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Talking Toddlers
The Hidden Power of Play: How Toddlers Build Focus, Memory & Thinking Skills Ep 117
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Can also be truly overwhelming to you as the mom and the dad and the grandparents, because they're so active, they're interested in everything, they're under your feet, they're getting into stuff, they're testing the boundaries. All of this because their neurons are firing and they're on overdrive. To want to learn more, to want to explore. That's how God designed us. That's how we learn, by doing stuff. And so let's look at some of the developmental chunks that I look at. But it's always working together, right? So of course there's hello and welcome to Talking Toddlers, where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're going to cover all of that. But here our goal is to develop clarity, because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction. To to never give up, to tap into everyday activities so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind, he's thriving. Through your guidance, we know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. Between 12 and 18 months, your toddler is working harder than most adults. Only their job is actually called play. And what looks like fun is actually the most important brain building work of their life. This episode is for every parent who wants to prevent delays, strengthen your child's foundation and stop waiting for somebody else to guide you and tell you what to do. With that being said, if you have concerns, please don't hesitate to pick up the phone and call a professional. However, I want to really stress that pediatricians don't evaluate or diagnose developmental issues themselves. They simply refer you out to someone like me. So I always recommend that you take the lead. Ask trusted friends for recommendations or search online for qualified providers in your area. Because here's the reality. Even if you find someone and you get on someone's developmental evaluation schedule, the wait list can stretch from four all the way out to 12 months. And that's true in any state or any district that you're in. And then it might be another six months before you get on someone's caseload and actually begin services if therapy is recommended. So that's why no matter where you are, whether you're just noticing something might be a little off or you're actively seeking answers, maybe you're determined to stay proactive and stay ahead of it and you want more information, or if you're already in therapy, what you'll learn today in this episode will make a difference. It will help all of you. We're going to talk about why your daily play together matters more now than ever. And please don't wait and see. So I want you to really embrace how to make it more purposeful without losing the joy of interacting with your, your little one each and every day. I'm Erin Heyer, your host of Talking Toddlers, and I've been a speech language pathologist for over 35 years. I've been in the thick of it, schools, private schools, public schools, hospitals, early intervention centers, and private homes. I've seen all of it, including how the medical model has changed over time. And unfortunately, I have also watched how our expectations for the innocent children quietly have been lowered over time. So here's what I do know that you can really bank on. Play is not a break from learning. It is learning. And our modern childhood, our lifestyle has chipped away at that unstructured child led exploration. And unfortunately, I feel too many adults assume that kids will just figure it out. But the truth is they need us to guide, to model, to inspire them first. And then they can build that tower and then they can learn how to, you know, rock a baby or feed a monkey or bathe, you know, a truck, whatever the skill is, they're interested in engaging with. So children need both the structured play where you guide them and you model them, model for them, and then the unstructured play where they take the ball and explore and experiment on their own and make it their own. But the truth is it always starts with you being present and showing them what's possible. And then you're piquing their interest, piquing their curiosity. And they're like, oh, okay, I got this. I figured out how these magnetic tiles work, right? So today, let's talk about, let's start with the why. Why 12 to 18 months seems to be that sweet spot. And I think it's, it's a sweet spot at, at the same time, it's a frustrating spot because this six month stretch is truly a very exciting developmental period. But it can also be truly overwhelming to you as the mom and the dad and the grandparents because they're so active, they're interested in everything, they're under your feet, they're getting into stuff, they're testing the boundaries. All of this because their neurons are firing and they're on overdrive to want to learn more, to want to explore. That's how God designed us. That's how we learn, by doing stuff. And so let's look at some of the developmental chunks that I look at. But it's always working together, right. So of course there's language first and foremost as a speech language pathologist, right. But is beyond mama and dada, it's really putting nouns and actions, verbs together with what they're doing in their world. And then there's that motor skill development, right. They're beginning to really walk, not so, not so fluently yet, but beginning to really climb and get into things. Squatting, navigating obstacles, really moving their whole body in this three dimensional space. So there's a lot of motor development and then there's attention. How hopefully these, these opportunities you're giving them is, is expanding their ability to sit and focus for longer and longer stretches of time. 2 minutes, 4 minutes, 6 minutes, 10 minutes. And then there's the integration to all of this, right. Looking at those motor skills and the language processing, looking at cognitive, which isn't necessarily intelligence, it's really understanding how things work and then interfacing with it. So I get to begin to understand more and more. And then it's also recognizing how social, emotional skills really help regulate this learning process. And so all of these things are being integrated at the same time. So you'll see that your child will begin to do things that might seem small to us, but they're really monumental in their little bodies. So think of things like they begin to hold two different objects in each hand, right. And that ability, they feel different, they look different, they weigh different, but they're able to realize like my right side of my body and my left side of my body are independent from one another. Or they might hold something in one hand and then use the other hand to do something different, like open up a cupboard or reach for your cup or you know, turn a knob. Also they might actually be walking and then stop in their mid walk, bend down, pick something up and then continue with the process. And so that organization of moving forward, seeing something, stopping themselves, smoothly squatting down, picking it up and then continuing. That whole fluidity really tells me how the brain is being wired beautifully. You might look at it as like, oh, you know, he's getting better at walking skills. No, that is brain wiring magnificently. So each one of these tasks that are repeated and strengthened over time is really building that brain and that body connection and that fluency and motor processing. Right. And so what I'd like to focus on today in this particular stage is that this play stage is really referred to as solidary play. And but that doesn't mean that you leave them to do it on their own. And so even though they're very egocentric and they want to do it on their own, they still need you to help them pique their interest or learn how things work. And so always stay close by. You have to stay close by at this age group anyways, because they're not independent and they're not very safe. But you can then also help model, set things up and give them ideas and then step back. You can also help shape, and I talked about this in a previous episode a week or two ago. Help shape and understand what is acceptable for playing with and touching and interfacing with and what's not, you know, and so you can, you. You can in real time say, no, don't touch that plant, no, don't touch that vase. No, don't play too close to the fireplace, those kinds of things. And they will learn through you of what's acceptable and what's not. But you always have to be within arm's reach. Of course, you know this, but this is also where scaffolding really comes into play, where you give them an idea or give them a couple of things and then let them go and see what they do with it. Right. So the first action step that I'm going to give you today's episode, I'm going to throw out a lot of action steps, but this week, just begin to notice how your toddler connects movement, motor skills with the language, the language that you express. Right? So it could be during dress, right? Give me your foot, give me your arm, raise your arm, that kind of thing. But also during play activities, right? As you begin to narrate, say he comes up to a little baby slide, and you verbally tell them, oh, put one foot up. Yep, hold on to the railing. Hold on. Now reach. Reach. And if they're not sure about what reach means, then you just tap their elbow and they reach forward. Oh, pull up. Oh, you got it. You did it. You stepped up. And so you're giving them very concrete directives, and they're following through with their motor planning. And that's pretty remarkable at this stage, especially because they're so egocentric and they just want to plow through everything. If you help them guide their body and do it in a sequential fashion, then they'll. They'll take the ball and run with it. And so at this stage, I also want to highlight or at least make special note that that whole wait and see is not ever anybody's friend. If you Have a concern or a question. I'm always strongly recommending to families to do something about it because here's the reality that it can take anywhere, I said four to 12 months to just get evaluated and then possibly another six months before services can begin. If it's recommended, they, even at that stage they might say take a wait and see approach. But that is nearly 18 months that anybody might be struggling with to figure out what do I do for him in the meanwhile. Right. And this isn't only for autism or significant speech and language delays. It's about any kind of developmental area, whether it's motor or sensory or self help skills. The clock is ticking across the board for all early childhood developmental mastery. Right. But I don't want to scare you. I want to give you hope. Because the earlier you act, the more information, the more understanding you have, then the better you can navigate this and help really redirect that trajectory and move that needle and get him or her back on track. And the more you understand that no matter what happens on these external systems, that you understand what's going on. And so I want to share a few real life stories from families that I've worked with over the years to show you what this could look like in real time. Right. In practice. Because when you see or understand how everyday play can build skills, then it becomes clearer for you and you do it without even thinking as well. Because it's not complicated. It's just being intentional and being purposeful. When you sit down to play blocks with him, or when you even sit down, you know, to share a meal or to give him a bath, all of these opportunities, as I'm always highlighting, are opportunities to learn and teach and scaffold and build his understanding of how this world works. So when I lived and worked back in Vermont a couple of years ago, before I moved to Florida here, one family had been on the wait list for nine, nearly a year. And they finally reached out to me. I think they got my name from a friend like I recommended, always ask your friends for referrals. But they reached out to me and it was right before summer approached. And they knew by talking to other families that the system pretty much shuts down. And it's really hard to get services over those summer months for most school systems. So even if their name got called up, nothing would happen during the summer months. So they knew that June, July and August and probably even September would still be empty. Right? And that's just how all of our systems work. Unfortunately at this time. Meanwhile, they Got my name and we went to work right away. Right. So I suggested that we do as much work as possible over the summer. And to really use their everyday life to help mom and dad build their understanding and build their skills to really recognize one. Is he really delayed? And in what areas and how can I make our time together more meaningful? And so I wanted to use his natural environment so then mom and dad could easily carry out each and every day. Because I was really. I really sensed that mom and dad felt ill equipped and helpless at this time. They had been waiting for nine, 10 months already. So the first thing we did was to look at his play environment. And I said, wow, we have to declutter all of this. That your toddler, your toddler and this particular toddler didn't need a lot of stuff. They really need to know how to focus with a few things. And so I highlighted some of my basics. Two sets of blocks, I think it was magnetic blocks and duplos. And really looked at them as tools for learning. We set up these intentional play areas. I removed a lot of the smaller parts. I only picked two or three basic puzzles of items that he was interested. Animals and I think vehicles. But I. And if there's a farm set available, I always like to include that in some form or fashion. Because we can take animal sounds and turn them into real meaningful vocabulary. Wor. Right. That the moo is actually a word that represents a cow. So we use that in, in gathering our vocabulary words. But the truth is, once we decluttered and I showed them how to be present and play with their little guy and then let the little guy take the ball and run with it. I know I keep saying that, but really expand his skills on his own. Then within a couple of weeks and everything improved. But, but the, the, the main thing that I focused on was getting him more engaged with me and with the toys and then expressing either through gestures, imitation, or his own vocalization, because that's what the initial goal is. The goal isn't for him to start expanding his vocabulary list or to follow complex directions. It was to get him engaged and to play with intention. To, to understand that, that we're working together and then to find his voice. And that voice, quote, unquote, could be gestures. Remember 16 gestures by 16 months. Imitation, meaning that he's watching me to learn and then. And then expanding upon it. And I, I always go back to babies and toddlers need to be noisy. They need to be curious, they need to be interested, they need to explore, they need to imitate you. And they need to use any form of communication, gesture, verbal, all of it, emotional, right. To communicate back with us and to engage with the environment. And so the first stage is always building a play environment where we can share this space. I can model and give him cues, like I've said, and then he can grow and learn from that. So the key with this first example is really that you have to support your child's development in the home with a few simple things and let them know that learning is a process and that I want you as mom and dad and grandparents to know that waiting, I think, is not a good choice. That even if you really feel like your son or daughter needs therapy, then you're gonna get on some kind of wait list. Whether it's a couple of months or a year, right? There's still a process. It's very rare that you can get in right away next week because that's. Ideally, that's what you want. But I want you to know that lots of stuff that you can do that there's so much that you can do in your living room, in the kitchen, in the backyard. And we're going to talk about more stories like that. So another family that I worked with and the two year old, and it was here in Florida, wasn't getting the shape sorter thing that they were just, you're dumping things out and throwing things quite a bit. And so instead of forcing, you know, and teaching hand over hand about shapes, I wanted to meet him where he was, right? He was into filling up containers and dumping them out and filling them up and dumping them out. So what I helped the parents see is that we could begin to sort of these containers, right? So here's the blocks, here are the animals, here are perhaps the food, right? And that. And then you could put them in the container, shake them up and dump them out. But he had to begin to pay attention to what the parts were, right? Whether they belonged in the same category, they were same, they were different. And it brought his attention to looking and paying attention. Oh, this is an animal, goes here. This is a food, it goes here. This is a vehicle, it goes here. And so it's bringing more attention to the different parts. So then he could start thinking about it and not just doing a gross motor task of filling something up and dumping. He had to actually begin to understand that all these parts are different and they begin to become related to one another. And. But I had to draw attention to that. I had to model that over and over again over Several sessions. And he. Because he was curious and he was interested, he was like, oh, what is this lady doing? Right? And. Huh, okay. And then he started paying attention to the stuff. I hope that makes sense. Right? But that sometimes it only takes one or two trials. And then the kid, you know, the light bulb goes on and he's like, oh, okay, I get it. I had to reduce the cognitive demand with this, the shape sorter, and look at bigger pieces of how they related to one another through a category and not just the physical and visual shape. Right. So I had to keep him engaged for longer periods so he wouldn't get frustrated and he would start to see what I was doing. So matching is. Is an important skill. And. But there are a lot of different steps to it that we have to remain mindful of. So now let me share another moment that shows how we have to help them do. And then back off. And this was about riding a little trike. And I think it was an indoor trike, but it could be the same for the outdoor trike. And this little guy would sit on this little. It was a plastic kind of trike, and he would just rock back and forth, even though dad would always put their feet on and say, pedal, pedal, pedal. He didn't know what pedal meant. Right. He didn't know how to coordinate his body to do that. So I had to literally put my hand over his feet and move it for him and push down hard and let go of one leg. So he'd. He'd feel the one leg and then push the other one. And he got the sensory paddle or sensory pattern to understand how. Oh, one leg and then the other, push down, pull up. It's a whole kind of process. And that sensory imprint gave information to the brain, connected back to the muscles and back and forth and back and forth. And that's. That's what a blueprint is, right? That we go through. It's not that the. You know, I often laughed when people say, oh, you know, muscle memory. It's not muscle memory, but it is communication from the muscle to the brain. It's the brain processing, telling the body what to do. And so even though this little guy couldn't do the pedaling independently for several days, he would get better and better at each session. And mom and dad said, oh, yes, you know, now he just kind of jumps on the bike and does it because he's organized and practiced enough that he then learned it. And the mapping was in the brain, not in the muscles. And now, you know, that's the skill he has. And I often give the three three day rule or the three trial rule, right? You do it like three times in a row and then see if he has it or three days in a row and then see if he's, he's internalized it. So just keep that in mind that sometimes it can take three or more trials and days and practices now on. And that that's an example of hands on guidance, right. To unlock actually a new skill because he'd never really pedaled before. But not all play happens with toys or even with equipment. Some of the rich learning comes straight from the environment. And being in Vermont for so long, I used the environment quite often, no matter what season we are in. You know, my favorite reminder is always that nature was really the original classroom and that's where the whole term kindergarten came into play. But when we take our kids outside, that's such a beautiful opportunity because there's so much variance out there. In this one case, I really had the privilege of working with a brother and sister at home. And they were very, very active kids. And some people wanted to call them add. I really kept saying, I think they need to learn how to process at just a, a different clip. And so because they were always moving, the parents really had a hard time settling them down, especially in that witching hour, say between three and six or late afternoon as we're trying to transition into dinner. But I knew that working with them together would give mom and dad the opportunity to see how they could structure their environment where everybody could win. Even though I think that at the time, you know, these kids were maybe three and four or an almost three and an almost four, they, they weren't that old, but they weren't that young either. So I took them outside to really help mom and dad see that they needed to move. They needed to really run around at the same time to have some kind of purpose, not just kind of run crazily, which sometimes kids do need that. But I wanted to use the outdoors to really help them and to slow it down and to help with that transition. Like I talked about in a previous episode about using how the light changes in the late afternoon and, and you're getting more of those yellow warm glows. And these beautiful children really began to embrace that, right? And when the, the wind would blow and you would see the, the branches moving, they did have a nice backyard and they had some, some rocks, some natural rocks, and they, they could climb over them and see all the light. And sometimes we just sat on the rocks and looked at the view and commented about the different colors that we're seeing or imagining. You know, what the squirrels were doing as they were going up and down the tree trunks. And the idea is that we gave them physical environment to move at the same time that we also used language to help settle them down and used light and sound to help settle them down. And slowly, over time. One of the, the favorite games that we all had was this simple hide and seek game because that did provide them movement, but it gave them focus and engagement with me and with the parents. And then they gave that quiet time to, quote, unquote, hide, right? They were waiting to be found, even though half the time they were hiding in plain sight, right? We could see them hiding next to the staircase or under, under the picnic table, all of those kinds of things. But that the fact was to take simple games like that, that there's no winners or losers, there's no perfection. I'm not telling them what to do. I'm giving them guidance and showing them what's possible. And they're engaged with each other and the grownups, right? And so that's how I look at what free, unstructured, in a, in a moderate frame work. It's not pure unstructured because it is a game, right, Hide and seek, but it's also really sensory rich and it really helps with transitions into the early evening. And, and the, the fun part was mom and dad saw this and then we as a grownups could back away and the two kids would just do it with themselves and, and then we would jump in once. So again, it's that scaffolding idea where they could really demonstrate and then back away. That's how play becomes that bridge between what a child can do today and then what they initiate on their own tomorrow or next week or next month. So the whole idea is that that's the cycle of, of us teaching them, quote, unquote, and then letting them expand upon that. Just like we teach them what's acceptable to play with and touch and climb upon. And then, then we, then we begin to trust them to use good judgment, right? But that happens over time. And as you see by these examples, play doesn't have to be complicated or expensive. It just has to be intentional. And I think especially at this age, less is more, right? And the more you kind of think about why is he kind of running in circles and being crazy, then maybe he needs a couple of examples and maybe he needs less options to choose from. So to make it easier for you All I've pulled together practical examples of both structured and unstructured practice play that you can do with your 12 and 18 month old and even your 2 year old who hasn't quite experienced these successful play opportunities. And you can really use these at any given age, depending on their interest level, right? It's, it's really based on how fun you make it. But these are practical, low cost activities and let me just kind of highlight them for you. So the first one is looking at gross motor skills, right? Like climbing stairs and then that you can hold onto their hands and help them gain their independence. I think I've shared with you before that my daughter was stuck for a long time at just mastering stairs and she just loved to, to climb up them and climb down. But climbing is a big thing and the more opportunities we give them to practice, then the safer they become. Right? But then also a gross motor would be pushing and pulling. And that could be toys, like legitimate toys, right? A little trailer or something. But you can also use a laundry basket and just put some books in it here, push this across the room, right? They love it. And give him a bag of groceries that have cans in it and say here, push or pull this to the other side of the kitchen. Again, that's playful. It might not be so purposeful for you, but they get that physical exercise, right? And I've used things like coffee tables or like I said, grocery bags or just a big heavy book. Here, carry this book and put it on the sofa. That gives them a workout and something to do and, and you're building their gross motor skills, you're building that strength. And the kids really do need resistive exercise. And so I think part of the hard, hard difficulties that we're facing is a lot of the plastic toys are lightweight, right? And give them real books, give them a bag full of something, give them a rock or something to move. They need density so they get grounded and they feel, feel resistance. A push or a pull. Just like you and I when we go to the gym, we need to do pushing and pulling exercises. The other gross motor that I really love, outside again, is walking and navigating. Uneven ground and barefoot whenever possible is ideal, but this helps with the balance and the coordination. Motor planning, brain engagement. And we don't want a lot of repetitive same, same kinds of play. And so when we're always inside, there's not a lot of variation. And so the twist that I will give you for this is to really build a scavenger hunt or even obstacle courses. That will help them in, in more or less a structured activity, but to move their body in three dimensional space, right? And know the scavenger hunt could be just three little baby items or the obstacle courses say follow my directions, right? Climb over the rock, touch the tree and then jump like a frog, whatever. I mean that's a lot of language for this particular age group, but that's what you're working up to. And, and it's, it's a lot of fun to watch them expand their abilities to follow directions. And so by two years of age to follow two fun activities or two fun directives in a game like situation is very, very doable. But the whole climbing and moving your body in three dimensional space, you know, over, you know, depending on what your background or your backyard or your park looks like, but rocks and dirt and tree stumps and like I said, climb underneath the picnic table, crawl, you know, like a, a snake, whatever you need to do to make it playful and engaging. And kids win because they, they are strengthening their body and their brain connection. They're letting out energy and they're getting fresh air and, and sunlight. And then you go into the house and you're ready to transition into the early evening routine. And now the second area would be fine motor skills where you can stack up cups, you can nestle bowls, all of those kinds of things. Pegboards, large beads on a string, or you can use pipe cleaners, all kinds of fine motor tasks. And remember, the fine motor skills in our hands also help support the fine motors in our mouth. Transferring beans or blocks from one container to the other, using any kind of pincer grip to pick up things or, or any kind of tool to scoop. All of those kinds of fine motor skills are great play based, simple things that you can get them engaged and, and practice. Now the twist to that would be to let them paint with water and a clean brush on the sidewalk or on the front porch or something easy. And again, there's no real mess, it's just water, it's outside, they're moving. It's an easy peasy kind of way to get them to do stuff. Say you're tired and you just want to sit there and, and they can paint around you, right? But they, they keep busy, they do stuff, you keep cheerleading them on and they will enjoy the play. And then the third example would be any kind of object exploration things like latches and locks. You know, at this age, kids like to try to put things together, put things in, like I said, pegs and those kinds of Board, peg boards. Lots of families will make their own little latches or zippers, those kinds of things. Lids or Ziploc bags, all of those fine motor. But how does it work? So you're. You're building their cognitive skills. They're building the fine motor. You could give them directions, all of that. That language, that cognition, the motor, again, is being integrated in this simple task. And. And these things, you know, could last five minutes, last 10 minutes, depending. And then, you know, we do have the classic, like, shape sorters that I mentioned. Keep it simple in the beginning, but you can also do sorting. Just. Let's put all the green whatever in this bowl. Let's put all the orange whatever in this bowl. They don't even have to be related. They could just be, you know, colors. And you're not necessarily teaching them colors. You're just teaching them to sort and to think and compare and contrast and what goes with what. Right? Same and different, but it's at a very concrete level. And then the fourth play area would be household helper kind of play. And I talk a lot about that here. You know, doing laundry, putting laundry in the basket and pushing it. Here, push these. These are all towels. Where do they go in the bathroom? Okay, let. Push them down the hallway. Wiping off tables. Again, just use a damp cloth. Pushing in the chairs, Putting away toys by type, all of that kind of household duty kinds of things. Asking them, oh, where did. Where does the toilet paper go? Okay, run upstairs and put it away or put it in the hallway. And then the fifth area would be more sensory play. Things that are a little bit more classic, like play doh. One of the things that I really love is a. Is a product called Theraputty. And I'll have a link down below. I might even have a video on. I used to use this in therapy all the time. They come in different colors and say the yellow is really soft, the red is a little harder, or the blue is harder yet. But kids would hide little objects. They could be little animals or little tools, you know, could be a book, it could be a shoe. And they would hide them and bury them and then pull them apart again. Kids would play for 20 minutes in rescuing all the animals or hiding them because the monster's coming or whatever it is. But. But therapuddy doesn't stick on anything and doesn't leave any kind of residual where typical play DOH might. And so I'm. I've always leaned toward the therapuddy if you want to go that route. And Then for, you know, some classic sensory kinds of things, it would be, you know, sand and water, play outside, of course. And then depending on where you live in the season, you know, look at leaf collecting, making mud pies, creating a mud, like, kitchen. Right? Rocks, pebbles, sticks. All of what I look at as God's beautiful nature, which is really where children's original playground started. And I, I don't want us modern parents in 2025 to dismiss it or to minimalize it, thinking, oh, we need all this stuff inside the house where whenever you can go outside. I know here in Florida in August is kind of crazy, so you can't do that. But keep that in mind as you are planning and moving into the next season. So your action step, I think, for this week would be to pick one activity that I just kind of listed in each category and try them out and see maybe you're already doing a couple. How can you switch it up a little bit and know that they will look for you as they start to play with these. They will need at this age, especially at 12, 14, 16, 18, 20 months, they will need your encouragement, like, thumbs up, your acknowledgement, like, yeah, that's. Great job. You made a great mud pie. Right? Oh, my gosh, look at all these rocks. You found that. You put them all in this big old bucket. Now can you pick up the bucket? Right. You're reinforcing that. And so you can't just leave them and turn away like, you know, the worst thing is to take your phone out, like I've. I've said before, or to think that you can, you know, do a completely different task. Not at this age group. The idea is to build their independence and, and, you know, maybe take a moment to rest, but. But to let them hone their own skills, make it their own twists and turns and still be present. Because you're going to have to reinforce this and show them that this is important work for you to sit there and work and collect those sticks and put them in the bucket and then dump them in the side of the yard. That's important. I trust that you're learning these skills and that you can do it all on your own. And that's building their autonomy, of course. Right. But it's also building their confidence, like, hey, she's trusting me. I can do this. Even though they don't know that. It's not really important that, oh, I need all of these sticks or all of these stones moved over here. That's a beautiful task for them to play around with for 10 minutes. I think that, that when we create the environment and they feel like they're capable, that's true faith, right? That's building that loyalty of you're an active member in this family. And that's true family love. That's what it's all about, I think, right. To really understand why these activities matter, it helps for us to step back and see perhaps the bigger picture, how play itself develops in stages. And, and I mentioned earlier that they're at a solidary play stage, right? That they really just want to play by themselves. But if you know what these stages are, that kind of gives you the roadmap so that then you can see where he or she is today and where possibly they're heading. And, and do recognize that these stages can overlap depending on, on the context, depending on your child, depending on if they have an older brother or sister and all of that. But I did want to just highlight these six stages and know that between this 12 month mark that I'm talking about today and the 18 month mark, that that's really solidary play, right? So the first one is what we refer to as unoccupied play. And that's from birth until about three months. And that really is a lot of random movements, right? They're, they're just getting aware and in sync with oh my gosh, this hand is attached to me. Oh my gosh. You know, that's not mama's face, that's somebody else. But, but they're, they're really exploring the world through their sensory, right? Mostly through their mouth because they don't have a lot of control over their body, you know that, right? But that, that unoccupied play, they're just really just becoming aware of the, of the outside world in those first few months. And then we're talking about that solidary play and that will last all the way through their second birthday, right? Playing alone with objects, even if you are nearby, that they're, they still don't really care about playing with you. They want input, they want a cheerleader, they want somebody to notice them, but it's still really all about them, right? And then the third stage would be in an onlooker play and that's somewhere around that second birthday where. And it's really about kind of their social emotional development too. They realize that there are other people, other kids that are similar to them and they're interested. So they will watch others play but not join in, right? It's always from a distance. And like if that boy has Something I want it too. Right. So they're still very egocentric, but they're more or less an onlooker around that second birthday. And then parallel play doesn't really kick in until really about like two and a half and beyond, closer to that third birthday, birthday, even that playing side by side and tolerating this other child in my space. Right. Because, and, and I see this all the time in the parenting group that I run here in, in Florida where I'll have, the one year old is still oblivious. But if I have a couple 32 year olds, it's really like they hoard things, they, they go around and collect their favorite trucks. They are the blocks or whatever and they realize like it's just, just me. And so then they begin as, as they cross that second birthday, then they'll begin to kind of tolerate playing side by side, but they're still not interested in engaging and, and they're still very selfish in their play. And then the next stage is really called associative play. And that's between that third and fourth birthday and they're a little bit more sharing materials and loosely interacting. And I think this is where a lot of people get confused because we expect a lot of our 2 and young 3 year olds to share and to interact and even though we need to encourage it, it is still not developmentally appropriate for us to expect them to do it, especially on their own. So don't be surprised if that two and that young three year old is still snatching things and hoarding things. It's not that you let them, it's just that don't shame them or be negative toward that behavior. You just could help them share it. Or maybe in two minutes Susie can borrow that dolly. Right. And so then it's really true. Cooperative play after their fourth birthday. And that's I think an important developmental marker that our systems, our daycare and our preschools have lost. That I think this understanding that cooperation really starts to emerge and be understood. And that's the key here, is that they have to understand why do I need to cooperate with others and play and share, but that whole organizing and playing together with a shared goal. Right, Because I want to do it with you. You know, a sophisticated three and a half isn't going to do that from time to time. But these are general guidelines that I think is important that we respect as we move down through these developmental stages. And so the key here is that our 12 to 18 month old, your toddler, is primarily still at that solidary play, but still needs you to set things up, still needs you to help them come up with ideas and then allow them to express themselves in their own unique way. Right now, I want you to tuck this all away, these stages of play, because in an upcoming episode, we're going to dig deeper at how these natural stages of play are often not honored in daycare or preschool settings. Unfortunately, too often, you know, little ones are pushed into sharing or turn taking or cooperation long before they're developmentally ready. And then what happens is kids become frustrated and the adults are frustrated and you then create what we call splintered skills where they can do it sometimes or they can do unrealistic expectations like behave, and yet they're really not doing it naturally. And, and so I think both children and parents begin to suffer because there's not a lot of continuity and it's not building upon each other. And so I will dive deeper into what's happened in daycare and preschool settings because what the last several decades has taught me, being in the front line, is that my best recommendation here today in 2025, is that mom and dad, I want you to seriously consider keeping your little ones home with you as long as possible. And I know that's a big, bold statement, but if you can be creative, really talk about what the pros and cons are, make it work and really reconsider all the hype out there that earlier is better and that they need the social skills, that simply not the truth when it comes to development and building skill upon skill upon skill. I think it's getting worse over time with every decade I look at. And I can reflect what it was like in the 80s and the 90s and early 2000, 2010, and now we're, you know, we're approaching 2030. Holy moly. But if you understand what these stages are, you'll see why pushing kids too soon doesn't build them up, it actually sets them back. And so I have dedicated a whole episode and there'll be more, of course, in the future, but really to peel back the layers of the pros and the cons of daycare especially, but then to look at what preschool and kindergarten looks like currently compared to what it was originally intended to be. So just to put all of these things into, into perspective and recap, the first thing is that play is the work of childhood. It builds every developmental domain across the way. Also looking at that 12 to 18 month period, that short little six month period that your child is really integrating these domains, right? Motor and language Social, emotional, at this lightning speed, it's overwhelming sometimes when you really dig deep and say, wow, what's going on with them in these simple activities? But what's really going on in their brain? And then waiting for services means that it's really just lost time and that you can start no matter where you are on this continuum. Like I laid out, that if you build this intentional play time with them and that if you begin to understand where they are, are, and to help guide them through this, then you'll only gain benefits, right? And it might not completely replace what you have to do on the other side, but waiting is never in your favor. So now I just want you to simply imagine walking into your play space tomorrow and seeing your little child crawl or scoot to an activity without you prompting, right? That they've seen it, they've done it with you for a few times, times they know what to do. Ah, I got this right. Or imagine hearing, you know, new, different vocalizations and seeing them problem solve with a puzzle or, or putting things together in an organized fashion. Because you have changed how the toys were presented, how you have walked them through it for the last few days. And now they're more independent now they don't really quote, unquote, need or want your help, but they can do more because you've guided them through that. And that's exactly what we do when I work with families through my tiny challenge that just in a few days we'll create one irresistible play set up for your toddler and using what you already have, maybe thinning it out because, you know, like I shared earlier, that's what I did with a number of my Vermont families that within a few, I built his ability to engage and connect vocally and gesturally with more confidence because there was less noise, there was less clutter around for him to try to figure out on his own. Here's the good news, that you don't have to figure this out on your own. You mama, and you don't certainly need a classroom to do it. You can create the kind of play and learning environment right there in your home, right in your living room, in your backyard, that there's already a lot of great information here on my episodes and, and I hand out PDFs and, and checklists and all of that. And you can get all of that information and start to implement it today. But if you do want faster results, or if you want a clear personal plan that's tailored to you and fits your home and your child, then that's that's where I want you to consider my tiny challenge and that inside you and I can walk side by side through how to set up these play environments, what to do when it's not working, and how to help him build and hone his skills so then you see success quickly, that you begin to feel confident, and then he or she begins to feel confident and you all move forward. It's not waiting. It's not letting him figure it out. It's that you're working together and encouraging one another based on a few minor little tweaks in your day. So, as always, thanks for joining me. It means so much that you show up each and every week. And if today's episode has encouraged you or equipped you, share it with a friend. Because no mom should feel alone on this journey. Together, I believe that we can change what childhood looks like. And so keep in mind, always talk, play and eat together. It's simple, it's powerful, and your little one is depending on you. I know you know this. I'm just here to remind you I believe in you. So God bless. Have a beautiful week and I'll see you in the next episode.