Podcast
Tapping Q & A - Getting the most out of tapping and EFT
Hosted by Gene Monterastelli · EN
EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Tapping is a powerful tool for reducing pain, physical trauma, and eliminating limiting beliefs. Each week tapping expert, Gene Monterastelli, and his amazing guests answer the most common (and uncommon) questions on how to get the most out of EFT. If you want to maximize your success with tapping, this is an indispensable resource.
The host of the Tapping Q & A Podcast, Gene Monterastelli, works one-on-one with small business owners and entrepreneurs to help them eliminate self-sabotage so that they can take the actions they need to take to be successful, starting with the most important tasks first.
Past guests of the show have included Mary Ayers, Dr. Peta Stapleton, Julie Schiffman, Brad Yates, Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Mark Wolynn, Rick Wilkes, Carol Look, Steve Wells, and Jessica Ortner.
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Why Do I Yawn After Tapping? The Nervous System Science Behind It (Pod #707)
1w ago00:09:42Tap to summarizeSubscribe in: Apple Podcast | iPhone | Spotify | Pandora | Amazon Music | iHeartRadio | YouTube If you have ever finished a round of EFT tapping and found yourself yawning uncontrollably, you are not imagining things. In 18 years of working with clients, this question lands in my inbox almost every single month. It is actually one of the top search terms that brings new readers to TappingQandA.com. TL;DR / Key Takeaways Yawning, burping, and stomach gurgles after a tapping round are all signs that your body shifted out of fight-or-flight mode and into its natural rest-and-restore state. The human nervous system operates in two distinct modes: the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) and the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest). EFT tapping moves you from the first into the second. When the digestive system comes back online after a stress response, it produces physical signals including yawns, burps, farts, and stomach rumbles. You do not need to yawn for tapping to have worked. The absence of a yawn is not evidence that nothing changed. These physical responses are among the most common questions people search before finding this site, which tells us that tappers everywhere share this experience and wonder what it means. Why Do I Yawn After Tapping? The Short Answer Yawning after a round of EFT tapping means your nervous system just made a real, measurable shift. It moved out of sympathetic activation (the stress state) and into parasympathetic activation (the recovery state), and your body is announcing that transition out loud. EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), commonly called tapping, involves tapping on specific acupressure points on the face and upper body while focusing on an emotional issue. Some of the earliest peer-reviewed research on tapping demonstrated that it reduces cortisol, the primary stress hormone produced during fight-or-flight activation. When cortisol drops and the sympathetic response de-escalates, the parasympathetic nervous system takes over. That handoff produces a cascade of physical changes, and yawning is one of the most visible. Key insight: "The yawn is your body's way of resetting its state. It is the system literally changing shape from the inside to signal that the danger has passed." What Are the Sympathetic and Parasympathetic Nervous Systems? The human nervous system runs in two modes that cannot operate simultaneously. Your body is always choosing between them based on its read of your environment. The sympathetic nervous system governs fight or flight. When the brain perceives a threat, physical or emotional, it floods the body with adrenaline and cortisol. Heart rate climbs. Pupils dilate to take in more visual information. Oxygen is pushed to your limbs so you can run or fight. Digestion shuts down almost entirely, because processing food is a waste of resources when a threat is nearby. Some people experience the extreme version of this when they go blank before a presentation or job interview. The capillaries in the brain constrict as oxygen is rerouted to the muscles, which is why all the answers you forgot come flooding back the moment you walk out the door and the threat passes. The parasympathetic nervous system governs rest, repair, and digestion. Heart rate drops. Pupils contract to sharpen focus. The digestive system powers back on. Growth and maintenance processes resume. You can learn more about how the nervous system connects to emotional healing in Pod #482, where I talked through the full picture with Dr. Jen Cincurak, a naturopathic doctor whose work centers on nervous system maturation and somatic tools including tapping. Why Tapping Triggers the Shift from Stress to Rest Tapping moves the body from sympathetic to parasympathetic activation by sending a calming signal through the acupressure system while you hold a stressful thought or feeling in mind. The combination of cognitive focus and physical tapping interrupts the fight-or-flight loop. Key insight: "What tapping does is give the nervous system new information. It says: you can be present with this emotion without being in danger because of it." The early body of scientific research on tapping, including studies that measured cortisol in saliva before and after sessions, showed measurable decreases in the stress hormone within a single session. That biological change is not metaphorical. It is the same shift the body makes when a frightening situation resolves and you let out a long exhale. Tapping makes it available on purpose, for emotional material the nervous system has been holding in stress mode for days, months, or years. For a deeper look at the evidence behind why tapping produces these effects, Why Tapping Works: Six Evidence-Based Premises covers the research base in plain language. What Causes the Yawning, Burping, and Stomach Gurgles? When the parasympathetic nervous system takes over, every system that was put on hold during the stress response comes back online at once. That re-activation is not silent. The yawn is a physical resetting of the throat and airway, part of the body recalibrating its breathing pattern as it relaxes. It is not about being sleepy (though it can feel that way). It is the airway itself changing shape as surrounding muscles release tension. The burps, farts, and stomach gurgles are the digestive system restarting. During fight or flight, digestion goes essentially offline. The moment the parasympathetic system takes over, digestion turns back on like an engine starting up after sitting cold. It makes noise. It produces gas. That is not a malfunction. That is the machinery doing exactly what it is supposed to do. This connects to broader patterns around what happens in the body during emotional healing, a topic I explored in depth with Julie Schiffman in an early episode on physical body signals. Does Not Yawning Mean Tapping Did Not Work? No. The absence of a yawn after tapping does not mean nothing happened. Key insight: "The yawn is one sign that the shift occurred. It is not the only sign, and its absence is not evidence of failure." Yawning signals the sympathetic-to-parasympathetic transition when it is large enough to produce a physical response, but subtler or more gradual shifts may not trigger visible physical signals. Some sessions produce a quiet settling rather than a dramatic physical announcement. Some people rarely yawn at all, regardless of what their nervous system is doing. I have worked with clients who felt genuinely deflated after a session because they did not yawn the way they had in earlier rounds. They assumed that meant the session did not work. In most cases, they had already done significant work on the issue previously, and the remaining shifts were quieter. Quieter does not mean smaller. If you are wondering whether your tapping is actually producing results, Pod #703 on why you might feel worse after a round of tapping addresses exactly that concern in detail. Other Physical Signs That Tapping Is Working Yawning is the most commonly noticed signal, but it belongs to a larger family of parasympathetic indicators. After a productive tapping round, you might also notice a deep sigh or a long exhale that seems to come out of nowhere. A shift in the weight of your shoulders or a release of tension in your jaw. A brief wave of tiredness as the nervous system moves out of high alert and the body relaxes toward its resting state. Occasionally a sudden need to use the bathroom, which is the GI tract re-engaging. None of these are problems. They are the body doing its job, communicating in the language it was designed to use. If you have ever felt oddly emotional right after a round of tapping and wondered whether something went wrong, Pod #695 on why you feel sad after tapping walks through the same nervous-system logic applied to emotional release. The Five Stress Responses and What They Mean for Tapping Most people know fight or flight, but the sympathetic nervous system actually produces five distinct stress responses, sometimes called the five Fs: fight, flight, freeze, flop, and fawn. Fight and flight are the most familiar. Freeze is what happens when the threat is so overwhelming that movement seems impossible. Flop is a more extreme collapse response. Fawn is the social version, appeasing and accommodating to neutralize the thr...
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Three ways to tap for stubborn issues (Pod #706)
2w ago00:20:36Tap to summarizeIt is hard to sit down to tap when you have been battling a stubborn issue for a long time. Without seeing progress, maintaining momentum and motivation is challenging. You may struggle to know what to tap on because it seems as if you are working on the same aspects over and over again. At a certain point, it feels like you are tapping on autopilot and your motivation flags. In my experience, there are three lenses through which to view persistent, deeply-rooted issues that will help to get you unstuck. The great thing is that these three lenses work together in harmony. As you work on one, you will gain insight into the second, allowing you to shift your perspective. Understanding these three ways of looking at a seemingly intractable problem means always having access to a fresh starting point and new levels of healing. This week in the podcast I share how these work together and how you can add them to your tapping right away. Support the podcast! Http://tappingqanda.com/support Subscribe in: Apple Podcast | iPhone | Spotify | Pandora | Amazon Music | iHeartRadio
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What to Do When You Don't Think Tapping Will Work for You (Pod #705)
2w ago00:10:11Tap to summarizeIf you have ever sat down to tap and thought, "this isn't going to work for me," you are not alone. That single thought stops more people from healing than any technique ever could. Knowing what to do when you don't think tapping will work is the first step toward getting unstuck. TL;DR: Key Takeaways The thought "tapping won't work for me" is almost never about tapping. It is a protective story your subconscious is telling to keep you from a deeper fear. Five specific fears tend to hide behind this doubt: losing your last hope, worrying things will get worse, having to admit you could have healed sooner, feeling weird, and believing you are too broken. The fastest way through this resistance is to tap on the doubt itself, not on the original issue. Treating each fear as a part of you that is trying to keep you safe, rather than something to argue with, dissolves resistance faster than logic ever will. The Real Question Hiding Behind "Will Tapping Work for Me?" When you ask whether tapping will work, you are usually not asking about tapping. You are asking whether it is safe to hope. In nearly two decades of working with clients, I have noticed that people who genuinely believe a tool is useless do not ask follow-up questions about it. They simply move on. The fact that you are still thinking about tapping, still wondering, still circling back, means a part of you suspects it might actually help. That suspicion is what makes the question feel risky. Key Insight: "Believing something might work sometimes feels better than actually trying it and having it fail." This is the hidden mechanic behind most resistance to any healing tool. The doubt is not the obstacle. The doubt is the disguise. Why Asking If Tapping Will Work Means Part of You Already Believes It Might If your subconscious had completely written tapping off, you would have stopped reading by now. The act of asking the question is evidence that something inside you is still open. That is good news, because it means the work in front of you is not convincing yourself tapping is real. The work is meeting the part of you that is afraid of what happens if it is. People are often unwilling to tap on the original issue, but they are willing to tap on their doubt about whether tapping will help with that issue. That willingness is the doorway. This is also why I do not recommend white-knuckling your way past the resistance. Forcing yourself to tap when a part of you is convinced it will not work just teaches that part of you that its concerns are being ignored. It usually digs in deeper. The Five Hidden Fears Disguised as Doubt About Tapping Doubt about tapping almost always traces back to one of five protective fears. Each one feels like a reasonable opinion about a technique, but each is actually a story about what might happen to you if the technique succeeded. If you have ever found yourself afraid tapping might actually work, one of these is likely doing the talking. Fear #1: Losing Your Last Hope Some people resist tapping because tapping is the last thing on their list. If it fails, there is nothing left to try. I had a client say this to me directly years ago. "Gene, I don't want to tap because tapping is my last hope. And if I try this and it doesn't work, then I have no hope." For her, holding onto an untested possibility felt safer than testing it and watching it fail. As long as she did not try, hope stayed intact. This is one of the most common forms of resistance I see, and it almost never sounds like fear on the surface. It sounds like skepticism. Fear #2: Worry That Better Will Actually Be Worse Healing has consequences. For some people, those consequences feel more dangerous than the original problem. Consider someone who is afraid of putting their work into the world. If tapping helps them overcome that fear, they will start publishing. The moment they start publishing, they invite criticism. So a part of them quietly concludes that staying stuck is safer than getting better. The fear is not really about tapping. It is about what success would expose them to. This is a textbook example of secondary gain, where the symptom is doing a job the person has not consciously acknowledged. Fear #3: Having to Admit You Could Have Healed Sooner If tapping works for you today, it probably would have worked for you a year ago. Or five years ago. That can be a hard thing to face. A part of you may resist tapping not because it doubts the tool, but because succeeding now would mean reckoning with the time you spent suffering when you did not have to. Staying stuck protects you from that grief. Once you see this pattern, you can tap on the grief itself, which is often where the real movement starts. Fear #4: Feeling Weird Tapping on Your Face Tapping looks unusual. There is no point pretending otherwise. For some people, the social or self-image cost of doing something that looks strange outweighs the potential benefit. If you have ever wondered what other people would think if they walked in on you tapping, that is the fear talking. It often softens once you understand how and why tapping actually works at a physiological level, because the technique stops feeling like a quirky ritual and starts feeling like a deliberate intervention. Fear #5: Being "Too Broken" for Any Tool to Work This is the most painful version. The story sounds like, "tapping works for everyone else, but I am so broken that nothing will work for me." This fear is rarely about tapping at all. It is a long-held belief about being beyond help, and tapping is just the latest tool the belief is using to prove itself right. When this is the resistance, the most useful first move is to tap on the belief that you are too broken, not on the issue you originally wanted to address. There is a real path here for people ready to believe that healing is possible for them, but it starts by addressing the broken story directly. Why Tapping on the Resistance Works Better Than Pushing Through It When you don't think tapping will work, the most effective move is to tap on the doubt itself. This bypasses the wrestling match and meets your subconscious where it actually is. The logic is straightforward. The part of you that is doubting is not interested in being argued with. It has a job, which is to keep you safe by stopping you from doing something that might disappoint you, expose you, or confirm a painful belief. If you tap directly on that fear, you are signaling that you have heard it. Once it feels heard, it tends to relax. This is the same mechanism behind any resistance to taking healthy action, whether the action is tapping, exercising, applying for a job, or having a hard conversation. Key Insight: "People are unwilling to tap on something, but they're willing to tap on their concern about whether or not tapping will work." That willingness is enough. You do not need to believe in the outcome. You only need to be willing to address the doubt. How to Tap When You Don't Think Tapping Will Work Here is the exact pattern I use with clients in this situation. Tap through the points while reading these phrases out loud, or follow along with the audio in the episode. Start on the side of the hand and take a deep breath. Then move from point to point with these statements: "I recognize that I am asking whether tapping will actually work for me, and I have real concerns." "The concern I have is not actually about tapping. It is about the story that tapping working would tell." "If I try this and it fails, I am afraid I will lose my hope." "If I try this and it works, I am afraid the change might actually make things worse." "If I try this and it works, I will have to face the fact that I could have healed sooner." "Part of me thinks this just looks and feels weird, and I do not want to look weird." "Part of me is afraid it is too late, and that I am just too broken." "Every one of these fears is a part of me trying to keep me safe, and I appreciate it." "It is safe for me to give this a try. It might not go perfectly, but I give myself permission to try anyway." Take a deep breath at the end and check in with the original doubt. In most cases, the resistance will have softened, even if it has not disappeared entirely. If it is still there, run the sequence again. This Pattern Shows Up Everywhere, Not Just With Tapping The mechanism behind tapping resistance is the mechanism behind almost every form of self-sabotage. The thing you are doubting is rarely the thing you are actually afraid of. When you find yourself wondering whether something will work for you, get into the habit of asking a second question. What would happen if it did work? The answer to that question is usually where the real fear is hiding, and that is where the most useful tapping work begins. Key Insight: "Sometimes our fear about doing something is not about the thing. It is about the story that comes about us doing that particular thing." That is true for tapping. It is true for therapy, for relationships, for changing careers, for anything that asks you t...
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The one step tapping process (Pod #704)
3w ago00:10:26Tap to summarizeOne of the topics that I have been coming back to again again this year is trying to find ways to make it easier for you to start a round of tapping because once you start it is much easier to stick with it. This week in the podcast I share with you one of my favorite and simplest tapping techniques which is a "one step tapping process". When I am teaching people how to tap this is what I teach them right after I teach wordless tapping. But don't let the simplicity of the approach fool you. Even though it is straight forward it is powerful. So much so when I am giving my clients recommendations on how to tap between sessions this is my number one go to recommendation. You are going to love this! Support the podcast! Http://tappingqanda.com/support Subscribe in: Apple Podcast | iPhone | Spotify | Pandora | Amazon Music | iHeartRadio | YouTube
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Why do I feel worse after a round of tapping (Pod #703)
3w ago00:10:02Tap to summarizeIf you have ever finished a round of tapping and felt more upset than when you started, you are not doing it wrong. In fact, when you feel worse after tapping, it usually means something productive is happening underneath the surface. This is one of the most common questions I get from listeners, and the answer changes how you interpret every round of tapping you will ever do. Key Takeaways Feeling worse after a round of tapping is common, and in most cases it signals that you are closer to real change, not further from it. Any tapping round has only three possible outcomes: you feel better, nothing changes, or you feel worse. Each outcome tells you exactly what to do next. When intensity rises during tapping, it usually means one of two things: you have tuned in more fully to an emotion you were already carrying, or a deeper related issue has surfaced. A rising SUDS number (Subjective Units of Distress, the 0 to 10 scale used in EFT) is diagnostic information, not a failure signal. Rising intensity is good news about direction, but it also raises the question of whether what just surfaced is safe and appropriate to continue tapping on alone. Why Feeling Worse After Tapping Is Actually Common Feeling worse after tapping is one of the most misunderstood experiences in EFT, and it happens to almost everyone who taps regularly. The discomfort you notice after a round usually is not new discomfort. It is discomfort you were already carrying that has become easier to feel because you stopped distracting yourself from it. This is closely related to sadness showing up after tapping, which follows the same underlying pattern. In 18 years of working with clients, I have watched this moment land the same way again and again. Someone taps for 10 minutes, opens their eyes, and says, "I feel worse now than when I started. This isn't working." What is almost always happening is the opposite. They have turned their attention toward something they had been quietly ignoring, and attention has a volume knob. Key insight: "Just because it feels worse, it doesn't actually mean things are getting worse. It just means they feel worse." That distinction matters because most people quit tapping at exactly the moment it is starting to work. If you have ever stopped mid-session because the feeling got bigger, this is the pattern you were caught in. The Three Possible Outcomes of Any Tapping Round Every round of tapping produces one of three outcomes: you feel better, nothing changes, or you feel worse. Recognizing which outcome you are in is the single most useful diagnostic skill in EFT, because each outcome calls for a different next move. Outcome one is the one most people hope for. You tap, the emotional charge drops, and you can get on with your day. At that point the only question is whether you are done or whether there is more to clear. If a little frustration still hums in the background but it is not blocking you, you can stop. If it is still getting in the way of being productive, you know you are on the right path and you keep going. This is part of how tapping progress actually accumulates, usually in layers rather than in one dramatic release. Outcome two is when nothing changes. This is not failure. It is a signal that the specific angle you chose is not the right entry point for this issue right now. The fix is simple: change something. Tap on a different aspect of the problem, name a different emotion, go after the body sensation instead of the story, or extend the round so the setup statement has time to do its work. Outcome three is the one this article is really about. The intensity climbs. You feel more upset, not less. That almost always means one of two specific things is happening, and both of them are good news in disguise. Why You Feel Worse After Tapping Reason #1: You Are Tuning In The first reason you feel worse after tapping is simple: you stopped turning the volume down. When you were busy with the day, the emotion was background noise. Now that you have given it your full attention for five minutes, it is foreground, and foreground always feels louder. I am dealing with a foot and ankle injury right now, and the physical version of this plays out every single evening. All day I barely notice my ankle because I am moving through meetings, answering messages, recording episodes. Then I sit down at the end of the day, relax, and my right ankle starts pulsing in pain. The relaxation did not cause the pain. The relaxation let me notice the pain that was there all along. The same mechanism runs the emotional version. When you start tapping on frustration, you are not manufacturing fresh frustration. You are reconnecting with the details of the experience, and the emotion follows the details. This is also why talking through a bad memory can make you angrier as you go. You are not building new anger. You are rejoining the old anger in higher resolution. Key insight: "As I tune in, the rising just means I'm having more detail, which means I'm actually closer to creating transformation." More detail is what lets tapping actually land. A vague "I feel bad" does not release the way "I felt humiliated in that specific meeting when that specific person said that specific thing" releases. The intensity bump is often the sound of specificity arriving. Why You Feel Worse After Tapping Reason #2: A Deeper Issue Surfaced The second reason you feel worse after tapping is that clearing the surface emotion has revealed a second issue sitting underneath it. This is one of the most common patterns in EFT, and once you can spot it, you stop mistaking it for a problem. Here is a version I see constantly. You start tapping on frustration because a project did not work out. A few minutes in, the frustration begins to lift, and you suddenly realize you are not really frustrated, you are hurt. Someone made you a promise and did not keep it, and underneath the frustration is a sense of betrayal. The frustration was real, but it was also a lid on something bigger. The first emotion often blocks your view of everything else. When frustration is loud, you cannot clearly see the sadness, the grief, the disappointment, or the old memory attached to the current event. The moment the first layer releases, the deeper layer becomes visible, and the intensity you feel is not the tapping making things worse. It is your system finally letting you see what was actually driving the reaction. This is one of the deeper layers healing reveals as you work through an issue over time. This is why I treat a spike in intensity as a green light, not a red one. When the number goes up after a round, I have usually just found the more important thing to work on. The frustration was the door. The betrayal is the room. What to Do When Tapping Makes You Feel Worse When tapping makes you feel worse, the next move depends on which of the three outcomes you are actually in, and the decision tree is short. In most cases you keep going, but with a small adjustment based on what you just noticed. If the intensity rose because you tuned in more fully (Reason #1), stay with the same target. Keep tapping on the specific details that brought the feeling into sharper focus. You are doing the right work on the right issue, and the rise is a sign the release is closer, not further. If the intensity rose because a deeper issue surfaced (Reason #2), switch targets. Write down what just appeared so you do not lose it, and start a fresh round on the new layer. Trying to tap on the surface frustration when what is really present is betrayal will not move the needle. Follow the bigger emotion. If nothing is changing, change one variable. This is often what is happening when EFT seems to stop working: the tool is fine, but the angle needs a small adjustment. Here are the most reliable things to adjust in order: Change the aspect. Tap on a different facet of the same issue (the person, the place, the moment, the body sensation, the thought). Change the emotion you are naming. Instead of "anger," try "disappointment," "hurt," or "the sense that it should have been different." Extend the round. Keep going through all eight points two or three more times before judging whether anything shifted. Go to the body. Drop the story entirely and tap on the physical sensation, where it lives, and what it feels like. None of these require you to start over. They are small tweaks to an approach that is already working better than you think. When Rising Intensity Means You Should Call a Practitioner Rising intensity during tapping is usually good news, but it comes with a responsibility: you need to ask whether what just surfaced is safe and appropriate for you to keep tapping on by yourself. Not everything that appears should be processed alone. I might feel completely comfortable tapping on frustration by myself at my kitchen table. I might feel much less comfortable tapping alone on a sense of betrayal tied to a close relationship, or on a memory with real trauma attached to it. Both are legitimate targets. They are not both legitimate solo targets. Knowing the difference is a core part of <a href= "https://tappingqanda.com/2016/03/pod-218-how-to-use-eft-more-effectively-when-tapping-on-your-own-...
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How you talk about emotions is getting in the way of healing (Pod #702)
4w ago00:11:38Tap to summarizeWe emotionally respond to the world based on the way we describe it. What this means is that your subconscious mind is taking cues about what is going on, not based on what you are thinking, but based on what you are saying. The most common version of this is a generalization. You might say something like "Everyone at work hates me." This probably isn't true, but you are going to walk into your workplace in a less healthy and useful way when you are acting as if everyone hates you. Because this is the case, I pay particular attention to the way I talk and what my clients are saying when we are tapping. It is not about what is going on, but instead how we are describing what is going on. One of the biggest culprits that keep us stuck is the phrase "I am..." When you use a phrase like "I am angry" or "I am overwhelmed" it creates a very specific emotional response which not only impacts how we act, but also how we heal. This week in the podcast I share with you how I talk about my emotions instead. This one small change in vocabulary will change how you feel in your body and of all the things I have taught, this might be the easiest to add to your tapping. Support the podcast! Http://tappingqanda.com/support [player] Subscribe in: Apple Podcast | iPhone | Spotify | Pandora | Amazon Music | iHeartRadio | YouTube
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Why I Don't Use The EFT Tapping Set-Up Phrase (Pod #701)
4w ago00:11:36Tap to summarizeWhy I Don't Use the EFT Setup Phrase (And What I Do Instead) If you've watched any of my tap-along videos, you've probably noticed something: I never start with the classic EFT setup phrase. That's a deliberate choice, and I get asked about it all the time. In this post, I want to explain exactly why I skip it and what I use instead. TL;DR / Key Takeaways The traditional EFT setup phrase ("Even though I have this issue, I deeply and completely accept myself") can backfire by activating unresolved self-acceptance issues when you only need quick emotional or physical relief. For many people, the self-love claim in the setup phrase triggers inner resistance so strong that they avoid tapping altogether. My alternative opening, "I recognize the fact," names present reality without demanding a self-acceptance leap, making it easier to start tapping immediately. Accepting that something is happening is completely different from declaring it acceptable. You can acknowledge the problem without endorsing it. Self-acceptance work is genuinely important and deserves its own dedicated sessions, with adequate time, space, and emotional safety. What Is the EFT Setup Phrase? The EFT setup phrase is a verbal statement used at the beginning of a tapping round to acknowledge the problem and introduce an element of self-acceptance. EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) is a practice developed by Gary Craig that involves tapping on specific acupressure points on the face and body while focusing on a particular issue. When Gary Craig gave us his original Basic Recipe, tappers would begin either by rubbing what he called the "sore spot" on the chest or tapping the side of the hand. While doing that, they would say: "Even though I have this issue, I completely and deeply accept myself." As EFT spread and teachers adapted it, the most widely taught version became: "Even though I have this issue, I deeply and completely love and accept myself." That phrase has been around so long that many people assume it is an essential, non-negotiable part of tapping. It isn't. And I want to explain why I've moved away from it. Why the EFT Setup Phrase Can Create Problems at the Start Starting a tapping round with "I deeply and completely love and accept myself" can backfire by pulling your subconscious attention toward unresolved self-acceptance issues when you only need relief from something much simpler. Here's what I mean. When I sit down to tap in the middle of a busy day, I ask myself one question first: what is the goal of this round? Sometimes I'm overwhelmed and just need to take the edge off so I can get back to work. Sometimes I have a nagging physical pain that's become a distraction. In those moments, I'm doing emotional first aid or physical first aid. I'm not doing deep healing work. I'm reaching for the equivalent of an aspirin. So imagine I sit down to tap on a headache and I say: "Even though I have this headache, I deeply and completely love and accept myself." And then my subconscious responds: "No, you don't. Here are seventeen reasons why you are unacceptable." Key insight: "I've gone from trying to respond to my frustration to bringing up all of these self-acceptance issues that were not at the front of my mind. Now I'm dealing with not being able to love and accept myself instead of the thing I actually sat down to tap on." That's friction. That's introducing a problem I wasn't trying to solve. The Two Barriers the EFT Setup Phrase Creates for Tappers The setup phrase creates two distinct barriers that can interfere with effective tapping, and understanding both helps explain why I stopped using it. Barrier one: Scope creep. When the phrase introduces self-acceptance into a session that isn't about self-acceptance, it pulls focus in a direction you don't have the capacity to handle right now. You came to tap on frustration. Now you're wading into deeper water than you prepared for. Barrier two: Avoidance. For many people, the phrase "I love and accept myself" feels emotionally charged or even frightening. It bumps up against years of evidence their inner critic has collected. So rather than feel that discomfort at the very start, some people simply won't tap at all. The setup phrase becomes a wall rather than a door. Key insight: "The setup phrase can either create a speed bump going into a tapping session, or it can create a wall that stops you from tapping at all. Neither of those outcomes is useful." In my 18+ years of working with clients and tappers, I've seen both patterns play out constantly. Someone sits down to tap on something manageable and the very first phrase they're supposed to say sends them into emotional territory they weren't ready for. Or they skip the session entirely because they already know how that opening phrase is going to feel. What "I Recognize the Fact" Means and Why It Works My alternative to the setup phrase is simple: I start with the words "I recognize the fact," followed by whatever I'm actually trying to address. This idea came from the work of Ormond McGill, a legendary hypnotherapist who taught that "all transformation starts by stating what is." That principle hit me hard the first time I encountered it, and it's shaped how I approach every tapping session since. So instead of declaring self-love, I name the present reality: "I recognize the fact I'm overwhelmed right now." "I recognize the fact I'm in a lot of pain." "I recognize the fact I'm beating myself up for a poor decision." Key insight: "When I recognize the fact, I'm accepting the current circumstance. That's not the same as accepting myself. It's accepting what is going on around me. And when I accept the reality of the circumstance, I can actually do something about it." This kind of opening also does something practical: it narrows my focus. It answers the question I asked myself at the start of the session. It says, here is the specific thing I am tapping on right now. That clarity makes every round more purposeful and more effective. I've actually created a setup phrase generator on TappingQandA.com that produces around 2,500 different phrase variations for people who want options. But for my own practice, "I recognize the fact" is almost always where I begin. The Difference Between Accepting What Is and Calling It Acceptable This distinction matters a great deal, and I want to make sure it lands clearly. Accepting what is happening is not the same as declaring it acceptable. I can acknowledge that I am overwhelmed without endorsing overwhelm as okay. I can recognize that I am in pain without resigning myself to staying in pain. Think of it this way: I cannot fix my car unless I first accept that my car is not working. That acceptance isn't defeat. It's the accurate starting point that makes problem-solving possible. The same is true for emotional work. I cannot transform my overwhelm unless I acknowledge that I am, in fact, overwhelmed. The traditional setup phrase conflates two different things. It asks you to simultaneously identify a problem and declare that you love yourself anyway. Both of those might be true. But they're not always what the moment calls for. Key insight: "It is not acceptable for me to be overwhelmed, because it's getting in the way of my work. But I accept the fact that it is happening. That acceptance is what makes it possible to tap on it." When you say "I recognize the fact," you're engaging honestly with your present experience. You're not rubber-stamping it. You're not bypassing it. You're simply seeing it clearly enough to work with it. When Self-Acceptance Work Does Belong in a Tapping Session I want to be clear: I am not anti-self-acceptance. Not even close. Self-acceptance work is some of the most important tapping work you can do. Over the course of eight weeks, I offered a dedicated self-acceptance tapping program through my Tapping Mastery Academy. We met every other Saturday for 75-minute sessions, which came out to five full hours of tapping focused entirely on the work of accepting ourselves. That's how seriously I take this topic. The point isn't that self-acceptance doesn't belong in tapping. The point is that it deserves the right container. Key insight: "There is no work more tender than moving to a place of self-love and self-acceptance. Because of that, I want to make sure I have the time, the space, the resources, and the sense of safety to engage with it properly." When you're doing a quick five-minute session to knock down midday stress, that's not the container for deep self-acceptance work. When you've carved out real time, you feel emotionally resourced, and you've intentionally set up to go deep, that's when self-acceptance tapping is most likely to move the needle. Timing matters. Context matters. The setup phrase doesn't account for either. How to Apply This to Your Own EFT Setup Phrase Practice If you want to try this approach, the shift is simple. Before you start any tapping round, ask yourself: what is the goal of this session? Be specific. Are you trying to reduce physical pain? Calm frustration? Process a difficult conversation? The more clearly you can name the target, the more effective your session will be. Then begin with: "I recognize the fact [what you're actually experiencing]." A few examples of how this sounds in practice: "I recognize the fact I'm dreading this conversation." "I recognize the fact my shoulders are tense and I don't know why." "I recognize the fact I'm scared about what the results might show." You are naming reality. You are not judging it, endorsing it, ...
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Tapping for regretting not tapping enough (Pod #700)
Apr 1600:19:26Tap to summarizeIt can feel so discouraging when you have great tools at your disposal, like tapping, that you know will have a positive impact on your life…but you are not using them. This leads to self-recrimination AND hesitancy to use the tools in future for fear of failure, which means double the regret. Every six or eight weeks, I set time aside to tap on all the emotions I feel for not tapping as much as I want to. Time spent tapping on my frustration and self-betrayal means I feel better in the moment and I tap more because I have a healthier relationship to tapping. This is such powerful work and I encourage you to tap along with me. Support the podcast! Http://tappingqanda.com/supportSubscribe in: Apple Podcast | iPhone | Spotify | Pandora | Amazon Music | iHeartRadio | YouTube
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How Long Should You Tap on an Issue? When to Stop Tapping and Move On (Pod #699)
Apr 1300:09:38Tap to summarizeIf you have been tapping for any length of time, you have probably asked yourself: when am I actually done? You get some relief, the intensity drops, but the issue is not completely gone. Knowing when to stop tapping on an issue is one of the most common questions I hear, and the answer is simpler than most people think. TL;DR: Key Takeaways Knowing when to stop tapping is not about reaching a SUDS (Subjective Unit of Distress) level of zero; it is about reaching the functional outcome you defined before you started. Before every round of EFT tapping, ask yourself one question: "What is the goal of this round of tapping?" and name a specific, measurable outcome. You do not need to eliminate fear or resistance completely to take action; you only need to reduce the emotional intensity enough to do what you need to do. For complex, layered issues like negative self-image, the same goal-and-metric framework applies across multiple tapping sessions over days or weeks. The three-step process for knowing when to move on is: name the outcome, name the metric, and stop when you reach it. Why Knowing When to Stop Tapping Matters Most people who learn EFT tapping go through a predictable arc. First comes the honeymoon phase where you want to tap on everything and you try to get everyone in your life to tap with you (I am speaking from lived experience here). Then the enthusiasm settles and you are left staring at a giant laundry list of things you could work on. That laundry list creates its own kind of overwhelm. What do I tap on first? How long do I stay with it? When is it "enough"? Without a clear framework for knowing when to move on, many people either keep grinding on one issue long past the point of diminishing returns or they hop between issues so quickly that nothing gets meaningful traction. Key Insight: "It's not about completely eliminating something. It's about putting ourselves in the position so we can think, feel, believe, and act in the ways that we want to." This reframe changes everything about how you approach your tapping practice. The finish line is not the absence of all discomfort. The finish line is functional freedom. What Is a SUDS Level and Why It Is Not the Finish Line SUDS stands for Subjective Unit of Distress, and it is a zero-to-ten scale used to measure emotional or physical intensity before and after tapping. If I have a pain in my shoulder, I rate it: zero to ten, how intense is this pain? I do a round of tapping, then I check again. If the number dropped from a seven to a five, I know the tapping is working. SUDS is an excellent tool for tracking your tapping progress. The problem is that most people were taught to treat zero as the only acceptable endpoint. And the reality is that some issues will never reach a zero. Even when they could, chasing zero is not always the best use of your time and energy. Key Insight: "There are some issues we are never going to get to a zero. And there are some issues where, even if we got it to a zero, it isn't necessarily the most useful thing for us to do." Think of SUDS as a speedometer, not a destination. It tells you how fast you are moving, but it does not tell you where to stop. The One Question to Ask Before Every Round of Tapping Before every round of tapping, I ask myself what I call Question One from my Tapping Mastery Blueprint: What is the goal of this round of tapping? Not "how much distress am I feeling" but "what is the outcome I want right now?" This single question transforms the entire tapping experience. Instead of an open-ended session with no clear endpoint, you have a specific target. The goal might be to reduce frustration enough to get back to work. It might be to lower resistance enough to send a difficult email. It might be to shift the internal story that runs through your head when you look in the mirror. When the goal is clear, you will recognize the moment you reach it. That recognition is how you know when to stop tapping and move on with your day. How to Set a Measurable Tapping Goal A useful tapping goal has three parts: the outcome you want, the metric you will use to measure it, and the action that proves you have arrived. Here is how this works in practice. Reducing frustration to refocus. If my frustration is sitting at a seven on the SUDS scale, I cannot concentrate. But if I can bring it down to a three, the moment I engage with my next task, I will be so focused on what is in front of me that I will forget what I was frustrated about. My metric is: can I clearly think about the work in front of me? When the answer is yes, I stop tapping. Clearing resistance to take an action. The goal is not to feel zero fear. The goal is to feel safe enough to take the action with the energy and engagement it requires. My metric is: am I actually doing the thing? I have had clients working through resistance who, 23 minutes into a 30-minute session, suddenly say "I need to get off this call because I need to go do the thing right now." That is success. The tapping round is done because the goal was the action, not the absence of fear. Key Insight: "The goal was not to get rid of the fear. The goal was not to get rid of the resistance. The goal was to take the action." You Do Not Need to Be Fearless to Take Action I want to share a story that illustrates this perfectly. About 16 or 17 years ago, I was making my very first real offer to my email list. I was asking for the princely sum of \(97 or \)147, which at that point in my life felt like asking for $100 million. I had the email written. I had it loaded into my email software. I was sitting in a Starbucks in Charles Village in Baltimore. And I hit send. The moment I hit send, I slammed my laptop shut and went for a 90-minute walk on a beautiful spring day because I was terrified of what was going to happen next. When I got home, one or two people had bought and one or two people had unsubscribed. That was the entire consequence. I did not need to be fearless. I just needed to reduce the fear enough to press the button. And here is the important part: even if the fear had come rushing back 20 minutes later, it would not have mattered because the action was already taken. This is why outcome-based tapping goals are so powerful. Once the email is sent, the conversation is started, or the decision is made, the fear and resistance become irrelevant to that particular action. What About Issues That Take More Than One Session? Not every issue resolves in a single round of tapping. Some struggles, like the story you tell yourself when you look in the mirror or a deep pattern of self-doubt, require sustained work across days, weeks, or even months. The framework stays exactly the same. You name the outcome: I want to change the internal narrative I hear when I see my reflection. You name a metric: what words do I hear in my head when I look in the mirror right now versus what I want to hear? You tap, check in, and notice whether you are closer to the outcome than you were before. If you are closer, that session was a success, even if you are not all the way there yet. If you are not closer, that is useful information too. It might mean you need to approach the issue from a different angle, address a deeper layer of resistance, or simply give yourself more time. The trap to avoid is treating these longer-term issues with the same urgency as an in-the-moment frustration. You would not expect one gym session to transform your body. Give your tapping practice the same patience. How to Know You Are Done Tapping on an Issue Here is the simple three-step framework you can use every time you sit down to tap. Name the outcome. What do I want to think, feel, believe, or do differently as a result of this tapping session? Name the metric. How will I know I have reached that outcome? What will I notice in my body, my thoughts, or my behavior? Check and move on. When you reach the metric, stop tapping on that issue. If you have not reached it and you have run out of time, note where you are and come back to it next session. This process works whether you are tapping for five minutes on midday frustration or working through a years-long pattern of self-criticism. The scale changes but the structure does not. Frequently Asked Questions Do I always need to get my SUDS level to zero? No. A SUDS level of zero is not required for a successful tapping session. The goal is to reach the functional outcome you set before you started, whether that is being able to concentrate, take a specific action, or shift an emotional pattern. Many highly effective sessions end at a three or four on the SUDS scale. How long should a single tapping session last? There is no fixed time requirement. Some sessions take five minutes and others take thirty. The length depends on the complexity of the issue and the specific outcome you are working toward. Focus on reaching your defined goal rather than watching the clock. What if the emotion comes back after I stop tapping? That dep...
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The way you are thinking about fear is all wrong (Pod #698)
Apr 900:17:06Tap to summarizeFear is our most basic emotion. Simply put, fear is our internal guidance pointing out what might harm us so that we can stay safe. We commonly think of it in terms of fight, flight, or freeze. All three of these responses are designed to shield us from danger. We fight to defend ourselves, we run away (flight) to avoid it, and we freeze so that the threat can't see us. When tapping for fear, we usually use reframes around if something is truly dangerous to try to turn off the fear if there is no actual danger. This is a great start, but deciding whether or not something is really dangerous only scratches the surface. If we stop there with our tapping, we may be missing valuable detail. This week in the podcast, I explore the next level down: magnitude and probability. By adding these ideas to how we assess our fears we can deepen the healing and transformation available to us through tapping. If you are experiencing fear, anxiety, or resistance to taking action, then you will love this approach. Support the podcast! Http://tappingqanda.com/support Subscribe in: Apple Podcast | iPhone | Spotify | Pandora | Amazon Music | iHeartRadio
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