#4358 Tis The Treason

Summary

TBTL Episode #4358: "Tis The Treason"

Hosts: Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh
Release Date: December 13, 2024
Guest: Cassie Chatelaine

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Opening Anecdote: A Mischievous Christmas Past (00:03 - 01:13)

The episode kicks off with a nostalgic and humorous recounting from Cassie Chatelaine about her unconventional childhood Christmas. At just 12 years old, when her family deemed Christmas trees "too expensive," her father orchestrated a clandestine operation by equipping her 8-year-old brother and his 10-year-old friend with a saw to cut down a neighbor's tree. Cassie vividly describes the ensuing chaos:

Cassie Chatelaine (00:03): "We were like, what the is going on? My dad was totally pleased. He got a kick out of it... Then the cops showed up. It was terrifying and traumatic."

Despite the initial thrill, the situation quickly turned serious when law enforcement intervened, highlighting the illegality of their actions, even though the tree was on the property line.

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Mystery in the Yard: The Yoda Enigma (04:05 - 07:23)

Transitioning from nostalgic tales to present-day curiosities, Luke and Andrew delve into a peculiar mystery involving Andrew's garbage bins. Andrew shares his suspicions about neighbors possibly tampering with his bins, introducing the whimsical notion of finding a "Yoda" in his yard:

Andrew Walsh (04:05): "I apparently have a Yoda in my yard, as in the Jedi Master who trains Luke in the ways of the Force."

The hosts engage in a lighthearted debate, scrutinizing the physical attributes of the mysterious figure and questioning whether it’s baby Yoda from The Mandalorian or an alien from another franchise. This segment is peppered with humorous exchanges and speculative banter, adding a playful tone to the episode.

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Acknowledging the Community: Donor Shout-Outs (20:44 - 24:50)

In keeping with their tradition, Luke and Andrew take a moment to honor their supporters. They humorously underscore the critical role each donor plays in sustaining the show:

Luke Burbank (21:08): "We could survive a reduction by six donors, but not seven... It's curtains."

Donors from various locations, including Seattle, Everett, Bainbridge Island, and Portland, Oregon, receive heartfelt thanks. The hosts jest about the potential overlap between donors, adding a layer of camaraderie and community spirit.

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Guest Spotlight: Cassie Chatelaine’s Tale of Tree Treason (25:21 - 47:26)

Cassie Chatelaine joins the hosts to provide an in-depth account of the Christmas tree incident. Growing up in the small rural town of Garfield, Washington (population 500), Cassie paints a vivid picture of her family's eccentric dynamics. Her father, a character unto himself, often bestowed quirky nicknames—calling their neighbor Greg "Satchel."

At the age of 12, Cassie recounts being forced to oversee her younger brother and his friend in their mission to procure a neighbor's Christmas tree. The act, while seemingly innocent from a child's perspective, had deeper implications:

Cassie Chatelaine (34:04): "My dad just wasn't a fan of the guy... he just had it out for Satchel. And so it's kind of like a trolling. It was vindictive."

The lack of direct confrontation with Greg post-theft added an eerie twist to the story. Instead of a personal showdown, the arrival of the sheriff handled the situation with surprising leniency, emphasizing the pitiful nature of the act rather than escalating tensions.

Cassie delves into the emotional aftermath, highlighting the resilience she and her siblings developed from such experiences. The conversation touches on the complexities of familial bonds, especially when intertwined with unconventional parenting styles.

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Holiday Traditions and Modern Challenges (47:26 - 65:22)

The discussion naturally flows into broader themes of holiday traditions, particularly the challenges of selecting and maintaining Christmas trees. Andrew shares his and his partner Genevieve’s evolving traditions, balancing authenticity with budget constraints:

Andrew Walsh (52:20): "She's got champagne taste and a ginger ale budget."

The hosts exchange stories about their preferences for real vs. artificial trees, the sensory joys of a freshly cut tree, and the economic realities of sourcing quality trees. Cassie contributes by suggesting creative alternatives to preserve the festive spirit without breaking the bank.

The segment also touches on the emotional connections tied to holiday rituals, the significance of scents like pine and palo santo in creating a cozy atmosphere, and the humorous trials of decorating amidst personal quirks and high standards.

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Closing Reflections: Embracing the Chaos (65:22 - End)

As the episode draws to a close, Luke and Andrew reflect on the day's discussions, acknowledging the blend of humor and heartfelt storytelling that defines their show. They commend Cassie for her openness and resilience, reinforcing the show's theme of navigating life's complexities with camaraderie and laughter.

Luke Burbank (71:35): "This is our friend Cassie. A natural. An absolute... Like we were talking about the guy who rode his bike to the Scrabble tournament and won it and rode his bike home. That's basically Cassie riding her bike to a podcasting tournament."

In their signature style, the hosts sign off with well-wishes for the holidays, a nod to their loyal listeners, and a touch of humor about the upcoming episodes:

Luke Burbank (72:32): "Have a great weekend. Go Seahawks. And please remember, no mountain too tall."

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Notable Quotes:

• Cassie Chatelaine (00:03): "My dad was totally pleased. He got a kick out of it... [and] the cops showed up. It was terrifying and traumatic."

• Andrew Walsh (04:05): "I apparently have a Yoda in my yard, as in the Jedi Master who trains Luke in the ways of the Force."

• Luke Burbank (21:08): "We could survive a reduction by six donors, but not seven... It's curtains."

• Cassie Chatelaine (34:04): "My dad just wasn't a fan of the guy... he just had it out for Satchel. And so it's kind of like a trolling. It was vindictive."

• Andrew Walsh (52:20): "She's got champagne taste and a ginger ale budget."

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Key Takeaways:

• Eccentric Upbringing: Cassie’s recount of her father’s mischievous schemes offers a glimpse into unconventional parenting and its long-term effects on family dynamics.

• Community and Support: The significance of donors underscores the show's reliance on community support to continue delivering engaging content.

• Tradition vs. Modernity: The hosts explore the balance between maintaining traditional holiday practices and adapting to contemporary challenges, both economically and culturally.

• Humor in Adversity: Throughout the episode, humor serves as a coping mechanism, turning potentially traumatic past experiences into relatable and entertaining narratives.

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Conclusion:

Episode #4358 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live masterfully intertwines personal storytelling with lighthearted banter, creating an engaging narrative that resonates with listeners. Through Cassie Chatelaine’s heartfelt anecdotes and the hosts' characteristic humor, the episode encapsulates the essence of navigating life's complexities with grace and laughter. Whether delving into mischievous childhood escapades or the modern-day quest for the perfect Christmas tree, TBTL offers a rich tapestry of discussions that are both entertaining and deeply relatable.

Transcript

[Cassie Chatelaine]

One thing about me is when I was, like, 12, the family needed a Christmas tree. My dad thought they were too expensive, and they were. So he told my brother and his friend to go to the neighbor's house. My brother was, like, 8. He gave him a saw. And his friend, who was 10 years old at the very most, they cut that tree down. And we were like, what the is going on? My dad was totally pleased. He got a kick out of it. Then we were putting up the tree and moving on. Next thing you know, the cops showed up. It was terrifying and traumatic and what the. They told my dad, that's illegal. You don't cut Christmas trees down from the neighbor's house. To my dad's credit, it was on the property line, but still. Just get a freaking treat.

[Luke Burbank]

DBTL.

[Andrew Walsh]

Guess what day it is. Guess what day it is.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

It's Friday. Friday. Gonna get down on Friday.

[Andrew Walsh]

Everybody's looking forward to the weekend. Mm. Ah.

[Luke Burbank]

This gazpacho soup just burned my lips.

[Andrew Walsh]

The gazpacho?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, it's been sitting out.

[Andrew Walsh]

It warmed up.

[Luke Burbank]

It warmed up so much that it burned your lip. Let me explain something to you. If you're expecting something ice cold and.

[Andrew Walsh]

You bring it up to your lips.

[Luke Burbank]

And it's room temp, it's going to feel like your mouth's on fire. It's gonna feel like your body's on fire.

[Andrew Walsh]

See, this is exactly the problem with lamestream media. Leave half of what you see and just a little bit of what you hear, and monkey see, monkey do it, could pee all over you. And boom goes the dyn. Have a good show, dummies.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

What you do is so important.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, all right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Friday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

[Andrew Walsh]

The great experiment began.

[Luke Burbank]

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. Oh, hey, y'all. Said my name. Coming to you from the Madrona Hills studio perched high above the mighty Columbia, where it is Friday the 13th. Ooh, scary. I'm more scared by the fact that it's raining and gross and the.

[Andrew Walsh]

Didn't know you like to get wet.

[Luke Burbank]

Though the rapid shelter that I that I erected yesterday may or may not survive the wind. It's also apparently right now it's being used to protect a radio. One of those construction site radios that's playing the classic rock station out of Longview, Washington. It may have set the whole thing up for that, but, you know, what are you going to do? Here we are. It's episode 4358 in a collector series.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let the fun begin.

[Luke Burbank]

By the time you're hearing this, I'm going to. I'll have jetted off to the warm environment that is Los Angeles, California. So whatever has happened up here in Washington state, it's not my problem. It's not my problem until Saturday when I come home. Oh, the tape you heard at the beginning of the show, that is a friend of the program who you even heard here before. That's our friend Cassie talking about a Christmas tree.

[Andrew Walsh]

Trees.

[Luke Burbank]

They're all around us. But who gives a. We recently noted on Cassie's Instagram feed that her father had somehow involved her in a tree theft scheme. That seemed pretty over the line. We're gonna have her on the show in a little bit to expand on that, explain what exactly was going on. And we're gonna talk to this guy. He is the longest running cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. Also, your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, good morning, Luke. I have a. Have you heard about this? I apparently have a Yoda in my.

[Luke Burbank]

Yard, as in the Jedi Master who trains Luke in the ways of the Force.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's my understanding. I'm sending you a couple of photos here. I went outside today to bring in my garbage bins, by the way. Great bill of health there. They were all emptied properly. Nobody threw their dog poop in my clean bin, dude.

[Luke Burbank]

Mine. My garbage can is. We're just trying to make it comfortable. End of life choices just literally just happened. I was. I was retrieving it this morning. Now, you know, there's a little metal handle that's. It's like a pipe that's actually kind of like it's embedded in the plastic. At least the kind that I have.

[Andrew Walsh]

Kind of further down on the big bins, they have that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah, that thing is gone. I mean, not gone. It's lying on. It's lying in the road. Like it was. It was getting. It was coming loose. And then I would kind of straighten down and fix it and then just gave up the ghost today.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do you use that a lot? Because for me, it's pretty far down. Okay. You just would. I don't notice.

[Luke Burbank]

No, I just. Just feel like I'm paying good money for this garbage service. I would like to have a garbage can. It's also just. The whole thing is just beat to heck. It's got Chunk. It's like Dan Campbell got after it.

[Andrew Walsh]

We'll take another hunk out of you.

[Luke Burbank]

No kneecaps. There's a hunk taken out.

[Andrew Walsh]

I wonder what I do wonder what that pipe is for. It does seem like an extra handle. Like in case you need to like real manhandle that thing or Dan handle that thing.

[Luke Burbank]

But maybe handling.

[Andrew Walsh]

I wonder if that has something to.

[Luke Burbank]

Do with the handle.

[Andrew Walsh]

Me, I wonder if that has something to do with the machine that picks those things up because it's only on the really big ones. You know, I got a little, tiny, tiny little bin from a yard weights. I got a medium sized one for my garbage. But then my big old recycle bin that's got that metal pole kind of halfway down and as you said sort of embedded in. I don't, I don't know what that thing does. It's amazing we don't have more garbage collectors listening to this show. For as much as we talk about garbage collections. How do we not. Yeah, why don't we have an expert in the field? But anyway, I went to take out.

[Luke Burbank]

Because of your pitched battle against the industry where you sky out a picture of your. Of your garbage every week because of how deep your suspicions run at their motives.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yesterday's were pretty nice. By the way. You can follow garbage anxiety on blue sky if you want to see those photos. They turned out pretty nice yesterday because it's been getting dark here so early that the photos lately of my garbage bins. I have to keep a record of these things. They've been in the dark and it's been like backlit and kind of nasty. Yesterday I took it out probably around 4:15, 4:30, right as the sun was setting. But you could still see some red in the sky. It was pretty nice. It's nice when the photos come out.

[Luke Burbank]

Red skies at night. Andrew's delight.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. Garbage collector's delight. Anyway, just a little bit ago though, I bring these bins in, these freshly emptied bins and I see and I have not gone to. I wasn't wearing proper shoes to sort of tromp through my wet grass so I just left it there. But do you see these photos? I do. It looks like somebody maybe tossed. Doesn't that. I'm looking at this thing. You don't think it's face down in the grass. We're looking at the bottom of its feet and. But it's got huge. It's green. It's got long wing ears coming. Is it a baby Yoda?

[Luke Burbank]

It has Three. I mean, we can. We can. We can rule out Yoda or rule in Yoda by Googling. How many fingers does Yoda have? Because I can see this has three fingers.

[Andrew Walsh]

Not a total.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. On each hand, which. I mean, maybe Yoda's hand was definitely not human. Like, so maybe he only had three fingers. But you know what? It kind of. And also, you know, you're right. The baby Yoda character or the child was known in the Mandadorian, Right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, exactly. Thank you for saying it properly.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm trying to see if I could find.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is funny. I was typing in how many fingers does. And Google wants to complete it. How many fingers does a locksmith have? I guess it depends on the locksmith and their history.

[Luke Burbank]

Sure. What they've been through. I don't think this is what we're looking for. But this is the enormity of their flat. I was trying to find Werner Herzog discussing the child and when his emotional response to the child when they were filming the Mandadorian.

[Andrew Walsh]

But that tape you started to play is also really good. That's him talking about chickens. Yes. Aversion to the garbage collectors when they overcharge me.

[Luke Burbank]

Full 39 seconds on chickens.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

The enormity of their flat brain, the.

[Andrew Walsh]

Enormity of their stupidity is just overwhelming. You have to do yourself a favor.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

When you're out in the countryside and you see chicken. Try to look a chicken in the eye with great intensity.

[Andrew Walsh]

And the intensity of stupidity that is.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Looking back at you is just amazing.

[Andrew Walsh]

By the way, it's very easy to hypnotize a chicken. They're very prone to hypnosis. And in one or two films.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

I've actually shown that.

[Andrew Walsh]

In one or two films. I've never.

[Luke Burbank]

I didn't remember both incidents if I was him.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't remember. How is it that you've worked this into two different films? I didn't remember the hypnosis part of that at all. I think my version of that cuts off after the stupidity.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. He again, doesn't bring us any closer to answering the question of what's in your yard. Have you figured out how many.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, three, according to the Internet. Yoda. Yeah. If these ears belonged to anything but a Yoda, I would be shocked or irregular.

[Luke Burbank]

He looks kind of buff.

[Andrew Walsh]

He does sort of looks like goosebumps.

[Luke Burbank]

He looks like a real Bart Harley Jarvis.

[Andrew Walsh]

It looks like he's a blank baby Yoda. He's a buff baby Yoda. I'll use this as the shoes pick. I Haven't. I haven't. I haven't gone out there again. I didn't want to get my shoes all. I'm wearing these very lightly kind of Kansas shoes right now that I always wear in the house. No, you always ask me that. Hey, you always ask.

[Luke Burbank]

Dudes are right.

[Andrew Walsh]

Only from you telling me about them.

[Luke Burbank]

What you're wearing is not what you're wearing. Can you take the shoe off and hold it up to the camera, please?

[Andrew Walsh]

Seriously?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right. Let me do this. We've done this before. These are. These. They're Topsiders.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. They're more like what we might call what we would have called a boat shoe. Oh. They're more like vans to me. Like, I used to have vans that were very similar to that.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

But.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Okay. They're not. That's not what I was thinking of.

[Andrew Walsh]

But you don't.

[Luke Burbank]

You think. You don't think that those Sperry Topsiders with their. With their rubber sole, as it were, are fit for walking out in your yard and solving this mystery once and for all? I feel like those shoes are totally up to the task.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I feel like they're up to the task of doing that. But then I. What I would like to do is continue to wear these shoes in the house for the rest of the afternoon. And I don't want to get them all wet and wet leaves get tracked in and everything. These are like my indoor shoes, but I wore them outdoors very briefly to empty. But I was mostly on pavement as I emptied the. Or as I brought the bins in. I didn't want to go tromping through the wet grass. I'll go out later. I'll figure it out. But, like, then what do I do with this? Why do you think you and I, this Yoda, was it a dog toy? Do you think a dog threw it over there?

[Luke Burbank]

Well. Or someone was throwing it for a dog. It doesn't look chewed up, though. And again, it's gotta be some updated Yoda, because old Yoda think about, like, the Yoda that we know from the Star wars movies. I mean, that Yoda was pretty jacked up like that Yoda's. That Yoda had seen things. This is like a kind of, like, fit. I mean, it's actually got a pretty nice tuchus. It looks kind of. It looks like pretty athletic, which makes me think it's got to be from some updated Yoda verse. The thing I was gonna say, Andrew, when you said inside shoes, is it just was another. It was another indication of the aging process that you and I are both experiencing. Because that's a real. That's real Mr. Rogers energy that you. You've got. Like, I'm not gonna wear my inside shoes outside. Cause then they'll be sullied. And I have found myself partially. Cause my house doesn't really have sufficient H vac yet. Like, it's got this mini split. But there's definitely. Depending on what part of my house you're in, the difference in temperature ranges wildly. And I have different sweaters for different rooms I'm in. I find myself changing sweaters inside my house two to three times a day, which also feels like very powerful Fred Rogers energy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, interesting. Yeah. I don't have an equivalent of that. Well, I mean, I have something kind of close, but it's not. It happens kind of once a day.

[Luke Burbank]

I do play with an imaginary tiger.

[Andrew Walsh]

I do play with an imaginary tiger. I'm trying to figure out why you said that.

[Luke Burbank]

Because Mr. Rogers, when he would go to the land of make believe, would talk to Daniel Tiger.

[Andrew Walsh]

He did have a Daniel tiger. Right. And Mr. Mc. Well, he was a real man. He was a real man. But then you had the princess with the weird. There was something about her cheeks that always made me a little bit uncomfortable.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, yeah, that was. It was crazy because there was. I think there was Lady Aberlin and then Lady Elaine Fairchild.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I get them confused.

[Luke Burbank]

One of them. I think it was one of them lived in a museum, go around and I believe would say, boomerang, Tumarang, Sumerang. Wow.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know more about this than I do.

[Luke Burbank]

I told you, I. PBS is the only reason that I can read as an adult. It's because I watched so much Channel 9 as a kid. So much KCTS.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was watching chips. That's not true, actually. I was not. I was not allowed to watch.

[Luke Burbank]

That's why you're a badass motorcycle cop now. I was a podcasting nerd.

[Andrew Walsh]

I will say, I don't know. Our parents were both strict. It sounds like, in different ways. But, like, my parents, like, I could not watch chips. I could not watch Dukes of Hazzard. Like, to my folks, these shows were red flags. Big time. They were very.

[Luke Burbank]

It was a red line.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good. God knows what they'd be talking about on them. But once it. When I get done with everything for the day, I sort of ease into my evening and like. Right. Wearing like kind of a short sleeve collared shirt. Right. And I'm wearing these jeans that I wear most days. A pair of just like kind of regular gray jeans and a belt and all that stuff. And then there's some point where I will be done with work for the day and assuming I'm not going out, I'm just staying home, then I will maybe like start, I don't know, maybe, let's say I'll maybe put on the podcast, start puttering around and then maybe throw a dart or two. And there's some moment. There's some moment where it's like, oh, it is evening time now. These are my times now. And then it's like I make this decision and it's like tonight, pants time. And that means I'm not going out anymore. I'm not running any errands. I'm not even running to the grocery store quickly or anything like that. And so that's when I go. And that's my Mr. Rogers moment. And then I usually will take off this shirt, like whatever shirt I'm wearing, and just wear like a downgraded one. I have this really oversized short sleeve shirt that is sort of like cut like a bowling shirt sort of. But it's just a dreadful beige color with a hula woman on the back of it. A hula girl.

[Luke Burbank]

This is the secret to keeping all of that sexual energy alive between you and Genevieve.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's exactly I'm hearing.

[Luke Burbank]

A person who has not given up.

[Andrew Walsh]

I say, can I slip into something more appalling? And she says, and she says, I know you're going to anyway, so what.

[Luke Burbank]

Was the other one you said yesterday? Oh, yeah, you'll be pleasantly disturbed.

[Andrew Walsh]

Pleasantly appalled, I believe. Same word.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

So as we're buying boots, vacation, the.

[Luke Burbank]

Word cloud of your relationship involves the word.

[Andrew Walsh]

More than. More than just literally too. Just like, that's the definite spirit of the relationship these days. So anyway, later on I might go out and grab that. It's clearly a Yoda. But like, I don't know, do I want to touch that Yoda with my hands? Should I get some gloves? Like, God knows where that Yoda.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you could always kick it over.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And just take a photo so we can see what we're dealing with. You know what? I thought it might have been for a moment, but. But I'm wrong. You're right. The ears are totally distinctive. I thought maybe it would be. I think somewhere in one of these. Is it the Toy Story movies, there's one of them where suddenly aliens got involved. Like these green aliens kind of showed up and now they're on, you know, all of these, like Pixar movies are on the, like, you know, 15th film in the franchise to where, like, it starts out being like, I know this isn't Pixar, but it starts out being like, you know, a despicable me. And it's a movie about a guy named Gru. But then everyone thinks the Minions are funny.

[Andrew Walsh]

I always forget about that, that it didn't start as a Minions movie.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, the Minions were the breakout stars of it. And now there's, like, 8,000 Minions movies. And then probably something else from Minions that the kids latched onto will also be a thing. So I feel like there was one of these movies, and I forget which one it was. Maybe when we bring our friend Cassian in a few minutes, she'll. She'll tell us. But, like, there was one where they meet these. There's this little alien. It's like a toy, though. It's like a little squeaky doll alien thing. But then it's multiplying in some way, and then I think it might have it. They might have their own movie now or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, okay. I don't know. You know, I've never seen a Toy Story movie. I haven't seen the first one or the one that makes everybody cry. Totally.

[Luke Burbank]

Third one, I need to. I probably should watch the third one. I haven't seen it, but, yeah, the word on the street was that it was, like, deeply emotionally resonant and impactful for people. And I think we can all agree that there's. Anything you need, anything we need in our lives more right now. It's really intense, emotional experiences that cause us to cry.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly. I'll stop watching Schindler's List on a loop and just check that out momentarily.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, Yeah. I would say lighten it up a little bit by watching the Toy Story. That has people emotionally gutted.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. All right, I'll report back on the Yoda in the yard.

[Luke Burbank]

The yard. Thank you. You know, my. My footwear thing is out here at the Madrona Hill studio. I have become a Birkenstock man. And not. It's not just, I have a pair of Birkenstocks, and then I have a pair of knockoff Birkenstocks made by a company called cv. And I keep one pair. One pair is here in the Madrona Hill studio, and one pair is down in the house. So that and the other thing I have. I have an umbrella that's hanging here in the Madrona Hill studio, and I have the same umbrella hanging in the house. So if I'm ever going from One to the other, I can slip into these clogs and I can have my umbrella if it's raining, and I never have to get trapped without my stuff that I need. But that's just the kind of guy you're dealing with. A guy that went from owning zero pairs of clogs four months ago to owning two pairs of clogs.

[Andrew Walsh]

The only thing more surprising than you being a Birkenstock guy is you being a knockoff Birkenstock guy.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know, you said knockoff, but it's just a different. It's a different company's spin on the same concept, but it's not like the tough skins to the Levi's company. It's more just like. I mean, it's also a fairly stylish brand. In fact, I don't know, the CVS might have been more. I forget what they cost, but it's like I am at this point where. And it happens a lot, actually, throughout the day, I need to go outside and do something. I don't feel like tying my shoes. I slip into these clogs. And every time that that happens, I feel like this was good planning. I feel really validated in my decision to buy these things.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I know we probably need to wrap this up because we have a guest waiting on the line now, but I'm not going to wrap it up. We're going to go probably another half hour, 45 minutes on this. No, I do want to know. I do want to know. If you have to be thoughtful about where you're leaving the shoes and the umbrellas, you go back and forth because it's like the old light switch problem. Right. If you have two light switches operating the same bulb, which one is in the up, which one's in the down? Like, there's. You could easily find yourself on the wrong side of the river with both umbrellas and both Birkenstocks.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, it's a real chicken and fox and whatever scorpion, bag of grain kind of a thing with the river. Yeah. You know what this involves me doing? Sometimes Andrew is just carrying the clogs around.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Because you're right. If I wear them from one place to the next. Well, for instance, sometimes I'll come out here in the morning and I'm actually coming out to do my little jog on the treadmill. So that's a dip. So I might come out in the clogs, then I put on the running shoes that are out here and then I run in them. But then I'm wearing the running shoes and then I go back inside and now I'm. I'm stranded. The clogs are stranded in the studio. So, yes, it is a complicated system that I'm still working on that does involve me just carrying shoes around most of the day out of what I think is convenience.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm glad I got you a clog carrier for Christmas. So that's all working out.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, wait, I sold my clogs to get you. I would say once every three months, I attempt to make a gift of the magi reference on the show and they have literally never worked out.

[Andrew Walsh]

Always a complicated story.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Anyway. All right, let's thank some donors.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you for being a tem.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, let's thank some donors who are supporting the program and, you know, making this a thing. Without these names that we're about to read, there would be no tbtl. Well, maybe without these specific names, there might still be tbtl.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, if there's. If other people took their place and their financial role in all of this, we could.

[Luke Burbank]

We. I think we have it built into the finances of the show that we could survive a reduction by six donors, but not seven.

[Andrew Walsh]

That does not pencil out for me. And I. I don't.

[Luke Burbank]

If we lose seven donors, if the next TBT Health on comes in at seven fewer donors, it's over. It's curtains. If it comes in at 6 fewer donors, we might be able to ride it out by reducing your salary, Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

And yes, I'm not willing to make that. And also I will be so emotionally damaged by the lack of those five or six donors that I will not have the energy to move on.

[Luke Burbank]

And that's a death spiral.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is a death spiral.

[Luke Burbank]

You're depressed because we're having fewer donors. The show is worse then fewer people. Listen. Fewer donors. That's it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yep. Yeah. That's why every single person is critical.

[Luke Burbank]

Including Jake Rah of Seattle, Washington. Jake and I go way back. Jake a fixture and Seattle music scene and I believe was a big part of us doing TBTL live at the Columbia City Theater low those many years ago. I think Jake was part of that project.

[Andrew Walsh]

Nice.

[Luke Burbank]

Jake, Great to see your name on this list once again. Appreciate you. Becky Callahan is in. Could it be that there's a place called Elk, Washington?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, interesting. Or is at the beginning of a town and we have a typo? You're wondering. Let me look at.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm not familiar with Elk. Elk, Washington.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's an unincorporated community in Washington state.

[Luke Burbank]

There you go. And it's where Becky Callahan is. Thanks, Becky. Jane and Ross Johnson are in Everett, Washington.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

We know that that's a place because it's also where Scotty Houghton is from.

[Andrew Walsh]

Scotty, the hobbies in Everett. I thought Scotty was a Seattle boy. He might have moved up north or. I just remember. That's right. Can't. We can't hang a sign. Is that it? You can't hang a sign on him? Is that what they say when somebody's moving around a lot?

[Luke Burbank]

They say a rolling stone gathers no moss.

[Andrew Walsh]

They definitely say that.

[Luke Burbank]

They say a watch pot never boils pop up. I think there's a line. Isn't there like a. Isn't there an arcade fire line? That's like they say a watched pot never boils. Can't make a baby with motor oils.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, man.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, I feel like that was awful. That big, you know, their big record. And I've never understood that line. I mean, I know the watch pod.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think I understand it. I think they're looking for something to rhyme.

[Luke Burbank]

I know, but I feel like Wind Butler is better than that generally, from a music standpoint. Scott, thank you. We really appreciate you. And also Jeff Stewart of Bainbridge Island, Washington. What a lovely, lovely pill. If you can swing it. Bainbridge island, it's close enough to Seattle to do all the fun Seattle stuff, but also just unbelievably bucolic. And also it has Jeff Stewart. And then down here near me in Portland, Oregon, we've got Kevin Wilson. Now, this is interesting, Andrew. The new mayor of Portland, Oregon is named Keith Wilson. Is it possible Keith and Kevin are brothers? They come from one of those families where everyone gets a K name.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here's what I'm going to propose. What if they're the same person, but Keith is going a little undercover because you know that you get in these, I don't know, not actual misconduct, but just the appearance of misconduct by donating to a podcast.

[Luke Burbank]

He's using city of Portland funds to support tbtl.

[Andrew Walsh]

We need to look at the envelope the donation came in. You know, I'm not gonna examine that because I appreciate the donation so much. I know.

[Luke Burbank]

Follow up questions.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. But thank you for serving and I voted for you.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you, Keith. Kevin Wilson of Portland, Oregon. Thank you to all of our donors for making TBTL possible here on this Friday edition of the show. We couldn't do this without you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

As you heard at the very beginning of the show, we had some audio of somebody talking about some truly Questionable parenting and that, you know, that's coming from a guy who was raised with some truly questionable parents himself. So I know from bad parenting. And yet this has got me beat, I think. That is our dear friend Cassie Chatelaine, who is joining us right now to expand on the story. Hi, Cass.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Hi, guys. Good to see you both. So good.

[Luke Burbank]

Great to see you. You look very festive. Andrew mentioned. Did you have to duck out of, like, a work holiday party or something?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

I did, and I have a second party coming up, and this is one of those problems where I'm like, oh, this gold is too heavy in my pocket. You know, it's a good problem to have. You know, I spent the day at work parties, but I'll say my. My holiday spirit is running thin because I was the one kind of putting together the catering and this and that, and then the caterer got lost, and he was kind of telling me, well, you gave me the wrong address. And I said, no, I didn't. And then I said. I actually said to this guy, you know, for all I care, you can go fly a kite. And I'm like, maybe I shouldn't be the person helping put on these events, because I can flip pretty quickly. And it's like, I'm real cool until. Until I'm not. And I'm like, oops, sorry, what happened?

[Andrew Walsh]

What was the response?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, how does somebody respond? I feel like I would have a hard time being mad at somebody who told me to go flick.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

It was kind of funny, honestly. It kind of leveled out the conversation because we were. We were both having, like, a moment. And then I think he leveled with me. And he's like. Like I said, I'm pretty. My Christmas beard is wearing thin. And he goes, you know what? Me too. And I said, oh, okay, cool. Then we're. We're kind of. It felt like we were now on the same page, so it was nice in the end.

[Luke Burbank]

Did the stuff get to where it needed to go eventually?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yes, thank God it did. But, oh, my God, across the street we have mulled wine and karaoke, and it's going to be awesome. But I'm like. I'm kind of at that point where I'm like, I'm ready for my nap.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's what I was wondering about, because I am a follower of yours on Instagram, and I saw that you posted, like, maybe that you had gotten, like, a hotel room or something.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You were like, I believe you wrote something like, the shows that I will be binging and the cheeseburgers I will be eating in this bed, y'all. Absolutely. Was that. Are you still coming off of that? Did that. Did that reset everything for you?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

I wish it did. I really wish it did. But I did go to bed last night at, like. Like, 7pm and it was awesome. And I did, in fact, eat cheeseburgers in bed.

[Luke Burbank]

And did you order them from the hotel or doordash or make them in the room?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Doordash? I did doordash and they forgot my fries. But I said, hey, I didn't tell anybody to fly a kite on that one. I just sucked it up. But this. This kind of ties into the depressing shows you guys were talking about watching. Ooh, have I been on a binge watching shows about North Korea?

[Luke Burbank]

What they exist? Are these docs or are these, like, dramas that are set in a bunch of docs?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

So it's like any YouTube doc that's out there on North Korea, you can bet I watched it.

[Luke Burbank]

What have you learned about this secretive nation?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Oh, my God, it's unbelievable. Probably the most alarming one was, did you guys. You guys probably knew about that guy Otto something?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Wormburner, something like that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Yeah. That was a messed up one, right?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

That was super messed up. College kid, you know, goes to North Korea, goes out and I think kind of got drunk and then started tearing down, allegedly tearing down posters of Kim Jong Un. And that was. You know, that's a major, major offense there. And then came back, like, in a coma in, like.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good grief.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, he was a pretty. He was in a. He was in a really, really, really bad way. And then I think passed away eventually. You know, they. They. It would appear that he was sort of beaten close to death by the authorities there.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

And, yeah, like, it's. I will occasionally on my TikTok feed. And again, who. How this is, for me, I don't know, but I'll just get, like, somebody with footage of just, like, North Korea at night and just the. Maybe when there's a curfew or whatever. And just the. What feels like the desolation of it is just, like, hard to even imagine. And yet people are also living there. They're going to places, they're making soup. They're like they're having a life. It's very hard to conceive of what that life looks like.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

That's it. It's so inconceivable to me that that's why I find it weirdly, very fascinating, as I'm sure a lot of People do, but it makes for a weird moment, like last night, like me just sitting on this king bed by myself, eating cheeseburgers and watching North Korea documentaries.

[Andrew Walsh]

When you're in a hotel room like that, watching North Korea documentaries, are you plugging your computer into the tv? Are you sitting there just with your laptop on the.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Just with my laptop on the bed. I'm not advanced enough to do, like, any of the. Like, the other tips. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

If you haven't already seen it, Cass. There's a book called Nothing to Envy, which is a. It was, bizarrely, a TBTL obsession many years ago because Jen Flash Andrews read it and was captivated. And it's basically a book about North Korea. I think we had the author on the show.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

No, I've got to re. Listen to this freaking episode.

[Luke Burbank]

I can't remember if we. We talked about the book a lot, but it's called Nothing to Envy, and it's. It's. It's been a long time since I read it, but it's a very, very interesting book about North Korea. If you ever want to.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Good. I'm gonna put that on my list. I'm gonna put that on my list before. Before we change the subject, can I. Can I also. One other thing. You guys were talking about Mr. Rogers, and I also have a Lady Lang Fairchild puppet. It's amazing. It is truly amazing. And I used to have an Airbnb in Seattle, and I would put my Lady Elaine Fairchild on the shelf, and whenever I came back to the apartment, she'd be facing the wall. Cause it creeped.

[Andrew Walsh]

Your guests were so creeped out by it that they just always made her face the other way.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, Lady Elaine Fairchild was bringing together every upsetting element of puppetry she's got, you know, she's sort of like Elaine Stritch meets Pinocchio meets Pagliacci the Clown.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Like somebody who has really bad rosacea for some reason.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Like, there's nothing about her appearance that. If you're just like a little kid and you look at it, there's nothing welcoming about it at all. I guess that maybe that, you know, that was because she's. If there is. If there is such a thing as a bad guy in that world, I guess it would be her, probably.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, really? I didn't remember that. Was she. Well, first of all, was she a drinker? Is that the.

[Luke Burbank]

She certainly got a gin blossom happening. I mean, here's the thing. Nobody was. This is the land of make believe. Nobody was going to be, like, deviously bad. She was just more like a little selfish, a little proud. You know, she just had embodied characteristics that were not really the greatest. But she wasn't like, you know, plotting a terrorist event at Owl's Tree.

[Andrew Walsh]

She's opinionated. And this is according to the official MrRogers.org she's opinionated, eccentric, and often stirs up trouble. But she's also the one, one who stands up to King Friday VIII's unreasonable demands. So you also have a. You have the King Friday viii. He's also somewhat troublesome.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yeah, he was. Honestly. He was. Honestly. He was kind of an asshole. There's no doubt about it. And Lady Lane Fairchild, dare we say she was a Karen before the yes word Karen rolled out. Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I keep getting things on TikTok. Lady Elaine Fairchild totally owned over parking dispute entitled Lady Elaine Fairchild.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Messes with the wrong. No nonsense cop.

[Andrew Walsh]

Lady Elaine would like to speak to the manager.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, but then the other thing about that show that was for me as a young child was a little bit confusing is then there's a different. There's a human character named Lady Aberlin.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Why was she the only. I think she was the only human character on who got to.

[Luke Burbank]

Got to walk around in the land of make believe.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But her name. So I like Lady Elaine Fairchild, Lady Aberlon. They're very close together in terms of, you know, how they're described. Then you've got Daniel the Owl. No, you got. You got wise old owl, Daniel the Tiger. The King.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Henrietta Pussycat.

[Luke Burbank]

Henrietta Pussycat. All of them, if I remember. Voiced by Fred Rogers, right?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

All of them. Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

God bless him.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, it's nice for you to join us. Thank you very much.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, Enjoy your time. Let's spend our time together.

[Andrew Walsh]

Holiday party.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, let's talk a little bit about this situation that we found out about by way of your Instagram page. So how old were you when this went down and where were you living? What part of the country are we talking about?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

I was living in eastern Washington in a very rural town and community. The population of the town that I grew up in and stayed until I graduated high school was population 500 people.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wow.

[Luke Burbank]

What's it called?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

It's called Garfield.

[Luke Burbank]

Garfield, okay, I've heard of that. Just because it's such a. It's a unique name, but that would probably be the only reason.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yeah, it's like 25 minutes from Pullman. So, like when we would go to get groceries, it'd be like, oh, we're going to town we're gonna go to town to get milk. This is a big deal.

[Luke Burbank]

So Garfield, Washington, population 500. That's where you grow up?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yes, that's where.

[Luke Burbank]

And were you on a piece. So then presumably you're. You were living on a fairly rural piece of property.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Exactly. It's. It's very rural. It's very rural. But we did have a neighbor, and my dad called him. My dad actually called him Satchel. He had a name. He had a name. His name is. His name is Greg. But I didn't know that he had a name until I was like, 20. My dad called him Satchel because he seemed. You guys know what a Satchel is? It's like a bag where you keep your papers.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, sure.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

So Satchel, my dad was like, oh, he's a know it all. He knows everything. It's like he's got a Satchel with all the answers right there next to it.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a really creative nickname to give him.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

It's a weird one, isn't it? And so we. I sort of got. Until I was like, 20. I didn't. I was like, oh, yeah, what about Satchel? He's like, you know, his name's not Satchel, by the way.

[Luke Burbank]

But what's confusing is that is also a name like Satchel Page, right? You can be forgiven. Yeah, I mean, that's the only person named Satchel I can think of. But it is a real human name, I think.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, and how does this fit into. And maybe as you tell this story more, we'll get a fuller picture of your dad.

[Luke Burbank]

By the way, Satchel Page's name was Leroy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that was just a nickname. He probably also was a know it all. Might have been carrying around on his hat shell pitch it all. Was this, like, in character of your dad to give out, like, nicknames and stuff like that. Was your dad a bit of a character?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Abso. Absolutely a character. In fact, so much of a character that not to make, say, a grim statement, but he passed away, like, three years ago. And one of the things that I honest to God miss the most is going, God, I wish I could tell my dad what an asshole this person is. I'm like, he would love to hear what a prick I dealt with today.

[Luke Burbank]

That was a way that you guys really. That was a love language.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

That was our love language is bonding, like, hey, get a load of this. And then just going nuts on the person. You know, of course, they're not in the room to defend themselves, but, oh, how we loved it.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like, oh, I'm sorry. I feel like Becca and I can fall into that a little bit. It's a very bonding experience when you. When you and someone else agree how much a different person sucks. And like, sometimes I'll just be on a hot streak and we'll just be agreeing up a storm and then she'll just go like, thank God we're the only people who are perfect in the world.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, just like, nice little reminder that like, oh, yeah, I'm just shitting on every everyone.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Like a sprinkler.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

It's such a bonding experience. Nothing bonds people like a mutual hatred of somebody.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hate to say I was gonna say, I think you both have probably heard this story too many times, but I. It endears me to my dad so much that, like, he went through a phase when we were living together. I was in high school and we had just moved to Lakewood, Ohio. And he was trying to be a better person and not like, kind of call people assholes and everything all the time. Instead, he was turning to his faith and thinking like, listen, this person, he's a brother in the Lord. And so, like, he started like, referring like, nope, nope, that person cut me off. That's okay. That's a brother in the Lord. But it did not take very long for a brother in the Lord just to become a stand in for asshole so that you're just kind of like, look at this brother of the Lord over here.

[Luke Burbank]

So much better than asshole. I mean, honestly.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Oh, God, I love that. I gotta steal that. Andrew, if I can take a page from your dad's book, I would love to.

[Andrew Walsh]

Please do, please do. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So, okay, so the broad strokes of the story seem to be that your dad sent you guys, you kids over to Satchel's property. Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

When I heard it was about stealing a Christmas tree, I thought. I think, as Andrew said. Oh, you gotta. Did you see that story that Cassie put up about stealing a Christmas tree? And I was assuming it was you guys went to a Christmas tree lot.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

No.

[Luke Burbank]

And stole a tree. This was a live tree that was growing in Satchel's yard.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

This is like part of somebody's landscaping in front of their home.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

So it's not like a thick. It's not like a small thicket of trees. This is what I was trying to picture. This is like a deliberate specific. This is like an evergreen tree that's 7ft tall or something like that. It fits inside your house.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

I know. It's the most. Oh, My God, I just died. Yes, that's exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

So what happened? So how did he present this idea to. Was it you and one of your siblings or.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

It was actually my little brother, who I was 12 at the time, so my little brother would have been eight.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

And that's very young. And so of course, as an eight year old.

[Luke Burbank]

Very young for a crime. For a property crime.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yeah. You probably don't want to start your criminal record just yet, like till 13 or 14. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

But young enough that it is expunged. Young enough that they can't prosecute you as an adult. So there's a real sweet spot.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yeah, but exactly. It's like, that's when I know, why don't I hand my 8 year old a saw? A giant saw. So it was my brother and his friend who was probably about 10 years old, and he just gave him a saw and said, hey, go cut that tree down and bring it up, you know, to the house. Of course they did. You know, they think nothing of it. And the boys, I'm sure the boys were tickled pink with themselves. You know, that's a fun thing for a little to do.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. It's real Charlie Brown Christmas vibes. You're like, you're dragging this tree back. You've gone, you've harvested this thing. It smells great. Christmas is here kind of a thing.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yeah. Like, look at you. You get to demonstrate might and bring it up to the house, all this. So we did. And then, God, and then we, you know, they brought it in and, and.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are you feeling weird at this point though? Are you kind of like, this doesn't seem right or are you kind of just minding your own at this point? I'm.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

I'm like, this doesn't seem right. This is weird. And of course my dad, being the character that he is, is like getting an enormous kick out of it. He's like, oh, this is a riot.

[Luke Burbank]

That's what I was. Because I'm guessing in Garfield, Washington.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Or the, you know, incorporated in Garfield County. Is it Garfield county as well?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

It's actually Whitman County.

[Luke Burbank]

In Whitman County. Didn't you guys have some trees on your property?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

We did. We absolutely did. As a matter of fact, we have kind of a lot of them. But the truth is that this one was like, particularly beautiful. Like, it was, it was just.

[Luke Burbank]

It looked like a Christmas.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yeah. This one was absolutely stunningly perfect for a Christmas tree. Whereas ours might have been a little too bushy, you know, that sort of thing.

[Luke Burbank]

But this is part of Satchel's again, just so I understand this, this is a tree that Satchel is going to. That Greg is going to really notice is missing.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Oh, my God. Yeah, because it was at like the tip of. It was like where our driveway met his yard, but it was in fact his yard. You know what I mean?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

And it was very much part of the landscaping. Like, it was, it was quite. There's no way you could miss it. My God. And so I cringe to think Satchel looking out the window and going, what in God's name is this 8 year old doing sawing down my tree?

[Luke Burbank]

So do you think he observed this, this while it was happening or just when he came home at some point?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

I think he had to have been observing it because how else would he have known it was us? In a way? I mean, I guess he could have probably pieced it together and goes, oh, my God, there's the. There's my weird neighbors again.

[Luke Burbank]

Wait, wait. Okay, so I assume that there was a confrontation at some point. There was never a confrontation.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

That's what made it even creepy. Not creepy, just weirder is that there was absolutely no confrontation. We were all upstairs decorating the tree. So you're putting on the lights, the ornaments. You know, my folks had put it in the stand. I mean, at this point, it is our Christmas tree. It's in our living room. I don't recall. We had to have had Christmas music on. We most likely would have, of course, but. And then knock at the door, hey, it's the sheriff.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, okay. So there was a confrontation, but just not directly with Greg.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Not directly with Greg.

[Luke Burbank]

Law enforcement. Yeah, I thought, I thought Greg just let the whole thing go, but no, no, no, no. He was. He escalated it to tier two.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yeah, he sure escalated it. And rightly so, you know, rightly so. But it is just so traumatic as a kid to go, you know, here we are. I don't know, I imagine we were in nightgowns or something. We may not have been, but I just feel like we would have been decorating the tree. And here comes the cops and my dad is like, downstairs, like in the foyer, and we're all just at the top of the stairs, just like hearts in our throat. Hell. And it's humiliating for the cop who has to go, so, sir, maybe don't steal Christmas trees from the neighbor.

[Andrew Walsh]

So who answered the door? Do you think it was your dad or was it one of you?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

I think it was my mom, because that seems like my dad would have just been like, oh, who Cares, you know, it wouldn't have been his thing.

[Luke Burbank]

And then was your dad somebody who had. Was. Was he a known entity to the local law enforcement?

[Andrew Walsh]

That's a good question.

[Luke Burbank]

Contacts with the law enforcement. Absolutely.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

I'll stay say this, that he. He wasn't somebody who like, you know, did other than this one, like did crimes as. As eccentric and weird as my parents were and are, quite honestly, they were never like, they never broke the law. They never really did. They really didn't. But they were like. They were weirdos. I mean, and that's why I. I was thinking about this, talk this before I was going to meet you guys and I said my child was really just a series of humiliations.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

So because of that, I feel like I'm extremely resilient now. Like, it takes a lot to embarrass.

[Luke Burbank]

Me, you know, I think I'm the opposite. I also felt. Yeah, I felt like I was a very embarrassed kid. I mean, I think probably most kids, you know, feel obviously insecurity and stuff, but because we were this huge family and we were. We prayed before dinner, like in public and like, I didn't have stylish clothing because we didn't buy, you know, everything was secondhand. I carried around all this embarrassment all the time.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And the thing though, in adult life, the way that's manifested is if I feel embarrassed in adult life, I lose my shit.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Oh, is that right?

[Luke Burbank]

As opposed to like, I'm not more. I'm not more comfortable in that space. I'm more triggered by it, you know, than maybe somebody else. So you've definitely. I think you, you healed in the proper. You grew in the right direction over this thing. Cassie, I did not.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Oh my gosh. But you know, what game recognize game, you know, raised in a family, it was kind of like, oh, we're. We're kind of. We're a little out there, aren't we? We're a little out there. It does tend to. Yeah, I. I like to think you can probably relate to this too, Luke, which is like, I'd like. I hope you can relate. I have the just the right amount of trauma to not be hopefully insane, but to hopefully be funny. You know, that's my.

[Luke Burbank]

I was talking about this with my mom a while ago, which was. Yeah, I think basically I feel like I have a. I have this unearned confidence that I can do things and it'll work out from my mom, who has an unearned confidence that like everything is probably easier than you think it is. And no sense of ever being like, oh, am I cut out for this or am I good at this? No, you're probably good at it. Yeah, I got that from her, thankfully. And I got. There was enough trauma in my childhood. Yeah. To have a lot of stories, but not the kind of trauma that some people go through which caused them to have to shut down. Like, I got just, I got lucky. I got, I got enough for some good stories and a mid level media career, but not, not, not enough that I have to be institutionalized.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Right, exactly. Well, I will say all that to, first of all, bless your mom. That's such an extraordinary quality and I love that in people. I love that in people. But all that to say I am medicated. I am medicated.

[Luke Burbank]

Sure. Absolutely. Now, here is what I was wondering about. Did the police confiscate the tree?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

No, no, thank God.

[Luke Burbank]

You got to keep the tree.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

I think it was so damn pitiful. I think the cop just said, dear God, this is so freaking pitiful. Look at these damn kids.

[Luke Burbank]

Did he tell one of your brothers to get a crutch? Just go full Tiny Tim.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Oh my God, let it go. He said, he said, screw it. He said, you know, like, please don't do this again and I'll tell the neighbor to, you know, your apologies or what have you. And maybe one of these days I can come back for a different holiday because I have loads different story of.

[Luke Burbank]

Your dad stealing a different holiday related item.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Let me put it this way. My mom, when I, after I did that video, I was kind of cracking up and I was like, mom, I was thinking of this story from Christmas. One of the dad's stories or a story about dad from Christmas. Her response? Just this. Oh, God, which one?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, your mom you mentioned, you describe her also as a character and sometimes I do see her as well featured on your Instagram feed in very, very charming ways. I think I told you last time you were on the show. I don't know if envious is the right word, but I have a lot of respect for, and maybe I'm a bit envious of the relationship that you seem to have with your mom. You guys seem very close and have tons of fun together. I'm sure it's all an act. When the camera goes down, the real, the real life begins. But like, was your mom a character in the, in this in a similar way as your dad? Meaning that were they sort of partners in crime on this or when your mom answers the door and there's a police officer there, would you Refer to in your. In your song, like, as pretty traumatic. And I don't know if you just said that because it rhymed with dramatic or if it truly was drama, but, like, was she kind of like, oh, Lord, what have you done this time? Or was she like, oh, yeah, no, we're gonna go cut that tree because.

[Luke Burbank]

This is keeping her shit together. Is the. God, no, she know the shot.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Definitely the one who's like, oh. Because I can't tell you my dad's name is Scott. And she's like, oh, Scott. You know, like, she's technically like that. Oh, my God. What. What was it? Some of the phrases she would say, like. Like, get a grip or that kind of thing. So, you know, it was a lot of her eye rolling and, oh, my God, you know, and he's really lucky because she has the patience of a saint. She could kind of deal with a lot of this where I think most people would just be, like, pulling their hair out. That said, my mom is extremely eccentric and unique and marches to the beat of her own drum in a totally different way. Like, a totally different way.

[Luke Burbank]

What was the relationship like with Greg, AKA Satchel, going forward?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Oh, man. Extremely weird.

[Luke Burbank]

Was that a turning point? Like, could you measure things before and after the tree incident?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

God, it was the kind of thing where I felt, like, such a. A pang of embarrassment and shame if, God forbid, I did see him, you know?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I know.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

My dad. My dad just wasn't a fan of the guy. And so it's like.

[Luke Burbank]

So. I mean, that's. So. That's. I guess the other question, which you can't know because you weren't inside your dad's head, but, like, was your dad just trying to kind of troll the guy, do you think? Or he thought that no one would ever figure it out, or he had impulse control issues or.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yeah, no, I think my dad was just outright did not like this guy. And I think because they got in a dispute, like, when my folks first moved in, he. Not to get too far into the boring details, but I don't know if.

[Luke Burbank]

You'Ve heard TBTL before, but that's kind of our bread and butter.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hurry up. Because I need to describe a spreadsheet to Luke really quickly.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Well, when my folks first moved in, my. My mom was pregnant with my brother. Like, nine months pregnant. And Satchel head, like, we. We had gone to the Renaissance Fair in Moscow, Idaho. Fabulous time. And we pulled back up home, and our driveway was like. There was, like, caution tape around it. Like, don't you Know, like, you can't get in. And so, of course my dad was like, what in the hell is this? And he had to speak to Satchel, and Satchel had done that because he's like, your driveway is, you know, four feet over on my property line. So we had to like, bulldoze down, like, a part of our yard to, like, rebuild a different driveway so that my dad is. I think I get this from my dad where it's like, I'm real cool, and then if you, if you go there, I will dismantle you. Like. Yeah, actually, Luke, I remember, I remember this episode years ago on the mental illness happy hour. And I could relate to this. Oh, yeah, you said, you said like to some guy, like, you have with the wrong mother.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah, that was always my, that was sadly my catchphrase for about a decade.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yeah, I, I relate to it. I, I, and I think my dad is a lot like that. And so I think he just had it out for Satchel. And so it was kind of like a trolling. It was vindictive. It was vindictive, huh?

[Luke Burbank]

Do you, do you, do you do a Christmas tree these days, Cassie?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yeah, you know what? I haven't got one yet. And I want so badly too. But you know what, guys, they're kind of spendy. Maybe I ought to find some.

[Luke Burbank]

In the Bay Area, right?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yeah, imagine. Oh, God, I just go up to some millionaire's house, multi, multi millionaires, and just start cutting down.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, honestly, as Andrew's been saying, we're in a real Eat the rich moment.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, we are.

[Luke Burbank]

You might become the next folk hero. Just harvesting your own Christmas tree from Loreen Powell Jobs house.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, we have a new tradition in our house that's a couple of years old now. Now Genevieve is like very much a live tree, like, Christmas tree person. Like, I'm somebody who, when I was living by myself, I remember my parents got me a small, little like, tabletop fake Christmas tree. And that was fine for me. Like, I put on a, you know, you put a couple of ornaments.

[Luke Burbank]

I like that you even set that up. I could have seen like a 23 year old Andrew just like, you know, having no patience for that kind of thing. Even a little tabletop thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I'm trying to think what would be a punk. Like, I'd have like a, just a ashtray and I'd.

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, I'm not trying to say that you were like, I just mean, I could see it staying in the box and you being like, I don't Know, I live by myself, and, yeah, what, am I gonna put tiny presents under the tiny tree?

[Andrew Walsh]

But it was like, I remember it feeling kind of cozy in my first little apartment, or my very, very, very humble little apartment, have a little tree. But then when Genevieve and I started living together, like, she's like, no, no, I am a. I'm a Christmas tree person. We're going to get a Christmas tree. And she's very like, I don't do fake Christmas trees. Like, we get a real Christmas tree. She's just traditional about that. And so that's fine. That's been our tradition for a while. Even a couple of times, or at least once in la, I surprised her with a Christmas tree. She came home to one, and that meant a lot to her, I think. But what started happening a couple of years ago now is there's a Christmas tree farm that we go to in Wedgwood every year. And I'm blanking on the name of it. Hunter Farms or something like. Like that. Huntington Farms. And that's where we'd been getting our Christmas trees. But then last year, Genevieve wanted to try a new place, and then this year, somebody gave her a coupon for a new place. So the new tradition is we go to a new place, and then Genevieve gets appalled by the prices of the Christmas trees there, and then we stamp out of there, and then we go back to the same place in Wedgwood where we've been going. So Genevieve got a coupon for $25 off this place, like in the south side of the city. So just the other day, we got in the car, and we probably drove 20, 25 minutes to go to this Christmas tree farm, probably off of 99 or something. I can't remember exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

When you say farm, are these trees in the ground and you cut them?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, they call it a farm, but no, no, it's just a Christmas tree place where the farm is somewhere else and the farmers bring them in. Yeah. But in this particular case, Genevieve has this $25 off coupon, and she's so excited about it. But then the very first tree she looks at, I'm slow getting out of the car these days. So I'm getting out of the car, and she's already in there, and she's like. She's already, like, whispering loudly to me. This tiny tree is $185. Like, she's looking at one that's like, you know, be, like, several feet taller. She's like, this place is not for us. Like, we hadn't Even barely set foot in it. Then we did a quick courtesy sort. She's like, oh, of course you're gonna give me a 25 coupon if you're gonna raise everything by 75. So I was like, okay. I mean, I'll happily. I think I even said on the way there, I think I said, if we end up going down here and none of these trees are for you, I'm happy to go to another place for you with you. But not today. Like, can we. Can we like, keep it to like one Christmas tree experience per day and then we'll go to Wedgewood.

[Luke Burbank]

You would never make it in a Hallmark movie, Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

No.

[Luke Burbank]

You'd be on Christmas tree farm number six before the sun was down and loving it.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know. You don't think I could make it in hot frosty the other day?

[Luke Burbank]

You know, I am not sure what a real Christmas tree costs because I haven't had a real one for a long time because I have this aluminum one from the 1950s, which I had a different one, the same kind ever gleam. And then I got divorced and then that one stayed at the old house and then I wanted to get another one and I had to go on ebay and it was really expensive, like in the hundreds and hundreds of dollars. But what I'm realizing is it's basically like five Christmases of a live trip. And this is the thing. I bet you what Genevieve loves about that live Christmas tree is the smell. I have this Fraser fir diffuser that's it's like mainlining the smell of a freshly cut Christmas tree. So it might be worth thinking about in years to come. Buy a really, really convincing artificial tree and then just get dial in your potions and your smells.

[Andrew Walsh]

She's got that, I mean, I think inspired by you. She's had that for several years. She just brought it out last night. In fact, our entire upstairs. We don't have the tree yet, but entire upstairs smells very evergreeny right now.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

I love that. You know, you can also do what I do, which is I don't have a fireplace, but I do get like little palo santo incense or whatever. It smells just like a wood burning fireplace. It's phenomenal.

[Luke Burbank]

Smart.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

What kind of incense is that? Is it like just a stick of incense or is it burned in a different way like we used to do it?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Stick of incense. It's kind of like a bunch of wood chips mushed together and then. Yeah. And it smells just like a fireplace. It's phenomenal.

[Luke Burbank]

It's the hot new. It's not even new anymore, but it's the hot smell. Andrew, to have. If you go. There's a certain kind of store that you go into that's usually got a concrete floor. They sell one T shirt, and it smells like this thing. Like, you know, that you're in a place where they're familiar with the music of M.J. lenderman. If you smell enough. Palo Santo. Basically, I'm describing my daughter's entire aesthetic. But I love that smell now. It's a good smell. I'm not trying to.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

No, I know what you mean, though. Like, this is the kind of thing where, like, they would sell crystals as well, you know?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. I guess what I mean, too, is just like, there's also a kind of. I don't even know if you'd call it a perfume, but there's a kind of a gloss. Is it. No, glossier is what Becca wears. There's this other kind. I forget. I was at a party, and everyone. A number of women I was talking to were comparing notes on smells, and one of them was the same thing my daughter wears, which is. Is not an incense thing, but it's something that every girl her age on Capitol Hill wears. And, like, so when I smell this kind of a smell, I feel like I know already. I know all about this person. They will likely part their hair in the middle. They will likely have jeans that are frayed at the bottom. Like, there's a whole lifestyle that comes with this particular scent.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Because you all got the memo on this smell. One last thing. On Christmas trees, which. Cassie, you used to live on Capitol Hill, right?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Oh, yes. Did I ever. Yeah. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you ever get your Christmas tree from the chicken soup brigade spot that was up there on, like, John. So that was Addie and I. Every year, we would go to the Chicken Soup, which was, like, a charity that raised money for folks that were dealing with HIV and aids.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, we used to go there.

[Luke Burbank]

We would buy. It was our, like, you know, from when she was 2 until she was however old, you know, we would always go. Even when we lived down in, like, Mount Baker, we'd go up to this chicken super gate, and it was always a ripoff. But I was like, it's kind of for a good cause.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

But maybe. Maybe Christmas trees are just way too expensive these days. I was just figuring I'm overpaying for this because it's a donation, but sounds like they're pretty expensive everywhere. Now.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm on the Hunter Farm website here because I know that Genevieve looked it up. She's like, yeah, no, these are way overpriced. Whatever they're selling them for at Hunter Farms is fine for her. So we're driving back from this place just the other day that is deemed way too expensive. And on the way back, it might have been on 15th, not 99 on 15th. We pass another Christmas tree place, right? And I'm like. And I say to her, I'm like, well, there's one. And I wouldn't have mind stopping here. I just didn't want to drive all the way to Wedgwood. But I said, well, there's another place there. Like, they're selling trees. Like, do you want to check it out? I'm like, oh, look. And it's the Scouts. Because I'm like, hey, I don't even know what kind of Scouts, but I'm like, hey, it's the Scouts. And Genevieve says, well, if they're not putting their prices on the outside, they don't want me to know what the prices are. I'm not stopping. I'm like, all right. Wedge wood it is coming out.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Swing busting skulls when it comes to these.

[Luke Burbank]

She listen, I know a lot has been said, a lot of ink has been spilled about old Seattle, but, boy, Genevieve really missed out on Chubby and Tubby. That was the home of the $5 Christmas tree.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Really?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah, the Chubby and Tubby on Aurora, which I believe is now, like a RADA paint at, like, 85th and Aurora there right by Bagley Elementary School. I think it's a paint store that used to be Chubby and T. Chubby. My dad and I painted the Chubby and Chubby on there, but they were famous in Seattle when I was growing up for $5 Christmas trees.

[Andrew Walsh]

Were they good, though? Because Genevieve won't stand by. See, Genevieve wouldn't get a cheese tree if it wasn't.

[Luke Burbank]

She's got champagne taste and a ginger ale budget.

[Andrew Walsh]

She's got exactly. She's got. She's got very high standards. She goes around. Watching her at a tree farm is a whole thing. Like, she's going around like she's talking.

[Luke Burbank]

To you, but checking the trees on the trees, looking at the trees.

[Andrew Walsh]

She's always. Yeah, she's. She's like, kind of like feeling this and feeling that, and it's like you're just watching her brain do a whole bunch of different things at once. It's really quite something.

[Luke Burbank]

So what? So you. But you now haven't gotten another tree. That was an unsuccessful Tree run. What do you think you'll end up shelling out for this tree? Because I don't think you can get a really, really nice full kind of, you know, sort of handsome Christmas tree but then pay 20 bucks for it.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I mean, I think that. I think when. And that's why I'm mad. I can't find this here. But I'm glad you could join us for this, Cassie. By the way, sorry, we've really stolen.

[Luke Burbank]

This is all related to Cassie's story.

[Andrew Walsh]

It really. But I think Veeves looked it up and I think she said yes. 20 bucks a foot seems about right. So if we get like a seven foot tree, that's 140 bucks. Like I think that is the range. Like Genevieve was looking at a tree at this other place that was shorter than me. So it's probably like a maybe, you know, it was a very cute little five foot tree, but a small guy marked it like 185 or something like that. And that's where v. And that's where Veeves was like, this is not our place. She's. That's where she got appalled by this $25 coupon. She's like, this is. This is too expensive. Even with the coupon now. I think she was insulted.

[Luke Burbank]

One last question for you, Andrew and Cassidy, if you have a thought on this. But do you. I had, back when I was doing live Christmas trees, I had a sort of a. An inflection point, if you will. I had a moment where I. When I was first buying Christmas trees, I was buying the like the kind that were bushy, kind of bushy and you know, kind of a triangle that was bushy. And then I had accumulated these ornaments over the years and I was like, the ornaments look like shit on this. And that was when I shifted into is it noble fur? What are the kind where it's like bred to have space between. So it's like a less. It's a less husky tree, a less bushy tree. It looks more sparse.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Could that be blue spruce?

[Andrew Walsh]

I forget what I think. Frasier fur is what we usually go for.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, the kind that I started getting eventually was the kind that it's very shapely. The shape of it is very sort of. I don't know what you call it has nice lines to it, but it's not a very full Christmas tree. But it's like bread so that you can hang an ornament from it and it won't hit the next level of branches. It's almost got like tears on the tree.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

I know the ones you're talking about. Andrew, you know the ones, too. I don't know the name of them, but I know what you're talking about because we all have those ornaments where. Where it's like Grandma embroidered you this massively heavy ornament, and, yeah, it just drags down the whole damn tree.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it's a noble fur, by the way I'm looking at it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Noble is the kind that you got with the more space. We do like a. We don't like to see too much space in the tree. Oh, big news. While we're here, Vives went. You know, we've been kind of doing that thing a lot of families do where you're kind of. You pull out the Christmas lights and which strings are still working and which aren't, and then you're crabby and, like, in the middle of dressing the tree, you have to run to Target or something to get two more strands or all of that. Well, this time just Genevieve's like, no, no, we're going to start over. We're going to the store. I did take her to Fred Meyer. She said, at some point this week, this. On the way back from our failed attempt at getting a Christmas tree. She's like, okay, at some point this week, I'm going to go to Fred Meyer and I'll look to see if they have. She'd already had, like, one really disappointing attempt at getting lights this year, and it didn't work out for her. So this is where I get to be in the Hallmark movie again, is on the way home. I take a turn at one point, and she doesn't realize until later. She's like, where are we going? I said, my dear, I'm taking you to Fred Meyer so you can buy these Christmas tree lights that you want. And she said, oh, good. The plan this year is to get all white lights this year, as opposed to. Which I don't. I know that that's a nice kind of classy look. I usually go for more of a. I like the different color lights. It gives me a very nostalgic, sort of warm, cozy feeling. But this year we were kind of just kind of getting rid of all the old lights, and we're bringing in five boxes of new white lights, and we're starting fresh this year.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yeah, the white lights are extremely elegant, and I know a lot of people go that route, too. But, Andrew, I'm kind of with you. You know, the ones I miss is, like, the larger bulbs.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

The colorful larger ones. That we all had growing up, you know?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. You could cook an egg on it, dance a lot.

[Luke Burbank]

They're basically the kind that are in that Corona commercial where there's, like, a scraggly string of lights on a palm tree. This commercial has been in rotation for longer than. I just saw it this year during a palm.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are they still doing it?

[Luke Burbank]

They're still doing it. It's just a little, like, you know, Key west beach with, like, a palm tree and then a little hut or, you know, a little cabin. And then the. Someone's whistling, oh, Christmas tree. And then somebody just hits something and you get just this little multicolored, but kind of like almost like a little bit sparse string of lights around a palm tree.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's the whole commercial.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it's a classic.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Yeah, they're still rolling with it. Hey, if it works, great.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. I haven't stopped drinking Corona since I saw the commercial. I'm lit right now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Also a problem. Cassie, before we let you go, let's just wrap up your Christmas tree story. How did the rest of the holidays feel to your memory? And I'm not trying to put too much on this if it's not there, but without getting into too much detail, because this could really derail us. I haven't even told Luke about this because I don't want to talk about it, but I got into another little confrontation with the security guard at the grocery store the other day.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, no.

[Andrew Walsh]

We'll save that for another time. But let me just say this. It was still over whether or not.

[Luke Burbank]

I could take a trip at Peter Sarsgaard Grocery.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. Once again, it was about whether or not I could take my backpack in. I thought I was going to be cooler about it. I was demonstrably not. And I said some things that I regret. And anyway, the point is, it was just a quick trip to the grocery store, and I came back with, like, I think a loaf of bread, some fruit, and some salami. But I came back and I was in a terrible, terrible mood. Not even about the security guard or the store, More about my behavior. And I was so mad. And I. I still have not eaten the salami. And I. Every time I open up that little drawer and I see this thing of salami, I am reminded of my behavior at the grocery store the other day. And it gives me a really bad feeling. And I'm just wondering how this was this tree at all. Like, my salami is my question.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Oh, my God. And I know we don't want to go too far down a rabbit hole. But my God, can I relate? Andrew, I can so relate. I try to reel myself in, but I have those. Who doesn't have those moments? And you just. It's like, why did I go there? Yeah, I know. I've been there.

[Andrew Walsh]

But the phrase don't touch me again came in, came out of my mind.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean. So let's just. Let's just recap. Recap. This store has been open for less than a week and you've yelled, it's not right. Don't touch me again.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Wow.

[Luke Burbank]

At different moments. This is an under seven days of operation for this grocery store.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Andrew went back. That's impressive. We're taking them down. I'm not pleased. I'm not.

[Luke Burbank]

I actually love this. You know, Cassie, you mentioned my. You're effing with the wrong. I've. Now I've aged out of. You're messing with the wrong mother effer face. And Andrew's aging right in, which is great because we're always going to have something to talk about.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's always futile and impotent, and my timing is always off. And it's just. The point is I was just feeling really, really bad, and now I just wonder. Now I just have what I call sad salami in my refrigerator, which is.

[Luke Burbank]

Also slave sad salami. Andrew, you have to.

[Andrew Walsh]

Weren't you diagnosed with sad salami a few years ago?

[Luke Burbank]

That's not the medical term for it, actually.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Do you guys. Do you. Were your. Was your family sort of quirky enough just to be like, well, this is just another. This is another story. Or were you.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

We were pretty resilient even back then, where it's like, oh, God, another Wednesday night. I mean, that was a big one. It was really messed up, but we were able to brush it off even back then. Like, okay, let's put on the Christmas record and try and move on. My mom was. That's why my parents really balanced each other out, because my mom was the person like, okay, let's have some hot cocoa and try it.

[Luke Burbank]

So you had a fun Christmas and when you were, you know, grabbing presents from under that tree or whatever, there was no taint of, like, you know, you weren't imagining Greg just, like, sharpening a knife on the palm of his hand just on his side of the property line.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

No, exactly. Sharpening the knife. And then like that scene from Dennis the Menace where he, like, eats an apple with the knife. Like, just like, by the way, the.

[Luke Burbank]

Most menacing way to eat an apple. Apple oh, absolutely.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

And I do it. This is one of my, like, goals, is like, eat an apple like that. Like a real villain would, you know?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, that's achievable. Yeah, there's nothing. There's very, very few things that are more unsettling in cinema than the person eating an. Eating an apple with a knife who's telling you something, being faux casual. But, you know, it's only a matter of time before shit gets real.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

Totally. Oh, my God. The perfect person for this. You guys know John Voight in Anaconda? He's this kind of guy, you know, just like Mr. Cool Guy, but like. Yeah, I'm wielding a machete. Yeah, that kind of thing.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. The ice. Classic Anaconda.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm glad that your Christmas was not ruined by it.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

I have bounced back and I do love, love, love Christmas so much. And I'm heading to Garfield in like, two, whatever, whenever Christmas is. So. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So is your mom. Is your mom still on the property?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

She is.

[Luke Burbank]

Greg still on his property?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

He sure is.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, this is a plot twist no one saw coming. What's their relationship like these days? Frosty.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

I don't think they see much of each other. Thank God.

[Luke Burbank]

Omg. I mean, you know what you have to do this year, Cassie?

[Cassie Chatelaine]

What's that?

[Luke Burbank]

You have to plant a small tree on Greg's property.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, my God.

[Luke Burbank]

Some real John Denver Arbor Day vibrations.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

What an incredibly good idea, actually, because we have plenty of pinecones. I can just take a seed and. You know what? I might do it. I mean, even though it's not spring. Maybe now's not the time. I don't care. I might do it.

[Luke Burbank]

It's symbolic more than anything. Yeah, maybe you can tell us how it goes.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

I will. And what if he, you know, this is the time I get shot. Get the hell off my law.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, you can tell us how it goes as you pull buckshot out of your ass.

[Luke Burbank]

Garfield, Washington. A guy named Satchel was standing his ground.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

I can't say I blame the guy. Poor Satchel.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, well, Cassie, listen, thank you for taking time in between your busy social calendar to talk to us. We really appreciate you. It's fun having you on the show. Thanks for doing it.

[Cassie Chatelaine]

You guys are terrific. I just worship the ground you guys walk on. I love TV Channel forever. Woo. Okay, bye, you guys.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thanks.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, happy holidays. Bye. Bye. Bye. There she goes, our friend Cassie. A natural. An absolute. Like we were talking about the guy who rode his bike to the Scrabble tournament and won it and rode his bike home. That's basically Cassie riding her bike to a podcasting tournament.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

Take your first place.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know what? I forgot to get permission. She is such a like so much of the content on the show more and more is being spawned by things that she posted on Instagram. But I'm not sure if she has a kind of a public account or not. Let's find out over the weekend and if she wants some TBTL friendos following her we can let everybody know how to do that on Monday.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, okay. That's a good idea. That is going to do it for this week of tbtl. Thank you everyone for spending the time with us. We really do appreciate it. We are going to be back here on Monday with more imaginary radio for you. So we'll see you then. In the meantime, have a great weekend. Go Seahawks. And please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to all. Power out.