#4356 We’re Going To Need A Bigger Eye Clamp

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL Episode #4356 - "We’re Going To Need A Bigger Eye Clamp"

Release Date: December 10, 2024
Hosts: Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh
Title: "We’re Going To Need A Bigger Eye Clamp"

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1. Introduction to Luke's Eye Surgery

The episode kicks off with Andrew Walsh announcing Luke Burbank's recent eye surgery, setting the stage for an in-depth and candid discussion about the procedure.

Andrew Walsh [00:00]:
"Luke had some eye surgery today. Little procedure. We knew it was coming... he's going to join us here on the show in just a second."

Luke Burbank [02:15]:
"Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia on a very foggy day... and also, the minor eyelid surgery that I just had."

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2. Detailed Account of the Eye Surgery

Luke provides a comprehensive and personal account of his eyelid surgery, offering listeners a vivid portrayal of the experience. The conversation blends humor with genuine emotion, making the narrative both engaging and relatable.

Luke Burbank [05:47]:
"I knew that I was where I needed to be to try to deal with this whole situation... straight out of the 1989 movie the Batman."

Andrew Walsh [06:07]:
"Yes. My pants were off though, which is still kind of a weird move."

Luke Burbank [11:42]:
"This is a big one. I've got to go get a bigger eye clamp."
(Andrew echoes this line later for emphasis.)

Luke Burbank [16:29]:
"With all of which, I just gripped the chair tightly as tears flowed out of both eyes... it's like we're in this together."

---

3. Commentary on the Luigi Mangione Shooting Case

The hosts pivot to discussing a high-profile case involving Luigi Mangione, drawing parallels between personal experiences and broader societal issues, particularly within the healthcare system.

Luke Burbank [40:44]:
"The Top Story is probably this whole I situation... Luigi Mangione, who very much appears to be me."

Andrew Walsh [60:19]:
"I feel like this might be a super appropriate voicemail to play at the end of the show because we talked about some pretty gruesome things."

Luke Burbank [63:38]:
"This healthcare thing is sui generis. It's just like the only thing like this, I think, where everyone was just like, had it coming."

---

4. Reflections on the Healthcare System and Corporate Responsibility

Andrew and Luke delve into the ramifications of the Mangione case, emphasizing the public's frustration with the healthcare system and corporate greed.

Andrew Walsh [65:06]:
"I feel like there's a hatred in many ways of the airline industry... but this healthcare thing is the only thing like this."

Luke Burbank [66:23]:
"I've as well. Exactly. So it's... Is the Indie. The ... "

(Note: The transcript contains moments of overlapping dialogue and spontaneous thoughts, making some sections less coherent.)

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5. Donor Acknowledgements

The hosts take a moment to recognize and thank their generous donors, highlighting the community support that makes the show possible.

Luke Burbank [35:00]:
"What I know is that you don't know. Can I clarify something here because I feel like we have not talked about blackface and the history of blackface enough during this segment. No, I mean it just seems like it's like hand in a glove..."

Andrew Walsh [35:36]:
"Me, too. I've been to Bend."

---

6. Listener's Spooky Story: A Haunting Encounter

A listener shares a chilling tale about his father's unexplained experiences in a rural Illinois home, adding a supernatural element to the episode.

Listener Voicemail [66:40]:
"So I know I'm late to this, but every time I thought about this story, it was late at night and I was too scared to call in... So when I brought this up to my dad, he thought it was a test of his faith and blah, blah, blah."

Andrew Walsh [71:46]:
"Every time the caller said, my, the hair on my arms is going up, mine was already standing up."

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7. Concluding Banter and Final Thoughts

The episode wraps up with light-hearted banter about music, clarinets, and playful exchanges, providing a relaxed end to an otherwise intense discussion.

Luke Burbank [82:37]:
"I finally opened my third eye. Yeah."

Andrew Walsh [86:33]:
"Yeah, yeah, exactly. So that's the one thing that is kind of like..."

Luke Burbank [87:02]:
"Thanks for listening, everyone. We are going to be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. Please do join us for that."

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Key Insights and Conclusions

• Transparency and Vulnerability: Luke's open discussion about his eye surgery fosters a genuine connection with listeners, emphasizing the importance of honesty in personal experiences shared on the show.

• Critical Examination of Healthcare: The conversation surrounding Luigi Mangione's case serves as a catalyst for critiquing the healthcare system, highlighting societal frustrations with corporate influence and the consequences of profit-driven policies.

• Community Engagement: Through donor acknowledgements and listener interactions, the episode underscores the significance of community support in sustaining independent media platforms like TBTL.

• Balancing Seriousness with Levity: Despite tackling heavy topics such as surgery and societal critiques, the hosts maintain a balance with humor and light-hearted conversations, ensuring the content remains engaging and relatable.

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Notable Quotes

• Andrew Walsh [00:04]:
  "I just wanted to say that as we talk about his procedure on the show, Luke pulls no punches."

• Luke Burbank [06:10]:
  "All right, a fully nude shaven."

• Luke Burbank [16:57]:
  "And then he was like, yeah, we're almost there."

• Andrew Walsh [60:19]:
  "I feel like this might be a super appropriate voicemail to play at the end of the show..."

• Listener Voicemail [66:40]:
  "I saw a face behind him in the mirror. And so obviously my dad freaks the fuck out..."

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This episode of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live masterfully intertwines personal anecdotes, societal critiques, and listener stories, offering a multifaceted listening experience. Luke and Andrew's dynamic interplay ensures that each topic is explored with depth, humor, and authenticity, making it a compelling episode for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, TBTail listeners. It's me, Andrew.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey.

[Andrew Walsh]

Luke had some eye surgery today. Little procedure. We knew it was coming. He's fine, by the way. He's great. He's going to join us here on the show in just a second. I just wanted to say that as we talk about his procedure on the show, Luke pulls no punches. He describes in great detail what it was like to have a pretty uncomfortable procedure done on his eye while he's awake. So if this is the type of thing that you feel like might be upsetting, just be warned. You might want to skip to about. I don't know, like, the half hour part of the show and get past all the Dr. Y stuff. I don't think it's too bad, but I thought you might want to know in advance. I'm a squeamish guy. All right. Enjoy the show.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, it is daunting, but I did some research on amicable breakups. I visited www.ladiesgoodhealthmag.com, sex, relationships, 867-599-904-9432 and 28. HTML. Do you know that site? Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

TBTL.

[Luke Burbank]

Is this a thing people care about?

[Andrew Walsh]

No. Was my underwear showing when I was climbing down the tree? I wore my Thursdays. Cause my Saturdays had a case of the Mondays, if you know what I mean.

[Luke Burbank]

It's some. It's a meme. Ish.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's a meme. I actually couldn't think of the word meme for a second. I could only think of the word dank. Weird. I just want to use my muscles.

[Luke Burbank]

And my mind into your number one guy. Using my muscles and my mind. I don't use foul language, and I don't like to hear anyone else use it either.

[Andrew Walsh]

Come on. Is that even a celebrity?

[Luke Burbank]

He's no Roy Donk, but he was a regular guest on the Colgate Hour. Stop talking, get off the phone, and let's do this. Let's do this immediately. Let's go.

[Andrew Walsh]

Stay patient, people. Stay patient. This is going to be worth it, I promise.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe not. Maybe not.

[Andrew Walsh]

But it's worth it to me.

[Luke Burbank]

Whale. All right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Tuesday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. This song goes out to all the coffee lovers of the world. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wow.

[Luke Burbank]

Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia on a very foggy day, like, you can barely see, I don't know, 5 to 10ft in front A foggy day. Although some of that might also be the minor eyelid surgery that I just had, like 40 minutes ago. More on that here on episode 4356 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. More on that in a moment. Yes, it's my long running saga. Well, it feels long running to me with this eye situation. I'll probably have tears in my eyes telling this story because I. It still affects me that way. Give you the full update in a moment. Can you. Can you verify. Can you give me some 411? But not before we say hello to this young man. He is the longest running cobra of the show. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He's got, like every meme ever produced on the Internet. He can knock us out with his memes. He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning, Luke. Based on a photo that you sent me that was straight out of 1989's Batman. The surgery scene.

[Luke Burbank]

See what I have to work with. Territory.

[Andrew Walsh]

You sent me a. You sent me. You told me, oh, I guess they're gonna scrape my eye today after all. So I'll be dialing up a little bit later than I expected. And then you, I guess after the scraping, you sent me a photo of, like, the tray with all of the Yeezys.

[Luke Burbank]

That's when the bleeding starts.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, with all the bloody gauze and the instruments they used on your eye. It was just based on that photo. I kind of don't want to talk about this. We will not be using that as a show photo. I believe that is too triggering for folks.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a bit graphic. And I'm sorry that I didn't get consent from you before I sent it. I know you are a bit squeamish around blood and things like that. I think it was the point at which the doctor said to me, you will be crying some amount of tears of blood today, but that's normal.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did they say anything about stigmata in your hands and feet?

[Luke Burbank]

That's what I. That's what I learned, that this might be a slightly more gruesome procedure that I was totally signed up for. So I finally got this appointment this morning with the ophthalmologist, the person who is licensed and bonded to go in and actually cut open your eyelid and try to push out or scrape out this sort of thing that's been bedeviling me for the last few weeks. I did also know I was in the right place. Andrew finally because remember the other day I thought I was going to see the person who could fix this. And I realized I was just in the optometry department. And I say that with peace and love to the optometrist. Listening. It's a great, great profession. You do great work. It's just not what I needed at that point. I didn't need someone to give me a new prescription. I needed someone to do a surgery straight out of the 1989 movie the Batman. Excuse me, Batman? Yes. When I walked into this, like, you know, little medical room that I was in and I was seated, I looked over and there was a printout. There was like 20 of them in one of those little, like plastic kind of, you know, on the wall where it's like, you can take a flyer if you want.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Kind of a thing. And it just said, understanding Styes and Chalazians.

[Andrew Walsh]

There you go.

[Luke Burbank]

I suppose.

[Andrew Walsh]

Should have gotten in that right place. You're a little late on that.

[Luke Burbank]

So I knew. I knew that I was where I needed to be to try to deal with this whole situation. The doctor comes in, first words out of his mouth. Are you the Luke Burbank from the radio? At which point I was very glad I wasn't at the proctologist.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

And I said, yes, I am still.

[Andrew Walsh]

My pants were off though, which is still kind of a weird move.

[Luke Burbank]

I just want to say it's about efficiency, Andrew. In this managed healthcare environment, you know, you've got a window of time that you can be in there. And if I'm wasting time undressing, I think that everybody loses. So, yes, a fully nude shaven.

[Andrew Walsh]

The.

[Luke Burbank]

Hair, dad, you gotta get rid of that hair. The doctor walks in, sees me sitting there and says, are you the luper pick from the radio?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. I mean, you're fully shaved, no eyebrows, nothing. No, absolutely nothing. Just a pink little baby man.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, so one of those hypoallergenic cats or something. But I'm sorry. Anyway, he says, are you the Luke Burbank from the radio? And I say, yes. And then I go on the subject of which, would it be okay with you if I made an audio recording of the procedure? And he said, I don't think Kizer allows that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I am grateful for Kizer today. I don't think. I honestly was thinking, oh, no, do you have a recording of this? I don't know that. I'm not even joking. I am kind of abc.

[Luke Burbank]

Always be Contenting. This is. This is friggin gold, dude.

[Andrew Walsh]

Mm.

[Luke Burbank]

You don't Anyway, there's no recording.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm in the wrong business. Like, I look, I see more and more people posting stuff online, and I'm just like, why do you have to record every aspect of your life? Can't you just have a moment? And then I. Then I think about what I do for a living, and I'm like, I'm not allowed to say that. Like, I can. I'm allowed to say a lot of things I don't believe in, that you can't say anything anymore. Kind of.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm canceling you from thinking that way as a. As my trusted colleague and business partner in this content thing that we do.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I guess that's the one thing I can't say. I was like, you can't just go buy a melon without taping it. Anyway, I'm kind of glad that we don't have to hear this procedure because I am a bit squeamish.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm actually glad I wasn't trying to record it now that I've been through it, if that makes any sense. I think I was hoping that maybe the record, the audio recording of it could be a kind of a. Some, like, layer, some defense mechanism, some way of separating myself from the kind of creeping panic about what was actually going to be going on in that room.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Because one of the things that I learned about a procedure like this is when the issue is your eyeball or eyelid, there's really no looking away from the tools that are coming at your eyeball slash lid. Like, you know, if you're getting a shot in most parts of your body, you can do what I always do, which is look in a different direction and try to kind of go somewhere else in your mind. Not possible when the eye is what's being worked on.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, and I asked him, as he was getting into the procedure, I said, how many times a day do you get a Clockwork Orange reference? And he laughed. He goes, every time I do a cataract procedure, he goes, I'll probably hear it this afternoon. Which made me think he has a cataract procedure scheduled. But so the process was. They did. He injected my eyelid with lidocaine.

[Andrew Walsh]

Your under eyelid. Right. That's where this thing.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, the lower eyelid. And I was actually the first thing that happened, which put me actually somewhat at ease was I assumed that the shot had to go into the inside of my eyelid because as we established yesterday, that's really the kind of tip of the spear, if you will, that's where this. What do we call it, a chale Z. That's where this whole situation is actually, like, happening, is inside my eyelid. And so I thought that he was going to have to give me a shot in my eyelid, which seemed especially invasive.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I wasn't picturing that. I was. Because it's so thin there. I was picturing. But it's still a needle going in right underneath your eye balls.

[Luke Burbank]

But I was. Because I said to him, I go, it's going to be hard for me to avoid seeing this needle when you shoot me up. He goes, just close your eye.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, right. Because you're under. Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I was like, you're coming in. You're coming in from the outside. I was like, okay, well, that's already a W. I had pictured this whole thing as like, my eyelid is pried away from my body, and then a team of people are just working in there, you know, and that's not what happened. He shot up the exterior of my eyelid with lidocaine. Did a great job. The first one, small pinch, but nothing too terrible. And then this is a really nice, thoughtful thing this doctor did. I'll give him a shout out. Dr. Simon. He said his last name is Simon. Not like we weren't on a first name basis, but he. He said, I will try to then do the subsequent injections in the area where the first injection went because that will be the most numb area.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[Luke Burbank]

And as advertised, first one little pinch, little small amount of burning. Very survivable. And then the other ones, I barely felt them. And then I hung out there for, I don't know, 15, 20 minutes for to all kind of set in. And that's where the eye clamp gets involved, Andrew. And those are just words you never need to have near each other. In fact, it should be like the president and vice president. They.

[Andrew Walsh]

Those.

[Luke Burbank]

Those words should never be on the same airplane. Keep them separated. In the words of the offspring. Like, he was like, I. And this is what he said. He goes, this is a big one. I've got to go get a bigger eye clamp.

[Andrew Walsh]

We're going to need a bigger eye clamp.

[Luke Burbank]

Seriously. Show title. I don't know. I said, I go. I go, should we call Guinness? I go, are we proud of this? And he kind of chuckled. And so he did. He went off to get a bigger eye clamp because of the size of this whole thing and that, I will be honest with you, despite the numbing agent, the anesthetic that was when he clamped the clamp on the inside of my eyelid. That was when things started to feel less than ideal.

[Andrew Walsh]

What does that mean?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, it's kind of like imagine, okay, you've seen those kinds of the thing that people will use, typically women, to kind of curl their eyelashes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure, yeah, of course, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Imagine something that looks a little bit like that, but instead of the top of it being designed for eyelash curling, it's like two circles. And you put the circles together because what's in the middle of that circle is the sty. So they're clamping around the thing. But the problem is that clamp has to go in your eyelid, inside your eyelid, and outside your eyelid.

[Andrew Walsh]

So they're like little pliers. But are they spring. Little spring loaded pliers?

[Luke Burbank]

I was trying to take in as little detail as possible, but the sense I got was he was. He was ratcheting it down. It was increasing the pressure. Because what you have to do. I don't like it, is you have to.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't like it.

[Luke Burbank]

Clamp this thing and then you turn the eyelid inside out. So as to access, as we've kept calling it, the top of the volcano. Like, in order to get to this, you have to basically, like in. You turn the whole island, a significant amount of the island inside out to get to it. And then at that point, again, I apologize for the graphic nature of this, but, you know, people need to know. People need to know what's going on with this. Then he goes, all right, well, here we come with, like the scalpel. And again, there is a basic human self preservation. You know, one of the things I'll mention when I was reading the literature on understanding styes and Chalazians, I had.

[Andrew Walsh]

Some of that when I was in Croatia. Pretty good, huh?

[Luke Burbank]

Good stuff, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it depends if it's too greasy. It's not.

[Luke Burbank]

If you get Anita's. The Anita's grandma's version. Yes, absolute best. One of the things it said in the literature on understanding Styes and Chilesians, Andrew, was this will go away on its own. If it doesn't seem like it is, you can always elect for the procedure of having it cut out. But if you don't, it'll finally. It'll just work itself out. Yeah, like, they're very clear in the paperwork on this. In other words, it was at the moment that he was like, okay, well, coming in with a scalpel as my eye is clamped open that I thought, you know, this is elective. I could back out of this. I could. I could say, you know what? Let's just let this thing run its course. But, you know, I didn't, obviously. I just kind of like, I tried to just. I don't know, I tried to sort of just grin and bear it and sort of astrally project myself out of the situation or whatever. Because. And he had told me that despite the anesthetic, it is, sometimes people report a certain amount of pain when they're having the inside of their eyelid medically lacerated. And I did feel a certain amount of pain when it was being medically lacerated, although the cutting didn't feel great, but it was relatively short. It was the scraping, you know, that drop. It's not the. It's not the itching, but the burning. It wasn't so much the cutting, but the scraping. And I just, I was. I was grimacing, but then, you know, he's like, yeah, you got to kind of keep your eye open for this. And it's like, again, everything in your. In your sort of instincts is like, shut this down. Close the eyes. Leave the office. Honestly, Foreclose on the building. Get everybody out safely. Demolish the building.

[Andrew Walsh]

Save the snakes, Pee Wee Herman style.

[Luke Burbank]

Build a peace arch. Just pretend this never, none of this ever existed, please, so that it can't hurt anyone else going forward. That's the instinct in that moment. But of course, instead, I just gripped the chair tightly as tears flowed out of both eyes, which was interesting. It was like a sympathetic response from my right eye. My right eye could, you know, had absolutely nothing going on. But it was like, we feel you, dude. It was like, you know, it was. We're in this together, right eye and left eye.

[Andrew Walsh]

And it's like getting punched in the nose sort of. I mean, I've never gotten punched in the nose because people like me. But I assume that you've gotten punched in the nose before based on your.

[Luke Burbank]

I've been punched in the nose, but you know what? I have been. I've been head butted in the nose.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Playing basketball. Like you're standing behind someone and they rear their head back.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And I've also probably been punched in the nose.

[Andrew Walsh]

As I say. No, never punching the nose. No. But I can imagine that feeling. I don't know what I've had that has sort of felt like that. But like both your eyes.

[Luke Burbank]

Involuntary eye watering.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And so. And then he was like, yeah, we're. We're almost there. And then it just again. And he Was. He was also. I could hear the enthusiasm in his voice when he was like, oh, we got a lot of drainage. We got a lot of stuff coming out.

[Andrew Walsh]

And you feel, you know, you kind of. When you went to get the bigger eye clamp before I was going to mention this, you're feeling nervous and everything, but you're also feeling so self satisfied. You're like, I knew this was a big one. Right? You're feeling like, I told you guys, this is a big volcano in my eye. And hearing him say, this is a big one. We need a bigger eye clamp. There's part of you that is kind of like, yeah, I knew this wasn't your pedestrian style.

[Luke Burbank]

The fact that he got the other doctors in there to pose with it like a. Like a prize fish. They're on the dock.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure.

[Luke Burbank]

It's my sty is on this hook, which is part of a scale.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, sure.

[Luke Burbank]

Standing on very proudly.

[Andrew Walsh]

He put some metal BBs in there, though, actually.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Unfortunately, we will. We'll be learning more as the weeks unfold. But.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I am right about that, right? Like, you're feeling a little bit like, I knew this wasn't just a. Like, you're. And also, you're probably glad that if he's going in there and he's like, oh, this is a tiny, tiny little guy. Oh, this is a tiny little guy. You're probably thinking, well, then I probably could have just let it run its course or whatever. But you've been. This thing has been dogging you. Hearing that it's significant must be satisfying.

[Luke Burbank]

I guess it is, because I've been just, again, the number one thing that I've been experiencing with this is just embarrassment, which is, for me, worse than any actual pain that I can feel. The psychic pain of embarrassment is very acute to me. And so I guess you're right. I guess maybe I felt like, yeah, well, this was worth being embarrassed over. If he was like, oh, he's like, I see styes that are eight times this size. You know, before breakfast, I would say, sir. What? Denny's? Are you going?

[Andrew Walsh]

Why are you.

[Luke Burbank]

This is a very bad way to start your morning. Even as an ophthalmologist.

[Andrew Walsh]

Absolutely. Get some better breakfast reading material. I would say. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

But he. But yeah, I think the fact that he was validating. Yeah, this is, you know, significant thing. And also, I just want to say that, like, he was. He goes. Basically, when he sat down with me initially, he goes, okay, well, there's a couple of ways that we can address this. And I said, let's do the way that involves you cutting this thing out. Because, like, what am I going to talk about? I don't want to talk about a hot compress anymore. I don't want to talk about antibiotics. I don't want. And he goes, all right. I go. I go, this is a weird thing to say because no part of me is looking forward to this procedure, but a big part of me is looking forward to this thing not being in my eyelid anymore. And so I'm more than willing to go through that. I think he probably has people that come in and they're like, what do I do about that? And if they have normal civilian jobs, or maybe if they're just not racked by insecurity, they say he's like, well, you know, we could just keep hot compressing it. I can give you a topical ointment, and we can just see what happens. And you don't have anyone slicing into your eyelid. I bet you 90% of the US population goes, yeah, yeah, let's do. Let's do door number 100.

[Andrew Walsh]

Part of it, me does that.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm part of a small and deeply insecure, insecure group of people that are just like, take it. Take it all. I don't care. I don't care how uncomfortable this is. Now, the thing about it is, Andrew, and you'll note, I don't know how well you can see this over the Internet connection here, but I have a band aid on my lower.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's what that is. We don't have very huge screens here, so I thought you just had a slight discoloration. That's why. Okay. I gotta say, I was a little surprised. I thought you're gonna be coming in with, like, seriously potentially an entire patch covering the eye or that I was gonna see much more redness under your eye. What I thought I was seeing was almost like a black eye, like. Like the. The early beginnings of a black. Like a yellow, bruised eye. But what I'm seeing is actually a bandage.

[Luke Burbank]

You're seeing a band aid. Because what is actually going on now, Andrew, with my eyelid is easily five orders of magnitude worse than it was before the procedure.

[Andrew Walsh]

Figured. I mean. But the thing is, now you have an end game, though.

[Luke Burbank]

Supposedly the thing he said is, this will kickstart the healing. And I was like, kickstart the healing? I thought this was the healing. Like, I think I had a fantasy that. Because basically what this has been is a bump in my eyelid. And I thought, well, if you go in and you make an incision and then you scrape, slash, kind of vacuum out the content of the bump in my eyelid. Then there won't be a bump anymore. Then this thing will be like you'll have drained it. Like there'll be nothing left.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But instead, at least in the short term, when I finally, I didn't see it, he gave me some gauze. He told me about the bleeding tears. And then I got out to the my car and then I looked in the mirror and I was horrified. It was so much larger than it had been before and a deep red color because it's like, I don't know, filling with blood. It's been agitated. It's like it is so much worse than it was when I went in. Now, yes, ideally the healing process has been kick started and this will hopefully go away in a week or so. But I'm now I'm worried that I've actually made things much worse in the short term. And we've got like Livewire on Thursday night at Rev hall. Big show for us. I've got filming in LA on Friday. Got a lot going on where I was hoping this thing would be better rather than worse. And right now it feels like it might be actually worse.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I mean, I guess I thought we were on the same page with that. I kind of. By the way, I don't know if you're looking at me or not. I'm scrolling through my phone. I'm not ignoring you. I'm looking. I'm not even joking. I'm looking for like the cutest picture of Bingo. I can pose for today's show pic because I think we need all of this gruesome talk about the eye surgery. I think we need something that is a very soft landing for when people look at the.

[Luke Burbank]

Or is that going to be.

[Andrew Walsh]

Or is that misleading?

[Luke Burbank]

Is that going to be the ultimate play action fake? Is that going to draw the defense in before we throw over the top with my tails of disgusting eye problems?

[Andrew Walsh]

Really good.

[Luke Burbank]

I'll leave that in your capable hands and brain.

[Andrew Walsh]

I found, I found a photo of both of my cats standing on our little dinette chair looking up at me expectantly looking for food. This is from a few months ago, but I'm emailing that to myself right now because I need that right now and I think the listeners might need that as well. So I gotta say, did expect that. Like here's the way I look at it. Not that. And again, I sound like I'm pretending to be an expert on styes. I've never had one, but I've had.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I recently read some paperwork on them.

[Andrew Walsh]

Fantastic. Right next to the thing that had the schedule for the E line and a pamphlet for where you can go into some caves underneath some waterfalls while you're on vacation. That's what I picture in those pamphlets. There's three kinds of things you can find in those pamphlet holders. Doctor's office, anyone?

[Luke Burbank]

Is anyone taking any of those tourist materials from the La Quinta lobby any longer?

[Andrew Walsh]

He's like, the La Quinta. Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Anybody? Is that how anyone is navigating their vacation in the year of our Lord 2024?

[Andrew Walsh]

So I've never had a sty, but I've had, you know, pimples. I mean, I've probably even had boys, by the way.

[Luke Burbank]

That's also something that they said, I think in this paperwork is that it's. They literally said it's basically a pimple in your eye. And I was like, come on, guys.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that's what I. That, that's what we've been talking, right? Like it's a.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you know, I haven't gone. I haven't used the P word yet.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's a bus filled.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, by the way, I asked if I could keep the. I asked if I could keep the chickpea sized hardened ball of pus. And he explained that's not how that works. He said, it will have. He goes, it's not going to come out like that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I kind of.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not a. I thought maybe it'd be like an intact. I go, I wanted to make an earring out of it. He said, no, I had a good time. Me and Dr. Simon.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sounds like it. The friends you made along the way. But I would say, if you think about it, if you have a big pimple on your face or something and you pop it, this is a minor version of what you're talking about. But it's going to be worse before it's better you've messed with it. It's going to be very red. It's going to be open for a bit and then hopefully by the end of that day it calms down a little bit. But you've had something much more severe than that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes and no. Because listen, I am somebody, not to brag, who has not only dealt with eye pimples, but face pimples way too far into my middle age than I would like. And so I'm somebody who knows a thing or two. I know a thing or two about Having embarrassing acne, Andrew, because pretty much had it my whole life.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And one of the things that happens is sometimes you'll have a pimple that is very red and inflamed because of course, it's like that's your body is trying to fight out. Well, actually, what's happened is a sebum gland has become blocked. And then your body starts to. It builds up this oil or whatever, and then your body starts to send in like a response to it to try to get rid of whatever is going on. And that's the inflammation, that's the pus. But sometimes if you just very gently, with a sterile needle, if you lance it and you drain it, it's remarkable how quickly the problem recedes. Now, the issue with my eye is that it's the bottom of the volcano. You know what I mean? That's what I've never seen. I've never seen what the part under my skin is doing if I'm. If I were to be dealing with a. With a pimple. So, I mean, up is down. Cats lying with dogs. Like, I don't know what to. I don't know what to make of this whole situation. Suffice it to say, I think intellectually I knew that it was going to probably like, intellectually I knew I wasn't going to walk out and look in my rear view mirror. Oh, by the way, on the subject of rear view mirrors, if you want to be humbled about anything in your life in terms of your face, et cetera, go check it out in your rear view mirror.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is the rear view the worst?

[Luke Burbank]

I think so, because this is my theory and somebody can confirm or deny this for me. I have a theory that there is something about the way that rear view mirrors are designed. It has to do with visibility. I know a number of women who shall remain nameless who have expressed to me that when they're trying to really figure out if they have any unwanted hairs growing out of their face, they will do it in the rear view mirror of their car. It's a known tactic.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm going to need you to name all of these women. I don't. I do not understand why you are not naming names. Genevieve. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Rodin.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Wait, I'm just looking at a text channel.

[Andrew Walsh]

Another home project you all working on?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. No, but, like, I think this. I don't have any science behind this, but I guess I wouldn't be shocked to learn that there is something about the particular composition of a rear view mirror that is related to visibility. And quick, like, quickly identifying what is going on that makes it a little different than just like the mirror in your bathroom. I mean, what I can say anecdotally is the mirror in my bathroom here at my house looks one kind of way, and then the rear view mirror of my Mazda looks a different kind of way in terms of the granular detail of, like, my pores and things.

[Andrew Walsh]

Were you in a. Were you parked outside, too? I wonder if, like all that good daylight. I mean, I know it's a little foggy, but still, like natural light.

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, definitely. That's definitely a factor. There's a lot going on. All of which is to say that when. Even though I sort of understood, well, this is not going to be. This is not going to fix this. This morning, he was so excited about the drainage as he was draining and he was like. He was really. This is when I did feel some self satisfaction, although I was crying out of both eyes and gripping the. Gripping the seat like I was in a roller coaster and my seat and my protective bar had just come undone.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, if I were there, my fingerprints would still be in the seats. I'm sure it would be crumpled. It would be like something.

[Luke Burbank]

Something from like a Naked Gun movie where they have to.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Like Lucas.

[Andrew Walsh]

Lucas. That's the sound of Luke prying fingers off of a chair and armor where.

[Luke Burbank]

There is now permanent indentations.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

But, but, but. So he was so like, oh, yeah, we're getting great. Like, this is. We're getting a lot out of this. I was like, oh, man, this is going better than. I mean, other than the feeling I was having, like, this is going better than we could have expected.

[Andrew Walsh]

He's got a slop bucket.

[Luke Burbank]

Seriously. Well, okay, so that was the other thing. I don't understand how at this point I still wasn't really. And again, I apologize if this is a bit gruesome. I'll try not to be overly so. But let me just say that after it was all said and done and I. Then I looked down at the, like, little kind of side table that had all the instruments on it and stuff that had been going on in the gauze, despite having just gone through it, I was quite shocked at what the. At the. At the aftermath of the whole thing. Like, somehow it hadn't occurred to me that this would be something that would create a significant amount of bleeding and stuff like that. I don't know why I didn't think that was going to happen, but I don't know I just didn't expect it. I looked over there, and that was when I was like, oh, okay, this is like, a significant thing has just occurred. Okur. And, yeah, when I got to the car and looked in the rearview mirror, I was quite disappointed in how much worse it all looked, because all I could think of was Livewire on Thursday, Talica on Friday. I plan on referring to them only as Talica.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's good.

[Luke Burbank]

Like my friend John DeYoung used to. And. And I was hoping that this thing would be a lot more tolerable by then, but it seems a lot. I guess I could always just wear this band aid, which is, you know, it's not, like, deep. You're looking at it right now. Although you're also a noted face blind person. But it's not, like, crazy distracting, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, no, not over. I mean, again, over this.

[Luke Burbank]

You were James Hetfield, and I was asking you about a marching band competition.

[Andrew Walsh]

First of all, when you're interviewing Metallica, you should try to look as sort of, like, tough and like, you should have. You should.

[Luke Burbank]

That's why I asked the doctor to go in from the outside.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

I said, maximum scarring, sir.

[Andrew Walsh]

I want to look like Frankenstein here. By the way, pick a side about this Metallica thing. You mentioned that just like they're doing with this marching band event, that Metallica has a reputation for being very good to, like, kind of, like, nonprofits and stuff like that. And I heard from somebody who will remain nameless, and I won't name the organization because I don't know if there was supposed to be anonymity around this or not. I doubt it. But somebody who. A friend of ours who was listening to the show yesterday texted me to say, and they work for a nonprofit that does really good, really hard work in the community. Metallica was in town for a show, I want to say, in the last year or so, and I guess dropped, like, 20 grand on this organization. Like, no idea how. Who set up the. It didn't seem like there was any kind of, like, a lot of communication around it ahead of time or that it was. It was just like they were in town. Maybe they looked up local organizations. They decided this was a good one and just dropped 20. 20 grand.

[Luke Burbank]

So that's really cool.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, it's kind of nice. It was nice for me to kind of hear that, because sometimes when you hear about. Really, you don't believe anything I say. Well, I mean, like, he's just. No, you know, you never know. Like. Like, is it a tax Thing is it, you know what I mean? How much of it is, is. But whatever that, that hearing that very specific example of that, I was like, oh, wow, that's really cool. But having said that, I do think that you're. I mean, I think you saw your eye at the absolute worst that it's going to be. It's not going to get worse after that. And also the swelling, Swelling goes down. You know what I mean?

[Luke Burbank]

If you notice, I'm icing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So it's funny. It's like life comes at you fast. Everyone who I've seen over this has been saying, hot compress, hot compress, hot compress. And today the doctor said cold compress today because your eyelid will be swelling because we cut it open. So it's, you know, it's a roller coaster of experience here between the hot compress and the cold compress. It's. I'm like a mcdlt.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, you were the one who was taking antibiotics and probiotics. I still blame the probiotics.

[Luke Burbank]

Still doing that. Yeah, I took two probiotics this morning.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's why you got size.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, exactly. I'm sorry. Style, Andrew. I have style. This whole thing, I have different kinds of style.

[Andrew Walsh]

It is the irony. This whole time you were searching for style and you ended up with a style.

[Luke Burbank]

I suddenly realized they were talking to me. Thank you for being a tam. All right, let's thank some donors these folks have. I was going to say they've made it through the most gruesome part of today's show, but I actually don't know that for a fact. You know, I. What I know is you don't know.

[Andrew Walsh]

What I'm sitting on, what I'm gonna unleash in the back half of this episode.

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, no. What I mean is I don't know if, like Tricia Shearer of Bellingham, Washington, it had to tune out.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, sure. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

What I know is that these are the names I'm about to read are incredibly generous, supportive folk. I was trying to explain this podcast to Dr. Simon today, Andrew. Oh, yeah, because I, he, I said, I was telling him, can I record this for my podcast? And he had, I believe he was familiar with my radio work, my livewire stuff. And, and I was said to him, yeah, I know. I do a daily podcast as well. I've been doing it for, you know, 15 plus years or something. And he asked no follow up questions, which I was offended by because I do think that's a long time to be doing a Podcast.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, next year around this time, we better be thanking a Dr. Simon in this very segment. I think we would turn him into a listener and a donor in 12.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, that's the plan. Honestly, that would be. That would be my greatest accomplishment. Also would help me recoup some of that copay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Luke Burbank]

But what I didn't have to explain to the good doctor, because he seemed uninterested, was that this thing. This thing only exists because of you, the TBTL supporters, the folks like Tricia Shearer in Bellingham, Washington. A place I know and love in the way that I know and love. Sisters, Oregon. That's where Jennifer Johnson is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Does Sisters, Oregon have any claim to fame? It's got a unique name.

[Luke Burbank]

It's on the way to Bend. If you're coming from Portland, I know that. That I've driven through Sisters a few times. Going out to Bend and coming back.

[Andrew Walsh]

I've been to Bend.

[Luke Burbank]

It's also where Jennifer Johnson's from. I mean, does it need anything else?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, not at all. In fact, I feel bad for insulting Jennifer by even asking that question. Thank you for your donation, Jennifer.

[Luke Burbank]

I can also promise that I will have the song from White Christmas Sisters jangling through my head for the rest of the day. I love that song so much. I don't know if we sing songs that way anymore with those lyrics. It's not the worst. It's the part where it says, lord, help the mister who comes between me and my sister, and Lord, help the sister who comes between me and my man. We could. I could still say that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think that's fine. I think the problem with White Christmas is the black face. Right? Isn't there black face on White Christmas, or am I confusing that with another holiday film?

[Luke Burbank]

I. You know what I mean? I have watched White Christmas a lot.

[Andrew Walsh]

Then you would know. I'm. Then I apologize.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like I would recoil from that in a way that would be memorable. But also, it's possible that I just glossed over it. You know what I mean? So I don't want to. I can't say officially one way or the other.

[Andrew Walsh]

I wonder, you know, it doesn't look like White Christmas. Yeah, there's definitely some. This one might have a minstrel number without the actual blackface. But there's another. There's an. If it's not White Christmas, there's definitely a film from this era because we.

[Luke Burbank]

Have a friend, Blackface Christmas.

[Andrew Walsh]

That was. You know what? Now that you say it, it was right there in the title. All Along.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

So, I mean, honestly, I'm not trying to be the no fun Nick here.

[Luke Burbank]

I just was asking, just being no fun, that's all. Trying to be the no fun police. I just have recently been deputized and sworn in. Now there is, I'm sure, so much about that movie that is kind of doesn't hold up. You know what does hold up? The generosity of Amy Roraback, who's in Seattle, Washington.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you, Amy.

[Luke Burbank]

Amy, thank you. We really appreciate you. As we do. Nicole Hampton is down in Portland, Oregon. I feel like I'm surrounded by love right now, Andrew. I don't know if the universe knows that I'm in a bad way with this eye, but it's like people in Bellingham, where I lived, people in Sisters, Oregon, where I've driven through people in Seattle, people in Portland. It's just everywhere you look within a 80 mile radius, you've got people supporting TBTL.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can I clarify something here because I feel like we have not talked about blackface and the history of blackface enough during this segment. No, I mean it just seems like it's like hand in a glove sort of time to talk about this stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

Honestly. What it's a, it's a use case for tbtl, which I think helps really.

[Andrew Walsh]

Spur donations only because I raised the wretched head of this beast, the spectrum of this beast. I feel like I should clarify here. It is my understanding from a very, very, very brief bit of Googling here that I was mistaken. I think that White Christmas, I think there has been some like conversation about some of the performances, connection to minstrel shows of the past, which would be a more of a. Which would be more of a sort of, I guess from my perspective, a slightly more subtle critique because there isn't actual blackface. I believe the movie I was thinking of was Holiday Inn, which still has. I believe, I believe that has Fred Astaire in it as well and Bing Crosby. So anyway, I believe that if people were sort of like, if people were in the know on that and throwing their phones, I just wanted to clean that up a little bit.

[Luke Burbank]

But let me also get your back on this because I was searching the leaky database that is my brain and there is a song called Mandy, no relation to the Barry Manilow number, where I believe they say something about how they miss those minstrel shows.

[Andrew Walsh]

Maybe that's what I'm thinking of.

[Luke Burbank]

And it's Bing Crosby and Danny K, I believe, singing this. And it's, I think what it kind of ends up Being is a sort. Well, first of all, a nostalgic mention of minstrel shows which, like, gross. And then overall, just kind of like sort of almost blackface vibe, minus the actual blackface, but just a kind of a vibe that's not my favorite.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure.

[Luke Burbank]

Part of that. Of that particular film. So you're not, you're not wildly off?

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, I'm wildly off for bringing it up.

[Luke Burbank]

You sure? I mean, that's your new MTV show, right? Wildly off.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wildly off. Is it legal to be this insane?

[Luke Burbank]

Excuse me, America, do you. Excuse me, Chelsea Neal of Seattle, Washington. Do you mind?

[Andrew Walsh]

You mine. Thank you, Chelsea.

[Luke Burbank]

Appreciate you, Chelsea. And then Troy Tortorich is in Lake Stevens, Washington, Another place that I've been to.

[Andrew Walsh]

Me, too.

[Luke Burbank]

It's where Camaro Kev hails from. It's my, my one and my one and main connection to the, to the beautiful hamlet of Lake Stevens. Anyway, thank you so much to all of our donors for making TBTL happen today, despite the fact that it didn't buy me any cred with my ophthalmologist. I'm glad to get to do this as my job. So thank you so much.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, obviously the Top Story is probably this whole I situation, but I don't have a particular sort of roadmap for this conversation, Andrew. But I did think since we talked about it the other day, that we might just check in, you and I, on the kind of latest development in the capture of the suspect in the shooting incident, the, the murder in, in midtown Manhattan. And this guy, Luigi Mangione, who very much appears to be me. Again, it's, it's, it's all alleged, but there seems to be a lot of damning evidence pointing in the direction of this person. And again, I'll start this conversation the way I started it the other day, which is like, I don't want to sound glib. I don't. I know a person died. And that is not how we should settle our differences as far as, like, health policy and other things. It just should never be the case. And there are some kids out there who, like, lost their dad. And those kids had nothing to do with what kind of coverage United Healthcare does and does not cover. So putting that out there, I think that it is interesting to me the way that this story ended up playing out because it was so much less cinematic than I guess I sort of expected. Like, somehow this guy was both. Again, he's alleged to have done this, but if it ends up being the case that he was the one that did it. He was somehow both super duper, like calculating and also incredibly cavalier. Like I think because, you know, he had gotten away with it in the short term. There was this thought that like, maybe he's a, a spy or maybe he's a super agent or you know, like some kind of a John Wick type and that he's already in Russia with Bashar Al Assad or something like. And it's like, no, he was in Altoona, Pennsylvania at a friggin McDonald's after. And you know, again, I don't offer this as a joke, but like the fact that the main picture of his face that we have was because he was flirting allegedly. Like, it's so weird that somebody could both pull off the components of this in a way that was very sophisticated, but then also just like pull his mask down to flirt with somebody. And then also you had to sit in the McDonald's to eat. You couldn't have gone.

[Andrew Walsh]

Flirtation. I just want to, I want to. And you've read more about this. I just, Well, I want to just ask you about it because I don't want to push back because I think you've read a lot more about this, but I just.

[Luke Burbank]

And also I know more about the subject of flirtation and you know more about.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I don't know. Give me some credit. No, you do. But I got the. I thought that like somebody at the, at the hostel said, hey, pull down your mask so I can see that face. And then that that person was maybe a little flirty because they needed to see his face. Like I said, he was going. And. But I mean, maybe I'm wrong about that. There's a lot of information swirling around. I just have not read whatever you read. That seems really like his undoing was he couldn't sort of keep his face unmasked because he, I mean, although it.

[Luke Burbank]

Is a drop dead handsome face, it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is a really handsome face has taken note of. Right? Yeah, exactly. So anyway, I just wanted to. That's kind of clarify that. I'm not exactly sure, I'm just not sure how much I am buying into that flirty narrative until I hear something more substantial about it.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a, that's a probably a good thing to, to note, I think the word flirt and flirtation, I think I first saw it on CNN and that was somebody speculating that was like, you know, a CNN sort of like crime analyst, whatever that means, saying. And then I, what I took to be the case was that somebody had Interviewed the person at the hostel who had checked him in and that. But I've never seen an account with that person. I've never seen that person named. I've never, like, read a pull quote of them saying, yeah, he was flirting. So you're right. Like, I, I don't know if I can say with. In the words of Anthony Weiner, yesterday it was like, in the words of Jenny McCarthy, today it's in the words.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right. What's his name again? Stacking up.

[Luke Burbank]

Carlos Danger.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I don't know why I know it.

[Luke Burbank]

Carlos Danger. I cannot say with any certitude, Andrew, that he was flirting.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. And I could be wrong. And maybe he was. And maybe he was. Maybe he did sort of invite this upon himself. I just wanted to. I, you know, I could be wrong about it, but I just wanted to sort of distance myself from that narrative until I know for sure how that.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, it's a big. But you know what? It is actually a big. It's an important point, though, because if he walked into the hostel and the person checking him and said, look, our policy is that we have to compare your photo ID to your face. And that's why he pulled the mask down. That's one thing. If nobody asked him to pull the mask down and he just did that because he was, you know, again, in a flirtatious moment, that's a whole other thing because I could see a hostel having a policy. It's like, well, people, people are sharing rooms, you know, like, we need to know if you're the person on this id. And I mean, the allegation is he was, you know, using fake ID everywhere. But still, they might want to compare his actual face to the face on the fake id, which they don't know is fake. So that would be a different thing. That would be less of a self. Own, I think in my mind.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Can I, can I read to you? This is from. And I feel like this is probably mostly AP copy, although to be honest with you, it's from News, so I don't know what local station that is, so I guess take everything with a grain of salt. But here's. Here are two lines from the story. One of the images obtained from a CCTV video showed Luigi revealing his face to a receptionist when she asked him to show his face. A report with the New York Post suggested Luigi was flirting with the receptionist at the moment. So I could just sort of see the Post. Phil, see the.

[Luke Burbank]

Mike Lupica says he was flirting. Yeah, you know, mushnick won't have any more of this crap.

[Andrew Walsh]

We see this photo where he. He looks very handsome and he look very charming. He looks. I'm trying to think what the word is. He's kind of. He's flashing a flirty looking smile. That's how I describe it. But it could be one of those things where this is such a sensationalist story that the Washington Post just like kind of runs with that. Then cnn.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, the New York Post or the Washington Post.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm sorry, the New York Post. Did I didn't say Washington before, did.

[Luke Burbank]

I just said the words Washington.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I just said it now. I misspoke. I'm sorry. But specifically the New York Post being that kind of a publication, a tabloid, totally kind of running with that. Yeah. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

The only reason I was clarifying there was not to be annoying, but just because you're right. Like the New York Post. Yeah, no, it's the kind of publication that would totally make up some. Like that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Where, you know, so, so that. Okay, well, that's a really good clarification, honestly, because my whole way of thinking about the aftermath of this crime and again, putting aside the actual crime, which is really a terrible thing, is like, I can't, like, had that moment not occurred. My guess is he might still be, you know, eluding capture. Because the person in the McDonald's, the. I think it was like an employee at this McDonald's recognized him, I think, from the photos that were being widely circulated. Although here's one other thing. He did have his mask on. So if you spotted him like with his mask on in McDonald's and you recognized him, like, you might also recognize him from the photos where he's wearing a mask. You know, like, you, you were able to piece this together. He was wearing a, you know, like a medical mask and I guess on his laptop in this McDonald's. I mean, it's. It's just. I also wonder, and it sounds like I'm saying, why did you mess this up, dude? I'm just. The whole thing just has really fascinated me, I guess. But, like, I'm just surprised he was eating in a McDonald's, like, and also it was. And I say this with peace and love to Altoona, Pennsylvania, a wonderful place, I'm sure, but like, it's so far from Argentina or something. Like, these stories that people like me had written in our mind about this guy's, like, amazing law enforcement evading capacity. And like, he's already, you know, he's on that beach with Andy Dufresne right now or something? No, he was just in Altoona, Pennsylvania, eating at a McDonald's and something he apparently loved because in his social media, there's also a photo going around of him from years ago holding up a Happy meal box from McDonald's with the Lion King on it. He looks very excited about this. Like, I think this guy may have been addicted to McDonald's food.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, I do think McDonald's, McDonald's eye are places that are sort of anonymous if you're on the road, if. Especially if you're on the land and if you're in a somewhat, you know, like not a super kind of populated part of the country or that state. Like, I could see a McDonald's being sort of like just feeling like a bit of a safe harbor where you can go and be anonymous for a little bit, use their wifi and then get out of there. So, yeah, I could definitely see that. I mean, I feel a little bit. Well, first of all, I was really what's right. I had cognitive dissonance yesterday, as I think a lot of people did, hearing about his arrest or detainment, because when they found him, they found a manifesto, which. Okay. And then. Or, you know, alleged in front of all this. Alleged manifesto, whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

And a weapon. And I believe I had heard. I want to be careful here, but I believe I heard also the silencer, maybe, like something that really made it stand out.

[Luke Burbank]

That was the kicker, I think.

[Andrew Walsh]

And that's where I was kind of like, I don't know that I expected this guy to be out of the country. I would assume that being on the lam, one of the hardest last steps would be to actually leave the country because there are so many checks. And, yeah, I don't know if there's balances, but there are certainly a lot of checks, the checkpoints you have to go through and to identify yourself there. So I could see it being very hard to leave the country. I thought maybe it would be easier just to find a very rural place where you're not recognized much and maybe just stay out of the light for a long time. But the thing is, I thought that he was so much smoother based on the fact that he was not caught in broad daylight in Manhattan and having so much CCTV coverage of him going into the park. They have coverage of him coming out of the park. They have coverage of him going into a bus station. I don't know. I'll never understand how they lost the trail at the bus. Buses are only go so many Places. It's not like he rented or even st. Stole a car, you know, but I was.

[Luke Burbank]

And he had Monopoly money in his backyard.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Which I. God knows what if he had an. If that was supposed to be part of a stunt or another, another sort of big, you know, statement of some sort. But when he was caught with the weapons still and these other things, I was like, oh, you're not a mastermind like law enforcement just f this up somehow.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Because. And I was going to say before I felt a little bit foolish because these are like 999 times out of a thousand, these are always just one person acting alone. But because he was able to sort of disappear from New York City in broad daylight in this manner, I did fancy a little notion that maybe he did have some help. Not that he was part of some huge terrorist cell, but potentially there are some other like minded people who believe that, you know, have a burn it all down mentality towards, if not just corpor. Corporate America is certainly the system of our health care right now in this capitalist society. And maybe like, you know, a very small band of people planned this out in a way that he was, they were able to orchestrate an escape from for him. And then just to see like, oh no, he wasn't even really trying. I mean, sort of seemed like, well, if they catch me, I'm giving it all up. You know what I mean? I didn't even try to ditch any of that stuff. And again, I only have fairy tale sort of like storybook sort of visions of this stuff. I have no idea what it's like to be on the lamb or anything like that. So, so I don't know if there's, if there's difficulty in doing that, but you just sort of think like you couldn't and you. Why didn't you ditch this stuff at a bus station at the bottom of a trash can or something?

[Luke Burbank]

Right. Why didn't you shave your eyebrows before you even started this? Because he had very, very distinct, distinct, some would say very luscious eyebrows. They're very recognizable. Like, what if you shaved your eyebrows and you kept your mask up at all times and if when you went into the hostel they said you have to take your mask down and you just said I'll just go, I'm gonna go sleep in Central park for this week. Like, and then what if you had a flight from JFK to Moscow on whatever the day was at noon and you know, at 11:00am and you, you get to, you get to JFK and granted, in retrospect, later on they would have been able to trace you there. They would have seen you in a million cameras in the airport, but you would be in a non extradition country by that time. Again, it sounds like I'm rooting for him. I'm not really rooting for him per se, but I was very tied up in the kind of cinematic nature of this and somehow just being kind of a person who is broken in some way, who's just eating in a McDonald's and Altoona is like, it's such a whimper at the end of this story as opposed to something that, you know, seems like a new Netflix series.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I also was struck by, you know, as you were reading the background of this guy. Yeah. How he. And he, you know, grew up like, you know, in a rich family with a lot of validatorian things. Yeah. Like, like he went to like really good schools and he would. And he excelled in them. So he's like this like kind of, he's growing, he's grown up to be a, you know, a wealthy, successful or poised for success, good looking white guy in America with, you know, like these parents who own a couple of different golf businesses. A couple of different businesses, including a.

[Luke Burbank]

Radio station, by the way.

[Andrew Walsh]

A radio station? Yeah, a conservative radio station, I think.

[Luke Burbank]

I believe so.

[Andrew Walsh]

And, and I think maybe involved in, I think they are involved in. Or some family members are involved in politics. I believe Republican politics. And so he kind of grew up in this way. I guess the one thing that I start, I was thinking when I started this sentence was he also totally dropped out of family and social circles about six months ago. Which again, if you were trying to, if you were thinking long term about this as opposed to just maybe spiraling and not thinking straight. If you were truly strategizing this by yourself or potentially with others, you would probably not. You would not like just suddenly disappear to the point where people were like, dude, are you, are you going to be here for my wedding or not? I don't know if you read that dazzling detail. There was some, some friend of his after he had disappeared for a while, was kind of like, I need to know, are you going to. I don't know what his role was in his friend's wedding, but like, clearly he's left a community behind who's already panicked and wondering where is he from family and friends. So when this news break and everybody's like, and you see this flash of the smile or whatever, there's a whole bunch of people who knew right away. That's our dude who went missing.

[Luke Burbank]

That's the thing. None of them apparently dropped a dime on him, which is really interesting, I think. I didn't. Yeah, I didn't read the news because I'm a kid, but I saw a headline in one of the papers that said the question was like, do you have to report a family member or someone, you know, if you recognize their photo? And the short answer is, no, you don't. Actually, that was the extent of my reading of the article, was the headline.

[Andrew Walsh]

But isn't that raises a question also of how many people might have recognized him at other McDonald's or other places? And they were just, like, kind of swept up in this populist, like, hero worship for the guy.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, here's what I think. I think if someone else recognized him and didn't call the cops, they would have been so freaking out with their friends, like, oh, my God, you have no idea who's here. That. My guess would be that it would eventually, like, if you had 30 people in Altoona being like, holy, the guy is here. Maybe that burbles up to the law enforcement level at some point, but I definitely think it would be. It would strain credulity that his family members, including his cousin, who I think it's his cousin who's the Republican politician who's now, like, getting some amount of heat because it's like. I mean, just imagine Andrew, it's. You know, it's my face who, you know, use. Like, you see that picture of him talking to the person at the hostel, but instead it's me. It's like, you know immediately that it's me. Like, there was no way that hundreds of people didn't know exactly who this dude was. And as far as I can tell, no one called it in, which is a really interesting part of this story. Like, it would appear that. I mean, who knows? Maybe they. Again, again, total speculation on my part, but there's just no way that there weren't people, including maybe even his family members, who saw the photos and were like, holy shit, it's Luigi, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Good Irish boy. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

As I said on the ascendant social media platform Blue sky, this brings to an end Chuck Mangione's time as the top search result for that last name.

[Andrew Walsh]

Who is Tom Mangione again?

[Luke Burbank]

I know that Chuck Mangione. He was like a. He's like a jazz horn player.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

He was the only Mangione I'd ever heard of before Luigi Mangione, who I think will now be probably the first Mangione that you get. You know who really liked that that Blue sky post was our friend Bean Baxter. That's my demo, Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

Fantastic.

[Luke Burbank]

My Chuck Mangione material.

[Andrew Walsh]

I. I will say that I didn't. I chatted with two people. This can't. This story came up very casually and not in depth in any way with a couple of people yesterday in my dealings around town and.

[Luke Burbank]

Dealings around town.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know that sounded so whatever. But I will say that the reaction from both people, I was like, hey, here they got that guy. The reaction is like, yeah. I mean, yeah. Like, both people were kind of like, yeah. I mean, I didn't mean to have that tone. I mean. Yeah. And then, you know, it really does kind of raise the question, would you. Would you have dropped the dime? And, like, I know that that's an insensitive thing, but, I mean, listen, I have not heard from any listeners, and it doesn't mean that they're not out there. I have not heard from any listeners who said that. You know, I have not heard from anybody who has taken offense to the people who have sort of celebrated this guy or the attention that he's brought to the industry. I have heard from listeners who are like, you guys were. I mean, kind of going too light. You guys are going to soft United Health.

[Luke Burbank]

I've as well.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. So, you know, and. But like. Like, you say, like, I don't. I'm not comfortable talking to a microphone and saying anything that sort of advocates for assassinations. Like, I don't mean to.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, I don't know if that's too scared of a. Of a position for me, but I feel like that's generally.

[Luke Burbank]

I think.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think that's generally responsible. But I would also say that we'd be missing a huge part of the story if we didn't say, like, when you do kind of mention to people, you're like, yeah, they caught him. I mean, yeah, they caught him. Like, it's just kind of. It's a tough place to be because, you know, it is. And again, with all the caveats, I think a lot of people are saying. And people who we've heard from are saying, I know people. I've lost people because of this system and because of. And you can't even. I was talking to Genevieve, and so this is like playing a game of telephone. She reads one thing at the Atlantic and then tells me about it over lunch, and then I tell it on a podcast later. I mean, that's a dangerous game. Dano, as far as getting accurate information.

[Luke Burbank]

Dr. Simon hears it, and then Dr. Simon becomes a donor.

[Andrew Walsh]

He says. Simon says. But, but Genevieve said she was reading something at the Atlantic saying, hey, listen, you know, like, you know, kind of slapping back at the people who were positioning this guy as some sort of a. Of a hero or whatever. But they were saying, and he's not responsible for the way the system is. The system's broken. And that's where I call bullshit. Like, no, no, somebody in his position is 100% responsible for the way the system is.

[Luke Burbank]

Because you're talking about the CEO.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, the CEO. Because when you in that position, you are, you know, one of the. You are involved in and have power over one of the most powerful and richest, like, lobbying communities that, like, sets up laws that help, you know, establish this as status quo in our country. And like the, you know, I'm glad people. I am glad that people are talking about that now. I'm glad politicians are talking about it now. I mean, it's a bad thing to happen. But, like, boy, is this the definition of populism. Like, somebody has to lose their life at gunpoint with the cinematic flair of having words written on the shell casings to have people in Congress starting to say, maybe we need to take another look at it.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, that's the. To me, that is a really, really interesting question. As far as the. I think most people, at least people like me, who maybe haven't. I haven't, like, personally bat. I mean, other than being mildly annoyed I had to go to an optometrist before the ophthalmologist. But, like, I. I haven't seen the direct results of, like, a healthcare provider denying coverage and it causing someone in my life to become very sick or to lose their life. I don't think I understood the visceral level of rage that so many Americans feel at the healthcare system. I mean, I know that people don't like it, but I don't think I understood how strong it was until this thing happened. And within minutes of the news that it was the CEO of UnitedHealthcare, immediately the Internet just said, good. Basically, I don't think I understood where the temperature was on this. And I wonder if this isn't something that will also tell those clowns in Congress and other places that like. And also, it's like a lot of people got on the Internet and said, good, and nothing happened to them. Like, I wonder if this doesn't begin. I think you might have said this to me, Andrew. Either on or off air. But I've been reusing it. That sort of eat the rich idea, like it's. I just wonder what the. If this will start a conversation in a way that we wouldn't have expected, where we really do say, at least we, we have a real conversation around should this be a for profit industry? I mean, it's so messed up that this guy was going into, if I understand right, a shareholders meeting like for United Healthcare. In other words, people and businesses and funds that are like, you know, where we can make some money. Health care like, or lack thereof, like the idea that a company would be incentivized to try to spend as little money as possible helping you stay alive so that they could perform well and reward their investors. The idea that that would ever apply to healthcare is so profoundly fucked up.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, so messed up.

[Andrew Walsh]

The level of wealth of the people who are getting rich off of it, like that's kind of the thing. It doesn't feel like, well, we're all in this together. It's the system we have and therefore we all are trying to work within it. And yes, some people are doing a little bit better than others if you're in a position of like, you know, running one of these, you know, for profit insurance companies. But like when you look at, and yeah, I was mentioning to you the sort of eat the rich mentality because I mean, and again, I want to be somewhat careful. I don't want to sound like a pundit who doesn't know what he's talking about. Trying to create a pattern here where maybe there isn't one. But it's hard for me not to immediately think of the celebration I saw on social media when orcas started attacking rich people, which is a bit more frivolous story to it, you know, knocking over yachts and what have you. But then also the much darker story of the, of the millionaires and billionaires who died at the bottom of the ocean with that whole saga of the submarine that. Yeah. So anyway, I, I feel like, and I'm seeing kind of more and more of it and I will say this too, like, people hate, I mean we, we, we take advantage of the airline industry. But I do think that there's a, there's a hatred in many ways of the airline industry and you know, like leaving people on planes and mismanagement and the lack of like, kind of power. As somebody who is like, you know, a consumer of airlines, the asymmetry of.

[Luke Burbank]

It is so frustrating.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I tell you, if a, if the Head of an airline was shot dead in public like this going into a shareholders meeting, the reaction would be very different. I do not think that the killer would have as much sympathy. It's very specific, and it's literally a life or death thing that people are just making Scrooge McDuck swimming pools full of money while people are dying.

[Luke Burbank]

You're totally right. Like, that was the thing. All these big, you know, Fortune 500 companies are, like, taking down the headshots of their CEOs and, you know, executives from their websites. And it's like, look, you're not in any danger. Monsanto, Exxon, like, maybe, you know, we should be talking critically about what you guys are doing to the world. But, like, this is an incredibly specific industry that. You're right. This. If it was the. It was the CEO of an airline, we would all be horrified. It was a CEO of anything that wasn't healthcare, we would be. The initial thought would be probably horror, maybe with some questions around, like, well, what is this industry doing that it engenders, creates such strong feelings and such violent feelings in people? But, like, this healthcare thing is sui generis. It's just like. It's the only thing like this, I think, where everyone was just like, had it coming, you know?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And again, because it is life or death, I think, on both sides. Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, man.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's not from a female.

[Luke Burbank]

All right. Emails or V mails.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. I wanted to say, I think this might even. This might be a super appropriate voicemail to play at the end of the show because we talked about some pretty gruesome things. Actually, both of our stories had a. Had a bit of darkness to them. Well, one was about surgery, which I guess is not darkness, but it certainly gave me some weird feelings. But we got a voicemail here, and this is a long story. This is a full four minutes. We're in a layout for it. I was on the edge of my seat listening to this voicemail this morning. It comes from a listener who did not leave their name, and it came onto the voicemail line in early November. Now, if you'll recall, around Halloween time in October, we were asking people to send in spooky stories from their real life to celebrate Halloween. This came in about a week after Halloween. And there's a reason for it. It's that the person telling the story was too scared to submit it at nighttime. And finally, finally in the. I guess under the November sun, on 5 November, was able to call in with this story.

[C]

So I know I'm late to this, but every time I thought about this story, it was late at night and I was too scared to call in. So I wanted to call in with my spooky story. And this is actually a story that involved my dad. And I had heard about this as a child and I've thought about it a few times as an adult. But when I brought it up to my mom a few years ago, she said to me, like very directly, do not ever bring up that story to your father. So I never did. And actually remember when I was young, someone bringing this story up around the campfire and my dad got up and walked away. So my dad was visiting me recently and I figured, you know, now that I'm older again, you're gonna do what I want. I decided to ask him about this story and I actually saw the change in him as we talking about this story. So when I was young, my dad got a promotion for his job that had him working in the town that was about two hours away. And my parents were looking for homes in this new town on the weekend. But during the week, my mom had offered up her family home and had been vacant for quite some time. And my dad was going to sleep there during the week when he had to work. And this is in rural, you know, Cornfield latest southern Illinois. And it is important to note that my dad only stayed at this house for a week and a half. So after work, my dad would get back to his house in the evening and he would turn on the radio and play his favorite music, which is classic rock. And he said that he would be listening and the music would just change stations back to like post war big band type music.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh no.

[C]

And my dad changed the radio back again and then it would revert back to big band music. So my dad was like, okay, this is like weird, but whatever. Then one of the nights when he was cooking supper, he left some of the cabinets open and the cabinets would slam shut when he wasn't anywhere near them. So he was kind of like starting to freak out now. He talked to my mom about it, but they were just like, whatever. So one of the nights my dad was sleeping and he heard the front door unlock and then slam shut. So my dad jumps out of bed and looked around the house, but nobody was in the house. And then the next night when he was sleeping, he heard the door unlock again and he heard a voice say, mom, I'm home. So, oh, My God, my arm hairs are sticking up. So my dad was, you know, really starting to like, worry about this, but he couldn't be driving like two hours each way every day to work. So finally, you know, my dad's getting ready for bed one night and he's, you know, in this, you know, leaning over the sink, brushing his teeth. And when he stands up and looks in the mirror, there is a face behind him in the mirror. And so obviously my dad freaks the fuck out, grabs his stuff and he got in the car to go like, find a motel. And when he gets to the end of this like long gravel driveway, a figure was standing by the mailbox next to the road and waving goodbye to him. So. Oh my God, my arm hairs. So when I brought this up to my dad, he said that he had only talked about this once his entire life, and that was right after it happened. And he talked to my uncle, which is his brother in law, you know, my mom's brother. And my uncle said he actually thought it was my mom and his deceased brother who died a couple decades before when he was only 16 years old. And so when I talked to my dad about it recently, he thought, you know, it was a test of his faith and blah, blah, blah. But anyway, so that story is like really scary. And every time I think about it at nighttime, I have to get it out of my head because I don't want to see ghosts or spirits, as my dad calls them. Okay, power out. Bye.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, power out. There's the fastest power out ever.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you gotta, Honestly, you gotta power out before the devil knows you're here.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, me, you power out a half hour before the devil knows you're dead. That had. Every time the caller said, my, the hair on my arms is going up, mine was already standing up.

[Luke Burbank]

I, I mean, okay, I don't think there's anything that can compete with another face in the mirror, but I think old timey music is right up there.

[Andrew Walsh]

It was a good setup later. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Has anyone ever heard that kind of like Shining era music, you know, when they weren't looking for it and felt like this is a good thing because, like there's not a scarier kind of music if you're not expecting it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right?

[Luke Burbank]

Like it's just. And I don't know if that's the effect of the Shining or not, but like, I've told this story on the show before, I'm sure, but like when I was young and impoverished, I would. I don't recommend this kids, but I would sometimes visit the radio station I worked at late at night to, let's just say, maybe take possession of some of the free books on the free shelf, the review copies of books which I then very possibly would take over to the half price books on a Roosevelt Way and get a little pocket money, I think literally money to buy diapers. Okay, so don't judge me. People actually do judge me. You know, life is all about decisions and consequences and I've got a pretty spotty track record. But anyway, sometimes when I would be in there and it would be the Swing Years and beyond, but it would be the rebroadcast Andrew. And this is the old ku.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're in the radio station after hours. Nobody else is there, nobody else is here.

[Luke Burbank]

It's already the Swing Years with Cynthia Doyon, Rest in Power had aired. And I think in these days, in the, you know, mid-90s or something, I think it was like the show, you know, she would live, she would host the show and then my memory is that there would somehow be a rebroadcast of it maybe starting at midnight. It'd go from midnight to three, just like the tape of the show or something. And there is, honestly, it was probably good for me because it helped keep my kleptomania in check because there's nothing more terrifying than skulking around kuow at one in the morning trying to pilfer for free books when it's like. It's like this. I am in the Shining right now and I am going to come around a corner. It's going to be an old lady looking for me or those twins.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right. I don't believe in ghosts, like at all. I don't believe in anything except for sports jinxes and that. I have the power of affecting the outcome of a game by jinxing or not jinxing it. But that story is so. Oh, by the way, I do want to say I had to edit that a little bit because it was even longer. It was a really well told story. But I should mention that the listener did say at one point and I think I clipped it out just like this. My dad doesn't go around telling these stories all the time. You know what I mean? He's not somebody who like tells a lot of fantastical things. He sounds like a very grounded down to earth fella. This was, you know, it happened to him once in his life, which makes it even more kind of scary because he's not, he's not like some BS or type of guy who's looking for this kind of stuff. I do think though if the weird thing about the kind of I guess wasn't was it class knows like big bandy kind of music. I guess is a 16 year old boy probably who I'm guessing died in the 70s or whatever. That's it. Seems like the boy would be listening to classic rock. Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Getting the let out too.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

It'd be weird. Guy Lombardo and his Flying Canadians.

[Andrew Walsh]

It just kept coming back to Cashmere by Led Zeppelin for some reason. That would tell you so much.

[Luke Burbank]

Deep Purple.

[Andrew Walsh]

What? Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like the pot smokingist music from the 70s.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right, right, exactly. So that's the one thing that is kind of like.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's where the story really falls apart. I did have the same thought. Interesting taste. But maybe maybe the teen. Listen, here's the thing. Maybe the deceased uncle, maybe what he knew was if he's getting the lead out, this guy's going to stick around. This guy's having a party.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

If it's freaking Barracuda by heart. Guys like, like, guys like, you know, is that Freedom Rock? Turn it up. Like you gotta play something that's gonna get this guy the hell out of there. Yeah, there's nothing like some, some like Artie Miller or something, some Glenn Miller to get him out of there. There was two Millers, weren't there?

[Andrew Walsh]

That is so funny that you said that because I have something queued up here that I was going to play for you as a bit of a spoof. A spooky spoof. I have. I think you're confusing Glenn Miller and Artie Shaw. The two, the two. The one, two punch of. Of swing era clarinetists.

[Luke Burbank]

Didn't Glenn Miller die in a plane crash and like the, in the like English Channel or something? I think he disappeared. It was like. Yeah, it was in the. It was related to the war. I don't know if he was like performing for the troops.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, no. I think. Well, I should be careful. I thought that he actually fought. But maybe he was just a uso. Not just maybe.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe he fought the menace of boredom for the troops.

[Andrew Walsh]

Maybe you're right. Maybe he didn't fight. Maybe that was a silly thing for me to. To think.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know, dude. There was a lot of these folks that went and did like real army stuff, you know, despite having these very. I mean that's the thing that's so wild about how life was back in that era versus like now. Like can you imagine? You know, I don't know who's like Bruno Mars or whoever's currently ruling the pop charts, enlisting and then going over and then actually being like, like, you know, fighting in the world. Like Ted Williams, I believe the splendid Splinter. I mean he was like a legit. I guess this is more like, you know, can you imagine a Bryce Harper going over and, you know, fighting in Iraq or something like that. Let's see here. The AAAF band completed their pre recordings and this is the death of Glenn Miller. And regular broadcast on Tuesday, December 12th. Andrew, do you know what Thursday is?

[Andrew Walsh]

We're so close.

[Luke Burbank]

Tuesday, December 12th.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Hey, not bad.

[Luke Burbank]

Miller was on standby for an earlier flight on December 13th. That's even sooner. But it was canceled due to bad weather in France. His reservation on December 14th was also canceled. He was frustrated and impatient and fearing arrangements would not be made in time to accommodate the movement of his unit to France. I'm still trying to figure out.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think I have an answer for you. I have.

[Luke Burbank]

Bail me out of this.

[Andrew Walsh]

I have a slightly more concise one, I think here. This is from PBS and I trust.

[Luke Burbank]

More concise than what I was just doing.

[Andrew Walsh]

And this one actually does call it the disappearance of Glenn Miller. So it says here. I think I can nail this in a couple of sentences here. But it does sound like he was a USO guy. As Glenn Miller's musical career soared, he traded in his commercial success for military uniform to entertain U.S. troops during the war. Then on a foggy afternoon, December 15, 1944, he took off from England, heading for France. His plane vanished over the English Channel. Like you said, Glenn Miller was never seen again. So I did say it was a disappearance. You did say English Channel, but he was not fighting. In fact, he was 40 years old. But man, you're right. This is 1940. Does this say 1944? And we are in 2024. So it's actually like a. It is like a very. It is a very specific anniversary. We're coming up here.

[Luke Burbank]

It's the 80 year anniversary of Glenn Miller going missing.

[Andrew Walsh]

And by the way, five days. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Not confirmed dead.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's true. That is.

[Luke Burbank]

Also the. I'm looking at his gravestone, which feels premature. It says, in memory of Alton Glenn Miller. Do you think anyone called him Artie just for fun? Do you think there's any chance. No.

[Andrew Walsh]

That I called him.

[Luke Burbank]

His first name was Alton. I'm just saying maybe somebody once was like, hey, Artie.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, maybe that's probably. That's probably why you called him Artie. It probably has nothing to do with Artie Shaw?

[Luke Burbank]

No, because as you could tell, I have a deep encyclopedic knowledge of the life and times of Alton Miller, as I call him.

[Andrew Walsh]

I have an Artie Shaw record. In fact, I'll just play. I was going to sneak this up. I need to make.

[Luke Burbank]

Are we going to get. Are we going to get pulled down in ghost towns across the United States for playing?

[Andrew Walsh]

Potentially, there's an Eastern European ghost town that is going to. That is going to pull us down.

[Luke Burbank]

I actually do. I'll be honest. I like this kind of music.

[Andrew Walsh]

Me too. I love clarinet. I wanted a little bit of. A little bit of a clarinet jag earlier this fall.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey, dude, send me. Send me any tips you get on any of this stuff. Like I told you, I've been really, really been digging on that. That guitar. That kind of jazzy guitar guy you sent me. His name now is Ellis Whiffed out of my brain. Yeah. Herb Ellis.

[Andrew Walsh]

Herb Ellis.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm loving that. Anything you got.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know what I'm gonna send you is some. Some Buddy DeFranco. He's like the only clarinetist I could find who was like, sort of playing in, like, sort of the who is not Woody Allen. That's a good boy. You know what? There's this guy named Woody Allen. I'm gonna send you a lot of his work.

[Luke Burbank]

Alan co Konigsberg. He's a wild man on the clarinet.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're gonna love it.

[Luke Burbank]

I told you, right? I told you that we were described. I had to have told you this, that we were describing Woody Harrelson in detail. At my family get together, my mom thought that it was Woody Allen the whole time.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't think we talked about this.

[Luke Burbank]

It was remarkable. I was talking about Woody Harrell. I was telling my sister about this podcast about Woody Harrelson's dad being suspected of, like, killing a federal judge and being a real kind of like a career criminal. And we were all talking about Woody Harrelson, and, like, he's just the most chill guy and like, he just lives the chill life that Matthew McConaughey kind of cosplays. And we're having this imagine like a 10 minute conversation singing the praises of Woody Harrelson, but every single detail you think is describing Woody Allen.

[Andrew Walsh]

Actually, that sounds like me.

[Luke Burbank]

Whatever. Like, you know, in the way he hangs out with Willie Nelson, he just was chilling in Hawaii. Like, to think that that's the life of Woody Allen is. Was incredible to me when that was revealed.

[Andrew Walsh]

So was your mom like Confounded. Like, how are you guys not bringing up, like, no.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, what was happening was in a. In a plot twist that nobody saw coming. By the way, here's another plot.

[Andrew Walsh]

I just saw you pull your band aid.

[Luke Burbank]

Bug me. Look at this thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

You have something about the size of your iris right below your eye. It looks like you have two eyes. Look at me. Look at me. Yeah, it looks like you have an.

[Luke Burbank]

Eye below that thing where you paint an eyeball on your eyelid or eyelash.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yep. At the Eagles. In the Eagles bathroom, there are some old sketches that are supposed to depict drunkenness. And it's like an old cowboy, but he's got four eyes. Two. That's me. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I finally opened my third eye. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Way to go.

[Luke Burbank]

Incredible.

[Andrew Walsh]

Nice.

[Luke Burbank]

No, in a plot twist, you know who was.

[Andrew Walsh]

Who.

[Luke Burbank]

Who was completely clocking the conversation was Walt. And he was trying to explain to my mom that we were not talking about Woody Allen and she was getting pissed.

[Andrew Walsh]

What was. What was the indication that your mom was not following the conversation? Was she, like, kind of jumping in and saying, like.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, but no, they were having a weird pantomimed disagreement, like, over, like, so. So everyone's sit every. I'm sitting at the dining room table. They're all sitting on the couch. I'm having a conversation with my sister Liz, the majesty that is Woody Harrelson. My dad is in the kitchen. So imagine, like, my conversation with my sister is going past my mother, who's on the couch and landing on my sister Liz, and my dad is trying to talk to my mom kind of past this invisible beam that's created between me and Liz. There was an axis of these conversations, and me and Liz were having. We had no idea at any point that my mom was misinterpreting all of this as Woody Allen related. But my dad was, like, pantomiming to her, and she was getting annoyed at my dad because she didn't know what he was trying to say. And then finally I was like, what's going on? And my dad was like, it's Woody Harrelson, not Woody Allen. And the mom was like, oh, I thought it was Woody Allen. That was how we found out.

[Andrew Walsh]

So there's something going on in her head where she was.

[Luke Burbank]

She was indicating. I mean, my mom and my dad are on. Connected on some sort of frequency that, like, is, you know, transcends time and space and the universe. Because, like, somehow my dad understood that my mom was confused about which Woody this is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. As the person who's Most like your mom in this particular case. Like, it's nice having. I mean, I think Genevieve would probably have my back there, the way Walt had your mom's back. Like, you might.

[Luke Burbank]

No, he was telling her, you're wrong.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I'm sorry. Not have your back, but have your back socially. To say, like, listen, I'm clearing this up for you because there's some confusion here. Like, you know, like the Washington Post, New York Post thing.

[Luke Burbank]

But as. But being the person who's most like my mom in this scenario would be pissed to be wrong. Correcting me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

To be wrong and to be corrected. I was noting a distinct kind of indication of my mom being annoyed at my dad, and I couldn't figure out what that was. My. My first sense that there was anything going on was my mom and my dad having this weird silent but, like, my mom being mad at my dad conversation because he was trying to act out somehow to her that it's Woody Harrelson, not Woody Allen. And then she said, I just can't believe you got two actors and. And their parents both named him Woody. And I said, well, mom, let's talk about Ellis Island. Mom, let's sit down and tell you about a little thing called antisemitism.

[Andrew Walsh]

But wait a second. There are two actors completely different generations.

[Luke Burbank]

And one is named Alan Koningsberg.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right. But also, like, woodies are not overrepresented in the history of actors since the days of the silver screen. You know what I mean? It's not like, oh, man, there are so many woodies, I can't keep them straight. It's like, yeah, there are two actors spanning generations with the same, you know, first name, whether adopted or otherwise.

[Luke Burbank]

I think my mom, in much the way that I was trying to save my Artie Miller reference, was trying to just salvage something about the confusion between these two guys.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Isn't it crazy that they got two actors and they're both named Woody?

[Andrew Walsh]

Woody Harrelson could play a mean licorice stick, though, I'll tell you that much right now.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a. That's a crazy man reference. Right? Wasn't that the documentary they made about a wild man?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I don't know. I just thought.

[Luke Burbank]

Documentary about Woody. Woody Allen's clarinet playing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, you brought. That's how we ended up on Woody Allen. So, Yeah, I just want to throw a licorice stick. Isn't that what you call a clarinet?

[Luke Burbank]

I've never heard it called that, but I love it. I would have played clarinet if they called it a licorice. In high school or in middle school.

[Andrew Walsh]

I would have played a flute if they had called it a summer sausage.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, shoot. Dude, seriously, if they would have called that a pepperoni stick. Sign me up. All right, thanks for listening, everyone. We are going to be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. Please do join us for that. In the meantime, have a great Tuesday, take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to all. Power out.