#4362 A System Of Down

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL Episode #4362 - "A System Of Down"

Release Date: December 19, 2024

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I. Introduction and Sponsorship

The episode kicks off with a humorous exchange between hosts Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh regarding a sponsorship pitch from Kurt Fossel, Marketing Director at Van Gogh Energy Drinks. Luke enthusiastically considers the sponsorship as a means to "mogulize" his lifestyle, while Andrew humorously emphasizes their dream of "getting wasted all the time."

[00:00] Luke Burbank: "We believe with our sponsorship, we can take your parties up a notch and get rich quick."

[00:15] Andrew Walsh: "Oh, my God. Cool. That's the best way to get rich."

II. Home Projects and Tarps

The conversation shifts to Luke’s ongoing home improvement projects, particularly his struggles with heavy-duty tarps used to protect his house during renovations. He shares an anecdote about his neighbor observing the tarp's condition, rating it humorously.

[03:35] Luke Burbank: "I talked to my neighbor yesterday. He said, we were watching your tarp the other day... I'd give this episode of TBTL #4362 a... maybe a six."

III. Pillow Donation Experience

Luke narrates his attempt to donate new, unblemished bed pillows to Goodwill. Initially puzzled by the acceptance policy, he encounters a helpful employee who goes beyond the standard protocol to accept his donation, turning a mundane task into a memorable interaction.

[05:25] Andrew Walsh: "What kind of like decorative pillows or nighttime pillows?"

[09:20] Luke Burbank: "He gave me some weird little bromide... 'It's going to be what it is, so why fight it?'"

IV. Neighbors and House Visibility

Discussing the visibility of his house, Luke describes how its prime location offers a constant view from neighboring homes, making his day-to-day activities a subject of neighborhood attention. This leads to reflections on privacy and community perceptions.

[14:21] Andrew Walsh: "It turns out. It does make you wonder how much we are ever on display."

V. Gas Line and Stove Installation

Andrew delves into the complexities of installing a new gas line for their kitchen stove. He humorously recounts the challenges faced with contractors, unexpected structural modifications, and the meticulous nature required for such installations.

[28:00] Andrew Walsh: "You cannot mess around with a gas line. It's not one of those things where you're just like, it'll do."

VI. Cooking on the New Stove

The hosts share their initial experiences cooking on the newly installed gas stove. Andrew discusses his attempts at making chicken fried rice, highlighting the learning curve and the pursuit of culinary perfection, while Luke expresses pride in mastering rice preparation using his Insta Pot.

[34:35] Andrew Walsh: "I have not. Maybe not always, but I feel like just, you know, quickly making a hot pot of white rice is pretty... something that I can dial in pretty easily."

[36:56] Luke Burbank: "And I was so proud of myself, and I watched, like, eight YouTube videos on how much to rinse it and what knuckle the water should be at, etc."

VII. Pop Culture References: Dr. Katz and Adam Sandler

Luke and Andrew engage in a nostalgic discussion about various pop culture elements, including "Dr. Katz," Adam Sandler movies like "Happy Gilmore" and "The Waterboy," and their personal preferences and critiques of these works. Their banter reflects on the evolution of comedic tastes and character development in media.

[39:34] Andrew Walsh: "...the offensive, let me see if I can find this here. I love this so much."

[56:14] Andrew Walsh: "They call me the Chameleon because of my big wet eyes. He plays like an undercover."

VIII. Funny Prescription Ads Analysis

The hosts critique and humorously analyze prescription drug advertisements, particularly focusing on the awkward integration of catchphrases and melodies from well-known songs. They discuss the effectiveness and annoyance of such marketing strategies.

[65:23] Andrew Walsh: "It doesn't even make sense. This one is maybe less, slightly less tortured, but it's for some kind of an eye medication."

[68:05] Luke Burbank: "The money is going to the guy who wrote Hang On Sloopy."

IX. Donor Shout-Outs and Birthday Wishes

In the concluding segments, Luke and Andrew express gratitude towards their donors, recognizing individuals by name and sharing personalized birthday wishes. This segment emphasizes the community aspect of the show and their appreciation for listener support.

[75:07] Andrew Walsh: "Happy blursday to Jen from Alyssia and us."

[80:32] Luke Burbank: "Hope you have a better 2025 than you did at 2024."

X. Closing Remarks

The episode wraps up with final acknowledgments to listeners, wrapped in the hosts' signature humor and camaraderie, leaving the audience with a light-hearted farewell until the next episode.

[89:22] Luke Burbank: "Thank you everyone for tuning in today. Happy birthday to everybody. ... have yourself a merry little Thursday. And please remember, no mountain too tall."

[89:40] Andrew Walsh: "And it's shooter's turn. Power out."

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Notable Quotes:

• Luke Burbank ([00:15]): "We believe with our sponsorship, we can take your parties up a notch and get rich quick."

• Andrew Walsh ([34:43]): "I have not. Maybe not always, but I feel like just, you know, quickly making a hot pot of white rice is pretty..."

• Andrew Walsh ([65:25]): "It doesn't even make sense. This one is maybe less, slightly less tortured, but it's for some kind of an eye medication."

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This episode of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live showcases the dynamic chemistry between Luke and Andrew as they navigate everyday challenges, share personal anecdotes, and engage in playful debates, all while maintaining their trademark humor and relatability.

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

My name is Kurt Fossel, Marketing director, Van Gogh Energy Drinks. We saw the social media blitz you guys pulled off over the weekend, and it was gorgeous. We believe with our sponsorship, we can take your parties up a notch and get rich quick.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, my God. Cool. That's the best way to get rich.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that's my favorite way to get rich.

[Andrew Walsh]

You guys, we can quit TAC and.

[Luke Burbank]

Just, like, get wasted all the time. I'm in, sir. Thank you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, my God. That's a dream come true.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. I'm gonna mogulize my lifestyle.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm gonna be like. Like. I can't think of a mogul.

[Luke Burbank]

William Randolph Hearst, Paula Abdul.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tbtl. This is a show for dogs, about dogs, starring one dog and one dirty dog.

[Luke Burbank]

This is genius.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is genius work.

[Luke Burbank]

I tell you to get this through your head, but you're a machine, so.

[Andrew Walsh]

Run this through your data processor. Get lost. She's irrational. You should.

[Luke Burbank]

You see what I'm talking about?

[Andrew Walsh]

Am I.

[Luke Burbank]

Is it me?

[Andrew Walsh]

Am I wrong? Just let me talk. May I talk, please? I have something to say. May I say it? Yes, Mark. Okay, Would you just let me finish? Perhaps, am I wrong?

[Luke Burbank]

Life's a potty. Wipe your body. This is the best moment of tbtl. Well, all right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Thursday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

[Andrew Walsh]

And boom goes the dynamite.

[Luke Burbank]

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

[Andrew Walsh]

We're getting medium play on three independent radio stations in Central Europe.

[Luke Burbank]

Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia. Where I'm checking on the tarp is why you heard that pause in my little top of the show ramble here. And I would say that we are give it about A. If one is totally placid, everything's great, and 10 is the tarp ripped and blew away into my neighbor's yard. By the way, I talked to my neighbor yesterday. He said, we were watching your tarp the other day. We were watching with great interest as it was ripping apart. I'd give this a. Maybe a six. I'd give this episode of TBTLA 4362 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. You've probably been hearing about these unidentified flying objects. Do you believe in UFOs? Oh. Oh, yeah. Yes, sir. In New Jersey and that part of the country. I mean, I guess the term unidentified is incorrect here because they've very much been identified, and yet people are freaking out. We'll talk about that. Also, we have a. A new submission for the advertising agencies for. For prescription drugs. Just doing the least. Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one? And then, of course, it's a Thursday, AKA blurs day, so we'll do some blurs day messages. And we're talking to this guy, longest running cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ship. This guy is a 4 1/2 foot.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tall pile of awesomeness.

[Luke Burbank]

He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm sorry, Luke. I was trying to. I was trying to beat some of these blurs days into submission here. We got some long ones today. Trying to get them into an appropriate level.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you say something about charged by the word?

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. Really make that fine line between dazzling donors and blurs days. Even fatam and pay to play. Exactly. But point here is, as I was editing down some novels here, I was not listening to you as much as I should have been. What's going on with the tarp? Is it flipping around? How could you tell from my silence? My silence was deeper.

[Luke Burbank]

No, I have no idea if you're paying attention or not. That is the premise of that joke.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just deeper, deeper silence. Yes, a certain amount.

[Luke Burbank]

I am like a sommelier of silence. Yes, I'm getting. Hold on. Yes, I'm getting notes of Andrew beating the blurs days into submission.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ooh, ooh. Yeah, now I hear it. So is it flipping around?

[Luke Burbank]

Let me get eyes on this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Flopping around. Flipping around.

[Luke Burbank]

It's. It. It's catching more air than. It has more wind kind of blowing through it than I would like. But it's also. It's definitely not. Not nearly as bad because again, this is the heavy duty tarp. If you. If you want to hear roughly 1.5 hours of tarp talk, just refer to yesterday's show, please.

[Andrew Walsh]

But, yeah, the one before that. And. And also, you know, the one before that.

[Luke Burbank]

I almost sent you a picture yesterday, Andrew. I had to run to town to do some errands, and I was sitting at a stoplight and I looked to my right and there was a comp. There was a sign for something called TARP World. And I was like, what is happening in my life?

[Andrew Walsh]

It's kind of a bad. Or like a very broad 90s comedy. Like, you're looking for a tarp, you finally buy one, and then you drive through the tarp district.

[Luke Burbank]

I know, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

And I was like, world, tarps are us.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. I was like, how is this now? The main sort of element of my life. But what I was trying to do, Andrew, was take three pillows, donate three pillows to Goodwill, which turned into more of a thing than I expected.

[Andrew Walsh]

What kind of like decorative pillows or nighttime pillows?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you're asking the right questions. Yeah, because first of all, I called them the local Goodwill, and I was like, do you accept pillows now? I want to. I want to state for the record, these were. They were not gross. They were bed pillows. They were pillows that would go on a bed, but they were not, you know, I don't know, stained or particularly unsightly. Like, they were in okay shape. They just. I just have more pillows than I need. And I'm trying to do some organizing in the little upstairs of my house. I called, they said, yeah, we take pillows. And so then I. The whole way, I was like, that doesn't make any sense. There's what. Who I was like, who's buying used pillows? And I realized my parents. My entire life, I've never. Until I was like. Until I became an adult who, you know, made my own decisions, I. My head had never been. I'd never laid my head on a pillow that was purchased new from a store.

[Andrew Walsh]

And you guys. And this sound. Well, I guess it sounds like we.

[Luke Burbank]

Have head lice rampant in the Burbank house.

[Andrew Walsh]

I guess that is true. You had that. But you did. You said specifically that you've never had bedbugs before, so that's good, right? You guys never had bugs, right?

[Luke Burbank]

No, not that I'm aware of.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I think you'd be aware.

[Luke Burbank]

And we didn't have bedbugs when I was a kid, but we definitely never, ever, ever had pillows that were not secondhand.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Wow.

[Andrew Walsh]

And. And you do. Do you actually link the lice to that? Are you being. I'm.

[Luke Burbank]

No. I linked the lights to going to Daniel Bagley elementary school during the 80s when it was the. Now that school is kind of bougie. We have listeners that'll check in. I think it's a international school now. Like, they have some kind of language focus and stuff, and I think it's, you know, very desirable. When I was there, it was kind of a. A place where anyone could go. And there was a lot of kids that were kind of on the margins in terms of, like, what their living situations were. And I think there were a lot of kids that were living in the motels on Aurora, and I think that there was a lice thing going on there, and it would get kind of transported over to. To the School, hence us having lice checks. Like probably once a week the nurses would come in and do a lice check. Did any of that happen in Ohio for you?

[Andrew Walsh]

Not that I remember. I remember, you know, the. The threat of lice loomed large, as did the threat of Satanism in the 80s. Like, there was a lot of things to be scared of.

[Luke Burbank]

Panic.

[Andrew Walsh]

There really was. Like, especially growing up in a. Maybe not especially, but from my perspective, growing up in a rural area, there were certain, like, you know, we had a lot of scary cemeteries around. I remember like passing one and being like. That's where I heard that they have like their rituals or what have you. I never put eyes on any rituals.

[Luke Burbank]

Or evidence, nor did anyone, it turns out.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right. But I just remember being really scared of satanism and lice. But neither one of them touched my life.

[Luke Burbank]

This is the part of the show where I. I feel compelled to do my little poem that I learned at. At Bagley, which I've told hundreds, if not thousands of times. But it was share a toy, share a ride, share the feelings deep inside, but never share a hat or comb or lace could make your head their home. That's. That's just. They were teaching us mnemonic devices to not share hats. And by the way, to this day, Andrew, I would never share a hat or comb. Yeah, because of that, because of that rhyme. It really, it really.

[Andrew Walsh]

You don't seem like. I feel like even without that rhyme, you're not a big sharing a hat or comb guy. I can't see you sharing a hat.

[Luke Burbank]

What I would say is, I don't think it would. I don't think I would be as afraid of putting a hat on my head that was someone else's if not for that poem. But anyway, so I'm driving down through the tarp district and I've got these pillows in my car and I'm taking them to the Goodwill and I pull through the little drop off spot and the guy. I get out of the car and the guy says, how's it going? I said, pretty good. How are you doing? And I think he said something to the effect of, well, it's going to be what it is, so why fight it? He gave me some weird little bromide.

[Andrew Walsh]

I kind of like that.

[Luke Burbank]

It was one that I'd never heard before. Like, I think he might have made it up. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

But he probably also says it a lot.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, definitely. I think, you know, I was probably the hundredth person that day that he had said it to. So I opened the Passenger door of my car, and there's these three pillows sitting there. And I go, I've just got these pillows. He goes, ah, we don't take bed pillows. And I was like, oh, okay. I go, yeah. Because I called and they said they did. And I thought that was weird. And then he goes, you know what? I'll take them. And I thought, well, what is the policy? I guess.

[Andrew Walsh]

Interesting. I wonder if he's just gonna. Maybe just took him off.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I think he's just gonna take some. Take care of them for me. Yeah, Like, I mean, they're gonna go to the landfill. Either I was gonna take them, or this guy, you know, is gonna take him. And I think he was.

[Andrew Walsh]

Favor. Those guys don't usually get out of their lanes.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, this guy was. He was. He was super. He was super helpful. Again, he had. He had made up phrases.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And it's true. He had, like, wife.

[Luke Burbank]

He had a flexible definition of what they could. Yeah, yeah. He really was. He was living. He was living that mantra, why fight it? It's gonna be what it is. Why fight it?

[Andrew Walsh]

I kind of want to meet this guy.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like he's a Goodwill in Longview, Washington, if you'd like to go see. He might be there today.

[Andrew Walsh]

I kind of do. So he took him off your hands. He's probably not reselling him, though.

[Luke Burbank]

No, I think that they're just going into the pile of things that they have to basically send to the dump or something. But he goes, I'll go. I'll go up front and I'll let them know. In other words, I'll get them, you know, get their messaging right. So you don't drive down here with these pillows. Although I think what. Here's what I think happened. I think the person I called when I said, do you guys take pillows? They're in good shape. That person should have asked the question, do you mean, like, pillows for a bed, or do you mean, like, pillows for a couch? Because I'm sure they do accept pillows for couches and things like that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Of course. But it's like the script that says, this home is a place of love or whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

Right, Exactly. And the thing was, the whole time, I knew that something was up. As I was driving these pillows down to the place, I was like, there's no way this can. Like, there's just no way this can be a thing. And then again, the thing that made me think it was possible was the actual home environment I grew up in with the used pillows. Always my mom Was and remains obsessed with a couple of things that I think. I don't know if she just actually likes these things more or if she perceives them to be of sort of high value, but one of them is down pillows. The pillows that have, you know, goose feathers in them, which I. I would say are, generally speaking, the worst, because at some point, the feathers start working their way out of the pillow.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ass. Ass first. So they're poking you exactly like that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. It's not the. It's not the soft part that starts protruding. It's the. It's the little pointy. It's the thing that was inside the goose or the skin of the goose. So she loves down pillows and down comforters. Anything down. My mom is pretty much down for down.

[Andrew Walsh]

She has a system. And then the other thing is of a down.

[Luke Burbank]

Sorry. She's the Serge Tarian of bedding. That's not how you say his last name. And then the other thing she loved is. Is cotton. Anything that's cotton. She was like, she always. And so we. We were always sleeping. Or flannel sheets also. Co. Like, so cotton clothes and flannel sheets. We were always sleeping on secondhand final sheets and laying our heads on secondhand down pillows that had reached their life expectancy, so that they were now just. Just ejecting pointy feathers at all times. That was my childhood. So I thought, well, they got these pillows from somewhere. Someone was at some point accepting secondhand pillows. It's just not in the year of our Lord 2024 at the Goodwill in Longview.

[Andrew Walsh]

And also, you think that wherever your mom was getting these down pillows, the reason they were available is because they were already starting to shed their feathers.

[Luke Burbank]

Somebody did exactly what I did yesterday.

[Andrew Walsh]

They got the good stuff. They already got the good. They got the good side of the down, and then you guys got the bad side of the down. And all over the world.

[Luke Burbank]

It's the whole system, Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

I could feel. Hey, that's a good joke. I could feel it all over. When I said ass first. Like, everybody within the sound of my voice was like, I guess feathers do have an ass. I never thought of it that way. Yeah, but we all knew what. We all knew what I meant.

[Luke Burbank]

So. Yeah. Back to the tarp, Andrew. It's.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah. Why were we talking about pillows instead of tarps?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, because I had driven through the tarp district.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

To take my pillows down to the Goodwill. And it seems like it's gonna be okay, but it is blowing around a little bit more than I would like. We do have our tile guy here, Bo. He seems to be doing his thing and doesn't seem upset by whatever the status is. Oh, yeah. As I was driving out yesterday on my way to the tarp district, on my way to the Goodwill, I went past my neighbor and we were chatting. I mentioned this at the top of the show when you weren't listening now.

[Andrew Walsh]

I kind of heard this. It sort of seeped, and he was like.

[Luke Burbank]

I was like, yeah. I said, we're finally getting some good weather. That's what I said yesterday. Because we were. And I go, yeah, I've been trying to do this whole thing with these tarps because the guy's working on my house. He goes, oh, yeah, we were watching yesterday. I feel odd. Observed.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Like. You know what I mean? Like, I was like, oh, this was my. My shame was shared throughout the neighborhood.

[Andrew Walsh]

It turns out. It does make you wonder how much we are ever on display. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I'm in a fishbowl here, man.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Because the way that this house is oriented, I'm kind of. I think that my little house was the first one in the neighborhood. There was no neighborhood here. I think somebody wanted to pick this kind of, like, primo spot that had the best view of the river. And so they built this little cottage in the 30s, and everything else was just kind of rolling hills and then everything. Then they subdivided it and stuff got built around it. But it's all kind of in a U shape. And when anyone goes to their windows, because everyone has their houses oriented so they can see the river, but when they're looking out their windows at the river, what they're seeing is my house.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

It's kind of very, very in the focal point of where everyone's looking all the time. And I'm sure that. I'm sure my coming and going is extremely noted here.

[Andrew Walsh]

And you like to look out at the river pantless, and you also have a window. So when they're looking down at the river, they're seeing the backside of you looking down at the river as well.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. The good side of me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I'm sorry. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Honestly, I do think that my tuchus is one of my main attributes. That's the only thing I'm proud of on my physical body. The other thing that happened was I said to my neighbor, who's never been down. This is not the neighbors. I tend to mention two neighbors, one named Brian and one named Bob. They're like my neighbors to the left and the right. This Guy is named Wally and he's up the hill a little bit.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, do I watch their grandkids and dogs run around when we were fundraising, would I have a head up? No, that would have been.

[Luke Burbank]

That would have been Brian.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's the guy to the left.

[Luke Burbank]

This is the guy who flies a Seahawk flag, who flies a 12 flag every time there's a Seahawk game. And occasionally it's how I remember there's a Seahawk game.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's like the flag really works as a flag.

[Luke Burbank]

I'll be like communicates in the preseason. If I'm not paying close attention, I'll be taking the garbage out. I'll go like, oh, we must have a game today.

[Andrew Walsh]

Quickly with the flag. Get inside and boot up Amazon Prime.

[Luke Burbank]

I do. I kneel for the flag. Andrew and I whatever that. So. But what's great is he puts the flag out only on game days and then takes it back in. So it's, it's, it's very indicative of if we have a game or not.

[Andrew Walsh]

Anyway, Google involved by chance.

[Luke Burbank]

There is for the Seahawks playoff chances.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

We never even talked about that Sunday night game.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oof, what a debacle. Yeah. The one game that I, in a long time that I actually got to watch starts.

[Luke Burbank]

Got to watch. Did you go to the Eagles for it?

[Andrew Walsh]

I think. Did I have this right? I. It was just me and Camaro, Kevin, Genevieve, and we did go to the Eagles. It was funny because. Well, now I'm really taking over your story this weekend. I mean, I have been leaning into like, I really crossed some sort of barrier with the friend. Group of people have stopped even kind of trying to get me to come out, which I remember getting to this point in college as well. I don't know exactly what happens after this, but I feel like Friday and Saturday there were fun times for a little group of North Seattle friends. And I was just like, no, I was working on some just dumb, meaningless computer projects that I was kind of like obsessed with. So I was like, I'll just stay home and work on those things. But then I was all geared up for Sunday night. I was waiting all day for a Sunday night because I was like, oh, there's actually a Seahawks game on that I can actually watch and get into the whole rhythm of watching football with friends again. So I'm like, who's going to the Eagles to watch the game? And everybody's like, we were up until 4 in the morning last night. Are you kidding me? Everybody's like drinking Pedialyte and Limping around.

[Luke Burbank]

You girl bossed too close to the sun. Andrew, you created too many boundaries for yourself, and all of a sudden you realized that you had pushed everyone away. Speaking of waiting all day for Sunday night, my mom sent this text to the Hawk squad. Let me see if I can find it. It was related to the Seahawks game. Let's see here. She said, this is Sunday at 6:51pm I've been waiting all day for Sunday night. Now, by the way, before waiting all day, and then at the end of Sunday night, she has used the emoji that is, like, indicating, you know, musical notes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

She says, I've been waiting all day for Sunday night. Hope it's not in vain.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is at 6:51. We're an hour into the game at this point.

[Luke Burbank]

The game started at 5:20, so things have already gone pretty badly. I've been waiting all day for Sunday night and hope it's not in vain. And then Hannah, my sister Hannah, says, it's tough. And then I say, I think it's less bleak than it looks, Ma. Which is, you know, my common thing. We were still at a point where I thought we had a chance. And then my mom says, that's the opening song that Carrie Underwood sings for Sunday Night Football.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, now I get it. The musical notes. She wasn't just saying, I've been waiting all night or day.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, I was like, mom, what are the chances that nobody on this text chain has ever heard the Sunday Night Football theme song? I've been waiting all day for Sunday night.

[Andrew Walsh]

Was there any response to that, or is that one that you just let fly in the woodland?

[Luke Burbank]

I was very aware that was my response.

[Andrew Walsh]

You give a thumbs up for that. But I did get. I would say that, you know, that is the magic of Camaro Kev. I think that he had said specifically on Saturday night, like, I am not going out on Sunday. Like, I am done. But all I have to do, not me, but anybody has to do, is just say, hey, you gonna go to this thing? Kevin? He's like, what time would it be? And you can just sort of see he has so much trouble saying no to kind of social hangs. So I was able to get him to break his rule and come out with me and Veeves to watch a terrible football game. Which I believe he said to me during the game, I can't wait to go back and not watch these with you next week because the game was so brutal.

[Luke Burbank]

We have a special love language, me and Camaro Kev. It could be the case that we haven't hung out in a while, maybe I haven't been in town or whatever. I will call him out of the blue, and he will pick up and he will answer the phone, sir. And I will say, sir, yes. And that just means let's go meet up somewhere. Let's go do. Let's go to the Pinehurst or whatever.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sir. Sir, yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Anyway, as I was driving out of here talking to my neighbor yesterday, I.

[Andrew Walsh]

Said, hey, I'd love to have you.

[Luke Burbank]

And your wife, you know, down for a cup of coffee or a beer or whatever sometime. And you kind of, like, see the place I go. I know I've been, like, hauling stuff out of here for three years. And he goes, well, it needed a lot of work. And I was like, what do you mean by that? What do you mean, it needed a lot of work? Like, I was like, you know, then I. Then I felt the need to clarify that, like, it didn't need a lot of work. I just chose to do a lot of work on the house. But it did somehow that felt.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did need a lot of work, right? Is. Now you.

[Luke Burbank]

What did it need a lot of work? You could have, like, anyone could have lived here, but you. You.

[Andrew Walsh]

You were the. You would complain about that. Didn't it have a refrigerator on the porch? Like, your description of this place when you moved in was that it needed a lot of work.

[Luke Burbank]

It didn't. Somehow him saying it needed a lot of work offended me.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think that. That. That's the interesting.

[Luke Burbank]

But it wasn't like. Like, here's the narrative I've always told myself about this house is that it was a totally functional house. It wasn't like. It wasn't, like, you know, unsafe or it didn't have black mold, or it wasn't. You know, it was just not to my liking, but it was. For some reason. I don't know why this narrative matters to me, but the story that I've told myself is the house was basically fine for. Let's just say, a different kind of person who had different priorities than I do or didn't need to stare at the river as much as I do. But it was. It was. It was a fine house. It was like a functional working home. It wasn't like a, you know, a fixer upper. It was the kind of thing that needed some aesthetic touches. That's how I. That's. For some reason, that matters to me as far as the story. And when he was like, it needed a lot of work. I was like, what Are you talking.

[Andrew Walsh]

About is Dare you, sir? Did he. Is his house position in a way where he would have had a good view of the refrigerator on the porch, Maybe that. No, because I feel like that sends a message.

[Luke Burbank]

Two plungers. I think it says everything.

[Andrew Walsh]

Says it all. Exactly. It could be like, his perspective on the house. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, situation.

[Luke Burbank]

If you Zillow the house, like, or if you, you know, if you Google the house and you see, I think the, the. The footprint on the Internet of this place is maybe still the, like, Redfin ad or whatever. It was one of those online things. It actually looks pretty nice because, of course, they took all these pictures at, like, the magic hour, and they, you know, they was a, you know, professional, probably professionally done real estate ad. And I think that doesn't really give you a sense of how crummy their. Their sort of touches were in the house. But I don't think any of that was apparent to my neighbor Wally.

[Andrew Walsh]

And now you're getting the tile. Do we have any sense of when this. Do you think the tile project should be done by Monday, or is that asking too much?

[Luke Burbank]

What I would say is no one is going to accuse this guy of being. What's the word I'm looking for? No one's going to accuse him of rushing through this process.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Now, the thing is, I'm paying him a flat fee. You know, I mean, like, like, he gave me a quote for the labor. I've paid him half of that for the labor. I will pay him the second half when the job is done. So it doesn't really. I'm not, I don't. Like, there's not a. Like a taxicab meter that's running on this. But I'm. The more days he's here, the more I'm shocked at how little he's charging me based on an hourly, because it's like he. Yesterday was in. You know, I went down to the TARP district, went to Goodwill, unloaded some pillows, went to the grocery store, went to Home Depot, went to Lowe's and then Home Depot. By the way, like, I know that you and Veeves are Lowe's people. You're a Lowe's family, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. Although I will say the Home Depot in our neighborhood, because I've been popping in there for. It's slight. I mean, they're very close to each other, but it's slightly closer, the Home Depot is to us. And for various reasons, I've had to pop in there recently instead of Lowe's. And I will say, I think that they are trying to make a change as far as customer service in that place is concerned. It's much better staffed and everybody's very friendly. They will stop you and say hello. Now, like, you used to go in there, and you'd have to, like, just hope to see somebody in a Home Depot apron. And then, like, just sort of like kind of not make too much eye contact with them where you beg them to help you with something. And they're always saying, I don't know, this isn't my section. But then we'll grumpily point somewhere with a screwdriver and a direct. Like, the service at Home Depot was so terrible. Then I go in there and there were all these, like, smiling faces asking me at every, like, kind of checkpoint, but sort of like end cap, like, hey, how you doing? Can I help you? And I was like, maybe Home Depot got the message.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, a couple of things on that. I never go to the Lowe's because it's a little bit further away, but I did because they. I needed this particular item called a schluter rail.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'll beep it.

[Luke Burbank]

Which is something that has to do with, like, when you're putting in subway tile in your bathroom. But they didn't have it at Home Depot. They had it at the Lowe's. It's so weird to be. It's like being in Shelbyville when you've just been going to Springfield your whole life.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, right.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like, well, it's kind of the same, but really different in there for some reason. And to keep going with the Matt Groening universe, there was a guy in the Lows who looked like. Who's the professor in Futurama?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh. Oh, good news, everybody. Farnsworth, right?

[Luke Burbank]

Or is that, like, he looked like the human? He. I was like, is this a real person? He looked like the human. Like, like, if they made a live action Futurama, they would generate this guy with AI and he would look exactly like the person. Professor from Futur.

[Andrew Walsh]

By the way, I nailed it. Professor Farnsworth.

[Luke Burbank]

Nice.

[Andrew Walsh]

What's his name?

[Luke Burbank]

I went up to him and I was like, hey, I need to get a Schluter rail. And he looked at me, he was so confused. And he goes, huh? And I go, it's. It's like, for tile. It's like. It's for bathroom stuff. And he's like, tiles that way. And he just pointed me in the direction. And I was like, I'm not. You know, I Wasn't getting that super helpful vibe from him. And he definitely looked like a guy who had, like, been some kind of contractor or high school shop teacher for roughly 100 years, and now, in his retirement, was working at Lowe's.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, sure.

[Luke Burbank]

Which is usually the guy you want to get. Yeah, but. But he was not overly helpful. He looked confusing. I got the stuff that I needed. And. And there was one other thing that I was going to tell you about Lowe's versus Home Depot, but it's now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Whiffed out of my brain. I was gonna say he did an okay job, but it's a Lowe's bar. Oh, God. We'll just keep moving. No, we'll keep moving. All right. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, okay, on that note, I was.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just going to say that idea of contractors kind of having a flat fee as opposed to, like, seeing the clock tick and then also the meter running. We had something similar. We had this. We just bought a gas stove, which is now.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, you've got a big hole in your wall, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, but. And that's kind of related to this. So we bought the stove. And again, I know we're going against the grain of what everybody else is doing, but, you know, cut us a break. It's too late now anyway. But we had gas coming into the house, but it was coming into the hot water heater and furnace in the basement. And so we just wanted to run a gas line from our basement up into the kitchen. And it's not. You know, this is not a very big house. And so the kitchen's almost directly above this line, but not quite. And so Genevieve got. And Genevieve ran point on this project. I'm running point on the project of getting the holes patched back up. But Genevieve definitely ran point on this job. I think so. Yes, Seth has been contacted, but Seth has a very loose timeline. He gave me kind of, like, I could get over there, like, during what.

[Luke Burbank]

I was saying the other day. It's like, the big upside of being one of these contractors is you absolutely get to show up when you want to and not a minute earlier.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And so, like, I think I got a. Like, I could be free between January 2nd and 9th. And I'm like, okay, so this is more like January 13th. Like, I kind of. You're learning the math. Like, no offense, but a little bit of the math on working with you, too, Luke. Like, I'll be like, okay, 12:30. I can. Luke won't be there until 12:40. Like, you just start doing math in Your head. And I'm kind of like, I know what Seth math is starting to look like, but I. I just.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm going to let that go without comment.

[Andrew Walsh]

The. The gas guys came in and Genevieve got like three different quotes and she did not go. I can't remember.

[Luke Burbank]

Were they from the gas company? When you say the gas guys, they.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, they were. They had gas. They knew nothing about installing gas. But the boy, were they gas.

[Luke Burbank]

Did they say it was turbo time at. When they're jumping on the bed?

[Andrew Walsh]

They did.

[Luke Burbank]

You're not part of this.

[Andrew Walsh]

They were from a company. I couldn't tell if maybe it's a very small company where one of the guys who came out is like, has an ownership or not.

[Luke Burbank]

So they're not from Northwest Natural or whatever the large natural gas entity is. They're a company that does. That runs a line for you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. Yeah. No, but you know that I think about it. I don't think it's that small of a company, like just based on like the paperwork and everything. It wasn't like a. It wasn't a contractor. Like we. We can do everything for you. It was definitely a company that. I think it's a plumbing and gas company or something like that. So anyway, I don't know what Genevieve's. What all her checkboxes were for this job, but I know it wasn't the most budget version of the quotes we got. It was a mid range one. And she just kind of liked what these guys said. But she did get the impression from some of the folks who came out to give us quotes that it was maybe going to be a little bit of a complicated. Even though it seemed like a pretty short way to run a line through the walls. It might be a little complicated because of the setup of our house. And it turns out these guys came out.

[Luke Burbank]

You cannot mess around with a gas line. It's not one of those things where you're just like, it'll do. It has to be very precise and very sort of professionally done.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And I think it might have been these folks who said to these, well, we might have to cut some holes in your wall here or there. And I was like, yeah, well, I mean, that's fine. And that's going to probably be behind the stove anyway. Or in the deep recesses of this room in our basement that I call the. The boiler room. But because it's where deals are made. But anyway, it's where you push penny stocks on. Yes. You can just sort of see as these guys are kind of poking around more and more that, like, just things are not going well. I didn't realize this, like, as I'm in my office, like, doing my work and kind of checking on them from time to time. Genevieve's working. Her desk is more of in kind of a public area down here in the basement. So they're kind of walking by her constantly going upstairs and downstairs and. And I could just tell they were there for a long time. And they're just constantly poking around. They're like in a different part of the basement, pulling a different refrigerator away from the wall so they can peek up into the ceiling here. And it just seemed like there was just a lot of time peeking into the walls with flashlights, like, a lot of time. And so I started to get that feeling. I didn't realize until later Genevieve said when they were gone that at one point she said, yeah, I knew things weren't going well when I heard the younger guy say, I'm just gonna go out to the van and cry for a while.

[Luke Burbank]

No way.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, jokingly, but apparent. So they cut a hole in the. In the drywall behind the stove, which I was like, oh, that's a relatively big hole, but who cares? It's going to be behind the stove. Turns out that was completely unnecessary because now the pipe is coming up through the hole in the floor, which is, again, it's fine. It's all behind the stove. But they also just basically had to cut this big hole right in our stairwell. Like, actually, it's kind of interesting because it's the part of the stairwell where everybody hits their head when they're coming out. Exactly. We have the very low, I mean, incredibly low area that you have to duck under when you're coming into our basement. Because this house wasn't built for the basement to be finished the way it was later on. But it's also got, you know, structural beams there, so you can't just, like, cut a bigger. And now I can see the beams by the way. Like, I can see the huge, like eight by fours or eight by twos or whatever they are. You can tell. Yeah, this is a. This is a load bearing stairwell. Right. Like, because there's a big chunk cut out of it now, which, honestly, you don't even notice that much because it's above your head. You'd have to, like, look up as you're going under it to see this. This big hole. So it's not driving me as crazy as I thought it would, but it does seem like we're Gonna have a couple of weeks here with this giant hole in the wall. But, yeah, they were, like, kind of. Genevieve described them, and we're happy with. We're happy with the final product. I mean, we're very excited about the stove. These guys were very, very nice. I asked them. I'm like, did you have to blow off another assignment today because this was such a pain? And they're like, no. We kind of knew is. We knew it wasn't going to be an easy one, so we didn't book anything else for the. But Genevieve kept saying to me, that's why you get a quote. She's like, you know, this isn't costing us anymore. We got the quote locked in, and they're just gonna have to do it. But she did describe them as definitely measure once, cut twice kind of people.

[Luke Burbank]

Hence the hole in your wall related to where the gas is coming.

[Andrew Walsh]

There's a little tiny hole about the size of my thumb in one part of the wall that we're gonna have to patch up. And there's this big asshole in the stairwell. There's a hole behind the stove that nobody can see but is totally un. Unless you're like a. Unless you're like a mouse on a motorcycle. And you need that as a garage door. So. Yeah. But anyway, it is.

[Luke Burbank]

You got a Stuart Little living at your place?

[Andrew Walsh]

I have a mouse. I have a Ralph mouse in the motorcycle.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, but here's the real question. Have you cooked something on the stove yet? And was it glorious?

[Andrew Walsh]

I have. It tastes like shit. I'm going back to the electric stove.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you. Did you. What was the first thing that you made on the stove?

[Andrew Walsh]

No joke. I did kind of ruin the first thing I made on the stove. So Vivs and I were. She was like, well, what's. It was like, I think the first night it was in stalled. She said, well, what are we going to do?

[Luke Burbank]

What's the inaugural?

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, what are we going to cook? And I was like, well. And I'd just been really busy. It was, I think, maybe the first night we had it, I believe was a Tuesday. And Genevieve and I had been recording our podcast until, I think, like, 8 o'clock at night or something. So it was already getting kind of late. But I. But we're also kind of jazzed up to do it. I'm like, I'll tell you what, one of the things that I have not been able to make in a long time because our other stove was so terrible and didn't work well with kind of woks or like, a stir fry. Yeah. Well, actually, she said, oh, you could make your chicken fried rice. I'm like, okay, yeah, yeah. So why don't. But the thing about chicken fried rice, if you're making it homemade, is ideally, you're supposed to make. It's just like white rice, but you're supposed to kind of boil the rice the day before and let it sit a day in the refrigerator. They say slightly older rice is better for fried rice. And so I was like, well, why don't you just go and get some rice and the ingredients, and we'll boil the rice tonight and I'll make the fried rice tomorrow.

[Luke Burbank]

So why don't you go pick it up at the store that I'm currently trespassing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I said, here, take my backpack and rappel into the back of sars. If you get caught, you do not know me. Deny, deny, deny. But anyway, so that's what I did. But the thing is, I really did sort of ruin it. I think I've even said on the show before, and it's a dangerous game to ever brag about anything. But, like, I have not. Maybe not always, but I feel like just, you know, quickly making a hot pot of white rice is pretty. It's something that I can dial in pretty easily. I know that Genevieve has struggles making rice because you kind of got to get the temperature right. And, like, sometimes it'll be too soggy or pasty or lumpy. Other times it could burn to the bottom of the pot. Genevieve, for a long time, has been wanting to get, like, an actual rice maker, which I hear those things are really great, but it's like another standalone, pretty big, ugly appliance.

[Luke Burbank]

Unitas.

[Andrew Walsh]

Unitasker. Yeah. We don't have that much space, so I feel like I've done a pretty good job of dialing in. It sounds like it's such a weak breath. It's such a weak brag. But I feel like it's.

[Luke Burbank]

It's actually not. Like, I made some rice recently in my. What was it? I think I used the. My insta pot.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And it turned out pretty well. And I was so proud of myself, and I watched, like, eight YouTube videos on how much to rinse it and what knuckle the water should be at, et cetera. So I don't think it's. I don't think it's a weak brag if you can make good rice.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that's kind of the interesting thing, too, is Genevieve has now because she's struggled to make it on the stove. She uses the, like we have some sort of an insta potty thing saying, insta potty type, Insta potty body. So she makes the rice in there now. And so I always feel. I don't know, I can't explain it. I feel a little bit of pressure because I've said, hey, listen, making rice isn't that hard. I'll make the rice. I always feel a little bit of pressure to make sure the rice is good. And I will say I was getting used to the new stove and I think that because the other one, this electric one, this flat top electric stove we used to have, it just burned pretty hot and also just uneven. I can't explain it didn't react well. Like, and now we have the stove, which is everything we wanted. Like a great gas stove with very reactive knobs and everything. But I'm still getting used to it. And I think I was so scared of the medium heat that I was cooking this rice way, way, way too low, I think. And I ended up with pretty, pretty lumpy rice. And that's what we made the first night. And then last night I was able to take that white rice and try to try to beat it into submission again.

[Luke Burbank]

Eating a lot of things.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm just having a day, man. I would recommend staying in submission because you don't want me beating you.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm definitely going to watch myself.

[Andrew Walsh]

But anyway, so I then completed the task last night by making. Turning it into actual. I made some chicken and cut it up and made some actual chicken fried rice. And then what I did was I felt like it seemed more like a side dish, but I wanted to get some turkey kielbasa, which was the closest thing I had to. What's the kind of sausage that you'd usually serve with fried rice and an egg? If you were running a diner that served more of a Hawaiian breakf would be Portuguese sausage. Portuguese sausage is exactly what I was looking for. Thank you. But I didn't have any of that.

[Luke Burbank]

But.

[Andrew Walsh]

And Genevieve does need pork. But I did have some turkey kielbasa. So I. So I fried some of that up and then some like, you know, some fried eggs, very loose yolk.

[Luke Burbank]

Kind of a moco loco kind of a situation.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Without the gravy and the meat. So anyway, so made that last night and it was okay. You could tell that the, the rice wasn't as, as good as it could have been, but it was my first time out.

[Luke Burbank]

It's good. It doesn't. It doesn't what's he said? It doesn't insist upon itself.

[Andrew Walsh]

That intro is.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you realize we. You and I just basically accidentally reenacted.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

An entire scene from Dr. Katz and.

[Andrew Walsh]

Somehow the one making fun of the type of conversation I'm having is still way better than. Let me see if I can find this here. I love this so much. Yeah, I'm sorry I'm talking about rice a lot, but.

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, no. I was asked what the first thing you new stove was. This is. I completely. I started this whole thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was a little bit disappointed in the final product, but I said, you know what? This is me getting used to the new stove. I really enjoyed the process of it. Like, I'll tell you that, like getting to know this thing. Oh, I have a confession to make. After I play this dead the rice.

[Luke Burbank]

You have really.

[Andrew Walsh]

My favorite part of this is the low level ground hum. That for some reason I captured when.

[Luke Burbank]

I grabbed how young H. John Benjamin is in this. Dad, the rice, you have really outdone yourself. The rice is great.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, thanks man. That, that. You know what, that means a lot to me when.

[Luke Burbank]

Dad, the rice is perfect. I mean, it's moist, it's perfectly cooked. You timed it right. Uh huh. Yeah. So tender, but it's not mushy. You know, it yields to the bite, but not without a little struggle, you know, I mean, you gotta still open your mouth and chew it. It's not that. It just goes right in.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, it's not gonna bite itself.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I know what you're saying.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. God, that show must have been so much fun to work on.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh my God. You know, I've never watched an episode of Dr. Katz. I only know. I mean, I knew about it, I knew it existed, but I've only experienced it by way of the audio that you have pulled for this show, including nonsense.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

The hair, it's dirty.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, the hair, it's dirty. All I know of that show, and I'm sorry that I'm blanking on your name, but there's a listener who, because a lot of Dr. Katz is not available streaming, it's not officially anywhere you can find it on YouTube. And we have a listener who is at the Philly show who said, I almost brought the Dr. Katz box set, but I realized you probably don't want to carry it on the plane with you. Where can you send it? And I said, I don't. You know, I didn't want to be like, oh, send me your free gift to the P.O. box, but maybe you should Be the one to inherit the doctor Cats. Because you have a. You have a cd.

[Luke Burbank]

I do. I have a Blu ray.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And I'm looking. I currently own one dvd, which is the documentary Streetwise, which I bought from the Criterion Collection. It is still sitting in the player. Yeah, I would love. I'd love a good Dr. Katz DVD box. Okay, so you're about to make a confession.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, the confession to make, and this is something that I've learned. I mentioned that this oven is also an air fryer. And you and I very briefly on the show said, like, well, what makes an air fryer? What makes an oven an air fryer? And I was saying, like, because you have a convection oven, and then you have an air fryer, and an air fryer I know, uses fans, and there's just a little confusion about that. Well, here's my big confession, which involves convection, which is. I have been using that phrase incorrectly my entire life. I thought any traditional oven is a convection oven, and that is so not true.

[Luke Burbank]

What makes an oven a convection oven?

[Andrew Walsh]

It has fans in it. So the oven, because our new oven, has a bake setting and then a convection bake setting and a convection roast setting and then an air fryer setting.

[Luke Burbank]

The circulation of the air is where the circulation air.

[Andrew Walsh]

So I always thought that convection oven is. I just. Because I always thought.

[Luke Burbank]

You thought you were confusing convection and conventional.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think I was. But when you grab just, like, a bag of frozen treats, like, I don't know, Totino's pizza rolls or something, doesn't it on the back of the bag usually say convection oven instructions? Or does it conventional oven? And I was confused.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it says convection oven, but I don't think. Actually, no, you know what? I don't know the answer to that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know the answer to that either.

[Luke Burbank]

I haven't cooked any pizza rolls in.

[Andrew Walsh]

A while because I got a note from a listener that said, oh, an air fryer in your oven is just. Basically, it's just a convection oven. They're just, like, rebranding them. Like, I don't think that's entirely true. And then I started. When we got this thing, I started realizing, oh, the ovens that I've been using my entire life, they've never been convection ovens. They've just been baking the conventional baking ovens, and now this one has fans. And that is also. I will say, though, there is a difference. With the air fryer, you do not have to preheat the air fryer function on this Thing because actually that was one of the first things I made was probably like, after I boiled that sad rice, I think it was like, midnight. I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna heat. Just gonna heat up some of those chicken tenders that I have in the freezer. And so I just, like, threw on the air fry function of this thing, and like, 10, 15 minutes later, these things were totally done. You didn't have to preheat the oven or anything. So I am enjoying my new toy. And also, as we mentioned, it's blue inside. And I don't know why that is so exciting.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, my God. It feels. Because I have an LG oven as well. I don't think I have all the bells and whistles you guys have. Well, first of all, mine is not gas, but there's something about that blue enamel interior that it sparks joy every time I open the oven door.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And I'm already like, you know, in this mode of like, well, well, it's beautiful. Like, maybe we shouldn't use it. Maybe we should get another oven that we use and we just keep this one beautiful. Because I don't want to drip. Yeah, I don't want to drip anything in there. Yesterday when I actually got done cooking, when you're cooking something that has a bunch of diced carrots and peas and things can fly all over the place when you're cooking. And so I spent a great deal of time removing all of the grates last night and cleaning the oven and getting it back to showroom stack status.

[Luke Burbank]

I just realized, yeah, this is a big improvement, I guess. I don't know if that's the word. It's definitely going to create more activities for you in terms of puttering.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Because when you're talking about it like an electric just kind of glass top, there's only, you know, so much you can do with that. But there's a lot of things that you can take apart, wash, put back together, grouse about hours of fun.

[Andrew Walsh]

And also, like, no joke, like, this sounds so corny, but. But, like, it just is. So it's so much more enjoyable to cook. Like, I just think I'm going to be cooking more. I just really hated that old stove top so much. Like, it was really. It didn't do the job that I needed to do a lot of the time, and it was just, like, not fun to work with. I can't explain it to you that, like, this thing. And yes, it's new and maybe it'll wear off, but, like, it was just a joy to cook last night. The joy of cooking. I'm going to write a book.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm going to write a book.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's called maybe the Joy of Cooking. And it'll be. Well, it'll be a memoir about me. But anyway, yeah, it's just. Just I love having it. And I do think that I'll probably start cooking more again.

[Luke Burbank]

I think that some of those things have a certain durability to them in terms of the experience and wanting to do it a lot. Like my little kitchen. One of the things. Again, this is a sad statement about me, but one of the things I wanted to be able to do was prep dinner while watching television.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah, you set it all up. You have an eyeliner thing.

[Luke Burbank]

Was like, whether it's Chris's show or the sport game I want to watch or. Yeah, the Mariners or whatever, Whatever. And every time I stand at the little area that is near my sink and I'm dicing vegetables and I'm watching television that's entertaining me, it feels. It sparks again. To go back to, it sparks such joy. I totally enjoy it. And my enjoyment of it is not lessened a year in. So I bet you you're gonna really like this stuff.

[Andrew Walsh]

And it's probably easier for you to watch now because the sun sets earlier. So that's maybe something you can look forward to in the winters more. Because when the baseball season begins, isn't it gonna be hard, your tv, because of the reflection? Or did you get that?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, now I have sun. Now I have. I have shades. Like, okay, like, I have curtain, not curtains, but whatever you call them. So as to. Yes, but that was something I realized after all of this. After all this dreaming about watching the Mariners while making dinner. The first time I tried to do it, the sun was just blasting the TV and it was impossible to see. But that's been remedied.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do you know what I did the other day? And then. I know that we need to move on. Actually, I did this a couple of times, but lately I've been going back and listening to full Mariners broadcasts from yesteryear. I just want.

[Luke Burbank]

How Easter is the year 90s 80s.

[Andrew Walsh]

The first time I went on, I'm like, I want a radio broadcast because I love listening to baseball. And then, like, nodding off and, like, I wanted to take a nap a few weeks ago. And so I went to the Internet archive and they had some games between. Like, I think the earliest one was an early game in the 70s, and they only had maybe a list of 10. But then I went with the most modern one, which was 2012. I was like, oh, I kind of want it to be in my. From my listening history, like maybe a game I would have heard of.

[Luke Burbank]

But then the Ryan Court era.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I was sort of like dozing. And then I was like, oh, shit, this is that. This is the no hitter again. This is the. No. This is when the White Sox came to town and no hit us. So I stopped that one. I was like, I don't want that. I don't want that. That. I'm like, well, that's probably why it's archived, because it's a no hitter. But.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. You didn't want. You actually didn't want a game of any note?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I just wanted to.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. Run of the mill, midweek June game.

[Andrew Walsh]

But you know what I put on a couple of days ago and just sort of had on in the background was I couldn't find the radio broadcast, but I found a TV broadcast and it was opening day. I'm sorry, home opener. Not opening day, but the home opener of the 2010 season. So you still had Dave Niehaus. I can't remember who his broadcast partner was. One of the former players. Blowers, I believe. And as him and Blowers just opening day. And there's something about, like the near past that I like because I don't have. I don't have connection to the mariners in the 90s. Like, I enjoy seeing the clips or when I discover you're not trying to.

[Luke Burbank]

Listen to Diego Segu pitch the first game in Mariner history.

[Andrew Walsh]

There's an. There's. I have an interest in that, but it's not this. It's not what I was looking for. And what I was looking for was just sort of like a midwinter random baseball game feeling where I have some context for what's going on. And so I. And also 2010 wasn't. It wasn't yesterday. You know what I mean? It was almost 15 years ago now. So, yeah, you could say that. I. My desire to both avoid consuming any content that I might find upsetting, which is harder and harder with every passing day. And my desire for. My desire for. The walls are breaking on me, Luke, and my brain is breaking. And that's how you end up listening to Dave Nee house introduced the 2000 and tens Mariners and. And Ichiro receiving the Silver Slugger Award.

[Luke Burbank]

I. On the subject of trying to find content that isn't actively upsetting, I just listened to this entire ep. Well, it's three Episodes. But this entire series called the Queen of the Jungle from the New York Times. It's so good, I cannot recommend it highly enough. And I'm surprised that it's not getting more. It's a reporter, Ellen Berry for the Times, who was stationed in Delhi in India. And basically, there was this story that was kind of legendary of this woman and her two children who had shown up at a train station in India claiming to have been this queen of this. Because, I mean, what happened in India when the British came in was they basically, like, stripped. There was a lot of people that had, like, you know, more or less little small kingdoms. You know, they had palaces and they had. They were. There was these little fiefdoms, I guess you might call it. And the British came in and were like, nah. And they just took away a bunch of people, you know, their land and their titles and their kind of sense of importance. And anyway, this woman and her two kids show up. Her two kind of young but grown children show up at this train station, and she says, I'm the, you know, the sort of queen of this, like. Of this particular, you know, family and dynasty in. In India. And the Indian. And I. I want, you know, I want my palaces and everything. And the Indian government said, no. And then they just lived at the train station for 10 years with their dogs.

[Andrew Walsh]

What?

[Luke Burbank]

Just. Yeah, 10 years they lived on the platform. And then eventually Indira Gandhi was like, okay, we'll give you this old ruined hunting lodge that's above an area called Lucknow. And then they went up there, and then no one heard from them for 40 years until the daughter. So that one of the two kids, who was herself very old, called this New York Times reporter and said, I will take a meeting with you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, my.

[Luke Burbank]

And that's kind of where the story begins. It's.

[Andrew Walsh]

So that's where the story begins.

[Luke Burbank]

Amazing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Holy.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, it's wild. It's called Queen of the Jungle. I think it's called Queen of Jungle. I can't recommend it highly enough. And again, I feels. It feels like it should be the.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's.

[Luke Burbank]

It was like. It reminded me of, like, when cereal dropped or something, you know, and this was just in the, like, basement of the New York Times audio section. I was like, holy smokes. So would recommend when you've eaten your tbtl, everyone, then you can enjoy some dessert. Called again, I keep calling it Queen of the Jungle. I think that's what it's called. From the New York Times audio app. It's real good.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm sorry. That the TBT is a little bit mushy. It yields. Thank you for being a tail.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, let's thank some donors. These folks are making TBTL possible by voluntarily donating money to the program. It's how we get paid. It's why this is a thing. It's thanks to folks like Jessica Flew of Bethesda, Maryland.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you, Jessica. And by the way, Luke pointed out that it is voluntary to donate now because when we made it mandatory, apparently we were running afoul of some local laws. And so all the more important that you voluntarily donate like Jessica did. Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. The. The guilt trips will continue until morale improves.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

I believe it's our general policy. Here's what just interesting. Jessica's last name. And I don't want to. I don't want to put Jessica on Front street, but it has a kind of an E at the end of it. It's got two GS and an E. And it's a little bit like. I wonder how we say that. It looks a bit maybe Scandinavian to me or something. And then look who else we have. We have Kent, SOG S O G, G, E in Sammamish, Washington. We've got a FLUG and we've got a SOG And I feel like they might have lived in neighboring villages back in the old country.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'll bet you they did. Some hunted and some gathered.

[Luke Burbank]

Two GS and then an E and then a Luke who doesn't exactly know how to pronounce the name. Thank you, Kent.

[Andrew Walsh]

But it's also Jessica. Not totally dissimilar from the tile tool you were looking for. What was that?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, a schluter.

[Andrew Walsh]

A schluter. Yeah. Do we have a Schluter on the list?

[Luke Burbank]

Hi, Marge. Schluter.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's Schluter.

[Luke Burbank]

That joke will make sense in a couple weeks. Kevin Barry is in Renton, Washington. Thanks, Kevin. I wonder if any relation to Ellen Berry, the reporter for the New York Times who did Queen of the Jungle? Probably. Probably not.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did you hear me say it's Schluters World? That was a hilarious joke. What am I thinking of, though? What movie is it where they say it's Shooter's World? Isn't it one of those, like, goofy Golf movies? Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, is that from Happy Gilmore? Because there is a guy named Shooter McGavin in it.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think that might be it. Yeah, I thought so. I thought there was some famous line, but now I'm googling it. And it's like I stopped you to laugh at my joke, and I have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about. Sorry for the swears.

[Luke Burbank]

You know who loves all this content is my actual sister. My. My real blood relative, one Hannah Nelson of Grape View, Washington, is one of our donors today.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you so much. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Hands are trying to show me some piano stuff when I was at her house recently.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, she plays.

[Luke Burbank]

And she plays really well, actually. And it was like I had. She had listened to the episode where I was trying to play the chords to that song Easy by the Comedy Doors, and. And I was. She was showing me on her piano how she would play that song, and it was like immediately she, you know, was immediately using terminology and musical theory that was far beyond my brain's abilities.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, it's. You know, it's beyond my brain's ability, the ability to comprehend how badly I messed up that Shooter's World.

[Luke Burbank]

I worked hard my whole life, paid my dues, and now it's Shooter's turn. And Shooter's not about to let his reign at the top be spoiled by some freak sideshow clown.

[Andrew Walsh]

So first of all, I have it labeled as Shooter.

[Luke Burbank]

So that is Shooter McGavin.

[Andrew Walsh]

He doesn't say Shooter's World. He says Shooter's Turn. And I have it labeled in my system as Shooter's Time. So, like, there is something. There is something that my brain needs.

[Luke Burbank]

To retitle it as Schluter's World so you'll never be able to find it again.

[Andrew Walsh]

I must. I must.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what I've never liked about that movie is the part where they have Bob Barker say the price is wrong bit.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, I've never seen that movie.

[Luke Burbank]

Feels like the laziest joke. So, yeah, he's like.

[Andrew Walsh]

He beats him up, right, or something.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. So basically. And I. And I forget who was. They wanted somebody else, actually, I believe to play. So the idea is. I love that. I'm going to explain the plot of Happy Gilmore to Emmy Kate Pickering of Lakeland, Florida.

[Andrew Walsh]

What up, Florida? Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

And also to Ryan Stevenson of San Francisco, California. Thank you, Ryan.

[Andrew Walsh]

And Emmy Kate. Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, the plot of Happy Gilmore is a hockey player. Adam Sandler decides to play golf as a lark and is amazingly good at golf because he has, you know, perfected this hockey swing. So he's very unconventional, Andrew. And then this guy, Shooter McGavin is the more typical sort of PGA type dude. And Happy Gilmore is, you know, stealing his. His. His place in line. And Then they play in some sort of Pro Am, some sort of celebrity game, and one of the celebrities is Bob Barker.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

And somehow he gets into it with Bob Barker, and then they have a fight. But there's a point where they have Bob Barker say, the price is wrong. Or maybe he says it. Maybe he says it to Bob Barker. The price is wrong.

[Andrew Walsh]

I could see that. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Punches him. And that's probably played as, like, the biggest laugh line in the movie. And it's like, what a dumb joke.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Like. Like, by the way, I like Adam Sandler. Like, I'm a fan, but that is just such a lazy joke.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, I've never seen that film, and I'm not trying to be a hater about it, but I just don't think that's my kind of movie, you know? Like, I just. It's just. And it came out during that era of me starting to develop what I did, like, in movies and in some cases, being a little snobby about it. And the funny thing is, is I was snobby about movies that I probably shouldn't have been snobby about. You know, like, looking back at some of the things that maybe I adored during that time, maybe they weren't that much than, like, an Adam Sandler movie. But, like, I never saw the golf. There's the two. There's one where he goes back to school, and there's one where he's a golfer. And I've never seen either.

[Luke Burbank]

Billy Madison is where he goes to school.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can't keep him straight. Can't keep them straight and don't really care to. And I also feel like, you know, and I don't think that me seeing them now, even if I do sort of adjust my expectations, I don't think it's gonna be. I don't think they're for me. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

So, yeah. And, you know, it's really weird because I just said I like Adam Sandler. I think I like Adam Sandler as a person who exists in the world. I'm pretty obsessed with the movie Uncut Gems. I'm sorry.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Uncle Johns. And also Punch Drunk Love. I just like movies that have three words. Wait, Uncut is one word. Okay. That my theory is falling apart. I like Adam Sandler when he's not being Happy Gilmore. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, I like that he ignores exists. And yet if I, like. I feel like if you go back and you actually examine, like, his, like, Saturday Night Live oeuvre You know, it's like Opera Man. What?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I remember being confused by that at the time and that I was. I was in the bag for that era of snl. So I'm not trying to turn. To rewrite history here. Like, that was the era that I grew up with and fell in love with, and I loved all those guys. But, like, I remember always being confused and not. Not laughing at Opera Man.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, Like, I feel like Opera man wasn't funny, I guess. Kind of like Cajun Boy, which then I think became the movie the Water Boy, Cajun man or something, where he just kind of talks Cajun. That was a little bit funny.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just a water boy. Was he speaking Cajun? And Waterboy?

[Luke Burbank]

Does he have a weird accent in the Waterboy?

[Andrew Walsh]

Maybe. Here's the irony of all this. I believe I saw Waterboy in the theater.

[Luke Burbank]

I thought, what a time.

[Andrew Walsh]

Me and my friend John went to see it in college. But I think we. I think we're like, well, we've seen enough of this. And then, much like you leaving a black carpet event, I believe we moved our mics and said, I think we're done here. Because I think we just like, kind of walked out. Like, it was just like such a cookie cutter kind of thing. I remember, like, in the grand final scene where everything is right.

[Luke Burbank]

Because he's a water boy, but he's really good at football, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I don't know. Was he a kid? He seems to be a theme. Remember what.

[Luke Burbank]

But anyway, hockey player who's really good at golf. He's a water boy who's. I'm trying to find right now, the Waterboy trailer. I have found it, but I'm letting this ad play for Variety Horizon. And then we will hear hopefully Adam Sandler's accent in the waterboard. Because again, I've never seen the movie, but my feeling is he says things in a Cajuny kind of weird way. Let's see. Oh, dude. Touchstone Pictures.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Are you kidding me right now? How iconic Is there anything more iconic than the Touchstone Pictures title?

[Andrew Walsh]

Calming. Yeah. Bobby Boucher was a lonely boy. Everybody else got friend mama. I just want some, too. You don't have what they call this.

[Luke Burbank]

Definitely Cajun.

[Andrew Walsh]

Definitely Cajun. His only friend was his mama.

[Luke Burbank]

He can hang out with whoever he wants.

[Andrew Walsh]

Except you.

[Luke Burbank]

A Faruza bulk.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh.

[Luke Burbank]

Sighting from what was craft and also.

[Andrew Walsh]

But she was in Wasn't her real claim to fame or her earliest claim to fame was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I think. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, I thought, okay, only Joy was his job.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm a water boy. Until one day. Must be something wrong with his medulla oblongata. He discovered his special gift.

[Luke Burbank]

He assaults his teacher, which is how he finds out that he's good at tackling people.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, now play football for this team. The world will feel his pain.

[Luke Burbank]

Wow.

[Andrew Walsh]

Damn.

[Luke Burbank]

That snake looks delicious.

[Andrew Walsh]

Somebody hurt you, my boy? Every time I hear an explosion, he's tackling somebody. Is this true?

[Luke Burbank]

That's. You're, you're exactly right. He's really good at tackling people because he was bullied and he's internalized his rage to be good at four Bobby Boucher.

[Andrew Walsh]

So I was wondering if it was an actual. Like, if this is the same character, an extension of the character, or it's just like, he realized he can do a Cajun accent. So. So the best I got here is from the Wikipedia, the idea for Waterboy for. I'm sorry. The idea for the Waterboy came from Definite Article Matters, from one of Adam Sandler's Saturday Night Live characters. Sandler said, quote, and this is a quote here, Luke, quote, you could compare him to Canteen Boy. So I guess that's the. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, that was the name. That was. Yeah. I don't think he was Cajun Boy. He was Canteen Boy.

[Andrew Walsh]

You could compare him to Canteen Boy. Whereas he does, by the way, just dropping a whereas. I love that Adam Sandler's just dropping a. Whereas in probably a junket interview, you could compare him to Canteen Boy. Whereas he does love water and they both get picked on a lot. But the thing I like and have.

[Luke Burbank]

A Cajun accent, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. But he's not mentioning that I like most about this character is that he's just a genuine good person. Another thing I'm noticing here is, is the cast listing on the Wikipedia pa. And most of them are very straightforward. Adam Sandler as Robert Bobby Boucher Jr. Kathy Bates as Helen Mama Boucher, blah, blah. But then, for some reason, Blake Clark, the actor. Blake Clark gets like, several lines here. Blake Clark as Farmer Fran, whose heavy, thick Cajun accent no one seems to understand. He would later reprise this role in a cameo appearance in the 2001 film Film Joe Dirt. So if you're looking. If you're looking for the.

[Luke Burbank]

Can you see who edited that? Is this the Wikipedia page? I promise you it was that actor.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, it was Blake Clark. You're right.

[Luke Burbank]

I believe we have.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't have Clark skills, but I, I. You know what? You are most likely correct, sir. Hello and welcome to Top Secret Story.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, I know we're already over the river here, but I just want to play this dingus commercial for you really fast because I've been on this harangue lately about how prescription, like, all you. What you really want to do if you're in a band or if you're a songwriter, is try to write a song that rhymes with a diabetes medication or something. Because the people making these ads, they every day they say, how do we do less than we did yesterday? Like, their goal each day is to phone it in even harder, harder. And I was playing you the one the other day that was like, using the. That, you know. Oh, yeah. But it's like. But it's like, it's like the worst, like, attempt to fold that song into this prescription drug ad. It doesn't even make sense. This one is maybe less, slightly less tortured, but it's for some kind of an eye medication. And let me just play.

[Andrew Walsh]

If you're living with dry amd, you.

[Luke Burbank]

May be at risk for developing gcd.

[Andrew Walsh]

Geographic atrophy, or ga. GA can be unpredictable and progress rapidly, leading to irreversible vision loss.

[Luke Burbank]

Now there's something you can do to slow. By the way, I felt like this was, not to make a pun, this was like a slow speed car crash for me. Because at the beginning of the ad, you hear the music. This is, you know, originally by the band War. And you know where this is going and you don't want it to happen, but you're trapped watching the tv leading.

[Andrew Walsh]

To irreversible vision, Vision loss.

[Luke Burbank]

Now there's something you can do to.

[Andrew Walsh]

Slow it down, get it going slower.

[Luke Burbank]

Ask your doctor what the actual. Slow it down, get it going slower.

[Andrew Walsh]

I had not heard this yet, but I'd heard tell of it because.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, really?

[Andrew Walsh]

Again? Back to the Eagles on Sunday Night Camaro. Kev is like, have you heard this one yet?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, really?

[Andrew Walsh]

And I don't think it was on the tv or maybe it was, and I. I don't know. He just sang it for us. He's like, have you guys heard the one War Now? And I'm like, no, I so bad. I had.

[Luke Burbank]

This is so awful. What? He just sang the words I survey, like, this poor. This poor bastard who booked this. I mean, this is a big deal. He probably got paid a lot of money. I'm sure he was happy for the work and he should be, but man, it must have. He must have. He must have felt a little. A little dirty leaving the recording session having sung these lines.

[Andrew Walsh]

Whoever this random Is.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, exactly. Whoever. Whoever they have doing the. Their. Their version of their Weird Al Yankovic version of the war song about Icer Bay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Iser Bay is an eye injection. Don't take it if you have an infection or active swelling in or around your eye. Iserve can cause eye infection, retinal detachment.

[Luke Burbank]

Or increased risk of wet AMD Iserve.

[Andrew Walsh]

May temporarily increase eye problem pressure.

[Luke Burbank]

Do not drive legally. I have to play the disclaimer, Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

This is part. This is a. It's a legal thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ever use machinery until vision has recovered.

[Luke Burbank]

After an eye injection or exam?

[Andrew Walsh]

Ie is proven to slow GA progression.

[Luke Burbank]

Can you imagine getting this eye injection and then going right to a heavy lathe or some kind of arc welder? You're just going right from this eye injection to operating heavy equipment against the recommendation of the commercial, which may help preserve vision longer. I so shift gears and get going.

[Andrew Walsh]

Don't delay.

[Luke Burbank]

Ask your doctor about I Anyway, I just. I. The mind reels thinking about the pitch meeting for that and the fact that, you know, someone, you know, came into the meeting was like, I. I got it. We're gonna do the song Lowrider from War, but we're gonna change it to be Slow it down with I Survey the. To me, the cherry on top of all this is all of the money for that. For the using of that song is going to the guy that wrote the song Hang On Sloopy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait. Hang On Sloopy. Same writer.

[Luke Burbank]

The guy who. Hang On Sloopy. It's like Jerry Gold. Let's see here. It's. Well, the song was by the McCoys, but I believe it was written. Written by a guy named. Hold on. I'm going to the Wikipedia page. I think it was written by a guy named Jerry Goldstein. He has all the. I think he has the publishing for Hang On Sloopy. And he was later the manager for the band War.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, okay.

[Luke Burbank]

And signed War into some bullshit deal where all of the rights to the band War, the Songs of War, goes to Jerry Goldstein, even though he didn't write any of their music. And I know this because we were trying to do a story about War.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was going to say, didn't you do a CBS story about War or something?

[Luke Burbank]

It fell apart because none of the people that are in the Band War currently were the guys who started the band War.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah, of course. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

And we wanted to talk to one of the OG guys, and he was like, I can't talk to you. I will get sued by Jerry Goldstein.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, God.

[Luke Burbank]

The guy that wrote Hang On Sloopy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, my God.

[Luke Burbank]

As you're watching that terror, slow it down with your eye problems. The money is going to the guy who wrote Hang On, Sloopy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, my God.

[Luke Burbank]

I did not write Low Rider.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, the thing that does occur to me, and I'm not trying to be a no fun Nick here, I just am one, naturally. No, I mean, I guess the thing is, as cringe as these commercials and these song versions are, is there's no way in hell I remember the name of this product without the song. And the song just like, especially because it's so catchy. I hate how catchy that is. And now I'm already blanking on the name of the medication, but I'm. But I'm sure if I've heard this commercial two, three or four times during a football game, I survey, Andrew. I survey. I'll bet you I.

[Luke Burbank]

What part of ICE survey is not memorable to you?

[Andrew Walsh]

What part of I survey don't you understand? Like, I'm sure you could find yourself going around the house like, or during the halftime show being like, I survey. And then the next thing you know, know, you remember the damn name I survey. Like, it's almost more galling that it can work, right?

[Luke Burbank]

And. And again, that's probably. You know what it's like? It's like a football head coach punting on a fourth and one. And you're so mad as a fan because you're like, what? And it's like, it's about. It's about flipping the field. It's about game management. It's all this boring. That, like, isn't fun, but if you do it enough times, it actually has, you know, it. It leads to a good outcome. That's like one of these dumb songs in one of these dumb. The dumb names they pick for these dumb drugs, right? It's like, it's. It seems so corny. Except now none of us will forget ICE Survey. And you know, they like. In other words, they know what they're doing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And also I always wonder about. And I'm sure that there's been plenty of ink spilled on this and I just have not read it because, as I like to say, I don't know how to read. But I wonder what the thought process is naming these drugs. Like, early on, maybe you're not thinking quite. Maybe it is just like the scientists, we got an email from somebody who. We just referred to them as the white lab coats. The white lab coats. Naming these things and not thinking about it. But obviously now, you know that when this thing is rolled out, why not just name it like something that is really. That doesn't sound like a medicine. You know what I mean? Why not name it? What does iSurvey do again? It surveys I eyes.

[Luke Burbank]

It slows it down.

[Andrew Walsh]

It slows it down.

[Luke Burbank]

It slows down. Some sort of macular degeneration. Although it might lead to wet eye syndrome, which I thought was the. I thought that was the viscosity we were going for with eyes.

[Andrew Walsh]

What does Steve Bush?

[Luke Burbank]

Don't we want him wet?

[Andrew Walsh]

Do you remember the line Steve Buscemi says in 30 Rock? They call me the Chameleon because of my big wet eyes. He plays like an under undercover. Like.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I mean, that's hello, fello fellow kids, right, with the skateboard and the hat that says Rock or the T shirt that says Rock with a little.

[Andrew Walsh]

AC DC bolt between it.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a guy you can see on a black carpet.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I saw a bumper sticker that you might like. I don't know. This is not. That's not true. What the fuck am I saying? I'm sorry. You won't like it. I don't know why I'm saying this, but I did see a bumper sticker that you probably won't like. For some reason, it stood out to me. I was behind a big white van the other day and it didn't seem to have any labels on it, as if, like, it. It didn't say, like, Bob's H Vac or anything, but I'm assuming it's somebody who's running an H VAC business because they just had one bumper sticker. It just said it was like the AC DC logo, only it was H vac.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, I do love it.

[Andrew Walsh]

It kind of made me laugh. I liked it.

[Luke Burbank]

That's great. I know. You were right.

[Andrew Walsh]

I do love it. There's a right way to rock. You can't just listen to your song. Just remember that life is number one. You can be having so much fun. Just remember that life is much fun.

[Luke Burbank]

You can be nothing but.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, we are starting strong today with the Blursdays. By the way, if you have a birthday wish or a blursday wish you'd like to share on the show, email me andrewbtl.net and put Blursday in the subject line. I got an email like that from our dear friend Phyllis Fletcher, who says, gus, we've been listening to TBTL for just over a decade, and today you're 15, it seems.

[Luke Burbank]

Holy. Holy smokes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, just yesterday you were in your red PJs, hugging the boo Boo. The Bobo Dol. Sorry, the Bobo doll. That's Luke. And now I'm about to take. Why weren't you hugging me?

[Luke Burbank]

And now I'm known as the more huggable of the two.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, it is definitely true. I'm all sharp elbows. I'm a whirling dervish of pointy elbows.

[Luke Burbank]

Non huggability. You're brownish area with point.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. Let's see here. Phyllis says, and now I'm about to take you driving for the first time. Let's go.

[Luke Burbank]

Sorry, not legal. Gus is never allowed to drive.

[Andrew Walsh]

Phyllis says, let's go to the store.

[Luke Burbank]

He is getting older.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let's go to the store. And park too close to Andrew's car. Happy Blursday, Gus love for real Mom.

[Luke Burbank]

Real polite car.

[Andrew Walsh]

Happy Blurs Day, Gus. Stay away from my goddamn car. Yeah, and by the way, I don't drive to the store. I walk to the store with a backpack. And that's why I get kicked out. Sean. Oh, writing in from the Naval Air Force facility in Atsugo, Japan. At Sugo, Japan. I remember, I remember.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that the Sean that was on the boat?

[Andrew Walsh]

Indeedly do, yes, we've met, Sean. Sean says, every year I spend an inordinate amount of bandwidth trying to wish myself a happy birthday in an entertaining way. But every year my birthday is overshadowed not just by the Christmas season, but also by the continued existence of one Gus F. Fletch Fletcher. So I'm leaning in this year. Resistance is futile. Happy blursday, Gus. You're probably the best tromboner I'm aware of.

[Luke Burbank]

That's what an interesting approach. If you can't beat them, join them.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

I think the term Happy Blursday, Sean.

[Andrew Walsh]

Trombone.

[Luke Burbank]

Inappropriate answer.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know it's already got the explicit title because I keep on swearing. Chris in New York says it's been a few years since I remembered to send in a self blurb, but as you read this, on Thursday I'm on a plane to spend my birthday in sunny Arizona. Would love to get a blurs. A shout out for my favorite business, boys. Well, unfortunately John isn't here right now, but I hope me and Luke will do Happy Blurs Day, Chris. Yeah, that must be our friend Chris, who's always on airplanes.

[Luke Burbank]

That guy's given me a real run for my money in terms of. Of just. Yeah, time spent in airports and on airplanes. Cause I follow Chris on Instagram and it's like the other day he was having a bunch of flight delay trouble and it was like I was living it with him. He was updating his Instagram followers and I was very frustrated on his behalf.

[Andrew Walsh]

I am wondering, and this is gonna seem like a weird thing to be wondering, but I'm wondering right now about Chris's femurs. Do I have femur right here? Yeah. Femur is your top leg bone, right? Your thigh bone? Sort of.

[Luke Burbank]

I think so.

[Andrew Walsh]

Because I am not the tallest guy on an airplane usually, but I look around at people's legroom. I took a photo on one of my last trips. Was that maybe meeting you guys out in Philadelphia? I'm not sure because I just wanted to show people. I never shared this photo with anybody, but, like, I just must have. I'm not the tallest person on the plane, but I must have the longest thigh bones. That's femurs. Because there's something about when I sitting on a plane, when I sit down and nobody's, you know, put their seat back or anything, yet my knees are almost always already jammed up against the seat in front of me. And I look around at other people and I'm like, well, this person seems tall, but they have an easy 2 inches between their knees and the seat. And so I'm just wondering if, like. And if I had to be in the air as much as Chris, would I have a surgery to like, like, take length out of my femur?

[Luke Burbank]

Would you have a surgery to move the seat on the plane for. You know, part of it is one you might. Yeah, that might be. Might be something about the way your body is put together that you just have kind of that bone is. Is longer than typical. But also because you don't fly a ton, you're in the most. And I say this with peace and love, you're definitely in steerage. Like, you're in. The likelihood is you're in the most. The most non premium seat that the there is. I think if you were able to move up to even like row 10 and closer, like not even first class, I think you would find it a little less terrible.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I didn't realize. I don't think I knew that they are broken down quite like that. I know that they. They mark some not. Not just as business and first class, but then there are some reserved seats, like preferred. Yeah, I guess there is that preferred. I didn't. I guess maybe I didn't realize that was a legroom thing. I do more and more now. It's funny, when I'm booking an airline Ticket it. I'll like try to find the best deals and everything. You're going through the system and then you book it and you're like, okay, well like, you know, whatever. I didn't buy the most expensive one. But then almost inevitably, especially if I'm flying by myself the day before when I get the email that says, hey, you can check into your flight now. Also, would you like to upgrade to like an emergency row? I'm just like, yeah, and then I'll just. I probably spend more money upgrading at the last minute than I do when I'm booking the airline ticket. But it's just like the day before, the night before my flight and I'm like, yes, before I get on this flight I am going to be in. And there's something galling about it being an emergency row where you have to literally say, yes, I am here to sacrifice my life for others. And I'm giving you a verbal yes on that. But also, I paid for this privilege. I really feel like they're getting it both ways there.

[Luke Burbank]

But yeah, that's a good point. They should be paying you. They should be for my service already. Yeah, thank you for your service.

[Andrew Walsh]

They should let me fly for free and give me a little uniform. Alicia, our friend Alicia says wishing the hap hap Happiest blurs day to Jen in Seattle. Jen had a really difficult year. I'm sorry Jen. But that didn't stop her from being a great wife to fellow 10 Gary, a fantastic. Oh, these are our German German champagne sabers. Exactly, exactly. Wishing. Let's see here. But that did not stop Jen from being a great wife to fellow 10 Gary, a fantastic mom to Jackson, who's the cutest kindergartener on the planet. And despite having so much going on, a faithful, excellent friend. So happy blursday to Jen from Alyssia and us.

[Luke Burbank]

Hope you have a better 2025 than you did at 2024.

[Andrew Walsh]

Absolutely. Christine says I want to wish my five Grace a happy 16th birthday. I love being the a mom to a kind, smart, beautiful, newly licensed 16 year old. Can't wait to see all the wonderful things you'll do this year. And I will enjoy my newfound freedom as you drive yourself to school, swim practice and work. Six words, Grace. Race for pink slips. Howdy do. It was only four words. I had to add the other two.

[Luke Burbank]

What the Howdy do you.

[Andrew Walsh]

I got that.

[Luke Burbank]

How old were you when you got your license? Were you 16?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I think I, I had a lot of my friends were like a year older than Me drove my ass around all the time. Which you will be unshocked to hear. So I think I got mine when I was maybe 17 or so.

[Luke Burbank]

I got. I was one of those people like on my 16th birthday there at the DMV on. On I think. Yeah. 85th and Greenwood. I don't know if there's that still a dmv. Is there still a DMV there?

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm having. I feel like I know that intersection but I can't picture if there's a DMV there.

[Luke Burbank]

It was actually. It was not technically 85th. It was probably like 86th in Greenwood.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

No, yeah, yeah, no actually, sorry. It was 85th in whatever a block off of Greenwood is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Right in that area. And yeah, it was like the freedom that I felt from having my license even though I didn't have a car at the time. I was driving my parents Ford Fairmount around which smelled like someone had spilled some milk in there at some point.

[Andrew Walsh]

Was it because somebody had spilled some milk in there?

[Luke Burbank]

I think that was what led to that smelling like that. Funny how those things were the least cool whiff. But I was. I didn't care. I was so freaking excited.

[Andrew Walsh]

I believe it. Yeah, I think I was. I think I was because of a lot of my friends already driving. I think I was experiencing a lot of freedom at that point anyway, getting out of the house all the time. You know, my friends friend Sean would pick me up, we'd go driving around, smoke cigarettes, hang out at like monuments and parks just so we could smoke and do nothing. Was a real good kid. Don't do that, Grace, by the way. No.

[Luke Burbank]

Or Gus or Gus or Sean on the naval station.

[Andrew Walsh]

Or Sean don't smoke, dammit.

[Luke Burbank]

Nobody who's having a birthday today smoke. Or go look at monuments.

[Andrew Walsh]

You can look at monuments. But don't do it just so you can smoke. Parents can't catch you. I'm just thinking about coming home. Like I. My parents, I would tell them I was hanging out with my friends at a coffee shop and they all smoke. Like the way I smell smoke now. I haven't smoked a cigarette in probably. Well, it's been more than five years now I think. And I don't hate the smell of cigarette smoke. But my God, you can notice it from blocks away. I swear to God, if somebody lights a cigarette two blocks from my house and I'm outside and the wind is right, I will smell that and I will not notice that. I must have been coming home reeking, just reek. I Must have been like that.

[Luke Burbank]

You smelled like the Marlboro Man. You smelled like you had lit your cigarette with a stick.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you remember those ads?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, I most certainly do. Were they. But only on billboards. I don't know if I remember.

[Luke Burbank]

I think they were on billboards. I don't think there was a TV version. Maybe they'd already made TV ads for cigarettes illegal.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think by my day they did. Or at least that I remember. But. Well, that can't be totally true because I remember. Remember. Sorry, we got to get out of here. I remember one time making everybody, like the adults in a room, laugh. And I didn't mean to because I referred to. I think somebody. I think it was dinner time and somebody was talking about the meat being too dry. And I said, it's dry as the western wind. And I remember my mom and dad laughing like, where did you hear that? And I remember saying, like, I don't know, like that commercial on tv. And I'm pretty sure there was a cigarette commercial that referred to the other. And I'll bet you it was probably Camel trying to take down Marlboro and saying their tobacco is as dry as the western wind.

[Luke Burbank]

Ours is wet.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ours is just wet.

[Luke Burbank]

Wet like Steve Buscemi's eyes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, I'm sorry. I am extending the show. We have a lot of work to do today. Let's get going here. Jake in Portland wants to wish a most happy blurs. Hey, we know these guys. Jake in Portland wants to wish a most happy blurs to Stephanie. Ooh la la, Jalapena. That's my wife. You. You are a cool and silly lady and a super mom to the wizard of og. We met August and Stephanie and Jake at the.

[Luke Burbank]

I remain obsessed with that child.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know. So cute. We met them at the. At the bracelet making party.

[Luke Burbank]

Beading party.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. You make life fun. And I'm happy we're on this journey together. Love you tons. Marsupial gurgle, Walsh, Helm scream.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, cute.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Christina in Wenatchee, Washington says Today, December 19th is my sister Mela's. Nope. My sister Melia's golden Blurs day. She's a great mom and sister to my TB tail daughter. You know what? I have messed this up every which way but loose. Today, December 19th is my sister Melia's golden Blurs day. She is a great mom and sister and my TBTL daughter. She was also a daily donor this week, so everything's coming up milhouse for her this week. Also, happy birthday to the stew bot. Wait, did you know about this? Stu Bot. Happy blurs day. How are we always the last to know these things even though we're such good friends? I just.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I didn't realize that. Happy blurs to Stu and everybody else.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, let's get the music going here. No, we got some more. That was just the music dying because I'm going on too long. But anyway, happy blursey to Malia. And also, see here. I'd like to wish Dashiell a happy belated blurs day. Dashiell was the only kid that joined the TBTL live show after party in Philadelphia. He loved meeting all of you, his TBTL friendos in real life and getting their autographs. Even Andrew. Oh yeah, John, about that one. Proof attached. We love you, Dashiell. Enjoy being an 11. Or. I'm sorry. Enjoy being 11. You are the best. Love, mom, dad and Chloe. And I gotta say there is a moment where. Where you were talking about that commercial earlier. I've already forgotten the name of it. Don't say it. I'm glad that I've forgotten it. And I was a little distracted to.

[Luke Burbank]

Give them the satisfaction. Exactly.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ooh. Somebody should turn Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones into a drug song. Maybe it already is a drug song.

[Luke Burbank]

Statin faction.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey. Hey.

[Luke Burbank]

See, I can't get no statin faction.

[Andrew Walsh]

You were born for this.

[Luke Burbank]

I could work in advertising.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's like the relationship between an arsonist and a firefighter. Like there's two sides to every point. I was gonna say I was distracted because there was a photo attached to this blurs day and it was of a poster that was signed by you and your mom, Susie. And it looked like other folks. And then my signature was on there and I was looking at it and it sort of looked like mine. It was a big kind of thick strokes, but I was like, that is not, not my signature. And I wouldn't have been able to sign that. And I was distracted. I'm like, did somebody forge my God darn signature on Dashiell's poster? And apparently they did. Were you here for this? John is just taking pen and ink and forging.

[Luke Burbank]

That's the least of the things he's forged of your signature.

[Andrew Walsh]

He's our business manager. If he's forging it on posters, God, what else is he forging it on?

[Luke Burbank]

I didn't know he was forging your signature. But I do remember Dashiell going around with this poster and I. My mom getting to sign it. Honestly, the cred that my mom got with my aunt Kathy and my cousin Mike and my cousin Kellyanne. The whole Philly fam that was there. My mom signing a poster. It was like, you know, she'll be dining out on that for years.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So thanks, Dashiell.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, thank you. And also happy blursay, Dashiell. And also John, let's talk. Tracy says it's Matt's golden blursday today. He's my dear husband, a wonderful father and a longtime TBTL 10. In his spare time, he likes to inundate our home with feral rescue cats. Sadly, he came down with a terrible cold a couple of days ago, so his birthday will not be very exciting today. Although he deserves an exciting birthday. Here's wishing him many more happy birthdays. And finally, one from Harlan who says Hi, Andrew from TBTL. It's my dad's birthday today. He's 53. He's an awesome guy and a long time 10. So happy blurs date to Harlan's dad.

[Luke Burbank]

And that is Stop naming nut that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's right. We played Harlan Pepper yesterday yesterdoodle on the show. I think maybe. Anyway, good healthy dose of dose of blur this. You know what? I'm done talking. Go ahead, wrap it up.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you everyone for, for tuning in today. Happy birthday to everybody. I have incredible news. We're going to be right back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you and we sure hope you can join us for it. In the meantime, have yourself a merry little Thursday. And please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And it's shooter's turn. Power out.