#4360 Farts All The Way Down

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live - Episode #4360 "Farts All The Way Down"

Episode Information

• Title: Farts All The Way Down
• Hosts: Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh
• Release Date: December 17, 2024
• Description: In this episode, Luke and Andrew navigate through a series of humorous and insightful conversations, touching on everything from household appliances to unexpected challenges with home renovations. Their trademark blend of friendship and wit makes for an engaging listen.

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1. Opening Banter and Personal Anecdotes

00:00 - 01:37

The episode kicks off with Luke recounting a humorous yet awkward conversation about being asked to be a pallbearer at a funeral. His jest about back issues sets a lighthearted tone for the show.

• Luke Burbank: "A pallbearer at Carl's funeral? Well, I don't. I. You know, I'm flattered. It's quite an honor..." [00:00]

Andrew quickly joins in, amplifying the comedic exchange with playful jabs at Luke's supposed physical limitations.

• Andrew Walsh: "Your back?" [00:38]

This segment showcases the camaraderie between the hosts, setting the stage for the day's discussions.

2. The Tarp Trouble: Navigating Home Renovations

00:38 - 05:05

Luke delves into his ongoing struggle with setting up a tarp as a makeshift shelter for a tile worker at his home. He describes the challenges posed by the perpetually rainy and windy weather of the Pacific Northwest.

• Luke Burbank: "I just spent probably an hour plus this morning in torrential rain, my running shorts, trying to hang a tarp on the side of my house..." [01:44]

Andrew empathizes, noting a common issue with contractor logistics, such as workers spending excessive time in their trucks.

• Andrew Walsh: "It was literally a major disaster." [02:41]

The discussion highlights the unpredictability of home projects and the complexities involved in coordinating with tradespeople, especially under adverse weather conditions.

3. Appliance Anecdotes: Dishwashers and Paper Towels

05:05 - 14:59

The conversation shifts to household appliances, particularly focusing on dishwashers and paper towels. Luke shares his appreciation for modern dishwashers, contrasting it with Andrew's preference for traditional hand-washing, citing concerns about the efficiency and practicality of dishwashers for individual use.

• Luke Burbank: "I've never had a really good new dishwasher. And it's incredible what those things will do for you." [08:30]
• Andrew Walsh: "I'm not a huge fan of a dishwasher because especially for the big stuff...you have to run it literally every single day." [09:41]

The hosts then pivot to discussing Bounty paper towels versus reusable microfiber cloths. Luke humorously critiques Bounty's advertising strategy, suggesting it unfairly targets cloth towels.

• Andrew Walsh: "But they'll have a a... look at these two hands under a black light. One of them is all nasty." [23:37]
• Luke Burbank: "Farts all the way down." [18:16]

This segment underscores the tension between disposable and reusable cleaning products, reflecting broader environmental and practical considerations.

4. ProPublica Story: A False Cancer Diagnosis

15:37 - 17:42

Luke introduces a ProPublica investigation titled "Eat What You Kill," which uncovers a severe case of medical malpractice. A cancer doctor in Montana incorrectly diagnosed a patient with lung cancer for 11 years due to negligence in reading scans.

• Luke Burbank: "Can you imagine living 11 years under the impression that you had stage four lung cancer and in fact you did not have it?" [15:37]

Andrew expresses shock and empathy for the patient, emphasizing the life-altering impact of such medical errors.

• Andrew Walsh: "No, I cannot..." [15:43]

The hosts highlight the critical importance of accurate medical diagnostics and the devastating consequences of oversight in healthcare.

5. Counting Crows and Personal Reflections

28:08 - 32:32

The discussion takes a more introspective turn as Andrew brings up the song "Mr. Jones" by Counting Crows, pondering its lyrics and underlying meanings.

• Andrew Walsh: "What does pass as cats mean? Does that mean like, really I'm a human?" [28:25]

Luke and Andrew analyze the song's narrative, speculating on themes of aspiration and identity. This segment showcases their ability to blend pop culture analysis with personal musings.

6. Listener Voicemail: A Heartbreaking Misdiagnosis

66:02 - 73:41

Towards the end of the episode, Luke and Andrew play a listener voicemail detailing a profoundly upsetting experience. A listener recounts how her husband, a teenage boy, was falsely diagnosed with AIDS due to a mix-up at a plasma donation center in the 1990s.

• Listener: "They said, 'we need to tell you that you have AIDS.' ... It was a death sentence in those days. ... They messed up the charts." [67:12]

The hosts express deep empathy, discussing the emotional toll such misdiagnoses can have on individuals and families. They reflect on the advancements in medical testing and the importance of accurate data handling to prevent such tragedies.

• Luke Burbank: "I mean, can you imagine being the kid, can you imagine being the parents?" [69:01]
• Andrew Walsh: "That must have been a hell of a 24 hours." [69:03]

7. The Ongoing Tarp Saga and Future Teasers

37:04 - 78:21

Luke returns to his tarp dilemma, providing a detailed account of his attempts to stabilize the shelter against relentless wind and rain. He describes improvising with water-filled buckets and slicing flaps into the tarp to allow wind passage, all while balancing his morning routine.

• Luke Burbank: "I keep going back to this question of, like, is like, could we just cut the stuff in the house?" [59:21]

Andrew offers practical advice, suggesting possible solutions and empathizing with Luke's frustration.

• Andrew Walsh: "If you want to have white glove service on all of this...you have microfiber money, not macro fiber." [60:39]

The episode concludes with acknowledgments to donors, shout-outs to listeners from various locations, and a teaser about an exciting voicemail related to Christmas trees.

• Luke Burbank: "We just have to give them some earned media..." [33:00]
• Andrew Walsh: "Tomorrow on the show, I have a very fun voicemail about Christmas trees..." [74:19]

Notable Quotes

• Luke Burbank: "All of these grommets are starting to not hold in the tarp has definitely gotten me nervous." [75:39]
• Andrew Walsh: "What are you doing? You call it. This is bunk journalism right here." [64:53]
• Listener: "This is, I think, the 90s...they messed up the charts." [68:30]

Conclusion

Episode #4360 "Farts All The Way Down" of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live is a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and serious discussions. From battling a rebellious tarp to dissecting medical misdiagnoses and critiquing household products, Luke and Andrew offer listeners a heartfelt and entertaining journey through their daily lives and broader societal issues. The episode underscores the value of friendship and resilience in navigating both mundane and profound challenges.

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For those who haven't tuned in, this episode provides a quintessential TBTL experience—rich in laughter, empathy, and thoughtful commentary. Whether you're intrigued by home renovation woes, interested in consumer product debates, or moved by powerful listener stories, Luke and Andrew deliver content that's both engaging and meaningful.

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

No, I honestly don't know the man. Well, understandably, Bob is pretty broken up by all of this, and he asked me to ask you if you'd be willing to be a pallbearer at Carl's funeral. A pallbearer at Carl's funeral? Well, I don't. I. You know, I'm flattered. It's quite an honor to be. I knew he would say yes, and normally I would. I would. I. You know, but my back. I have. I have back issues, honey. You know, my back. The thing with my back.

[Andrew Walsh]

Your back?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, it's terrible. And his arms are so weak. Little muscles like corn nuts. Yeah, yeah, we're just talking about my back, sweetheart. It's awful.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tbtl.

[Luke Burbank]

Back here live at the Waterfront Village with my friend the zombie, Jonathan. You're looking good, Jonathan. Just got an awesome face paint. What do you think? I like turtles. That's not how it works.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's not how any of this works.

[Luke Burbank]

Could one say that a book is nothing more than a painting of words, which are the notes on the tapestry of the greatest film ever sculpted?

[Andrew Walsh]

One could say that.

[Luke Burbank]

But should one? All right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Tuesday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are you sure? Mm. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

[Andrew Walsh]

Everything you're about to see is my real voice.

[Luke Burbank]

Coming to you from the Matrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty, windy and wet Columbia. My. Didn't know you like to get wet, though. I was reading the paper today, and I believe they described the weather. I don't know if this is a meteorological term or not or if it should be, but soupy. Soupy was how the weather was described. I just spent probably an hour plus this morning in torrential rain, my running shorts, trying to hang a tarp on the side of my house to create some kind of a shelter for this guy that's working at my house who's cutting tile. And I almost fell off the ladder. I almost got pulled off the ladder once by the force of the wind pulling on this tarp. It was like. It was, as we say on this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Show, it was literally a major disaster.

[Luke Burbank]

We'll talk more about that in a moment. It is episode 4360, by the way. Let the fun begin in a collector series. And I do know people are collecting them. Least one cool people one time collected it. You know, a lot of people have been posting their Spotify wrapped. We learned from Andrew that actually the rapification of a lot of different things, like different apps that we interact with has begun a lot of places kind of picking up that trend and showing you, you know, data points and things on what you did all year. Well, anyway, a politician in New Jersey, welcome to the Internet. Lied about his Spotify rap and got caught doing it, which led the New York Times to have to print a pretty funny retraction. I made a huge mistake or correction, I guess maybe. So we will talk about that today. And we're gonna talk to this guy, the longest running cobra of the show.

[Andrew Walsh]

So explain that.

[Luke Burbank]

It means he's the person who has been able to tolerate me professionally the longest of any of the places I've worked. He is Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning, Luke. I'm kind of excited. It is my understanding that longtime Seattle sports broadcaster Mike Gastineau may be coming to my house later today. If I understand gas man. Genevieve says that the gas man is coming to install a gas line later today. Oh, wow. I'm assuming that's Mike Gastonau.

[Luke Burbank]

Guy contains multitudes. There's William the Refrigerator Perry coming also at some point to help with another appliance in your kitchen. And then Vinnie the Microwave Johnson, the one time Detroit Piston. I'm just gonna keep.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know about the microwave.

[Luke Burbank]

Why is he the related people?

[Andrew Walsh]

I love that. How many? I mean, I. Now I'm nervous.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you have Melvin Patterson, who was a. He was a cornerback for the New York Giants and he used to get burned a lot, so they called him Toast.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, okay.

[Luke Burbank]

So that's kind of in the neighborhood. It's not actually the appliance. It's a thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Why was the microwave called the microwave? Because he was hot.

[Luke Burbank]

Because he heated up quickly.

[Andrew Walsh]

Cause he heated.

[Luke Burbank]

You'd put him in the game and he would just immediately start just like raining down jump shots like the, like an air fryer.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is anybody. Has anybody been labeled the air fryer yet? That would be a good one in this era.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe. You know what I mean? Maybe it's more a microwave. Maybe the air fryer is a more. Is the updated version of being the microwave.

[Andrew Walsh]

Andrew the Air Fryer Walsh.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. I. You know what? I think it's there for the taking.

[Andrew Walsh]

Andrew the Error. Error fryer. No step too far. Probably a step too far. But I like this.

[Luke Burbank]

I think if there's one more. What are other. What are some other. I mean, stove is an appliance. I don't know anyone whose nickname was Stove. I pretty much. Like I said refrigerator. You said the gas man. Yeah, I said the microwave. What else do we have? The toast.

[Andrew Walsh]

What about dishwasher? Luke? The dishwasher. Burbank.

[Luke Burbank]

Uh huh. Well, you sometimes, you know, you could put him in the spin cycle.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ooh.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's a basketball term.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's a washing machine, though, not a dishwasher.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not usually in the kitchen unless you're in Europe. Don't you think it's. I think it's interesting how, how to have your like laundry stuff in your kitchen would seem super weird in America, but it's very typical in Europe.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. You know, we had a mini washer. This just came up in conversation recently with somebody saying that they don't having like laundry facilities in a kitchen, although I can sort of see them being like ours are very nearby, but sort of sort of in a dedicated room. And I like that because it helps my, it helps my puttering be seamless. You know what I mean?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, what it is, it's the triangle. To take it back to Phil Jackson, it's the triangle offense. Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I thought it was gonna be the triangle of success by what's his name?

[Luke Burbank]

John Wooden.

[Andrew Walsh]

John Wooden. It's not a triangle of success.

[Luke Burbank]

You can be puttering in your kitchen. A pyramid of success.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, there you go.

[Luke Burbank]

Which is a triangle. Really? With more slaves dying with fewer.

[Andrew Walsh]

A triangle is easier to make than a pyramid.

[Luke Burbank]

No, but a pyramid, I'm saying pyramid is just a triangle with more force.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, no, certainly that's. That's the book on pyramids. Certainly that's. I like that as a.

[Luke Burbank]

That's all we need to know about them.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

No, but like, you know, when I was kind of, when I was remodeling, or not even remodeling, but like building this kitchen, this little kitchen in my house, which had just been like a little kind of room, like a dining room or something. Like it was not when I got here where the kitchen was. But one of the things that you're trying to do when you're figuring out the layout of things is does this create a triangle? Because that just makes there. Makes it. So there's an efficiency there of where you're standing versus where the other things are. It's just kind of a principle that helps. And, and like you can be in your kitchen doing something, then you can just kind of step right over into. I know the area that you're talking about in your house. It's right there near your kitchen. But it's not in your kitchen, but it's very close by, so you can kind of just putter around and be. You don't have to go down the stairs to the back of your basement to a room to, like, do the laundry.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly. In fact, you know, I'm taking a little. I'm taking a little moment here to reflect on all of the appliances that we've replaced so far. So. Because I'm thinking about. I don't know if we're really set up like a triangle, but we do have a dishwasher. I don't use the dishwasher all that much. And ours is particularly old and particularly feeble. Like, I don't. I think it's. I don't know exactly when it's from. I'm going to guess the 80s, maybe the early 90s. But it literally only has, like, one spinny thing in there. I go to friends houses and I open up their. Their dishwashers, and it is like, you have robots. Oh, my God. You got a little robot that's scrubbing other robots back. And you have to close it quickly because you're like, maybe I interrupted something. I mean, these dishwashers have so many doohickeys. And this has one feeble doohickey that just spins around the middle and hoses down the plate. So that's.

[Luke Burbank]

I was just thinking the other day of how grateful I am for my dishwasher and how much I use it every single day of my life that I'm here. I love it. It is one of the newfangled ones. There is a certain amount of robot sex happening in there, I assume. And I. Yeah. In fact, I have. You remember I talked extensively about, like, some pots and pans and things I bought that were. I guess technically you're not supposed to put them in the dishwasher. I don't care. I put them in the dishwasher. Like, I just put everything in there because it's. I've never had. Well, that's not true. I guess in my last couple of rentals, I probably had a newish dishwasher, but in the home that I've owned, I've never had a really good new dishwasher. And it's incredible what those things will do for you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I think in the last apartment we lived in, I think our dishwasher died maybe even pretty early on in our stay there, and so it was replaced by a new one. And this was a rental unit, so I don't think our landlord went like, you know, he didn't go super splashy on it, but it was just a new, modern dishwasher, and it really did make a difference. I'm not a huge fan of a dishwasher because especially for the big. For the big stuff, and it's all big stuff. I have a bumper sticker that says that sweat the big stuff and it's all big stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that one that's right below the signy guy always works.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. But, like, for me, it's like a dishwasher is a place where you put the pan where the. So the food could harden on it until you need it again tomorrow. Like, unless you have a big enough. I feel like a big enough crew or big enough family, or you're just going through tons and tons of plates and especially pots and pans, you have to run it literally every single day. Otherwise, if you need that pan tomorrow, which, you know, like, I don't know about you, but I have, like, a favorite pan or a go to pan. We have other pans, but there's one that just, like, fits my needs perfectly. And if it's like, I make eggs in the morning, I put in the dishwasher, but I need it at night. What am I doing? I'm pulling it out of the dishwasher, and now it's just grosser and harder to clean.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you know that I used to be like you, Andrew? And then something changed, and it was something that I heard, I'm 100% sure, from either the, like, American Dishwasher Council or the Tide. The American Tide Pod Council or what.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, you now run a cycle based on one pan. You put one pan in there and run a. Run a full cycle.

[Luke Burbank]

I literally heard some. Saw a TV commercial, which is total propaganda, but it just gave me. It gave my brain some kind of, like, you know, easement that allows me to access this potentially wasteful thing, which is the guy says, you know, even if you run your dishwasher half full, it still saves water over doing your dishes. And I was like, whoever is telling me this is selling me something related to dishwashering. And I. I want to say it was like, you know, one of those little packets of. Of detergent, or whatever you call it, soap that you put in the dishwasher. It was someone who had a vested interest in me running the dishwasher wantonly. And I understood that it was. It's like. It's like Philip Morris telling me, you know, smoke one cigarette a day for my health and me going, well, they Said it was okay. Like, I understand it's total propaganda, but it has gone into some fundamental part of me where I'm like, okay, well, you know, I'm going to run this dishwasher even if it's half full, because it's less water than doing my dishes. Well, I have any proof of that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I have been trying to. And this is probably runs counter to how I should be thinking about things, but I do think that like, like, I've gotten used to running a not completely packed dishwasher if need be. You know, especially if, like, if I've actually made a meal. Like if I've, I don't know, made a, you know, I roasted some chicken or something, made a couple of sides on a Sunday.

[Luke Burbank]

I will say, listen, look at you, skinny ass chicken.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm starting with an empty roast chicken. I was wondering. I didn't feel like stopping, but that is kind of funny. I do like the fact that I'm just like, oh, man, some of the chickens in here.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah, right.

[Andrew Walsh]

I've seen some younger chickens in my day. Is Terry Gross running? Wait, no, I'm not gonna.

[Luke Burbank]

What?

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait, did you have any idea.

[Luke Burbank]

Trust your first instinct. You should have ignored me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do you have any idea what I was even trying to dance around there? I was trying to dance around Chris Fleming's Terry, Terry Gross joke. It was not. It wasn't well thought out and clearly not well said. I don't even think you could argue that. I did say it. Having said all of that, I've gotten used a little bit of just like, you know, planning out a dishwasher run and being okay if it's not completely full, but for the most part, I'm not huge into dishwasher culture. Having said that, you mentioned something regarding advertising and propaganda that I meant to talk about with Hannah on Spotless yesterday, and I totally forgot. But I'll tell you instead, you're like a poor man. You're gonna like the poor man. Hannah Brooks Olson. That's how you've been described.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm basically peacock to Hannah Brooks Olson's hbo.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm also a streamer, but I have less good content.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I thought you're going to be NBC. Maybe she's NBC and you're. You're like.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, just because her. Her initials are hbo. And every time I see that, I think of Home Box office.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right, of course. No, that makes a lot of sense. Okay, so one thing I saw. See, this fits either of my other podcast commercials or cleaning because just not.

[Luke Burbank]

This One, just the one you're on.

[Andrew Walsh]

Not the one that I'm talking on currently. So let's do it here and then I'll clip it and play it in the other two. I think that's really interesting. You know, one of the things I like to talk about when we talk about commercials isn't just like, did that make me laugh or feel or whatever, but like what they are marketing specifically and who, like they see whatever brand I'm talking about here, who they see as their competition. And I noticed something interesting in a Bounty paper towel commercial recently. Usually I think of a paper towel commercial if they are competing or if they're. If they're talking about a competing brand, they're talking about a competing brand of paper towels. Think about the quicker picker upper right. It'll be like, here's a. Here's a cheapo paper towel. Look how it's not picking up the blue liquid, but the Bounty Bounty, the quicker picker up.

[Luke Burbank]

You know my problem with those Bounty ads, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Quickly, the. The ones where they go in slow motion.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. It's very clear that the glass, the cups they're using are. They're supposed to look like glass, but they're plastic and that the ice cubes are plastic and it's. And they think that nobody's noticing. But I want to tell you, Bounty, I'm noticing.

[Andrew Walsh]

You are noticing.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm noticing.

[Andrew Walsh]

I just looked it up. It says it's uses real ice. There's a whole thing in medium about this.

[Luke Burbank]

I could just tell. There's a ProPublica piece. Dude, I heard the craziest ProPublica piece. Everybody listen to this when you get a chance. If it's called eat what you kill. And it was this piece about a cancer doctor in Montana who was basically just billing like he was the highest, like the highest billing doctor in America for doing cancer was the only doctor. And among other things, there was a guy who thought he had lung cancer for 11 years and got all the treatments and never had the cancer because the guy didn't actually carefully read the scans. Like, can you imagine living 11 years under the impression that you had stage four lung cancer and in fact you did not have it?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I cannot. Although that's sort of foreshadowing of something kind of related to a voicemail.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh yeah, I know what you're referring to. So back to Bounty and the leading brand.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think it's interesting that usually a brand will sort of use stainless stand ins for like maybe generic other brands. Look, we're better than the other brands. But what I saw on the television recently, and I only saw this once, so I'm kind of going from a just one viewing here, but Bounty clearly is now going after regular towels because I think more and more people are concerned about their carbon footprint or just using too much paper or what have you. And so this last.

[Luke Burbank]

They're going after cloth towels.

[Andrew Walsh]

They're going after cloth towels. I saw Jumping Species and I'm trying to remember exactly what it was, but I think what it was was they showed somebody wiping their hands on like a kitchen towel that was like on the, on the counter or whatever. Then they showed like one of those germs or one of those fake scientific. They showed two hands, right? And one that was dried after you wash your hands. Look at these two hands. One was dried with the dish towel that you have sitting on the counter.

[Luke Burbank]

Bastard.

[Andrew Walsh]

And the other. Yeah. And so I was like. And you know, one thing we talk about on Spotless is, you know, trying to. Especially since I'm, I, when I'm cleaning, cleaning comes first and carbon footprint comes second or third or fourth. But I've been trying to be, you know, I've really changed a lot of my purchasing decisions, I would say, as I've been trying to.

[Luke Burbank]

I've got this Clorox spray that I use in my bathroom. It's honestly probably, probably the biggest dopamine hit that I get these days is walking into my bathroom after I've just absolutely annihilated it with this Clorox spray.

[Andrew Walsh]

So great. When I do the deep clean in the bathroom, I need a bleach based cleaner for sure. But anyway, having said that, I just thought it was pretty diabolical of Bounty to say, you know what? We're lo. And it's so interesting how you can see a commercial and then learn about the marketplace. Right? Like, clearly what Bounty is losing market share to is not other paper towels. They're more concerned about people saying, why am I using so many paper towels? And now Bounty is like, no, no, no, you need us. Your. Your kitchen towel is dirty and it has germs.

[Luke Burbank]

Scum.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, look at, under a black light, you're all blue.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like. And of course, if you shine that black light on any part of the standard kitchen, maybe not your kitchen, Andrew, because you are a meticulous person. But like, yeah, any product, like, that's an, such an interesting way to sell any product because honestly, like, imagine it's like a car dealer or it's a car Maker and they're just like, you know, road and track picked it as its best mid size SUV of 20, 24. Also, look at this actual zoom in on the car seat of the other leading competitor. It's just mostly. But grease.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's all farts.

[Luke Burbank]

It's just all farts, man.

[Andrew Walsh]

Farts all the way down.

[Luke Burbank]

Like if we, if we. A decent John Green book, by the way. Farts all the way down. You know what I mean though? It's like, it's like, it's this. It's the reason that like I would never, ever, ever want to shine a black light in a hotel room, even in a very nice hotel room, because I would never want to shine a black light in my own home. Like there. If we, if this is what we're talking about, if we're zooming in this way on anything, it's all covered in butt grease everywhere, all of it.

[Andrew Walsh]

You don't want to shine up. I tell you what, you don't want to shine a black light on my black light.

[Luke Burbank]

No.

[Andrew Walsh]

That thing is one of them, actually.

[Luke Burbank]

That's the irony, Andrew. And that's the irony.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what I mean? But like that and also, you're right, it's like either Bounty, either bounty has so fully dominated its foes in the paper towel market or, or they just. Yeah, their market research shows that the people that don't buy as much bounty or as much as paper towel product a year are people who are using a conventional dish rag or towel for their countertop and then presumably washing it at times. You know what I. This is. So I wanted to talk tarps and now I'm talking micro. Micro fabrics or, you know, like when I bought my sink for the kitchen in my house, it came with like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna call it a microfiber towel. Do you know what I'm talking about? That particular material, it's kind of synthetic, but it's. I guess it's good at like maybe shining things or something like.

[Andrew Walsh]

So you're not talking about microfiber, Are you talking. I don't know, is it. Is it like the Turkish dish towel thing? The little squares?

[Luke Burbank]

No, it's not. Let me see if I can find. Yeah, I think it's actually called microfiber. Maybe something you said. I'm looking at one now. I'm seeing, I'm googling this as we speak. Like it basically like, I think that the maker of this sink is called like maybe Coast K. It's like European. Yeah, Diamond Textured. Well, I don't know if this is what I'm looking for anyway. Sorry, I'm getting. I'm getting distracted.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Uline microfiber, heavyweight towel, dark blue.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

That's kind of what this is. It's. It basically just came with the sink for some reason and it has their little logo on it, which I think it's like kohl or something. Makes this sink with like an umlaut on it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, cool.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, cool. It's so. It. This towel is so great.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, nice.

[Luke Burbank]

I love it so much. And like, you know, it came with a little hook that you can hook on the sink. And I don't know if. I don't know what it's exact. If it's, you know, the sink itself or. Sorry, the faucet. Let me. Let me just be clear. Was this the sink or the faucet? This is the faucet. This came on the faucet.

[Andrew Walsh]

So that's why you said that they kind of market it as like to. To clean up and like polish your faucet. Like, you probably have a nice.

[Luke Burbank]

But what's insane is it is somehow resistant to ever picking up a funky smell like it is. So. And when I, When I, you know, when we put the sink in, or rather the faucet in and stuff, and I was like, oh, look at this little. Like, I'm like, like I'm an idiot who's going to put this, like, faucet branded towel on my sink. Yeah, right. Nice try, guys, for getting me to, like, just display your merch. Like, if I decide I need one of these towels, I'll just buy one, you know, from Bed Bath and Beyond or something. Well, I threw it on there, just like, well, where am I gonna put this right now? And I have used it every single day that I've lived in this house. And it's amazing. I think I've washed it like one time. I probably should wash it again, but every time I use it. So I'll use it to just kind of like, you know, clean up. If there's any water that comes off of the faucet that's around the sink area, I'll kind of wipe the faucet off. It is space age technology and it's. And I keep having this thought, and this is very much how my broken brain works. I keep thinking, I need to get more of these. This thing's amazing. Therefore I must have many of them. And I haven't yet. I haven't bought any more. It's the only one, but it is. I. I just can't recommend it highly enough, whatever it's called.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait, speaking of broken brains, my brain is now going back to something we just said. Did we just call your faucet coal or Kohler?

[Luke Burbank]

It's not Kohler.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, it's not Kohler. I'm sorry, okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Not cola. You said coal. But I knew, I knew what you meant. I knew you were thinking of coal.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I was thinking Kohler. And then Kohl's is a brand of housewares and stuff, so I don't know what you're talking about. My apologies.

[Luke Burbank]

Some European brand. I mean, I bought it, you know, through like Home Depot or something. It's not that fancy, but yeah, I'm looking at these. They're called like microfiber cleaning cloths or something. I'm looking at them on. On Amazon.com and yeah, it's just every day that I pick it up to like, do some kind of a little wipe down of some part of the kitchen, I go like. I just think like, wow, you have exceeded. I'm very lonely, by the way, at this house. Andrew, as I'm talking to the dish towels, you have exceeded my wildest expectations, sir. Maybe this is what Bounty is worried about. If the word gets out about these fine microfiber cloths then. Because truthfully, if I did have just kind of like a stack of these, I don't know how they would perform with like, I spray a lot of like Mrs. Meyers on the surfaces of my kitchen. You know, the countertops and stuff. Now I've never used one of these in concert with that. That is a paper towels job in my mind. When you clean the. When you spray some kind of cleaning supply, some kind of Mrs. Meyers on your countertops in your kitchen, what do you then wipe them with? A paper towel.

[Andrew Walsh]

Paper towel. 90% of the time, one thing I've been doing, it used to be 110%.

[Luke Burbank]

Of the time, but 110% of the time, it worked all the time.

[Andrew Walsh]

I am trying to use fewer paper towels. So Bounty. I don't know if this is actually.

[Luke Burbank]

I put a bounty on your head.

[Andrew Walsh]

I gotta use this as a show pick. This is so disgust.

[Luke Burbank]

So ditch the dish towel for better hand hygiene.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, wait, I started too late. But they literally have a. They literally. They literally put hands under a black light here.

[Luke Burbank]

Bounty versus the old family dish towel. Drying with a fresh sheet of Bounty leaves your hands cleaner than a used dish towel that can carry and redistribute food residue. So ditch the dish towel for better handling.

[Andrew Walsh]

You just see these two hands under a black light. One of them is all nasty. But I have been trying to do a better job of keeping lots and lots and lots of dish towels in the kitchen and using them a lot more than just turning to a paper towel. Like we grew up in a very paper towel heavy family, like big time. And so now I always have a couple of towels going in the kitchen. Like one I try to reserve for as long as possible and sort of like dedicate it somehow by hanging it on a special hook or hanging it over the, the dish drying rack. I try to like keep that one just for dishes as long as possible. But eventually if you're in there cooking that, somebody's gonna grab that and wipe their hands with it. And then it's gonn an all purpose towel in the kitchen and just kind of constantly like, what, you know, wiping your hands on it or wiping the counter without any kind of Mrs. Meyer substance. But then what I'll do is if the counter is especially dirty, I might spray on some Mrs. Meyers, wipe it down with that towel, but then throw that towel immediately into the washing machine. Which, by the way, another reason I like having that washing machine close to the kitchen because I can walk, you know, you know, four steps and throw it into the washing machine. And then I would say give, give.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, give this microfiber thing a chance. Yeah, I mean, I'm about to order like a 15, not a 15 pack, but like a six pack of these things.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hannah does something. I don't know if I don't think they're microfiber, but there's some sort of like she gets them from Marley's Monsters, which is like kind of, again, a kind of cleaning supply company that has its eye on, you know, being earth friendly or what have you. And they have like, what, like reusable paper towels? They're not paper. They just say that's to sort of get you in the mindset of how to use these things where she'll like roll them up, like she throws them all in the washing machine. And then when they're clean, she like kind of rolls them up and puts them in some sort of a container where you can almost pull them out, like, like a Kleenex or something like that. And then use it for a while, like you're using your microfiber. And then when it's done, throw it in the washing machine and pull another one out of the, out of the container. Fun.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm just, you know, it's. I guess you could say ironic that this whole conversation has been motivated by Bounty's attempts to get us to basically like ditch the old forests, that old forest that's been helping oxygenate the planet and get on, get onto something that you use once and throw out. But it's driven me now to order some Mr. Sega microfiber cleaning cloths, all purpose microfiber towels, and see if maybe I could use these in lieu of so much paper towelage in my own house. Because again, the one version of this I have is phenomenal.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now, you haven't used this particular brand before and you don't know exactly how it's gonna turn out. So I would buy at least a thousand. I know you at all. Minimum order, you have to buy at least a thousand, lock into it without actually knowing if it's gonna serve your needs.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, let's thank some donors. And then.

[Andrew Walsh]

You didn't like me roasting you there like I wrote?

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, I did. I'm just. I've got a situation out. No, I have a situation outside. Andrew. That is just ridiculous. This tarp thing is like. I can see it from here. It just went into like a. It's. I. I'll tell you about it after the donors. Okay. It's just basically like the number one again. This is, I guess, a testament to how un. How low stressed my life is. But the number one stress in my life right now is this tarp that I'm looking at. So let me tell you about that in a minute. Thank you for being a champ. All right, let's thank some of our donors who are keeping us in microfiber money. Not macro fiber. We're no. We're no. My favorite murderer. We're not macro fiber rich, but we are microfiber capable.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I mean, someday we might be microfiber. I don't know though. You don't want to be. You know what? I have been thinking about a lot today, and I feel like I already let us on a bit of a clunky start to the show. So my apologies for bringing this up, but I've been thinking a lot about the lyrics to the song Mr. Jones this morning.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

By Counting Crows.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Yeah. Specifically at the new Amsterdam. Yeah. Mr. Jones strikes up a conversation with a black haired flamenco dancer. Keep going.

[Andrew Walsh]

I always like that song. But I was like, we all want. It's like, I want to be a lion. We all want to pass as cats. I don't understand what passing Means, does that mean like, do we want to be cats? Do we want, we all want to.

[Luke Burbank]

Be big, big stars.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then it's like, first of all, I don't want to be a big, big star. I want to be like, maybe a microfiber star. That, that's fine. I was like, well, I rejected that. But then I, then I was going back. I'm like, what does it mean, passes cats? I'd understand if you said like, we all want to live as cats. And that means maybe you're an indoor cat and you're snuggling all the time and you can be bossy to the people you live with and aloof, but you still get fed because you're a little princess cat. I could see that. Or if it's a jungle cat thing, he says, I want to be a lion. I, I want to be, you know, out in the jungle. The jungle and all that stuff. I could see that. But what does pass as cats? Does that mean that like, really I'm a human? And by the way, we're going to thank the donors in just a second here. But I am a human.

[Luke Burbank]

But I want highest thanks that we can offer the donor. Just deep diving on counting Crow's lyrics.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's about time. What does pass mean? Like, I'm in a club and somebody's like, is that a cat? I don't think it's a cat. But he can pass as a cat.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I mean, so the song is, I guess, about somebody who's going down to like a, you know, like a strip club. Or at least I think Adam Duritz is. You know, he's down at the New Amsterdam staring at this yellow haired girl. Mr. Jones strikes up a conversation with a black haired flamenco dancer. You know, she dances while his father plays guitar. Maybe it's not a strip club. Mr. Jones's dad is there.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I think that they're. I think this is just like a dance. Like a dance. It's a fun time.

[Luke Burbank]

But also Mr. Jones's dad is playing guitar at the club. I've never even considered this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Probably an old man playing Flamingo Blanco guitar while there's dancing.

[Luke Burbank]

His son, Mr. Jones is in attendance.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, he's just like, yeah, make some.

[Luke Burbank]

Friends your own age. Mr. Jones.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, he's in the band. He's not hanging out. He's. He's like a father son act. No, is Jones. Jones isn't performing. Jones is just there hanging out with Adam. Right. They're just like hanging out.

[Luke Burbank]

Andrew, let me read you let me. I'm just. I'm just reporting the facts here. I was down at the New Amsterdam, staring at this yellow haired girl. Mr. Jones strikes up a conversation with a black haired flamenco dancer. Okay, so imagine this. Adam Duritz, he's at the New Amsterdam. He sees Mr. Jones. He's striking up a con. That guy is striking up a conversation with a black haired flamenco dancer.

[Andrew Walsh]

All these people are dances. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

She dances while his father plays guitar. She's suddenly beautiful. And we all want something beautiful. Man, I wish I was beautiful. So what we've established is that Mr. She's dancing while Mr. Jones's dad is playing guitar.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I just never. I did not know that this was like a intra generational thing going on at the New Amsterdam. Intra or inter.

[Andrew Walsh]

I see it as a very like. And yeah. Like kind of cozy, familiar place where. And I don't take like. I don't think the yellow haired girl. Is it yellow haired girl. I didn't take that as another dancer or. Or performer, but maybe just another.

[Luke Burbank]

Just a yellow haired girl who's there.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just like. It's like. It's like a bar.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, so back to your question. I want to be a lion. Yeah. Everybody want to pass as cats. We all want to be big, big stars. Yeah. But we got different reasons for that. Believe in me because I don't believe in anything. And I want to be someone to believe. To believe. To believe.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Yeah. I do like that song. Especially when you say like that.

[Luke Burbank]

You don't have to tempt me with a good time when it comes to the Counting Crows. But that being said, I don't actually know what he means by pass as cats.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And also, I mean, I guess he's talking about his particular circumstances and I shouldn't take it so literally, but I guess I was. I don't know. Maybe it's because I looked at my cat. I don't know why. If that's the case, you'd think I'd have this song in my head every day. For some reason though, literally that line has been going over there.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you think that maybe there's something going on with Mr. Jones's father where he needs full time care so he's just bringing him to the New Amsterdam?

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't think so. I think that he's starting to like.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, become forgetful.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think that he's been playing guitar there for a long, long time.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's muscle memory. That's like one of the last things to go Right. Well, I. I mean, they do this in retirement homes. They play music because it's. That's a deep part of the brain that doesn't forget.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are you saying that Mr. Jones has one? Like cats. That's very realistic, but it's actually a robot cat.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a different song.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, who knows? Who could probably explain most of this to us is Emily Todd, who's in Torrance, California.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm sorry, Emily, but thank you for the show.

[Luke Burbank]

Our first donor of the day. Thanks, Emily. Thanks also to Cassie Fontenot of Monroe, Washington.

[Andrew Walsh]

Nice. A nice pronoun. Nice pronunciation of that. I was looking at that, and I.

[Luke Burbank]

My speciality.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was like Fontenot. But no, course. It's fun to know. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. You font to not mess up her name. Andrew anymore. Is Cassie. Is Cassie the one who owns a pizza joint in Monroe? We had some listeners, a listener that owned. I. I want to say it's called Sahara Pizza in Monroe, Washington.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, wow. Well, then let's support Sahara Pizza.

[Luke Burbank]

And if. If not, you know, shout out to whoever that listener was and shout out to Cassie.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Appreciate the support over the years.

[Andrew Walsh]

Apologize for pushing so much business to Spiros. I like Spiros as well, but, I mean, if we have tens running pizzerias.

[Luke Burbank]

This is the billboard budget for that pizza place is potentially being spent here on tbt. So we've got to give them some earned media, by the way, that might not even. We might not even be talking about the same person in Monroe. Malia Mayer is in Wenatchee, Washington.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you, Malia.

[Luke Burbank]

Beautiful Wenatchee. All kinds apple country out there. Just a glorious, glorious part of the world.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's another thought I had today that I can totally, totally dismantle the show with, which is. I was cutting up an apple. I ate about two thirds of an apple this morning as a little breakfast, and it was so good. And I literally had this thought, you know, we're always talking about bad apples, but we don't talk enough about good apples. And that was a really good apple that I. It was a Fuji. That's my apple of choice. I assume you do not have an apple of choice because you're not a big fruit guy. You do. Okay. Okay. What's your.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a green apple.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Granny Smith.

[Andrew Walsh]

Granny Smith. It's in.

[Luke Burbank]

Those are incredibly healthy.

[Andrew Walsh]

They.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, they're like. They have. They're very. As far as apples go, they're very, like, low sugar. They're very. They have high fiber. They're like, they're, they're like kind of a health food. And I know this because Becca has told me this and she knows everything about this kind of stuff. Like historically when I was much more obsessed with, with like trying to have no carbs in my life, which what a fun way to go through life that was. I didn't eat a lot of fruit because it's a lot of, it has a lot of natural sugar in it. But a Granny Smith apple is like a wonder food. And I also like the tartness. I do sometimes for lunch I'll be.

[Andrew Walsh]

Why I'm so healthy because I've been eating a lot of Granny Smith lately.

[Luke Burbank]

They're good for you, dude.

[Andrew Walsh]

I love them.

[Luke Burbank]

Just know next time you're eating a Granny Smith apple, you're doing your body a favor.

[Andrew Walsh]

That was always my go to apple until I started eating some Fujis. And I really like Fujis. They're a little bit sweeter than a green apple, but I love the tartness of a green apple apple. And then for some reason the Fujis at my local grocer were not looking so great earlier this year. So I was like, well, let's get back on this Granny Smith train. And I just, was, I was just pound. Are you supposed to pound them? I was just housing those.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Ready or not, here you come.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a Fuji's reference.

[Andrew Walsh]

I got it. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

I got that one. Sure.

[Luke Burbank]

Casting my pearls before swine today. Malia Mayer is in Wenatchee, Washington. We just said that. Denise Tipton is in Las Vegas, Nevada. I call it lost wages Nevada.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, because you go there and you, you gamble and you lose your.

[Luke Burbank]

No, because they are taxing the tips. Hard working service workers, they're losing their wages. And that's going to change pretty soon, folks. Thank you, Denise. Thanks to Karen Tarentev of Kent, Washington.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tarantev, Tarent, Chev. Could the J maybe got a sneaky J in there? That J is probably a Y though. Tarantula in Kent, Washington.

[Luke Burbank]

Thanks to Karen. Sneaky J, yes, Kent, Washington. And then Joanie Karnowski of Long Beach, California. What a great, what a great little trip around the west. We've got Torrance, we've got Monroe, Washington, Wenatchee, Las Vegas, Kent. And then down to Strong beach where Joni is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you to all of our donors. Thanks for making TBTL possible. We would not be here without you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

I want to apologize that I do seem so distracted. Andrew, you know, you and I are on a video link and you can see me. You can see my eyes kind of darting probably over in the direction out of the frame kind of constantly because.

[Andrew Walsh]

There is a little shifty. So I'm.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I'm even extra shifty today.

[Andrew Walsh]

I didn't notice. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

And it's because. So last week I was telling you about my attempts to set up this thing called a rapid shelter, which was a very misleading name. You know, one of those canopy things that you can use for camping or farmers marketing or whatever you might use it for. And I was setting this up because I was trying to create a non. A sort of a covered area for this guy who's cutting tile at the. At the house. He needed somewhere that was dry to do this work that wasn't inside the house. I think because it creates a ton of dust. We may actually find out just how much dust later. I'll explain. Explain.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can you tell us about how many days work this is expected to be or was expected to be? I don't know where you are in the process.

[Luke Burbank]

It's. With no tile has yet been cut. Hardy backer. Hardy board has been screwed down over the floor and into the shower area and stuff. So basically prep work is being done. All the tile is. All the stuff is here to do this. But as of yet. And so I'm. I guess my hope is like Friday, optimistically. But one of the things that I've learned about all of this trade work is it happens on its own timeline. And the folks doing it, in my experience, at least at this house, are, you know, how do I put this? It's not usually the kind of thing where someone shows up at eight in the morning and leaves at seven at night. It's kind of like a. Kind of. It sort of has to do with their schedule, maybe an other work they're doing or how they're feeling that day or what have you. It's usually sort of of like they show up when they show up. They work for the amount of time that they work and then they leave. It's. It's. I would say that's probably one of the pluses of doing this kind of work, you know, is that you get to. You don't exactly set your own schedule. The other thing that I've learned about trades, trades guys is there's nothing that a trade guy likes more than sitting in his truck for up to 30 minutes after he's arrived at your house. It's a big part of the lifestyle style and it's, it's. That sounds like I'm saying it bothers me. It doesn't. It's just something that I've noted across all trades. Whether they're electrical, whether they are plumbing, whether they are tile work, whether they are sheetrockers. It's. The move is you pull up in the truck and then you stay in the truck for like a while and then eventually. And the reason I noted is because usually if somebody pulls up, I'm going to come out and say, you know, hey, welcome. Or you know, how's it going? I will greet them. And what I've learned now is just because the truck is in the driveway, it does not mean the person is going to materialize realize anytime soon.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know why? Probably because there's probably business and paperwork and various other things and the truck is sort of the office. You know what I mean? Like, you're probably stopping and then like looking, okay, these emails came in and this job and you got to like, you know, there are probably times where you've been. Well, I was going to say texting with. But I know that your guy doesn't like to text. But, you know, you, you've called your tile guy. Well, he's probably sitting in his truck at some other site while he's, you know, making plans to visit your site tomorrow or what have you. And that's. That's going to be part of this gets done.

[Luke Burbank]

I think you're right. I do think that it is a mobile office for some of these folks. I would also say that it is not in my experience a communication format that has involved any emails ever once. So I don't know what's. Yeah, probably filling out some invoices and, and doing whatever. But all that is to say, I set up this shelter last week and the problem is the area of my little yard. It's not even my yard that's the problem. It's like a patio is what is right next to my front door. And that means you cannot like nail down there. You know, these shelters are designed so that they have an area in each the four posts, obviously. And you can nail a big old stake down through a hole in them that would attach them to the ground. You can't do that if they're on the cement. Maybe you've been to a farmer's market or something. We've noticed they have like sandbags they'll put down.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, I was picturing that when you finished your sentence yesterday by saying that you employed some buckets, which I think you're getting into now? I was assuming that these were going to be sand filled buckets or sand filled bags or something.

[Luke Burbank]

Those sandbags that you will see would not even begin to hold down that stupid rapid shelter that's now literally in a pile up in my debris, debris, debris area. I hung these buckets of water and I only had three of them. Well, really what it was is I was running late to go do Livewire and I'm running around in my yard filling up these buckets of water like a demented Mickey Mouse from Fantasia or something and trying to hang them and hang them like above the height of my head, which first of all just weighs a lot and was risking a spill, a dumping of a bucket over me, me full of water. Like it was really cartoonish what was going on. But I did, I managed to get three of them hung up full of water and, and left and thought, well, at least I did that, at least that's secure. And then of course I end up going to LA for work. And then I get a call on Saturday from the tile guy going, just so you know, that entire thing blew over and there is no saving. So I was like, okay. So I come home and it's just a twisted wreckage. So I mean like bent like it's okay. So fine, now that thing has bit the dust. So I, I fold it up and break it down and go, you know, dispose of it or whatever. I put it in the area where it will be disposed of eventually. And I had what I thought was actually a fairly clever solution which was like, I can't this one of these setup canopy things will never work in this space because there's not a way to ever actually anchor it down sufficiently. Unless I guess what I could do is literally drill into the patio and you know, have like some kind of permanent thing where I screw it down. And then anytime I want to use these, that's what I do. But that would just be a huge hassle. I don't know if I have the proper drill for that. I don't even know if I know how to do that.

[Andrew Walsh]

And you don't have the permanent need probably, right? Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So what I thought I would do is I would go and buy a tarp and what I would do is I would put some screws, some like eye hook screws, pretty burly ones into the side of my house. House, and I would hook. Because you know, these tarps that you buy at like Home Depot, they've got these grommets in them. They're like, you know, these, like, eye holes that are grommeted in. In the corners and stuff. And I thought, I will get one of those and I will attach it to the side of my house, and then I will tie it off with some rope in the other direction and I will create a little canopy there that is not like a thing that is sitting on a metal structure that could blow away if it's gets. You know. And then the tile guy shows up yesterday, and I go, is this going to be big enough? And he goes, not even close. Actually, what he said was not even close.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I was like, really? And he's like, well, yeah, because if the rain goes sideways, then I'm like, well, maybe you get wet. I'm not sure. Like, I mean, I don't know how delicate are we with this? But anyway, it's like, okay, well, I'll go work on that tomorrow. I'll work on that later. Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

This does seem. This all began, if I recall. If I remember my TBT history, which is important, otherwise, in such.

[Luke Burbank]

Such a dangerous zone of repeating it. Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

This started with him saying, well, I need. I need a dry place to cut the tile. Which, like, at very first blush, that seems very reasonable. Like, okay, there is electrical. Yeah. And like, okay, you can open up the. You know, maybe if you had a different setup, somebody could say, okay, well, I'll open up my garage door, you know, and I'll park in the driveway.

[Luke Burbank]

That would have. If I wasn't sitting in the garage right now, Andrew, that would.

[Andrew Walsh]

I guess my point is, at what point does this. I feel like it is up to the contractor to. To bring what they need in order to get their job done, especially if you're working outdoors in the Pacific Northwest. Now, I understand. Here's what I'm troubling out here. We had workers come, let's see, to paint the house last year. I'm trying to remember, because I know that we've had workers over here who have come with these exact. Exact things, Luke. Like these tent kinds of things that they. They had here for several days, and they would work underneath them. And. But I guess the difference is that is outdoor work. So they're prepared to do it. This guy, he looks at his work as being indoor work because he's tiling your kitchen, but there's just no room to cut inside or, I'm sorry, bathroom or whatever. They're basically. I treat them exactly. I treat them exactly the same. If you ever want to come over for dinner.

[Luke Burbank]

No wonder You've had to replace all.

[Andrew Walsh]

Your appliances and towels. You do not want to put my towels under black light. No, but you see what I'm saying. I'm just sort of trying to puzzle this out because I know that some contractors would like, hey, if this is a definite need you have, then, dude, you need to provide it. But maybe I'm misguided in that because he sees this as indoor work and he's not coming around with, like, tents.

[Luke Burbank]

This is a. You raise an interesting point. And you raise a point that has been jangling around in my head a lot as I've been on a ladder getting. Getting pummeled by rain this morning because. So I was like, okay, the first tarp is too small, all right? So I go and I get this other tarp, a big one that I. I bring back. And what I should have done when I got back from Home Depot last night, it was getting kind of dark, and honestly, I was just like tired and wanted to make some dinner, and I didn't feel like dealing with it. And I said, I'll deal with it in the morning. That was a critical error because. Because it was not raining last night the way it was this morning. So it was miserable being out there. And it's. So the other thing is where I live is in a perpetually sort of windy area. And I didn't really factor that in when I bought the house or when I thought about the outdoor. I mean, in the summertime, it's. It's fine you've been here. It's like. It's not like it's, you know, like constantly wind swept, but it is the case that there are. It gets gusty up here, so I buy like a much larger tarp. One that's like, I want to say maybe 12x20, I think. And here was one thing. Like, I was surprised. If you buy a really heavy duty tarp, it's like a couple hundred dollars, like, which is. Seems amazingly expensive for something that's just like whatever it's made out of, you know, some kind of a plasticky thing. And so I bought a. Like a lighter duty tarp, which it would turn out to probably be a mistake because I thought, well, I don't know, this needs to just stay up for like a few days and just create a little bit of rain protection. So I get up this morning and I. Now I had screwed, like, I had screwed these eye hooks into the house for the other tarp. But of course, the sequencing of the little grommets of the little circular things in this tarp is different. Different. So I have to pull the eye hooks out and change them so that they are in the right position to basically hook this tarp up to my side of my house. And it's just torrentially raining and this thing is enormous. It's like a, you know, it's like a parachute of plastic that's whipping around on me. I have to be on a ladder to do this, by the way.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And in the rain, in the rain.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm also in my running clothes because what I was going to do is go on my run and then just on the treadmill and then afterwards I was going to come deal with this, but then I started messing with it on my way out to my job. You know how that goes? Like, I was like, well let me just see if. And then next thing you know, I'm just in it. I'm just doing it and I'm like miserable and, and like I'm like. So I'm hooking it, I'm hooking it up on the side of the house and I'm putting these, you know, more and more hooks into the side of my house. Then I'm, I'm tying the other side of it. I'm tying the. With ropes. Like I bought some rope at Home Depot. And now the problem is this thing and I'm looking at it right now, now is so wind whipped that within like 10 minutes of me tying it off. So I tied it with rope to like a. The. Actually the Madrona Hill studio, the eyelet that, that's tied off to. I go look at it and pretty. I can see that it's almost 80% of the way ripped out of the tarp. Does that make sense? Like this is the thing is already.

[Andrew Walsh]

Eyelet on the, the little circle that's.

[Luke Burbank]

On the tarp that's made out of metal.

[Andrew Walsh]

The grommet that's already, that's already caring.

[Luke Burbank]

Because it's just like it's. I, I haven't even seen the movie the Perfect Storm, but I feel like a scene like this happened in the Perfect Storm. The wind is whipping, the rain is going sideways. You're on some. You're dangerously standing on the crow's nest of the ship sailing out of Gloucester.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't, I, I'm guessing the younger is standing next to you and you feel deeply ugly next to him.

[Luke Burbank]

Precise. That's. I've experienced that by the way I've interviewed him. And, and, and it's exactly what it's.

[Andrew Walsh]

A very handsome man.

[Luke Burbank]

He is devastating.

[Andrew Walsh]

Dare stay. Was.

[Luke Burbank]

Is. I thought you. Are you thinking Sebastian Younger is not alive?

[Andrew Walsh]

Why am I thinking that? I thought that that was something that happened, but I'm glad would be. I'm glad to be wrong. I am confusing him with another journalist who. Another handsome journalist who is known for putting himself in. Oh, yeah. In dangerous situations.

[Luke Burbank]

Him something, maybe.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Anyway, I am glad to say I'm sorry for even raising that. I am glad to say that Sebastian Younger, according to Wikipedia, is an American journalist, not was. So. Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

Is doing well and being handsome. And. And I could have used his help today, Andrew, because I get this whole thing, like, hooked up and. And then I like, again. I'm. I like. I come into the Madrona Hill studio to, like, turn on the treadmill and get ready to do it, and I look out the window and I can just see that the thing already basically tearing itself into shreds. And it's. And it's also coming unhooked from the hooks because it's blowing around so much that, I mean, what I really needed to do. What I need to do is get up on a ladder and crimp with a set of pliers, close the hooks a little bit more so that they're. So that they're, you know, not letting it escape. So what do I do? I get a knife. This is where it gets real. Like, this is where it gets real. Real Perfect storm. Again, I assume this also happened in the Perfect Storm. I get a knife out of my kitchen. Because what I realize, I think I need to do is cut some flaps in the tarp. Because part of what's making it so crazy is the wind whipping. It has no way to get through the tarp other than just trying to basically, literally turn my house into something out of the movie. Up.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I was going to say, like, before you said that the grommet or whatever is being ripped out of the tarp. I thought you were going to say that your entire studio was going to be just taken up into the skies via the wind.

[Luke Burbank]

Feels like it.

[Andrew Walsh]

But, yeah, what you're saying makes sense now. I would be nervous cutting this tarpon. Also, by the way, if you're going to keep on evoking the perfect storm, you better have put this knife in your teeth, as I did.

[Luke Burbank]

I was like a Tampa Bay Buccaneer mascot.

[Andrew Walsh]

Great.

[Luke Burbank]

Circa the. Circa the 1980s. But whenever Steve Young era Tampa Bay.

[Andrew Walsh]

When you go or if you're passing by a construction site, often, they'll Put those big tarps, like, almost like privacy screens around the fence or what have. And you'll always see that they have big holes kind of cut or like, flaps kind of cut that kind of. You know, they're not holes that you can see through, but it lets the wind go through. That would be important. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But of course, this tarp doesn't have those. And now I'm just making them. Now I'm just, like, out there with a knife.

[Andrew Walsh]

And it was expensive. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

No, this one wasn't.

[Andrew Walsh]

This was.

[Luke Burbank]

This was the problem. I went with the, like, 21 instead of the 200. And I think I'm noticing the difference.

[Andrew Walsh]

I see.

[Luke Burbank]

So. Because, again, I didn't want to spend all that money on a tarp. I just thought, you know, this will be. So. So I'm. I'm out there in the rain now. I still haven't started my jog, and I'm cutting these flaps into this thing to try to keep it from tearing itself apart, like, to create a little bit of pressure release, I guess. And. And so I. Then I'm. I'm. I'm tying some of the other grommets down, so there's. I'm trying to take some pressure off of this one that I can already see ripping. I. It's just. It's just a. It's just a situation with this. And the whole time that I'm up there, I'm. I keep going in my mind, like, is this the only. Like, is this the only solution? Like, how. How much of my life is going to be dedicated to trying to figure out this tarp situation? And then I'm getting kind of, like, frustrated with my guy, which is not really fair to him yet. Like, I'm having a conversation with him that hasn't occurred yet. I'm in the shower now, and I'm thinking, if he comes up and says this isn't going to work, I'm literally going to go, I don't know what to do, dude.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, this is. This is attempt number three. And it really disrupted my morning. And, like, I don't know, could we cut it in the. In the bathroom where the tiles go? Like, what do we. Like this. I. I felt like, like really going. Like, this cannot take up any more of my brain space anymore, this tarp. Okay. We have to, I don't know, figure it out. That's what I wanted to say. That isn't what happened. He did pull up as I was coming up to do the show, and he was chilling in his car, in his truck, smoking a ciggy, and he just. He just rolled his window down. He just started laughing, looking at the tarp. Now, I don't know what that means.

[Andrew Walsh]

But that's usually something good.

[Luke Burbank]

Usually in some cultures, that's a compliment, Andrew. So I don't know. I'm just. But here's the thing. I'm looking at it right now, and what I will tell you is that the thing that I'm afraid. The corner piece that I'm afraid of it tearing out hasn't yet torn out. I don't know if it's just a matter of time. It is like a very fluid situation. It is not like some kind of a nice stable covering that the rain is just shedding off of, and that creates a nice dry space for a person to work. It is like. It is a wild whipping. I keep using that. The wrong analogy, really. As far as, like, nautical movies, It's. This is much more like a sailing ship kind of a thing. This is much more of a, you know, like Moby Dick or something. Or like one of those.

[Andrew Walsh]

You need to batten down the hatches.

[Luke Burbank]

Hatches need to be battened. Like, it has much more to do with like, a squall happening out on the ocean, and you're trying to figure out how to deal with the sails. You can get the sails down in time. That's much more our situation. So even while my guy is under there working, he's like, at the best, he has this rollicking, ripping, giant piece of. What do you. What do you think they make these. Why can't I think of the word that this kind of stuff is made out of? It's not strictly plastic.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's not like fiberglassy plastic.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not really fiberglass, though, either.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's.

[Luke Burbank]

It's something else. It's like poly something or other. I'm guessing poly's got to be involved. It's polyamorous.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, a polyamorous tarp. So I don't know my whole morning, you know, I'm sorry. Did I get distracted? How did you respond to my question about whether or not we feel like any of this should be part of his toolkit?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, this is the thing that I'm going to say.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I see you. He's there. You have. That's why you didn't maybe address it?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, no, no, he can't. I don't think he can hear me right now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let's talk like this. Anyway, people like, yeah, just be. Just be cool.

[Luke Burbank]

It's funny because. It's funny the different personalities of the different kind of folks that I've had kind of out here working. And I'll just say that this. This fella is a very, very, you know, kind of a salty, you know, kind of older dude who's definitely, you know, seen a lot and. And comes highly recommended, by the way, and I think is going to do a really great job, but is like, you know, kind of guy who was probably born with a cigarette in his mouth. And. And. And it's just kind of like a pretty, you know, kind of, you could say, sort of rough around the edges. And yet what I found out is also a sort of a sensitive dude, I think, like, keeps having me go into the bathroom to observe things about the process that I don't really understand or, to be honest with you, care about. Like, and. And at first I thought, oh, we have a problem. Like, well, come on in here and take a look at this. And I'm like, oh, no. This is like, Is going to cost more money or is this, like, we've hit a dead end? Or, you know, we've hit a. We've hit a. A sort of a point where we can't go forward. And what I've really. What I figured out over the last few days is, no, he just wants to talk to me about it to be heard. And then it just. And then the. Then the work just continues. So it's like. It's a. It's a. It's an interesting professional, I guess you would say relationship to. Maybe professional is the wrong word for it, but it's an interesting relationship to try to finesse because it's like, it's. It's a little more. It's a little more finicky than I was expecting based on the, like, you know, I could. I've also had folks working here who just. Just, like, are just standing around in the rain all day, and just like. They're like, it's part of the job. You know who one of those workers is? My dad, Walt. I'm on. I'm always like, hey, dad, you. Do you want to. I'm like, we have umbrellas. He's like, no, it's what we do. That's my dad's big catchphrase now. It's what we do now.

[Andrew Walsh]

But, like, new.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, he cycles through them. He also has been really leaning into Chinese bullshit again.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, like, only as a way of selling products that you're buying.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Which. It's really his way of Just any time he encounters a frustration, it's now called Chinese bullshit.

[Andrew Walsh]

Anybod saying that kind of knowingly because it had come up. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And he knows it came up on the show. And he was like. I think he was maybe 5% embarrassed or something, but like, he was putting up some window trim in this bathroom. And I was. I think I was like out of town and I came home and he said. And I said, oh, it looks great, dad. He goes, yeah, well, there were some Chinese moments. That's our new.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, he's kind of leaning for.

[Luke Burbank]

He hit a few moments where he thought this wasn't going to work, you know, And. And so. But. But anyway, all that is to say.

[Andrew Walsh]

So right now, as you're distracted, you're not distracted because you're waiting for something to happen. You're just distracted because you're hoping that this tarp doesn't go flying off or that you don't go flying off into space.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm hoping to see what it's doing now. What it's already done once and I just watched him go out and fix it is it's coming unhooked on the side that's on these kind of like little eye hooks. That's the problem now is I need to go. I need to get up on a lap ladder and I need to squish those down so that they don't have so much area that the grommet can slide off of.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Now the problem. So that's one thing that we have to solve. But again, I keep going back to this question of, like, is like, could we just cut the stuff in the house? Which I actually think the ideas of avoiding that is because it's very dusty and we're trying to keep the house nice, Which I appreciate, by the way.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I keep going like, yeah, can we bring our own stuff? Can we. Can we, like, can we bring our own rain covering? Like, how is this. How is this something that I am spending as much time. And here's what I would think, Andrew, if this were. You can hire trades people through like Home Depot or something. And my guess would be if I called, like, whoever the huge tile concern is down in Portland and they came out, they would charge me three times as much and they would bring their own shelter, of course.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

If not need be. Or if I had hired someone through Home Depot because they, you know, all that means is they use one of their preferred contractors who kind of comes out and does something. I'm sure there was a way for me to not have to deal with this. And that way would involve spending an extra three or four thousand dollars.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And that's how all this stuff goes. It's this constant dance of like, of, like, you know, I don't know, just trying to finesse these situations so that you're getting the best outcome while not overpaying and, and maybe doing some things on your own because that keeps the price down. You know, if you want to have white glove service on all of this and you want to never be on a ladder trying to lash a tarp to your house on a Tuesday morning, there's ways for that to be the case. I guess I'm just trying to take the road that costs me a little bit less because as we've established, I have microfiber money, not macro fiber.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here I go once again with the email every week. I hope that it's from a female. Oh man, it's not from a female.

[Luke Burbank]

By the way, this New Jersey story is. I'll just give you the one minute version so we don't have to keep promoting it over and over again and not getting to it. Basically, this guy named Josh gotten Heimer or Gottheimer, who's actually running for governor of New Jersey was putting out a Spotify rap and all it was was Bruce Springsteen songs. And then people who knew what that was supposed to like, a Spotify rap were supposed to look like, they quickly identified that this was like a Photoshop job. And he basically said, well, yeah, okay, you caught me. But the reason I photoshopped it is because I share my Spotify account with my kids and my numbers, my rapt was going to be skewed by the stuff they're listening to on my Spotify account account. So this was me saying what I, this was aspirational.

[Andrew Walsh]

I, when I, I did not read this full article because you specifically told me yesterday, like not to you're going to lay it out for me. But when I read the headline and then the quick little, you know, headline blurb or whatever, I thought that this was going to be maybe a mountain under the molehill type of thing where like yes, he photoshopped it, but that was just kind of part of the bit. And maybe he didn't shine a light on it, but it was a little tongue in cheeky like, look, it's the Boss, it's New Jersey. But there was, but no, he felt the need to explain and apolog, apologize to a degree. Like this really was him trying to kind of pull One off.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, yeah. And he also was doing a very, like, unfortunately, a typical kind of. I don't know if he's a MAGA Republican or not, but he was doing a very unfortunate kind of, I would say, Trumpian thing. Oh, by the way, I guess he's actually a Democrat, so he's definitely not. But he was doing this thing of, like, acting like it didn't. I mean, first of all, does it really matter? Probably not, but it was kind of like, instead of. Of going, yeah, you got me, he basically said, like, to paraphrase the Boss, I wasn't here for business, baby. I was only here for fun. Mr. Gottheimer wrote on Twitter, so just relax. And then he pointed to his dog. It's a joke to question my Springsteen creds. Just ask my dog Rosalita. So he was like. He wasn't apologetic, and he wasn't being like, oh, yeah, you got me. He was kind of like, yeah, it doesn't matter. It was all a joke. And. And then what was amazing was somehow this led the New York Times to run this correction in the second. In an updated version of the story. A correction made on a December 11, 2024 article. Because of an editing error, an earlier version of this article misstated the order in which the song Ghetto Supasta, that is what you are, appeared on the list provided by Representative Josh Gottheimer's campaign. Campaign. It is number four, not number three.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did so. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

I guess his real Spotify wrapped featured Ghetto Superstar as the number four song. He listened to that the fourth most of any song. But the New York Times or his kids did, which is like, there's some old heads. What are they doing with that Cross Maya song? That's a. That's. That's not ripping off, but sampling and kind of a reimagining of the. The. Of the Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton, Islands in the Stream.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah, that's Islands in the Stream. I honestly thought for a second, I was so confused. I was like, wait, did Bruce Springsteen cover that song? That would be such a weird cover. Bruce Springsteen doing Ghetto Superstar.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm tempted to try and do an example of that here, but I'm gonna spare the listeners of that. But anyway, I just. I. I thought that that correction was so. Was so weird. Weird. I feel like that's his campaign trying to be like the failing New York Times. Couldn't even get the order right of where Ghetto Superstar was on his wrapped. As a way of acting like the whole reporting Was flawed.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right, right.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, who. Who wrote into the New York Times to say abyss? By the way, you got it wrong. The order of his actual Spotify wrapped Ghetto Superstar was number four, not number three. Get a clue.

[Andrew Walsh]

What are you. What are you doing? You call it. This is bunk journalism right here.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. It's like this. Kick up a bunch of dust. Try to act like, well, nothing in this story can be believed. They didn't even have the right order of where Ghetto Superstar falls on this guy's listening habits.

[Andrew Walsh]

I will say that I. And this might just be a factor of age, but in recent conversations about Spotify wrapped, it does sort of seem like a lot of conversations I'm having with people are, well, it doesn't really matter because I share it with my family. You know what I mean? So it's also like. And so it is more of a young, I think, Spotify Shaggy defense. More of a. It was me, it wasn't me. All right, so, in fact, mine. All top five songs were by Shaggy. I can only name one right now for private reasons. Can I play a quick voicemail for you? Because I sort of set it up earlier. And here's a reason I really want to get this in today, is because I have another voicemail that I'd like to play for you later in the week. That is. I think you're going to find it so delightful, and it is about Christmas times and Seattle nostalgia, and I think you're really going to love it. But we're going to start with a darker one today. And as this anonymous caller says, this is a dark. This is a bit of a dark story, but she calls it in because you and I have been talking about our various trips to the.

[Luke Burbank]

About how good our bodies work.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. And, you know, in trying to keep this show young, we spent almost all of last week just exchanging stories about going to get our blood tested and you going to get eye surgery and all of our. All of our failings bodily. But anyway, one thing that you brought up is this thing that, first of all, they're always asking us our birthdays, right? Name and birthday, name and birthday. And it's their way of confirming, I guess, you know, that they're treating the right person or communicating with the right person. And this is.

[Luke Burbank]

And I was surprised at how. At how often they ask that and how, first of all, the fact that, like, is my birthday unique enough that that's makes it so that. Because weren't other people born on that same day? Maybe in.

[Andrew Walsh]

But if you had an appointment at 3:30 on Wednesday. It sort of confirms that you are the Luke Burbank in the books for this particular. That's what I'm sort of assuming, you know, maybe back in the early 90s people weren't asking that so much and that leads to this story. Oh and by the way, I will say again, the listener does say this, this, you know, does this. This is a bit of a, of a dark voicemail especially for the holiday season.

[C]

Hi Luke and Andrew. This is a kind of dark story but I think it explains why it feels so important for doctors to check and double check birth dates and last names. My husband, oh 30 years ago, you know he was, he was a teenager and he, I don't remember why he went to the doctor but he had something going on. But they did some blood work and they came back and he met with a doctor and again like 15 year old boy they said, you know, we need to tell you that you have aids. And my husband was floored, was like how could this happen? I've never even had sex. Like how could this have happened? To which the doctor and his parents were like well it's time to be honest. You have and I'm almost positive he hadn't even kissed anyone at this point. And he just thought like my life is over and I don't know how this happened. And he was going through his head like did I do think I stepped on a nail once. I sometimes sit down on toilet seats like what could have happened? And they, you know, even when he.

[Andrew Walsh]

I've been in Andrew's kitchen, like this.

[C]

Could not have happened to him. They were so certain because they had the results, results and I think it was like 24 hours he was certain that he was diagnosed with AIDS. And this is like the 90s, this is really dark. He did not have AIDS. They messed up the charts. So I for one, I for one stand by the birth date. Questioning, love the show, Power out.

[Andrew Walsh]

That must have been a hell of a 24 hours.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean can you, I mean can you imagine being the kid, can you imagine being the parents? Like just, I mean everybody involved, like your world. I know someone by the way who had this happen to them as well. True story.

[Andrew Walsh]

Specifically with like HIV positive.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, with hiv.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And it was another false. It was another.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. What, what it was, was. Yeah, yeah, no, and I, I will.

[Andrew Walsh]

Leave their name out happening.

[Luke Burbank]

Well two that we are currently tracking.

[Andrew Walsh]

Or you or you're friends with or you know this person's husband.

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, no, I, this Person is not married, as far as I know, this person was donating plasma. This is when we were all just shortly out of high school, was donating plasma. And this was again the 90s, the mid-90s. You know, the idea of being HIV positive or having AIDS was a very, very, very different prognosis than it is now. And I just remember hearing from some, from a third party that this person, they were like, did you hear so and so that they. And I don't think we had a super nuanced idea of the difference between being HIV positive and actually having AIDS at that point, you know, so it was like, did you hear that so, and so has aids? And what it was is that they had donated plasma. And at the time, the, the, the sort of, the way that they set the screen, if you will, the. They for very obvious reason, these blood donation or plasma donation places had to be unbelievably careful about the blood supply that was coming in because there in fact had been issues with that in the early days of hiv. And so it was like a false positive because of the sensitivity level that was set on the screener. But what happened was they couldn't get a hold of this person because this person was like in like living on the east coast for a cocktail college. And they called this person's parents, oh my God. And said, what, can you please come in? We need to tell you your child has tested positive for HIV.

[Andrew Walsh]

And so this person was under 18.

[Luke Burbank]

At the time, maybe just over 18. I don't know why they were allowed.

[Andrew Walsh]

To tell the parents if you're over 18.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, maybe that, maybe it was a thing where it was like this person gave permission to disclose the info. I don't, I mean, I wasn't there for all what I know know is this person was not available to come in in person to Alpha Plasma center on Crown Hill. And so it was their parents who received the news that this test and what they said was like, you know, there's a very small chance that it's a false positive, but we don't think so or whatever. And it was the same kind of thing. I don't think this person had. Actually that's not true. I think this person had had a, maybe a very brief sexual encounter in their life. But it was like all that is to say this person really thought their life was, was going to be over before it started. And then they took another test, let's say three months later at an actual.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like facility that was testing for it, because this is still sort of a byproduct of just trying to donate plasma. Right. So then you go to a doctor's office and you have like, more extensive.

[Luke Burbank]

I think that they went to a. Like a regular doctor. Yeah, Like a place that, you know, know that. And the test came back and they said it doesn't show that you're HIV positive, but that happens a lot. So this doesn't mean that you're not HIV positive. You have to take another test in like, three months.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, my God.

[Luke Burbank]

So then there was another three months, and then finally, like upon the second you're not. You're not HIV positive test, they started to believe it more. And I almost think there might have been like a third test to exclude it before they would officially say, okay, you don't have this.

[Andrew Walsh]

So it's like potentially like a half a year or so of just probably of like at first thinking positive, not thinking positively, but thinking that you are positive, and then. And then thinking, well, maybe not, but then just having that insecurity and just not knowing. I just, I.

[Luke Burbank]

And the fact that, again, was a death sentence in those days. Yeah, yeah, it was crazy. And I would say that I think it really impacted this person's life because it was, you know, I think it was a trajectory thing. I think it really. They've said to me before, like, this really. This really did a number on me, as you might imagine. I mean, probably if it was now, you might all. I mean, I'm sure you sign a million forms that sort of, you know, what's the word I'm looking for? Like, I'm sure you sign a lot of forms that actually, like, mean that you can't. The place can't be held liable if they. If they tell you this news that turns out to be incorrect. But it almost seems like today you might have a lawsuit or something for saying, like, you know, emotional distress or something, because it was emotionally very distressing, as you might imagine.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I feel like you're already like, kind of, you know, trying to tell this story, which I'm on the edge of my seat about, but being, you know, respectful of the person and people involved. So I don't mean to make you speak for them even more or certainly what goes on in their head and their heart. But when you say that it had an impact on their life. Did you. Did you read that as a way of being like. Well, in a certain way it's made me appreciate life and the time I have here more. Like, is it a combination of both? Like a Traumatic hangover from this. But also, well, I'm certainly not going to let any time be wasted that I do have here on earth.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it was more by their description like they went into a complete funk. They flunked out of college.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh my God.

[Luke Burbank]

They like just didn't. They just stopped leaving their dorm room. And then. And again, I don't. You know. Yeah, that's the. It's been expressed to me by this person that. That was like, they basically shut down after hearing this and they kind of never. They, that, that. So then they, they end up leaving the college they were going to on the east coast and they. And, and then they kind of begin a somewhat peripatetic life that, you know that maybe if that doesn't. If they don't get that news, maybe they, they go to class, they stay in college. College. They, Their life looks. They get their degree, Their whole trajectory of their life looks different. So it wasn't one of those, like, I take every single day as a gift. I think it was more like my shit got really messed up kind of mentally and emotionally and I kind of derailed my life.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is heartbreaking. But the good news is crazy, right? Tomorrow on the show, I have a very fun voicemail about Christmas trees that I'm going to play for you.

[Luke Burbank]

Find me a good voicemail about tarps about a time when a tarp didn't blow away. I'll take a picture of this crazy thing. Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

And we could use it for a show pick.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, I mean, I have, I have spent the show editing a photo of these dirty ass hands under a black light.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, do that.

[Andrew Walsh]

We got ready to go.

[Luke Burbank]

Very excited.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I would still be interested in seeing this tarp. The, the fact that these grommets are starting to not hold in the tarp has definitely gotten me nervous.

[Luke Burbank]

I know. That's the thing, Andrew. That's what I can't. It's like the one that's blowing off the hook. All I need to do is crimp the hook down so that they can't get away. That's fixable. The, the, the, the thing about this, this one grommet is it is the corner of the tarp. It is. It's a critical part of this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

And as I'm talking to you, I'm just watching this thing whip in the wind and I'm just. All I can imagine is. Is like that little metal ring working itself closer and closer to the edge to where it eventually just like rips.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yep.

[Luke Burbank]

And then, and then, you know, we got a whole new situation.

[Andrew Walsh]

What is, what is? I asked this before and I don't know if you answered. What do you think? Assuming that this thing, you know, goes according to plan, how long does this tarp have to be up? Like all the rest of this week, you think? Probably at least that. Yeah. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, yeah, I mean, I'm hoping that this stuff is in by. I'm hoping that this stuff is in by Friday. It's actually a pretty small room. It's not like it's, it's not a massive amount of stuff. The square footage of it, it is a little detail oriented, certain parts of it. Like I'm running subway tile all the way up from floor to ceiling on one end of the bathroom and going around this big circular window that me and my dad put in, so.

[Andrew Walsh]

Circular window? Yeah. That's a big circle.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, it's kind of. There's some deep, some detail oriented stuff going on, but, but yeah, I, I, I don't, I, I'll see. I need to go. I haven't yet actually fully interacted with my guy about this, like if he thinks this is going to work or not, so.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right, shall see. I'm gonna go sit in my.

[Luke Burbank]

But the good news is we'll have a full update tomorrow and that's nice. The beauty, Andrew, of living your life on the imaginary radio. There's always an update for the listeners each day about whatever's going on.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, people are probably wondering also. So, I mean, this was sort of a sneaky one. I let fly earlier, but I only ate 2/3 of that apple today. So listen, are you letting sneaky ones fly? Yeah, they're like, will he eat the rest of the apple by showtime tomorrow? I guess.

[Luke Burbank]

How good will Luke's pizza beans be on day three?

[Andrew Walsh]

I guess we'll find out.

[Luke Burbank]

Show is full of cliffhangers.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, thanks for listening, everyone. We will be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. So please, please do join us for that. In the meantime, have a great Tuesday. Try to stay out of the wind and rain if you're here in the pnw and we will see you tomorrow. In the meantime, please remember, no mountain too tall and good luck to all.

[Andrew Walsh]

Power out.