Podcast Summary: Talkaboutable with Dr. Susan Swick

Episode: My Daughter Experienced Major Depression. How Can She Move Forward?
Date: October 7, 2025
Host: Dr. Susan Swick (with Jessica Cordova Kramer)
Guest: Liz, mother of two surviving daughters

Episode Overview

This episode explores the challenges faced by Liz, a mother grappling with the aftermath of her middle daughter Alexa’s death in 2020. Liz describes helping her eldest daughter, Ava, navigate major depression and the journey toward adulthood, responsibility, and healing. The conversation covers grief, mental health, family dynamics, parenting through trauma, and practical steps to foster growth after immense loss.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Family Background and Traumatic Loss

• Introduction to Liz’s Family (01:27)

  • Liz lives with her husband Edward, her 18-year-old daughter Ava (just started community college), her nearly 14-year-old daughter Stella, two dogs, and a cat.
  • Middle daughter Alexa passed away in July 2020 from a rare illness (HLH – Hemophagocytic Lymphohistio).
  • The family experienced deep, ongoing grief and has tried to create space to process it together.

• Alexa’s Story (03:45)

  • Alexa was healthy until a sudden, persistent fever led to a rare diagnosis.
  • The COVID-19 pandemic delayed treatments and complicated her care.
  • Liz: “She got a really high fever just out of nowhere... and we lost her on July 7th of 2020.” (05:25)

Parenting Through Grief & Depression

• Ava’s Mental Health Struggles (06:18)

  • Following Alexa’s passing, Ava struggled with depression and was hospitalized twice for suicidal ideation.

  • Over two years, Ava cycled through therapists, medication adjustments, and hospital stays—most care was virtual due to the pandemic.

  • Liz wrestled with guilt over lowering household expectations for Ava during her darkest period.

    “I’m very aware of it...But now she is kind of playing you. And I was like, I know, but I was also grieving...”
    — Liz (09:11)

Shifting Family Dynamics & Parental Worries

• Ava’s Current State (06:18, 08:58)

  • Ava has started community college and shown some initiative (babysitting and driving jobs) but spends significant time alone and disengaged from family chores.
  • Liz is anxious about “how do I talk to her to get her to understand... now she really needs to become a productive member of our society and our household” (09:04).
  • Husband Edward notices Ava is more cooperative when Liz isn’t present.

• Guilt and Self-Reflection

  • Liz admits, “I created this problem,” referencing how she relaxed boundaries during Ava’s depression.

  • Dr. Susan Swick and Jessica reassure Liz, emphasizing her resilience as a mother:

    “Given the picture you paint of these three girls, you’re clearly an extraordinary mom... you need to pat yourself on the back every single day.” (11:30)

Return to Routines, Changes in Home Life

• Loss of Old Routines & Rebuilding (20:08, 21:10)
  • Family meals and togetherness changed after losing Alexa, worsened by losing their kitchen table and the pandemic forcing new routines.
  • After a recent home renovation, the family now gathers at a new kitchen island for meals, rebuilding a sense of togetherness.
  • “That’s a great metaphor...it is how it feels.” — Liz, on the “solar system” metaphor of their family’s changed dynamic (23:18).

Supporting Ava’s Progress & Independence

• Ava’s Relationship with Liz (33:54)

  • Ava is close to Liz but sometimes withholds information to avoid burdening her mother.
  • Family dinners have improved this dynamic by providing time for open conversation.

• Encouraging Ownership and Healthy Habits

  • Dr. Swick suggests reframing talks about chores as skill-building for future independence rather than punishment.

  • She emphasizes “leaning in with curiosity”—openly asking Ava about signs of depression, her emotional state, and how to differentiate tiredness from depression (37:24).

  • Encourages joint activities (like running) as opportunities for bonding and supporting Ava’s well-being.

    “Our most effective treatments, actually for mild to moderate depression, are good sleep and exercise three to five times a week is as effective as medication.” — Dr. Susan Swick (44:21)

• Moving Forward Together

  • Liz expresses excitement about establishing new routines, such as running together and redefining chore responsibilities.
  • There’s a new openness: “I think having the discussion and asking her, what do you think you could do?... I think that could work.” (46:11)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Grief and Parenting:

  "Grief is never over... it’s a lifelong project of integrating and the legacy of it stays with you."
  — Jessica Cordova Kramer (05:39)

• On Maintaining Compassion While Setting Boundaries:

  “It’s how we show we love each other, that we take care of the tough stuff together… And what part could you do?”
  — Jessica Cordova Kramer (45:25)

• On Self-Compassion for Parents:

  "You can't just be her mom offering... You had to conduct a big disjointed orchestra on Zoom to get her what she needed. It is an epic, grueling undertaking. No wonder you didn't push her to do chores in the midst of this..."
  — Jessica Cordova Kramer (31:43)

• Liz on Growth Amid Guilt:

  “I do acknowledge I’ve done a good job on the big things, but now I know it’s time to work on those little things and bring those back. I am kind of excited about moving forward a little bit.”
  — Liz (46:34)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Liz introduces her family: 01:27–02:47
• Alexa’s illness and passing: 03:45–05:39
• Ava’s depression and hospitalization: 06:18–07:30
• Liz’s guilt around chores & boundaries: 08:58–11:30
• Family meals before, during, after loss: 20:08–22:40
• Rebuilding routines after renovation: 21:10–23:18
• Dynamics with Ava and sharing feelings: 33:54–35:23
• Strategies for supporting Ava’s transition to adulthood: 37:24–39:44
• Encouraging exercise and shared activities: 43:31–45:22
• Action plan for chores and moving forward: 46:11–46:54

Summary Takeaways

• Grief reshapes family life in both visible and subtle ways; routines and expectations must adapt.
• Parenting through a child’s depression requires both compassion and eventual reintroduction of boundaries, with an understanding that recovery is nonlinear.
• Open communication—with children and within oneself about guilt and limitations—is vital.
• Small, practical steps, like increasing shared activities and slowly reintroducing chores, help rebuild normalcy and foster readiness for independence.
• Parents deserve self-compassion when reflecting on choices made during crisis—survival and love guide those choices.
• Progress is incremental, not perfect: “The project is more about the process.”

This episode offers tangible hope and gentle guidance for parents confronting the intertwined realities of grief, mental health, and the messy work of growing up—reminding listeners that healing and connection are both possible and worthy of patience.