← Talking Toddlers
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When we make behavior management the priority in these early years, language gets pushed aside. And when language gets pushed aside, your child loses the very tool they need to think before they act. The tool to build that internal voice that eventually becomes self discipline. So behavior focused parenting in these first three years doesn't just miss the point, it can actually work against the. Hello and welcome. Welcome to Talking Toddlers, where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. Our goal is to develop clarity, because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction. To never give up, to tap into everyday activities so your child stay stays on track. He's not falling behind, he's thriving. Through your guidance, we know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. Every parenting book, every pediatrician, every well meaning family member, they all say the same thing. Set limits, be consistent, say no, and mean it. I've spent nearly 40 years working with babies and toddlers and I am here to tell you that advice, it's incomplete and it's costing you. Because when you say no to your child who's under three, their brain literally cannot process it. Not won't, can't, throwing food, hitting, grabbing. These aren't three separate discipline problems. They're one neurological reality. And the word that you've been told to use to help in those situations, that's the one word that. That doesn't work. So today I'm going to show you exactly why and then what to do instead. I'm Erin Heyer, a speech language pathologist with 40 years in early intervention, which means I have spent decades sitting, playing, working, studying babies and toddlers and working with the parents who love them the most. Watching what actually works and. And what the system keeps getting wrong. So let's walk through this together. Let me start where nobody else starts with you. Not your toddler, not the behavior, you. Because before we can talk about what your child is doing and why, we need to be honest about what's happening on your side of that high chair or on the floor with your toddler or in that parking lot. There are two very different situations that can look the same from the outside, but they're not the same at all. The first situation is genuine danger. Your toddler bolts toward the street or reaches toward the hot stove. Maybe he grabs a hold of a cord and you see the heavy lamp is starting to tip. Maybe he reaches up on the countertop and you know, the sharp knife is right there. Sometimes yelling no or stop from across the room or across the parking lot can startle your child enough to make them pause and really stop. That momentum forward. That's why we do it right. And sometimes it works in that split second. Those dangerous situations. But we can't rely on that alone. We must be moving forward with them, to help them at the same time. And here's what happens more often than we want to admit when we get there. We yank them away from the danger. And then sometimes we strike them. We spank them, or we slap their hand or we yank their arm even. We're telling ourselves that we're correcting the dangerous situation and teaching them right from wrong. Don't run out in the street. Don't touch the hot stove. Don't reach where you can't see. They don't understand any of that. Not your toddler. What is actually happening underneath that spanking, underneath that grab and that reaction? It's not teaching. It's our primal fear. It's putting us in this vulnerable situation and saying, how dare you make me feel so helpless. My job is to protect you. I love you. I want to be the most important person. And you're doing things that makes that nearly impossible. So what do we do? We strike out. Not as parents trying to teach a lesson, but really as human beings discharging our fear and vulnerability onto them. And that is worth being honest about, because the intervention, getting them and removing them from the danger, getting them to stop. That's right. And that's necessary. We have to do that. But do it quietly. Your only job in that moment is to stop the danger. That's it. Teaching comes later, in everyday moments, in calm moments, in moments where they're receptive. Because a spanking born out of fear is not a lesson. It's a frightened parent doing the best that they can with no better information. It's reactive and protective. So give yourself grace, because we've all been there. And what I want to do is give you that better information so next time you can do it differently. Well, the second situation is everyday stuff. It's not that dangerous situation. This is why you feel exhausted every day. Food is being dropped on the floor, hitting at the playground. A toy is being snatched out of another child's hands. And then they just laugh about it. That completely nonchalant attitude that you see from your toddler about all of it. Behaviors that mortify us as grownups. We look at that and we think, what in the World. The feeling that rises up in you in those moments is not fear for their safety. It's something else. It's much more personal. And we've all been there. I understand. It starts with frustration, that sense of, oh, gosh, I cannot get through to this child to stop grabbing or stop pinching or stop pulling things down. Then it moves to embarrassment when. Especially when another mom is watching or even a stranger. That feeling of being judged. That voice inside your own head, what is wrong with my child? Why won't she behave? And so what do we do? We yell. We scold, right? We say, no. Stop that. I've told you. Be kind. Be gentle. Share, honey, share. Be nice. The truth is, they don't understand any of those words. Not the instruction and not the concepts behind them. So what do we do? We talk louder. Thinking. Volume is the missing ingredient. I have to be stronger and firmer. She'll take me more seriously. But that doesn't work either. It rarely does, because the problem is developmental. Not volume or sternness or a spanking or a yank or the 17th time telling them to be nice. And the truth is, I think you already know this. You are not a bad mom. Your child is not being deviant. They're not being nasty or naughty. I hear those words all the time. Both of you are human beings learning on the job, period. You as the adult, haven't been given the right information or the more realistic expectations. And your child, they have a handful of nouns. That's it. Being human, teaching them what that means, that's our responsibility. That's on our to do list. That is what we are here for. And that is exactly what I'm going to walk through today with you. Here is what is actually happening inside your toddler's brain. And I'm going to keep it simple because the research is very clear. So you don't need a speech science degree or a neuroscience class to understand it. It really is very basic. Your toddler, from about 12 months of age through 24 months, is operating without breaks. And I mean that literally. The part of the brain responsible for impulse control or emotional regulation, critical thinking, and the ability to actually stop their behavior in mid action, that's all. That prefrontal cortex is barely online. It is not even close to being developed. It won't be fully developed until their mid-20s. So in these early years, it's just beginning to flicker. Think of it this way. When your toddler grabs that toy or swings the arm at their brother or launches, you know, their chicken or their Bread across the room. They are not making a decision to do any of that. They're not being defiant. And here's the hard one to swallow. They're not testing you. They are reacting. Purely impulsively, metorically reacting. They cannot self regulate, not yet. They're working on it. And it's our job to help them. So what they do is borrow our regulation. And that means when we escalate, your voice gets louder, your face gets brighter and stronger, your movements get bigger and faster. Their nervous system grows to match yours. But there's something else that's happening. So think about every big reaction you gave them that was positive. Let's think back to when they pulled up to a stand on the sofa for the first time. You cheered. Yay. You did it. You're a big boy. You're up on your two feet. Yay. Think about when they took the first steps independently. You probably held your breath initially and then you jumped up and down and like, yay, you're walking. Let's think about when they've mastered stairs, or they at least did it without rolling off. You clapped and hollered, you got excited. Those were all met with big, expressive, exciting reactions by you or any of the other adults in the room. So now your big reaction when they throw food off the tray doesn't really seem all that different to your 18 month old or your 16 month old or your 24 month old. They don't know the difference between oh my gosh, don't throw the chicken and hip, hip, hooray, you pulled up to a stand. They don't cognitively understand. To their developing brain, a big reaction is a big reaction. You actually just reinforced the throat or the hit or the pinch, any of them. This is why your response needs to be the opposite. Everything that feels natural, stay calm, react slowly, stay low and even keel with your voice and your facial expressions. Gentle reaction. Without big expressive behavior, you are not being passive, you are being strategic. They are learning through your reaction. And you are the only one in the room with with breaks. A toddler between 12 and 24 months has very little self control, minimal to no impulse inhibition, no independent emotional regulation, limited receptive language. Right. What they actually do understand is far less than what we assume. And I'll talk a little bit more on that. But no true understanding of what danger or consequence or breakability you'll break the lamp or getting hurt or run over by a car. They have no concept of that. They don't understand sharp or fragile or that could kill you. They have no clue. So the context matters. Always assess their state, the time of day, where you are in the home, in the living room, in the kitchen, outside, in the playground, in a store. And then also where are they developmentally? And that's part of our job description, is to always understand where are they developmentally, how much are they understanding. So it, and it differs throughout your day. A well rested, well fed 18 month old at 9 o' clock in the morning is completely different child than a hungry, tired child at 5:00pm and this is the very common and unfortunate mistake many parents step into. Your toddler hits a big milestone somewhere, you know, around 20 months or 24. Say they have 30 words or 50 words or even 100 words. They're beginning to demonstrate a few moments of sharing, of turn taking, even. They occasionally will follow your directions. And you think to yourself, wow, they've arrived, they've made it. Look at that, they're really understanding spoken language. They now know they know how to behave. They should know better. No they don't. Not yet. A brand new two year old and a brand new three year old are completely different developmental universes. Motorically, intellectually, cognitively, emotionally, they're light years apart. That gap is enormous. And then you stick a 18 month old in the middle and he or she is light years apart, both of them. So you face a lot of mixed messages through the system. Like I said, the pediatricians or your friends or your teachers or your neighbors, well meaning family members and a lot of moms online, they might tell you things like, oh, he'll outgrow it, or it's just the terrible twos. They need timeout. They need to think about their behavior. They need to really look at what they're doing when they grab or snatch or pinch or bite. And they might even hand you a behavior strategy which typically is designed for older kids. But here's the problem with all of that. It focuses on the behavior, stopping the behavior. It focuses on compliance. That to me is putting the cart before the horse because we have to look at it neurologically and developmentally. Behavior is not the problem here. I know that's hard to think, but you're like, he's snatching, he's hitting, he's biting, he's throwing food. Behavior is the data. Every time your child does that stuff, throws or bites or grabs, they are telling you something. They're telling you where they are developmentally on this journey. They're showing you exactly where they are, what they need and what they don't yet have. And they need practice with the behavior is not something to fix at this age. It's something to read. They're curious. They're explorers. They're tiny little scientists that are testing everything that's in their close proximity. That's how we're designed to grow and learn. We want them to be curious, we want them to reach out and try new things because everything's new to them. So instead of asking, how do I stop this naughty behavior? Start asking, what is this behavior actually telling me where my child is right now? And what do I need to support them to get to the next step? Because behavior grows through language processing, through understanding, and your toddler builds through these experiences with you. They're matching words with objects and words with actions and words with feelings. And they're processing and starting to code. Yes, they have 50 words or 100 words. Yes, they can OK, occasionally follow a direction, but it all takes time to master it. And it takes your presence to be with them and guide them, to show them the way. We are Talking about a 1, 2 and 3 year old, even a brand new 3 year old is significantly different from when he's approaching his fourth birthday. That 12 month span from a pretty smart, capable three year old to a four year old is remarkably different. So these first three years are not just important. Like everybody says, they're foundational. They serve as a structural base upon which everything else is built. When we make behavior management the priority in these early years, language gets pushed aside. And when language gets pushed aside, your child loses the very tool they need to think before they act. The tool to build that internal voice that eventually becomes self discipline. So behavior focused parenting in these first three years doesn't just miss the point. It can actually work against the cognitive and language development you're working so hard to build. So think less information, more accurate information to be explicit with them, be concrete and practical. That's what moves the needle. That's what helps them code and learn in the moment. So now that we understand what is happening underneath the hood neurologically, let's take a look at what it actually looks like in your living room, right in your day life, maybe out in the playground or at the dinner table, throwing food, hitting, grabbing. Like I said, they're not three separate problems. They're the same thing. Showing up in different situations. So let's take a peek at four different things that I share for years with parents to help them understand this developmental phase. This chapter. The first is there's a motor overload or a motor overflow. Under 24 months, especially toddlers, do not have the gradation in their motor control. They cannot calibrate the force behind their own movements. So the hit to us that looks aggressive often is just an overreach that went too far or maybe the grabbing or snatching. That's impulse motor response because of close proximity and a desire meeting together, right. Their body moves faster than their brain can manage the motor skills. That is not defiance. That is an underdeveloped motor system doing its best in the moment. So the second area I want you to take a look at is the frustration without language. So your 1, 2 and 3 year old is still building a robust language system. If your toddler had the words and the concepts, they'd use them, but they don't have them yet. So the body does a lot of what the mouth and the mind can't. Every throw, every hit, every grab. Your child is actually telling you something that they can't say yet. So I want you to try to read that behavior in that way. The third thing is really sensory seeking. And I think any mom who has a baby or a toddler, or even a preschooler understands this whole sensory seeking. And our responsibility is to help give them opportunities to wire that. So the toddler brain is constantly taking in the world through movement and all these different sensations. They have not yet connected the cause and effect through their own actions in any meaningful way. They're still little scientists who just want to explore. That's why they open and close the cupboard door 17 times and you're thinking, I told you, stop it. Right? That is why they make messes. They want to see how it feels. They want to see does it react the same way it reacted two minutes ago. And when we react, we react with big, loud, no, stop. Don't make a mess. Don't throw your food. Right. We have just made their experiment far more interesting. Think about it that way. And then the fourth area here that I want you to understand, where they are developmentally is, and I go back to this a lot, that borrowed regulation. They have no independent self regulation or at best it's very limited and the context really matters. Their behavior is a direct reflection of their internal nervous system state, which is continually shaped by the adults and the other children, older and younger around in the same room and area. They borrow our nervous system. If we react big and loud, what are we signaling? Ah, that's pretty wonderful. Do it again. We're giving them that positive reinforcement. But if we stay calm and kind of low tone, then we Give them a nervous system that is more gentle and they can land there with ease and comfort. So when we see throwing or hitting or grabbing, stop asking, why is my child so difficult? And start asking, what is my child trying to communicate? And what do they need from me right now to help navigate and experience this situation more positively? That shift will begin to change everything. It's our, our perspective, small steps, that's how they learn best. The truth is, that's how we all learn best. Small, incremental steps. So now let's talk about the word or words themselves. These are, I think, the three most overused, least effective words in early parenting in these first three years. And I say that with full clinical conviction, because what I know and what the research confirms, decade after decade, is that the developing brain under three, literally, literally cannot process negation the way that we assume it can. There are bits and pieces to it and we'll walk through some of that. But it's a very complex learning process. And here is something most parents don't realize. Negation is not just one skill. It's a layered developmental process that builds slowly over years. And we're talking through that fourth and fifth year. It doesn't arrive all at once. And it doesn't click into place when they're 18 months or 24 months or even 36 months. And it moves well beyond that. No word. Each layer has different functions. And let me just highlight them here. So you have a rough idea of what, when I study language and language acquisition, what this really means. So the, the first function is rejection. And that's what you see with your 18 month old. Learning to say no when, when the cookie's all finished. Or they say, no bed, no bed, they don't want to go and take a nap. That is the first stage. It's rejection. They're, they're understanding that they have some say or they think they do, right? And then there's non existence, mommy isn't here, or the cookie, it's gone. That's it doesn't exist anymore. And then there's prohibition where we say, don't touch. That's mommies, don't touch, that's your brother's. Or don't jump on the sofa, we're trying to prohibit them. And then there's denial. We could say something like, is this your book? And they'd say, no, I didn't take it, it's not mine. So then when we also take a look at these, there are different types of negatives. And this is what makes it such a developmental process over a lot, a number of years and a lot of practice. So we look at the present tense. We say words like don't do that, or I, I can't, or it isn't, or it won't. Those are all present tense. And then we have to look at past tense and even future tense, right? I will not. She was not. We did not. So that's past tense and future tense. And then there are questions. Are you coming and. Or you can look at and say, isn't he tired? You know, so we're asking more mature questions. And then there's a thing called negative modal verbs, which is basically when we say, oh, that couldn't be or you shouldn't have. So my point in highlighting all of this for you is that all of this negation starts to come online at different stages with different complexities and in different contexts, as well as different situations or different conditions. So what that means is that at any given moment with any given child, whether no lands at all actually depends on their developmental age, their chronological age, their state of internal regulation, the complexity of the sentence that you're saying, and what else is competing for their attention. So there's a lot of variables that your child and you are working through, and sometimes it feels like working against you every single time we say no or stop running or stop jumping or don't pull, all of those kinds of things. So there's a whole hierarchy of negation study. So let me just kind of wrap this up in a little bow for you. Keep in mind, under 20 months of age, when you say don't throw your food or no hitting, your toddler's ability to process and understand only the verb and the noun most of the time, so they will hear and perceive throw, food, hit the don't and the no get lost in what I call auditory space. It gets swallowed up by all the sounds in your direction. So when you say don't throw the food, you actually have said throw food. That's what they processed. You instructed the exact behavior you wanted stopped. And yes, between 12 and 18 months, they themselves begin to produce the word no. They use it to push things away or to protest, to say something is gone. But the producing of that word and using it in negation like that, and the processing of a direction from you, the adult, are two different things. They're starting to use it in very concrete rejection. But you're giving them complex directions that they can't keep up with, hearing no and turning that into changing my behavior Changing an action, especially mid movement, won't really happen, not yet. And it doesn't mean that we don't expect it. We just have to recognize that they're going to need a lot of support in learning this process and mastering it. Somewhere around 24 months, children do start pairing no with other verbs. No eat, no bed, no sleep, or like, no go. They are experimenting with negation, but their ability to receive and act on it is still forming. They are using the concept before they can fully understand it, especially because it. It gets. It's very complex in a wide variety, like I just laid out before. And so then closer to 26 to 36 months, this is when the research shows that kids are really comprehending it more robustly. These negative variety of commands. This is when it is not time to play actually begins to land and they understand that negation. But before that, not so much. It takes a lot of mental bandwidth and the cognitive load to flip. What is she really asking me? So I want you to think that this isn't parenting failure. It's just a developmental reality. It's where they are and how we master the complexities of language and understanding how this world works. So let me paint you a practical reframe. And this is something that I actually monitor constantly as a clinician in almost every session. So I want you to ask, if your child isn't responding, check your words first. So before you repeat yourself louder or before you assume that they're just ignoring you, ask, did I just tell them what not to do? Because if you did, their brain heard the action and the noun, not the stop part. And then the most powerful shift that you can make starting today is to replace no or don't do that with exactly what you want them to do. So instead of saying, don't throw the food, say food stays on the tray, or food is to eat, tray or eat, and then be done with that. Instead of saying stop hitting, say hands down or gentle hands. A lot of people say, I'll often say easy touch, easy touch. And you're matching your gestures. You're right. You're demonstrating easy touch, hands down, with a soft voice and soft facial expressions. They match the gentleness, they match the easiness, right? And instead of saying, don't grab, we say, wait your turn. Wait. Yep, wait, he's playing with it. Your turn is coming. And if you can, then you can replace that too. But keep it simple. Three or four words, concrete, literal, and actionable. Don't just tell them to stop. Show them what to do instead, their brain can receive and process. If you show them in real time, give them the action, give them the direction, let them feel it, and then give them a moment to process it, Slow it down, keep it comfortable. Because that processing takes time. You're mapping conceptual understanding. So let me get a little more practical with these situations. The first one is always throwing food. Because that's a very, very common complaint and worry that I have with parents. And this is why I always go back to the first rule of thumb should be, are you eating with them? And this is why I'm always stressing this. Don't be across the room and don't face the sink and don't be checking things on your phone. Are you sitting down? And you're sharing this meal with him? So you might not be eating the full meal with him, but you know, slice an apple or have a glass of tea. But shared meals are not just about nutrition, and that's important in and of itself. They're about co regulation, joint attention, and teaching through your presence. When you sit across from your toddler and share a meal, you get in sync with one another. And when you're in sync, a lot of the throwing doesn't happen in the first place. You start to become better at reading their nuanced behavior. So before the meal, simplify the tray. Keep everything predictable and easy. Three pieces of food, one utensil, three things. That's like the magic number. It limits the overwhelm and it limits the ammunition that they have. Watch for the cues that they're done before the throwing even starts because they'll tell you through their own behavior. His head turns away, the mouth starts to close. They start playing with the food instead of actually eating it. Their eyes are wandering. These are the signals. Respect them. And then the throwing of the food won't happen. And if the food does go off the tray and on the floor, don't react, don't look at the food, right? Stay calm. And you say, oh, food on the tray. Eat food, eat food. Are you all done? And then you pause. You just asked them, all done. And if it happens to land on the floor again, then they are telling you, all done, let's clean up. And you're just matter of fact about it. Move calmly to the next moment. The moment you react with bigness, right, with size and volume. You have just made throwing the most interesting thing happened in the whole event. Keep it black and white, calm, consistent. That's your strategy. Let's take a look at hitting, because this is another Common complaint and worry. Hitting almost always happens in close proximity with a playmate, a sibling, the dog, you, me. And hitting is really reactive. It's a very impulsive behavior. It is not malicious at this age. And yes, they might actually laugh afterwards. And you're like, what? But that laugh is not defiance, it's a nervous system response. The laugh of a child whose nervous system just discharged a burst of energy that he didn't know what to do with it. It's like, oh my gosh, that was like a quick slap and you reacted. And the energy is like flying out of me and in you and out of you and in me. So the key here, stay calm. I know it's hard to live in that moment, but your movements that are slow and deliberate really help match his or he matches that. Not quick, not grabby, get down on their level. Especially if. If they've hit another child and you're a couple steps away. But the truth is, when you're looking at a 16, 18, even a 24 month old, you should already be in close proximity because they cannot play alongside each other longer than a few seconds without something happening. That to me is a recipe for disaster. So keep it at arm's distance always. So you can be the navigator here. You take their hands gently and move them hand over hand if you have to. Show them the alternative, the better behavior. Gentle touch, gently, be easy, nice hands. Whatever adjective you want to use, demonstrate on yourself or on the other child with the dog. But again, matching with your voice and your movement, you want them to be gentle. Show them what gentle looks like and feels like. You're mapping and wiring their brain. So if the hitting continues, then you separate. And it's not separating out of punishment and putting them in timeout. You're just separating them enough without anger, you're separating them. Enough said. That it's hard for him or her to reach the other child. So simply remove the proximity or expand that, because that's what's fueling his behavior, his impulsive reaction. And you say something, oh, let's scooch over, this is a good spot. We're going to sit over here. And you stay calm and no real big lecture or sadness in your face. A nice flat affect because matter of fact, they're learning. He's 16 months, 18 months, even 30 months. They're more mobile and so it's a little trickier there, but you have to be cognizant. They're not learning a lesson in the moment of hitting because they can't. You're navigating the environment and helping them control their movements. And that's the key here. What they are learning is that physical experience of what happens next. If I have this impulsive reaction, but you respond calmly, they're going to match that. That's what gets stored and that's what gets built over time. And grabbing is very similar. Grabbing is proximity plus impulsive plus social cognition is at zero. They don't have the social intelligence yet. Right. Your toddler sees something and they want it. So what do they do? They reach out and grab it. The cognitive and emotional architecture required to think, hmm, that belongs to someone else. They would feel sad if I just snatched it from them. Maybe I should wait. Not your 14 month old or 18 or 20 month or barely. Your, you know, 30 month old could process that. That, that would be unkind. They're not going to think those things. So when they do grab, don't lecture. I know that's hard to hear, right? But you don't say, that's not yours. Because they don't process that. They don't feel. Actually what they're doing is feeling your embarrassment, your frustration and your anger. That's matching. And please don't expect remorse or even apologies. I see that a lot. And that's just teaching them to be a robot, to comply. And I want to teach them the language. Oh, sorry. If they really mean it. You calmly and gently return the object to the other child. At the same time, simultaneously, you offer a replacement. Another truck, another dolly, another block. You are not rewarding the grab. You are actually redirecting the impulse. And then you. And then you narrate what the event was. Oh, Johnny was still using that. Here's another one. Here's one that you can have that's Johnny's. You are giving their motor system somewhere to go. They take the new block. Oh, okay. And they forget all about Johnny. Because the impulse doesn't disappear. It needs a spot to land on. You are providing that spot to land. Oh, it's a new block. I'm going to grab this one. Over time, with your guidance, hundreds and hundreds of repetitions and consistent response in a cool, calm directive, they build the beginning of waiting. And that's the key here. They have to learn to wait. And then when they can wait their turn, that's when turn taking can be understood. Not because they had a great insight and not because suddenly they have empathy or social etiquette. It's because you gave them experience over and over again until it became familiar. It was mapped Onto their cognitive brain. It was mapped into their heart and soul, their emotional state. And now they understand how to do it themselves. That's how toddlers learn, not through explanation. Yes, we narrate and we use simple concrete language so they can begin to process that. But it's through these experiences, this whole life, three dimensional world. That's when things start to click and they begin to own it. So the four things I want you to remember is one, your presence. You cannot regulate your child from across the room. So get close, get down, be in it with them. Know that when you have a play date that it's not fair to them to expect to be able to manage the on their own. You need to be close so you can stop or separate or replace things. The second thing is to be specific. Tell them exactly what they need to do, what you expect, not what to stop, but what to do. Think. Two, three, four words. Max. Concrete. Literal. Feet on the floor. Food is for eating. Balls are for bouncing or rolling. Gentle petting. Be concrete. Number three. Model. Show them hand over hand when necessary. And it will be often. They learn by watching and feeling and doing with you. And then the fourth is really to stay regulated yourself. They are borrowing your state every single time. If you escalate, they follow you, they escalate. If you stay calm, they have a chance to settle in. You don't need to be louder, you need to be clearer. These early years, the ones that feel exhausting and relentless and like you were saying the same thing 400 times every day, these are not wasted years. Every calm response you give is building something. Every time you stay present instead of walking away, every time you model instead of scold, and every time you redirect instead of react, you are building a child who will eventually, with time and experience and your steady presence, learn to wait, Learn to share and take turns. Learn to use words as they learn to regulate. Not because you were perfect, but because you were there, you were present, you were with them in it. Children are not ours to control, they're ours to steward. And that means understanding where they are, not where we wish they were, but meeting them where they are so we can help them to the next step. That's the work and you are doing it. You're doing it messy, you're doing it on the spot. Being intentional means staying open. Open to learning, to adjusting, to trying it again. Because we all make mistakes. Trial and error is not failure, it's the process. If this episode has helped you, share it with another mom who needs to hear it and leave a review. It helps more families find this content and if you want to go deeper or you have questions, there's a link. For a clarity, call in the show notes. So God bless and I'll see you in the next talking Toddlers.