#4361 The JARCy Boys

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL Episode #4361 - "The JARCy Boys"

Podcast Information:

• Title: TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
• Host: Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh
• Episode: #4361 The JARCy Boys
• Release Date: December 18, 2024
• Description: TBTL is a daily show hosted by two longtime friends navigating the world with humor and camaraderie. In this episode, Luke and Andrew delve into quirky topics ranging from kitchen utensils to bidet myths, intertwined with personal anecdotes and listener interactions.

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1. Opening Banter and Anecdotes (00:00 - 02:21)

Luke Burbank kicks off the episode with a nostalgic story about his childhood habit of naming every type of nut, much to his mother's dismay. This light-hearted introduction sets the tone for the episode's blend of humor and personal storytelling.

Luke Burbank [00:00]: "I used to be able to name every nut that there was... peanut, hazelnut, cashew nut, macadamia nut. That was the one that would send her into going crazy."

Andrew Walsh responds with a humorous wish to extract all of Luke's thoughts, highlighting their playful dynamic.

Andrew Walsh [00:38]: "I would like to take this straw and stick it in your ear and extract everything you've ever thought."

The hosts introduce the day's topic, briefly mentioning tarps and preparing the audience for the upcoming discussions.

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2. Black Spatulas and Health Myths (02:19 - 08:44)

The conversation shifts to the peculiar headline from the Seattle Times: "Should You Be Afraid of Your Bidet?" This segues into a discussion about misinformation, focusing on claims that black plastic spatulas are harmful.

Andrew Walsh [04:17]: "I kept seeing this headline everywhere leading up to Thanksgiving, which was, stop using your black spatulas. If you have utensils that are made of black plastic, they are killing you."

**Andrew shares a personal story about his black spatula, emphasizing his skepticism towards unfounded health claims.

Andrew Walsh [05:13]: "She got it at Spatula City. It was the classic kind with, like, a black plastic handle... it's just one that spoke to me because it reminded me of the one that was around the kitchen when I was a kid."

The hosts critique the sensationalism in media headlines and discuss the retraction of such misleading information.

Andrew Walsh [09:15]: "And I didn't even click on them because here's the deal... I feel good in ignoring this. It was just one of those headlines that I can't explain."

Notable Quotes:

• Listener [00:51]: "Or felt or seen or even dreamed about your profession."
• Andrew Walsh [10:32]: "Please clap."

---

3. Bidets: Cultural Perspectives and Health Concerns (08:44 - 46:00)

The discussion deepens into the topic of bidets, exploring both cultural acceptance and health implications. They reference studies from the "Journal of the Anus, Rectum and Colon," highlighting concerns about bacterial contamination in bidet nozzles.

Andrew Walsh [46:31]: "The answer is... bacteria contamination."

**Luke expresses his discomfort with the intimate nature of bidets, contrasting it with the widespread acceptance in places like Japan.

Luke Burbank [53:00]: "I do think that one of the reasons I am turned off by the idea of a bidet is... it feels just like way too intimate and potentially gross to have something that is shared."

The hosts debate the practical aspects of bidet usage, maintenance, and cultural norms, intertwining factual information with personal opinions.

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4. Personal Stories: Chubby and Tubby Christmas Trees (41:36 - 75:02)

A heartfelt segment where Lizzie shares memories of exchanging Dick's cheeseburgers for Christmas trees at Chubby and Tubby, a beloved local hardware store in Seattle.

Lizzie [71:00]: "For several years we had like maybe two or three Christmas trees because we just kept going to get them with cheeseburgers from Sketchy Nick who worked at Chubby and Tubby."

Andrew reminisces about the iconic Chubby and Tubby storefronts, highlighting their nostalgic value to the community.

Andrew Walsh [73:12]: "It sounds like a goddamn delight."

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Walsh [74:43]: "Back to school shopping when I was a kid."
• Lizzie [72:22]: "We had like, like slingshots and BB guns. You could buy nails. They had every single thing."

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5. Listener Emails and Voicemails (77:02 - 86:00)

The hosts engage with listener submissions, addressing topics such as dishwasher efficiency, water conservation, and lawn irrigation.

Rebecca's Email:

• Dishwashing Efficiency: Rebecca highlights that dishwashers use less water compared to hand washing.

  Rebecca: "Dishwashers use 4 to 7 gallons per load. Hand washing is 10 to 15 gallons."

• Water Utility Advice: She advises turning off irrigation valves for winter to prevent leaks.

  Rebecca: "Please remind everyone to turn off their irrigation for the winter by shutting off the irrigation valves."

Andrew and Luke discuss the importance of responsible water usage and maintenance, tying it back to broader environmental concerns.

Lizzie's Voicemail:

• Chubby and Tubby Memories: Lizzie recounts trading cheeseburgers for Christmas trees and paints a vivid picture of the store's eclectic offerings.

  Lizzie: "My older brother's buddy worked at Chubby and Tubby, and he was sort of infamous amongst the Ballard High School teenage boys that if you brought him Dick's cheeseburger, he would throw you a Christmas tree over the back fence."

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6. Closing Remarks and Sign-Off (86:00 - End)

The episode concludes with Luke and Andrew thanking their donors, sharing final thoughts on tarps, bidets, and water conservation, and sending off well-wishes to their listeners.

Listener [77:31]: "Have a great Wednesday. Take care of yourselves. May none of your tarps rip and may all your articles submitted to Jark be peer reviewed and found to have scientific merit."

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Walsh [77:36]: "Be strong and your jarks even stronger."
• Listener [77:45]: "It's like a fart transplant."

---

Key Takeaways:

• Misinformation Awareness: The episode underscores the importance of critically evaluating sensationalist health claims, using the black spatula myth as a case study.
• Cultural Insights on Bidets: A deep dive into the differing global perspectives on bidet usage, balancing cultural practices with personal comfort levels.
• Nostalgic Community Stories: Heartwarming memories of local businesses like Chubby and Tubby highlight the show's emphasis on community and personal connections.
• Environmental Responsibility: Listener interactions emphasize the significance of water conservation and proper maintenance of household utilities.
• Humor and Camaraderie: Throughout the episode, Luke and Andrew maintain a humorous and friendly rapport, making complex topics engaging and relatable.

This episode of TBTL showcases the hosts' ability to blend informative discussions with personal anecdotes and humor, providing listeners with a rich and entertaining experience.

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

I used to be able to name every nut that there was. And that used to drive my mother crazy because she used to say, harlan, Pepper, if you don't stop naming nuts. And the joke was, of course, that we lived in pine nut. And I think that's what put it in my head at that point. So I'd go to sleep, she'd hear me in the other room, and she would just start yelling. I'd say, peanut, hazelnut, cashew nut, macadamia nut. That was the one that would send her into going crazy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tbtl. You know, I would like to take this straw and stick it in your ear and extract everything you've ever thought.

[Listener]

Or felt or seen or even dreamed about your profession.

[Luke Burbank]

I gotta be honest with you, sir. The kind of work I do, I don't think it's as interesting as you think it is.

[Listener]

My podcast is on life support. Hey, I need new listeners.

[Andrew Walsh]

That was a joke.

[Listener]

Humor is the tool of the interesting. I was skeptical. It seemed too good to be true. But I'm so glad I tried it. All right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Wednesday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Don't go there. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host brother. Who are you? What are you doing? Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia is what I'm doing. Weirdly bathed in sunlight on this Wednesday. It's sunny out. Oh, Ma Pa. It's just beautiful. You could say the timing of that is pretty ironic considering I spent the morning erecting my third count it third tarp in the last two days.

[Luke Burbank]

Get on the magic carpet and ride.

[Listener]

I now know exactly where they sell the tarps at Harbor Freight. I've made friends there. We'll talk about it here on episode 4361 in a collector series.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let the fun begin.

[Listener]

If you are in fact scoring at home, as I know many of you are, some of you might be the folks who are using a bidet for your number two needs.

[Andrew Walsh]

Didn't know you like to get wet, though.

[Listener]

And I saw an article in the Seattle Times, a Q and A. The headline, should you be afraid of your bidet? We will tell you the pros and cons of using that particular modality to deal with your situations. And also, of course, we'll talk to this dude. Longest running cobra of the show may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships. I've been collecting up some kind of direct messages from the listeners. And I tell him this with peace and love. I just want you to be normal. And clearly you're not. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning, Luke. You are catching me in a pretty good mood because I, my friend, am so damn validated this morning. God, I love validation. Don't you love validation? Who doesn't? Few things are better. A good stretch, a good sneeze.

[Listener]

I'm at the age, though. A good stretch can lead right into a good charley horse.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's a bad stretch.

[Listener]

I've actually got to be careful. Like, stretching and sneezing are two things that could really put me down for the day.

[Andrew Walsh]

You really got to plan sneezes at our age. Like, I really think it's coming up this week.

[Listener]

Right. Like, reaching for my alarm. An unexpected sneeze and a stretch that gets out of control are all things that can really be really put me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Into a bad situation in the days and maybe even weeks leading up to Thanksgiving. I don't know if you caught any of this. My guess is you did, because I think we subscribed to a couple of the same kind of morning news roundup emails. I, you know, subscribe to several of those of varying degrees of depth, I would say.

[Listener]

And one of varying degrees of spuncon.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, exactly. And one of them that I subscribe to that is a little bit more on the spawn Connie side or a little bit more like kind of pop culture Y headlines, I guess it was. I kept seeing this headline. I kept seeing this headline everywhere leading up to Thanksgiving, which was, stop using your black spatulas. If you have utensils that are made of black plastic, they are killing you. It was like, almost a parody of those kind of, like, scary headlines from the 80s. You know, the popcorn.

[Listener]

Your children's vitamins could kill them more at 11.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. And I just. And I didn't even click on them because here's the deal. Here's something about me. What is the. What is the tik toky thing? One thing.

[Listener]

One thing about me is that growing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Up, my mom had a black spatula. Like, a black handle.

[Listener]

She get it at Spatula City.

[Andrew Walsh]

She hit Spatula City.

[Listener]

Spatula City.

[Andrew Walsh]

Spatula City. It was the classic kind with, like, a black plastic handle, but then a metal. Then metal coming out of that, and then plastic, black spatula on the end of it. I don't know. It was the one that my mom used. And, you know, as I became an adult who used the kitchen more we had spatulas in our kitchen. You know, I don't know where Genevieve and I acquired them. They just sort of, you know, you accumulate these things in your adulthood. None of them were black, but I remember being somewhere. I don't know if it was at a. I mean, I. I feel like it might have been second hand, but maybe not. But I saw like, basically the spatula that reminded me of my childhood, and so I bought it. And that's the one I use. And it's not even the best spatula. It's not the thinnest to get underneath like a fried egg. It's not one of those for that.

[Listener]

Like fish spatulas, now that I have.

[Andrew Walsh]

One that are kind of.

[Listener]

Those are like, you can get underneath, like, you know, who knows what. But those things are very, very, very handy. But this is not that. This is just a pure nostalgia play.

[Andrew Walsh]

Nostalgia play. And again, it's not even like you wouldn't look at it and be like, oh, that's Andrew's kitschy spatula. It's just one that spoke to me because it reminded me of the one that was around the kitchen when I was a kid. Anyway, I use that one quite a bit. In fact, I was using it on Thanksgiving. We had a gang over here of maybe, I don't know, maybe there are seven of us total, so maybe we had five house guests or something. And the foods I usually make for Thanksgiving are the last ones out the door and kitchen because they kind of can't sit for very long. And one of those is Brussels sprouts. So while I, and I, and I.

[Listener]

What do you do? How do you, how do you Brussels your sprouts?

[Andrew Walsh]

Saute? You got. There's a very specific process to get them saute all day to get them browned.

[Listener]

Is that a T shirt you'd wear?

[Andrew Walsh]

It is, yeah. I'd wear almost any. Almost any T shirt underneath my. Underneath my button down, as long as it's clean and not too pitted out. But I was. That there is a very specific process for sort of getting them right in a pan. But I've been doing it for a long, long time. And luckily I was very nervous, in fact, about serving these for Thanksgiving because last year I felt like I was disappointed in my work. But anyway, I was in the kitchen and there were a bunch of people kind of lingering about, waiting for the meal to begin in like a half hour or something, right. While I'm finishing up the cooking. And I'm. I even was using my black spatula. It's good for that. And I was. I was literally braced for somebody who had read that headline, especially, like, somebody over here, like, at Cairo and. Or used to work on. Like, I could see him that. That, you know, like, kind of catching his attention, like, oh, do you see the thing about black spatulas? And I want to be clear. I saw the headline all over the place. Get rid of your black spatulas. They're killing you. I never clicked on them. I didn't care. I was like, this is bullshit. Or if it's not bullshit, I just don't care enough. Like, the things I do to my body, Luke. Like, the black spatula is not.

[Listener]

You can't kill something that's already dead.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, are you kidding me?

[Listener]

Is your basic approach to health.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm like. I'm like, what's her name? And Married with Children. I got a joint dangling out of my mouth while I'm cooking these things. I'm drinking directly. I'm like Peg Bundy. I'm like drinking directly from a bottle of Jim Beef. Oh, but don't. But don't dare use a black spatula.

[Listener]

Well, Andrew, I'd like to activate the sound effect that I am having trouble finding. So instead, I'm just gonna play this one.

[Andrew Walsh]

The validation sound effect.

[Listener]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Stop the show. You're seeing what I lose this morning.

[Listener]

How did I lose my. Oh, is this where you're going with this?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, this is my validation. What do I wake up? I wake up this morning?

[Listener]

I completely forgot about this being validating. I thought you were just weighing in on how much you don't give a Bachelor.

[Andrew Walsh]

This all began with me then opening up or seeing the headline of today's bundle of headlines from pocket.com. and the headline is, your black plastic utensils probably aren't killing you after all. Yeah, I had a feeling. News people did it.

[Listener]

Link back to a piece by Madeline Wells, senior food reporter for SFGate.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's interesting. You're on a different one. No, I'm on Lifehacker. We got Beth Skoworky. I think I mispronounced that. Sorry. That had to do with my eyes not being very good, not my mouth being bad, although both are.

[Listener]

It's good to diagnose the problem down to a very granular level.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know why that's better. Like, I butchered your name. But don't worry. That's because my eyes are bad, not my mouth. Recky is, I believe, how you pronounce this?

[Listener]

I got Madeline Wells I got the easiest name to say. You got like, that was a raw deal for you, I think, in the name department.

[Andrew Walsh]

But anyway, scanning it very briefly, it looks like, you know, some of the data just was not right about this and there's a mathematical error and who knows? I mean, I'm not. Listen, I'm not out here, blow hard and saying that, like, plastics and microplastics and dyes are good for you. I'm not saying it's a health spatula. I'm just saying I feel good in ignoring this. It was just one of those headlines that I can't explain. It just was like a little, like. I didn't. I didn't even read it. It just annoyed me a little bit. And I don't think I realized how much it annoyed me until I saw this retraction today. I'm like, what the hell?

[Listener]

So you're not out here, Blow hardened, but what you are basically saying is, please clap.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right, Please.

[Listener]

You're just using a different Jeb Bush audio drop reference on the.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait, wait, wait. That's. That's Jeb Bush. Who says blow harden?

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, this is the first I'm learning of that. I had no idea. That was Jeb.

[Listener]

This is Jeb.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait, hold on.

[Listener]

I won't trash talk. I won't be out there.

[Andrew Walsh]

Blow harden. Maybe I did know that at one point, and I apologize. I called him Jeb.

[Listener]

Jeb, exclamation point. Jeb. What a different time.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know.

[Listener]

You know, it's funny that you mentioned this. This story, because I was. I forget where I was exactly, but it. It prompted my beloved girlfriend who I absolutely adore and appreciate and who has only my best interest at heart.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, something good is going to follow that. Wind up texting me out of the.

[Listener]

Blue to say, honey, you're not using black plastic stuff to cook with. And my response, I'm not proud of this, Andrew, and I hope this isn't.

[Andrew Walsh]

You really got a text from Becca about this headline?

[Listener]

Yes, I got it. No, about the initial headline.

[Andrew Walsh]

About the initial headline. Oh, okay.

[Listener]

Yeah. So she. The two. This is one of the many ways in which the two of you are very dissimilar. And I'll take it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Me and Becca, you know, well, let's see. We both are. We are both very healthy and fit and we love Wordle.

[Listener]

You both breathe. Oh, hey, by the way, we never got a. Like, last week or something, you said, how did Becca do on Wordle? And I asked her, and then we never. I Never figured out why it was.

[Andrew Walsh]

I can't remember.

[Listener]

You wanted to know that question. And she sent me her score. We can talk about that offline. But anyway, she texted me out of the blue and said hey, you're not using, you know, black plastic to cook with. Which obviously she had seen round one of the story. She had been moved by it. I, I hope my, my response isn't unrelatable. It doesn't make me seem less relatable. But I said, what do you think I am A poor. I said I got some jacked up caraway wood shit that I'm using that's discolored because I put it in the dishwasher. I'm. I'm on all wood cooking utensils which I don't think they're superior and they're aesthetically worse. There's that word again. Because I'm not to put them in the. Remember these are, these are associated with those crazy pans that I bought.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Listener]

That I then sent back. But then they said you know what, you can just keep them and, and we'll send you new ones. Because they, it just wasn't worth it for. So I bought these stainless steel pans. These like high end. They seemed high end to me anyway. Stainless steel pans. I thought they looked really nice and then I tried to cook in them and I just was, it was just too difficult. Like you. There are people that are. Can do real magic with a stainless steel pan when they season it and do all this stuff. I was not one of them. Them supposed to drop water in and wait till it's creating droplets at a certain kind of like, you know, temperature. Etc. I was like get me some non stick pans guys. And so they sent me the new ones and they said don't even send the old ones in. But along with that I bought some cooking utensils from them because their whole thing is like this is all very like you know, chemical free etc but I wash them in the dishwasher after I use them and that's caused them all to become discolored and weird.

[Andrew Walsh]

But so all your, all your spatulas, even the really thin one like you have, like do you really have.

[Listener]

Those are metal.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh okay. That's you. Do you use metal spatulas?

[Listener]

Yes, I have that. Yeah. So like yeah, the, the spoon and then there's a wood spatula. But it's, it's not like you. Like you were talking about earlier. It's not super duper thin. Like you can't get under like an egg with it easily that you're trying to do easy over or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

And these pants, they're not non stick. I know that's a weird.

[Listener]

They are now. I now have non stick pans from the same company.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are you supposed to use metal spatulas on non stick pans though?

[Listener]

Good question.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think the answer. I don't that really. You know, I say. You know, I'll be honest with you Luke. I phrased this.

[Listener]

That's the study.

[Andrew Walsh]

You believe I phrased it as a question. It wasn't a question.

[Listener]

You know, Andrew, come over sometime and look at my pans and tell me I'm doing it wrong because these things look great. That's more of a testament to how little I cook.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I. I don't Maybe there. Maybe I've just always heard you're not supposed to use a metal spatula.

[Listener]

Well here's what I actually if you. If we want to get. If we want to get really in the weeds on this and I think we do. I actually have a red plastic fish spatula that is some high end thing that somebody got us back when I was married to somebody else and some. A friend of ours said this is the best. This spatula will change your life. And it's this. It looks like one of those fish spatulas but it's plastic and it's. Now God knows, maybe I don't know if the color of the plastic theoretically would have mattered in the story that we now know has been debunked but like I use that one a lot and then for other stuff I do have one of those fish spatulas. I use that more for like if I'm grilling and stuff.

[Andrew Walsh]

It looks like it was specifically the black spatulas.

[Listener]

The author's that color matters is interesting to me. You'd think plastic is plastic.

[Andrew Walsh]

There was suspicion that. And I'm sort of reading into this on the fly but I guess there was suspicion that the black plastic that was going into specifically black cookware was being recycled from other items. Oh wait, maybe I. You know what? I'm going to stop talking about this now because I think I might have. I might have flipped that and reversed it. I'm not exactly sure what the issue was but it had something to do with flame retardants and something very specific with the black plastic. I guess so there you go. Also Becca, get. Get Becca's update on her wordle today to give her this update on the story and tell her to fish those black spatulas out of the garbage can. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And tell her I was right.

[Listener]

Okay, I'll definitely. Yes, I'll say once again, Andrew's health tips lapped you.

[Andrew Walsh]

We should do that. We should do that. I was these. And I have a long standing joke. I mean, this goes back so long. About like, I was one time, I think I came out of the kitchen. I mean, this is so long ago. I came out of the kitchen with like a piece of bread or maybe it was just like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, only there was no jelly. So I just put a bunch of honey on there. And I said something to Genevieve like, oh, let's update my diet book and say if you're out of jelly, feel free to just put a bunch of honey on your peanut butter sandwich. Or something along the lines of that. And we've had this long standing idea of what my kind of diet recipe book would look like. It would be abhorrent, obviously. But I do like the idea of Andrew's health tips.

[Listener]

Forever on the lips, forever on the hips. Andrew Walsh.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. That just called forever on the hips. Anyway, there you go.

[Listener]

I would read that book. Yeah, that's like H. John Benjamin releasing a jazz record when he has no formal training in jazz. That's you writing about, like macros. Yeah, things like that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I feel like we could do a segment on TBTL maybe in the new year.

[Listener]

Well, Andrew, if you need a tarp hung and if you need to know about the different kind of tarps that one can get and even where to get them, I'm your guy. Because here we sit, it's a Wednesday. And the journey of me trying to create a rain free area for the tile guy, it's reached its apotheosis, I believe. I now have a heavy duty tarp that is lashed to the side of the house is this way.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hold on. You were talking in great detail about this yesterday. Did you end up going for the really expensive one that was like a $200 tarp or something?

[Listener]

No. Well, so. So what happened yesterday? Right when we ended the show, and if people remember, there was a. I had a light blue, also coincidentally, a light duty tarp that I had bought that I had connected to my house on some eye hooks and then had tied ropes up to, like, because the way my driveway is set up, I had sort of tied these ropes and actually attached one here to the studio. And I had this little thing and the wind was whipping like crazy and it was tearing at the the little eyelets, the little grommets in the tarp and it was coming apart. I was cutting these holes in it to try to vent it so that the wind would. Oh yeah, tear it apart so much.

[Andrew Walsh]

Apparently not.

[Listener]

Well, you know what, it extended the lifespan of the tarp by probably minutes.

[Andrew Walsh]

So that was good.

[Listener]

I, it, it, it allowed the tarp to survive up until you said, and good luck to all.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Listener]

And then I stared out the window and there was no tarp, Andrew, because it had fully ripped itself into shreds and was now just like a kind of faintly like in the wind, but like had all moved into a different part of the yard. It was a. And so that was pretty frustrating and pretty demoralizing because that was my third attempt at doing something like this. And so my tile guy said, you know what you should probably do is get a more. And by the way, I told you that I was a little stressed about this whole thing because I kind of didn't know if the responsibility necessarily should fall on the homeowner to create a dry workspace. Like, on the one hand, that just seems like a, that just seems like a reasonable work environment to create for anyone. On the other hand, it's like, well, it's the Pacific Northwest, it's the winter time. If we got to do stuff outside, maybe we, we.

[Andrew Walsh]

He.

[Listener]

I heard a long story about the last time he tried to do that. Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do it outside or do it inside.

[Listener]

And bring his own stuff. And the thing blew away.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh well, the story was. But that, that doesn't.

[Listener]

Right. That's not. To you. That's not a fully satisfactory answer.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, it's not. It's all the more reason why. All the more reason why it shouldn't fall on you.

[Listener]

Well, I got a couple of more, a couple of more like details on this whole thing, which for. I don't know if anyone cares about this, but just to update things. So one thing, it's not so much. I thought it was about like maybe the equipment or the tile saw or something. No, just doesn't like getting wet. So that's, that's, that's one data point. Like I thought maybe there was like the, the equipment might break or you can't like get the right kind of cut on the tile. No, it is a purely comfort related. And by the way, nobody likes being wet.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, no, I mean that makes absolute sense. I wouldn't want to do my job outside in the rain. Five minutes.

[Listener]

That was my first idea for this podcast, was going to be A totally outdoor experience, and you nixed that.

[Andrew Walsh]

We're going to need some tarps, but you know what I mean.

[Listener]

I know exactly where to go in the harbor freight for those.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was walking home the other day, and it's one of those things where I was wearing a heavy coat and I was wearing a hat and headphones, and I knew it was raining on me, and it was pretty nasty weather. I think this was Friday night. But I didn't realize until, like, I started seeing water literally dripping off the bill of my cap. At one point I'm like, man, I'm really collecting rain out here. Like, I. I think it's absolutely 1 million percent reasonable to not do this job in the pouring rain or even the. Even the slowly dripping rain that's going to eventually soak you to the bone when you got to go, then go inside and like, kind of fit the tiles and everything. That makes sense. I just don't think that it's up to the homeowner to provide this. I think that if you know. If you know what your job is and what. What you need to get the job done, you need to provide yourself the tools. And in this case, a tarp is the tool that he needs to get it done.

[Listener]

Andrew. When I think of dying Deliver me in a black winged bird. Those are some of the lyrics to the song Rain King by Counting Crows. If you want to do another deep dive today, I'm here for it.

[Andrew Walsh]

I thought that was.

[Listener]

Sorry. When I think of heaven.

[Andrew Walsh]

I thought that was Mr. Jones.

[Listener]

Again, I got the lyric wrong. When I think of heaven Deliver me in a black wing bird Something something I am the rain king. Were you the rain king yesterday?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Listener]

As you walked around. I believe he does that in that song. No, I sort of agree with you, but I agree with you in principle. But here's what actually helped me yesterday with this whole thing after the second tarp and third attempt at this. Because, remember, this started with me putting out a shelter that got destroyed, then one tarp that was too small, which, by the way, the first tarp actually was probably gonna be okay. Like, it was a heavier duty tarp tarp. And it was attached pretty safely, and it wasn't massive. In other words, it wasn't catching. Think about how a sail works on a sailboat. The bigger the sail, the more wind it's going to catch. The second tarp was probably fine.

[Andrew Walsh]

The one that. That the grommets came out of and that you cut.

[Listener]

No, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm messing up the order of things. My. My first attempt at attaching a tarp to the side of the house, which was deemed too small by my tile guy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, okay.

[Listener]

That one would have been fine, actually, it turns out, because it was. I have. I still have it. It was heavy duty.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I forgot about this. He rejected the first one. Okay.

[Listener]

Yeah, it was. It was. It was rejected based on not being large enough, because if the rain quote was coming sideways, it was going to be a problem. This was back again when I thought we were dealing with, like, a. The repercussions having to do with the tile saw, not just a, you know, kind of a personal comfort sort of issue. So that's when I went and got a larger tarp, which I stupidly bought. One that was listed as light, like, duty, because I just figured I'm gonna. This is gonna be up for, like, a week. What kind of duty do I need this tarp to be able to do? Well, that was a huge mistake, because by the time I got it all strung up. And you have to realize also, every time I put a new tarp up, I have to take out these eye hooks and drill different holes and put them in different places, because none of the. These little. The little grommets on the tarp are not a uniform distance from each other.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I'm wondering about tarp. So you're. You're drilling holes right into the exterior of your house for this left and right, Andrew. Temporary tarp.

[Listener]

Tarp. But, you know, we got to get this done. Also, they're very, very, very small compared to. And they. They're not actually very noticeable. I was worried about that. But anyway, so. So yesterday, finally, when the second tarp ripped shreds and blew it, I just walked into the house and I just said to the guy, I go, I don't really know what to do about this, man. Like, I go about kind of out ideas. And that was weirdly liberating because, like, it was like, instead of me being like, I don't. You know, am I not. Am I not accomplishing what I'm supposed to as far as creating a hospitable work environment? I was just like, man, I don't know. I don't know what to do. And he was like, you probably got to go to Harbor Freight and get a more heavy duty tarp. And I was like, yeah, but Those are, like 200 bucks. He goes, not at Harbor Freight. He goes, I got a whole section. And my God, Andrew, if they don't have the most amazing section of tarps.

[Andrew Walsh]

I've heard good things about Harbor Freight. I've never been there, but I heard. I heard somebody said, buy your supplies there, but don't buy your tools there or something.

[Listener]

That person was very correct. Yeah, that's exactly. The knock on Harbor Freight is they got lots of great stuff, but the tools are. Are all break very quickly. Like the power tools. Not the place to get your power tools, but apparently the place to get tarps. I go back to the tarp department, there's two other dudes standing there. We're all dealing with situations. It's rainy in the northwest. Everyone's like, there's a line to go to the tarp area of the. Of the harbor freight. Because it's. One guy's got a garage that's leaky. He's got to throw one over. Another guy's got a situation. We're all sitting around. It's real powerful. King of the hill energy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure. Absolutely there.

[Listener]

And like, these guys are all in their 60s. I'm like the young buck in the tarp department. And we're all kind of standing around, we're all kind of eyeing these things and looking at the different, you know, light duty, medium duty, heavy duty kind of getting a couple of good, like real, you know, throat clearing kind of working guy sniff thing going on.

[Andrew Walsh]

God dang it. Yeah.

[Listener]

Do I look like I know what a damn JPEG is? So we're like. And sure enough, I got. I got one that was heavy duty. And by the way, it's night and day, Andrew, if you ever buy a tarp and you're gonna do something like this, may I recommend heavy duty. I don't even know why do they even make a light duty tarp? What even is the point of it? This thing was immediately. First of all, it was 19 bucks.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, man.

[Listener]

I got 40% off for allowing Harbor Freight to steal all of my personal information and sell it to the Chinese.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's not stealing if you give it to them.

[Listener]

Then I was like. He goes, actually, I didn't. I've never tried this one before, this negotiating tactic. He's like, what's a good phone number for you? And I was like. I go, I don't really want to give you my phone number. He goes, hey, no problem. And I go, unless there's some great discount. He goes, I can get you 40% off this tarp. I was like, well, let me pick up an air compressor while I'm here. 40% off. Let me. Let me buy a thousand dollars worth of stuff right now. If I'm getting 40% off of everything.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'll take that little crane. That's not for sale. That's for restocking. I said I'll take the crane. I wasn't thinking, what do you call those scissory things, like a cherry pick? Skyjack, Maybe a cherry picker? Yeah, yeah.

[Listener]

I'm like, yeah. I'm like, do you want my phone number or not, bruh? So Anyway, I get 40% off. So I'm paying 16 retail for this tarp and I get it home. And it is just such. First of all, the wind is, like, absolutely slack today. There's no wind.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did you cut holes in it again?

[Listener]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Andrew Walsh]

See, I'm wondering, is the tarp better or is the weather better?

[Listener]

Well, that's a little bit tbd, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's. Well, I'm a bit of a philosopher. These are the questions philosophers ask.

[Listener]

Honestly, you're the Kierkegaard of my tarp situation. Here's the plan. I've thought about this. I was lying in bed thinking about Andrew. I can't overstate how big of a part of my brain this is taking up. And this is a bad week for that. I have a lot going on. I should not be thinking about tarps this much. So it's all tied up now, but it's just basically hooked to the house in such a way that if the wind were to start whipping up, I could just unhook it. And my plan. So my plan, when the guy's all done working today, is to go out there on my little step ladder and then just unhook it from the house and then just place it down on the ground. I'll leave all the rope side tied up and I'll just put a couple rocks on it, and that's where it will stay overnight because I don't need it whipping in the middle of the night. It also happens to be pulling on a. Where like the exterior of the house and the interior is my bedroom. And it's. It's loud and distracting if it's blowing. So I'm going to unhook it at night. It's basically going to now be set up in such a way that if it starts raining, it can easily be put up to keep the rain out. And then the rest of the time, it's going to be just lying kind of in a, you know, in a position where it's not going to catch wind.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are you familiar with the works of John Wick? Wick who am I thinking of? John Irving. Are you familiar with the works of John Irving? Yes.

[Listener]

Brief in one. No, I. Yeah. Prayer for Owen Meaney.

[Andrew Walsh]

Prayer for Owen Meaney. Yes, that's right. So would you be okay with calling the show today the World According to tarp. Would you get that? You do get that reference. Okay, good. Because I felt like there was a TARP joke somewhere for the show title and I've been kind of like in the back of my mind trying to figure out what it is. And if you're in the John Irving camp, then I guess that'll, that'll fly with you. I wanted to mention to you, Luke, and I don't have. I don't have enough details on what happened, but the weather up here early this morning, I guess late last night or. But very early this morning really was just absolutely banana cakes, like wind wise, right? I mean, yes, but then the heaviest rain and I was, I was in bed sleeping and I'm guessing that what I heard was probably. Well, I didn't go to bed until pretty late last night. So I'm guessing this was probably like maybe four in the morning, five in the morning or something. It woke me up. The sound of the rain battering into or onto or against. I guess I should say our bedroom window was the loudest rain I've ever heard in my days in Seattle. It sounded like the rain was literally trying to break in. And it must have been that the wind was just blowing it absolutely sideways the way the tile guy was concerned about like. And then I woke up this morning and I saw some really weird things. You know, I get emails on this like, this like micro neighborhood email list that somebody signed me up for. And usually it's people being concerned about people stealing mail or something, but this time was just kind of like does anybody know what was up with that weather last night? Which was a strange thing to put into an eat like, well, you're opening up your computer or your phone to type that into an email chain. Why don't you just google weather.com or seattle times.com and read what happened to the weather. It seems like a strange things to open up to the forum, but it really was like people are buzzing. I think people just need to talk about what the hell happened last night up here.

[Listener]

My bedroom door to the exterior blew open last night. Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, you have a bedroom door that goes to the outside, right? Okay.

[Listener]

It's, it's, it's eventually going to go to where the deck wraps around the other side of the house and there's going to be like a walkway. So I have like a French door that right now opens out to like a four foot drop.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right.

[Listener]

Very into nothing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Very Sarlacc vibes. Nice.

[Listener]

Yes, precisely.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's giving Sarlacc.

[Listener]

It's giving Sarlacc.

[Andrew Walsh]

Who says?

[Listener]

We're not young and hip and we use things like. It's giving Sarlacc. It's giving digestion over the course of a thousand years.

[Andrew Walsh]

That might be a better show title actually.

[Listener]

I think we should warn the people about how much tarp talk is gonna happen. I think we need to kind of level set.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Listener]

But anyway. Yeah, so like. Yeah, it was crazy around here last night and I like to the point where, yeah, stuff was just blowing around outside and then this door, which I obviously hadn't deadbolted it, but it's a glass door too. Just I'm in the living room doing something and just like boom, blows open. What I was actually doing was sitting on my guitar trying to learn Elliot Smith songs. So that's if you want to check in on my mental health.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I would just give it about.

[Listener]

A B. I would.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean that's a double edged sword. Like you are still like kind of. You mentioned a few weeks ago that you were going to try to like kind of learn some piano and you're.

[Listener]

I was practicing my piano last night too. I was practicing playing with two hands.

[Andrew Walsh]

So that's actually good. So it is good that you're continuing this routine of self improvement and finding artistic outlets. The fact that you're still plunking out Elliot Smith songs, that's maybe where we.

[Listener]

Yeah. The fact that the lyrics somehow resonate is, you know, where we might want to talk about a 5150 or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're more green sleeves mood.

[Listener]

Honestly, as I was doing that though, I just hear this crazy noise. I'm like, what the hell? I go into the bedroom, the wind has blown open this door. It was like. Like kind of terrifying actually.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I believe that that's been very scary. I remember that time when we were relatively new in this house and this is how I learned that the basement door doesn't click all the way closed because we didn't like, you know, flip the deadlock on it. But it was closed. And I was sleeping down in the basement. I'd fallen asleep on the couch and all of a sudden I woke up to wind in the basement and I realized that the door was wide open. And I think bingo. Our cat was pretty new at the time. And I was like, oh, my God. And just to wake up in that manner of just being. Has this door been open? I now think that I woke up as soon as that door blew open from the wind. But in the moment, I was just freaking out because I thought I'd been sleeping while this door had blown open for hours or something along those lines. It's very disconcerting. In this case, you were awake and you just heard the noise, which is still very scary.

[Listener]

Yeah. So I guess the end of the story is it's an absolutely gorgeous day here. After all of that shit. It's totally and completely unnecessary that I have this tarp up, but. But I guess better to have it ready to go in case it starts raining. I just really want to get this project done because what it effectively means is that I'm kind of evicted from the house all day, which, luckily, I have this other place to work where I am, the Madrona Hill studio. So it's kind of fine.

[Andrew Walsh]

Kitchen, the bathroom.

[Listener]

Yeah. This is not a bad fallback plan, but it is just like a. And also, the entire inside of my house is now a construction zone again, because there's this bathtub that's gonna go in this bathroom that's just sitting in the living room. There's like, all of the. There's a kitchen or. Sorry, there's a shower kit, you know, which is like the glass walls of a shower that are right now in just these big cardboard boxes. There's just. I have the vanity that's gonna go in. The bathroom is in here. I just feel like everything is on hold until this tile goes up and I can get everything put in the bathroom and get back to real life. So, anyway, I'll be glad when this is all done.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you for being a.

[Listener]

All right, let's thank some of our supporters. These folks are donating to TBTL and keeping it ad free and 100% listener supported.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is 100% listenable. And I was like, oh, I didn't know that was part of the agreement.

[Listener]

I don't know if you heard what I said earlier about level setting. Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was like, do not. Do not set us up for that, Luke.

[Listener]

No, sir. I would say tolerable.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure.

[Listener]

Now, even now, even TBTL donors can tolerate tbtl.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. Now even Michelle Neptune's.

[Listener]

That's right.

[Andrew Walsh]

New York.

[Listener]

Brooklyn, New York.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you, Michelle, for supporting the show. Now, Luke, can I blow your mind for a second? Chris is Leaving. Chris is leaving. He hates it when I get into this. Michelle Neptune. First of all, I love Neptune as a last name.

[Listener]

I mean, what a name.

[Andrew Walsh]

You and I have done Luke Burbank.

[Listener]

A real run for its money.

[Andrew Walsh]

We've done at least three TBTLs at the Neptune. You may have done more before my time on the show. Where is the Neptune theater? What are the cross streets here in Seattle, Washington? What are the cross streets?

[Listener]

It's on Brooklyn in 45th.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's on Brooklyn in 45th. Where's Michelle Neptune donating from? Brooklyn, New York?

[Listener]

45Th, New York in Brooklyn.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. And this is her 45th. Fifth donation. This is bananas.

[Listener]

Unbelievable. That is actually a little bit of a. Of a fun little coincidence there. Michelle Neptune, Brooklyn, N.Y. tBTL supporter and amazing name. Haver.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. Thank you, Michelle.

[Listener]

Thanks. Also James Winters of Louisville, Kentucky. That's also a pretty solid name.

[Andrew Walsh]

Really, really, really good. Yeah.

[Listener]

Now I know Winter sounds like a Texas blues man. Oh, only because there's a guy named Johnny Winter who was a Texas.

[Andrew Walsh]

Texas. Okay. I was gonna say that because I could see James Winters being a musician, but from a colder climb, I would say, as opposed to the Texas. Because Winter.

[Listener]

Let's see, is he from Texas though? He seems cultured. Beaumont, Texas. Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

There you go. That's Johnny.

[Listener]

I love it when I go out on Johnny Winter. Not our James Winters. And also James is got the plural where Johnny has got the singular. So R. James Winters is in Louisville, Kentucky.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you, James. For real.

[Listener]

Thanks to JT Thorstad. Another non solid names on this list today.

[Andrew Walsh]

JT Thorstad, Yakoma, Washington, longtime friend of the show. Thank you, jt. Hope things are going well down there in Tacoma.

[Listener]

Appreciate you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Listener]

Rebecca Johnson is in New Haven, Connecticut.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's probably beautiful there right now. You're living inside of a winter wonder. Exactly. Snow globe holiday scene. Rebecca, thanks for taking your time out of your holidays to donate to the show.

[Listener]

Yeah, I appreciate that. Also, Bruce Morris is in Vashon, Washington. Vashon island.

[Andrew Walsh]

In our island.

[Listener]

Absolutely beautiful. I remember I had a friend. I may have told this story last time Vashon came up, but I had a friend who I went to that weird Christian kindergarten with, which has been coming up a lot on the show lately. Pillar of Fire. And he lived.

[Andrew Walsh]

Where do you send your cute little kids to, Pillar?

[Listener]

Where do you send your kid to just get their ass completely beaten by the teacher? Pillar of Fire is where you can find that kind of. Kind of educational environment. But there was a Kid that I don't know why he went to the school, but he lived on Vashon island, which seemed like a little bit of a schlep. Although the truth of the matter is it's a quick ferry ride. Anyway, I remember going and staying over at his house on Vashon island, and I remember we had to go take the ferry. Now, his dad, I want to say his dad was a metro bus driver, Andrew. And maybe that was why the kid went to school. Maybe there wasn't. Maybe there wasn't a school on Vachon where they beat the shit out of the kid. So they had to bring him into Seattle for that. They had to import him to Seattle. But his dad, I think, was a metro bus driver. And what his dad would do was ride a motorcycle to the ferry because it was way cheaper to take a.

[Andrew Walsh]

Motorcycle on the ferry than a car. Yeah, okay.

[Listener]

As opposed to driving your. Your car onto the ferry, which is pretty expensive, and then you've got to deal with parking. And so I think the solution was. And I think a lot of people probably do some version of this, so he would take this motorcycle from their house on Vachon to the ferry and then over to Seattle and then to wherever, you know, the bus barn was or something. And I don't know how this became the case, but like, I was getting brought back from Jeremy's house, but sans my friend was named Jeremy, sans my friend Jeremy Army. So what it was was me riding on the back of his dad's motorcycle with no helmet. Kindergarten, just being like, this doesn't feel safe. And Grant, I don't think we were going very far. I don't think his dad was being unsafe other than child who is not his, with no helmet on the back of a motorcycle. That was. I think that was when my love for motorcycles was not born, when it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Was slowly, slowly buried under. Under the earth.

[Listener]

I think I remember being afraid as a kid, which is weird because, you know, you think about it, you're like, I mean, you. You love you a dirt bike and you've got dirt bike dreams. You know, that's the name of my reality Vespa budget. But dirt bike dreams, Andrew, that's my.

[Andrew Walsh]

My reality show is dirt bike dreams.

[Listener]

I did not have that reaction. I was like, oh, I don't like this.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't want to make this weird, okay? But there is a reality of you are intimately close to somebody when you're in the back of their mind.

[Listener]

I think I didn't like that aspect either.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I don't I don't. I honestly don't even hug him in a weird, gross way. I just mean that, like, he wasn't.

[Listener]

Being weird or gross.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. No.

[Listener]

And.

[Andrew Walsh]

And so I just mean, though, that, like, just physically intimate. You have to hug somebody from behind when you're on a motorcycle. And if you don't, not your dad, who's not your dad.

[Listener]

Jeremy's dad.

[Andrew Walsh]

Jeremy's dad. Like, you're smelling Jeremy's dad's jacket. Like, you just. I don't know. Like, that's. Yeah, I remember. I was a very, very shy kid, and I remember being in again. We did ride dirt bikes and stuff, but usually, you know, I'm on the back of my dad's dirt bike and, you know, giving him a big hug from behind. And you know about the little cardboard things they made for me for my legs, don't you? Because for a while, they're my dad.

[Listener]

To protect you from the pipe.

[Andrew Walsh]

To protect me from the. Yeah. I don't know if motor or what. The engine, rather, I think.

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't. I do feel like I wore two, so I don't know why there would have been heat on both sides because I do think it would have been in the exhaust pipe for definitely one side of it. But, yeah, there's these photos of me as this really little kid, like, on my dad's Suzuki, holding him from behind and. But I've got these cardboard, like, guards on both of my, like, calves and shins that were, like, kind of taped up so I wouldn't burn myself.

[Listener]

I love it. You know who else loves that story? Becky Jeans of Carnation Washington. Not just a stylish fashion.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sorry, I didn't have that queued up as well as I wanted it to be. I was trying to needle drop that for. For our donor today. Becky.

[Listener]

Thanks, Becky.

[Andrew Walsh]

Appreciate you.

[Listener]

I used to know Becky a million years ago. I hired her a million years ago.

[Andrew Walsh]

That was such a bad audio drop, but, Becky, I hope it didn't ruin us. Thanking you for your donation. Thanks.

[Listener]

Thank you to all of our donors today for making TBTL possible. Possible. Hello and welcome to Top Story. All right, Andrew. We are men of honor. Lies do not become us. Okay, so I just want to be straight up with you right at the beginning of these top stories. This is a pretty bunk top story except for one dazzling deet that jumped out at me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Does it involve black plastic spatulas?

[Listener]

It does not. What am I, a poor.

[Andrew Walsh]

Mm.

[Listener]

It the headline in the Seattle Times today. Should you be afraid of bidets. Oh, yeah, that got my attention.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Okay.

[Listener]

This is why you first, first you got a show sheet today and then you got an updated show sheet. Because after I had sent you show sheet number one, I happened upon the headline, should you be afraid of bidets?

[Andrew Walsh]

I would like to take a quick moment to honor your choice of drop to promote this. I thought it was a very clever use of didn't know you liked to get wet, though. Good job.

[Listener]

Thank you very much. Thank you. I appreciate that. We unfortunately did not have time to reach out to our senior bidet correspondent, Chris Hayes.

[Andrew Walsh]

It does feel weird doing this without.

[Listener]

Him, but we'll be. I think I'm going to be a guest on why is this happening next week to further expand on this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good.

[Listener]

Now here's the thing. It's. This is, this is one of the thinnest like, articles. It's not even an article. It's the weirdest. It's borderline bunk journalism. What it is, it turns out, is a, a King Features, like thing that shows up in newspapers. Which, like, when's the last time you read a King Features item in a newspaper, Andrew? That's the province of like a Deer abbey kind of a thing. Right? Or like, you know, King Features, I think was like, you know, putting like Marilyn Vos Savant, the world's smartest woman in Parade magazine. Right. Like, it's a real throwback.

[Andrew Walsh]

And this is written by Joe and Terry Graydon, who are the executive producers and hosts of the People's Pharmacy. See, I'm guessing that is a podcast.

[Listener]

Maybe. I mean, it lists. It doesn't. Here's the thing, it doesn't seem like they're doctors or, you know, epidemiologists or virologists or I don't know what their qualification is to weigh in on bidets. And this is a very, very. Here's what it is. Q. So headline should be should you be afraid of bidets? Question from who? We don't know. It's not listed. I've never understood clean, focused Americans. So this is. I were to believe a random person sent this into Joe and Teresa at King Features.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is one of my favorite things to do in the newsletter, by the way, is to like answer fake questions from listeners that are usually gushing about how good I'm doing on the show before they get to their question. And they're basically doing it in a non spoofy way.

[Listener]

And again, yeah, I do not. It's so unclear to me who is posing this question. It's Just a question from the ethos I've never understood. Clean, focused Americans. Fear of bidets. Exclamation point. Jeb. For me, bidets were almost the best part of travel in Europe. Is there a problem I don't know about? Such as an increased risk for urinary tract infections.

[Andrew Walsh]

This comes out of left field. We're just right to the races.

[Listener]

I honestly am wondering if this is like, you know, yesterday you were talking about how Bounty was trying to get us off of. Of using, you know, washable towels. Like that's their new target is. Is not other paper towel companies, but. But the, you know, traditional cloth companies.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh my God. I think I just saw your dazzling detail. Sorry, I'm reading ahead and I think I have.

[Listener]

I think I have you honed in on it, Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

$100,000 bet that I know what the dazzling details.

[Listener]

You're having the same reaction I did to the news of. Of that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm sorry to cut you off. It's just when you see that in print in front of you, it stops.

[Listener]

You in your track. You know what it does, Andrew? It makes you send an updated show sheet.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Looks like I got a new subscription. I gotta. Yeah, I gotta pay for. Okay.

[Listener]

This does feel like this might be a letter that was planted by the toilet paper industry. Uh huh.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. Yes.

[Listener]

Yeah, like, I love bidets, but why are we so afraid of them? Could they cause major health problems?

[Andrew Walsh]

Now? But wait a second here. How are. I haven't read the answers yet. My assumption is that these folks were. Joe and Teresa Graydon were going to like, sort of like push back on these straw man arguments and this ends up being a celebration of the bidet.

[Listener]

Well, Andrew, you'd think the answer again from two folks, I don't really know what their qualifications are on this.

[Andrew Walsh]

The answer is.

[Listener]

This question is a bit more complicated than you might imagine. There have been several studies regarding the use of bidet toilets and urogenital infections. I don't. Urogenital infection? Is that the term for it?

[Andrew Walsh]

I guess so. I'd never heard before.

[Listener]

I always thought a UTI just meant urinary tract, but no, I think that.

[Andrew Walsh]

A UTI is a urinary tract infection, I believe. But.

[Listener]

But they're saying there have been several studies regarding the use of bidet toilets and urogenital infections in general. They do not reveal more urinary tract tract problems. They cite Epidemiology and Infection magazine and Preventive Medicine reports. A different study, however, suggests that the nozzle surface of electric bidet Toilets may become contaminated with bacteria. And Andrew. Yes. This is where we arrive at the dazzling detail. This idea that the electric bidet nozzle could become contaminated with bacteria is from the Journal of the Anus rectum and Colonial, October 28, 2021. How is it that we always end up talking about buttholes at this poker game? Yes, Andrew, the Journal of the Anus, Rectum and Colon. I was very much a going concern.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is what now, have you done what I'm going to do right now, which is go right to the source on this?

[Listener]

I have a safe search on my computer.

[Andrew Walsh]

You got a governor on that thing?

[Listener]

I mean, it actually stands to reason. Look, it's an important part of the human body. It can, you know, when functioning, can make life great, and when not functioning, could be a real problem. So it makes sense that there's a medical journal dedicated to this particular part of the body, and yet somehow it stops you in your tracks when you see it cited in a kind of a quasi scientific article.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, Luke. Yes, it's called Jark. Now listen, I'm with you. There's.

[Listener]

Move over, Jamma.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's J A R C. I'm not joking. I don't know why that's so funny. Why. But, you know, this is serious stuff.

[Listener]

And obviously dying to get my article published in Jark.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did you read the latest edition of Jark? Can you imagine just going into a waiting room and having jark waiting for you there, like, on the coffee table? But like. Like, the thing is, like, these are important studies. I'm sure there's important science and medical discovery around it. But on the other hand, I also have the right to be a child, right? Like, I can. I can laugh at the Journal of Anus Rectum and Colon without being disrespectful. I can. I can laugh at Jark.

[Listener]

I'm trying to see if like. Okay, okay, Jark. Jark is. Well, the thing that is the first Internet result for Jarc is something different. Some kind of like a housing concern. But what I'm wondering is how does the person at the front desk of the Journal of Anus Rectum and Colon, how do they answer the phone? They say jark or do they say anus rectum colon? Like, what do they. What is the. I wonder. I wonder. That person. And also, how many calls do they get?

[Andrew Walsh]

Unfortunately, it's a robot call that says, our options have changed, so please listen carefully.

[Listener]

We're experiencing unusually high call volumes. I'm just trying to see if they have a phone Number I'm not proposing that we call them live on the air, to be honest with you. I know you used to, when you were younger, you made a few phony phone calls, as they call them on the Stern Show. And I remember when I was a kid, like, being obsessed with the idea of prank calls and being obsessed with the Jerky Boys, and I just, like, lived for that stuff.

[Andrew Walsh]

Stuff.

[Listener]

It's weird because, like, as an adult, it makes me deeply uncomfortable. Like, it's a big thing on the Stern show. They love phony phone calls and sometimes they're kind of funny, but a lot of times they. I just have to next it because it actually makes me feel, like, uncomfortable for some reason. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And it's funny that I. I did go through a phase of. Of doing that myself, and I was young and it was like the. The Jerky Boys era, and I was the Jerky Boys. Is that a show title, by the way? If you were to call them and they answered the phone, I don't think we'd be able to communicate well, because this is a Japanese publication, which is interesting that it's. That its title and everything is in English, but. Oh, maybe you could hold the conversation.

[Listener]

At the beginning and end of it.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's published by the Japan Society of Coloproctology.

[Listener]

Interesting.

[Andrew Walsh]

Go ahead.

[Listener]

I wonder if the Japanese folks are a little more mature about these things.

[Andrew Walsh]

Possibly why I'm looking at this here. The editor in chief and the deputy editor in chief are both people based in Tokyo, but then there's an advisory board of people based, it looks like all over the world. A bunch of people from the United States, Boston and Austin. Only cities that rhyme here in the U.S. china, Korea, Netherlands. So anyway, yeah, it seems to be kind of a global publication, but it does seem to be based in Japan.

[Listener]

I would like to also just give a bit of a trigger warning if you're home right now and you are considering going to this website and scrolling through it. There are thumbnail photos associated with these scholarly articles and they are pretty gruesome.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Listener]

And you don't. It's not even like you don't have a choice about seeing them or not seeing them. They are just associated with the article and they're brutal. I think I speak of surgical outcomes after laparoscopic repairs of paracolostomy hernia and para ileal conduit hernia. Colon. And I mean this as in like the two dots colon. A comparative study. I wonder if they have to clarify that a lot in this line of Work. I mean the grammar thing, not the thing we're all operating on.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, we should start a journal of the colon that is all about the punctuation mark.

[Listener]

Yes, that's, that's an opportunity waiting to happen. Anyway, they. Oh, you know what, they do mention that it's. They don't mention that the, that the jark is from Japan, but this is how they answer the question. A study suggested that the nozzle surface of electric bidet toilets may become contaminated with bacteria. Citing Journal of the Anus, Rectum and Colon. In Japan, where bidet toilet seats are widely used in hospitals, a field test showed that self cleaning bidet nozzles using neutral electrolyzed water reduce the risk of bacterial contamination. That was published in another magazine. Another reader is also enthusiastic about bidet toilets. Quote, we visited Japan and the first thing upon arrival, we dashed for a restroom in the airport. The toto company, in the best marketing campaign ever has installed their bidet seats in every restroom so tourists may experience their product. What a joy to find immaculate, odor free restrooms.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is the thing. I don't know if I've said this before on the show and I don't want to. It's like I don't want to talk about it because I'm probably just going to make myself sound very, very ill informed and immature about this, but I do think that one of the reasons I am turned off by the idea of a bidet is even though I understand intellectually that there should be no actual touching of the device and your body, it feels just like way too intimate and potentially gross to have something that is shared. You know what I mean? The idea of a public debate bidet. Yeah, that very off to me and going to somebody's house and using their bidet, which I know is a very common thing. I'm not, I'm, I know that I'm in the wrong here, but like I can't imagine going to your house and just firing up your bidet.

[Listener]

Well, you're not going to have a bachoice depending on what bathroom you're using, because one of the many things that's being delivered in the next few days is a toilet for this new bathroom that has a built in one.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, but you don't have to use it though.

[Listener]

Oh, you have to. And I'm gonna be in there.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean that would be, that would be a move if you didn't provide toilet paper. I think you still need toilet paper though, right? You still need toilet paper.

[Listener]

Intense. Yeah. So I have in The. When I moved into this house, it had one bathroom and I bought, you know, a, like a bidet toilet seat for that one where the. It's very kind of medical looking though. Like, I'm not in love with, with the, you know, with the appearance of the whole thing. It is a toto and it's effective, but what it does is the toilet seat itself. Right. So you buy it, it comes. It's this big toilet seat thing with a water hookup and electric. The toilet seat itself is a reservoir that's heating up the water. So somehow the water goes into the toilet seat and then it's being warmed there by a heating element. So that when you are washing yourself after going. And by the way, I don't want to get too detailed on this, but I have a process and it involves a little bit of toilet paper and a lot of bit of washing. I don't ever go just, just the water route. I kind of did the first passes with some toilet paper and then the last pass is, is with the, you know, getting some water on the situation.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then there's drying. Is there more toilet paper?

[Listener]

There's a dryer that's built in.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I see. Okay.

[Listener]

Yeah. So I mean, it's a. I mean, I have to say, and I've got it, I've got, got a whole system going with this now and I think it's pretty effective. Just check my Yelp reviews. No complaints. But because the toilet seat. Because again, this is just the thing that I bought that you put on a regular toilet. And so it has to. It's like, it's. It's a kind of a weird looking thing because it's got to hold the water and warm it up so that when you wash yourself, it's not like freezing cold. And so that gives it kind of an odd. It almost seems like a toilet seat you might have. That's for somebody that has mobility issues. Like, it's, it's kind of high up. It's just. Again, it's just, it's not a great look. So I decided because I am. See, I'm on a septic here, so I'm technically not supposed to throw like wet wipes into this for some reason. I don't. Maybe they don't, they don't actually like, you know, sort of decomposes the wrong.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, no, because you're not, you're not supposed to use them in any system, right? I mean, isn't that. What.

[Listener]

Well, yeah, but I mean, I think people are throwing them down the, you know, public. I think people are flushing them down their toilets if they're on public sewer because it sort of becomes in a, in their minds, not their problem. I mean, they're.

[Andrew Walsh]

We've talked about a problem in your backyard when you were on public lines. Right. Wasn't it those wipes that caused the backup in your, in your house? That. No, that wasn't part of that was.

[Listener]

Wait, which, which house are we talking about?

[Andrew Walsh]

The house where you always tell the story about the plumber kicking over.

[Listener]

That was root.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that was root. Oh. Oh, okay. Gotcha you.

[Listener]

But I mean, it is, it's. It's one of those free rider things where it's. I don't. Maybe that's not the exact principle, but it's sort of like if you're using wet wipes at your house and you're on like city sewer, it's like it's sort of easier to flush them and less gross. But then at some point, if everybody does that, it's really bad for the city sewer system, as we've talked about. But it's tempting to want to do it because it doesn't feel like it's connected to you directly. Well, here I am.

[Andrew Walsh]

I hold. Nobody washes a rental car. Exactly.

[Listener]

And so, but here I'm on a septic tank. So anything I do here is exclusively. This is a closed circuit. It is just my problem. So it's interesting how, how, how much that changes behaviors. Andrew?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. You know, it's almost an argument for, you know, for more public. I don't know what's word I'm looking for. I think of public transportation and public utilities and being all in together. I think this is a good argument for that. That.

[Listener]

Right. Or being all out together. Everyone's got to be on their own thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then American way.

[Listener]

I mean, that's the problem is that what I'm making is an argument for this sort of individualism that is actually bad for us. I think all that is to say I don't like using wet wipes out here because I know someday I'm going have to pay someone to come vacuum that thing out for $5,000.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Listener]

And God knows what. So I thought, well, I don't really like how this bidet toilet seats looks on this other bathroom. I'm spending all this money and time and energy kind of making this kind of nice little bathroom in my house that's, you know, gonna be hopefully a relaxing spa like environment. And I just went ahead and got this crazy toilet. It was not as expensive as you might think. I want to say it was on the order of maybe $400. That's a lot of money to spend on a toilet. But if you go to Home Depot and you buy a regular toilet, it's a couple of hundred bucks. Right. And in fact, I think I might have meant this. Mentioned this on the show before. What's really weird about going in the toilet section at Home Depot is how the toilets, they're all. First of all, none of them are on the floor level because I don't. They don't want people pooping in them.

[Andrew Walsh]

They don't want kids pooping in them. Yeah. Or anybody. But I think it's a. Haven't. Didn't we talk about them the show? Didn't we even hear from listeners who's caught their kids maybe doing it?

[Listener]

Yeah. So you go. They're all like, kind of. They're all sort of mounted up on the second level of the thing. And they all. So many of them are bragging about how powerful the flush they are. And they're often showing you like a plastic, like, it's like a laminated plastic kind of art rendering of a bunch of billiard balls. Like, you could flush billiard like. Like you would want to, but if you needed to, you could flush an entire game of snooker down this thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right. I do ball bearings, too, because I always picture Bender on the toilet just clanking them out.

[Listener]

Clank, clank. It's like, what are we eating as a country that we need to be able to flush nine billiard balls down this toilet. But anyway, so I got this toilet that's going to be delivered, and I'm really interested to see how this. So for one thing, the seat automatically lifts up if you put your foot. There's some, like, sensor at the front base of the toilet, and if you pass your foot over it, it, like, opens the seat. It also flushes it for you. If you kick it, it has a kick flush on the toe of it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Does it scream when you go to the bathroom into it?

[Listener]

Depending on what you've been eating, what the setting is? Yeah. Oh, no, please, God, help me. Yeah. It depends on which AI software you're running in this thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, so you can do it in any voice. Oh, God. Why is Terry Crews screaming while I'm using your bathroom?

[Listener]

Yeah, exactly. Take a dump with Tracy Morgan, the horror. But, yeah, so it'll be interesting to see if this is how. What kind of a game changer this might be for me. Also, I feel like What I am, you know, generally I'm here sort of by myself or Becca's here or Walt's here. So maybe over time, when I have more visitors, I feel like I'm going to be doing a lot of explaining of how this toilet operates. I don't think it's very intuitive.

[Andrew Walsh]

And this is the main toilet that somebody would use if they were just coming over for a cocktail or something. I don't know what your life is like.

[Listener]

That's what I plan my life being out here when things are done. It's just one cocktail party after another. But probably it would be. It's. There's gonna. There will be two, but there's. So the original bathroom that was in the house is going to continue to be a bathroom. I'm gonna also do that, give that one a facelift because it's very. It's real right out of the 1970s. But this would be likely a bathroom that a lot of people would be using. And yeah, I do think I'll have to. The other one will still have a normal toilet in it. So I think anyway, unless I get crazy. Unless I love this one so much that I also put a crazy robot toilet in the old bathroom as well. But I do think there's going to be a lot of me having to, like, give people a pep talk about how to use this thing.

[Luke Burbank]

Here I go once again with the email.

[Andrew Walsh]

Every week.

[Luke Burbank]

I hope that it's from a female. Oh, man. It's not from a female.

[Listener]

Andrew, I've got an email from a female that I was hoping to share with you, if that's all right.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is all right. I do have a voicemail I'd like to play for you after that, though.

[Listener]

Okay, great. Well, let's start with God. I'm still on the journal of the Anus Rectum.

[Andrew Walsh]

Get off of that. Boy, that really images.

[Listener]

That's a real. That's a real eyeball shocker when you think you're going to the TBTL email account. Just seeing the jark.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just you're looking. You're definitely staring into some sort of void, that's for sure.

[Listener]

And I don't want it to stare back. This email is from listener Rebecca says dishwasher versus hand washing. Remember yesterday I was saying how I heard an ad? I think maybe I saw it on television that was saying, like, do you know that basically, like, if you run your dishwasher, even if it's half, only half full, you're still. By the way, I sent you a picture last Night of this in action. My lightly filled dishwasher that I was using about 50, probably full. And it said basically, even if your dishwasher is not full of dishes, you are saving water. And I was like, I know this is coming to me. This is provided by the like Dish Dish Detergent Council of America or something like, to somebody who benefits from me running the dishwasher as much as possible. Well, listener Rebecca said, hey, Luke and Andrew, it's not just marketing. Dishwashers use 4 to 7 gallons per load. Hand washing is 10 to 15 gallons. I work for a water utility. Rebecca knows of what she speaks. Andrew, I work for a water utility. Please remind everyone to turn off their irrigation for the winter by shutting off the irrigation valves, not just stopping the electronic programming. This guards against leaks in the system. I guess this would be. If you have. I'm guessing Rebecca means people that have lawns that are irrigated. I don't think she's speaking to the farmers of America that might be listening.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I have no idea what this is about. I was trying to figure out if the irrigation thing had something to do with the dishwasher and using the gray water or something.

[Listener]

I think the irrigation has to do with. If you, if you've got a sprinkler system in your lawn.

[Andrew Walsh]

I see.

[Listener]

Turn that off so it's not like leaking into the ground.

[Andrew Walsh]

If you ever want in Seattle. I think you're going to get a lot of hairy eyeballs if you have a sprinkler system built into your yard. Right.

[Listener]

I feel like that. Yeah. I don't even. I'm trying to think of the last time I even saw one of those. Like, that was a big. I feel like that was a sort of a big deal when I was a kid.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like the built in ones or even just the temporary ones.

[Listener]

Built in ones.

[Andrew Walsh]

I remember like it was a huge deal of us, like setting up a sprinkler and running through it. Like we had the kind that sort of made the. Not the rainbow, but kind of the arc of water and we'd run through those. But then we're always jealous of the people who had the tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick kind.

[Listener]

I'm talking about like, like PVC pipe buried in the. In the yard with little spouts.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yep.

[Listener]

Which, you know, I feel like that has maybe because just like, in general, the way we think about lawns has changed. At least those of us who, you know, subscribe to the New Yorker or whatever. Whatever the like sort of cultural predictor of A person who now takes a dim view of lawns is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I feel like I would be. I mean, I like. I like having some grass in our. In our lawn, but I feel like I would be so shamed out of the neighborhood if I just set up a sprinkler system. I just feel like it's. It's. I'd be Persona non grata because of the waste of water. People are very adamant about not wasting water just to have a green lawn. You should landscape very.

[Listener]

What do you think the number one predictor of a person who has complicated feelings about a green lawn in the summer would be? I said the New Yorkers or something else that's even more of a predictor.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, I feel like a New Yorker tote bag is, like, really sums it up pretty nice.

[Listener]

Or you could be my daughter who just says, I'm one of. I'm a. Carries the New Yorker tote bag. Girly.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Listener]

As opposed to being a New Yorker reader. I mean, she does read it somewhat, but she was like, no, I'm more the. Carries the. The tote bag kind of a person.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. So that's. That's what I'm picturing, certainly. But actually looking a lot of judgmental looks.

[Listener]

I'm looking right now at my beautiful green lawn that's been, you know, watered by nature.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Listener]

And I'm thinking. I'm thinking. Yeah, it's. I don't. I don't know. I do think that. What am I trying to say? What. What the. The main reason that I'm okay with my lawn dyeing in the summertime is because then I don't have to mow it as much. So there is kind of a benefit as well. But I do. I do. Like in. There's that moment in the spring where it hasn't died yet.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah.

[Listener]

And, you know, and baseball is on, and you're mowing it and you're getting it all nice, and it's all green, and it's just like. I mean, that's a. That's a special time of year.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, God. I mean, listen, I love a green lawn. I grew up in the country. We had a. We had a huge lawn. We had a lot of acreage, but we didn't water it because it was kind of out in the country. And it. Just. Because of where we lived, it didn't get scorched in the summertime. Maybe it grew a little bit slower, but we had green lawns all the time. If I had my druthers, I would. Yeah. There's something about the sun here that once the summer, there's something about the west coast that it just. It scorches the. It was not like that in the Midwest growing up. Green lawns all the time. And then when we lived in the city, maybe we put out a sprinkler to keep the tree lawn, you know, kind of green. And you know, if I had my druthers, if there was no environmental impact, I would totally water my lawn. Like everything. Everything being equal, I would absolutely water my lawn. You could. Can't you see me being obsessed about my lawn watering and moving the thing?

[Listener]

Dude. I saw a guy on Tick Tock the other day that I thought, this is. I need to share this with Andrew. He had you talked about your tree lawn, which I never. I didn't grow up with that term, but I think that means what we would call the parking strip, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. The thing between the sidewalk and the street. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Listener]

This guy had somehow, because of the design of his neighborhood, he had a triangle of grass. It was basically like where his driveway came down and then his neighbor's driveway came down. And it was sort of like a tree lawn, but it was like maybe like three feet by. And then it came down into a point.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Listener]

And it was basically a sped up version and it was totally dead. It was just like, it was like not a very healthy thing. And it was him just like lovingly restoring this like two foot triangle of dirt into like a beautiful little triangle of green grass. So he like rototilled it out and then he was like. Or he was like scoring it with some kind of a thing and he was hand seeding it and then he was watering it and then he. No jumps forward three months and then he's mowing it very beautifully. And like it was just a perfect little 3 foot green. I was like. I was like. I would. I would watch. I would watch more content. Like this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that sounds. That sounds like a dream. Now, I do want to play a voicemail for you, but let me just.

[Listener]

Let me tag Rebecca's email.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Listener]

If you ever want to tour a sewage treatment plant, let me know. No, we're currently installing the largest array of lights in the country to disinfect the treated wastewater.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now I was looking. Rebecca doesn't say where she's writing from, and maybe specifically so because she says I work for a water utility. But just a quick Google on her area code tells me that this is probably Northern California somewhere, so. And again, I'm not trying to dox Rebecca here. But is that something you'd be interested in?

[Listener]

I mean, kind of in a weird way. On the one hand, sewage treatment plant seems like a, you know, a kind of an intense thing to go view. I mean, it's a sort of looking at the southbound end of a northbound society in a way that I don't know if I want to come face to face with you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just tuck your jark under your arm. That's a tote bag. I need to get you a jar. Tote bag.

[Listener]

Could we sell those? Could that be TBTL merch?

[Andrew Walsh]

You must be.

[Listener]

What kind of looks are you getting on the Elon, Andrew? If you've got your camera and your other things stowed away in a journal of the anus retinol tote bag, your big headphones on.

[Andrew Walsh]

I want a jark tote bag.

[Listener]

Do they sell them? I'm gonna see if they have the jark has a merch store. But anyway, thanks for the invite, Rebecca. I'll consider it. I mean, actually, it sounds like a CBS Sunday morning story, honestly. We're install installing the largest array of lights in the country to disinfect the treated wastewater. So that sounds like there must be some science behind ultraviolet. I'm going to just assume it's an ultraviolet disinfectant of stuff.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm guessing while I heard about that during the pandemic, I have great news, Andrew.

[Listener]

Tile is being cut outside.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, nice. Well, let me play this first. Let me play this voicemail for you, and then I'll let you get out of here and you can go play with your tile. But the reason I'm kind of pushing hard for this is because I will do blurs days tomorrow and God knows what Friday. Friday shows tend to be weird. So I really wanted to make sure to get this in here as the holiday season progresses. This is from listener Lizzie, who Luke has a memory of. Was it Chubby and Tubby?

[Listener]

Is that the name?

[Andrew Walsh]

Chubby and Tubby? That was the cheap Christmas tree lot that you were telling me about here in Seattle back in the day.

[D]

Hey, friendos, it's Lizzie calling from Tacoma now. But I grew up in Greenwood and just listening to y'all talk about Chubby and Tubby Christmas trees. And for years when we were in high school, probably four or five years between me and my brothers, my older brother's buddy worked at Chubby and Tubby, and he was sort of infamous amongst the Ballard High School teenage boys that if you brought him Dick's cheeseburger, he would throw you A Christmas tree over the back fence. One of those famous $5 Christmas trees. So for several years we had like maybe two or three Christmas trees because, I don't know, we just kept going to get them with cheeseburgers from Sketchy Nick who worked at Chubby and Tubby.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sketchy Nick, I probably bought.

[D]

Thanks for all you do, Chris.

[Andrew Walsh]

You probably bought Christmas trees.

[Listener]

I probably purchased something from Sketchy n Nick in the day. Like, I'm very certain I did, because we. That was like. I mean, I went to Chubby and Tubby almost every single day because they had everything. Like, they had basketball shoes, they had, you know, flannel shirts. They had slingshot, like wrist rockets.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. So this wasn't just a temporary place that set up shop for Christmas trees. Chubby and Tubby was a. Was a.

[Listener]

Was a hardware store, but one of those old school ones that just had like, it was just shit piled up to the rafters. And there was no rhyme or reason about. About kind of like what products they. So there wasn't a real consistent focus of the store. So, like, you could buy Levi's in there, you could buy basketball shoes, you could buy, like I said, like slingshots and BB guns. You could buy nails. They had every single thing. And then outside they set up this Christmas tree lot every year. And famously, it was like any Christmas tree was $5.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, wow. Yeah. I'm looking at a article from 2003 in the Seattle Times. Farewell Chubby and Tubby, and thanks for all the memories I'm looking at to get my eyes and some photos of what this place was like. It sounds like a goddamn delight.

[Listener]

Honestly, dude, it was just absolutely the best. And by the way, that story from Lizzie, Dick's cheeseburgers being traded for $5. Chubby and Tubby. You couldn't get more core, like Luke Burbank core than that. If you want to. If you want to understand everything about me, it's a story that involves Dick's Cheeseburgers being swapped for Chubby and Tubby Christmas trees.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I'm looking now, I'm looking at photos of their little kind of Christmas tree lot that they had set up. I don't know when they stopped doing this. Maybe I'll use this as a show pick. But that's why I really wanted to play that voicemail for you because I just. I love that the call is coming from Tacoma. It's about growing up in Seattle in the 90s. That involves chubby and Tubby and Dick's Cheeseburgers and Sketchy Nick, who would throw. Who is probably listening to Nirvana while he threw Christmas trees over the back fence in exchange for local cheeseburgers. Like that just checks all the boxes.

[Listener]

Andrew, I'm going to send you this picture of the actual vintage Chubby and Tubby from Aurora. There was two of them. There was one in White center and there was one at 85th and Aurora. And this one that I'm going to send you. Me and my dad painted these words on Chubby.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, nice. And that's the show Pick. Is that a good photo? Is that clear?

[Listener]

Sure, if you want to. And I remember helping him paint this like Nike. They had, they had this Nike on there. They had Carhartt. Like they basically had, you know, these paintings of like the things that you could get inside the store. But it was painted. Let's see here. Subject. I'll just put pick as the subject.

[Andrew Walsh]

I see people have turned it into a meme too. It says back to school shopping when I was a kid. And it's a big, A huge sign. I didn't realize. This must be the one you're talking about. It's a huge sign. Across the top. It says Chubby and Tubby. It's got a Carhartt logo on the left and a Nike and an all Converse All Star on the right. That must have been. So that's a huge sign that you guys painted. You painted that on location?

[Listener]

Yeah, on like a scaffold or whatever. I think my dad most. My dad did 99% of it. I think I just kind of like was hanging out there and like probably, I don't know, I don't even know, maybe mixing some paint for him or something. But yeah, that was a extremely. What's the word I'm looking for? It was a big part of my, my life going to Chubby and Tubby when I was growing up. So that's a great story from Lizzie. Thank you so much. And then there was the store down actually not even in White Center. It was actually kind of. I think it was on Rainier, not very far from where the, the house that I had was. That was down in, you know, kind of South Seattle in the. What do we even call that area anymore? How long it's been since I lived.

[Andrew Walsh]

On the Rainier beach or I'm not.

[Listener]

Sure, not Rainier beach, but like not quite Madison park either. Whatever that was called where I used to live. Now there was another Chubby and Tubby. Wait, Mount Baker.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, okay. I wasn't sure. I, I was confused Because I like. You're not forgetting Mount Baker. Baker. That's where I was forgetting Mount Baker.

[Listener]

Andrew, I suffer from long term, medium term, and short term.

[Andrew Walsh]

It always. It always really kill it. Like, part of me dies inside when I see my own disease catching on with other people. I was like, yeah, that's not supposed to be. That's not supposed to be your role. That's my role.

[Listener]

I remember my neighborhood looking at a chubby and tubby hat on Facebook on vanishing Seattle.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was wondering. You're not a big T shirt with a. But I'm looking. I was just thinking, should I get you this chubby and tubby T shirt that has the old logo on it? Serving Seattle since 1947. You had a big T shirt here.

[Listener]

I feel like we might have even. I don't know, this is actually probably a Mandela effect. But when I look at this chubby and tubby hat, this red one with white stitching on it, Chubby and Tubby Seattle, Washington. It looks, it makes me think that there was a chubby and tubby baseball team in the North Central Little League, which I, I. That might be just, you know, fanciful memory for me. It might not have really been a thing, but I do remember this logo and this hat vividly. People wearing that. So great.

[Andrew Walsh]

Nice.

[Listener]

Thanks, Lisa. Or excuse me, thanks, Liz. Lizzy, for the, for the call.

[Andrew Walsh]

Memory lane. Yeah. Let's share more stories from that era of Seattle.

[Listener]

I love it. Now I'm hungry for a Christmas tree. All right, thanks, everyone for listening today. We're going to be right back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio, so come on by for that if you can. In the meantime, have a great Wednesday. Take care of yourselves. May none of your tarps rip and may all your articles submitted to Jark be peer reviewed and found to have scientific merit. And also, please remember, may your tarps.

[Andrew Walsh]

Be strong and your jarks even stronger.

[Listener]

And please remember to mount Too Tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to you all.

[Listener]

Farted right into my butthole.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's like a fart transplant. Power out.