#4348 Persuadable Emus

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL Episode #4348 - "Persuadable Emus"

Title: TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
Host: Luke Burbank
Guests: Andrew Walsh, Lindy West, Megan Hatcher Mays
Episode: #4348 Persuadable Emus
Release Date: November 29, 2024

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Introduction

In Episode #4348 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live, host Luke Burbank is joined by longtime friend and co-host Andrew Walsh, alongside special guests Lindy West and Megan Hatcher Mays from the Text Me Back podcast. The episode delves into a variety of engaging topics, blending humor with insightful discussions about animal rescue volunteering, pest control methods, the impact of social media on consumer behavior, and personal anecdotes that resonate with everyday experiences.

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Episode Numbering Confusion

The episode kicks off with a light-hearted conversation about the episode numbering, highlighting a mix-up that left Andrew Walsh puzzled about the correct episode count.

Andrew Walsh [02:07]: "I had all week. I had been thinking, this is why I've been off all week... I thought Friday was going to be 4349, but that's Monday. No wonder I can't get any sleep."

Key Points:

• Andrew mistakenly believed the episode number was 4349 instead of 4348.
• The confusion stemmed from ongoing production work related to a previous podcast collaboration.

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Welcome to New Listeners and Special Guests

Luke warmly welcomes new listeners, especially those who discovered TBTL through the Text Me Back podcast. This episode marks the third collaborative "Super Show" featuring Lindy West and Megan Hatcher Mays.

Luke Burbank [03:04]: "We like to welcome new listeners who heard about us on the Text Me Back podcast."

Key Points:

• Emphasis on the collaborative nature of the current episode.
• Recognition of Text Me Back as a complementary podcast to TBTL.

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Animal Rescue Volunteering

Megan shares her recent experience volunteering at a local animal rescue, offering both humorous and heartfelt insights into the challenges and rewards of animal care.

Megan’s Journey: Megan discusses her decision to volunteer, motivated by a desire to connect with animals and provide care for those in need. She highlights the facility's unique approach to animal protection using emus and llamas.

Megan Hatcher Mays [16:47]: "The animal rescue protects the livestock with an attack emu and an attack llama. They're literally there for protection."

Notable Quotes:

• Megan [18:38]: "They're in separate pens... the llama will not let anyone hurt Henrik the pig."
• Lindy West [18:36]: "Do they work together or are they solo artists?"

Key Points:

• Use of emus and llamas as protective animals to safeguard livestock.
• Megan's enthusiasm and dedication to volunteering despite personal challenges, such as allergies.

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Fungus Gnat Infestation and Solutions

Lindy narrates her battle with a fungus gnat infestation in her houseplants, exploring eco-friendly solutions and the complexities of pest control.

Lindy’s Experience: Lindy describes the persistent issue with fungus gnats and her approach to resolving it without harming pets. She experimented with beneficial nematodes and alternative methods like blue light traps.

Lindy West [37:02]: "I ordered 200 million beneficial nematodes... I haven't seen a fungus gnat in a couple of days."

Key Points:

• Exploration of biological pest control using nematodes.
• Interaction with a neighbor over a misdelivered package of nematodes, adding a humorous twist to the narrative.

Notable Quotes:

• Lindy [37:47]: "They're just little microscopic buggies that eat all the fungus gnats until there are none left."
• Luke Burbank [43:49]: "I recommend the nematodes, I think are probably a better, a more holistic, you know, sort of naturopathic remedy."

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Technology and Consumerism

The conversation shifts to the influence of social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok on consumer behavior, highlighting the frustrations and compulsions associated with targeted advertising.

Impact of Social Media Ads: Luke and Megan discuss how algorithms track user behavior, leading to tailored ads that often prompt impulsive purchases. They share personal anecdotes about unintended purchases triggered by online interactions.

Megan Hatcher Mays [60:34]: "She sent me an ad for a bird feeder with a camera in it... the next day I received the same ad."

Key Points:

• The invasive nature of targeted advertising on social media.
• The psychological impact of seeing ads for products one didn't consciously seek out.
• Strategies like using live traps for rats reflect a broader theme of seeking humane solutions.

Notable Quotes:

• Luke Burbank [55:03]: "I emotionally buy things because I need to feel something."
• Andrew Walsh [48:09]: "Is bumper sticker technology the same technology as it was growing up?"

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Bumper Stickers and Political Expression

Andrew introduces a discussion about the permanence of political bumper stickers, reminiscing about past experiences and the emotional weight attached to them.

Andrew Walsh [48:19]: "Is bumper sticker technology the same technology as it was growing up... are you just locked in for life?"

Key Points:

• The enduring nature of political statements through bumper stickers.
• The generational differences in perceiving and reacting to political expressions on vehicles.
• The use of magnets as a less permanent alternative to traditional stickers.

Notable Quotes:

• Lindy West [49:36]: "They have magnets. If you don't want to commit, you can get a car magnet instead, and they're much easier to take off."

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Personal Stories and Anecdotes

Throughout the episode, the hosts share personal stories that intertwine with the main topics, adding depth and relatability to the discussions.

Rat Infestation Mention: Andrew and Megan talk about dealing with rat infestations, paralleling Lindy's experiences with pests and continuing the theme of humane animal treatment.

Andrew Walsh [63:50]: "Genevieve's plan is to like sort of give him a ride to the cemetery."

Holiday Shopping Stress: Luke and Megan discuss the stress associated with holiday shopping, emphasizing the anxiety of purchasing gifts and the overwhelming presence of consumerism during the festive season.

Luke Burbank [58:52]: "Christmas music rocks... I've been ... wanting to ... support consumerism."

Notable Quotes:

• Megan [66:45]: "It was a dumb movie that we got at Fred Meyer on VHS called Big and Hairy..."
• Luke Burbank [69:46]: "I love seeing an old car, like, with just all the different things that this person has thrown their weight behind..."

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Tidings Segment

In the "Tidings" segment, the hosts share personal updates and seasonal reflections, blending humor with genuine sentiments about life and the upcoming holidays.

Megan’s Tidings: Megan recounts her volunteering at the animal rescue, sharing both amusing and touching moments, including interactions with protective emus and llamas.

Megan [16:47]: "The animal rescue protects the livestock with an attack emu and an attack llama."

Lindy’s Tidings: Lindy discusses her efforts to combat a fungus gnat infestation using beneficial nematodes, offering insights into eco-friendly pest control.

Lindy [37:47]: "They just eat all the fungus gnats until there are no fungus gnats left."

Luke’s Tidings: Luke reflects on his anxiety surrounding holiday shopping, emphasizing his strategy to manage stress by pre-ordering gifts and embracing holiday traditions.

Luke [53:19]: "I have just been when I see something... I might just check it off the list if you have the resources..."

Notable Quotes:

• Lindy [14:40]: "I have a big fat tidings I can't wait to tell you about."
• Megan [37:47]: "And I'll keep everybody posted."

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Conclusion

As the episode draws to a close, the hosts reflect on their various discussions, offer final thoughts, and share plans for future episodes. They extend gratitude to their guests and listeners, reinforcing the community-centric spirit of TBTL.

Lindy West [70:13]: "Thanks for agreeing to do this. And if you want to support our show, check us out. Patreon.com textmebackpod so that I don't have to work in politics anymore."

Key Points:

• Appreciation for guest participation and listener support.
• Plans for a break before resuming in January.
• Encouragement to engage with related podcasts and support through platforms like Patreon.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Luke Burbank [00:00]: "You cannot prank an animal. Animals don't know they're being pranked. Why even do it?"
• Megan Hatcher Mays [05:19]: "Do you guys like guitar solos? Me neither."
• Lindy West [18:36]: "Do they work together or are they solo artists?"
• Megan Hatcher Mays [16:47]: "The animal rescue protects the livestock with an attack emu and an attack llama."
• Lindy West [37:02]: "I ordered 200 million beneficial nematodes... I haven't seen a fungus gnat in a couple of days."
• Luke Burbank [55:03]: "I emotionally buy things because I need to feel something."
• Megan Hatcher Mays [60:34]: "She sent me an ad for a bird feeder with a camera in it... the next day I received the same ad."

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Final Thoughts

Episode #4348 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live masterfully intertwines humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions on topics ranging from animal rescue volunteering to the pervasive influence of social media on consumer behavior. With engaging guests and relatable stories, the episode offers listeners a blend of laughter and reflection, embodying the show's essence of two friends navigating the world's quirks together.

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

How about like pranking an animal? You put like a couple kittens at a dog house and you let a dog go inside his dog house and that way all three animals get pranked. You cannot prank an animal. Animals don't know they're being pranked. Why even do it? I mean, it's like, it's borderline animal cruelty. What would it be? Pranking a dog? A pranking animal.

[Andrew Walsh]

You could punch an elephant.

[Luke Burbank]

Sure.

[Lindy West]

Done.

[Luke Burbank]

I'd punch an elephant.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tbtm.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Right?

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, handed me. We need to negotiate here. We want to. We're looking for like, you know, we're working too.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Yeah, I mean, my man had to.

[Luke Burbank]

Run across three lanes traffic.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wow, that's a fine pickle.

[Luke Burbank]

This fish seems to have landed us in.

[Lindy West]

Eh?

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Jolly Charlie bit me and that really hurt Jolie, and it still hurting. So I'm nervous, but I'm excited at the same time. So I'm just gonna start talking about what I like and hope I get some replies.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, all right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone to a Friday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Today we arrive at episode 4348 in a collector series. My name's Luke Burbank. I'm your host, joined as always by the longest running cobro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships, their grace and their power. He's Andrew Walsh and he's right over there. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

How. Good morning. How confident are we in that 438 number? Because I had this.

[Luke Burbank]

400. 300. 4348.

[Andrew Walsh]

I had all week. I had been thinking, this is why I've been off all week. All week. I thought Friday was going to be 4349, but that's Monday. No wonder I can't get any sleep.

[Luke Burbank]

This is the first that I've heard that you are like predicting and by the way, hell of a prediction. This just goes sequentially.

[Andrew Walsh]

No. Do you have any idea how much money I just lost?

[Luke Burbank]

You had the over.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do you know what the odds were that it was going to be 4349? No. It's because this was a show that we were working on, specially with our friend from the text me back podcast that I already had some production stuff going on. And when I have production stuff going on, Luke, you will be unsurprised to hear that I have a folder on my hard drive called tbtl. And then in that folder there are a bunch of folders and one of the folders is shows, and then in the shows folder, there is a separate folder for every single show that you and I have done. If there's no production needed, it's just one audio file in the show pic. If there is a more complicated production like today, there might be various audio elements and various mixes in there. And that's the folder. And it said Friday 4349. And I just took a boring conversation and made it more boring. But we'd like to welcome.

[Luke Burbank]

We like to welcome new listeners who heard about us on the Text Me Back podcast. This is. I gotta be honest with you, this is kind of what we do. Yeah, it's a lot of file management talk.

[Andrew Walsh]

You thought I was going to gussy things up for the new listeners? No, I have a whole. I have 10 minutes on why I think threes are yellow.

[Luke Burbank]

I do think Synesthesia Talk is one of our stronger segments. Yes. Today is one of those crossover episodes that we've so enjoyed with our friends Lindy west and Megan Hatcher Mays over at the Text Me Back podcast. This. Yeah, this is. Is this the third time we've done one?

[Andrew Walsh]

I also have this slugged as Super Show 3, because I think when we first proposed doing this the first time, maybe even a year ago now, however long ago it was, I said it'll be like a super show. So I'm always referring to these as super shows. And this is Super Show 3.

[Luke Burbank]

And we are, you could say, a sort of a super group of podcasts, which I think it was Megan who first established that we were. Because it's text me back TMB and then TBTL. TimBaltal of the dog.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, of course.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, what else could it be, by the way? That's foreshadowing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, it is.

[Luke Burbank]

It is for someone else saying to you, Andrew, what else could it be?

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm pre stealing Lindy's jokes.

[Luke Burbank]

And that's a good way to do it because Lindy and Megan are so funny and so smart and we're always so happy when they agree to spend a little time with us. Do you want to set up here, kind of the tip top of the show, what we're going to hear next, right when you and I hand it over to us from a few days ago. And Lindy and Megan.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, let's do this. It was a lot of fun, a lot of laughs, and it was sort of a. It was just kind of a slow roll as we all dialed up and started chatting with each other. And I think off Air. You guys were kind of like, talking about hosting events or whatever that might be sort of guitar forward, like fundraising events or something, where old rockers were showing up.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what I was. None of that's on the tape. But then I think we're gonna start the show here with me just saying, do you guys even like guitar solo? So it really comes in from out of the blue. It's a very strange place to start the show. Do you guys like guitar solos? But I wanted to let everybody know why I was asking that question.

[Luke Burbank]

It was actually very relevant to all the stuff we were saying before we were recording.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Before it was clear if we were recording or not.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And, I mean, honestly, I was there when everyone answered, but I've already forgotten all of it, so I'm on the edge of my seat.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, you should listen. We could use the numbers.

[Luke Burbank]

All right. Starting now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do you guys like guitar solos?

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

No.

[Andrew Walsh]

Me neither.

[Lindy West]

Requested that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know. But they're. They're in every song. Well, not every song, but way too many songs.

[Lindy West]

I like.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I like. Sometimes I like a short one. Like, I feel like sometimes in a Weezer song or something, there will be a thing where it's like. And I'm like, yeah. And then that's it.

[Luke Burbank]

Right.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I like that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'd say the Pixies and Tom Petty gets a good one in there every now and then. Just, let's get to the point. Let's stay on topic, Leave them wanting more.

[Lindy West]

Speaking of. Yeah, speaking of. I will allow Prince. I rip. He was allowed as many guitar solos as he wanted. And he very famously had a intense one involving Tom Petty. Right after George Harrison died.

[Luke Burbank]

He had.

[Lindy West]

They did, like, a While My Guitar Gently Weeps Jam. And I don't even know that Tom Petty knew they had invited Prince. He just sort of showed up, started jamming, and everyone was like, what the.

[Luke Burbank]

Fuck is going on?

[Lindy West]

And Prince wouldn't stop. And then George Harrison's son was like, this rocks. This is the best day of my life. Even though my dad just passed away. And then. I think everyone knows this. Then Prince threw his guitar in the air and it was never seen again. It never landed. No one knows what happened to it. It just sort of entered the skies.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

It's like that bit that you used to do where you were pretending to play with a baby. Oh, a dog. You were throwing it in the air and then eventually, where'd it go?

[Luke Burbank]

This dog? He's gone to heaven. There's a Prince guitar solo. That I just discovered recently, and it is making me so happy. I've been sending it to everyone. It's Q Tip from Tribe Called Quest is doing vibrant thing. And I don't think anyone, including Q Tip, realized Prince was backstage and just comes out and starts playing the dun dun, like, the two notes. And then there's some point where the crowd starts making this noise. It's not a huge venue. And Q Tip looks over and realizes a tiny, tiny man is going on the guitar, and the place freaks out. It completely changes the energy of the whole show. And it's also like, it's a. It's a riff that I could play.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

But somehow Prince is still elevating it to some level that it's never been.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Lindy West]

He just was the coolest person who ever lived. You know what I mean? He could do whatever. Anyway, rest in peace, King. Sorry to bring down the mood.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Welcome to the show.

[Lindy West]

Has the show begun?

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I don't know.

[Lindy West]

Welcome to Tinsel of the Derg, the number one top guitar solo podcast.

[Luke Burbank]

I am shocked that that name has stuck. And I don't mean that. Megan. Insulting me.

[Lindy West]

No, you should insult me. It was really stupid.

[Luke Burbank]

But, like, so many things that are not overthought, it has turned out to be the perfect name for this thing.

[Lindy West]

It's so dumb.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Look, I haven't heard anyone come up with anything better.

[Lindy West]

Yeah. So we're waiting. We're waiting. Well, we're excited to be here. Should we do some tidings?

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. Can I ask a quick pre tidings question? Because I've been here at my little house working on some things today, and I've had the song Tidings of comfort and Joy. It just absolutely assaulting my brain because I've been thinking I need a tidings, and then my brain goes to that song. Is that a hazard of having a segment called Tidings? Are you thinking of that song at some low frequency at all times?

[Lindy West]

Because we have our own tidings jingle, which I keep meaning to send you so you can have it on your media board when we arrive on your show. But so no, it's always just like, handles Messiah is. Is my handles. Messiah's B side is in my brain at all times.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I do think that that's where tidings came from. Like, we were thinking of, like, what's a funny word for like, how are you? News of news of the day. And then I. I'm sure it was. Megan came up with Tidings, which is really only ever used in the context of tidings of comfort and joy. So it's. It has to have, like, that's. That's its ancestry dot com. But that's not legacy.

[Luke Burbank]

Are they. Are they the ones that are, like, deeply, deeply in debt? Is that Ancestry OR Is that 23andMe?

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Oh, God, I don't know, but I have both of those.

[Luke Burbank]

I think 23andMe is in serious. One of them is in serious financial trouble. And I have a theory, and it's. I think 23andMe started suffering when all of the true crime shows started coming out about how they were catching murderers from their, like, third cousin. And I'll tell you what, I. I felt pretty glad that I'm not in that shit.

[Lindy West]

It's really crazy. Well, you don't even have to be one of your. All your. All you need is for one of your third cousins to be in there.

[Luke Burbank]

Probably my sister Hannah.

[Lindy West]

Then your goose is cooked, sir. Like, all those unsolved murders you committed, it's over Burbank.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

If you're. If your random ass cousin comes to you and is like, don't you ever fucking sign up for 23andMe?

[Luke Burbank]

We've got a hot lead.

[Lindy West]

Yeah, call the FBI for sure. Yeah.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Well, it's creepy.

[Lindy West]

I mean, I don't know. We just started sending our DNA to websites.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Okay.

[Lindy West]

I don't know. It's just weird because it's like, yeah, I know you sent your DNA to a website, but it's just weird because, like, the founding fathers were like, you know what's the worst thing I could imagine? The government having access to your information without a warrant. And then we were all like, what if we sent our DNA to a website? They didn't even ask for it. Okay, So I want to do it.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

In my defense, here's what. Here's what happened. Here's what happened, because I used to feel like that, and I honestly still do, but. However, I became depressed and nihilistic, and my mom got me a 23andMe kit for Christmas. And I was like, sure, whatever. Who cares?

[Lindy West]

Yeah.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

And so, like, I was like, I don't know. I'm going to die before they do anything with this DNA. Whatever. But now I'm like, why did I do. Because I. I know I did find out some interesting information, which is that I have a secret cousin who I haven't figured out who she is yet. I have a first cousin who. So, like, one of my aunts or uncles had a secret baby that I had accounted for.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, it doesn't give you a name of the person.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Oh, no, I have their name. I've never heard of them before in my life. Oh, wow. So I have not reached out to this person, but me and three of my other cousins who are on there were all first cousins, and she's our first cousin. We have 15% DNA in common. So anyway, seems like probably Uncle Pear rest in power. Oh, because, like, we would have known there's only two uncles.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm sorry. A guy named Pear is far too Scandinavian to be out there. Tom cat around.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I think he was a rascal. I. He was a. I think he was a rascal.

[Lindy West]

Yeah, he was a little rascal. I was going to say, how does Bonnie feel about this? But she. She doesn't know either, so they didn't.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Even have any kids together, I don't think.

[Luke Burbank]

Or no.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Maybe.

[Lindy West]

Oh, so she doesn't care.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Look, I can't keep track of all of these people, but she. She doesn't care. It would have been. It would have been pre Bonnie.

[Lindy West]

Oh, Bonnie was such glamorous. Well, lady.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

That's why she's already. She's already moved on to her new husband, and she's off living some glamorous life. I'm like, this woman was my aunt for my entire life. I have not heard from her since the day my uncle died. She's like, I'm someone else's aunt now. Bye.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you, like, along with depression and nihilism, did you submit this thing because you were hoping you were, like, related to Betsy Ross or something? And I love that. The coolest person from history that I could think of.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Coolest person from history. And yes, specifically Betsy Ross. You know, of course there's, like, narcissism in it. Like. And by the way, no, I'm not related to anyone interesting who's ever lived, which is actually kind of cute. And so then I got into Ancestry.com so, like, between 23andMe and Ancestry.com they own my whole. My whole ass. And that's. Honestly. I guess I still feel nihilistic about it. I'm like, I don't care. This. This diverted me for three hours, and that was worth it.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think I have some good news here, though, because you mentioned something about. What do you call the thing that you play audio from when you discuss it on your show? You call it what, an audio?

[Lindy West]

Oh, I called it the media board.

[Andrew Walsh]

The media board. Well, I don't know. We don't. I have. I have something here called music. B. I don't know what that is, but it's got this in it.

[Lindy West]

We totally did send you the song.

[Andrew Walsh]

I just forget to load it up for the media.

[Lindy West]

Be for the media.

[Luke Burbank]

Beautiful. That put me in a totally different state of mind. That made me.

[Lindy West]

I know.

[Luke Burbank]

Ready for this.

[Lindy West]

Lindy, I know you have a really good tiding. Would you like to commence?

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I have a big fat tiding I can't wait to tell you about. I am so excited to tell this tiding. Okay, so on the election day Trump, Donald Trump won the president.

[Lindy West]

I'm not sure if you guys had gotten this information.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was reality tv.

[Luke Burbank]

I was taping that at the Apprentice.

[Lindy West]

Yeah.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

So I was like, I'm sad and I need. But. And then I, for some reason, my first instinct when it seemed like Trump was going to win is I was like, I got to rescue some kind of rancid creature and bring it back to life. You know, Like, I was like, I got to go get the, the most fucked up, gnarly like scraggly turtle or miniature horse or you know, whatever.

[Lindy West]

And I 87 year old cockatiel whose feathers all fell out from stress.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Exactly.

[Lindy West]

That's what you were really after.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I was like, I got to bring it to my home and I have to like bottle feed it until it's beautiful again. Okay. That was for some reason my instinct. Like I was like, I need a tangible little project that I can take from, from, from. To fit, you know, from.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm also taping that, so don't spoil that. It's the ET Flower phenomenon. You need some kind of little weather, like a weather vein or an indicator of like, of life coming back in some way.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Yes. And so I, I mentioned that to my spouse. Aha. Mayfale. He said no, absolutely not. He said, absolutely not. Absolutely no way. Even less now than before. Like I, he was like, I want another animal even less.

[Luke Burbank]

You want to bring an 80 year old cockatiel into this world?

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Yeah.

[Lindy West]

While the world burns. Really? Where are your ethics? West.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

But so then guess what? I put on my thinking cap and I and I came up with a new plan which is called I'm volunteering at the animal rescue.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Near my house and in the woods.

[Lindy West]

It's fully in the woods.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Fully in the woods. It is not an animal shelter, like where people can bring their dog in and be like, my dog bit my kid or whatever. Or like my, I'm moving and I can't bring my cat. Here you go. They don't do owner surrender. They only do cruelty cases Hoarding cases, neglect.

[Luke Burbank]

So some pretty. Some light comedy for you during these.

[Lindy West]

Challenging times or get ready to laugh.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

So all the animals have been horribly abused or. Or they do, like, severe. Like, medical cases, medical intakes, and wildlife rehab. So they have, like, bears, raccoons, possums, deer, but also the. All the wildlife is there to be released. So, like, the volunteers aren't even allowed to go into the wildlife barn because they don't want them to get acclimated to humans. So, anyway, it's like a real special facility. And so I went to my orientation on Saturday, and I am brimming with excitement. I'm. I'm. I would say over. Brimming. It's. I. So. But I do have. I have a couple anecdotes that I wanted to share as my tidings. One, the animal rescue has a lot of livestock, and I live in an area with a lot of mountain lions. And so here's how the animal rescue protects the livestock. They have an attack emu and an attack llama, and they literally are there for protection. Oh, my God.

[Lindy West]

Do they work together or are they solo artists?

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

They're in separate pens. Yeah. Um, but they are there for protection because, like, the llama will not let anyone hurt Henrik the pig, you know, and it is so freaking cute. So that is a thing that I didn't know about, that an emu will just fuck up a big cat.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you know that the emu part checks out to me because I follow somebody on TikTok who's got, like, an emu that is always trying to actually murder her. Yeah, she has a kind of an animal form, and she has this incredible ability to, like. So she'll just be talking to her phone and being like, okay, it's day. You know, it's a Friday on Sunnybrook Farm. And then the emo will just be behind her, and then she'll just be like, stop. And its entire beak will be an inch from her face. And, like, they're. They're terrifying.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

They are terrifying. And do you know, actually, that there are two famous emu women on TikTok, and they're both. They're both lesbian emu farmers. But then it came out that one of them was maga and the other one was.

[Luke Burbank]

I hope I'm not following the Maga.

[Lindy West]

I wonder which one was the Maga one.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I don't know.

[Lindy West]

I was just looking this up because I was like, yeah, what is that emu's name? It has, like, a funny name, like Deirdre or something.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Yeah.

[Lindy West]

And then this thing came up where it's like, there's two of them. There's two famous emus.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Watch out.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are there any undecided emus out there?

[Luke Burbank]

Persuadable emu?

[Lindy West]

Any RFK voters in the mix?

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

So, okay, so we got it. The. Oh, the emu is. Never mind. Okay. I was, like, going to give some identify. Identifying information about the emu, but then I was like, I should try to not dox too hard. Yeah, well, you know, the emu deserves privacy. So then also, this is the really important thing that I want to talk about. So I feel like I grew up fat in a city and in my heart, I wanted. I was, like, born to be a horse girl, but I. It was just not an option for me. I never felt like that was an option. I felt like I don't. I didn't know where to find a horse. I didn't feel like I was allowed to get on one. But I feel obsessed with them. Oh, and there was a horse named Sriracha, and it sniffed. It sniffed me, and it went. It was so cute. Beautiful horse.

[Lindy West]

Solid horse. And press, by the way.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Oh, yeah. And then they have. So they have, like a barn, like a paddock, where a nice horse named Sriracha might sniff you. And then they have, like, the bad boy paddock, barn, where, like, the mean horses live that you can't go near because they were horribly abused. But. So there's like two horses and a pig that are just like. Like a. Like a mean clique that live in this other barn.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do they smoke? Do they smoke cigarettes? I can totally picture this.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

They're wearing leather jackets. They're riding skateboards. And I know what you're thinking. Does a horse stand up on its hind legs and ride a skateboard like a man? No. A horse has four skateboards, one for each.

[Andrew Walsh]

Fine line between that and roller skates. Do you know that I. And not to take away from your tidings, but it wasn't until I think maybe about seven days ago that Luke brought it to my attention that a centaur has six limbs. I think my whole life I've been picturing it one of two ways. Either it's like all hooves are on the ground, and it just has, like, kind of a neck and a head or maybe two hooves on the ground and then like a, you know, bow and arrow thing. I didn't realize. We're talking four on the ground, two in the air. We're talking six.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Andrew. Andrew. How else could it possibly be? You have to. You have to think for a second. If it's no, no human arms, then what you have is like a worm.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

No offense to people that don't have arms. I don't think you're a worm, but.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I've gotten down a bad road.

[Andrew Walsh]

I just said, no, no, keep digging.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

There's only one possible way that a centaur could be.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I just hadn't fully.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

It's creepy though. It's six legged. Like a bug though it is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hadn't occurred to me. I mean, I was looking up all kinds of images of centaurs to prove Luke wrong and they all just kept on coming up six.

[Luke Burbank]

I wondered why you got sort of.

[Andrew Walsh]

Quiet for a while.

[Luke Burbank]

There is, there is a thing that happens on the show where if Andrew or I assert something and then the other person is like, I don't know about that. Then the other person does sort of go into a quiet moment of quietly googling to try to collect some exculpatory information. Do you guys be back?

[Lindy West]

Yes. I would also like to say this happened just the other day when Lindy was like, I forget why you were mad about it. Oh, you were mad because the hockey team, the Kraken has some ad that was bothersome to you.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I want to tell it.

[Lindy West]

I want to say you were like, the Kraken. This doesn't even make sense because the Kraken is famously from Greece. And I was like, the Kraken is famously from Greece. And she's like, yeah, yeah, duh.

[Luke Burbank]

He's Greek coded.

[Lindy West]

Then we looked it up. He's absolutely not from Greece. He's one of Lindy's cousins from Norway.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

In your face, dude. Okay, really quick. I don't. I'm not going to talk for the rest of the time once I do this and then my tidying. But what I was saying was the Kraken has an ad that's like coming up from the depths or something. It's oak. Out of the deep comes the Kraken. And I was like, hockey is. Lives on the frozen water and the Kraken lives in the liquid water. And you can't. They're fundamentally opposed. You can't have the Kraken. You can't. The Kraken cannot live in the ice rink and the hockey team cannot play hockey on under the Ocean. And I. It.

[Andrew Walsh]

I.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

The internal logic doesn't work. And then I said, I guess you could if it was the. If the ocean was frozen, you could play hockey on it and have liquid water underneath. But then I said that the Kraken.

[Lindy West]

Was famously from Greece and the Mediterranean would never freeze. And then there was some. Although this was happening over text, but there was some quiet Googling going on. I was like, famously, you committed from Greece.

[Luke Burbank]

The classic blunder, Lindy, that I do often, which is like, I'm actually making an okay point, or I have one fact correct. Like on the show the other day, I was talking about Skid Row, not the band Andrew had brought up the band Skid Row. And then I went on to my. The famous Seattle association with that, with the history of that, of that. And then of course, I like, placed it in the wrong century and, like, said it was Hoover. I was just wrong about so much. It was like. But there's that moment of like, you kind of like you have a fish on the line. You're like, oh, I'm saying something here. This is working. And then I never quit while I'm ahead.

[Lindy West]

Just. No, Sometimes the vibes are more important than accuracy. Actually, I'm going to go ahead and say that vibes are always more important than accuracy. When you're gisting. That's not a fact that you're not in the zone of facts. You're in the zone of gisting. Leave it alone.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I think, I think that what is important here, the takeaway, is that everyone needs to understand that a podcast is fundamentally a competition and the. The goal is to beat your friend. Okay, let me finish my. Let me. Let me tide for two more minutes. Other thing I want to say, because everything is a court case, an open court case, you're not allowed to take pictures of most of the animals. And so there was like a whole room full of puppies that had come from a hoarding situation. And on the door it said no photographs were part of an open court case and we're in witness protection.

[Lindy West]

Unfortunately, that would only want. Make me want to take more.

[Luke Burbank]

Was it witness ption?

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

It should have been. It should have been. Luke. There also is a full time. There's one full time raccoon that is not hidden away in the. She can't be released because she has a neurological problem. Her name's Miss Kitty and she. She does not live in the wildlife rehab area. So I did get to take her picture and I will be feeding her lettuce at some point. And. And then the last thing I want to say, and this is like kind of a sad part of the story, you know, it's. It's been a lot of laughs up until now. This part I was slightly disrespected by the volunteer coordinator. I.

[Luke Burbank]

Who is a lemur.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Yes. So there were like six of us there, by the way, just 100% white women between the ages of 42 and 62. And then at the end after the tour, the volunteer coordinator went around and was like, who, okay, so could. I would love to hear each of your, you know, impressions of the facility and what you think you might be interested in helping out with. So I said, oh yeah, I said this, I mentioned this earlier. I never finished my thought that I always felt like a horse girl in my heart, but I don't have any way to pet a horse or be sniffed by a horse. And so I was like, I'm really up for anything. I just love animals. My husband won't let me get any more animals. And so I whined about it to the point where he was like, oh my God, just go volunteer at the animal shelter. Jesus Christ. And but I, you know, I love all animals. I'm happy to help out with whatever. And I guess I wanted her to look at me and be like, look at those frickin shoulders. We need you, we need you out in the paddock shoveling the shit. And like, we're like, we're, oh, I can't believe you're here. You're ready, you're ready to move in any direction and like you're going to be our go to guy. And, and instead she was like, okay, I think we'll start you in the kitten room socializing the kittens.

[Lindy West]

And I was like, what did I just say?

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I, I was just like kind of insulted. Like, I was like, but because everyone else, she was like, okay, I want you to walk the big dogs. You have to take a special dog walking class to learn about the. And then she was like, you are going to work with the livestock. Because like everyone else got like a hardcore job. And she looked at me and she was like, I got to. I'm going to put this idiot in with the fucking cats that you can't mess up.

[Lindy West]

Well, can I tell you something? You should not be offended by that. I used to foster kittens and it's one of the spiciest jobs you'll ever have. They are very, very rude. And here's the best part of socializing kittens. So first of all, everyone should know all cats come from outside. Every single cat, you know, was born in a trash can outside somewhere. And the trick is to get them back inside before they go too feral. But all cats are Outside cats, it's just you. They're not all feral, but you gotta catch them. You gotta catch them at the right phase so that you can make them normal. Ish in their minds. So basically, when you are socializing a kitten, you just grab it and you make it let you pet it. And so half the time, they'll be hissing at you and purring at the same time. That's the sweet spot. That's how you know you're doing your job. It is not easy. You will love it.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

There's so much job you'll ever love.

[Lindy West]

I mean. Yeah. Who. Who rescued who, Lindy? Okay, I know.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I know that I. That I love it. And I hate using a shovel and being in the rain. Like, I don't. But I just. I felt like she was calling me weak. I felt like she was making fun of me, you know, Here's a butterfly net.

[Lindy West]

It's spicy. Kittens to its spiciest warriors.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

This is the same.

[Lindy West]

This is a big job for you.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

That makes me feel better. And she was like, you know, if you're in the cat room, you'll. You'll meet everyone from the other departments, and then you can, like, get to know them, and then maybe you can branch out. I was like, okay, so I. I'm gonna do that. Obviously. Obviously, what I want to do is play with kittens. Yes. I just want. I want people to see me as robust.

[Lindy West]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

They didn't give you an ant farm and tell you to take care of that. And then let's see where it goes.

[Lindy West]

That's what I would have the files, like, do the filing.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Oh, I just want to say one last thing that was humiliating, which is that she called on me first out of the group when she was like, I want to hear. And so then I. I didn't know, like, what this was supposed to be like. And so then I talked for, like, five minutes. I don't know if you guys have experienced that from me. I was like, here's my. Here's what I'm like, here's my life. Here's my job. Here's who I am.

[Lindy West]

Hello.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I was like, I kind of. I love dogs, and I love cats, but I love all animals. And I also love horses that I would love to. I love a goat, and I love a. You know, whatever. And then she moved on to the next person, and they were just like horses, like, everyone else in the circle was just like, I like dogs. I'd like to work with. I'd like to work with dogs. So I, Part of me is like, you could never go back there because I do feel like I made a fool of myself.

[Luke Burbank]

But part of me, you have to go back. I'm living vicariously through you because you have. This is like I've. I've been also really, really wanting to like, either get an additional pet. I have one cat that doesn't even live with me right now. I'm not even on speaking terms with the cat. It's at my girlfriend's house in Portland because I'm gone too much. But I deeply want to get another animal because I just have some emotional void. But it makes no sense because of my sort of work travel and it hadn't even occurred to me. Yeah, just go volunteer, Go be around animals. I wonder though, if you make a strong emotional connection, then the, like, you know, saying goodbye to that animal if they get adopted out or you know, the case, the judge rules in the case. Like, how are you preparing for that part of it?

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I don't know. It's gonna be horrible. I'm already. It took 10 seconds. There is a three legged black cat named Tiny that, that only says squeak squeak and not meow. And, and like, first of all, I.

[Luke Burbank]

Would die for Tiny. I just found out about Tiny.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

It would also die. I came home and I was like, I'm so sorry. I petted a cat for 10 seconds. And that's my cat and that's actually my doctor.

[Lindy West]

It's actually my daughter. I actually gave birth to her. He missed it.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

But I, you know, they all, there's all these statistics that like, people don't adopt black cats. And I'm like, I will save Tiny's life and Tiny, Tiny will be my Tiny baby. But then I came home and I said that and then aham immediately got mad at me. He was like, why can't you just, why can't it just be a nice thing that you went to the animal shelter? Like, why does it have to be a guilt trip that you bring home that I won't let Tiny come live here and now I'm the bad guy? I was like, yeah.

[Lindy West]

Also, are you allergic to cats?

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Yes. My eyes like almost swelled shut for the whole rest of the night.

[Andrew Walsh]

But wait a second, you can't be in the cat room.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Yeah, I can, I can. I just got.

[Lindy West]

She's not gonna tell. She's not gonna tell that lady she's allergic to cats.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Oh, you guys, there was a line on the, on the, on the form, the waiver, it says, any allergies I said n A and I lied. I did a fraud. But I can just take a pill. I can just take an allergy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Na stand for nasty allergies. Just nasty, nasty allergies. Don't put me in the ca.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

That's what I'm going to. That's what I'm going to tell the judge when they find the perjury charges.

[Lindy West]

Oh my God.

[Andrew Walsh]

I have a question for you. I mean, one of the most shocking parts of the story that has a lot of twists and turns is that you're part of a recruiting class. I thought for sure you were just going to show up and you were going to be like, hey, how can I join the fold? But like, what? This is like, this could be like a 1980s movie. Yeah, this is like Police Academy for breakfast. Animals.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Yes. Yeah, I know. It was like Saturday morning, we, we all gathered for the. For detention.

[Lindy West]

To animal detention, you know. Yeah, yeah.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

So apparently they get well. So there was recently a very famous hoarding case. Very famous. There was a big hoarding case, like in the area where this, this frickin rescue had to take in 150 cats in one day. Oh my God. And 40 dogs. And so I think they have gotten an influx of volunteers and so they have.

[Lindy West]

Also everyone's depressed and sad and wants to be around animals.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like what you said about the demo showing up on this Saturday, Wendy was telling.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lindy West]

A bunch of Kamala voters.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Yeah. Literally. Yeah. One of them had a bumper sticker on her car that was the Trump font. But then I said pee, pee poo poo.

[Lindy West]

That woman was Lindy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, so you have a new best friend.

[Lindy West]

Can I say my tiding because it's kind of related. Actually, Andrew, when you said ant farm, it got me thinking about my tiding because mine is also animal related if you think about it. So I, my stress has taken the form of like filling my home with house plants even though I'm not great at keeping them alive. Although I've had better luck of late. But here's what, here is the terror that has befallen me most recently. My house plants are infested, you guys. Infested to the brim with fungus gnats. And they're disgusting and they're very annoying and they, the British call fungus gnats like buzzy facey boys or something because they're always flying around, like right here in between both of your eyeballs. They're really obnoxious. So I got like fly traps and the fly traps became like full of fungus gnats. Then I got these things called mosquito bits where you make this, like, bacteria slurry that's supposed to. That's what the British mosquito bits. Exactly. That's actually. That's what they call cookies, and they're terrible. And so, like, I was like, I think I got a little. I got a little over my skis because the mosquito bits were pretty effective. So I was like, I've done it. I've eradicated the fungus gnat infestation, and I stopped using the mosquito bits. And you'll never guess temptal. What happened. The fungus gnats.

[Luke Burbank]

They're back.

[Lindy West]

They're back, baby. They. And they've humbled me. There's so many of them, and they're all flying around right here in front of my eyeballs at all times. Oh. So I had. I felt like I don't want to bring in pesticides. You know, I've got a bunch of pets, and I feel like pesticides don't even really work for this anyways, so I was like, you know, searching up what to do about this, and I came across something called beneficial nematodes. And they are these little microscopic buggies that you put in the dirt. And they are apparently very efficient predators. They just like, zoom around your houseplants and eat all the fun, and they just keep eating fungus gnats until there are no fungus gnats left. So I was like, okay, I'm ready to take the leap with the beneficial nematodes. So I ordered them.

[Luke Burbank]

Are they like sea monkeys? Does it show you a happy family of nematodes?

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Like, a little bit.

[Lindy West]

They're like. They're just sort of like, come in, like a little case full of powder, and you're like, I guess that's them.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know. The mom looked hot. The mom looked hot in the comic book.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Very patriarchal. It's like a classic. Glasses, a little blazer.

[Lindy West]

I know, it's crazy. So I ordered the beneficial nematodes. I ordered like 200 million of them, and they came in a little box.

[Luke Burbank]

Must be nice to be rich.

[Lindy West]

I know. I. Well, not everybody gets to be a magic mind ambassador. Anyways, so I use my magic mind money to buy 200 million beneficial nematodes. And then. Anyway, so then I kind of forgot about it. And then I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. I almost always ignore them, but this one didn't say potential spam, and it was a D.C. number. And it's just, like, not typical that you get, like a spam call from a 202 number. I just thought that was weird. So I answered it, and this lady on the other. I said, hello. And this lady on the other end goes, hi. And I said, hi. Hello. And she goes, is this Megan? And I said, yes, who is this? And she was like, megan, I got a package delivered to me, and I don't want it. I don't want these buggies, Megan. Come get your little buggies. Come get your buggies, Megan. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? Like, who is this person and what is she talking about? And then I started to put it together. She lives at the same number address as me, except two streets down. And so she'd gotten my package of beneficial nematodes. And I was like, what buggies? And she's like, I don't want this in my house. Because at first I was like, what do you mean you don't want my package? You got something delivered to you that was for me, and you opened it and decided you didn't want it. And I was like, what the hell, lady? But she was like, I don't want these buggies in my house. And then I realized she was talking about the beneficial nematodes. So I'm like, oh, well, they're not really bugs. And she goes, I don't care. I don't want this.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's a fair response.

[Lindy West]

Yeah. And she was like, I think it goes without saying she was very high on marijuana. So she was like, like. So she was very much like, come get these buggies, Megan. I don't want these buggies.

[Luke Burbank]

And so had she released them into the atmosphere?

[Lindy West]

Well, at first I thought maybe she had, in fact, opened the package. And, like, I couldn't figure out how did she know what was in it? How did she get my number? Like, how did she know what my name is? So I go. I go over there. I was like, can I come get them right now? Oh, she goes. She goes, do you want me to put them in the freezer? And I was like, what? No, I was like, I'll just come over right now. I'll just come get them. So I go over there, and I got to meet her dog, a pit mix named Callie. Very cute, by the way. And she came out in sort of like a almost like comic book mom outfit. Like, she was wearing, like, a pink fluffy robe and a bonnet. And I was like, this lady deserved to have a relaxing day off. She got stuck with my buggies and my. And my Weird ass coming to her house to get them. So I go in there and I was like, hey, I'm just here to get my package. And she goes, I don't want this. I don't want these buggies. No, I know. And so I'm like, I'm trying to apologize. And she's like, okay. And she's like, literally, like, doing that, like, using her hands sort of like, usher me out. And I was like, they're not really bugs. And she's like, have a good one.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Have a good one.

[Lindy West]

So I look at the package, and they, of course, they had sent it to her, and they send it to me with a huge sticker on the outside that says, live insects.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, keep cold.

[Lindy West]

And I was like, oh, no. She really thought I was ordering some sort of, like, exotic cockroaches or something.

[Luke Burbank]

Crickets to feed to your boa constrictor.

[Lindy West]

I know, yeah. Or, yeah, like live mice or whatever. And so. And my phone number was on the outside of the package, thank God. So she was able to call me and be like, come get your buggies. And I can't. For as long as I live, I will never stop thinking about her saying, come get your buggies, Megan. I don't want these buggies. I don't want it.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I don't want your little buggies, Megan.

[Lindy West]

I don't want your little buggies, Megan. And I was like, they're not bugs. And she's like, I don't care.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Get out. Anyways, can we.

[Lindy West]

The nematodes have been applied to my houseplants.

[Luke Burbank]

What do they look like?

[Lindy West]

It really, it. Like the box is very tiny for 200 million, you know, and it's just. It looks like cocaine, if I'm being honest. It's like white powder. And then you just sort of put them in the dirt, and then you water the dirt, which disperses them, like, I guess awakens them from their slumber. And so. So far, so good. I haven't seen a fungus gnat in a couple of days.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did you rub a little bit of it on your gum to make sure that it was pure nematodes?

[Lindy West]

Oh, yeah. I was like, that's good.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's the only way to do that I'm worried about.

[Lindy West]

This is from Miami.

[Andrew Walsh]

I am worried about this situation. There's no way this doesn't end with you not having some sort of an aardvark problem. Like, I read this story as a kid. Like, it's going to escalate.

[Luke Burbank]

We're in little old woman territory.

[Lindy West]

Yeah, yeah, very much. If you give a mouse a cookie, it's giving, it's giving. Then you got to give them a milk. And it's like the nematodes are going to become increasingly demanding. I don't know what's going to happen, but we'll see. I'll keep, I'll keep everybody posted.

[Luke Burbank]

I was going to. I recommend the nematodes, I think are probably a better, a more holistic, you know, sort of naturopathic remedy. I was going to suggest that you use this thing that I have, which is like a blue light that you put this. So what it is, is you plug it into, like I have, like, on my kitchen counter. You plug it in. It's like a little blue light that shines up on this little paper square, and you slide the paper square into the blue light device so that it's that kind of blue that bugs really, really get obsessed with. But the side of the paper is the stickiest.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

You mean like my eyes? Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

It's called Lindy West Blue. And, and, and, and the, you know, so it's basically having a blue light, but it's not zapping the bugs. They just get stuck to it. And I thought this was some, you know, bull crap or whatever, but I was, you know, impulse buying at Home Depot or something, and I plugged it in and I came out the next day and there was like a thousand. And it's. It's like bugs of every. Yeah, like the Noah's Ark of bugs. It's like there's big ones and there's a little ones and there's like. I had no idea this many bugs were living in my kitchen, but they're all stuck on there. And that's the downside, is you have to reckon with the destruction. Like, the nematodes are just eating the bugs. I. When I change this thing, I change, like every few days. I have to come face to face with the destruction that I have created.

[Lindy West]

Your victims, you've serially killed millions. I have innocent families.

[Luke Burbank]

And I have to tell you, I don't want to, you know, paint myself in too much glory here, but there are times now that I'll see a bug and he's walking along the lake counter like the backsplash, and he's going towards. And I'm like, nothing good that way, buddy.

[Lindy West]

Don't do that.

[Luke Burbank]

I will literally swipe them away from the thing that I know will kill them. It's one thing if it happens when I'm sleeping. I can't.

[Lindy West]

That's not your business.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. That's between them and their God. I can't, I cannot look at another living creature, even if it's a stupid bug, and know that it's going towards its death and let it happen.

[Lindy West]

Like, I don't want to watch it, you know, I don't want to see it happen.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. Okay, so.

[Lindy West]

So yeah, so Lindy and I are ass deep in animals. What's up with you two?

[Luke Burbank]

You have 200 million new animals in your life.

[Lindy West]

That's true. Lindy, tell AHAM200 microscopic animals you're an animal hoarder.

[Luke Burbank]

Can I tied in next, please?

[Lindy West]

Yes, please.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, my first one wasn't really a tidings, it was just a question. Should I leave my Harris Wall sign up for four years? Because where I live it's like I'm really behind enemy lines here. And in fact, putting the sign up caused me more agita than I'm proud of because like, I live in a place where someone could really just be like, you know, at the least kick your sign over and at the most, do something kind of a little dicey. But now that it's been up, I cannot bring myself to go pull that thing out of the ground.

[Lindy West]

No, it's too sad.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

It's.

[Luke Burbank]

It really feels like another, another, you know, sort of trauma or something. So it's just out there and I'm like, is it going to be there for four years? And maybe I should just leave it there for four years as a reminder.

[Lindy West]

I would just leave it. You could always do. You could become like that. The guy in Clellum who always has the rotating maga signs. Like you could start adding stuff to it. Like at the top you could be like, don't blame me, I voted for.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's kind of part of it, right, Is I do not want this country to become the place that I very much fear it will become or go more towards.

[Lindy West]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But there is a perverse sense of like wanting people to remember that they did this to us and themselves, which is a shitty, just a shitty way for me to process this grief is.

[Lindy West]

To be, yeah, it sucks.

[Luke Burbank]

I hope your life sucks. And I hope you remember that I made the right call.

[Lindy West]

I mean, you never want to be in a situation where you're like, I mean, I saw a lot of this after that was like, you're going to get what you deserve. And I was like, I don't think anyone deserves what's coming. I don't think anyone deserves that. And you, you never want to feel that way, especially not about your neighbors. But it's also like I tried to tell you, it's a difficult emotion to feel both like the information was available. And I don't know why you chose this, but I also don't think anything really bad should happen to you, although it will. But something bad is going to happen to all of us.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, maybe I leave it up to the midterms and then if we lose the midterms, then I leave it up for. I'll just. I'm going to take it on a two year. Yeah, a two year basis. Okay.

[Lindy West]

Well, they're saying that Kamala might run for governor of California. So you could leave it up for that. You could do like long distance support in Southern Washington.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm like state north of that. I'm almost.

[Lindy West]

And walls. Who knows what could happen to walls in 2028. Luke, you're just be ahead of the curve.

[Andrew Walsh]

Luke. Before I could, I could hear you getting ready to move on, but I actually would like to stay here for one minute if you don't mind, because I have a similar question regarding bumper stickers. Because I was behind a car yesterday.

[Luke Burbank]

You have your visualized Ballard sticker on still, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

I read it. I have Keep North Aurora weird. I don't know if that's interesting.

[Luke Burbank]

No.

[Andrew Walsh]

But is bumper sticker technology the same technology as it was growing? Like, I grew up in the 80s and it was my understanding we were a non bumper sticker household. It was my understanding that there was nothing worse you could do to a car than put a bumper sticker on it. Because that is like a tattoo, right. That is like never, ever, ever coming off. And I was behind a car yesterday that was, you know, a Harris bumper sticker. And it did give me like kind of the bad, you know, just gave me the bad feeling in my stomach. And I thought about the person driving that car and how they feel getting in that car every day. And I was wondering, like, well, is there recourse? Like, we all know that election cycles, good or bad, are going to be, you know, cyclical. Two or four years usually. So what is the plan for a political bumper sticker? When you slap one of those on your car, are you just locked in for life?

[Lindy West]

Yeah. I mean, so my very first car was a 1987 Volvo sedan. And I put a Carrie Edwards sticker on that motherfucker like you wouldn't believe. And I left it on until Obama. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Lindy West]

Because there's a little bit of like a little bit, maybe a little Bit of, like, hipster pride about it, where I was like. I tried to tell you a little bit, like, what you're saying, Luke. I was like. And I just kept it on the car. I think it kind of depends on where you live, too, because there's a lot of anger and hate out in the world. You might want to cover it up with something else.

[Andrew Walsh]

Maybe you have to cover it up, though. That's your only recourse. You can't peel them.

[Lindy West]

Okay, you can peel them off. I mean, that's why you should put them on your window. Easier to get them off the window.

[Luke Burbank]

Because I have my razor blade.

[Lindy West]

Yeah, I used to have my Carrie Edwards sticker. And then to the left of that was my stone cold Steve Austin Whoop Ass101 sticker. Both stayed on the car for the entire life of the car, basically. But you can always cover it up. But these days, you know, they have magnets. If you don't want to commit, you can get a car magnet instead, and they're much easier to take off.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I had a. I put a Carrie Edwards sticker on my car in 2004, and then later I sold the car to my aunt. And then I saw the car, and she had, like, sort of violently ripped it off. It was like, half, but I. I don't even think. I'm sure she voted. I don't know. Maybe she doesn't vote, but, like, she's not like a Republican, but I think she was. She just didn't want it on there. She was, like, embarrassed. I don't know. I was, like, hurt.

[Lindy West]

My John Edwards did ultimately become very embarrassing. So maybe she just was like, I don't like the way he.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Maybe she was. She was trying to rip the Edwards.

[Luke Burbank]

Elizabeth Edwards. It was an Elizabeth.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Yeah. She stands.

[Luke Burbank]

I love seeing, particularly in Seattle, growing up in Seattle, I love seeing an old car, like, with just all the different things that this person has thrown their weight behind as the sort of, like, rings on a tree or the sedimentary layers, like Dukakis. And, you know, like, just whether it's candidates or, you know, Greenpeace, like, issues that are kind of especially salient at some point.

[Lindy West]

A random Gregoire thrown in for local measure.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, I, you know, I have a lot of tattoos and a lot of tattoos that I haven't really thought through very much. And I always sort of describe it as just being, like, having a sense of hopefulness about the world, like, as opposed to. And this is me just justifying that. I have a lot of tattoos. I haven't thought through, but, like, being like, you know, I don't know, maybe I won't like it someday, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it or something. It's kind of just a reminder of things, Things that I've thought in my life at some point. So I don't know. I think I like the idea of leaving them up just as a reminder.

[Lindy West]

Yeah, just leave it up.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

My mom's obsessed with those. The magnets. And she loves to have a magnet on her car to help her identify her car because she drives a very generic car. And so then she wanted to get me into the magnet, so she bought me a stack of magnets. And, like, they were fine, but I was like, except, no, no, they weren't fine.

[Lindy West]

They weren't fine. There was one really crazy one.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Yes. So the magnet that she wanted, and then she was mad when I didn't put this on my car. It said, honk if you banged my mom. I was like, yeah, put that on my car.

[Lindy West]

What is wrong with you?

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

You know what?

[Lindy West]

I'm with your mom on this one. You fucked up. You should have put that on your cart immediately. It's so funny. It's so funny.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I still have it.

[Luke Burbank]

I had no idea your mom had that sort of sense of humor, Lindy. I mean, seriously.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I mean, it's a little outside the box for her, I gotta say. It's a little bit.

[Lindy West]

It's a little bit outre.

[Luke Burbank]

I also have some bad news, Lindy. Honk.

[Lindy West]

Beep, beep. Oh, no.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Not all four of us. Okay, what's the next? What's the next?

[Luke Burbank]

It's. It's just a quickie, and it is that. And again, I don't. I'm still trying to understand fully how tidings works. This is, I think, time number three.

[Lindy West]

That we've done it.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Yes, you would be both, buddy.

[Luke Burbank]

But I will say that I am feeling like everybody and like most of the listeners, obviously, this sort of. There's a sense of dread around all of us at all times, and that really sucks. But I will tell you that I have actually. I am ahead of the game on Christmas presents this year, which has never happened to me before. I think something. Something inside of me needs, like, a safe place. And for some reason, that's like, Christmas music. Christmas shit, Which I know is a pretty basic. It's a pretty basic endeavor, but no, Christmas music rocks.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I love it.

[Lindy West]

It really gets you to the right place emotionally.

[Luke Burbank]

And, like, this idea that I think, you know, Instagram And Instagram shopping and also the TikTok shop. These are things that are probably overall making the world a worse place. But I have just been when I see something. In fact, I got Andrew something in the TikTok shop the other day for Christmas. We don't even do presents.

[Andrew Walsh]

What I was going to joke about. What do you get the podcast co host who has everything?

[Luke Burbank]

I got you something, Andrew. What?

[Lindy West]

I want to guess what it is, but I'm scared to guess it correctly. And then you won't be able to.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, if you guess it correctly, I will. I'll send you one as well. Try to guess.

[Lindy West]

Is it the bagel sweatshirt made by the old Jewish men in New York in their tiny shop? Okay. No, I already have one of those.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

So do I.

[Lindy West]

And it's a really cozy.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

And you got me one. I have one too. Yes.

[Lindy West]

Because they accidentally sent me four instead of two and they let me keep.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Oh, I thought you got me a present.

[Lindy West]

No, I mean, I got. But then I had four, so I was like, I'm just giving them out to everybody. But I got it for you. Also that I had three extra. Anyways, go on. Please continue.

[Luke Burbank]

What I've started doing now is because I'm being bombarded, particularly on Instagram. They really have me figured out as far as things that I am likely to try to buy, like, you know what I mean? Of all the different ways that the Internet tries to sell you shit, most of it's ineffective. Most of it is I'm reading the Washington Post and there's like a sidebar ad for, like, and it's like a really buff guy who's like 60, but he's wearing a T shirt that clearly the what's written on the T shirt just gets swapped out by some algorithm. And it'll just be, you know, like, I can't even give you a good example. But just like most of the shopping that is aimed at me, the. The commerce is so wildly off that it doesn't work.

[Lindy West]

It was always like. It's like, I got my grandpa's sense of humor and my grandma's gun and my mommy loves me. I went to Tennessee. You know what I mean?

[Luke Burbank]

It's like. And as I'm sure, as I said.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is that what you got me?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, shit, Megan, now you guessed it verbatim. But like. But like, Instagram, Instagram really kind of like, has me figured out, which kind of is a sucky feeling because I just think. I think, well, I'm very predictable, but I see things on Instagram all the time. And I go, that would be fun to have. Or now I'm thinking, hey, you know, who would like that? And I am. You know, typically what I've done is waited until the day before Christmas, and then I'm running. First of all, I just have anxiety because there's so many. I'm one of seven kids. I have a daughter, I have a girlfriend. There's a lot of people for me to buy. I have a co host. It's a lot of people for me to buy presents for, and I never do it. And it makes me. It means that part of the holiday season for me is just anxiety because I haven't done any of this. And what I've started to do is when I see something in the TikTok shop, like I did yesterday, and I think, I bet you, my friend Andrew would get a kick out of that. And I know this sounds like a message supporting consumerism, because that's what it is. I'm just saying. Also, Andrew, the thing I bought you was $4, so just don't get to.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, shit.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't understand the economics of how it's getting mailed to me from Malaysia.

[Lindy West]

Now I feel like. Now I feel like I do know what it is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, what is it? I just panic bought you a new stereo system because I heard you got.

[Luke Burbank]

Perfect.

[Lindy West]

I think it is a Christmas ornament of Tim Robinson. Robinson on the Megan.

[Luke Burbank]

That's exact. A fucking.

[Andrew Walsh]

I've been seeing.

[Luke Burbank]

I think you're only here for the zip line.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Lindy West]

Yeah, on the zip line. I just got served that yesterday.

[Luke Burbank]

I can't believe. I cannot believe it took you two guesses. That's exactly what I got, Fred.

[Lindy West]

I just got served that yesterday. And I like, I'm gonna buy that. Then I was like, I've never in my life, in my adult life purchased my own Christmas tree. I don't need a Christmas ornament. And then I was like, I'm gonna get the zip line.

[Andrew Walsh]

It hangs so perfectly. Thank you for thinking of me.

[Luke Burbank]

Perfect intersection of memes and Christmas ornaments. So. Yes. And that's what you. It's actually for you and Genevieve.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was gonna say, I can't wait to tell Genevieve, because she's the one who first showed that to me before it ended up in my own feed as well. So she will be psyched to hear that.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, so that's a bad example, because everyone's getting everyone that this year. But there's also. I got. I got my girlfriend something that actually Takes like three weeks to make. And I put the order in the other day and I was like, hey, look at that. That's. I mean, Lord willing and the creeks don't rise. That'll be here in time. I guess what I'm trying to say is if you are anxious out there and if you are someone who does have to do some holiday shopping and you see something being served to you and it seems like something someone would like, you might just check it off the list if you have the, you know, resources to do that. Because I am, I'm. This is the least, I mean again, globally, very stressed, Christmas wise, low stress. I mean, that's, that's, that's my tidings.

[Lindy West]

Yeah, it's cr. It's crazy. I'm the same where I feel like I, I do the ask app not to track, so I feel like kind of safe, you know. And then somehow Instagram is like, you idiot. You fool. You think we haven't been paying attention to what you've been double tapping?

[Luke Burbank]

Idiots. Yeah, you think, you think that you're gonna be able to stand up against a really cute old pennant that says Mellica Leaky Maca?

[Lindy West]

Is that what you think, idiot?

[Luke Burbank]

$80 that I recently ordered for myself.

[Lindy West]

Regularly getting got by like a vintage looking poster.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I just saw this video, this, I just watched this video of Kristen Bell being like, oh, I just ordered three things from targeted ads. I shouldn't have spent my money. I didn't need, I didn't need any of these things. And now these things are coming to my house. And I was like, oh, been there sister. And then she said, what the three, what the three things were? And one of them was like a. Well, first of all, all the things were great and I was like, oh yeah, but one, one of the things was like a bird feeder with a camera in it so you can see. And I was like, I'm so glad that this is her ranting about not buying stuff. And so it's not an ad and there's not a link to this product because I would buy this product. But Instagram knows it listens to the videos. And so then the next, the very next day I received the ad. The same ad that I'm sure she got that got her, that she got got by. And it's the frickin bird feeder with the camera in it. The specifically the one of the three things that I that like, how does it know? It didn't give me the other two, just gave me the one that I liked and I haven't bought it. I haven't bought it. I didn't click on it.

[Luke Burbank]

I bought it.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I might click on it. Does it work? I worry that.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know. I returned it. I bought it in a moment of like haste. And then it came and then I realized it was like 200 and something. The one I got was like 200 something dollars. Yeah, because it has a camera. It's like a whole thing. And then I was like. I was, I was just having one of those days where I was like actually looking at my bank account. I was like, this is not something we need to be spending $200 on. No, sent it right back. Boy. The UPS store in Longview, Washington, they know me well. I'm a return girly. I'm there every day with a real.

[Lindy West]

Norm situation every time.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. I emotionally buy things because I need to feel something. And then they get to my house and I'm like, no, no, no, no. We're driving this down the hill.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I love this.

[Lindy West]

I was thinking, I have gotten an ad for that too. And I was like, oh, that does sound nice. One, I don't really give a shit about birds at all. And two, it's just my.

[Luke Burbank]

Somebody finally said it.

[Lindy West]

I don't really care what they get up to. And two, in D.C. that's going to be full of rats by end of day one.

[Andrew Walsh]

So that becomes a rat cam.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Rat cam. That's incentive for me. I would love more rat cam.

[Luke Burbank]

DC is such a slept upon city for rats, everybody. The New York rats get all the attention. I know this rat I've ever seen in my life. I was sitting in an Uber. I was on Florida in D.C. and somebody's front yard was raised up and there was a rat that was easily the size of a small dog that was just like doing its thing. The scariest rats I've ever seen were when I lived in like Adams Morgan or dupont Circular.

[Lindy West]

Yeah, well, because they have little interconnected highways underneath, like Adams Morgan and dupont. They're terrifying. They eat people's car wires. I've heard of people having their cars totaled because of rat damage. Like brand new cars because replacing the wires was too expensive. And they can eat through garbage cans. I know this because there's a huge hole in my garbage can from where a rat ate into it.

[Andrew Walsh]

So this is something that we're dealing with right now. In fact, I almost brought it up when you were talking about kind of like having to deal with your infestation of your. Of your bugs. I don't know. I don't know what actually made me think of this earlier, but we have a detached garage that we do not park any cars. And it's very, very unfinished. You know, it's. I'm sure it's porous as heck. And we don't keep much in there, you know, in the way of things that rats would want to eat. Except for all of Genevieve, my girlfriend's, like, bird food and stuff. And some of that stuff comes, like, pre spicy. Do you guys know about this? Like, rodents don't like spicy things, but it doesn't affect the birds. So Genevieve gets, like, pre spiced stuff, so that's fine. But then she has these other things that she would keep in a big, thick, like. I'm gonna say, I don't know. It was like gladware, Tupperware. I don't know what it is. One of those big garage bins, right. Genevieve went out there the other day, and she says, well, the rats have gotten through it, and that doesn't mean that they, like, took off the lid carefully and set it aside and had a lunch. They just. They like. I don't even understand how they got through there. So now we're having this whole conversation in our house about, like, what is the proper way to deal with this? Because it's not like they're in our home where we should, you know, if there's like a. If there's some place where they're getting in, we should seal it up. Like, it's a really kind of crappy little garage that is not connected to our house. And so, you know, I don't want to be a bad partner, but I told Genevieve, like, pretty much straight up, like, I can't help with this, like, whatever decision.

[Luke Burbank]

I was like, genevieve, you are not adopting another animal.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right. Because Genevieve was like, do we do live? She's like, I don't know what to do. Are we going to do live traps or are we going to, like. And I just said, I don't really understand why you're using the word we here, because I can't explain to you enough, like, I can't be a part of this. But Genevieve was like, well, I really like the. You know, any kind of sticky trap is really inhumane. Any kind of trap that would kill them. She's like, I just don't think I can handle that. So the plan now, apparently, is to put live traps in there and Genevieve. And we live sort of near a really, really big cemetery here in town where there's a Lot of wild animals. And Genevieve's plan I guess is to trap these rats in like sort of a live cage situation and then walk them a couple of blocks down the neighborhood to release them into the cemetery. And to me I'm like, well that doesn't is what are we, what are we solving here? Because I don't feel like there's a big barrier between the out of doors in our neighborhood and the in of doors of our garage.

[Lindy West]

They're immediately giving them.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're just giving them a ride. It's just a field trip.

[Luke Burbank]

Not to mention the people in the cemetery. Mommy, where's granddad? He's in a better place being shit on by rats. That's right.

[Andrew Walsh]

He's a rat king now.

[Lindy West]

Covered by plague in the rat super highway.

[Andrew Walsh]

So I have no idea. I mean, I guess Genevieve's plan is to like sort of give him a ride to the cemetery. I said are you going to put him in the car or are you going to walk him over? I said I don't want to get into a car if I know a rats been in there, even if it's been in like a cage. And she said, I think the plan is to walk it over. And so now I am actually, I'm kind of delighted by this. I think Genevieve's got some real Ramona Quimby attributes. So I'm sort of like picturing a neighbor just sort of of peeking out their shade in the middle of the day and just seeing Genevieve walk by.

[Luke Burbank]

Walking around like a piece of yarn.

[Andrew Walsh]

Or a whole bunch of like a rat walker potentially. I'm not exactly sure how.

[Lindy West]

Yeah, like one of those cat strollers.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

But it's full of rats or those like you. Have you ever seen someone with like a bird and a clear plastic backpack, but it's just like a writhing ball of rats.

[Andrew Walsh]

So anyway, we're moving.

[Lindy West]

All right. Seems great.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

I hate to say this, but I gotta go soon because speaking of being prepared for holidays or not, I actually am cooking Thanksgiving dinner tonight. So it's 4:37. I have to go put start.

[Andrew Walsh]

Great. Let me just end with this. It's something I've been wanting to tell you guys and this was the only thing I had kind of queued up anyway, which is about 10 months ago I started getting a lot of emails from listeners of our show and your show saying that you went on a whole journey regarding a phrase that my uncle said when I was a kid. And I think you know what it is and it's one of my favorite Expressions of all time. Shaking like a dog shit in peach pits. Yes, Uncle Frank. Uncle Frunkle. If you're ever in Cleveland, Ohio, and you run into an Uncle Frunkle, that's the man I learned that phrase from.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

What?

[Lindy West]

It's so weird. You know what? We get a lot. I'm so sorry to say this, but you can all stop sending me that clip from Veep. I've seen it. It was on an episode of Veep where I think Matt Walsh's character says somebody was shaking like a dog shit in a peach pit. And people are like, re watching Veep. And so we get the clip in waves in our Instagram DMs, but I had never heard it before. So it was in this dumb movie that we got at Fred Meyer on VHS called Big and Hairy, where a boy becomes best friends with the Sasquatch who plays middle school basketball.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Not dumb. It's not dumb. It's not dumb, but it's not a Harry.

[Luke Burbank]

And is it part of the Harry and the Henderson verse?

[Lindy West]

But clearly someone was trying to cash in without violating Harry and the Hendersons.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

It's literally. It's literally dog. It's Harry and the Hendersons meets Air Bud because the Sasquatch is recruited to play middle school basketball. And that's how they win the championship. Because there's nothing in the rule book that says a Sasquatch can't play middle school basketball. That's a scene.

[Lindy West]

Look it up if you don't believe that.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

And that's in the Criterion Collection?

[Lindy West]

Yes, it's right next to Royal Tenenbaum and Citizen Kane. Anyway, so one of the characters says that the Sasquatch is all hunched over like a dog, pooping a peach pit. And we, for the longest time could not figure out what he was saying. We thought it was. He was saying grooming, which didn't make any sense, but neither did pooping. None of it made any sense. It was just not a saying either of us had ever heard. And so when we were still making our show with kuow, the crack reporting team at KUW tracked down the screenwriter, Brian Daly, and he called us. He called in to be like, it's pooping. And it was like the greatest day of our lives. It was amazing. But if we had known, we could have just called you.

[Andrew Walsh]

It wasn't the shaking part, though. He didn't make, because that was the thing my uncle kind of booth. My dad ran a kind of a fab shop. If a machine was shaking, he'd be like, that thing is Shaking like a dog in peach pits.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

It was being hunched. It was about being hunched.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I think the shaking. The shaking is the part that I've never been able to get out of my head. I heard about this first and only through Andrew and the idea of a dog shaking like it's shitting a pe. I mean, that's what's landed most of the dogs in the rescue that Lindy's volunteering.

[Lindy West]

That's why they're all in witness protection feeding them peach pits.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, well, sorry for bringing it up.

[Lindy West]

No, thank you.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Really quick, before we go, could you do an impression of your uncle saying it in like, you know, in the classic style?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, he's a pretty down. Well, he also, just for the record, introduced me to the phrase, it's raining harder than a cow pissing on a flat rock. Are you familiar with that one?

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

No.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that's another one. But honestly, he would say it like that. We're not that different. In fact, our hairlines are very, very remarkably the same these days.

[Lindy West]

That's good.

[Luke Burbank]

That's good.

[Lindy West]

Well, Timtal, thanks for having us.

[Luke Burbank]

This has been fun. Thanks for agreeing to do this. And one of my favorite activities on Instagram is watching Text Me Back perform at places that I've performed to much larger audiences. No, like the Reese and the Seattle Public Library and places like that. All places I've performed to half of full houses. Congrats on your success of late. It's awesome.

[Lindy West]

Thanks. And if you want to support our show, check us out. Patreon.com textmebackpod so that I don't have to work in politics anymore and we can just keep making podcasts forever. Thank you.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Bye. Oh, goodbye.

[Lindy West]

Oh, wait.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Bye.

[Lindy West]

I'm so sad. Also, this is our last show of 2024, so. Oh yeah, we're taking a month long break. I hope you do the same, listeners. And also Andrew and Luke.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey, if you guys are looking for something to listen to, come on over to tbtl. We're still making this shit five days.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

A week, so smart. Do that. Yeah, do that, do that. But yeah, we'll see you in January or you'll. You'll hear us in January in your ear holes.

[Lindy West]

That's how the sound goes.

[Luke Burbank]

Enjoy your. Enjoy your well earned a little break from the show.

[Lindy West]

Oh, ma.

[Megan Hatcher Mays]

Power out.