I RUINED MY FIRST DATE WITH POOKIE w/ Hannah Berner - Talk Tuah Ep. 6

Summary

Talk Tuah Ep. 6: "I RUINED MY FIRST DATE WITH POOKIE" Featuring Hannah Berner

Release Date: October 15, 2024
Guests: Kaley Cuoco, Chelsea, Hannah Berner
Location: Bolero in Times Square, New York City

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Episode Overview

In the sixth episode of Talk Tuah, host Betr welcomes comedian Hannah Berner to discuss a myriad of topics ranging from personal fashion choices to the intricacies of dating and comedy. Filmed live at the vibrant Bolero in Times Square, the episode blends humor with candid conversations, offering listeners an unfiltered glimpse into the lives of the hosts and their guest.

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Main Discussions

1. Fashion and Personal Style

The episode begins with a playful debate about fashion choices, particularly focusing on Kaley Cuoco's unique decision to wear cheetah print boots to a funeral—a choice that sparks laughter and light-hearted criticism.

• Hannah Berner [02:24]: "These are my funeral boots."
• Kaley Cuoco [02:28]: "Why not? Cheetah print boots. It takes the tension out of the room."

Kaley explains her unconventional choice as a way to inject some levity into somber settings, highlighting her fearless approach to personal style.

2. Life in New York City and Rat Control

The conversation shifts to living in NYC, where Kaley humorously admits her unusual desire to actually see a rat in the city—contrary to the common disdain for these urban pests.

• Kaley Cuoco [04:12]: "I have yet to see a rat. I want to see a rat so bad here. I can't stand it."
• Hannah Berner [04:22]: "So rats only go towards people with bad energy."

The hosts discuss the city's efforts to control the rat population, touching on quirky measures like birth control, which they mockingly refer to as "rats controlling the city."

3. Comedy and Career Insights

Hannah shares her experiences in the comedy world, including her unique approach to street interviews and her disdain for certain comedic clichés.

• Hannah Berner [26:06]: "I dated a lot of athletes with CTE. They're gladiators risking their mental capacity for money."
• Kaley Cuoco [36:31]: "How'd you come up with that?"

Hannah emphasizes the importance of authenticity in comedy, advocating for raw and vulnerable interactions rather than scripted jokes.

4. Dating and Relationships

A significant portion of the episode delves into Hannah's personal life, particularly her marriage to a comedian named Pookie. They discuss the dynamics of dating within the comedy scene, the importance of shared humor, and maintaining individuality within a relationship.

• Hannah Berner [21:12]: "You have to find someone with good chemistry that you can be stupid with."
• Kaley Cuoco [21:22]: "You went to comedy shows and saw him perform at the Comedy Cellar seven years ago."

Hannah highlights how mutual laughter and confidence are key to a healthy relationship, drawing from her own experiences of getting engaged virtually during the COVID-19 pandemic.

5. Humorous Segments and Games

"Ghosts or Not" Game

In a playful segment titled "Ghosts or Not," the hosts engage in a light-hearted game where they decide whether certain dating behaviors are deal-breakers ("ghosts") or acceptable.

• Chelsea [40:23]: "So I'm going to ask you a few Questions and say if you go somewhere, you know you got it."
• Hannah Berner [42:22]: "If he's posting their stuff. Ghost. Yeah."

This segment showcases the hosts' comedic timing and ability to turn everyday dating dilemmas into entertaining banter.

Alter Egos and Comedy Bits

The conversation also touches on the concept of alter egos and comedic personas, with both Kaley and Hannah joking about their fictional alter selves.

• Hannah Berner [43:02]: "I'm Hannah Berner. Because people be like, is it burner? And I go, ber."
• Kaley Cuoco [43:16]: "Harriet is just a peach."

These exchanges add a layer of humor and creativity, illustrating the hosts' playful sides.

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Notable Quotes

• Hannah Berner [02:24]: "These are my funeral boots."
• Kaley Cuoco [04:12]: "I have yet to see a rat. I want to see a rat so bad here. I can't stand it."
• Hannah Berner [21:12]: "You have to find someone with good chemistry that you can be stupid with."
• Kaley Cuoco [36:31]: "How'd you come up with that?"
• Chelsea [40:23]: "So I'm going to ask you a few Questions and say if you go somewhere, you know you got it."

These quotes capture the essence of the episode's humor and candidness, reflecting the spontaneous and unfiltered nature of the conversation.

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Conclusion and Takeaways

Episode 6 of Talk Tuah is a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions. The hosts and their guest, Hannah Berner, navigate through topics like personal style, urban living quirks, the comedy industry, and the complexities of modern relationships with ease and laughter. The episode underscores the importance of authenticity, mutual respect, and shared humor in both personal and professional realms.

Listeners are left with a sense of camaraderie and amusement, encouraged to embrace their unique selves and find joy in the everyday moments of life.

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Transcript

[Kaley Cuoco]

Hey there, travelers. Kaley Cuoco here.

[Hannah Burner]

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[Kaley Cuoco]

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[Hannah Burner]

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[Kaley Cuoco]

Um, I think I just won my taxes. Yeah, I just switched to H and R Block in about one minute. All I had to do was drag and drop last year's return into H and R Block and bam. My information is automatically there so I.

[Chelsea]

Don'T have to go digging around for.

[Hannah Burner]

All my old papers to switch. Nope.

[Chelsea]

Sounds like we just leveled up our tax game.

[Hannah Burner]

Switching to H and R Block is easy.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Just drag and drop your last return.

[Hannah Burner]

It's better with block.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Hey y'all. Happy Hawktober welcome back to Talk to a A Better Original, Download Better and play Better Picks. All right, I need you to hit the subscribe or follow button wherever you're listening now. That way you never miss an episode. And while you're at it, go write me a review and leave a five star rating for Talk to Us. Welcome back to Talk to Like, an emphasis on it. Like as always, Talk to is brought to you by Better Picks. Better Picks offers the easiest ways to win a thousand times your money all NFL season long. So all you have to do is get eight correct picks about your favorite players and you can win a thousand times your money. You could literally turn one dollar into a thousand just by watching football and picking more or less on your favorite players projections. Grab that phone out of your pocket right now.

[Chelsea]

Download better, download better, play Better picks.

[Kaley Cuoco]

And don't forget to use code talktua when you sign up. Welcome back to Talk to A Better original. We got Ms. Hannah Burner. And today we're at the Bolero in Times Square.

[Hannah Burner]

This is. I've never recorded in a pod in this kind of space. This is pretty cool. Also, I like these Game of Throne chairs.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Dude, there's a whole dope ass like bowling alley over there. We have Moose and then we got Miss Hannah today.

[Hannah Burner]

I love how Moose came before me. I'm just kidding.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Well, see, I got to thinking, I was like, Moose is a bigger person.

[Hannah Burner]

Moose is the star of the show very Very handsome boy.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Sit, Moose. He's a good boy. Good Moose.

[Hannah Burner]

Shall we? I love how I've. I'm taking charge right now. Shall we begin with your shoe choice? The first thing you said when I sat down, you go, these my funeral boots.

[Kaley Cuoco]

These are my funeral boots.

[Chelsea]

Cheetah print boots.

[Kaley Cuoco]

See, normally you wear like black to a funeral. What's your outfit? It can't be just black. I mean, you gotta think about it. You really gotta put this into perspective. You can't just have like a whole black outfit and no color. You gotta have something that complements your outfit. Why not? Cheetah print boots.

[Chelsea]

Okay, I get it.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I guess maybe there needs to be like a. A happy spirit in the room or something. You got people over here crying and them crying, oh, cute boots. Go back to crying, you know? Yeah, yeah. It takes the tension out of the room.

[Hannah Burner]

I feel like, how many funerals have you been to?

[Kaley Cuoco]

I actually try to avoid funerals. I just.

[Chelsea]

So you don't ever get to wear the boots?

[Kaley Cuoco]

I've been to like three funerals.

[Hannah Burner]

Or you get kicked out. Cuz you walk in with cheetah boots and they're like, you have no respect for. For this person's life.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Well, you know, I know the person. They probably would like my boots too.

[Hannah Burner]

True, true. I love that. I mean, who thought of the whole idea of like wearing white when you get married, wearing black when people die? It seems kind of like basic.

[Kaley Cuoco]

It does. It's like played out. Like who playing that?

[Hannah Burner]

It's so true. It's like chewy.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I want to know who like picked the days of the week too. Like Wednesday. Where'd you come up with that shit? Like do you ever think about that kind of stuff?

[Hannah Burner]

Are you high? I wish.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I think about shit too much. That's my problem.

[Hannah Burner]

I do think that it's up how they spelled Wednesday. Like who was like Wednesday?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah.

[Hannah Burner]

I didn't want to put you on the spot, but yeah, wed nestay is up. Who was like, let's put an N in there just to up every elementary school kid trying to pass.

[Kaley Cuoco]

And they all end in wa too. How'd they do that?

[Hannah Burner]

The day part, the day thing. We got to change some stuff, girls. That's why I sat you here today. We have to make some changes.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah, what kind of changes should we start with?

[Hannah Burner]

You know what, I want to know because this is some fish out of water. You're in New York City. What? What do you like or dislike about New York City?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Actually, I do have one big Problem. This is my third time I've been here and I have yet to see a rat. I want to see a rat so bad here. I can't stand it.

[Hannah Burner]

So rats only go towards people with bad energy. So you saw the TikTok going around seeing the rats of. What's the quote?

[Chelsea]

The rats, they're taking birth control.

[Hannah Burner]

They're saying the rats are controlling the city or whatever. Apparently we. We heard from your producer that they're giving rats birth control so that rats can't. They're giving rats abortions. Abortions.

[Kaley Cuoco]

They have a voice. They're all, speak up.

[Hannah Burner]

I say it's. It's the rat's choice. If the rats want to. Want a boarding rat body.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Their choice.

[Hannah Burner]

Exactly. So if these rats. Because we don't need no more rap. Also, have you ever seen a rat baby?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Have you saw a baby pigeon? Those are not real.

[Hannah Burner]

Do you know what they say, though? If like a crazy person starts coming for you, Kiss on your pants? That is the one.

[Chelsea]

They're not gonna.

[Hannah Burner]

That's the one. I don't know why you went towards kissing.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Well, I mean, that was a crazy.

[Hannah Burner]

That was a crazy thing to say.

[Kaley Cuoco]

What do you do after you. Your pants, you, like, pull it out.

[Hannah Burner]

You gotta freak them out more than they're trying to freak you out. It's like at the bar, if a guy's hitting on you and you're just like, what? And he'll leave you alone.

[Kaley Cuoco]

That's when you fart on one dip.

[Hannah Burner]

You fart. You talk about astrology and you did.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah.

[Hannah Burner]

You say, get out of here. What's your song? Leo, obviously.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Oh, Pisces.

[Hannah Burner]

Oh, so you're emotional. Are you crying right now?

[Kaley Cuoco]

I'm not emotional. I'm sensitive.

[Hannah Burner]

Wait, can I ask Chelsea? How has she changed? Has she become a monster? Yes.

[Kaley Cuoco]

No, I'm just kidding.

[Hannah Burner]

She demanded these fancy chairs. She made you sit in the small one.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

What the hell is this?

[Kaley Cuoco]

That had nothing to do with me.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah, that was her team.

[Chelsea]

That was freaking good.

[Hannah Burner]

She's a team.

[Kaley Cuoco]

At least she got a pretty white boot beside you.

[Chelsea]

Yeah, that's true.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah.

[Hannah Burner]

You have a boot wearing these on.

[Chelsea]

Broadway next week, Play Better pay.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Damn, I hate we can't go on Broadway no more.

[Chelsea]

Who said we can?

[Kaley Cuoco]

You get recognized too, even by yourself.

[Chelsea]

Yeah, but.

[Hannah Burner]

Okay, this is. This is going to sound offensive. Can you yodel? Yeah.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I don't know. I don't think I've ever tried it. Can you yodel?

[Hannah Burner]

I feel like you give me yodeling. Vibes.

[Chelsea]

Mason Ramsey's.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I have read that somewhere. Like, that's Mason Ramsey's older sister. I'm like, fudge, y'all.

[Hannah Burner]

He's killing it.

[Chelsea]

No, he is.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Messaged me, actually. He's like, dude, you guys need to do it.

[Hannah Burner]

Like a collab of some kind.

[Kaley Cuoco]

You're so cute.

[Hannah Burner]

My thing is, so I'm originally from Brooklyn, New York, and like, I'm like a city kid. Like, city rat. Like, I'm one of the rats that you want to meet. I don't know anything about the country. The wrongs we must right, the fights we must win, the future we must secure together for our nation. This is what's in front of us. This determines what's next for all of us. We are marines. We were made for this. McDonald's meets the Minecraft universe with one of six collectibles and your choice of a Big Mac or 10 piece McNuggets.

[Kaley Cuoco]

With spicy nether flame sauce.

[Hannah Burner]

Now available with a Minecraft movie meal. I participate in McDonald's for a limited time, a Minecraft movie only in theaters. I don't know, like, I don't know country music, but I appreciate it. I love different cultures. But, like, if I'm in nature for too long, I get scared because, like, they don't have bodegas. They don't have hospitals. They don't have hospitals.

[Kaley Cuoco]

We have a hospital.

[Chelsea]

We have a hospital, though.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah, but if you got like a shard of glass in your fucking eye, they're gonna tell you you're okay. Like, I'm so scared.

[Hannah Burner]

Actually, there's a comedian that's very funny, Ryan Hamilton, who talks about New Yorkers, how we're always like, if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. But he's like, but take a New Yorker out of New York and we can't make it. Like, I couldn't make it in your town, I'd freak. I can't drive. Don't have a driver's license. Wait, taxi.

[Chelsea]

You don't have a driver's license?

[Hannah Burner]

No.

[Chelsea]

Why?

[Kaley Cuoco]

What?

[Hannah Burner]

It's a long story. Also, when I hang out with Southern people, I started talking Southern. This is who I am now. I'm trying to fit in with the.

[Chelsea]

Girls and she's got the camo pants on.

[Hannah Burner]

And I wore the pants cuz I was like, she'll. She'll accept me if I wear this camel. But this is the thing. I. I actually got my driver's license at 24, but I hit the curb at the end. Like, I ran the curb. And my dad was like, you shouldn't give it to her. But the person already passed me. Then it expired during COVID I didn't know how to re. Get it. And now and then I tried, and I failed my test. So, like, I'm. I'm saving the environment by not driving.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I've been talking to you for five minutes, and I'm absolutely amused with you.

[Hannah Burner]

Wait. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I'm so amazed. You really don't have a driver's license?

[Hannah Burner]

No, girl, you just work hard and you talk enough shit, and you get a driver.

[Kaley Cuoco]

You know, that's fair. That's fair. Point.

[Hannah Burner]

They men love driving you around.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I can drive to an extent, just on the interstate.

[Hannah Burner]

I love how you're like, I have a license, but I can't drive. Yeah, see, at least I'm not legally allowed. You're out here in these streets, I am allowed.

[Kaley Cuoco]

And I also run over curves.

[Chelsea]

Like, that's why I drive. That's everywhere.

[Kaley Cuoco]

This bitch. Don't. Don't. Don't be fooled by her. We were getting our nails done a few weeks ago in Nashville. Left there. She's driving my car because her car said kapoor. It just no more. So I'm like, oh, you can drive my car.

[Hannah Burner]

I love to say that more often.

[Kaley Cuoco]

The whole left side of my car went boom and went back down. I was like, what the was that? And she just kind of looked at me and smiled. I was like, that was a sidewalk. What?

[Hannah Burner]

Do you have a truck? Yeah, do you have a truck?

[Kaley Cuoco]

What do you think I drive?

[Hannah Burner]

Oh, wait, that's a good question. I feel like you drive a jeep.

[Kaley Cuoco]

What is the most atrocious car a white girl. A white girl can wear or drive? Excuse me.

[Hannah Burner]

I'm a New Yorker. I don't know anything about cars. What do you have?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Have you not ever seen, like, the allegations of these cars? Like, the girls that drive it are absolutely feral.

[Hannah Burner]

Like white trash.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Like white trash chaotic. Can't drive worth of shit. They'll hit anything.

[Hannah Burner]

Like a Corolla. I don't know anything about cars.

[Kaley Cuoco]

A Nissan Altima.

[Hannah Burner]

Oh, that's just tight.

[Kaley Cuoco]

That is a curb stomping.

[Hannah Burner]

And I feel like you just have, like, jelly nails all over the floor like that. Just what I envision.

[Kaley Cuoco]

My car actually stays really clean unless she's been in it.

[Chelsea]

Oh, okay.

[Kaley Cuoco]

That's the only time my car is dirty.

[Hannah Burner]

Wait, so are you living in Nashville now?

[Kaley Cuoco]

It's an hour south of Nashville.

[Hannah Burner]

Oh, so you're still. You haven't done the move to the city?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Oh, no, I won't.

[Hannah Burner]

You're not.

[Kaley Cuoco]

That's like taking you and putting you out in the boondocks.

[Hannah Burner]

See, and that's what we're gonna do. That's what we planned. You know, I've never. I've never been fishing. I've never been hunting. I never been.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I don't really hunt either. I don't like killing stuff.

[Hannah Burner]

I don't like killing stuff. I think it's bad.

[Kaley Cuoco]

You like going fishing? That shit's fun.

[Hannah Burner]

Do you put the fish back? You eat them?

[Kaley Cuoco]

I mean, it depends.

[Hannah Burner]

I've been clamming.

[Kaley Cuoco]

What? What?

[Hannah Burner]

That's some northeast. You get in this mud and you get a rake and then you just clam. And they live in mud? They live in mud.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Do you eat them?

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Should I try one?

[Hannah Burner]

Have you ever had a clam?

[Kaley Cuoco]

No. I'm scared of them.

[Hannah Burner]

We have to do like a. Haley goes around trying food that isn't grits.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Actually, I don't eat grits.

[Hannah Burner]

You don't eat grits? I love grits.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Don't like grits. I think they're just, like, strange looking.

[Hannah Burner]

Do you know how I learned about grits? My Cousin Vinny.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Vinny.

[Hannah Burner]

Have you watched My Cousin Vinny?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Who's Vinny?

[Hannah Burner]

Wait, am I aging myself?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Vinny Hacker.

[Hannah Burner]

You might send a remake with Vinny Hacker. My Cousin Vinny is this move. I don't even know if I. It's such a beautiful movie.

[Kaley Cuoco]

What's the name of it?

[Hannah Burner]

It's called My Cousin Vinny.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Oh.

[Hannah Burner]

But anyway, they. She is rich.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I wish you actually had a cousin named Vinny.

[Hannah Burner]

No, it's just a movie. I highly recommend five stars. But, yeah, it's. It's a very good movie. But that's how I learned about grits. When I go in the South, I drink sweet tea and that shit gets me up. That's like crack cocaine. The sweet tea.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I feel like people drink it at home, but they're not, like, crazy about it. Like, it's. It's more of, like, a stereotype.

[Chelsea]

It's just like.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Hannah Burner]

Because I want to find out.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Have you ever heard of Nashville's hot chicken? Yeah. I've never went out of my way to get hot chicken. I don't think she has it.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah, no question. Are you guys considered the south or the Middle South?

[Chelsea]

South. I say never eat soggy.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah, south, never eat soggy waffles.

[Hannah Burner]

First, I want to Say thank you for having a Yankee on the pod. She doesn't know it. She doesn't know what I'm talking about.

[Kaley Cuoco]

No, I just had like a brain fart for a minute. I was like, there ain't no way she just said that.

[Hannah Burner]

Second of all, how do you guys feel about losing the war? What? Civil war? To me.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I. Oh, we lost the Civil War to you.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah, you all took the L. Are you over it?

[Chelsea]

We're a little uneducated.

[Hannah Burner]

Talking about. No, there was a war of North. North, Ver. South. Oh, and it's kind of crazy cuz you guys, I feel like we're better at fighting. But somehow the north won.

[Kaley Cuoco]

You're so educated.

[Hannah Burner]

No, I don't know anything about the war except the North. My friend was from Arkansas. Pix Arkansas. I love Arkansas. Actually, Arkansas is. Did I say it funny?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Say water.

[Hannah Burner]

Water. So the way I do this pod, if it. If we were from New York, we say, talk to a. Talk to her with Haley Welch. Talk to her. We're talking shit today. Welcome, New Jersey, Tri State, Brooklyn, Staten Island. Let's go. Let's talk some shit today. You ready? Let's go. What's your favorite pizza?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Cheese. I like cheese pizza.

[Hannah Burner]

Say, I want to walk to the store to get some coffee.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Walk to the store to get some coffee. Oh, my white girl accent.

[Chelsea]

That's Harley.

[Hannah Burner]

Wait, you sound like Ariana Grande.

[Chelsea]

I never thought about that.

[Hannah Burner]

I Grande. I talk like this now. Wait, I like that white girl accent.

[Chelsea]

You really.

[Kaley Cuoco]

So I've got the conclusion when people come up to me and they're like, are you that girl? I'm like, what are you talking about? They're like.

[Chelsea]

They immediately get scared.

[Hannah Burner]

If you dyed your hair brown and you talk like that, you'd be good. You could be incognito.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Like, I don't see any problem with it, do you?

[Chelsea]

It actually terrifies me when she talks like that because she looks like she's.

[Hannah Burner]

She's like a Karen. She's about to be like, can I please speak to the manager?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Exactly.

[Hannah Burner]

Mine wasn't a store.

[Kaley Cuoco]

We just figured out I could do that. Like a few months ago. Like, I had no idea I could do that.

[Hannah Burner]

This bitch is out here. I'm her manager now. Do. Sorry. Doing charity out here unnecessarily amount. She's about to get a Noble Peace Prize. She's in the Peace Corp. This girl is giving back and she doesn't have to. So shout out to you.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Well, thank you.

[Hannah Burner]

I just want to put that out There.

[Kaley Cuoco]

You ever see those girls in, like, the pageants? Like, what's one thing you can change about the world? And they're like, world peace. That's me. That is so me.

[Chelsea]

How do we feel about Pooky having chest hair?

[Kaley Cuoco]

I personally do not like chest hair. I don't like it touching me. So I make Pooky, like, shave it off. I like when Pooky uses the Chairman Pro electric full shaver. It's the latest innovation at Manscaped.

[Chelsea]

What makes the shaver so amazing?

[Kaley Cuoco]

It's the ultimate tool that brings a luxury and professional shave right to his bathroom. And it's kind of fun. I get to, like, shave his chest for him.

[Chelsea]

Can you use it in the shower?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Heck yeah. It's waterproof. You can use it in the shower. It comes with two skin safe blade heads. It even comes with a travel lock. It's perfect for business trips and weekend getaways with Pooky. So if you're looking for a thoughtful and practical gift that he'll actually use and love, the Chairman Pro is the way to go. Get 20% off and free shipping with the code tuamanscape.com. that's 20% off and free shipping with THE CODE T. Manscape.com.

[Chelsea]

The Chairman Pro is the way to go.

[Hannah Burner]

I have to confess something to you.

[Kaley Cuoco]

You're a man. I knew it. I was waiting for it to come out. I knew it was too good to be true.

[Hannah Burner]

So Haley was talking about how she's like, I don't want to talk to men anymore and I have to tell you something. No, I'm just kidding. But it is about men. It is about men.

[Kaley Cuoco]

You hate them too.

[Hannah Burner]

Look, some of them are good and some of them are not. And it's important to not get rose colored glasses. But in terms of the hawk to a thing, I hate spit. What? I just have to tell you because I feel like we're connecting and we can be different in some ways, but I'm gonna stay real with you.

[Kaley Cuoco]

That'd be okay. You and Whitney are different some ways. And y'all hit it off.

[Hannah Burner]

Exactly. Because we're both, you know, we like to have fun. We like.

[Kaley Cuoco]

You're our own person, too.

[Hannah Burner]

Thank you. Because my thing is, I don't know what it is about spit. It's like a. I'm like, I don't want you.

[Kaley Cuoco]

It's kind of nasty if you think about it.

[Hannah Burner]

I don't want him, but he can put his tongue all up in me. But I don't want him. Spitting on me. And I'm not gonna spit on him. Because, you know, like, when you're little and you, like, lick your arm and you smell it and you're like, oh, brother.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah, brother.

[Hannah Burner]

So I'm like, adult. But then, like, if he spits, I'm like, just use some lube.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah.

[Hannah Burner]

Do you.

[Chelsea]

Spit?

[Hannah Burner]

She's. Do you ever run out of spit?

[Kaley Cuoco]

I mean, let me put it this way. If you ever get cotton mouse real bad, you're, like, trying to spit you. I hate it when I'm cotton mouth. That means, like, my lips are shriveling up.

[Hannah Burner]

Turn.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I'm like, oh, where's my chapstick?

[Hannah Burner]

You gotta get.

[Kaley Cuoco]

There's nothing together until I have Chapstick on.

[Hannah Burner]

Do they have lube in Tennessee?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yes, I'm sure they do. I mean, I've personally never looked for it, but it's funny because I was.

[Hannah Burner]

Doing crowd work with this girl who's, like, younger not to age myself, but she was like, I've never used lube before. And, like, look, I'm as. What is. They come like you. But a little lube helps, you know, in the beginning when you're a little, like, nervous or, like, you're running out. Like, a little lube just gets everything flowing better. And I was late to the lube game, and I realized I just want to promote it for the girls listening who may be like me, who don't love. I don't like. I don't want to slip on my.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Own spit, now that I'm thinking about it, you know, you put that lube like, in my shoe, right?

[Chelsea]

What are you talking about?

[Kaley Cuoco]

I was in her bedroom the other night, and we were in this hotel a few months ago, and they have, like, little care bundles, you know? Is that what you like, how they.

[Chelsea]

Give you, like, little samples of stuff? Like sitting on the bathroom, seeing condoms and loose. It was like a little bag, and it says Soho.

[Hannah Burner]

Was it a brothel?

[Kaley Cuoco]

No, it was Soho.

[Hannah Burner]

Were you getting sex trafficked?

[Chelsea]

No, no.

[Kaley Cuoco]

But anyhow, they had, like, these little plastic things of, like, lube. And they were so squishy, they just felt like orbee beads, you know? And I was like, well, let's take.

[Hannah Burner]

It like a what?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Like, it was squishy, you know, like slime or bead. Like, you know how it's squishy?

[Hannah Burner]

How do you know what an orbee bead is?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Dude, that's what my childhood was. I used to beg you, granny. I was like, granny, please get me these new color of orbeez.

[Hannah Burner]

She goes, orbeez beads are my favorite. They're my religion. They're what I do everything for.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Like, they're just so soft and they're squishy.

[Hannah Burner]

I need to look into orbi beads.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I'm a texture person. I like feeling on, but they're squishy. Anyhow, this lube, it's like in a little packaging that big.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I guess she's cleaning out her suitcase the other night and just tossed it and it went. My shoe. Yeah, that's where it kind of stayed.

[Hannah Burner]

There's some that go hot and cold. I don't need all that.

[Chelsea]

Just freaks me out.

[Hannah Burner]

I just want it would be too.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Like, why is my cooter taste like bananas? Like, I don't get that. That's just not right with me.

[Hannah Burner]

Like, I will be like, don't spit on me. But then, like, I'll eat tuna fish from 7 11. You know that kind of, you know, that's the kind of freak I am.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Do you have a guilty pleasure for, like, nasty food?

[Hannah Burner]

I love Nice.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I do too. I'm a sucker for something.

[Hannah Burner]

I also try anything.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah.

[Hannah Burner]

Like, if you say it's good, I'll try it.

[Kaley Cuoco]

You eat caviar.

[Hannah Burner]

You know, that's just like. You don't come across it that much.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I try to stay away from it. Now that I know what it looks.

[Hannah Burner]

Like, I will not chasing you. How often you can run into caviar. Oh, because you're in some rich right now, they try to give you caviar.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah. Like, we'll go out to dinners and stuff for like, business. And I'll say stuff like the sushi we had.

[Hannah Burner]

I would love to be flying the wall. One of your business centers.

[Kaley Cuoco]

So you're married, right?

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah, but it's off brand. Like, I don't talk about it a lot. It's just like a side thing that happened while I was with my life. It happened. It just happened. If you guys have any relationship questions, by the way, because I'm married, people think I know everything and I can answer.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Well, I have high hopes in you that you know everything. How'd you meet this fellow?

[Hannah Burner]

So he's a comedian.

[Kaley Cuoco]

He giggled you out of your draws. That's what it is.

[Hannah Burner]

Laughter was. Is the only way to know if he's. There's other ways to get me out my drawers. But laughter is sustainable. Like, yeah. If I feel like relationships are just like a conversation for a long time. You ever, like, like someone, you get all excited, but then you're like sitting on the couch with them, and you're like, I'm not interested in anything you're saying. Yes. You know, you don't like how they breathe. You need. That makes you laugh. And I'm not saying you have to be with a comedian, but make someone that has good chemistry that you could be stupid with.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah, I cannot be with, like, a serious man. He's gonna be, like, funny, you know?

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah. And. And there's a confidence that comes with a guy that doesn't take himself too seriously and a girl who doesn't take herself too seriously. That's hot. That's confident. That's why your video blew up.

[Kaley Cuoco]

You think that's hot?

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah, I do. That's good, because it's like you're. You're just being yourself and being confident, comfortable in your skin.

[Kaley Cuoco]

So how long have you been married?

[Hannah Burner]

I'm a baby. Two years.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Just two years.

[Hannah Burner]

But he. So, yeah, I wasn't. I was doing cold calling sales, but I loved comedy, so I'd go to comedy shows, and I actually saw him perform at the Comedy Cellar way, like, seven years ago. And I was like, this guy's hot. But, like, I'm not gonna talk to him. And he lived in Ireland.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Oh, he's Irish.

[Hannah Burner]

He's from New York, but he's Irish. And he. When he was 14, he was naughty. He was being crazy. So his parents shipped him off to Ireland, where, like, they're even better at drinking, which is hilarious. So he went to the major leagues of drinking and became a comedian there. But, yeah, Irish guys are fun.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Does he have, like, an accent?

[Hannah Burner]

He has, like, a mix. Like, he'll say Irish stuff in a queen's accent.

[Kaley Cuoco]

That's so cute.

[Hannah Burner]

But during COVID I got into comedy, and we followed each other. And during COVID he came back to Long island, and I was in Long island during COVID and he just DM me. I was like, do you want to get coffee? And it's like a best friend. Like, you meet them, and you're just like, oh, I want to spend all my time with this person. And it was, like, real quick. But it was right after I was, like, 29, single, live with my parents. Four cats.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Four cats.

[Hannah Burner]

It was. It was getting, like, dark esthetically. Like, people would be like, you're not doing well. And my mom being like, is there something wrong? And I was like, no one got away. And, like, I'm actually. I feel like when you're at the point where you go, oh, being single is better than being with the wrong dude is when the right energy comes towards you.

[Kaley Cuoco]

You manifested that.

[Hannah Burner]

I manifested that. I. But I feel like in my 20s, it's a lot of, like, figuring out who you like, how you feel comfortable, like, be yourself. Who the fuck is that? I don't know. I'm becoming myself. My brain isn't even fully formed in my 20s. Not to, you know, but it's true.

[Kaley Cuoco]

No, that's okay. I learned something new every day about myself. That's okay. I learned something new almost every day. Hey, Chelsea, do you remember when we went to Matt Rife?

[Hannah Burner]

Yes.

[Chelsea]

That was so much fun.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I just love going to live events. Let me get on my phone and go to the Game Time app and we can look and see which event we want to go to next.

[Chelsea]

Oh, can you see when Dash is coming to Nashville? I heard she was going on tour.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. You know what I love about Game Time? You can see the view from the seats before you buy the T tickets.

[Chelsea]

Here, look, we gotta get those seats.

[Kaley Cuoco]

And Game Time has a new feature. It's called Game Time Picks that makes getting tickets for this event so much easier. I love using Game Time to find tickets. It's so simple.

[Chelsea]

It sounds like it helps to filter everything so you can see the deal so much quicker.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yep, and that's what's cool about it. Even if we don't get these tickets today, we can get them last minute at her concert.

[Chelsea]

That's great. While we're in New York City, should we look and see what we can do tonight?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Let's do it. But first, everyone needs to go download the Game Time app, Create an account, use the code, talk to and get 20 off your first purchase term supply. Create an account and redeem code T A L K T U a h for $20 off download game Time today.

[Chelsea]

What time is it?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Game Time.

[Chelsea]

Wait, so you're. He's a little bit older than you, right?

[Hannah Burner]

Okay, he's older. So I'm 33, he's 48.

[Kaley Cuoco]

He's mature.

[Hannah Burner]

Thank you.

[Chelsea]

Why do you think that older man's better?

[Hannah Burner]

I have a lot of thoughts on this. And I do have to preface this. When I met this man when I was in my 30s, my brain was fully formed. I was financially independent enough that I wasn't going to depend on him for anything, as you should. And I knew what I wanted. And so when I met him in my 30s, it was like he's pre trained. He's been yelled at by a lot of previous girls. So I don't have to train him because I'm not a caretaker like that. He's confident in his own stuff, so he's not going to be comparing to me or weirdly competitive with me and older guys. Like, I listen to them when they talk because they actually know stuff. But I do have to say, in your early 20s, I don't like you with like, guys in their 40s because they could be a little. I don't love.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I didn't mean to sad at you. Like, I do that. But like, like, you get a point.

[Hannah Burner]

I like guys in your 30s when you're in your 20s. Cuz at some point, guys in your 40s, I'm like, why are they talking to girls whose brains aren't fully formed yet?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah.

[Hannah Burner]

And also, like, our girls their own age see them for who they are and that's why they're going for younger girls.

[Kaley Cuoco]

My man's a little bit older, but he's not that much.

[Hannah Burner]

I like a little bit older.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah, he's like 24.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah. Like, because, let's be honest, the maturity, emotional maturity. I'd say, like, me and my husband are the same.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Is he romantic?

[Hannah Burner]

He's romantic in, like, in, like, he'll do anything to make me laugh. Oh, and he's romantic. And like, he, like, he's protective of me. I don't trust guys who are too, like, on paper, romantic. Like, if a guy gets me flowers too much or he's writing me love letters, I think he's cheating.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Don't put that in the back of my head.

[Hannah Burner]

Don't put that in the back of my head. All the stories of girls who get murdered or they. They get cheated on, they always go, he used to leave me love letters every morning about how great I am. And I go, he's overcompensating.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Babe, what is some of your worst and best research stories when dating?

[Hannah Burner]

I dated a lot of athletes with cte. You know what CTE is?

[Kaley Cuoco]

I don't like the way it sounds. I know it's not gonna be good.

[Hannah Burner]

But it's not an STD. I know you were thinking STD. It's not.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Whoa, whoa.

[Hannah Burner]

But they do have STDs, too.

[Kaley Cuoco]

And you hit that.

[Hannah Burner]

It's not good. So, like, I love football. Shout out my fancy football team. It's not good for men. Like, football is not good for men. They're like gladiators and they're risking their mental capacity of.

[Kaley Cuoco]

To chase a ball.

[Hannah Burner]

To chase the ball. And they make money. But, like, do you really care to make money when you can't form a sentence or you get. You start punching walls for no reason. I'm just raising awareness out here in these streets. But athletes. I dated an athlete. And yeah, he was dumb. And I joked he wanted me to go to a Bible study all the time. And I was like, you can't read, so how are you studying the Bible? And I wasn't going to teach him how to read because I'm busy. I have stuff to do. You're. You're.

[Kaley Cuoco]

He really couldn't read.

[Hannah Burner]

You're 21 years old. I'm not teaching you how to read it. Just some of them. He was very good at football.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I feel like you're the man in all your relationships. That's how it should be, though.

[Hannah Burner]

It's funny. I feel like I just have a. I was raised very, like, not like, oh, you're a princess. I was raised, like, you're in control. Yeah. Just be hard working, be smart, be kind.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah.

[Hannah Burner]

So, like, I'm not trying to. I'm just me. And that's all you can be.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Well, I like you.

[Hannah Burner]

I like you a lot. And I like you too.

[Chelsea]

I like you too.

[Kaley Cuoco]

It was funnier. Is it you or your husband?

[Hannah Burner]

We. I feel like we both have to find each other. Like, the funniest. The good thing is when we met during COVID we got engaged before we even saw each other do stand up before. So, like, I fell in love with this man's humor off stage. Like when he's on stage, that's him performing and he's great at what he does. But, like, there's a lot of comics that are so funny on stage, but offstage I'm like, you're depressing me. You know, like, they just have bad energy or some people are really funny, but they don't see your humor. You need someone. People is like, oh, I want a girl who laughs at my jokes. I want a guy who laughs at my jokes too. I want to stay the guy who never laughed at my jokes.

[Kaley Cuoco]

He'd have to go, but like, he.

[Hannah Burner]

Was handsome and funny and successful and everyone, like, loved me with him. But when I was alone with him, I felt not funny.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Need to come to one of your shows.

[Hannah Burner]

I would love to have you.

[Kaley Cuoco]

That'd be so fun.

[Hannah Burner]

I would love to have you.

[Kaley Cuoco]

So how do you pick somebody out of the crowd you want to, like, pick on?

[Hannah Burner]

That is such a good question.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I want to know cuz I was watching you last night and you picked on Kevin. Poor Kevin, Bless his heart.

[Hannah Burner]

Bless his heart. Feel fear in the audience. I don't know what it is. As a comic, you're not just giving a speech. It's like a dance. Like, you're giving me energy. I'm giving you energy. And sometimes you'll sense the boyfriend who's a little nervous, and I actually want them to like me. So how I do it is I build them up. I break them down. I build them up, and we go on this journey. But, like, I like a guy who's wearing something weird or, like, if they're whole. If you're doing anything that I could start off with, I'm coming for you. And with comedy, you have to be quick to see, like, if they're gonna bring it or you're on to the next one. But, like, if a guy's, like, holding a girl's hand a certain way.

[Chelsea]

What about, like, the street interviews? How do you pick out those kind of.

[Hannah Burner]

I love. You know. So that's why I love your street interview so much, because I. I got a lot of my career from street interviews, but mine was with. I'd be hanging out at the standup club, and I would get the male comics outside, and I'd be like, don't try to be funny. I'm gonna ask these funny questions. Just be vulnerable and let me riff with you.

[Kaley Cuoco]

So you targeted men?

[Hannah Burner]

So I targeted the men, yeah. And they. It was great because I got to ask them were my friends so I could, like, lean in and ask them, like, really vulnerable questions.

[Kaley Cuoco]

So you knew them?

[Hannah Burner]

So I knew them all.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I thought they're a random man.

[Hannah Burner]

I did at first try to do random men. I said to the comics, I don't want you to, like, make this into a joke. Like, I want it to be raw. But the. These guys, not everyone wants to be on camera. Like, they'll be, like, smoking cigs, drunk. Next day, I'd get emails like, take. Take this down. And I just want to film people who want to be on camera because, like, even yours, like, if the next day you're like, I was drunk. I didn't want you to put that up. They have to take that down.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Oh, no. No, they don't.

[Hannah Burner]

Did you try to get it down?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah, I did. And now I'm getting a bunch of for it. But at the end of the day, I don't have any hate in my heart towards those boys. No, Just, they do their thing, I'll do mine.

[Hannah Burner]

I do have to say sometimes the painful things that are hard, like, I like how you leaned into it and. And you.

[Kaley Cuoco]

It took me a minute. Yeah, but it took me a minute.

[Hannah Burner]

And a lot of people have viral moments, and not everyone runs with it, so I'm proud of you.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Well, thank you. It took, like, two or three weeks before I was like, you know what? I was like, he's not going to take it down. I was like, I might as well get the fuck over this shit. So I did.

[Hannah Burner]

And also, we come from a generation with. It's very empowering to talk about sex, obviously. Like, I think there's some older generations that are like, oh, like, it's disgusting. It's whatever. I go on stage and I talk about sex so girls feel less alone and girls are prepared. I talk about losing your virginity on stage and have sex, and people can be like, oh, she's dirty. I'm not dirty. I'm talking about it. So about normal shit.

[Chelsea]

I mean, it's real.

[Kaley Cuoco]

It's normal shit. I don't understand why.

[Hannah Burner]

It's not a big deal. And also, speaking as, like, I don't know, I feel like the south could be a little more traditional. But, like, to me, I was like, she's a comedian and she didn't know it yet. But, like, you just made people laugh and you were being. Spreading awareness about. Talking about sex is important. People want us to not talk about sex so people can control you. Yeah, they're out here controlling us. No, but seriously, if girls never talk, we don't know if his dick is bad. If we're not. If we're not gossiping about the dick. Your friend could be getting fingered on the side of her leg her whole life.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah, left lip.

[Hannah Burner]

Left lip. You got to sit down and be like, no, you know, he should be doing this and that. And you could do that and have you tried that?

[Chelsea]

And see, they should appreciate that more.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yes. It's so much fun, like, after your friend gets back, like, at the end of the night from, like, a date or something. I love getting all the tea.

[Hannah Burner]

It's the best. Tell me. Tell me when. Tell me when. Chelsea, tell me. That's all girls talk about, if you want to know. But I think it's important that we talk about stuff, so I'm proud of you.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I think it is, too. We need to normalize it. Like, Chelsea, Yay. Put up. I ain't going to say that. I ain't going to say that.

[Chelsea]

I actually want to know what you're about to say.

[Kaley Cuoco]

You remember what I told you the other day?

[Chelsea]

Oh, my God.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I'll tell you after. I cannot say that on camera. She's a bolt.

[Hannah Burner]

I could tell. Look at her. She's a real one.

[Kaley Cuoco]

She didn't know what to say when I was telling her about this the other day. So me and Pooky, we had, like, a little.

[Hannah Burner]

Pookie's your man.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Pookie's mom. Officially my man, first off. Oh, I didn't even tell you guys. He tricked me.

[Chelsea]

So. No, they were going on a date.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I tell you what. He walked in, and I was like, damn, girl. Damn. Shit.

[Chelsea]

I was like, pookie, you look so snazzy. And he was like, thanks. He's like, I gotta show you something. And he showed me his phone, and it was like. He had balloons all over his room. He had a sign that said, be mine.

[Hannah Burner]

Wait, so your first date is the first time he asked you to be his girlfriend? I love that.

[Chelsea]

It was so cute. Did you hook up the first date?

[Kaley Cuoco]

So, background story. I've known this man for, like, three years. Oh, he's playing hard to get. And I love a good game. I'm always. Yes, yes, yes. He made it worth it, I guess. He got so mad at me, I ruined it. I turned the fan on because we went to his apartment. He tricked me. He had his friend call him, and he was like, hey, I need my lunchbox. It's, like, at your house? And he was like, oh, okay, we're gonna go get it. And I was like, okay, that's fine. Chelsea's still out and about doing her thing, you know. That's fine. We go back to his apartment, and he turns on the lights. And I was like, his bedroom door shut. I was like, what the. He hiding up in there? His door ain't never shut. I was like, something's cooked. I opened that door and I swung it open. I would turn lights on. I turned the fan on, and all those balloons just. Whoosh, gone.

[Chelsea]

It was still cute, though.

[Hannah Burner]

I. I do. Like, if every time you go to his place, he has new balloons, that's not a good sign. But I like him taking a moment for a beautiful part of the relationship.

[Kaley Cuoco]

So proud of it. I love that he had, like, rose petals on, like a. On the bed and a little heart shape and then a big bouquet of roses in it.

[Hannah Burner]

Pookie is the most Southern name I've ever heard. That's been.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Do you actually know what pooky is? It's like an atrocious fart.

[Hannah Burner]

It's an atrocious fart.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I didn't know that.

[Hannah Burner]

My favorite thing about southern names is the grandmas. How you always call them like Meemaw, like we call them Grandma, like Nana or Grandma.

[Kaley Cuoco]

That's it.

[Hannah Burner]

In the north it's Nana or Grandma. If they're Italian, they're Nana. If they're not Italian, they're Grandma.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Well, I have granny. I have a Nana. I did have a Memaw.

[Hannah Burner]

Everyone has a great grandma. What do you got?

[Chelsea]

Mammal paw. Paul?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

Papaw.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah. What are the grandpas?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Both my grandparents are dead. But like my granny's ex husband that I always claimed to be my granddad, he's Pawpaw, he's Papa. But I did have a Pappy and a Pappy. Yeah. Happy wore overalls. It just makes sense about Pappy. Election day is coming up on November 5th and there's a website, sendthevote.org talk that makes registering to vote very easy. It's a nonpartisan, meaning they don't care who you're voting for. They just want to ensure you can vote. Head over to sendthevote.org talk and they'll help you sign up, register and check if you're all set. You can also text talk to 33022 to learn more. That's T A L K 33022 see if I was president we'd have no issue. I'm just not old enough. That's the only problem. Yeah, but we'd have mandatory smoke sessions. We've talked about this before. 12:00pm every day. And then the crime rate's going to drop. You know, cuz everyone's asleep watching TV or they're eating. No problem. Food shortage.

[Hannah Burner]

This is, this is a stand up bit. That was your first stand up bit. And you, you say if I was president, that gets a laugh. I'm gonna have everyone have smoke breaks. Little laugh you can make a joke about. Be like not smoking crack. That was, that was my nanny or whatever. That's my mama. That's my mama. We don't recommend we're smoking weed.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah.

[Hannah Burner]

And then you go into. And then you end it with the food shortage. That's hilarious. That's your first bit, babe.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I'm trying to be funny. I'm being serious.

[Hannah Burner]

And that is what you're, you're that kind of person. When you try to be funny, you'll throw yourself off. Just be serious because you're a funny person.

[Kaley Cuoco]

If we're talking about being funny people, I, I saw the bit you done about queefs. Can we talk about that for a minute.

[Hannah Burner]

Actually, that's my favorite bit. Thank you for bringing it up.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I love that. How'd you come up with that? No, it was.

[Chelsea]

She actually farts, but she just blames.

[Kaley Cuoco]

It on queef because I'm in smells.

[Hannah Burner]

Okay, this. You blame it on the dog, obviously. There's always a dog in the room. I don't know.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Why did you do that, Moose?

[Chelsea]

What if there's not a dog in the room?

[Hannah Burner]

If there's not a dog. Oh, I'm sorry. I was. I was just referencing at you, but if we ever fart in this room, it's you. I'm sorry, and I apologize for putting it on you, but that's what you look like. You would have a smelly fart because we're dainty women. My thing. So it was actually me and my podcast host for Giggly Squad. We were talking about queefing and how it's messed up how guys will be like, you queef. And we were like, stop saying I queefed. You queefed me. Like, you're pumping me with air like a pool toy. Like, you put it on to me. I was just sitting here like a basketball. And like, yes, I'm so tight that the air got trapped and made a sound. But that's not my fault that you didn't anticipate that. And then I was saying, yeah, but whenever I. I'm gassy. So, like, occasionally, you know, you're trying to push out orgasm, and occasionally you push out a little. Little fart you're holding. Or you know what? You will not have to fart all day. And the second you start doing dog, you're like, why do I not have to fart?

[Kaley Cuoco]

You gotta, like, clench your butthole.

[Hannah Burner]

You gotta clench it. And you can't clench an orgasm. It's a whole thing. So I say if you accidentally fart, you go, I sorry. I queefed. And dudes don't know what queefs are anyway, so you get away with it.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Like, ew. Do you fart?

[Hannah Burner]

You bite him. Did you guys smell that? Girls gaslight. Like, that's our gaslight. Like, we will blame anyone else. And if he's like, no, I didn't, it's like, well, who else could it be? Not me.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Exactly. I'm the one. I'm like, do you smell that? What the fuck is that? Whole time, it's my asshole.

[Hannah Burner]

I do this, like, when I start drinking beer and, you know, like, you're dancing and you're just shaking the Beer in your stomach. And then obviously I have, like, the worst beer fart. And it's never me. It's always the dude behind me. I'm like, what the. That's disgusting.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Broker out of here in the bathroom right now. He needs to change his underwear.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah, but I also. I'm not the. I'm not the far police. Like, if I smell something, I don't try to. Like, you know those people who are like, who done it? Who done it? I never do that because a lot of time it's me. So I'm not trying to be like, the second it's not me. I don't want to come for other people because I know how scary it is when it is you.

[Kaley Cuoco]

We actually need an answer from you. We were talking about this. Was it last night or this morning?

[Chelsea]

I don't know. What is it?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Pissing.

[Chelsea]

Oh, no.

[Kaley Cuoco]

When you score, is it piss? What is it? What is it? We need to know.

[Hannah Burner]

It's 2024, and scientists still haven't figured this out. No one gives a about women. They're like, oh, we don't care.

[Kaley Cuoco]

This is what we do.

[Hannah Burner]

We care. I think. Well, it's from the P hole, right?

[Kaley Cuoco]

I don't know.

[Hannah Burner]

I don't know.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I have no idea.

[Hannah Burner]

But it's not PP. Like, it doesn't smell like PP. I think it's. It's. It's like 2% milk, 2% pee.

[Kaley Cuoco]

It is a little bit like, if you ever get the urge to pee, do you just squirt? Do it? You're like, what if it is piss and it's like, bright yellow? What do you do then? Smells like asparagus.

[Hannah Burner]

It's through the urethra. Yeah. So you know what you do? I just squirted in the bathroom before this pot.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I like how you put that. And why aren't you president?

[Hannah Burner]

That's what I've been saying, and no one's listening to me. I'll be your running mate. I'll be your vice. I'll be your vp. I'll just be the hype girl in the back shaking my ass.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Dude, you literally got this.

[Hannah Burner]

And I'll be like, we got city, we got country. We're bringing the north and south together right now. We're united, blue together to make purple today at Haktua. It does make purple.

[Kaley Cuoco]

We couldn't see your ass, by the way.

[Chelsea]

Anyways, I have a game out for October. It's called Ghosts or Not.

[Hannah Burner]

Okay.

[Chelsea]

All right, so I'm going to ask you a few Questions and say if you go somewhere, you know you got it. Okay.

[Hannah Burner]

I'm pro. Ghost.

[Chelsea]

All right. Call you baby.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Nah, nah, I like that.

[Chelsea]

I like that.

[Hannah Burner]

I like that.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I like that a lot.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah, I like that.

[Chelsea]

I thought you didn't like baby.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I don't like baby girl.

[Chelsea]

Okay. I feel like I like baby girl.

[Hannah Burner]

That's a nuance. Yeah. Baby girl means he's like, baby girl.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Did you ever watch that movie? It's like, 365 days. You did. And he's like, baby girl. That's what done it for me. I was like, get. Get the out. Take your and get out now. I couldn't stand that.

[Chelsea]

Calls you the wrong name in bed.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Ghost.

[Hannah Burner]

Ghost.

[Kaley Cuoco]

That one's actually. I'd probably beat his ass, then ghost him. That's probably how that would also.

[Hannah Burner]

I love how little you are when you say I'm a Beat his ass like this. She. She's nimble. I could break you like.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Well, see, I don't fight fair. I'm gonna pick up what I can find, like a lamp or, like, a table, a microwave. I'm fixing to pop you in the head of glass, and then I'm gonna split. Sprint away after you're unconscious.

[Hannah Burner]

I'm scared. That was some straight. You need a wwwe.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I think it'd be fun.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah, put manager. Put that in. Okay. I'm excited.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I love you, Jojo.

[Chelsea]

Okay, wait. This is a good one. You send him to go pick up pads, and he comes back with adult diapers.

[Hannah Burner]

I'm not ghosting him because that's just a man.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I'm gonna say no because Jamie asked us if we wanted regular or if we were feeling sporty today.

[Hannah Burner]

So, yeah.

[Kaley Cuoco]

It is. Because, like, they don't know.

[Hannah Burner]

My favorite is ask them to get you the super tampons. Or ask them the difference between a super tampon and a regular tampon. They never know that. They'll always be like, one of them's, like, powerful, super.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Exactly. Like, the ultra ones are like, well, what does that mean?

[Chelsea]

Like, is it the.

[Hannah Burner]

It just means they don't have sisters.

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Hannah Burner]

They don't care about women.

[Chelsea]

Okay, the next one's posting thirst traps.

[Hannah Burner]

If he's posting their stuff. Ghost. Yeah.

[Chelsea]

Like, why are you doing that?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Like, when they're posting pictures in the mirror with their show off, they're like, yeah. I'm like, get out. Who sent you?

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah. I don't know if they're even attracting girls at that point.

[Chelsea]

Oh, what about long toenails?

[Hannah Burner]

No. And no. I. I more prefer no long fingernails because it means if he's fingering you, it's like saw three.

[Chelsea]

I ghosted a man once because his toenail scratched me when you're going to sleep like after that. And I'd never talked to.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I remember that.

[Chelsea]

That was probably a very picture of me.

[Hannah Burner]

No, but it says a lot about him. He's not. If he's not taking care of his toes, how's he going to take care of your jelly bean?

[Chelsea]

Do you have an alter ego?

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah, I think when I'm on stage. What's her name? I think it's. I'm Hannah Bernare. Hannah Bernard.

[Chelsea]

That's the alter ego's name?

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah, that's my diva monster name.

[Chelsea]

Okay.

[Hannah Burner]

Hannah Berner. Because people be like, is it burner? And I go, ber. I say when I'm famous, I'm ber.

[Kaley Cuoco]

She's a man eater.

[Chelsea]

Oh, Haley also has a.

[Hannah Burner]

Who's your alter?

[Kaley Cuoco]

You go, so we've recently established that I also have another one. We figured this one out the other night. So Harriet, we have Harley. Harley's the bad one that you want to beat with like a chair or something. She's really.

[Chelsea]

And Harriet's just good vibes, like you want to be around here.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Harriet is just a peach.

[Hannah Burner]

Then what is Haley? We're still figuring that out. And that you'll see on the next podcast of Talk to when we delve a little deeper into Haley's psyche.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Haley's actually Experiment seven. Like, I don't know. I couldn't tell you what Haley is.

[Hannah Burner]

Haley's an alien.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I'm actually.

[Hannah Burner]

You just pull off your mask and we're like Adam Sandler.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Alien's actually like in my middle name.

[Chelsea]

Haley's vagina's name's Big Martha.

[Hannah Burner]

Big Martha.

[Chelsea]

The other name for yours.

[Hannah Burner]

I'm obsessed with that Lotus flower bomb.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Lotus flower bomb. That is a winner right there.

[Hannah Burner]

Thank you.

[Kaley Cuoco]

We need to help Chelsea name hers.

[Chelsea]

Yeah. How about you come up with a name for mine? Because she's trying to name on Doug.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Does Doug not sound like a good name?

[Chelsea]

No, that just sounds dirty. That's not.

[Kaley Cuoco]

When I think of Doug, I think I like the Gremlin.

[Hannah Burner]

What about Mosquito?

[Chelsea]

Okay.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I like Mosquito. It grows on me.

[Hannah Burner]

You want to see my little mosquito?

[Chelsea]

What the fuck? You could have a comedic three way with two other comedians, right? Who would it be?

[Hannah Burner]

I would say, can I pick? Can I do a four way?

[Chelsea]

Sure.

[Hannah Burner]

Damn.

[Chelsea]

More than merry.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Three wasn't enough.

[Hannah Burner]

Ali Wong, Chelsea Handler, Whitney and Me.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Okay, fair enough.

[Hannah Burner]

That should be entertaining.

[Kaley Cuoco]

As is my turn. Yeah, I'm not gonna say Matt rife because Pookie will smack me on the back of the neck with a.

[Hannah Burner]

Wait, how are you guys doing?

[Kaley Cuoco]

We're good.

[Chelsea]

Who, her and Matt rife or her and Pookie?

[Kaley Cuoco]

Well, I try not to talk about him. Pookie gets jealous. Sorry, Pookie. Yeah, I'm not gonna say Matt rife for this because he will actually whip my ass.

[Chelsea]

He's very insecure about Matt Rice.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Yeah, I mean, there's only a pillow on my bed oven, but whatever.

[Hannah Burner]

All right, I'm still there.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Now, what's one moving bed that makes a man go crazy?

[Hannah Burner]

Oh, what's a moving man that makes.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Moving man a moving man that makes a man crazy?

[Hannah Burner]

Oh, good question.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I've heard everything you can think of, so don't be creative.

[Hannah Burner]

I'm. Yeah, I'm trying to make it. Cuz, like, you can't just say doggy.

[Kaley Cuoco]

You ever heard the corkscrew? I said the same thing. I said the same thing.

[Hannah Burner]

You got rotate. You gotta spin on that dick. Oh, when you're doing it. I don't give hand jobs. I'm a grown up.

[Chelsea]

Yeah, grow up.

[Hannah Burner]

You can do it yourself. At this point, you do better than me. I'm not. Also, my fingers are, like, literally nubs. I'm not giving hand jobs. Figure it out, guys. They want you to give an Oscar performance about, how about their dick? You know, you've never seen a dick like this. But to get there, it's fun to be like. Like, put in just like, this is the most. Most insane experience that's ever happened. And it's also, like, manifesting. Like, then you start actually feeling like, oh, this is actually great. And then, like, it's all mental. So I think the best thing you could do in bed is, like, be mentally present. Like, don't be thinking about your taxes or thinking about that email you don't respond to. Like, try to be present in the moment with him and his dick.

[Kaley Cuoco]

All right, y'all. Now that we're a month into the NFL season, I can confidently tell you one thing. Better Picks has me out here loving football for the first time in forever. When you got a chance to win a thousand times your money watching football, it's impossible not to love it. I have no idea who's winning the super bowl, but I do know one thing. When you pull that crumply old dollar bill out of your ass and put it into a better picks lineup that is fun. Download better right now, make a lineup, and I dare you to tell me it doesn't make your NFL Sundays a thousand times more fun.

[Chelsea]

Download better, play better picks.

[Kaley Cuoco]

So you're telling me I can't be thinking about like something to eat after? No, that's my biggest issue. I'm like, taco Bell sounds so fucking good. It's like native.

[Hannah Burner]

We've been. No, we've been there. But that's like the best sex is when you literally like time stops. You have to be relaxed. You have to be turned on. Also you can. You can manifest while you masturbate. You heard of that? Masturbation manifestation. When you orgasm, if you think about something you want, it's like the most top tier energy to put into the universe.

[Kaley Cuoco]

So you go, you just pop that thing. I got you. I got you.

[Hannah Burner]

You go, I want to do color daddy.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Okay, so we need to get some stones out and some crystals and you.

[Hannah Burner]

Could orgasm with a stone in you. That's some la though. I haven't done that.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I would wind up sucking that thing up and it would be gone.

[Hannah Burner]

You don't have to put in your mouth.

[Kaley Cuoco]

I want talking about my mouth.

[Hannah Burner]

What I'm talking about you had a suction coat. Well, anyway, if you have. If you get any stones stuck in you, I am not to blame.

[Kaley Cuoco]

You wouldn't come fish it out with a headlamp.

[Hannah Burner]

That was some white trash you just said.

[Kaley Cuoco]

Well, thank you, Hannah for coming and thank you, Bolero, for having us in here. Yay. Go like Comment subscribe to Talk to with Haley Welch. Follow wherever you get your podcasts. While you're watching this, take a picture and tag me and tell me who you want next. Tag me and talk to her and I'll be sure to repost. I'm really excited about my new merch. And if you want some for yourself, go to Shop Better app. And one more time, Shop Better App.