Talkaboutable with Dr. Susan Swick

Episode: My Kids Don’t Know We’re Moving In With My New Boyfriend
Date: September 9, 2025
Host: Dr. Susan Swick (B)
Guest: Amy (A), widow and mother of two boys
Producer: Lemonada Media

Overview

In this deeply insightful episode, Dr. Susan Swick guides Amy—a widow moving in with her new partner—through the daunting task of discussing this big transition with her teenage sons. The conversation explores grief, the complexity of new love after loss, the nuances of blended family dynamics, and the importance of open, honest dialogue with children during times of change.

The episode is a compassionate roadmap for parents navigating major family transitions, packed with practical, empathetic advice for those who want to “do as little harm as possible” and support their kids emotionally during trying times.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introducing the Family and Situation

• Amy’s Family: Amy, her 21-year-old son Ethan (home from college), 15-year-old son Chase, two cats, and a dog.
  “In my home right now is my amazing 21 year old son, Ethan... and then my 15 year old son Chase... and two cats and one dog.” (02:11)
• Special Qualities of Her Sons:
  • Chase: “One of my favorite humans... deeply rooted old soul... loves animals, walks around in a bathrobe, friendly with older neighbors.” (02:58)
  • Ethan: “Similar to me... very extroverted... driven athlete... so loving and expressive.” (04:10)

2. The Journey From Loss to New Love

• Loss: Amy’s husband (also named Brian) died in 2021, profoundly changing her family.
  "It’s a life changing thing to lose your partner, and people don’t really realize it till you walk through it." (04:52)
• Pursuing Life After Grief: After years of grief, Amy wanted to “feel alive” again and started dating, openly discussing it with her sons.
• New Love: Met “the dentist,” also named Brian; feels a “pull” to move in with him.
  “I’m fallen deeply, madly in love with the dentist, as we call him. I really love this man and he and I have decided to move in together. And it’s scary and exciting and fast.” (06:03)

3. Navigating the Kids’ Feelings

• Challenge: Amy hasn’t told her sons about moving in with her partner. She feels conflicted—she legally has the final say, but wants to honor her sons’ emotions.
• Complication: The urgency to move (landlord selling their home) is speeding up decisions. “It feels like... the pressure to move a little quicker than you might have moved otherwise because you’re losing this house and... you want to live with the dentist...” (21:56)
• Worries: Fears the boys will “act out,” withdraw, or feel displaced. “I guess I’m scared that they will leave and never come back to me.” (19:05)
• House as Symbol: Letting go of their long-term home is especially difficult. For Amy, it represents both the family's past happiness and the place of her deepest grief.

4. The Power of Open, Gentle Communication

• Dr. Swick’s Advice: Separate the conversations about leaving the house from the conversation about moving in with the dentist. “Let that be one conversation... how will it feel to leave this home? Because that conversation can be separate.” (23:03)
• Normalizing Feelings: Grief is ongoing, not linear; good memories may eventually outshine pain, but there will always be “waves.” “People make the mistake of thinking [grief] is linear... it’s a companion throughout your life and at unexpected moments, it can... crash over you like a wave.” (11:15)
• Permission for Individual Journeys: No need to force relationships; give the boys space and time to build their own connections with the new partner. “You set the frame for [their relationship] and then you let it unfold... You fertilize the garden and then step back and see what grows.” (28:06)

5. Strategies for Supporting Kids Through Transition

• One-on-One Time: Maintain individual time with each son to reassure them of their unique places in her life.
  “Being able to protect... one on one time with each of them... so that they know they still have access to their special time with you.” (34:22)
• Gentle Initiation of Hard Conversations: Use routine activities (walking the dog, car rides) to gently open discussions. “Normally I like, just go right in the room and like, lay on the bed next to them or we’ll get in the car, go for a ride... They always talk more in the front seat when you’re driving.” (37:08)
• Affirming Love and Stability: Remind kids “there can never be too many loving adults in your orbit” (30:36), and that their bond with their late dad is irreplaceable but not threatened.
• Modeling Flexibility: Plans may change due to life events; coping with unpredictability is part of growth. “Some things happen. They’re just not in your control. You have no choice but to absorb them and then adapt and respond.” (33:01)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Grief’s Persistence:
  “Grief is like... a companion throughout your life and at unexpected moments... can crash over you like a wave.”
  – Dr. Susan Swick (11:15)

• On Parenting Through Change:
  “I’m worried about the middle part... the transition to the change. I’m worried about... they’re going to act out... or I’m working...”
  – Amy (18:40)

• On Honoring Experience:
  “You are uniquely knowledgeable about them, about the galaxy they came from, and about the particular interests, skills, orientation that they bring to this new chapter.”
  – Dr. Susan Swick (08:13)

• On Letting Relationships Unfold:
  “You fertilize the garden and then you step back and you’ll see what grows.”
  – Dr. Susan Swick (28:06)

• On The Importance of Dialogue:
  “If we talk about it, we can fix it. And it sounds like it might bear telling as well as showing that you’re building one thing with him and that you trust him.”
  – Dr. Susan Swick (30:12)

• On Embracing the Journey:
  “You don’t have to know... You don’t have to jump to the end of the story... the good stuff is in the middle.”
  – Dr. Susan Swick and Amy (38:53)

Timestamps of Key Segments

• 00:48: Introduction to Amy and her family background
• 02:58: Unique traits of each son
• 04:52: Story of loss and its impact
• 06:03: New relationship and decision to move in
• 09:37: How each son is coping with grief
• 11:15: Discussion on the non-linear nature of grief
• 16:30: Relationship between the boys and “the dentist”
• 17:57: Amy admits her sons don’t yet know about the move
• 19:05: Amy’s fears about her sons’ reactions
• 21:56: The impact of needing to move quickly
• 23:03: Dr. Swick’s advice on separating difficult conversations
• 26:37: Concerns about Chase changing high schools
• 30:36: Encouragement around loving adults in children's lives
• 34:22: Importance of one-on-one parental time
• 36:00: Amy’s strategy for starting conversations
• 38:53: Embracing uncertainty and growth through the “middle”

Final Thoughts

Throughout the conversation, Dr. Swick consistently affirms Amy’s instincts and practices as a model of patient, loving, open parenting amidst grief and change. Listeners come away with a blueprint for broaching difficult change, the practical wisdom to separate emotional topics, and the reassurance that connections deepen and heal when parents show up authentically, no matter how imperfect or messy the process.

This episode is a compassionate, real-world toolkit for parents confronting life’s inevitable, disruptive transitions, showing that with patience, communication, and love, even the hardest conversations can become “talkaboutable.”