#4336 The Fast And The Guy Fieriest

Summary

Episode #4336: The Fast And The Guy Fieriest

Release Date: November 13, 2024

Hosted by Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh, TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live delivers its 4336th episode with a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and engaging discussions. This episode, aptly titled "The Fast And The Guy Fieriest," navigates through topics ranging from content creation struggles to in-depth NFL analysis, all while maintaining the hosts' trademark camaraderie.

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1. Introduction to the Episode

The episode kicks off with the hosts greeting their audience amidst a backdrop of windy and rainy weather at the Madrona Hill studio.

Luke Burbank [02:05]:
"Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone to this edition of TBTL. It's a kind of magic... the show that just might be too beautiful to live."

Andrew Walsh [02:06]:
"Hello, everyone."

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2. Creating "Hey Dummies" Videos

A significant portion of the episode delves into the challenges and evolution of producing their "Hey Dummies" videos.

Luke Burbank [04:23]:
"I've said a lot of things in my time. Not all of it's worth listening to. But let's just say this time round, it is all right."

Andrew Walsh [05:43]:
"I think it illustrates our different approaches to this. It's not a video project that's made or broken based on... let's just say, our different methods."

Luke Burbank [05:43]:
"Let's just say my standards for the hey Dummies videos... have dropped precipitously over the five, six years we've been doing it."

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3. Reflections on the Winnebago Man Documentary

The hosts share their thoughts on the "Winnebago Man" documentary, discussing themes of privacy and the impact of virality.

Andrew Walsh [10:27]:
"It feels so exploitative to me now. We're all supposed to be on the side of the filmmaker, harassing him until he opens up about stuff he doesn't want to."

Luke Burbank [12:07]:
"We found him living like in a mountain cabin, semi-reclusive, and the documentary didn't reveal any profound life lessons. It was more about them getting him to sit in front of the camera."

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4. Outdoor Furniture Woes and Umbrella Mishaps

Luke narrates the ordeal of his heavy-duty umbrella being destroyed by extreme winds, leading to humorous reflections.

Luke Burbank [14:37]:
"The wind blew so hard that it opened the umbrella and then inverted it. I can't overstate this. It's meant to be robust, and now it's totally destroyed."

Andrew Walsh [16:13]:
"I almost want to say, was it like the band Jawbreaker or something that used the iconography of the Morton salt?"

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5. Grilling Disasters and Maintenance Tips

Andrew recounts his mishap with a grill, highlighting the importance of proper maintenance.

Andrew Walsh [22:43]:
"I chemical burned my fingertip, my index finger, cleaning this grill. The damage was done."

Luke Burbank [24:18]:
"If you have enough room in your car, I'd love the idea of buying something that somebody else has already put together."

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6. Organizing Closets and Home Management

Both hosts discuss their struggles with organizing closets and maintaining an orderly home, intertwining personal frustrations with practical solutions.

Luke Burbank [26:39]:
"I feel like I need to do it again. Calm down a little bit. It's been 24 hours."

Andrew Walsh [30:20]:
"I have half my closet filled with shoes that I never wear, and Bingo loves running in there."

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7. Donor Acknowledgments

A heartfelt segment where Luke and Andrew thank their listeners for their financial support, highlighting individual donors and encouraging the use of the pronunciation feature on their donation form.

Luke Burbank [43:30]:
"Thank you so much to all of our donors today for making TBTL possible."

Andrew Walsh [54:03]:
"If you're the kind of listener that would like us to say your name correctly, please avail yourself of the pronunciation feature when you're filling out your donor info."

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8. Neighborly Interactions and Tansy Troubles

Andrew shares a voicemail from a neighbor regarding a tansy plant issue, leading to a discussion on neighbor relations and political yard signs.

Andrew Walsh [59:58]:
"I always wonder about that voicemail... Does he know you're on Livewire? I doubt it at that point."

Luke Burbank [63:19]:
"I have an I like Ike sign out in my front yard... it's sort of a ceremonial thing about the election and politics."

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9. NFL Discussions: Seahawks, Cowboys, and More

A lively and in-depth discussion about current NFL teams, player performances, and management decisions dominates the latter half of the episode.

Luke Burbank [85:27]:
"Jerry Jones has now become sort of like Trump Jr. to me... he's getting pissy about the team and stadium issues."

Andrew Walsh [87:10]:
"He’s got no Super Bowls under him. It’s been a long time, Jerry Jones."

Luke Burbank [92:37]:
"Anger is like flatulence. No, anger is the dilithium crystal that runs this spaceship... All I want is for Joey Bosa to have a career-ending injury."

Andrew Walsh [95:13]:
"He's won three Super Bowls, as owner of the Cowboys in '93 and '94. He's been in the game for a long time."

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10. Shakespeare and Miscellaneous Banter

In lighter moments, the hosts attempt Shakespearean quotes and reminisce about past performances, adding a touch of literary humor to the episode.

Andrew Walsh [45:25]:
"From two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene."

Luke Burbank [48:35]:
"I once memorized a couple of Shel Silverstein poems for a talent show... 'Dirty Dan, the world's dirtiest man.'"

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11. Final Thoughts and Sign-Off

As the episode draws to a close, Luke and Andrew reflect on their personal lives, upcoming topics, and share a humorous exchange about potential future discussions.

Luke Burbank [94:36]:
"Have a great Wednesday, take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall."

Andrew Walsh [95:13]:
"It's both. It is both."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Luke Burbank [02:05]:
  "It's absolutely nothing better for your mental health than waking up when it's pitch blackout."

• Andrew Walsh [04:23]:
  "I was too in into it and I start talking too quickly and I want to get everything."

• Luke Burbank [10:27]:
  "I can't overstate this. It's a very, like, very robust outdoor umbrella..."

• Andrew Walsh [22:43]:
  "I chemical burned my fingertip, my index finger, fingertip cleaning this grill. And I got it all back to factory new last spring."

• Luke Burbank [26:39]:
  "It's too complicated and geometric for me to try to explain."

• Andrew Walsh [59:58]:
  "I always wonder about that voicemail because it was before I think you guys maybe met..."

• Luke Burbank [85:27]:
  "Jerry Jones is not going to be around forever, but if he suffers, if he... I'm here for that."

• Andrew Walsh [95:13]:
  "He's won three Super Bowls, as owner of the Cowboys in '93 and '94. He's been in this game for a long time."

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Conclusion

In "The Fast And The Guy Fieriest," Luke and Andrew offer listeners a rollercoaster of topics intertwined with their unique humor and genuine reflections. From the nitty-gritty of video production to passionate NFL debates, the episode encapsulates the essence of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live—a daily journey navigated by two longtime friends determined to goof their way through the world the best they can.

Transcript

[RCA Victor Announcer]

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[Andrew Walsh]

TBTL.

[Luke Burbank]

Ahoy hoy. Is that still a thing? I was just fixing to get me some grub.

[Andrew Walsh]

Beans. I love beans. Big, fat, hot, juicy beans. Now, don't get me going on, or.

[Luke Burbank]

I'll be jabbering away till the sun comes up. If you want to pick a fight.

[Andrew Walsh]

With your body's sexual chi, it's just going to drive it inwards. And that invites disease and death.

[Luke Burbank]

I love you. Oh, my God.

[Andrew Walsh]

With your cheekbones and your guitar playing. And it's all very, very attractive and very, very talented.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I've said a lot of things in my time. Not all of it's worth listening to. But let's just say this time round, it is all right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone to edition of tbtl. It's a kind of magic. The show that just might be too beautiful to live. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hello, everyone.

[Luke Burbank]

Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia where, my goodness gracious, the wind has been blowing. It is. It is wet, it is rainy, it is dark, it is rough. Right now. There is absolutely nothing better for your mental health then waking up when it's pitch blackout.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then when you get in the car to go home, it's pitch blackout.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm not gonna let that stop me, though, from giving this episode, which, by the way, is episode 4336, my absolute, all my best effort.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let the fun begin.

[Luke Burbank]

Will that be enough? I don't know, historically it hasn't been. But maybe today will be special. Today will be a special episode because we are going to provide you some very, very wholesome content coming to you from Wisconsin and specifically from the answering machine of Justin Vernon, AKA Bony Bear. Yes. Content that will warm your heart and make you feel like maybe, maybe we do have a chance here on this blig big blue marble. Even though it's been a tough, tough week, tough couple of weeks, tough couple of decades here in America. I, I started down a road that I may not come back from today on the Internet and it involved the search term Goldendoodle Therapy Dog.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'll say what's up dog?

[Luke Burbank]

And anyway, I'll try to talk that out with my friend Andrew. Try to talk myself down off of the ledge, down off of some bad decision making. Speaking of the longest running cobro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships, he's also occasionally referred to as Mr. Unlimited. He is Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning, Luke. What's the. Well, I think I know the answer to this. What is the maximum number of times you have re recorded a hey Dummies video before feeling confident in sending it out into the world? Have you ever. Let me rephrase that. Have you ever re recorded a hey Dummies video or are you a Mr. One and Done?

[Luke Burbank]

I'm going to be very honest with you, Andrew, and with the listeners because I do think transparency is one of the few things we have going for us as a show. Complete transparency.

[Andrew Walsh]

You have forgotten what a hey Dummies video is.

[Luke Burbank]

Too much transparency. In the early days of doing hey Dummies, I probably would semi regularly re record them and I would go do these sort of elaborate setups and things. And as time has gone on, I have become more okay with, let's just call it a certain lo fi approach to my hey Dummies. I believe the last hey Dummies I did, all I did was put on my pieced together Guy Fieri outfit and then just answer a random question. That was all of the, it was all of the sizzle that I added to things. So these days I probably, as long as I didn't have a big, you know, something weird hanging off of my face or I was, you know, out of focus or something, I probably wouldn't re record a hey Dummies. I would probably do it and I would figure the listeners will appreciate that I'm not overly sort of curating this What I'm saying to you, Andrew, is that my standards for the hey Dummies videos that I present have dropped precipitously over the what, five, six years we've been doing it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, the thing is, I wasn't asking so much. I mean it's relevant I guess, but I think it illustrates our different approaches to this. I don't think a hey Dummies video is made or broken. It's better when you say make or break but when you put in the past tense it really doesn't have. It doesn't have that rhyme diamond chime in sensibility.

[Luke Burbank]

You could say this is not a video project that you're going to sort of make or break based on.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's a good point.

[Luke Burbank]

Scooch it up into the present tense maybe.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think some of my, I mean sometimes I like to mix up the location if possible. Sometimes I literally will just go out in the backyard. So it's not always me sitting behind my studio or sitting in my studio behind my desk and my microphone here. But. And so maybe sometimes that adds some visual. Sometimes go on car rides. Although I find that that ends up sort of making the viewers somewhat nervous for our well being. But, but you know, so sometimes I think just talking directly into the camera without having to, you know, zhuzh it up with some sort of visuals. I just mean like performance wise, like you get caught up in this or you feel like your energy was weird. The reason I bring this up obviously is because of a personal experience I'm going through. I thought, you know, today's Wednesday. I thought, you know what, on Tuesday I'm going to try to get ahead of my production schedule this week. Record a hey Dummies. And I knew what the question was. I was very excited to answer it.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I'm excited about some of the.

[Andrew Walsh]

Questions as well and people can send in more. Send me an email andrewbtl.net and put hey Dummies in the subject line. You can ask us any question and Luke and I will answer them.

[Luke Burbank]

Clothing optional.

[Andrew Walsh]

Clothing optional.

[Luke Burbank]

When you're sending the email, it's all about translucency.

[Andrew Walsh]

I will always be clothed, but you do not have to be clothed while you send in the question. But all that is great.

[Luke Burbank]

Def record, by the way, Translucent I was.

[Andrew Walsh]

I knew what tomorrow's or this week's question was going to be. I was very excited about. It came from listener Russell. It's all about darts. But it's not about throwing darts, Luke. It's about.

[Luke Burbank]

I think that one was for me.

[Andrew Walsh]

It'S about dart maintenance. And like, this is like, right. That was definitely yes about sharpening darts. And when do you, you know, when do you replace this part and that part or whatever? And I had. So I brought into my, into my room here all kinds of dart stuff that I could show off. And I was so excited about it that I think that. I actually think that sometimes being too excited about a topic sets me up for failure because I'm too into it and I start talking too quickly and I want to get everything. And so I recorded a video at least trying to think. I recorded or at least started recording at least five times yesterday before at some point stopping and saying, okay, you're literally breathless here, calm down, start it over. And then you do another one. You're like, oh, but I left out this one part. I left out the part about the O rings. Okay, spoiler. There's going to be a part about the O rings. God, I hope I didn't just ruin it for everybody. But anyway, so I just. And I woke up this morning and I've done this before and unfortunately my instincts tend to be right about this. Even though I probably sat in my studio for at least a half hour, if not 45 minutes yesterday, starting and restarting and then finally doing a hey dummies that I felt I could live with. I woke up this morning, I'm like, you know what you gotta do? That was all practice yesterday. I feel like I need to do it again. Calm down a little bit. It's been 24 hours.

[Luke Burbank]

You're going into real Jack Rebny territory.

[Andrew Walsh]

So I'm Winnebago man. I'm just wondering, you know, and usually, usually when I kind of have given something some time and then I think about it and I realize, oh, you need to redo that. I'm right about that. Like, I think that for the listeners, for my own mental health probably, I got to grab all that dart stuff, bring it back in here and probably redo it. Or this is my other option. I now have like two very lengthy versions, neither of which I'm super happy with. Edit them. Could just like make it one of those kind of, you know, chop, edit, like really fast paced sort of the kids are doing what the kids are doing. And honestly, what Chris, what's his name has been doing on Mad Money for a long time now, although I guess that doesn't have all the edits but like sort of like just really bring that sort of like intense energy. Who am I thinking of? Not Christopher Mad Dog Russo?

[Luke Burbank]

No. Are you thinking of the financial show Mad Money? Megaboos?

[Andrew Walsh]

Mega Kramer. Jim Kramer. Not Chris Gym.

[Luke Burbank]

What is that?

[Andrew Walsh]

That guy's got energy. And I'm afraid that I might have brought a little bit of that, but in a bad way to the dart maintenance talk yesterday.

[Luke Burbank]

I get some God diuretic when I sit here. My mouth just never stops. Well, that makes me want to re watch Winnebago. Is that act. Is this actual tape from you recording the hey Dummies videos? Out of here, you flies. We got three flies.

[RCA Victor Announcer]

Five flies.

[Andrew Walsh]

I did not like. I think the first time I watched it, I liked it. But then I rewatched the Winnebago man documentary about these viral videos. And like, I think most people are familiar with the background of it. Like, long before the Internet, these videos literally, like, were handed around as VHS tapes of this guy Jack Rebny of his outtakes of trying to sell Winnebagos, and he just didn't. It was like.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, actually, if I can.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

If I may correct the record, sir, how to operate your Winnebago that you have already purchased.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, Important distinction there. But anyway, I don't want any more.

[Luke Burbank]

Bull at any time during the day from anyone. That includes me.

[Andrew Walsh]

So that was a whole thing before the Internet. And then of course, it went even more viral when people were able to pass it around more easily. But then, like, everything that got sort of the documentary treatment in sort of the early 2000s, somebody was like, I'm gonna do sort of a Finding Jack Remnick sort of like, documentary. Rebny, sorry. And said like, you know, and made like a documentary about it.

[Luke Burbank]

There's some respect on his name, and.

[Andrew Walsh]

I can't remember what it's called. It might just be called Winnebago Man, I think so. It feels so exploitative to me now. I don't know. The last time you went back and watched it. I watched it sometime in the past five years or something. And it's so much. It's like he's living. He's an old man who's living his life now, who clearly does not want to talk about these videotapes and these outtakes. And sometimes it's like, that's fine. Like, that's where the story ends and that's where maybe there's some magic in that original thing. But I feel like the document is kind of like we're all supposed to be like, on the side of the filmmaker, harassing him until he opens up about stuff he doesn't want to open up about. Anyway, that's my recollection of the documentary last time I saw it. I'm just like, is it because you.

[Luke Burbank]

Identify with Jack Rebny, because you also need multiple takes to do these videos?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

And are sometimes yelling at the flies.

[Andrew Walsh]

And also just like, leave. And then leave me alone. Like, geez Louise. He's like, it really does strike you as kind of like there was this period where I feel like we always sided with the documentarian. The Richard Simmons one, that audio documentary that came out, you know, like 10 years ago or whatever. I feel like that was one where people were kind of like finally saying, like, wait a second, no, like, leave Richard Simmons alone. Like, you are not the hero, the person with the microphone and the camera who's trying to invade somebody's private life when they've made it very, very clear that they want to remain private.

[Luke Burbank]

If I told you once, I've told you a thousand times, I love you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ironically, that from that podcast, I'm not even joking.

[Luke Burbank]

I kind of agree with you that the Winnebago man doc, I felt like what happened was they were able to locate the elusive Jack Rebny, but he was living kind of like in a mountain cabin somewhere. He was kind of sort of semi reclusive and just wasn't like, wasn't really that interested in being part of this. And his health seemed to be in decline, and it just didn't. It wasn't like we learned some interesting, profound, like, sort of life lessons from him. It was more just like they. They got. They got him to agree to sit in front of the camera for some amount of time. So they were able to kind of like frame this as we went and found this, you know, this guy who was behind this viral video. But I'm with you. It didn't. Didn't quite pay off in the way that, you know, other documentaries of the era potentially did. Speaking of documenting things, did you see this photo that I sent you? What I came out to this morning as I was coming to work, and by that I mean walking from my house to the Madrona Hill studio.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, your lawn furniture is all over the place and broken, destroyed.

[Luke Burbank]

Look at that umbrella.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Look at the wood that is on the stairs is what used to be the.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, the inside of the insides of the umbrella. Oh, wow.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that's not cheap canvas umbrella that I bought to shade me and friends and family from the sun if we were to be eating outside at this one little kind of picnic table. Type of deal. It is so windy up here. And I don't know how I slept through this, by the way, because this is like kind of right outside my bedroom window. But at some point last night, the wind became so extreme that it opened up this big heavy duty umbrella that was very much closed.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was going to ask too, without. I was. I was trying to figure out how. I can ask you how I can regulate my tone and asking you if it was in the open or closed position without sounding judgy. That's incredible that this thing. Here we go again.

[Luke Burbank]

We can't.

[Andrew Walsh]

That this was in the closed position and this is what happened.

[Luke Burbank]

Very much so.

[Andrew Walsh]

If it had been in the open position, it would be somewhere, I don't know, over.

[Luke Burbank]

I'd be living in England with a chimney suite.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Mary Poppins style. No, I mean it would have. It. No, it's very much closed. And in fact, when I'm doing the show, I can stare at it, or I used to be able to. And we've had some windy days, but it's closed. It's just sitting there. It's kind of tolerating things. Well, I guess last night was the end of the road for that because it somehow must have. The wind blew so hard that it. It opened the umbrella and then inverted the umbrella. And I can't overstate this. It's a very like sort of robust outdoor umbrella that goes above your picnic table or whatever. Like. So the fact it got like turned inside out, like the Morton Salt girl or something, and then drag.

[Andrew Walsh]

Turned inside out.

[Luke Burbank]

Didn't. Isn't she holding an inside out umbrella?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I don't. I think it's just a regular umbrella. That's sort of why.

[Luke Burbank]

Why do I have. I think. I think you're right, but I think there's another graphic that's probably not authorized by the Morton Salt people where that same character has. As the umbrella has been blown inside out.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. I thought you were sort of joking like, you know, on the black market of fanfic, of underground Morton Salt girl fanfic, which honestly, I shouldn't even joke about that because it probably does exist. But yeah, I think the official one, she's just protecting.

[Luke Burbank]

I think there must have been. I almost want to say, was it like the band Jawbreaker or something that used the iconography of the Morton salt? And somewhere growing up in Seattle, I remember seeing like a playful little illustration, but instead of the Morton Salt girl walking comfortably under the umbrella, the umbrella has been blown inside out and she's Trying to sort of hold it back. Oh, wow. Three vintage Morton Salt umbrella girl. When it rains, it pours Round dishes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Huh?

[Luke Burbank]

For sale on ebay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Huh. I may visit that site later.

[Andrew Walsh]

Anyway, it is a very good little logo. Maybe you're thinking. Are you thinking of the similar one where the dog is pulling down the pants of a child and you can see their buttock? That was always a. That was always. That always walked a fine line for me. Was that a. Some sort of a. Some sun protection lotion?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, I think that was like. Yeah, that was a. Some sort of baby oil or suntan lotion. Maybe copper tone or something?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, maybe.

[Luke Burbank]

But. But all that is to say, I came out this morning and this thing was totally destroyed. And I was kind of bummed about it because, like, number one, the umbrella was not cheap. And it's totally like, it's beyond. There's no fixing it. But also because I think what I'm learning is I need to actually batten down the hatches up here as winter approaches. Like, I need to make sure and take. I'd already taken most of the outdoor furniture in, but there's something about realizing that I'm entering like a five month, five, six month period where it will not be. It will not be comfortable to be outside ever. Not even for one hour. Like, there's something about actually just like winterizing the house, the deck, taking everything down, putting it in the basement. Just kind of like it feels like I'm just fully submitting to the fact that we're just entering a dark, windy, rainy, cold period. Like, I think I liked leaving the stuff out because I thought, well, maybe we'll get a crisp, beautiful January day and I'll. And I'll just want to sit outside at the table and for some reason put the umbrella up and eat my lunch or something, you know? But it's like now, I have to admit. No, it's. I also wonder sometimes I have this kind of slight, like, running dialogue with the people who own this house before I did. And it's usually me going like, me sort of thinking, like, boy, I bet you. I bet you would be impressed at how much better your house is now that I tore it apart and redid it. Like, you fools. A lot of this is driven by the fact that I still get NRA mail for the guy that owned this house before me. So as you can imagine, he's sort of low on my list of people that I feel deeply affectionate for. And also just like the way that this. The way that they were utilizing the house or not utilizing the house was interesting to me because it has this very nice view of the Columbia River. But that was not a priority for them based on the furniture setup and the windows and et cetera. So I'm often kind of thinking like, well, you know, I've really maximized this place and you guys would be really jealous. And then sometimes I think maybe you guys knew something I didn't. Like maybe you didn't build a deck because you realized it's a wind tunnel out there. Maybe you didn't, you know, maybe, like there were some things that you kind of knew that I didn't know, that I'm going to have to find out the hard way, like, how much of the year can I sit on the deck and relax? And is it not much of the year? You know, stuff like that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I've been thinking about my grill lately. I got to bring that in, but I did. I. I don't know if I told you this. I know I went on a whole thing about it on spotless, because it was a whole thing. But I have one of those. And I know you know this, but. But for the listeners who don't know what kind of grill I have, I have one of those sort of classic Weber round charcoal grills with a couple of wheels that you roll out, and it always sits next to our deck. Do you use the chimney.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you use a chimney for charcoal?

[Andrew Walsh]

To start it. To start the charcoal, yeah. And that sort of lives sort of next to a sort of half under the deck. But anyway, at one point last year, we moved it into the garage, and that might even been before we had the human door. So look at us. And it sat in the garage, but it must have sat in the. It might have sat out in the rain a little bit before we brought it in. I'm not sure. But this is where I am really hesitant to admit this. And I feel a lot of shame around it because when I'm done grilling something, I clean that grill. Like I have a whole, as you might expect, kind of. I have a process. Like when I'm done grilling, I let the whole. The coals get really, really hot and kind of burn off the, you know, any other gunk on the grill. Then I go out there with a brush and I scrub it, and then I eventually put it to bed for the evening. This is just like an average day in the middle of the summer, right? Well, the last time I used it last summer, apparently I didn't go through all of that. And I'm trying to remember the day it might have even been, because we had some. We ended up having some. Not surprise guests, but we had a couple of guests over here. And it ended up becoming more of a party than we expected. And I kind of remember, like, oh, I'll bet you I just never got back out there and cleaned it that night. Some night in August, you know, hot August nights, as Neil diamond famously said. And it must have just been like that. We never used it again. You never know the last time you're going to use your grill in a season. And then we must have just rolled it in the garage. And when I opened this Son of a gun on April, or whatever it was this year, I opened it up, Luke, and it was about as disgusting as you could possibly imagine. Whatever, like, fat and grease was in there. It just. Like something grew on it. And so it was all just like. It looked like I was. It looked like I found a new way to make disgusting soap, basically, like, somehow. Somehow, like, the grease just kept on growing or something. And I had to take this thing, and I got a bunch of oven cleaner. I literally accidentally burned the fingerprint off of. I think it's back now. I burned my fingertips.

[Luke Burbank]

If you're gonna do some crime, yeah, that was your window.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, if anybody ever wants to do crimes, they're trying to figure out, like, well, how can I get my fingertips eradicated? Get yourself a can of Easy Forget to put on a rubber glove before spraying it into your grill for. Or onto your grill for, I don't know, 15 minutes. And then, Luke, when I got done using that thing, I remember feeling like, ooh, I have a little tingle in my. Little tingle in my fingertip there where I was pressing down that button of easy Off. And then I was like, oh, wow, this tingle is getting worse. I've washed my hands. This tingle is getting worse. Oh, shit. And then it's like five minutes after I've put down the can, and my hand is an increasing pain. And I'm like, oh, my God. The damage was done.

[Luke Burbank]

And now all I had was a chemical burn.

[Andrew Walsh]

I chemical burned my fingertip, my index finger, fingertip cleaning this grill. And I got it all. I got it almost back to factory new last spring. And now here it is, like you mentioned, like, I'm looking at my window, and there's just tons of raindrops on it. Cause a big. We say squall. Is that what comes through a big squall came through today. And I'm like now my grill is just sitting out there. I don't know what, you know, how I left it the last time I grilled. I have some trauma left over from last spring. So anyway, I gotta get my grill.

[Luke Burbank]

But wait, is the grill. But the grill is in the garage.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's not. I haven't.

[Luke Burbank]

No, it's not.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's outside. Yeah, that's why I'm saying you talking about having to like, you know, and for us it's not very much like winterizing. It's not like we have a boat and we have to do all this stuff or that we live on like Lake Erie like I used to. It's just like I just gotta drag the grill inside and like the solo stove. But instead they're outside just like collecting rain and it's eating away at me even though it's like a five minute fish.

[Luke Burbank]

I went and bought an aftermarket product to cover up my little Weber grill that I have. Like, I have a gas one. I got one of those, you know, charcoal ones for a while because I wanted to be like you and because I'd probably read some, some, some guy online saying like, you know, I mean, if you're, if you're cooking with propane, you're just a fool if you want to get the full experience. But then I, I don't know, after about five times of grilling with the, with the, the charcoal Weber and doing the chimney and all of that, I was like, this is a pain in the ass. So I got a little propane one.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I was grilling this at some point this summer and I was talking to these, I'm like, hey, I love grilling with this grill. As long as I've been an adult, mostly I've had this style grill for a period in New Hampshire. We had a big gas grill that was a housewarming gift from my folks. But anyway, I mostly use this type of grill and I do sort of enjoy it. I like the process. I don't like always going for maybe the easy, you know, like, I like using the chimney and everything. But I was outside grilling at some point this summer, maybe a couple of times I said to vives, I'm like, I just don't know how sustainable this is. I feel like if we had a gas grill, I would use it a lot more. Also it would give us a lot more grill space. When I'm. It's hard to grill for more than just two people. If you're making, if you're grilling both vegetables and Meat on this thing. Like, it just. I run out of room. And she's like, yeah, we can talk about getting a gas grill. She's like. And we're both kind of like, yeah, it'd be kind of sad to give up this charcoal Weber phase of our lives, which has been most of our adult lives together. Then I was talking to somebody about it, and they're just like, yeah, you should get a gas grill and keep this one. And I was like, oh, yeah, I can keep this. It's not that big. I could have a gas grill, but if I also want to at some point fire up the old Weber, I could do that. It's not like I'm going to be like, well, I need to sell the Weber so that I can finance the gas grill. You know what I mean? It's not worth anything, and it doesn't take up a lot of room. It was just, like, such a simple thing. Like, I had it tied up. And even though I don't like to be like, oh, I Mr. You know, whatever manliness tropes are surrounded by the person who runs the grill, I kind of hate that. But I did have my personality somewhat wrapped up in the idea of just, like, I love my Weber grill. Like, what was. I think just like. Just like the commercials say. Why not both? Why not both?

[Luke Burbank]

Thanks, man. What does say to the guy?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I think that's amazing.

[Luke Burbank]

Thanks for the support or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thanks for the support.

[Luke Burbank]

I know what you mean, though. Like, I was been thinking about this week how I get really in my head about certain stuff, and it's not as big of a deal as my anxiety is making me think it is. Like, so right now, I am in the process of moving my stuff from the bedroom that I was using, which was, like, upstairs of my little house, down to this new room that I built. And that means also transporting my clothes and stuff. And I finally got a dresser that mostly works, Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

I put it together, and it fits in the closet.

[Luke Burbank]

In the closet mostly works, Andrew. Meaning three of it has six drawers. Three of the drawers open just great. And then the other three, you can open them about 85% of the way because they will bump into the closet door. Having to do. Don't even try to understand it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I know you. I don't know if your video camera's on. I'm, like, trying.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm seeing you. You look like.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just trying to picture it.

[Luke Burbank]

You look like a dog listening to a Victrola right now.

[Andrew Walsh]

To an rca.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. Point is, the first Round of this, the Malm was a total failure on my part. I put it in there, and it didn't open at all. This new one that I bought, which is much. It's much smaller, it mostly works, but I still hadn't factored in something which is basically, the doors of this closet are two sliding doors. They can either both be. You can have. The whole closet is closed, the doors are closed, you cannot see into the closet, or you slide one of the doors to the far left or one of the doors to the far right, and now you have access to one side or the other of the closet. Can you follow that?

[Andrew Walsh]

Absolutely. Not pocket doors, but just traditional sliding closet doors.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, but what I didn't realize was that means that one side of the drawer of the dresser, three of the. Of the drawers, when you try to open them, they will still bump into the doors, even if the doors are to the extreme right or the extreme.

[Andrew Walsh]

Left, because the drawers themselves are somewhat wider. They just.

[Luke Burbank]

It just doesn't quite. It just doesn't quite fit. If I had. Anyway, again, it's. It's too complicated and geometric for me to try to explain, except let's just say I fixed about 80% of the problem. I was really looking Forward to fixing 100% of the problem. Like, yesterday we got done with the show. I did some other Livewire and CBS stuff, and then I, like, got to town on this. On this piece of furniture that I had bought, which, you know, the trade off for getting relatively cheap new furniture delivered to your home is that we're all now becoming unpaid furniture builders. Like, I mean, the amount of time in this house of mine that I have spent putting together shit that I got in the mail is just like. It was four hours easily yesterday. I listened to two entire episodes of the Howard Stern show, But. And then when I put it all together and I had to take the closet doors out, which meant unscrewing this track in the floor so I could take them out completely, so I could slide this thing in thing in so I could put the closet doors back in and set it all up, and then sit on my bed and then look at it and then realize that I still hadn't quite thought this through correctly. I mean, it'll be okay, but the thing that it gives me agita is bringing my clothes downstairs from the other bedroom, taking them out of the dresser. And I was actually thinking about you last night, Andrew. As I was doing some of this, I was like, Andrew would probably love this shit. Like, he's the guy that unpacks his suitcase as soon as he gets home. And like, I get stressed about organizing my clothes in the closet because I want it to be highly efficient and I want it to be. There's just so many different ways you can do it. You can have an entire drawer for pants or you could just hang your pants up and what is the optimum there? And also I really basically wear like two pairs of pants. I got these tech pants I bought a while ago and I've got some Levi's jeans I bought at the Levi's store in Times Square recently. That's pretty much it. I don't need like eight pairs of pants hanging in my closet. I never go into my closet and go, which of these eight pairs of pants am I going to wear today? Should my underwear and point.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's my. I'm looking. I'm just thinking about my closet right now, which is just, it's uncharacteristically like not well set up. And I try to keep the pants to one side and they are all hanging. But you're right. Like there are two, maybe three that are in regular rotation. And I have so. And I have like, like, you know, I gotta keep some suits on hand. You know, like I have some. But like 90% of what is in my closet is just not. Well, no, that's not true. But like 50% of what's in my closet is just not even in the daily rotation at all. Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

I know. And that's what, you know, that's. So I get really in the way that you thought. Well, if I buy a gas grill, I have to take my Weber out and shoot it like Old Yeller. That's how I think. Like, if I disorganized go, I never loved you. Like, if I, if I don't put this closet together the right way the first time, I have to live the rest of my life suffering in massive disorganization and inefficiency. And it's like, no, just throw the shit in there. And then if you realize that, like, it's not helping you, you're like generally not wearing the stuff that's in there that's hanging or whatever. Just, just redo it. Like for instance, I, I had like, I'm not kidding, Andrew. And I'm not. I don't feel proud of this. I had at least a five minute dilemma last night of do I hang the Chucky shirt that I bought at the Spirit Halloween in Chicago to pull off my Guy Fieri outfit. So remember, I Needed, like, a guy fus shirt that sounds like one of the monkeys that's typing the. It's, like, furious George and guy furious.

[Andrew Walsh]

The fast and the guy furious.

[Luke Burbank]

So I bought this. I bought this shirt that's actually. It's. It's like a collared shirt that's pretty loud. It's a loud print. If you looked at it close up, it's like knives and guns. You know, my brand is very much knives and guns.

[Andrew Walsh]

But you pulled it off. Like, I didn't notice that until. Because I saw photos.

[Luke Burbank]

I pointed it out, and then you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Pointed out, actually, if you look closely, that design is knives and guns. But from afar, it just looks like a. You know, like something he'd wear. Yeah, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

But I. But it was. It was like, $30. And so part of me is like, I don't even want this stupid shirt. But it was $30. It feels wasteful to just, like, buy it and throw it out. Although, again, as you and I say all the time, there's so much dumber stuff around of drinks. There's so much stuff we spend 30 bucks on. I don't know why I'm hung up on this shirt, literally, but I'm standing there in the bedroom, and I've put it on a hanger, and I'm like, am I gonna hang this shirt up in my closet? Will I? What are the. And then I'm just spiraling into the scenarios in which I might need a freshly pressed shirt covered in knives and guns to wear in public. And the answer is, like, there's no scenario where I'm gonna wear this shirt. But I just bought it. I feel like to just donate it to Goodwill. I mean, maybe that's what I should do. There's probably some Chucky enthusiasts out there.

[Andrew Walsh]

That'Ll be like, holy, Yeah, I got this enthusiast.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, we need more of them down in Longview. But you know what I mean? Like, that's the kind of. Those are the kind of things that I really will get kind of stuck on, weirdly. Like. And it feels like the decisions that I make around the organization of this closet are permanent and irrevocable, and if I do it wrong, I have to live with it for the rest of my life, which is, of course, not the case.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, I know that my brand sort of is, like, kind of being fastidious and liking everything in its place and, like, liking order, and I do like order, but. But I just, like, I'm also broken in a way that I don't know if you Realize, I mean, you must to a certain degree, like when you come over here into my studio, like, yeah, things are mostly put away, but like, it's very easy for a corner to start, like filling up with junk, you know. And like, I feel like I have a reputation that is somewhat unearned in this case. And you know, you just talking right there. I'm thinking about my closet and I'm actually kind of almost getting hives just thinking about my closet out there. It's like around the corner from here. It's just like a. It's not a sliding door closet. It's a small, you know, it's a smaller closet, you know, with a. With a door. With a doorknob that you open up to go in there. And the bottom is just like kind of filled with my shoes that I try to sort of keep like somewhat orderly. But I have to leave a space about the. And I have big feet too. And so it takes. My shoes take up a lot of space and big brain and. But I have to leave a space about the size of a pair of work boots in the back of the closet for Bingo. Because Bingo loves running in there. And sometimes he likes to spend his mornings just sort of contemplating things in his office, which is the back of my closet. And if I put shoes back there, Genevie will take them away and Make Room for Bingo, which is one of my favorite 1960s sitcoms. Make Room for Bingo.

[Luke Burbank]

Make Room for Bingo.

[Andrew Walsh]

Make Room for Bingo.

[Luke Burbank]

Ronald Reagan, right.

[Andrew Walsh]

A lot of people make that mistake. It was the guy from My Favorite Martian.

[Luke Burbank]

But anyway, Ray Walton.

[Andrew Walsh]

All of that say Genevieve. Is that his name? Nice pull.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Only because we looked that up the other day.

[Andrew Walsh]

I just wanted to flash about him, but. But anyway, Genevieve just the other day, you know, I think I opened up my. It's near her desk. And so I opened up my closet to grab some shoes or something and she said, do you wanna. She just looked down and in a non judgy way, she just said, do you wanna like start? You know, we should look for some, like some sort of storage solution there for the bottom of your closet so that we can, you know, stack these. Cause like, there's a lot of wasted space from the bottom of my hanging shirts to, you know, the tops of my shoes and boots. If I put in some very basic thing that I could go online, like, I'd probably buy something that is the proper dimensions. Cause this is an average sized closet. Before the show is over today, I could have an Amazon delivery person probably at My door with the solution. But I just. This is my weakness. And there. There's evidence of it all over this house. Like, we moved in and we said, I'll put this here for now, and then I'll follow up on it and get the proper thing later. And Genevieve is really good at following up. She likes shopping for stuff like that. She likes little projects. Once my shit is in the closet, I think, yes, someday better Andrew is going to clean that up. But then. But tonight is dart Andrew. And then it's always dart Andrew. And then I never do it. And I'm thinking about my closet right now, almost feeling physically sick and the disorder in there. And it's so fixable, it makes me think. Sometimes I think, like, if I were really rich, if money were literally no object, what would that mean for me? Because I'm a pretty happy person anyway. Well, I don't know if that's true. I grouse a lot, but either way, like, my life is pretty good.

[Luke Burbank]

But money would fix that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right, Exactly. My life is pretty good. In other words, it's not like I'm like, oh, I wish I could could cross this off a bucket list. I'm not a bucket list kind of guy. Well, my closet is my bucket list. I would love to have somebody who just came through my house, not Marie Kondo style, because that would mean maybe getting rid of stuff, but just like saying, hey, well, let's build a storage solution for your tripod there in the corner and all your camera gear. Let's, like, it's all so solvable, and some people out there would enjoy solving these problems, but I just don't have it in me. And I just want to be rich so somebody will do it for me.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't think there's very much that gives me a more ROI than actually, like, reorganizing a closet or a room. I have this little, tiny. There's three rooms in the upstairs of my house. Two kind of smallish bedrooms, and then a room that, I mean, you could put like a cot in there. I don't know what they were thinking, but it's not. It's too small to be a bedroom. So I kind of treat it like a storage room. And for the first. First couple of years I was here, it literally was like. I mean, if you opened it, you would think, like, that we have a borderline hoarder situation. Like, it was just piles of crap. You know what I mean? Like, not even. Things were not organized, folded. It wasn't even boxes. It was Literally just piles of stuff. And then one day, for whatever reason, I just said, this ends now. And I, like, spent an entire day pulling everything out. I installed a couple of, like, wardrobe. Like, I bought, like, a couple of. How do I describe them? Like a. Basically a wardrobe bar that you can hang things on, but it's kind of industrial style, so it's sort of like pipe looking, you know?

[Andrew Walsh]

Totally.

[Luke Burbank]

You kind of screw it into the wall. But it's like, very sturdy and very. And I hung all of my, like, suit jackets up. Not my full suits, that goes in a different place, but my blazers and stuff. And then I put everything in boxes and I stacked the boxes and whatever. I organized that little storage room area. And to this day, when I look in there, I feel happy. When I go in there. When I go in there to, like, retrieve, like, it's like, oh, Livewire. I have to go do sound check for Livewire. Let me go get a blazer to where I walk in there, I turn on the light, I take a blazer down off of the place that it goes, and I put it in my car and I drive to Portland. The feeling of satisfaction I get from that is really, really high. And yet there's nothing that I dread more than having to do the job of organizing a room like that. I don't know why I put it off so much. The basement of my house now is just turning. I spent a weekend kind of getting it sort of together, and now it's just. It's sort of. It's returning to. It's. It's. What's. It's like entropy is kicking in. It's going from order to disorder. And I can just feel that I need to set aside another entire weekend to just go to town down there. But I. I really hate that stuff. And yet I feel so much better when I do it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, garages are like that too. Like, you can get yourself a garage. You can go out there, you can spend an afternoon or something, totally arranging it in the way that you just feel like, oh, my God, my mind is at peace now. Everything is in its own place. But there are certain parts of a home that naturally will. Like, you would have to stay so on top of it or just realize that this is a yearly job. Then I'm gonna have to come out. Like, even our garage, like, we did a pretty good. Like, we rented a truck, pulled a bunch of junk out of the garage and took it to the dump. And then Genevieve, I gotta give her the credit for then, like, she spent an afternoon out there. Just like, really? Cause it's kind of, you know, she does projects and stuff out there too, so it's a little bit more like her space. Whereas I'm just going in there to grab stuff, grab the lawnmower, grab some boxes, whatever. But anyway, so she did a good job of really organizing the garage, but it just can't hold. Especially like you said, sort of in the winter months, you know, it's not like a place where we're spending a lot of time. So you're like, well, throw the boxes there for now. I know we have too many boxes, but just throw that one on the box pile. We'll deal with it later, you know, and then it very quickly can become like we'll just throw, throw it on the thing. And then our garage is already sort of descending. What was the word you use? It's sort of deteriorating. Deteriorating, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I'll tell you who loves a garage slash workshop slash man hangout area is dudes out here in this county, like you will. I. I drive by so many homes where the home itself is fairly modest, you know, might be even a manufactured home or just kind of a very pretty standard, kind of smallish, you know, tracked home or whatever. And then they'll just have this like five car outbuilding that's like got like ATVs in it. And literally like there's a guy down the street from me, literally has like some version of the Swedish bikini team poster up in his like out building.

[Andrew Walsh]

How are they doing?

[Luke Burbank]

This guy is like, he's never not in there. Like I have a feeling that he, if he could get away with it, he would just live in this, in this outbuilding shop of his rather than his home where he presumably shares some sort of domestic life with his family. Like the guys out here are living for their garages.

[Andrew Walsh]

I love that. You know my friend Hannah, who I do spotless with, and her partner Keith, they have a house now and it's in Portland. I know you know them. I don't think you've ever been over there because I know you were both living in Portland at the same time. But anyway, I think my guess is it's kind of a. It's probably like our house. I probably have like 1940s era or something around there or something. Kind of a classic, probably middle class house in Portland. And they had, I think they have a detached garage, one car detached garage, like we do, but we don't use it for a car. But I think they keep theirs very neat. Well, first of all, they're both very neat people, but they keep it very neat because they spend their summers just like they just open their damn garage door and set up a computer with the Mariners game on or turn on a radio with a Mariners game, set up a couple of lawn chairs and just sort of sit in the open area of their garage and just wave to neighbors while the game is on. Does that. I love that. I mean, that is just. Is that not the ideal.

[Luke Burbank]

When do pitchers and catchers report?

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you for being a tale.

[Luke Burbank]

Let's thank some donors. These folks are making TBTL possible. They are donating. We are incredibly grateful for the financial support. It's the only way this thing can happen. This is a 100% listener supported podcastery and our friend Jordan, now Rocky, is in Portland, Oregon. I wonder if he's ever walked by Hannah and Keith's place and heard the sounds of the Mariners bullpen collapsing come floating out of the garage.

[Andrew Walsh]

Jordan is a. As a big baseball fan, I've been to baseball games with Jordan. He's a Tigers fan. And the Tigers looking pretty, pretty fun this past season and maybe even more hopes for next season. I always, I mean, unless they're in direct competition with the Mariners in some way, I always root for the Tigers. So congratulations.

[Luke Burbank]

I root for any Detroit team, you know, whether it's the Lions, the Tigers, I guess the Pistons, I don't spend a ton of time thinking about. But yeah, Detroit is one of those, to me, very rootable cities.

[Andrew Walsh]

God, the Pistons. You know, I don't follow the NBA. So sometimes when you say an NBA team, it's almost like you're reminding me that it exists. Like you mentioned the Pelicans yesterday and I always thought that that was a hockey team. I'm like, what a great, what a great animal to name your team after the Pelicans. And I never really stopped to think the Pistons is such a good name for a team out of Detroit. I'm so glad they didn't get traded to some sort of like, place that has nothing to do with the auto industry. Right, Right.

[Luke Burbank]

If they're, if like San Jose got a basketball team, would they be the Batteries? Like, now that it's like, about ev. Piston is just such a, such a, you know, kind of like masculine, 19 whatever, 60s idea of it. Now it's going to be like, you know, who knows? Jordan, thank you very much for supporting the show. Thanks to Margaret Spani as well, who's in Ashland, Oregon, where they do the Shakespeare.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah, Is that a big Shakespeare hotspot.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, it's huge. The Ash. The Ashland Shakespeare Festival is a big cultural event, not just in Oregon, but kind of nationwide.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, thank you, Margaret.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, I was going to try to go into some sort of Shakespearean. All I've got is to be or not to be. I don't think. Can you quote any Shakespeare except for to be or not to be.

[Andrew Walsh]

From. From fourth. From fourth. The fatal loins of these two foes in fair. God Damn. I'm trying to do the.

[Luke Burbank]

What's the corona.

[Andrew Walsh]

What's the intro to Romeo and Juliet? What is the. If you.

[Luke Burbank]

If you still said more of it than I could have.

[Andrew Walsh]

If you give me the first line, I could start the intro, but I.

[Luke Burbank]

Are you looking for it?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you have to memorize this?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I had to memorize it at one point.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, I'm gonna. I'm gonna feed you this line. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hold on. Just. Or even the first word. Let's start with the first word.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, hold on.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I know there's a part that I always get a little bit wrong, but I'll tell you the version that I can. Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene. From ancient grudge. From ancient grudge to line. From ancient break. Ooh, really?

[Luke Burbank]

To new mutiny.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah. Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes. Something, something. There's definitely loins. I know.

[Luke Burbank]

A pair of star crossed lovers take their life.

[Andrew Walsh]

From whose? From whose?

[Luke Burbank]

Whose? No, no, from.

[Andrew Walsh]

From wings. Whose.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, no, no, no, wait. Whose? Misadventure.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hideous, hideous, hideous overthrows.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

From Dath.

[Luke Burbank]

I did it do with their death. Bury their parents strife.

[Andrew Walsh]

Bury their parents strife. Okay, I think I've proven myself that I am ready for Ashland, Oregon.

[Luke Burbank]

Here I am. Honestly, Andrew, this probably tells you how low my personal bar is for you. I was impressed.

[Andrew Walsh]

I got a re. If you have anything in your mind that is that close, I should just go back and fill in those blanks because that could be a good party trick. My dad used to have the back. Back of toothpaste. There used to be standard language on the back of a tube of toothpaste. And my dad had it memorized from being a kid. And it's probably different now. And I. I used to. Because I. I was impressed with my dad. I remember I memorized it at one point and now I am. But I know it has dentifris in it is a something something. Dentifris.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a great party trick. Yeah, mine was, and I don't think I have it anymore, but I. I once memorized a couple of Shel Silverstein poems for a talent show. And one was, I cannot go to school today, said little Marianne Maa have the measles and the mumps, a gash, a rash and purple bumps. And then I forget what the rest of it is. But it's basically her just, like, with a really over the top description of.

[Andrew Walsh]

How sick she is.

[Luke Burbank]

But then she has forgotten that it's Saturday. And so by the end of the poem, she remembers it Saturday. And then she's just, like, shot out of the house, you know, out of a cannon. And then I. So I memorized that one. And then I memorized one called Dirty Dan, which is, I'm Dirty Dan, the world's dirtiest man. I never have taken a shower. You can't see my shirt, it's so covered with dirt. And my ears have enough to grow flowers. But the water is always a little too hot, or else it's a little too cold. I'm rusty and dusty and musty and crusty and mangy and covered with mold. But the water is always a little too hot, or else it's a little too cold. I also forget how that one ends.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, you had a lot of that. And also kind of you. You have a. You not unlike your experience with showers, you have some trouble.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, no, I mean, it was honestly formative for me. But this was. This was what I thought was. This was my little creative breakthrough for doing this. And I did perform these two poems at the Snow King Stars of Tomorrow talent show in Mount Lake Terrace, Washington. I started off, I did Dirty Dan, and I was wearing one of my dad's, like, grease monkey kind of zip up, you know, things that was all, like, covered in grease and crud. And underneath it, I had on one of my sister's nightgowns. So I did Dirty Dan. And then they killed the lights and I, like, unzipped my jumpsuit and then I'm wearing this like, like, you know, nightgown.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then I do change. I love it. Wardrobe change, maybe?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, you know, it was. I don't think I placed with that number. Unfortunately, it was the next year that I ripped off Steven Wright, the comedian that I finally got client clawed my way into third place.

[Andrew Walsh]

You said you didn't win that year. And without being snotty about it, do you think any. Do you think that here, jumping forward 35, 40 years, 35 years, whatever it is more Stars of Tomorrow. Do you think anybody else on that stage has more of a Star of Tomorrow quality than Louisiana Luke Christian?

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, you know, putting all modesty aside, I am guessing that even my microscopic level of quote unquote celebrity, unless, you know, like Chris Pratt was in the competition, we didn't note him or something. I. I probably would be the person with the highest public profile that I can remember having taken part in that, if that makes sense.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what I'm saying, that it's not a good way of measuring the Stars of Tomorrow. And I think we need to revamp that program. That's what I'm going for.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I think that. What a. Let's see here. I'm looking to see if they are still doing this in places.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wow.

[Luke Burbank]

There is a Stars of Tomorrow show. That was at the Blue Heron Middle School in Port Townsend, by the way. I used to drive by that middle school. This must be something that was like, there's a 20, 24 stars of tomorrow talent show going on in Cheyenne, Wyoming, put on by the Cheyenne Kiwanis Club. Love that. This is still a going concern for these kids. I do think what I really. What I really learned from that which has served me well over the years in entertainment is if you don't have a good idea, steal someone else's idea.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And pass it off as your own.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah. I. When I was a kid, it wasn't called Stars of Tomorrow. There was some sort of a talent show or whatever. And I basically just memorized a Jonah Lehrer book and just presented it as my own. Yeah. I mean, everybody was wowed. But eventually they were kind of like, I don't think you.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm amazed. I mean, that was a pretty. That was a pretty smart. Well, I was a pretty smart audience that they were catching what they were picking up. What you were putting down.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly. I was very forward thinking too, considering that guy's like 10 years younger than me.

[Luke Burbank]

Anyway, we also want to thank Eliza Halder, who's in Minneapolis, Minnesota. We got to get back to the Twin Cities at some point. Andrew. I was talking about it. Becca lived out there for a while and is going back there for a work event in a few months. And I said, you know, I miss that place. Like, that was one of the nice things about working for American public media was it made the Twin Cities more central to our sort of day to day thoughts and experience. And we could usually trick them into letting us come out there on their dime once a year. Or so. So we got to do that again. Except now we're tricking ourselves into doing it on our own dime. We're tricking John Sklaroff into letting us do it on our dime.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know what, you know what happened to me this morning? So I mentioned and I know we have more donors to thank. I'll make this very quick. I mentioned to you last week that I have been on the platform Blue sky, which is sort of like a Twitter replacement.

[Luke Burbank]

I promised I was going to sign up for Blue sky and upload a photo and I did not upload a photo yet.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's more and I mentioned to you that like I've been on this website for a couple of years now and you know, very little interaction, a few people follow me. I don't really post all that much but then I think related to the run up to the election and the election results, people really want to leave Elon Musk's website behind. So just a huge flood of people have been going to Blue sky and like I literally have gotten probably like 300 followers in three or four days and I'm not promoting it. I don't know why. I just think there's a huge flood of people coming over. And this morning I woke up to get a notification that I have a new flower, a new follower called APM Reports. So there is somebody inside the old mothership at American Public Media who I found. They found me on some list or something and now our old friends at 8pm are looking to engage with me again. Luke, I'm assuming that they are crafting. It's probably Madeline Baron and they're probably crafting a letter begging us to come back. I will let you know what I here.

[Luke Burbank]

Or they're investigating you for something.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh that's right, they're not.

[Luke Burbank]

You don't want the APM Reports people calling calling you or your employer or your loved ones because it means something's gone deeply wrong and they are going to get to the bottom of it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is this I Ronan Pharaoh has started following me too. Is that a problem?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, you've been caught and killed.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Sorry for the by the way, Madeline.

[Luke Burbank]

Barron is at the New Yorker now and doing great work there. I love her and the team's stuff. Jessamyn Bateman, Eno is in Burian, Washington.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you. And thank you for using the pronunciation guide on your donation form. That really helped with because I think we've messed that up in the past.

[Luke Burbank]

If you're the kind of listener that would like us to Say your name correctly. Please avail yourself of the pronunciation feature when you're filling out your donor info. And if you like us mispronouncing your name, please feel free not to.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Whatever you're feeling. Jessamine decided to help us out because I would have probably messed up that last name. And now I know it's Bateman. Eno. Thanks. And then Nancy Cook is also in Burien, Washington. Do Jessamyn and Nancy know each other is the big question.

[Andrew Walsh]

Burian. Burian. As you know, I'm an expert.

[Luke Burbank]

Not a huge town.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's not a huge town. It's near the airport. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it's cool mid century stuff in Burian because like, you find in a. In a lot of areas, it got built up in the 1950s and 60s as air travel was becoming a bigger and bigger thing. And so you, you tend to have. If you want to find the cool mid century neighborhoods, often they're clustered around airports.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's. Oh, that's right. I remember you mentioning that on the show.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Like here in Portland, too. There's one called like Roseway and Roseway Heights or whatever. Same kind of a thing. But anyway, Jessamyn and Nancy down there in Burian, thank you so much for the support. And then Jennifer Stockall is in Stockton, California. Is. Did we know we were in Sacramento when we did the show? We were not in Stockton.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, but did we go through Stockton?

[Luke Burbank]

I think we did we. I think you sort of have to pass through Stockton to get to. Or if you're. If you're going through Sacramento and going south as we were, I think maybe you go. I know I'm bad with. I'm bad with geography, but I'm good with appreciating Jennifer Stockall in Stockton for supporting the show. So thank you very, very much to all of our donors today for making TBTL possible.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

I want to play you some audio that really tickled me yesterday. It was posted by Bon Iver on his official. Or somebody who works for the singer who plays under the name Bon Iver on the official Bon Iver account. And I love this so much, basically. So Bon Iver is a guy named Justin Vernon. I think he's from Wisconsin and I think he's. He was a high school basketball star, maybe. I know he was. He's a taller guy. I know he's real involved in basketball and stuff. And he's kind of like a real Midwestern dude. Right. And what this is, is it appears to be his Actual neighbor in Wisconsin and calling him and leaving a message to tell him that some of the contestants on the TV show the Voice were covering one of his songs and that he might want to tune in. So this is Bon's neighbor, whose name is Justin. That's why he says, hey, Justin, it's your neighbor. Take a listen to this guy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, Justin.

[Luke Burbank]

Hi.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is Brian, your neighbor. Just so I let you know, on.

[Luke Burbank]

The Voice tonight, there's a couple of.

[Andrew Walsh]

Girls singing Skinny Girl on there.

[Luke Burbank]

By the way, the song is Skinny Love, which it's also just. It's just like.

[Andrew Walsh]

I love that.

[Luke Burbank]

It's just so perfect. Right? It's like that. It's. It's not even. He's not even saying the name of the song. Right. But anyway, it's that that somehow makes it all better for me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Justin, hi. This is Brian, your neighbor. Just thought I'd let you know on.

[Luke Burbank]

The Voice tonight, there's a couple of.

[Andrew Walsh]

Girls singing Skinny Girl on there. Just thought I'd let you know if you're around.

[Luke Burbank]

It's on the voice tonight, channel 13. I would die for this guy. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, that is just. That is the most. That is the most Midwestern thing I have ever heard. Calling up Bonaver to let him know that they're doing some cover of his. Some covers of his music on the Voice and what channel it's on and.

[Andrew Walsh]

What channel it's on. It's Mountain time.

[Luke Burbank]

I just think that's so. So charming and sweet and such wholesome content here on this Wednesday.

[Andrew Walsh]

You could see, like, maybe running into him or like, you know, talking over the fence or whatever and say, hey, I saw somebody was doing. Saw somebody was doing Skinny Girl on the Voice. Did you happen to catch that? Or whatever. But I love the action of picking up the phone and just letting them know.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Like, I wonder what these folks. I wonder what they talk about. They probably talk about the Packers a lot, presumably. I'm wondering what the other interactions are with. With this Brian also. I wonder. It's funny because, you know, I have a neighbor that's a Brian who has. Who actually I'm on very good terms with, but initially, I think he was a little suspicious about my level of lawn care.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I have a voicemail from him because he called the TBTL line first.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do you want to hear it? No, probably not.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't.

[Andrew Walsh]

Probably not.

[Luke Burbank]

I probably wouldn't get his clearance on that. But you know what I think is what. What I do think is a little bit interesting about our relationship is that. And it's very cordial now, but like we just, you know, it's like we kind of wave if they're, you know, pulling out or if I'm going to have some land, some worker guys that are going to be blocking the driveway, I'll kind of make sure he knows and make sure it's cool and everything. But also I noticed that they have opb. They're like members of Oregon Public Broadcast and they have a little window cling on their car, little stickers, which makes me think that they're donors, which makes me. They listen to a significant amount of Oregon Public Broadcasting, which makes me think they listen to Livewire probably. Like, I wonder, I wonder. Like it's like a Saturday and they're doing stuff around the house and they're playing the radio and they're hearing their neighbor on the radio. But then they also see their neighbor like out in his yard fighting with Tansy or something. Or like, you know, know, back in my more sort of alcohol fueled days, like, you know, guys sitting out in his yard getting drunk, making a fire. Like, I just wonder what their conception of me is. If they are, if they're experiencing like the stuff that I do for my job by way of TV and radio. But then they're just like looking at me just being a dingus wandering around my yard or doing whatever it is I'm doing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I do always wonder about that voicemail because it was before I think you guys maybe met or maybe. No, I don't think that's true. I think maybe you met once, but clearly your neighbor did not know how to get a hold of you. This is when you were very new in that neighborhood. And I just checked the TBTL voice line one morning and it's like, hi, this is so and so looking to reach Luke Burbank. You know, we got a Tansy situation or whatever. If you give me a call back. And I remember just sending that to you. But it always makes me wonder like, what was the journey? You know, he's like, okay, well at some. First of all, he noticed the Tansy first. And it probably what, you know, how long did you sit on that? How long did he sit on that waiting to see if you would take care of it yourself? And he's like, okay, I gotta get involved here. I gotta reach out. I'm not gonna go over and knock on the door. Or maybe he did come over and knock on the door and never was able to reach you. And then he's like, well, I'll just maybe. I mean, I don't know, Like, I'll just Google my neighbor's name. And again, at that point, does he know that you're on Livewire? Does he know who you are? I doubt it at that point, too, although I don't have any evidence. But then at some point, just like, well, he's a podcaster. He does tbtl. He goes to the page that has the number on it. Like, I don't even know where that was on the old website, you know, but somehow, like, does all of this to reach you, and it just. I just. I don't know. I have trouble sort of, like, picturing all of that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I was like, it's so funny, too, because when that. When I got that message, I had two different thoughts. One was my typically. My initial thought of defensiveness, of just like, you know, like, leave me alone. But then also, for once in my life, I actually. I think wisely was like, let me just kill this situation with kindness. Let me actually be very apologetic about my lack of attention to the tansy and the other things, and let me get on top of it. And that was very much the right call, because after that, we've been. We've been aces. We both. I'm checking their driveway. I think we both still have our Harris Wald signs up, which I'm. That's another thing, Andrew. I don't know when to take that sign down. Like, on the one hand, it's like, okay, we got thumped, although we really didn't get thumped. I think that's important to look at, too. We probably lost by 1 to 2%. Like, you know, the idea that, like, everything in this country has changed. The ground has shifted under us in a way that we could have never imagined, and that, you know, the Democrat Party is officially done, you know, going forward forever. I think it sort of. I think that that overstates things, considering that this was a very close election that ended up going by 1 to 2% in a direction we don't like. And yet I described it as we got thumped. But anyway, I've got that sign out there, and part of me is, like, when I take that sign down, it's officially over. Which I understand the sign has no bearing on the current state of politics in this country, but there's something very sort of ceremonial in my mind about going out. I had one thought, was like, do I leave it up for four years just as, like, a artifact of something? Just as a. Like, don't blame me. I voted for these folks. Kind of a thing. Like, I don't know, I can't quite bring myself to go take it. I had so much agita about putting it up, but now that I'm used to it being up, taking it down also feels like some sort of a surrender that I'm just not emotionally ready to do.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I got an I like Ike sign out in my front yard. I have not been able to bring that. Actually, he won. But anyway, Tiffany, Canoe and Tyler, too, I understand. You know, I don't have that particular situation because I've never had like a, you know, bumper sticker or a yard sign endorsing any kind of politician or even, like, you know, kind of ballot measure or anything. But, yeah, that. You know, I just told you I'm having trouble getting my. Bringing myself to bring my grill inside the garage. But, yeah, the emotional baggage attached to that and, you know, not that we need to keep relitigating this. And I know you're right when you say that like, it was a very close election. It wasn't a thumping. But I think the. I think the really, the reason this one hurts in a way that is different than 2016 is like, there's just no, it's just you can't chalk it up to. Well, people wanted to try a wild card, and you don't know what this guy is like in office. You know what I mean? Like, they're there. You can't chalk it up to anything other than just millions and millions and millions of Americans saw that person and said, yes, I'm going to actively go to the ballot box and say, this person deserves the Oval Office. There's just like, you can't. You know, I know we've talked about this, but that's why maybe it wasn't a thumping, but there's also not a. Well, it was. It was an Electoral College thing or it was a this thing. It was just like, no, this is America.

[Luke Burbank]

I agree with you that this is America and that we have to be realistic about it. But I also feel, and I probably said this in the days immediately after the election, that there are a lot of people who I think were voting for. They were voting for what they felt like was their economic life much more than they were voting because they liked Donald Trump. In fact, there are theories out there that, in fact, Donald Trump and J.D. vance, to the degree J.D. vance played a role, actually held the Republicans sort of popularity down. Like, they won in spite of them, not because of them. Now I know what you're saying, which is that people who went and checked filled in the box for Trump Vance, they had to at some point have seen Donald Trump on television and heard him speak, speak and probably heard something about the allegations against him. And they did not find that to be disqualifying. And that's really, really troubling. But also I think like, you know, you look around the world and every party that was in power of major, just about every party that was in power of every major nation as we were coming out of the pandemic and as inflation was growing, have all had really bad electoral defeats. In fact, the Democrats lost by a lot less than like the Tories did in England, than the ruling party in Japan did, which was actually kind of conservative party. Like it seems to cut across ideological lines. What you basically have worldwide is incumbent parties that were in charge when everything got more expensive are just getting tossed out left and right now. And again, a lot of this might just be me rationalizing things or trying to make it feel less depressing or something, but I do think that there were a lot of people who were voting for Trump, but not because they're Trump fans. Now that again, at the end of the day, does that really matter what their motivations were? The guy is going to get to be president. Which is again remains a very troubling fact to me. And something that I don't know if there's somebody at Morning Edition whose job it is to ruin the day. Yeah, to wait until they see me log on, but friggin two days in.

[Andrew Walsh]

A row I want that job.

[Luke Burbank]

I decide to. That would just make you so happy.

[Andrew Walsh]

My job is already basically to ruin your day. Nevermind, go ahead.

[Luke Burbank]

Two days in a row I get up and I think, okay, look, life must resume in some way for me. And my life usually involves listening to that programming in the morning and kind of hearing about what's going on and thinking about my day and the national international agenda, et cetera, et cetera. And like so 2 days ago I decided, okay, I'm going to turn this on. And I also have in the back of my mind like, well, maybe they're trying to help me out a little bit. Maybe they're trying to like maybe within the news meetings at NPR they're going, okay, we need to cover a certain amount of politics because it's our responsibility. But we've got to also really try to plug in some non political stories right now. Just give folks a little break from the doom scroll, as it were. And so I was thinking maybe they're doing that for me. Yesterday I turned it on and, and it's how realistic is it for Trump to end basically Obamacare? And this morning it was how realistic is it literally when I turn it on for Trump to basically fire and eliminate hundreds of sort of career government positions that are non political, which are in a lot of cases, sort of what stands between their terrible agenda and the American people. Like, they don't like the fact that there are lots and lots of career civil servants, people that work at various levels of the government who are there and who are, by the way, experts generally in whatever it is that they're doing, and nonpartisan, nonpartisan experts who are there to, you know, help run various things, you know, efficiently and in a way that reflects hopefully the latest in science and things like that to think about. Like, do you want a Trump employee, a Trump appointee who's from the National Concrete association in charge, you know, or at a high position within the Transportation Safety, you know, bureau, et cetera? Like, there's just all these places where you need someone who is just nonpartisan, just making the decisions that need to be made, not somebody who's coming from some industry or whatever. All that is to say yesterday it was like, are we, are my parents going to lose healthcare, Andrew? Like, are my mom and dad who are on, you know, whatever medic, which one is when you're older? Is that Medicaid? Medicare, I think Medicare, Medicare, yeah. I'm like, are my parents prescriptions going to be like unaffordable? That's yesterday. And today I'm like, is the last little layer of protection that we might have and the last layer of like a functioning society as far as like civil servants go, is that going to be eliminated by Elon Musk? So I was just like, nope, Back to, back to my jazz music. Back to my. Oh, I forget my little. I could find it on my Sonos. I've been listening to the same, like, kind of very mellow jazz music every morning when I'm not listening to Morning Edition as my safe space. And I went right back to it this morning.

[Andrew Walsh]

I have a song I want to send you. I think one time I sent you, I tried to send you the song by this guitarist whose name I'm blanking on right now. I'm. It's Ellis. Is it Bert Ellis? I don't know, but I don't think it's Bert Ellis. But there's. I sent you a whole album one time and then I later on said don't listen to the whole album. I didn't realize. Oh, it's not all for you. But there's one song that I have it on some sort of. I have a record that Genevieve got it like a white elephant sale called like the Guitar Jazz Greats or something like that. And I don't usually go in for compilation records, but. And I usually don't go in for guitar jazz, by the way. But my God, there is some great, great, great stuff on this. And there's this one song every time I hear it. Is it Bert Ellis? I don't know. I'll send it to you. I think Luke would dig this the most, man.

[Luke Burbank]

Please send it my way. I need to. I need. Because it's the Oscar Peterson Trio.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's who I. Oh yeah, you love that.

[Luke Burbank]

I tend to. I tend to put on. Although you do get a lot of like Vince Geraldi, which I've got to be. It's got to be post Thanksgiving, pre Christmas for me to fully immerse myself in the Geraldi verse because it's very Christmassy to me. I. That's another thing, Andrew. You know, I'm in an emotional free fall this morning. I spent a significant amount of time considering if I should just put my Christmas tree up.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh yeah, I saw other people like kind of commenting on that. Like, even saw a New Yorker cartoon.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, really?

[Andrew Walsh]

Somebody just putting up a Christmas tree in a New Yorker cartoon and saying to their spouse. It just makes me feel like we'll make it to Christmas.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, I didn't know this was a trend or an emotional response, but I legitimately thought. Thought. I mean, part of it's just like it's dark here and the weather is really. Is really turning and like, obviously everything that we've talked about politics, very depressing. I thought, God got the Geraldi on. I got the aluminum Christmas tree up. I'm lighting some candles. It's cozy. I like that would feel really good right now. Like, I seriously thought, could I get away with that? I'm going to wait. Because for me, what I enjoy about the whole Christmas experience is, is it being a limited time offer, I really. I kind of think I like that fact of it being post Thanksgiving. But I was tempted this morning. I thought it's like I want it, you know, I just. I just want something to make me feel better and some other Christmas tree seemed like it might be solving that problem for me in the short run.

[Andrew Walsh]

Listen, I know I'm breaking my own rule and I hope that playing a little bit of this is not going to get us pulled down from the major podcasting platforms. I'm going to play a little bit. I'm cutting into this song by about 30 seconds. Seconds. It's Herb Ellis, by the way, and his album is Ellis in Wonderland, which is just awesome. And I'm going to play a little bit of this for you, and then I'm going to ask you a question at the end. So that's Ellis on guitar there. Who do you think is playing piano on this future?

[Luke Burbank]

Me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oscar Peterson. That's. I think that's what. I love this song. But I'll bet you I remember that Oscar Peterson is on somewhere in the back of my brain. I'm like, oh, this is why Luke would probably like this. This is your boy, Oscar.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Will you send me? Yeah, I'm very into this kind of guitar, too. Yeah. So anyway, zero for two Morning Edition.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here I go once again with the email. Every week.

[RCA Victor Announcer]

I hope that it's from a female.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, man.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not from a female. All right, we. I ran out of time on telling you about my rabbit hole that I started to go down. This along with thinking of Christmas trees. I was thinking of some other stuff based on. I'll explain it to you tomorrow. I also need 20 more. 24 more hours to consider if I want to bring it up on the show because I feel like it's gonna. It's a very loaded topic with the listeners, so.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Not with me, though. You're not worried about my not with you?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, with you probably as ombuds person for the listeners.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

I think. I think you and the listeners would both be like, not a fan of the thing that I was considering this morning. And we'll talk about it tomorrow on the show. In the meantime. Yeah, how's that for a little forward promotion?

[Andrew Walsh]

Man, if I could remember anything more than an hour, I would be definitely tuning in for tomorrow's show.

[Luke Burbank]

We got this email from listener Lisa. I yesterday was talking about the IKEA dress or the malm that I had assembled and then managed to smash into my closet and then realized. Realized it didn't open because it was too large for the closet, and then pulled it back out and then it kind of started to disassemble. And then I, like, kind of left half of it intact and half of it not assembled. And they came and took it away the other day, which was a relief, except I said, that's going straight to the landfill. Here's what Lisa said. I Expect you might have had a lot of emails and V mails about this, but IKEA has a secret room where you can shop all of the assembled but returned items. Items I'm sure a lot of it is also display furniture from the warehouse. But my favorite thing to do when I go to IKEA is enter via the exit because in my stores that's very close to where this room is and shop that room before I go shop the rest of the store. I had no idea this was a thing. Lisa.

[Andrew Walsh]

I also didn't know that you could go in. I didn't know you could go in through the outdoor because I think they that's how you used to be able to do it at Costco. You'd go into the exit if you wanted to just get a hot dog. But you remember like there was a big thing about them putting the kibosh on that and oh yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And then by the way, they're now scanning your car and I went over the weekend and like used to be you just hold the card up. Now they're scanning.

[Andrew Walsh]

I have not experienced that, but I read that. I remember when it was, when it was a headline because they really are clearly they are really trying to crack down on like I guess membership scoff laws. But anyway, the whole thing about IKEA is, and I'm kind of, I kind of forgot about this because it's been so long for me. But like even if you just want to get one little thing, oh, I need a new thing of those dish towels that IKEA sells, you have to go through the entire Alice in Wonderland maze of IKEA furniture.

[Luke Burbank]

I believe Ellis in Wonderland.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ellis in Wonderland maze. And I didn't know that you could just sneak in through the back door and just go to the things that are closer to that.

[Luke Burbank]

It's also very smart because as Lisa mentions, oftentimes whatever I am looking for is in there like a side table or a shelf and it's way cheaper than full price. That's. See the other thing is provided that you have enough room in your car to get the stuff home. I love the idea of buying something that somebody else has already put together.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

Because.

[Andrew Walsh]

True too. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

See previous comments Too much of my life has been taken up with assembling furniture in my house and like I would really rather somebody else did it for me and I could just bring it home and put it in the place it's going to go. Lisa says, I'm guessing Luke's Malm will get assembled. Maybe they will replace some pieces and we'll go in one of these rooms at a big discount. So fear not, it's probably not going into the landfill just yet.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's really cool. And that makes sense too. Yeah. Because if you had you said maybe a shelf or a drawer that maybe got banged up maybe. Yeah, they they can just grab from a pile because a lot of that stuff is like, you know, this little the side of this cabinet works on several different cabinets or whatever. That's the whole point. Right. So that's actually really cool. I love this.

[Luke Burbank]

Lisa says power out. P.S. can you please do a no point? We need more content and you need know hashtag go pack go. Other Topics the rise of Jaden Daniels, the fall of DeSean Watson, the collapse of Aaron Rodgers, the GD Chiefs MVP Lamar or Goff Andrew one minute go.

[Andrew Walsh]

On all of that. Oh shoot. I had I thought you're gonna give me one minute to find the no point music which I was looking for. But I'll give up on that.

[Luke Burbank]

I will say the fall rise of Shaden Daniels.

[Andrew Walsh]

I can't speak to the rise of Jaden Daniels. I'm gonna skip to Deshaun Watson and I just say that the fall has been complet the man who left the field crying and will never play football in the NFL again. It's not justice enough, but it's as good as we're going to get. The collapse of Aaron Rodgers is almost complete. I am guessing that he will finish out this season and hate every moment he has to spend on the field. I think it was wonderful that the teammate that he threw under the bus in a public press conference in the most Aaron Rogers of ways ended up being traded and ended up being a hero on the football field for the Pittsburgh Steelers this Sunday in catching the game winning touchdown that put them ahead of the Commanders by one point. And go Russell Wilson.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you for the Russell Wilson mentioned because I was watching some sports coverage last night and also looking at some on TikTok and I just want to say the sort of Russell Wilson redemption arc that everyone's now getting on. I predicted that before this season. I said Mike Tomlin seems to get the most out of his play players. I think Russell Wilson still has some gas in the tank. I and then they didn't even start him and I was like another another Burbank stone cold lock that's proven to be inaccurate. But like I love this Russell Wilson redemption narrative. I love it so much like I'm here for it. It's like the two Things that make me really happy about the NFL. Well, the three things that make me really happy about the NFL right now. One thing is the fall of Aaron Rod Rogers with the election and everything and the rise of Elon Musk and the bad guys are winning in so many ways. Except Aaron Rodgers is just getting his ass kicked. And we love to see it. It's getting more important as the rest of the world gets darker. For me, the fall of Aaron Rodgers.

[Andrew Walsh]

Although, also, although he will end up with a cabinet position. So the fall of Aaron Rodgers as an NFL player, not as a politician, obviously.

[Luke Burbank]

Sure. Just asking questions, Andrew. That's. That's all I, you know, so, so I, I'm enjoying, I'm enjoying that plot line. I'm enjoying the. Russell Wilson may lead the Steelers to the super bowl this year.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's probably not going to happen, but I would be there.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a stretch. I don't know. I don't know. And then my third favorite story is Jerry Jones. Sunshine Gate.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, not pulling the blinds. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Refusing to pull the blinds. Refusing to let the Dallas Cowboys have the same treatment Post Malone has received while playing a concert in the stadium.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, Post Malone got it pulled. In other words, Post Malone had the.

[Luke Burbank]

Blinds drawn, apparently for his show. But that was not. But they did not decide to afford CD Lamb. The same. The same. You know, whatever.

[Andrew Walsh]

He lost the ball in the sun and he's like, well, you know, why are the people who are running the stadium, why are they not pulling the. Pulling the blinds? And what was, what was his response to that? It was like, obviously it was a real salty response. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Jerry Jones has now also become sort of, in a way, like Trump, Trump Jr. To me, or Trump Senior. I don't know what Jerry Jones politics are, but there's just this parallel to me of like an old white man who doesn't like any criticism, who's very, very sensitive and thinks they know the answer to everything and has terrible outcomes. Like, the similarities are kind of hard for me to ignore. And whereas Trump is, in this moment, ascendant and is getting everything he thinks he wants. Although I do think that the story on Trump is still not written. And I think that he's going to be a miserable person for the next four years and historically unpopular when he doesn't deliver on all his lies. And again, I'll be really interested in four years to see. Here's one last thing I'll say that I've been thinking about a lot lately is think about when George W. Bush was Reelected with the popular vote in 2000. For he was at this point known to have launched a war that shouldn't have happened based on information that was faulty. And in spite of that.

[Andrew Walsh]

But falsified. I don't.

[Luke Burbank]

Falsified, thank you. In spite of that, more Americans voted for him than the alternative. Okay, so think about 2004 and just how despondent people felt. And then think about what happened four years later. Barack Obama. Obama. And then four years after that, a very strong victory. Reelection for Barack Obama. So I'm just saying.

[Andrew Walsh]

And that was also, I mean, I'm not making a joke here. I also think like that was a galling victory. I remembered. I've been thinking back on it. I remember sitting in a very specific, like in Concord, New Hampshire, taking a lunch break like any reasonable person and going to get like a giant calzone or meatball sandwich and eating my feelings at some sort of like small, like, like one of those Greek pizza places that was in Concord. And I remember like they had TVs on. And I remember just like watching him like kind of give his victory lap, you know, accept. It wasn't an acceptance speech. I can't remember what it was. But him bragging about all the political capital that he was going to expend at that point because the voters had spoken. I might be confusing now, I might be confusing that particular press conference with the, when they took over Congress around that same era. But one thing I want to say about that 2004, that was also the swift boating of John Kerry, year two. So there was also that especially galling unfairness, like false claims and you know, in truthiness ended up like playing a huge role in that as well, which made it especially kind of, like I say, galling.

[Luke Burbank]

So I feel like right now as Trump is getting all these W's, I love seeing Jerry Jones getting all these L's, like.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I love what you're talking about. Sorry, I was thinking about he's getting.

[Luke Burbank]

So mad at the, every time he's asked about it. So like, it's just like he's just a moron on and, and, and his moronic decisions and meddling with the team has led to yet another lost season for the Cowboys. And like a reporter was asking him after like the. So just in case you don't know, they built this billion dollar stadium and it has these big windows and it means that between like 1 and 5 in the afternoon, the depending on what direction of the stadium you're in as the team or what direction you're going. There's blinding sunlight that's coming in through the windows. There's a very clear moment where one of their receivers, their best receiver, CD Lamb, is trying to catch the ball. He has no idea where the ball is because he's just staring into a giant. Somebody asked Jerry Jones about it, and Jerry Jones first reaction was to say, well, we should just tear down the whole stadium then. Which is such a. Such a whiny little response when he was asked about, well, should you bring the curtains in? And then his other thing was, we know what direction the sun is in. It's like, what do you do you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Then draw.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is your plan? When I first heard the story, you know, like, I hear, I. I kind of process a lot of sports news just sort of in the background. I might even be hearing it and not paying attention. So I just get little, you know, snippets of what's going on. I don't think I realized that it was. CD Lamb was the receiver like that. It was. I thought it was an opponent. I thought it was an opposing team. A. I thought it was an opposing receiver who said, I don't like this unfair advantage of when we're on the road. They leave these, you know, because you can do that. Like Miami, you know, I listen to it, obviously, I listen to lebatard show, which is out of Miami. So I get a lot of, like, reports from Miami. And there was some famous game, I believe, last season that they call the heat stroke game, because some, you know, like, cold weather team came and played in just like, miserable Miami conditions in the heat and everything, and they were unprepared. But that's sort of like. Well, that's home field advantage for. For Miami, for the Dolphins. And so I thought that the. I thought that the Cowboys were like, taking advantage of their situation. But no, he's blinding his own players and then getting pissy.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, yes. And then getting. And I mean, he's been doing this all season.

[Andrew Walsh]

He.

[Luke Burbank]

He basically, like, threatened a radio reporter. I think he must have a thing in Dallas the way that, like, the Seahawks do. There's a station that's the, like, you know, broadcast home of the team. And part of that whole contract is the head coach has to make an appearance weekly on the morning show or whatever. And in some cases, I don't know if this is the case with the. I don't think that. I don't think the Cowboys literally own the station, like, on paper are the owners of it. But Jerry Jones was getting asked, I thought fairly respectful questions was earlier in the season. And he basically starts threatening to have the host fired who's asking him the questions, which, it's unclear to me if Jerry Jones actually has that power or not. But it's like. It's like, well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my decisions. That's what's happening to Jerry Jones. And then when reporters have the temerity to ask him about these things that aren't working out, he gets so butthurt. And it's one of the main things that's getting me out of bed in the morning now is just Jerry Jones being angry at the press.

[Andrew Walsh]

And he's getting, I think, more and more cantankerous because the sound. And I'm not trying to be ageist here, but the reality is he's 82 years old. And the clicking talk, the, you know, the clicking, the ticking clock of his mortality and certainly ownership of this team. Like, he has no rings, right? Am I right? No soup, no Super Bowls under him. Really, really long time.

[Luke Burbank]

And he's not in a long time. He got a bunch in the. Troy Aikman, Emmett Smith.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah, that was still him. So, okay, so anyway. But yeah, it's been basically like, it's been sort of a desert for him for a long time.

[Luke Burbank]

And every. And there, you know, they're America's team. And every year it's supposed to be like the year of the Cowboys. And then it seems like for the last 20 years, it's just been one implosion after another. And, yeah, Jerry Jones is not going to be around forever, but if he suffers, if he, if he. If he's especially uncomfortable as we're sundowning him, I'm here for that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I remember when I was getting into football some, I. I don't know if I don't know where I heard, but somebody just said that one of the things you need. Just need to know about football is that the Cowboys are always 8 and 8. I mean, that was when there were 16 games in the season.

[Luke Burbank]

They'll be 8 and 8 this year, by the way.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, well, now there's 17 games, so that maybe they'll be 8 and 9 or 9 and 8. But yeah, anyway.

[Luke Burbank]

All right. I don't know if that was a no point, Lisa, but that was us talking more about sports than a lot of the listeners care about. So. So you're welcome.

[Andrew Walsh]

He's won three Super Bowls, by the way. Jerry Jones has, as owner of the Cowboys, 93 94. Man, he's been in this game for a long time.

[Luke Burbank]

Who are we rooting for, Andrew, if not the Seahawks? Well, if we. If we concede that the Seahawks don't look like a Super bowl caliber team this year, who are we rooting for? Well, that's Detroit, Minnesota. Probably Minnesota.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right. Well, that's where things get really. First of all, I was going to say this, and I don't know how long you want to go on with this, because honestly, I could go on for quite some time.

[Luke Burbank]

Jacksonville, Nothing else.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was going to say Jacksonville. Honestly, I would have said Tampa Bay. I started the season rooting very, very hard for Baker Mayfield because I want to see him do really well, especially because he should be Cleveland's quarterback right now. And the thing is, he has been doing really well, but they've lost their last four games in a row, and they've all been close, and I do not believe it's his fault. I feel like Baker has kept them in all of these games, but they've lost very close games, and that's sort of a bummer. So I'll take them off the table and I'll say, like, I've had a realization lately, and maybe it's like the rejection of Browns fandom has given me sort of a different perspective on football writ large, and I almost enjoy it more now in a. In a. In a.

[Luke Burbank]

Because you just root for players instead of teams.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, sort of. Or like, it just has opened up which teams I can like because they're not my mortal sworn enemies.

[Luke Burbank]

Like Steelers, for instance.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. And specifically, I would say the Ravens as well. I'm very like Rob Lowe. Knowing it. Just rooting for the Shield now, right?

[Luke Burbank]

Making a sex tape with an underage person.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I meant wearing a baseball cap that just merely says.

[Luke Burbank]

You meant low carbing it.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm just putting on my NFL I root for the Shield hat. But, like, I realize, like, the excitement and this makes me feel bad because I still root for the Seahawks and that is the team that I tune in for. But I honestly think that the excitement is in the afc. It just is. Like, in so much of it is in my old rooting division of the AFC North. Like, we just talked about the Steelers and their sort of narrative, which is really interesting. But, like, you still have Cincinnati. I think Cincinnati in the past several years has been a really interesting story with Joe Burrow coming up. Unfortunately, he's dealt with some injuries, but an exciting team to watch. And now that I don't have to Absolutely hate the Ravens because they're the sworn enemy of the Browns. Like, you can really relax and just watch Lamar Cook. And then I don't know if you. It was a. It was a nationally televised game. I don't know if it was a Wednesday or a Thursday between Cincinnati and Baltimore. Last week was so good between those two quarterbacks. And, like, it was just, like, I didn't have to, like, think about the implications for the Browns. They're just out there stinking, and I'm glad they are.

[Luke Burbank]

And they're turds out there.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. And hoisted on their own petard. And so you can just, like, look at these two teams. And then, of course, as Lisa says here, you got the Chiefs in there, which. That. I think the, like, kind of modern history of them kind of going up against Cincinnati continues to be interesting in the playoffs. And of course, you have Buffalo. Like, there's so much cool shit going on in the afc. And it's harder. With the exception of, like, the Vikings and the Lions, which I know are at odds, it's harder for me to get kind of excited about the nfc.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I've been having a. It's been a weird season for me. I. Because just from a schedule standpoint, there have been so many Seahawk games that I just couldn't watch in real time, so I just wasn't. And again, some of it has a do with, like, less drinking. Maybe I'm just not building my life around the Seahawks the way I did, where it'd be like, Sunday was just totally blocked out for, like, all day football consumption and food and alcohol consumption. And like, also the Seahawks were better in those days, so it was probably more fun. But, like, I've just had a real kind of, like, arm's length relationship with them this year, which I kind of think has been good for me because it's been a year with some pretty frustrating games and some games like Geno throwing three picks is. That would have ended me two seasons ago. And so because of that, I'm just. I don't know. I'm. I'm just. I'm not as tied up in it this year, and I think that's for the better for me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I'm looking. I didn't realize that the Seahawks are literally in the bottom of the division right now. Oh, we are tied with the Rams 4, 4 and 5. But it must be. Must be divisional games or something that puts the Seahawks slightly below the Ram. So. Yeah, it's just. It just seems a little bit Less fun where I just feel like there's a lot of exciting stuff going on in the other conference.

[Luke Burbank]

All I can root for because again, anger.

[Andrew Walsh]

Anger is.

[Luke Burbank]

Anger is like flatulence. No, anger is the. Is the dilithium crystal that runs this spaceship that's called Luke. All I want is for Joey Bosa to have a career ending injury.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, that's the thing. It's like, it's. It's like to see your enemies prosper is just such a bad, bad, bad feeling. Feeling. And so like, I just, I can't. I don't want it to be, you know, CTE related. But if we could just see Joey Bosa just absolutely blow up his ACL or something. It couldn't happen to a nicer. For those who don't know, he's the guy who decided to put a MAGA hat on and crash a post game interview with a Fellow San Francisco 49er. To bring the point home. This is pre election of how much he supports Donald Trump.

[Andrew Walsh]

Trump.

[Luke Burbank]

Just, Just, just a sweetheart of a guy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Human garbage.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolute sweetheart. So if I can, you know, if I can, I. I'll take some. Since the Seahawks aren't really that good this year, all I want to see is the destruction of my enemies, I. E. Aaron Rogers and Joey Bo.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. And the Lamb.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I'm gonna mess the lamentation of the women.

[Andrew Walsh]

The lamentations of their wide receivers. I don't know what I.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, exactly. That's all. That's what is best in life.

[Andrew Walsh]

What is best in life?

[Luke Burbank]

Wait, that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is that cone. Is that Conan?

[Luke Burbank]

I think it's Conan the Barbarian. To hit the lamentation of the women.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do I say Conan? Funny. For some reason, I thought you say it opposite of Conan O'Brien. I thought it was Conan. Is it Conan? No, it's Conan the Barbarian. Right?

[Luke Burbank]

Not Conan the Barbarian.

[Andrew Walsh]

Conan.

[Luke Burbank]

Andrew. It's all he's known. It's all he'll ever know. That's what the whole Wide world is about. Right?

[Andrew Walsh]

The guy that wrote Conan the Conan. Conan as the. And I have that dvd. A listener sent me the DVD of the Whole Wide World. I might need it some dark days this winter.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, we've got to go, Andrew, because you can see I've got the binocs out. I think there's a police boat that's cruising around in the river and I'm wondering if I'm in trouble.

[Andrew Walsh]

Shades of the very. The pilot episode of Arrested Development.

[Luke Burbank]

You better watch out, see what's going on. With that. All right, thanks for listening, everybody. We will be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. In the meantime, have a great Wednesday, take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to all. It is both. It is both. It is both. It is both.

[Luke Burbank]

It's both. Hey, thanks for the backup.

[Andrew Walsh]

Power out.