[Tavern Tales] Infinights Interns and the Rules of Chaos

Summary

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Tales from the Stinky Dragon

[Tavern Tales] Infinights Interns and the Rules of Chaos

Release Date: February 11, 2026
Main Cast: Chris Damaris (Dungeon Master), Blaine, Bart, and several NPCs

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Episode Overview

This episode kicks off a special “Stinkuary” celebration with a wild, chaos-fueled one-shot adventure featuring the Infinite Interns. Set in the mysterious, magic-stricken town of Kethmark, the interns are drawn into a string of bizarre, unpredictable events—directly influenced by suggestions from the Stinky Dragon community’s “wild magic chaos table.” The episode is packed with improvisational D&D action, creative problem-solving, and the group grappling with reality-warping effects as they investigate a magical curse.

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Key Discussion Points & Story Beats

1. Introduction to Stinkuary & Chaos Table ([01:23]–[03:39])

• Stinkuary Month: The team is celebrating Stinkuary, highlighting community collaboration, live streams, and bonus content.
• Chaos Table: Community-generated wild magic effects are integrated live, triggering on-the-spot reality shifts for characters.
• Meta Twist: What listeners hear is a condensed version, but all chaos effects stem from live Patreon participation.

2. Receiving the Call & Arriving in Kethmark ([03:39]–[07:55])

• Mysterious Letter: An elderly woman with literal duck fingers urgently writes for the Interns’ help in Kethmark before being engulfed by chaotic magic.
• The Town’s Rules: Signs written in worms and posts made of giant hairy legs hint at reality’s instability.
• Role-Playing Oddities: The town features barking cats, hissing dogs, and a strict rule system (“No loitering in groups larger than three”).

“It’s not the heroes requested. It’s the ones who showed up. It’s the Infinite Interns—Bart, Mud, Cyborg, and Gum Gum.” —Chris Damaris, [06:17]

3. Meeting Namor, the Donut-Headed Dwarf ([11:07]–[13:18])

• Namor’s Curse: Introduces the strange changes befalling the townsfolk (in his case, a donut for a head).
• Mysterious, Gradual Descent: The curse has been worsening for several months.
• Party Afflictions Begin: Characters become subject to random magical afflictions (Mud compelled to “meow,” Bart believes he’s a vampire, etc.).

“I would be sure to keep through the town as quickly as possible.” —Namor (Chris Damaris), [11:28]

4. Confronting the City Guards & Gaining Entry to the Elders ([14:33]–[24:20])

• Strange Guards: Some wield umbrellas instead of weapons.
• Bluff & Command: The party tries to use their “official” Infinite status to gain access, including Bart casting ‘Command’ with comically limited success.
• Bart’s Caveman Transformation: Wild magic forces Bart to speak in monosyllables, shifting the tone and interactions.

5. The Elders of Kethmark Reveal the Source ([24:22]–[30:19])

• Audience with the Council: The interns meet the elders, including a councilor with a puppy head.
• The Curse’s Suspected Source: The Elders blame a Tabaxi vagabond named Twin, a local pariah turned cult leader. Twin’s rise coincides with the town’s spiral into chaos.
• Cult Suppression: Followers have been imprisoned; Twin is missing.

“Twin had them brainwashed, preaching anarchy and lawlessness... their rituals and chants—Twin had them spellbound.” —Elder Uzair (Chris Damaris), [28:56]

6. Prison Investigation & the Secret Door ([44:27]–[54:55])

• Exploring the Jail: The cells are suspiciously clean; they find a “Twin was here” carving.
• Puzzles Galore: A cryptic prisoner mutters “when one door closes, another opens,” leading to the discovery of a hidden, magical door.
• More Wild Magic: Bart gains lobster hands, Mud must end sentences with “over,” and the cast roleplays around communication mayhem.

“I just feel like everyone’s trying to kiss your butt.” —Chris Damaris (as Mud’s butt is now his face), [46:37]

7. The Rules Room—Breaking and Bending ([62:56]–[67:42])

• Rule-Based Puzzle: A dining room has “no shoes on carpet,” “no yelling,” “no elbows on the table,” and invites guests to “help yourself.”
• Progress by Rebellion: Breaking rules by putting elbows on the table, stomping with shoes, and (eventually) harming themselves triggers magical dings, allowing further progress.

8. Magical Musical Mayhem / Raising the Roof ([69:44]–[72:49])

• Band Time: The next chamber is a concert stage. The interns play music together (with magical mishaps), causing a door to appear in the ceiling—literally “raising the roof.”
• Escape & Return: They climb through the ceiling-door, returning outside.

“You raised the roof?” —Chris Damaris, [72:08]

9. FINAL BOSS: The Chaos Demon ([72:54]–[95:05])

• Manifestation of Chaos: A shifting amalgam of random objects and body parts (deer leg, chair leg, fish flipper, etc.).
• Unconventional Tactics Needed:
  • Bart combines Cloud of Daggers with hot dogs, successfully exploiting the creature's need to adapt.
  • Mud slips through its legs covered in spaghetti to bait it, then transforms into a plesiosaurus inside its mouth, dealing fatal internal damage.
  • Kyborg’s attempts with standard attacks are ineffective until he gets creative (firing his own detached arm).
  • Blasts of magical chaos complicate the fight (waves of squirrels, talking in a lisp, etc.).

“Gotta fight chaos with chaos!” —Blaine, [79:07]

10. Aftermath and Cliffhanger ([95:05]–[End])

• Partial Victory: The town calms, councilors thank the party, but some magical mutations persist (e.g., puppy-headed Elder).
• Interrupted Rest: Screams erupt at night—the group witnesses three chaos demons (not one) wreaking havoc.
• Gum Gum Missing: The team's companion has vanished, setting up Part 2.

“Looks like Twins was actually triplets.” —Blaine, [96:01]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Bart Roleplays as a Vampire
  “Hello, it is me, Bartolomew Kid. I am now a vampire.” —Bart, [09:06]

• Donut-Headed NPC Pleads for Understanding
  “I find [being called donut-head] very offensive. I cannot help my face looks the way it does.” —Namor (Chris Damaris), [11:47]

• Meta-Improv About Wild Magic
  “Suddenly, the wild magic erupts again, this time affecting Cyborg, who suddenly develops an insatiable itch that’s incredibly distracting.” —Chris Damaris, [16:17]

• Musical Climax Unlocks the Path Forward
  “And so y’all playing? ...the room seems to come alive... door materializes on the roof. You raised the roof?” —Chris Damaris, [72:08]

• Defeating Chaos with Chaos
  “I just want to get out of here. I’m afraid.” —Platypotamous (Chris Damaris), [40:02]
  (Mud proceeds to chew through chaos with spaghetti sauce and a dinosaur form.)

• Recurring Puns & Meta-Jokes
  “A steak pun is a medium very rarely well-done.” —Bart, [61:28]

• Final Joke Upon Escape “Looks like twins was actually triplets.” —Blaine, [96:01]

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Important Timestamps

• [01:23] Stinkuary introduction & setup
• [03:39] Transition to story and wild magic premise
• [06:50] Entering Kethmark, town’s oppressive rules
• [11:07] Meeting Namor, the cursed donut-head dwarf
• [14:33] Town guards and group’s magical afflictions begin
• [24:22] Audience with the town Elders
• [28:56] Explanation of Twin and origin of the curse
• [44:27] Entering the prison; secret “door within a door” puzzle
• [62:56] Rule-breaking buffet puzzle
• [69:44] Magical concert and “raising the roof”
• [72:54] Emergence of the Chaos Demon, boss fight begins
• [79:11] Fighting chaos with chaos—creative attacks commence
• [91:48] Climax: Mud defeats the demon from within
• [95:05] Town’s apparent rescue... but cliffhanger introduced
• [96:01] Realization chaos has multiplied
• [96:26] Gum Gum is missing
• [96:30] End of Part 1; tease for Part 2

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Tone & Style

The hosts fully embrace absurdity, roleplay with wild, self-deprecating humor, and break the fourth wall frequently. There’s constant riffing, playful bickering, and puns—with the DM rolling with every outlandish idea. The episode is both accessible for D&D newcomers (thanks to its chaotic simplicity) and packed with inside jokes for returning fans.

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Summary for New Listeners

In this episode, the Infinite Interns are swept into a magical maelstrom, investigating cursed Kethmark—where reality itself is mutable and every rule is made to be broken. The combination of improv D&D, wild magic dictated by listeners, and tongue-in-cheek camaraderie makes for a madcap, laughter-filled hour. Even as the party manages to “save” the town in signature unorthodox style, the appearance of triple chaos demons and the disappearance of Gum Gum end the episode on an epic cliffhanger—leaving listeners eager for Part 2.

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Community Acknowledgment

Shout-outs are given to community contributors—Patreon supporters named several characters and contributed wild magic ideas, underlining the collaborative spirit at the heart of this story.

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For part two of “The Infinite Interns and the Rules of Chaos,” and to submit your own chaotic ideas, visit StinkyDragonPod.com!

Transcript

[Chris Damaris]

Reggie, I just sold my car online.

[Blaine]

Let's go, Grandpa.

[Chris Damaris]

Wait, you did? Yep, On Carvana. Just put in the license plate, answered a few questions, got an offer in minutes. Easier than setting up that new digital picture frame. You don't say. Yeah, they're even picking it up tomorrow. Talk about fast.

[Blaine]

Wow.

[Chris Damaris]

Way to go. So about that picture frame. Ah, forget about it. Until Carvana makes one, I'm not interested.

[Bart]

Car selling made easy on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.

[Chris Damaris]

Welcome to Inside the Art House, the go to destination for cinephiles and the number one place for art house cinema and filmmaker conversations.

[Blaine]

Each week, today's most visionary filmmakers pull.

[Chris Damaris]

Back the curtain on the art of cinema, sharing how stories are made and why they matter. Hosted by Greg Laemmle of the legendary Laemmle Theaters, a family that shaped the movie business for over a century. And Raphael Sparge, actor and award winning director.

[Blaine]

Together they explore the creative process, the.

[Chris Damaris]

Struggles and the triumphs behind the camera and the bold ideas shaping film today. From indie debuts, documentaries to international art house cinema, Inside the Art House dives deep into a world where passion meets craft and where the love of film lives loud.

[Blaine]

Inside the Art House conversations with today's most visionary filmmakers. Listen or watch wherever you get your podcasts.

[Chris Damaris]

It's officially the month of Stinkuary, A celebration of all things Tales from the Stinky Dragon. This month we'll be live streaming some of our exclusive shows for everyone so you can get a taste of what we offer on our Patreon. Then we'll be wrapping it all up with a six hour stream on February 28th at 12pm Central Time. That's noon. With the conclusion of our stiwary one shot games and a special announcement. You can see our schedule on our social media on Patreon and of course on our YouTube page to support our show and get bonus content, access to our community, discord and more. Join the [e-mail] and of course, Happy Stinkuary. Welcome back to the Stinky Dragon. This week's special is a wild magic mystery mug made of one part mimic. Muddle whatever was left of last week's special Liquid time with crush time, some confidence, a dash of regret, and an ounce of arcane backwash from miscast spells. One sip of this curious concoction could literally do anything. Maybe it's good, maybe it's bad. Maybe it's just delicious. This week we're returning to our friends, the Infinite Interns for a little side story you might not have heard before. It takes place in the middle of their adventure. Back when they weren't real heroes yet, but boy, were they trying to be. Shoot, I gotta go deal with someone ruling Goblin, so I. I'll let the bar back. Take it from here. Hello and welcome to a very special tavern tale written and hosted by me, Chris Diamaris. As part of Stinkuary, our month long celebration to thank our patrons for supporting tales from Stinky Dragon and to show off all the fun ridiculous stuff you can unlock by signing [e-mail] we've got more tavern tales like this one, bonus podcasts, gameplays, an ad free feed, and a whole hoard of other goodies waiting for you in. In fact, this story was made with the direct help of the Stinky community. During an intimate hangout with our Super Stinkers, I pitched the idea for the story and workshopped it live with supporters. Then we took the collaboration even further by crowdsourcing a wild magic Chaos Table by taking suggestions from both paid and free [e-mail] by the way, did you know you can get access to a lot of cool stuff just for signing up for a free account?

[Blaine]

Hmm.

[Chris Damaris]

Think about it. Finally, this story was recorded live during our Stinkuary kickoff stream. And every time someone joined or upgraded the [e-mail], we rolled on that Chaos table and immediately forced the players to deal with the consequences. Now, this version that you're listening to has been edited down to remove all the livestream banter, but the effects of that chaos echo throughout the entire tale. So whenever something absolutely wild happens to the players, just know that's the direct result of support from Stinkers like you. So, without further ado, get ready to enjoy the infinite interns and the rules of chaos. It's night. We're inside a cluttered room lit by the flicker of half melted candles. The air smells of old books, ink, and fear. At a pockmarked desk sits an elderly woman. Her back is hunched, her breast shallow. She's desperately trying to write a letter, but her hands wriggle unnaturally. Tiny feathers fly everywhere, accompanied by a cacophony of high pitched honks. Because three of her fingers are ducks.

[Blaine]

Whoa.

[Chris Damaris]

Small, angry ducks that chaotically peck at the ink pot and snap at her quill. Despite this unusual handicap, she scribbles onto the paper.

[Bart]

Infinites. You protect and keep order in phaser.

[Blaine]

Honk.

[Chris Damaris]

Honk. Honking.

[Bart]

We need you in the village of Kethmar.

[Blaine]

Honk. Honk.

[Bart]

An evil Plagues our town. It threatens our very existence. Please help us.

[Chris Damaris]

She rushes her note to a nearby carrier pigeon cage, and despite her finger ducks actively fighting the rival bird manages to attach her note. There's a hum of magical energy. She looks up, afraid. As it grows louder and louder. Rattling shells, knocking over candles. She grabs the pigeon cage and limps toward window. She has a bad leg. She's slow. And the ducks aren't helping either. There's a crackle of magical tension. She knows she doesn't have much time, but she's almost there. She reaches the window just as the room explodes in violent colors. As reality folds in on itself, she screams.

[Bart]

Ah.

[Chris Damaris]

Thank you, Blaine.

[Bart]

Thank you, Blaine.

[Blaine]

What does fear smell like, Chris?

[Chris Damaris]

Sweat.

[Blaine]

I was gonna say urine, but okay, I'll take some.

[Chris Damaris]

Could be.

[Blaine]

Yeah, a little bit of both.

[Chris Damaris]

The sun shines down as four travelers come to a halt on a long, winding road. A halfling wipes sweat from his brow and pulls a folded letter from the pocket.

[Blaine]

Smells like fear.

[Chris Damaris]

The edges are singed, the ink is smudged, and there's a small feather stuck in the wax seal. The halfling glances from the letter to a stone monument before him. The village of Kethmark. It's not the heroes requested. It's the ones who showed up. It's the infinite interns. Bart, Mud, Cyborg and Gum Gum. And ahead of them lies a quiet village. Suspiciously quiet. Too quiet. As you enter Kethmark, a large wooden sign is the first sign that something isn't right.

[Bart]

I see what you did there.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah. Town rules. No loitering in groups larger than three. Unscheduled events are prohibited. Citizens must report unusual behavior, speech or beliefs. Curfew begins at sundown, and no outsiders. The problem is that instead of paint, the text is written in wriggling worms. And where one might expect a wooden post to hold up the sign, there's instead a giant hairy leg.

[Bart]

What?

[Chris Damaris]

As you continue into town, a territorial cat barks from a porch. In response, a dog hisses before retreating up a tree. There are oddities everywhere. Strange colors. Hair where it shouldn't be, parts where they shouldn't be, and sounds where they shouldn't be. Besides that, the city mark is meticulously ordered and well maintained, with buildings of stone and timber inhabited by seemingly no one. The windows are closed, the shops are locked, and the town square is devoid of town people. On one side of the square, there's a sheriff's station, guard house, and prison. On the opposite, an arts district with the library, tavern and boarded up Pavilion and stage should probably take notes.

[Blaine]

But in the spirit of Kyborg, I refuse.

[Chris Damaris]

Nah. Overlooking it all is a large stone. Keep.

[Blaine]

Being a rules follower, Mud would immediately turn into a camel so that we're not a group of larger than three people. Oh, and to continue role playing, I will treat Mud as a camel and be really mean to it. Why are you mean to camels? Because we gotta act the part. These people think that you're our camel. Yeah, but who's mean to their camel?

[Chris Damaris]

I guess Cyborg.

[Blaine]

Camel jockeys, I guess. I don't know, like, dudes that drive camels, I guess.

[Chris Damaris]

Want to see what Cyborg thinks animal cruelty is? In a moment. But right now, Suddenly, there's a hum of tension in the air before a blast of magical energy surrounds you. It seems your party is susceptible to the same wild magic chaos that inflicts this village. Bart, to the others, you look the exact same. But now you believe that you're a vampire.

[Bart]

Oh, my gosh. I have no experience with this whatsoever.

[Blaine]

Barb's brain is breaking between the two voices that are now feuding for this character.

[Bart]

Hello, it is me, Bartolomew Kid. I am now a vampire.

[Chris Damaris]

Bart, what's wrong?

[Bart]

I don't know. Gum, Gum. I have all of a sudden this lust for blood. More so than usual.

[Chris Damaris]

That happens sometimes when I rage, but, oh, I try not to. I try not to drink any.

[Bart]

Also, do my teeth look like kind of pointy at all to you?

[Chris Damaris]

I don't know. It kind of looks just like teeth, but sometimes teeth are pointy.

[Blaine]

You've got some spinch stuck in there, Bart.

[Bart]

Bat. Bat. Bat.

[Blaine]

Your name is Bart. Your name is Bart.

[Chris Damaris]

You're missing the R, Bart.

[Blaine]

Bad camel. This camel is going to kick you if you touch this camel. Just letting you know, I'll stab that camel. This camel will unleash every spell slot on you if you fight me.

[Chris Damaris]

So what are we supposed to do here?

[Blaine]

So we got a letter. Vampire Bart got a letter that had tiny feathers.

[Bart]

Have we read the letter yet?

[Chris Damaris]

Yes, you've all read the letter. That's why y' all are here. Okay.

[Blaine]

Smells like fear.

[Bart]

Does smell like fear. And it had a little feather on it right from the duck fingers.

[Blaine]

It feels like if we were to enter this town, the easiest thing to head towards directly would be the stone keep.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, go ahead and do a perception check.

[Blaine]

Okay, I can do a perception check also. Are you DMing and playing?

[Chris Damaris]

Yes. Well, I'm an NPC.

[Blaine]

Okay.

[Bart]

Okay. I was like, are we leaving? Gum, Gum. Here, conveniently, with the three player max.

[Blaine]

Should I kill Gum Gum? Do I stab gum gum? No. 26. Perception check. 15 perception.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, you see a pretty clear path up towards that keep, and on the way, you notice a dwarf between you and the keep who appears to have a donut for a head lowering a bucket into a well.

[Blaine]

When the dwarf talks, is the hole the mouth?

[Chris Damaris]

Absolutely. Well, you don't know yet, but yes.

[Blaine]

Oh, okay.

[Chris Damaris]

When he notices you, he quickly lowers his sprinkled head to avoid your gaze and hide his glaze. Hello.

[Blaine]

Well, he's a donut head, okay? Things are weird. Don't call him a donut head. That might be offensive in this part of the country. You actually might be right.

[Bart]

Hello.

[Chris Damaris]

I'm just. I'm just. Just getting my water here. How are you doing? I would be sure to keep through the town as quickly as possible. Okay.

[Blaine]

Speaking of the town, things do not look normal. I actually do want to kick Kyborg. Can I kick Kyborg?

[Chris Damaris]

That is, I find very offensive. I cannot help my face looks the way it does, and I can't help it. And I tell you, I've been trying to find a cure, but there just ain't nothing.

[Blaine]

Chris always defaults to that one guy. What's that old Hollywood actor that you always do the voice of? Oh, Jimmy Stewart.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, yeah, we'll just make him full on Jimmy. Oh, I don't know about that.

[Blaine]

Yeah, there he is. So what's going on in your town, donut man?

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, my name's Namor.

[Bart]

Namor.

[Chris Damaris]

Namor Hattle. All right, well, we reckon we've been cursed. Oh, cursed? Yeah, there's a lot of. I don't know what it is. Some say it's a evil sorcerer, but I just don't know.

[Bart]

Is it like a curse that, like, all the townspeople are, like, they have donuts for heads?

[Chris Damaris]

I wish. Then I'd fit in a little better. It just. Stuff happens and we don't know why or how or when or what.

[Bart]

Did you recently have, like, a new person come into town? Who, like.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, well, you guys.

[Bart]

Well, I mean, you seemed to have the curse before we even showed up, so I. That's true.

[Chris Damaris]

That's true. And as if on cue, the magical chaos haunting the village erupts once again. Now, Mud, you feel strangely compelled to include a meow every time you speak.

[Blaine]

Mud turns into a cat. Oh, that works. That works. That's an easy way.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, I'm sorry. It looks like you're the magic. The curse has turned your camel into A cat?

[Blaine]

How recently did things change here that it started getting weird?

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, it just. It's been gradual. I don't know how long. It's six months, five. It's just hard to know. It's just gotten worse and worse.

[Blaine]

I see. Meow. Who lives in that? Okay, I'm a cat. I made a cat sound. You can calm down.

[Chris Damaris]

Who. Talking cat.

[Blaine]

I was talking camel a second ago. You weren't freaked out by the camel. You weren't freaked out by the camel. And you're a talking donut. Can we get past all the weirdness? Okay, you're sign out front was being held up by a leg, right? So you got a stone keep over there. Who lives in that?

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, that's. That's the. That's no Maxis Tower. There's the Elders. You know, they help keep track of the town and keep us safe and run everything and.

[Blaine]

Yeah.

[Chris Damaris]

Can I get a perception check from.

[Bart]

You guys for all of us?

[Blaine]

Yeah, anytime.

[Bart]

Ooh.

[Blaine]

12.

[Bart]

I love Bart. That is a 23. He's so perceptive with his little eyes.

[Blaine]

I love, love Kyborg. He's so perceptive. That's a five.

[Chris Damaris]

Bart with that roll, you see four city guards marching in stiff formation, armor polished. Expressions tense as they straighten signs and check for oddities. One of them wields an umbrella instead of a spear. And they don't see you yet.

[Bart]

I mean, guys, I don't want to alert anybody, but there are four guards just over yonder.

[Blaine]

Meow. Are those guards parts of your community? Are they, like. Do they work for the elders? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Damaris]

They're the City Watch. I better be going. I don't want to cause no trouble. And Namor rushes back into his modest dwelling. And you hear the door shut and the clank of a lock.

[Blaine]

Did you guys know that guy was the first mutant ever? That's really kind of cool. Oh, really? What does that mean? You didn't say meow. Meow. That stupid cat.

[Chris Damaris]

So the City Watch is getting closer and closer. Are y' all doing anything?

[Blaine]

Um, I say we just go. Go up and talk to them. I mean, I guess.

[Bart]

I mean, I guess. Cause we could probably help them.

[Blaine]

Worst thing comes to worst is they take us into custody and we get to see who's in charge. I don't know that I didn't target practice with Namor. I could have shot an arrow straight through his head and it wouldn't have killed him. Well, his mouth, technically. I mean, we could find out about his biology if we get back out here. So much to learn from his confectionary body. Whoosh.

[Chris Damaris]

Suddenly, the wild magic erupts again, this time affecting Cyborg, who suddenly develops an insatiable itch that's incredibly distracting.

[Blaine]

Okay. Kyborg drops to the ground and starts scooting his butt.

[Chris Damaris]

And about this time. Y' all have delayed enough. Where the guards notice you, meowdy partner. They rush towards you, spears and umbrella drawn.

[Bart]

Hello, gentlemen. A mighty fine day, isn't it?

[Chris Damaris]

What is this, some kind of party? We say no unscheduled events. No loitering in groups. Well, let's see here. One, two, three. Well, there were four. There's only. Okay, you're a good three of you in this cat.

[Blaine]

Yeah, following that rule. Yeah. Wait, who.

[Chris Damaris]

That cat just talked.

[Blaine]

He just said meow.

[Bart]

Yeah, that's just a cool little trick we like to throw our voice. And our cat looks like it's talking.

[Chris Damaris]

It's.

[Blaine]

We're but traveling ventriloquists.

[Bart]

Yes. Okay, watch. Watch him do it. Now.

[Blaine]

Now, How. How did your town become so a bit chaotic as it is? Did. Did someone build this town on maybe someone's burial ground?

[Chris Damaris]

The only thing about to be buried is you if you don't get out of town. We say no strangers. No strangers in this town.

[Blaine]

Well, that's not good for your economy. Yeah, how do you, like, stay populated? I don't know.

[Chris Damaris]

I feel like that's not really your concern.

[Blaine]

Are you worried about their genetic pool here? We're actually. Well, I can't say anything because I'm supposed to be a cat that's not talking. No, I'm. That was. I said that. Mud. The cat paws at Kyborg's leg to try to get him to come down, so Mutt the cat could tell him something. Aim for my butt. It's so itchy.

[Chris Damaris]

I can't.

[Blaine]

Mutt just starts scratching. It's, like, perfect. It's the perfect unison of the two needs. If you guys. If you gentlemen will hold on. I need to practice my ventriloquism with my cat. Hey, where.

[Bart]

Where.

[Blaine]

The infinite. Now we're the infinite. I'm just talking. I'm whispering to you. Stop with that mouth. Okay? I'm ventriloquizing you. Okay, if we're the infinite interns, we should use that as clout for the reason why we're supposed to be here. So try to intimidate them into understanding that we're here. Like, as officials. Okay, Bart, follow my lead.

[Bart]

I could also. I could command them to let us through.

[Blaine]

Oh, that's way cooler. Hey, this is. This is official infinite business. And we have a right to be here as local law enforcement. Just listen to my friend Bart here.

[Chris Damaris]

Uh, first of all, we're local law enforcement.

[Blaine]

We're bigger than you. It's federal versus state. Okay? So, yeah.

[Bart]

Could a bark cast command.

[Chris Damaris]

Kenny, how does that work?

[Bart]

So it's technically just supposed to be a one word command to a creature you could see within range. The target must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or follow the command to its next turn. Wisdom saving throw the DC on that is 14. Wisdom 14. And I think he would go chill.

[Chris Damaris]

Well, I rolled a 15, so.

[Bart]

Dang it.

[Chris Damaris]

I don't know what you're talking about. There's nothing to chill about here. Y' all gotta get out of here. Unless you got a reason to be here.

[Blaine]

Well, we got a letter, so someone summoned us to help out because things are zany.

[Chris Damaris]

A letter. Let's see this letter.

[Bart]

Yes.

[Blaine]

Don't. I'm gonna reach for the letter. I don't want you to bite my wrist. Okay, Bart.

[Bart]

Bart hands it to Kyborg. Okay, why would I want to bite your succulent, fizzy wrist full of all that pumping blood?

[Blaine]

Okay, Bart, that's enough of that. This letter. Now show him the letter.

[Chris Damaris]

I'm going to get to that letter. But also real quick. A burst of magic and Bart, you now must speak in caveman.

[Blaine]

Ooh.

[Bart]

Okay.

[Chris Damaris]

But you no longer think you're a vampire, so. Okay, Town guard, He looks over the letter and he's like, huh? Well, this is on Nomaxis stationary.

[Blaine]

Yeah, we were called here. We're not just goofing around. We don't mean to cause a ruckus. Oh, we're here to help, bro.

[Chris Damaris]

I don't know why the elders need a team of ventriloquists, but that's above my pay grade. Come with me.

[Blaine]

Okay.

[Bart]

All right.

[Blaine]

Bard, anything to say about that?

[Bart]

No. Me no have anything to say.

[Chris Damaris]

Well, why don't you just chill, okay?

[Bart]

Chill me Will trying to do Bart voice with this complicated sound like you sound.

[Blaine]

You've been hanging out with Gum Gum for too long, Bart.

[Chris Damaris]

I don't know. I don't think there's ever too long to hang out with me. It's just the perfect amount of time, no matter how long it is. So let's have y' all go with them to the tower.

[Blaine]

Yes.

[Bart]

Yes.

[Chris Damaris]

You four are herded through the gates of the big tower and into a vast stone chamber that feels uneasily split. Between a church, a courtroom, and a throne room, it's solemn, it's judgmental, and it's reverent all at once. On the walls, tapestries are hung with the stark symbol of a perfect square. And though some of the walls, the tapestries are used to kind of COVID up weird anomalies and magical chaos, like they're trying to hide it, Mud jumps.

[Blaine]

On the nearest one and starts scratching it.

[Chris Damaris]

Get your dang head off him. Gosh dang it.

[Blaine]

I go up too high, they can't get me.

[Chris Damaris]

Where's my bone arrow?

[Blaine]

Cyborg is flossing with one of the tapestries, just rubbing it through every crack you could touch yourself.

[Chris Damaris]

That is a holy symbol for our town. You get that?

[Blaine]

I'm using it on my holy symbol.

[Bart]

Oh, my God.

[Chris Damaris]

As you do this, several men and women in gray robes look up from a wooden table, deeply concerned at what they're seeing. And I say several men and women. One of them does have the head of a puppy.

[Bart]

Hey, no mind. Two friends not feel good.

[Blaine]

This is our spokesperson, Bart. He's our front man. Take it away, Bart. Tell him why we're here, bud.

[Bart]

We here to help you. Is caveman just speaking in one syllable?

[Chris Damaris]

Word like, what is that monosyllabic?

[Bart]

We here to help you town folk.

[Blaine]

Doing good. Doing good. Are you guys the elders?

[Chris Damaris]

Well, yes, we are. And I'm confused as to who you are.

[Blaine]

Is that the puppy talking?

[Chris Damaris]

No, this is just. This is what seems to be the leader. I'm Elder Uzair. Now, who are you?

[Blaine]

I got something. Okay. Mud on the tapestry does a backflip off the tapestry, and mid backflip transforms into firbolt Mud to then land in front of the elder to present our party, Dune Athletics. 17.

[Chris Damaris]

What an amazing display of stupidity. Now, why are you here?

[Blaine]

You're very judgmental for. For being the elders of some sort of town. We're here to help you, okay? We got the letter of distress. We're official Infinite interns, and we are here to help your town get through this chaotic. You got a puppy at your table. It's not supposed to be here. Trust us. We know what we're doing. And then I do a double backflip.

[Chris Damaris]

Do athletics.

[Blaine]

Okay. Yeah.

[Chris Damaris]

Eleven. So you know what you're doing. The first backflip goes really well. The second one crashes into the one of the elders. What are you doing?

[Bart]

Pay no mind to friend. He a lit a bit.

[Blaine]

Mud just takes his hand, puts it on Bart, and just, like, starts pushing Bart back.

[Bart]

Help me, please.

[Blaine]

I'M here to deliver your letter. That's why I crashed into them intentionally.

[Chris Damaris]

Yes.

[Blaine]

I give them the letter. We got this in the mail.

[Chris Damaris]

Uzair studies it. Oh, I'm sorry. I apologize. Yeah, we were expecting the infinites, not this. Yes. I appreciate you coming. Our leader, Elder Miriam. She wrote this letter, but he looks upset.

[Blaine]

Did she die?

[Chris Damaris]

No, she's not well at the moment.

[Blaine]

Oh, that's better than dead.

[Chris Damaris]

Yes.

[Bart]

What happened?

[Chris Damaris]

This curse has not been kind to her.

[Bart]

What? Food is her head.

[Chris Damaris]

This is not food. But listen. She prefers not to be in public or speak of her until she can recover. But this curse is. We need your help. Any aid or counsel I can give in her stead, let me know.

[Blaine]

Yeah. In your recent past, did you guys, I don't know, upset an old lady out in the forest? You, like, stepped on her special flowers or you killed her cat or something? Is that. Did you guys make a. No, no. With someone. With some. Some. Some voodoo out in the forest.

[Chris Damaris]

Well, I have our suspicions. We believe that this curse is the work of a Tabaxi named Twin.

[Bart]

What is Tabaxi?

[Blaine]

Too many syllables. Take it again.

[Bart]

What? What is t? Bax. Ooga booga.

[Chris Damaris]

Another burst of magic. I think it's John's turn. John, your butt switches place with your face.

[Blaine]

Oh my God. Mud. You look exactly the same.

[Bart]

Oh, got him.

[Blaine]

Mud kisses Cyborg.

[Bart]

Now that's what I call a stinky dragon.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, disgusting. No, we. We suspect there's this Tabaxi named Twin.

[Blaine]

All right, now, his name is Twin.

[Chris Damaris]

There.

[Bart]

T, U, E, n. What is a Tabaxi? Just out of curiosity, I think it's.

[Blaine]

Like a sauce that you put to make things. Spicy, wacky.

[Bart]

Tabasky. What is that you speak of?

[Chris Damaris]

Tabaxi? It's a common race of cats. People. Large humanoid cats. And he calms down the puppy headed Elder. No, no, no, no. No need to get excited.

[Blaine]

Oh, furries.

[Bart]

Yes, but did the Elder, who's a dog, react to Mud as a cat at all?

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, he probably would have, but he didn't. Until now.

[Blaine]

Now he's sniffing his face. Although.

[Bart]

Yeah, I don't know if Mud is now Mud with butt face or if it's cat Mud with butt face.

[Blaine]

I turned into Mud with a butt face. Now Mud's face is where his butt is, and Mud's butt is where his face was.

[Chris Damaris]

Twin, this Tabaxi?

[Blaine]

Uh huh.

[Chris Damaris]

They moved to Kethmark 10, 11 years ago. And they're a vagabond. A vagrant. They would never be Allowed today. They had no real job or trade, just working when it pleased him. Peddling trinkets or doodles in the market, begging just to be worthless. But not everyone saw this Tabaxi for what they were. Some heard his ramblings and mistook them for wisdom. Doted on his every word. Viewed him as some sort of prophet.

[Blaine]

Are we talking to Twin right now? No. Oh, okay. It sounded like someone they were going to make part of their official elders.

[Chris Damaris]

At that point, Twin would never be allowed on the council.

[Blaine]

Okay, sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.

[Chris Damaris]

They started a cult. Dozens and dozens would gather every night just to listen to him speak and their rituals and chants. Twin had them brainwashed, preaching anarchy and lawlessness. And we always suspected that there was magics at play. That Twins spell over his followers was exactly that. Just a spell?

[Blaine]

Twin Sounds kind of. Sounds kind of cool. I don't know. I like him.

[Chris Damaris]

That's what they would say. He sounds cool. That's when it started. The curse. This chaos.

[Blaine]

Cause the Church of Twin started. Yeah.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah.

[Blaine]

So he's been here for like 10.

[Chris Damaris]

Or 11 years, but he only became more popular in the last six months. Year.

[Blaine]

Okay. Mud turns to his compatriots and says, hey, come down here. What's up, butthead? I think we need to get information on the Twin side of things, so maybe we go find where the Twin charge is.

[Bart]

Okay, Good id, Good note, Mud.

[Blaine]

Here, I'll translate what Bart just said. Good idea, Mud. Um, sir, Elder, what's your name? I don't know at this point. Where is the Cult of Twin? Do they hold congregation somewhere nearby?

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, it was in the Arts district, but it's been shut down. Most of the people who live there have been arrested, put in jail, so. So if you're looking to speak to them, I suppose we can escort you to the prison.

[Blaine]

Wait, I'm confused. Is Twin in the prison? Yeah. Or are just some of his followers in the prison?

[Chris Damaris]

He was.

[Blaine]

Oh, but he escaped.

[Chris Damaris]

We don't know where he is. Oh, he was in the prison and he's escaped. He's a dangerous, powerful sorcerer.

[Bart]

We find for you for cash. Speaking in one syllable.

[Blaine]

What? You're doing swimmingly, Vimy. You're doing swimmingly so well. I'm impressed. You ever been on the Internet from like 2 to 4am and then you finally find that weird action figure from that obscure 1990s anime that you've always wanted, but then you realize that you don't have your wallet on hand, and then you don't remember your credit card information because you're not a savant and then you start freaking out because someone else is going to buy that action figure before you do. But then you see that purple pay button and then the day is safe because Shopify has got you covered. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all E commerce in the United States. From household names like Gymshark to Chubby's to brands just getting started. And if you have a small business, you should give them a try. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. And with Shopify you can get the word out like you have an entire marketing team behind your back. You can easily create email and social media campaigns for wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. See less carts go abandoned and more sales go with Shopify and their Shop pay button. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.comdragon go to shopify.comdragon once again, that's shopify.comdragon a well built.

[Chris Damaris]

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[Blaine]

I'm putting my dad hat on for a second and we're going to talk about your money habits. So Sit down. Have you been smart with your money? Have you been smart with your banking? Do you have a bank account? Do you have any money left? Or do you spend it all on candies and fidget spinners? I'm be honest. I don't know what people spend money on anymore. But I do know a smarter way to bank and that's called chime. It's the changing the way people bank. It's fee free and it's smarter banking that's built for you. Not like the 1%. This ain't like those old school banks is going to charge you overdraft and monthly fees and try to nickel and dime you out of everything you have. This is something that younger John would have benefited from because younger John, yeah, he did have overdraft fees and he didn't have any money in a savings account with like a worthwhile apy. So younger John would have liked Chime. So be smarter than younger John and get on Chime. Chime is not just smarter banking. It is the most rewarding way to bank. So join the millions who are already banking fee free today. Just takes a few minutes to sign up. Head to Chime.comDragon I'll say that again just for you. Okay. Chime.comDragon Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank.

[Bart]

Banking services a secured Chime Visa credit card and my pay line of credit provided by the Bancor Bank NA or Stride Bank NA. MyPay eligibility requirements apply and credit limit ranges $20 to $500. Optional services and products may have fees or charges. See chime.com feesinfo advertised percentage yield with Chime+status only. Otherwise 1.00% APY applies. No min balance required. Chime card on time. Payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms.

[Blaine]

All right, so then, I think our next place of questioning would be the prison. Could you please take us there or point us in that direction? What the butt said. What does the butt said?

[Chris Damaris]

We'll have escort you to the prison. And then in that moment, there's a giant hum of energy and boom. You're blinded by magical colors. Okay, as the glow dissipates, a bizarre creature emerges. A platypodamoose and a natural fusion of platypus hide and the hulking body of a hippopotamus and the towering antlers of a moose. The creature is dripping with arcane energy as its powerful duckbill gives a confused honk roar and then its Mismatched eyes dart wildly as if searching for something before it charges forward in a ground shaking sprint right towards Elder Uzair.

[Blaine]

I want to take a shot with my longer bow of Crystallina. It might. Well, Okay. I mean, it's made its intentions clear. It's an animal. I feel for it. Yeah, well, you have a butt for a head, so what do you.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, how about this? Y' all want to roll for initiative, and that way we'll. Sure.

[Blaine]

17.

[Bart]

I rolled an eight.

[Chris Damaris]

Nine for mud, 14 for gum gum. I'm still here. Don't forget about me.

[Bart]

I did.

[Blaine]

Oh, don't worry, we will.

[Chris Damaris]

All right, Kyborg, you're up first. What do you do?

[Blaine]

I use my longer bow of crystalline shoot.

[Chris Damaris]

Shooter. Shooter.

[Blaine]

That's 22.

[Chris Damaris]

All right, that's gonna hit the. You nail the platypodamoose right in the butt as it's racing away and it quacks angrily.

[Blaine]

Nine points of damage, by the way. I also had two attacks per action.

[Chris Damaris]

You have another attack?

[Blaine]

Yes.

[Chris Damaris]

One more.

[Blaine]

I'll take another shot with the longer bow.

[Chris Damaris]

Go for it.

[Bart]

Take the shots.

[Blaine]

16.

[Chris Damaris]

Yes. It hits.

[Blaine]

Okay, that's 12 points, so 21 points total damage.

[Chris Damaris]

All right, and now Gum Gum rages. And in a blast of wild magic, he is surrounded by multicolored protective lights and gains plus one bonus to AC. And while within 10ft of you, your allies gain the same bonus. Gum Gum's going to run with this defensive bonus run and put himself between him and the Platypoda moose. Leave. Leave the old man alone. And then just kind of ready from there. And that puts the Platypotamous up next. The platypotamous is seeing someone jump in front of. He's startled and turns and charges the opposite direction. And let's see, that would be right towards Kyborg.

[Bart]

I mean, he did just shoot at him, so.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, and he's going to. I'm gonna roll real quick for him.

[Blaine]

Kyberg, you're getting attacked by a Platypotamous. No, I'm not. I'm gonna beat it. He can't beat me.

[Chris Damaris]

That's a 22.

[Blaine]

Oh God. I'll allow it.

[Chris Damaris]

And that's eight points of damage. So he just spears you with his antlers. And then also gonna. He has this thing called Savage Assault. So once per turn, he adds its level and extra damage to attack. So it's gonna be eight plus it's gonna be 13 points of damage.

[Blaine]

So an additional 13 or 13 total. Okay, okay, okay. I'm making the Same noise, but it's because the wind is knocked out of me. That probably helped your itching, though. My butt. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I used his antler to, like.

[Chris Damaris]

All right. And then that would put the turn at Mud.

[Blaine]

Hmm. Mud would. Does Mud have at this point? I think I do have. I can talk to animals. Yeah. Speech of beast and leaf. All right, Mud goes up to the Platypotamos and goes, dear creature, sir.

[Chris Damaris]

But.

[Blaine]

But Mud has to be turned around because Mud's butt is on his. His head is on his butt. You don't have to be fighting these people. We can understand. It's a bit chaotic right now, and you might be a little confused. I am your friend. Look at me. I'm. I'm confused as well. We can help you down. Down, boy.

[Chris Damaris]

What? You just a bird.

[Blaine]

Oh. Speaker.

[Bart]

It speaks.

[Blaine]

I used to have my face where my butt is, but now things are all weird. Oh, I. I can understand lashing out in confusion. And this guy over here, this elder. Yeah, he's kind of a tool. We've only known him for, like, 30 seconds, but I really don't like his vibes.

[Chris Damaris]

I just want to get out of here.

[Blaine]

I'm afraid. Oh, God, with your magic shoes, I'm afraid.

[Chris Damaris]

They called.

[Blaine]

Yeah. Well, hey, you follow me, and I'll take you out of here. And we're gonna. And then this is a. This is a Mud promise. We're gonna figure out what's. You probably didn't look like this all the time, right?

[Chris Damaris]

No, I've always looked like this.

[Blaine]

And you're gorgeous, but I wasn't here.

[Chris Damaris]

Until just a moment ago.

[Blaine]

Okay, well, we'll get you back to your mom and get you some chocolates. Okay? Sorry. Sorry for shooting you. I didn't realize you were a sentient person. Being dog. Ey.

[Chris Damaris]

He can't understand you.

[Blaine]

Okay, so I'm the one who can talk to him. I turn to my group and I say, the Platypus. What's your name? Platypotamus. So I make sure I'm using the right title. Do you have a name?

[Chris Damaris]

My name is just Smile World.

[Blaine]

All right, team, this. This is Small World. And they're just as confused as everybody else, okay? They didn't mean to come here and be in this party. So we're going to escort them out and we're gonna de. Escalate the situation.

[Bart]

Got it.

[Chris Damaris]

Can you also pull the arrows out of my behind?

[Blaine]

Kapor, could you please retrieve your arrows? Um, yeah, sure. Okay, fine. I was gonna Say, what's in it for me? But he's helping us.

[Chris Damaris]

I guess.

[Blaine]

I don't know. You're supposed to be a hero.

[Bart]

Bart, tell him you're hero.

[Blaine]

Wow, Bart, I'm so sorry. I didn't even. Those words really struck deep. I'm gonna pull those arrows out for Bart.

[Bart]

Yes.

[Chris Damaris]

Deep mud. You're able to usher this frightened platypodamos out. And it just thanks you. Thank you so much. And then runs off out of town into the woods.

[Blaine]

Okay. There you go.

[Chris Damaris]

The town guard and Elder Uzair. I'd like to thank you for ridding us of that wild animal. Do you wanted an escort to the prison?

[Blaine]

Honestly, I don't want an escort. I'd like you just to tell me where to go. No offense, but you've got bad vibes.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, well, I wasn't gonna escort you myself.

[Blaine]

Okay.

[Chris Damaris]

To be clear.

[Blaine]

That's fantastic.

[Bart]

Who was?

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, my. Deputy Sergeant Murat. I'm over here. You remember me?

[Blaine]

Definitely can't have an escort. I'm sorry.

[Chris Damaris]

We're gonna.

[Blaine]

Yeah, we're good. Yes. It's over here. It's this direction.

[Chris Damaris]

Got it. All right.

[Blaine]

We'll be back when we've got everything fixed.

[Chris Damaris]

Thank you.

[Blaine]

Owl. Council elders. Yo.

[Chris Damaris]

Namaste.

[Blaine]

Namaste.

[Chris Damaris]

And he writes you a note that approves your entry into the prison to inspect and interview prisoners.

[Blaine]

Does he kiss the note?

[Chris Damaris]

Kiss it?

[Blaine]

Yeah. Seal it with a kiss so they know it's from him. Xoxo, Council Elder.

[Chris Damaris]

He doesn't kiss it.

[Blaine]

Sorry. In our land, it's customary that you. When you hand over a letter, you have to kiss it with red lipstick.

[Chris Damaris]

Well, thankfully, we're not in your lap.

[Blaine]

Well, but, you know, if we're here to save you, you need to abide by our traditions and customs. Please, I insist. Kiss that letter for us, Sir. Mutt just crosses his arms and like and like and like nudges Bart to join. And just to look intimidating. They're very offended. You must do this, you simple roll for persuasion.

[Bart]

Yeah. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Do it. I dare you.

[Blaine]

I rolled a six, but I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna use lucky.

[Bart]

When did you get lucky? As a.

[Blaine]

Probably a five. Dang it. That's two. I'm. Roll it again. That's a zero.

[Bart]

Oh, my God.

[Blaine]

I got one more lucky left after this. Okay, that's a two. I'm going to use my last one. Hold on. Holy crap.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, my God.

[Blaine]

Persuasion. And this is just for a kiss. 16. Kiss it.

[Chris Damaris]

He looks at it. I'm not kissing you for your pleasure.

[Blaine]

But I'm very persuasive. Is he. Is he holding it out?

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, he's holding it out.

[Blaine]

I go and I just push it up to his face. Punch him with the letter. There, was that so hard?

[Chris Damaris]

Just get to the prison, please. I'm not trying to be ungrateful. We appreciate your help. It's just. It's very stressful time. I apologize if I've been rude.

[Blaine]

You have been very rude. But we will save your city. It's fine. I take the letter. Okay, we're going to the prison.

[Chris Damaris]

Going to the prison.

[Blaine]

Is this the first time we've gone to a prison? Not as prisoners guys, are we. What is this? What's happening? No, we technically went to the Pious Pass one before we were prisoners, but we were also prisoners there. Yeah, but the night is young. You never know.

[Chris Damaris]

Using the pass that you're given, you step from the town square through a thick iron branded wooden door. The prison is clean to the point of discomfort. Stone floor scrub pale and walls and irons polished. Three prisoners sit in three cells. There's one empty one. Cell one and two on the left, Cell three and four on the right. And it looks like there are prisoners in cells 1, 2, and 3.

[Blaine]

Do we recognize any of them?

[Chris Damaris]

No.

[Blaine]

Why? Glad we've known prisoners.

[Chris Damaris]

No, no, the. The one that's closest to you, I guess, would be cell one and.

[Blaine]

Well, we don't want to go to that one.

[Bart]

Okay.

[Chris Damaris]

All right, which one do you want to go to?

[Blaine]

No, I think we want to go to cell four. Right.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay.

[Blaine]

Empty one. Yeah, that one seems suspicious. There's an invisible person in there. You know, we're in a prison and there's just one cell is empty. We should check that out first.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, you, Bart.

[Bart]

May be.

[Blaine]

All.

[Bart]

Them are law abiding citizens.

[Blaine]

No, that's not caveman talk.

[Bart]

How do say maybe everyone here just follows the law, guys. That's what I'm saying. That's me, Barbara.

[Blaine]

All right, so what's in cell four?

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, so you walk over to cell four and it's open and empty. Do you want to do an investigation check?

[Bart]

Yes, I think I would like to investigate.

[Blaine]

Yeah, we send in our smart guy our data.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, I'll go in this.

[Blaine]

Stop it. Stop it. Go check out our side so that you don't have to talk again for a while.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay. I just feel like everyone's trying to kiss your butt.

[Blaine]

Go outside. Okay, Bart, do your thing.

[Bart]

I'm look, now there you go.

[Blaine]

Yeah. That sounds caveman.

[Bart]

Wow. 1 and 3. 2. Oh, gether 13.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay.

[Blaine]

Oh, okay. I thought you rolled a 1 and a 3.

[Bart]

13 is just two syllables. I can't say it.

[Blaine]

I got you. I got you.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay. You search the cell, and it's empty. It looks like it's been cleaned since whoever was last in it. The one thing you do notice something that wasn't able to be cleaned was a carving in the stone on the wall, which was. Twin was here.

[Blaine]

Oh, I think Twin was here.

[Bart]

Very good.

[Blaine]

Yeah. Yeah. Is there a, like, a latrine of any sort in this jail? Like a toilet? Kaiborg, I told you she's gone before we left.

[Chris Damaris]

Yes, there is one. I'd love to see Mud use it.

[Blaine]

Yeah, he just leans over on all fours. I can't tell if he's throwing up or pooping. Gross. Also, Kyborg, to get here, drug his butt the entirety of the way.

[Bart]

Is he still itchy?

[Blaine]

Yeah, he's itchy. You're a caveman and I'm a butt face. I mean, we should keep that one. That's a permanent feature in my mind. What happens if I turn into an animal?

[Chris Damaris]

I think you would keep animal butt and still have animal face. Okay, so, yeah. What do you do now? You search the toilet?

[Blaine]

Oh, yeah. No. Is there any lingering things? I don't know, like, did he leave any clues or anything like that?

[Chris Damaris]

There's nothing. It's empty. Like, it's been cleaned. Ready for the next prisoner?

[Blaine]

Oh, you did mention that it was a super clean prison. Okay, well, then, guys, should we go question prisoner three? And I. I mean, I feel it.

[Chris Damaris]

In my heart of hearts, but I.

[Blaine]

Feel like Bart has to lead the interrogation. Yes. My butt's too itchy. Mud's butt is his face. Gum, gum is gum, gum. Bart's our best communicator. Right, Bart?

[Bart]

Yes. Ready?

[Blaine]

No.

[Bart]

Put me in, coach.

[Blaine]

There you go. Let's go.

[Chris Damaris]

You find an elderly human male who's just kind of sitting there on his cot.

[Blaine]

Take it away, Bart.

[Bart]

Hi, I'm Bart. Who are you?

[Chris Damaris]

When one door closes, another opens. When one door closes, another opens.

[Blaine]

When one door closes, another.

[Chris Damaris]

One door closes, another opens.

[Bart]

Very cool.

[Chris Damaris]

When one door closes, another opens. Yes.

[Bart]

What does that mean?

[Chris Damaris]

One door closes, another opens.

[Blaine]

So prisoner number two, then? Or can you hear me?

[Chris Damaris]

One door closes, another opens.

[Bart]

Hey, guys.

[Blaine]

Yeah?

[Bart]

Try open other door.

[Blaine]

I open cell four and then close it. And then I just. I just. Closing and opening. Yeah.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay. When you close, when you shut the door, are you in it or out of it?

[Blaine]

Out of it. I know better. I'm not a butthead. Not like mud here.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay. When you close it, it just closes. And then the elderly human male is like, oh. When one door closes, another opens and points to the kind of the space between, like the bars, but there's nothing there. It's just pointing to the bars.

[Blaine]

Okay, I'll go into the cell and then close it.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay. When you close it this time, you see materialize a very ornate wood door in between the cells.

[Blaine]

Like between three and four.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah. And the elder union goes. Wooden door closes, another opens and then nods.

[Blaine]

Okay, open the wooden door. Okay, I got this. I shoot the wooden door.

[Chris Damaris]

Do you really? The prisoner in cell two sees what y' all are doing and kind of yells like, ah, you're not supposed to do that. That's against the rules.

[Blaine]

Is that a little boy?

[Chris Damaris]

No, it's a female gnome.

[Blaine]

Okay, what's against the rules?

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, you're not supposed to leave. We're in prison.

[Blaine]

We're not supposed to. Yeah, but this guy's chanting about doors closing and opening.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, Well, I just know we gotta follow the rules. We gotta follow the rules. They're just kind of like their eyes are unfocused and they're voice is kind of flat. They just don't seem like they're all there. We just gotta follow the rules.

[Blaine]

Gotta follow the rules. Gotta follow the rules.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay.

[Blaine]

Catborg opens the door.

[Chris Damaris]

Before you can open the door, there's a burst of magical energy. And Bart has lobster claws for hands.

[Blaine]

Whoa, cool. You speak normal again.

[Bart]

Oh, my God, guys, I have so much to tell you. I've been just keeping all this in for the longest time. It feels so good to say multiple syllable words. I'm free.

[Blaine]

Give us a good one. Multi. Multisyllable. Go on.

[Bart]

Well, I once heard this word that was called supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Even though the sound of it is simply quite atrocious. Also, check this out.

[Chris Damaris]

Wow. That's amazing. It's like those dancers who make noise with their hands, but you don't have to do it.

[Bart]

All right, gum, gum, give me a little jig.

[Blaine]

Come, come. I told you to go outside. Go outside. Okay, okay. You're supposed to be keeping watch.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay.

[Blaine]

I'm gonna open the door, but I do it by itching my butt against it.

[Chris Damaris]

So, Kyborg, you open that door and you see something that they don't. You see a long hallway, but the others from outside the cells don't see. Anything?

[Blaine]

Oh, what if I went into the hallway?

[Chris Damaris]

You disappear.

[Blaine]

Okay, look what I can do. And then I jump back in and out. Jump back in and out. Kai Bark. What you looking at? I see a hallway, but not in like the crazy way that these guys are, like saying nonsense. There's actually like a hallway in front of this door that just appeared by closing that door. I betcha that's where Twin went. Oh yeah, that makes sense. Mud wants to go over and talk to cell number two, if that's okay.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah. Hi, my name's Bailin.

[Blaine]

Hi. So were you part of Twins little special group of people?

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, I was very close friend with Twin, but not. Not anymore. Now I. Not anymore.

[Blaine]

Why? Hey, it's a safe place. I'm a safe person. Why are you acting like this way? What happened? Who hurt you?

[Chris Damaris]

Everything's. Everything's. Everything's great. I'm having a great time.

[Bart]

Hey, sorry to interrupt here. This emotional little situation you got going on. I hear there's a little conversation going here. You sound a little emotional, buddy. Do you want to hold my hand?

[Blaine]

Okay.

[Chris Damaris]

And he. She reaches out to hold your hand.

[Bart]

Oh, oh, sorry. Here, why don't you just hold around my hand? I won't hold your hand.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, sorry. Everything's just. We're just trying to get things back to normal and everything's just. It's gotten out of control. And Twin, he just made everything go nonsense, and we're just trying to get things to normal and I just want to go back to normal.

[Bart]

Okay, okay, okay. I hear ya. I hear ya. Well, you know, step one in getting things back to normal is maybe something, you know, we help you, you help us type situation here. We're looking for a guy named Twen.

[Blaine]

I know he's a lobster, but he's talking about squid pro quo. Dang it.

[Chris Damaris]

No squid pro quo.

[Blaine]

Quiet. This entire time, Bart's trying to have a conversation here.

[Bart]

Squid pro. Wow, that's hard to say.

[Blaine]

You talk for a living. Are you done consoling this person with your mutated hands?

[Bart]

Well, I was saying that if they help us find this twin person, that's what. That's our next step?

[Blaine]

Well, I don't know.

[Chris Damaris]

I think Twin, twin, twin, Twin disappeared. And I don't. I wasn't. I don't know where they went. They were in that cell.

[Blaine]

Since you seem to be someone who's been here this whole time with this like, weird twin stuff. Stuff happening. Did. Have you seen, like the chaotic stuff that's happening around? I Mean, look at my friend's hand here. That's not how he came into the village, okay?

[Chris Damaris]

He had.

[Blaine]

He had beautiful hands. Had a. Had a. His. Had a future in hand modeling this here halfling. So have you been here since all that started?

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, yeah. It's got really bad. It's even happening on here at the prison, which. That's why we just needed to stop.

[Blaine]

Did twin start it? Or is that. Is that. Did they blame him? You can blink with a yes. What?

[Chris Damaris]

A twin started it. Twin started it.

[Blaine]

Okay?

[Chris Damaris]

That's why. That's why. That's why I'm in trouble.

[Blaine]

I don't know why, but the whispering way you talk is making me uncomfortable. So I'm gonna go talk to cell one. Yeah, hey, it's Kyborg here. Cell four. I really hate that guy's voice. I'm just. If these bars weren't in the way. Five arrows in his eyes, I promise you.

[Chris Damaris]

So you go to cell one.

[Blaine]

Yeah.

[Chris Damaris]

In cell one, you find an elf who's sitting on his cot and playing an invisible lute, humming softly.

[Bart]

Oh, fellow man of music, if I do say so myself. Whatcha. What instrument you got there, buddy?

[Chris Damaris]

He seems not to even hear you. He's just kind of like in a trance, just playing music.

[Blaine]

Bart, do you have your loot?

[Bart]

I do have my loot, Mud, but I might be a little challenged in playing.

[Blaine]

Bart, basically what you've got is you got a capo for one hand and you got a pick for the other hand, so you're set.

[Bart]

Bart pulls out his loot and attempts to at least, like, do some type of chord and strum.

[Blaine]

Just snaps the neck off of the lute.

[Bart]

Oh, God.

[Chris Damaris]

Alf looks at you and smiles and then goes back to playing.

[Bart]

Is it mean if I break his lute?

[Blaine]

No. Why is that your first thought? Give him a lute. Give him a lute?

[Bart]

But he's playing. He's already playing a lute, isn't he?

[Blaine]

No, he's just humming and strumming something that isn't there. But if you give him something to strum, maybe that completes his lute that he's dealing with.

[Bart]

But this is my good lute.

[Blaine]

Okay, well, don't you have other lutes?

[Bart]

Do I?

[Blaine]

I thought you had a bunch of instruments.

[Bart]

I'll give him my pan flute.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay.

[Blaine]

He's strumming.

[Chris Damaris]

Well, first of all, in a burst of magical energy, a cloud of magic around Mud. Suddenly, Mud finds himself unable to finish speaking. Unless you end your sentence with over. Like you're on A radio. So you have to talk like you're on a radio. Over.

[Blaine]

I can do that. Over. Meow.

[Chris Damaris]

So you hand him this flute, and then it's just. It holds the flute in one hand and then continues to strum like it's a lute.

[Blaine]

Hey, Mud, what are those triangle pastries that sometimes have apples in them.

[Bart]

I know what you're doing.

[Blaine]

Turn over. Over.

[Bart]

Got him. Anyway, so pretty nice. Pretty nice pan flute you got there, huh?

[Blaine]

You're incorrigible. Just hand over the lute. You'll get it back, I promise.

[Bart]

Okay, fine. Bart hands over his lute to the.

[Blaine]

Guy, immediately breaks over his leg.

[Chris Damaris]

The elf just starts playing some really beautiful music and is like. But doesn't even seem to realize that it wasn't before.

[Bart]

Wow. A nice. Isn't it such a nice gesture that I gave you that to play temporarily only for a moment that you'll keep in pristine condition until you give it right back to me immediately.

[Chris Damaris]

They're just playing this instrument. They still don't really even.

[Bart]

Okay. Bart grabs it back and puts it away.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah. Looks at you, goes and gets back to playing.

[Blaine]

I hate all three of these guys. I'm so glad they're in prison. Yeah, I actually agree with you, Kayborg. I'd like to leave. Let's go through the tunnel door. I don't care to talk to any more of these people.

[Chris Damaris]

All right, so you open this tunnel door.

[Blaine]

Is it a secret tunnel?

[Chris Damaris]

You discover a long hallway. At the end of the narrow walkway, you find another door, this one with a warning sign. It's time to raise the stakes.

[Blaine]

I am quite hungry.

[Chris Damaris]

And then in that, there's a magical burst of energy. Cyborg.

[Blaine]

Ah, my butt.

[Chris Damaris]

Imprint on the next NPC like a baby duckling does to their mom.

[Blaine]

Or like a werewolf does to a weird vampire baby. Okay, do you guys want to go through that door? Or are there any other doors other than the stake door?

[Chris Damaris]

No, guys, I think I'm going to open this door.

[Blaine]

Ah, just do it. Yeah, just do it. Want to do it together?

[Chris Damaris]

Over.

[Blaine]

Yeah. Over.

[Bart]

What? Over. What?

[Chris Damaris]

Over.

[Blaine]

Over.

[Chris Damaris]

You open the door and there's a burst of magic, and a large piece of meat materializes in front of you. Kyborg. And slaps you in the face.

[Blaine]

Is it sentient meat? I need you to describe what kind of meat this is because you're just being very generic.

[Chris Damaris]

It's a steak.

[Blaine]

Thank you, guys.

[Bart]

I will say, is this a meat Cute.

[Chris Damaris]

So, yeah, you take.

[Blaine]

Oh, my God. Gumbo jumps out of my bag. And lunges at the steak and starts eating it ravenously.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, it's just a stake on the ground.

[Blaine]

Oh, I thought it was, like, a giant thing that was slapping Kyborgs.

[Chris Damaris]

No, it's just a steak slapped him and then stumbled to the ground.

[Blaine]

Does Gumbo count as the npc?

[Chris Damaris]

Yes.

[Blaine]

Oh, okay. Then I start tearing up and I.

[Chris Damaris]

Go, I haven't had a mom in so long.

[Blaine]

And then I nestle up to gumbo.

[Bart]

Guys, you know, a steak pun is a medium very rarely. Well done.

[Blaine]

I think we're in the part of the adventure where I still am questioning why I'm with these guys. I haven't quite fallen in love with them as, like, lifelong partners in adventure. Over.

[Bart]

Sorry. I'll stop. I'll stop, I'll stop.

[Blaine]

That's okay.

[Bart]

Now that I could say everything I want to say. I'm just. Got verbal diarrhea, you know?

[Chris Damaris]

All right, so you open this door after being slapped by the steak.

[Blaine]

Is that all that warning sign was for? Was just for an opportunity for you to throw a T bone at one of us?

[Chris Damaris]

Well, it might come back. You don't know.

[Bart]

I hope it does.

[Blaine]

I honestly don't care if it does. I don't.

[Chris Damaris]

If you take too long, the stakes might get raised again.

[Blaine]

Everybody, don't move. I want to see what happens.

[Chris Damaris]

All right, you sit there and you wait for a second. All of a sudden, another stake appears and slaps Mud in the face. In the butt.

[Bart]

Another T bone.

[Blaine]

I'm not a butt face anymore, remember? Over.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, that's. Oh, that's right. Yeah, it slaps you, and you take one D6. Bludgeoning.

[Blaine]

One D6. Bludgeoning. Yeah, I took a one, you rolled.

[Chris Damaris]

You got a one. And then mud got a three. Did y' all go through the door?

[Blaine]

Yes, but I cried gently into Gumbo's fur. I look down, and Gumbo is thoroughly confused.

[Chris Damaris]

All right, so the door opens, and beyond it is a warmly lit, carpeted dining room. A buffet table overflows with food. Steam rises invitingly. At the front of the room hangs a sign. Please help yourself. No shoes on the carpet. No yelling. No elbows on the table.

[Blaine]

Help yourself.

[Bart]

Bart takes off his shoes.

[Blaine]

Kyborg will also take off his shoes.

[Bart]

Okay, what we got here?

[Chris Damaris]

You have a buffet table.

[Blaine]

Well, if I know anything about mysterious, magical food in an empty room, we should just eat everything possible and there will be no repercussions. I look to Gumbo's guidance. Mama, I haven't fed Gumbo today. I'll do whatever Gumbo does. All right, well, let me see here. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna roll a giggy.

[Bart]

Is there a little potion that says drink me? That's gonna make us 10 times our size?

[Blaine]

Gumbo lunges for the table.

[Chris Damaris]

Does Gum Gum. Do you take. Make Gum Gum take his shoes off?

[Blaine]

Oh, Gum Gum's still with us.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, he's here.

[Blaine]

Okay.

[Bart]

Gum Gum, take off your shoes.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay.

[Blaine]

Oh, God, I catch the smell. Put them back on.

[Bart]

You can keep your socks on, though, if you want.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay. Thank you.

[Blaine]

As he takes his shoes off, it's like the sound when a Coke bottle opens. It's just a release.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah. So you take your shoes off and nothing happens?

[Blaine]

Yeah, I take my shoes off when I walk in.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay. Nothing happens.

[Blaine]

Well, I. I laundered the food. With Gumbo? Yeah, his mama. His mama's doing it. He's got it.

[Bart]

Could I. Before we eat it, could I just give it a smell?

[Chris Damaris]

Smells delicious.

[Bart]

Anybody want to do, like, a detect magic kind of situation here?

[Blaine]

Your friend does that.

[Bart]

Oh, hey, Gum Gum, before we eat, we have to make sure it's not poisoned, so. Okay, if you want to just do some, like, detective detect magic.

[Chris Damaris]

Show me the magic. The food isn't magic, but it seems like everything else is.

[Blaine]

Wait, what do you mean by everything else? Like, the chairs and the.

[Chris Damaris]

Everything is just glowing around here, but the food just looks like good food.

[Bart]

Okay, well, dig in, I guess.

[Blaine]

Wait, everything is glowing, but the food just looks like good food? So then everything is magic then? If it's glowing.

[Chris Damaris]

Except for the food. There is a food.

[Blaine]

Oh, okay. Have you caught up over. I'm gonna. I'm continuing to eat. All right. Yeah. Mud reaches down with a big old fear bog mitt and just takes a big bunch of food and shoves it in his mouth.

[Chris Damaris]

It's delicious. It's just good food. Nothing special as far as you can tell.

[Blaine]

Okay, Mud, throw some at Kyborg. I catch it with my mouth athletically.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, you could try, I guess.

[Blaine]

Acrobatics 26 on acrobatics.

[Chris Damaris]

You jump and catch that food in your mouth like. Like a. Like a Sunday Night football thing.

[Blaine]

What was the food? What was the food?

[Bart]

You catch the food in your mouth like a Sunday Night football thing.

[Blaine]

I think it's very telling that Barbara and I both had the most confused looks on our faces. Blaine, not skipping a beat, was just playing with Chris, his friend that he speaks Kris language. Nothing surprises me with Kris.

[Chris Damaris]

There's a flash of wild magic. And, Bart, you take on the appearance and smell of the undead. But you're still alive. A stake appears and slaps Bart in the face and does six points of bludgeoning.

[Bart]

I feel real bad right now.

[Blaine]

You also smell terribly. Mud grabs one of the stakes, the one that just slapped Bart, and then raises it up over his head, raising the stakes.

[Bart]

Nice.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, nothing seems to happen. But that's clever, I'll give you that. You can take an inspiration.

[Blaine]

What?

[Chris Damaris]

You can take an inspiration. Die for that. But that's.

[Blaine]

I'll take an inspiration. Die. Thank you. Okay, I was just trying to follow Chris logic. Okay. And there's a door on the other side. Like, to exit this room.

[Chris Damaris]

No, there's nothing to exit this room. All there is is this buffet table and then the sign and the carpet.

[Blaine]

The sign says, raise the stakes.

[Chris Damaris]

The sign says, please help yourself. No shoes on the carpet, no yelling, no elbows on the table.

[Blaine]

I'm putting my elbows on the table right now.

[Bart]

John, no.

[Chris Damaris]

As you put your elbows on the table, a light lights up above a place on the wall.

[Blaine]

Wait, what?

[Chris Damaris]

Like a ding? Like a little light pops up on the wall.

[Blaine]

Like a light source appears on the wall?

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, like a little light.

[Blaine]

Oh. I go and grab my shoes, and I put them on my feet, and I stomp around on the carpet.

[Chris Damaris]

And a ding.

[Blaine]

And then I. My name is mud over. And this is my brunch.

[Chris Damaris]

Over.

[Blaine]

La la la la la la la. All right.

[Chris Damaris]

Ding. Now there's three Let lit up things on the wall.

[Blaine]

How many rules were there? Help yourself. How do we not help ourselves? Abstain. Just say, ooh, I'm full. Couldn't possibly mud feed me. Oh, sure. I shoved some food into Bart's goal.

[Chris Damaris]

No, nothing happens.

[Blaine]

I throw the food at the wall behind me.

[Chris Damaris]

Nothing happens.

[Blaine]

Bart, help me. And we just turn over the entire table of food.

[Chris Damaris]

Uh, nothing happens.

[Blaine]

So you need to do the opposite of helping yourself. So, like, I guess, give yourself a disadvantage. Stab yourself.

[Bart]

Do it.

[Blaine]

Yeah, you stab yourself. Stab yourself. My mom said I can't play with sharp things, Right? Gumbo. I pick up gumbo and I go, stab yourself. Stab yourself, gumbo. Whatever you say. I stab myself with the arrowhead.

[Chris Damaris]

You take three points of damage, but then the fourth thing goes ding. And then you did it.

[Bart]

Yeah, figured that out all together.

[Chris Damaris]

The door materializes.

[Blaine]

New Year, new me. Cute. But how about New Year, new money? With Experian, you can actually take control of your finances, Check your FICO score, find ways to save and get matched with credit card offers, giving you time.

[Chris Damaris]

To Power through those New Year's goals.

[Blaine]

You know you're going to crush start the year off right.

[Bart]

Download the Experian app. Based on FICO Score 8 model offers an approval not guaranteed. Eligibility requirements and terms apply subject to.

[Blaine]

Credit check, which may impact your credit scores.

[Bart]

Offers not available in all states.

[Blaine]

See experian.com for details. Experian. So we were supposed to break the rules? Yeah. Thank you for catching up with us, Kifor. Interesting.

[Chris Damaris]

And then you enter a new room, a brand new room, and discover a large hall with instruments lining the walls, leading to a stage.

[Bart]

Got this one, boys. Excuse me.

[Blaine]

You crack your fingers and then they all fall off. If you're undead.

[Bart]

Could Bart walk up to the stage and try picking up an instrument?

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Bart]

So he picks one up and tries to start playing it.

[Blaine]

What's the instrument?

[Bart]

What is there? What are the options?

[Chris Damaris]

Everything you could imagine.

[Bart]

I'll tickle some keys.

[Chris Damaris]

All right.

[Bart]

Is there a little piano keyboard?

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah. It sounds awesome. And you just feel good doing it?

[Bart]

Yeah. All right, this one goes out to all the ladies out there.

[Blaine]

There aren't any ladies in the room over. Who are you talking about?

[Bart]

Well, surely, you know, someone will hear us play and be, you know, maybe come watch us perform.

[Chris Damaris]

Can I cafe with you?

[Blaine]

Where did Gum Gum get here?

[Bart]

Sure. Gum Gum. Here. There's a tambourine right here. I think you'll be great at that.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah. And then Gum Gum starts playing the tambourine.

[Blaine]

I told you we should have put a bell around his neck.

[Bart]

Here, guys, why don't you join us? Get the band back together.

[Blaine]

You know, I have to get permission from my mom to participate. I need a signed permission slip. Mud picks up Gumbo and goes kymorg. You should play an instrument. Play whatever your heart desires. All right, Time to play the harmonica. Is there a harmonica?

[Bart]

Yes. Wow. Beautiful. All right, Mud, get on that lead guitar.

[Blaine]

Mud grabs a calliope.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay.

[Bart]

The perfect lead guitarist.

[Blaine]

Wait. The eye thing that makes rainbows? That's a kaleidoscope.

[Bart]

Kaleidoscope. Anyway, here's Wonderwall.

[Chris Damaris]

And so y' all playing?

[Blaine]

Yeah. On the stage, playing a beautiful song.

[Chris Damaris]

And y' all play just this great music and you have a great time. And so well, that the room seems to come alive and just light up. And suddenly there's a door materializes on the roof. You raised the roof?

[Blaine]

Oh, stupid. Bart, do you want me to hoist you up to the door?

[Chris Damaris]

Throw me.

[Blaine]

Oh, God. I forgot how heavy you are.

[Bart]

I also smell really bad right now.

[Blaine]

Touching the Bottom of your feet just.

[Bart]

Going, mud, gum, gum. Why don't you help him? Everyone touch me.

[Blaine]

What a weird request. Over.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, you kind of stinky.

[Blaine]

Mud turns into a spider, jumps up to the ceiling, leaving a streak of web for the team to climb up. Ew.

[Bart]

Smart, smart, smart, smart.

[Blaine]

Climb my web, Kyberg. Oh, God.

[Bart]

Bart will start climbing up.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, climbing through this door, you stumble and fall out the front door of the prison. As you crawl through this door, you're back into the town square, right where you started. And something moves at the center of the square. The air bends inward, like reality itself is just breaking and reveals a demon of pure chaos. It's vaguely humanoid, or at least it maybe once was. Now it's only in the loosest sense. Its body is constantly shifting and reassembles from mismatched parts. A deer leg, a chair leg, a fish flipper, and stone parts, loose feathers. They're all just like this amalgamation of everything. And its head, cycling through bone, bark, skin, and. What was once possibly a humanoid, is now the manifestation of pure chaos. And it looks right at you. Roll for initiative.

[Blaine]

The twin twin. 12, 17, 9.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, it's gonna be Mud, Blaine, Bart, and then Mud, Blaine, Bart.

[Blaine]

Oh, God, where am I?

[Chris Damaris]

Blaine, Mud, Cyborg, Bart, and then this creature.

[Blaine]

We lost Gum Gum.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, and me. Gum Gum is last. All right, Mud, you're up.

[Blaine]

Oh, we're just fighting this thing. Yeah. Okay, so Mud will cast. Hmm. Kind of fight this thing that is a pure creature of chaos, and I don't know how to fight it. I cast. Wait, I'm a spider. Yeah, I said that. Okay. Dang it. Mud does the thing that spiders do, which is bites. He goes up and he bites the creature.

[Chris Damaris]

Can you roll for attack for that?

[Blaine]

Yes, I can. This is 17 plus 4. 21 for hit.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, that's a really good hit. It does connect, but it doesn't seem to impact this thing. Almost like it sees you approach and then it just, like, transforms into metal right as you bite it.

[Blaine]

Ooh, little spider teeths.

[Chris Damaris]

Ooh.

[Blaine]

Kyborg. Yes.

[Chris Damaris]

Your real arm. Play.

[Blaine]

Falls off. Oh, no. Wait. Really? Well, that's a. Dang it.

[Bart]

So you got just your one robot arm?

[Blaine]

I just got the one that's gonna be hard to shoot a bow. Yeah.

[Bart]

Oh, no.

[Blaine]

Okay, then as my bonus action, I'll turn back into Fearbog Mud.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay.

[Blaine]

And I will stand there and say, what are you doing here?

[Chris Damaris]

I just grump. It's like. Doesn't really speak.

[Blaine]

I thought you said Chris Damaris wasn't there. And it was gum. Gum. Okay, that's the end of my turn then. I got no ideas. Biting doesn't work. Try something else.

[Chris Damaris]

It is Cyborg's turn.

[Blaine]

All right. Well, I'm looking at my arm in disbelief. Kind of bummed out. I guess I'll. I'll pick it up, because I'm assuming it dropped on the ground. And I'll stick it into my quiver with all the other arrows because I'll need that for later. And then I pull out my bow and arrow. But then I pause and look at Gumbo and ask for permission. No, I'm nowhere near Gumbo. So Gumbo is just. It's just there. Probably sniffing his butt. I guess I sniff my butt too. I don't know. There's nothing. Wait. Follow their lead. The arm falling off breaks the imprint.

[Chris Damaris]

That's true.

[Blaine]

Oh, so you just lost your mom again? No. Okay, well then I. Having lost an arm before, and having trained myself to shoot one handed, I know how to shoot a bow with one hand. It's just opposite day. So anyways, I'm going to shoot the longer bow of Crystallina.

[Chris Damaris]

Roll for that.

[Blaine]

Okay, that's a 30.

[Chris Damaris]

Whoa.

[Blaine]

18 plus 12.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, so that hits. Your arrow flies true. And then right before it comes to this creature, it changes and bounces off. It hits stone.

[Blaine]

Kaiborg, when I. When I tried a melee attack and it did nothing to this creature, there's no point in your brain where you're like, maybe I should try thinking out of the box. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I think I have magic. I have magic arrows. Are these not magic arrows? Hold on. I don't know. I guess I hadn't thought that one through. Hey, you know what? Don't worry. I've got two attacks. I'll shoot another arrow just to make sure. Yeah, did another arrow. What?

[Chris Damaris]

There we go.

[Blaine]

Forever one. Top 20. Dirty 20.

[Chris Damaris]

And what does it do?

[Blaine]

13? Well, it's got ice damage.

[Chris Damaris]

So you draw your bow, shoot this icy arrow, and then as it approaches.

[Blaine]

1, 2, 3, 4. D6. So that's 13 plus 12. All right, go ahead. 25 damage.

[Chris Damaris]

As it approaches, the creature morphs into, like, fire, and the arrow just melts.

[Blaine]

All right, you know what? I don't need this. We're not even getting paid. They didn't even agree to our contract.

[Bart]

Give cash now.

[Blaine]

All right, Bart, your turn.

[Bart]

Is it my turn? Excuse me.

[Blaine]

Maybe gum Gums? No, definitely Bart.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, it's Bart alright.

[Bart]

Did you say this guy has any metal on him?

[Chris Damaris]

It has Everything on him.

[Blaine]

I fear that conventional attacking is not going to do anything. And we need to think something wild because we're fighting something that's just a demon of wild energy. You got to fight chaos with chaos. Yes. Go crazy, Bart.

[Bart]

Well, I don't know anything more chaotic than a cloud of daggers.

[Blaine]

Maybe if you cast it while going. Go on. Or.

[Bart]

Okay. Cloud of daggers.

[Blaine]

Whoa, he's chaotic. This will surely hit.

[Bart]

Yeah, but are there any objects lying around the ground anywhere?

[Chris Damaris]

Yes, you're in the middle of the town square. There's several knocked out towns guard from this creature attacking. There's closed up shops. There's a well with a bucket.

[Bart]

Anybody like hot dogs?

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, you could say there was a hot dog vendor who had set up, but then whenever the monster attacked, he ran off just so. There's just like, I want to cast.

[Bart]

My cloud of daggers around this guy, but I want to toss in a whole handful of hot dogs to put in with the mix.

[Blaine]

Crazy. Okay, Crazy Mud is just standing there confused, and Cyborg is just like, let him cook. I don't care.

[Chris Damaris]

So, yeah, this monster turns itself into metal or things to protect itself from the daggers. But then whenever you throw in the hot dogs, it starts turning itself into hot dog buns. And then. So half of it's metal, half of it's hot dog buns. And then the dagger sliced through the buns part. Doing roll your damage.

[Bart]

Yes.

[Blaine]

Excellent. Yeah, Excellent.

[Bart]

That does 14 points of damage.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, he goes. That's annoying. It is now the chaos demon's turn. He glares at Bart for his hot dog barrage. And from his arm, a dozen icicles fire directly at you. And they do 22 points of fire damage. No save. And I think it's Gum Gum's turn now. Gum Gum will. Hey, want some hot dogs? Why did you give them all to him?

[Bart]

I kept one here for you. Gum Gum. Don't worry.

[Chris Damaris]

Oh, thank you.

[Bart]

I always. I always need my Gum Gum reserve. Don't you worry.

[Chris Damaris]

Gum Gum eats the hot dog rages. And he'll say, two. Which means I teleport up to 30ft to an unoccupied space I can see. Yeah, so I can teleport now as a bonus action. So Gum Gum charges forward with his axe to attack. And then as he gets closer, teleports up to try and eat some of those hot dogs floating up in the air.

[Blaine]

Okay.

[Chris Damaris]

And then lands and bounces off of. Bounces off of the creature.

[Blaine]

Chris is playing with himself right now.

[Chris Damaris]

You can't tell if it Was effective or not? It's hard to tell. Everything was pretty confusing. Ow. And that takes us up to a mud.

[Blaine]

Oh, okay. Do something chaotic, bro. Go crazy.

[Bart]

Go crazy. Think outside the bun.

[Blaine]

Drink a white monster. Go nuts.

[Chris Damaris]

Ah.

[Blaine]

4 loco mud would use what can be chaotic. I would. I'm gonna cast. Conjure animals, and I can cast that with a third level. And so, let's see. I'm gonna just actually say it is just a. Let me see. 8 Beasts of Challenge rating 1/4. So I. I think I would just have it turned instead of all being the same beast. Is that it would be just a bunch of other random beasts to, like, confuse the creature as much as possible. And so, like, it'd be like, you know, insects and a cat and an owl and, you know, just all kinds of stuff like that. I'm trying to get the thing to tell me CR ratings that are 1/4, but it's not. Oh, yeah. A boar and a cave badger and a constrictor snake and a cow and a draft horse. What? And a giant bat and just everything under the sun. And I cast it, and a swarm of these creatures are swarming the chaos.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay. The chaos demon looks around, the cat charges at it. It turns into a dog. But at the same time, that dog is exposed, and it gets kicked in the face with a horse. And then as the boar charges, it turns into a hand slicer. One of those, like.

[Blaine]

Oh, from the jelly.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, a jelly slicer. And what were some of the other.

[Blaine]

Giant bat and a draft horse and a. Yeah.

[Chris Damaris]

But then the bat flies through the slicing ham thing into the throat of the monster, and it coughs up and is choked on a bat. Perfect. All those types of things are happening all at once.

[Blaine]

That's exactly how I imagined.

[Chris Damaris]

And I'm going to roll some damage for that. But he did not like choking on bat.

[Blaine]

Yeah, I figured. Not most people don't.

[Bart]

Choking on bat.

[Chris Damaris]

It is now Cyborg's turn.

[Blaine]

Oh, dang. Gonna get crazy. I'm. I'm gonna run up to it, and then before I do, I do, like, a little juke thing. And then I spin around, but instead of spinning left, I spin right.

[Bart]

Whoa. Who is this guy?

[Blaine]

And then I shoot the Longboro Kristalina. He still uses his bow. He said 19. The most chaotic this guy can get is just turning the wrong way.

[Chris Damaris]

You fly, you shoot the arrow at it. It sees it's coming, and it turns into a windpipe that goes. And it sucks the arrow in and fires it right back at you.

[Blaine]

Hey, Kaibari, explain to it how you normally only go left. I'm sure that will help. As it's going through a series of pneumatic tubes, I say, well, you have to understand, this is, like, against my thing. I am normally a left guy. It's like my slogan. I turn left and.

[Chris Damaris]

What was the damage on that?

[Blaine]

I didn't roll it. I didn't think it was important.

[Chris Damaris]

Well, go ahead and roll it.

[Blaine]

Okay, yep, you know. 13.

[Chris Damaris]

Kyborg gets hit by an arrow.

[Blaine]

It takes the 13 points of damage.

[Chris Damaris]

13 damage? Yeah.

[Blaine]

All right, good hit.

[Chris Damaris]

Good hit.

[Blaine]

Kyborg, you should totally do that again.

[Bart]

Try adding some hot dogs.

[Blaine]

I have another attack. What's around me? What's near me?

[Chris Damaris]

I mean, you're in a town square, so, like, you. You tell me what you see.

[Blaine]

Hey, guy, bark. You have my permission to use gumbo. Precious.

[Bart]

Precious.

[Blaine]

Do I. Like, do I attach gumbo to an arrow or.

[Chris Damaris]

Wow.

[Blaine]

Not everything has to be added to your bow.

[Bart]

He knows no other way.

[Blaine]

Uh, okay, what about your. Your. Your arm that fell off? That's a bit chaotic. Okay, I pull out my arm and shoot my arm, which is in the form of a fist.

[Chris Damaris]

So you fire your arm at the creature?

[Blaine]

Yes.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, so it turns metal because it thinks the bow's coming, but then it gets confused and it sees a fist coming. So it sees. Oh. And it thinks you're playing rock, paper, scissors. So then it turns into paper. So it turns into paper, and then your fist smashes through the paper.

[Bart]

Yeah.

[Blaine]

There you go. You got there. So do I do damage on that one then?

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah, yeah, throw some damage for it.

[Blaine]

I did it. I did it with your bow.

[Chris Damaris]

11. Oh. Suddenly, in a blast of magic, you hear just like. And then a giant over the horizon tidal wave starts approaching the party. A brown wiggling.

[Blaine]

Oh, no.

[Chris Damaris]

Tidal wave.

[Blaine]

Oh, no.

[Bart]

Is it poop?

[Chris Damaris]

Is that a tidal wave of squirrels? Whoa. Yeah, a tidal wave of squirrels just slams down into the middle of the battle. And the squirrels just everywhere. Squirrels left, right?

[Blaine]

Things just got nuts.

[Chris Damaris]

Everyone takes six points of squirrel damage.

[Blaine]

That's not that much. I mean, you say that, but I'm real low on health.

[Chris Damaris]

And that's just for the initial impact. And then everyone make a dexterity save.

[Blaine]

Yeah, why not?

[Bart]

Seventeen.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, you're good. Fifteen for mud and Kyborg.

[Blaine]

That's a seven. That's a seven. Hey, use your lucky. Yep, they're all used.

[Chris Damaris]

Several of the squirrels latch onto you and are biting you. You take seven points of piercing damage, and you now have several squirrels Attached to you. Just gnawing and just attached.

[Blaine]

Very cool. Very cool. Hey, squirrel friends.

[Bart]

Hey. Hey, girl. Hey. Hey, squirrel.

[Chris Damaris]

Hey, Bart.

[Blaine]

You're up.

[Bart]

I'm up.

[Blaine]

Or maybe you're down.

[Bart]

Hey, do I have any hot dogs left? I'm kidding.

[Chris Damaris]

You have a lot of squirrels.

[Bart]

Could I cast a thunder wave towards these squirrels to kind of get them off of us?

[Chris Damaris]

To be clear, the squirrels have landed on you now. They're just running around. Unlock. They're not necessarily like. They're not like on you. They're just running everywhere. There's just lots of squirrels.

[Blaine]

The wave has landed. The squirrels are everywhere.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah. Okay, you can totally thunder wave the squirrels, but they're not like all in one spot.

[Bart]

It's not like an area that effect type situation here.

[Chris Damaris]

I mean, it could. There's enough squirrels that it would still knock a bunch of them.

[Bart]

Let me try to see, like, wait for the moment. They're all gathered in one section and thunder wave them towards. What's the name of this thing?

[Chris Damaris]

Chaos Demon.

[Bart]

Chaos Demon. Towards the Chaos Demon.

[Blaine]

But his friends call him Chuck.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah. So all the. Do you need to make a roll for that thunder wave?

[Bart]

No, it just does damage.

[Chris Damaris]

And does it push? It pushes.

[Bart]

Yes. So it wave of thunderous force sweeps out from under you. Each creature in a 15 foot cube originated from me. Must make it. Oh, constitution saving throw. Constitution of 14.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, I'm just gonna say there's a lot of squirrels. They don't have very many. I'm gonna say most of them get pushed. Seeing a bunch of squirrels, the creature morphs into the form of an owl and flies up, but then gets struck by the thunder wave. And it takes whatever that damage is.

[Bart]

It would take 11 points of thunder damage.

[Chris Damaris]

The creature is starting to, like, limp and fall. It looks over. It's its turn now. And it just shoots out a blast of spaghetti at Gum Gum. And he's just covered in spaghetti and incapacitated. And then it howls and growls y' all's direction.

[Bart]

Gum Gum died doing what he loves, eating spaghetti.

[Chris Damaris]

And now it's Mud's turn.

[Blaine]

Mud would go to where all the spaghetti. The beam of spaghetti hit Gum Gum and he would take the paschetti and he would rub it all over his fearbog fur and just cover himself in sauce and oils and noodles and all that kind of stuff. And then mud would run towards the Chaos Demon, but then would slip and slide through the Chaos Demon's legs.

[Chris Damaris]

Okay, so here's what it does. It thinks you're Spaghetti Yeah. It opens a giant mouth to eat said spaghetti.

[Blaine]

Perfect. That's exactly what I wanted it to do. Oh, I think I know what you're doing. Yes, yes, yes. You're gonna explode inside of his belly. Delicious. If only I had an arrow that exploded upon impact.

[Chris Damaris]

Doing it.

[Blaine]

Do you want to shoot?

[Chris Damaris]

You.

[Bart]

Take the shot. Take the shot.

[Blaine]

Hey Blaine. Never change, never change. Change, never change. You're perfect as you are. Okay, you heard him, guys. Yeah. Here's what Mud's gonna do. It's got a mouth, right? A mouth is coming down.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah.

[Blaine]

Mud jumps up into the mouth.

[Bart]

Excellent. Excellent.

[Blaine]

Wild shape into a plesiosaurus. Wow.

[Chris Damaris]

Looks like he bit off more than he can look at you.

[Bart]

Nice.

[Blaine]

Thank you. Gum Gum Inspiration die to Gum Gum.

[Chris Damaris]

It explodes in a mess of all sorts of materials. A burst of magic happens and Kybur has to talk with a wisp.

[Blaine]

Well, I guess that takes care of that. Gang, let's go back to the Infinite's castle for some celebratory drinks. Kai baby.

[Chris Damaris]

Yeah. Suddenly, reality snaps back with an explosion of creatures. Feathers, foods, liquids, bones, hot dogs. It's very gross. Arms. But as the warped air settles back into place, there's a deep silence and a pleasant breeze blows through the town.

[Blaine]

Oh, that feels nice.

[Chris Damaris]

Citizens emerge from their homes.

[Blaine]

Citizens emerge from their homes and see a giant dinosaur covered in spaghetti sauce and noodles.

[Chris Damaris]

The town guard pick themselves up and run from the giant dinosaur.

[Blaine]

Yes. Fear me, for I am the great spaghetti dinosaur.

[Chris Damaris]

Throughout all the chaos and the mess, it feels like there's a nervous kind of calm in the air. Okay, back at the keep of Nomaxis, Elder Uzair and several other council members are thanking you. Shaking your hand, Flipper. Well, are you still the dinosaur?

[Blaine]

Yes. I didn't say I turned back to Mud. Yes, yes. It's no problem. We are the Infinites. Happy to save you.

[Chris Damaris]

Well, thank you for destroying the. That twin. He seems his dark magic finally took control of him and.

[Bart]

Oh, that was him?

[Chris Damaris]

I assume so.

[Blaine]

Oh yes. No worry. Nomaxis is safe. I'm surprised you remember the name of this place.

[Chris Damaris]

Nomaxis is the name of the tower. Keth marks the town.

[Bart]

Oh, that's awkward.

[Blaine]

Keth's Marcus says swimming. Shut up you stupid dinosaur.

[Chris Damaris]

It seems that some of the magics persist. He gestures to his puppy headed elder, which whimpers loudly. But tomorrow is a holiday in our village. We will honor our guiding hand, Nomaxis, and pray that these things are righted. And to bring peace and order to the town. And to cure us of these terrible inflictions.

[Blaine]

What kind of inflictions are you talking about?

[Chris Damaris]

You four are guests of honor.

[Blaine]

Wow.

[Chris Damaris]

So please take some well deserved rest and we shall reconvene in the morning.

[Blaine]

Does that count as a long rest?

[Chris Damaris]

It does.

[Blaine]

Wow. Oh, thank God.

[Bart]

Do I still smell like a corpse?

[Blaine]

Yeah.

[Chris Damaris]

It seems like one of your friend was killed.

[Blaine]

Which one?

[Chris Damaris]

The zombie.

[Bart]

Oh.

[Blaine]

Oh no, he's just. He's got a little bit of a. Halitosis is what he's called. Yes, halitosis.

[Chris Damaris]

So our four infinite interns are set up in the finest rooms in town. And after a long day of adventures, sleep comes easily to all of you. Until the screams. You hear screams out from your window. Just chaos and just sounds you don't know how to describe.

[Blaine]

Let's keep it down out there with the screams. I'm trying to sleep. I just saved this town. Nomexis Kesamark.

[Chris Damaris]

The screams persist.

[Blaine]

We walk outside to see what the screams are.

[Chris Damaris]

You walk outside and you see violence, destructions and a lot of frightened villagers and dead city watch. You see not one, not two, but three of the chaos demons you just defeated.

[Blaine]

Looks like twins was actually triplets.

[Chris Damaris]

And they are creating absolute chaos and warping the reality around them. Despite all the chaos, you notice something else.

[Blaine]

An absence in Athys.

[Chris Damaris]

Someone is missing.

[Bart]

Is it Gum Gum?

[Chris Damaris]

Gum? Gum is gone.

[Blaine]

It's Gum Gum. Yeah, we saw that one.

[Chris Damaris]

That is the conclusion to part one.

[Blaine]

Of what's the name?

[Chris Damaris]

The Infinite Interns and the Rules of Chaos.

[Blaine]

Yes.

[Chris Damaris]

Wow. Thank you to everyone who has helped make this adventure as chaotic as possible.

[Blaine]

This is just the start.

[Chris Damaris]

This is just the start of a month of chaos and fun. That is Stinkuary. All month long we're going to be doing special live streams. We're going to be releasing content that's normally behind the paywall to everyone so you can get a taste of all the great stuff you're missing. And we have special stuff that's exclusive to our Patreon, like webcomics and lots of weird stuff that Blaine is making. Please tell your friends, tell your family, tell your enemies to go sign [e-mail] Also, do not forget there's a link in the description that has a link. If you sign up for free on Patreon, you can submit your own elements for part two of this chaotic adventure. We've been pulling from them the entire time. They're great. And yeah. Thank you everyone for joining us and looking, looking forward to the next month.

[Blaine]

Thank you. Bye. Thank you for joining us.

[Chris Damaris]

Bye.

[Bart]

Thank you guys. We love you the most.

[Chris Damaris]

The Infinite Interns and the Rules of Chaos Part 1 was written by Chris Damaris, that's Me produced by Ben Ernst and edited by Philip Spann. Elder Miriam was brought to life by the very talented cosplayer and model Shelby Eileen, who you can find more of on Instagram. Elby Eileen Cosplay the NPC Namor Hadl was named after Patreon supporter Fullmetal Knight Twin was named by Patreon supporter C. Liang Sergeant Murat was named by JackDWR on Patreon. Small World the Platypotamous was named by small world on YouTube after they gifted several Patreon memberships live on the stream. And don't Forget, that's Saturday, February 30th for the finale part two, our megastream, our Stinkuary Explosion of fun. And thank you so much everyone who supports us@stinky dragonpod.com and also don't forget, there's special Stinky wearing [e-mail] thanks. Okay, bye. If you're the purchasing manager at a manufacturing plant, you know having a trusted partner makes all the difference. That's why hands down, you count on Grainger for auto reordering. With on time restocks, your team will have the cut resistant gloves they need at the start of their shift and you can end your day knowing they've got safety well in hand. Call 1-800-granger clickgranger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.