Podcast Summary:

Talkaboutable with Dr. Susan Swick
Episode: “My Stepson Is Navigating Opposite Households, and I’m Not Sure How to Help”
Date: September 30, 2025
Host: Dr. Susan Swick | Guest: Jamie Yukas (Emmy-winning news anchor, stepmom)

Main Theme

This episode explores the unique challenges and rewards of stepparenting in a blended family, focusing on Jamie Yukas’s experience as a stepmom to an 11-year-old boy who navigates two very different households. Together with Dr. Susan Swick, a child and adolescent psychiatrist, Jamie openly discusses the emotional, logistical, and interpersonal complexities of helping a child thrive amid divergent rules, routines, and parental communication styles.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Family Composition and Roles (02:12–04:01)

• Jamie shares her household includes her husband, stepson (11), and their Jack Russell, Sidney.
• She describes her stepson as "incredibly emotionally intelligent, fun, wise beyond his years, and very attuned to feelings." (03:01)
• The ex-wife is not remarried, lines of communication remain formal and sometimes difficult (via “Our Family Wizard” app).

The Realities of Stepparenting (05:36–07:59)

• Jamie entered the marriage eager and optimistic but quickly learned that blending families is complex.
• She realized, “You’re not marrying just your spouse. You’re marrying two other personalities. All of these types of things are so different.” (06:27)
• Jamie expresses her main question: How can we best support my stepson as he navigates two opposite households—and know when to let go or push back?

Navigating Divergent Households (09:07–12:54)

• Rules & Routines: Her husband is strict with technology, limiting YouTube and Apple Watch; the other household is more lenient and communicative.
• Parental Expectations: One side encourages sports, the other creativity, sparking people-pleasing in Jamie’s stepson.
• Scheduling Issues: Jamie’s husband favors a consistent week-on/week-off schedule for stability, but the current “5-2-2-5” split can be confusing and leads to forgotten assignments.
• Jamie notes: “He’s around all of us as adults and does love all of us… just all of these things, even something as simple as braces vs. Invisalign become points of contention.” (10:14)

Supporting the Child’s Autonomy and Identity (12:54–15:26)

• Dr. Swick explains that preteens naturally “try on” different interests and identities. Frequent swapping between households adds an extra layer of challenge.
• Quote: “We as parents… often feel like we’re supposed to be cultivating this epic talent. And really most of their job is to start following—we start following their lead rather than telling them everything they're going to do.” (13:41)
• Both agree overscheduling and conflicting priorities make exploration and self-discovery harder for the child.

Parallel Experiences: Stepmom and Stepson (15:29–16:47)

• Dr. Swick highlights that Jamie’s balancing act between her husband and the ex-wife mirrors her stepson’s own experience, trying to navigate three adult personalities and avoid upsetting anyone:
  • "Your experience...may in some ways be the closest to your stepson's experience." (15:40)

Homework Help and Emotional Support (19:15–22:55)

• Jamie often helps with homework projects and speech writing, emphasizing guidance over direction.
• School events are complicated: the ex-wife is uncomfortable with Jamie’s involvement unless she’s present, resulting in Jamie prioritizing her stepson’s comfort over her own desire to attend.
• Quote: “I don't feel comfortable with that… I worry about my stepson because he knows when we’ve been in the same room together there’s tension.” (20:59)
• Jamie notes her stepson might ask for help as a way of connecting or compensating for Jamie being excluded from school events.

Creating Space for Open Communication (22:55–25:50)

• Dr. Swick encourages Jamie to keep the door open for her stepson to talk—about his schedule, feelings, or middle school transition—framing questions around his experiences, not her own.
• Jamie describes a meaningful morning note exchange ritual, adding levity and affection.
• Quote (Dr. Swick): "All kids actually can't have too many caring adults in their orbit." (21:42)
• Dr. Swick highlights the strain of empathy at a young age: “That kind of empathy is an asset, but it also, you know, when you're 11, it can be a lot to carry.” (24:25)

Managing ‘No Fly Zones’ and Taking a Curious Approach (25:50–29:08)

• Jamie’s stepson intuitively avoids topics that might cause conflict.
• Dr. Swick suggests being openly curious and helping her stepson find language for the challenges, e.g., calling certain issues “no fly zones”:
  • “You get to be the caring, affectionate journalist who’s an expert on him...helping him find the words to describe how it feels without…taking sides.” (28:05)
• Jamie’s role is supportive, not about being right, but about nurturing self-awareness.

Family History & Stepfather as a Model (30:24–32:41)

• Jamie reflects on her own upbringing—her parents' late divorce, her advocacy for her mother to leave, and a stepfather who became a mentor.
• The stepfather’s influence was rooted in curiosity, listening, and warmth, not authority.
• Quote: “He was curious and he actually listened to me without jumping in, without giving his two cents. He would ask if I wanted his advice, and he just was really warm.” (32:07)

The Power of a Non-Parent Mentor (32:43–37:05)

• Dr. Swick emphasizes the value of mentors and caring adults beyond legal parental status, especially for teens and preteens:
  • “Your story is…there's something so beautiful that you got a stepfather who helped you develop into your fullest self…” (33:33)
• Jamie, as a stepmom, can be that person for her stepson: a mentor, an accompanist, and a listener.
• Dr. Swick highlights that empathy can become a burden if it leads to chronic people-pleasing, but Jamie can help her stepson balance care for others and self-awareness.

Guidance for Stepparents: Being Present, Not Perfect (37:05–39:02)

• It’s not always about action; sometimes it’s about being on a discovery journey together, helping the child articulate his feelings and themes that might need adult attention.
• Dr. Swick: “You are a mother, you are a stepmother... and you get to step into this situation a little earlier, when he is just looking into his adolescence…”

Jamie’s Reflections and Takeaways (38:23–39:41)

• Jamie appreciates being reminded that the child is her “first”—her first experience as a parent, deeply meaningful and important.
• Quote: “...sometimes the other household creates (a story), like, well, she didn’t give birth to this kid, so why does she have a say in this?” (38:40)
• Dr. Swick affirms: “He is your first child. And you’re here for a reason. And he needs you. He needs you.” (38:56)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jamie Yukas: "You’re not marrying just your spouse. You’re marrying two other personalities. All of these types of things are so different." (06:27)
• Dr. Susan Swick: "We as parents… really most of their job is to start following—we start following their lead rather than telling them everything they're going to do." (13:41)
• Jamie Yukas: “I worry about my stepson because he knows when we’ve been in the same room together there’s tension.” (20:59)
• Dr. Susan Swick: “All kids actually can't have too many caring adults in their orbit.” (21:42)
• Jamie Yukas: “He was curious and he actually listened to me without jumping in, without giving his two cents.” (32:07)
• Dr. Susan Swick: “He is your first child. And you’re here for a reason. And he needs you.” (38:56)
• Jamie Yukas: "I think this is so incredibly helpful... there are still so many questions and you’ve been able to help boil it down and make it very digestible." (39:02)

Key Timestamps

| Topic | Timestamp | |---------------------------------------------------|-------------| | Family setup & stepchild’s strengths | 02:12–04:01 | | Challenges of stepparenting: expectations vs. reality | 05:36–08:18 | | Example: technology & scheduling differences | 09:07–12:54 | | Identity, interests, and exploration in preteens | 12:54–15:26 | | Stepmom/stepson's parallel experiences | 15:29–16:47 | | Homework, school events, and support | 19:15–22:55 | | Open communication—note exchange ritual | 22:55–25:50 | | ‘No fly zones’ and being a supportive listener | 25:50–29:08 | | Jamie’s own family story—stepfather as a mentor | 30:24–32:41 | | Mentor role of stepparent & power of accompaniment| 32:43–37:05 | | Being present: not always needing to fix | 37:05–39:02 | | Affirming the stepmom’s role and importance | 38:23–39:41 |

Tone & Closing Remarks

The conversation is warm, empathetic, and validating, with Dr. Swick highlighting the strengths Jamie already brings to her family. The episode reassures stepparents that their presence, curiosity, and willingness to listen matter greatly—sometimes even more than having all the right answers. Dr. Swick's affirmations leave Jamie (and listeners) feeling empowered for their unique roles in children’s lives, especially in blended families.