Talkaboutable with Dr. Susan Swick
Episode: Season Finale: Autism, Transness, and Delighting in Play
Date: November 11, 2025
Host: Dr. Susan Swick
Guest: Lauren Jordan (Susan's sister)
Episode Overview
In the season finale, Dr. Susan Swick sits down for an honest, warm, and deeply personal conversation with her sister, Lauren Jordan. They reflect on their childhood, how it shaped their approaches to parenting, and the distinct journeys each of Lauren’s children have taken—her autistic son, TJ, and her trans daughter, Ari. Together, they tackle big themes: meeting kids’ needs, managing complex emotions as parents, the reality of sibling differences, and why delighting in play and honoring joy is essential.
Tone:
Candid, supportive, emotionally rich, sometimes humorous, always grounded in truth and care.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Introducing the Family (01:23–03:39)
- Lauren introduces her household:
- Husband Sean
- Son TJ (25, autistic, lives at home in a basement apartment)
- Daughter Ari (24, trans woman, lives nearby)
- New puppy Sam (“Samuel Emma Ding Dong,” 3 months)
Celebrating Her Children’s Authenticity (02:23–03:39)
- Lauren shares both her children’s “superpower”:
- “They both have a self-assuredness and a good ability to take care of themselves… a strong connection to who they are.” (03:03)
- Specifically praises Ari’s long journey to living authentically as a trans woman and TJ’s confidence in his own skin.
Ari’s Coming Out Journey (03:49–08:21)
- Ari’s process of finding and expressing her identity was gradual:
- Came out as bisexual in middle school, then as gay in high school while identifying as male, and later as trans.
- Lauren on supporting Ari:
- “I kind of took it as she gave it to me… She’d try sports, she’d try drums… never really found her groove.” (05:23)
- On changing pronouns and names: “With [she/they] pronouns, that one was a little harder for me… I want to do right by her, and I feel a tug in my heart. It's hard.” (06:53)
- Susan notes: It’s normal for parents to feel both unconditional love and personal loss or grief—"two things can be true at the same time.” (07:15)
- Quote, Lauren: “If we mess up, Ari’s cool with it… as long as you make the genuine effort to just support her, she knows you love her.” (08:08)
Managing Emotions as a Parent (09:17–12:35)
- Lauren and Susan discuss feeling challenging emotions (grief, frustration, joy) when parenting through a child’s transition or diagnosis.
- “Even the ugly feelings are valid… and need to be addressed and sorted to go through.” (10:46)
- Susan’s analogy: “There's no bad weather, only bad clothes. Similarly, there's no bad feelings… just create space to kind of meet them, shake hands with them, identify them.” (11:14)
Autism Diagnosis & Welcoming Holland (12:36–14:55)
- Lauren recounts TJ’s autism diagnosis at 2 years, 4 months:
- Early feelings of grief, followed by acceptance; uses the “Welcome to Holland” metaphor (13:02) — not what you expected, but filled with new, unexpected beauty.
About TJ (14:04–15:13)
- Lauren describes TJ as:
- Probably “level 2” autism under current standards
- Verbal, employed part-time at TJ Maxx, and lives semi-independently in the family’s basement apartment
- Still needs guidance with daily living skills
Parenting Siblings with Different Needs (15:38–18:30)
- The family put effort into explaining fairness: “Fair does not mean equal… Equal is not fair.” (16:03)
- E.g., special food routines for TJ due to sensory needs vs. Ari
- Openly discussed autism as a difference, not a source of shame:
- “We didn’t want it to be a word… there’s no shame… it just is simply a difference.” (17:26)
Community & External Support (18:55–20:35)
- Lauren and Sean joined a support group after diagnosis, but felt their experience was sometimes minimized:
- “People came up to us and said, you kid is barely autistic. You don’t belong here.” (20:08)
- Deliberate language: TJ prefers “autistic” (identity first language), and the family respects his choice.
Reflections on Their Own Childhood (24:44–34:38)
- Family Background:
- Their mother struggled with severe mental illness, unrecognized until the sisters were adults.
- Both were treated as “projects” by their mother, who believed they had severe allergies and medical issues.
- Notable Moment:
- “I was raised thinking there’s something wrong with me, and you were the rock star of the house.” (30:35)
- Deep impact: Both sought to be more consistent, stable parents than their own mother had been.
- Lauren’s goal:
- “I wanted to make sure that I was a more consistent parent than I was parented.” (33:24)
- “I never wanted my kids to feel that way. Ever.” (35:26)
- She expresses gratitude that her struggles shaped her into a strong, compassionate mom.
Style of Parenting, Strengths & Growth (37:30–43:24)
- Lauren strives to be “solid, consistent, reliable… to support my kids through tough times without blinders or favoritism.” (37:44)
- Acknowledges triggers from her own upbringing:
- Worked hard to avoid yelling, being overly reactive, or cycling through unprocessed emotions from childhood (39:26).
- Feels guilt when she falls short, but models repair and accountability: “I am so sorry I took it out on you.” (40:39)
- Susan adds:
- Admitting mistakes and repairing is key for kids’ resilience.
- “The best we can do is to own it and to repair with the person.” (43:05)
Public Sharing, Empowerment, and Play (43:24–47:47)
- Lauren writes about her family’s experience with autism and transness; more recently, she and TJ make TikTok videos to educate and normalize their version of autism.
- “I am not an expert on autism, but I am an expert on TJ’s autism.” (44:44)
- Susan: Encourages parents to “lean into your expertise about your child”—to stay present, curious, and responsive as they grow.
- Both agree that flexibility and grace—for themselves and their kids—has been essential.
Finding Joy, Childhood Memories, and Playfulness (45:51–48:57)
- Despite challenges, their family found humor, joy, and creativity together.
- Recount stories of making crafts, musicals, and holidays filled with playful tradition
- Quote, Lauren: “For as much struggle as there was, there was a lot of joy as well.” (47:17)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- Lauren on her kids’ authenticity (03:03):
- “They both live unapologetically and I’m so, so proud of both of them for that.”
- On Ari’s transition (06:53):
- “I want to do right by her, and I feel a tug in my heart. It’s hard.”
- On parental feelings (10:46):
- “Even the ugly feelings are valid and can be addressed… and sorted to go through.”
- On “Welcome to Holland” metaphor (13:02):
- “You expected to go to Italy, but you’re in Holland … but look at those tulips … I hadn’t planned on experiencing, but I’m in it.”
- Susan on emotions (11:14):
- “There’s no bad feelings. Feelings happen. Feelings are feelings, and you just need to create space to meet them, shake hands with them, identify them.”
- Lauren on public sharing (44:44):
- “I am not an expert on autism. But I am an expert on TJ’s autism.”
- On repairing after mistakes (40:39):
- “I am so sorry. I am having a bad day. I am so sorry I took it out on you. You did not deserve that.”
- On their mother’s creativity (31:16):
- “She made mouse houses for us … she was generous and creative … early childhood education.”
Timestamps for Key Segments
- Introductions & Family Overview: 01:23–03:39
- Ari’s Journey & Parental Support: 03:49–08:21
- Talking About Emotions/Grief in Parenting: 09:17–12:36
- Autism Diagnosis & the “Welcome to Holland” Story: 12:36–13:46
- TJ’s Life, Supports, and Sibling Dynamics: 14:04–18:30
- Community Response & Language Choices: 18:55–20:35
- Their Upbringing, Mother’s Mental Health: 24:44–34:38
- Parenting Styles, Managing Triggers: 37:30–43:24
- Writing, TikTok, and “Expert on Your Own Child”: 43:24–44:44
- Delighting in Play and Joyful Childhood Memories: 45:51–48:57
Final Reflections
This episode provides heartfelt, practical insights for any parent juggling unique joys and challenges—especially those navigating neurodiversity or gender journeys in their families. Susan and Lauren model how to support kids' growing selves, wrestle with parental emotions without shame, and pass along the gift of play and delight—even when things are hard.
Core message:
Supporting your kids means being honest about your own feelings, giving space for growth (yours and theirs), and finding moments of joy and play, no matter what journey you're on.
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