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The market has convinced us that struggle is a problem we need to solve. And I want to offer you something different. Struggle is development doing its job. Our job isn't to remove that. Our job is to be present for it. If we want strong, capable, regulated children, we have to trust the process enough to not interrupt it. This is about understanding what's actually happening so then you can make informed choices instead of hello and welcome to Talking Toddlers, where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. Our goal is to develop clarity, because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction. To never give up, to tap into everyday activities so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind, he's thriving. Through your guidance, we know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. Can I say something out loud? If you. If you're a new mom or you're expecting, you are living in a constant state of uncertainty. Someone gives you a piece of gear at your shower that you've never seen before. Maybe a hand me down shows up at your door and you smile. You say thank you and then you Google it at 11pm wondering am I supposed to use this? And then you hear your mother in law swears by it. Your best friend says she couldn't survive without it, and even your pediatrician mentioned it once in passing. And the marketing. It's everywhere. It's beautiful. It is so well designed by people who know exactly which buttons to push. It supports development, clinically proven, recommended by the experts. What experts? And you are exhausted. You're overwhelmed. You just want to do the right thing. I hear you. I have sat across hundreds, hundreds, thousands of moms in exactly the same place. And what I want to say before anything else is this. Your baby doesn't need stuff. Your baby needs you. Your face, your voice, your time and your presence. This is not platitude. This is basic neuroscience. And today I'm going to show you exactly why. Because here's what I need you to understand before we go any further. Your baby was born unfinished. That is not a flaw in design. That is the design. Human babies are born with the most immature nervous system of any mammal on the planet. Think about that. A foal stands within hours of birth. A baby seal navigates freezing water in days. Your baby can't even lift its own head. And that is completely, perfectly intentional. Because what makes us human? Our Capacity for connection and language, thought, imagination, and emotion that cannot be hardwired in the womb. It has to be built in relationship, in environment, in experience. All of that after birth. Those first three months, what many of us now refer to as the fourth trimester, your baby still belongs in every neurological sense to the womb. They recognize your smell. They know your heartbeat. They've been listening to it for months. Your voice is the most familiar sound in their world. It's their lifeline. They are not separate from you yet. They are still becoming. And their brain, the brain is still under construction. Serious construction. More than 80% of the human brain development happens after birth. The architecture is being laid right now. Every experience, every touch, every sound, every movement, all of that is either building something or getting in the way of it. And your job as parents, as caregivers, is not to make your baby comfortable in each and every moment. Your job is to protect the conditions that let that building happen. So today, I want to walk you through three of the most common baby products right now. There are thousands of products out there. I know. Thousands. Designed and marketed specifically for the most vulnerable, most exhausted, most eager to do the right thing, Audience on the planet, new parents. But these three are barely the tip of the iceberg. And they are strong representation of how sophisticated and how relentless the marketing has become and how easy it is to use something without ever asking why. Products that feel helpful, products that have stunning marketing, products that have become almost expected. However, when we overuse, they can quietly work against the very development you are trying to support. And I want to be clear from the start, this is not about guilt. This is not about throwing everything out either. This is about understanding what's actually happening so then you can make informed choices instead of inherited ones. What's interesting, and I don't think this is a coincidence, is that all three of these products fall under one category. Sleep. Sleep is when our brain, our human brain, does its most important work. It consolidates memory. It clears waste. It builds the architecture we've been talking about for months here on this podcast. And we have created an entire market of products designed to control the very process that builds the brain. So let's start with something pretty common, pretty basic. Swaddling. And I want to be careful here, because in the beginning, swaddling is not just fine, it's actually essential. Right? Think about what your newborn just came from. Nine months in a warm, tight, rhythmic, familiar space. No lights, constant pressure on every surface, muffled sound, your heartbeat as the metronome of their whole world. And Then bam. Birth. Suddenly, air, light, space, sound sensation. Your baby's nervous system in those first few weeks is the most vulnerable it will ever be. So yeah, swaddling helps. It recreates some of the familiar pressure. It helps them organize from the inside out. It helps them settle. But here's the part that matters most. It works best and only works well when it's paired with you. Because what's really happening when a swaddled baby calms in your arms is not just the pressure, it's co regulation. Your calm becomes their calm. Your nervous system reaches out and says, it's okay, I've got you, the world is safe. And then their nervous system, still so immature, still so dependent, begins to organize itself around yours. That is the most important developmental process of the first year. Not a product you so swaddling in those early weeks. Yes, absolutely. But here's where we run into trouble. When it goes on too long. And when that happens, something gets lost. Because babies need their arms and their hands. That's not an afterthought. In those early months, your baby's hands are one of the primary tools for learning about this whole world. They bring their hands to their mouth. That's self soothing. They feel texture. That's sensory learning. They make contact with their own face and their own body. That's proprioception. They are beginning to understand bit by bit, hey, I have a body. This is where I end and the world begins. And I have to say this because I see it constantly and I have for decades socks and mitts on their hands. No, I understand why parents do it. Those tiny fingernails are so scary. Right? You're worried about their beautiful face, their sensitive skin. But when we do that, we're stopping something vital because we, we are uncomfortable. Not because your baby's harmful to themselves. The scratching ultimately stops, believe me. And the hands, they need to stay free. So trim the nails and leave the hands out and free. Those hands will find their face and their mouth and their eyes. All of that exploration is how your baby's brain maps their body. We stop it because it makes us nervous. But your baby is not hurting themselves. Truly, they're learning. The American Academy of Pediatrics is clear about this. Stop swaddling the moment your baby shows signs of rolling. Usually two to three months. Not when you're ready to stop swaddling. When your baby shows they're ready to move. Because that roll, that little bit of effort to FL over, that's not just a cute milestone. It is the beginning of intentional, self directed Movement, that's a learned process that requires a lot of purposeful practice. And intentional movement is how the brain wires itself. Which now brings all of this to how we use containers. Because swaddling is just the beginning of this category, this container category. Pediatric specialists, physical therapists, occupational therapists actually have a name for what happens when your baby spends too much time in these containers or devices. They're called container baby syndrome. And I was in practice in the late 1990s and early 2000s when we started seeing a real spike in motor referrals. Children coming in with physical delays we hadn't ever seen before. We knew something had shifted. A container is any device that holds your baby in a fixed position instead of allowing them to find that position themselves. Think of it. Bouncy seats, vibrating chairs, jumpers, bumbo seats, baby walkers, activity gyms, and strollers that are used for. For everything but transportation. So now some of these again have their place, just like swaddling. I'm not here to make you feel terrible or even that sense of dread and overwhelm. But the problem is how long babies are spending in these containers and what they're missing while they're being contained. Here's what I really want you to understand. And I say this as someone who has worked with children and families for nearly 40 years. This is something most parents have never been told. Gross motor skills and fine motor skills are not separate categories. They are a sequence. Gross motor comes first. Those are the biggest movements, right? Think of pushing up or rolling, sitting, crawling, climbing, standing, and ultimately walking. Fine motor builds on top of that foundation. The small, precise movements, hands, fingers, and mouth. Here's why that matters. For speech, it takes over 100 muscles to produce a single speech sound. You heard that, right? 100 muscles, 26 of them are in the mouth alone. So your baby's jaw and lips and tongue are all fine motor. And the fine motor doesn't develop in isolation. It builds on top of a strong gross motor foundation. So when I say your baby needs floor time, right? I'm not talking about exercise. I'm talking about the foundation for speech, for language, for attention, for thinking and reasoning. Let me make this a little bit more concrete. When your baby is on their belly and pushes up on their arms, they are building shoulder stability. And shoulder stability supports the head. It creates head stability. And when your head is stable, when it's held steady by a strong neck and shoulders and torso, the foundation, then the jaw can begin to move independently. That disassociation, a head stable, a jaw moving Freely. That is the physical prerequisite for speech. And there's actually more, right when we think about this, the pressure of your baby's belly against the floor or any hard surface engages the diaphragm. And the diaphragm is the engine of his voice. I've watched this for decades. The babies who get real engaged, tummy time, floor time, with a face in front of them, a voice talking with them. They are the noisy ones. They vocalize, they respond, they reach. Recently, in one of my parenting classes, a mom brought her four month old in and she told me that her baby hated tummy time. And I hear this all the time, that neither one of them can last more than a minute. The baby fusses, mom feels uncomfortable, and it stops. So I asked if I could try. And I put her baby on the table. And then I got down on my knees, face to face, eye level, right there. And I talked to her. Nothing fancy, just some sounds, a couple words here and there, lots of faces. And that baby was a noisy little bug for 15 minutes straight, eager, excited, engaged with me. Mom was stunned. And I said, she doesn't hate tummy time. She was alone. And babies don't do hard things alone. Think about that. Let's be honest, we don't do hard things alone either. And growing physically and cognitively, that's hard work. It's our responsibility to steward them, to show them how to do hard things. Then they learn, then they grow, then they build. There are probably hundreds of container products out there that you are inundated with every day. But I want to focus on two specific ones that I think are worth naming, and you'll see how they're all interrelated. The first one is the bumbo seat. Parents love it because it looks like it's helping your baby sit up. I get it. But what it's actually doing is placing your baby in a position they haven't earned yet. The bumbo tilts the pelvis forward, which then rounds the spine in a C curve, so your baby sits slumped passively in a position their core cannot support yet. So sitting in a position you haven't developed the strength to hold is not the same thing as learning to sit. In fact, it's working against it. The second product that I want to highlight here is the Baby Activity Jumper. I want to give a little history here, because my four decades gives me a good perspective. This device has actually evolved over time. We actually started with a door jumper and baby walker. Those are two different devices initially, and both were studied and both were shown to interfere with natural motor development. The baby walker was actually completely banned in Canada. So the industry did what the industry does, and it created new and improved models, actually a few times over. But what we now call a baby activity jumper is essentially a combination of those two original devices. Different look, same problem. And here's what I want you to understand today, because I know the pushback on this is real. Babies seem to love it. I get it, right? The bouncing, the movement, the stimulation, the joy when you watch your baby or anybody's baby is genuine. I'm not dismissing that. But the joy in the moment is not the same as good for development. Every one of these devices, the door jumper, the walker, the modern jumper, places your baby into physical activity. Their body is not yet ready for standing before the spine is ready, weight bearing before the hips are ready. And those little feet up on their toes, over and over and over again, arched in the wrong direction, over and over and over again. When that pattern gets practiced long enough, we start seeing it carry over. When they do try to walk, there's toe walking, there's hip dysplasia. Not because something is structurally wrong with your child, but because the product trained a pattern that his or her body wasn't ready for. But here's the good news, and trust me, there's a lot of it. That container baby syndrome, as I described here, is 100% preventable. OTs and PTs say this all the time. The answer is simple. Not always easy, but simple. Floor time. A blanket, a floor, and you nearby. 5 minutes. 10 minutes of supervised floor and tummy time every hour while your baby's awake. And here's the key. Supervised. Not alone in the corner while you make dinner with you. Your face, your voice, your engagement. Because your baby doesn't do hard things alone. They need you. And the struggle you see on that floor, that is not something to rescue them from. That is development, doing exactly what it's supposed to do. Walking is not a product. It's a process. And it starts on the floor, on their belly, in the very, very beginning. Let's move on to the next one, because this is personal for me, because I actually used weighted materials in therapy 25 years ago. And what I watched happen since then is one of the clearest examples I know of how we take something clinical, something with real intention behind it, that has been studied and measured, and then we generalize it to everyday folks out there until it becomes something else entirely. So I want to talk about weighted blankets and weighted materials right it didn't start in your baby's nursery or even on your sofa. All of them started in occupational therapy, rooted in the work of Temple Grandin, whose research on deep pressure stimulation showed that firm, controlled pressure can calm an overactive nervous system. That work was carefully translated into clinical practice. We started to use weighted vests, a lap pad, and then later some blankets. All with structure, all with intention, all with a specific purpose. Now, when I was working alongside occupational therapists, we didn't just hand a child a weighted blanket and walk away. And we would never say, if it's good for this one, then we can give it to any child. There was a process, there was a developmental physiological need, and that process always started with movement. We would encourage them through jumping and rolling, bouncing, climbing, swinging, because regulation doesn't come from pressure alone. Regulation comes through movement first. Then, after the body had been activated, we might introduce a weighted lap pad, not an entire blanket. And we were instructed through the occupational therapists to use it for six, eight, ten minutes maybe. And we would use it at the start of our session with a specific goal. Help this child settle enough to focus, to listen, to follow through, and then be available to learn. And then we moved on, right? We removed the weighted material and let their whole neurological system regulate and learn in the moment. It was a specific population, specific timing, specific duration, with a specific purpose. But somewhere around 2017, 2018, this clinical tool crossed over into Amazon products. No guidance, no timing, no structure. Buy it, put it on your baby or your toddler and they'll all sleep better. This is something I've watched happen across my entire career. We're very good as a culture, I think, at taking something therapeutic and generalizing it to the point that it can become harmful. And the sleep piece matters here, as I talked about in my previous episode, episode 149, Sleep is Not passive for your baby or your toddler's brain. It's not even passive for yours or mine. It's active and it's critical. It's where consolidation happens. Babies need to be able to move during sleep, to adjust, to reposition, to rouse if something is wrong or wakes them, and then to learn how to resettle in real time. In this three dimensional world, that is how the nervous system matures, and then it begins to feel secure and grounded. That is how self regulation develops. When we add weight or restraint during sleep, we may be interfering with the very arousal response that protects them. The Consumer Product Safety Commission has explicitly warned against weighted swaddles and blankets for infants and toddlers in fact, they clearly state, do not use any of these products with any child under 50 pounds. Well, the average weight of a seven year old is 50 pounds. Think about that for a moment. The American Academy of Pediatrics is also equally clear. The sleep surface for babies and young toddlers should be flat, firm and empty. So I understand the appeal. The marketing is everywhere and it is convincing. But before you reach for any a product, any product, ask the more important question first. Why is my baby having difficulty sleeping? Is it developmental? Meaning, are we expecting too much too soon? Has something changed in their environment? Is there a real disruption? Maybe we moved or there's an illness, something genuinely stressful that I haven't noticed. Play detective. Really ask yourself why now? There are absolutely children who present with sensory integration challenges. That is real. And a fussy child is not necessarily one of those with a true sensory integration problem. But if your child falls into that category and they are at least 50 pounds, a weighted blanket used intentionally for a short period with awareness and direction may have its place. But that is very, very different than every night as a default, without understanding why. And if you do suspect sensory integration is part of your picture, please pick up the phone and speak with an occupational therapist. Not to treat the symptoms, but to address some of the underlying causes. Are there things that you can do during the day to build your child's sensory skills, increase self regulation and integration? Absolutely. If a product adds risk and isn't necessary, we have to ask, why are we using it? So now the last product I want to share here as representation is white noise machines. And this one genuinely surprised me when I started digging into the research because it has become so normalized that questioning, it almost feels strange. But here is what we need to understand. The brain is designed to filter sound. That is not a passive ability, that is a skill. And that skill is built over time through exposure to a variation of environmental sounds. Right? Different sounds, different voices, different rhythms and patterns. That variation is how your baby and your toddler's brain learns what to pay attention to and then what to let go of. That is the foundation of attention, of listening, of language. So back in the 1990s, this same era, I was watching the referrals for motor skills climb and escalate because of the containers. There was a neuroscientist that I got the pleasure of studying under Michael Merznik. M E R Z E N I C H. He is one of the world's leading researchers in auditory processing and neuroplasticity. But he began to Raise concerns about chronic background noise in children's environments. And research at that time looked at children living near busy rail lines in urban areas, and they found meaningful differences in auditory processing and cognitive development not from one big loud noise, but from constant, unvarying background noise. When sound is always there, the brain doesn't have to work to make sense of it. So the brain is looking for patterns, but it's also looking for novelty. When the brain doesn't practice filtering, it doesn't develop the skill of filtering. Let's be specific, because specifics help and they matter. Here especially, studies show that many white noise machines, when placed right next to the crib, can exceed 50 decibels. That is the safe upper limit recommended by hospital nurseries. So some machines go significantly higher than that. So if you're using one, here is what actually keep it under 50 decibels. Place it across the room, never next to the crib, and never inside. Use it to help your baby settle. Not all night and not every night. And here is where I want to be completely honest with you. After nearly 40 years of working with infants and toddlers and preschoolers, their families and other professionals, I personally would not recommend a white noise machine. That is my best professional opinion. Not because I want to make your life harder, believe me, but because I have never seen evidence in research or in my own practice that supports development. And we're in the thick of development. What I have seen is actually the opposite. I have worked with children whose auditory processing was compromised, was laden, whose ability to filter, focus, and listen was underdeveloped. And I know that chronic background noise, including white noise, is constantly part of that picture. Now, you know, you might feel differently. And I get that you may have used one and felt like it helped. I get that. I hear that all the time. You may be in the season of survival, and you need your baby to sleep and you to sleep, everyone in the household to sleep. I understand that. I genuinely understand that and respect that. My responsibility is not to tell you what to do. It's to give you the best information I have so then you can make the most informed decision for your family. So if you choose to use one, use it with guidelines. And the guidelines that I just shared, time limited, not all night long, low volume across the room, just to settle them, not to replace the auditory environment your baby needs to develop in. And then ask yourself the same question we've been asking throughout this whole episode. Am I using this with intention, or is it just out of habit? Because that question more than Any product is what can change the outcomes. And here's something I want you to really sit with, just for a while. For many babies, what is actually most regulating is not a machine at all. It's your voice. A lullaby, a familiar rhythm, a soft, repeated sound, Humming. Because your baby has known your voice since before they were born again, it's their lifeline. It is not just sound. It carries meaning. It carries safety. It carries you. And the brain is wired to respond to that in a way it cannot respond to any white noise if everything is masked. The brain doesn't learn what matters. And at the end of the day, this is not about avoiding every product. It's about understanding development. Babies are not struggling. They're learning. And learning requires effort, movement, small changes, small adjustments. That is how the brain wires itself. For generations, for thousands of years, babies learned to roll, to crawl and climb and walk and talk without a single piece of gear guiding the process. Not because parenting was easier back then, but because development was allowed to unfold. The market has convinced us that struggle is a problem we need to solve. And I want to offer you something different. Struggle is development doing its job. Our job isn't to remove that. Our job is to be present for it. If we want strong, capable, regulated children, we have to trust the process enough to not interrupt it. So before we go, I want to leave you with a few questions. Not to overwhelm you and not to add to the list of things that you have to worry about, but to sit with tonight and maybe tomorrow night when the house is quiet, ask yourself these questions. How much of my baby's day is spent in a container versus on the floor, free to move? Ask yourself. When my baby fusses or struggles, is my first instinct to soothe it away? Or do I get curious about what are they trying to do? And when I use a product, whether it's a white noise or a swaddle, maybe a weighted blanket or even a binky. Am I using it with intention or out of habit? And here's the last question. When was the last time I got on the floor with my baby? Face to face, no phone, just me. Together. That is the most powerful developmental tool in the room, in your whole house. And it's free. And one more thing before I let you go. I have been doing this for nearly 40 years. I have sat across hundreds and thousands of families. And I know that sometimes you listen to an episode like this, and one question rises to the surface. A specific question about your specific baby. Well, I want to answer that question. For you. There is a link down below in the description. We could schedule a conversation directly with me. Not a sales call, just a conversation. Bring your question. I'll bring 40 years. And if you want to be the first to know about something I'm building right now, something I've been working on for a long time and I'm getting very close to sharing, join my insider email list. My insiders get early access. They get the details before anyone else, and they get extras. The link is also in the description down below. I'd love to have you inside. So thank you for being here. Thank you for caring enough to listen. And your baby is lucky to have you asking those questions. God bless and I'll see you in the next Talking Toddlers.