some good news. I got one hat you can pass off to someone else, and that someone else is your new business partner, Shopify. Shopify is fantastic. It's the commerce platform behind millions of businesses all around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the U.S. i mean, they've even got people like Mattel using their product. It's pretty fantastic. So I want to let you know you can turn your big business idea into some real. You want to use Shopify and get them on your side. You can sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com dragon. That's right. If you go to shopify.com dragon you can get a little discount. You can start your business, make some money. And you do that all once again by going to shopify.com dragon. Thanks, y'.

[Kristen Bell]

All.

[Sleek]

Hey, Sticky Dragon, your favorite mortalian private here to talk to you about your most important mission yet. Your finances. That's right. We've all had those headaches you get while trying to make progress with your finances. Whether it's overdraft fees, missed payments, or wishing you had more ways to save, today's sponsor Chime understands that every dollar counts when you set up direct Deposit. Through Chime, you get access to fee free features like free overdraft coverage, getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit and more. Learn [e-mail] Dragon Chime is banking done right. You can open a checking account with no monthly fees and no maintenance fees. And with qualifying direct deposits, you're eligible for free overdraft up to $200 on debit card purchases and cash withdrawals. To date, Chime has spotted members over $30 billion. That's right, 30 billion with a B. And look, I wish I had started using Chime sooner. Chime has tools for daily balance updates and real time transaction alerts to help you shape your spending habits and get on top of your financial goals. Plus the convenience of having access to 47,000 fee free ATMs nationwide and 24. 7 customer support really comes in handy.

[Hairless Hutch]

Work on your financial goals through Chime today. Open the account in 2 [e-mail] dragon that's chime.com dragon Chime feels like progress.

[Gum Gum]

Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services and debit card provided by.

[Kristen Bell]

The Bancorp Bank NA or Stripe Bank.

[Gum Gum]

NA members, fdic Spot Me. Eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Timing depends on submission of payment file. Fees apply at out of network ATMs. Bank ranking and number of ATMs. According to US News and World Report, 2023 Chime checking account required.

[John Reisinger]

Hello everybody. It's the main man with the mustache, John Rising, here to discuss something I am particularly suited to bring to your attention. And that is, let's talk about facial hair care, okay? I don't just wake up out of bed and have a mustache that looks this good. It's not magic. I use good products. Hey, John, where do you get these good products? Thank you for asking. Go to HouseOfAtlas.com, get some house of Atlas products. Get some razors, get some shaving cream, get some aftershave, get some facial lotion. Y' all need to be moisturizing. If you're not okay. I want you to take care of yourselves. And you can take care of yourselves by getting the nice products that House of Atlas has to offer. And you're like, hey, John, I think they're only online. But if I want refills, how do I get it quick? I got good news for you, everybody.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay?

[John Reisinger]

You can go to Target and get some refills. So like, you can either order online or if you're at Target, getting your candles or whatever you get there, you can get Some refills for your razors. And also now for a limited time, they're also offering 20% off site wide, plus free shipping. I love that little last bit. Who wants to pay for shipping? No one wants to pay for shipping, but you can get free [e-mail]. all you got to do is use the code stinky at checkout. Okay? That's H O U S E O F A t l a s.com with the promo code stinky. That's for 20% off everything. Plus House of Atlas is now available, like I said, at Target stores nationwide. I'm making sure you heard that part, okay? So stop wasting money and time on shaving products that don't look good, they're not affected, and they cost way too much. Visit HouseOfAtlas.com yeah, let's do it today. Trust me, you'll love it as much as I did.

[Kristen Bell]

Thanks.

[Sleek]

I feel bad though. I just stepped on Micah. Micah, what are you gonna say?

[Kyborg]

I was going to inspect the structural integrity of every piece of playground in here.

[John Reisinger]

All right, we gotta do a few checks here, Micah. Okay, so as you guys are approaching this area, you do actually find that there's kind of a thin layer of sand at a certain spot. So you kind of. You guys brush aside a few clumps of that sand to uncover a small wooden patch. It's buried beneath the sand itself and it's marked with like, faded crayon drawings of like an ogre with like a frowny face and underneath it. Underneath as the words do not open. Seriously?

[Kristen Bell]

Wow.

[Hairless Hutch]

Friends.

[Sleek]

Bet this is where all the candy bars are.

[Kristen Bell]

We gotta open this, guys. Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

What do you do?

[Sleek]

Okay, okay, okay, I. I got it. I got it. Okay. And Sleek is going to look toward this box and he's going to put it. Point his fingers, and he's going to cast the spell. Finger guns, which is an actual legitimate spell in D and D beyond what you extend your forefinger and thumb. A dangerous gesture mimicking a gun. Sleek has a gun.

[Kristen Bell]

He's got a gun, baby.

[John Reisinger]

Sleek has a gun.

[Sleek]

For the duration. Your hand counts as a simple ranged weapon with a range of 65 defeat and the slow mastery property. You can use your spell casting ability instead of dexterity for the attack rolls of this weapon. And on a hit, the weapon deals 2d6 force damage. I would like to try to shoot this chest or whatever this is open.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, so you are facing this hatch and you are pulling out finger guns to cast a spell.

[Sleek]

Yes.

[Kyborg]

Cyborg is going to turn his back to the group. And he's going to keep lookout because I feel like I used to do.

[Kristen Bell]

That a lot as a kid.

[Kyborg]

I'd look out when my friends are.

[John Reisinger]

Doing something dangerous or bad just to.

[Kristen Bell]

Make sure no adult saw.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, before we get to Ben doing his attack, why don't you give me a perception check? Hi, baby.

[Kristen Bell]

You. You got it. That is.

[Kyborg]

Looks like a 14.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. You look around and you're trying to keep an eye on, like, a certain side of the sandbox. And Sleek kind of bends over, and he's kind of, like, focusing his baby arcane energy towards this hatch. And then all of a sudden, Sleek, you feel something happen behind you. Just as you reach out to do your finger guns, a sudden whoosh of sand rains down your back and into your pants and undies. The sand is coarse, it's gritty. It's absolutely everywhere you don't want it to be. And a familiar snicker echoes from behind you. Turning to where this sand originated from. Standing there with a smirk and a little sand shovel held in a floating magical hand, is Brink Tussler, the most obnoxious kid in the neighborhood.

[Sleek]

Guys, I think I gum gumped myself.

[Kristen Bell]

Hi, Brink.

[John Reisinger]

Surrounding Brink, or along with Brink, he has a gang of little goblin goons that snicker beside him, all with their arms crossed, trying to look formidable. And Brink says, aw, did the wittle baby have an accident in their diaper?

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Typical toddlers.

[John Reisinger]

Listen, you imbecile infants. That cavern and all the little goodies inside belong to Brink.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Bart]

You gotta fight back a little bit.

[John Reisinger]

This one. This one's a smart one.

[Kristen Bell]

Can we share it? Hey.

[John Reisinger]

Hey, Brink, is it true that you pooped your pants during math class last semester?

[Kyborg]

I heard a rumor going around. Is it true? Can you confirm or deny?

[Lady Siltmeyer]

I think you're doing that thing again.

[John Reisinger]

Where you make your own adventure. Someone else's adventures. Little Kai baby, no. I would never poop my pants. You're the pants pooper.

[Kristen Bell]

But that's not true, Kai. Boo. You poop your pants all the time.

[Kyborg]

Come, come.

[Kristen Bell]

Shut it up.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

All right, so I think, you know, it's very fun that you guys have found this hatch, but I think you need to disperse.

[Bart]

Okay, I think that hairless Hutch has something to say.

[Hairless Hutch]

Because of Bart's great leadership in giving me the dirty canvases, I'm gonna pull one out and try to touch it to bring Tussler's face.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh.

[John Reisinger]

Help me understand what Hutch is trying to do here.

[Hairless Hutch]

Well, Lady Siltmeyer, Said that the captain canvases would help us when we needed help, and it appears we need help right now. So maybe I. Okay. I picture he's doing the one, two thing, or with one hand, he's reaching out for hair. In the other hand, he's putting a canvas.

[Kristen Bell]

It's just.

[John Reisinger]

It's just reaching at his head. I guess that would be like a. Like a dex. A dex check to see if you managed to get the canvas to him.

[Gum Gum]

Can I see also, if I. At the Simultaneously. Is this happening? Could I try to cast sleep on Brink?

[John Reisinger]

Tesler, let's resolve Hutch first, and then. Yeah, you can do that.

[Gum Gum]

I wanted him to think that he was putting him to sleep.

[Hairless Hutch]

No tears, only sleep. Ooh, 19 on my dex check.

[John Reisinger]

19 on your dex check. Yeah. The crowd parts, and Hutch walks forward and just slowly, slowly puts the canvas against Brink's facing. Brink just not understanding what's going on just allows it to happen. And as the canvas reaches his face and he pushes against it, and Hutch's other hand comes up and starts stroking his hair. Nothing happens. And. And Brink goes, is this one all right? Does he need to go have a nap?

[Bart]

He probably needs a lot of things, actually.

[Hairless Hutch]

Can use some of that hair.

[Kyborg]

I feel like we need a child.

[Kristen Bell]

Hold on.

[Hairless Hutch]

Was Bart gonna try something there at the same time? When I was doing that, I was.

[Gum Gum]

Gonna try to cast sleep on him, but.

[John Reisinger]

You want to cast sleep, or did you guys want to gather and make a plan?

[Gum Gum]

You know, I think Kyborg and Brink.

[Bart]

Know each other pretty well, so I. I'm gonna trust what he has to say on this matter.

[John Reisinger]

Okay.

[Kyborg]

I was gonna say Brinkdustler. Hold that thought. Try counting to 10. I know you can't. And then I gather up with my.

[John Reisinger]

Group and I say, all right, guys.

[Kyborg]

Are we gonna pick a fight with.

[Kristen Bell]

These dudes or what?

[John Reisinger]

What's the plan?

[Hairless Hutch]

Yeah.

[Bart]

He already tried to rub his sack all over him.

[Kyborg]

Hairless Hutch, I know you're gonna try to pull hairs.

[John Reisinger]

I know that that's your style.

[Kyborg]

It's a little weird, unconventional.

[John Reisinger]

But I like it, though.

[Hairless Hutch]

In a fight, anything goes. Kai, baby.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah? What if we played a game of hide and seek? Can we just hide inside the tunnel? That's an idea, Doc.

[Kyborg]

I have an idea that might work with that.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Kyborg]

I have an umbrella, you see, for any weather occasion. I know he's always carried with me, and I was wondering, do I see birds in the vicinity? Meet pigeons.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah, yeah. There's.

[John Reisinger]

There's, like. There's Various kinds of birds around the area.

[Kyborg]

I learned this from an old Scottish man. You just kind of pump the. The umbrella and it flaps and the birds get scared, and then all. There's like a swarm of birds, and it like, obscures us hiding into the hatch.

[Bart]

That's actually pretty cool. I'm gonna use that in my day to day life. Not a fan of birds.

[Hairless Hutch]

Do you make any noise while you're doing that?

[Sleek]

We can scare the birds. Maybe the poop all over them too. I just really think that would be a fun idea.

[Kristen Bell]

I like that. I like that.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm down to play in this space. Give me an animal handling check, Doc.

[Kyborg]

Excellent. I always handle animals with my umbrella. That's a 14.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

You know, you.

[John Reisinger]

You manage to scare a fair amount of birds, and they start flying around and they're causing a bit of a scene, like, you know, making noises and some are kind of swooping around and not knowing what to do with your. Your umbrella situation. So, you know, for the moment, like, everyone's kind of a little confused as to what's going on. And Brink is, like, wondering what you're doing. He's watching you make those bird sounds, and he's just continue to be confused by this band of. Of babies and their. Their. Their weird shenanigans his puny brain can't handle.

[Sleek]

What. What Doc's doing all day is work.

[Kyborg]

Shall we hop down?

[John Reisinger]

Yeah.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

So what's your guys's. What are you guys gonna try to do to, like, resolve this whole Brink situation? Because clearly Brink's not gonna let you guys get into that hatch without any sort of, like, something in order to resolve his. His bullying.

[Hairless Hutch]

Well, he's distracted now, right by the birds. Maybe we can let the. Guys, let's make a break for it.

[Bart]

Let's go into the hole.

[John Reisinger]

Scram.

[Hairless Hutch]

Yeah. Hutch will try to rip the door off and dive in bravely, of course.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. Can I help with opening the door?

[Sleek]

Well, is anybody else on the playground? I want to try to, like, distract Brink further.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, there's other kids around.

[Sleek]

I would like to cast rumor. Oh, it is a spell I have as a bard. I magically spread a rumor of 10 words or less in the 100 foot IM. Imanation origin originating from.

[Kristen Bell]

From.

[John Reisinger]

You want to try that description again?

[Sleek]

Yeah, let's try that again one more time.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, one more time. You normally edit this stuff out, guys. So you guys can see behind the curtain right now.

[Sleek]

Prestidigitation.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah.

[Sleek]

You magically spread a rumor of 10 words or less in a 100 foot emanation originating from you. Any creature within the emanation that can hear and understand three or more other creatures believes that they hear the rumor being repeated by someone nearby.

[John Reisinger]

Oh, okay.

[Sleek]

And I just want to say I got 10 words right.

[John Reisinger]

Sure.

[Sleek]

Brink pooped his pants in math class last semester.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Kyborg]

I knew it.

[John Reisinger]

Is there a check or something you got to do?

[Sleek]

No, it just happens.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. So, yeah, you cast rumor and all of a sudden there's just whisperings going around of like, people being like, did he poop his hands?

[Bart]

I heard it's really stinky too.

[John Reisinger]

Oh, yeah.

[Sleek]

Oh, stinky.

[John Reisinger]

Stinky. Like stinky dragon. The place that you guys should be, you know, joining our patreon@stinky dragonpod.com and joining us for shenanigans like this. I'm letting you guys know, I don't think we've said this yet, but this is actually going to be part one of an adventure. And the other part is only going to be available for our patrons. There's going to be more after this. We're going to play for a while and then we're going to be even more. So you guys want some? In the infant nights content, all you got to do is sign up at the lowest tiers. $5. $5 a month.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Not much. Okay.

[Sleek]

I can't wait to hear what Eric's going to say when I reach out to him and say, I need you to reprise the young Brink Tesla.

[Kristen Bell]

Hey, he'll love it.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, so, yes, let's say that Brink and his little goblin dudes are sufficiently distracted for the moment. And what you guys are going to try to do is sneakily kind of use that as an opportunity to jump into the hatch.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Hairless Hutch]

Rip off the COVID and let's go.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, can I get stealth checks from everyone at advantage?

[Kyborg]

I would like to do something in conjunction with my stealth check.

[Kristen Bell]

Sure.

[John Reisinger]

What are you gonna do?

[Kyborg]

There's this famous song that we like to sing. Seeing where I've come from, I'm gonna take my umbrella and scoop up a bunch of sand and go.

[John Reisinger]

Inspiration dice, if you don't have one already.

[Kyborg]

Thank you.

[Gum Gum]

Could I go last so that I could, like, cover where we went in with your sand?

[John Reisinger]

All right, why don't you guys give me one at a time. Your highest number out of your stealth check.

[Sleek]

17 from Sleek.

[John Reisinger]

Good.

[Gum Gum]

23 from Bart.

[John Reisinger]

Very good.

[Hairless Hutch]

20 from Hutch.

[Kristen Bell]

11 from Kyborg. Okay, had a NAT. 20 for 21.

[John Reisinger]

Very good.

[Kyborg]

I got a critical fail. I won.

[John Reisinger]

I'M gonna say that with those. Yeah, with those numbers, you guys did well enough that you offset some of your lower numbers with, like, you know, a Nat20 and stuff like that. So you guys do manage to kind of open up that hatch and start heading down into the hole. And then, Bart, what do you do? As you guys are bringing up the.

[Gum Gum]

Rear, I want to, like, kind of shovel some of the sand in to kind of obscure the place we went in.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. Why don't you give me. Let's call that a sleight of hand check just to see how well you cover your tracks.

[Gum Gum]

I rolled a one.

[Kristen Bell]

Ooh.

[John Reisinger]

So many critical fails.

[Gum Gum]

This time, you just see a bunch of my handprints everywhere in the sand with just a giant opening of where we went in.

[Hairless Hutch]

You start gathering it, and you're just, like, putting it straight into your face and into your eyes.

[John Reisinger]

He's at the top of this, like, hatch, so all the sand is going down on everybody below him. And you guys all have, like, your mouths open because you're breathing heavy.

[Sleek]

Oh, it's everywhere.

[Bart]

Guys, I'm so sorry. I know Santa gets everywhere.

[Kyborg]

You won't develop motor skills until much later.

[Bart]

Okay, good, good, good.

[Kristen Bell]

When it's closed, is there, like, a lever or anything that maybe we could jam so it doesn't open again?

[John Reisinger]

No. Does anybody have something to, like, cause that to happen, or is that just something you were thinking of?

[Kristen Bell]

I was thinking, like, I could just jam a hand axe or something or.

[John Reisinger]

Maybe, like, a rod that can't move.

[Kristen Bell]

I only had one. Dang.

[John Reisinger]

That'll be Gum.

[Kyborg]

Gum's birthday gift.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll say that you put a kind of little. What do you have in your inventory that you're doing?

[Kristen Bell]

This hand axe. Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Super little hand axe. To kind of, like, jam it.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

That sufficiently is able to do that. And yeah, when you guys just to kind of paint a picture of, like, what you guys are looking at as you're heading down, you know, you open this wooden hatch, and it reveals this dark hole that's just big enough for a group of, you know, brave, if not slightly sandy, diapered heroes that they squeeze through. And as you do that, you guys are descending a puff of cool, earthy air, which is upward, carrying with it the scent of, like, just slightly damp sand, forgotten toys, and just a hint of goldfish cracker crumbs long lost to time. And then, yeah. A small wooden ladder descends in the darkness. And you guys head down.

[Gum Gum]

Okay, is it like a diagonal ladder or.

[Kyborg]

I Listen, my parents at their new house have a new diagonal ladder, and.

[Kristen Bell]

I keep resisting the urge to film.

[John Reisinger]

A video to show you guys.

[Kyborg]

We're going to film this later on.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, I was going to say you shouldn't resist this urge anymore.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Wonderful. We're heading down into the sandbox catacombs. And one by one, you all climb downward, your footsteps echoing off of sandy walls reinforced with, like, building blocks and Legos and the occasional Lincoln log. Yes, I know I'm old. The further you descend.

[Kristen Bell]

Love Lincoln Logs.

[John Reisinger]

The further you descend, the darker it seems to get. But as you reach the bottom, a green glow begins to appear, and the tunnel opens into this wide chamber you guys find yourself in.

[Kristen Bell]

Wow. Wrong.

[Bart]

Timeless hatch. Doesn't get out a lot.

[Hairless Hutch]

I'm in the moment.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Hairless Hutch]

Yes. And wow. Yeah.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. I love it. Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

You gotta paint an audio picture here.

[Sleek]

I think Gus is telling us he wants to hear that more from us whenever we're playing.

[John Reisinger]

So in the center of this room you're in now is this giant glowing mushroom that's. That's creating this kind of light source. And along the left side wall, you can see painted in like, finger paints, the words, welcome to the under sandbox Heroes only. No babies allowed.

[Kyborg]

Well, Sleek, it's been fun having you around, bud, but I think it's time that we part ways.

[Sleek]

Oh, man, he's just.

[Bart]

He's just. He's just twisting your ankle or whatever the people say when they're kidding around. Right, Kyborg?

[Kyborg]

It's a serious injury.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, sure, sure, sure. So directly ahead, on the opposite side of the room that you guys are standing on, there's a small door that's kind of like built into the earth around it. It looks to be made from, like, an old refrigerator box. Yes.

[Kristen Bell]

Wow. Whoa.

[Sleek]

Do you think they have orange slices in there? I can go for some orange slices.

[John Reisinger]

It's covered in, like, these various stickers and finger painted, like glyphs that they all glow with this kind of this faintest magical energy. And nailed to it in the middle of the door is this power wheels steering wheel that's kind of in the middle of it for, I guess, a door handle. And above it all is a sign that reads, challenges ahead. Thumb suckers turn back.

[Kristen Bell]

Well, Sleek, it's super great to have.

[John Reisinger]

You around, but I think it's time.

[Kyborg]

We once again part ways.

[Sleek]

You turn around. Sleek is absolutely sucking his thumb. No, hold on, hold on, hold on. You said there were, like, glyphs on the store?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Sleek]

Sleek approaches and he looks. He looks up and down the door, and he goes. I know what that is. I know what that means. Now. Now, guys, I definitely know what this means, but I'm really worried that, like, Gum. Gum might not know what this means.

[Kristen Bell]

I don't know what it means, Doc. Or.

[Sleek]

Or Bard, if you guys want to explain to Gum. Gum what this means.

[Kristen Bell]

That'd be nice.

[Sleek]

It'd be nice, right? And he goes back to sucking his thumb.

[Kyborg]

I'd like to pull out my magnifying glass, and maybe Bart and I can look together.

[Bart]

Yes, let's both look through your magnifying glass, because both of us definitely have vision issues.

[John Reisinger]

Why don't you, ahem, roll for an investigation? Check with advantage.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, yes.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. Thanks to Bart23.

[Bart]

Oh, I helped.

[John Reisinger]

You helped.

[Kristen Bell]

Thank you.

[Kyborg]

Thank you for holding the magnifying glass.

[John Reisinger]

You approach one of the glyphs, and you look at it really closely, and you're kind of, like, looking at this glyph. And this particular one looks like almost like a capital letter S, but it's kind of in this, like, thin diamond formation. And, like, the bottom of the S is, like, three lines in the top.

[Gum Gum]

Of the S. I have a question for you, John.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah.

[Gum Gum]

By any chance, would it happen to look a little something like this?

[John Reisinger]

Oh, my gosh. You know the arcane glyphs of the Understand box?

[Gum Gum]

Magic of the millennials.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kristen Bell]

Everyone did that little S thing right in middle school.

[Kyborg]

Universal.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sleek]

I'm starting to worry that this place is too cool for me.

[John Reisinger]

What do you guys do?

[Kyborg]

I only know what it is. What do you want to do, Bart?

[Bart]

I don't know. So it's just. It's just this one letter?

[John Reisinger]

Well, I mean, you looked at that one glyph, and, yeah, you saw a little letter, and you're in front of this kind of like a refrigerator box door.

[Bart]

Okay. Could I try opening it?

[Kristen Bell]

Sure.

[John Reisinger]

You open it.

[Kyborg]

It opens.

[Gum Gum]

Is there anything inside of it?

[Kyborg]

I've heard of these before. They're called doors.

[Bart]

I have a feeling we're going to have a lot of trouble with these in the future.

[John Reisinger]

I do like that. When I was like, what are you guys going to do? There was just silence. As you guys are faced with the.

[Kristen Bell]

Door.

[Sleek]

Bart turns around, and Sleek's lowering his finger gun to put it back down.

[Kyborg]

He's holstering it back into his little pocket.

[Bart]

$1 Bob. Open the door.

[Sleek]

You win this round.

[Kristen Bell]

Do you suck your thumb and cast fingers?

[John Reisinger]

That's how he like with this one other finger that's how he takes out one of his eyebrows, and he's just got one eyebrow for a few months.

[Sleek]

Always practice trigger safety. Suck your thumbs responsibly.

[John Reisinger]

All right, so what do you guys do? Bart has now opened the door, and you can see there's another room on the other side. Let's all hobble in together all the same time. Through the door. Yes.

[Kyborg]

Everybody with Kachunk.

[Kristen Bell]

Kyberg will lead.

[John Reisinger]

Cyborg will lead. Yeah, just in a normal way.

[Kyborg]

Bo Drawn. Just like I climb up and down diagonal ladders.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes.

[John Reisinger]

You guys walk through. No traps spring on you. But as you step through this refrigerator door, you do find yourself standing at one end of a vast underground chamber. And this one's lit by a bunch of the gentle glow of a bunch of glittery mushrooms clinging to the walls. Now, the floor stretches out before you like a checker's board. It's made entirely of brightly colored square tiles, each about the size of, like, a storybook cover. And they're arranged in a perfect grid. The grid goes five rows deep and further into the room.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

And 10 tiles wide on each row. And it's leading all the way to. What you guys can see is another door on the other end of this room with a large number two written in crayon. Crayon. I don't know why I said that. So weird.

[Bart]

Crane.

[Hairless Hutch]

That must be Brink's room.

[Gum Gum]

Number two.

[John Reisinger]

So you guys are like. You guys have just kind of like. You're at the entrance of this room, and this checkerboard's, like, you know, in the middle. Middle of it, kind of splitting the room in half. What do you guys do?

[Kyborg]

Are there different colors on the checkers?

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. Do you want to walk closer and kind of see what's going on?

[Kyborg]

Yes.

[John Reisinger]

I'm just asking.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes.

[John Reisinger]

Yes.

[Kyborg]

And then I also want to see if there's any, like, glyphs or anything.

[Kristen Bell]

On the walls or anything like that.

[John Reisinger]

Sure. Kai, baby, why don't you roll me a investigation check?

[Kyborg]

Okay, here we go.

[John Reisinger]

Investigation or perception? Since you are looking around the rest of the room, I'll let you back pick.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, God, I should have done perception.

[Kyborg]

That's a plus two. Oh, that's okay.

[John Reisinger]

14.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. You.

[John Reisinger]

You walk up and you see that the walls are pretty blank other than the little mushrooms that are kind of giving you guys a little bit of a. Of an unearthly glow around you. But each tile that you're looking at, it does magically glow faintly as well in, like, a single solid color. Each of those tiles There are red ones, yellow ones, blue, green, purple, and orange. The colors are scattered randomly with no noticeable particular pattern. And, Cyborg, since you're the brave one, the brave baby who walked forward and approached this checkers board, you step closer, and an ominous, blustering voice echoes through the room, and it says to you all, step with care and mind your stride. The wrongest step will make you slide. Choose the hues that don't bring woes or bounce back fast on tickled toes.

[Gum Gum]

That's a good rhyme.

[Kristen Bell]

Hairless touch. They said it said step with hair, so I don't think you're gonna be able to go.

[Hairless Hutch]

That's good, because I don't like being tickled.

[Kyborg]

Disembodied voice, you are within 500ft of a playground.

[Kristen Bell]

I just want to alert you that.

[Kyborg]

The courts may be coming after.

[John Reisinger]

Just so you know, nothing happens. As you say.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, okay.

[Bart]

Can you. Hey, Voice, can you rename those colors again?

[John Reisinger]

You can see in front of you. You don't. The voice didn't tell you the colors?

[Hairless Hutch]

No, no, no. We want to hear it.

[John Reisinger]

Actually, you know what, Bart? Roll me a intelligence check. I want to see how well Bart knows his colors.

[Kristen Bell]

I bet I know how to do.

[John Reisinger]

This, but I'll do it after.

[Gum Gum]

Bart, intelligence check?

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, why not?

[Gum Gum]

Coming in hot.

[Kristen Bell]

Ooh.

[Bart]

Seven.

[John Reisinger]

Bart, you can tell that there are some of the tiles that look very much like your red hair, but you forget the names of some of the other colors that are on the the ground. Colors are hard when you're young. You know, that's one of the first things you learn.

[Bart]

We got red grind, Blobal Blurple's good, maybe some glue.

[Kyborg]

Can Cyborg take a step on the.

[John Reisinger]

First row onto a red tile? Sure. You step onto that tile and nothing happens.

[Bart]

Okay, that's what we want.

[Kyborg]

Should I keep going, guys?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Sleek]

Gum, gum.

[Kristen Bell]

What?

[Sleek]

Now, I'm not the smartest person here, but I'm pretty sure I heard that disembodied voice say, these colors will make a slide. I say we just take a running start right next to Cyborg. Left and right.

[John Reisinger]

They're whispering. They're whispering. You can't hear. You're ahead of them over on the checkerboard, and they're having their own little moment.

[Bart]

Or here's what we could do.

[John Reisinger]

Is this because Bart heard what Sleek was saying?

[Gum Gum]

I see Cyborg take the first step and be.

[Bart]

Okay, okay, I think Cyborg might be onto something. I don't know if it was just pure luck or if he understands this Game, But I think we should all just follow him.

[Kristen Bell]

I think he's done the red one. Yes.

[Bart]

So let's go on the red one.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay. Ready?

[Bart]

Jump.

[Hairless Hutch]

Okay.

[Kyborg]

Can we all fit on one?

[John Reisinger]

There's, like, one more red one in the first row, but there's only, like, ten tiles per row. So Cyborg's on one of the reds. So what happens right now?

[Gum Gum]

I would all direct people to follow Kyborg.

[John Reisinger]

So just to follow Cyborg.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah, yeah.

[Hairless Hutch]

You got it, Bard.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, the tile is the size of, like, a storybook, so we can only fit one little baby at a time.

[Kyborg]

Okay, I'll make my next move on the second row. Is there an orange tile?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. Can I jump onto the orange tile?

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, it's a little bit further away. It's not, like, directly in front of you. So could you give me, like, acrobatics?

[Kristen Bell]

Wait, Kyber, hold on to this rope. Okay. Okay.

[Bart]

You have rope?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

Why'd you bring a rope?

[Kristen Bell]

Gum? Gum.

[Kyborg]

Oh, it's jump rope.

[Kristen Bell]

It's jump rope. Got it.

[John Reisinger]

Jump rope.

[Kristen Bell]

There you go.

[John Reisinger]

I like that.

[Kristen Bell]

I'm holding on to the other end.

[Kyborg]

Oh, my gosh.

[Kristen Bell]

I just rolled a nine.

[Kyborg]

See, we have an inspiration die I could borrow. I could give you, like, my. My PB and J for lunch.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

[Sleek]

Sleek. Absolutely. I don't know how to do this, but Frozen inspiration die. Guy work.

[John Reisinger]

May I accept that?

[Kyborg]

DMs.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

That's how our inspiration day is working out.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay, A reroll.

[Kyborg]

Much better.

[John Reisinger]

Hey, Sleek, you're not so bad. I'm gonna stop spreading that rumor that you wet the bed every night. That's a 21.

[Sleek]

You guys heard it. He can't take it back. No, takes you backsies.

[John Reisinger]

All right. Yeah, you do take a little bit of a jump, and you do land on a orange tile. And yeah, at first you kind of like teeter, but you feel the confidence of your dwarven friend behind you, and you're able to kind of hold your ground and stand there. I'm gonna need a constitution saving throw from Kai baby. I thought I had this figured out.

[Kyborg]

I knew exactly what I was doing.

[Gum Gum]

Were you going in rainbow order?

[Kristen Bell]

Maybe.

[Gum Gum]

Like, red, orange?

[John Reisinger]

Constitution save. Yes, that is.

[Kyborg]

Why am I rolling so badly?

[Kristen Bell]

You rolled a Y. I know.

[John Reisinger]

Kai baby doesn't know his numbers. 5. Yeah. Out from the walls, kind of pushing through the sand, come these little squirt gun nozzles. And, you know, this orange liquid shoots at you, and it actually gets into your eyes and kind of Stings your. Your eyes. And you do take. Actually, you don't even take any damage, but you are blinded for the rest of this room.

[Kyborg]

Oh, my God. You just maced a child.

[Sleek]

Mr. President.

[Kristen Bell]

Get down.

[Sleek]

His cement boots keep him down. He just falls. Face plants right in front of me.

[John Reisinger]

So Cyborg is blinded, standing. The orange tile is still there. He hasn't been moved, but he can't see anymore for the remainder of this room.

[Gum Gum]

Oh, no.

[Kristen Bell]

It's been poopy trapped. Ew.

[Bart]

Ew.

[Gum Gum]

Poopy. Could I look around and see if there's anything that also has colors in this room other than the tiles on the floor?

[John Reisinger]

Sure. Give me a perception.

[Bart]

19.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, with a 19. You look around the room, and like I said, it's just carved out sand walls with these little bluish green mushrooms all kind of like sticking out in little spots, and they're all just kind of glowing, but there doesn't seem to be any. Like, if you're looking for like, like writing or, or just direction of any kind, there's not really anything for you to see.

[Gum Gum]

And there's how many colors of tiles?

[John Reisinger]

Well, we already went over this. You could only identify one.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, right.

[Hairless Hutch]

I think there were six. Whether or not we can remember the names. I believe I counted six.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. Okay.

[Gum Gum]

And he stepped on the red one and nothing happened. And then when he jumped to the orange one, he got skablooey.

[John Reisinger]

You got pepper sprayed?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Hairless Hutch]

Okay. I want to bravely step forward onto the red one, and then from there, jump to the red one.

[Sleek]

Right. Before you do that, Hutch, I just want to turn to you and say, look, I've tried nothing, and I'm all out of ideas, and so. But I believe in you, and I want to give you some bardic inspiration. So if you have a roll, you can add a D6 to that.

[Hairless Hutch]

I believe in me too. I think you're making a good bet here. Sleek.

[John Reisinger]

Yes. I love that. You step on the red of the first line is what I'm expecting. Same one that Kyborg stepped on.

[Hairless Hutch]

Yeah. I think in Hutch's mind, red is safe. So he's going to step on the one that was safe that Kai Baby stepped on, and then look for another red one to continue matching it in the next row.

[John Reisinger]

Okay.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

You step on the first one, and just like Kyborg, nothing happens. And you look for another red tile, and there's actually one that's actually pretty close to where you are, so you don't have to do an acrobatic Check or anything. And you do step on that tile. As you step on that tile, I need you to make a dexterity saving throw.

[Hairless Hutch]

This is good.

[Gum Gum]

It's very Good.

[Hairless Hutch]

That's a 17.

[Gum Gum]

Yes.

[John Reisinger]

Oh, that's very good. Yeah. As you step on that tile, you hear a mechanical click, and that tile shoots up with a spring load underneath it. That kind of launches you backwards. It kind of, like, has an angle, but Hutch is. Is very agile and managed to do kind of like almost like a little flip in the air and lands on the ground back to where you guys are at the beginning, unscathed.

[Hairless Hutch]

And that's how you do it with style. I do jazz hands.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Kyborg]

What.

[Kristen Bell]

What class is Hutch, by the way?

[Hairless Hutch]

He's a rogue. Okay.

[John Reisinger]

I'm glad you asked this. I'm glad you asked this.

[Kristen Bell]

That's.

[Hairless Hutch]

That's a really good question. Peerless Hutch is a. Is a paladin. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know. Again, non canonically. I figured he's got, like, an oath to. To mammals and an oath to hair. Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

Oh, my God.

[Kristen Bell]

I would. I was certain he would be a rogue or something.

[Hairless Hutch]

Metagame wise. I'd played rogue a few times in our previous events. I didn't want to do rogue again, so I went paladin.

[John Reisinger]

Very good.

[Kyborg]

Is Hutch, or is him like, a tinkerer or something?

[Kristen Bell]

Yes.

[Kyborg]

He's a bit of an artful person. Artificer, if you will.

[Gum Gum]

I've heard of an artificer here.

[Kyborg]

Speaking of. While you've all been doing this, he's been working with the mushrooms, putting together some string with some coils of metal, and he turns to Gum Gum and says, Gum Gum. I have this contraption I've built that I think would be perfect for you.

[Kristen Bell]

What is it?

[Kyborg]

I call it a catapult.

[Kristen Bell]

Ooh.

[Kyborg]

And so you have to pretend you're a cat, and then I launch you across the room.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay. Gum Gum's already on all fours and playing like a cat. He's acting like an animal again.

[John Reisinger]

His parents told us to watch out for this. What's that sound like, Chris?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sleek]

Don't let him near the sandbox. He's gonna make so many candy bars.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, God.

[Kyborg]

I have a. I have a spell. It's called catapult.

[John Reisinger]

You have a spell, it's called catapult. And what does this spell do?

[Kyborg]

It launches an object. Big quotes on that word.

[John Reisinger]

Okay.

[Kyborg]

Weighing one to five pounds. Clearly gum gum, right?

[Kristen Bell]

Yep. Yes.

[Kyborg]

Launches them 90ft in a direction I choose.

[John Reisinger]

Ooh, that's some force. That's a big catapult.

[Kyborg]

I like to over crank my inventions.

[John Reisinger]

Sure. What is. What do you do? You gotta to check to see what happens.

[Kyborg]

There is a Dex save that Gum Gum has to make.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. So you have crafted a catapult.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes.

[John Reisinger]

And Gum Gum is. Are you obliging Gum Gum and getting in the seat of this?

[Kristen Bell]

Yes, but put my leash on. I take the rope that I gave Kyborg and I put it around my neck so it's like a leash.

[Hairless Hutch]

This is a bad idea.

[Kristen Bell]

I was gonna say I don't like.

[Gum Gum]

Where this is going.

[Kyborg]

I have a very loose GR grip on this leash because I was already weirded out by it to begin with.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, then who makes the deck save? Is it Gum Gum?

[Kyborg]

He can make it. I have the DC and it's dex save of 14.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

All right, Go for it, Gum Gum.

[Kristen Bell]

All right, Dex save.

[Kyborg]

He might take some damage after this as well.

[Kristen Bell]

That's a nine.

[Kyborg]

I will give you my inspiration because I was inspired to create this machine for you.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, 17. Ooh, that's pretty good.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, so he launches forward 90ft.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes.

[Kyborg]

I'm thinking on like a kind of a 45 degree angle.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay, excellent.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. As you guys are, you know, facing this checkerboard, you hear a spring and Gum Gum is launched into the air.

[Hairless Hutch]

Too good.

[John Reisinger]

And you hear the Doppler effect of a cat pass by. But unfortunately, Gum Gum doesn't go very far.

[Sleek]

Eight lives. Eight lives left.

[John Reisinger]

He stops mid air at the start of the checkerboard and seemingly kind of stops and hits like an unseen wall.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, no.

[John Reisinger]

And takes. Oh, not more fall damage. Three damage.

[Kyborg]

Oh, Gum Gum. I heard of a story like this where it was a story of the cabin in some woods, I think.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, I've heard it also is this story with a coyote and a roadrunner.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Mm, that too.

[Kristen Bell]

Meow, meow, meow.

[John Reisinger]

As he slides down this unseen wall.

[Kyborg]

So is he in the middle now or.

[Kristen Bell]

No, I know.

[John Reisinger]

I think I hit like, he didn't go. He didn't go past a single row of them. He stopped at the start of it.

[Kyborg]

I think we have to try again. I think it's what we're learning. Experimentation.

[Kristen Bell]

Don't worry. I still have eight more lives. What?

[Kyborg]

Okay, can we recall what the poem was? Because I wonder if there's wordplay where it's like the first letter and if each color tells us what pattern to go. I can't think of anything else.

[John Reisinger]

Why don't you Guys, roll a. Let's call it a wisdom check.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Kyborg]

Are we all rolling this?

[John Reisinger]

Whoever wants to try who's. If you guys are putting your brain towards trying to figure out this puzzle, roll a wisdom check. If you're playing with the sand, don't roll a wisdom check.

[Kristen Bell]

Eight.

[Kyborg]

I rolled a 1715 for Kaiborg.

[Kristen Bell]

Mm.

[Sleek]

Guys, I really think we're just supposed to slide across this thing. Just a running start. I got a five.

[Hairless Hutch]

I got a one. I got disadvantage on this still. I'm not, like, jittery from the gumdrop.

[Kristen Bell]

I got a 12. Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Thank you. Yeah. Doc.

[Kyborg]

Yes.

[John Reisinger]

You as you're kind of like, you know, with. With your methodical brain, you know, you're looking around trying to figure out that there might be something.

[Kyborg]

Also taking notes from the previous experimentation with gum. Gum. Learning from our mistakes.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Physics have been learned. You see something in hairless Hutch's pocket glowing a little bit?

[Kyborg]

Ah, yes. We're in the hairless hatch. So what should we look at? Hairless Hutch. All right, I go talk to Hutch. Hutch, I noticed there's something in your pocket.

[John Reisinger]

It seems to be glowing.

[Hairless Hutch]

It's not hair.

[Kristen Bell]

It's.

[Kyborg]

Oh, it's not.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay. That was so fast.

[John Reisinger]

That was so fast.

[Kyborg]

Is there anything besides not being hair in there?

[Hairless Hutch]

Oh, yeah, those dirty canvas squares. Let me. Let me see what's in there. Do not look in my left pocket.

[Gum Gum]

We forgot about the thing that helps us when we need help.

[Kyborg]

Yeah, well, we use them already.

[Hairless Hutch]

Yeah, I tried it into anything.

[Kristen Bell]

They were worthless.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, you only have two left.

[Hairless Hutch]

I'll pull out one of the, I guess, dirty canvas squares.

[Sleek]

Let's be careful with that. We might need to rub it on Brink's face later.

[Kristen Bell]

Just.

[Hairless Hutch]

Okay.

[Kristen Bell]

It's true. Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

You look at one of the little patches of canvas, and some writing starts appearing like ink kind of bleeding into the canvas. Wow, Hutch, how good are you at? Have you learned your reading yet?

[Hairless Hutch]

I, I, I can kind of fake it.

[Bart]

You know. I have full faith in you after saying that.

[Kyborg]

Well, good news.

[John Reisinger]

As you're looking at these words, a voice starts coming from the canvas as well.

[Hairless Hutch]

Ooh, it's haunted.

[John Reisinger]

What do you do?

[Sleek]

Throw it away to the ground and.

[Hairless Hutch]

Start stomping on it?

[Kyborg]

Oh, no.

[John Reisinger]

As you're stomping on it, in between the steps, you can hear the sound of a nanny that lives in San Francisco saying, interesting.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Begin where blush and bashful meet, then step where sunshine Boys warms your feet. Skip the route that rabbits Crave its colored bowls. It shan't behave. Look to skies for where to go. Then leaves and lavender end the shore.

[Kyborg]

Can you hit the rewind button on that, Hutch?

[Hairless Hutch]

I think I missed one of those.

[Gum Gum]

Leaves and lavender, I would say, then it's. You said it's bold at first, so.

[Kristen Bell]

Probably like red, red, red.

[Kyborg]

Then sun shines yellow, yellow, yellow.

[Gum Gum]

And then you said, look to the sky.

[Hairless Hutch]

So blue before that was the root that rabbits crave, which I assume is carrot, which is orange.

[Kyborg]

Orange, yes.

[Hairless Hutch]

And then there was something after that I missed before sky.

[Kristen Bell]

But did it say, skip the route that rabbits craved one more time? Voice in the sky.

[John Reisinger]

I'll tell you what, Hutch. Roll me an arcana check to see if you can get the magics to give you the clue yet.

[Kyborg]

And see if you can play it at 0.5 times speed with subtitles that you can.

[Gum Gum]

Now, you guys see the difficulty?

[Hairless Hutch]

I got a six on that, but I'm gonna use my inspiration die and try that again. Zero.

[John Reisinger]

You rolled a one with a negative one in arcana. Yeah. I mean, the words are still there, but you. You know, you guys are babies, and words are hard. So the voice hasn't come through again.

[Kyborg]

Listen, I've.

[Kristen Bell]

I've.

[Kyborg]

I was tutored by someone who taught me this skill that I will pass on to you, Hutch. And I hand him a hook, and I say, this is the hook of phonics.

[Hairless Hutch]

It works for me.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes.

[Kyborg]

Just you.

[John Reisinger]

Then I will give you another roll of arcana.

[Hairless Hutch]

When the first two are so great, let's see.

[Kristen Bell]

What.

[Gum Gum]

Why not one more?

[Sleek]

We're going to find out at the end of this adventure. It's just a regular hook. And the magic was inside Hutch all along.

[Hairless Hutch]

It's 13.

[John Reisinger]

Thirteen is enough. The voice comes through again.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Begin where blush and bashful meet. Then step where sunshine warms your feet. Skip the route that rabbits crave. It's color bold. It shan't behave. Look to skies for where to go. Then leaves and lavender end the show.

[Kyborg]

Oh, so green.

[John Reisinger]

And then purple.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Gum Gum]

Green, Purple. Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

And we skip orange. Okay.

[Gum Gum]

It looks like it's. Is it red, yellow, blue, green, Purple?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Kyborg]

I was so close. I had the idea.

[Kristen Bell]

It's just a. Dang it.

[Hairless Hutch]

You kyborg it.

[Kristen Bell]

I kyborg'd it.

[Bart]

As I just remembered the names of a few more colors, it came to me.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, the colors. Leaves, brine. Okay, what do you guys do while.

[Sleek]

They'Re listening to the words being spoken again? I think sleek is behind them, like jumping onto the first square, like the red square.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Sleek]

And then he's listening to them say out loud the colors as it goes on.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Bart]

Yellow.

[Sleek]

Sleek jumps to yellow.

[John Reisinger]

Okay.

[Bart]

Blue.

[Sleek]

Sleek jumps to blue.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Sleek]

Green. I don't have. I learned that one yet. He jumps to green.

[John Reisinger]

Okay.

[Sleek]

Purple jumps to purple.

[John Reisinger]

Purple's a little far, so give me a Acrobatics.

[Sleek]

Sleek eyes it. Sleek would like to try to do a backflip onto the purple one.

[Hairless Hutch]

Nice.

[John Reisinger]

So you want to do this at disadvantage.

[Sleek]

Yeah, do it. Athletics, Acrobatics.

[John Reisinger]

I want acrobatics.

[Sleek]

Okay. Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Wouldn't that be what it is?

[Hairless Hutch]

Yeah, because that's more dexterity based. I think athletics is more strength.

[John Reisinger]

Athletics is strength.

[Gum Gum]

Let's ask the Council of dms.

[Hairless Hutch]

Well, hello there. Welcome to the Sticky Dragon.

[Sleek]

Well, that's a 12.

[John Reisinger]

That'll do it. You land on the. On the. On the.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Sleek]

10 points.

[John Reisinger]

You're on the last rope.

[Sleek]

What do I do now?

[Kyborg]

I think you just walk forward. He's backwards, though. He did a backflip.

[Sleek]

He starts to take a step forward and stops and then starts walking backwards very slowly.

[Gum Gum]

Excellent.

[John Reisinger]

Which way are you facing right now?

[Sleek]

If I backflipped, I imagine I would be facing the crew.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, so you. You backstep to the other side of the room.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes. Okay.

[John Reisinger]

You managed to get on the side you are on stand.

[Kyborg]

I'm blinded, so it didn't count. I didn't see it.

[Bart]

Okay, Cyborg, I'll walk you there, buddy. Okay. Just hold on to my hand.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay, you got it.

[Kyborg]

Can I also do a piggyback ride on Cyborg as he's being pulled the ultimate physical test, like the Presidential Fitness Examiner.

[Sleek]

Look, look. His eyes are blinded, so his other senses are heightened. He can do this.

[Kyborg]

I. I can smell and.

[John Reisinger]

Oh, my God.

[Kyborg]

Gum Gum needs a bath.

[Kristen Bell]

Gum Gum licks himself like a cat.

[Kyborg]

Why is Gum Gum one of the little animal kids?

[John Reisinger]

He's a little furry, so.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. So I imagine you guys do the same pattern of colors. Yeah, we don't need to go through that again. And I need an acrobatics check to make it to the purple for all of us.

[Hairless Hutch]

Everyone.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay? Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

If you guys are all doing that.

[Kyborg]

Game, I trust you, Kyork. I will do whatever you roll.

[Bart]

Okay, I rolled a six.

[Kyborg]

I rolled a 22.

[Kristen Bell]

Action. Sir. I got a 18.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, you guys all make it to the purple, except for as Bart is landing on the purple, he's kind of teetering off of it like. Like a toe is on him. But he's falling backwards.

[Kyborg]

I want to reach out.

[Kristen Bell]

I want to catch him. Yeah, can we. Crap.

[Hairless Hutch]

I want to push him.

[Kristen Bell]

No.

[John Reisinger]

I want to allow you to do what you want to do. Is Hutch pushing?

[Kyborg]

Yeah, Hutch, go for the hair.

[John Reisinger]

How about you guys do opposing strength checks?

[Kristen Bell]

Which. Which, Kyborg? Well, I wanted to grab two.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, then, Hutch, I need you to oppose two strength checks.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay?

[Hairless Hutch]

First one is Gum.

[John Reisinger]

Gum.

[Hairless Hutch]

Second one's Kyborg.

[John Reisinger]

Okay.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, no.

[Sleek]

Kyborg, let your senses guide you like the Force. And I want to give him bardic inspiration.

[Kyborg]

What spark Was that? A D4.

[John Reisinger]

Let's. Let's resolve Kyb work first. Would you roll Kyborg? 10. 10. And then, Hutch, you rolled against that?

[Hairless Hutch]

16.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

He has pushed your hand off of Bart. I'm Gum. What did you roll?

[Kristen Bell]

22.

[John Reisinger]

And then what'd you roll, Hutch?

[Hairless Hutch]

19, which I thought was going to be great.

[Kristen Bell]

So close.

[John Reisinger]

I was rooting for you, Hutch. I was.

[Gum Gum]

I'm just here for the ride.

[John Reisinger]

You get distracted, you know, by Gum. Gum's got. He's got, like, a little curl of hair coming out of his little hat that kind of.

[Kyborg]

Oh, God.

[John Reisinger]

And Gum. Gum is able to use his, like, toddler strength, you know, where toddlers just don't know how strong to grip on something and pulls Bart forward onto the purple and then onto the sand.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. Birds fell.

[John Reisinger]

You guys are on the other side of the room, and you are facing that door with a number two on it, and you guys have all managed to get there. And let's say at this point, Kyborg, you've gotten be able to rub the orange juice out of your eyes.

[Gum Gum]

Eczema isn't always obvious, but it's real. And so is the relief from Ebglis. After an initial dosing phase, about 4 in 10 people taking EBGLIS achieved itch relief and clear, or almost clear skin at 16 weeks. And most of those people maintained skin that's still more clear at one year, with monthly dosing.

[Sleek]

EBGLIS Libricizumab LBKZ, a 250mg 2ml injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat.

[John Reisinger]

Adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis, that.

[Kristen Bell]

Is not well controlled.

[John Reisinger]

With prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical.

[Kristen Bell]

Therapies, Ebglis can be used with or.

[Sleek]

Without topical corticosteroids don't use if you.

[John Reisinger]

Are allergic to ebglis, allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur.

[Sleek]

Tell your doctor if you have new.

[John Reisinger]

Or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine.

[Kristen Bell]

When treated with Epglis.

[John Reisinger]

Before starting Epglis, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection searching for real relief.

[Kristen Bell]

Ask your doctor about epglis and visit.

[Gum Gum]

Epgliss.Lilly.Com or call 1-800-lillyrx or 1-800-545-5979.

[Kyborg]

I'm Christian McCaffrey, pro running back and.

[John Reisinger]

Abercrombie is an official fashion partner of the NFL. I'm not kidding when I say NFL by Abercrombie broke the Internet last year.

[Kyborg]

And I think this season's lineup is even cooler. And so does my wife who keeps.

[Kristen Bell]

Stealing all my hoodies.

[Kyborg]

Stay fit for the season.

[John Reisinger]

And Abercrombie's newest arrival Shop NFL by Abercrombie in the app, online and in store.

[Kristen Bell]

When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans, send event invites and pin messages so no no one forgets mom's 60th and never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end to end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp message privately with everyone.

[Kyborg]

Learn [e-mail] Was it literally orange juice? Am I allowed to know what it can I taste?

[John Reisinger]

It sure is orange juice.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, okay.

[John Reisinger]

No, let's say it's ecto. What is that, like the punch? That's what it was.

[Kyborg]

It's green though, isn't it? Maybe it's tang.

[John Reisinger]

I think ecto cooler was orange. Ecto cooler is for sure green.

[Hairless Hutch]

I thought it was orange too.

[John Reisinger]

No, like the packaging was that, but the drink was orange.

[Kyborg]

Ecto cooler, color of liquid.

[Gum Gum]

This is a very important piece of.

[Kyborg]

Information with the AI.

[John Reisinger]

I don't want anything. This is what? It's green.

[Kristen Bell]

It's green. Okay. Okay.

[Kyborg]

But it's orange flavored.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, I'll be in the middle. I feel you on that. I don't think we were wealthy enough to order it neither. Okay, so you guys are there facing that door now, gang.

[Kyborg]

We learned this last time these doors needed to go through them.

[Bart]

You know, last time we went through the door, we found this maze of colors and some not so great stuff happened. So I'm a little hesitant to go through the door again.

[Kyborg]

You're right.

[Hairless Hutch]

No.

[Kyborg]

Sleep. Sleep Sleep. Put your finger guns down. There you go.

[Kristen Bell]

Gum Gum will go through a door.

[Bart]

Oh, my God, you're so brave.

[John Reisinger]

And Gum Gum does what with the door?

[Kristen Bell]

Opens it.

[John Reisinger]

He opens the door. And that's all he says.

[Kyborg]

He doesn't actually touch it. He just says open. He just wills it to be.

[John Reisinger]

It's voice activated. It opens, and you see before you another chamber. And this one's shaped like a big half circle with six small tunnels kind of carved into the dirt wall ahead of you. And each tunnel is ringed in like, pretty crayon colored smudges and these random glued on googly eyes. And this kind of tattered banner made of a bunch of taped together pieces of construction paper hangs overhead. And it reads, noise will lead your steps astray. The careful ear will find the way. And as you're standing in this kind of chamber, which I assume you've walked in, the air is still, and it's almost like your own heartbeat feels loud in this room. Something about these tunnels feels like it might be waiting for you.

[Bart]

Let me make a pitch to the group here.

[Kristen Bell]

Go ahead.

[Kyborg]

I was never good at baseball.

[Bart]

Don't worry, I won't throw anything at you when you're not expecting it. So, you know, based on what that paper says, it's talking about noise and sound. And there's two people in here who really know their sounds real well. Am I right? Sleek, fellow Bard.

[Sleek]

Oh, sleek looks around.

[Bart]

That's you, buddy.

[Sleek]

Me? Oh, yeah, sorry.

[Bart]

We know our sounds.

[Sleek]

We got all of them.

[John Reisinger]

And so many sounds.

[Bart]

Ooh, we could even harmonize. Ready?

[Kristen Bell]

Wow.

[John Reisinger]

Genuinely impressed.

[Bart]

Thank you, Hairlessage. Thank you. I will up your tip by 20%.

[Sleek]

Sleep bows.

[John Reisinger]

All right, what do you guys do?

[Gum Gum]

Could I start going and, like, listening in to each door? You said there's six of them?

[John Reisinger]

They're like, yeah, these, like holes in the. In the earth. But they're like these tunnels and they. They kind of quickly fade off into pitch blackness. So what order do you want to go in to try and check out? What's with these tunnels?

[Gum Gum]

I would like to just go to the. The first one I saw, the. The one I guess closest to the left.

[John Reisinger]

Go far left. Now we'll call that number one.

[Kristen Bell]

Good choice, Bart.

[Bart]

Thank you. All right, I'm gonna need everyone to be very quiet. Sleek. Maybe at the same time as I check door number one, you check door number two.

[Sleek]

You got it, boss.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, Bart, give me a perception check for a tunnel one.

[Gum Gum]

Tunnel one coming in at 21.

[Kristen Bell]

Ooh. Ooh.

[Kyborg]

Catborg goes, woo.

[Bart]

I think I heard something.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, you kind of pressed your ear towards that tunnel and you hear a sound. You hear the sound of someone just kind of whistling a little tune.

[Gum Gum]

Oh, could I get what that sounds like?

[Bart]

I wonder if that's copyright free.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. And since Sleek is doing this simultaneously, give me a perception check for. For your tunnel.

[Sleek]

You got it. That's a. That's a nat 20.

[Gum Gum]

Nice.

[John Reisinger]

You hear the sound of a faint giggle, Like a small child kind of just kind of giggling to themselves. Vane doesn't like that.

[Sleek]

I think I hear a giggle monster at the end of this tunnel.

[Bart]

Is it like.

[Sleek]

That's, like, uncannily exactly what it sounds like.

[John Reisinger]

Just a pitch black room, and from the corner of the room, you can hear that sound.

[Sleek]

I think we should go down this tunnel. I think this is the one.

[Kyborg]

Should we all listen to individual ones?

[John Reisinger]

Oh, yeah.

[Kyborg]

How many tunnels are there again?

[John Reisinger]

There's six.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kyborg]

I'll take the farthest left one.

[John Reisinger]

Unless Bart already got that one. He did. So you could take three seconds.

[Sleek]

You can take my tunnel. Kyberg, if you want to.

[Kristen Bell]

Good sleep.

[John Reisinger]

Kyber could take three. And then who will take four?

[Kristen Bell]

Gum Gum will take four.

[John Reisinger]

Five. Gus. And then, ahem, will take the. The rear. Okay, Kybar, give me a perception check. Perception.

[Kyborg]

Please be something cool. Please don't be creepy laughter.

[Kristen Bell]

Please don't be creepy baby laughter.

[Kyborg]

I believe that is a 13.

[Sleek]

Creepy baby laughter. Creepy baby laughter.

[John Reisinger]

You hear just the sound of water drops. Kind of like almost like they're hitting a pond or a small body of water.

[Kristen Bell]

Just drip, drip, drip, drip. Okay, communicate that to the group.

[Sleek]

Okay, that sounds dangerous. I think we should swap. Kyborg.

[John Reisinger]

That's good. That's very good. There's the Foley work for us. Gum Gum, since you're listening as well, won't you give me a perception check?

[Kristen Bell]

14.

[John Reisinger]

You hear the sound of, like, what sounds like almost like a small little creature. Like, the sound of a smaller creature moving through leaves on the ground. You know, that kind of, like, sound of just, like, scuffling and, like, dried leaves.

[Kristen Bell]

A big creature.

[John Reisinger]

Small, like a small, like, almost like a mouse.

[Kyborg]

Gum Gum, could you recreate that sound for us?

[Bart]

It's actually pretty good, guys, I think.

[Sleek]

Gum Gum stole a Slurpee in front of me.

[John Reisinger]

Hutch, give me a perception check for your tunnel.

[Hairless Hutch]

You got it, dude.

[Kristen Bell]

That's a six.

[John Reisinger]

You listen to your tunnel, you hear nothing.

[Hairless Hutch]

Guys, this is the right way. I nailed it.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Bart]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

And if we want to wait for everybody A hand once you go.

[Kyborg]

I walk past Hutch and I go. You have to say this to the silence.

[Kristen Bell]

Other.

[Kyborg]

Hello, darkness, my old friend.

[John Reisinger]

A little song.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Kyborg]

And I'm gonna walk to the sixth one. I rolled a 19.

[John Reisinger]

You hear the sound? Like a hive of bees makes.

[Kristen Bell]

Exactly.

[Hairless Hutch]

Is it bees or is it buzzy and the jets? Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, you hear, like, the distant sound of just what seems to be like a large high. What do you guys do?

[Kristen Bell]

The canvas thing is that. What. We already opened that, right?

[Hairless Hutch]

Well, we had three, and I used one.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Kyborg]

What was the riddle again? Was there another one?

[Gum Gum]

I only wrote down the beginning because I couldn't write fast enough. But the beginning was, noise will lead your steps astray.

[Hairless Hutch]

The careful ear will find the way.

[Kyborg]

So then. Thank you, Doctor.

[Kristen Bell]

Him.

[Kyborg]

I mean, Doc. So the silent one is the way to go.

[Gum Gum]

Well, he rolled us on a metagame. He rolled a six. He's the only one who didn't roll as high as the rest of us.

[John Reisinger]

I didn't roll.

[Hairless Hutch]

I put my ear up to the tunnel, and I cuffed my hand around it like this.

[John Reisinger]

Inspiration die for Hutch staying in character with how he's doing this.

[Gum Gum]

Could I. Seeing that Hutch is listening like that, could I go over and help him and listen in as well?

[Kristen Bell]

Sure.

[Gum Gum]

23.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. You kind of cozy up next to Hutch and Bart. You hear the sound of wind passing through. Wind chimes, tinkling sound.

[Kristen Bell]

Sorry. The cloth. Is it glowing like it was before. From Hutch's pants.

[Bart]

Hey, Hutch, why don't we. Why don't we take a look at one of those canvases?

[Hairless Hutch]

Okay, that's. Hold on. That's right. Pocket. Okay. Yeah. Hutch will reach in and pull out a canvas to see if it's doing anything.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

It's not showing anything right now. Give me an intelligence check.

[Hairless Hutch]

Well, could I? Yeah. What I was going to do is try to put it to my ear.

[Kristen Bell]

Because it's a careful ear. Okay.

[Hairless Hutch]

And listen to it. But. Yeah, intelligence check. That's 16.

[John Reisinger]

Oh, okay. Yeah. As you put it to your ear, you do hear a voice kind of.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Say to you, Step with stillness, calm and true. Our shadows come to swallow you. Echoes lie and giggles roam. But hums will guide the soul back home.

[Kristen Bell]

Hums will guide.

[Kyborg]

Would that be like a whistle or a. Or a bee or a beast?

[Hairless Hutch]

I think maybe we just need to sneak and be real quiet.

[John Reisinger]

Step with illness.

[Hairless Hutch]

Comment?

[Sleek]

Truth. So I think we have two options here, Hutch.

[John Reisinger]

Whispering is the Best thing ever.

[Hairless Hutch]

Well, it turned a little dorky, us there, so I was like, I did.

[Sleek]

I. I think we have two options here. All right? We can either all, as a group, go down Hutch's tunnel, or six children, all by themselves, can go individually, alone, down each of their own tunnels. And that's never gone bad before, ever, ever before. So I leave it to a vote on whatever you guys want to do.

[Hairless Hutch]

Number five is not a tunnel. It's a hutch hole.

[Kyborg]

I feel like mine goes into the.

[Kristen Bell]

City sewer system, so I don't think.

[Kyborg]

We should go in there unless Sleek wants to be very brave.

[Bart]

You have the whistle, the kid laughing, the water.

[John Reisinger]

Yep. Drip, drop.

[Kristen Bell]

Small creature moving through leaves, the wind chimes, and then bees.

[Bart]

I'm gonna say maybe not the bees or the laughing kid.

[Kristen Bell]

Personally, are you sure the bees make a hummy?

[Hairless Hutch]

Yeah. Well, maybe it's not bees. Maybe it's someone that's humming.

[Bart]

But there was someone whistling in mine.

[Hairless Hutch]

It says, hums will guide the soul back home.

[John Reisinger]

This doesn't seem like a party of impetuous children. You guys are all being methodical and.

[Sleek]

Careful with walking down the hutch hole.

[John Reisinger]

What's that? What is going on? Are you you babies, or are you you heroes?

[Hairless Hutch]

Well, we have to be heroes. We have to be heroes to be in here.

[Sleek]

Yeah, actually, I think my parents are going to want to talk with Mud's aunt about how she sent six kids down to these deep, dark tunnels.

[Kyborg]

Well, she did disappear. She might have just been a figment of our imagination.

[Kristen Bell]

I would go in the bees.

[Kyborg]

I want to go to the humming.

[Bart]

Is it like the bees?

[Kristen Bell]

They make hummy?

[Bart]

Yes, they do.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah, the nesting that comes.

[Kyborg]

I think we all need buddies, right? So Gum, Gum and I will go down the bees, and then the pairs, you know, go off into another tunnel.

[Bart]

Why don't you guys just go down first? We'll wait out here.

[John Reisinger]

You guys are so indecisive. This is insane.

[Kyborg]

Doc, did you bring an EpiPen?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. We'll go to the bees, and then if we die, then you'll know not to follow us.

[Bart]

Exactly. Yeah. The perfect plan.

[Hairless Hutch]

Don't forget, if anything happens, I need my glasses.

[Gum Gum]

Is that Gus saying that, or is that.

[Kyborg]

It's from.

[John Reisinger]

That's Macaulay Culkin saying that.

[Kristen Bell]

Girl. What is it called? The. What is.

[Hairless Hutch]

It's Anna Klumsky saying it from.

[John Reisinger]

It's my girl.

[Kristen Bell]

My girl. Oh, right, right, right.

[John Reisinger]

All right, I need a decision.

[Kyborg]

Gum Gum and I start walking up.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. We go to the Bees.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, are you guys holding hands?

[Kyborg]

As much as I can with crutches, yes.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, you guys walk towards the tunnel, and as you pass this kind of threshold of where the light is.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Do it real quietly. Yeah. As everyone's watching, I assume. Gum. Gum. And doctor. Ahem. Just kind of almost like, all of a sudden rapidly disappear from.

[Kristen Bell]

Wow.

[Gum Gum]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

No sound. No evidence of them.

[Kyborg]

Did you guys find anything? You can't hear anything.

[John Reisinger]

I could die.

[Kristen Bell]

Just got us. Oh, God.

[John Reisinger]

They turned off their cams. That's pretty good.

[Bart]

Does that mean we should go in after him or.

[Hairless Hutch]

We need to save them.

[Sleek]

My best friend wouldn't leave him behind. Come on, Kyborg. And Sleek starts taking off down the tunnel after him.

[Kyborg]

I run, I turn back around, and.

[Kristen Bell]

I shrug my shoulders at Bart in hairless Hutch. And then I keep running after Sleek.

[Hairless Hutch]

Come on, Bart.

[Bart]

Okay, I trust you guys don't.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

So sounds like the four of you run towards tunnel number six. And just like, as you guys are seeing the person in front of you just completely disappearing from existence. And who took up the rear?

[Hairless Hutch]

I think Bart and Hutch.

[Gum Gum]

Probably me.

[John Reisinger]

Bart, as you pass through and walk through the tunnel, there is a moment of just pitch blackness where you can't see anything. And then all of a sudden, you're standing in a room with your five other compatriots, and you are facing another door.

[Kyborg]

It's white, and there's clouds everywhere.

[Kristen Bell]

To a news anchor.

[Kyborg]

Six bodies found in the city sewer system.

[Kristen Bell]

It's it.

[John Reisinger]

I misspoke. You're actually. You are not in a door. You're in the next. You're in another chamber. You're in all another chamber. And this chamber smells a little weird.

[Kristen Bell]

It wasn't me.

[John Reisinger]

It smells like an old batch of, like, uneaten Halloween candy that's kind of past its expiration date.

[Gum Gum]

Full size candy bars or.

[Kristen Bell]

Ooh.

[John Reisinger]

In the center of this room that's kind of dimly lit sits a small round table. Like, a plastic one from, like, a playset.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

And on top of it, placed carefully on a large paper napkin that's, like, covered in glittery glue, are four oversized jelly beans, each one big enough to hold in two hands. There's a red one, a yellow one, a green one, and a black one, each gleaming with this kind of inviting, sugary shine. And written around the table in purple marker reads, bite the right bean, win the right prize. Pick the wrong bean.

[Kyborg]

Oopsie.

[John Reisinger]

Surprise.

[Kristen Bell]

Diarrhea.

[Sleek]

Okay, guys, we have to be really careful because I'm pretty sure that black jelly bean is black licorice. The worst of them all. And so we definitely don't want to bite into that one.

[Gum Gum]

I feel like Sleek's favorite flavor would be black licorice.

[Sleek]

Shit, more for me.

[Bart]

Okay. Bite the right bean, get the right prize.

[Kyborg]

Something about a stinky surprise.

[Hairless Hutch]

Can I pull out the square canvas again and take a look at it just to be safe?

[John Reisinger]

Sure. I'm going to need an intelligence check again for this one.

[Hairless Hutch]

You can call an intellectual check if.

[John Reisinger]

You want an intellectual check.

[Gum Gum]

Intellectual Checkles.

[Hairless Hutch]

I don't know why I'm really so well on those today.

[Kristen Bell]

That's.

[Hairless Hutch]

That's a 16.

[Kristen Bell]

Wow.

[John Reisinger]

It's not bad. Hutch, smartest member of stinky dragon lore. Yeah, Hutch, do you do the same thing where you put it to your ear?

[Hairless Hutch]

I don't think this time. No. I think last time there was a precedent for it. This time he would just pull it out and look at it.

[John Reisinger]

You do see ink kind of pour out of this. Kind of spread over this canvas again. And you do hear words one more time. And they say, one is spicy but makes you freeze.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Another so sweet it sparks a sneeze. One tastes burnt, but makes you sore. The best is sour. It opens the door.

[Bart]

Okay, so we want the sour one.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, there's red. That one might be burnt.

[Hairless Hutch]

Everything I learned about candy, I learned from sour Amy. So it makes sense that the sour one opens the door.

[Bart]

Yeah. What did. Did Amy have, like, a favorite color or anything like that?

[Hairless Hutch]

Oh, she did. I can't. I think it was maybe green.

[John Reisinger]

Mystery.

[Hairless Hutch]

Maybe it was green.

[Kristen Bell]

Maybe black is burnt.

[John Reisinger]

I think red, spicy, yellow.

[Kyborg]

I feel like that would be sour. And green would be sweet.

[Hairless Hutch]

Green would be sour.

[Sleek]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Gum Gum]

I think of, like, green apples.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Kyborg]

Doctor, Ahem, steps forward and says, I never get candy, and picks up the one that's nearest him.

[John Reisinger]

Perfect. Ooh, I like this. What color is closest to doctor? Ahem. I'm gonna let you pick.

[Kyborg]

How many are there again?

[John Reisinger]

Four.

[Kristen Bell]

Four.

[Kyborg]

The third one.

[John Reisinger]

Red, yellow, green. So green.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. You pick up that jelly bean.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes.

[John Reisinger]

And do what?

[Kyborg]

Put it all in my mouth.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. It's big enough that you couldn't shove the whole thing in your mouth, but it sounds like you're taking a big old choke.

[Kyborg]

Unhinge my jaw.

[Kristen Bell]

He's a kobold. He's a kobo.

[Sleek]

When they put one of the jawbreakers in their mouth, you see their cheek.

[John Reisinger]

Like, I'm playing in this space.

[Kyborg]

Unlock the headgear. Unhinge the jaw.

[John Reisinger]

You guys see one of the most frightening things you've ever seen in your life where this young toddler unhinges their jaw and opens up like the mummy from the mummy and just consumes this entire green jelly bean.

[Sleek]

Guys, remind me to apologize to Dr. Hamm earlier for talking over him.

[Kristen Bell]

I just.

[Sleek]

I feel like I didn't do that. Right.

[John Reisinger]

I need a constitution. Saving throw from Dr. Henriks. From Doc.

[Hairless Hutch]

I thought it was from us. From the horror we just watched.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kyborg]

It's a natural one.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

No, you start feeling freezing cold, and you take one cold damage.

[Gum Gum]

Which one did you eat?

[Kristen Bell]

Green.

[Kyborg]

Green? Green. Spicy.

[Kristen Bell]

Wait, no. Cold freeze.

[John Reisinger]

Sorry. Yes. You feel a spice in the back of your tongue followed by a very strong cold feeling.

[Kristen Bell]

I hate the yellow one.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. Do you unhinge your jaw or do you just take a big bite?

[Kristen Bell]

Gum gum looks at Dr. Hen.

[John Reisinger]

Yes.

[Kristen Bell]

And then just, like, turns away from him like he's afraid, and then eats the jelly bean.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, you went for the yellow one.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

You take a bite of the yellow one and you feel the most lip puckering sour flavor you've ever felt in your life.

[Bart]

Lemon. I forgot about lemons.

[John Reisinger]

And in front of you, you see a door appear on the other side of the room.

[Kristen Bell]

As in, it's so sour that I'm seeing things.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, it's kind of blurry and a little, like, watery because your eyes are really put. But you can. You can see something has appeared on the wall across you. And the rest of you do walk across.

[Sleek]

That's Gum Gum's happy face. He's happy.

[Kyborg]

Can I help lead Dr. Hemm because he's frozen.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah, I'll guide him to the door.

[Kyborg]

Or do we need to all take a bite?

[John Reisinger]

No, the door's appeared and it's there. It's solid.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Right this way, Doc. Good job. All right, Dorf.

[Kristen Bell]

Can I keep the jelly bean?

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. What do you do with it?

[Kristen Bell]

Can I put it in my pocket?

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, you kind of can. Can fit it. Like, it's really big, so you can fit it, like, sticking out of your pocket. And as you walk towards the door, you can feel your pocket getting loose again. You turn around, you see the jelly bean is on the table again.

[Kyborg]

Canonically, Baby Gumbum is wearing Jinko jeans.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. What do we have?

[Gum Gum]

Muddy, buddy, what was he?

[John Reisinger]

Muddy Daddy, Muddy Duddy and Gum Bum.

[Hairless Hutch]

All right, let's bravely go through the door.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. You open the door, and this next chamber, it's small and oddly kind of quiet. Not really much to see or hear. The walls here are a lot smoother than the other rooms, and they're rounded into kind of a dome roof. It's like a giant bowl carved out into the earth. And in the center is just simply what looks to be a large, dark hole in the ground. And the only light in the room is coming from a few little crystals in the walls, pulsing with red energy. And there's no sign, no writing anywhere. It's just a hole in the ground, the center, and it's kind of big enough for just kind of, like, one of you guys to be able to like, maybe fit through.

[Kyborg]

Hutch, your experience with holes, aren't you?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Hairless Hutch]

That's a classic example of a Hutch hole there. I think I'm going to go wiggle my way in there. And Hutch makes a beeline for it, just like how we're walking.

[Kristen Bell]

Nah. Do you.

[Kyborg]

Do you want us to hold, like, a jump rope or something?

[Hairless Hutch]

Hutch, I know a DM who hates that stuff, so.

[Sleek]

There's something terrifying about hearing Hutch wiggle.

[John Reisinger]

Forward like a lizard wiggling, like something from Rango. Okay, so you look into the hole as you approach it, and it almost immediately vanishes into complete darkness. You can just barely see that. At some point, it does kind of curve a little bit, almost like curving up a little bit, but just faintly. And there's a. There's a breeze that drifts up from below. It's cool, and it smells like sugar. And, oh, that familiar voice on the breeze whispers to you all, and it says, those who wait will never know.

[Kyborg]

What lies beyond unless they go, I jump in the hole. I jump on top of Dr. On.

[Hairless Hutch]

Top of the way.

[Kyborg]

No, no, you're climbing down. I jump on top of you.

[Hairless Hutch]

Okay, got it, got it, got it.

[John Reisinger]

Wait, explain to me how this is happening.

[Kyborg]

So if he's going like this, I'm.

[Kristen Bell]

Imagining, like, going down the hole head.

[Hairless Hutch]

First, climbing in like this.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. Actually, funny thing happens as you both approach that hole and make the decision to kind of head down. I need a wisdom saving throw. Oh, I'm great at these.

[Kyborg]

Hutch was practicing his miming skills for a second.

[Hairless Hutch]

That's a 13.

[Kristen Bell]

That's a nine.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, Hutch, you do manage to kind of make your way down and start kind of shimmying down this hole. Kyborg, I think you're scared of the dark.

[Kyborg]

That's impossible. I have.

[Kristen Bell]

Hold on, hold on. Night vision.

[Kyborg]

Dark vision.

[Gum Gum]

He said night vision, Chris.

[Kristen Bell]

Maybe. I think he wrote that. Barney animation. Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

Cyborg is Standing there at the edge of this hole, and he's kind of like he's pulling a dock. He's frozen in fear.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, God.

[John Reisinger]

What are you guys gonna do?

[Sleek]

Kyborg just went down the hole. Maybe we just dropped frozen a hymn down the hole after him.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, well, Kyborg is standing at the edge of the hole and not going in. Oh, he is frozen in fear.

[Kristen Bell]

It's okay. Kaibu, hug. Give him a hug.

[John Reisinger]

Do you want a hug? Yeah, sure, sure. I'll take it.

[Hairless Hutch]

Don't sound so put out.

[Kristen Bell]

You really want to hug?

[Sleek]

Should we all get in on this action?

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, do you want to get on this action? Sleep hug.

[Sleek]

Yeah.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bart]

Everybody, there's a group hug happening. Sleek is going to be the first one in there.

[Kristen Bell]

Throw me in the hole.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. Gum, gum, and Sleek, give me a persuasion check.

[Sleek]

That is a 22.

[Kristen Bell]

Whoa. And a 20.

[John Reisinger]

Those are some good hugs.

[Kristen Bell]

I'm very good at them.

[John Reisinger]

Cyborg, you feel one of the most powerful things ever, the power of friendship, and it overwhelms you. And. Yeah, don't. Don't fight these feelings, Cyborg. Don't fight.

[Kyborg]

Don't.

[John Reisinger]

Don't run away from these feelings, okay? These are friends. These are friends that are here to help you. And you know what? You feel like you can go down the hole.

[Kristen Bell]

Why does the power of friendship smell so bad?

[Sleek]

You got. You got me. And Gum Gum. Really? I get. Lean in close. I go. Little Kyborg, I know. I know you're just doing this because I'm afraid of the dark. And you're trying. You're trying to really, really help me save face here. So I appreciate it, buddy, but you don't got to be scared anymore.

[Kyborg]

What did you eat for breakfast?

[Kristen Bell]

League onion rings.

[John Reisinger]

This is only thing.

[Hairless Hutch]

Nice call back. That's.

[Sleek]

That's good.

[John Reisinger]

Kyborg, you managed to jump in and disappear down the hole.

[Kristen Bell]

Great. I'll go next.

[Sleek]

And we can't too. And I jump in after him.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. I need a wisdom check from both of you.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Wisdom saving throw. Sorry. Wisdom saving throw from both of you.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh. 1715. Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

You both managed to muster up, and you guys look, and you both are holding hands. You didn't even realize you were doing that. And you both jumping in together.

[Kristen Bell]

Wow.

[John Reisinger]

And you guys disappear from sight.

[Kristen Bell]

We both jump in at the same time and just wedge.

[John Reisinger]

Yep, yep. And you kind of have to, like, kind of like breathe in and out and kind of create, like, suction areas. And then you guys kind of, like, go down a little bit at A time. And they're gone.

[Bart]

That sounded graphic.

[Kyborg]

But shall we go in together, boss?

[Bart]

Yeah. You want to, like, hug and then jump in? Seem to work for them pretty well.

[Kyborg]

I don't know if I've ever had a hug before.

[John Reisinger]

Oh, God.

[Bart]

Oh, my God.

[Kristen Bell]

That is so sad.

[Bart]

Well, I don't want to break any more of your very frail bones.

[John Reisinger]

Yes.

[Kyborg]

Thank you very much.

[John Reisinger]

Doc, canonically is like Samuel Jackson from Unbreakable. Okay. A hug.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

Wisdom saving throw with advantage.

[Kristen Bell]

Wow.

[Gum Gum]

Gonna need that.

[Kristen Bell]

11.

[Bart]

A 10.

[John Reisinger]

Both of those are just good enough that you both managed to get down into the hole. And what you find is that it is a slide. You guys are sliding down into the darkness. Yes. Feel free to enjoy the ride.

[Kyborg]

I was very tempted to go, this is Barta, and I can't.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. So you guys all head down this slide, and Bart's the last one to make it through. And, Bart, you land with a soft, like, flumph into what is kind of like a kiddie pool. And not a flumph. A fwump. But the kiddie pool is not full of water. It's packed with shimmering pixie dust, sugar.

[Kristen Bell]

Ooh.

[John Reisinger]

And you guys are all in this kiddie pool.

[Gum Gum]

Could I dip my finger in and give it a little taste?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Kyborg]

Rub it on your teeth.

[John Reisinger]

It tastes fantastic. The best pixie dust ever. Like, this is, like, vintage. The good stuff.

[Kyborg]

Can I dip my mouth into it and just go.

[Gum Gum]

Dip your mouth into it.

[John Reisinger]

Just shovel with your lower jaw.

[Hairless Hutch]

Don't let Doc near it again.

[John Reisinger]

Kyborg, you actually feel better. If you need a hit point, you gain a hit point. If you're at top, you get one temporary hit point. Don't worry. I'll throw up here in a second.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Ahead of you is a narrow hallway, and it glows with a soft green light. You guys head in that direction. I assume it's the only way that you can go from here.

[Kyborg]

Cyborg goes down it, but he's shadow boxing because he's so hyped up on.

[Kristen Bell]

Sugar.

[John Reisinger]

He'S got what we call the zoomies.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. Is there enough candy for more?

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. I mean, it's a kitty pole full of it. Gum. Gum gets one health point back.

[Kristen Bell]

Yay. I need it.

[John Reisinger]

I figured.

[Kyborg]

I turned to Hutch, and I pull out my hammer. I go. They'll never take me back. Let's go to the tunnel.

[John Reisinger]

Some Shawshank there. Okay, you guys head towards this tunnel, I assume. Just moving things forward.

[Gum Gum]

Yes.

[Hairless Hutch]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

And you see along this tunnel, the heads of stuffed animals. Line the walls. Oh, bears, badgers, unicorns, a worm with a crown. They're all stuffies.

[Gum Gum]

Not real.

[John Reisinger]

They all stare at you silently as you walk past. Their eyes feel like they're following you.

[Kristen Bell]

Like a doll's eyes. Like doll's eyes.

[Sleek]

We have to be very careful. Mighty hunter has to live here. To have hunted down all of these stuffy beasts mounting their heads along this wall, this is a sign of intimidation.

[John Reisinger]

As you head down the end of this tunnel. At the far end, you find what looks to be a giant pile of just multicolored pillows. And resting on top of those pillows is a wooden box. And the lid of this wooden box looks like it's shaped like a giant badger's head.

[Gum Gum]

Would one say that it's a box that one could burrow in?

[John Reisinger]

You know, that's up to you.

[Gum Gum]

Perhaps a burrow box.

[Kyborg]

Should we borrow the burrow box?

[John Reisinger]

It was good.

[Gum Gum]

Could I go up to it and look closer?

[John Reisinger]

Yeah.

[Gum Gum]

See if there's anything special about the box.

[Hairless Hutch]

Let's all hurry up and go. Look.

[Bart]

Nice one.

[John Reisinger]

How long you been holding on that one?

[Hairless Hutch]

I've had a few in my mind. I've been sitting on waiting. And one in.

[Bart]

That's why I pay you the big bucks.

[John Reisinger]

That one felt preloaded.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

You want to go up and you're. You're investigating, I assume, Is what it sounds like. Why don't you give me an investigation check then?

[Bart]

What's in the box? I don't know because I rolled a nine.

[Hairless Hutch]

We're too young to have seen that movie. That's scary.

[Kyborg]

You have to be at least seven years old.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

You look and it. You know, it's a wooden box, almost like. Like a. Like a torch toy chest kind of box, and it has a badger as the lid. That's kind of like smiling.

[Bart]

Oh, this is cute.

[Kyborg]

Is there any, like, poems or anything we should be listening for?

[Kristen Bell]

This is it.

[Hairless Hutch]

This is the gift for Muddy Duddy. It's a box.

[Bart]

His aunt. Aunt, Forget how you guys say it. Said something about how he'd love a burrow box for his birthday. So, I mean, this is a box.

[Kyborg]

I'm sure it's safe.

[John Reisinger]

Let her rip.

[Kristen Bell]

Go open it up in the box. Cabboard braces.

[Bart]

Okay, I'll give it an open.

[John Reisinger]

You're going for the lid to open it up?

[Kristen Bell]

Yep.

[John Reisinger]

Give me a strength check.

[Kyborg]

I meant to bring along some mushrooms for this badger, so.

[John Reisinger]

I don't know.

[Kyborg]

I forgot.

[Gum Gum]

18.

[John Reisinger]

You try really hard to open up this box. You got some strong halfling That's a stout halfling right there. And dense. It doesn't manage to open at all. It seems to be like, just stuck shut.

[Bart]

No, I think this might take more than one of us. Or maybe some.

[John Reisinger]

The finger guns appear.

[Sleek]

I've been waiting for this moment for about 2 hours and 17 minutes.

[Bart]

Give a shot.

[John Reisinger]

What do you do? Sleek.

[Sleek]

That's a solid 19. Rolling the hit. I aim my gun. I look down the sights. I go. I feel like I could be a really good archer one day.

[John Reisinger]

Fire at the box.

[Sleek]

Yeah, the box.

[John Reisinger]

Okay.

[Kristen Bell]

Way to go.

[Kyborg]

You're destroying our friends.

[Sleek]

What's in the box?

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. So you rolled a 19 on a hit. So is there damage?

[Sleek]

There is. It is. Two. Two ones.

[John Reisinger]

Oh, it's okay. So two damage.

[Sleek]

Two total points of damage.

[Kristen Bell]

That's not bad.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, you do shoot the box with your finger guns.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

What's that spell called again?

[Sleek]

Finger guns.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

And the box, the lid doesn't open, but the box does manage to kind of like teeter back a little bit and kind of like move a little bit. And the whole room just ever so slightly shudders a little bit.

[Sleek]

So it's simple. We just gotta shoot the box all the way back up the hole the whole way back.

[Kristen Bell]

Maybe we have to put the box in the ground.

[Bart]

Or maybe only mud could open it.

[Kristen Bell]

We've met the badger.

[John Reisinger]

Do we take the box?

[Kristen Bell]

Maybe take it.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah.

[Kyborg]

I'd like to roll for a gift receipt.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. Can we pick up the box?

[John Reisinger]

I mean, you can do what you want. You just got to tell me what you're going to do.

[Kristen Bell]

Pick up the box. How heavy is it?

[John Reisinger]

Gum Gum goes to pick up the box.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. And he pets the badger while he does it.

[John Reisinger]

That's nice. Give me a strength check. Gum gum.

[Kristen Bell]

You do it? Gum gum, I believe 20.

[John Reisinger]

20.

[Kristen Bell]

Dirty 20. Dirty 20.

[John Reisinger]

Gum gum goes up and flexes those baby orc muscles. Maybe pulls up his diaper just a little bit to kind of muster up extra courage. Yeah. Right up above the belly button.

[Kristen Bell]

Goes up to his chest. It's like a gum gum's got to.

[Sleek]

Do what a gum gum's got to do.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

And he reaches down and he goes to pull up this box with all of his infant strength. And he. He over calculates and pulls the box all the way up over his head. And he's holding the box above his head in triumph. And as he picks up the box, like I said, it's surprisingly light. And Gunglim, I think you can faintly hear, like, a little bit of Like a playful growling coming from the box.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, my goodness. It's a pet.

[Kyborg]

You almost made stuffing out of that badger sleek.

[Sleek]

I can't believe I shot that box. Who am I?

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, my God.

[Kyborg]

Are there air holes in the box?

[John Reisinger]

No, there's no air holes in the middle.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, no. We gotta hurry. We gotta go now.

[John Reisinger]

Well, as you're holding the box over your head, the pillows that it was sitting on, they begin to, like, twist and stretch. And you realize they're not exactly just pillows. Oh, no, they're like, they're shaped in, like, familiar looks. They're like assorted animal shapes. These are like squishmallows. And as they move and shift. Not sponsored. Not sponsored.

[Kristen Bell]

They are.

[John Reisinger]

You can tell that they're kind of all fused together. And, you know, there's like animal arms stitched to legs and legs merged into bellies. And as it contorts into what kind of starts looking like a. Almost like a recognizable humanoid form. You see some large black buttons kind of like swirl across the surface of these squishmallows and they form together on what seems to be like the head of this thing into four angry eyes.

[Kyborg]

Oh, guys, my parents accidentally rented Akira one time because they thought that it was a cartoon. This is bad news. We need to. We need to kill this thing.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes.

[Gum Gum]

So is it like, like Megatron type thing?

[John Reisinger]

Like it's all like, as it kind of rises up, it kind of starts standing on these legs and a giant stuffy creature is looming over you and it stretches and out comes 1, 2, 3, 4 arms and a head on top of it shaped like a dragon.

[Gum Gum]

I'm watching Blaine's face to see when.

[John Reisinger]

He realized it roars, but not like a typical, like organic beast or animal.

[Hairless Hutch]

There it was.

[John Reisinger]

It's just quadrant, but with a horrifying squeak of like a thousand squeaky toys, like crushed at once.

[Kristen Bell]

That's a that. Ooh, I like that.

[John Reisinger]

Yes, Duffy Drun has awakened.

[Kristen Bell]

Stuffy.

[Kyborg]

Drum.

[John Reisinger]

Roll for initiative.

[Kristen Bell]

Mint is still $15 a month for premium wireless. And if you haven't made the switch yet, here are 15 reasons why you should. One, it's $15 a month. Two, seriously, it's $15 a month. Three, no big contracts.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Four, I use it.

[Kristen Bell]

Five, my mom uses it. Are you playing me off? That's what's happening, right? Okay, give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront.

[Gum Gum]

Payment of $45 for a 3 month plan. $15 per month equivalent.

[Kristen Bell]

Request required.

[Gum Gum]

New customer offer first 3 months only.

[Kristen Bell]

Then full price plan.

[Gum Gum]

Options available Taxes and fees extrac mintmobile.com this episode is brought to you by Greenlight. Get this, Adults with financial literacy skills have 82% more wealth than those who don't.

[Kristen Bell]

From swimming lessons to piano classes, us.

[Gum Gum]

Parents invest in so many things to.

[John Reisinger]

Enrich our kids lives.

[Gum Gum]

But are we investing in their future financial success?

[Kristen Bell]

With Greenlight you can teach your kids financial literacy skills like earning, saving and investing. And this investment costs less than that.

[John Reisinger]

After school treat spend start prioritizing their.

[Gum Gum]

Financial education and future today with a risk free [e-mail] Spotify greenlight.com Spotify this.

[Kristen Bell]

Episode is brought to you by State Farm. Checking off the boxes on your to.

[Gum Gum]

Do list is a great feeling.

[Kristen Bell]

And when it comes to checking off coverage, a State Farm agent can help you choose an option that's right for you. Whether you prefer talking in person on.

[Gum Gum]

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[Kristen Bell]

App, it's nice knowing you have help finding coverage that best fits your needs. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Oh, my God.

[John Reisinger]

I have Kyborg Sleek Hutch already have rolled. For initiative, I need bark, gum gum and a hem.

[Bart]

You got it.

[Sleek]

I'm so committed to the infinites that I decided I'm not taking a bathroom break. I'm in character. I have a diaper on right now. Whole stream. Whole stream, guys.

[Kristen Bell]

18.

[John Reisinger]

A real man just pees his pants without a diaper.

[Hairless Hutch]

10 for all the cool kids are doing.

[Sleek]

A baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do.

[John Reisinger]

Ten for gum gum. Bart did an 18. Doc, where's you? Oh, you're four. Okay, Kyborg and Sleek, I need you to roll off. You both rolled 13s.

[Kristen Bell]

You want to do dexterity or. I'm an 18 for dexterity.

[Sleek]

I am at a. Where's my dexterity? 12 for dexterity.

[John Reisinger]

Very good. Okay. Thank you for that. Yes. All right, so you guys are in the middle of this chamber. There is just pieces of toys and stuffies all surrounding you. Gum Gum, you are holding this badger themed box. Let's just assume it's the burrow box. And top of the order is Bartholomew Finn. After Bart will be cyborg. And then Sleek, have at thee.

[Gum Gum]

Can you remind me one more time of his name?

[John Reisinger]

Oh, Stuffy Drun.

[Gum Gum]

Stuffy Drun.

[Kristen Bell]

Stuffy Drun.

[Bart]

All right, Stuffy Drun. For some reason, I feel like you're gonna be an enemy of ours.

[Kristen Bell]

The creature goes, ugh.

[John Reisinger]

Like confused.

[Gum Gum]

Is he kind of by himself? Like we're not near him, Right? Like it's he's like, at one side of the room and we're on the other side.

[John Reisinger]

I would say that since you guys fell down the slide, you're like a good, like, 15ft from him. Gum Gum is right next to him. Oh, okay.

[Gum Gum]

I would like to cast dissonant whispers.

[John Reisinger]

How does that spell work?

[Gum Gum]

So for this spell, I whisper a discordant melody that only one creature of my choice within range can hear, racking it with terrible pain. The target must make a wisdom saving throw on a failed save. It takes 3d6 of psychic damage and must immediately use its reaction, if available, to move as far as its speed allows away from you.

[John Reisinger]

Gotcha.

[Kristen Bell]

But we'll just start with that.

[John Reisinger]

What do you whisper to it to make it feel bad you're not as.

[Bart]

Soft as you look?

[Kristen Bell]

Whoa.

[Hairless Hutch]

Oh, such an insult.

[Sleek]

I cover Gum Gum's ears.

[John Reisinger]

What do I roll? Do I. Is there a roll that I do for a save?

[Gum Gum]

Yes, it's a save of 13.

[John Reisinger]

Of what?

[Gum Gum]

Oh, wisdom.

[John Reisinger]

Wisdom. I rolled six.

[Gum Gum]

Okay, so that's a fail.

[Kristen Bell]

Yep.

[Gum Gum]

So that does 3D6. That is eight points of psychic damage. And it also must immediately use its reaction to move as far away its speed allows.

[John Reisinger]

All right, well, Stuffy Drun is recoiling in. In squeaky pain. Just the sound of, like, a bunch of rubber chickens all, like, being ripped open. And it runs back further to the back of this room, away from y'.

[Kristen Bell]

All. I was right next to it. Do I get to swing it next?

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, yeah, you get an opportunity attack. Why not?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah, that's 24 to hit.

[John Reisinger]

Whoa, 24 does hit. When she rolled me some melee damage.

[Kristen Bell]

That was a six. I don't have axe equipped.

[John Reisinger]

So what are you hitting it with?

[Kristen Bell]

I think I just headbutted it.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, so unarmed strike?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah, yeah. I'm. I'm holding the chest, right? Yeah. So I go wham.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, and then you. What damage was that again?

[Kristen Bell]

Six.

[John Reisinger]

Six. Okay, thank you very much. And then fart. What do you do with the rest of your turn?

[Gum Gum]

I think that's it.

[John Reisinger]

Okie dokie. We have Kaedelius Kaibabius.

[Kyborg]

Okay, Before I left my house, did I happen to steal my mom's bow, the longbow of Kristalina, or am I.

[Kristen Bell]

Just rocking the longbow?

[John Reisinger]

You're just rocking your little longbow that you made on your own.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay, great.

[Kyborg]

Okay, the not so long bow.

[John Reisinger]

The not so long bow.

[Kyborg]

Then I'm going to take aim at squash drain. Squish, squish that guy, the bad guy. And. And I mumble under my breath to be like, this is for my parents, who I'm going to pretend are dead, but they're not dead yet.

[John Reisinger]

It's just his, like, is made up, like, dark backstory, but his parents are at home, like, watching Matlock.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. Yeah. All right. And then I take a shot, and that is.

[Kyborg]

Oh, that's not bad. That's a 27.

[John Reisinger]

27. Will hit.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

Will roll for damage.

[Kyborg]

Oh, come on.

[Kristen Bell]

Did an eight, and then it rolled to the two.

[John Reisinger]

That's a six. Six what? Piercing. Okay.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, would you know? Come on. It's gonna squeaky toys.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, it takes. It takes some damage. Yeah. One of your. Your arrows do stick into, like, its shoulder.

[Kyborg]

And then I'm gonna move, like, away from the group, but I'm gonna keep.

[Kristen Bell]

Equidistant from the thing just to spread.

[Kyborg]

Us out in case there's, like, area of attack stuff.

[Kristen Bell]

Right?

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. You're. You're, like, on the edge of the room, so you could, like, move back maybe five feet to the wall.

[Kristen Bell]

Perfect.

[John Reisinger]

And as you move back five feet and you're kind of, like, looking at your. Your handiwork, the big stuffy does actually look at that arrow on its shoulder, and it kind of, like, almost, like, inflates a little bit, and the arrow just kind of pops out. Oh, it's like a zit. Is that what you do? Do you flex your zits off? You don't? No.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, okay.

[Kyborg]

You'll have to teach me that one day, Kyborg.

[Kristen Bell]

Sleek.

[Sleek]

Kyb's right. Kyborg's right. I think we all need to split up. It'll. It'll really, really distract him. And I'm going to take off running after Kyborg.

[John Reisinger]

Five feet back.

[Sleek]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, all right.

[Kristen Bell]

Right. You're right.

[Sleek]

You're right. Right. We got this. We got this. And a moment of in bartic inspiration. Sleek starts humming. He's got a go live.

[Kyborg]

Yeah, I like that.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Sleek]

And Sleek's going to pull out a little toy bow with, like, one of those suction cups on the end.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah.

[Sleek]

And he's going to pull it back, and he's going to cast the spell elf shot, which is my last spell slot. A level one spell.

[John Reisinger]

I love that. You got to build Sleek for this adventure. And these are the custom things you put in.

[Sleek]

I was just. Got a best friend.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Sleek]

I'm going to cast elf shot and try to take a. Take a shot at Kyborg or no, sorry, squadron.

[Gum Gum]

He spoke what he really felt.

[Sleek]

If I get rid of Him. Now I can become him.

[Kristen Bell]

No.

[John Reisinger]

No.

[Kristen Bell]

My God.

[John Reisinger]

Roll for hit.

[Sleek]

Let's see here.

[John Reisinger]

I'm.

[Sleek]

I'm reading you. Pretend to shoot an arrow with a tiny bow.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Sleek]

Make a range spell attack against a creature within range. On hit, the target creature stumbles, is pushed 5ft in a random direction.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Sleek]

Roll a D8 and assign a direction to each die face. And its speed is zero until the end of its next turn. Okay, So I will make a range spell attack. I never do this. I gotta remember how to hit. That's a nat one.

[Kyborg]

Expecting nothing better. You lived up to my expectations.

[Kristen Bell]

Little sleek.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, you arc back your. Your arm and like, do your best Kai Borg impression. Kai baby impression. And as you let go, you let go of your front hand and the magical bow snaps back and the little magical arrow kind of off like the wall behind you. And Kyberg, I'm need you to make a dexterity saving throw to not get hit by this stray magical arrow. That's you, Blaine.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh.

[Kyborg]

Oh, I'm so sorry. I was putting my massage thing. I'm running dexterity.

[John Reisinger]

All eyes were on you for a moment there, and you were just blissfully not here. Dude, I've been there.

[Gum Gum]

I've been there sometimes in some sessions where, like, I didn't realize someone called on me to do something and I'm.

[Kyborg]

Just like, here's the thing. My back shoulder has been like, killing me. And Kristen a while ago bought me this massager thing. I just put it on and I was just sitting here just going.

[John Reisinger]

I know you were vibing, just not with us.

[Kyborg]

You said deck saving throw, right?

[John Reisinger]

Deck saving throw.

[Kyborg]

That's a 10.

[John Reisinger]

You managed to dodge it. And you might be rethinking your strategic spot in this. This chamber.

[Sleek]

My.

[John Reisinger]

Sleep. Do you do anything else for you to turn?

[Sleek]

There's a reason I'm a bard. That's. That's never. I'm never casting that spell ever again canonically. And. And with my. My moment of horrible, horrible aim, I would like to. To inspire Kyborg to be way better than I am in archery. And I'll give you some baric inspiration. Kyborg.

[John Reisinger]

What does that.

[Kyborg]

Kyborg.

[Kristen Bell]

Nice.

[Sleek]

He can use a bardic inspiration to roll a 1D6 and add it to his, I believe any saving throw or maybe attack roll. Let me read up on this.

[Gum Gum]

I want to say it's like any role.

[Sleek]

Been a while since I played a bard.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, then while you're figuring out the details of that gum gum, you are up next. And then will be Doc. After Gum Gum. And after Doc will be the stuffy.

[Kristen Bell]

I want to toss the.

[John Reisinger]

Box. No one help him. What's it called?

[Kyborg]

I got it all.

[Kristen Bell]

I got notes. The Burrow box. I tossed the burrow box behind me.

[Hairless Hutch]

Impressive.

[John Reisinger]

Is it that he had to look up what the name of this thing was?

[Hairless Hutch]

I'm just happy he wrote it down.

[Kyborg]

You know, we take our wins, we.

[John Reisinger]

Take our blessings where we can.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay. And. And then Gum Gum goes. You don't look so fluff. And then. And then charges and gives the big fluffy thing a big hug and tries to, like, grapple it and sleep with it.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, let's solve the first part of it first.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah, like a pillow.

[Hairless Hutch]

Oh, like a pillow.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. Grapple would be an opposing strength check.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes.

[John Reisinger]

Fellow DMs.

[Hairless Hutch]

Yeah, it's used. Strength or dexterity.

[John Reisinger]

Okay.

[Kristen Bell]

And I guess I'll rage too while I'm doing that. Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, we'll say you rage. How does it sound when a baby rages? It would be a fit. It would be a fit.

[Sleek]

Everyone stand back. Gum comes either about to rage or poop himself. And I'm really not certain which one.

[Kristen Bell]

It's bad.

[Bart]

Do you want some.

[Gum Gum]

Some baby crying noises or.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, yeah, we're good on this part.

[Kyborg]

We just stocked up on those just once we're fully.

[Sleek]

If we could, you know, for the. The edit.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, my God.

[Kyborg]

You know how they say, like, hearing an infant cry, like, triggers things in your, like, DNA? That happens, but I'm annoyed by it.

[John Reisinger]

What'd you roll for your grapple?

[Kristen Bell]

Well, I got advantage on strength based. Okay, 23.

[John Reisinger]

23. Yeah. That manages to get stuffy drone. And stuffy drone is now grappled by baby.

[Kristen Bell]

And then Gum Gum's gonna attempt to use his bonus action to sleep.

[John Reisinger]

You raged.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, yeah, that's right. Then I'm just gonna go.

[John Reisinger]

Let's take a free action to fake sleep. I'll take that. I didn't know what you were gonna do. Yes. Gum Gum seems to be sleeping on the big enemy across the room. And it is Doc's turn.

[Kyborg]

Doc's going to turn to Kyborg and say, I need your help with something.

[John Reisinger]

Don't shoot me.

[Kristen Bell]

Just whatever you do, I'm not sorry.

[Kyborg]

I'll help with whatever you want, Doc. I just need your mouth. Really? It's a totally normal thing to say.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Kyborg]

He pulls out like, a little toy megaphone thing and says, I need us to shout in this thing together in Draconic.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, yeah, yeah, I could do that.

[Kyborg]

Yeah, I've been watching my PBS Draconic lessons where they teach you Dracon. What's like a show that would teach foreign language for kids.

[John Reisinger]

What was the one with Muzzy?

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Bonjour. Yes. That's French those kids are speaking. Yeah. Yeah.

[Kyborg]

Wait, why did you perfectly summon that?

[John Reisinger]

Like, one of the, like, a few years into moving to Austin, I went to one of our half price books, which is a branch that we don't have where I come from. And I was walking through it and I saw in like, in a glass case, a copy of Muzzy for sale. And it was the most like, oh, my God, it exists.

[Kristen Bell]

It's real.

[Kyborg]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

I'd only seen it on tv, like, you know, in between episodes of Sesame Street. I was just so impressed at the age of like 30.

[Kyborg]

Oh, I've been watching my Dragora the Explorer. So I know.

[Kristen Bell]

All right.

[Kyborg]

And I hold up the megaphone to both of us, and we both yell and draconic. 3, 2, 1. All enemies that can hear our Draconic cry. We have advantage on. Now everybody has advantage on them.

[John Reisinger]

Ah, little buffin.

[Gum Gum]

That was almost as good as me. And sleek harmonizing.

[Kristen Bell]

I'll give you guys that.

[Kyborg]

That's my bonus action. For my action, I'm gonna pull out a little bottle, and it looks like a black liquid. And I go, I got. I got this from my father's garage. It's something that will stain pillows to no end. I call it grease. And I cast grease onto the pillow.

[Gum Gum]

Oh, grease lightning.

[Kyborg]

And it needs to make a deck save.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

It rolls a 15.

[Kyborg]

That'll do. Okay. This is immune to grease.

[John Reisinger]

It just kind of absorbs the grease into the feet of the stuffy drone. And it's just kind of like stained now forever. It's got that scotch protection on it. That was a thing.

[Kyborg]

And then I nurse my throat that is now sore. Okay, nice.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, it's gonna be. The stuffy Drun is next. After that will be Hutch. And then we will be back at the top of the order with Bart.

[Bart]

You got it.

[John Reisinger]

And this giant toy is not happy with this giant baby grabbing onto it. So it's gonna try to pose your grapple. And ooh, it rolled a nat20 on that. It is done with your grapple. Check. But that's going to be part of its turn. It's actually then going to. Since gum. Gum's right there and it's got you. It's broken off. It's going to actually take a swing at you. A big old swipe with one of its big old animal arms. Stuffed animal arms. And it's going to roll a crappy. Roll an eight.

[Bart]

Ooh.

[John Reisinger]

I'm assuming that doesn't get past your.

[Kristen Bell]

Barbarian armor, which is just nothing.

[John Reisinger]

A diaper. It's just a diaper.

[Kristen Bell]

The diaper pulled up to his chest.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. Okay, that's gonna be its turn. We are at Hutch. The first time Hairless Hutch is going to be in battle.

[Hairless Hutch]

That's me. Hairless Hutch gets a cold, steely look in his eyes and slowly draws his foam longsword from his side.

[John Reisinger]

And Nerf one.

[Hairless Hutch]

Yeah. And says, leave my friends alone.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh.

[Hairless Hutch]

And he charges into battle, swinging his foam sword at his enemy.

[Kristen Bell]

I thought it'd be so funny if you just turned and ran out.

[John Reisinger]

Just trying to, like, doing that. Like, trying to go up the slide, but it's too slippery and there's.

[Kristen Bell]

You can't go up.

[Hairless Hutch]

So, yeah, he's going to charge in and try to take a swing with his foam long sword.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Kyborg]

Dr. Ham uses his megaphone, says, you have advantage.

[Hairless Hutch]

I have advantage. That's. It's a good thing I have advantage because the first one was a one. The second one is a 22 that.

[John Reisinger]

Will hit once you roll.

[Hairless Hutch]

For dimage, he brings the foam long sword down, doing 10 points of damage.

[John Reisinger]

What kind of damage?

[Hairless Hutch]

A long sword is slashing damage, but if it's a foam long sword, I don't know if you want to play with the space. If it's bludgeoning, I'll leave that.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, yeah, It's. We'll let it be just the same damage of what it is. I appreciate you playing with the imagery.

[Hairless Hutch]

I call upon the power of hair to smite the divinely.

[John Reisinger]

And what does that do?

[Hairless Hutch]

A divine Smite lashes out from his weapon, striking for an additional.

[John Reisinger]

Cool.

[Hairless Hutch]

Two points of damage.

[Gum Gum]

Just so funny that he's a paladin.

[John Reisinger]

I know this holy energy emanating from this weird little lizard. Okay, so that was. What was the slashing damage?

[Kristen Bell]

10.

[Hairless Hutch]

And then two points from Divine Smite.

[John Reisinger]

Hairless Hutch has never looked more heroic running across this room into the fray of battle and takes a blinding holy swipe at this abomination. And as it slashes down on this monster, a little bit of a streak of a cut happens, like, along, like, the leg of this thing. But as the swipe finishes, it kind of like, it leaves a little bit of mark, but the leg kind of rebounds just a little.

[Kristen Bell]

A little bit. Curse it.

[Gum Gum]

That's Not. Not down.

[John Reisinger]

Not down.

[Kristen Bell]

No, it's not a down pillow.

[John Reisinger]

Not a down pillow. That's an inspiration, Dice. I like that one. All right, we are now back at the top. And we have Bartholomew followed by Kydelius, followed by Sleek.

[Bart]

Alrighty. Here.

[John Reisinger]

Well, what you gonna do?

[Bart]

You know, I feel like Stuffy Drun needs a little music in his life.

[John Reisinger]

Oh, you know, am I right?

[Bart]

Like.

[Kyborg]

He just.

[John Reisinger]

He's just droning like a low alto note, just waiting for someone to pick up on it, trying to harmonize.

[Sleek]

I don't know what I'm doing.

[Gum Gum]

So I'm going to go ahead and bring out the. I also don't know. I remember this particularly caused question during our campaign. I don't know if I was supposed to have it or not.

[Kyborg]

I know you're going to say, could.

[Gum Gum]

I cast Blue Fever of bluegrass?

[John Reisinger]

I'm going to ask the DM that made that.

[Kyborg]

Fine with me.

[John Reisinger]

You know what?

[Kyborg]

Yes.

[Gum Gum]

Here's what it does.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Gum Gum]

Tell me once per turn, you could send forth a shockwave of blue vibrating energy.

[John Reisinger]

I love this.

[Gum Gum]

Surges forward towards the target from my banjo.

[John Reisinger]

Okay.

[Gum Gum]

Those targets or this target must make a charisma saving throw or become enthusiastic enthralled by the feverish music.

[John Reisinger]

Okay.

[Gum Gum]

On a failed save, the target begins to feverishly dance through the magical influence of the music and cannot take an action, bonus action, or use movement until the end of their next turn.

[John Reisinger]

Wow.

[Kyborg]

Seems totally fair to me.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, totally fair.

[Kyborg]

Impartial gm.

[John Reisinger]

What's the. The check this thing has to make?

[Gum Gum]

I believe it's a charisma saving throw.

[John Reisinger]

And is this a targeted attack or is this an area of effect attack?

[Gum Gum]

I think it is a targeted. It does not say.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, I will allow this attacks once.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

I regret agreeing to this before I heard the description.

[Kyborg]

How charismatic is this pillow?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

So what's the. It's charisma.

[Gum Gum]

Yes. Charisma saving throw.

[John Reisinger]

And what's the check?

[Gum Gum]

It does not have one, but I. I'll assume it's 13. Like the wisdom saving throw on the previous one.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

Your spell save.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. Okay. And as we know, Stuffy Drain has zero charisma.

[John Reisinger]

It actually has negative three charisma. That's about right.

[Hairless Hutch]

Even better.

[John Reisinger]

But it did roll a 17, so I got a 14.

[Kristen Bell]

Wow.

[Gum Gum]

Okay. So it makes it.

[John Reisinger]

It does actually start, like two of its arms just kind of start jigging a little bit. The other two arms are just kind of ready for battle still. So it's kind of like it. You got a little Bit of it kind of. Kind of going. It's there to do a little bit of some. Some. Some fun, but it's ready to smash some. Some kids as well.

[Kristen Bell]

All right.

[Gum Gum]

Bart does that thing where he's playing it and then all of a sudden hits the wrong note and it's like.

[John Reisinger]

It's just like ting it. Just the string breaks.

[Gum Gum]

Yeah.

[Kyborg]

Oh, no. Your Guitar Hero score.

[John Reisinger]

Do you have anything you want to do?

[Gum Gum]

I'll cast a bardic inspiration on. I'm gonna give it to my fellow bard Sleek.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

How often does a bard get bardic inspiration from another bard?

[Gum Gum]

You know, probably not very often.

[Sleek]

We're doing it bard. We're harmonizing.

[Kristen Bell]

Ready?

[Bart]

A one, a two, a one, two, three.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, God.

[John Reisinger]

It gets worse.

[Gum Gum]

We just see our stream numbers drop.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Reisinger]

Fantastic. That's your turn.

[Gum Gum]

That is my turn.

[John Reisinger]

Give me some fighting, Kai baby.

[Kyborg]

Okay, I'm going to whip out a spell. It's one that Kaiborg has never used. I cast child protective services. No, I'm going to use my longbow.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Kyborg]

Again.

[John Reisinger]

Take another shot at it.

[Kyborg]

Yeah, I'll take another shot. That is a roll over to that 15. There we go.

[John Reisinger]

That's a 23 does hit.

[Kyborg]

And then when I use the bardic.

[John Reisinger]

Inspiration that Sleek gave me, do I.

[Kyborg]

Add that onto damage, or is it.

[John Reisinger]

Just to the roll? That's gonna be for a check?

[Sleek]

Yes.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay. Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Then I'll.

[Kyborg]

I'll continue to hold on to that.

[Kristen Bell]

Yep.

[Kyborg]

Even though that dice is really sticky.

[John Reisinger]

For some reason, my gum drops.

[Kyborg]

And then I rolled damage.

[Kristen Bell]

Not bad.

[John Reisinger]

Not bad.

[Kyborg]

That is an 11 piercing damage.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay, nice.

[John Reisinger]

Another true arrow flies across the room and sticks into the other shoulder of Stuffy Drin. And just like last time, it kind of gets in there and lodges. And then Stuffy drone kind of kind of just goes little shimmy with its arm and pops out the arrow.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Kyborg]

And then with my movement speed, I want to see if I can, like, get around Stuffy Drin.

[John Reisinger]

You're pretty far from Stuffy Drin because they kept pushing Stuffy Drin back. Got it. What's your movement speed?

[Kyborg]

That would be 35.

[Kristen Bell]

Whoa.

[John Reisinger]

You could start getting around stuff you drunk and get maybe like you're trying to, like, circle around it.

[Kyborg]

I'm just like spreading out, surrounding them on all sides. I really, just to be honest, Kai.

[Kristen Bell]

Baby just wants to shoot him in the butt.

[John Reisinger]

You are just barely, like you're to the side of it and just barely to the rear, but almost like parallel to it, but just a Little bit behind it. Okay.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Hairless Hutch]

Works.

[John Reisinger]

But yeah, you're making your way that way. And is. That's your movement. Anything else? That's it.

[Gum Gum]

Good turn.

[Bart]

Good turn.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Then we have Sleek, followed by Gum Gum, followed by Doc.

[Sleek]

Sensing what Cyborg wants to do and just knowing Kyborg, he's trying to get in. Prime butt advantage to shoot this thing in the butt. Kyborg's gonna run the opposite.

[Bart]

Or not.

[Sleek]

Kyberg. Sleek's gonna run the opposite direction.

[Kristen Bell]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Sleek]

Over here. Over here. And he sees it bearing down toward Bart after Bart cast that spell and just goes. You stay away from him, you beanie baby. Finger guns at this thing again.

[John Reisinger]

Are you moving, or was that color commentary?

[Sleek]

I'm. I'm moving, like, so I can try to position him, like, between me and, like, distract him from Kyborg.

[John Reisinger]

What's your speed?

[Sleek]

Half speed? 15ft. Because I still have brick shoes, I assume. Yeah, Brick shoes.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. You managed to get closer to Stuffy Drone and a little bit to the side. But you're not quite getting as far as Kyborg went.

[Sleek]

No, no, I'm doing a good job. I'm doing a good job. Yeah, I could tell.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, yeah. You're delusional. It's fine.

[Sleek]

And I will cast finger guns.

[John Reisinger]

All right, roll for that again.

[Sleek]

That's a nat 20.

[John Reisinger]

Nice.

[Sleek]

The highs and lows.

[John Reisinger]

Finger guns does what kind of damage?

[Sleek]

2D6, I think it's automatically doubling it in DDB.

[John Reisinger]

Is that works?

[Kyborg]

I believe it's pew, pew, pew. Damage.

[John Reisinger]

Specifically force damage. Force damage. And what did you roll?

[Sleek]

I rolled. That's a lot of. That's a lot of dice. 17.

[John Reisinger]

It's giving you 4D6, I believe, because.

[Sleek]

I rolled a nat 20. It's auto fitting.

[John Reisinger]

The way we do that, it would be 2d6 plus another max, right?

[Hairless Hutch]

Correct.

[Kristen Bell]

Don't really.

[Hairless Hutch]

We would do two D6 plus Max, which would be.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, I'm gonna take the first two rolls plus another six, so I'm gonna give you 13 damage.

[Sleek]

Nice. I'll take it.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. 13 damage. Pretty good to Stuffy Drin. Very good.

[Bart]

Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, indeed.

[John Reisinger]

As the current player of Natty Wonder, I'm a fan of another person shooting things out of the fingers.

[Sleek]

You know, I should really wait until someone's monologuing to do this.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

All right. And anything bonus?

[Sleek]

Nope.

[Kristen Bell]

That's it.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, it is now. Gum Gum.

[Kristen Bell]

All right.

[John Reisinger]

You're asleep.

[Kristen Bell]

I'm sorry, What?

[John Reisinger]

You're asleep.

[Kyborg]

Gum Gum is asleep.

[Hairless Hutch]

Oh, Gum Gum went to Sleep, Chris.

[John Reisinger]

Gum Gum is asleep, but not, like, really as I know it was joke.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay, sorry. I was confused. I was, like, legitimately confused. Like, wait, did I do the laugh track? Okay, wait, wait. All right, all right, back.

[John Reisinger]

I have never seen a joke missed so many times.

[Hairless Hutch]

He was playing in your space in the.

[Kristen Bell]

No, but I. Then I was like, wait, did I miss something? Was there an asleep spell cast on me? Wake up, Chris.

[Kyborg]

God.

[Kristen Bell]

Anyway, Gum Gum wakes up. He goes, uh, oh, looks like you have bed head. And then jumps up with his great axe and tries to swing it around.

[John Reisinger]

Okay.

[Kristen Bell]

At the. At its head.

[John Reisinger]

All right, why don't you roll for attack on that?

[Kyborg]

I want it to be a grape axe.

[Kristen Bell]

Grape. Go, go and cast. Poo poo. All right, 19.

[John Reisinger]

19 will hit.

[Gum Gum]

Nice.

[Kyborg]

You have advantage as well.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, I do.

[Gum Gum]

This is Chris's first time playing D and D.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, you rolled. You wrote critical fail for your second roll.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah, yeah. So we'll go with the first one.

[John Reisinger]

We'll go. The first one was a 19, and you rolled nine. Is that what that is?

[Kristen Bell]

Nine plus two for raging. So 11.

[John Reisinger]

What kind of damage is that?

[Kristen Bell]

Slashing.

[John Reisinger]

All right, you swing your axe around, and you kind of manage to catch it a little bit along its belly, its abdomen, and then it kind of breathes out and kind of pushes the axe out for kind of, like, half of your attack.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, no. I guess that's it. Okay, that is it.

[John Reisinger]

All right. It's going to be Stuffy Drun, followed by Hutch, and then back to the top. Top of the order. Okay.

[Kyborg]

What about me?

[John Reisinger]

Oh, sorry. You're next, Doc. Sorry, Doc. And then Stuffy, and then Hutch.

[Kyborg]

Doc turns to Hutch and pulls out this, like, box, and it has, like, a plus and a minus on it. And he goes, would you hold on to this for me?

[Hairless Hutch]

Okay.

[Kyborg]

And then he pulls out, like, rubber gloves and, like.

[John Reisinger]

And like.

[Kyborg]

Then he takes two wires and connects them to the box and goes, I got this from my father's garage as well. And you see, starts running towards the. The pillow and goes, let's turn this plushie into mushy. And he casts and he does jolt. So he's gonna roll for jolt.

[John Reisinger]

Is jolt a ranged attack, or is it a melee range?

[Kyborg]

It's. It's actually a ranged attack, but I'm gonna.

[John Reisinger]

I'm gonna get a right up on it. Okay.

[Hairless Hutch]

And I rolled ducks all amped up.

[Kyborg]

A dirty 20 that will hit. And I got eight on the. On lightning damage with my car battery.

[John Reisinger]

Dang. This Stuffy Drun is looking singed and sad.

[Kristen Bell]

Good.

[Kyborg]

I like to think that that Hutch, like, all his hair is, like, out of his pocket.

[Hairless Hutch]

He's just stuffing drops the box.

[Gum Gum]

We need to give Michael less time in between turns so he can't come up with all these good one liners.

[John Reisinger]

Making us look, you guys, he's schooling you.

[Kyborg]

We're all doing good.

[John Reisinger]

I thought you guys were the pros.

[Kyborg]

I know.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, that was very good. Stuffy Drun is really not happy with all of this attacks on. They were just. They were just napping. They were just napping in this room, and you guys came and took its box. And so Stuffy Drum actually reaches to the side of it and grabs kind of a. A discarded stuffy and actually, like, adds it to its back and kind of fuses it to it. And another arm kind of grows out.

[Kristen Bell]

Of the back of Stuffy Girl.

[John Reisinger]

And it kind of like by doing that, it almost like there's more stuffing in him now and he's standing a little taller. And he will actually take that hand and all four other hands and smash them down on. Looks like it's Doc Touch and Gum Gum who are in range. And you guys need to make a dexterity saving throw. See if this doesn't damage.

[Kyborg]

I'm so dexterous. Oh, I roll a natural one again.

[Kristen Bell]

Seven.

[John Reisinger]

Patch rolled a six.

[Hairless Hutch]

Oh, yeah, six.

[Kristen Bell]

Sorry. How long.

[John Reisinger]

How long you been muted and thought.

[Hairless Hutch]

You were talking just right there when I said six.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, you guys all failed.

[Kyborg]

Are you sure, though?

[John Reisinger]

I am quite sure. You guys are all going to take some bludgeoning damage, which will be nine points of bludgeoning damage.

[Kristen Bell]

Wow, really?

[Bart]

That's bad.

[Sleek]

Does Dr. Ahem. Say that out loud?

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, it did sound a little in character.

[Kyborg]

He doesn't even get that much. He goes, wow, really? And he falls over.

[John Reisinger]

Is Dr. Ahem. Down?

[Kyborg]

He is down. Negative one.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, wow.

[John Reisinger]

All right, we got dock down Hutch and Gum Gum. How are you guys looking?

[Kristen Bell]

Well, I take half that because I'm raging. Okay, Is that four or five?

[John Reisinger]

I said nine, so, yeah, four.

[Hairless Hutch]

I picture, like, Hutch has a bloodied lip and is kind of was just like that Captain America thing, like, still, like, moving, holding his fists up like he wants to continue fighting.

[Kyborg]

I can do this all day, do this all day.

[Kristen Bell]

I can do do this until nap time.

[John Reisinger]

And that's going to be Stuffy Drun's turn. It's. It's looking at this little kobold on the ground and.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. You proud of yourself?

[John Reisinger]

You Big man, you beat up on little kids. It's going to be Bart's turn, followed by Cyborg, and then Hutch. Oh, Hutch. God, I'm just doing so bad at this.

[Gum Gum]

Do you want me to. To write the.

[John Reisinger]

It's there in front of me. I'm just not looking at it like I have it written out in front of me. Hutch. Bart, Cyborg.

[Kristen Bell]

Hutch, is there anything in those papers?

[Hairless Hutch]

Hutch looks to his pocket for the paper, but looks in the wrong pocket and pulls out a fistful of hair. And he looks down at Doc and lays down and kind of brushes the.

[Kristen Bell]

Hair along Doc's forehead and says, the scales of hair. Yeah, yeah.

[Hairless Hutch]

And says, be healed by the power of hair and rise.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes, by the power of hair.

[Hairless Hutch]

And restores two hit points to Doc.

[Lady Siltmeyer]

Oh, nice.

[Gum Gum]

Good, good, good.

[John Reisinger]

Doc is up, sort of.

[Kyborg]

I like to think that the hairs, like, fall till I make a mustache for doctor.

[Hairless Hutch]

It makes you sneeze.

[John Reisinger]

There's the doctor at him.

[Hairless Hutch]

I guess then Joe Hutch would, while putting the hair back in his pocket, look to see if the canvas, this square, was doing anything.

[John Reisinger]

No. You don't feel any energies coming from these canvases anymore?

[Hairless Hutch]

Okay, in that case, I need to rely on the energy within. And once again, Hutch pulls out his foam sword and swings it at. Was it squishy? Drun.

[John Reisinger]

Stuffy. Drun.

[Hairless Hutch]

Stuffy drum. Hitting AC. Oh, almost a 20. Hitting AC. 19.

[John Reisinger]

That will hit.

[Kristen Bell]

Doing.

[Hairless Hutch]

Four points of slashing damage.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. Yeah. You. You take a swipe at this. And. And again, it kind of catches a little bit, but then kind of like, near the end of the swipe, it kind of just bounces off a little bit.

[Hairless Hutch]

By the power of hair, I channel fury onto you, doing an additional nine points of radiant damage.

[John Reisinger]

And the smite is attached to. To the attack action. It is not a bonus action. Correct.

[Hairless Hutch]

Oh, no, wait. It is a bonus action. You're right. I cannot do that.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. I was wondering.

[Hairless Hutch]

No, no, you are right. That's right. Look at me trying to do too much here.

[Bart]

School the DM.

[Kyborg]

I out DM'd. Gustavo.

[Hairless Hutch]

I. I had already been planning what I wanted to do in my head, and then I wasn't accounting for that.

[Kristen Bell]

Dm.

[Kyborg]

Gustavo.

[John Reisinger]

Look at the shame. That being said, the hair was inspired.

[Hairless Hutch]

Yes. So that was it. I did bonus action. That. Yeah. And that is it for Hutch's turn.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. I'm loving Hutch in combat, by the way. All right, Bartholomew, it is my turn.

[Bart]

How's he looking? Some Stuffing coming out of him.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

I mean, he's looking worse than he was at the top of this. He got a little bit of his stuffing back when he attached that. That other arm, but, you know, not a full glass. We'll call it that.

[Gum Gum]

Okay. Okay. Well, I think I'm actually instead going to use my turn to cure some wounds on Dr. Hem.

[Kristen Bell]

What?

[John Reisinger]

He's fine.

[Bart]

Is he?

[Kyborg]

I love that everybody is a medic except for the doctor.

[John Reisinger]

That's very good.

[Gum Gum]

How far away is he from me?

[Kyborg]

Near death's door. That's.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah, he's like, let's see. 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4. He's, like, 25ft away. Cause he ran all the way up to Stuffy Dream.

[Gum Gum]

Oh, perfect. That's my walking speed. So I'm gonna go up and get right behind him and give him a.

[Bart]

Little pat on the shoulder and say, we can't have you getting more injured than you already are, doc.

[Kyborg]

Aw, two thumbs up.

[Bart]

One day you might be in a wheelchair. If you keep this up.

[Gum Gum]

That will do seven points of healing.

[John Reisinger]

And that's casting cure wound wounds.

[Kristen Bell]

Right?

[Gum Gum]

Cure wounds.

[Kristen Bell]

Correct.

[John Reisinger]

Seven points. He's like, basically back to normal.

[Kyborg]

I am.

[John Reisinger]

Very good.

[Gum Gum]

Some low HP you had there.

[John Reisinger]

Very, very good. Ace. Cure wounds. Your action.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, and then you did movement. Any bonus?

[Bart]

You know what?

[Gum Gum]

Let's cast another Bardic Inspiration.

[John Reisinger]

Ooh, so much inspiration being thrown around.

[Sleek]

Who's gonna harmonize?

[Gum Gum]

I'll give one to Gum. Gum.

[Kristen Bell]

Thank you.

[Bart]

Gum.

[Kristen Bell]

Yum.

[John Reisinger]

I like that. Gum Gum went for a roll.

[Kristen Bell]

He went for a. Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

That gives him bark. Inspiration.

[Kristen Bell]

Yes.

[Gum Gum]

Okay, so inspiration die. 1d6. Get added to ability Check. Attack roll or saving throw.

[John Reisinger]

Lovely. Kyborg.

[Kyborg]

Kyborg's gonna, at the top, use his movement to continue to circle around Stuffy.

[John Reisinger]

Dren all the way to the back of it.

[Kyborg]

Yes.

[John Reisinger]

Is he back there? Yeah. You do. You managed to run around, and you can. Stuffy Dream's been pushed pretty far to the back of the room, but there's still, like, some buffering room between you. You're not in a melee range of Stuffy Dream.

[Kristen Bell]

Cool.

[John Reisinger]

Can you roll me a perception tech?

[Kyborg]

Ooh, I found something.

[Kristen Bell]

That. Oh, okay, hold on.

[John Reisinger]

I gotta roll a four. But I have a D6 for. Wait, wait.

[Kristen Bell]

I'll give my inspiration dice.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah.

[Kristen Bell]

What? Open your eyes.

[Kyborg]

Okay, they're open.

[Bart]

They're already open.

[Kristen Bell]

Open. Okay. What? Now look around again.

[John Reisinger]

Why is this. There's a.

[Kyborg]

Is this a Cheeto?

[John Reisinger]

Oh, it's a dice.

[Kyborg]

Okay, I'll do another perception thank you, Chris.

[Sleek]

He's doing it. He's gonna shoot him in the butt.

[Kristen Bell]

That's it.

[Gum Gum]

Apparently you could use both Bardic Annie.

[Kyborg]

No, that's a 19.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. You get in a very, like, strategic position directly behind stuffy drunk. And speaking of behind, you see something on stuffy Drun's behind. It's like a big old black X spot on stuffy drones behind. And it looks to be made of a different material than the rest of stuffy drones.

[Kristen Bell]

X marks the spot. Got it.

[Kyborg]

Then as Sonic Destroyer has said, shootious the Gluteus. I'm going to aim with my longbow.

[John Reisinger]

I'm actually gonna help you out here. Oh, I'm gonna say. Cause that you got a. What was that? A 19?

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

That's a really good perception check. You know where this material is? You've seen this? Most kids have. Especially, you know, when they're putting their shoes on. Looks like Velcro.

[Bart]

Oh, never heard of it.

[Kyborg]

Okay.

[Bart]

Did you know that Velcro, I think.

[Gum Gum]

Was invented in Canada?

[John Reisinger]

Sounds like a Canadian thing. Thing to help.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay, then.

[John Reisinger]

I don't like the motion Chris is making right now, but he is trying to help.

[Kristen Bell]

What do you do with Velcro? You.

[Kyborg]

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Seeing this, I, I.

[John Reisinger]

If you're okay with it, I'll put.

[Kyborg]

My longbow away and I'm gonna draw my long sword.

[John Reisinger]

Okay. With two hands. Okay.

[Kyborg]

And I'm gonna charge at stuffy dren.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[John Reisinger]

And I'm going to roll for an attack, aiming at that. X marks the spot. Okay.

[Sleek]

Can I set the scene with a. With a motivational speech that only Sleek could give? It's a free action.

[John Reisinger]

This is going to decide whether or not he gets advantage or disadvantage.

[Sleek]

Oh, this is good. This is good, this is good, this is good. I promise, I promise. Kyborg. He looks at Kaib. Go, Kyork. Look, this has become so much more than just getting mud, this birthday gift. If this thing gets out on top, it's going to be mass chaos. This stuffy squadron's gonna be going all rampant chaos all over, bouldering. All right, this is on you. If you see some kind of weak point, like some kind of material you could just rip apart, now's the time to do it. But we're the last line of defense. We're not gonna go quietly into the night. We will not vanish without a fight. We're gonna live on. We're gonna survive. Today we celebrate our stinky.

[Kristen Bell]

That was it.

[John Reisinger]

That was fantastic. And as someone who just recently Rewatched Independence Day. I loved that. So Bill Pullman gives Kyborg advantage. Oh, great.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[Kyborg]

All right, so then I'm gonna roll again. Doc goes to Hutch and goes, why was Sleek looking off camera when he said that? Who are you talking to?

[Kristen Bell]

I rolled.

[Kyborg]

The highest one I had was a 15. But I'm gonna use my inspiration die.

[Kristen Bell]

Also provided from Sleek. So that is an additional five.

[John Reisinger]

So I got a nat. Dirty 20. You got a what? Dirty 20.

[Kyborg]

That's not what you said. That's not what you said.

[John Reisinger]

He thinks if he says it fast enough, it counts, but I don't hear it.

[Kristen Bell]

No.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah. That hits the stuffy drone in that spot. And roll for damage.

[Kristen Bell]

Okay.

[Kyborg]

Organically filthy.

[Kristen Bell]

Oh, not bad.

[John Reisinger]

That's 13.

[Kyborg]

And as I charge in and pierce the X with my sword, I say, go fluff yourself.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

Kyborg runs in and swings up his sword that. I don't think you guys have ever seen him have this sword. You guys are amazed.

[Kyborg]

I feel like maybe once.

[John Reisinger]

And he brings it down into a second stabbing motion into this X spot of stuffy dren. And as he does it kind of like it doesn't quite puncture the X, but actually pushes the X in. So, like this, the Velcro kind of rips and goes in. And as Kyborg pulls his sword out, all the stuffing of stuffy drin starts pouring out all over Kyborg. He's just covered.

[Gum Gum]

Give it to you X. Gonna give it to you.

[Kristen Bell]

All right.

[John Reisinger]

And this is like, old stuffing that's been in here a little bit damp, a little bit. It's like. You know when you got, like a. Like a down, like, pillow that's really old and it's all clumpy? That's what's pouring all over Cyborg teacher.

[Hairless Hutch]

How much of it does Cyborg swallow?

[Kristen Bell]

No.

[John Reisinger]

Cyborg rolls a constitution saving there. No, I'm kidding. You guys. All that are in front of stuff, and you can just see it kind of deflating and falling down to the ground. And appearing behind it is just a mountain of stuffing.

[Kristen Bell]

Wow. Delicious. Walks up to where Kyborg is. He didn't seem so bad. Oh, oh, oh. Okay.

[Kyborg]

That was a thinker.

[Kristen Bell]

That was good.

[Kyborg]

Was that a thinker?

[John Reisinger]

Was it?

[Kyborg]

You see a single arm puncture through all the fluff and give a thumbs up.

[Gum Gum]

Nice.

[John Reisinger]

Very, very good.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

Stuffy Drun has been vanquished and is lying there on the floor. And you guys are all out of combat.

[Kyborg]

Dr. Hemm comes back from the dead and goes, this couch is gonna stay Out. Oh, never mind. Okay.

[John Reisinger]

That would have been good.

[Kristen Bell]

Ouch.

[John Reisinger]

Okay, you guys are out of combat. The stuffy drink's carcass is lying there, and all the stuffy. And you are in this room.

[Gum Gum]

And we got the box.

[Kristen Bell]

We got the box.

[John Reisinger]

The box is where Gum Gum set it down.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah. Okay, Gum can go grab the box and hold it.

[John Reisinger]

Yeah.

[Kyborg]

What does the box say?

[Kristen Bell]

Sorry? Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

What does the box say? Gum. Gum.

[Sleek]

Oh, no.

[John Reisinger]

As you pick up.

[Kristen Bell]

Yeah.

[John Reisinger]

Oh, it's so good. As you pick up the box, you can hear the growling that was in there, but the growling is getting louder and. And as you hold up this prize fit for a king or a prince, the growling grows loud and grows loud. The ground begins to shake, and you look up and can see behind where Cyborg was with all the stuffing, and you can see a single crack forming in the wall. And then that crack gets bigger and bigger until suddenly it bursts open and a rushing sea of sand flows from freely from it. So quickly it's filling up the room that before you realize it, you're up to your shins in rising.

[Sleek]

Oh, no, not again.

[Kyborg]

Holy bramble crack.

[Gum Gum]

Is there any opening in the ceiling?

[John Reisinger]

That's a good question to be answered in part two of this adventure. Just only available for our patrons. All tiers will have access to the continued adventure of the infant knights. Coming soon on our patreon.com dinky dragonpod.com so if you like this and you want more of things like this, we have so many tavern tales just like this. Chris just did one recently that was a Gum Gum brain adventure in Gungam's Mind palace that we all had a lot of fun with with the Infinites. And I did one with a whole other group called C Squad that was. Was like comic book superheroes themed. That was really fun. Micah DMed1 where we were actually in a different RPG mechanic game that was called Maze Rats. Maze Rats.

[Kristen Bell]

Maze Rats.

[John Reisinger]

So, yeah. And we've got more stuff like that planned coming. So if you like the D and D content, we have so much more available on the Patreon and so much more coming. So thank you guys for joining me for part one of Infinite Nights. That was fun. That was very.

[Kristen Bell]

John.

[Hairless Hutch]

That was a fun time. You killed it.

[Kyborg]

I think everybody did such a good job. They really promoted the ideal of. Yes, sand.

[Gum Gum]

I'm so glad we didn't cut our audio before that joke came in.